Work Text:
Lan Wangji gets married knowing one thing: his husband is his equal.
There is not much he knows besides that, but what he does is what his family consider the most important: it is a political marriage, and that Lan Wangji, in order to keep it intact, has to know everything Wei Wuxian can't stand.
Lan Wangji is well informed on all the things that enrage one Wei Wuxian, who doesn't look or behave like something can enrage him at all, truthfully. He is always annoyingly cheerful, loud, has an opinion about everything, and he tries his very best to befriend Lan Wangji.
And as time quickly shows, their family are very different indeed. Contrary to what Lan Wangji learned about the man whose presence in the castle ensures his family’s wellbeing, Wei Wuxian, it seems, has been given very different information to Lan Wangji’s. From the very start of their own family, Wei Wuxian only knows what Lan Wangji really, really loves.
He brings Lan Wangji everything he usually eats and notices when Lan Wangji misses dinner on purpose so that they don’t meet again on that day, for example. Brings it to him himself, and waits under the door even if Lan Wangji doesn't let him enter.
"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian calls, resigned, too. "I need you alive. Death will not help."
They have to be seen together, to look happy together. In public, Wei Wuxian always holds Lan Wangji around the waist, or kisses his hands, or plants wet kisses on Lan Wangji's forehead, his ribbon, which he is allowed to touch because they are wed. He apologises afterwards. Every time.
And Lan Wangji understands, after months of their already failed marriage, that he isn't fair to the man who has been put in the same position as him. But Lan Wangji cannot help it. He, as a Lan, isn't allowed much at all. He wasn't even allowed to marry someone he might have loved.
But of course Wei Wuxian is a man of his own wants and needs. What he cannot get from Lan Wangji, he gets from others.
Wei Wuxian flirts with people. Girls, boys, cultivators, cooks, soldiers, merchants. Everything that moves, it seems. Not boldly, just enough for people to smile back at him and often offer him food or services for free and… make his smile too.
It is scandalous, considering the hope their marriage holds, so Lan Wangji corners him one day, furious and hurt in a way he cannot parse. But this time, Wei Ying doesn't laugh or apologise. He sneers. "You are miserable, I get that. I don't want that. Let me be, yeah?"
Lan Wangji presses him harder into the wall, arm at his throat. "You made me miserable."
Wei Ying barks a bitter, ruthless laugh. "No. I was trying to make it easier on you for months. You don't want that, and I'm tired of being punished for something that is not my fault."
Lan Wangji looks at the man whose sole purpose is to not cause trouble in the castle or shame their newly founded family. Who brings Lan Wangji food or specific teas he procures heavens know where late at night when Lan Wangji cannot sleep. "Then why," Lan Wangji grits out, "are you so caring - "
"Because you are my husband!" Wei Ying snaps and pushes him off – so strongly Lan Wangji stumbles backwards. He looks so angry and so, so hurt. “Because I don't want someone who will spend the rest of his life with me to hate me! Or think that we can't even talk to each other! Not sleep, fine, just fucking know one another! You are my husband, Lan Wangji. Mine to take care of, to protect, to be someone you'd come to first if there's trouble!" Wei Ying shouts, voice cracking. "Am I so repulsive? I get that you can love someone else, but if there's someone to hate, it's not me but your brother!"
Lan Wangji flinches, remembering endless fights with Lan Xichen. But it is easier to hate Wei Ying than xiongzhang, who does everything to protect the family. Even if it costs him his own brother. “I don't want to know you," is all Lan Wangji manages.
"Yeah, I fucking gathered."
They stand, both shaking, Wei Ying from yelling himself almost hoarse and Lan Wangji from thinking of, you are mine to take care of. Lan Wangji doesn't know what he expected. Or, rather, knows and hates that he got what he thought would not happen: Wei Ying actually hating him, too.
/
After this, their paths rarely cross. Lan Wangji hears that Wei Ying requested a bedroom on another side of the castle. He eats separately, stops wearing Lan colours inside the castle, and is absent most of the time in general.
He keeps the decorum in public, but with more space between them.
Lan Wangji also learns, from his distressed brother, than the Jiangs requested Wei Ying move out for 'a bit,' citing family issues.
"Wangji," Lan Xichen calls anxiously, "what did he do?"
And Lan Wangji says the truth. "Nothing. He did his best. It seems like I cannot."
The leave is agreed on under the circumstances of Jiang Yanli's supposed illness, and the rest is none of everyone else's business, Jiang Wanyin stresses. He is the one who talks to Lan Wangji because Wei Ying refuses to.
"Send a missive if you really need him," he barks.
Lan Wangji walks the castle grounds and wonders if he truly has gone too far. He catches Wei Ying talking to some friendlier Lans, little and older ones, laughing openly with them, elbowing them, and making other people happy. The same way he tried to make Lan Wangji happy.
Still, Lan Wangji doesn't considering himself at fault or wrong, because even if Wei Ying can and is ready to bridge the relationship between them, Lan Wangji cannot. His only friend is xiongzhang. Lan Wangji has never needed anyone to take care of him or make him smile.
Several days before Wei Ying leaves for no less than a couple of months, there is a reception with a family both Jiangs and Lans hate but have to maintain good relationship with. Wei Ying is dressed in blue so dark it looks almost black. He looks a little like Jiang Fengmian.
Everything goes as smoothly as possible, considering Wei Ying does his best to not touch Lan Wangji even with his elbow. He doesn't pour Lan Wangji tea, spills a little alcohol over Lan Wangji's sleeve and doesn't apologise. He is being disturbingly quiet.
And then some member of the awful family raises his cup, cheering, "Let's celebrate the newlyweds! Lan Wangji ah, never thought someone like you would get a husband whose father was a mere servants."
Lan Wangji stops breathing altogether, feeling Wei Ying stiffen beside him.
Lan Wangji gets up first and pointedly lays his hand on Bichen. Countless times, xiongzhang would tell him, "Wei Wuxian values his blood parents more than anyone, Wangji. He really is... still an orphan boy who is waiting for them to come back from that awful nighthunt."
And Lan Wangji knows that for this, Wei Ying can easily kill the man. He opens his mouth to demand an apology, but Wei Ying says sweetly first, "Being a gentry pullout didn't help you gain any brain of your own, did it?" And then, in front of everyone, that man catches fire.
The talks of Wei Ying's capabilities have long been circulating in the country and almost made Lan Wangji's uncle call off the marriage, but in the end, xiongzhang said, "If he truly is this powerful, he will protect our family now instead of targeting it."
The madness that ensues inside the hall is indescribable. Wei Ying's eyes turn a bloody red. The air around them becomes suffocatingly heavy, and the man's screams drown everyone else's.
"Stop," Lan Wangji begs, grabbing Wei Ying by the jaw. "He got what he deserved."
He feels Wei Ying's jaw jump under his fingers, lips stretching into an awful smile. "Would you let it slide if he said this about your parents?"
"My parents are dead."
"It doesn't mean you don't have to protect them."
The promises of a war are promptly thwarted by Lan Wangji himself, who, on top of the fire, draws out Bichen and threatens the head of the family directly, Wei Ying's words ringing in his ears. He catches Wei Ying looking strangely at him after.
Wei Ying leaves early in the morning, alone, without saying goodbye. Lan Wangji, head aching from a sleepless night of talking and managing the consequences of the dinner, watches him through the window and thinks, I'm sorry. You are right.
/
At first, Wei Ying's absence is not felt acutely. It almost feels exactly like Lan Wangji's life went back to what he is most used to: solitude. There is no forced companionship. No arm around his waist. No, "Lan Zhan, open the door, the tea's going to go cold."
Of course the clan knows that Lan Wangji almost choked his husband, who only wanted the best for him. Everyone knows that Yunmeng Jiang could've settled for a more beneficial marriage but landed one with Gusu Lan for Gusu Lan's sake. And Lan Wangji knows this too.
He remembers Wei Ying coming to the castle and knowing no one here. He didn't take any servants with him, didn't know anyone in the land at all. He didn't complain about the castle's obnoxious stairs and Lan Wangji's uncle's comments on his laughter, the way he runs and skips through the corridors.
Wei Ying became friends with several Lans, with all of the cooks - that's how he found what Lan Wangji likes, of course. Of course - and learned that Lan Wangji likes the winding paths of their forests. And drew them for Lan Wangji on week three of his life in the castle.
Meanwhile, Lan Wangji has done nothing. He met Wei Ying when he arrived from a long road, and that's it. Made an effort to show Wei Ying that he is not welcome in his life. And Wei Ying still, after months of pointed disregard, called after him with that strange warmth in his voice.
Laying alone in what has to be a marriage bed, Lan Wangji cries, thinking about Lan Xichen's apologetic explanation. You have to marry, Wangji. This man, Wei Wuxian, is really not what our clan is used to. But he is a good man. He won't ill-treat you.
And all of that was true. What was Wei Ying told about him, before the marriage? That Lan Wangji was cold, unbending, incapable of even trying to show affection for someone who agreed to save Lan Wangji's family by sacrificing his own love life?
But what is the point of making amends now, when Wei Ying rightfully got so angry he almost started a war in the Lan castle?
A month into his leave, Lan Wangji fidgets by his desk and thinks of writing to Wei Ying. To ask after his family, his beloved sister. He dismisses the idea of it, because it will look like Lan Wangji is checking if Wei Ying remembers their deal of a three months escape. He doesn't even expect Wei Ying to answer it. Lan Wangji only wants... He wants to reach out first, for once.
He decides against going to Lotus Pier, too, because it seems even worse. Wei Ying asked to be left alone, and Lan Wangji isn't allowing him even that. But he thinks of Wei Ying's easy, happy smile back home and maybe it's better that he is with his family.
And still, Lan Wangji wants to talk to him. Tell Wei Ying that he does not, in any way, hate him. That it's not Wei Ying's fault their families bonded through two boys. Tell him that Wei Ying is the only one who cares about Lan Wangji's insomnia.
So he decides on a talisman message and sends a Lan owl to Lotus Pier, shaking the whole time it flies to Wei Ying, who must be hating Lan Wangji after everything. He has every right.
I hope you are well. I miss you. I'm sorry.
There is no reply the next day, or three days later, or a week. Lan Wangji stops waiting for it. Doesn't ask the castle's errand boy if there are any letters from Yunmeng. Instead, he writes letters that he leaves in Wei Ying's room.
They are mostly apologies for every time Lan Wangji made him feel like Wei Ying is at fault for every terrible thing that happened to Lan Wangji since their marriage. Lan Wangji also writes down the news about Wei Ying's friends in the castle.
And also, on the days Lan Wangji speaks to no one at all, he writes about himself. Things that he likes, about the weather that kept the castle's members on their toes on a particular night, about his dreams. I like it when it rains, he writes. What do you like, Wei Ying?
/
By the middle of the second month, there are piles of letters on Wei Ying's bed, his desk, some are on the floor. The worse the day, the thicker the letter. On some days, Lan Wangji writes two because he wrote one in the morning and then his uncle annoyed him some more.
Lan Wangji seals another letter quite deep into the night. It's not a long one; he wrote about the book he finished this afternoon and how he doesn't know how a book so dull and uninspiring could get into their library. But long before Lan Wangji reaches Wei Ying's room, he understands that something is wrong. And the wrong is: there is light coming from under the closed door. At once, Lan Wangji's stomach flips madly. But it cannot be Wei Ying. It cannot. It must be his uncle.
For years, shufu has been teaching him to hold everything inside and scolded Lan Wangji for sharing his secrets with other six-year-old boys, then with his qin teacher. Those were not even secrets, just thoughts and memories. And now there are letters.
Lan Wangji feels very ready to fight the man who raised him and gave him everything. If his uncle decides to give Lan Wangji a talk about being discreet and a Lan, Lan Wangji is going to go to Lotus Pier right now, in his night clothes.
He flings the door open and finds... Unmistakably not his uncle.
But Wei Ying, who is sat on the edge of the bed and who has gone through every letter on it, on the desk, and is now reading the ones stacked on the floor. He snaps his head up, looking absolutely lost. The kind of lost that can make Wei Ying want to run away and never come back after what he has just read. The kind of lost that makes everything in Lan Wangji curdle with an obsessive fear of Wei Ying hating him after all.
Wei Ying inhales, pressing the letter to his chest. He is dressed for the road, his hair matted by the harsh Gusu winds. He looks beautiful. He looks like Lan Wangji's not-yet-beloved.
"Those are not for you," Lan Wangji blurts, breathless.
Wei Ying's eyebrows shoot up. "I don't think you have another Wei Ying for a husband."
Everything, from his earlobes to his chest to his knees, maybe, burns with flush. But what is there to hide, now?
"I, um. Came earlier and wanted to change before. Um - " Wei Ying scrunches the letter nervously, laughs. " - sneaking into your bedroom to talk, but."
"But," Lan Wangji echoes weakly, "you found them."
Wei Ying nods. He looks around the room and carefully, one by one, stacks the letters on the bed, clearing a spot beside him. "Come here, will you? I see your insomnia is as stubborn as you. Have you drunk that tea already?"
It takes Lan Wangji a moment to gather courage to actually unpeel himself from the spot and take a place beside Wei Ying, who doesn't move when Lan Wangji sits down thigh to thigh with him. The only time they were so close was when Lan Wangji tried his utmost to hurt him.
Wei Ying smells of horse and something from his home that Lan Wangji has no idea about. He has read so much. He knows so much now. Slowly, Wei Ying takes Lan Wangji's hand and presses it to his face, a damp palm to his cheek. "Hi," he says with a tiny smile. "Hello, Zhanzhan."
It feels like a dam cracking and then bursting, washing away everything that has lived in him for so, so long. And perhaps it’s not the end of the world that they will spend the rest of their days together. Lan Wangji lays his head on Wei Ying's shoulder and confesses, small, "I missed you."
"Mm," Wei Ying hums, and then he just kisses the top of Lan Wangji's head.
Before Lan Wangji manages to utter a word or ask, Did you really come back for me? Wei Ying, without any shame, leans in and lifts Lan Wangji into his lap, hugging him so tightly Lan Wangji can feel how hot he is under all the winter layers.
"So much better than I imagined, ah," Wei Ying says, content.
Lan Wangji has never, even been held like that, and doesn’t know how he could have thought that his life would end after marriage. He clutches at Wei Ying, chanting, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," and then, "Mine, mine, mine, mine." It spills out of him in low, frantic whisper as Wei Ying rubs his back and rocks them, kissing Lan Wangji's temple.
I'm the one you are supposed to come first to, Wei Ying said, and now, Lan Wangji understands. There is no fear. There is nothing except boundless, brightest gratefulness and a heart so light and so full and so vulnerably open for someone who is strong enough to accept him.
Wei Ying soothes him, hand heavy. Wei Ying, who sneaked into the castle without anyone noticing him and who planned to try and talk with Lan Wangji despite everything Lan Wangji threw at him in that corridor.
“I love it when it snows," Wei Ying says suddenly. "I've never seen snow before I came here. I didn't know it can be this wet or dry. I also didn't know you're so cuddly, underneath it all."
It can hardly be called cuddling, because Lan Wangji squeezes Wei Ying with his arms and legs and all but melts into his Wei Ying. His husband.
"Neither did I."
Wei Ying huffs a laugh. "Does it mean you'll hug me every day now?"
"Mm. Every day. All the time."
Lan Wangji doesn't know what else to say except apologise again and again until Wei Ying believes how much Lan Wangji means it. But there is one more thing to clear. "What did you want to talk about?"
"Oh," Wei Ying says, startled. "I wanted to say sorry for, you know. Dinner. Ignoring you. Everything."
Lan Wangji shakes his head. Wei Ying ignoring him was the softest treatment Lan Wangji deserved. "No need. I have done worse than that."
"Nah, you haven't. You're too good to burn people alive."
"He deserved it."
"Yeah, he did."
You are marrying a monster. Remember that, one elder told him on the day of the wedding. In that hall, Lan Wangji thought that monster was too soft of a word.
"Let's do this," Wei Ying says carefully. "If you can't say something to me, you'll write me a letter. How about that?"
Lan Wangji thinks about it for a moment and decides, "Can we sleep in the same bedroom?"
Underneath him, Wei Ying jolts. "What, like, now?"
"It is very late. You are tired and I am - "
"- in your night clothes," Wei Ying says tightly. "And you are very warm, Lan Zhan."
Lan Wangji gets what he means and tries to pull away awkwardly, understandably affected from the realisation, but Wei Ying doesn't let him, holding his hand very low on Lan Wangji’s back.
"Apologies. I did not expect to find my husband in the castle reading my confessions under the scant lighting of one candle."
Wei Ying beams at him. "But you're happy that you did."
"Yes." Lan Wangji cups Wei Ying's face and, daringly, presses his first ever kiss to Wei Ying's lips. Wei Ying lets out a sound so pretty and high it makes Lan Wangji a little lightheaded and hot in a way they need to explore. "I am happy."