Chapter Text
Lan Zhan sighed quietly as he stared up at the Heathrow departure board, watching as the note next to his flight changed to add an extra thirty minutes to the hour's delay that had already been there. The red letters seemed to mock him, holding out hope for a flight that he knew deep in his bones wasn't going to happen. He'd seen enough delayed flights over the years to have a good instinct for when a delay was going to turn into a cancellation.
Around him, the departure hall was filled with noise and bustle: tired children screaming, people chattering excitedly, the tinny sound of Christmas music piped in through speakers. He'd been Whamaggedoned days ago, but Lan Zhan could still feel a headache brewing at the thought of hearing "Last Christmas" again. He hadn't given his heart away last Christmas, it had been much more recent than that, but it still felt too on the nose.
He checked the board again, but the flight was still only delayed, not cancelled. While there was a chance he might get on a plane, he had to stay at the airport.
Lan Zhan picked his way through the groups sprawling across chairs and benches until he found a quieter spot in one corner, not far from a Paul's outlet. The scent of coffee and croissants wafted out, teasing his senses, bringing back memories.
A bright, happy smile. Warm skin. The taste of almonds and icing sugar on laughing lips.
He shook away the memory, but he couldn't quite push aside the craving. There was a long line at the counter, just like everywhere else in the airport. Lan Zhan joined it anyway and tried not to feel ridiculous about buying coffee and an almond croissant just because he'd once kissed a man who loved them. It was only because he was back in this airport again, for the first time in more than five months. Given the circumstances, it was probably inevitable that he'd feel a little...nostalgia...for his previous visit. That trip had changed him in ways he hadn't realised until it was over.
Lan Zhan took his coffee and croissant back to the quieter corner he'd found. He opened his laptop and connected to the airport WiFi, deciding that the best cure for nostalgia was throwing himself into work. There was little else to do until the airline decided whether his flight was going to be cancelled or not.
***
His croissant had been reduced to a few flakey crumbs and the coffee was long gone when the tannoy finally announced that his flight had been cancelled. It had been rescheduled twice since Lan Zhan staked out his corner spot, enough to keep hope alive, but the airline had given in. The mechanical issue affecting his plane couldn't be fixed and there were no other aircraft available to replace it. It was Christmas week, of course there weren't. Every airline was running at maximum capacity.
Lan Zhan packed up his laptop and carry-on and began making his way to the airline counter, but he wasn't holding out much hope. While he'd been waiting for the inevitable cancellation, a huge storm had begun tracking up the eastern seaboard. Even if his flight had been capable of leaving London, it seemed unlikely Logan would still be open for it to land later. Maybe if they'd left at the scheduled time, but now...
A quick browse of the news sites confirmed it. Dulles, JFK and La Guardia had already closed, everything else was preparing to shut down, and there were warnings against travel until tomorrow. In a couple of hours, nothing would be able to get in or out of the eastern seaboard until the storm cleared and the runways had been dug out. It would impact flight schedules for days. There were already dozens of people in the line ahead of Lan Zhan and everyone looked as tired and frazzled as he felt. This was only supposed to have only been a brief stop to catch his connecting flight after a long business trip, the final leg before he could put away his luggage for good.
Lan Zhan watched as a family with three young children approached the line, both parents looking on the verge of tears. After a brief discussion, one of the men joined the end of the queue and his partner guided the children away to a McDonald's. Over the tannoy, the crackly announcement came for more cancellations: all flights to Washington, New York and Boston were suspended.
The queue behind Lan Zhan got longer and its progress forward slower. He pulled up an app on his phone and started searching without any expectation of finding anything. The closest he could get was a flight to Chicago in two days. He hesitated over it--maybe he could rent a car?--before scrolling past.
His family didn't celebrate Christmas. It didn't matter if he couldn't get home before that. He'd let someone with a more urgent need--and a willingness to spend fourteen hours on the road--take that flight. By the time he reached the front of the queue at the counter, the Chicago flight had been snapped up and the airline staff all looked exhausted. It only took Lan Zhan a couple of minutes to get the paperwork he needed and rebook a flight for December 26th. The woman processing his change looked so grateful that Lan Zhan wasn't insisting on an earlier flight that it was almost embarrassing. When he declined a complimentary stay in a hotel airport, there was a moment where he almost thought the woman was going to cry. Lan Zhan hurried away as soon as he had his flight confirmation.
He opened his phone again as he walked towards the exit. For a moment, his thumb hovered over the app he used to search for hotels. There had to be somewhere in London that had an available room, somewhere new that he'd never been to. A hotel with no memories attached. He hesitated for a moment longer, trying to let reason overcome emotion, and then he opened up his contacts instead. He wasn't sure why he'd put the hotel details into his phone. It wasn't as though he visited London regularly. He wasn't usually here for longer than it took to get a connecting flight somewhere else.
Again he paused, torn between the safe choice--somewhere new--and the call button on his screen. He took a breath and let it out slowly before giving in and letting his thumb hit the button.
***
An hour later, Lan Zhan's taxi pulled up in front of a discreet hotel in Kensington. He tipped the driver enough to make the man's eyes widen and grabbed his bags. A uniformed man opened the door as Lan Zhan approached, touching the brim of his hat respectfully, and Lan Zhan remembered the burst of laughter at his side the first time he'd brought--
No, he pushed that thought aside. He wasn't here to reminisce; he was here because it was a good hotel and they'd been able to find him a room until his new flight.
The lobby was decorated for Christmas: a huge shimmering tree stood in one corner and the counters were all trimmed with tinsel. It was understated yet beautiful, just enough sparkle to be festive without making his headache worse. There was no Christmas music playing, only a soothing violin piece that he recognised but couldn't put a name to. A knot of tension at the base of his neck began to unravel. Despite the memories, this had been a good decision.
Lan Zhan recognised the woman at the check-in desk and a little more of the tension dissipated. She'd always been kind and welcoming, happy to recommend restaurants or activities when Lan Zhan wasn't sure what would be suitable. He thought her name was Sharon, but he wasn't sure until he saw her name badge. Yes, Sharon. It was good to remember those things. That was one of the things he'd learned the last time he was here, the value of taking a moment to appreciate the people around him.
Sharon's polite smile widened into something more genuine when she saw him. "Mr Lan! It's lovely to see you again. Are you visiting for Christmas?"
Lan Zhan blinked, surprised she'd remembered him, before smoothing out his expression. "No. Another flight problem."
She wrinkled her nose. "Rotten time of year for it. Will your friend be joining you?"
For a moment, Lan Zhan's breath caught in his throat. He had to swallow around the lump and shake his head. "No, we are not here together this time."
"Ah." Her smile turned sympathetic. "I'm sorry."
"Why?"
Surprise flickered in her eyes. "You're stuck in London on your own for Christmas. You'd probably prefer to be at home?"
"I--" Lan Zhan cut himself off. It was difficult to explain, too much for a hotel receptionist who probably wanted to be at home with her own family. "It's fine."
"I see. Well, I'm glad that you chose us again to be your refuge," Sharon said. "Here's your room key. Breakfast is still served at the same time, unless you'd prefer to take it in your room. We're serving a full Christmas dinner in the restaurant on Christmas Day, but you should probably book it today if you're going to want it. It's very popular and we only have a couple of tables left for residents."
"I will not require that."
Sharon nodded. "That's understandable. I'm afraid the room service options will be quite limited that day, but you can take a look at the menu in your room and make a decision about which option is preferable. Call down to me if you change your mind."
"Thank you."
He signed the paperwork she slid over to him and picked up his key. His room was on the second floor and he indulged himself by taking the lift instead of the stairs. He should probably run an extra mile tomorrow to make up for it.
When he opened the door, Lan Zhan realised why he'd been able to secure a room on no notice despite the time of year: his room was actually a suite. A two-bedroom suite with a huge living area, a fire in the grate, and a Christmas tree in the corner. He almost turned around and left, but sense prevailed and he closed the door behind him. They probably wouldn't have anything else for him.
It was far too much, an extravagance that pushed the borders of good taste for one person, but at least it was nothing like the room he'd stayed in the last time. There were no memories here to untangle.
Both bedrooms had king-sized beds and Lan Zhan suspected one of the sofas in the living area could be folded out into another bed. There was a dining table in one corner that could be extended to seat at least six. If he called down, he could probably acquire the necessary extra chairs. There was a large family bathroom off the living room and one of the bedrooms--slightly larger than the other--had its own ensuite shower and jacuzzi. Lan Zhan stared at the rainfall shower for a while, wondering if he'd gone completely mad to be staying here, before putting his cases on the rack in the larger bedroom and starting to unpack. It didn't take long and he made a mental note that he would need to go shopping for some casual clothes: all he'd brought were business suits.
A few months ago, he would have shrugged and worn them. He probably would have pulled out his laptop as soon as he finished unpacking, too.
Instead, Lan Zhan threw the curtains open and looked out the window. Kensington Gardens was over the road, its paths lit up by lampposts and strings of coloured lights. People laden with shopping bags and the occasional briefcase were hurrying past on the street below. In the summer, the sky had been endlessly blue and he would have gone down there to walk through the park until they were hungry. Then they would have found a little restaurant, or bought chips to eat out of styrofoam containers, before finding a secluded spot to kiss in the warm evening sunshine.
Lan Zhan swallowed down the familiar ache and closed the curtains. He was suddenly completely exhausted and hollow. It had been a long day and his last meal had been twelve hours and a thousand miles away. He found the room service menu and called it in. A shower, a meal, and a movie on his tablet: that was how he'd spend his first evening in London this time. He locked his laptop in the safe and padded into the bathroom.
***
When Lan Zhan woke up the next morning, there was a concerned message waiting from his brother. He frowned down at his phone for a minute before realising he'd forgotten to tell Lan Huan about his change in plans. Lan Huan must have been checking the flight status, even though they hadn't made arrangements to meet. Lan Zhan sent off a quick message to reassure him and locked his phone.
It was still dark when he left the hotel for his run, but the sun was starting to peek over the horizon by the time he got back. He'd only done an extra half mile and he took the stairs at a jog to make up for it. Breakfast arrived as he was dressing after his shower, and he stared down at the tray after the server left with a small amount of dismay.
He'd ordered without thinking. There was a plate of bacon and French toast next to the bowl of porridge, with a pot of coffee sitting next to the hot water for his tea. Wasting food went against everything his uncle had taught, but there was nothing he could do. He'd never been able to eat like that at breakfast. Lan Zhan ate his porridge and drank his tea, telling himself firmly to be more careful tomorrow.
London was cold in late December. Not the deep chill of New York or Boston, but Lan Zhan's breath turned to small puffs of white when he left the hotel and he was glad for his heavy coat. He considered taking a taxi, but the day was bright and sunny despite the cold. A walk would do him good.
For a couple of hours, he wandered down half-remembered streets and browsed the shops. Everywhere was busy. Not quite the frantic stress of last-minute shopping but not the lazy calm of summer, either. He bought a couple of sweaters and some trousers that he could lounge in comfortably. New socks and underwear. Several books even though he had an ereader: it felt more like reading for pleasure to feel paper under his fingers instead of a screen.
He let his feet carry him where they wanted and it felt almost inevitable that eventually the scent of coffee and pastries filled his nose and he found himself in front of their coffee shop.
Technically it wasn't theirs, he supposed. There had to be hundreds of people who passed through it regularly. It had felt like theirs, though. It was where they'd gone for midmorning coffee every day, because apparently that was something people did when they were on vacation. Lan Zhan didn't know much about vacations so he'd deferred to the expert and they'd haunted the coffee shop every morning for almost a week. He considered turning around and finding somewhere else, but his hand was pushing the door open before the thought fully formed. Maybe this was what he needed to get it out of his system: a proper mope down memory lane, and then he could emerge refreshed and ready to find his own path through the next few days.
Lan Zhan ordered coffee and a croissant--plain, this time--and took them to a quiet corner of the shop where he could people watch. That had been one of their games: watching the customers and making up stories about them. Lan Zhan's had been declared too boring at first. He could almost hear the peal of laughter he'd received the first time he made up a truly outrageous story.
The coffee shop door slammed shut and the laughter cut off. Lan Zhan frowned. Just for a moment, he could have sworn the laughter had been real, not a memory. He straightened in his seat, scanning the tables dotted around the shop.
The door opened again and a couple walked in. Lan Zhan's eyes widened and he couldn't breathe.
He knew that laugh, that voice, that face. The tall body, swathed in a long, loose coat instead of tight jeans and t-shirts, but moving with the same confident lightness. Shoulder-length hair tied back with a red scrunchie, strands escaping to fall around his face.
Lan Zhan couldn't tear his gaze away.
Wei Ying.
He was with someone, a smaller woman who was steering a buggy towards the counter. Lan Zhan watched as the woman said something and Wei Ying rolled his eyes, laughter tugging at the corners of his mouth. He couldn't hear what the woman said, but Wei Ying left her in the short line and went to one of the empty tables. He sat down and Lan Zhan suddenly realised he was staring.
He couldn't stop. Wei Ying tugged his phone out of his pocket and poked it for a moment before putting it away and lifting his head. There was no time to look away, no time to hide. Their gazes met and Lan Zhan knew he'd been seen. It was there in the sudden widening of Wei Ying's eyes and the shock spreading across his face. For a moment, neither of them moved. Lan Zhan still couldn't breathe.
Then Wei Ying stood up so suddenly his chair fell over and darted out of the shop.
Lan Zhan didn't hesitate: he grabbed his bags and followed. By the time he got outside, Wei Ying was halfway down the street and moving fast, pushing past slower pedestrians and leaving a trail of irritated glares and tuts in his wake. Lan Zhan plunged after him at a pace that was barely below a run. His shopping bags banged against his legs, he heard more irritated voices behind him, but none of that mattered. Catching Wei Ying before he disappeared was all he could focus on.
Wei Ying didn't glance back until a red light at a pedestrian crossing stopped him. Lan Zhan was next to him a moment later and he reached for Wei Ying's wrist without thinking, as if it had only been yesterday they'd barely been able to stop touching instead of months ago.
Around them, the light changed and people began surging forward to cross the road, but time held still for Lan Zhan. Wei Ying's head turned and their eyes met again.
"Wei Ying," he said softly.
A flash of something crossed Wei Ying's face, but it was gone before Lan Zhan could interpret it, replaced with a wide smile that was so false it made Lan Zhan's stomach clench.
"Lan Zhan! You're here!" Wei Ying glanced away from him, as if searching for something, before his attention refocused. "Wow, this is a surprise. Never saw this coming. Hi?"
Lan Zhan released Wei Ying and took a step back. He wasn't sure what he'd expected if he ever saw Wei Ying again. He'd imagined it sometimes, finding Wei Ying in another airport with a soon-to-be cancelled flight hanging over them, but he'd never been able to get further than that. Never been able to visualise what would happen after their eyes met. The only thing he'd ever been able to picture was Wei Ying's smile, the way his eyes lit up with joy and made the whole world feel brighter.
Wei Ying's smile right now wasn't the one he remembered. It was too brittle with no joy in it. Lan Zhan's stomach twisted.
"Hello, Wei Ying," he said, unable to find any other words.
Wei Ying's smile softened, fading into something less frantic, more real. "Hi, Lan Zhan."
Next to them, the pedestrian light turned red again. Someone bumped Lan Zhan's ankles with a buggy. Wei Ying grimaced and grabbed the sleeve of Lan Zhan's coat, tugging to steer him away from the growing crowd and into a quieter spot in front of a bookshop.
"We'll cause a riot if we stay there," he said
"That would be unfortunate."
"Yeah." Wei Ying's eyes darted rapidly as though he was trying to take in every detail of Lan Zhan. "Your hair is longer. I like it."
Lan Zhan resisted the urge to touch his hair. It was long enough to get caught under his collar. "Wei Ying is just as I remember."
Laughter burst out and Wei Ying covered his mouth, shoulders shaking. When he spoke, his voice was unsteady and muffled. "Yeah, no, that's...fuck, I guess I probably do look the same to you."
"Wei Ying?"
Wei Ying waved a hand and the giggles subsided, replaced with a wry smile. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me. What are you doing here?"
"My flight was cancelled." Lan Zhan allowed himself a small smile. "Again."
"You have the worst luck with flights."
"Mn."
The conversation lapsed and Lan Zhan could feel the awkwardness between them but he couldn't think why. This should have been a happy moment, but Wei Ying looked...
Lan Zhan didn't know what the look in Wei Ying's eyes meant, only that he hated it.
"And you?" Lan Zhan said, for lack of anything else to say. "Why are you here?"
Wei Ying's nose wrinkled in a wince that was gone in a moment. "Ah. Yeah. Funny story there. I might have, possibly, maybe...not...ah...not been totally up front about a couple of things."
Lan Zhan's brain stopped for a minute. An icy chill slithered down his spine. When he could think again, he registered that Wei Ying looked worried and that meant his own face was doing something he didn't want to know about. He tried to make himself neutral, but that only made Wei Ying's frown deepen.
"Wei Ying? I don't understand."
Wei Ying scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah. So, when I said that I never got to do tourist stuff in London...that's because nobody does tourist stuff in their own city. You know?"
"You don't live in New York."
"No." Wei Ying took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders. "I live here. In London. Have done since I was fifteen."
"I see."
"Yeah."
Wei Ying bit his lip and Lan Zhan was disappointed to realise he still had the urge to bite it for him, even though apparently Wei Ying wasn't the person he'd thought.
"Was anything you told me true?" Lan Zhan asked, hearing the ice in his voice and unable to pull it back.
"Yes! Almost everything!" Wei Ying's eyes were wide and worried. "I swear, all the important stuff was true. All the unimportant stuff, too. Only the not-living-in-London part wasn't true."
"That's an important detail."
Wei Ying nodded. "Yes, it is, and I'm very sorry. It was just...once I said it, I didn't know how to walk it back. We were just talking at a bar and then the flights got cancelled and everything happened and...have you ever said something that you really wanted to take back and you didn't know how? Because it wasn't a huge thing but somehow it became a huge thing in your head and you didn't know how to unsay it?"
Lan Zhan opened his mouth to say that of course he'd never done that, it was easy to take back words you didn't mean, but he stopped. He'd done it. That was exactly what he'd done when he agreed with Wei Ying that holiday romances can't survive the real world. That anyone who thought they could was deluding themselves. He'd agreed with that six hours after meeting Wei Ying and he hadn't been able to find a way to unsay it for days, until it was too late and they were saying goodbye. He hadn't even been able to say it then.
Wei Ying's lips curved into something that wasn't quite a smile, but wasn't sad, either. It was hard to tell what he was feeling. Lan Zhan had always loved watching all the expressions that crossed Wei Ying's mobile face, the way he didn't hide his feelings and allowed the whole world to see them. He couldn't read Wei Ying right now. That felt almost as bad as knowing Wei Ying had lied.
"Can we talk?" Wei Ying said.
"We are talking."
Wei Ying rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean. We can't talk properly in the middle of the street."
Lan Zhan didn't hesitate. "Yes. Where would you like to go?"
Wei Ying glanced over his shoulder, towards the coffee shop, and shook his head. Was there regret in his eyes? It looked like regret, but Lan Zhan didn't trust himself to read Wei Ying accurately anymore.
"Not right now," Wei Ying said. "I can't. I promised A-jie that we'd spend the day together. It's kind of a big thing and I can't ditch her without giving her a really good reason why. She's too good at telling when I'm lying to her so I'd have to tell her about you and it's definitely not the right time. Unless you're literally only here for, like, an hour and your new flight is already on the tarmac?"
Wei Ying's gaze dropped for a moment and Lan Zhan realised he was looking at the shopping bags he'd almost forgotten he was carrying.
"I am here for a few days," Lan Zhan said.
Wei Ying's face lit up in the warmest, most Wei Ying-like smile Lan Zhan had seen since this whole conversation started. "Great! Are you free for dinner tonight? My nephew enforces a strict curfew on A-jie right now."
Lan Zhan remembered the coffee shop, the woman that Wei Ying had arrived with. The buggy.
"She had the baby," he said.
Wei Ying grinned. "Yup. Day after you flew out. It was probably a good thing I never made it to New York because I wouldn't have wanted to miss that day."
Lan Zhan felt a tiny flicker of relief. They'd talked about Jiang Yanli and Wei Ying's excitement about becoming an uncle. That had been a real thing.
"I'm free for dinner," Lan Zhan said. "I'm staying at the same hotel. We could eat in the restaurant?"
Inviting Wei Ying to his room might give the wrong impression, and right now, Lan Zhan wasn't sure what impression he wanted to give. He needed to know more, to understand how much of the Wei Ying he'd thought he'd known was real and how much wasn't. The restaurant was safe, neutral ground.
Wei Ying grinned. "I like that restaurant. They didn't look at me funny when I ordered an entire meal of starters."
Lan Zhan resolved to check that they were still serving their regular menu--including all the starters--and work out who he would need to pay to make it happen if they weren't. Maybe it wasn't the safe ground he'd thought it was.
"I will reserve a table," he said. "Will seven o'clock be suitable?"
"Absolutely." Wei Ying's smile turned wry. "It'll give me time to find the right clothes."
"Wei Ying, you don't have to dress up."
He'd worn ripped skinny jeans and a leather jacket the last time they ate there, and Lan Zhan had felt proud to be sitting with the most beautiful man in the room. Nobody would dare to throw Wei Ying out for not wearing a stuffy three-piece suit.
"Maybe I want to," Wei Ying said quietly. "See you tonight?"
"Mn."
Wei Ying hesitated for a moment. Before Lan Zhan could ask him what was wrong or start to worry, Wei Ying stretched up and kissed him on the cheek. Then he was hurrying away without looking back and all Lan Zhan could do was watch.
His cheek seemed to hold the faint impression of Wei Ying's warm lips for hours after.
***
Lan Zhan was waiting in the hotel lobby at quarter to seven. He didn't expect Wei Ying to be early--his experience during their time together was that Wei Ying was usually late no matter how hard he tried--but he hadn't been able to stay in his suite. The waiting was killing him.
Somehow, it felt better to pace restlessly in a hotel lobby than in a beautifully furnished hotel suite. Maybe because the lobby was more impersonal than the suite. It probably said something about the life he'd been leading for the last few years that a hotel suite could so easily come to feel like a home. A temporary home, yes, but his own apartment didn't feel like home most of the time. He wasn't usually there for long enough to settle in.
That was supposed to change. He'd been looking forward to it. Suddenly, putting away his luggage and settling down in Boston didn't feel like the relief it should. Not when he knew where Wei Ying was and there was the small possibility--
Lan Zhan shut that thought down before it could form. He'd been doing that all afternoon. This wasn't a movie: finding the love of his life wouldn't automatically lead to a happily ever after. He still didn't know how much of Wei Ying had been a lie and how much had been real. He didn't know how he felt about any of it. And even if he'd been able to work out his own feelings, he didn't know Wei Ying's. Their time together might have been--probably was--just a bit of fun for Wei Ying, not a life-changing revelation.
Sharon caught his eye as Lan Zhan turned to pace across the lobby again.
"Are you all right, Mr Lan?" she asked.
There was real concern in her eyes when Lan Zhan drew close enough.
He nodded. "I am well."
Sharon lifted one eyebrow. "I think I'll believe that when you're not trying to wear a hole in my carpet."
Lan Zhan paused in his pacing. "I'm waiting for someone."
"I'd gathered that from the way you keep looking at the door." She smiled. "Someone important?"
"Yes," Lan Zhan said before he could stop himself.
Sharon's other eyebrow lifted. "Well. That's good to hear."
"It is?"
"I'm contractually obliged to hope our clients are happy during their stay. Getting stuck in a city on their own at Christmas, far away from their family, doesn't make most of our clients happy. It usually has the opposite effect, in fact."
"I...see."
Lan Zhan did not. Sharon shrugged.
"I don't like seeing unhappy people at Christmas. I hope this important person isn't going to make you unhappy."
"Ah." Lan Zhan allowed himself a small frown. "I don't know yet."
Sharon looked as though she was going to say something, but her gaze suddenly refocused on a point behind Lan Zhan and her eyes widened. The surprise was gone in a moment, replaced with a professional smile.
"Mr Wei!" she said. "Well, this is a lovely surprise. Mr Lan told me you weren't travelling with him this time."
Lan Zhan turned and drew in an involuntary breath. Every time he thought he'd remembered how beautiful Wei Ying was, he was mistaken. Wei Ying was wearing the loose coat from earlier, but he'd clearly been home and changed. His hair was loose around his shoulders except for a few sections at the front that were tied back in a half ponytail. Lan Zhan was sure he'd find a red ribbon there if Wei Ying turned his head. Half a dozen tiny silver rings still pierced the shell of one ear and he'd accessorised them with a pair of long, thin silver earrings dangling from his earlobes. Crystals in them glittered slightly in the light from the Christmas tree. There was no sign of ripped jeans: the trouser hems below his long coat were deep burgundy, possibly velvet. The heavy boots were the ones he'd worn earlier, but he'd clearly cleaned and polished them.
When their eyes met, Lan Zhan realised he'd been staring and he noticed a faint flush in Wei Ying's cheeks that told him it had been noticed. Wei Ying offered him a small smile before looking away. Lan Zhan could breathe again. He focused on doing that while Wei Ying moved closer to the reception desk and gave Sharon a wider, dazzling smile.
"Sharon!" he said. "You remembered me!"
Sharon rolled her eyes. "You're hard to forget, Mr Wei. I didn't think I'd see you this time. Mr Lan told me you weren't travelling with him."
"Yeah, I'm not exactly travelling this time," Wei Ying said with a brief, unreadable glance towards Lan Zhan. "Didn't expect to be back here, to be honest. It's kind of a surprise to everyone."
"A good surprise, I hope," Sharon said, smiling warmly. "Will you need a key, Mr Wei?"
Wei Ying shot him another unreadable look, and Lan Zhan kept his face carefully blank.
"Not tonight," Wei Ying said. "I'm just here for dinner."
Lan Zhan nodded. That was probably sensible. An excellent decision for both of them. The flicker of disappointment was easily squashed with a reminder that he didn't really know Wei Ying. Whatever they'd shared in the summer hadn't been real. If it had, then Wei Ying would have been more honest about who he was.
Sharon shrugged. "Let me know if that changes."
"Will do." Wei Ying nodded and stepped back from the desk. "It's nice to see you again."
"And you."
Wei Ying's smile faded as he turned to Lan Zhan and, for just a moment, he looked nervous. Maybe even worried. It was gone before Lan Zhan could be sure, replaced with a politely neutral smile, but it made something twist unhappily in Lan Zhan's stomach. How ridiculous was it that he found the idea of Wei Ying being worried or unhappy so uncomfortable? He was supposed to be angry, immune to Wei Ying's discomfort until he knew how much of what Wei Ying had told him was a lie.
Apparently his brain and his heart weren't communicating well. It left him tongue-tied and awkward, struggling to find something to say that wasn't a demand for an explanation. The hotel lobby was too exposed for that conversation.
"I reserved a table," Lan Zhan said eventually.
Wei Ying nodded. "I guess we should go, then."
"Mn."
They walked side by side in silence down the short corridor to the restaurant. Lan Zhan had considered taking Wei Ying to the bar instead, somewhere less formal, but they needed to talk and, in his experience, bars weren't the right atmosphere. The decision had nothing to do with the way that Wei Ying's eyes had lit up at the memory of the last time they ate there. If Lan Zhan had checked to make sure their regular menu--with a dozen different starters--was still available and could be combined with items from the festive specials, that was pure practicality. He didn't celebrate Christmas. He didn't know Wei Ying's views on it. That was all.
They were shown to a table in a quiet corner, well away from the family gathering happening noisily on the other side of the room. When the server gestured for Wei Ying's coat, an emotion flashed across his face too quickly for Lan Zhan to read, but it made the knot twisting in his stomach wind tighter.
Wei Ying smiled weakly. "I'll, ah, keep it for now. It's cold outside and I got chilled. Need to warm up a bit first, you know?"
It was a lie. Lan Zhan could hear it in his voice, see it in the strained lines around his eyes. He'd never heard that tone in Wei Ying's voice before, but he couldn't mistake it for anything else. This was how Wei Ying sounded when he wasn't telling the truth and he was feeling uncomfortable about it. Did that mean Wei Ying had been able to lie better to Lan Zhan in the past, or did it mean that most of what he'd told Lan Zhan was the truth? It was difficult to tell.
The server gave no sign of noticing anything was amiss. He simply nodded and asked, "Can I start you off with some drinks?"
Lan Zhan expected Wei Ying to order a glass of wine--there was a pinot grigio he'd been fond of before--but Wei Ying surprised him again.
"I'll have some mineral water," Wei Ying said with one of those politely restrained smiles Lan Zhan was starting to hate. "And maybe...do you do mocktails?"
The server picked up the drinks menu from the table and flipped to the correct page, holding it out so Wei Ying could see. After a brief contemplation, Wei Ying pointed at one and the server nodded.
"Anything for you, sir?" the server asked, looking at Lan Zhan.
Lan Zhan nodded. "A bottle of mineral water for the table. And a glass of apple juice."
The server nodded and hurried away, leaving the drinks menu behind in case they decided to change their minds and splash out on an expensive bottle of champagne. That was probably his motive, anyway. Wei Ying set it to one side and opened his food menu. He didn't look down: his gaze seemed to be caught somewhere on Lan Zhan's lapel.
Lan Zhan looked down; there didn't seem to be anything wrong with his clothes. Maybe he shouldn't have worn a business suit, but it wasn't a bad suit, and he hadn't felt right having this discussion wearing the new casual outfits he'd bought. It was a dressy restaurant, Wei Ying seemed to have dressed up under his loose coat, and Lan Zhan didn't have anything to wear that wasn't either too casual or too business smart.
He firmly squashed the urge to make a mental note to do more shopping. There was a good chance he'd never see Wei Ying again after tonight.
Wei Ying was picking at the corner of his menu, but his thoughts seemed to be miles away. Lan Zhan couldn't find any words to start a conversation. On the other side of the room, the family gathering burst into laughter. At other tables, groups and couples were leaning towards each other in quiet conversation.
Lan Zhan was almost grateful when the server returned with their drinks. He set down a bright red drink with an umbrella in front of Wei Ying and poured them each a glass of water.
"Are you ready to order?" he asked.
Lan Zhan shook his head and the server nodded, promising to come back in a few minutes.
Wei Ying picked up his drink and took a large gulp, making a face. "Fuck, I wish that was alcoholic."
"If you want to order alcohol, you know I don't mind," Lan Zhan said.
Wei Ying shook his head. "Best not. I...it's really not a good idea right now."
Lan Zhan waited. Wei Ying was clearly trying to work himself up to say something, and as Lan Zhan had no words himself, it seemed best to let Wei Ying take the lead for now. Wei Ying had always been better at talking.
"So," Wei Ying said, setting his drink down carefully. "I...there...okay. I should--fuck."
"Mn."
Wei Ying's laughter was odd and high pitched. "This is the worst conversation of my life, and I've had some pretty awful ones lately so we're setting new records here. Well done us."
Lan Zhan waited.
"So," Wei Ying said, sitting up straighter, "first you should know that I don't expect anything from you and I wasn't ever going to track you down or anything so please don't think this was some big...plan or something. This was so unplanned. There was the opposite of planning here. I cannot emphasise enough how much this wasn't planned and also that I don't expect anything and never did. Okay?"
"I understand."
"Probably not, but thank you for pretending." Wei Ying took a breath. "So, do you remember how we were being really careful right up until we had a couple of times when we weren't, and you showed me clean test results, and I promised I was okay, and we promised to get tested when we got home, and I made that joke about how awkward this would be if either of us was a bearer, so it's a good thing we weren't?"
Lan Zhan was vaguely aware of a buzzing sound. Possibly someone had poured some ice water over his head, too.
"Did you get tested?" he said, aware that his voice sounded hoarse.
He took a sip of water.
Wei Ying gave another of those strange high-pitched laughs. "Yup! I sure did. All clean, don't worry. I knew I was right to trust you."
"I also got tested."
"Of course you did, you're the kind of responsible guy who does that." Wei Ying's eyes were darting everywhere, refusing to meet Lan Zhan's. It was disconcerting. "You're probably the kind of guy who has accurate medical records and knows where his towel is and all that shit."
Lan Zhan did not, in fact, know where his towel was or why that was relevant to the discussion, but he nodded anyway.
"It turns out," Wei Ying continued, "that if you spend a couple of years bouncing around the foster system in China and then get brought to the States by your parents' best friends, and everyone assumes you had all the usual tests because you were nine by the time you hit San Francisco and some of the tests are expensive, and then you move to the UK when you're fifteen and your guardian passes on your medical records to your new GP and nobody ever checks the tests happened, you can end up with a box on your records that says something with no evidence to back it up. Did you know if all that happens, you can go through your whole life thinking you're not a bearer when actually you are?"
For a moment, Lan Zhan was impressed by the length of the sentence Wei Ying had managed to get out with barely a pause for breath. He hadn't known people could do that in the real world.
Then the words slid past the admiration and the faint buzzing in his ears. Something in his brain clunked.
His face must have done something because Wei Ying grimaced. "I swear, I really did think I wasn't a bearer. My medical notes said I wasn't! My fucking GP said I wasn't when we discussed contraception years ago!"
"Ah."
"She was treating me for a weirdly persistent stomach bug for three weeks before she started going back over my notes and realised there was actually nothing to back up that little not-a-bearer box in my notes!" Wei Ying sighed. "I mean, it was the beginning of term and kids are germ factories. I always get every cold and stomach bug going in September. That's normal, except they usually clear up fast."
"You really are a teacher?"
Wei Ying gave him a funny look. "That's the part you're focusing on? My job?"
Lan Zhan allowed himself a small shrug.
"Yes, Lan Zhan, I really am a teacher. Year one. Can't remember what that translates to in the US system, but my kids are sixish? The only thing I lied about was which country I live in."
"That's a significant thing to be untruthful about."
"And I get that it's important and we're going to talk about it, but that's not the conversation we're having right now." Wei Ying leaned a little closer. "The conversation we're having right now is about how it turns out I'm a bearer and we weren't careful and I'm not expecting anything from you, but now that you're here you should know that I'm...ah...you know..."
"Pregnant," Lan Zhan said mechanically.
"Pregnant," Wei Ying agreed. "You knocked me up, Lan Zhan. Sorry."
There was a discreet cough and Lan Zhan looked up to find their server standing by the table. His eyes were wide and he was clutching his order book tightly.
"I can come back?" he offered.
"Yes," Lan Zhan said.
"Fuck no." Wei Ying lifted his chin. "I'm pregnant and I'm going to eat my own arm if I don't get food soon. Don't you dare go away, I know exactly what I want. Can I have an order of pigs in blankets even if I'm not getting anything else off the Christmas menu?"
The server didn't blink. "Of course, sir."
"Great." Wei Ying beamed. "They sound really good right now."
"I'm told they're very good."
"Perfect."
"Is that all?"
Wei Ying shook his head and proceeded to point out several items on the menu. The server--his name badge said Rahim--took the order down without comment, even though Lan Zhan could clearly see that everything Wei Ying pointed to was on the starter menu. This really was an excellent restaurant.
"And for you, sir?" Rahim said when Wei Ying finished.
Lan Zhan hadn't even looked at the menu yet. Before he could order anything, Wei Ying made a distressed sound.
"Fuck, the brie and cranberry things," he said, looking down at the menu. "I'm not supposed to have brie. You'll have to cancel that."
Lan Zhan held Rahim's gaze. "I'll have the brie and cranberry things and the seabass. No need to cancel anything."
There was always seabass. It was like there was a rule in restaurants that if there was more than one fish dish, there would be seabass. Rahim nodded and noted it down.
"Do you want the appetisers at the same time as the entree?"
"Yes," Lan Zhan said.
Rahim nodded again. "I'll bring some rolls." He shot Wei Ying a look that held just the tiniest hint of amusement. "To tide you over."
"I wouldn't really eat my own arm," Wei Ying muttered.
"Better to be safe," Rahim said with a completely straight face.
Lan Zhan tried not to find Wei Ying's reaction funny, but it took more effort than usual. Perhaps it was because a large part of his brain power was still stuck on Wei Ying saying "you knocked me up, Lan Zhan," and he didn't have enough to spare for much else.
Rahim was turning to walk away when Wei Ying sighed and stood up. "You can take my coat now. I don't need it."
If Rahim had any thoughts on that, he didn't let them show. He simply waited and took the coat when Wei Ying handed it to him. Lan Zhan's eyes were drawn to Wei Ying's abdomen even though he told himself he shouldn't stare. Wei Ying was wearing a long, silky-looking black shirt under a dark red jacket. The clothes weren't tight, but Lan Zhan could see the gentle curve of his belly under the fabric as he moved.
There was a baby inside that bump. Wei Ying's baby. Their baby.
Wei Ying sat down and Lan Zhan still couldn't take his eyes off that slight bulge.
Rahim returned with a basket of bread rolls and a dish of butter a moment later, which put a faint flush on Wei Ying's cheeks even as he eyed the food hungrily.
"Do you mind if I...?" he asked, touching the edge of the basket.
Lan Zhan shook his head and watched Wei Ying tear open a roll, slather it with butter and take a bite with a blissful expression that made the tips of Lan Zhan's ears heat. Apparently his libido wasn't affected by the confusion in his heart and head. Good to know. Unhelpful, but at least the stirring of desire at the sight of Wei Ying licking his lips was familiar even if nothing else was.
"Sorry," Wei Ying said when he'd eaten most of the roll. "It's been a weird day and lunch was so long ago."
"It's fine," Lan Zhan said. "You need to eat. You're eating for..."
He trailed off awkwardly.
Wei Ying chuckled. "Two? Yeah, that's total BS. Apparently I only needed to increase my intake by a couple of hundred calories, not literally double."
"Ah."
"Are you okay?" Wei Ying tilted his head. "You look kind of freaked. Are you freaking out? Do you need a drink? You should drink some water. Or eat something. It's okay to feel weird about this. I've had months to get used to the idea and I still feel weird about it sometimes."
"I'm fine." Lan Zhan took a sip of water and realised that no, he actually wasn't fine. He sipped some more water. "I will be fine."
"Good." Wei Ying eyed the bread basket, but he didn't reach for it. "Trust me, you can't react worse than I did when my GP finally did the test and it was positive."
"Oh?"
Wei Ying blushed. "I fainted."
Lan Zhan straightened up, worry making his heart race. "Wei Ying--"
"I'm fine!" Wei Ying said quickly. "We're both fine. I just hadn't eaten much because I'd been feeling sick all day and then the shock kicked in and I keeled over like something out of a movie. Luckily I was in my GP's office and I was only out for, like, a second. Maybe two. She got me a cup of tea with so much sugar it made my teeth ache and it was fine."
"Good." Lan Zhan tried to force his heart back into a slower rhythm, but his heart apparently wasn't listening to him any better than his libido. "That's good. You're...healthy? You and the--" he hesitated before ploughing on "--baby?"
Wei Ying smiled softly. "Yeah, I'm healthy. We're both healthy. That's what I was doing today. Post-scan celebration with A-jie."
Lan Zhan blinked. "Scan?"
"Yeah." Wei Ying wrinkled his nose. "The anomaly scan. Horrible name. It's like they want everyone to panic over it so they found the biggest, scariest name they could and stuck it right on. I guess they can't call it the twenty week scan when it's not actually twenty weeks for most people, but why that name? Why can't they call it the anatomy scan like they do in other places?"
"It went well?"
"Yup. They're one hundred percent healthy and developing perfectly."
The ringing sound returned. Lan Zhan flexed his fingers slightly against the tablecloth, letting the feel of fabric against his fingers ground him.
"They?" he said carefully.
Wei Ying looked confused for a moment before his face cleared and his eyes creased with mirth. "Gender-neutral singular they! Not plural! Don't worry, there's only one bun in this oven, but they've got fingernails, Lan Zhan. You can't call a baby 'it' when they've got fingernails."
A discreet cough. Lan Zhan looked up to find Rahim standing nearby with another carefully neutral expression on his face and two large platters in his hands.
Rahim smiled politely. "Your appetisers and entree."
Wei Ying grinned at him. "You've heard weirder conversations than this, right?"
Rahim shrugged. "I couldn't possibly say."
He set the platters down in front of them. Lan Zhan's seabass was wrapped in leaves and served with some kind of pureed root vegetable. The brie and cranberry things turned out to be little filo tarts that looked more appetising than he'd expected. Wei Ying's platter was a beautifully arranged spread of appetisers with a pile of bacon-wrapped cocktail sausages at the centre. The kitchen had done a good job of making it look aesthetically pleasing instead of dumping a series of tiny plates on their table.
Lan Zhan murmured his thanks and Rahim nodded politely before gliding away.
Wei Ying was eyeing his platter with a slightly rueful smile. "My eyes were bigger than my stomach. I don't think I can finish all this. I keep doing this: getting a huge meal and then only eating half because a baby apparently takes up valuable stomach space."
"You don't have to eat it all," Lan Zhan said. "There is no rule."
"Your uncle has a rule," Wei Ying said.
"He's not here." Lan Zhan tried not to feel pleased that Wei Ying had remembered. "Eat what you can."
"Maybe they'll let me pack some up for the journey home," Wei Ying said, picking up a chicken skewer. "I get too full, too fast, and then I'm starving an hour later. Pregnancy is a ride."
Lan Zhan watched Wei Ying dip the skewer into satay sauce. He absently picked up one of the brie and cranberry tarts and bit in: it was excellent.
"Why can't you have these?" Lan Zhan asked before he could stop himself.
Wei Ying shrugged. "There's a list of stuff I'm not supposed to eat. Cheeses with moulds on are near the top. The brie is cooked so it probably can't hurt the baby, but it's not worth the risk, right?"
"That makes sense." Lan Zhan frowned. He knew nothing about pregnancy, not one thing. Only that it happened to women and a few men, and there was morning sickness at the start and other uncomfortableness at the end. He had a feeling pregnant people weren't supposed to drink alcohol, maybe, which explained Wei Ying's virgin cocktail. "What are the other things you're not supposed to eat?"
"If you compile lists from every book and Internet search ever," Wei Ying said with a wry smile, "basically everything except maybe carrots. Although those might be on the shit-list because too much vitamin A isn't good, I'm not sure."
Lan Zhan felt his eyes widening. Everything?
Wei Ying bit off half a bacon-wrapped sausage and chewed it happily before swallowing. "If you basically ignore all the scary mummy forums and stick to what your midwife recommends plus the actually sane books, it's not so bad. Cheeses with mould. Shellfish. Liver. Caffeine is okay in moderation, unless it gives you heartburn or nausea. Half a glass of wine here and there won't kill the baby, but honestly, it's easier not to try to calculate that."
"I see." Lan Zhan considered that carefully while he ate some seabass with what turned out to be celeriac puree. "Was your morning sickness bad?"
Wei Ying rolled his eyes. "The name is a lie."
"Mn?"
"It's not just mornings! It's afternoons, evenings, and on really special days, it's nights too! Fucking sucks and I was actually mad for a while that it wasn't a stomach bug because at least those eventually end."
A cold lump formed in the pit of Lan Zhan's stomach, an ugly sensation that made him feel a little sick himself. He put down his knife and fork. He'd done that to Wei Ying, he'd made Wei Ying feel that sick. If they'd been more careful--if he'd been more careful, Wei Ying wouldn't be...his brain stuttered slightly at the word again.
Pregnant.
Wei Ying was pregnant.
His mind threw up a helpful image of the slight bulge under Wei Ying's shirt, just to make sure the point really hit home. It was starting to feel more real with every passing moment.
"Wei Ying," he said, unable to keep the distress out of his voice. "If I've made you ill--"
"I'm fine," Wei Ying said. "Lan Zhan, trust me, I'm fine. The sickness sucked like you wouldn't believe, but it got better and I feel great now. A-jie said this is the best phase of pregnancy and she's right."
"Ah." Lan Zhan searched his face, but the smile seemed sincere, and he couldn't hear the strange tone he'd heard earlier when he knew Wei Ying was lying and feeling bad about it. "You're sure?"
"I'm sure." Wei Ying's smile was warm, maybe slightly shy. "It's nice that you care, though."
"It's my fault you're..." Lan Zhan couldn't finish the sentence. Somehow the word had been easier to say before Wei Ying confirmed it.
"Pregnant?" Wei Ying shrugged and picked up another chicken skewer. "You're only fifty percent responsible. I was there and I remember being pretty fucking enthusiastic about what we did. If we're going to assign blame then I'm the one who should have made sure it wasn't just STIs that I needed to think about when we got careless."
"You couldn't have known."
Wei Ying's laughter was hollow and slightly bitter. "That's what my GP keeps telling me, but, you know. I should have double-checked. It was my reproductive health, not anyone else's."
Lan Zhan bit down on the response he wanted to make: that it was Wei Ying's guardians who should have taken responsibility when he was younger and made sure his records were accurate. It wasn't Lan Zhan's place to criticise their care and Wei Ying wouldn't respond well if he tried. They'd had an affair for a few days. That didn't give Lan Zhan any rights or any place in Wei Ying's life, no matter what had resulted from their time together.
That thought made him stop to examine himself. Did he want to have a place in Wei Ying's life?
His instinctive reaction was a fierce want to be in every part of Wei Ying's life and a sharp ache of regret at the way he'd let their affair end in the summer. The more rational part of his brain reminded him that Wei Ying had lied about at least one major part of his life and he was pregnant, which changed everything no matter how much he still wanted Wei Ying.
Lan Zhan's fork scraped on the plate and he realised he'd been eating in silence for a while. Wei Ying hadn't interrupted. That felt...odd.
He looked up and found Wei Ying watching him, an expression Lan Zhan couldn't identify on his face. It made Lan Zhan want to squirm uncomfortably on his chair. He focused on sitting still, taking a slow breath.
"Do you have any pictures?" Lan Zhan asked.
Wei Ying tilted his head, a small frown appearing. "Pictures?"
"You had a scan today." Lan Zhan formed the words carefully in his head and focused on getting them out calmly, in the right order. "Did they give you any pictures of the baby?"
He could hear a slight pause before the last word, but he hoped Wei Ying didn't notice. The confusion on Wei Ying's face cleared, replaced by a warm smile, and Lan Zhan reassured himself it was fine. Wei Ying hadn't noticed.
"Yup!" Wei Ying said. "They sent me a couple. Baby Wei, in all their black and white blobby beauty."
He pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket and fiddled with it for a moment before handing it over. Lan Zhan took it and stared at the image on the screen. It was more greyscale than black and white, but it was definitely blobby. After a minute of intense concentration, he worked out which blob looked like the head. Everything else was a mystery.
Wei Ying leaned across the table and pointed. "That's their head. And their spine? I think. And possibly legs. The technician promised me that Bean has all the right limbs and organs in the right place and I'm sure they know, but I couldn't actually tell you."
Lan Zhan couldn't take his eyes off the screen. The more he looked, the more he could tell that the grey blobs added up to a baby. An actual baby.
Wei Ying chuckled. "I asked if they could give me a recording of the heartbeat, but I guess they don't do that on the NHS. The technician said that if I paid for a private scan, they could do one of those 4D things where you can see the baby's face and watch them move. Maybe on a second try, they'd even be able to tell which flavour Bean is going to be."
"Do you want to know?" Lan Zhan said, still unable to look away from the screen.
"Gender is a social construct," Wei Ying said firmly. "As long as they're healthy, it doesn't matter."
Lan Zhan waited. There was something in Wei Ying's voice.
"But I'd like to have had the option of knowing, I guess," Wei Ying continued. "So I can make a decision about what I want to know instead of having it made for me. It might be helpful to know what to prepare for. Do I need to learn to duck really fast when I'm changing them? A-Ling has already peed in the peacock's mouth twice, it's hilarious, but I don't think it'll be as funny when it's me, you know?"
Lan Zhan blinked. "In his mouth?"
"Yeah. Girls are...well, boys can get more, uh, height when they pee. And directionality. It's like A-Ling aims for his dad's face and the peacock can't close his mouth fast enough. He also doesn't seem to have picked up the trick of holding a cloth over A-Ling's junk so he can't pee in his dad's mouth. And I'm not going to tell him!"
"Are you going to have the extra scan?"
Lan Zhan finally tore his gaze away from the phone, in time to see Wei Ying shrug with far too much casualness to be convincing.
"It's a couple of hundred pounds," he said. "Babies aren't cheap and that pays for almost half a cot. I can live without their 4D face. I'll see their actual face in a few months, anyway."
The phone screen went dark and Lan Zhan handed it back. It was probably too much to ask Wei Ying for a copy. He'd only known there was a baby for a little over an hour.
Lan Zhan's thoughts skittered slightly on that thought. A baby. Their baby. The baby they'd made. The baby in Wei Ying's belly, apparently already developed enough for fingernails. Lan Zhan's breath caught in his throat for a moment. Fingernails. He understood the hint of awe in Wei Ying's voice when he'd said that: fingernails somehow made it all feel more real.
"Are you okay there?" Wei Ying said. "Are you freaking out? Because you've been really calm so far, but right now, you look like you might be freaking out."
"I'm not freaking out," Lan Zhan said, except he suspected that might be a lie.
Wei Ying didn't call him on it, though. He just ate another bacon wrapped cocktail sausage and then looked down, his eyes widening. His plate was almost empty.
"Fuck, I really didn't think I'd eat all that," Wei Ying said. "Also, ugh, I really shouldn't have eaten all that."
Lan Zhan's heart sped up and his stomach clenched. After a moment's consideration, he realised the feeling he was experiencing was worry. Again. Verging on alarm.
"Are you alright?" he asked. "Should I call someone?"
Wei Ying frowned. "Huh?"
"Has the food made you unwell?" Lan Zhan said, trying to find the right words to express all the feelings he couldn't even articulate to himself.
Wei Ying's expression cleared and he looked amused. "I'm fine, I promise. Don't worry. A little overeating never hurt anyone. Bean and I are tougher than that!"
Lan Zhan made himself take a calming breath and felt his heart settle. "That's...good. I'm glad."
"Yeah." Wei Ying looked down at the plate and pushed it aside slightly. "If I stay here, I'm just going to keep eating and then I will feel ill."
"Oh." Lan Zhan nodded slowly. "Of course. You must be tired after your day. I won't take up any more of your time."
Was that a flash of disappointment in Wei Ying's eyes? It was gone too fast for Lan Zhan to feel sure, replaced with a polite smile that Lan Zhan immediately disliked.
"Yeah," Wei Ying said. "I'm pretty tired. And it must be almost your bedtime! I remember how early you go to sleep."
"Not always," Lan Zhan said without thinking, and a blush spread up Wei Ying's throat and over his cheeks.
He wasn't sure if Wei Ying was thinking about the same night he was, but it didn't matter: Lan Zhan's ears felt hot and he couldn't push away the memory of Wei Ying with his head tipped back, silver in the moonlight, as he rode Lan Zhan until they were both shuddering with release.
"Uh, yeah," Wei Ying said shakily. "Yeah. That...I remember."
Lan Zhan forced the image away, digging his nails into his palm to return to where they were now: sitting in a restaurant, practically strangers, Wei Ying's belly rounding with the baby they'd made on one of those nights.
"I could call you a taxi," Lan Zhan offered. "If that would be easier."
Wei Ying shook his head slowly. "I need the air. This has all been--" his gaze dropped to his mostly-empty plate before he looked up "--weird. Good weird but...I really never thought I'd see you again. I didn't expect to have this conversation, you know?"
"Mn."
Wei Ying shrugged. "I meant what I said. I don't expect anything from you. I've got this handled, okay? I've got a plan and it's going to be fine. You don't have to do anything."
Lan Zhan tried not to feel anything about that, but he couldn't ignore the stab of hurt followed by a twisting sensation in his stomach, cold and uncomfortable. Wei Ying didn't expect anything. Did that mean Wei Ying didn't want anything?
What did Lan Zhan want?
"Thanks for the food, it was really great," Wei Ying said. "Not that I'd expect anything less. You were always too good to me."
"Nothing more than you deserve," Lan Zhan said, and immediately snapped his mouth shut before he could say anything further.
Wei Ying's fading blush returned and this time there was something in his eyes that Lan Zhan had to look away from. "You're a good person, Lan Zhan. I'm glad I wasn't wrong about that."
Lan Zhan scanned the room until he caught Rahim's eye. He wasn't sure what his face was showing, but Rahim nodded and a moment later he was walking towards their table with Wei Ying's coat in his arms.
Wei Ying stood, and Lan Zhan caught another glimpse of the slight curve under his shirt. Maybe it wouldn't have been immediately noticeable if Wei Ying hadn't told him, if Lan Zhan hadn't known how slim he had been before under the loose fabric, but it almost seemed to scream at Lan Zhan. Wei Ying was pregnant. There was a whole blobby baby growing inside that small bump.
Wei Ying pulled his coat closed and buttoned it. Rahim glanced at the table, but he seemed to judge the mood and withdrew quietly. Lan Zhan mentally added another tip to the tally of what he owed Rahim for the evening. He paced beside Wei Ying as they left the restaurant and walked towards the lobby. Words clamoured behind Lan Zhan's teeth, but he couldn't push any of them out.
Wei Ying stopped before they stepped into the lobby and Lan Zhan turned back to him. He was nibbling at his bottom teeth with his lip.
As if he'd made a decision, Wei Ying squared his shoulders and lifted his chin slightly. "We should exchange contact details. In case anything...in case. Unless you don't want to?"
Lan Zhan was already pulling out his phone. "Yes."
Relief washed over Wei Ying's face. It only took a minute to exchange phones, enter numbers, and return them. A moment later, Lan Zhan's phone buzzed in his hand and he looked down to see a text notification: a smiley-face emoji.
"There," Wei Ying said. "Can't lose track of each other again now."
He started to take a step away and a word finally pushed past Lan Zhan's teeth. "Coffee."
Wei Ying raised one eyebrow. "It's a bit late in the day and I've already drunk my maximum."
Lan Zhan lined up the words in the right order. "Would you have coffee with me tomorrow?"
Wei Ying blinked at him. "I--"
"Please," Lan Zhan added. "We should talk again."
"Okay," Wei Ying said slowly. "Okay. I'd like that. I'd...really like that. Yeah. You can catch me up on everything you've been doing."
"Yes." Lan Zhan nodded. "I can do that."
Wei Ying grinned and Lan Zhan's heart skipped a beat. He really was the most beautiful man Lan Zhan had ever met.
"Eleven o'clock?" Wei Ying said.
"At our coffee shop," Lan Zhan confirmed.
"Perfect."
Lan Zhan stared at him for a long moment, aware that he was being studied equally carefully. He didn't know what Wei Ying found in his expression, but Wei Ying suddenly grinned and darted in to kiss his cheek. Before Lan Zhan could respond, Wei Ying was hurrying away without looking back.
Lan Zhan lifted his hand to press his fingers to the skin Wei Ying's lips had touched. It was a while before he could make himself turn away and walk slowly to the lifts.