These Kids and Their DAMN PHONES

Chatfic connected to my other work, but at the same time, not canon at all for the other work. This is 100% shit and 0% post.
Nemuri Kayama has changed their name to “Mommy”
Mommy has changed Izuku Kayama’s name to “Izuku”
Shota Aizawa has changed Mommy’s name to “Stop”
Shota Aizawa has removed Stop’s admin privileges
Aizawa: no
Stop: awwww can I at least have my hero name?
Aizawa: do you deserve your hero name?
ABANDONED, WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET :(

Chapter 1: These darn kids be texting all the time

Chapter Text

[Afternoon following Quirk Apprehension Test]

Shota Aizawa has added Nemuri Kayama, Izuku Kayama, and 19 others to a group chat

Shota Aizawa has changed the group’s name to “Class 1-A”

Aizawa: Hello class, Principal Nezu has instructed the teachers to make group chats for all of their homeroom classes and the other faculty member living in the dorm. I expect you to behave.

Aizawa: Also, naming privileges are not enabled until I deem you worthy.

Shota Aizawa has muted the chat

Iida: Thank you Mr. Aizawa! Now we can coordinate study groups and class trips!

Ashido: Yeah, that ain’t happening

Kaminari: lol nope

Sero: lol nope

Kaminari: YO

Sero: YO

Kaminari: Did we just become best friends?

Sero: Yup!

Shinsou: This brotherly love is cute and all, but I’m trying to take a nap

Kayama: You know you can mute the chat right?

Shinsou: Oh yeah

Hitoshi Shinsou has muted the chat

Sato: Hey, if anyone’s hungry, I’m making some cookies in the kitchen on the first floor!

Uraraka: You had me at cookies

Uraraka: Izuku and I will be downstairs in five seconds

Ashido: Ooooooh, what were you two lovebirds doing?

Uraraka: Nunya

Kayama: Nunya

Kayama: Yeah Izuku, what were you two doing?

Kayama: Hopefully nothing too steamy

Kayama: Unless :eyes:

Kayama: MOM

Tokoyami: Ms. Midnight, can you please change your names, it’s kind of confusing

Nemuri Kayama has changed their name to “Mommy”

Mommy has changed Izuku Kayama’s name to “Izuku”

Shota Aizawa has changed Mommy’s name to “Stop”

Shota Aizawa has removed Stop’s admin privileges

Aizawa: no

Stop: awwww can I at least have my hero name?

Aizawa: do you deserve your hero name?

Izuku: Please just do it, she’ll never let me hear the end of it if you don’t

Aizawa: ugh

Aizawa: fine

Shota Aizawa has changed Stop’s name to “Midnight”

Midnight: Thank you :)

Asui: Okay, I know that Kayama’s mom is Midnight, but it’s still kinda weird

Shoji: Yeah, just a bit

Izuku: :(

Midnight: :(

Uraraka: No! You two are great!

Iida: I agree, that was rude. Apologize please.

Asui: sorry Kayamas

Shoji: sorry Kayamas

Izuku: Its ok

Izuku: I understand. Its weird to be living in a dorm with one of your classmate’s mom

Izuku: It's even weirder when shes Midnight

Midnight: What is that supposed to mean, young man?

Izuku: nothing I love you please don't kill me

Izuku: Sato, your cookies are really good!

Midnight: Don’t you try to change the subject

Midnight: would you prefer Thirteen? We can swap if it bothers you that much

Izuku: NO!

Izuku: I like having you here

Ashido: Awww

Uraraka: Awww

Hagakure: Awww

Jirou: Awww

Kirishima: So manly

Jirou: How

Kirishima: There’s nothing manlier than loving ones mom

Todoroki: …

Izuku: ANYWAY

Izuku: Who wants to watch a movie?

Aoyama: moi

Ashido: ME

Uraraka: I do!

Iida: But we have class tomorrow!

Izuku: It is literally four in the afternoon

Izuku: a two hour movie will not wreck our sleep schedules

Koda: Can we watch a nature documentary?

Sato: that actually sounds fun

Shoji: I concur

Tokoyami: I agree

Yaoyorozu: I can make tea for everyone

Koda: :)

Monoma: We can watch a documentary so we can be more informed about nature than those peons in 1-B

Midnight: I understand that there’s an interclass rivalry, but please don’t let it get out of hand

Monoma: yes ma’am

Izuku: uh oh

Uraraka: uh oh

Iida: uh oh

Kirishima: uh oh

Todoroki: uh oh

Aizawa: you have done this to yourself. I hope you know that

Monoma: what have I done to myself?

Monoma: Why is someone hitting my door with an ax?

Jirou: FUCK THAT WAS LOUD

Ashido: What?

Kaminari: Monoma just shrieked like a little girl

Kaminari: I think he’s dead ngl

Izuku: he said the “m” word

Iida: Let this be a lesson to you all.

Iida: Never call Ms. Midnight “ma’am”

Ojiro: Why is Monoma being chased around the building by Midnight?

Hagakure: scroll up babe

Ashido: :eyes:

Ashido: babe?

Aoyama: Is that a relationship I smell?

Hagakure: we went to the same middle school

Ashido: oh ok :eyes:

Ojiro: There is nothing happening between us

Ashido: …yet

Ojiro: No comment

Hagakure: :eyes:

Ojiro: :eyes:

Kaminari: When is movie time?

Iida: Please use proper grammar.

Izuku: No, why do that would I

Uraraka: No, why do that would I

Kirishima: No, why do that would I

Todoroki: No, why do that would I

Iida: I am going to bed.

Midnight: Don’t be such a sourpuss Tenya.

Midnight: Don’t make me call Tensei.

Iida: It suddenly seems like a great idea to spend some quality time with my friends, thank you Auntie Nem.

Midnight: :)

Izuku: :)

Uraraka: :)

Todoroki: :^|

Kirishima: :)

Koda: Movie will begin in five minutes! We are watching an educational documentary about Dinosaurs!

Kaminari: FUCK YEAH

Sero: FUCK YEAH

Ashido: FUCK YEAH

Kirishima: FUCK YEAH

Todoroki: FUCK YEAH

Izuku: Shoto?

Todoroki: I wanted to fit in.

Chapter 2: Waking Thoughts of A Man

Summary:

Kaminari muses at night
Uraraka gets thirsty

Chapter Text

Class 1-A Group Chat (04:27)

Kaminari: Why do you think the sky is blue?

Kaminari: I think it's blue because someone with a color changing Quirk changed it from black to blue, and in the olden times before Quirks, the sky was always black.

Shinsou: How are you so wise, yet so stupid at the same time?

Aizawa: Please, for the love of everything that is and isn’t holy, go to sleep.

Kaminari: Can’t.

Aizawa: Why not

Kaminari: Haven’t discharged enough yet, it makes my brain overwork when I’m too charged. I live comfortably at a 40% charge.

Aizawa: So what you’re saying is that you are smarter at high charges?

Kaminari: Yeah, but I’m also kind of a living taser

Kaminari: So I live on that thin line of not so charged as to fry people by touching them, but charged enough to be cognizant.

Aizawa: What is your charge right now?
Kaminari: About 63% if I had to guess

Aizawa: We can make you special uniforms that insulate you so that you’re able to be fully charged and not a danger to those around you.

Kaminari: Oh sweet

Kaminari: Ok now I’m down to 40% nighty night

Aizawa: I swear to god

Private Message: Aizawa Shota - Nezu (04:45)

Aizawa: I would like to resign

Nezu: Denied

Aizawa: Fuck

1-A Group Chat (06:45)

Jirou: Kami wtf

Iida: It is improper to be awake at such an hour Kaminari!

Kaminari: You try sleeping with three billion Volts coursing through your brain mr glasses

Iida:...

Iida: I would like to apologize

Kaminari: Np bb

Izuku: Didn’t you go to sleep like two hours ago? Why are you awake?

Kaminari: Sleeping recharges my inner battery, so I usually only get like two hours a night ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Jirou: That’s like not healthy

Kaminari: Eh, I’m used to it

Jirou: YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO BE

Ashido: Why are you suddenly getting so protective of Kaminari :eyes:

Jirou: BECAUSE HE’S A DUMBASS WHO CAN’T TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF SO SOMEONE HAS TO

Midnight: :eyes:

Ashido: :eyes:

Jirou: NO

Jirou: GROSS

Kaminari: :(

Jirou: ANYWAY, Kayama, how’s little Eri?

Izuku: She’s great! Still asleep, and learning things from Nezu.

Aizawa: She’s learning from WHO

Midnight: We must save her before he corrupts her too

Izuku: Too?

Midnight: You are too far gone my son :’(

Class 1-A Group Chat (08:35)

Iida: Class begins in 10 minutes!

Ashido: Shit lmao

Sero: Shit lmao

Kaminari: Shit lmao

Iida: Please hurry!

Sero: Don’t get your rulebook in a twist, we’re on our way

Class 1-A Group Chat (14:29)

Uraraka: God Izuku is so hot fuck

Uraraka: I just want him to do things to me

Asui: Uh, wrong chat Uraraka

Uraraka: FUCK

Asui: Ribbit

Iida: Please do not text during training!

Iida: And please do not engage in premarital relations!
Midnight: PLEASE ENGAGE IN PREMARITAL RELATIONS

Midnight: MY BABY NEEDS IT

Izuku: MOM

Izuku: PLEASE DON’T MAKE THIS MORE AWKWARD THEN IT ALREADY IS

Aizawa: Bring me your phones

Aizawa: that includes you, Midnight

Class 1-A Group Chat (16:00)

Aizawa: What did we learn?

Uraraka: To not be thirsty in class

Asui: To not text during class

Iida: To not text in class even when I’m telling my classmates to not text in class

Midnight: To not exist

Izuku: To keep Mom’s phone away from her at all times

Aizawa: Good

Private Message: Aizawa Shota - Nezu

Aizawa: can i PLEASE resign

Nezu: Denied, again

Aizawa: FUCK

Chapter 3: Mayhem Released

Chapter Text

Class 1-A Group Chat (17:30)

Aizawa: Against my better judgment, I have decided to cede admin privileges to your Class Presidents.

Aizawa Shota has granted Kayama Izuku and Yaoyorozu Momo Admin Privileges

Aizawa Shota has left the group

Izuku Kayama has changed name changes to: allowed

Izuku Kayama has changed their name to SmallMight

Momo Yaoyorozu has changed their name to Yaomomo

SmallMight: Woohoo, let's keep the names school appropriate

Kaminari: lol

Denki Kaminari has changed their name to Pikachu

Mina Ashido has changed their name to Xenomorph

Hanta Sero has changed their name to Discount Spiderman

Mezo Shoji has changed their name to Tentacle Porn

Fumikage Tokoyami has changed their name to Nevermore

Ochako Uraraka has changed their name to Sandra Bullock

Tsuyu Asui has changed their name to Pepe

SmallMight has changed Shoto Todoroki’s name to Zuko

Zuko: ?

Pikachu: Oh, we can change other people’s names???

Pikachu has changed Sandra Bullock’s name to Izuku’s Simp

Rikido Satou has changed their name to Bakery

Koji Koda has changed their name to Dr. Doolittle

Pikachu has changed Kyoka Jirou’s name to Heartbeat Sensor

Heartbeat Sensor has changed their name to Bassist

Neito Monoma has changed their name to Copier

Midnight has changed their name to Mommy

Mommy has been kicked from the group

SmallMight: You’re welcome

Tooru Hagakure has changed their name to Susan Storm

Mashirao Ojiro has changed their name to The Most Normal One Here

Eijirou Kirishima has changed their name to Rock Hard

SmallMight has changed Rock Hard’s name to Rock Solid

Rock Solid: Hey

SmallMight: School Appropriate, remember?

Tentacle Porn: :)

SmallMight has changed Tentacle Porn’s name to Shoji no

Shoji no has changed their name to Shoji YES

SmallMight has locked Shoji YES’s naming privileges

Tenya Iida has changed their name to Sonic

SmallMight: Oh wait, hold on

SmallMight has added Mei Hatsume to the group

SmallMight has changed Mei Hatsume’s name to Tenya’s Handler

Sonic: Why

Tenya’s Handler: MUAHAHAHAHAHA

Yuga Aoyama has changed their name to Sparkles

Pikachu has changed the group’s name to Get off Ya Phone

Hitoshi Shinsou has changed their name to Cat-Guy

SmallMight: There, now everyone has a good name

SmallMight has changed naming privileges to: Not Allowed

Izuku’s Simp: :(

Pikachu: Shoulda been faster >:)

SmallMight: There is nothing more I can do :(

Izuku’s Simp: okay…

Izuku’s Simp: if that's how it's gonna be.

SmallMight has changed Izuku’s Simp’s name to Mochi

Mochi: :)

Xenomorph: Whipped

Pikachu: Whipped

Discount Spiderman: Whipped

Rock Solid: Whipped

Sonic: Whipped

Zuko: Whipped

Dr. Doolittle: Whipped

Sparkles: Whipped

Bassist: Whipped

Cat-Guy: Whipped

Tenya’s Handler: Whipped

Susan Storm: Whipped

The Most Normal One Here: Whipped

Shoji YES: Whipped

Nevermore: Whipped

Pepe: WHIPPED

Copier: WHIPPED

Yaomomo: Whipped?

Bakery: Whipped like cream

SmallMight: :(

Mochi: :)

Get off Ya Phone (23:17)

Pikachu: Who’s listening to music at, like full blast?

Zuko: I am

Pikachu: ?Why?

Zuko: It helps me fall asleep

Pikachu: I get that, but why are you listening to My Chemical Romance?

Nevermore: I have been called

Pikachu: How did you respond so fast?

Nevermore: I heard the call of the emos

Zuko: The Black Parade just started and now Tokoyami is at my door

Pikachu: Oh ok

Xenomorph: Dude, I can hear it from the girl’s side

Xenomorph: I also hear footsteps out in the hall :eyes:

Xenomorph: @Mochi :eyes:

Mochi: NO

Mochi: IZUKU WAS NOT SNEAKING OUT OF MY ROOM

Mochi: WHY WOULD YOU SUGGEST SUCH A THING

Xenomorph: Your words not mine

Mochi: FUCK

Mochi: Izu, make sure to use the correct concealer to cover your hickeys

SmallMight: OCHAKO

Mochi: NOT AGAIN

Mochi: [100 Images]

SmallMight: [100 images]

Xenomorph: We already saw what you said

Xenomorph: we know of your sin

Xenomorph:@Sonic

Sonic: …

Sonic: The foundations upon which my worldview is set has been shaken

Sonic: I need a moment

Pikachu: lmao you horndogs killed Iida

Midnight: WOOHOO

Midnight: MY BABY BOY FINALLY GOT SOME

Midnight: HELL YEAH

SmallMight: HOW DID YOU GET BACK IN???

Midnight: I had Tenya add me back while you were in the shower after training :)

SmallMight: BETRAYED BY MY BEST FRIEND

Sonic: May I lead you to Chapter 8, Article 4, Paragraph 7, subsection 1b of the UA Student Conduct Handbook

Sonic: “Sexual Relations between students is not forbidden, but in the case of such an occurrence happening, both parties are subject to up to and exceeding one week of detention. In the case of accidental Pregnancy, both parties are transferred to General Studies and barred from re-entry into Hero Course until pregnancy is either terminated or carried to full term.”

SmallMight: WE GET IT

Mochi: WE WERE BEING SAFE

SmallMight: MY MOM LITERALLY GAVE EVERYONE A LARGE PACKAGE OF CONDOMS

Midnight: WOOHOO YOU JUST CONFIRMED IT

Midnight: I’M SO PROUD OF YOU IZUKU

SmallMight: NOT THE TIME, MOM

Chapter 4: Horny Jail

Chapter Text

Get off Ya Phone (18:42)

SmallMight: I would like to apologize to those who know me. I made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgment, and I don’t expect to be forgiven. I’m simply here to apologize.

Copier: YOU BROKE MY ARM

Copier: I’M NOT GOING TO FORGIVE YOU

Sonic: You made me think about you having sexual relations.

Sonic: You will not be forgiven.

SmallMight: THAT WAS THREE WEEKS AGO

Sonic: I NEVER FORGET A TRANSGRESSION

Midnight: I SURE AS HELL WON’T

Midnight: HIGH FIVE

SmallMight has muted Midnight for (1 hour) Reason: Horny Jail

Mochi: You have done nothing wrong to me at all :)

SmallMight: Don’t make me pull out the mute hammer

Mochi: Yes daddy

SmallMight: THAT’S IT

Mochi: FUCKING SHIT NOT AGAIN

SmallMight has muted Mochi for (3 hours) Reason: Super Horny Jail

SmallMight: I am so sorry you all had to see that

Xenomorph: We forgive you daddy

Discount Spiderman: We forgive you daddy

Rock Solid: We forgive you daddy

Pikachu: We forgive you daddy

Zuko: We forgive you daddy

Sonic: I do not forgive you

SmallMight has muted five members of the group for (1 hour) Reason: Horny Jail

SmallMight: Please, I beg of you

SmallMight: Do not make this any weirder than it has to be

Private Message: Izuku Kayama - Shoto Todoroki

Izuku: Also, Shoto please do not repeat whatever four people say, even if you want to fit in

Izuku: I know that you haven’t had many friends but sometimes you need to think before joining in on the shitposting

Shoto: You just don’t want me to get any friends who aren’t you

Izuku: I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO HAVE OTHER FRIENDS

Izuku: BUT PLEASE

Shoto: I will consider this

Get off Ya Phone (02:27)

Pikachu: Can Koda talk to bugs? Or fish?

Pikachu: Can he command Nezu?

God: He has tried at my behest and I felt compelled to follow his orders, but unlike regular animals, I could resist the urge.

Pikachu: Super scary that you can just join a group whenever, but cool thanks!

Pikachu: No but fr though about the bugs n fish

Get off Ya Phone (06:30)

Dr. Doolittle: I can talk to bugs, but I don’t like to.

Pikachu: Why not?

Dr. Doolittle: They all talk at once and its freaky

Pikachu: makes sense

Pikachu: Fish?

Dr. Doolittle: Nope, just terrestrial animals and birds

Pikachu: What about Tsu?

Pepe: I am like Nezu, ribbit

Pikachu: lit

Get off Ya Phone (13:10)

Mochi: I would like to apologize to those who know me. I made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgment, and I don’t expect to be forgiven. I’m simply here to apologize.

Bassist: YOU KEEP SUBJECTING US TO YOUR THIRST

Bassist: NOT JUST HERE BUT ALSO IN THE GIRL’S CHAT

Bassist: I GET UR BOYFRIEND’S HOT AND STUFF BUT JFC

Mochi: I’M SORRY

Mochi: I HAVE A FLIP PHONE

Mochi: DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO CHANGE GROUP CHATS WITH A FLIP PHONE

Bassist: NO EXCUSES

SmallMight: I will get her a new phone so that this never happens again

Mochi: NO HANDOUTS

SmallMight: WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT THIS

SmallMight: I AM GIVING YOU MY CURRENT PHONE AND GETTING A NEW ONE

Mochi: THANK YOU

Mochi: I LOVE YOU

SmallMight: I LOVE YOU TOO

1-A Girl’s Chat (13:45)

Sandra Bullock: I’m really sorry that I keep getting my groups mixed up

Ripley: It’s ok b

Punk: It’s ok

Punk: But please double check which chat you are in before you get all thirsty

Sandra Bullock: I will!

Froggy Chair: I think its pretty hot ngl

Sandra Bullock: What?

Froggy Chair: Oops

Froggy Chair: Ribbit

Chapter 5: Meet the fam yo

Chapter Text

Get off Ya Phone (07:17)

Zuko: My family would like to meet my classmates.

Zuko: They will be here for dinner.

Zuko: Please do not come down for dinner in pink short shorts and a shirt that says “Sex Shirt”.

SmallMight: IT WAS ONE TIME

SmallMight: I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW IT ENDED UP IN MY CLOSET

Midnight: *whistles*

SmallMight: MOM I BEG OF YOU

SmallMight: PLEASE STOP EMBARRASSING ME

Midnight: I just put it there, you put it on

SmallMight: ALSO, WHY IS IT A SIZE SMALL

SmallMight: YOU KNOW I WEAR MEDIUMS

Mochi: bc ur smallmight

SmallMight: Oh, i get it now

Midnight: :)

Zuko: Back to my family.

Zuko: If my oldest brother flirts with you, do not flirt back. He is 23, he should know better.

Zuko: Please do not flirt with my sister.

Zuko: My other brother is boring and has no friends, please be friends with him. I think he is going insane.

Zuko: My father will not be here, he deemed you ‘not worthy’ of his presence.

SmallMight: Hero work?

Zuko: No. Breaking Bad reruns.

Xenomorph: Makes sense, that show slaps

Shoji YES: I also slaps

Pikachu: ?

Shoji YES: The hands

Pikachu: OF COURSE

Pikachu: Quick question

Shoji YES: shoot

Pikachu: Can you make any organ on your arms?

Shoji YES: I believe so

Sonic: I am going to stop your train of thought there, Kaminari.

Sonic: I see into your mind and have witnessed the depravity within.

Pikachu: Kinda expected that tbh

Pikachu: Why are u talking like tokoyami?

Evermore: My shtick will not be stolen by some cyborg

Sonic: I AM NOT A CYBORG

Sonic: I HAVE BEEN CHECKED OUT BY MANY DOCTORS AND THEY ASSURE ME THAT I AM 100% HUMAN

Sonic: TELL THEM MEI

Sonic: TELL THEM TELL THEM TELL THEM

Tenya’s Handler: OMG are you gonna cry like a little baby whenever someone makes fun of you a little bit?

Tenya’s Handler: Are you gonna piss ur pants like a little pissbaby?

Tenya’s Handler: Does the little pissbaby need mommy to come save him?

Tenya’s Handler has been kicked from the group by Sonic

Pikachu: It’s not even funny anymore

Get off Ya Phone (21:46)

Zuko has added Touya Todoroki, Natsuo Todoroki, and Fuyumi Todoroki to the group

Touya Todoroki has changed their name to The Hot One

Natsuo Todoroki has changed their name to Middle Child

Fuyumi Todoroki has changed their name to Fuyumi-chan

Fuyumi-chan: I had fun meeting you all today!

Middle Child: Yeah fr, please invite us for dinner more

The Hot One: It was nice seeing you Ms. Kayama!

SmallMight: STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY MOM TOUYA

Midnight: It was nice seeing you too, Touya. But I must remind you, I am in a relationship.

The Hot One: Damn, oh well

Fuyumi-chan has left the group

Middle Child has left the group

The Hot One has left the group

Xenomorph: Todoroki your siblings are hot asf

Susan Storm: frfr

Bassist: RT

Pikachu: Especially your sister

Rock Solid: I’m gay but frfr

Rock Solid: Wait, I might be bi

Rock Solid: idk at this point

Xenomorph: Gay Panic brought to you by: The Todoroki Family

Zuko: Please do not have sexual relations with my siblings.

Zuko: Or my father.

Zuko: Or my mother.

Pikachu: I’m gonna have sexual relations with your mother so hard

Zuko: Please do not.

Zuko: Even if you figured out which hospital room she’s in, I doubt they’d let you in. My father has paid for the best security guards around her at all times.

Pikachu: That’s a lot to unpack, but we’re just gonna ignore that

Chapter 6: [insert funny chapter title here]

Chapter Text

Get off Ya Phone (01:29)

Pikachu: I have a question

Cat-Guy: i literally can’t stop you

Pikachu: cool

Pikachu:

Cat-Guy: Omg did that really work holy shit

Cat-Guy: Go to sleep until 7am

Get off Ya Phone (07:00)

Pikachu: Holy shit that was weird

Pikachu: I feel so rested

Pikachu: But I’m also at 100% charge so beware anyone within three feet of me

SmallMight: Shinsou, your Quirk works over text?

Cat-Guy: I fuckin guess so

SmallMight: That is horrifying and exciting at the same time

Cat-Guy: Please do not use me for any experiments

SmallMight: It isn’t me you have to worry about

God: It’s me

God: Shinsou, if you would, please come to my office before class.

God: There are some…things I wish to discuss with you

Cat-Guy: Yes sir

SmallMight: RIP Shinsou

Get off Ya Phone (12:27)

Yaomomo: What did Nezu want with you, @Cat-Guy?

Cat-Guy: He has plans that involve me now

Cat-Guy: I would tell you if I could

God: But I would have to kill you if he did.

Cat-Guy: I want my dads

Midnight has added Shota Aizawa and Hizashi Yamada to the group

Midnight: here they are

Aizawa: Nezu, please do not use my son to overthrow the HPSC

God: As if you could stop me

Yamada: I WILL SHATTER YOUR TEA CUPS WITH MY VOICE

God: I will withdraw my plans involving Shinsou at this time

Aizawa: Good

Yamada: GOOD

Aizawa: now please never add me to this group ever again

Shota Aizawa has kicked Hizashi Yamada from the group

Shota Aizawa has left the group

Xenomorph: So…

Xenomorph: Aizawa-sensei and Mic-sensei are married?

Cat-Guy: yup

Xenomorph: and they adopted you

Cat-Guy: that is the case yes

Xenomorph: how do you know Aizawa isn’t rigging things in your favor

Cat-Guy: Because if he did that, the universe would collapse in on itself

Midnight: ^

SmallMight: ^^

Sonic: ^^^

Cat-Guy: Also Nezu threatened him with “Teatime with Nezu and Ms. Joke” if he ever caught him fudging my grades and stuff

Midnight: I love Emi!

Midnight: I don’t know why he hates her so much

Cat-Guy: It’s the overbearing happiness

Evermore: felt

1-A Girl’s Chat (15:20)

Punk: how tf can Green lift that much

Punk: and only with his mind

Punk: that's like 30 tons of weight and he isn’t even struggling

Sandra Bullock: He’s got them thinking muscles

Froggy Chair: oh he’s got me thinkin about muscles alright

Sandra Bullock: TSU

Froggy Chair: its mating season?

Sandra Bullock: IT IS THE MIDDLE OF OCTOBER

Sandra Bullock: FROG MATING SEASON IS MARCH-JULY

Sandra Bullock: I AM ACUTELY AWARE OF HOW MUSCLEY AND RIPPED IZUKU IS

Sandra Bullock: PLEASE STOP THIRSTING AFTER MY BOYFRIEND

Ripley: tsu does have a point though

Ripley: if he weren’t taken, i might be on the prowl for some broccoli

Sandra Bullock: ALRIGHT THATS IT

Sandra Bullock: WHO HERE IS ATTRACTED TO IZUKU

Froggy Chair: me

Ripley: me

Punk: kinda

3D Printer: he is quite the specimen, i must admit

Glass: nope, not my type

Frenchie: OUI HE IS A BEAUTIFUL MAN

Ripley: don’t worry ochako we won’t steal ur mans

Ripley: just admire him from afar

Sandra Bullock: goddamn it

Sandra Bullock: Aoyama, can you convene the gays and see who is into Izuku

Frenchie: THAT IS QUITE SIMPLE

Frenchie: I ALREADY KNOW WHO IS

Frenchie: JUST ME TBH

Frenchie: THE OTHERS DON’T LIKE HIS FACE

Frenchie: AT LEAST IN THAT WAY

Sandra Bullock: ok good

Sandra Bullock: don’t need someone like Shinsou coming in and stealing my mans

Frenchie: oh honey

Frenchie: he has it bad for birdman tokoyami

Ripley: :eyes:

Glass: :eyes:

Sandra Bullock: What about Koda?

Frenchie: oh he isn’t gay

Frenchie: but he is spending a lot of time with Shiozaki from class B

Glass: yeah, they have a garden that they work on together

Glass: it’s super cute

Get off Ya Phone (02:36)

Cat-Guy: I can see you typing Kaminari

Cat-Guy: Go to sleep

Pikachu: :(

Get off Ya Phone (07:03)

Midnight has added Shota Aizawa to the group

Aizawa: why

Midnight: we need another adult

Midnight: and one that strikes fear into the hearts of these youthful hero students

Aizawa: you didn’t want to play nanny in the groupchat anymore did you

Midnight: that is correct, no I do not

Aizawa: ugh fine

SmallMight: yay sensei’s back

Mochi: yay sensei’s back

Zuko: yay sensei’s back

Susan Storm: yay sensei’s back

The Most Normal One Here: yay sensei’s back

Pikachu: yay sensei’s back

Xenomorph: yay sensei’s back

Discount Spiderman: yay sensei’s back

Rock Solid: yay sensei’s back

Dr. Doolittle: yay sensei’s back

Bassist: yay sensei’s back

Shoji YES: yay sensei’s back

Evermore: yay sensei’s back

Yaomomo: yay sensei’s back

Pepe: yay sensei’s back

Copier: yay sensei’s back

Tenya’s Handler: yay sensei’s back

Sparkles: yay sensei’s back

Bakery: yay sensei’s back

Sonic: yay sensei’s back

Cat-Guy: yay sensei’s back

Aizawa: et tu Hitoshi

Chapter 7: A New Challenger Approaches

Chapter Text

Get off Ya Phone (18:29)

Shoji YES: I am wondering just how many different nicknames Kayama has

Shoji YES: Jirou calls him Green

Shoji YES: Eri calls him Izzy

Shoji YES: Uraraka calls him many things, daddy being chief among them

Mochi: ugh pls no

SmallMight: no no this is a good train of thought

SmallMight: I have a running list of nicknames i have been called throughout my entire life

Xenomorph: of course you do

SmallMight: wanna hear some of my favorites?

Xenomorph: sure why not

SmallMight: Izu, Izzy, Green, and the other one are some of my favorites

SmallMight: but there’s also broccoli man, tree-head, green fucker, son of a bitch, and living cheese grater

SmallMight: I don’t get that last one but i like it

Pepe:

Mochi: dont

Pepe: its talking about ur abs Kayama

SmallMight: i dont get it

Pepe: this is a talk ur mom needs to have with you

Pepe: @Midnight

Midnight: i have been called

Pepe: read up

Midnight: oh

Midnight: who called you that

Midnight: i need names

SmallMight: Ochako

Midnight: nvm

Midnight: no one will die tonight

SmallMight: one time when i was jogging some upperclassman called me a “slab of hunk” that they would like to “carve up”

Mochi: WHO WHERE WHEN

SmallMight: third year gen ed near ground beta and a week ago

Mochi: time to investigate which harlot

Mochi: which person said this

God: i have it pulled from security footage if you wish to see

Pikachu: damn, Uraraka can give Iida a run for his money

SmallMight: ?

Pikachu: she just ran out the door as fast as i’ve ever seen anyone move

UA Teacher Chat (19:15)

Yamada: would anyone like to explain why Uraraka from class 1-a jumped one of my students

Kayama: she hit on Izuku

Aizawa: i couldn’t nor did i want to stop her

Yamada: ah

Aizawa: she’s still getting a week of detention though

Kayama: fair

Nezu: denied

Kayama: FAIR

Aizawa: ok whatever going on patrol see ya later nerds

Yagi: what did i miss

Nezu: Young Uraraka beat up a third year general education student for hitting on Young Kayama

Yagi: ah

Yagi: makes sense

Inui: more anger management classes?

Nezu: nope, this was justified. She was encroaching on Uraraka’s territory

Inui: ok cool, less work for me i guess

Get off Ya Phone (19:30)

Pikachu: yo wtf

SmallMight: what?

Pikachu: Uraraka came back all bruised n shit

SmallMight: On my way!

SmallMight: damn autocorrect

Xenomorph: for those of you not in the common room, uraraka came back from beating up the chick trying to flirt w her mans

Pepe: big yikes

Bassist: based

Pikachu: based on what

Bassist: based on these hands mfer

Private Message: Izuku Kayama - Katsuki Bakugo

Izuku: hey Bakugo, how’s Shiketsu?

Katsuki: how the hell did you get my number

Izuku: its the same from when we were kids?

Katsuki: oh

Katsuki: Shiketsu’s fine i guess

Katsuki: how’s UA

Izuku: pretty great

Katsuki: cool

Izuku: yup

Katsuki: what did you want

Izuku: i need help

Katsuki: with what

Izuku: my gf is going kinda crazy

Katsuki: ur what

Izuku: Ochako Uraraka, my girlfriend. She beat someone up

Katsuki: nice, why

Izuku: something about “encroaching on her territory”

Katsuki: oh lmao

Katsuki: one of the upperclassman here has friends in literally every hero school in Japan

Katsuki: she told me about how one of her friends in UA was beaten up by a first year for flirting with her boyfriend

Katsuki: I’m guessing that was you

Izuku: so it seems

Katsuki: I’m coming to Musutafu in a couple of weeks to see my parents if you wanna hangout or whatever

Izuku: def, you have to meet Eri and my classmates

Katsuki: who tf is eri

Izuku: my new sister

Katsuki: ok cool

Katsuki: so ur mom got busy

Izuku: NO

Izuku: ERI IS ADOPTED LIKE ME

Izuku: also there’s a guy i think you’d like

Katsuki: AS IF I NEED YOUR HELP TO GET A DATE SHITTY NERD

Izuku: love ya too Bakugo

Private Message: Izuku Kayama - Nemuri Kayama

Izuku: is it ok if Bakugo comes and meets everyone in a couple of weeks?

Nemuri: Bakugo? Katsuki Bakugo?

Izuku: yeah

Nemuri: i mean if you’re ok with it

Izuku: ok cool

Izuku: love you

Private Message: Izuku Kayama - Nezu

Izuku: i would like to get one visitor pass for Katsuki Bakugo for saturday three weeks from now

Nezu: are you sure?

Izuku: yeah we’ve been talking over text and he seems to be fine now

Izuku: we used to hangout back when we were in middle school and he wasn’t a dick

Nezu: ok, its approved

Nezu: but if he does anything unbecoming he will be removed

Izuku: i know

Izuku: he knows

Izuku: he’s better now

Nezu: so it would seem

Three weeks later, friday afternoon

Get off Ya Phone (15:00)

SmallMight: I know we just got out of class and we’re in a large group, but a friend of mine is coming to UA this weekend so i’m gonna add him here so he at least knows your names

SmallMight has added Katsuki Bakugo to the group

Mochi: HIM?

Bakugo: yes him

Bakugo: hi im bakugo i go to shiketsu i was shitty in the past but im a better person now

Midnight: hello Katsuki

Bakugo: hello ms Kayama

Midnight: how’re Mitsuki and Masaru?

Bakugo: the hag and my old man are doing fine

Sonic: That is no way to refer to one’s own parents!

Bakugo: blow the stick out ur ass rulebook

Sonic: I do not have a piece of a tree lodged in my intestinal tract!
Bakugo: oh so youre the robot

Sonic: I AM NOT A ROBOT

Sonic: TELL HIM MEI

Tenya’s Handler: you already know what i’m going to say

Sonic: I am sorry

Sonic: it was a moment of weakness

Bakugo: anyway

Bakugo: the nerd wants me to learn your names so i don’t call you by terrible nicknames or whatever

Mochi: Uraraka

Bakugo: ur the one who beat the fuck outta that third year

Bakugo: nice going btw

Sonic: I am Tenya Iida!

Yaomomo: I am Yaoyorozu

Rock Solid: Kirishima!

Pikachu: Denki Kaminari

Xenomorph: Mina

Susan Storm: Hagakure

The Most Normal One Here: Ojiro

Evermore: Tokoyami

Bassist: Jirou

Dr. Doolittle: Koda

Bakery: Satou

Copier: as if I’d stoop down to the level of someone who goes to an inferior school

SmallMight: that’s monoma

Copier: traitor

Pepe: Call me Tsu

Shoji YES: shoji

Sparkles: JE SUIS AOYAMA

Bakugo: bâtard français

Sparkles: va te faire foutre blasty

Bakugo: respect

Zuko: Todoroki

Bakugo: like endeavor?

Zuko: he is my father yes

Cat-Guy: Shinsou

Discount Spiderman: Sero

SmallMight: I think that’s everyone

Tenya’s Handler: Mei Hatsume, future CEO of Hatsume industries at your service

Bakugo: Cool see you fuckers tomorrow

Katsuki Bakugo has left the group

Sonic: He is very aggressive!

SmallMight: nitroglycerin on his palms

Yaomomo: Oh! So he is constantly consuming large amounts of it?

SmallMight: yeah. If he doesn’t get enough he’d probably have a heart attack

SmallMight: his heart is already beating too slow thanks to it

Sonic: I see now! He is always slightly ticked off to keep his heart rate up so he does not perish!

SmallMight: yeah that's it

Mochi: Izu…

Shoji YES: Don’t you mean

Shoji YES: Daddy?

Mochi: Outside. Five Minutes.

SmallMight: RIP Shoji

Aizawa: No fighting

Mochi: yes, sensei

Shoji YES: yes sensei

Private Message: Katsuki Bakugo - Izuku Kayama (08:18)

Katsuki: im at the gate

Izuku: On my way!

Izuku: damn autocorrect again

Get off Ya Phone (19:57)

SmallMight added Katsuki Bakugo to the group

Bakugo: it was nice meeting you all or whatever

Bakugo: see you never

Katsuki Bakugo has left the group

Mochi: well ain’t he just a ball of sunshine and rainbows

SmallMight: he used to be WAY worse

Bassist: he refused to call me by my name!

Bassist: he called me Earlobes!

Pikachu: he called me dumbass

Sonic: I am sorry that i missed this get together, but Mei requested me for babymaking

Xenomorph: good god

Xenomorph: IIDA FINALLY GOT SOME

SmallMight: Mei calls her inventions babies

Sonic: I would never fornicate with Mei outside the bonds of marriage!

Tenya’s Handler: you weren’t saying that three hours ago big boy

Midnight: :)

Midnight has added Tensei Iida to the group

Tensei Iida has changed their name to Ingenium

Ingenium: :)

Sonic: TENSEI NOT YOU TOO

Sonic: MEI IS LYING

Sonic: I WOULD NEVER COMMIT SUCH ACTS OF LUST WITHOUT BEING PROPERLY MARRIED

Tenya’s Handler: uh-huh

Sonic: Mei no

Midnight: MEI YES

Tenya’s Handler: So what you did was not an act of lust?

Sonic: mei please

Xenomorph: details pls

Dr. Doolittle: pls no

Tenya’s Handler: ok, for Koda’s sake, I will not post what I was about to say

Tenya’s Handler: at least not in this chat lmao

1-A Girls

Tesla: oh yeah he totally did it w me

Ripley: deets

Tesla: he is very flexible

Ripley: :eyes:

Mochi: since we are on the topic of what our SOs can do

Mochi: Izu and I may or may not have done stuff in zero gs

Froggy Chair: omg

Froggy Chair: pls tell more

Froggy Chair: I NEED IT

Mochi: NO

Punk: i might be morosexual

Ripley: Kaminari?

Punk: got it in one

Ripley: since we are all talking about this now

Ripley: who does everyone have a crush on

Glass: Ojiro duh

3DPrinter: I have not given much consideration to the prospect of dating. But I have found my eyes drawn to Todoroki of late

Frenchie: I WENT ON A DATE WITH SATOU THE OTHER DAY

Frenchie: WE WILL HAVE A SECOND ONE NEXT SATURDAY

Ripley: go get ur mans

Ripley: idrk who i like

Ripley: i mean Tokage from class B is rly pretty but idk

Ripley: maybe Sero? I have no idea

Ripley: but did you see how Kayama was pushing Kiri and Bakugo together

Mochi: omg i wasn’t the only one who noticed

Glass: oh he was def trying to set them up

Ripley: a man after my own heart

Private Message: Eijirou Kirishima - Izuku Kayama

Izuku: did you get his number

Eijirou: yep

Izuku: lit

Eijirou: super lit

Izuku: go get ur mans

Izuku: lord knows he needs one

Izuku: and so do u
Eijirou: love u man

Izuku: love u too

Chapter 8: the invasion

Chapter Text

Get off Ya Phone (17:38)

Pikachu: ayyy Fetty Wap time

Bassist: you do this EVERY DAY

Bassist: PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO MORE

Get off Ya Phone (19:18)

Bassist: Kaminari I swear to god if you make a comment about world war one I am going to send my jacks where the sun don’t shine

Pikachu: Promise?

Bassist:

Bassist: I walked into that one

Xenomorph: yup

Yaomomo: I do believe you set up the punch line yourself

Bassist: I mean if he were down I’d be down

Mochi: HA

Mochi: WHO’S HORNY ON MAIN NOW?

Bassist: Oh no

Aizawa: please

Aizawa: i am begging you

Aizawa: stop subjecting me to your teenage hormones

Aizawa: living with all of you is bad enough

Xenomorph: when was the last time you got laid Aizawa-sensei?

Aizawa: that is inappropriate

Midnight: like a month ago

Aizawa: HOW DID YOU KNOW

Midnight: Hizashi alway texts me afterwards

Midnight: I haven’t gotten any messages randomly at 3am so I assumed you haven't been getting any

Xenomorph: GROSS

Xenomorph: OUR TEACHERS HAVE SEX

Xenomorph: WITH EACH OTHER

Aizawa: fine

Aizawa: have it your way

Shota Aizawa has added All Might, Recovery Girl, and Present Mic to the group

Present Mic: It is true

Present Mic: your teachers have in fact

Present Mic: had sex

All Might: I AM HERE

All Might: TO TELL YOU ABOUT HOW MUCH ASS I SLAMMED WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE

SmallMight: All Might no!

All Might: NEZU CAN BACK UP MY CLAIMS HE WAS THERE TOO

God: its true

God: he was a connoisseur of slamming ass

Recovery Girl: you are all scheduled for STD testing next week

Recovery Girl: deviants

Yaomomo: I AM NOT A DEVIANT

Yaomomo: I DEFINITELY DON’T READ/WRITE M/M FANFICS INVOLVING PEOPLE I KNOW

Bassist: no one said you did

Yaomomo: OH NO

All Might: I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH SOME OF YOUR PARENTS YOU KNOW

All Might: WHO KNOWS I COULD BE ONE OF YOUR BIOLOGICAL FATHERS

Zuko: I knew it

SmallMight: All Might don’t encourage him!

All Might: I DID NOT HAVE THE PLEASURE OF KNOWING YOUR BIRTH MOTHER, YOUNG KAYAMA

All Might: BUT I DID KNOW YOUR MOTHER, NEITO MONOMA

Copier: what?

All Might: I KNEW HER QUITE WELL

God: oh yes i remember now

Copier: please tell me this is a dream

All Might: IT SURE WAS LIKE ONE

Xenomorph: WE’RE SORRY FOR BEING HORNY ON MAIN

Xenomorph: WE WON’T DO IT AGAIN

Shota Aizawa has kicked All Might, Present Mic, and Recovery Girl from the group

Aizawa: good

Aizawa: also all might was joking about sleeping with your mother Monoma

Copier: dang

Copier: i mean

Copier: good

Aizawa: pick a better name for the group chat

Aizawa: this one is boring

Pikachu has changed the group’s name to “Bite me Aizawa”

Aizawa: three weeks of detention

Aizawa: plus a ten page paper on what you did wrong, 10 point font, no margins, single spaced

PIkachu: fair

Shota Aizawa has changed the group’s name to “Problem Children”

Problem Children (12:50)

Xenomorph: so Kaminari

Xenomorph: how did turning in your paper go?

Pikachu: he took one look at the front page

Pikachu: then threw it in a shredder

Chapter 9: Yaomomo's crimes laid bare

Chapter Text

Mina Ashido has created a new group

Mina Ashido has added Izuku Kayama, Ochako Uraraka and 19 others to the group

Mina Ashido has changed the group’s name to “Problem Children: Free at Last”

Ashido: Here’s the plan

Ashido: we use this chat

Ashido: and use the one with the teachers in it for study groups n shit

Kaminari: meme chat?

Ashido: meme chat.

Kaminari: FUCK YEAH

Ashido: also no nicknames

Ashido: It was confusing and hard to keep up with

Kayama: I thought it was intuitive and easy to understand…

Ashido: Nerd

Kaminari: Nerd

Bakugou: what the fuck is this shit

Kayama: hey bakugou

Kayama: welcome to class 1-a’s secret teacherless chat

Bakugou: cool i guess

Bakugou: but why am I in it? I go to shiketsu

Kirishima: bc ur one of the boyz now

Sero: one of da boyz

Kaminari: da boyz

Iida: This is highly inappropriate! We should always have at least one teacher present in our main, non-gender exclusive chats!

Yaoyorozu: I do believe that this is so what happened the other day doesn’t happen again

Jirou: speaking of the other day

Yaoyorozu: please no

Jirou: you are charged with writing lewd fanfictions involving our classmates

Jirou: how do you plead

Yaoyorozu: I PLEAD NOT GUILTY

Yaoyorozu: I AM NOT A DEVIANT

Yaoyorozu: I AM A GOOD GIRL WHO WAS TAUGHT TO BE THE PARAGON OF CLASS BY MY PARENTS

Jirou: uh huh sure

Jirou: tell me

Jirou: do you recognize the name

Jirou: Ravenfujo84?

Yaoyorozu: HOW DID YOU FIND THAT?

Jirou: i have my sources

Hagakure: hi im sources

Jirou: you really should do more than just change the names

Jirou: literally everything else about them is the same in your fanfics

Kayama: I fear to ask…

Kayama: but how many did you write?

Yaoyorozu: 149…

Kirishima: We have been in class together for like six months. How did you find the time to write 149 BL fanfictions?

Yaoyorozu: i type fast…

Bakugou: HAHAHA

Bakugou: YOUR DARKEST SECRETS ARE BEING BARED TO THE WORLD

Kayama: Bakugou didn’t learn how to read until he was six

Bakugou: SHUT UP NERD

Kayama: Bakugou has a crush on a guy but is too much of a pussy to say anything

Bakugou: I’M NOT A PUSSY FUCK YOU

Kayama: THEN ASK HIM OUT BITCH

Bakugou: FINE

Private Message: Katsuki Bakugou - Eijirou Kirishima

Katsuki: hey

Eijirou: Hey man!

Katsuki: wanna like

Katsuki: go out sometime or whatever

Eijirou: Hell yeah! I’d love to go out sometime or whatever!

Da Boiz (Ashido, Kaminari, Kirishima, Sero)

Kirishima: [screenshot]

Kirishima: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ashido: go get ur mans

Kaminari: I KNEW he was a tsundere

Sero: hes def a tsundere lmao

Problem Children: Free at Last

Bakugou: THERE I DID IT HAPPY NOW?

Kayama: did you ask him out because I told you to or did you do it because you wanted to and just needed a push

Bakugou: SECOND THING OR WHATEVER GO FUCK YOURSELF

Ashido: I’m kidding nicknames are cool af go wild

Katsuki Bakugou has changed Izuku Kayama’s name to “Shitty Nerd”

Shitty Nerd has changed their name to SmallMight

Momo Yaoyorozu has changed their name to Yaomomo

SmallMight has changed Katsuki Bakugou’s name to “Blasty”

Blasty: IM GONNA KILL YOU

SmallMight: I’d like to see you try buckaroo

SmallMight: this restraining order can be renewed

Blasty: i would like to retract my statement

Kaminari: i wanna ask but i feel like that would be a bad thing to do

Everyone changed their names to what it was in the other chat

Mochi: Can we be horny on main in this chat

Xenomorph: go ahead

Mochi: GOD I WANT IZUKU TO

SmallMight: OH NO OCHAKO LOST HER PHONE HOW SAD

SmallMight: IT DEFINITELY DID NOT SUDDENLY AND SURPRISINGLY GET RIPPED OUT OF HER HANDS AND THROWN AROUND THE WORLD

Pepe: I will substitute Uraraka for the thirst queen until her phone completes its orbit

Pepe: ahem

Pepe: I WANT KAYAMA TO CRUSH MY HEAD LIKE A GRAPE

Pepe: WITH HIS MUSCULAR THIGHS

Pepe: I WANT TO LICK HIS ABS OHMYGOD

SmallMight:

SmallMight: i dont know what to say

Pepe: i was possessed by the broccoli horny fiend

Pepe: it passed from Uraraka to me for a moment

Bassist: well yaomomo wants Kayama and Todoroki to do it

SmallMight: sorry Yaomomo i dont swing that way

Zuko: what is “it”

SmallMight: Oh Shoto honey

Bassist: thats why she wants you to do it

Bassist: bc ur “in love with his peppermint colored hair that cascades down his face and frames it like a picture”

Bassist: and “his dual colored eyes that scream of his innocence that you will take”

Yaomomo: please stop tormenting me

Bassist: STOP WRITING YAOI

Yaomomo: OK I’LL STOP

Mochi: no keep going

Pepe: yeah keep going

SmallMight: OCHAKO?

SmallMight: Tsuyu I can understand

SmallMight: but why are you condoning this?

Mochi: i looked up the username

Mochi: some of this shit is like

Mochi: rly hot

Mochi: you better get over here rn and fix this

SmallMight: On my way!

SmallMight: GODDAMN AUTOCORRECT

Blasty: are all you people at UA this fucking horny all the time?

Pikachu: no just our class

Pikachu: everyone else is pretty chaste as far as we can tell

Chapter 10: Kaminari goes off the deep end + new milf in town

Summary:

Kaminari's alarm causes alarm
Nezu is being Nezu
Izuku and Ochako do it again
Aizawa is sick of everything

Chapter Text

Problem Children: Free at Last (05:30)

Copier: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING BAGPIPES AT 5 IN THE GODDAMN MORNING

Copier: AND WHAT’S THIS ABOUT SCOTLAND?

Pikachu: oh sorry that’s my alarm

Copier: WHY IS IT SO LOUD

PIkachu: i’m a very deep sleeper

Xenomorph: I CAN HEAR IT LIKE IT’S RIGHT OUTSIDE MY DOOR

Xenomorph: YOU ARE LITERALLY ON THE EXACT OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE BUILDING AS ME

Private Message: Sekijirou Kan - Shota Aizawa

Sekijirou: What are those bagpipes?

Shota: Your guess is as good as mine

Shota: but knowing my students

Shota: its probably Kaminari

Private Message: Shota Aizawa - Denki Kaminari

Shota: we need to have a word about your alarm

Denki: super cool right?

Shota: no

Shota: it is too loud

Shota: the dorm walls are designed to be soundproof

Shota: Vlad King could hear it in class B’s dorm

Shota: they are 200 meters away from your window

Shota: how can you still hear?

Denki: lmao i can’t for like ten minutes after I wake up

Denki: its super fun to guess what people are trying to say to me

Shota: we need to figure out a better way to wake you up

Denki: lmao probably

Problem Children (18:05)

Aizawa: Don’t forget you have a math test tomorrow

Pikachu: aw shit

Xenomorph: aw shit

Sonic: We will hold a study group for those who need it in the common room! We will begin at 18:15!

Private Message: Shota Aizawa - Nemuri Kayama (18:09)

Shota: somethings up

Nemuri: yeah

Shota: they aren’t using the chat as much as they normally do

Shota: and when they do its for study groups and group outings

Nemuri: maybe they made a chat without us?

Nemuri: thanks to the little stunt you pulled with All Might and Nezu

Shota: I wanted to put the fear of god in them

God: oh you did

Shota: WHAT THE FUCK

Nemuri: WHAT THE FUCK

God: hehe

Shota: please tell me you do not spy on our students’ private conversations

God: i do not

God: only the teachers :)

God: some of y’all need hobbies frfr

Nemuri: please stop talking like kaminari

God: he has been teaching me to be more “hip” and “with it” in return for explaining how math works to him

Problem Children: Free at Last (14:45)

PIkachu: i actually think i passed that math test

Xenomorph: traitor

Pikachu: Nezu has been teaching me math

Xenomorph: TRAITOR

SmallMight: you must not let him corrupt you kaminari!

SmallMight: It is too late for me!

Pikachu: he’s only tutoring me in math

Pikachu: and global politics

Pikachu: and law

Pikachu: and military theory

Pikachu: i think he wants me to help take over the world

SmallMight: That’s my job!

SmallMight: you shall be my greatest advisor!

Mochi: :(

SmallMight: you will be my greatest general ochako

Mochi: >:)

Private Message: Denki Kaminari - Izuku Kayama

Denki: when do you wanna tell them that its really just you tutoring me while nezu just sits there and drinks tea while watching the raid on that yakuza group over and over again

Izuku: lets let them get the fear of god in them for a bit

Izuku: it really strengthens their resolve

God: that it does

Izuku: hey nezu

Izuku: do you have an alert set up for when someone says “fear of god” in any chat private or a group?

God: yes i do

God: i have scared Shiozaki from class B quite a few times

Private Message: Ibara Shiozaki - Koji Koda

Koji: Are you coming to the garden today?

Ibara: yes I will be.

Koji: Can you bring some more fertilizer? The tomatoes are looking a little weaker than they should be.

Ibara: I will do so.

Ibara: will monoma be creeping around?

Koji: I do not know.

Ibara: I shall put the fear of God in him if he does again.

God: you called?

Ibara: PLEASE STOP PRINCIPAL NEZU!

God: but it's so fun :(

Problem Children (03:21)

Cat-Guy: Kaminari

Cat-Guy: If you post one more stupid question

Pikachu: :(

Pikachu: It was a good question I swear

Cat-Guy: ugh fine what was it

Pikachu: Was Aizawa really serious about expelling someone at the beginning of the year?

SmallMight: yes

SmallMight: he expelled his entire class last year

SmallMight: now go to sleep

Pikachu: why aren’t you asleep Mr. President?

SmallMight: was up too late doing homework

Mochi: hi im homework

SmallMight: too tired to be embarrassed

Mochi: go to sleep bb

SmallMight: mkay

Pikachu: why are you awake Uraraka?

Mochi: up too late getting fu

SmallMight: oh no! Her phone died!

SmallMight: whatever would she have said?

SmallMight: now go to sleep fuckers

SmallMight: it may be a weekend but its important to keep to a consistent sleep schedule

Aizawa: Kayama, Uraraka

Aizawa: you will be running tomorrow until I am tired

Aizawa: and i will be lounging on a beach chair

Aizawa: with robots bringing me glasses of whiskey

Aizawa: and I have a HIGH tolerance

SmallMight: yes sensei

Mochi: yes sensei

Aizawa: please for the love of god use whatever chat you have without us to be thirsty

Aizawa: you better be glad your mother isn’t awake

Midnight: :)

Problem Children: Free at Last (16:15)

Xenomorph: yo they’ve been running since after breakfast

Xenomorph: I’m pretty sure Aizawa has been drinking like dr pepper or something

Cat-Guy: no its straight tennessee whiskey

Discount Spiderman: how do you know?

Cat-Guy: i’m the one taking the drinks out to him

Cat-Guy: its my punishment for waking him up on his night off

Blasty: lmao

Blasty: whos running and why

Xenomorph: kayama and uraraka

Xenomorph: they were extremely horny in the wrong chat

Blasty: UA sounds like fun

Blasty: at Shiketsu the closest thing we have to ‘fun’ is training

Blasty: its like a damn military academy

Blasty: should gone to ketsubutsu or something fuck

Sonic: why didn’t you go to UA?

Sonic: I saw you at the entrance exam and you did well enough to get in

Blasty: didn’t want to cramp Kayama’s style

Blasty: jkjk i just didn’t want to have his crazy mom as a teacher

Sonic: HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE MY BEST FRIENDS MOTHER OF BEING CRAZY

Blasty: last time i saw her she was handing me the papers to show that i was barred from every hero course in japan

Blasty: she was kind of a bitch but i get why she was the way she was

SmallMight: don’t talk about my mom that way

SmallMight: don’t make me do it

Blasty: hoe don’t do it

SmallMight has added Mitsuki Bakugou to the group

Blasty: oh my god

Mitsuki: KATSUKI

Mitsuki: CALL US MORE OFTEN WE MISS YOU

Blasty: I CALL YOU EVERY DAY HAG

Mitsuki: CALL TWICE A DAY, WHEN YOU WAKE UP AND BEFORE BED

Blasty: YOU CAN’T MAKE ME DO ANYTHING

Mitsuki: OH YEAH?

Mitsuki: [37 photos: baby pictures of Katsuki]

Mitsuki: I WILL WEASEL MY WAY INTO YOUR SHIKETSU GROUPS AND SEND THESE TO EVERYONE

Xenomorph: your hair has always been like that?

Susan Storm: you were kinda cute blasty

The Most Normal One Here: :(

Susan Storm: no Ojiro bb ur still cuter

Pikachu: MILF SPOTTED

Discount Spiderman: MILF SPOTTED

Mitsuki: whats a milf?

Blasty has removed Mitsuki Bakugou from the group

Blasty: FUCK YOU ALL FOR THAT

Blasty: FUCK YOU ESPECIALLY DEKU

SmallMight: wow

SmallMight: name calling?

SmallMight: shut the fuck up you yip-yap pomeranian looking ass motherfucker

Chapter 11: Quirk's Haunted.

Summary:

Quirk's Haunted. nuff said

Chapter Text

Problem Children: Free at Last (23:16)

SmallMight: shinsou I wanna see if your Quirk really works through text or if you and Kaminari were just playing a prank on us

Cat-Guy: Alright

Cat-Guy: All Might is a subpar hero

SmallMight: GO FUCK YOURSE

SmallMight: Holy woah it worked!

Mochi: Izuku?

SmallMight: nope, not Izuku

SmallMight: Nana!

Mochi: Nana?

SmallMight: i’m one of the ghosts that live in his quirk

Mochi: Izuku you better not be playing a joke rn

SmallMight: again

SmallMight: its nana not Izuku

SmallMight: izuku can’t come to the phone right now

Pikachu: were you a real person?

SmallMight: you betcha!

Pikachu: can we find public records and corroborate your existence?

SmallMight: just search up my hero name

Pikachu: which was?

SmallMight: nimbus

SmallMight: I wasn’t very popular but there should be something

SmallMight: oh hold on, Izuku has All Might’s number gonna go prank him smell ya later

SmallMight: oh looks like lil Izuku’s coming back bye

SmallMight: wtf was that

Pikachu: Quirk’s haunted by a 100 year old dead lady

Cat-Guy: Quirk’s haunted

Private Message: Izuku Kayama - Toshinori Yagi (23:21)

Izuku: hey toshi long time no see

Toshinori: we had dinner together ten minutes ago?

Izuku: no that was you and Izuku

Izuku: this is Nana

Toshinori: master?

Toshinori: to make sure young Izuku isn’t pranking me tell me something only we know

Izuku: you wore underwear outside your pants for your very first costume

Izuku: there are pictures in a box in Gran Torino’s apartment

Izuku: i will tell Izuku exactly where that is if you are too mean or demanding

Toshinori: MASTER!

Toshinori: IT IS YOU!

Toshinori: how is this possible?

Izuku: izuku got brainwashed by that shinsou kid and here i am possessing his brainwashed body

Izuku: he’s having a ball in his own head

Izuku: he’s meeting with the other six vestiges

Izuku: they are laughing at you just so you know

Toshinori: why??

Izuku: “clench your buttcheeks and yell smash!”

Izuku: that whole thing

Izuku: ope looks like Izuku is returning to the land of the living goodbye toshi

Izuku: i’m proud of you :)

Izuku: now get hitched or something

Izuku: i am so sorry All Might

Toshinori: its ok young Izuku

Toshinori: it was nice to talk to her again

Problem Children: Free at Last (00:10)

SmallMight: ok shinsou, please do not brainwash me again without me asking

Cat-Guy: was never gonna, but now i even more will not do it

Sonic: PROPER GRAMMAR PLEASE!

Sonic: DID ANY OF YOU EVEN LEARN TO READ AND WRITE?

Sonic: JESUS H CHRIST!

Pikachu: why learn write good when speak just perfect

Sonic: i need an aspirin

Tenya’s Handler: I can make you some pain meds that will get rid of any headache

Tenya’s Handler: and also every other ache in your body

Tenya’s Handler: bc it makes you explode

Tenya’s Handler: like a bomb

SmallMight: why did you make that?

Tenya’s Handler: i never really thought of reasons not to?

Tenya’s Handler: whenever i come up with an idea the third thing i do is think about why i shouldn’t make it

SmallMight: what’s the first thing you do?

Tenya’s Handler: make a blueprint

SmallMight: and second?

Tenya’s Handler: make it

Sonic: THAT IS AN IMPROPER SCIENTIFIC METHOD! YOU MUST ABIDE BY THE SCIENTIFIC METHOD MEI!

Tenya’s Handler: wah wah look at me i give a shit about proper methodology wah wah

Tenya’s Handler: ^ that was me pretending to be you

Tenya’s Handler: pissbaby

Blasty: i like this chick

Sonic: YOU CANNOT HAVE HER

Problem Children (like two weeks after USJ (this whole fic is not in chronological order lmao) (I know i said this would be noncanon, but lots of canon shit is sprinkled in here and there) (This is one of those times))

Midnight: Izuku is awake and well. He will be returning to campus in a few hours

Midnight: just be ready for how different he will look and act

Midnight: he has been through something extremely traumatic

Midnight: Shoto, I would ask you to limit your fire around him for a while. He is not doing well in that regard

Zuko: yes ms.midnight

Midnight: now if you’ll excuse me, i must remove Ochako from Izuku’s face with a crowbar

Bakery: thanks ms.midnight! I’ll get something going in the oven for the prez so its ready by the time he gets back!

SmallMight: thank you sato

Xenomorph: PRES

Rock Solid: WE MISSED YOU BUDDY

SmallMight: I missed you all too

SmallMight: but to me it seems like i saw you all this morning

SmallMight: also my depth perception is FUCKED

Tenya’s Handler: don’t worry Izuku, i made something for you :)

SmallMight: pls nothing too crazy

SmallMight: no exploding pills i beg of you

Tenya’s Handler: lets just say i may be up for a Nobel this year

God: it is true i submitted the paperwork this morning

SmallMight: HOLY SHIT MEI

Sonic: I am so proud of my wife :’)

Tenya’s Handler: thanks bb but we aren’t married

Sonic: yet >:^)

SmallMight: gtg doctors are here

Problem Children: Free at Last (21:59)

Pikachu: yo prezzy looked kinda cute ngl no homo

Xenomorph: I KNOW

Xenomorph: HIS NEW HAIR LOOKS SO GOOD

Mochi: its rly soft

Evermore: i appreciate his eyepatch it looks quite cool

Cat-Guy: google where buy eyepatch

Cat-Guy: uhhhh

Pikachu: screenshotted

Discount Spiderman: caught in 4k Ultra HD

Cat-Guy: i would like to apologize ahead of time

Evermore: for what?

Cat-Guy: as they say

Cat-Guy: being horny on main

Cat-Guy: birds are so cool

Evermore: ?

Cat-Guy: check ur dms birdbrain

Private Message: Hitoshi Shinsou - Fumikage Tokoyami

Hitoshi: i like u

Fumikage: I also enjoy being in your presence

Hitoshi: no

Hitoshi: like

Hitoshi: romantically

Fumikage: OH

Fumikage: OH MY GOODNESS

Fumikage: I am sorry

Fumikage: I did not realize you meant it that way

Hitoshi: yeah…

Fumikage: i am sorry but i do not feel the same

Hitoshi: its ok

Fumikage: if you wish i can stop hanging out with you?

Hitoshi: NO

Hitoshi: I value our friendship

Hitoshi: your like my best friend

Hitoshi: i’m sorry

Fumikage: for what?
Hitoshi: ruining it

Fumikage: you haven’t ruined anything, my friend

Fumikage: you have instead opened my eyes to many things throughout our time together

Fumikage: I no longer brood in the background, i instead talk about my feelings

Fumikage: while I may not reciprocate your feelings towards me, I still love you as my best friend and I hope that you find the perfect person who will fulfill your life

Hitoshi: thank you

Fumikage: its no problem

Hitoshi: so

Hitoshi: wanna start a d&d group?

Fumikage: you don’t even need to ask

Private Message: Izuku Kayama - Hitoshi Shinsou

Izuku: i can hear you

Izuku: let me in

Hitoshi: ok

Private Message: Izuku Kayama - Shota Aizawa

Izuku: get one of ur cats up to Hitoshi’s room stat

Shota: why? What’s wrong?

Izuku: he got rejected

Shota: omw

Izuku: would hizashi be good at this?

Shota: lmao no

Problem Children: Free at Last (06:00)

Cat-Guy: who wants to join a d&d group with Tokoyami and me

SmallMight: ME

Mochi: ME

Sonic: D&D?
SmallMight: dungeons and dragons

Sonic: oh yes me please

Pikachu: ooooooohhhhh me me me pick me

Pikachu: i love playing tempest clerics

SmallMight: who’s gonna dm?

God: me >:^)

SmallMight: oh lordy

Mochi: can i be a wizard

God: of course

Xenomorph: I CALL BARD

Rock Solid: you play D&D, Mina?

Xenomorph: hell yeah broski

Xenomorph: i can be a tiefling sex god in real life AND in a game

Discount Spiderman: true

Xenomorph: shush

Susan Storm: :eyes:

Susan Storm: is that a secret relationship i smell

Xenomorph: dms bitch

Private Message: Mina Ashido - Toru Hagakure

Mina: lmao totally

Toru: AAAAAHHHHHH

Toru: IM SO HAPPY FOR U

Mina: its just a sex thing nothing too serious

Toru: NOTHING TOO SERIOUS SHE SAYS

Toru: MASHI AND I HAVEN’T EVEN SEEN EACH OTHER’S PARTS

Mina: lmao he can’t see urs bc ur invisible :P

Toru: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

Who Run The World? (Girls)

Ripley: ok now that ive been outed

Ripley: who else is in a relationship we need to know about

Punk: not me

Ripley: responded too fast

Ripley: its kaminari isnt it

Punk: HOW DID YOU KNOW

Ripley: i have my sources

Frenchie: HI IM SOURCES

Frenchie: HE TALKS ABOUT YOU A LOT

Frenchie: HE REALLY REALLY LIKES YOU

Punk: really?

Frenchie: I LIE ABOUT SOME THINGS BUT LOVE IS NOT ONE OF THEM

Punk: wait whats this about love?

Frenchie: I HAVE SAID TOO MUCH AU REVOIR

Punk: GET BACK HERE

Punk: fucking french people

Punk: always running away

Frenchie: WHAT DID YOU SAY BITCH

Frenchie: VA TE FAIRE FOUTRE PUTE JAPONAISE

Punk: I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU JUST SAID BUT FUCK YOU TOO

3DPrinter: oh my Aoyama

3DPrinter: that is not something to call a lady

Frenchie i would like to apologize

Chapter 12: Boupha?

Summary:

Kaminari gets Boupha
Aizawa is done with this shit (again)
Izuku is angsty (whats new)

Chapter Text

Problem Children (12:15)

Aizawa: none of you are allowed to leave campus for lunch no matter how many treats you promise Hound Dog

Aizawa: those of you who attempted this will be forced to do sensitivity training taught by Nezu.

Aizawa: I hope you all had fun while it lasted

Pikachu: but Aizawa-sensei! Today was the only day Boupha was being served at this local restaurant!

Aizawa: What's Boupha? I’m sure Lunch Rush can make it

Aizawa: WAIT NO

Pikachu: BOUPHA DEEZ NUTZ IN YA MOUTH

Pikachu: DUMBASS

Aizawa: you know what to do

Aizawa: ten pages

Aizawa: nine point font

Aizawa: single spaced

Aizawa: no margins

Aizawa: by tomorrow morning

Pikachu: worth it

Problem Children: Free at Last (05:30)

Pikachu: yoyoyo who wants to make 5000 yen?

Xenomorph: MEMEMEMEME

Pikachu: someone who is a good writer perhaps?

Yaomomo: do you need someone to write your essay for you?

Pikachu: yes pls

Yaomomo: i have like 400 prewritten for any occasion

Yaomomo: you may have one

Yaomomo: but in return

Yaomomo: you must be my personal butler/slave for a week

Pikachu: DEAL

Bassust: have fun with watered down tea

Pikachu: I CAN MAKE GOOD TEA
Bassist: THEN WHY DON’T YOU?

Pikachu: bc

Bassist: bc why?

Pikachu:

Pikachu: bc i hate u

Bassist: i hate u too kami

Bassist: die in a hole

Bassist: like actually

Bassist: i hope you die an agonizing death at this very moment

Bassist: i hope that you get agonizingly close to escaping your death and then i show up and kick you back in

Bassist: i am going to beat you up

Bassist: when you are all bloody and bruised and asking for mercy? That's like sex for me

Blasty: HELL YEAH EARLOBES TELL DUMBASS HOW IT IS

Pikachu: yes mommy

Bassist: SHUT IT POMERANIAN

Bassist: YOU TOO KAMI

Bassist: THIS IS MY PUBLIC HUMILIATION

Bassist: YOU ARE RUINING IT

Blasty: this isn’t a sex thing is it?

Bassist: no…

Blasty: oh my god it is

Blasty: OH MY FUCKING GOD IT IS EW

Blasty: YOU GET OFF ON PUBLICLY HUMILIATING YOUR BOY TOY??

Blasty: GROSS

Pikachu: HEY UR RUINING IT BLASTY

Blasty: EWWWW

SmallMight: Jirou, stop doing whatever you’re doing.

SmallMight: Kaminari, stop enjoying it.

SmallMight: Yaomomo, do better.

SmallMight: Ochako, i need cuddles asap

Mochi: omw

Blasty: ew gross go be disgusting somewhere else

SmallMight: explain why i heard Eiji on the phone all night and i will

Blasty:

Blasty: i concede

SmallMight: thought you might

SmallMight: reminder: TODAY IS FRIDAY

SmallMight: I AM SUPPOSED TO BE RESTING

SmallMight: I HAD SURGERY LITERALLY YESTERDAY

SmallMight: DO NOT MAKE ME COME BEAT YOUR ASS SO I CAN GET THE REST I NEED SO MY BODY DOESN’T REJECT THIS GODDAMN PROSTHETIC EYE

Blasty: you need a prosthetic eye?

SmallMight: yeah my bastard of a father literally boiled my other one to death

SmallMight: so sorry if i'm a little irritable rn

Pikachu: sorry prezzy

SmallMight: you are forgiven kaminari

SmallMight: now please

SmallMight: let me rest

SmallMight: everyday i understand why Aizawa is the way he is

Mochi: lemme in

SmallMight: you literally have a key

Mochi: oh yeah lmao

Sonic: THAT IS IMPROPER!

Sonic: YAOYOROZU, KAMINARI, THAT IS A GROSS VIOLATION OF THE ACADEMIC INTEGRITY OF THIS FINE INSTITUTION!

Pikachu: its not for a grade lmao

Yaomomo: it is alright, Iida. This is not for a grade, and I suspect Aizawa-sensei will not read anything past the first sentence.

Pikachu: see?

Sonic: I will let this go this one time. But I am keeping my eyes on you.

Problem Children: Free at Last (18:15)

Pikachu: You are a real bitch for that Yaomomo

Bassist: ?

Yaomomo: teehee

Pikachu: the first page was fine, but HE KEPT READING

Pikachu: SHE GAVE ME ONE OF HER M/M FANFICS

Pikachu: YOU KNOW WHAT’S WORSE?

Pikachu: IT WAS ABOUT ME

Pikachu: AND AIZAWA-SENSEI

Pikachu: DO YOU KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING THAT WAS?

Yaomomo: refer to the academic integrity statement that you signed in the student handbook

Yaomomo: this is your own fault, Kaminari.

Pikachu: FUCK YOU

Pikachu: HE READ THE ENTIRE THING

Pikachu: THEN YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID?????

Yaomomo: i have a feeling

Pikachu: HE MADE COPIES

Pikachu: AND PUT THEM ON EVERY TEACHER’S DESK

Pikachu: ALL MIGHT READ SMUT ABOUT ME AND MY TEACHER THAT HE THINKS I WROTE

Pikachu: YOU ARE SO GETTING FRIED NEXT TRAINING

Yaomomo: if you can get close enough

Yaomomo: sparkplug

Pikachu: ARARAHRGARGARHGFGJAKGKEARHERGAHGRHAG

Bassist: he

Bassist: he ate his phone

Bassist: like he put it in his mouth and chewed

Bassist: i’m taking him to recovery girl

Yaomomo: let this be a lesson to everyone here

Yaomomo: do not ask me for answers or essays

Yaomomo: i have terabytes of this stuff ready to be used

Xenomorph: HOW?????

Yaomomo: refer to my previous answer: I am a fast writer.

Problem Children (19:00)

Aizawa: Kaminari, i am flattered, but i am married

Aizawa: you are also 15

Pikachu: I DIDN’T WRITE IT

Aizawa: i know

Aizawa: you will be reading the entire thing tomorrow in class

Aizawa: you will get a failing grade on a test of my choice if you refuse.

Sonic: Sir! Isn’t this sexual harrassment?

Aizawa: no
Aizawa: this is payback

Aizawa: he made me read those nasty things

Midnight: oh it wasn’t that bad

Aizawa: YES IT WAS

Midnight: Yamada was howling with laughter

Aizawa: i know

Aizawa: i was next to him the entire time

Aizawa: i still can’t hear out of my left ear

Pikachu: BUT SIR IT WAS YAOMOMO WHO WROTE THAT!

Aizawa: ah so should i expel both of you for violating academic integrity?

Pikachu: NO NEVERMIND I WAS LYING I WROTE IT

Aizawa: then prepare to read it tomorrow for homeroom

Aizawa: i suggest you do some vocal warmups

Problem Children: Free at Last (12:00)

SmallMight: how was it

Mochi: rough

Sonic: i did not know there were that many words to describe a penis

Sonic:

Sonic: i am going to stay with my parents this weekend

Sonic: do not contact me

Tenya’s Handler: :(

Sonic: except for u mei :)

Tenya’s Handler: :)

Pikachu: i hate this fucking class

Yaomomo: it wasn’t so bad

Pikachu: I HATE YOU THE MOST

Bassist: lmao it wasn’t that bad denks

Pikachu: FUCK YOU TOO JIROU WHY DONT U JUST GO KISS YAOMOMO ALREADY FUCK

Bassist: bc im dating u dumbass

Xenomorph: :eyes:

Bassist: you have known this for WEEKS

Pikachu: i hope you go swimming one day

Pikachu: bc i will be there to fry you from the other side of the pool

Pikachu: you will die

Pikachu: like actually

Pikachu: i hate you so much yaomomo

Yaomomo: :(

Bassist: YOU MADE YAOMOMO SAD

Pikachu: good.

Pikachu: she deserves it.

Blasty: just got caught up on everything

Blasty: i have one thing to say

Blasty: LMFAO

Chapter 13: Whoopsies

Summary:

Eri gets a phone
Ochako does a whoopsie
People laugh at Kaminari

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Problem Children: Free at Last (22:15)

Discount Spiderman: yo who can help me with Ectoplasm’s homework for tomorrow

Yaomomo: I can!

Discount Spiderman: Literally anyone but you is welcome to help me

Discount Spiderman: deviant.

Yaomomo: :(

SmallMight: I guess I can help

Discount Spiderman: thx prezzy

SmallMight: np bb no homo

Discount Spiderman: ily bb no homo

Xenomorph: kiss

Mochi: kiss

Pepe: KISS

Yaomomo: FUCK

Yaomomo: RIGHT NOW

SmallMight has muted Yaomomo for one hour, reason: Horny Jail

SmallMight: I hate that I have to use this every single day

SmallMight: and just on Yaomomo

Problem Children (15:00)

SmallMight: we (my mom) have decided to get Eri a phone

SmallMight: please keep your thirst to other chats

SmallMight: because I swear to god, if she asks me what a milf is i am kicking all of you into Jupiter's orbit.

SmallMight: now play nice

SmallMight has added Eri Kayama to the group

Eri Kayama has changed their name to “Unicorn”

Unicorn: hello

Mochi: Hi Eri!

Unicorn: Mis chako

Unicorn: google

Unicorn: how make girl mrry brother

Xenomorph: SO CUTE

Susan Storm: awwwww

Unicorn: why google no show answer

Mochi: Eri this isn’t google

Unicorn: how tell if somon lieing

Mochi: I promise you I am not lying, Eri

SmallMight: Eri this is the class’s group chat

Unicorn: oh

Unicorn: i sorry

SmallMight: ITS OKAY ERI

Mochi: YOU ARE FORGIVEN

Unicorn: candy apple?

SmallMight: you just had one

Unicorn: but

Unicorn: it so good

SmallMight: you can have a regular apple

Unicorn: YAY!

Private Message: Eri Kayama - Izuku Kayama

Eri: izzy

Izuku: yes?

Eri: whats a milf?

Izuku: nothing you need to be concerned about right now

Eri: okay :)

Problem Children: Free at Last

SmallMight: WHO DID IT

SmallMight: WHO SAID MILF IN FRONT OF ERI

Mochi: oh shit

Mochi: angry big brother Izuku out here killing mfers

Xenomorph: i won’t spoil anything but it 100% was kaminari

Pikachu: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

Pikachu: I SWEAR

Pikachu: PLEASE DON’T KILL ME

Mochi: god ur so hot rn izu

Mochi: come break me in half

SmallMight: i have a pikachu to splatter on the wall

SmallMight: after

Mochi: are u sure not before?

Moc hi: [1 image: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

SmallMight: woah momma

Pepe: woah momma

Mochi: FUCK

SmallMight: DELETE YOUR PHONES RIGHT NOW

Dr. Doolittle: [500 pictures of different rabbits, dogs, deer, and cats]

Mochi has deleted 1 message

Sonic: I-

Sonic: I am going to stay at Mei’s dorm tonight

Sonic: do not contact me

Sonic: I do not know if I will be able to look you in the eye for a while, Uraraka

Mochi: i get it but still :(

Pikachu: we all saw

Discount Spiderman: we all saw

Rock Solid: everyone saw

Mochi: pls forget

Pikachu: i literally cannot

Pikachu: what’s that loud noise

Pikachu: OH LOOK I SEEM TO HAVE FORGOTTEN EVERYTHING. I HAVE ALSO DELETED MY ENTIRE PHONE FROM EXISTENCE, THANKS FOR THAT TIP PREZZY! I’M GOING TO GO HIDE IN THIS DUMPSTER, NO I WAS NOT PUT THERE. ALL HAIL OUR GLORIOUS PRESIDENT!

SmallMight: Good :)

Who Run The World? (Girls)

Ripley: nice boobs

Froggy Chair: nice boobs

Glass: nice boobs

Punk: nice boobs

3DPrinter: nice breasts

Tesla: nice titties

Punk: you just had to go and ruin it

Sandra Bullock: PLEASE STOP

Sandra Bullock: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

Ripley: we will hold this over you forever

Private Message: Ochako Uraraka - Izuku Kayama

Ochako: i am demanding to be cuddled until everyone forgets what my boobs look like

Izuku: omw

Problem Children (12:00)

Aizawa: it has come to my attention that someone sent something into another group chat that is school inappropriate

Aizawa: uraraka you will be running laps until All Might is tired

Aizawa: he will be sitting on an extremely comfortable beach chair with an umbrella

Aizawa: Kayama, you will be hand delivering glasses of whatever All Might wants to him. Be it tea, coffee, alcohol, or soft drinks.

Aizawa: I can’t believe I have to say this

Aizawa: but we will be having ANOTHER sexual education class this saturday

Aizawa: since you hellions can’t seem to keep it in your pants

Unicorn: what mean by that uncle sho?

Aizawa: nothing

Aizawa: don’t concern yourself with it

Unicorn: okie

Midnight: watch your language around my baby girl

Unicorn: i love u mommy

Midnight: aw i love u too Eri

Susan Storm: so…sweet…need…insulin…

Unicorn: where uncle tenny

Sonic: i am right here, Eri

Unicorn: can you run so fast you go back in time

Sonic: no?

Unicorn: aww

Unicorn: i was hoping u could go back and kill chisaki wen he baby

God: a worthwhile endeavor

Unicorn: hello mr fuzzy

God: hello eri

Pikachu: LMAO MR FUZZY

God: i believe you know the drill mr. kaminari

Pikachu: yes sir…

Pikachu: when do you want the essay…

God: no essay

God: come to my office right now

God: That is an order.

Problem Children: Free at Last (18:00)

Pikachu: please kill me

Bassist: what happened?

Pikachu: he read every insult and nickname he could think of

Pikachu: all directed at me

Pikachu: then he pointed and laughed at me

Pikachu: he called recovery girl in there

Pikachu: she joined him

Bassist: oh god

Pikachu: then they called my MOM

Pikachu: AND SHE STARTED LAUGHING AT ME TOO!

Pikachu: all might came to investigate what was happening

Pikachu: he started laughing at me as well

SmallMight: do not worry, kaminari

SmallMight: we will not laugh at you

EVERYONE BUT KAMINARI

Izuku: We are so laughing at him when he gets back to the dorms, right?

Kyoka: oh yeah big time

Notes:

I promise I am working on my other fics
I just needed a break :)

Chapter 14: Kaminari's Revenge

Summary:

Kaminari gets revenge on his class
Eri learns what words mean
Izuku is stressed

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Problem Children (03:00)

Pikachu: WAKE UP

SmallMight: WE ARE AWAKE

SmallMight: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT

SmallMight: TURN OFF THAT ALARM YOU SCARED ERI

Pikachu: sorry eri

Unicorn: u r not forgivin

Pikachu: :(

Pikachu: anyways

Pikachu: this is punishment for laughing at me

Pikachu: and also not laughing at ANY OF MY JOKES

Pikachu has renamed everyone to Loser

Loser: Kaminari

Loser: You know what to do

Loser: essay

Loser: my desk

Loser: at 6am

Loser: no bl please

Loser: for real denks

Loser: this is really childish

Pikachu: well none of you laughed at my awesome joke the other day

Pikachu: so therefore you are all losers

Unicorn: :(

Pikachu: not you Eri ur perfect

Unicorn: :)

Loser: detention for one week

Pikachu: haha Aizawa you can’t catch me if i don’t know it’s you

Loser: this isn’t Aizawa

Loser: this is your assistant principal speaking

Loser: that essay will be on MY desk

Loser: if it isn’t

Loser: I will get Aizawa to make you get hell training three months early

Pikachu: IM SORRY

Pikachu: ANYTHING BUT THAT
Pikachu: I’LL FIX IT

Pikachu has changed everything back to the way it was

SmallMight: thank you

SmallMight: now go to sleep

SmallMight: EVERYONE

SmallMight: I HEAR YOU TOKOYAMI

Evermore: that is dark shadow

Evermore: she was craving ham

Evermore: so I had to go and eat ham

SmallMight: oh ok

SmallMight: tell dark shadow hi for me

Evermore: she says hello

Evermore: HEY PREZZY

Evermore: YOUR GF HAS GOT A NICE RACK

Mochi: I THOUGHT YOU ALL FORGOT

Rock Solid: we will never forget no matter how much we want to

Unicorn: what’s a ‘rack’

Evermore: I’M SORRY ERI THAT IS SOMETHING YOU WILL HAVE TO ASK YOUR MOTHER

Unicorn: okie

SmallMight: now go to sleep

SmallMight: EVERYONE GO TO SLEEP RIGHT NOW OR I WILL CRY IN FRONT OF YOU TOMORROW

SmallMight: that’s what i thought

Private Message: Eri Kayama - Nemuri Kayama

Eri: mommy

Nemuri: what is it Eri?

Eri: whats a rack?

Nemuri: boobs

Eri: oh ok

Eri: why would Dark shadow know ms chako has a ‘nice rack’

Nemuri: she accidentally sent a picture of her boobs to the chat without teachers

Eri: oh ok

Eri: why would ms chako do that

Nemuri: hell if i know

Private Message: Eri Kayama - Ochako Uraraka

Eri: ms chako

Ochako: yes eri?

Eri: why did you send a picture of ur boobs to the entire class?

Ochako: it was an honest mistake

Eri: ok

Private Message: Ochako Uraraka - Izuku Kayama

Ochako: [screenshot]

Ochako: AAAAAAHHHHHHH

Izuku: dear lord

Izuku: i need to have a word with my mother about the things she is saying to Eri

Izuku: and I need to tell eri to stop spamming people when she wants their attention

Private Message: Eri Kayama - Izuku Kayama

Eri: izzy

Izuku: yes eri?

Eri: i found out what a milf is

Izuku: how

Eri: mommy told me

Private Message: Izuku Kayama - Nemuri Kayama

Izuku: WHY DID YOU TELL ERI WHAT A MILF IS

Nemuri: She wouldn’t stop asking!

Izuku: SO YOU TOLD HER?

Nemuri: I SEE NO HARM IN HER KNOWING WHAT A MILF IS

Izuku: WHAT IF SHE CALLS YOU ONE

Nemuri: BITCH I AM A MILF

Izuku: SO WHAT

Nemuri: OH SO YOU AGREE

Izuku: NO GROSS

Izuku: TOUYA SEEMS TO THINK YOU ARE

Nemuri: EW GROSS

Izuku: LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS TOMORROW AFTER WE HAVE GOTTEN SOME SLEEP

Nemuri: YES I AGREE

Izuku: I LOVE YOU

Nemuri: I LOVE YOU TOO

Notes:

I know! Two updates in one day! This one's a bit short, but that's because i needed a break from writing Dekuhaul. And eri learning what words mean is always funny to me

Chapter 15: Shenanigans ft.Eri

Summary:

Eri asks many questions
Ochako is into that?
Izuku gives the other guys penis envy
Bakugou finds all of them extremely weird

Chapter Text

Problem Children (13:13)

Unicorn: uncle tenny

Sonic: We are in class right now, Eri. I will answer your question in between classes okay?

Unicorn: okie

(Same group) (14:00)

Sonic: Okay, we are free for five minutes. What is your question?

Unicorn: Why does mommy laugh whenever Auntie Mei says she wants to “make babies” with you?

Sonic: UM

Midnight: Hatsume calls her inventions babies

Midnight: so she “makes babies” with Tenya all the time

Midnight: but the other meaning for “making babies” is a reference to human sexual intercourse

Unicorn: i don’t know what any of those words mean but thanks mommy

SmallMight: Your spelling has gotten so much better, Eri!

Mochi: I’m so proud of you!

Unicorn: ms chako!

Unicorn: i heard u have a nice rack

Mochi: ERI

SmallMight: ERI

Pikachu: LMFAO

Discount Spiderman: LMFAO

Rock Solid: LMFAO

Unicorn: was what i said wrong?

SmallMight: well…no

SmallMight: but it is not appropriate

Unicorn: i sorry

Mochi: its okay eri

Unicorn: ily ms chako

Mochi: ily too eri

Susan Storm: too sweet…gonna die

Unicorn: ms toru no!

Susan Storm: i’m not actually dying Eri

Susan Storm: You are just the sweetest thing!

Unicorn: why would that make you die?

Susan Storm: i have diabetes

Susan Storm: if I eat too many sweets, my blood sugar gets too high and I get really sick

Unicorn: i will be less sweet around you

Susan Storm: NO!

Susan Storm: its okay if you are sweet around me because you aren’t food

Unicorn: oh

Unicorn: i am still confused

SmallMight: I will explain it to you when we get back to the dorms, okay?

Unicorn: okay izzy

Who Run The World? (Girls) (16:28)

Sandra Bullock: omg

Sandra Bullock: Izuku being around Eri so much makes my ovaries go into OVERDRIVE

Froggy Chair: felt

Ripley: honestly same

Ripley: sero’s great, but Yams would make such a great dad

Sandra Bullock: I KNOW

Sandra Bullock: god i can’t wait until we graduate and i can stop birth control

Froggy Chair: ur on birth control?

Sandra Bullock: yeah :)

Froggy Chair: so what you’re saying is you do it raw

Ripley: omg ochako

Sandra Bullock: yeah >:)

Ripley: OMG OCHAKO

3DPrinter: I am scared to ask

Sandra Bullock: shoot

3DPrinter: how

3DPrinter: big

3DPrinter: is it?

Sandra Bullock: hmmmm

Sandra Bullock: like in inches, feet or cm or best approximation?

Ripley: FEET?

Ripley: HE GOT A THANG THANGIN AROUND DOWN THERE?

3DPrinter: like best guess or comparison to a body part

Sandra Bullock: hmmmmmmm

Sandra Bullock: about as big as my forearm if i had to guess

Boiz Time

Sero: yoyo why is Mina blushing so hard at her phone

Kaminari: jirou dropped hers and is stuck in shock

Tokoyami: Asui is ribbiting softly beside me on the couch

Tokoyami: it is quite alarming

Tokoyami: oh she just ran off to the girl’s side

Kaminari: just looked at Jirou’s phone

Kaminari: Kayama you lucky bastard

Kirishima: What?

Kayama: yeah what?

Kaminari: URARAKA TOLD THE GIRLS HOW LARGE YOUR DICK IS DUDE

Kaminari: NOW I FEEL INADEQUATE

Kayama: it isn’t that big though?

Kaminari: answer me this

Kaminari: when you are going about your day

Kaminari: do you let it just hang out there, or do you have to stuff it down the leg of your pants

Kayama: stuffing it down your pants isn’t normal?

Sero: NO DUDE

Kayama: oh

Kaminari: EVERYONE TO THE SHOWERS RIGHT NOW

Kaminari: WE ARE COMPARING DICK SIZES

Koda: please may i sit out

Kaminari: yes you can :)

Koda: thank you

Koda: i do not appreciate the levels of thirst in this class

Koda: but i will admit

Koda: it’s kinda funny

Kaminari: hey do you see aoyama he’s the only one who isn’t here

Koda: he is currently swooning on the couch and saying something in french

Kaminari: eh

Kaminari: he can sit out too

Boiz Time (like ten minutes later)

Kayama: I’M SORRY

Kaminari: you should be

Kaminari: you look like a greek god

Kaminari: only with a monster down there

Bakugou: did you fuckers really have a dick measuring contest?

Kaminari: yes

Bakugou: I guess the shitnerd won?

Kaminari: how did you know

Bakugou: i am also in the girl’s chat for some reason

Bakugou: i don’t think they know i am

Iida: THAT IS IMPROPER

Bakugou: shut it robot

Problem Children: Free at Last

Sonic: MEI

Sonic: TELL THEM I AM NOT A ROBOT

Sonic: TELL THEM TELL THEM TELL THEM TELL THEM

Tenya’s Handler: OMFG

Tenya’s Handler: does the little pissbaby need mommy to come and crush his balls so he feels better?

Tenya’s Handler: does he need some public humiliation?

Tenya’s Handler: does the pissbaby need to be whipped?

Sonic: I DO NOT ENJOY ANY OF THAT

Tenya’s Handler: you never said the safe word~

Tenya’s Handler: last night~

Sonic: MEI PLEASE STOP!

Tenya’s Handler: this is punishment for making me EXPLODE ONE OF MY BABIES

Sonic: I’M SORRY MEI!

Tenya’s Handler: whatevs

Sonic: I LOVE YOU

Tenya’s Handler: love you too

Blasty: do you have to do this EVERY SINGLE WEEK?

Blasty: I’m starting to think all of you are deviants

Blasty: you’ve got at least four who like being on either side of public humiliation, one who writes m/m fanfics of her classmates, a frog, and round face is perpetually horny

Yaomomo: I AM NOT A DEVIANT

Yaomomo: TELL THEM SHOTO

Zuko: no

Yaomomo: BETRAYAL

Mochi: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING ROUND FACE

Blasty: YOU BITCH

Mochi: EAT SHIT AND LIVE FUCKER

Blasty: I HOPE THAT SHITNERD ACTUALLY BREAKS YOU IN HALF

Blasty: LIKE ACTUALLY

Blasty: I HOPE THAT YOU GET TORN IN HALF BY HIS UNNATURALLY LARGE PENIS AND YOU DIE

Mochi: aww you hope he gets some!

SmallMight: I never knew you cared about my love life this much

Blasty: NO

Blasty: FUCK NO

Blasty: I HOPE SHE DIES THE NEXT TIME YOU DO IT

SmallMight: she is too durable

Mochi: yeah!

Blasty: I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT

SmallMight: I use my quirk sometimes

Mochi: oh yeah~

SmallMight: it makes me go real hard

Mochi: so hard~

Blasty: OKOK STOP IT

Blasty: I GET THE POINT

Blasty: YOU FUCK HARD

SmallMight: good

Pikachu: that name no longer fits you prezzy

Pikachu has changed SmallMight’s name to LargeMight

LargeMight:

Mochi: ain’t that the truth

LargeMight has changed their name to SmallMight

SmallMight: i like the name

SmallMight: so i am keeping it

Private Message: Eri Kayama - Momo Yaoyorozu

Eri: ms momo

Momo: yes Eri?

Eri: why are izzy and ms chako wrestling

Momo: WHAT

Momo: WHERE

Momo: WHY CAN YOU SEE THEM

Eri: they’re in ms chako’s room

Momo: how can you see them?

Eri: I got stuck in a tree :(

Momo: I WILL COME GET YOU DOWN SUNSHINE CHILD

Eri: YAY!

Private Message: Momo Yaoyorozu - Ochako Uraraka

Momo: CLOSE YOUR FUCKING BLINDS

Ochako: Huh?

Momo: ERI IS IN THE TREE OUTSIDE OF YOUR ROOM

Momo: STOP GETTING FUCKED AND SHUT THOSE DAMN BLINDS

Ochako: oh lmao

Ochako: Izuku was just giving me a massage

Momo: oh okay

Momo: Eri has been retrieved from the tree

Ochako: kk thanks

“Holy shit that was close” Ochako said to Izuku, “Thank god my phone was face up!”

“Heh, yeah.” Izuku said as he went back to work.

Chapter 16: Shoto's Theories

Summary:

Shoto theorizes
Izuku rubs people

Chapter Text

Problem Children: Free at Last (03:10)

Zuko: I finally have enough proof

Pikachu: for what?

Zuko: to prove that Jirou is Present Mic and Aizawa’s biological child

Pikachu: dude i’ve met her parents

Pikachu: she is a carbon copy of her mom

Pikachu: she ain’t erasermic’s kid

Zuko: erasermic?

Pikachu: mina came up with a bunch of names for people in relationships

Zuko: oh ok

Zuko: speaking of Ashido

Pikachu: oh no

Zuko: if my theories are true, then she is the illegitimate child of the American Hero, Ripley and a pink skinned actor from Mongolia.

Pikachu: what?

Pikachu: how did you come to that conclusion?

Zuko: ripley’s quirk lets her spit acid, and her blood is acidic

Zuko: the actor has a quirk that lets him sweat out a base, which keeps his skin as fresh as it can be, but dyes his skin pink as a result

Private Message: Mina Ashido - Shoto Todoroki

Mina: HOW DID YOU FIGURE THAT OUT???

Shoto: i am a good investigator.

Mina: HOW DID YOU FIGURE OUT WHO MY BIRTH PARENTS WERE BEFORE I DID???????

Shoto: you’re adopted?

Mina: MY PARENTS ARE BOTH QUIRKLESS OF COURSE IM ADOPTED

Shoto: god i wish that were me

Mina: what?

Shoto: what?

Mina: i need to talk to my parents

Shoto: yes i believe you do

Private Message: Mina Ashido - Mom

Mina: are my birth parents Ripley and [actor’s name]

Mom: how did you figure that out?

Mina: one of my classmates is a good investigator

Mom: ???

Mina: he has a lot of conspiracies

Mina: he thinks All Might is the real biological father of one of our classmates

Mom: ah

Mina: he gets it right every once in a while

Mom: so it would seem

Problem Children (12:00)

Aizawa: please i beg of you have a NORMAL LUNCH FOR ONCE

Midnight: what’s going on?

Yaomomo: Todoroki has set up a giant conspiracy board in the lunch room

Yaomomo: he had me make him ~4km of red string

Yaomomo: he promised to pay for lunch for a month

Zuko: endeavor* will be paying for your lunches for the next two months

Aizawa: ?

Zuko: i stole his credit card again

Aizawa: why am i not surprised

Aizawa: please give it back

Zuko: he won’t notice

Zuko: do you want anything? Courtesy of the number two hero

Aizawa: anything?

Zuko: anything you want teacher man

Aizawa: can i have one of those really thick sleeping bags

Zuko: with the built-in heater?

Aizawa: god yes

Zuko: cool it’ll be here in three hours

Aizawa: izuku you have been dethroned

SmallMight: ?

Aizawa: Todoroki is my favorite problem child

SmallMight: :(

Cat-Guy: :(

Aizawa:

Aizawa: Toshi you are literally my son

Cat-Guy: its fine.

Cat-Guy: i bet you like his bone structure more than mine too.

Aizawa: What?

Cat-Guy: is it because i have a lazy eye?

Aizawa: you don’t have a lazy eye?

Cat-Guy: whatever. Dont hmu.

Aizawa: ok moving past that

Aizawa: no class for the rest of the day courtesy of Todoroki

Pikachu: FUCK YEAH

Aizawa: except for people with failing grades in any classes

Pikachu: FUCK NO

Aizawa: Kaminari…

Pikachu: I WILL BE THERE SIR!

Problem Children: Free at Last

Xenomorph: yo todoroks

Zuko: please do not call me that

Xenomorph: noted

Xenomorph: so you like have your dad’s card right?

Zuko: yes

Xenomorph: and you can buy whatever you want and he won’t notice

Zuko: he makes quite a lot of money yes

Xenomorph: can you buy something for the common room?

Zuko: i am scared to ask but i literally cannot stop you from suggesting whatever it is you want

Xenomorph: a massage table

Zuko: A massage table?

Xenomorph: yeah i heard prezzy gives amazing massages and i wanted some of that

Mochi: >:(

Discount Spiderman: :’(

SmallMight: pls do not use me for my hands

Xenomorph: pls

Xenomorph: i have like a billion knots in my back

SmallMight: that is literally impossible

Pikachu: how about if he gives everyone a massage

Pikachu has created a poll: Prezzy gives everyone a massage

Results: Yes (19 Everyone but Izuku)

Yes but red (Izuku)

Pikachu: ope it seems like the poll has spoken

Pikachu: TODOROKI ORDER THAT MASSAGE TABLE

SmallMight: i thought there’d be a no…

Pikachu: lmao no

Private Message: Eri Kayama - Nemuri Kayama

Eri: Mommy

Nemuri: yes dear?

Eri: why is izzy rubbing ms momo

Nemuri: HE’S WHAT?

Eri: he’s rubbing her

Eri: in the big room

Nemuri: ok go to my apartment and wait in there until i tell you its okay to come out

Private Message: Nemuri Kayama - Izuku Kayama

Nemuri: YOU BETTER NOT BE CHEATING ON OCHAKO YOUNG MAN

Nemuri: ANSWER ME

Izuku: WHAT

Nemuri: STOP FUCKING MOMO

Izuku: I AM GIVING THE ENTIRE CLASS MASSAGES

Nemuri: oh

Nemuri: can i have one?

Izuku: no.

Nemuri: :(

Problem Children: Free at Last (23:47)

Xenomorph: i feel so light

Shoji YES: he fixed my neck pain

Yaomomo: it was…an experience

Pepe: he touched me all over

Pepe: today has been an absolute WIN

Mochi: :(

Mochi: it was really good…

SmallMight: that was the ONLY time I will do that

SmallMight: only Ochako gets these hands from now on

Mochi: :)

Xenomorph: NO FAIR

Discount Spiderman: :(

Xenomorph: not to be mean sero, but ur hands are rly boney

Discount Spiderman: :C

Xenomorph: but good for u i like that c'mere

Discount Spiderman: :)

Chapter 17: get walked in on, bitch

Summary:

Aizawa sees something he should not

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Problem Children: Free at Last (21:47)

Cat-Guy: yo kayama are you okay?

Evermore: I heard the loudest screech coming from over there, are you okay?

SmallMight:

SmallMight: aizawa walked in on me

SmallMight: and ochako

SmallMight: getting

SmallMight: intimate

Xenomorph: oh fuck

Mochi: i know

Mochi: he will never look me in the eye again

Mochi: he knows i’ve been defiled

SmallMight: don’t say it like that it makes me feel bad

Cat-Guy: okay but who screamed

SmallMight: aizawa

Cat-Guy: NO FUCKING WAY

Evermore: I find that hard to believe

Cat-Guy: that had to be Uraraka

Cat-Guy: IT WAS SO HIGH PITCHED

Mochi: we were too stunned

SmallMight: i was just as surprised at how high his voice could go

SmallMight: but i

SmallMight: he looked so disappointed

Xenomorph: why would he look disappointed?

SmallMight: um

SmallMight: we uh

SmallMight: we may have been

SmallMight: in costume

Xenomorph: like hero costume?

SmallMight: no…

Xenomorph: oh my god

Xenomorph: now i have to know

Mochi: im wearing

Mochi: nevermind

Susan Storm: YOU CAN’T JUST TEASE US LIKE THAT

The Most Normal One Here: uh huh sure

Susan Storm: SHUT IT MASHI

Mochi: fine

Mochi: girls chat

Who run the world? (Girls)

Sandra Bullock: I WAS DRESSED LIKE AN OFFICEWOMAN

Ripley: thats not that bad

Sandra Bullock: HE WAS DRESSED LIKE ALL MIGHT

Ripley: ok now i get it

Private Message: Emi Fukukado - Shota Aizawa

Emi: Hey Eraser! A little birdy told me you saw something disturbing today

Shota: please leave me alone

Emi: nah

Emi: marry me?

Shota: im already married

Emi: worth a shot

Emi: bt dubs it was nemuri

Shota: i assumed

Shota: once more please leave me alone

Emi: how bad was it?

Shota: SO BAD

Shota: I WALKED IN ON TWO OF MY STUDENTS GETTING DOWN AND DIRTY IN COSPLAY

Shota: HE EVEN HAD THE HAIR TUFTS

Emi: omfg

Emi: one of your students was dressed like All Might while they were fucking?

Emi: I don’t even need to use my quirk!

Shota: I am going to gouge my own eyes out now goodbye

Private Message: Izuku Kayama - Shota Aizawa

Izuku: i am so sorry

Shota: please do not talk to me

Izuku: okay

Izuku: do you hate me now

Shota: no

Shota: i just need a few days

Izuku: ill leave you alone uncle sho

Shota: please do not call me that while THAT is in my head

Izuku: ok

Private Message: Ochako Uraraka - Shota Aizawa

Ochako: i am so sorry sir

Shota: please give me a few days before talking to me

Ochako: please dont punish izuku too much it was my idea

Shota: i cannot stress how much i did not need to know that

Private Message: Eri Kayama - Shota Aizawa

Eri: uncle sho

Shota: what is it eri

Eri: why are you avoiding izzy and ms chako

Shota: because i saw something i wasnt supposed to

Eri: do u want apple?

Shota: that will not help but thank you for offering

Eri: :( apples always help me

Shota: i would like one apple please

Eri: YAY!

Private Message: Shota Aizawa - Nezu

Shota: can i please have a week off?

Nezu: why?

Shota: you can read all of the chats figure it out yourself

Nezu: oh yeah definitely

Nezu: go cuddle your husband

Nezu: take hitoshi to an arcade or something

Boiz Time

Eijirou: so izuku

Eijirou: mina told me what happened

Denki: jirou told me

Hanta: mina also told me

Mashirao: toru wouldn’t stop laughing

Shoto: Momo has gotten “inspiration”

Shoto: I fear for her sometimes.

Koji: i was studying with Tsu when she started ribbiting again

Koji: this is so much worse than last time

Koji: oh she's gone

Fumikage: rushed off to the girl’s side?

Koji: yup

Izuku: i can never look all might in the eye again

Eijirou: but he wasn’t the one who walked in on you?

Izuku: he has no doubt heard this by now

God: oh he was the first one i told

Izuku: WHY NEZU WHY

Katsuki: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHA

Izuku: i get it bakugou

Katsuki: im not done

Katsuki: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHA

Izuku: :(

Private Message: Toshinori Yagi - Izuku Kayama

Toshinori: my boy

Izuku: please no

Toshinori: we must talk about this

Izuku: NO WE DON’T

Izuku: WE CAN PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED

Toshinori: we both know that will never happen

Izuku: I KNOW

Toshinori: Did you really have to dress like me?

Izuku: IT WAS OCHAKO’S IDEA!

Toshinori: huh

Izuku: SHE MADE ME

Toshinori: So should I expel her?

Izuku: NO IT WAS ALL ME SHE'S A GOOD GIRL!

Problem Children: Free at Last (12:00)

Pikachu: big yikes

Pikachu: i don’t think a homeroom class has ever been so tense

SmallMight: aizawa hates me now

Mochi: he won’t even look at me

Yaomomo: i’m sure he’ll be fine after he gets back from his family vacation with Mic-sensei and Shinsou

Pikachu: fuck you shinsou you get a free vacation bc your dad saw prezzy and uraraka screwing

Cat-Guy: sorry can’t hear you from okinawa

Pikachu: FUCK YOU SHINSOU YOU GET A FREE VACATION BC YOUR DAD SAW PREZZY AND URARAKA HAVING DIRTY COSPLAY SEX

Mochi: YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO MAKE IT SO DESCRIPTIVE

SmallMight: Kaminari

SmallMight: i invoke my right as assistant principal and sentence you to one week of detention

Pikachu: i thought it was only one day

SmallMight: I passed a final and got more detention to hand out

SmallMight: be worried

SmallMight: eventually i can give you house arrest

Notes:

I know i should be working on Momnight and dekuhaul but i need a break for a while, i've just been writing so much lately. I'll be taking a week off from those fics. This one however, will be receiving maybe one or two updates after this one bc its easy and fun to write.
Expect new chaps for MVFEP and Dekuhaul by next sunday, August 14th.
Till Next time :)

Chapter 18: Izuku Roasts Everyone

Summary:

Izuku finally snaps (or does he?)

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Problem Children: Free at Last (17:38)

Cat-Guy: kaminari i am in okinawa and i swear to god if you say something about fetty wap i will somehow get back to UA in five seconds and suspend you from the rafters by your intestines

Pikachu: aww he’d run all the way back to UA for me :)

Cat-Guy: whatever

Cat-Guy: i have some cats to go back to

SmallMight: tell aizawa-sensei to check his phone please

Cat-Guy: oh he threw that in the ocean the second we landed

SmallMight: oh

Cat-Guy: yeah you and uraraka are banned topics on this trip

SmallMight: :(

Mochi: :(

Pikachu: i just had the best idea

SmallMight: i am afraid to ask

Pikachu: we should all roast each other

Xenomorph: I AM SO DOWN

Pikachu: who wants to start

Zuko: i shall start

Zuko: whats a roast

Pikachu: you make fun of someone but in a lighthearted way

Zuko: oh okay

Zuko: Kirishima

Rock Solid: yeah bro

Zuko: i think your hair is extremely ugly

Rock Solid: :(

Zuko: haha funny joke

Pikachu: okay

Pikachu: rocky start

Pikachu: Kiri it’s your turn now

Rock Solid: Uhhhhhh

Rock Solid: Izuku once cried so hard that he and his mom had to stay at our house when their apartment had to get treated for mold

Sonic: OH I HAVE STORIES ABOUT IZUKU!

SmallMight: Tenya no please

Pikachu: this is turning into the roast prezzy show and i am all for it

Sonic: When Izuku first started at Somei when we were seven years old, he would isolate himself from the entire class. And due to this, and the fact that he never spoke in class, everyone thought he was mute.

Xenomorph: Iida that’s just sad

Sonic: I have more

SmallMight: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY

SmallMight: PLEASE DO NOT

Sonic: The day Izuku met Ochako, he called me and he talked about this girl he met. He went on and on about her for hours. It was quite annoying. He sounded like a man in love, so I listened and provided appropriate feedback to his thoughts.

Mochi: Really?

Sonic: yes

Pikachu: this isn’t a roast!

Pikachu: MAKE FUN OF PREZZY HOUR LETS GO

Evermore: You leave crumbs on the floor outside of your dorm room. It is disgusting.

Cat-Guy: Sometimes when you wake up super early in the morning, I can hear your all might alarm clock and I want nothing more than to smash your head in with it.

Bakery: You eat enough food for three people every meal.

Yaomomo: While your face is conventionally “cute” it does not match the rest of your body, which causes whiplash in my mind whenever I look at you. Ever since your change in look however, that difference has lessened somewhat.

Zuko: you are skinny and short

SmallMight: :(

Blasty: are we making fun of the nerd?

Pikachu: yes

Blasty: fucking finally

Blasty: WHEN HE WAS FOUR YEARS OLD, IZUKU ASKED ME OUT ON A DATE BECAUSE HE THOUGHT I WAS THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE.

SmallMight: NO I DID NOT!
Blasty: I STILL HAVE THE LETTER

SmallMight: DESTROY IT!
Mochi: kiss

Rock Solid: kiss

Yaomomo: FUCK RIGHT NOW!
Yaomomo: RAVISH EACH OTHER!

SmallMight: fine.

SmallMight: scorched earth you want?

SmallMight: Scorched earth you get.

SmallMight: Tenya, when we were kids, everyone laughed at you for how robotic you always were.

Sonic: I AM NOT A ROBOT

SmallMight: Shoto, your father was an asshole and your brother kept trying to sleep with my mother. Also, your scar looks weird.

Zuko: :^|

SmallMight: Tokoyami, you claim Dark Shadow makes you crave weird things, but I believe this is not the case. I think that you are really a trash can for all things unhealthy and blame Dark Shadow for all of your weird eating habits.

Evermore: not true

SmallMight: Dark Shadow, nothing is wrong with you, you are perfect :)

Evermore: THANKS PREZZY

SmallMight: Satou, your pancakes are always overcooked on one side.

SmallMight: figure it out.

SmallMight: it is not hard

Bakery: rude

SmallMight: Shinsou

Cat-Guy: i would like to apologize

SmallMight: you cried so hard when Tokoyami rejected you that I had to miss out on uno night with Eri and Mom.

Cat-Guy: uncalled for

Mochi: yeah that was a bit far

SmallMight: oh

SmallMight: Ochako

Mochi: please dont make fun of me

SmallMight: im on a roll

SmallMight: you once told me that you hide your real accent so no one thinks you are stupid. Well look at the most recent class rankings. You don’t need to hide your accent for people to think that.

Mochi: :(

Blasty: damn nerd going after everyone

SmallMight: Bakugou

Blasty: oh no

SmallMight: you once told me that i was useless despite only being able to make explosions the size of small firecrackers. Now I can level buildings with the flick of a finger. Who’s a useless Deku now?

Blasty: I SAID I WAS SORRY

SmallMight: I KNOW AND I FORGAVE YOU BUT WORDS HURT

SmallMight: Ashido

Xenomorph: but i didn’t say anything!

SmallMight: I am now going down the list

SmallMight: you are pink. That is all

Xenomorph: coulda been worse

SmallMight: Aoyama

Sparkles: oui

SmallMight: your entire personality is that you are french. Get a better personality then we can be friends.

SmallMight: Koda

Dr. Doolittle: :(

SmallMight: your head looks like a rock

Dr. Doolittle: :,(

SmallMight: Yaomomo

Yaomomo: what

SmallMight: you are a degenerate of the highest caliber.

Yaomomo: :(

SmallMight: Kaminari

Pikachu: yes prezzy

SmallMight: you are so stupid that I do not believe you passed the entrance exam without some form of cheating

Pikachu: random guesses

SmallMight: noted

SmallMight: Sero, let’s finish out the goober squad

Discount Spiderman: pls be nice

SmallMight: the night i found you sneaking out of Ashido’s room, I suspected that you were just giving her something. When you told me the status of your relationship with her, I did not believe you at first. Because your teeth look like wooden planks and your head is very flat.

Discount Spiderman: hey

SmallMight: Shoji

Shoji YES: whaddup

SmallMight: your arms freak me out

Shoji YES: welcome to the club

SmallMight: I also suspect you are very ugly under your mask, which is why you wear one.

Shoji YES: true

SmallMight: Jirou

Bassist: finally my turn?

SmallMight: your earlobes grossed me out the first time I saw them. My reaction to them has not changed.

Bassist: eh

Bassist: coulda done better

SmallMight: you are also extremely unattractive to me. I am not attracted to wooden boards.

Bassist: hey!

Pikachu: HEY!

SmallMight: Ojiro

The Most Normal One Here: yup?

SmallMight: you are so normal i sometimes forget you exist

The Most Normal One Here: i get that a lot

SmallMight: Hagakure

Susan Storm: oh no

SmallMight: your father is a villain, in that we are kindred spirits. But we are not kindred spirits because i think that you can choose to turn off your invisibility, but choose not to because you are hideous.

Susan Storm: THAT IS VERY RUDE!

Mochi: SOMEONE STOP HIM!

Pepe: he hasn’t done me yet

SmallMight: Tsu

Pepe: FINALLY
SmallMight: you are a frog. Frogs are gross.

Pepe: LAME!

Pepe: HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE!

SmallMight: fine

SmallMight: I think your eyes are too big for your head. Your tongue is unnatural and it scares me whenever you use it. Your ability to cling to walls is strange and makes me think that you have watched me and Ochako have sex. Which is weird and illegal.

Pepe: I HAVE DONE NO SUCH THING

SmallMight: Monoma
Copier: drats i thought you forgot about me

SmallMight: You are literally nothing without other people around you. Your inferiority complex comes from this part of you.

Copier: yeah…

SmallMight: that is everyone

SmallMight: holy shit what did I do

Mochi: do you not remember?

SmallMight: it was like when Shinsou brainwashed me

SmallMight: did you brainwash me?
Cat-Guy: no

SmallMight: hold on

SmallMight: yup one of the ghosts in my head took control of my body for a bit

SmallMight: its weird how that happens sometimes

Private Message: Izuku Kayama - Toshinori Yagi

Izuku: We need to talk about Nana and her boundaries

Toshinori: Why?

Izuku: SHE JUST ROASTED MY ENTIRE CLASS!

Izuku: USING MY BODY!

Toshinori: oh that is bad

Izuku: SHE CALLED OCHAKO STUPID

Toshinori: well…

Izuku: NOT YOU TOO

Toshinori: she isn’t exactly the best performing student…

Izuku: FUCK YOU ALL MIGHT

Izuku: YOUR ENTIRE PERSONALITY IS BEING BIG AND BUFF

Izuku: I AM SO SORRY THAT WAS NANA

Toshinori: i could tell

Private Message: Izuku Kayama - Nezu

Izuku: HEY NEZU! I THINK YOUR FUR IS NOT AS CLEAN AND SOFT AS IT COULD BE! KERATIN IS NOT THE SOLUTION FOR SOFT AND CLEAN FUR!

Nezu: Nana give Izuku his body back

Izuku: DRATS

Izuku: I am so sorry sir

Nezu: I know it wasn’t you

Izuku: Oh no

Izuku: she texted All for One

Nezu: HOW?

Izuku: I DON’T KNOW

Private Message: Izuku Kayama - All for One

Izuku: HEY FUCKFACE

AfO: How did you get this number?

Izuku: I REMEMBERED IT

Izuku: IM NOT DEAD YOU POTATO HEAD BASTARD FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID OBSESSION WITH YOUR BROTHER
Izuku: ITS CREEPY

AfO: I assume this is the 9th holder of One for All.

Izuku: NOPE THIS IS NANA SHIMURA

Izuku: GO FUCK YOURSELF

AfO: I ripped your head off how are you alive

Izuku: QUIRKS ARE WEIRD GO FUCK YOURSELF

Izuku: GO JERK OFF TO FAMILY PHOTOS OR WHATEVER
AfO: I do not do that.

AfO: I know who this really is.

AfO: Tomura, give Kurogiri the phone that you stole.

Private Message: Izuku Kayama - Tomura Shigaraki

Izuku: HEY HANDYMAN GO FUCK YOURSELF

Tomura: How do you have this number

Izuku: I KNOW THINGS

Tomura: ?

Izuku: KYS SAVE US SOME TIME

Tomura: I WILL DESTROY YOUR WORLD BASTARD

Private Message: Izuku Kayama - Hisashi Midoriya

Izuku: FUCK YOU DAD

Hisashi: Izuku?

Hisashi: How did you get my number?

Izuku: IDFK I JUST KNEW IT

Izuku: I HOPE YOU DIE A PAINFUL DEATH

Izuku: AT MY HANDS

Izuku: FUCK YOU

Private Message: Izuku Kayama - Nezu

Izuku: somehow she roasted half of the league of villains

Nezu: you are no longer allowed off campus

Izuku: i assumed so

Nezu: without a hero chaperone

Izuku: let me guess, my mom?

Nezu: precisely!

Izuku: fuuuuuuuuuck

Izuku: at least she didn’t message Eri or Mom.

Notes:

ANOTHER CHAPTER? SO SOON AFTER THE LAST ONE?
Yes, bc this fic is so fun to write :)
Till Next Time :)

Chapter 19: MORE SHENANIGANS

Summary:

Jirou asks a question
Eri asks many questions
Ochako requests something from Izuku
Izuku and All Might cry

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Problem Children: Free at Last (12:00)

Xenomorph: can ms midnight be our homeroom teacher permanently

SmallMight: you don’t want that

Xenomorph: why not

SmallMight: because

SmallMight: She is a Slave Driver when she’s a full time homeroom teacher

SmallMight: she’s being nice to us now because she’s only subbing for Aizawa for a week

Xenomorph: how so?

SmallMight: you know hell training?

Xenomorph: sadly yes

SmallMight: It’s like that everyday with her as your teacher

Xenomorph: D:

Pikachu: oh god oh fuck

Discount Spiderman: Please no

SmallMight: now put your phones away and EAT YOUR LUNCH

Pikachu: yes sir prezzy sir

Problem Children: Free at Last (18:27)

Bassist: who knows how to play an instrument I wanna start a band

Bassist: I can play bass, guitar, drums, piano, keytar, you name it I probably can play it.

Pikachu: I CAN PLAY GUITAR

Shoji YES: I have been known to dabble in the drumset

SmallMight: I can play anything with strings

Mochi: I never knew that!

SmallMight: it never came up

Yaomomo: i can play the keyboard

Evermore: I specialize in acoustic guitar

Shoji YES: you only learned that so you can play “How to Save a Life”

Evermore: it is a good song

Shoji YES: I know

Shoji YES: but it isn’t when its the only thing you play

Shoji YES: NERD

Evermore: FUCK YOU SHOJI

SmallMight: calm down you reprobates

Xenomorph: is that racist?

Xenomorph: It feels kinda racist

Sonic: Reprobate: an unprincipled person (often used humorously or affectionately)

Xenomorph: domo arigato mr roboto

Sonic: I AM

Sonic: i am not a robot

Xenomorph: i know

Xenomorph: i was hoping Hatsume would dogwalk you again

Tenya’s Handler: nah we only do that on sundays xoxo

Sonic: NO WE DO NOT

Bassist: back to the band thing

Bassist: Does anyone else play anything?

Bassist: I waited five minutes and no one said anything so im gonna assume thats a negative

Bassist: @Yaomomo @SmallMight @Pikachu @Shoji YES @Evermore meet me in my room in fifteen minutes we are gonna have a jam sesh

Yaomomo: okay

SmallMight: can’t i have lessons with nezu until 19:00

SmallMight: but after that I can show up

Bassist: thats alright

Evermore: we will be present

Evermore: FUMI KICKS ASS AT THE ACOUSTIC GUITAR

Evermore: that was dark shadow

Shoji YES: ill be there only if dark shadow shows up too

Pikachu: i am in your walls @Bassist

Bassist: don’t say that

Bassist: just bc ur hiding in my closet waiting for me to get to my room doesn’t mean you can say that

Xenomorph: :eyes:

Bassist: again

Bassist: YOU HAVE KNOWN FOR WEEKS

Problem Children: Free at Last (22:06)

Pikachu: PREZZY CAN SING

SmallMight: SHUT UP KAMINARI

Pikachu: PREZZY IS A REALLY GOOD SINGER

Mochi: :O

Mochi: I’m learnin’ new things ‘bout you every day!

SmallMight: I’m really not all that good…

Bassist: SHUT IT YOU LIAR

Bassist: YOU SOUND LIKE AN ANGELIC CHORUS

Bassist: SHUT THE FUCK UP KAYAMA

Mochi: awwww you have to sing for me some time!

SmallMight: I was gonna…

Xenomorph: aw prezzy’s all bashful~

Xenomorph: does anyone else know of your hidden talent?

SmallMight: no…

Xenomorph: let's confirm

Xenomorph has added Nemuri Kayama to the group

Xenomorph: Ms Midnight did you know that Prezzy can sing really good

Kayama: oh yeah big time

Kayama: when he sings in the shower i always plant myself outside the bathroom door

Kayama: the boy has some pipes

SmallMight: WHAT

Kayama: hehe

Nemuri Kayama has left the group

Evermore: it is a beautiful singing voice

Shoji YES: honestly yeah

SmallMight: you guys…

Problem Children: Free at Last (01:01)

Pikachu: yoyoyo shinsou my man

Cat-Guy: sorry can’t hear you from okinawa

Pikachu: yes you can

Pikachu: you get laid yet

Cat-Guy: WHAT NO

Cat-Guy: MY DADS ARE IN THE SAME ROOM AS ME NO

Pikachu: sounds like a man who got laid

Cat-Guy: whatever im going to bed

Pikachu: tell him i said hi

Cat-Guy: fuck off

Bassist: hi im off

Bassist: sorry kaminari stole my phone

Problem Children (10:23)

Unicorn: ms chako

Mochi: yes eri?

Unicorn: why weren’t you here this morning?

Unicorn: I got up to pee in the middle of the night and you were in izzys bed but when I woke up you were gone :(

Pikachu: SCREENSHOTTED

Xenomorph: EXPOSED

Discount Spiderman: CAUGHT IN 4K

Mochi: uhhhhhhhh

Mochi: Mochi has left the group

Xenomorph: that’s not how it works bb

Mochi: DARNIT

Mochi: i woke up earlier than you Eri

Unicorn: okie

Unicorn: izzy

SmallMight: i am across the room from you. You can talk out loud

Unicorn: i don’t want to

Unicorn: why was ms chako in your bed last night

SmallMight: i wanted cuddles

Unicorn: okie

Midnight: awwwwww

Unicorn: mommy

Midnight: yes sweetie

Unicorn: when is tensi coming back

Midnight: when he finishes with physical therapy

Sonic: Why is Tensei in physical therapy? Why was I not notified?

Midnight: its a private thing i’ll tell you in dms

Private Message: Nemuri Kayama - Tenya Iida

Nemuri: i broke his hip lmao

Tenya: AAAAHHHH I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT!

Nemuri: chill out future brother-in-law

Tenya: THAT IS STILL WEIRD

Nemuri: hahaha

Nemuri: you are correct in your assessment

Nemuri: it’s gonna be even weirder for Izuku

Tenya: muahaha yes

Tenya: Mei has plans for her future nephew

Nemuri: oh so you two are for sure getting hitched?

Tenya: i made her a promise ring out of one of the mufflers i had to pull out a few months ago

Nemuri: gross

Tenya: it was the only time i have seen her cry

Nemuri: awww cute

Private Message: Ochako Uraraka - Izuku Kayama

Ochako: so…

Izuku: yes?

Ochako: mei just showed me a promise ring that tenya made for her

Izuku: omg really?

Ochako: yeah

Ochako: he made it out of one of the mufflers he had to pull out during hell week

Izuku: ew

Ochako: ikr

Ochako:

Izuku:

Ochako: why haven’t you gotten me one yet

Izuku: one what

Ochako: a promise ring

Izuku: because I can't afford one?

Ochako: tenya spent $0 dollars to make his

Izuku: well i don’t grow mufflers

Ochako: fine.

Ochako: its whatever.

Private Message: Izuku Kayama - Toshinori Yagi

Toshinori: Young Kayama! Young Kaminari told me the funniest joke today.

Izuku: Can i please borrow some money

Toshinori: why don’t you ask your mother?

Toshinori: Or Tensei?

Izuku: Because you are a trillionaire

Izuku: they are not

Toshinori: how much do you need?

Izuku: uhhhh hold on

Izuku: 63,000 yen

Toshinori: what are you buying?

Izuku: a promise ring for ochako

Toshinori: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR GO GO GO

Toshinori: TAKE MY CREDIT CARD YOUNG MAN

Toshinori: I CAN DRIVE YOU TO THE JEWELER

Izuku: did you bet on this

Toshinori: no

Izuku: all might

Toshinori: …

Toshinori: yes

Izuku: cool thanks

Izuku: give me half of what you win

Toshinori: I was going to give it all to you

Izuku: the prize?

Toshinori: no my money you goober

Toshinori: once i die all my stuff will be yours

Izuku: really?

Toshinori: duh i don’t have any kids

Toshinori: a lot of it will be going to charities but you’ll still get might tower and about 45% of my money

Toshinori: Are you crying?

Izuku: yeah

Toshinori: now i’m crying too

The next day

Who Run the World? (Girls) (18:00)

Ripley: @Sandra Bullock i saw that new ring you have

Ripley: explain

Sandra Bullock: promise ring

Ripley: AAAHHHHHHH OMG

Glass: OMG OMG OMG

Froggy Chair: ribbit

UA Teachers

All Might: [1 image (Izuku buying the promise ring for Ochako)]

Ectoplasm: FUCK

Nezu: muahahaha

Snipe: DOUBLE FUCK

Eraserhead: nice

Present Mic: TRIPLE FUCK

Thirteen: what is with all the cursing?

Midnight: they had a bet running for when Izuku would buy Ochako a promise ring

Midnight: the three chucklenuts guessed it would be during their second year

Midnight: Nezu got it right on the day

Nezu: i will take my payment in the form of exotic teas please

Hound Dog: why do you always bet on the relationships of our students

Hound Dog: i still remember the “Is the Big Three a polycule” thing from last year

Hound Dog: and how Mic got so upset that it was just Tamaki and Hado

Present Mic: I THOUGHT HE WAS GAAAYYYYYYY

Hound Dog: he just has crippling social anxiety

Midnight: how did Tamaki get with Hado?

Hound Dog: she asked him

Midnight: ah

Midnight: what about Mirio?

Hound Dog: oh that man is gay as fuck

Midnight: how do you know this

Hound Dog: I’m their homeroom teacher?

Midnight: YOU TEACH A HOMEROOM?

Hound Dog: yes?

Midnight: SINCE WHEN

Hound Dog: since you stopped teaching a homeroom?

Midnight: oh

Midnight: oops haha

Private Message: Eri Kayama - Nezu

Eri: mr fuzzy

Nezu: Yes Eri?

Eri: what does dilf mean and why did ms mina call uncle sho that

Nezu: it means that aizawa is a man who is older, and typically a father, that she would like to have sexual intercourse with

Eri: ah

Private Message: Eri Kayama - Mina Ashido

Eri: you are gross

Mina: what? Why?

Eri: you want to have sexual intercourse with uncle sho

Mina: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE WORDS MEAN

Eri: mr fuzzy told me

Private Message: Mina Ashido - Nemuri Kayama

Mina: NEZU TOLD ERI WHAT SEX IS

Nemuri: HE DID WHAT?

Mina: AAAHHHHHHH

Nemuri: AAAAHHHHHHH

Private Message: Nemuri Kayama - Nezu

Nemuri: STOP TELLING ERI ABOUT THINGS SHE ISN’T READY TO LEARN ABOUT

Nezu: i would like to apologize

Nemuri: Apologize by giving me a raise

Nezu: done

Nemuri: that was easy

Nezu: i just took it out of all might’s salary

Nemuri: lmao why

Nezu: he’s a trillionaire

Nezu: and he gets money by the billions every year with merch sales alone

Nezu: he won’t miss a few million yen

Nemuri: DID YOU SAY MILLION

Nezu: 10 million to be exact

Nezu: Are you there?

Nemuri: eri here

Nemuri: mommy passed out

Nezu: okay now put her phone down and go play with izuku

Nemuri: okie

Notes:

Till Next Time :)

Chapter 20: Endeavor is one of the dads of all time

Summary:

Yaomomo has a meeting
Endeavor is at it again
little bit of a spoiler for the main fic at the end
but it was gonna happen anyway so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Problem Children: Free at Last (19:12)

Bassist: YAOMOMO I NEED HELP STUDYING

Yaomomo: Right now?

Bassist: no

Bassist: tomorrow?

Yaomomo: I can’t

Bassist: why?

Yaomomo: My parents have informed me that I am meeting a prospective husband tomorrow

Bassist: A WHAT

SmallMight: HUH

Mochi: They still do that?

Yaomomo: Regrettably they do

Yaomomo: So I will not be here tomorrow afternoon.

Zuko: hmmm

Yaomomo: ?

Zuko: nothing

Private Message: Enji Todoroki - Shoto Todoroki

Enji: SHOTO

Shoto: what

Enji: I have set up a marriage meeting for you tomorrow

Shoto: Is it with the Yaoyorozus?

Enji: how did you know?

Shoto: she told the class she’s meeting a prospective husband tomorrow

Enji: Anyhow, you will meet me at home at eleven o’clock so we can get you in a nice suit.

Shoto: Why are you doing this to me

Enji: Because Touya is already in a relationship with Burnin’

Enji: Natsuo is with that commoner girl of his

Enji: And Izuku Kayama is in a relationship and therefore unavailable for Fuyumi

Shoto: izuku is 15

Shoto: and isn’t this what you did with mom

Enji: yes

Enji: i still feel terrible that this was how i got her parents to agree to let me marry her

Enji: but i have heard from Fuyumi that you are quite taken with the Yaoyorozu heiress

Shoto: so what if i am

Enji: then this will be of no issue

Shoto: but what if she hates me

Enji:

Enji: you should talk with Rei or Fuyumi about this

Shoto: I would talk with mother if she were allowed a phone

Enji: she is?

Shoto: WHAT

Enji: did you not know?

Enji: she’s been out of the hospital for a few days now

Shoto: I am coming home right now.

Enji: don’t forget a change of clothes

Shoto: whatever dad

Problem Children: Free at Last

Pikachu: where’s todoroki off to so fast

SmallMight: probably home

Pikachu: why?

SmallMight: personal reasons

Pikachu: ok fair

The next day

Private Message: Shoto Todoroki - Momo Yaoyorozu (16:30)

Momo: that was

Momo: unexpected

Shoto: yes i know

Momo: at least it’s someone I already know?

Shoto: That is a good thing, yes?

Momo: Oh absolutely

Momo: if it were literally anyone else i would have told my parents where they could shove it

Shoto: Do you want to tell the class?

Momo: How about you just say something and we never mention it ever again.

Momo: that would be hilarious

Shoto: ok

Problem Children (18:45)

Zuko: hello it is me Shoto Todoroki

Zuko: i have some news

Zuko: it was me that yaomomo was meeting with today

Zuko: it went well

Zuko: we are engaged

Zuko: no more questions

Zuko: goodbye

SmallMight: WHAT

Mochi: WHAT

Sonic: WHAT!

Midnight: FUCK YES

Unicorn: FUCK YES

SmallMight: ERI

Unicorn: sowwy

SmallMight: its ok

Xenomorph: GIVE US DETAILS YAOMOMO

Yaomomo: No :)

Xenomorph: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Susan Storm: I NEED THOSE DEETS

SmallMight: I think we need to let them tell us when they are ready to tell us.

SmallMight: so back off

Xenomorph: yes prezzy

Susan Storm: yes prezzy

Private Message: Izuku Kayama - Shoto Todoroki

Izuku: are you okay with this?
Shoto: oh absolutely

Shoto: she is beautiful

Shoto: and kind

Shoto: but she does write smut

Shoto: but that’s like the only con

Izuku: ok cool

Private Message: Kyoka Jirou - Momo Yaoyorozu

Kyoka: Are you sure you are okay with this?

Momo: have you SEEN him?

Kyoka: ok fair

Momo: and plus, i had final say with it all

Momo: And obviously, I said yes

Kyoka: ok

Kyoka: can i be your maid of honor

Momo: as if I were going to ask anyone else

Kyoka: when’s the wedding

Momo: like four years from now

Momo: My parents are paying for the venue and the decor

Momo: endeavor is paying for the food and my dress

Momo: and the bridesmaids dresses

Momo: and shoto’s suit

Momo: and his groomsmen’s suits

Kyoka: that seems pretty lopsided

Momo: yes

Momo: but it will come out to about the same price anyway

Problem Children (19:00)

Aizawa: i hope this will not distract you from your training

Zuko: it will not sir

Yaomomo: it will not

Aizawa: good

God: We can move you to a special dorm :)

Yaomomo: unnecessary

Zuko: no thanks

God: ok

God: this isn’t the first nor will it be the last time we will have people enter our halls who are engaged

God: Most of them were like you, in an “arranged” marriage

Yaomomo: we know

Zuko: yeah my dad was like that

Todoroki Fam

Enji Todoroki has added Rei Todoroki to the group

Fuyumi: mom!

Shoto: hi mom

Touya: what up mother

Natsuo: yo

Rei: hello children

Rei: i am new to this smartphone thing

Rei: how do i send a picture

Fuyumi: i will come show you

Fuyumi: are you in the living room?

Rei: yes

Rei: google

Rei: how to send picture in messages

Rei: oh oops

Touya: hahaha

Rei: TOUYA

Rei: COME HERE THIS INSTANT

Touya: yes momma

Rei: AND BRING MOE

Rei: I know she is here

Touya: yes momma

Natsuo: CAPTURED IN 4K

Touya: i will burn you

Shoto: Just like you burned me?

Touya: I SAID I WAS SORRY

Shoto: tell that to my arm

Rei: shoto

Rei: it was an accident

Shoto: i know mother

Shoto: i just like tormenting him

Rei: ok

Rei: bring Momo around sometime

Rei: i would like to meet her

Shoto: we are already on the train

Rei: ok :)

Problem Children: Free at Last

Zuko: Momo and i are going to meet my mother

Zuko: see you tonight when we get back

Zuko: goodbye

SmallMight: tell her I said hi

Zuko: she does not know who you are but i will pass it along all the same

Pikachu: TAKE ME TO MEET YOUR MOM

Zuko: no

Pikachu: drats

Bassist: what do you mean by that shitnerd

Pikachu: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Pikachu: nothing

Bassist: that's what i thought

Bassist: now come here

Bassist: it’s time for your cock and also ball torture

Pikachu: fuck yeah

Pikachu: WAIT WRONG CHAT FUCK

Bassist: FUCK

Discount Spiderman: SCREENSHOTTED

Xenomorph: EXPOSED

Mochi: CAUGHT IN 4K

Bassist: YOU HAVE NO ROOM TO TALK OCHAKO

Blasty: THIS IS LIKE FREE REALITY TELEVISION

Blasty: I might transfer to UA just to watch the shitshow that is your class

SmallMight: really?

Rock Solid: really?

Blasty: yeah i kinda hate shiketsu

Blasty: like they teach us all the right stuff and they train hard

Blasty: but you all seem to have so much fun at UA

Blasty: also i hate my classmates

Blasty: especially baldy the airbender

Zuko: Are you referring to Yoarashi?

Blasty: yeah that bastard

God: there is an open spot in class B if you do decide to transfer

Blasty: thanks nezu i'll think about it

Notes:

Till Next Time :)

Chapter 21: A Glimpse at the Other Class

Summary:

:O Two chapters in one day???? If you missed chapter 20, go read it!
this one's a little short bc i ran out of ideas for this chap

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Problem Children: Free at Last

Xenomorph: I wonder what the other class talks about in their group chat

SmallMight: Who knows

1-B Group Chat

IronIronIronIron: Who wants to beat the shit out of me again

Scyther: Me

Gengar: Me

Mob Psycho: I can throw things at you

MisterFister: I volunteer

Henry McCoy: You are a good punching bag, I will admit

Toadette: can i grow mushrooms in your esophagus

IronIronIronIron: no

Toadette: well shit

GurrenLagann: I would like to sharpen my spinny hands

IronIronIronIron: well good thing I’m made out of iron

Priest: I can whip you

IronIronIronIron: yes mommy

Priest: nevermind

Priest: repent

GrowerNotAShower: I can make things for Yanagi to throw at you bigger

IronIronIronIron: hell yes! I can train my reactions

Over9000: I think we all can beat the shit out of you Tetsutetsu

Over9000: To train your Quirk obviously

Over9000: not because we are sick of your intense friendliness

IronIronIronIron: SICK!

IronIronIronIron: See you all in gym gamma in 30 minutes!

Vlad King: Class A is in Gym Gamma for another hour

Vlad King: so you will have to wait

IronIronIronIron: what are they doing?

Vlad King: Beating the shit out of Kirishima last I heard

IronIronIronIron: I love that guy!

MisterFister: hate monoma though

IronIronIronIron: oh yeah fuck him all the way to hell

Manga: WE SHOULD HAVE AN ORGY TO KILL THE TIME

MisterFister: we will not have an orgy manga

Manga: IT WAS JUST A SUGGESTION

Lizard: Yeah, a bad one

ImSoftAsFuck: fr

ImSoftAsFuck: stop suggesting orgies man

Manga: I AM SORRY

Manga: IT IS WHO I AM

MisterFister: well change who you are and you might get some

ScaleyBoi: seriously manga

ScaleyBoi: We talked about this

Manga: I AM SORRY RIN

ScaleyBoi: I thought you would realize that after Mineta was expelled

Manga: OH SHIT YOU RIGHT

Manga: I WILL STOP BEING A PERV BUT IF I CONTINUE I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE AHEAD OF TIME

Lizard: that’s all we ask

Lizard: Komori make me some psychedelic mushrooms pls

Vlad King: do NOT do that

Toadette: aww ok

Elmer: wanna huff some glue

Lizard: sure why not

Elmer: cool i’ve got buckets of the stuff

Vlad King: DO NOT DO THAT EITHER

Thirteen: PLEASE DO NOT

Lizard: i was JOKING

Elmer: i wasn’t

Welder: who wants to prank class a

IronIronIronIron: not manly!

GurrenLagann: me

Scyther: me

LeafBlower: me

MisterFister: i see the goober squad has assembled

MisterFister: i wonder if class a has a goober squad

Goober Squad

Denki: who wants a poptart

Hanta: me

Eijirou: me

Mina: me

Denki: i only have blueberry

Hanta: ew fuck no

Eijirou: FUCK YES

Mina: eh nvm

1-B Group Chat

Welder: wouldn’t doubt it

Welder: what should we do

GurrenLagann: we can tp their dorm

Manga: WE SHOULD KIDNAP THEIR CLASS PRESIDENT

Welder: i like that idea

Welder: we’re doing that

Private Message: Nirengeki Shoda - Itsuka Kendo

Nirengeki: should we tell them Kayama is a monster

Itsuka: no this is a learning opportunity

Nirengeki: ok

Four hours later

1-B Group Chat

MisterFister: what did we learn

Welder: do not fuck with their class president

GurrenLagann: do not fuck with their class president

LeafBlower: do not fuck with their class president

Manga: do not fuck with their class president

Scyther: fight their class president at any opportunity

MisterFister: Kamakiri, no

Scyther: tch

MisterFister: Did you really type out ‘tch’?

Scyther: yes

MisterFister: why

Scyther: it adds drama

GrowerNotAShower: uh huh

Scyther: shut it mute

GrowerNotAShower: shut it mantis boy

Scyther: I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE

Vlad King: i hate you all

Vlad King: except for kendo and shoda and shiozaki

Notes:

Till Next Time :)

Chapter 22: Time for some payback

Summary:

1-A pranks 1-B in retaliation for their attempted kidnapping of Izuku.
Absolutely nothing goes wrong :)

Chapter Text

Problem Children: Free at Last

Copier: Are we going to let 1-B get away with this?

Mochi: FUCK NO

Xenomorph: FUCK NO

Blasty: idk what you’re talking about but FUCK NO

Mochi: THEY TRIED TO KIDNAP IZUKU

Blasty: oh lmao and i assume that failed miserably

SmallMight: i may have went overboard

Mochi: you didn’t go far enough imo

SmallMight: I BROKE TSUBURABA’S SPINE!

Blasty: OH SHIT

SmallMight: he’s fine but still

Copier: we should kidnap their class president

SmallMight: no kendou’s too nice

Yaomomo: agreed

SmallMight: I have an idea

Year One Class Presidents

Kayama: Kendou

Kendou: yes?

Kayama: i have a plan and I need your help

Kendou: Are you getting back at my class for trying to kidnap you?

Togeike: What do you hero students get up to?

Hatsume: I’m in 1-A’s chat and it’s a hoot

Agoyamato: Why are you the only support class president

Hatsume: i am all their class president

Hatsume: i consolidated the classes into one

Agoyamayo: scary

Yaoyorozu: Shoda we need your help too

Shoda: I will honestly help you do anything

Shoda: our goober squad has gone too far

Kendou: Agreed

Yaoyorozu: Agreed

Kayama: Agreed

Shoda: What’s your plan?

Kayama: well you see…

1-B Group Chat

MisterFister: EVERYONE TO THE COMMON ROOM NOW

Scyther: no fuck you

Vlad King: NOW

Scyther: yes sir

LeafBlower: am i excused

Vlad King: yes you are tsuburaba

Vlad King: literally do not move

LeafBlower: I would if i could sir

LeafBlower: WHAT WAS THAT NOISE

LeafBlower: WHY IS NO ONE TALKING

LeafBlower: PREZ!

LeafBlower: SITREP!

MisterFister: 1-A has taken their revenge

LeafBlower: WHAT DID THEY DO

Mister Fister: [1 video (1-B coming downstairs and forming a loose circle. The lights shut out and suddenly, everyone is blinded by a flashbang. Once they get their vision back, Izuku is standing in the middle of the group, flanked by Monoma and Ochako with Yaomomo standing nearby. Izuku glares at the students and says, “You tried to kidnap me. So in retaliation: you will all be kidnapped.” Every student in 1-B except for Shoda and Kendou are suddenly engulfed in individual canvas bags, 1-B’s quirks are flying but nothing is connecting. All of the bags are dragged outside and the video ends)]

LeafBlower: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

LeafBlower: EVEN SHIOZAKI?
MisterFister: no koda let her know beforehand

LeafBlower: i hate 1-A but koda’s cool

MisterFister: they rly are cute together

Priest: oh my

Priest: so this is why koji wanted me out of the dorm

MisterFister: koji?

Priest: yes

Priest: Koji.

MisterFister: dropping it

Priest: good

Priest: where have they taken our classmates?

MisterFister: don’t know

MisterFister: don’t care

Over9000: they assured us they’d be back by morning

Over9000: they didn’t specify which morning though…

UA Teacher Chat

Cementoss: who would like to explain why 1-A is dragging 1-B across the campus in canvas sacks

Vlad King: payback

Eraserhead: Payback

Cementoss: why?

Vlad King: my hellions tried to abduct Izuku Kayama

Recovery Girl: AND ALMOST ENDED UP GETTING ONE OF THEIR OWN PERMANENTLY PARALYZED

Recovery Girl: I quit.

Nezu: Please do not.

Recovery Girl: 30%

Nezu: 20

Recovery Girl: deal

Nezu: thank you :)

Nezu: Where are they taking them?

Eraserhead: i heard the USJ was their destination

Eraserhead: they requested a bus and everything

Eraserhead: my kids are crazy but they follow most of the rules

Nezu: aww i didn’t know you thought of them so fondly

Eraserhead: literally die nezu

Nezu: I don’t know if i can :)

Eraserhead: Want to find out?

Thirteen: ok i know what they’re doing

Midnight: what?

Thirteen: making 1-B go through what they did at the USJ but with 100% more evil Izuku

Midnight: oh god

Recovery Girl: i’ll get some pain killers

Recovery Girl: and splints

Recovery Girl: and himiko

1-B Group Chat

Welder: i hate them even more now

Scyther: he broke my swords

Scyther: with his mind

Scyther: how

MisterFister: his quirk is bullshit

Scyther: your face is bullshit

GrowerNotAShower: i will have his children

MisterFister: he’s in a relationship kodai

GrowerNotAShower: so

MisterFister: i don’t think he’d leave Uraraka for you tbh

MisterFister: they are glued at the hip

Elmer: i didn’t do anything i swear

MisterFister: Figure of speech, Bondo

Elmer: oh thank god i thought you knew

MisterFister: knew what

Elmer: nothing, shutting up now

LeafBlower: what happened

IronIronIronIron: 1-A had their Class President fight all of us at once

LeafBlower: did you win

IronIronIronIron: we didn’t land a single hit on him

LeafBlower: HOW

IronIronIronIron: he’s got some precognition i guess

LeafBlower: let’s not fuck with them anymore

IronIronIronIron: agreed

Scyther: no

Gengar: agreed

ImSoftAsFuck: agreed

GurrenLagann: agreed

Toadette: agreed

Welder: agreed

Lizard: agreed

Problem Children: Free at Last

Xenomorph: thank god prezzy isn’t a villain that was terrifying

Pikachu: RT

Discount Spiderman: R-FUCKING-T

Blasty: ?

Yaomomo: we kidnapped 1-B and had Izuku fight all of them as if he were a villain

Yaomomo: he did not hold back

Yaomomo: there were many broken limbs

Yaomomo: and concussions

Yaomomo: recovery girl hates Kayama now

SmallMight: nah she loves me

Xenomorph: finally talking with us huh?

Pikachu: where did you and uraraka run off to after that whole thing was over

SmallMight: uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

SmallMight: no where

Xenomorph: did you have kinky forest sex

SmallMight: NO

Mochi: YES IT WAS GREAT

SmallMight: OCHAKO

Mochi: WE ARE DOING THAT AGAIN

Pikachu: Great! Adding that to the growing list of things I did not need to know!

Dr. Doolittle: i think it was funny

Dr. Doolittle: did you know that squirrels like to talk

Dr. Doolittle: a lot

SmallMight: i am so sorry koda

Dr. Doolittle: oh it’s fine

Dr. Doolittle: be quieter next time

Chapter 23: Magic

Summary:

The gang plays Magic: The Gathering

Notes:

I got back into magic recently

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Problem Children: Free at Last

Pikachu: i am so bored

Xenomorph: same

Discount Spiderman: same

SmallMight: we could play magic

Pikachu: NO FUCK YOU YOU PLAY CONTROL GO DIE

SmallMight: I have other decks…

Blasty: NO HE DOESN’T DON’T BELIEVE HIM

SmallMight: fuck you bakugou

Mochi: what’s magic

SmallMight: trading card game with heavy fantasy elements

Pikachu: it’s super fun

Evermore: but quite difficult to master

Shoji YES: and expensive af

SmallMight: frfr

SmallMight: if mom weren’t a hero idk if i’d be able to fund my cardboard crack addiction

Sonic: You should check yourself into rehab if you are addicted to crack!

SmallMight: I’m not Tenya but thanks for worrying

SmallMight: we’re talking about magic the gathering

Sonic: oh

Sonic: fuck you all the way to hell you control player

SmallMight: *gasp* TENYA SWORE

SmallMight: TENYA SWORE

Discount Spiderman: SCREENSHOTTED AND SENT TO INGENIUM

Sonic: NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Private Message: Tensei Iida - Tenya Iida

Tensei: I am very disappointed in you

Tenya: I AM SORRY

Tensei: lmao it’s ok

Problem Children: Free at Last

SmallMight: but i’m serious though who wants to play magic

SmallMight: i have several decks all mathematically perfect for their themes and mechanics

God: you have never beaten me

SmallMight: BECAUSE YOU PLAY MERFOLK YOU BASTARD

SmallMight: I forgot what everyone plays for commander

SmallMight: pls remind me

Blasty: NO DON’T HE’LL MAKE THE PERFECT DECK TO COUNTER YOUR FUN

Pikachu: niv mizzet spells

Evermore: yawgmoth aristocrats

Sonic: mono haste

SmallMight: who’s your commander tenya

Sonic: nunya

SmallMight: fine

Tenya’s Handler: Artifacts

SmallMight: why am i not surprised

Pepe: infect

SmallMight: BANNED

Pikachu: BANNED

Evermore: BANNED

Pepe: i also have selesnya tokens

SmallMight: DOUBLE BANNED

Pikachu: DOUBLE BANNED

Pepe: :(

SmallMight: if you really want to play you can use my frog tribal

Pepe: you can make one like that?

SmallMight: yes

SmallMight: it isn’t good but it’s really fun

Pepe: i will take you up on that offer

SmallMight: OK

SmallMight: all magic players report to the common room

SmallMight: if anyone wants to watch feel free to

Problem Children: Free at Last

The Most Normal One Here: how’d the game go?

SmallMight: Tsu won

The Most Normal One Here: cool

The Most Normal One Here: how

SmallMight: i forgot i put blightsteel colossus in that deck for shits and giggles

Pepe: hehe ribbit

Pepe: take this L

Mochi: at least you got second place?

SmallMight: all i am is the first loser

Pikachu: actually that would be me

Pikachu: you did kill me turn 4

SmallMight: haha i did do that

SmallMight: sorry

SmallMight: your deck might have stopped the frogtide

Pepe: nothing stops the frogtide

Notes:

Till next time :)

Chapter 24: prezzy sings for all the world to hear

Summary:

The title says it all

Notes:

I know i know this should be a chapter of dekuhaul
but i'm working on it!
SCHEDULE UPDATE FOR ALL MY FICS:
Dekuhaul and MVFEP will be released on alternating weekends. So this weekend a chapter of dekuhaul will be released and then the next weekend will have MVFEP and so on.
This fic will be released on weekdays when I have time or motivation to write it :)

Chapter Text

Problem Children

Bassist: Aizawa I have a request

Aizawa: What is it?

Bassist: can we hold a concert

Aizawa: sure whatever

God: I will let all of the other students know :)

Bassist: no pls don’t that’s too many

God: Too late :)

Zuko: oh look

Zuko: Endeavor has graciously provided 500 pizzas

God: looks like even more students will be there

SmallMight: oh god

Yaomomo: I think it’ll be fun!

SmallMight: yeah because you like crowds cheering your name

SmallMight: that is like my worst fear

SmallMight: giving the speech to open the sports festival was a nightmare

Mochi: awww izu

Mochi: if u do well we can :eyes:

Unicorn: i request fruit salad by the wiggles

Bassist: sorry eri our setlist is pretty set in stone

SmallMight: But I can sing it to you tonight!

Unicorn: yay!

Nezu has created a new group

Nezu has changed the group name to “School-wide Announcements”

Nezu has added All Might, Midnight, and 400 other people to the group

Nezu has muted everyone else indefinitely

Nezu: Hello, students and faculty! Class 1-A has reached out an offer to all of you to attend a concert put on by some of their members.

Nezu: There will be free pizza

Nezu: It will take place in gym gamma

Nezu: It will begin at 7pm this evening

Nezu: I have been told that the music played will be of the “rock” genre, so if you do not enjoy that kind of music, then go for the free pizza anyway. It was provided by the Number Two Hero, Endeavor as a thanks for taking care of his son

Teacher’s Chat

God: LMAO as if Endeavor would do that

God: I suspect young Todoroki has stolen his father’s credit card again

Eraserhead: yeah you’d be right

Eraserhead: Endeavor called him an hour ago asking about the half a million yen charge to his card

Eraserhead: when Todoroki answered, Endeavor suggested adding more pizza to the order

All Might: I will provide 1000 bottles of soda

Midnight: Pizza party for the whole school!

Cementoss: i am going home

God: you live here though

Cementoss: I am going HOME

Cementoss: I miss my mother

Cementoss: I will see you all tomorrow

Cementoss: After this whole thing is over

Present Mic: I AM SO GOING TO BE THERE HOLY SHIT THAT SOUNDS AMAZING!

Problem Children: Free at Last (18:30)

Yaomomo: last sound checks are good

SmallMight: all right

SmallMight: gotta psyche myself up

Bassist: just go out there and kill em!

Blasty: literally

Bassist: NO

Blasty: KILL THEM WITH YOUR SOUND NERD

SmallMight: THANKS KACCHAN

Blasty: you haven’t called me that in years

SmallMight: you’ve earned it

Blasty: bro….

Rock Solid: bro….

SmallMight: bro….

Mochi: kiss

Rock Solid: kiss

Blasty: ew no

Mochi: WHAT’S SO GROSS ABOUT KISSING IZU HUH?

Blasty: well he’s green

SmallMight: NOT ANYMORE FUCKER

Blasty: oh yeah

Blasty: well he’s whatever color his hair is

SmallMight: DARK PURPLE

Bassist: what’s wrong with being dark purple?

Pikachu: yeah fucker

Blasty: WHATEVER

Blasty: GO FUCK YOURSELVES

Bassist: ok fr kayama get up here rn we are starting in like five minutes we need our lead singer and also back up guitarist

Blasty: is pikachu really your lead guitarist

SmallMight: yeah

SmallMight: i may be better than he is at guitar but i need to focus on two things at once and playing the lead part of any of the songs we chose and singing would be extremely difficult

SmallMight: also shoto are you good for pyrotechnics?

Zuko: yes

SmallMight: thx bb no homo

Zuko: Ok?

Yaomomo: I will explain it to you later

Problem Children: Free at Last (20:10)

Mochi: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

Mochi: YOU WEREN’T KIDDING

Mochi: HIS VOICE IS LIKE SILK

Sonic: Why did you play so much shinedown?

SmallMight: bc shinedown fucks

Bassist: bc shinedown fucks

Sonic: I know that

Sonic: But what was the other band you played songs from? I found it quite good.

Evermore: that was Metallica my friend

Sonic: ah

Sonic: Thank you.

Evermore: No problem

Xenomorph: so

Xenomorph: how’s the voice?

SmallMight: can’t talk

SmallMight: too painful

Xenomorph: can i has the setlist?

Bassist: sure

Bassist: [1 image (setlist: Planet Zero, Second Chance, Hope, and If You Only Knew all by Shinedown. Master of Puppets, One, The Four Horsemen, and For Whom the Bell Tolls by Metallica. Last song: Fruit Salad by the Wiggles written in crayon at the bottom)]

Xenomorph: can’t believe you actually played that last one

SmallMight: yeah me either

Mochi: its bc he knew it would make Eri happy

SmallMight: AND SHE DESERVES ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD!

Xenomorph: Preachin to the choir my man

Chapter 25: The gang has talents

Summary:

The gang does a talent show

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Problem Children: Free at Last

Pikachu: we should have a talent show

Pikachu: like just for us

Xenomorph: I wholeheartedly agree

Xenomorph: But Prezzy is forbidden from singing since we already know he’s good at that

SmallMight: :(

Mochi: You have other talents!

SmallMight: you right

Yaomomo: I think this is a great idea! We can use this to grow closer as a class!

Sonic: I was just about to say the same thing!

Xenomorph: awww match made in heaven

Tenya’s Handler: Step off slut

Zuko: I will murder-kill you tenya

Zuko: The dorm will smell like burning flesh for months

SmallMight: pls no i have bad memories of that

Zuko: oh i am sorry

Xenomorph: whipped

Zuko: ???

SmallMight: we aren’t together???

Xenomorph: uh huh~

SmallMight: back to the talent show

SmallMight: when should we have it?

Yaomomo: How about this weekend? It will give everyone ample time to prepare!
SmallMight: Alrighty

SmallMight: @everyone We will be holding a class talent show in the common room this Sunday evening! There will be a sign-up sheet on the fridge! And if you don’t want to participate, you can be one of the judges!

Dr. Doolittle: I volunteer to be a judge

Sparkles: ME TOO

Bakery: Me three

SmallMight: well it looks like the judge slots are full

SmallMight: Now go get ready!

Who run the world? (girls)

Ripley: yo has anyone seen what prezzy is gonna do?

Sandra Bullock: No

Froggy Chair: no

Glass: no

3DPrinter: I saw him sign up

Ripley: what’s he gonna do

3DPrinter: he just wrote “dance”

3DPrinter: When I asked him about it, he told me how his mother had him try out many things when he was growing up, dance being one of the ones that he stuck with for a few years before dropping it for hero training.

Ripley: YO I DIDN’T KNOW HE DANCED

Sandra Bullock: Neither did I…

Ripley: girl do you even know him

Sandra Bullock: I know him in the biblical sense

Sandra Bullock: but he keeps pulling these hidden talents out of nowhere!

Punk: fr

Punk: I’m gonna ask his mom what he stuck with

Punk: brb

Punk: ok back

Punk: it's a lot

Sandra Bullock: Speak. Now.

Punk: dance, guitar, singing lessons, gymnastics, he volunteered at an old folks home for a while, and knitting.

Punk: Oh, and American Football

Ripley: Why American Football?

Punk: Something about wanting to run someone over every once in a while.

3DPrinter: Did she specify which kind of dance? I am quite versed in ballroom and classical dance.

Punk: I asked and she just said “yes”

3DPrinter: Oh my…

That Sunday

Problem Children: Free at Last

Xenomorph: I don’t get how reciting the entire student handbook from memory is a talent

Sonic: It is an important thing to have memorized!

Sonic: Also why are we texting? We are all in the same room!

Xenomorph: It's rude to talk while someone’s performing

Sonic: Ah

Xenomorph: I wonder what Ochako’s doing in that cha

Xenomorph: HOLY SHIT

Bassist: HOLY SHIT

Rock Solid: HOLY SHIT

Blasty: What’s going on?!

Pikachu: PREZZY IS GIVING URARAKA A LAP DANCE

Pikachu: LIKE FULL ON

Pikachu: HOLY SHIT

Pikachu: HE’S SO GOOD???

Problem Children

Aizawa: NEMURI

Aizawa: WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING YOUR SON

Midnight: What’s happening?

Aizawa: HE IS GIVING URARAKA A LAP DANCE FOR THEIR LITTLE TALENT SHOW

Midnight: OH PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE IS FILMING

Pikachu: Mina’s got it

Midnight: Thank you mina :)

Xenomorph: Can I get some extra credit?

Midnight: No :)

Xenomorph: then no video for you

Midnight: fine

Midnight: you will get a point of extra credit on your next essay

Midnight: now gimme

Xenomorph: its in ur dms

Midnight: big thankies mcspankies

Xenomorph: ?

Midnight: holy shit

Midnight: I did not teach him that

Aizawa: I find that hard to believe

Mochi: hhhhhhhhh

Midnight: Ochako?

Midnight: You good honey?

Mochi: hhhhhhhhhhh

SmallMight: she’s fine

Unicorn: If ms chako isn’t feeling good i can make her feel better

SmallMight: no that’s my job

Unicorn: okie

Unicorn: izzy

SmallMight: yes?

Unicorn: what’s a lap dance

SmallMight: uh

SmallMight: mom explain

Midnight: it’s when someone does a suggestive dance for someone and usually ends up on that person’s lap at some point. It is an adult thing and you should not worry about doing it any time soon. And if anyone ever asks you to, I will murder-kill them.

Unicorn: thanks mommy

Unicorn: i tired

Midnight: go to sleep bb

Unicorn: ok

Unicorn: i go sleep now

Midnight: Keep all further conversations about this out of this chat

SmallMight: yes mom

Private Message: Tsuyu Asui - Mina Ashido

Tsuyu: run me that link mina

Mina: why

Tsuyu: give it

Tsuyu: run me that vid or you die

Mina: jeez ok

Tsuyu: sweet thanks I’ll see you in five hours

Mina: ewwwww

Notes:

Till Next Time :)

Chapter 26: Idfk at this point bruh

Notes:

I am officially back from the dead! Probably won't update any other story I've got for a while longer, but this one will receive at least one new chap a month... if my work schedule allows it... and also my wife... and my dog... and my motivation... and my newfound obsession with Star Wars Legion... hmmm minis... anyway! Back on track: I am officially reviving this fic! I will begin working on the other two as soon as I can/feel like, so keep an eye out for new chapters for Dekuhaul and MVFEP! (probably not for another month or so tbh)
Enjoy!

Chapter Text

Problem Children: Free at Last

Blasty: why the fuck is no one talking

Pikachu: oh shit lmao

Pikachu: we totally forgot we had this chat

Blasty: well fuck you I’ve been stuck with these shiketsu boot lickers for like five and a half months

SmallMight: weird

SmallMight: it’s been like a day since we last used this chat

Blasty: wtf no it hasnt

Xenomorph: yes it has

Xenomorph: Tsuyu still hasn’t come out of her room ever since I sent her that video of Yams dancing all over Uraraka

Mochi: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Pepe: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

SmallMight: ew

Pepe: hey

Pepe: it’s not my fault you’re a slab of fuckable meat

Mochi: hell yeah he is hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Blasty: y’all are gross

Blasty: just have a threesome already

Pepe: 👀

Mochi: stay away from my mans

Mochi: slut

SmallMight: i am inclined to agree with Ochako

SmallMight: please keep your tongue away from me

SmallMight: and your ginormous eyeballs

Yaomomo: i have ideas now

Pepe: if you write porn involving my tongue I am going to rip your throat out

Yaomomo: i have less ideas now

Blasty: ugh whatever

Sonic: I still think it is immoral to be engaging in premarital intercourse!

SmallMight: Tenya.

SmallMight: Are you sure you want to go down this road?

Sonic: I would like to retract my former statement

SmallMight: good

Mochi: good

Xenomorph: good

Discount Spiderman: good

The Most Normal One Here: good

Susan Storm: good

Tenya’s Handler:

Sonic: MEI NO

Tenya’s Handler: uh-huh~

Tenya’s Handler: now cmere and let me do things to your body

Tenya’s Handler: i’m gonna cram so much shit into your mufflers

Sonic: MEI

Tenya’s Handler: what?

Tenya’s Handler: OH

Tenya’s Handler: i’m testing out a new type of fuel for tenya

Tenya’s Handler: according to my calculations, it will make him 2.7534743% faster

Tenya’s Handler: or it’ll stop his heart

SmallMight: that seems like a big jump from improvement to side-effect…

Sonic: eh i’ve tried worse odds

The next day

Problem Children

Unicorn: ms chako

Mochi: yes eri?

Unicorn: where u

Unicorn: our tea party was supposed to start 3 minutes ago

Mochi: I’m sorry! I was picking up some snacks and someone tried to rob me!

SmallMight: Are you okay?

Yaomomo: Oh my goodness!

Mochi: yeah I kicked him where the sun don’t shine

Mochi: i doubt he’ll be having any children ever

Mochi: still waiting for the cops tho

SmallMight: tell me your location

Mochi: corner by the pizza shop where we had our 17th date

SmallMight: on my way

SmallMight: i am also bringing a cop

Mochi: cool

Mochi: wow you got here f

Xenomorph: what happened?

Sonic: IZUKU, OCHAKO

Sonic: WHAT HAPPENED

Sonic: I AM VERY WORRIED

SmallMight: he woke up

SmallMight: it was rappa

SmallMight: from the yakuza

Unicorn: oh i liked rappa, he always brought me apples after chisaki ripped me apart and put me back together

SmallMight: oh eri

Midnight: eri :(

Mochi: :(

Rock Solid: :(

Evermore: revelry in the dark

SmallMight: I’m sorry you had to go through that

Unicorn: it ok

Unicorn: at least he’s dead

Mochi: god DAMN

Mochi: that fight was tough

Mochi: jk izuku did it all for me

Pepe: describe it in intimate detail

Pepe: i demand it

Pepe: I DEMAND IT

Mochi: he just kicked him in the head and it was over

Discount Spiderman: also

Discount Spiderman: is everyone just ignoring what tokoyami said

SmallMight: yes

Mochi: yes

Midnight: yes

Sonic: yes

Xenomorph: yes

Zuko: yes

Discount Spiderman: cool, just checking

Problem Children

SmallMight: ok he’s in jail

SmallMight: WE’RE COMING ERI

Mochi: wow

Pepe: what

Mochi: we flew back

Pepe: HE CAN FLY NOW?

Mochi: he can fly now

Cat-Guy: i have been summoned by the star wars reference

Evermore: sequels aren’t real i refuse to believe

Cat-Guy: suffer. Bird (derogatory)

Evermore: fuck you, bitch (derogatory)

SmallMight: ok break it up

SmallMight: and no i cannot fly

SmallMight: it was just a very powerful jump

SmallMight: that may or may not have shattered both my legs

Midnight: AGAIN?

SmallMight: please get recovery girl

AllMight: she’ll be at your landing site

SmallMight: thanks dad

SmallMight: I MEAN ALL MIGHT

SmallMight: THANKS ALL MIGHT

Unicorn: i thought tensei was dad now

Midnight: he will be

Midnight: all might is like a surrogate father for izuku

Midnight: because his real one is evil

Midnight: and a dick

Unicorn: okie

AllMight: i didn’t know you valued our relationship that much…

SmallMight: DMS PLEASE BEFORE I BLAST MYSELF INTO SPACE WITH MY ALREADY BROKEN LEGS

Private Messages: Toshinori Yagi - Izuku Kayama

Izuku: yeah i kinda see you as a dad

Toshinori: Oh young kayama…

Toshinori: i also kind of see you as the son I never got to have

Izuku: are you crying now

Toshinori: yeah

Izuku: me too

Toshinori: wanna hug when you get out of recovery girl’s office?

Izuku: yes please

Problem Children

Zuko: i knew it

SmallMight: STOP IT

Chapter 27: Fellas, is it gay...

Chapter Text

Problem Children

Aizawa: Ok

Aizawa: Okay

Aizawa: it has come to my attention that there has been an outbreak of

Aizawa: fuck

Aizawa: mono

Aizawa: amongst the students in my class

Aizawa: I’m not mad

Aizawa: I just wanna know who started it

Discount Spiderman: IT WAS KIRISHIMA

Rock Solid: NO IT FUCKING WASN’T

Discount Spiderman: THEN WHY WAS I SICK AFTER YOU KISSED ME GOODNIGHT

Xenomorph: WOAH

Xenomorph: WHAT

Xenomorph: you makin moves on my boy, Horn Buddy?

Sonic: Sero, I had no idea you were attracted to men!

Discount Spiderman: I’m not

Sonic: But you freely admit to have enjoyed getting kissed by a man?

Discount Spiderman: It ain’t gay to kiss your homies goodnight

Zuko: come here izuku

SmallMight: NO

SmallMight: STAY AWAY FROM ME

Zuko: Sero just said it wasn’t gay to kiss your friends goodnight

SmallMight: IT’S 3 IN THE AFTERNOON?

Zuko: it’s bedtime somewhere come here

SmallMight: @Yaomomo

SmallMight: HELP

Yaomomo: Shoto, please do not kiss Kayama

Yaomomo: in case you forgot, he is one of the sick ones and I do not want to get mono either

Zuko: wait

Zuko: what does mono have to do with this

Pikachu: oh my god he doesn’t know

Pikachu: I wish I could frame this moment on my wall forever

Bassist: fuck off you gave it to me too

Sonic: HOW MANY OF YOU ARE KISSING EACH OTHER REGULARLY ENOUGH TO SPREAD MONO?????

Discount Spiderman: well every once in a while, usually when I’ve had a bad day, I ask Kirishima to come

Discount Spiderman: you know

Discount Spiderman: gimme a kith goodnight

Unicorn: Izuku does that for me sometimes when the nightmares are too much to bear

Discount Spiderman: you know Eri, I kinda preferred it when you couldn’t spell or form coherent thoughts through text

Unicorn: you can thank Mr. Fuzzy

Unicorn: He sat with me until I could form well articulated thoughts that conveyed how I am feeling

Unicorn: it helps with my therapist, she knows what the h*ck I’m talking about

Yaomomo: you are a very verbose 6 year old

Unicorn: You literally gave me a thesaurus for christmas

Yaomomo: there is no way you read that entire thing

Unicorn: I have lots of free time

Unicorn: also Nejire

Yaomomo: ah

SmallMight: all has become clear to me now

Mochi: die izuku

SmallMight: what?

Mochi: you did this to me now come take responsibility!

Midnight: 👀

Midnight: I wasn’t expecting grandkids this soon

Mochi: nonononononononono

Mochi: your son

Mochi: gave me

Mochi: MONO

Mochi: WHO THE FUCK DID YOU FUCKING KISS

Mochi: TELL ME OR I WILL KILL YOU

Mochi: I WILL KILL YOU DEAD FUCKER

SmallMight: Eijirou sometimes kisses me goodnight too

Mochi: oh

Mochi: acceptable

Mochi: but you’re on thin fucking ice, buddy

Mochi: you too, you red haired fucker

Rock Solid: I’M SORRY

Rock Solid: I have no idea where I got it from though

Rock Solid: hold on

Problem Children: Free at Last

Rock Solid: KATSUKI

Rock Solid: KATSUKI BAKUGOU

Blasty: what the fuck do you want

Rock Solid: WHO THE FUCK GAVE YOU MONO

Blasty: oh that

Blasty: some random chick ran up and kissed me and shouted “haha now you have it too” before running off

Rock Solid: YOU NEVER TOLD ME THIS

Blasty: you were too busy sucking my toes

Rock Solid: I DO NOT SUCK TOES

Pikachu: haha you have a foot fetish

Discount Spiderman: we’re never gonna let you live this down

Xenomorph: you are fucked kirishima

Rock Solid: haha as if I’m the one getting fucked

Rock Solid: oh shit

Blasty: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SAY THAT IN THIS CHAT OF ALL PLACES YOU RED HAIRED, UNGROOMED, TOE SUCKING, SHARP TEETH HAVING FUCKER

Rock Solid: ooh those are new

Blasty: SHUT IT SHITTY HAIR

Rock Solid: oooh I actually kinda like that one

Blasty: fuck you I’m going to bed

Rock Solid: but it’s like 4?

Blasty: I SAID I AM GOING TO BED

Blasty: GOOD NIGHT

Rock Solid: we believe you

Pikachu: yeah bakugou we believe you

Problem Children: Free at Last (02:14)

Pikachu: fellas

Pikachu: is it gay to kiss your homies goodnight?

Blasty: shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shUT THE FUCK UP

Pikachu: I’ll take that as a no

Series this work belongs to:

← Previous Work Part 2 of Midnight's Parenting-verse

Actions

Kudos

Comments

Pages Navigation

SilverZero90 on Chapter 1 Sat 09 Jul 2022 12:14AM UTC

I really love mama midnight plus IzuOcha= perfect fic

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
IceClaw03 on Chapter 1 Sat 09 Jul 2022 12:17AM UTC

LoL god someone need a muzzle

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
SilverZero90 on Chapter 1 Sat 09 Jul 2022 12:19AM UTC

Shoto my boy trying to fit in so hard was adorable

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
guardiantoa on Chapter 1 Sat 09 Jul 2022 02:37AM UTC

"I wanted to fit in" I'M DEAD LMAO XD
Great work!

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
marsbarsofwar on Chapter 1 Sat 09 Jul 2022 03:12PM UTC

Someone teach shouto how to swear. Educate this man

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
TheKeeperOfShadows on Chapter 1 Sun 10 Jul 2022 03:36PM UTC

Ok so my brain read "Why do that would I?" as "Why would I do that?" and it is only now on my third re-read of this story that I realized what it actually said.

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
HellKnight70 on Chapter 1 Tue 16 Aug 2022 05:06AM UTC

Damn this was funny as hell!

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
ThePhantomScientist on Chapter 2 Sat 09 Jul 2022 06:40PM UTC

I am loving this. Especially thirsty Ochako and loving mother and enabler Midnight.

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
1. SilverZero90 on Chapter 2 Sat 09 Jul 2022 06:47PM UTC
  
  Indeed, thirsty ochako, loving ochako and protective ochako are the best ochakos. Aizawa only wants commit suicide
  
  Comment Actions
marsbarsofwar on Chapter 2 Sat 09 Jul 2022 10:53PM UTC

Ahem,
THIRST DETECTED, PREMARITAL RELATIONS IN PROGRESS

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
IceClaw03 on Chapter 2 Sun 10 Jul 2022 03:03AM UTC

Imagine if Izuku ripped villains daddies apart during the USJ event.

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
HellKnight70 on Chapter 2 Tue 16 Aug 2022 05:15AM UTC

Jesus Christ Midnight!

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
StallionWolf on Chapter 2 Mon 22 Aug 2022 12:58AM UTC

What is Izuku's quirk if Midnight is his mom

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
1. Nastyfilthyhobbitses on Chapter 2 Mon 22 Aug 2022 02:08AM UTC
  
  Adopted
  
  Comment Actions
2. 1. Mr_Baguette on Chapter 2 Sat 22 Apr 2023 07:25PM UTC
    
    Interesting name for a quirk
    
    Comment Actions
    Post Comment
    
    Note:
    
    All fields are required. Your email address will not be published.
    
    Guest name
    
    Guest email
    
    (Plain text with limited HTML ?)
    
    Comment
    
    10000 characters left
    
    Cancel
YEETHERESTEA (Guest) on Chapter 2 Mon 06 Mar 2023 10:49PM UTC

Pure gold.

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
marsbarsofwar on Chapter 3 Sat 09 Jul 2022 10:57PM UTC

Caught in 4K 60Fps by Momnight lmao
Idea: Kaminari: Why can aquaman control whales if they are mammals?

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
Foodmoon on Chapter 3 Sun 10 Jul 2022 12:00AM UTC

Lol.

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
IceClaw03 on Chapter 3 Sun 10 Jul 2022 03:10AM UTC

Imagine if Izuku Telekinesis went crazy 😜 and the girls sex tots came flying out of all the dorms. Update when you can

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
HellKnight70 on Chapter 3 Tue 30 Aug 2022 06:52PM UTC

Midnight: MY BABY IS FINALLY WINNING SOME!

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
marsbarsofwar on Chapter 4 Mon 11 Jul 2022 04:58AM UTC

I am going to bonk Ochaco with the horny stick. Bad Mochi, being horny. Worst part? THEY ARE ENGAGING IN PREMARITAL HANDHOLDING:(

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
1. Ket101 on Chapter 4 Mon 11 Jul 2022 01:25PM UTC
  
  If that's all they're doing, Midnight is going to be so upset.
  
  Comment Actions
2. 1. marsbarsofwar on Chapter 4 Mon 11 Jul 2022 01:29PM UTC
    
    “… How the hell are you not at 3rd base yet? Like seriously, Ochaco is horny af, and you still haven’t got there.”
    
    Comment Actions
3. SirLightKnight (Guest) on Chapter 4 Mon 11 Jul 2022 02:47PM UTC
  
  Meanwhile me: ‘Oh no…how contemptible.’ Subtly pushes the two into Ochako’s room and casually tosses a fresh box of condoms in the room…but no gloves.
  Also slides note under her door: ‘Good Mochi, revel in it!’
  What? It’s not like they’re being irresponsible. Hhahahaahhahahahahahahahahaha
  
  Comment Actions
4. 1. marsbarsofwar on Chapter 4 Mon 11 Jul 2022 02:59PM UTC
    
    “We have been tricked, backstabbed, and possibly bamboozled.”
    
    “Ok, but why not?”
    
    Comment Actions
SirLightKnight (Guest) on Chapter 4 Mon 11 Jul 2022 02:42PM UTC

Ochako: ‘Yes daddy.’
Me: *Fans self* Did it just get hot in here or is Izuku laying some serious pipe. Like it took ONE time to get him to daddy status. What power!
I can just imagine the girls chat is a full on subtle thirst fest when not just chilling. Because Ochako whipping it out the last two chapters has been a riot.
Imagine how bad she’d get if they don’t have access to each other for a couple weeks (like immediate access). I can just imagine her whipping out a ‘Pleeease daddy, I neeeed it.’ To everyone’s utter mortification/amusement.
Careful everyone the Frog wants yummy seconds, watch your boyfriends and girlfriends ribbit! Jirou with the subtle callout and complement (I GET UR BOYFRIEND’S HOT AND STUFF BUT JFC). I know Chako could dial it back, but can you blame her too much Jirou. You’d climb that mountain too if you knew it was allowed!
Meanwhile Hatsume Mei: Tenya, Tenya, Tenya…tisk tisk tisk, while I don’t horny in main, you know as well as I do that you’re not getting away from *Mommy~*.
Shoto you will make friends, it’s okay, just don’t worry too much about peer pressure! You are a nice lad, I’m sure they all love ya.
Shoji being into the chaos is new, but hilarious to me. I wonder if he laughs a lot at the chat? Hm.
Nedzu rightly claims his status for his world, the fact Koda can even work a suggestion into him is terrifying. Imagine how powerful he could be if he only just occasionally makes suggestions that sound reasonable. Slowly building over time to a crescendo to get something a bit more above average? Course he’s a good boy so I don’t think we have to worry about that.

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
HellKnight70 on Chapter 4 Tue 16 Aug 2022 05:27AM UTC

Pikachu is asking the real questions here

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread