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Published:
2024-02-19
Updated:
2025-07-23
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54,293
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71/115
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You Don't Have To Say I Love You (To Say I Love You)

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Chapter 4: 104. "look at me."

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He doesn’t say anything as he sits down.

He makes noise — he doesn’t want to startle him. Not that Will would mind. Of all people, Will is the only one who laughs after he jumps, when Nico pops up next to him. Even his sister, even Reyna, even every other person who has known him forever: they jump, they press their hand to their chest. Maybe smile. Scowl, if Nico is pissing them off on purpose.

But Will laughs.

Every time.

“Hi, Nico,” he whispers into his knees, eyes squeezed shut. The laughter is a little more broken this time, a little more hurt, like it has to push through the tears clogging up his throat.

Nico hums, resting his cheek on his knees, watching him.

He looks good in the sunlight, even when he’s sad. His hair is braided, today, his favourite way to wear it and Nico’s favourite way to see it. Two French braid pigtails. The elastics tying them down have the little ghost charms Nico bought him as a joke last Halloween, that he treasures unironically. He picks distractedly at his dozens of woven friendship bracelets, nervously twisting his anklets around his finger until they’re so tight they cut off the circulation. He’s not wearing shoes. His Head Medic shirt clashes horribly with his hair, as usual, but the orange is — faded, almost. More sunset than neon, like it’s been in the wash so many times the colour has bled. The black lettering has almost completely worn away. The shirt is a size too big.

Lee’s.

He sniffles. “Sorry I wasn’t there for dinner. I hope you didn’t eat by yourself. You ate, right? You should eat. It worries me when you don’t.”

His hand shakes. He slides it into the grass to try and stop it, breathing slowly and deeply. It doesn’t work.

“Hey,” Nico murmurs, scooting closer. “Look at me.”

It takes a minute. When finally he peeks over the swell of his knees, his eyes are red-rimmed, tear tracks staining his freckled cheeks. Nico is reminded of streaks of red clouds of a rapid summer sunset. He tries for a smile, but it’s small, strained, and fades under Nico’s gaze. He’d look away again if Nico’s palm on his cheek didn’t hold him steady.

“You’re allowed to have hard days.”

Will shrugs. “I know.” He glances down. A new wave of wet drops from his eyes, and Nico swipes it away with his thumb, noticing as the action makes Will’s chin tremble.

“Do you?”

Will shrugs again. There’s a glassy look in his eyes that makes Nico ache. Sometimes it’s hard for him to remember how vulnerable Will is, how hurt. He tries so hard to stamp it down, and he has so much practice that he’s good at it. It’s hard to track when his shoulders droop at the end of his shifts, hard to notice the imperceptible flinches when someone tousles his hair, hard to look for the building frustration when his bullseye remains unpierced. Nico knows this is by design.

He wishes it wasn’t.

Swallowing his own knee jerk discomfort, he whispers, “You’ve done so much for me, you know that?” He leans forward and touches their foreheads together. It’s a little ridiculous, meeting his eyes from this angle — after a minute, a small smile twitches at Will’s lips, and Nico grins in victory. “You worked very hard to weasel your way into my life. Lucky for your persistent ass, that goes both ways. You can be sad in front of me. You can miss your brothers in front of me. You can be bitter in front of me. I promise, Will. I can handle it.”

“I don’t want you to see how often it happens,” Will admits in a small voice. “It’ll be harder to keep me around.”

Nico’s heart breaks.

“You are a leech,” he says firmly, pulling back to press a kiss to the bridge if his nose. He shakes Will’s head slightly, palms still pressed to either side of his face, voice stern. “My favourite leech, okay? You are stuck to me. I am keeping you around no matter how often you nag me about cardiovascular health and the perils of deep fried garbage. I am keeping you around even though you barge into my cabin at odd hours and pester me into helping you do stupid things. I am keeping you around even though you keep stealing my socks for reasons I will never understand.”

“They have little skulls on them,” Will mumbles.

“I know,” Nico says patiently. The smile on his face is so fond that he would be embarrassed, were he not full to bursting with affection. “That’s why I bought them, you little shit.”

He waits as Will weighs the words, as he twitches his hands, coming to terms with them. He tucks a flyaway hair behind his ear.

“You really like me even when I’m…like this?”

He stumbles over his words, scared in a way Nico doesn’t see from him. Hopeful, too, like he can scarcely believe Nico is still here, holding him as he cries. Nico vows to sit with him through a thousand more miserable days, until the fear is totally gone.

“I do. I promise.” He presses another kiss to the tip of Will’s nose. This time, it makes his face burn, and Nico grins.

“Okay.”

“Have some faith in me, Sunshine.” He presses another kiss, to his cheek this time, and another. “Okay?”

Will smiles at him, small and sad and absolutely breathtaking, radiant. He leans into the next kiss Nico presses to his temple.

“I have all the faith in the world in you, Nico.”