Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Okay and then right here is the chemical room, we keep a book in here that tells you what to do if you ever ingest any of these. We only had to use it once when Cartman dared Kenny to eat a sanitizer tablet. They are stupid, don't be like them… please.”

Stan laughs, “I promise!” he says as he raises his hand to his chest like he is making a sacred oath.

I lead him away from the chemical room back to the upfront area Where Craig is silently staring into the window. Stan looks at me nervously.

“Is he always an asshole?” he whispers to me.

It's my turn to laugh as I just nod.

Looking at the clock on the wall I notice that it is only 10:30, giving us time to get the popcorn prepared for the bus coming in. Leading stan to the popcorn Kettle I slowly go over the rules of handling something that reaches 400-500 degrees. All of it is pretty simple. Pour in the kernels, turn on the heat, and add the oil. I walk stan through it. I notice his hands shaking slightly when he pours in the oil.

I place my hand on his shoulder, “aw dude don't be nervous this shit is easy!”

He looks embarrassed and rolls his eyes.
Alrighty then, don't tell any man that you can tell he is nervous, they might turn into a monster.

Taking my hand away I pull out the small cups we keep for popcorn that goes to bus loads. Thankfully Wendy already counted the number of cups we need.

“Okay, when the popcorn is done popping you'll know because the popping noise will stop! It’s really hard stuff!” I joke. “Once it's done popping we are gonna fill these cups, the bus requested no butter on anything so it should be very quick!”

As I say this Cartman walks through the door with his uniform barely buttoned and an evil grin on his face. Damn, here comes the tidal wave of bullshit.

“Good Morning Craig, and new guy!” he smiles politely to both, only earning a wave from Stan, Craig doesn't even acknowledge anyone walking through the door.

“Ah, looking happy as ever Craig!” Cartman laughs. I roll my eyes.

Cartman's tone flatlines, “Oh morning Kyle I was hoping that you would have called in sick again today.”

“Nice to see you too Cartman, Listen we got a bus coming in for a church around 12, so could you please actually help today.”

“Oh, are you scared that they'll take one look at you and start to pray your gay away? God save the Fa-”

“Finish that sentence and I’ll send you right up the stairs to talk to Wendy.” I smiled at him.

Groans and goes to clock in. God today may actually be hell on earth. Stan is looking confused. But as if an actual light bulb went on inside his head he opened his mouth to speak.

“Ohhhhh are you guys like ex-boyfriends or something?” He says as if he has cracked the code. This actually earns a loud laugh from Craig. If looks could kill I think I could've killed him right there, and he stops.

“Sick dude! No way, I just hate him. He is just mad because in high school I beat the shit out of him in a fight. People never let him forget that the gay nerdy kid broke his nose. How the hell did you even draw that conclusion?” I smile at the memory of hearing Cartman's cries as he rushed to the nurse’s room.

The popcorn starts to stop popping and Stan does not seem to notice, as he looks like he is about to respond, so I pull the lever down.

“When the popcorn stops popping we pull the lever down so it doesn't burn. If it burns it smells bad.” I state matter of factly.

“Oh Sorry.”

I just nod and show Stan how to fill the cups. Really riveting stuff going on here. Catman makes his way to a register and starts talking to an unresponsive Craig.
“Hey Kyle, I need you upstairs for a second, the movie in theater three is showing red warning signs on the computer.” I hear Wendy's crackly voice over the headset.

“Hey Craig, will you keep an eye on Stan, I gotta run to the office real quick.” Craig nods and I'm off to the office.

When I arrive Wendy shows me the red flashing warning. It's honestly a good thing I know Booth because Wendy is hopeless. The banner is showing the sign that the booth is too hot for the monitors. Thank god, all I have to do is place a fan in front of the monitor.

“Oh it's all good, it's just getting too hot!”

I go up the stairs to the booth and turn on one of the fans we place in front of the monitors. This is pretty common, thankfully it's an easy fix. But if it gets left untreated it could lead to an internal fire.

Walking back down Wendy is waiting for me.

“How is the new kid doing?” She asks

“He is fine, I think he might be a little dumb,” I say sincerely, “ he thought Cartman and I were ex-lovers.” Wendy laughs so hard she has tears spilling from her eyes.

“Holy shit, that is actually the description of hell. If that ever happened I would know I died and went to hell” I barely understand her from how broken her sentence is due to the laughing. I can't help it and let out a chuckle.

I stop laughing as I smell the horrid smell of burning popcorn.

“No god damn it!”

Wendy stops too as she covers her nose. “Already!” She whines.

I run down the stairs and upfront where Stan is looking stressed as he desperately tries to get all the burnt popcorn out of the kettle as Cartman laughs and Craig looks annoyed.

“God, how did this even happen, you should’ve-”

“It was Cartman's fault he kept trying to get Stan to read different movie descriptions to him” Craig states.

“Well, why didn't you dump it!” Wendy says through closed teeth.

“It was a new kid's job to watch popcorn, I’m looking out for customers.” He points to the empty parking lot.

I pinch the bridge of my nose so I don't pull out my hair. “Jesus Christ.”

Just then a bus with a painted cross pulls in.

“Look what you did Kyle, you beckoned them in!” Wendy chirps. Thankfully there were only a few cups empty. I grab them and fill them with the popcorn we had in the bin.

“Oh jeez Kyle, I’m sorry!” Stan says panicked.

“All good!” I say with a fake smile.

All 150 churchgoers rush to our doors at the same time. The line for the concession stand is out the door. I really think this is the last place on earth I'd rather be right now. Looking through the crowd I see an orange hood squeezing through them. Oh, thank God!

“Kenny, thank god, clock in and get on a register we need all the hands we got. Kenny quickly disappears to the back and then reemerges and gets on the drawer next to cartman.

“For now stan we are just gonna hand out the popcorn, register work is for the second day”

“That is a relief!” Stan mumbles.

Stan and I quickly hand out the pre-ordered popcorn and drinks as the other three deal with all other purchases, like candy and the occasional order of a larger popcorn.

The busyness made the day go by pretty fast. Before I knew it it was already nearing 3 pm. Watching the church leave in one huddled mess reminded me that I was the one who was supposed to clean the theaters.

I look over to see Craig and Kenny cleaning the explosion of popcorn that was in front of the house. Stan was closely watching the popcorn pop while Cartman just stared down at his phone. God, I hate working with him.

“Cartman go clean the pop machines.” He looks up and rolls his eyes, but walks away with a spray bottle and towel in hand.

“Hey Stan, after that next batch, you and I are going to clean the theater.”

Kenny looks up at this, “Man tell Katie to never put me up front again. Usher will always be so much better.”

Rolling my eyes I just nod. I will never tell Katie that, I think her brain would melt out of her ears.

Stan dumps the popcorn and talks off his gloves and looks at me. I grab a spray bottle and a broom. “Lucky for you, after this you can clock off!”

He smiles, “Thank God” he claps his hands and looks to the sky.

“Aw I wasn't that bad was I?” I laugh.

“No, you were by far the only good part.” He jokes

“It’s a dark day in hell when Kyle is the best part of a job!” Wendy adds behind us.

“Hey!” I jokingly yell, and Stan laughs.

“Okay let's go do this, the good thing about churches is they usually do a good job of picking up after themself!” I exclaim while I open the door to see everything seat still has a popcorn bucket spilled over it.

“Damn! You spoke too soon dude! You jinxed us!”

“Holy fucking shit man, I have never seen a theater so bad. Man fuck God” I raise my middle finger to the ceiling.

“Dude! Don't say that your gonna get some sort of disease now!” Stan looks over at me worriedly.

Triumputhy I say “I got him beat! I already have those!”

Stan looks confused but shakes it off, “I don't think that's something to brag about.”

“Eh whatever.”

I start to sweep the theater and stan follows along. The movie soundtrack is now fading out into whatever royalty-free music the theater plays in between showings. The two of us work quietly and get the theater done within 20 minutes.

We now both stand at the top of the auditorium.

“Congrats! You have officially finished your first day. How do you feel?” I ask.

“It was somehow both harder and easier than I expected it to be.”

I nod along with that statement, “So do you have any questions?” I look at him. He gets a slight blush across his face. Oh god, what the hell is about to come out of his mouth?

“Uh yeah, but it's not work-related,” he stops

I bite my tongue and urge him to continue.

“Is that girl Wendy single?” I don't know what sounds more appealing, rolling my eyes or laughing in his face.

“Sorry dude, according to page 24 in the handbook Manager-crewmember relationships are not allowed. Both parties get fired if they are caught.” I state.

Stan only looks torn up for a second before asking, “How long does it take to become a manager.”

This time I roll my eyes, “come on stan, you need to clock out.”

For some reason, the idea of Stan trying to get it on with Wendy actually irritates me. The fact that it's this kid's first day and the only question is whether or not the only female in the theater all day is single. I hate straight men.

Looks like it's still just me and Craig in our little club. I think as I watch Stan clock out.

“Alright, see you tomorrow,” I say.

“Okay have a good day!” Stan says with a smile.

“Yep, you too.” I don't turn to him as I make my way to the office.

There is a small beat before Stan takes his eyes off me and begins to head to the door.

When I make it to the office I see Wendy and Katie sitting there. Both talk about how the day ran. They don't notice me at first as I take my headset off. I sit in one of the office chairs and let my body deflate and sink into the chair.

“Oh, Kyle! How was the new kid?” Katie asks.

“Pretty good, Smarter than Cartman! So that's a win.” This earns a laugh from Wedny and an eye roll from Katie.

“Speaking of Cartman, I have to go talk to him, some customer said he heard him swear.” Katie breathes angrily as she leaves the theater.

Wendy looks at me, “Soooo give me the details!”

“Not much there, he is basically the most normal guy you'll ever meet seems like.” Wendy looks disappointed.

“Oh and he asked if You were single,” I say through a fake laugh.

“Gross! He is not my type! Did you tell him that?” She shrieks

“I let him down more gently.” I look at her.

She nods and looks at me with a softer look, “Any news from the Doctor yet? You look a lot worse than ever before.”

“Woah! Tell me how you really feel, Wendy!” I joke.
“I’m being so serious right now Kyle, you have no idea.”

“Jesus, okay, no. But I’m heading to the office,” I look at my phone, “right now!”

“Let me know!” She hands me my hat and car keys as I get up.

“I will!” I smile and leave the office.

With that, I clock off and head to my car. At least it wasn't too awful at work.