Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

New Group 9:00pm:

Penelope Garcia created a groupchat with David Rossi, Aaron Hotchner, Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan, Emily Prentiss and Jennifer Jareau

Penelope Garcia changed the group name to FBI BAU shenanagins

Penelope Garcia: haiiiii everyoneeeeee this is our new groupchat

Derek Morgan: why do we need this

Penelope Garcia: cause i have nothing better to do and i miss you guys. speaking of you guys-

Penelope Garcia changed their name to tech junkie

Penelope Garcia changed Aaron Hotchner's name to Bossman

Penelope Garcia changed David Rossi's name to papa pasta

Penelope Garcia changed Derek Morgan's name to simp

Penelope Garcia changed Spencer Reid's name to junior G-man

Penelope Garcia changed Emily Prentiss's name to prentitty

Penelope Garcia changed Jennifer Jareau's name to bisexual

Bossman: ...Will that be all?

tech junkie: yes sir

papa pasta: why do you guys always find a way to annoy me

prentitty: don't deny you love us

papa pasta: the only tolerable people here are aaron and reid

junior G-man: what is this,

simp: wtf why isn't he talking in proper grammar

junior G-man: your mother shut up

bisexual: HUH????

Bossman: Reid, did you stay up all night again? I told you to get more sleep, assuming you slept yesterday.

junior G-man: bold of you to assume i've slept in the last month.

prentitty: lmao same

junior G-man: вафля

prentitty: lmao same

papa pasta: what did he even say

junior G-man: waffke

waffl

feal

bisexual: take ur time

junior G-man: wafle]

FUCK

afle

. i give up

Bossman: Reid, get some sleep or I'll limit your coffee usage.

junior G-man: я знаю где ты живешь

prentitty: DAMN WTF

junior G-man: Я знаю, где вы все живете. Спокойной ночи 😃

papa pasta: emily, translation please?

prentitty: ... "i know where all of you live. goodnight"

simp: WHATTTT

tech junkie: oh hell nah im locking my doors 

bisexual: HEAOh

simp: wait , why is my name simp i just realized that

tech junkie: cuz you simp for reid ??

Bossman: It's very obvious.

papa pasta: i second that

simp: ok screw you guys im going to bed

prentitty: dont screw us, screw reid

simp: OMFG

bisexual: lmao even henry knows

simp: FUCK. U AND UR ENTIRE BLOODLINE

Bossman: Lmao

tech junkie:  BHAHAHAHAHWHAT

papa pasta: aaron learned the lingo

simp: fuck u hotch u bitch

Bossman: To piggyback off of what Emily said, not me, fuck Reid.

tech junkie: AHHH OHH MY GOODDDDDD BHABAHBAH

prentitty: THERES NOOO WAY

bisexual: no way hotch semi quoted em

Bossman: Ok, I'm tired of this, go to sleep all of you.

simp: ok

FBI BAU shenanagins 2:05am:

junior G-man: does anyone ever just h̵͕͇͚͊̔͛g̴͖͕̙̈́͆t̴͕͍̐̐͜͝i̸̡͕͙͊̈́͐r̸̡͎̘͝͠u̸͔͘͜͝h̵̪̝͙͒̾͘d̴̢̟̙̽̓̚j̸̪͎́͋͠n̵̡̢̠͆̽̿f̴͓͎͙̔̀̒g̵͓͕͖̒͑͝r̵̢̫̺̕͘͝

FBI BAU shenanagins  7:00am: 

prentitty: hate when that happens

Bossman: What does that even mean?

tech junkie: bro tried to sneak in his demonic urges

junior G-man:  AHhHHHHHhhHHhhHHhhH

Bossman: ...?

junior G-man: MERICA

papa pasta: is he possessed 

bisexual: Probably

prentitty: i hate when i get possessed by the ghost of alexander hamilton

junior G-man: exactly like go write ur poems u stupid bitch

simp: omg??

Bossman: Reid, did you get any sleep?

junior G-man: yeah but i woke up at 2 am cuz i had a nightmare

simp: about what?? :(

junior G-man: i was in a hospital and the doctor literally morphed into cat in the hat like bro what

Bossman: What

prentitty: bro was so shellshocked he couldn't add a question mark

bisexual: bro was flabbergasted

tech junkie: bro was gobsmacked

junior G-man: bro was astounded 

Bossman: We have a case, get into the meeting room. Now.

simp: why is bro mad

Bossman: I'm not. Now get in here.

Chapter Text

FBI BAU  shenanigans 9:00pm:

junior G-man: hiiiiiiiiiieiie :3 haiiii :3 >v<

Bossman: ???

tech junkie: why is bro typing like me 

simp: uh

prentitty: BAHHA

junior G-man: SHIT UP U RAGGEDY BITCH

papa pasta: what

prentitty: 😨???

bisexual: jesus christ not again

Bossman: Again?

junior G-man: JEniFFERRr

bisexual: NOOOOO

prentitty: ??? the hell

junior G-man: im outisde ur hoase

prentitty: what?

WHAT THE HELL

bisexual: EMILY IM OMW

Bossman: Uh. Is he actually there?

junior G-man: YASS!!!!!!

simp: On my way!

AUTOCORRECT WTF

prentitty: EKP HES HERE

ima let him in

junior G-man: its cold out here

prentitty: ok i let him in

he isnt attackig

Bossman: ...

Bossman  has gone offline

junior G-man: bro got mad i out pizzad the hut

prentitty: LAMOOAOOO

bisexual: emily let me in

junior G-man: I DONT WANNGOHOME

simp: let me in too hes right its actually cold outside

junior G-man: omg hauuuyyyyyyy 😉

simp: UH

is he drunk

tech junkie: umm lemme look on his payment records

junior G-man: what the heck what the heck what the heck!!!!

tech junkie: JESUS CHRIST HOW 

HE HAD LIKE 15 SHOTS

junior G-man: im not a fuckig lightweigh

simp: wtf

prentitty: On my way! to the door

papa pasta: we should play a drinking game next time we have a gathering at my house

tech junkie: THAT WOULD BE SO FUN but im lowkey scared of him

junior G-man: why not highkey

bisexual: ..

junior G-man: i dont wanna go hoeme can i go with mrogan instead

simp: im ok with that ngl

bisexual: idk if i can let that slide

junior G-man: I DO NOT GIVE ONE FUCK TWO FUCK RED FUCK BLUE FUCK YELLOW FUCK GREEN FUCK ANYTHING U NEED FUCK BTICH

tech junkie: OH MY GODDDD

simp: bro is pressed

junior G-man: whopper whopper whopper whopper junior double triple whopper

prentitty: what is bro on about

junior G-man: RAHHHHHHh

papa pasta: hes gonna hate his life tomorrow

junior G-man: bold of u to assume i dont already hate my life

simp: HUWAH

Bossman: Can someone shut him up? I'm trying to get Jack to bed but he keeps asking why my phone is going off in the next room.

simp:  say less

junior G-man: 😉

simp: ok not like that

junior G-man: awwe

simp: mayb when ur sober bae

papa pasta: you guys make me sick

prentitty: omg homophobic

papa pasta: my best friend is gay

Bossman: No, I'm not. 

papa pasta: don't think i didn't realize how you used to look at jason...

junior G-man: he walked in on me and stephen once it was so embarrasing

Bossman: That was you?

papa pasta: I REMEMBER HIM TELLING US ABOUT THAT

junior G-man: >.<

simp: bro got embarrassed 

prentitty: are we just gonna ignore the fact that hotch had a crush on gideon???

tech junkie: yeah bossman explain yourself

Bossman: I don't have to explain myself to you.

bisexual: if you don't shes gonna keep bugging you about it

Bossman: ... That's something I can live with.

simp: he isn't denying the crush part

papa pasta: he definitely had a crush he used to look at jason while he was explaining things how you look at reid when he rambles

Bossman: David shut the fuck up

prentitty: HELPPPP

tech junkie: OMG LAMOEAOOE

junior G-man: 😉

bisexual: stop using that emoji

Bossman: Why don't you talk about the fact that Reid used to date his son

junior G-man: im a hoe

prentitty:  NOOO WAY IM SCREEN SHITTING THAT

junior G-man: DELEt E THIA

bisexual: HOTCH HELP HES CHASING PRENTISS AROUND THE ROOM

AND HES REALLY FAST? 

Bossman: No

simp: i've got this 

tech junkie: bro is the main character

bisexual: OH MY GOD HE JUST PICKED REID UP BRIDAL STYLE EHL

HE PASSED OUT

simp: ok im taking him to my place now wheres his bag

prentitty: the chouth

simp: goodnight guys 

simp and junior G-man  are both offline

Bossman: Finally

tech junkie: this is so funny

Bossman: Be quiet

tech junkie: goodnight!

prentitty: jj come with me to bed

bisexual: no

prentitty: get will over here NOW!

bisexual: WHY??

prentitty: so we can hang out

bisexual: . fine 

prentitty, tech junkie and bisexual are all offline

Bossman: Goodnight David. 

papa pasta: im a little afraid but goodnight

Chapter Text

FBI BAU shenanigans 7:00am:

junior G-man: rossi u were right my head hurts so badfhdfgk

papa pasta: of course im right

junior G-man: shut ursapfjvigroehwksdgcv

prentitty: ima be real honest i dont think thats how you spell up

simp: i took his phone cuz he almost threw up all over it

bisexual: he did that last time thats why he has a better phone now cause he was forced to upgrade

tech junkie: no wayyy 

junior G-man: i wanna go home so i can blast metallica 

prentitty: ... YOU KNOW METALLICA????

junior G-man: gurl i been knowing metallica

simp: shii u can blast metallica here too

prentitty: IM NOT LETTING THIS SLIDE THERES NO WAY YOU AND GARCIA MADE FUN OF HOW I LOOKED IN HIGHSCHOOL WHEN U LIKED THE SAME MUSIC

junior G-man: like* and who said i was letting it slide either 

prentitty: NEXT TIME I SEE U ITS ON SIGHT

junior G-man: girl bye 

Bossman: Please don't fight. 

junior G-man: hi hotch

Bossman: Hello.

tech junkie: lmao

papa pasta: reid if u want i can drop off something thats good for taking care of hangovers

junior G-man: other than water

papa pasta: yea i got some non drug pain killers its kinda like melatonin but isn't

junior G-man: ok

simp: pull up

prentitty: im coming too i refuse to believe you know metal

junior G-man: bru

Bossman: ...

tech junkie: bro said ...

junior G-man: FUCjdhgfgehslp

Bossman: ??

simp: he started throwing up again lol

papa pasta: i just ran a red light im almost there

prentitty: woke up in a new bugatti

junior G-man: prentis can u get mcsdonal

prentitty: didnt you say something about how its bad to consume so many calories at once

junior G-man: yes but mcbsdonald

prentitty: fair enough, what do you want

junior G-man: chicken nugget meal pls pls pls!!!!

prentitty: i like ur thinking

junior G-man: thank you i pride myself in my thoughts every day

Bossman: Um

tech junkie: weren't you just gonna fight him earlier

prentitty: i changed my mind

junior G-man: yeah and also if u did try to figt me i wouldve thrown up everywhere sooo

simp: i woulda sued tf outta her

prentitty: honestly i cant be mad i would sue myself too

junior G-man: rossi is here gotta gooooo

junior G-man  is offline

bisexual: im just glad i didn't have to deal with him it was so awful last time

tech junkie: what even happened im kinda interested

bisexual: uhh ok so basically he was out with some of his friends , i think one of them was called ethan

prentitty: he has friends other then us? damn

tech junkie: gyatt damn

simp: wait new orleans ethan?? it was probably him that made the friend group then cuz reid couldnt have done it himself 

bisexual: ANYWAY i had to pick him and his friends up, luckily one of them was sober but they all had to sit in the backseat

so we got to my house right? BIGGEST mistake of my life taking them there

prentitty: what happened

bisexual: one of them tried to fight my potted plant, then spence fucking decked the shit out of their legs and flipped them over his back?? 

i dont even know how he did it, i guess he really does have physics magic 

simp: NO WAYYY

bisexual: but the person who was fighting the plant THREW THE PLANT AT HIM 

AND I KID YOU NOT

HE MADE THE MOST PERFECT BARK I HAVE EVER HEARD

prentitty: WHATTT??

bisexual: IT LITERALLY SOUNDED LIKE A DOG BARKING SOUND EFFECT I THOUGHT THEY BROUGHT IN ONE OR SOMETHING BECAUSE IT WAS SO AUTHENTIC

tech junkie: HELLPPP NAHH

bisexual: so i tried to break them up and he was like "JENNIFER. cant you see we are having a MOMENT" and i had to try my best not to burst out laughing cause it was so funny

then i cleaned up the shards and stuff and music started playing

tech junkie: i like where this is going

Bossman: I don't.

bisexual: it was flex by rich homie quan

and spence started dancing but it was like actually good but it was like a stripper so i had to stop him before it got too out of hand

Bossman: Jesus christ

bisexual: i'm so grateful for that sober friend cause she drove them all home but i kept spence with me

he was literally sobbing on my couch when i woke up i felt so bad 

tech junkie: NOOO BOY WONDER 

junior G-man: u didn't tell the full story

bisexual: i did it to save you from being mortified

junior G-man: my bestiee

simp: what abt me .... :/

junior G-man: ur my bae

tech junkie: SCREEN SHITTED

junior G-man: <3

prentitty: ok im also here open up

junior G-man: dmonal

bisexual: have fun

Bossman: ....

tech junkie: bruh

papa pasta: why the ....

Bossman: Nothing.

junior G-man: these chicken nuggets are so good bruh

prentitty: IKR??

Bossman: You guys give me a headache.

junior G-man: DIE

bisexual: ???

junior G-man: sorry that was my demons

papa pasta: understandable

Bossman: ...

junior G-man: hotch is gonna cry now poor baby awwwwww 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Bossman: I will fire you

junior G-man: im sure the CIA would love to have me

Bossman: What??

junior G-man: did gideon not tell you i was offered a position in the CIA long before i met him

Bossman: No??

tech junkie: YOU COULD HAVE BEEN WORKING AGAINST ME??

junior G-man: codsjhfled

prentitty: he finished his mcdonalds and passed out

simp: wow the medicine does work

papa pasta: see

bisexual: im gonna hang out with will emily do u wanna come

prentitty: YASSS morgan tell reid i said bye 

papa pasta: i'm also leaving goodbye

bisexual, papa pasta, and prentitty are all offline

Bossman: Goodbye.

simp: bye

tech junkie: BYE MAKE SURE SPENCER IS TAKEN CARE OF WHEN HE WAKES UP OR ELSE

simp: u know it

everyone is offline

Chapter Text

FBI BAU shenanigans 9:00pm:

junior G-man: no bcuz the way morgan did NOT take care of me

simp: I SAID SORRY

junior G-man: sorry isn't gonna get me out of the hospital brah

tech junkie: DEREK. MORGAN.

simp: nahh......

junior G-man: WDYM NAHH U LET ME GET HIT BY A CAR

Bossman: WHAT.

prentitty: BROWAS SO SHOCKED HE TYPED IN ALL CAPS

junior G-man: my jaw is locked

bisexual: bruh

junior G-man: i need to stop doing activities that make my jaw lock...  😉

Bossman: What do you mean by that.

simp: .... no comment

Bossman: I'm going to show up at your house with a shotgun.

papa pasta: jesus christ??

prentitty: HOTCH WHAT HEWKSFJIVHFIHF

tech junkie: IM DECEASED EELEPFPEK

bisexual: spence do u need me to bring anything from ur apartment :/

junior G-man: idk like a book or something

OH MY BLACNKET BRUNIG MY BLANECt

bisexual: ok lmao

junior G-man: thank yewwwwwww jennyyyyy

simp: hotch please don't i will cry

junior G-man: no u wont shut up

simp: wtf :/

junior G-man: caretaker? more like took my care away

SNATCHED it 

bisexual: STOWOWOWOOOPWPI

junior G-man: HLEPLE

girlll he done snatched that like tobias hankel snatched my life

HELEFOIOUGFYTEGUNJC

prentitty: STOP OH MY GOD

tech junkie: OUTTA POCKET NAHHAHHDHGUFB

simp: JESUS

bisexual: BYE. MORGAN IM HERE IM TAKING HIS PHONE PRIVILEGES 

junior G-man: NAUUURRRRRRR

Bossman: Make sure he goes to sleep.

papa pasta: this kid better sleep with one eye open garcias gonna kill him with a hug attack

bisexual: its ok they're only allowing up to 2 visitors for some reason

junior G-man: isdhfoghhidhowioe

simp: yall he gotta go into surgery ..... they putting him on the non narcotic anesthesia 😱

prentitty: put him on the phone once he's awake i gotta see this

bisexual: ....ok

FBI BAU shenanigans  11:00pm:

junior G-man: where is the location of the people (where da hoes at) 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑

prentitty: HELPELP

junior G-man: im HUNGRY I WANT FOOD NOW NOW NOW NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😢😭😢😭😢😭😢😭😢😭😢😡😡😡😡😡 @bisexual @bisexual @bisexual @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp @simp 

Bossman: ...Is he discharged?

simp: yeah we're on the way home rn jj's driving

junior G-man: ... y'all BETTER get me food or else im pulling a michael phelps out of a window

simp: bro 😭

prentitty: get his ass some food 😭😭😭

junior G-man: im gonna eat ur arm morgan get me fod

simp: stg this guy

papa pasta: why are u mad he just wants food

simp: he ate a bunch of jello already

junior G-man: do i care? no

simp: ...

junior G-man: do you guys know the difference between jelly and jam

Bossman: No? I didn't know there was one.

prentitty: NO HOTCH NO NO NO NO

tech junkie: NOOOOO OH GOD

simp: HOTCHHHHHH NOOOO

junior G-man: ..😈😈😈😈

i CANNOT jelly this dck in ur mouth

Bossman: Immediately blocked

junior G-man: ASK ME IF I GIVE A FUCK BECAUSE I DONT

prentitty: HELPPPP

Bossman: I'm going to stop letting you do extra paperwork

junior G-man: FUCK U HARLOT HUSSY WHORE 

simp: that's the second time hotch has ever been called a whore

junior G-man: i can make a third time if this bad body built hoe wanna keep testing me

ALL YALL TEST ME ALL THE TIME

papa pasta: ??? what

junior G-man: UR ALWAYS INTERRUPTING ME LIKE BITCH LET ME SPEAK OR ELSE I'LL LEARN HOW TO USE A GUN

AND HOTCH UR BUILT LIKE A DIABETIC BABY BACK RIB SO DONT EVEN SPEAK

tech junkie: BYEEEEE???

prentitty: I CANT TEHITERIHEOEIRH

tech junkie: hes had ENOUGH

junior G-man: OMG YALL I JUST SNEEZED SO HARD 

HELP I THINK MY NOSE IS BELEDING

simp: HELEP

Bossman: So much just happened in the span of 30 seconds

I'm about to retire 

junior G-man: ermmmm- ;-; i-

papa pasta: why are people always going for hotch in this chat

junior G-man: idk-

bisexual: We're home now, I'm feeding him and putting him to bed.

junior G-man: morgan can we cuddle 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

simp: ok

junior G-man: yay

bisexual: morgan don't make me regret leaving him in your hands again

simp: i wontttt i promise 

junior G-man: errrrrr- i- oop- ;-; 

my dad left me when i was 6

prentitty: ok WOW.

junior G-man: me after my dad left: i-girl- ;-;???

tech junkie: STOEPPPP

junior G-man: "whats today's date" then doesn't let me help her like GIRLLLLLL SHE GOT MEMORY ISSUES HOE

bisexual: morgan put him to bed NOW

simp: ok

simp and junior G-man are both offline

prentitty: BYE...?? HEEDIJFEJSDFEGS

tech junkie: WHY IS HE SO OUT OF POCKET ON TEXT BUT IS NEVER LIKE THIS AT THE JOB OR AROUND OTHER PEOPLE HE

prentitty: HESELPE EHS 

Bossman: It'd be unprofessional to act like this on the job.

Another unprofessional thing is you doing exactly what I just told you to do in private messages, Garcia.

tech junkie: hold up lemme check

HELEPPEPELE

papa pasta: ????

tech junkie: HE ASKED WHERE REID'S DAD LIVES HELP LEMME GET MY LAPTOP

prentitty: omg we should jump him

bisexual: I think we'd all get fired

papa pasta: that's a risk im willing to take

that guy's such an asshole i swear

bisexual: ...you've met him???

papa pasta: yeah when we stayed behind that one day in vegas cuz reid wanted to "see his mom"

i mean i think he did but he came back to his hotel room with a box of case info soooo

prentitty: WHAT WHY WERE WE NEVER INFORMED

Bossman: I was.

tech junkie: hotch i dmed u the adress 

Bossman: Thanks, Garcia.

prentitty: so is that a no on jumping him

Bossman: I'd prefer to go alone.

papa pasta: im going to bed

prentitty: ngl im tired too 

Bossman: Then sleep.

tech junkie: GN EVERYONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

everyone is offline

Chapter Text

FBI BAU shenanigans 9:30 am:

junior G-man: DERK EHWENRED YOU GOE :( :( :(( :(

tech junkie: DEREK WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE HIM

prentitty: wtf. we need to cancel him.

simp: IM SORRY SPENCER I WENT TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT I'LL BRING YOU COFFEE OK?

junior G-man: :D

Bossman: SHUT HTE HEL UP ALL OF YU

bisexual: ???? wtf is happening

Bossman: FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

junior G-man: :( what ehte frek

papa pasta: Rossi. Give me back my phone.

prentitty: that literally shook me so bad wtf

junior G-man: AND I WANT A LOVE THAT FALLS AS FAST AS A BODY FROM THE BALCONY

bisexual: I WANNA KISS LIKE MY HEART IS HITTING THE GROUND

junior G-man: IM HOLDING MY BREATH WITH A BASEBALL BAT

bisexual: THOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHAT IM WAITING FOR

junior G-man: IM NOT GONNA BE WHAT MY DADDY WANTS ME TO BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bisexual: townie-mitski

tech junkie:  I LOVE THAT SONG

junior G-man: omg she's coming out with a new album did u know

prentitty: i screamed and cried when i heard the news

junior G-man: no literally like AHH AHHH AHHHHHHHHH mitski im screaming

if derek doesnt come back right now im gonna

bisexual: lil bro couldn't finish his sentence

junior G-man: he came back :3

simp: hi guys

Bossman: Hello.

tech junkie: hotch got his phone back ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 

Bossman: I did, yes. I have to babysit Rossi since he got drunk while having me over. 

papa pasta: fek u oyu not babysittigng shit

Bossman: Go to bed.

prentitty: why does derek live up to his gc name so much like he didn't even ask for coffee u js gonna bring it to him

junior G-man: cuz he loves me and he knows what i want :3

tech junkie: ou-

simp: prentiss istg your day of reckoning is coming.

watch your back cause spencer came to your house once and i will send him again. with a KNIFE.

Bossman: ...No attacking each other.

papa pasta: hippo crate

bisexual: HELPPPP????

junior G-man: he meant to say hypocrite probably

papa pasta: yes that

prentitty: rossi wdym hypocrite...

papa pasta: he. eoiwrhwoiehnfoije2423n 3j4

junior G-man: real

bisexual: hotch probably took his phone he's coming for us next

Bossman: No. He passed out again.

prentitty: OH MY GODDD I JUST GOT THE BEST IDEA ONCE REID IS HEALED WE SHOULD ALL GO TO LIKE A BAR OR SOME SHIT

AND I LOWKEY WANNA MEET ETHAN AND HIS OTHER FRIENDS

junior G-man: GIRL no you don't trust meeee 

i luv them but they will literally scream KILL YOURSELF at the most minor thing 

tech junkie: BYEEE THEY SEEM FUN THOOO

junior G-man: girl last time i got drunk with them i literally ended up at emily's door AND LITERALLY JJ TOLD U THE STORY OF WHERE SHE HAD TO PICK US UP

bisexual: i literally left out so many parts of that story ..

junior G-man: AND LITERALLY THEY WOULD TELL YOU SHIT ABOUT OUR COLLEGE DAYS THAT I DO NOTTTT WANT YOU GUYS TO HEAR...

bisexual: i can confirm they told me about one and i was SHOOOK like no... not our precious spencer

junior G-man: STOP STOP STOP STOP OEOHFSIH

bisexual: and no i will not be telling you guys

prentitty: damn DAMN DAMNNNNNN

tech junkie: sad....

junior G-man: garcia if you hack into my phone i will never forgive u.

tech junkie: ou- uhhhh

junior G-man: PENELOPE.

tech junkie: CAN I AT LEAST ADD ETHAN 

junior G-man: . . . . . . 

ok 

Bossman: That means we can't talk about cases here at all.

tech junkie: aye aye captain

tech junkie added 558-420-6969 to the chat

558-420-6969: Huh

junior G-man: hello ethan.

558-420-6969: hi??

oh is this spencer

junior G-man: yes

junior G-man changed 558-420-6969's name to jazz musician from new orleans

jazz musician from new orleans: KYS KYS KYS KYS

junior G-man: ermm what the frick-

literally no u. go die

jazz musician from new orleans: sending a tactical nuke to your exact location

junior G-man: literally ethan u can go jump off a cliff into a river with 10,000,000 crocodiles in it

jazz musician from new orleans: you can go jump off a cliff into a river with 10,000,001 crocodiles in it

junior G-man: KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS

simp: i dont know what is happening

tech junkie: im so confused HEJEOIRS

papa pasta: what does kys mean

junior G-man: keep yourself safe!

papa pasta: aaron kys

jazz musician from new orleans: OH MY GOD

prentitty: IM SCREAMING HERJISJORJE

tech junkie: GALLOPING AROUND MY ROOM I JUST TOOK SO MANY SCREENSHOTS

Bossman: ... That isn't what KYS means.

papa pasta: what does it mean then

Bossman: Kill yourself.

bisexual: OH MY GOD HEERPELRPLEPL

papa pasta: .................

junior G-man: sorry rossi

papa pasta: screaming and crying right now

Bossman: David get out of the bathroom.

papa pasta: NO NO NO!!!!!!1!!!1!!!

HES BUSTING IN THE DOOR HELP HELP HELP HELP

jazz musician from new orleans: there is so much going on right now omg

simp: spencer went to sleep

jazz musician from new orleans: how do you know that

oh you're derek right....

simp: yes?

jazz musician from new orleans: errmmm...theres so much i could say but reid would kill me when he wakes up

wait why did he go to sleep its like 9 am

simp: .... hehe uh

tech junkie: derek was not responsible and let spencer get hit by a car

jazz musician from new orleans: HUHHHH AHEWOEHW

prentitty: he also came to my house after you got drunk together the other day. 

jazz musician from new orleans: that isn't the worst thing he's done while drunk

jj did u tell the story of how we first met each other

bisexual: yes

jazz musician from new orleans: lmao that isn't even close to how bad he is sometimes

hes not like horrible like war crime saying slurs and shit hes just chaotic asf

tech junkie: thats silly

papa pasta: HELP ME HELP HELP HELP

Bossman: Stop running

tech junkie: DUDE OH MY GOD HEOHEHTI

Bossman: I got him. He ran into a wall and passed out.

tech junkie: im just imagining that and giggling so hard

did it make a smacking noise when he hit the wall

Bossman: Yes, believe it or not I laughed a little bit.

prentitty: GOODBYEEEEEE IM DONE HEELEKEL

bisexual: BYE HOTCH HOW DO U TYPE SO WELL WHILE RUNNING

Bossman: ...I'm not sure?

jazz musician from new orleans: wow this is fun can I stay

tech junkie: YES we're keeping you liek a pet

jazz musician from new orleans: yay 

can i have a name change pls 

tech junkie: we'll see what i can come up with

ok lemme give you a relay so basically i added everyone and created the groupchat 

prentitty is prentiss...obvi lol

bisexual is JJ u already know

simp is derek

bossman is hotchner

Bossman: Whats with the full last name?

tech junkie: idk idk idk ok

im GARCIA

junior G-man is spencer...

papa pasta is rossi

and thats it! welcome to our sitcom

jazz musician from new orleans: interesting...

simp: sitcom is insane bro

prentitty: NAH CUZ LMEOOEOO

junior G-man: im awake

jazz musician from new orleans: go back to bed flop-

junior G-man: didn't u drop out of the fbi academy the first day you were there-

prentitty: WHAAAAT

tech junkie: NO WAY WE COULDVE HAD HIM ON OUR TEAM

Bossman: It would've either been Reid or Ethan if he had ..

jazz musician from new orleans: spencers smarter than me and he was also already like gideons son or something

junior G-man: Ok die fuck u

jazz musician from new orleans: no fuck u

junior G-man changed jazz musician from new orleans's name to flop

flop: ...

tech junkie: BYE

flop: this isn't ok. this is not alright.

junior G-man: your mom

flop: SHES DEAD

junior G-man: shes literally not guys don't believe him

flop: ugh...............

junior G-man: unironically ur mom is one of my favorite people

flop: im glad shes nice.....unlike ur dad BYEEYYEEYIRER

junior G-man: STOP STOPPPP EHREORIELELELRELKR

simp: im done broooo

babygirl. private messages

tech junkie: ou the punctuation cya guys-

PRIVATE MESSAGES 9:56am:

babygirl: so...?

chocolate thunder: dude hes so cute im gonna start crying

babygirl: you guys make me sick to my stomach

chocolate thunder: HES LITERALLY GIGGLING IM STRUGGLING DUDE

please help im about to start gasping for air i need to hug him until he can't breathe

babygirl: BOY don't kill himmm

chocolate thunder: I MIGHT HAVE TO BRO HES MAKING ME GO SOFT I CANT DO THIS AHHH

babygirl: they're lit spamming the chat bro

chocolate thunder: IDC IDC IDC IDCCC broooo 

i love him so bad i need him to explode 

babygirl: once hes healed u need to like take him out

chocolate thunder: i do.....sighs

babygirl: don't forget you brought this upon urself

U LET HIM GET HIT

chocolate thunder: WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO TELL THE TRUCK TO STOP???

"FBI!" LIKE GIRL

babygirl: BYEEEE

chocolate thunder: ok lets go back hes asking me

babygirl: simp wtv

FBI BAU shenanagins 9:59am

simp: we're back

junior G-man: what were u talking about...

tech junkie: u

simp: .

flop: HELP

prentitty: the . 

SCREAMING

junior G-man: ughghhgh

im going back. to sleep

simp: im screaming and crying

flop: finally hes gone- um anyway-

simp: i will KILL YOU

flop: ou-

tech junkie: DOWN BOY DOWN DOWN

simp: .....................fine

Bossman: Morgan.

simp: UGH

prentitty: bro is living up to the gc name

simp: i literally hate you

flop: sibling behavior 

bisexual: ehhhh more like mortal enemies

flop: same thing

bisexual: ig so

Bossman: Get on with your lives or something.

tech junkie: yea i've got stuff to do!

simp: like what 💀

tech junkie: .........................................

simp: don't fucking say it

tech junkie: YOUR MOM

tech junkie is offline

simp: ...

simp is offline

flop: welp

prentitty: seeya

bisexual: yea........

everyone is offline