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Chapter Text

*_*_*

The ceremony itself ended up being much more emotional than Isak had anticipated. Despite everybody being silly and laughing all through the pastor’s summarization of Isak and Even’s past, especially the episode of them breaking into someone’s house at night to use their swimming pool, when it was time to exchange rings and vows, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

It wasn’t even his mom’s tears that made him emotional, it was Even’s dad dabbing his eyes with a tissue and his own dad clapping him on the shoulder amicably, that finally wrecked Isak. His voice was broken when he tried to respond to the pastor.

“Will you, Isak, take Even as your rightful husband, until death do you part?”

“Fuck yes,”Isak said, to some giggles in the audience. “I mean - I do. I do.”

“Will you, Even, take Isak as your rightful husband, until death do you part?”

“I do,” Even said, as he slipped a ring on Isak’s finger, giving him a smile and an almost invisible wink. And Isak knew exactly what that wink meant.

In a way, they had been married from the day they first met. From the moment Even gave him that paper towel, freshly fetched from the bin, at that group meeting at school. Taking desperate to a new level perhaps, but wearing exactly the same comforting smile that he gave him today.

Somehow, Isak thought, it had always been clear that they would end up here like this. They were just making what had already been written into their cosmic timeline official. “You may now kiss each other,” the pastor said, stepping back to give them space.

And they did, without hesitation, embracing each other for a good while afterwards, almost oblivious to the cheers from their friends.

“We did it,” Isak said, whispering into Even’s ear. “Didn’t we?”

“Hell yes, we did,” Even said, kissing him on the cheek before they stepped down the stairs into the central corridor.

*_*_*

Whether it was Even or Isak who had suggested it was the topic of debate as they drove to the post-wedding venue. It was an inspired choice though, that much was clear.

Their parents had argued for something more traditional. They had wanted to just fly off to Morocco for their honeymoon, to spend some time there before Even had to go back to film school. So a small reception at SYNG was a good middle ground, and in the end they were glad they had chosen to do it, since everybody was making time to come.

The venue really had done their best, decorating the bare walls with enough glitter to make it special, while keeping to the alternative feel of the place.

Soon everybody was tucking into food, with tables loud with conversation and laughter, which allowed Isak to take a step back from the proceedings and catch his breath a bit.

He had loosened his tie and sat down at a table, watching Even from afar, one of his arms around Mikael’s shoulders, talking to a few more old friends of his.

It made Isak smile, just watching him in that small unguarded moment. He looked so happy and content, so unlike when they’d broken up, so like the time they had just started dating years earlier.

We’ve come far indeed , he thought. And that they had. Full circle.

There was someone giving him a hug from behind, a long strand of red hair falling over his shoulder.

“Can I sit here?” Eva giggled into Isak’s ear. The roles reversed, the occasions changed, but it was almost another full circle.

“Sure you can,” Isak laughed.

They stared at one another for quite a while, not having seen each other in weeks. The happiness was mutual.

“You bastard,” Eva finally said, in a reproachful tone. “How dare you get married before me? At least you could have waited.” She laughed.

“Well,” Isak said, shrugging his shoulders. ”I guess you just have to make up your mind.”

They both flitted a look at Jonas, who was deep in conversation with Magnus and Mahdi.

“Yeah…” Eva sighed. “I don’t think it’s going to happen, to be honest. Maybe it’s just not meant to be. Maybe we’re just supposed to be friends and that’s that, you know? I just don’t know anymore.”

She sighed and tucked into the sandwich on her plate, looking solemn.

“That’s why you have to make your mind up. He knows -” Isak looked at Jonas, “- what he wants. He loves you. At least I’m pretty sure. But he’s also trying to get his future started, get his musical career going. Would you be able to go along with that? That’s for you to decide.”

“Imam Valtersen,” Eva laughed, putting her sandwich back on the plate. “That’s what Sana calls you.”

“It could have been Imam Valtersen-Næsheim now,” Isak laughed. “But we thought it would be too cheesy. And maybe a little long.”

“I don’t find it cheesy at all,” Eva smiled as she met his gaze with her big blue eyes.

“Remember that time when you told me you didn’t know whether he was the man of your dreams?” She looked at Even, who was in a battle of embraces with Eskild and Magnus now, both vying for his attention like old times.

“He is, isn’t he? And that’s beautiful. You’re so lucky.“

“I guess you were right,” Isak laughed. He followed her gaze to Even, his tall stature, his personable demeanor, the way he could never meet anybody without hugging the heck out of them or being hugged by them. People just loved Even. Who understood that better than him?

Words, maybe especially today, could not describe the love Isak felt for him. He couldn’t picture a time when they wouldn’t be together, not anymore.

“So, what happened between you guys back then?” Eva looked at him questioningly. “We never really talked about it.”

“No, we didn’t,” Isak sighed, remembering those days, the time when he and Even had broken up. As much as he didn’t want to go back to it.

*_*_*

It was around four years ago, almost to the day, that things had started to turn sour.

Isak had just finished studying and had landed a job at a prestigious company for marine research, focusing on the effect of climate change on fishing stocks in Norway and trying to find solutions.

As much as he liked that job and the purpose behind it, it meant spending quite a lot of time in places like Bodø or Tromsø, and generally not being at home as much anymore.

They still had their small place and Even was still working at the restaurant, undecided on where his life would take him after quitting film school after just one year. There wasn’t a particular reason for it, but life, as it does at times, began to strain their bond, which led to both of them spending more and more time apart.

Neither of them wanted it, but it just kind of…happened. They saw it happening without being able to do anything about it. Or so it seemed.

“Did he cheat on you?” Eva cocked her head. “That’s what I thought happened. At least that’s what I heard.”

“No,” Isak said, shaking his head, smiling ruefully. “It was worse.”

In fact it was this day, this regretful day and night, that he spent drunk and frustrated with Lars, a colleague of his, in a bar in Kristiansand, at the end of a conference.

Nothing had happened that night, aside from the two of them making out drunkenly in the hallway to their hotel rooms, before Isak ended it. His phone had been buzzing constantly, and it either was or wasn’t Even, both being equally bad.

“I have to go,” he said, leaving a baffled Lars behind in the hallway, feeling the guilt despite his drunken stupor.

Isak fumbled with his phone while entering his room, the light flickering on and off in the dark. The messages weren’t from Even, which gave Isak a sharp pang of grief, because he wanted them to be. He hadn’t responded to the earlier one, because he just couldn’t find the right words, as hard as he tried.

The messages were actually from Sana, who had heard the news from Elias.

Isak, what is happening? Elias just met Even and he’s talking about the two of you breaking up? Wtf? He said he thinks you’re moving on. He’s drunk out of his wits in a bar in Løkka right now. Yousef is taking him home. Where are you? He said you’ve not gotten in touch in almost a day.

It took Isak a while to understand the message on his screen, impaired as he was.

None of what Sana said was wrong. But still, Isak felt the overwhelming urge to tell Sana that it wasn’t his fault. He stared at the display in the dark, trying to think of the words to respond, but he couldn’t do it.

Because it was his fault. His and his alone.

“So it was you who cheated on him?” Eva said, looking at him questioningly but smiling somewhat sympathetically. It probably was reminding her of her own situation with Chris.

“Well, yes and no. It was just a mess back then. Nothing really happened between Lars and me, not before or after that day. He left the company a few weeks later.”

He actually didn’t remember much about the weeks that followed when he went back to Oslo. It was a blur, a merciful act by his brain it seemed, to not have to go over the details of their separation again and again and again.

Basically, what he remembered was that when he got back, Even had already packed his things and had moved back in with his parents. The only remnant left was a T-shirt of his that was still left on a hanger on the wall to dry, apparently just forgotten. All other traces of Even were gone.

The apartment soon became a dead zone, Isak not wanting to spend much time there without Even being around, so he spent more time out and about as well.

They had tried to rekindle things once, a few weeks later, with Isak showing up at Even’s place to talk, but they didn’t get far. Silence had set in between them, a chasm had opened that seemed hard to bridge. They decided that night that they would end things for good.

It seemed like the path they had found themselves on together had suddenly met a fork in the road, with neither of them being able to cross it.

It wasn’t, in hindsight, like anything much had happened to drive them apart. Things had gone astray a long time before this fateful time. Maybe Isak hadn’t realized how much Even suffered from feeling how he was underachieving compared to Isak. And maybe he also hadn’t realized the way Even had turned more silent over time, their communication having come to a halt. They had been talking to each other, but hadn’t been talking with each other anymore. 

And somewhere down the road, they somehow had lost their connection.

“So that’s when you split up?” Eva said.

“Yes, we did.” Isak said, nodding.

“But what happened afterwards? I heard so many different things.”

Fair enough , Isak thought, because a lot of things happened.

Again, the first few weeks were nothing Isak remembered much about. In the end, he probably managed to forget it all, because it was so uneventful, so robotic. He went to work, had to travel, and quickly weeks turned into months, months that felt empty.

“And that’s when you met Anders, right?”

“Yeah, I guess. And for a while it felt good. I mean, you remember him. He’s a DJ so he worked on the weekends and I was away during the week. We barely ever saw each other. I think that’s how I wanted it to be. Maybe that was the reason why we got together in the first place. In hindsight, it wasn’t really a relationship.”

“And then there was Per.”

“Yeah, but that was a while later. That was around six months after I’d broken up with Anders. If we want to call it that.”

“You seemed to really like Per,” Eva smiled, tugging on the lettuce on her sandwich. “But I could sense there was something off. Maybe like with me and Chris. It was just never 100%.”

“I thought it was, to be honest, at least for a while. I mean, he was a scientist like me and we could talk about our work for hours…but I think when he started talking about moving in together, there was this thing, I don’t even know what it was, but it made me feel uncomfortable. I kept postponing things. And in the end, I just realized that I couldn’t do it. I’m not sure if it was because of Even, or just me. But I couldn’t do it. And that’s where he wanted to end it, which was fair enough.”

“But there were others, right?”

“A few others,” Isak smiled. “Not many. But no one really worth mentioning.”

“And what about Even? I never saw him during that time,” Eva said.

“Well, he did have a girlfriend for a while. Lisa,” Isak said, giving Eva a half-smile. “But it didn’t last long, I guess. There was also something, word about him being with another guy, a photographer, for some time. But I never asked him about it.”

“Why not?” Eva asked.

Isak was looking for Even, in the spot where he’d just seen him moments before, but he couldn’t find him. His gaze flitted across the room, only to see him finally, standing together with Noora and her boyfriend, talking by the entrance. Their eyes met briefly, and Even gave him a smile and a wink. Those were the unspoken messages they both understood.

I’m here, if you need me.

I know. I’m gonna stay here, find me whenever you feel like it.

Isak looked at Eva.

“I’m not sure I could handle it. It probably sounds silly but it doesn’t faze me much, thinking of him together with a girl. Been there, done that. But to picture him with another guy…I can’t bear the thought. It took me long enough to not be jealous of Mikael anymore.  I’m just not sure I’d be okay, knowing.”

“Like in the old days, huh?” she said, harking back to their conversation at the skatepark. Because it was only worth telling if it meant something. And some things were better left unspoken.

“Yeah, I guess,” Isak smiled.

“How long were you separated then? More than a year, right?”

“Two years, more or less. We only really got back together one and a half years ago, or no, around two years now I think.” It seemed like she could see him calculating in his mind. Even of course would know right away, he had a thing with numbers, which was why Isak was being so particular about it.

Eva laughed.

“I remember Jonas being so happy about it. He called me in the middle of the night to tell me. We were all happy about it. I think Noora baked a cake for the occasion, not sure she ever told you.”

Both giggled at that. Noora really had a thing for feeding people in emotional situations.

“She didn’t,” Isak said.”But we were a bit secretive at first, so maybe it wasn’t out in the open yet.”

“Oh, everybody knew!” Eva said, beaming. “Chris saw you two in town together. And Sana knew through Yousef. It was the worst kept secret in Oslo back then, I hate to tell you.”

“Ha,” Isak smiled. Indeed, they had somewhat tried to keep it a secret at first, because they never really knew how fragile it was. Yet, over time, it was clear that it wasn't.

“How did you actually end up back together, though?” Eva asked, her brows furrowing, “You never told us.”

“Well, good question.” Isak smiled.

*_*_*

As much as their separation was a blur, at least for Isak, the question of when exactly he decided that he wanted to see Even again and find out where they stood with each other, whether there was still a chance to salvage this, wasn’t that much clearer.

They had always stayed in contact, more or less, at least after the first few months post-split up. It was only sporadic contact though, with Even wishing him a happy birthday and Isak in return wishing him a happy Christmas and a happy birthday the following February.

It was around March that same year, two years ago, that Isak remembered feeling restless, unhappy, more unhappy perhaps than in the weeks and months before.

He had quit his old job at the research institute and was now working for a company in Oslo. He would spend his days at work and nights at home, and things at some point just started to feel…off. Like he wasn’t living anymore, or barely existing, reduced to breathing, eating, sleeping, but ultimately empty. Useless.

And he remembered how he’d found himself thinking of Even more and more. There was a night in April, when he just didn’t care anymore and showed up at the restaurant that Even worked at, unannounced and unsure what to say. In hindsight, Isak thought, he just wanted to see him again, be around him again, no matter how it would turn out.

It was the look that Even gave him when he saw Isak sitting down at the counter that changed it all. He looked so shaken that Isak almost felt guilty, and for a while they just stared at each other from afar, exchanging a small smile and a few more gazes.

It took him a while, but eventually, toward the end of his shift, Even came over, Isak having patiently sat at the end of the counter, waiting for whenever he was ready to join him.  

“Hi.” Even said, almost shyly, when he joined Isak at the counter. It was endearing to Isak, as Even never used to be the shy one. Their relationship had changed over time, certainly. And it wasn’t like Isak didn’t feel slightly intimidated by it all as well, the whole situation… but his thoughts and desires had led him there that night and there was nothing he could have done about it.

They talked, briefly, about a lot of things, none of them really breached the surface. How work had gone and how Isak had changed jobs and was now spending more time in Oslo. And they shared a few giggles about how Eva and Jonas had separated again, only to be back together in the matter of weeks, for sure. They always did, a common thing to happen over the years, like clockwork.

There was a brief moment, after a while, when none of them said anything, the only noise being the other waiters in the room cleaning up the place and starting to get ready for closing time. It was late already, after all.

Even had poured himself a drink and was looking at the content of his glass, giving Isak a small smile next. Isak could almost read his thoughts. They just knew each other too well.

“Gosh, I missed you too.” Isak said, to which Even smiled, one of his happier smiles.

“Did I say I missed you?” he said, giving Isak a wink. He was joking, of course. Isak could tell. But it was nice to see their familiarity was still there. Those inside jokes and the way Even would tease him. It seemed like that never went away.

And that very night, he and Even went back to Isak’s place to just be together, no need for many words after that.

*_*_*

Initially, Even moved back in with Isak gradually, staying over a night here and there and spending less time at home. But soon they found themselves looking for a larger place, closer to Even’s place of work, so that they could spend more time together. And only a few months ago they talked about Even going back to film school, to the utter delight of Even’s parents, with Isak being able to help him out financially. It was around that time that talk of marriage kept coming up. In fact it was Even - who else - who brought it up first.

They were lying in bed together one night, after having made love, when Even mentioned he had thought about proposing, but was thinking that Isak would probably blow him off.

“Why would you think that?” Isak remembered saying, with Even’s head placed on his chest for a change. He’d been very quiet and gentle on that particular night.

“It seems like you’ve got it all figured out. You’ve got your plans and ideas about where you will be five years from now, and none of them really involve me. I think you can be whatever you want.”

“Don’t you think you can be whatever you want?” Isak asked. “You know that I can only dream or envision these things, thinking you’ll be by my side, right? I couldn’t picture any of that without you.”

“Hm,” Even said, and despite Isak’s affirmation, Even didn’t seem convinced. If there was anything Isak had that Even didn’t, with so many things that Even brought to the relationship, it was probably trust in the fact that things would not automatically turn bad. It was possibly related to Even’s disposition, but it had always taken a huge effort for him to not feel that a low had to automatically always follow a high.

Isak could sense this, and had ever since they’d gotten together, that Even became suspicious when things went too well, almost waiting for the spring to whip back once it stretched too far. That’s why he sometimes fell into a depression when things went too well between them. Like his body jumping ahead of his mind, leading him into false flag operations.

“I know you probably don’t want to hear this right now, or maybe you just won’t believe me,” Isak said, stroking Even’s neck with his thumb, “but I would never leave you if you don’t want me to. And even then I might not.”

Was it true though? Given that he’d almost cheated on Even once, that unfortunate time in the hallway of that hotel? In the end, drunk as he was, he didn’t do it. He couldn’t and wouldn’t do it. And maybe it was even more than a promise made to Even at that time, it was a promise to himself.

You saved me and I’ll save you right back. Forever. Nothing’s ever going to change that, no matter how stupid I might be at times.

Even seemed satisfied with the conversation, as satisfied as he could be, given his concerns. He changed positions to kiss Isak, stroking his ear, rubbing his nose against his partner’s.

“Then why don’t you marry me? Before you change your mind. We can do it quickly and tell everybody afterwards.”

“Huh?” Isak said. ”Weren’t you the one who’d planned it all out years ago, that big celebration?” He kissed Even on his nose. “We do it or we don’t. But if we do it, I want everyone to be there. Our parents, our friends. A fancy car. Nothing else will do.”

Even started to smile.

“Wait…so was this a yes?”

“What if it was?” Isak smiled back.

“Fuck, I’m going to call your mom right away to tell her the news. Just to be on the safe side, so you won’t bail on me later,”  Even said beaming, his eyes full of happiness.

“Have I ever bailed on you? Like, really? Because I remember all the times you bailed on me.” Isak smiled, raising his brows.

Even remembered those days all too well.

“You know I could never get you out of my mind, ever since we first met.”

“Yeah,” Isak said, kissing him. “I knew eventually. But it took you a while.”

Even took a deep breath, pondering, before he looked at Isak, raising his hand to trace the curve of one of his lover's brows. Those beautiful, unruly brows that seemed to go in all directions of the world.

“It may have taken a while for me to come to accept the fact that I love you. But I knew it all along.”

“I know,” Isak said. “So did I.”

And whatever unspoked agreement between them was made that day, they sealed it with a kiss.

*_*_*

End of Chapter 2