Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A young girl named Sky (sometimes Ozzy) sits in a restaurant, typing on her phone. It just so happens that today is...

Ozzy: Oh, shut your up. I'll write my own intro, thank you, Narrator.

Well, fine, be like that!

Ozzy: Sorry, it's just I'm currently not at home, and I'd rather not have you describe my uncle and my mom. That's just weird.

Alright, fair enough, I suppose... continue.

Ozzy: Thanks!

Hi, everyone! I'm Sky, or Ozzy, or Nickel, but I won't be going by that last one during this, cause... well, that'd be confusing as hell. You'll see what I mean.

So, yeah, this is a character elimination show! Inspired by Epichaxboi's, but also Dollar Store's, because why not? It won't be done here, though, of course... (Narrator, that's your cue!)

Oh, yes, right. A-hem.

The camera zooms in on the phone and suddenly the busy restaurant transforms into a lush mansion painted in black and with mint trim, gardens spilling out behind it. The host has golden hair chopped short, blue eyes behind black glasses, and is wearing white boots, black pants, a black Inanimate Insanity shirt, and a mint fluffy jacket. They smile as they fan out a set of invites, each with a return sticker on them and a green checkmark.

Ozzy: We'll be doing them here! Thanks, Narrator. Now, these invites, as the Narrator said, have all been returned- I sent them all to the proper characters and got a go from them. Well... there were some I was going to ask who weren't them, but...

The screen cuts to 5 envelopes, each with a red X on them. They're labeled "Oodle", "Bandu", "Henry", "Monika", and "Papyrus". The screen cuts back to Ozzy.

Ozzy: Yeah, five of the original ones I had planned declined. Henry, Monika, and Papyrus were busy with other shows, and Oodle and Bandu were busy with their jobs, so I sent invites to replacements. I did end up getting a Henry, though he's definitely not the original.

He is from a universe called "The Volt Switch Collection", if I remember correctly. It's a universe where the government and Toppat characters swap sides, I believe.

Ozzy: Right on the nose! The West Mesa and Wall characters also swap jobs. I made that AU with Dinsfire24, by the way, so credit to them as well. But for now...

The host tosses out the twenty checkmarked invites, each of which make a portal from which a character walks out. They all marvel at the mansion, then look at each other with varying levels of surprise and confusion.

Ozzy: Welcome to Let's Try This!

Sadly, there's no intro, so just... pretend there is, alright? 

Ozzy: Oh, hush, you.

A nickel with legs walks forward, eyeing the host suspiciously.

Character unlocked!

Nickel

Universe: Inanimate Insanity

Species: Object

Sarcasm: To the max

Where in timeline: S3E11

Nickel: Hey, lady. This is the show I signed up for, right? I thought this was an object show.

Ozzy: Sorry to disappoint you, ha! No, this is a character elimination show. Basically an object show, but not limited to objects. Allows for a lot more creativity! And also hopefully not as heavy as your show.

Nickel: Say what now? What do you mean my show is heavy ?

Ozzy: With angst. Though not nearly as bad as ONE. I debated adding Abstracty, but... nah. Anyway, get used to seeing non-object characters. Same goes for you, Blue.

The blue bouncy ball 'hmph's.

Character unlocked!

Blue

Universe: Contest For The Diamond / Battle For Fries From Wendy's 

Species: Object (with near god-like powers)

Blue: ball

Where in timeline: BFFFW Episode 11b

Blue: I've seen other universes. Not a big deal to me. Though I am curious about the nickel's show...

Nickel: Stay the hell away from me.

Ozzy: Break it up, you two! Actually, everyone break up! Your first challenge is a two-parter. Make teams of five, and then name them! The team with my least favorite name loses and is up for elimination. Ready... begin!

She snaps her fingers, then disappears. Everyone is left to their own devices, and the first chance he gets, Nickel walks away from Blue and up to a teenager with a green hoodie, slip-on shoes, brown hair, and an axe.

Character unlocked!

Lore

Universe: Heartbound

Species: Human

Dog: Gone

Where in timeline: After The Tower, good path

Nickel: Hey.

Lore: Hey.

Nickel: You don't seem all that surprised to see a walking object.

Lore: I've seen weirder.

Nickel: Wow. ...wanna team?

Lore: Don't see why not.

Nickel: Cool.

A pink- wait, no- magenta stick figure wearing a police badge and hat of the same color walks up and joins them.

Character unlocked!

Magenta "Jenny" Clark

Universe: The Night at Bobert's 

Species: Stick figure

Tired: Dear god yes

Where in timeline: After TNaB 4

Jenny: Saw you guys were forming a team. Can I join? I don't want to have to think about it too much so I'm just joining the first group I see.

Lore: Ha, mood.

Nickel: I'd probably do the same, so I can respect that. Welcome aboard.. what's your name?

Jenny: I'm Jenny. I'm a police officer.

Lore: Neat, I'm Lore. I don't have a job.

Nickel: Me either, but I'm on a reality show.

???: Reality show, huh?

Two people walk up to the new group, having been previously chatting. One is a teen with a shock of white-blond hair and round sunglasses, and the other is a short, mustachioed man with blue overalls. They're both wearing red shirts.

Characters unlocked!

Dave Strider 

Universe: Homestuck 

Species: God-tiered human

Stairs: I told you man!

Where in timeline: Long after the webcomic (I'm not acknowledging the epilogues)

Mario

Universe: Mario: The Music Box

Species: Human

Deaths: 196

Where in timeline: After the main game's True End

Dave: What's that like?

Nickel: Chaotic.

Mario: Sounds about right. I mean, the closest I got to reality TV was a kart race, and that was extremely chaotic.

Lore looks around at the little group they've made, as well as the pairs that started to form around them.

Lore: I think we've got 5 members. Wanna call it a team?

Jenny: That's good enough for me.

Dave: Don't we need a team name, though?

Nickel: "Sarcasm Central".

Mario: I was thinking of "Tired Of This Shit".

Lore: Darn, I like both...

Jenny: Just combine them. Since Nickel said his first, why don't we put his first, then... I never caught your name?

Mario: It's Mario- this is Dave.

Dave: Yo.

Jenny: Right, then put Mario's after in parentheses.

Dave: How are we gonna tell the host, though?

Nickel: I got this.

Taking a deep breath, Nickel yells into the air.

Nickel: HEY, OZZY!

Ozzy appears next to the newly founded team in an instant.

Ozzy: Yes?

Nickel: We've got a team and a name.

Ozzy: Haha, not surprised the one with contestant experience came up with a team first. So, it's you five right? What's the name?

Lore: Sarcasm Central (Tired Of This Shit).

Did... did he just say the parentheses out loud?

Ozzy: Pfft- okay, I like that, and it's also accurate, especially for you guys. I'll probably end up calling you guys the Sarcasmers, though, is that alright?

All the Sarcasmers shrug.

Ozzy: Alriight! One team down! Now back to drawing.

Ozzy disappears into thin air as the Sarcasmers begin to talk amongst themselves again.

Meanwhile, a few minutes ago, a young boy (though not of the human species) with a spade visor on his face frowned at the newly-being-created team. He scanned the area around him, spotting specifically four other people in blue, and triumphantly runs over to the nearest one, a ninja in blue garb, one of the arms metallic.

Characters unlocked!

Lancer

Universe: Deltarune 

Species: Darkner

Bad guy: The baddest!!!! >:]

Where in timeline: After Chapter Two

Jay Walker

Universe: Ninjago

Species: Human

ADHD: Probably

Where in timeline: Post S13

Lancer: You there!!

Jay: Who, me?

Lancer: Yes, you! The one in blue!

Lancer pulls Jay down by his arm and theatrically whispers to him about his team idea. Jay grins, clearly enamored by the idea- and quickly getting along with the kid.

Jay: I like how you think! I'll get the cube and ball, you get the mug?

Lancer: You're good with these sort of plans... what's your name?

Jay: I'm Jay Walker! I've heard the puns about my name plenty of times, haha.

Lancer: Well, crime boy Jay, I am Lancer, king of Card Castle! I am making you my cadet until further notice. Now go get that cube!

Jay salutes with a grin, then they both break 'character' and laugh. 

Jay: Meetcha back here, King Lancer!

Lancer: Good luck, Cadet Crime Boy!!

Jay runs off to where a cyan cube is floating in midair, somehow giving a disappointed look to Blue despite not even having a face.

Character unlocked!

Cyan (?)

Universe: Just Shapes and Beats

Species: Shape

Dodging: 100

Where in timeline: After Story Mode (including The Lost Chapter)

Blue rolls his eyes as he sees Jay running up to them.

Blue: What is it?

Cyan: >:/

Blue: I'll be as rude as I want.

Cyan: >:(

Jay: I'm recruiting you two to join our group!!

Blue: With who else?

Jay: Lancer! It's a group of us blues!

Cyan: :0

Jay: You wanna join?

Cyan: :D!!

The little cube 'nods' by quickly going up and down in the air, seemingly excited by this. Blue rolls his eyes.

Blue: It's as good as any, I suppose.

Jay: Woo!! Okay, you two, follow me!

Cyan: >:]!

Jay and the others rush back (well, Blue lags behind) to find Lancer chatting it up with a mug-headed person who seems to find it refreshing to talk to a kid like him. He's wearing a vest with a spade on it.

Character unlocked!

Mugman

Universe: Casino Cups 

Species: Object head? Idk

Bisexual: Mess

Where in timeline: End of Act 1

Lancer: Cadet!!! Welcome back, I've recruited the mug!!

Mugman: You sure did. Blue team, huh?

Cyan: :D!

Jay: I was actually thinking "The Blue Group"!

Lancer: Excellent name, crime boy!! 

Blue: Could be better.

Lancer: Now where's that host...

Ozzy pops out of thin air and startles the whole team.

Ozzy: You called?

Jay: Gah-?!

Cyan: O_o

Lancer: WOAH-

Mugman: FFFFF-

Blue: Bunch of wimps.

Ozzy: haha

Ozzy: Anyway, team made? What's the name?

Lancer: We are... The Blue Group!

Ozzy: Awww, that's cute. I like it! Good luck next episode guys :D

Ozzy disappears again, and all the team but Blue celebrates with each other. Cut to a golden-haired teen and a blue-eyed man with glasses standing somewhat awkwardly next to each other. The former seems to be appraising everyone around him.

Characters unlocked!

Giorno Giovanna

Universe: JJBA

Species: Human

Theme: Epic

Where in timeline: Just after the end of Part 5

Seán "Jacksepticeye" McLoughlin

Universe: Uh... his egoverse I guess? Channel canon

Species: Human

Top: OF THE MORNIN

Where in timeline: Present day

Giorno: Hm. Two teams are already made.

Seán: Is... is that a bad thing?

Giorno: No. Sorry, do I know you?

Seán: Uh... probably not. I'm Seán, but everyone usually calls me Jack. What's your name?

Giorno: Giorno Giovanna. 

Seán: Your name sounds kind of familiar...

Giorno: ...?

Seán: ...eh, it's probably nothing.

???: Hey, you two!

A group of three run up, two being dragged by the others. The two dragged were both wearing headphones- one pair red with a microphone, one pair black with only one earphone. The one with red headphones wore dog tags and a camo jacket, and the other wore a nondescript black hoodie and jeans. The person dragging them wore a collared light blue shirt with a white bowtie and leggings, though none of it was pristine at all. He also wore a top hat the same color as his shirt with a white ribbon and a pin shaped like an H.

Characters unlocked!

Charles Calvin

Universe: The Henry Stickmin Collection

Species: Human

Valiant: Hero

Where in timeline: Triple Threat Ending

Remy Abode

Universe: Gemini Home Entertainment

Species: Human

The Iris: Freaks me out

Where in timeline: Latest video

Henry Stickmin

Universe: The Volt Switch Collection

Species: Human

Soldier: Boy

Where in timeline: Toppat Triple Ending

Henry stops in front of the two and breathes heavily. Charles seems confused (and a little apprehensive towards this Henry), and Remy just flops onto his back.

Henry: Can... can we join you guys?

Giorno: Pardon?

Henry: Your.. your group.

Seán: I mean... we weren't really forming a group, but sure?

Henry: Cool. Didn’t want to be last.

Remy: Did you have to drag me?

Charles: Why on earth would you want me on your team?!

Charles stands up and glares at Henry, arms crossed. Henry looks confused.

Henry: I dunno man, I thought you looked like Charles, and well I figured if the blue team or whatever could make a team with only blue people, we could make a team with only humans, and most of the other humans I saw were already on a team, so I just grabbed you two since you were right next to me-

Charles: You’re Toppat, aren’t you? Shouldn’t you hate government? Did you not see my jacket?

Henry: Oh, that. I actually don’t hate government all that much.

Charles: ...really?? I find that hard to believe.

Henry: Oh, come on-!
Seán: Are you two done? The host’s been watchin’ ya argue.

Seán points to Ozzy, who was indeed standing there watching. Charles and Henry both back up kind of sheepishly, muttering a ‘sorry’ to the other. Remy rolls his eyes. 

Ozzy: So you guys have a team already? That was fast.

Seán: I didn’t really expect to form one so quickly either. I was just standing here.

Giorno: Yes, we have a team.

Ozzy: Awesome! What’s the name?

All of the team looks awkwardly at one another. None of them had come up with one. Eventually, Seán spoke up timidly.

Seán: We’re Only Human?

Remy: Really?

Seán: I had to come up with something!

Ozzy: Eh. not the worst. I like the song reference! Kind of boring though.

Henry: Could be worse!

Ozzy turns to the last five, clapping their hands. Immediately, all five are gathered into a group. 

Ozzy: Alright, you five are the last group! Ya snooze, ya lose. Come up with a team name, then come back to me!

They disappear, leaving the five to look awkwardly at each other. Eventually, a black-haired teen with icy blue eyes clears his throat. Looks like he might end up being the pseudo-leader for now.

Character unlocked!

Danny Fenton

Universe: Danny Phantom

Species: Half ghost, half human

Going: Ghost

Where in timeline: End of Season 2

Danny: This is kinda sudden, but since it’s the challenge, we have to come up with a team name anyway. What’s one thing we all have in common?

An orange, hollow-headed stickman raises their hand. They can’t talk out loud, but text of the same color as themselves appears next to their head.

Character unlocked!

The Second Coming / ”Orange”

Universe: Beckerverse / Animator vs Animation

Species: Exe program

Why are they called the second: When they’re technically the fourth stick Alan has made

Where in timeline: After AvM 30

TSC: Maybe all of us have powers?

Danny: Um.. raise your hand if you have powers.

All but two raise their hand.

TSC: Worth a shot.

Danny: Okay, that’s a no go. Any other ideas?

???: I mean, I doubt it, but does anyone else here deal with puzzles?

The suggestion came from a man wearing business casual clothes, an elaborate eyepiece with red, green and blue lenses hanging on a chain around his neck. He had a journal under his arm and had an odd hexagonal symbol (it kind of looks like a heart) over his heart in faint red. There were black marks along his hand, which he hid mostly with a glove.

Character unlocked!

The Player (unknown name)

Universe: The Room games 

Species: Null-marked human

Dislikes: Puzzle boxes

Where in timeline: The Room 3; Escape Ending

Danny: Uh, probably not. Good suggestion, though?

Player: No need to lie, it probably wasn’t that great, hah. Worth asking, though.

TSC: Two left who haven’t talked yet! Either of you have any suggestions?

The one with white eyes shakes his head. He’s wearing a blue shirt and purple sweatpants, and sports a pretty impressive goatee.

Character unlocked!

Herobrine

Universe: Beckerverse / Animator vs Animation

Species: Minecraft myth

Don't: Play at 3 AM

Where in timeline: After AvM 30

Herobrine: Can’t say I do. However, I do think I can say I know you.

TSC: Hey, that’s right! You helped us in the battle! ...and possessed Red years ago. Why was that, by the way?

Herobrine: Oh, no, that wasn’t me. There are multiple ‘Herobrine’s scattered through servers; some are malicious, some aren’t. I happen to like being a teacher in my server.

TSC: I mean I guess that makes sense.

???: Animation.

Danny: Huh?

TSC: What?

???: Animation!

The short farmer raises an (armless) hand in triumph. He wasn’t easily noticed before, quite literally being the shortest one there by a long shot, but in hindsight it also wasn’t easy to overlook him, with his green hat, red shirt and blue overalls. And no arms. Seriously, how does he move his hands without arms?

Character unlocked!

Bambi

Universe: Dave & Bambi 3.0

Species: Forgotten god

Corn: What’s up mother shuckers

Where in timeline: Present day

Bambi: We all animation!

Player: Pardon?

Bambi points to himself, Danny, and TSC.

Bambi: 2D animation.

He then points to Herobrine and Player.

Bambi: 3D animation! Sorta. Team name should be “Animation!”

Bambi looks proud of himself as everyone seems to agree. TSC looks at what Bambi says and looks thoughtfully before taking the “ion!” off of what Bambi said, adding an ‘e’, an ‘a’, and an ‘m’ instead. The whole team looks at that and seems to agree that they like the team name.

Danny: Animateam. That’s pretty clever!
Bambi: I get it, animate team. I like!

Player: Did you just... literally edit Bambi’s words?

TSC: I do that a lot, get used to it. I don’t like to talk like this much either, so I’ll be doing that a lot more often.

Player: Huh.

Ozzy: Alright, Animateam! I guess that means every team is complete and named.

Ozzy claps their hands and all the teams are organized in front of them.

Ozzy: Sadly, here comes my least favorite part- putting one of you up for elimination. The Blue Group!, your name is cheerful and catchy. You are not up for elimination.

Mugman: Nice!

Ozzy: Animateam, despite being the ‘leftovers’, you found something in common and turned it into a clever team name. You are also not up for elimination!

Danny: Phew.

Ozzy: Sarcasm Central (Tired Of This Shit), your name is long, but it’s funny. I gotta give points to that. You are not up for elimination, which means...

Seán: Aw man!

Ozzy: Sorry, We’re Only Human, but you guys are up for elimination first. It’s really a shame, I love your team- it’s just... well, it was rushed, and really Jack, were song lyrics all you could think of?

Seán: I guess that’s fair.

We’re Only Human is up for elimination! Please vote here to give immunity to one person next episode- and for who you want to be eliminated. See you next time!

Ozzy: Hm, I should probably advertise this a bit. Alright, Dollar Store, time to do to you what you did to others...

For what my words are worth, Ozzy, I think you did great this episode! I’m sure everyone will like it.

Ozzy: Aw, thanks. By the way, the next episode will only be posted when we get at least five votes. Just to make it fair for the contestants.

Oh yeah, and voting ends on December 20th! That sounds fair, right?

Ozzy: Works for me!