Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Rain, brightly; “Gooood Night everyone! You’re tuning into The Night Watch, Gotham's favorite radio show after ten P.M. My name, as always, is the illustrious Rain.”

Kitt; “And I’m the ever so clever Kitt!”

Rain; “And welcome to the first segment of the night called; Where Should I Not Be Today.”

[A short, ten-second jingle that sounds vaguely like a Coldplay song plays]

Kitt: “This segment is dedicated to infrastructure problems, recent Rouge gas attacks, and possible high-crime areas.”

Rain; “Starting with infrastructure, we’ve got a nasty case of road rage that ended in the Grant Street stop-light getting shut down and a detour being implemented. Sorry to all those heading to Chinatown for the China White Triad's leaders birthday bash, but those roads are going to be even more packed than normal.”

K; “In the Diamond District, Riddler recently attacked the Ellsworth Building, shutting down Mahnke, Rogers, and Fox. Jeez, I’m glad I didn’t try to get at the Sears Spirit Halloween.”

R; “There’s a Spirit Halloween down there?”

K; “Yep, the one in Fashion was sold out of plague doctor masks.”

R; “Aw, damn, they are?”

K; “Last I checked.”

R; “Dang, bummer.”

K; “The Wayne Rich People Expo was rescheduled for those who keep up with that stuff–”

R; “You.”

K; “Me. Anyway, steer clear of New Gotham island for tonight if you don’t wanna be caught in chauffeur traffic.”

R, annoyed; “Ugh, island traffic’s the worst.”

K; “Isn’t it?”

R; “Last week's gang war in Little Italy has left most of the buildings in tatters, except for the row of buildings considered neutral ground.”

K, distraught; “Not Rigatonies.”

R, fervently; “Yep, it had a short life, but it was a goddamn delicious one.”

K; “Amen. Yesterday's ball game has left quite a number of brawled-up bars around, with the regulars; Ricolo’s, in the Bowery, Northern Man’s, in Gotham Heights, Otisburg’s Eye’s, in Otisburg, and Jackie’s in Chinatown. There are a few not normally trashed bars, the White Cod Inn in The Hill’s, known for its craft beers, the Gregorian in the Fashion District, known for its quiz nights, and a new one, only set up within the last year, the Home Ground on New Gotham Island. There are, of course, a bunch of others that have been roughed up, but those were the hotbeds of activity.”

R; “Drinking and sports, never a good combination. A bit of a celebration infrastructure-wise, Doctor Pamella Isley, formerly known as Poison Ivy, has finished the reconstruction of Robinson Park with the help of Wayne Enterprises Green Board after Penguin's recent attempt at burning it to the ground. It’s a veritable jungle of plants and definitely worth a weekend stroll if you don’t have anything going on. She also plans to get around to the rest of the parks in our beloved Hellscape, starting with Neo Eden in the Bowery.”

K, dreamily; “The flowers there are gorgeous. That’s all for infrastructure, on to rouge gas attacks! ”

R; “There’s only been one gas attack for the past three weeks, that we’ve been covering every week, at the Pinkey Plaza shopping mall on New Gotham Island. Authorities have finally confirmed it’ll be habitable next Wednesday!”

K; “Damn, one gas attack in a month! We’re getting spoiled.”

[smack]

R; “Don’t jinx it!”

K; “Ow! Okay okay! Moving on!”

R; “Crime hotspots! As we mentioned earlier, the gang war in Little Italy has been followed by heightened crime rates around the area that are most likely to last until next week, if the Components keep to their patterns.”

K; “Along with the sports brawls from last night's game, as we won the game- what a rarity- overall crime will be a bit lower for the next week too. Which is kind of depressing.”

R, heavily; “The world in which we live.”

K; “Indeed.”

R; “That’s all for Where Should I Not Be Today, next up, a sports recap!”

[A short, ten-second jingle that sounds vaguely like a One Direction song plays]

Kitt, mimicking a sports announcer; “Hello, and welcome to Nigh Watch Baseball, the finest baseball to ever ball– [announcer's voice ends abruptly] I don’t know anything about sports, so Rain! Take it away, babe!”

R; snort “Alright then, to start off at a high, the Gotham Giants won this week's game against the Thrifton's at 5 to 8. Sadly, this win came at a cost, an up-and-coming player, a Gotham native named Dakota Littlechild, who hit a home run on his first swing, was taken out halfway through by a concussion. His doctors say he’ll be alright, but they’re keeping him overnight for observation.”

K; “Damn, a newbie practically wins us the game only to get taken out.”

R; “Yeah.”

[silence]

K; “We should move on.”

R; *throat clearing* “Yeah. Next up, my favorite part and half the reason you listen to all this, Component Conversations!”

[A short, ten-second jingle that sounds vaguely like a Twenty-One Pilot's song plays]

Kitt, excitedly;  “Ohhh hohohohoo~”

R, resigned; “Oh no.”

K; “Oh yes. But before we get into the Component's online presence, let’s get into their movements.”

R; sigh “I’m dreading this now. Anyway, welcome to Component Conversations, where we talk about The Bat, its Components, children, and day-followers. First up is recent movement and sightings, followed by whatever rumor the street talk’s come up with for tonight, and finally, whatever the interwebs have captured.”

K; “First up, the Components have been more active around Little Italy. They were involved in breaking up the gang war within hours of its beginning and quickly took out the leaders of the three gangs involved. If their normal pattern of dealing with gang wars continues, they should be cracking down on the crime increase within the next few days.”

R; “There were quite a number of sightings last night, many of them seen breaking up back alley brawls that had spread from bars, restaurants, and sports parties. Light of the Bat-Signals even made a very brief appearance to shut down a street-wide fight in East End.”

K; “God, Light looks so cool.”

R; “Anyway, that’s all for sightings! Onto what we’ve had sent in from both you, our valuable listeners, and what we’ve heard on the streets.”

K; “Quite a few of you sent in reports of seeing Devotion and the Children on the roof of the WayneTech building before falling off the roof and flying away last night around four AM, distinctively after most of the brawls were chilled out. Someone even sent in a picture and whew, Devotion's claws are looking–”

R; “ Oh my god, TO CUT YOU OFF THERE, we also got some reports of Echo standing in the middle of Giordano Avenue in Crime Alley, which actually made news. Whenever someone would approach it one of the other components appeared–” wheeze “and–” wheeze

K; “What? What?”

R; “And knocked them out.” laughter

K; “Wait, like, just,” laugh “swoop in, hit ‘em real hard, and disappear?”

R; still laughing “Ye–” wheeze “Yeah,” deep breath “whooo.”

K; Snort

[both break down in laughter for a full ten seconds]

K; “Just give um the ole’ one-two, mister.”

R; “The ye old knuckle sandwich.”

[a moment more of laughter]

R; “Okay! Okay, that’s– huuhh– okay, moving on,” paper clacking on a table while being straightened “Around 3:30 AM it disappeared in a cloud of smoke, having stood stock still in the middle of Crime Alley for three and a half hours. Reportedly, even with the game, it was one of the quietest nights in the Alley of this year.”

K; “Huh, maybe they’re trying out a new technique.”

R; “Seems to be working anyway, now back to you, my dearest co-host, now I get to know what had you ‘hohoho’-ing like Santa was coming to town.”

K; “Hey! It’s October! No Christmas talk! Now, take a look at this,” phone sliding over a table

R; “...is that…”

K; “Mhmmm~”

R, a bit airily; “Ohhh, yeahhhh, okay.”

K; “My dear Night Watchers, what Rain is currently looking at is a very clear picture of our very own Passion, sometimes called Vengeance, in crystal clear picture without its Helm of Blood. And let. Me. Tell. You. While it does have the symbol of the Bat carved over its Component white eyes, it looks good.”

R; “That jawline, hot damn, I knew Vengeance inhabits a human body but to see it like this…

K; “I know.”

R; “I mean, it’s a little creepy, definitely feeling that uncanny valley effect, but lordy.”

K, sensually; “Honestly…”

R; “Yeah, yeah, the uncanny valley is a turn-on for you, monster freak.”

K; laughing “Don’t knock it till you try it.”

R; sigh “Moving right along, next up is Gotham celebrity news, and, let me say, we’ve got some hawt tea today.”

[A short, ten-second jingle that sounds vaguely like a Beyoncé song plays]

R; “Now, I make it no secret that I actively try to avoid both celeb news and outside Gotham news, but–”

K, amused; “Our main fam is always an exception?”

R, unashamed: “Our main fam is always an exception. Sadly, Wayne news comes up last in this segment, so I’ll bide my precious time.”

K; “As we mention earlier, the Wayne Expo was rescheduled last month to tonight through Sunday after a Rouge attack destroyed the building being used, so this segment will probably be a lot longer tomorrow night, but for now, a list of notable people coming into Gotham for this include, Abegail Doumanian, a leading technology expert from Argentina, bringing in life-changing medical tech, Arnold Wesker, a scientist from France, attempting to create a substance to boil impurities out of water with a drop, Lex Luthor, who gives a [redacted] about him, Ashely Callingbull-Burnham, the first Native American-Canadian to win Mrs. Universe, giving a seminar about her struggles as a beauty pageant contestant, an assortment of the regular Gotham rich-boys and -girls, and, of course, our very own Waynes.”

R; “Ugh, have you seen anything about Callingbull’s rise to fame?”

[sounds of Kitt picking up her phone and typing something into it]

K; “I don’t think so, I’m more of the rich people being weird, sphere of things.”

R; “I don’t follow pageants most of the time, but I got really into it around the time she won Mrs. Universe, and, holy hell, some of the things people said about her were awful. I’m glad she won.”

K; “From what little information I’ve just found, she seems awesome… "the phone clacks down onto the table "I’m having to remind myself to keep on track.”

R; “Right. What are you looking forward to most at seeing what comes out of this?”

K; “Seriously? Wesker’s water purification, god knows Gotham needs something like it. I had to change out my filter last month because all the Fear Toxin from Scarecrows attacks messed it up, that [redacted]'s expensive.”

R; “Preach, and not seriously?”

K; “Luthor vs. Wayne, I mean did you hear what Luthor did at that Queen Gala last quarter?”

R; “Hold up– that’s in the Wayne Report, we’re not there yet.”

K, sadly; “Right. Right.”

R; “What’s happening with the other big players around Gotham?”

K; “Well, as we’ve mentioned a lot this episode, Little Italy’s gang war had more repercussions than just damaged buildings and injuries. The GCPD released new info on the three gangs involved and it turns out two of them were offshoots of Falcone’s new operation and the other was part of the Red Dragons.”

R; “What are the Red Dragons doing in Old Gotham? Don’t they keep to Somerset?”

K; “You know the Red Dragon second in command right?”

R; “Yeah, Wang something.”

K; “Apparently, Falcone and he were working out a deal about Robinson Park when Falcone basically called the Red Dragon leader a coward for not showing their face. That pissed off Wang, who called off negotiations and then attacked Little Italy. The meeting was, like, three months ago apparently.”

R; whistles “Damn, RD really dragged this out huh?”

K, giddy; “Only to get their asses kicked by both Falcone and the Components while losing gained ground.”

R; “I mean, Falcone has lost most of his territory in Little Italy because of all this, with the Components cracking down 'cause of all this, there’s no way he can run drugs or get protection money.”

K; “Small mercies.”

R; “Mercy is many things, none of them are small.”

K; “Oh, right, you’re a Colony member, I keep forgetting that.”

R; shifting fabric “Yeah, I don’t make a big deal of it most of the time, I don’t really think the Bat’s a god per se, but it is supernatural and if I was a supernatural entity hell-bent on protecting this one little measly island, I’d like some thanks.”

K; “You know, we’ve been friends for three years and we’ve never talked about your theology.”

R; “We haven't?... we haven’t. Ohhh, that’d be a fun Free Time conversation.”

K; “I’ll make a note of it.”

R; “Anyway, any Gala news?”

K; “Ohhhh do I have some juice gossip, Catherine Callaway-Mathis of Mathis Inc. insulted James Heniry, the guy who owns Hourly Magazine and the Highway Hotels chain, on Twitter today and he immediately blacklisted her from both his mailing list and his hotels which means Mathis’ thirty-first birthday has to be held somewhere else in two days.”

R; “That’s gotta be a nightmare for the staff.”

K; “Oh yeah, she’s fired at least twenty people and is still firing more.”

R; “Damn those poor people.”

K; “Wanna know my favorite part about this?”

R; “There’s something good here?”

K; “Wellll I wouldn’t say… good, exactly. But these people aren’t out of a job? So, that’s good I guess?”

R, giddy; “Oh hell yeah, someone else hired them?”

K; “So, for context, Mr. Heniry is a ninth-generation immigrant from Mexico and Mathis’ Tweet said, and I quote, ‘Maybe I should change the orchestra I have scheduled to a Mariachi band, as a–’ she says a slur here that I’m not repeating, ‘himself, he’d appreciate the taste of home.’ And as we all know, our beloved Bruce Wayne is very anti-racist so, every single person Mathis fires is getting re-hired by Wayne Ent. without hesitation.”

R; “[redacted] yeah! We love him and [redacted] her.”

K; “And from what I can find, I also think he’s raising their wages.”

R; “King [redacted].”

K; “For real. That’s the only big thing that’s been happening, the Tweet was posted earlier in the week and the black listing happened on Tuesday, Wayne started rehiring everyone yesterday, and I, sadly, only learned about this today. So, over to you, rain cloud, for the Wayne Report.”

R, faux snootily; “Thank you, my dear Kitsune.”

K, mimicking Rain's voice; “Of course.”

[giggles]

R;  “Anyway, we get to start with one of my favorite sections of this segment that I don’t get to do very often called; Alfred Pennyworth Tweeted Today!”

K; loud shifting bang “Ow! Augh! [redacted] yeah!” voice quieting “Mother–”

R; laughing “Kitt just slammed her knee against the table. For those of you who don’t know who Alfred Pennyworth is, first of all, welcome, you must be new, second, Mister Pennyworth is the Wayne family’s butler. Now, you may be asking yourself, why the hell do I care about a butler? Well–”

K; “He’s badass! That’s why!”

[smack]

K; “Hey!”

R; “Shush, it’s my time to shine. He manages the mess that is the Wayne family almost completely by himself, he’s ex-military and there are multiple videos of him kicking ass in defense of the Waynes, and, while he’s a butler, every single one of Bruce’s children and Bruce himself has stated that he’s basically the grandfather of the family. Sadly, it’s rare I ever get to talk about him because he’s usually pretty on the down-low.”

K, excitedly; “Sooo? What he dooooo?!”

R; “As usual, there’s a bunch of [redacted] that people say about the Waynes online because people get cocky when they think no one’s watching. He apparently got fed up with one of Lex Luthor's more recent Tweets and re-tweeted it and” laugh “and truly, I’m not going to do it justice verbally.” more laughing

K; “Oh my goooood Rain, you’re killing me, please.”

R; deep, calming breath “Okay, okay, he– I’m serious though, you have to see it to really understand how amazing this is– he says; “@LexLuthor Fight me, cunt.” and on” wheeze “on the next line it says, ‘Best regards, Alfred Pennyworth.’”

[Rain continues laughing and the sounds of a rolling chair being moved can be heard as Kitt gets up to take a lap around the recording studio before sitting back down and getting very close to the microphone]

K; “When I tell you I love that man more every time I hear [redacted] about him.”

[Rain laughs harder and ends up choking on air and coughing]

R; throat clearing "Huuuh, sorry, hah, okay. Whew. I think it’s out of my system.”

K; “That’s some god-type [redacted] right there.”

R; “Always is, sadly, that’s all I have on him today. But we’ve still got some Gems to cover for the other Waynes, so stay tuned after our commercial break.”

K; “As always, thank you for the vigilant eyes and ears, The Night Watch will be back after this short break.”

Chapter Text

[An upbeat jingle that sounds vaguely threatening begins and overlays the entire commercial]

[A feminine voice begins speaking]

Voice; “Do you need a dose of anti-toxins for the month? Do you feel unsafe but can’t find any stores with the heavy weapons you need? Well, look no further! Here at M.U.R.D.E.R., we’ve got all that and more!”

[There’s a very loud bang that sounds like fireworks... kind of]

Voice; “M.U.R.D.E.R., or Materials Undermining the Risk of Death, Endangerment, and Ruination, has whatever you need for defending yourself against rogues, plants, and the terrors of the night. We got Wayne patented gas masks, anti-toxins, knives, axes, shovels, and more!”

[A louder bang, it's still unclear if it's fireworks or not]

Voice, sped up; “All Rogue defense packs are available regardless of whether or not that Rogue is no longer active. You must show I.D. at check-out. Gas Mask Sizes come in extra small to large, as well as smaller sizes for children. For a special fitting call 111-111-1111 to schedule a WayneHealth and Tech fitting. All fittings free.”

[A third, louder bang, followed by screaming. It is not clear if the screams are terrified or excited]

Chapter Text

[The final commercial peters out and a short, ten-second jingle that sounds vaguely like classical music plays]

Kitt, upbeat; “Aaaand, welcome back, or to, The Night Watch!”

Rain; “We’re currently discussing celeb news–”

Kitt; “And we just finished with one of our favorite sections of it, Alfred Pennyworth Tweeted Today.”

Rain; “Now, on to our front and center father of the Wayne Family, Bruce Wayne himself!”

Kitt; “Do we finally get to discuss the Wayne V. Luthor smackdown electric-boogaloo-remix?”

Rain; snort “Sadly–”

K, distraught; “Noooooo.”

R; “Sadly, that’s going to be properly covered in the Full Fam section.”

K; “Awww.”

R; “So, Bruce Wayne has been his normal self, vague sightings throughout the city with kids who aren’t his but definitely are because they’ve all called him dad multiple times. This time with a young woman with blue hair and a young man, both had the same haircut and pride flag earrings, love that for them, a win for us.”

K; “Is that the one who was seen at that Gala last month?”

R; “Blue hair? Yeah, she was with the blonde, Stephanie something, also considered one of Bruce’s not-kids.”

K; “Neat, anything else?”

R; “Nah, just the norm, TikTok vids from his kids including him, his normal comments on his kid's Tweets, the occasional Insta picture about his daily life. Pretty tame, just a guy being a dad on the internet. Dick Grayson-Wayne, however, has announced today that he’s working with the Martha Wayne Foundation to update housing for the foster care system and to introduce more in-depth background checks for foster parents. He’s already met with a few of the head honchos and went ahead and publicly outed one of them as corrupt.”

K, exaspirated; “And people wonder why we stan these guys.”

R; “These people are insane, but like, the good kind, you know?”

K; “The kind that literally does not give a single [redacted] that they're good deed just got them landed on a hit list. Then they [redacted] win against the hitman.”

R; “They like to pretend they’re normal, but we all know the truth. It’s learned behavior, Martha and Thomas Wayne were like that too. Anyway, Jason Todd-Wayne, soon to be just Jason Wayne, was found alive last month when he went out for dinner with his sister Cassandra. He’s finally gained a Twitter account this week but didn’t post on it until today and, my god, this man’s wild. No [redacted] given and I’m loving it. Very first post @quittellingbitchesimdead, with perfect [redacted] grammar, may I add, ‘to whomever spray painted over the picture of Bruce Wayne on the billboard right out front of my window: you’re the hero we don’t deserve.’”

K; “That’s literally his first post?”

R; “Yep, the comments and retweets also include his siblings roasting Bruce, and the man just retweets Jason’s post with zero added commentary! This is gold! Then his second one, only fifteen minutes later, ‘Chill my dudes, I literally just remembered I had a Twitter’ then a third an hour later, ‘You know what? Since bitches be obsessed with me, you all are going to sit here while I talk to you about the true gold that is the first your mom joke as told by Shakespeare' he continues on for a sixty-eight-part thread about not only the first yo mama joke, as truly told by Shakespear, but about the intricacies of the political systems in all of his plays. His fourth post is calling Tim Wayne a bitch.”

K; “Babe help I’m falling.”

R; laughter “Good luck with that. I’ve still got–” paper shuffling “Cassandra, Timothy, Duke, Caroline, and Damian to get through, not to mention the beefed section that is the Full Fam section, so we’re gonna have to keep going if we want plenty of time during Free Talk.”

K; Kitt can be heard straightening their chair “Alright, rapid-fire babes.”

R; “Cassandra Wayne had her ballet performance today, the whole performance can be found in the Gotham Theater’s YouTube channel and most of the Wayne’s socials. Warning, it will bring you to tears, it’s beautiful. Timothy is stepping back into a leadership role with the Neon Knights program after his four-month-long break for his mental health, he released a statement a few days ago, that I only read today because I have no time management skills, saying that, while his depressive episodes are difficult, they are part of the reason he continues doing what he’s doing for his community. King [redacted]. It was leaked that Duke Thomas-Wayne submitted a poem he wrote to an art show, it’s still unclear which art show it is, but people are working uncomfortably hard trying to find it. Let the kid live his life. Caroline Wayne, the most recent addition to the Wayne family, had her birthday last week, turning a sweet sixteen, and was seen celebrating with school friends today because their schedules took a while to line up. Damian Wayne has become more active on Instagram in the past few months, posting pictures of his animals, siblings, and paintings, one of which recently sold to the Gotham Museum of Art for twenty grand, each and every penny of it was donated to the Gotham Humane society. God these kids are just, ugh!”

[Rain can be heard taking exaggerated deep breaths]

R; “That was a lot.”

K; “Damn, it’s been a busy day for those kids.”

R; “You can say that again.”

K; “ Buuuut~ as much as I love them all on their own~”

R; “Full Fam Report?”

K; “Full Fam Report.”

R; “You’re never happy are you.”

K, brightly; “Nope!”

R; laughter “Okay, the Full Fam Report is different from the individual reports as it involves most of the Waynes and, occasionally, outsiders. So! Starting off with the big news, the last Wayne V. Luthor smackdown happened last month at a Queen Gala. Reportedly, Bruce Wayne and Oliver Queen were talking about their history together and it turns out they were dating for a time!”

K; “Yooooo! That makes so much sense!”

R; “I know, right? Anyway, Luthor was only a few feet away and called them queer, using the word as a slur, and Bruce turns around and immediately claps back with ‘at least I have sex.’”

K; laughter “Could’ve done better, but still a good one.”

R; “Queen backs Bruce up by flipping off Luthor, flagging down his wife, and pointing at Luthor. None of her words are things I can repeat here, but I advise you to go look it up when you can. It’s gold.”

K; “Who doesn’t love Dinah Lance-Queen?”

R; “People you shouldn’t associate with. This isn’t the first time Bruce and Lexie-poo have had spats over the years, which is why Kitt called this one the ‘electric-boogaloo-remix,’ you see, Lex just couldn’t let this slight stand and took to Twitter, where most of this [redacted] happens, to rant about it! He had the insane idea to not only insinuate that Bruce faked Jason’s death for media attention, something they’re still being blamed of, but insult Damian who has, quite recently, come out as demi-gender. There were a bunch of things said about the other kids, most of them largely racist or classist, but those two are the ones that we’re going to be focusing on today.”

K; “Wait, he said [redacted] about the other kids?”

R; “Yeah, and while I’d love to call him out on everything, we’d be here all night.”

K; “Show me later then.”

R; “Absolutely. Now, as Jason didn’t have a Twitter account until this week, and then forgot he had one until today, he was probably only aware of this through second-hand retellings by other online sources and his siblings, so when he, and I quote, ‘scrolled through my name being mentioned in other Tweets’ he found one of Luthor's Tweets about him, then he went digging and found all the other posts from way back when. He looked through his family’s accounts too, apparently, and saw that they were handling themselves fine, but here’s the thing; Damian Wayne doesn’t have an active Twitter. He avoids using the platform entirely, and while everyone was trying to field Luthor's posts about themselves, they were also juggling him and Damian. So, not one to be left out of the fun, Jason checks if there’s at least one post no one had retweeted and he found literally one, saying ‘The Wayne bloodline is becoming more and more diluted, that–’ possible slur? I don’t want to say it if it is, ‘queer boy is going to barely have Wayne children.’”

K, grossed out; “One, yikes, two, that’s a literal child and you are a grown-ass man, and three, is he seriously using queer as a slur?”

R; “He’s old, I doubt he remembers we’ve already reclaimed it.”

K; snort “Okay, okay, continue.”

R; “Cool, so, Jason sees it, looks at the comments, and sees a lot of people saying, like, the most playground insult I’ve ever heard; Gaymian.”

K; “...Get the [redacted] out– Gaymian? Dude… That’s so [redacted] dumb.”

R; “I know so Jason straight up retweets one of the retweets, of Luthors post, and goes ‘Sex Luthor,’” Kitt can be heard breaking into laughter “and I’m pretty sure he either deleted Twitter or turned his phone off because his siblings are saying some wildly different things about it.”

[Kitt is still laughing]

R; sigh “Luthor is up in arms but literally, every post he makes is retweeted with ‘Sex Luthor’ which is pissing him off more, the Waynes have yet to comment on anything other than Jason turning his phone off. I’ve got no idea if they do or do not know.”

[Kitt’s laughter has finally stopped]

K; “Love that, honestly. Good [redacted].”

R; “I get the feeling Jason’s going to be in this segment a lot.”

K; “I hope he is. Anything else on the Full Fam?”

R; “Nope, that’s the Big Thing, they’re focusing on.

K; “Next segment?”

R; “Next segment.”

[A ten-second jingle that sounds vaguely like Girl In Red plays]

K, in a somewhat musical way; “Guess what time it is.”

R, harmonizing very badly; “Guess what time it is.”

K, 'musically'; “It’s Free Time.”

R, 'musically'; “Free Time?”

K, 'musically'; “Oh yeah it’s Free Time.”

R, 'musically'; “Bow chick bowbow, bum bah!”

K, normally; “Welcome to Free Time, everybody! The final segment of the show where we talk about whatever we want! Today's topic!

R; “The Colonies!”

K; “For those of you who don’t know– welcome to Gotham, you should leave while you still have the chance– The Colonies are groups of people who leave gifts and such for the Components, some of them are religious and some are just people who are grateful for what they do and leave notes or little trinkets of appreciation. There are, however, monster [redacted] groups too.” there’s a pointed pause “Anywho, some of the ‘Colonies’ are specific to different entities, there are some to Mercy, some to Devotion, some to the Children– the list goes on. I, personally, do not consider myself part of any of these groups, but our lovely Rain Cloud does!”

R; “I do indeed.”

Kitt sounds genuinely curious throughout this segment; “So, since we literally just realized we’ve never actually talked about your theology, can you give me the basics of which group you’re a part of?”

R; “I’m part of a Group Colony, my specific one is non-deistic, we believe The Bat to be supernatural, but not a deity or a demon, but something similar.”

K; “What’s a group colony?”

R; “Oh! A group Colony is one that quote-unquote ‘worships’ more than one Component, Child, or day-stalker. In our case, we ‘worship’ all of the Components as well as the Children and the day-stalker.”

K; “Day-stalker?”

R; “It’s what we refer to the Signal as, Light and Sigel, that is.”

K; “Damn, that’s rad as hell, why hasn’t that made it into general lexicon?”

R; “No clue.”

K; “So, what does your ‘worship’ include?”

R; “It’s different for every Colony, ours leaves food and trinkets.”

K; “Why would an entity care about that?”

R; “You know when Mercy and Wrath first started calling each other, well, Mercy and Wrath?”

K; “Yeah?”

R; “Do you remember why?”

Kitt recites her words like they were a memorized script; “They have accepted these names as a parent accepting the names given of a child out of love.”

R; “Exactly, they might not need the stuff we leave for them, but they understand that we’re doing this because we appreciate them.”

K; “That’s… really sweet.”

R; “It’s honestly really nice. Sometimes, if you’re in one of the Holy Areas at Communion Dawn, a Component might show up, it’s rare, but it happens.

K; “Did it ever happen to you?”

R; “Kind of, I didn’t speak to it, but I did see it. I can’t tell you where I was, because the Holy Place I was in is one of the closed-off ones, it’s for people who we’re sure aren’t going to desecrate them or anything. Anyway, one of the people in my group and I were in there late because we couldn’t make the meeting that we all normally do to set up our gifts, and we’ve been there for a few minutes, pretty quiet, the only real light coming from the prayer candles–” Kitt can be heard scribbling on a note pad “–and right when we finish, we get up from the floor where we were setting out the food, turn around, and right there is [redacted] Echo. So we’re freaking the [redacted] out, like, there’s a Component, what the [redacted], did we summon it by accident, oh [redacted] it’s gonna be pissed– but then it hisses in, like, a weirdly non-threatening manner and then does that bow they do when they’re happy. That, foot out, chest touching knee, one, before straightening up and [redacted] gliding over to us and tapping us on the foreheads– and we’re [redacted] out.”

K; “...Like, just straight up knocked out?”

R; “Yeah, we woke up in our houses the next morning like nothing happened! We went back to check and saw that most of the gifts had been taken! It was so [redacted] cool.”

K; “Dude, I kinda want to join you.”

R; “I’d be happy to introduce you to my group.”

K: “Honestly, I think I wanna help a bit. Anyway, we can talk after, can you tell me anything about the other Colonies? Actually, prayer candles, you mentioned those.”

R; “Prayer candles, kay, so you know the Catholic prayer candles? You light candles for people who’ve passed, I think?”

K; “Mhm.”

R; “It’s kinda like that, just, for all sorts of prayers, most of the time people write small notes to go with them, but it’s kind of taboo to leave a candle and not at least leave your first name. It’s like you’re introducing yourself to someone.”

K; “That… sounds weirdly fun?”

R; “It is actually. Pretty cathartic too. What were you saying about the other Colonies?”

K; “Can you tell me anything about them?”

R; “You summed them up pretty well, some are religious, some aren’t, some just want to [redacted] the Components, though, to my knowledge, none have succeeded. Like I said earlier, some groups worship, and I use that term lightly, more than one entity, and some don’t. The practices vary from group to group, but the gifts of appreciation part is pretty universal, but the type of gift might change based on what kind of group you’re in.”

K; “Can you tell me anything specific about the deity-type groups?”

R; “Some of those are religious, some think The Bat is a demon of some kind and… sometimes those ones call themselves religious and sometimes they don’t, you’ve gotta be careful with that one. I can tell you more about the god ones than the demon ones. They have some ceremonies and important dates, a prominent one being the day Joker was killed, another when that fight between Passion and Mercy happened– most Colonies think that was the day that Passion reconnected to become a Full Component again–” Kitt can be heard scribbling again “Each group has different important dates and different ceremonies, but most of the generally agreed upon ones are at least acknowledged, like the transition of Stephanie Brown into a Component is called the Echoing but only Echo-based groups hold full ceremonies for the whole three months while non-Echo based groups only do something on the first and last day of the Echoing.”

K; furious scribbling “I’ve got so many damn notes, but let’s start with what a Full Component is?”

R; laughing “Yeah, there’s a lot. The term ‘Full Component’ is kind of a filler title because we’re not sure what Passion was before we called it Passion. It was a human man, who took over the drug trade in Crime Alley and was apparently a Component, except not because the other Components didn’t recognize it. We think that Mercy has to accept a… damaged? Maybe? We really don’t know. Anyway, an ex-Component has to be accepted by Mercy in order for it to be a Component proper again. It’s all very theoretical, but we try our best.”

K; “Okay, we’ve only got a few minutes left, so I’m gonna get through as many questions as possible and save the rest. How is the Joker’s death celebrated?"

R; “Ohhh, now that’s a doozie. My Colony celebrates by getting blackout drunk. I know of a religious one that burns incense and spends the whole day and night in silent communion with Devotion. There’s another that plays hymns they wrote and then dances on rooftops. One of the Hands– the monster [redacted] ones, I’ll explain that in a sec– anyway, one of them straight up has an orgy. The Devotion-based groups do things that center around it, while the others recognize it but don’t make it the center of attention.”

K: “I’m a bit weirded out to ask this, but also I’m morbidly curious; what do the monster [redacted] Devotion groups do?”

R; “Well, that is a question, uhh, once again, it depends, oh, uh quick warning stop listening for about eight seconds… and now. I heard one has, a giant painting or carving of it and they either have sex or masturbate in front of it.”

[Kitt's head bangs on the table]

K, muffled; “Why did I ask?”

R; “Morbid curiosity, it’s how I found out too. There are more types that just kind of get together and lust after them, none of the cult-sh vibes included. No hate to those of you out there who are a part of any these groups, just, as an ace, it wigs me the [redacted] out.”

K, no longer muffled; “Ugh, what were you saying about hands?”

R; “Oh! Right, there’s a little bit of a classification system, Head, Heart, Hands, and Health–”

K; “4-H? Really?”

R; “Dude, I don’t know who came up with it, but it works.”

K; “Fair enough.”

R; “Anyway, a Head group is a non-worship group like I’m in, a Heart group is a deistic group, the demon ones fall under this too, a Hands group is, well, it’s a hands-on group, and, um, I’m not gonna talk about Health groups, because they’re either really good or really bad and I want to talk about all the bad things about Colonies in a separate place.”

K; “That… that sounds foreboding.”

R; “It is, there’s a bunch of other bad [redacted] that happens in Colonies too, we’re weeding the awful [redacted] out, we even actively tell the Components, but there’s a reason a lot of Colonies have an age rule. It’s to keep kids safe, my Colony doesn’t have an age rule because we keep each other accountable for our actions, and a lot of Colonies are like that, but some just aren’t.

K; “Yeah… yeah, we should save the heavy stuff for another time.”

R; “Probably best.”

[There are a few seconds of silence]

R; throat clearing “Anyway.”

K; cough “Right. So. Can you give me a list of holidays, let’s can start with general.”

R; “Well, Joker’s death is the biggest, uh, then it’s probably the first time a Component was confirmed to exist, think Mercy’s first real showdown, let’s see… Oh, Poison Ivy’s release from Arkham is a widely observed one, it’s called The Day of Rejuvenation. It’s used to celebrate new beginnings. I think those are probably the only really wide-spread ones.”

K; “Can you give me any specific ones?”

R; “I mentioned the Echoing, uhm, there’s a bunch for the first confirmation of an entity. There’s one for the Bat-Signal too. The Children are a bit different since they’re stolen souls, or at least I buy into the stolen souls theory, my Colony celebrates them by lighting a candle for every physical shift of Laughter on the day it first appeared and vice versa for Silence.”

K; “Ohhh, what about–”

[A phone alarm goes off]

K; “Aw damn, sorry Rain.”

R; “It’s good, we can always save it for later!”

K; “Sadly my dear Night Watchers, this will have to be where we part tonight.”

[Exit music begins playing]

R; “Thank you for your vigilant eyes and ears, I’ve been the illustrious Rain.”

K; “And I’ve been the ever so clever Kitt!”

R; “This had been The Night Watch and as always–”

Both; “We’re Always Watching.”

[Mics are silenced as the music gains full volume]