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Chapter Text

This is a memory Wei Wuxian will not recall.

He’s too young to know the meaning of grief and loss yet, his innocence sheltered by his father’s arms as his mother speaks of impossible tales only the disciple of an immortal would know. Cangse Sanren laughs as she recounts another mischief of her master’s youth when Wei Ying pulls his little fist from his mouth and smears his drool all over his father’s cheek.

“Mama, no,” he tells her, his little face a frown. “A-Bao funny.”

Cangse Sanren stops her tale and blinks in surprise before breaking out in laughter. Wei Changze smiles at his wife’s joy, the happiness contained in such a small moment.

“Ah? Is that what my little a-Ying thinks?” Cangse Sanren asks her son. “Is my great master is funny? Should we laugh at her?”

Little Wei Ying nods before he goes back to sucking on his thumb, drooling all over his sleeve. His parents look at their sleepy child and praise his insightful contribution to the conversation. Wei Changze prophesizes that they will see Wei Ying grow up to be a philosopher unlike any other, his wisdom spread further than the boundaries of the emperor’s control. 

And surely, so Cangse Sanren reassures her husband, their son will be filial and use all his future riches to take good care of his parents when they are too old to go on a nighthunt.

They spin their tale until the laughter overwhelms them, the purest expression of delight ringing brighter than the sound of spring bird song.

Their son will not be able to recall this sound in the future.

Wei Wuxian would like to emphasize that it was not his fault they’d lost the invitation. There were a hundred different things and people – mostly people, fuck that brat Jin Zixuan – that he could blame for their misfortune. He had, in fact, very loudly listed all the reasons why the lost invitation wasn’t his fault and why the guards stationed at the gateway to the Cloud Recesses should allow them to enter anyway.

Unfortunately, the guards had been resistant to his charm and Wei Wuxian had to return to Caiyi in hopes of tracking the invitation down before the sky turned dark.

It was a hardship to see the benefits of an unfortunate situation such as this one, but Wei Wuxian managed to keep his spirits up by reminding himself that he could finally get a taste of the infamous Emperor’s Smile. On their way through Gusu, Jiang Cheng had been much too high-strung and tense to let Wei Wuxian out of his sight even once and Jiang Yanli had frowned disapprovingly when she’d seen Wei Wuxian’s gaze linger on the alcohol stalls. Usually, they were more than willing to allow Wei Wuxian to indulge, but Madam Yu had made it no secret that hell would be waiting for them if they embarrassed the Jiang even in the slightest way.

Thus, unwilling to sour the mood, Wei Wuxian had refrained from buying Emperor’s Smile when they’d traveled together, keeping up the good mood with his sweet talk alone. However, now that he was sent back to fetch their invitations, he deserved a treat.

He hadn’t gone out of his way to buy alcohol, sampling the drink from different stalls, but simply grabbed two bottles from the nearest merchant selling Emperor’s Smile. If before his mood was slightly lowered due to this unnecessary errand, the taste of even just a drop was enough to redeem his mood entirely, lightening the hardships of the entire situation.

Admittedly, the trip to the Cloud Recesses had been the opposite of awful. To Wei Wuxian’s own surprise, he’d been excited for most of their journey, even though what lingered at the end should summon some amount of dread. The closer they got to the Cloud Recesses, the more excited he grew. He imagined that the elation he felt was similar to a poem speaking of sweet dreams following one even into the bright day.

Wei Wuxian had always liked traveling, that wasn’t the problem. He preferred to pick the nighthunts that took him the furthest away from Lotus Pier just because it meant he got to spend more time seeing sights. He wouldn’t deny that he also enjoyed the freedom of meeting strangers with plenty of curious stories to tell him, but even the most joyous trip to villages located in the middle of nowhere failed to live up to his cheer at traveling to the Cloud Recesses.

His good mood had apparently been so overbearing that Jiang Cheng had asked him a couple times if he was really alright and had not been cursed by some strange artifacts.

Wei Wuxian supposed he could understand his shidi’s worry.

Nothing about the Cloud Recesses sounded particularly fun to him. Madam Yu had gone out of her way to emphasize that if Wei Wuxian took even so much as one single step out of line, she’d make the rest of his life hell. The threat wasn’t so different from the ones she usually leveled at him, but his failure to meet her expectations didn’t cause any inter-sect incidents at Lotus Pier.

Unless she caught Jiang Cheng and him shoving Jin Zixuan into the river again, but the other boy always more than deserved it. The few times it had happened, Madam Yu had thankfully been strangely mild in her punishments, most likely because she knew they had punished Jin Zixuan for speaking rudely about Jiang Yanli.

Still, the consequences of two sects being caught in a tumultuous affair were never pretty.

Just last month Sect Leader Yao had come to Jiang Fengmian to complain about the new river tax. Wei Wuxian had not wanted to sit in on that meeting, but his position as head disciple required it. Additionally, Jiang Cheng might seriously consider murdering him if he was forced to sit through a boring meeting where he wasn’t allowed to say anything on his own while Wei Wuxian got to train.

A meeting with Sect Leader Yao, however, had nothing on the Cloud Recesses and the Gusu Lan.

Madam Yu had emphasized how much the Lan cared about their rules and discipline, though Wei Wuxian could read some derision in her tone at the comment that the Lan still lived like monks.

Wei Wuxian hoped that had been an exaggeration to highlight that he shouldn’t step out of line. He couldn’t imagine what it must be like to truly live like a monk.

Boring, most likely. Incredibly dull.

So dull, in fact, that the Lan really didn’t deserve their beautiful surroundings. Arriving at Caiyi by boat had been a pleasure, but that delight had only grown as Wei Wuxian walked through the beautiful streets of the town and then up the mountain. He could easily imagine running through the forests here or walking across the market to buy trinkets and groceries.

There was a familiarity attached to the place that he couldn’t quite place but welcomed anyway. Perhaps he had visited Caiyi with his parents before their death. Jiang Fengmian didn’t have much information on the travel plans of Wei Wuxian’s parents or he’d have found Wei Wuxian much quicker than he did. 

Jiang Fengmian had only really known where and when Wei Wuxian was born and that had been it. His mother had apparently not necessarily been one for writing letters and Wei Changze had really only written to congratulate Jiang Fengmian on occasions such as the birth of Wei Wuxian’s shijie and shidi.

Sighing, Wei Wuxian took another gulp of Emperor’s Smile. The drink truly honored its name, as it managed to make Wei Wuxian smile despite the tedious task.

After the incredibly exhausting walk up the stairs – just which idiot had decided to put his sect at the top of a mountain? – Wei Wuxian finally reached the gate where they’d been last refused, none of his martial siblings in sight.

“Fuck,” he hissed, nearly dropping the alcohol as he turned around to find them.

They were supposed to be here waiting for Wei Wuxian. Had they gone back down the mountain? No, then Wei Wuxian would’ve encountered them. Had they been let into the Cloud Recesses? That would be nice but still did not explain why Wei Wuxian had to go back down the mountain to grab an invitation he hadn’t even lost.

Contemplating his options, Wei Wuxian decided that it would be best if he just quickly checked inside first. Since there were no guards at all posted at the entrance – sloppy work, Madam Yu would never stand for that – Wei Wuxian figured he’d have no trouble getting inside and taking a look for himself.

Losing sight of the sect heirs on the last day of their journey was not a good look for a head disciple.

Wei Wuxian stepped closer to the gate and ward surrounding the Cloud Recesses. The wards here were old, much older than those surrounding Lotus Pier, yet they still stood strong as though they’d been drawn only yesterday. The master who erected them must have been incredibly skilled.

Stepping closer to examine them, Wei Wuxian realized that despite their strength, they were constructed rather simply too. It was difficult to strike a balance between sturdy and simple. Often enough, Wei Wuxian’s attempts at such blew up in his face.

Carefully, Wei Wuxian reached out with his spiritual energy. He was pleasantly surprised to see that the ward’s structure was similar to his own preferred sealing style. Every cultivator, should they delve into the art of sealing beyond surface skills, had their own particular technique and preferred way of doing things.

His teacher back at Lotus Pier called his own work “disastrous” and “an offense to all rules of structure,” which really just meant that they were extremely annoying to wiggle through and thus did exactly what they were supposed to.

Wei Wuxian had yet to encounter someone with a similar style. He most certainly hadn’t expected to see it here with the rigid Lan. As far as he was aware, the Lan were really only known for their elegance, rules, and music, not for the sealing arts. Had Wei Wuxian known this before, he wouldn’t have spent so many hours wondering what he’d occupy his time with during the lectures. Maybe this would make for an interesting research project to keep him out of trouble. Nobody could be mad at the results of Wei Wuxian’s boredom if he wasn’t given a reason to play around in the first place.

With a smile, Wei Wuxian drew up a befitting key for passing through the wards. In a burst of golden butterflies, the door opened, allowing Wei Wuxian to slip through.

Easier than expected, he thought and took his first step past the guard boundary—

“See? Isn’t this well done?”

“As if you could ever create something imperfect.”

“Eh? Are you making fun of me, my love? Are you testing your good, lawfully wedded—”

Images exploded behind Wei Wuxian’s eyes, startling him so horribly that he nearly stumbled. What was that? It had seemed like a mirage, some kind of hallucination. Had he messed up getting through the ward after all? Momentarily confused, Wei Wuxian glanced back, but no, everything seemed just as it should.

Maybe it was just a prank played on people attempting to sneak into the Cloud Recesses. A little congratulating shock for managing to bypass the wards. Certain of this matter, Wei Wuxian decided to carry on. In the distance, he could see some lights, likely the last lamps still alight at this late hour. It couldn’t be too far now.

Deciding that entering through the front gate after purposefully breaking through another sect’s ward was beyond the minor infractions expected from him, Wei Wuxian chose to take a turn left—

“Meditation hall here!”

“Near the entrance? It will be loud.”

“That just teaches unruly disciples to listen to their teachers. A-Mao said you have to keep them on their toes.”

“Wen Mao hunts legendary beasts with a simple bow and arrow for fun. I’m not particularly sure we should trust his advice on how to teach children.”

Once again, Wei Wuxian ripped himself out of strange hallucinations. He stared at the wall in front of him, behind which was a building he couldn’t help but think would be a good meditation hall. He pinched the bridge of his nose as his mind refused to rest.

Was it the alcohol? Had he overestimated how inebriated he’d become for a few gulps of Emperor’s Smile? No, Wei Wuxian was a good drinker and he knew his limits. This really shouldn’t influence him this much. So why couldn’t he help but think that—

“This is our home now.”

“On a mountain? I thought you’d oppose.”

“I spent all my youth on busy streets and traveling. I wouldn’t mind settling somewhere quiet for once. Besides, it’ll be good for the child.”

“The— what did you just say?”

“You heard me just fine!”

“I’ve been here before,” Wei Wuxian muttered, dazed. He was sure that he’d visited the Cloud Recesses before. Maybe with his parents? Were those strange flashes memories of them?

To his shame, Wei Wuxian couldn’t recall what his parents looked like. He’d been assured that he resembled them, but what use was his knowledge of resemblance when he couldn’t even pick out the distinct features?

Despite his slowly pounding headache, Wei Wuxian climbed up the wall and jumped on the roof. In front of him, lay nearly the entire Cloud Recesses. The buildings sprawled over the mountain top, clearly expanded over the centuries. From the reception hall to the medical wing to even more buildings in the distance, houses that protected disciples and families, so much larger and brighter than anything he’d ever dreamed to imagine—

“Entering the Cloud Recesses past curfew is forbidden.”

Wei Wuxian’s head snapped around and—

“The song you just played, what is it called? It was beautiful.”

“Do you always approach strangers so openly, gongzi?”

“Only when their dizi playing is so enticing. My name is Lan An, I recently left my monastery to pursue life as a cultivator.”

“Did you introduce yourself so I wouldn’t call you a stranger? Alright then, my name is—”

“I know you,” he blurted out, remembering half a lifetime between one breath and the next. How could he have ever forgotten all that bound them together? He’d woven his very soul into the protections of this place, hoping it would provide security for their children, their children’s children, and every other generation to come.

He’d succeeded in that, hadn’t he?

The Cloud Recesses were still standing strong.

And his beloved was within reach again. With a bright grin, Wei Wuxian got to his feet, the alcohol long forgotten. “I—”

“Trespassing is forbidden,” his beloved cut him off as harshly as the edge of a blade. “Follow me for disciplinary actions.”

“Disciplinary action?” Wei Wuxian echoed with an amused smile on his lips. “Don’t you think we’re a little too old for that?”

The last time anyone had disciplined him? In this life perhaps just last week, but his beloved would know that the last time Wei Wuxian had knelt in repentance, his joints had not yet started aging.

And yet, his beloved’s expression didn’t change at all, staring at him with cold detachment as though he didn’t recognize–

Wei Wuxian’s eyes widened. He didn’t even want to consider finishing the thought, but doubt seeped deep into his heart, unrelenting. Even in his youth, being the caring older sister to a gaggle of equally loved, equally annoying siblings, with a hundred different things on his mind, Wei Wuxian had been excellent at lying to himself, ignoring when things became too heavy to bear.

But this was not a matter of lying to himself, deluding himself into believing everything was alright.

“Do you know who I am?” Wei Wuxian heard himself ask, his voice distant to himself.

“You are the missing head disciple of Yunmeng Jiang,” his beloved answered, looking entirely unimpressed. “Wei Ying, courtesy Wuxian. Your sect heir informed us that you were missing. You were not expected to enter at this hour.”

This is not what you used to call me, Wei Wuxian wanted to shout. Don’t you remember? Didn’t you promise you’d never leave me?

“That’s right,” Wei Wuxian answered mechanically, caught between one life and the other. How old was he now? He was supposed to take care of his family, but his parents were dead twice over, his siblings scattered to the winds and his children— “I was worried about my martial siblings.”

That was right. His name was Wei Wuxian now, he was the head disciple of Yunmeng Jiang. Fifteen, he told himself, he was just fifteen, not pushing eighty. But how was he supposed to ignore these memories so much older and larger than himself? Should he just be swallowed up like the river water innocents, dragging them down and drowning them until only their anger remained? Was this Wei Wuxian’s fate, to become nothing more than the remaining wanting of a woman long dead?

“You still broke the rules,” his beloved said. His eyes darted to where the Emperor’s Smile sat abandoned. “And bringing alcohol into the Cloud Recesses is forbidden.”

Alcohol? Wei Wuxian wanted to laugh. Of all the things to consider, that was what his beloved was focusing on?

“Who decided that?” Wei Wuxian muttered. It certainly hadn’t been him-her-the life he had once lived, and he doubted his beloved, no matter how terrible his tolerance, had done so either.

Wei Wuxian glanced at the Cloud Recesses again, this home he built with his own hands, this home centuries away from his life. He was not a rogue cultivator traveling the land with his friends and his beloved, not even the woman who’d died to protect her descendant.

Just a cocky teenage boy, breaking the rules of his beloved’s venerable ancestor.

“Would you take me to my sect?” Wei Wuxian asked, eyes distant. If he remained here any longer, he might say something regrettable, or worse, grab his beloved by his shoulders and beg him to remember. “I’ll submit myself to disciplinary action tomorrow.”

His beloved’s eyes narrowed as though he couldn’t tell whether Wei Wuxian was lying – and the boy in front of him truly couldn’t. He hadn’t known Wei Wuxian for most of his life, merely these passing minutes.

“Fine,” his beloved finally said. “Follow me.”

Wei Wuxian jumped from the roof, the sweet taste of the alcohol long forgotten. Silently, he followed his beloved through the paths of the Cloud Recesses. No longer did they seem particularly intriguing or like reassurance that what he had built had managed to outlive him, more like punishment for returning as a stranger. Why had fate decided to return his soul as an outsider who couldn’t ever lay claim to this home?

After a while, they arrived at the guest disciple homes. His beloved knocked at the door only once before a stressed Jiang Cheng ripped the door open. He wasn’t even dressed for bed, still had his hair up in the guan.

“Lan-er-gongzi,” Jiang Cheng said politely. “Thank you for retrieving my head disciple.”

He yanked at Wei Wuxian’s arm to drag him inside. “I’ll make sure he won’t cause trouble for you again. I bid you a good night.”

His beloved, Lan-er-gongzi, glanced at Wei Wuxian one last time before inclining his head. “I appreciate it. Good night.”

And then he turned around and marched away. As soon as he was out of hearing distance, Jiang Cheng shut the door and turned to Wei Wuxian, anger sharp like the sting of Zidian.

“What the fuck did you do!?” he hissed. “Do you have any idea–Wei Wuxian? Are you crying? Did that bastard say anything? I don’t care if Lan Wangji is the second young master, if he did anything—”

Jiang Cheng’s mood changed more rapidly than the currents in the river. He shook Wei Wuxian’s shoulders in distress as hot, unwanted tears ran down Wei Wuxian’s cheeks.

I didn’t ask for this, he wanted to tell his shidi. I didn’t want this.

Wei Wuxian wiped over his eyes, hoping to stop the endless flow of grief.

“He did nothing,” he told Jiang Cheng. “He did nothing at all.”

Not a spark of recognition, not stumbling over his robes in his hurry to greet Wei Wuxian, ask for the name of the song he was playing. He was just another stranger to be tolerated.

Nobody had ever told Wei Wuxian that being unknown was akin to dying.

Chapter Text

When Wei Wuxian woke, he was surprised to be waking up at all. His body was still his own, his mind listened to the name his parents gifted him. Yesterday’s evening had ended with him slumped over his bed after attempting to reassure Jiang Cheng that he was fine. Wei Wuxian had thought sleep would escape him for the rest of the night, but evidently he had passed out from exhaustion and mental strain.

Wei Wuxian turned to his right and found Jiang Cheng still asleep. How strange; in this life and the last one, Wei Wuxian had never been one for getting up early. He had slept in at any given chance, cherishing the mornings in bed when he didn’t have to get up early. It was an indulgence his husband had been more than happy to grant him. If anything, his beloved had cherished that Wei Wuxian could sleep through most catastrophes so that he could be the one to rouse Wei Wuxian from a sweet dream.

Wei Wuxian sighed then started to get himself ready, careful not to wake his shidi with the noise. He was steady on his feet, no headache plaguing him. His second set of memories felt a little unreal still, detached from his lived experience in this body.

He supposed he should be grateful for that.

The wards around Cloud Recesses weren’t supposed to mess with his reincarnation so much. When he’d created them, he’d only embedded the spark of his soul in there, something that would allow him to recognize his beloved when they met again. Wei Wuxian remembered hoping to be reborn as a willow tree, something that would live longer than a human lifetime and could grant his husband shade when he played another sweet melody for him.

Well, Wei Wuxian supposed being reborn as a human spoke of exceptionally good karma—and it made seducing his husband a lot easier. His beloved didn’t recognize Wei Wuxian at all, so he could only conclude that his husband had no memories of his life.

He wondered how his husband had carried on after his death. Wei Wuxian hoped his husband had died surrounded by their children and grandchildren in their home, not in the mud on some nighthunt.

“I suppose that explains why I always hated rainy days,” Wei Wuxian muttered, lingering just a moment too long on the feeling of rain seeping into his clothes as–

No, he couldn’t linger on that. He’d died, that horror had already passed. He lived anew, now.

Wei Wuxian changed into the disciple robes set aside for them. Being in such pale colors again was strange. When he’d still been a performer, Wei Wuxian had dressed in eye-catching colors, bright red among his favorites. Everybody knew that a good street musician wasn’t just skilled but pretty too, and Wei Wuxian had been the prettiest of all.

Well, Wen Mao had called his performance outfit a painter’s workshop, but Wen Mao also hunted a qiongqi only with a bow and arrow. That idiot’s opinion couldn’t be trusted at all.

Once Wei Wuxian was dressed, he took Suibian and settled on the floor in meditation. His fighting ability hadn’t been outstanding before; he’d never received formal sword training. In this life, he was exceptional at the blade, a pretty painter too, a dedicated student of all the six arts, and the son of an immortal’s disciple.

Ah, this life was rather different from his last one, wasn’t it?

“Wei Wuxian?”

Wei Wuxian pulled out of his meditation to find Jiang Cheng staring at him, his hair a mess, confusion plastered all over his face.

“What are you doing?”

“Meditating,” Wei Wuxian answered slowly as though he was speaking to a confused child. “You know, the thing you do when you’re trying to build your core.”

“Shut it!” Jiang Cheng tossed a punch at him, Wei Wuxian easily dodged by ducking. Seeing his shidi’s flustered face, Wei Wuxian started laughing. Jiang Cheng seemed younger to him now than he had yesterday, but at heart, Wei Wuxian still felt the same about him.

“You never meditate in the morning!” Jiang Cheng accused him. “How was I supposed to recognize it?”

That was true. Yunmeng Jiang’s Wei Wuxian, generally speaking, slept in late, stumbled through morning training and his other duties, and meditated only in the evening when his body was so exhausted that it was easier for his mind to find peace as well.

He thought of his oldest son, who’d been just as energetic. Wei Wuxian had given him so much grief over his impatience, but he was just the same now, wasn’t he? Never one for sitting still, he had caused troubles right until his death, refusing to give his parents the peace of mind of dying before him.

The longer he lingered on the memory, the louder it seemed to become. Perhaps Wei Wuxian was wrong to think of his memories as two separate boxes. Perhaps it would be better to consider them as water and oil in the same pot, mixing when stirred too heavily.

“You were the one who told me to leave a good impression on Gusu Lan.”

“Yeah,” Jiang Cheng said, eyes narrow. “But you never listen to what I tell you anyway.”

Wei Wuxian stood up and patted his shidi on the head. “See how much you’ve grown, now I even listen to you—ack!”

Jiang Cheng, wasting no time, dug his elbow into Wei Wuxian’s side. “Oh, shut it.”

Wei Wuxian was fifteen still, nowhere near grown up as he knew now. It was alright to behave like a child a little longer.

As Jiang Cheng got ready for the day, Wei Wuxian tried to recall what he remembered of what the day was supposed to look like. They’d have the welcome ceremony today if he wasn’t mistaken, and then the first day of class? No, class started tomorrow, but Wei Wuxian would still have to report to the Lan to receive his punishment for last night’s transgression. He hoped it hadn’t entirely ruined his beloved’s first impression of him.

“Should we go pick up shijie then?” he asked once they were both dressed.

Jiang Cheng looked at him in confusion. “A-jie is with the other women.”

Yes, Wei Wuxian had gathered as much, considering neither she nor any of the other female disciples were rooming with them.

“That is why I suggested picking her up,” Wei Wuxian said patiently, though he felt a little like he was talking to the smallest shidi. Jiang Cheng, ever easy to tease, certainly picked up on that and lazily moved his hand as though he wanted to strike Wei Wuxian.

“Wei Wuxian!” he hissed. “You better not be thinking of sneaking into the women’s side!”

The women’s what now?

“Women’s side,” Wei Wuxian repeated.

“Yes! Did you not pay attention when we were introduced to the Cloud Recesses?”

“Shidi-of-mine, if you remember, I was fetching our invitation while you all got brought into the Cloud Recesses,” Wei Wuxian pointed out. “And my– Lan-er-gongzi didn’t say anything about a women’s side when he brought me here.”

“Oh, right,” Jiang Cheng answered, before frowning again. Honestly, this kid. Always so suspicious.

Then again, perhaps Wei Wuxian’s past actions did warrant suspicion now.

“Anyway, a-Jie and the other female disciples are residing in another part of the Cloud Recesses, which we aren’t allowed to enter.”

That sounded a little ridiculous to him, but Wei Wuxian supposed that this was simply how it was done for now. Considering how annoying teenage boys could be, he himself not being an exception now, he supposed, perhaps it was for the best that a-Jie didn’t have to put up with it.

“As long as we’ll see her for lessons…”

Jiang Cheng gave him another curious look, but instead of asking another question, Wei Wuxian simply ignored it.

They finished getting ready and left the dorm. Surprisingly, they appeared to be the first to be ready and also moderately awake. The disciples from the other sects all seemed rather sleepy still. Wei Wuxian suppressed a grin. He hoped that the Lan didn’t have too high expectations of their greeting ceremony if this was how the students looked early in the morning.

Still, more or less orderly, they headed to the ceremonial hall.

In all the years of his absence, the Cloud Recesses hadn’t changed much fundamentally. They still seemed as tranquil as they had when there had only been a few buildings. Perhaps, Wei Wuxian mused, his sect’s home had gained a more profound sense of peace. Their sect had no grand funding like Wen Mao’s Qishan Wen, and Wei Wuxian’s husband had been frugal in all aspects of life – except when it came to spoiling his wife and children. Their sect was supposed to be peace gained after a long journey, but peace was relative with little children running around and disciples picked up from street corners and wandering paths.

Still, it filled Wei Wuxian’s heart to see how far his sect had grown, how much grander it was than when they started.

At the entranceway of the hall, the other female disciples were already waiting for them, surrounding Jiang Yanli in a circle. His shijie seemed genuinely happy to engage in conversation with the other girls, relaxed in ways she never was when Madam Yu made her host a gathering.

“Shijie,” Wei Wuxian greeted, smiling up at her.

Jiang Yanli deserved much better than the world had given her. Yesterday, his shijie had seemed infinitely wise and caring. Today, Wei Wuxian thought she looked rather young. Too young for being engaged to an immature asshole, too young to be raising him and Jiang Cheng instead of their parents. Quietly, Wei Wuxian promised not to make as much trouble for her anymore.

“A-Cheng, a-Xian,” she returned their greeting. “I’m glad to see you both here.”

She smiled at them both, the perfect picture of a polite sect’s first daughter, but mischievous to everyone who knew her more closely.

“I was fortunate to have a lovely guide bring me to our dorm,” Wei Wuxian answered her unasked question. Jiang Cheng’s face briefly twisted as though he wanted to call Wei Wuxian out for lying to their sister, but really, Wei Wuxian had only told the truth, hadn’t he? His guide had been very lovely, the loveliest of all, in fact.

He couldn’t wait to see him again.

“Let’s just get inside.”

Once it was time to enter the hall, Wei Wuxian naturally fell a step behind Jiang Cheng, something he knew his shidi disliked. Wei Wuxian assumed he preferring for Wei Wuxian to be next to him and so he’d be the first to spot if Wei Wuxian acted out. At the head of the room, Wei Wuxian spotted his beloved sitting next to a man almost identical to him. Rummaging through this life’s memories allowed him to recall that this was Lan Xichen, Gusu Lan’s sect heir. In his last life, his husband had been an only child and always dreamed of having siblings.

It was good that he had been granted an older brother in this life.

The assembly was almost organized, more so than Wei Wuxian had expected. In this life, the only other sect Wei Wuxian had seen semi-regularly was the Jin. In his past life, he never had much to do with the first sect leader Jin, but he thought he’d be proud of his descendants, golden glinting peacocks all the same. Though not widely advertised even then, the Jin had never quite wanted to let go of their mercantile origins, doing more trade than nighthunting at times.

Predictably, the Jin’s gift was also more expensive than anything particularly useful. Wei Wuxian hadn’t seen too much of his original clan yet, but considering how strict they’d raised his husband to be and the orderly manner of all their other circumstances, Wei Wuxian suspected that they weren’t too thrilled with this gift either, but still accepted it in good graces.

Strangely enough, the man in charge of the ceremony was not the sect leader.

“Who is that?” Wei Wuxian muttered under his breath when they bowed to the glory and generosity of the Jin, his sleeves aptly hiding his question.

“Lan Qiren,” Jiang Cheng hissed back. “Now shut up.”

Wei Wuxian suppressed a smile. Of course, his shidi couldn’t resist having the last word.

Lan Qiren, yes, Wei Wuxian knew that name from Madam Yu’s extensive lecture. She’d told him again and again to not cause any trouble, especially not in front of Lan Qiren, who had enough sense to anticipate what kind of troublemaker Canse Sanren’s son might be. Thinking of his mother, Wei Wuxian wondered if she’d been anything like her teacher. It was sweet to imagine she had been like the woman who’d left such a strong impression on the world.

Still, Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but think that it was a little funny that his own descendant was apparently so unfavorable to a little mischief. Would Lan Qiren faint if he learned just what his ancestors had gotten up to? The image was a little amusing to Wei Wuxian.

Lan Qiren, the younger brother and acting sect leader. What happened to his beloved’s father that left his uncle in charge?

Wei Wuxian paid only half a mind to the other sects presenting their gifts - his own Jiang clan excluded of course, he had to make sure his shidi was doing well so that he could make appropriate fun of his perfect posture afterward - and instead watched his husband. Lan Wangji sat so still during the ceremony as though someone had frozen him on the spot. It wouldn’t surprise Wei Wuxian if he sat so still during guqin practice or calligraphy as well. His husband had always been good at peace and quiet, much more so than Wei Wuxian, who was always working, always on his feet.

Once the ceremony was over, they were dismissed for the day as the proper lessons would only start the day after. Before regaining his memories, Wei Wuxian had wondered about those lessons, how boring they might be, and he doubted little of what would be taught might be of interest to him now; perhaps some of the history, the centuries he had missed. He supposed it wouldn’t hurt to look at the wards created after his death and find something to occupy his mind with while listening to lectures he didn’t need. His husband would be rather displeased if Wei Wuxian fooled around during those precious lessons, wouldn’t he?

He also had to check with his beloved for the punishment he was supposed to receive. Maybe he would do that later today? He had said he’d submit himself to disciplinary action today.

“A-Xian, are you alright?” Jiang Yanli asked after they left the building.

Wei Wuxian turned to her with a flourish. He shouldn’t make her worry about himself so often. “Of course! Why do you ask, shijie?”

“Because you kept staring at Lan Wangji as though you wanted to play a prank on him,” Jiang Cheng answered in her stead. “You’re not trying to get him back for yesterday, are you? I already asked you if he did anything to you and you said he hadn’t.”

“Yesterday?” Jiang Yanli echoed, already frowning in worry. So much for behaving a little better to give her heart fewer reasons to skip a beat.

Recalling that she hadn’t been there when Wei Wuxian was returned to their dorm, they quickly informed her of what happened.

“You cried?” Jiang Yanli hissed, her tone emulating Yu Ziyuan to a frightening degree of similarity. 

She might never become an outstanding cultivator, achieve the kind of mastery that would see Madam Yu satisfied, but Jiang Yanli was still an amazing person. The extra decades of memories Wei Wuxian now possessed only confirmed this.

“It’s fine, it’s fine, no reason to worry. Besides, Lan Wangji just looks like fun, doesn’t he? I’m sure we could become great friends.”

“Friends with Lan Wangji?” a third voice suddenly butted in. “Did I hear you correctly?”

The young cultivator in front of them was slim, with a delicate face. Wei Wuxian recalled having seen him stand at the greeting ceremony earlier. Nie Huaisang, the heir of Qinghe Nie. He did not resemble his ancestors, but considering what Wei Wuxian remembered of their cultivation style, perhaps it was for the best.

“Yes,” Wei Wuxian said. “Don’t you think so?”

“My dage is friends with his brother Lan Xichen, so I have met Lan Wangji a few times already,” Nie Huaisang said. “He is very particular when it comes to his friends.”

The way Nie Huaisang spoke, you’d expect Lan Wangji to not have any friends at all. His husband had always been a little awkward when it came to making friends, but it had never been dreadful. A man incapable of any polite and kind social interaction wouldn’t be able to create a sect after all, never mind one as grand as theirs was now.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Wei Wuxian said. “I’m sure we can become great friends.”

“Well, then I can only warn you not to cause any trouble.” Nie Huaisang sighed, the perfect image of a defeated man. “And to study hard. I failed the exam last year and my father wasn’t pleased, which is why I have to attend the lectures again. Last year, Lan Wangji was in secluded meditation, but it appears that will not be the case this time.”

Hearing that, Wei Wuxian had to smile. To think he could’ve missed his husband if they had attended the lectures last year!

“If it comes to studying, you couldn’t have found a greater partner, Nie-xiong,” Wei Wuxian bragged.

“You don’t mean yourself, do you?” Jiang Cheng interrupted. “I’ve never seen you study a day in your life.”

“Just because you don’t see me studying, doesn’t mean I don’t,” Wei Wuxian refuted, though Jiang Cheng wasn’t entirely incorrect. Wei Wuxian had never needed to study much, knowledge and skill coming to him naturally. Was this another leftover of his reincarnation? Cultivation didn’t just mean learning things by heart, it meant internalizing them, writing them into your soul.

It was something to consider for a later time.

“Shijie, since a-Xian hardly saw you yesterday, do you want to spend some time with me now?” He asked instead of continuing to debate Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Yanli only smiled at him. “I apologize, but I already promised Luo-guniang to spend the afternoon with her.”

That name didn’t ring a bell.

“Who?” Wei Wuxian asked.

“Luo Qingyang, she belongs to one of the minor clans affiliated with the Jin.”

The Jin– had Madam Yu told Jiang Yanli to work on her betrothal even here? It wouldn’t surprise Wei Wuxian too much. The Cloud Recesses lectures were a good opportunity to make connections with the members of the other prominent sects, but Jiang Yanli deserved a break from the endless, thankless efforts.

“Can I tag along then?”

Jiang Yanli shook her head. “Another time, a-Xian. I believe you have to focus on how to befriend Lan Wangji.”

Right. Wei Wuxian flashed her a smile. “Just wait, I’ll introduce him to you next time.”

Wei Wuxian, after all, knew his husband best, and he’d always wanted to introduce him to his parents. Since he hadn’t been allowed to introduce him in the last life, and forbidden from doing so in this one too, Wei Wuxian might introduce him to his shijie instead.

“I believe in your ability,” she said because Jiang Yanli was nice, unlike Jiang Cheng who rolled his eyes.

Wei Wuxian watched as Jiang Yanli departed, following a mixed group of girls into another part of the Cloud Recesses. There were fewer female guest disciples around, their group relatively small compared to that of the boys. Considering that, the enforced separation seemed even more ridiculous to Wei Wuxian.

“So what is your grand plan to befriending Lan Wangji?” Jiang Cheng asked, feigning disinterest while obviously being interested in Wei Wuxian’s plan.

“Do you think I’ll share my secrets with you?” Wei Wuxian asked in turn. Truth be told, he didn’t have a concrete plan yet. It seemed best to gather some more information on how to approach him first. Even if he had the advantage of knowing his beloved for a lifetime already, their changed circumstances still had to be taken into consideration.

He did not, for example, doubt that his husband would love him in this body too, but Wei Wuxian was not so naïve that he could ignore the challenges being a man brought him. Life would’ve been easier had he been reborn as a woman. On the other hand, maybe Madam Yu would’ve kept him at Lotus Pier then, afraid of what chaos he might cause.

“I’m just making sure—” Jiang Cheng bit his lip. “Forget it.”

“Well, if you’re keen to think on your plan some more, I can show you some spots around the Cloud Recesses that allow for peace and quiet to pursue your thoughts,” Nie Huaisang offered with a sly smile. Knowing teenage boys, Wei Wuxian was sure that this was more about finding good spots to sneak off to and laze around.

When he’d still lived here, the Cloud Recesses were much smaller. Necessary buildings had replaced beautiful clearings from where you could watch the birds soar and feel the wind on your skin, taking you gently by the hand and leading it into deep meditation. It wouldn’t be so bad to revisit those places, or find new ones.

“That would be much appreciated, Nie-xiong.”

Nie Huaisang grinned brightly and led them to his dorm first. Unlike Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, he wasn’t sharing his room, yet it was covered from top to bottom with various items.

“Did you bring your entire home here?” Wei Wuxian joked.

“You laugh, Wei-xiong, but you have yet to learn how much you can miss in the Cloud Recesses,” Nie Huaisang pointed out. He grabbed what looked like a pouch filled with sweets and then guided Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian out.

“You shouldn’t go too close to the woman’s side,” Nie Huaisang pointed out on their walk. “Even if it is an accident, the Lan will suspect you of wanting to try some mischief.”

Some mischief, what was that supposed to mean? They were cultivators, they should know to act honorably without needing to split the sect in half.

“Are they really that strict?”

“Did you not listen to the welcoming speech?” Jiang Cheng asked Wei Wuxian with an annoyed expression.

Honestly, no, Wei Wuxian hadn’t been listening, deeming it unnecessary when he could watch his husband instead.

“The Lan care a lot about their rules,” Nie Huaisang explained as he guided them down the mountain to a stream. “They were handed down to them from their ancestors, every generation leaving another mark of improvement.”

Mark of improvement.

“Like the ban on alcohol?” Wei Wuxian asked drily. He wondered what had led to that. His husband certainly had been wise enough to know that banning his wife’s favorite drink was a good way of falling out of her favor quickly.

“It is simply how things are done and we will respect it,” Jiang Cheng pointed out.

“I hear you,” Wei Wuxian answered, more to calm his shidi down than to actually reflect on the matter.

The path Nie Huaisang was guiding them down didn’t look like it saw many visitors, which supported Wei Wuxian’s theory that Nie Huaisang had found it while trying to sneak away.

“I found this little river last year,” Nie Huaisang explained. “It was during winter, so sadly too cold to enjoy it properly, but now the season is more than suitable.”

After a few more minutes of walking, they reached the clearing Nie Huaisang had spoken of and Wei Wuxian had to agree with the Nie sect heir. The clearing was beautiful and very much all that he loved about the Cloud Recesses.

They got settled near the stream, the temperatures still a bit too cold to justify taking off their shoes and wading in the water.

“So you attended the lectures before?” Jiang Cheng asked Nie Huaisang.

Nie Huaisang nodded. “Yes, last year. I failed most of their exams, so dage insisted on me attending again this year…”

The boy sighed dramatically. “I really don’t know how I’ll survive this! You have to help me!”

Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian shared a look before laughing.

“Sure, we will help you,” Wei Wuxian agreed.

“You have my eternal gratitude,” Nie Huaisang promised solemnly. “Now tell me, what’s your deal with Lan Wangji?”

“The idiot,” Jiang Cheng answered, “got caught sneaking into the Cloud Recesses by Lan Wangji and now intends to befriend them?”

“Still? Wei-xiong, you are a far braver man than me.”

“This has nothing to do with bravery,” Wei Wuxian replied with a smile.

“So what is it then?”

What was it then, indeed. A second chance at life, to entangle the strands of their fate with each other anew?

Wei Wuxian grinned triumphantly. “Destiny.”

Lan Wangji wouldn’t know what hit him.

Chapter Text

Wei Wuxian’s attempts at wooing his beloved were not working out as planned. Much like it hadn’t been his fault that their entry pass had been lost, he could not be blamed for the continued failure of his courting.

As promised, Wei Wuxian had submitted himself to punishment for breaking the rules. Thankfully, his beloved’s brother was kind enough to let Wei Wuxian get away from this first infringement with just a mild talking to. Meeting Lan Xichen was an interesting experience as he was the first sect heir who Wei Wuxian exchanged words with privately outside of Jiang Cheng and that annoyance Jin Zixuan .

Lan Xichen was incredibly similar to Lan Wangji in appearance, though his beloved was at least twice as beautiful. In his first life, Wie Wuxian had always claimed that he was particularly lucky to have encountered his husband so soon after he’d left the monastery. Lan An had been beautiful too, seducing fair maidens with just a hint of his kind smile. Had they met any later, maybe some other woman would’ve snatched up Wei Wuxian’s spouse.

Or some other man, he supposed. Would they have still married if Wei Wuxian had been a man already then? He couldn’t imagine a life without Lan An by his side, so most likely.

It was incredibly fortunate that their descendants had inherited his husband’s beauty and, hopefully, his character too. While his beloved was cold in this life, the perfect picture of centuries of traditions, Lan Xichen seemed a lot more like a fresh breath of air. His beloved, as much as Wei Wuxian adored him, had not been without flaws. His stubbornness certainly continued into this life.

Lan Xichen, on the other hand, seemed a lot more patient and willing to forgive. He reminded Wei Wuxian a little of his eldest son, and he looked forward to seeing Lan Xichen grow into a fantastic sect leader in the future. He was certain that Lan Xichen would be able to fairly decide when to allow leniency and when to remain strict.

Wei Wuxian could honestly claim that he had left his meeting with the sect heir feeling better, even though he still considered the rules against alcohol ridiculous. When he mentioned so to his beloved, however, Lan Wangji only frowned disapprovingly. He looked like he wanted to drag Wei Wuxian back into his brother’s room and demand he give Wei Wuxian at least some punishment for failing to gain appreciation for the strict rules his clan lived by nowadays, but was held back only by his respect for his brother.

Unfortunately, Lan Wangji’s disapproval had nothing on Lan Qiren’s outright dislike and vitriol of Wei Wuxian.

Lan Qiren, as Madam Yu had prophesized, loathed Wei Wuxian for no reason other than the fact that his name was Wei Wuxian and he was disruptive to Lan Qiren’s method of instruction. Wei Wuxian would not consider himself a particularly disruptive influence compared to the behaviors he’d forced his teachers at Lotus Pier to endure.

Recalling his previous foolishness, he did have to wince. When he returned he would apologize most sincerely, but that changed nothing about Lan Qiren’s ridiculous behavior.

When called upon, he gave precise and concrete answers, nearly textbook perfect in their delivery. It wasn’t his fault that his answers sometimes drew on the fantastic or the experiences of a life long gone, or went against what Lan Qiren believed to be long established and thus the only correct path to walk.

Wei Wuxian’s knowledge was centuries out of date and fueled by dreams of a future not yet realized. Lan Qiren looked back on centuries of tradition and thought their current sect the pinnacle of knowledge.

Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but wonder if this was all they’d ever achieve.

In his last life, when he’d started to learn cultivation, Wei Wuxian didn’t have any access to the the wealth of knowledge accumulated over generations. He had been taught by his mother, not a master. In his dreams, he watched his husband pluck the strings of his guqin as a lullaby for their fussy second-born, not yet aware that such a song would become the foundation for communicating with the spirits of unsettled children. In Wei Wuxian’s mind, the possibilities were still endless, century-old theories still untested; he hungered to explore the paths yet unknown.

Lan Qiren did not appreciate being told that lack of success so far did not mean impossibility. He failed to appreciate many things; Wei Wuxian would love to sit him down in the ancestral shrine and force him to apologize.

“You really need to stop riling him up so much,” Jiang Cheng commented once they got out of the classroom, Wei Wuxian once again a lecture and detention richer than before.

Jiang Cheng was off to meet with students from other sects for an excursion while Wei Wuxian was headed to the library for punishment.

It’s not fair, Wei Wuxian’s youth protested, wishing to accompany them on their trip.

The part of his soul that was much older knew he’d earned some punishment for talking back to an elder so rudely, even if he was right. By now, he recalled most of his memories, so he no longer got any headaches from sudden flashes of familiar scenes. While it was a relief to be settled in his skin anew, Wei Wuxian noticed his decision-making process slowing down.

While half of him was fifteen and eager for adventure, another half longed for the easy comfort of a soft blanket for aching bones he only remembered as phantoms. He was as much an old grandmother, looking after her children and grandchildren, as he was a young teenage boy, who had so much yet to learn of the world.

It wasn’t a particularly comfortable contrast, and some decisions were a battle between two consciousnesses wishing to make opposing choices.

“One day, I’m going to make him eat his words,” Wei Wuxian simply replied.

Jiang Cheng only rolled his eyes. “As long as it’s not about to annoy Lan Wangji even more…”

“I’m not annoying him!” Wei Wuxian protested. He’d done his utmost to be as un-annoying as possible, actually.

“Sure, sure,” Jiang Cheng replied, though he did not look as stressed and worried as he had previously.

It had done Jiang Cheng some good to spend some time on his own making friends without Wei Wuxian interfering. While he was busy in detention or exploring the lands he’d once cultivated, Jiang Cheng made the connections a future sect leader needed. While Jiang Cheng had been predictably grumpy about Wei Wuxian leaving him behind and doing his own thing at the start, he and Nie Huaisang had hit it off particularly well  despite the boy’s cheeky nature. Nie Huaisang was not as much of a troublemaker as Wei Wuxian or outdoing Jiang Cheng effortlessly.

He was just another teenage boy, not this amalgamation of a long dead woman and a boy too talented for his age.

The bonds Jiang Cheng created now would serve him well in the future. As for Wei Wuxian, he hadn’t spent much time considering his future, too haunted by the past. All he knew was that he did not wish to part from his beloved again, but that desire already required decisions to be made. Were he born a woman, Madam Yu would be more than happy to marry him off to the Lan, as long as he wasn't her problem, she wouldn't care if she gained anything in return.

Bound to their sects as they were, this was not a time where Wei Wuxian and his beloved could roam endlessly until the first spark of a new life announced that it was time to settle down.

Wei Wuxian would miss that feeling. He’d had four children in his last life and while he most certainly did not miss the monthly bleeding or childbirth, holding his children would always be special to him.

“Are you listening?” Jiang Cheng asked, calling him back to the present. “You’re really spacing out a lot these days.”

“I’m just thinking about how I can prove to Lan Qiren that his ancestors did not think of all of these rules as necessary,” Wei Wuxian deflected. “I’ve been sent to the library again for punishment anyway. Might as well do some reading on the past.”

“As long as you don’t burn down their library,” Jiang Cheng sighed. Once they reached the end of the path, his brother headed off and Wei Wuxian turned into the direction of the library.

He had spent many hours in the building, most of them under the supervision of his beloved, but Wei Wuxian had yet to touch the clan records.

He had dreamed of the past, had familiarized himself with the way his sect had grown, the old and new buildings, the winding paths around the mountains that students probably shouldn’t go exploring on but Nie Huaisang had found anyway. Wei Wuxian remembered walking up and down with a child strapped to his back and another one holding his hand.

Wei Wuxian stepped into the library, humming some long-forgotten tune under his breath. Inside, he found his beloved waiting for him, sitting at his usual desk and the scrolls of Wei Wuxian’s punishment laid out. At first, Lan Qiren had made him copy the rules of the Lan, but eventually he’d moved to assigning Wei Wuxian readings, something that would make him say less heretical or fantastical things in his lessons. It was a rather mind-numbing task, and were Wei Wuxian only fifteen, he’d most certainly not be able to stand the punishment or sit still for so long. Only the consideration that every moment spent copying was another he could impress his beloved, saved him from disregarding the task outright.

“What has Teacher Lan assigned me this time?” Wei Wuxian asked his beloved with a bright smile.

Lan Wangji’s face contorted as though he wished Wei Wuxian would tone down his cheerfulness. He did not hate Wei Wuxian, that much he was sure of, but he also did not particularly love him yet.

If Wei Wuxian was honest, he wasn’t sure if Lan Wangji even liked him. His husband was still his husband, but he was not the monk who’d decided to wander out in the world on his own and follow the footsteps of a musician who couldn’t keep a smile off her face. Here, he was the young master of a grand sect, raised so very differently.

At heart, the same person. In mind, a different one.

How bizarre that Wei Wuxian still wanted to be loved by him.

“Fundamentals of Cultivation,” Lan Wangji said shortly, wasting not one more words than necessary on his answer.

Being reticent with words was a trait he had most certainly retained from his last life. At first, Wei Wuxian had always assumed that his companion just didn’t enjoy speaking much, but after a few weeks of traveling, he’d learned that his beloved valued saying nothing over saying anything impolite.

And that his beloved had many opinions on quite a handful of things, all of them far beyond the realm of simply being impolite.

Cracking a smile, Wei Wuxian wondered if Lan Wangji was the same, far pettier than he let anyone see. Taking the scroll from him, Wei Wuxian started reading through it. As its title suggested, it really was concerned with the basics of cultivation. He’d learned these in his last life as well as this one. He taught his little shidis about this, he raised his children on these principles.

Drily, he put the scroll down. “Are you sure this is what Teacher Lan wanted me to copy?”

It felt like a petty enough move from the old man, but even Lan Qiren’s dislike for Wei Wuxian had to stop somewhere, didn’t it?

“Don’t speak,” Lan Wangji ordered.

“Is a library not for acquiring knowledge?” Wie Wuxian retorted. “How am I supposed to learn more if I don’t speak?”

Lan Wangji only glared at him, and Wei Wuxian considered that perhaps he ought to shut his mouth now. He wanted to win his beloved’s affection, not lose it in this petty squabble with Lan Qiren. Briefly, Wei Wuxian considered whether he should just hurriedly copy it so he could read something else, but that would only give Lan Qiren the satisfaction of saying that Wei Wuxian hadn’t done his job properly.

So, summoning his best calligraphy skill, the one not even Madam Yu could find any fault with – a minor lie, she could find fault with everything Wei Wuxian did, even the brush he happened to use if his writing was perfect – and went about copying the text.

The most interesting parts were the references in the texts, calling upon such and such scholar for verification of methods. Had Wei Wuxian possessed such a text when he had learned cultivation for the first time, he certainly wouldn’t have struggled for so long. He’d never mastered the sword in his last life, preferring the bow when he had to fight. BEsides, learning the sword required a skilled teacher, but even a common farmer knew how to hunt.

As his beloved continued reading his book, Wei Wuxian dutifully copied the text until he was done.

“Finished,” he proclaimed and held the paper out for Lan Wangji to admire.

The other teenage boy glanced at it, keen on only checking whether Wei Wuxian had truly done the work, before pausing, obviously surprised at Wei Wuxian’s masterpiece.

“I wrote it in my best script,” Wei Wuxian boasted. His handwriting in this life was good—not as good as in his last life, smaller hands allowing for more precision, but it was nothing to scoff at.

“I will deliver it to Uncle,” Lan Wangji announced. He glanced at Wei Wuxian another time as though doubting that he had truly written it, even though he was watching the entire time.

“You may leave now,” Lan Wangji said.

“Don’t you wish to discuss it with me?” Wei Wuxian offered, perhaps a little pathetically hopeful.

“There is no speaking in the library,” Lan Wangji repeated.

His face fell. He hadn’t expected much, but he somehow had to charm his beloved. Wei Wuxian already had to make his peace with the fact that his future in-law wouldn’t like him, but if his beloved could not even spare him the time now… His chances were looking bleak.

“It is time for dinner,” Lan Wangji announced. He glanced at the paper again. “You may speak to me about it as we head to the dining hall.”

Beaming, Wei Wuxian cleaned up his workspace much quicker than he had ever bothered to before and brushed over his clothes to give himself a better appearance, showing that he was ready to leave. Perhaps they could take the winding path around. It wouldn’t extend their walk too much, but a little bit more and he’d be more than happy to talk for a longer time with his beloved.

If Lan Wangji was surprised at his haste, his face didn’t show it. He certainly didn’t match Wei Wuxian’s speed in preparing his desk, but he didn’t purposefully slow down either. After what felt like ages still, they finally stepped out of the library, and Wei Wuxian’s mind immediately exploded in a hurried mess of rambles.

Lan  Wangji did not prompt him at any point, but Wei Wuxian re-iterated all the text had been about and then some, before finally stopping on a note on how traditions had changed from the first scholar cited by the author to the last. Once Wei Wuxian had run out of words to say, a true rarity for him, Lan Wangji studied him for long, a conflicted expression hushing over his face.

“If you structure your arguments more while speaking, Uncle wouldn’t mind as much,” he said suddenly.

Wei Wuxian blinked at him. “What?”

But before he could tease another answer out of the boy, Lan Wangji passed him into the dining hall where, as in most other places in the Cloud Recesses, speech was forbidden.

Slowly but steadily, a joyful routine established during Wei Wuxian’s stay in the Cloud Recesses. He still got detention more often than any other student, but after the first few weeks, it seemed as though Lan Qiren’s anger at Wei Wuxian had quieted to an only slightly above average level instead of a volcano about to erupt. It wasn’t exactly ideal but it was an improvement Wei Wuxian would not complain about.

Whenever he was assigned reading and copying in the library, he would dutifully do so in his best calligraphy until he was done, then wait on Lan Wangji to finish whatever his reading was so they could both walk to dinner together. Their walk was short. Wei Wuxian filled most of it with his ramblings, though Lan Wangji seemed to respond more and more as time passed.

“You know, I did not actually expect you to become acquaintances with Lan Wangji,” Jiang Cheng said one day.

Lan Qiren had left for a cultivation conference, giving them all a week off they desperately needed. Jiang Cheng had fussed a little about it, certain that Lan Qiren would report back to his father about how they were doing, but considering Jiang Cheng, unlike Wei Wuxian, behaved like an exemplary student, Wei Wuxian doubted he’d have to worry about anything.

“I wasn’t lying,” Wie Wuxian replied with an eye roll. “I tell you, one of these days I’ll be able to call him Lan Zhan without being glared at either!”

“I’d be most honored if Wangji made a friend that close,” a third voice suddenly spoke up.

Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng both jerked in surprise before turning around.

Behind them stood Lan Xichen, accompanied by Lan Wangji, whose expression had soured slightly. Even with a frown, he was the most handsome man Wei Wuxian had ever seen. Unlike usual, they weren’t wearing more leisure clothes, as much as one could speak of such for the Lan, but looked prepared for going out.

After quickly bowing to their senior, Wei Wuxian, never one to miss an opportunity, asked, “Are you heading to Caiyi?”

“Yes,” Lan Xichen answered with a kind smile. “There have been reports of water ghouls appearing. As uncle is away, it falls to me to verify these rumors.”

A nighthunt!

Wei Wuxian grinned. Finally, an opportunity to show his beloved that he was not just academically inclined but also useful on a nighthunt. In his past, he impressed his beloved with his hunting skills far more than any talent in the kitchen. He had considered making sweets for Lan Wangji for their walks after their study session in the library, but this was even better

“You should take us along!” he immediately cut in. “Yunmeng Jiang is particularly skilled when it comes to hunting water ghouls.”

Naturally, Wei Wuxian was a little overeager when it came to a nighthunt. Jumping into the water to bait a ghoul was a reliable method in attracting them but not so much for safety. He’d have to reconsider his approach in front of his beloved, even if his seniors back home hardly blinked at his actions anymore.

“I would be more than thankful for your aid then,” Lan Xichen answered as Lan Wangji hissed, “Brother.”

Ah, had he wanted to spend some bonding time with his brother? Perhaps Wei Wuxian shouldn’t have butt in like this. Now Lan Wangji was never going to forgive him.

“We should always accept help when offered,” Lan Xichen told his brother. “Besides, we don’t deal with water ghouls that often. The people of Caiyi rarely drown. It is worrying that so many appeared.”

“Do you suspect a city further upstream being the cause?” Jiang Cheng asked.

Similar things often happened in Lotus Pier. Like Caiyi, most of the population knew the water, so the water ghouls that appeared often came from further up or down the river.

“That is possible,” Lan Xichen said.

“If you can get ready to depart shortly, you can accompany us,” Lan Xichen offered, ignoring his brother’s slight displeasure.

“We will!” Wei Wuxian answered and hurried his shidi to their dorm room.

He quickly grabbed some more talisman papers and retied his ribbon to be neat and proper, as one would expect as the first disciple of a distinguished sect. He usually did not bother for a nighthunt unless they were talking to an important client beforehand. During battle, your clothes were liable to tear anyway, so putting them on especially neatly was usually just a waste. This time, however, Wie Wuxian wanted to make an effort to impress Lan Wangji and maybe a little bit to ensure he was not slandering Yunmeng Jiang’s reputation. Jiang Cheng put a lot of effort into establishing secure relationships with the other sects. Wei Wuxian acting a little lovesick could not disrupt it.

They were dressed within minutes and returned to the gate where they had met the Lan brothers, who were waiting for them alongside a couple other Lan sect disciples.

“Let’s go,” Lan Xichen ordered and together they descended the mountain.

Throughout the walk, Wei Wuxian tried to pullLan Wangji into a conversation but he steadily ignored Wei Wuxian, making their previous easy walks seem almost like they hadn’t happened at all.

“I don’t understand,” Wei Wuxian told Jiang Cheng as they fell further to the back. “Why does he not want to talk now?”

“Perhaps he’s focusing on the nighthunt the same way you should be,” Jiang Cheng only pointed out. “Besides, if he’s ignoring you now, what’s he doing to the others?”

Truly, while Lan Wangji might have ignored Wie Wuxian, he was treating everyone else with even more disregard. This almost made Wei Wuxian happy again, especially as one Lan disciples attempt at striking up a conversation with Lan Wangji ended with Lan Wangji simply walking away, leaving the other teenager fumbling.

Seeing that, Wie Wuxian felt a little better and decided that it hadn’t been so bad to be ignored by him after all.

After a walk that seemed much shorter than climbing up the mountain, Lan Xichen sent them to investigate the city while he would speak with the administrator on the threat of the water ghouls.

“Please work with one partner,” Lan Xichen told them.

Wei Wuxian, never one to miss an opportunity, immediately snatched up Lan Wangji’s hand so that they could go together.

“We should walk through the market,” Wei Wuxian said. “With so many people crossing through, we’ll hear the most chatter there.”

Lan Wangji stared at him with an expressionless face before his eyes dropped to where Wei Wuxian had grabbed his hand.

“Sorry, sorry,” Wei Wuxian apologized sheepishly and let go of his hand.

With a huff, Lan Wangji turned around to walk down the street Wei Wuxian had suggested.

“Wait for me!” he called, ignoring Jiang Cheng’s protests that Wei Wuxian should stick by his side. That shidi of his, could he not see that this was crucial for Wei Wuxian’s growing relationship with Lan Wangji?

Walking up and down the roads of Caiyi reminded Wei Wuxian of home as much as it did of the life once lived. Now that he had his memories, it was easier to understand why he’d fallen for Caiyi at first sight. The people were genuinely kind, easily playing along with his talk. In his past, the people had been just as easy going, though that had changed after his marriage. As a sect leader’s wife, he had to mind the prestige of their budding sect. Standing in front of people he used to chat with casually as the wife of the man keeping them free of threats was a different matter.

And then, once his children were old enough to understand what was being said around them, Wei Wuxian had to be extra careful. He’d never cursed much in his last life, a stark difference from a brash young master now, but his tongue had been just as harsh if not harsher.

“Have you noticed people disappearing in any kind of pattern?” he asked the seller of some vegetables. The man behind the stall shook his head.

“No, but you might gleam some answers if you ask the fishers further down.”

Wei Wuxian nodded. “Thank you!”

For most of their little trek, Wei Wuxian had been the one talking and chatting with people. This, too was a bit of a strange experience. Previously, people would always address his husband first. Now, people took one look at the tall and imposing young master of the Lan sect and decided it was easier to talk to Wei Wuxian.

“It’s going well, don’t you think?” Wei Wuxian asked.

Lan Wangji gifted him with another doubtful look, so Wei Wuxian obviously needed to elaborate.

“If there’s no regular pattern behind people disappearing from Caiyi, it means that there is no further agenda behind the appearance of this many water ghouls. It also means that there aren’t so many that they’re snatching people daily. About two or three years back, there was a flood a few villages away from Lotus Pier that killed many people and in the aftermath...”

Wei Wuxian continued elaborating on the past. Every once in a while, he glanced at Lan Wangji to see if he was actually paying attention or just ignoring Wei Wuxian’s ramblings as he had seen him do with many others. To Wei Wuxian’s delight, although Lan Wangji’s face was turned away, he could tell that he was listening attentively.

“And that was it,” Wei Wuxian finished his tale.

By now, many hours had passed, so they started to return to the rendezvous point to present their findings to Lan Xichen. Just as they turned, a small sparkle caught Wei Wuxian’s attention.

He stopped and stared at a stall selling jewelry. Elaborate hair sticks sat side by side, but what caught his attention beyond the initial glimmer was a delicate wooden one. It carried no additional decorations, but was simply masterfully crafted out of dark wood. Delicate small flowers decorated top of the the stick. It must have taken hours, if not days, to carve this.

Distractedly, Wei Wuxian walked over to the stall and stopped only when his hand was mere centimeters away from the pin.

“Do you like it?” the seller asked.

“Yes,” Wei Wuxian answered and took the pin into his hand. He’d once bought a similar one for his granddaughter.

“Xiao Yi would like it,” Wei Wuxian muttered. “She always had an eye for good craftsmanship.”

“Any lady would love to have this, especially if it is given to her by someone special,” the seller agreed with a fond smile.

Grabbing the hairpin tightly, Wei Wuxian smiled. “They do, don’t they?”

Whenever Wei Wuxian had returned from the village, he’d have his grandchildren pester him for gifts and sweets. And of course, much to their parents’ annoyance, he’d brought them their favorites each.

Lan Yi was long gone now, but this would be a good thing to remember her by.

Glancing to the right, Wei Wuxian found another wooden pin, but this one with a lotus flower on the end. “I’ll take that one, too.”

His shijie would like it, he was sure.

“I’ll wrap it up for you, gongzi!” the seller said and soon after, Wei Wuxian was a bit poorer in coin but richer in gifts for his sister and remembrance for his family.

Turning to Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian started speaking, “Okay, we can—”

But instead of waiting for Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji just brushed past Wei Wuxian rudely.

“Hey, wait for me!” Wei Wuxian called and reached out with his hand to stop Lan Wangji, but he only pulled back his arm.

“Don’t touch me,” he hissed and marched away, leaving Wei Wuxian standing with the two pins in his hand and no idea what had just happened.

Chapter Text

Hurrying after Lan Wangji was a chore and a half as everyone appeared to make space for the second young master of the Lan when he walked through the crowded market space, but the same could not be said for Wei Wuxian. With his purchases safely stored away in his robes, Wei Wuxian squished through the masses of people going about their day to reach the group back in time.

“You could have waited,” he complained to Lan Wangji once he got to the meeting place as the last disciple to arrive. Only Lan Xichen had yet to appear, probably waylaid by talking to the head of the village.

“I don’t have time to waste fooling around,” Lan Wangji sniped and demonstratively took another step away from Wei Wuxian.

Confused by his sudden change in behavior, Wei Wuxian wanted to speak up, ask what that was all about, but just when he’d come up with a phrasing better than what’s wrong with you, Lan Xichen showed up. Though he still had the same pleasant expression as all the other times Wei Wuxian had seen him, his shoulders seemed more tense.

“Did you manage to learn anything new?” Lan Xichen asked the group. A few of them reported other sights of water ghouls that hadn’t been mentioned before, but it seemed as though nobody had managed to learn quite more than they already knew.

Nighthunting involved puzzling together strange circumstances more often than any kind of straightforward fight, but for a tight-knit community like Caiyi, this severe lack of knowledge about so many deaths was odd.

After hearing their findings, Lan Xichen paused, considering his next step, before coming to a decision.

“I don’t believe there is any more we can learn without taking a look at the situation directly. We will go out on the lake,” he announced.

Together, they headed in the direction of the pier, but unlike before, where Lan Wangji would listen to Wei Wuxian, he now hurried to stay right beside his brother, his demeanor resembling a block of ice.

“What happened?” Jiang Cheng asked. “Don’t tell me you pissed him off this quickly?”

“I didn’t do anything,” Wei Wuxian protested and it hadn’t been quickly. They had spent the entire afternoon together just fine! “I was the one talking to people the entire day, so I don’t know what crawled up his ass and died there now.”

Wei Wuxian had hardly spoken the harsh word before he already found himself surprised at them. He hadn’t expected such an outburst of himself. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he wondered if this was going to cause another headache for him to deal with. Couldn’t his memories have returned when he was past his adolescent years already?

Ignoring the side-eye Jiang Cheng was giving him, Wei Wuxian instead focused on the trip ahead. Considering the large bodies of water in Gusu, he supposed that the other disciples had encountered water ghouls before and could probably swim, so that was one less worry. Kicking Jin Zixuan into the water during a nighthunt had been right up until Wei Wuxian needed to dive after him because the precious young master of the Jin couldn’t swim.

Clicking his tongue, Wei Wuxian attempted to center himself again. His thoughts kept scattering like leaves during autumn, easily torn away by the wind. Just what was going on with him?

Momentarily caught up in his thoughts, he didn’t register how quickly they made it to the next pier. Lan Xichen talked to a man renting out boats and handed him what seemed like a week’s worth of wages for him to rent his boats to them and keep everyone else from going out on the lake for now.

With each disciple allotted a boat for themselves, they slowly drifted away from the shore. With the sun shining above and the water so calm, it would be a beautiful day for swimming. Were Wei Wuxian not out to leave a good impression, and water ghouls potentially just waiting to drag him down, he would just take a dip in the water.

Maybe that would get his beloved to pay attention to him again.

As they drifted further into the middle of the lake, Wei Wuxian kept an eye out for water ghouls. While they were incredibly quick and tended to hide where they were difficult to spot, with as many reports as they should’ve gotten, they should’ve spotted something by now—

Wei Wuxian’s gaze landed on Lan Wangji. While admiring his beloved was always a treasure, what caught his attention wasn’t his beauty, but the fact that his boat had sunken much deeper than the rest of them.

Turning to his right where his shidi had been, Wei Wuxian wanted to see if he could catch Jiang Cheng’s attention, as that wasn’t the case, and he couldn’t yell, or he’d alert their targets, Wei Wuxian decided that he simply would have to act.

With his sword by his side, Wei Wuxian launched himself from his boat to Lan Wangji. He, instead of staying and wondering what Wei Wuxian was doing, immediately jumped away too. While this allowed Wei Wuxian to flip the boat as intended, it still irked him. What had gotten into Lan Wangji? They’d been fine just moments before, why was he rejecting Wei Wuxian’s presence so harshly now?

“Wei Wuxian!” Lan Wangji hissed, though not out of concern but anger.

His husband’s anger had always been cold, biting, harsh control, nothing like the flush creeping up on Lan Wangji’s cheek, a pot of congee boiling over.

Gritting his teeth, Wei Wuxian simply unsheathed Suibian and struck at the ghoul holding on to the wood.

“Is that—”

“A water ghoul!”

As the others pointed at the water ghouls in surprise, Wei Wuxian only raised his chin a little petulantly. Why was he acting like such a child? He was old enough to know better than to resort to such methods,

“Your boat was heavier than it was supposed to be,” Wei Wuxian explained, reigning in his temper. “I apologize for not warning you, but that would’ve alerted them.”

For all that many beings encountered on nighthunts were not particularly intelligent, all reason lost to their anger and grief, water ghouls could be incredibly clever. Wei Wuxian briefly recalled the one water ghoul perfectly docile while helping the farmer at Lotus Pier. Having caught some with this method now, they most likely would not attempt the same method again, unless their numbers were so overwhelming that victory was guaranteed.

“Jiang Cheng, you should be careful!”

“I’m always careful, you’re the reckless idiot!” Jiang Cheng shouted back, though his voice was still tinged by concern.

What a cute little shidi Wei Wuxian had, worrying about an elder like him.

“And what do you think about my method, Lan-er-gongzi?” Wei Wuxian asked with a smile, but Lan Wangji just turned away as though Wei Wuxian hadn’t just saved him from a malicious trap!

His beloved would never treat Wei Wuxian like that. Even though he could be moodier than most people Wei Wuxian knew, he’d never flat-out disregarded Wei Wuxian like this.

“Lan Wangji!” Wei Wuxian called out to him, only for his boat to suddenly start shaking.

Wei Wuxian didn’t stumble, but the moment of surprise was enough for the water ghouls to gain ground and crawl onto the boat. As though guided by an invisible signal, the boats of the other disciples were also swarmed with water ghouls. How could there be so many here without a disaster warranting the existence of such a mass grave in an otherwise tranquil lake?

“On your swords!” Lan Xichen shouted.

Quickly, all of the disciples stepped on their swords and took to the skies. As Wei Wuxian rose higher, he noticed the darkness beneath them. So close to the water as they’d been before, he hadn’t been able to see it, but the middle of the lake was significantly darker than it should be and they’d been sailing towards it unknowingly.

It looked like a trap, like a lure—

His eyes widened in recognition. “Get up high!” he shouted. “No!”

Jiang Cheng, used to following Wei Wuxian’s bizarre orders without questioning during a nighthunt, immediately did as told, and not a moment too soon. The darkness within the lake spilled over like an exploding volcano. The skies darkened, black clouds swallowing up the sun, as winds harsh like whips and sharp like razors tore at their clothes.

“What is that?” Jiang Cheng shouted through the storm.

“A waterborne abyss,” Wei Wuxian answered. He’d encountered only one before, and that one had grown so large that they hadn’t been able to do anything but seal the waters off, forcing two entire villages to relocate. Even decades later, the waters had still been unquieted. It wouldn’t surprise him if it had taken until his current life to put it to rest.

Flying closer to Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng stared at the deep waters. “How did a waterborne abyss get here? None of the people I talked to suggested that a catastrophe big enough to create one of these happened here.”

No, nothing in Gusu had happened that would explain this waterborne abyss, but—

“The waters in Qishan are rough this time of year.”

Qishan, which had been devouring more and more smaller sects. If Wen Mao knew what his descendants were up to, he’d rise from the dead just to smack them and fix it himself.

“You aren’t suggesting—”

Jiang Cheng let out a string of curses inappropriate anywhere but on a nighthunt as dangerous as this.

“We will retreat!” Lan Xichen shouted through the wind. “This is too dangerous!”

Wei Wuxian agreed. A waterborne abyss needed more experienced cultivators, not a bunch of children who didn’t know how to deal with this.

Then, just as they prepared to depart back to the shore, perhaps sensing that they were about to leave its grasp, the waterborne abyss rose again, catching a disciple who’d been flying too low.

The teenager didn’t even have the time to shout before the water already consumed him, dragging him down. Decision made in a split second, Wei Wuxian dove after him. There was no time to think, to consider grand risks. Pushing Suibian to its full speed, Wei Wuxian managed to grab the hand of the disciple before it disappeared entirely beneath the waves.

“Up!” he shouted before the waterborne abyss started to pull at him, dragging him down, forcing him to swallow water.

Before Wei Wuxian had a chance to fight back, the abyss already decided to drown him.

Was this how he died again? After a life barely lived?

Blindly, Wei Wuxian reached out, trying to grasp for anything, but the warmth of his core was not enough to bring him to the surface again, not enough to keep him from drowning, it was just down, down, down into the cold. Connecting with it even for a split second was enough to freeze his fingers, to numb his arm. His body became dull to the sensations around him, slipping through them like they belonged among the mass of spirits. Wei Wuxian bit down on his lip, sure the metallic taste on his tongue wasn’t just from the lack of air.

If reaching for the cold got him out of here then—

All he had to do was let it all in.

Even though it felt as though his limbs would fall off, as though death might reclaim him, Wei Wuxian endured. He was not going to die here, forcing a child to bring his body back to the sect again. Just before death could wrap its freezing hand around his throat, Wei Wuxian summoned the last bits of his energy and propelled himself up toward the water. The moment his head broke the surface, he gasped for air.

“Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng’s scream penetrated the chaos of the storm and soon after his brother’s hand, its warmth near scalding, grabbed Wei Wuxian’s robes and pulled him onto his sword.

The wind rushed past Wei Wuxian’s face as Jiang Cheng hurried… somewhere? Towards the shore, yes. That seemed right. They had to get away from the yao and get somewhere safe. If they could just make it to Caiyi for backup, that would be fine.

They needed to build another pier for summer. They had gotten a petition from the villagers to help with the construction and Wei Wuxian wanted to send the disciples with enough energy to fool around.

“Where is Xiao Yi?” Wei Wuxian muttered when they finally had ground beneath their feet again. Wei Wuxian tried to take a step, but his legs were too weak, still frozen stiff by his cold. Suibian was by his side, humming the same way his flute used to. Had he left his dizi behind before going on this nighthunt? How foolish, he hadn’t made that mistake in decades.

“Wei Wuxian, what are you talking about?” Jiang Cheng asked. His face seemed frantic, was he worried?

Wei Wuxian reached out with his hand. Ah, this foolish child. He really shouldn’t worry about his elders.

“Xiao Yi,” Wei Wuxian repeated. “I was going to give her a pin. She likes those “

He glanced past Jiang Cheng, finding the other disciples, his beloved among them. Wei Wuxian smiled at him. “Don’t you think she’ll like it?”

“Wei Wuxian!”

His head was hurting.

“Stop shouting, a-Cheng. I can still hear you just fine.”

Though his vision was getting worse – was the world supposed to be spinning like this? Before he could ask the others about it, the darkness claimed him.

Chapter Text

Wei Wuxian used to startle out of sleep at even the smallest noise, jerking awake with his heart beating like war drums and anticipating harsh hands pulling him out of his hideout. Living with the Jiang had slowly settled that fear, assured him that Jiang Cheng’s snoring across the room spelled out trust, that Jiang Yanli picking up the brush balancing at the edge of the table was love. The nightmares faded together with unkind memories and the land of dreams relinquished its hold on him only reluctantly.

To Wei Wuxian, fifteen, chronic oversleeper because he was up late causing one mischief or another, it was a blessing.

For a woman long dead, her last memories that of teeth and claws, remaining in the dreaming was akin to punishment.

When Wei Wuxian finally tore himself out of hollowed darkness, he woke to phantom bites on his legs, the vision of a child in white running away without turning back. She had done well, just as told, and returned home.

Opening his eyes, Wei Wuxian stared at the unknown yet familiar ceiling above him, motionless but for the rise and fall of his lungs, breathing life into him. He settled in his skin, in this life, and packed away the memories assaulting him. How silly that he’d thought he needn’t linger on them anymore, that all that remained was the love for his husband.

Wei Wuxian must have passed out while trying to escape the waterborne abyss. He couldn’t exactly remember, the moments stolen away from him.

If he fainted, he must have been brought to the Lan’s medical ward. He hadn’t entered here since joining the studies and his last trip to the medical ward was lifetimes ago. Back then, he’d been holding crying children with scrapped knees, wishing for proper physicians to take a look at their brave wounds.

The children had been welcomed guests, Wei Wuxian less so. He couldn’t blame the healers as Wei Wuxian’s presence, whether as a patient or visitor, had been a bit of an interruption. Not because of any notions of a woman’s delicate constitution, but more that he had a particular talent for distracting the healers and the patients.

Pushing away his blanket at once, Wei Wuxian attempted to get up.

“Wei Wuxian!” 

“A-Xian!”

Wei Wuxian turned his head, dizziness momentarily shocking him, and found his martial siblings both looking at him with deep worry.

Measuring up a smile, Wei Wuxian decided to greet them as he usually would.

“Jiang Cheng, what’s with the long face—”

“Shut up!” Jiang Cheng cut him off. “Do you have any idea how worried we were?”

“How would I?” Wei Wuxian replied cheerily. He must have been out for the rest of the day. Honestly, how embarrassing—

“Yes, how would you!” Jiang Cheng continued his tirade. “Considering that you’ve been unconscious for nearly a week! Lan Qiren would’ve written Father today if you hadn’t woken up!”

Wei Wuxian blinked, confused, then turned to Jiang Yanli with an expression of utter disbelief. It wouldn’t be the first time Jiang Cheng lied to him to get him to stop doing particularly reckless and foolish things. When they’d been thirteen, Wei Wuxian had managed to knock himself out doing an ill-advised backflip off his sword and Jiang Cheng fooled him into believing such actions disrupted the flow of spiritual energy for a week.

Jiang Yanli, already aware of what he was going to ask, only inclined her head.

“You’ve truly been asleep for that long,” she confirmed. “The physicians couldn’t really figure out why. They said your spiritual energy is a mess and has been so for a while.”

Jiang Yanli lingered on the last word, not yet asking a question, but clearly waiting for a confirmation.

A while, huh. Wei Wuxian had been meditating regularly to sort through his memories, but he supposed it would show in his spiritual roots that his spirit wasn’t as settled as it should be.

“I’m sorry for worrying you, shijie,” Wei Wuxian apologized. “I promise I will take more care in the future.”

“You better,” Jiang Cheng interrupted just as harshly as before. “Anyway, your belongings are over there. I’ve been holding on to Suibian in the meantime as it wouldn’t let anyone else pick it up. Your sword’s become stupidly stubborn by the way.”

“It’s always been stubborn,” Wei Wuxian answered, distracted, and looked at the pile of clothes next to the bed upon which rested his two purchases. Lighting up at the fact he hadn’t lost them in the fight with the waterborne abyss, Wei Wuxian got out of the sickbed before the Jiang siblings could stop him. He picked up the pin he had picked out for Jiang Yanli and eagerly presented it to her.

“Here! I bought this for you!”

“A-Ying…” Jiang Yanli stared at the pin with an expression he couldn’t quite place, somewhere between appreciation and concern.

“Don’t you like it?” Wei Wuxian asked. “I saw it and thought of you.”

He hadn’t been the best gift-giver in this life, but he’d been in charge of preparing all the formal gifts in the past for people he liked much less than Jiang Yanli. He’d been sure that she would like it.

Smiling tightly, Jiang Yanli shook her head. “No, I like it. Thank you.”

She accepted the pin, but Wei Wuxian still got the sense that he was missing out on something.

When Jiang Cheng opened his mouth to comment on it, Jiang Yanli only dug her elbow into his side so fluidly that you wouldn’t have expected it, mistaking it for just another graceful gesture.

“Who is that other pin for?” Jiang Cheng asked instead, rubbing his side.

“Ah, that one?” Wei Wuxian’s eyes drifted to the pin and smiled slightly. “Someone who can’t get it anymore, but I wanted to buy it anyway.”

If Jiang Cheng wanted to comment on it any further, he didn’t. Though Wei Wuxian didn’t particularly linger on the memory of his parents, their existence more like a fairy tale to him than anything he could remember, he sometimes bought trinkets in their honor. This wasn’t the same, a memory for a long-dead granddaughter, but he supposed the concept was the same.

“Can I leave now that I’ve woken up?” he decided to switch topics.

“Only when the healers have seen to you,” Jiang Yanli answered, the hairpin still clutched in her hand. “I will call them.”

Gracefully, she stood up and disappeared out of the room.

As soon as she was out of his sight, Jiang Cheng opened his mouth again, though his tone was much quieter than it would be under other circumstances.

“She’s been getting a lot of flag for missing classes to sit by your side all this time, so you better treat her well.”

Ah, hadn’t Wei Wuxian promised himself that he would cause fewer problems for Jiang Yanli in the future now that he knew himself how much trouble young boys were? He made a terrible brother, breaking his convictions so quickly.

“I will,” he promised, meaning it this time.

Soon after, the Lan healers returned and checked Wei Wuxian over with admirable speed and proficiency. They deemed him healed enough to let him go, though Wei Wuxian knew that if he voiced just one complaint they’d keep him here for at the very least another day. After thanking them for their care, and before they could lecture him another shichen about the exercises he ought to do, he hurried out of the ward with Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli.

Together, they brought Jiang Yanli to the woman’s side, a separation Wei Wuxian had not considered in depth before with his mind so occupied by his beloved, but remembered being offended by. He’d missed his shijie, her calm and steady presence. He opened his mouth to say so, but decided against it at the very last moment. Jing Yanli had already sat by his bedside for so long, there was no need to burden her further. Once she had left them, Jiang Cheng directed Wei Wuxian to their dorm room.

”What did I miss during class?” Wei Wuxian asked.

“Not much,” Jiang Cheng answered. “Besides Lan Wangji somehow acting even more like a block of ice than usual.”

“He’s not a block of ice,” Wei Wuxian protested on instinct, but froze when he recalled how Lan Wangji had acted previously to him. He had been strangely rude.

Well, after so many days of separation from Wei Wuxian, he’d probably just missed him. Wei Wuxian missed his beloved for sure. Perhaps he’d get to see Lan Wangji smiling this time around?

“If you say so,” Jiang Cheng replied and rolled his eyes.

Despite acting so harshly with Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng still shared all his class notes with Wei Wuxian after and kept his gaze focused on him as though he expected Wei Wuxian to faint any minute. His shidi’s care was reminiscent of the stray cat Wei Wuxian used to share a shelter with during one winter. Despite throwing little hissy fits during the day, it stuck close to him during the night.

Unfortunately, Wei Wuxian was not able to shake Jiang Cheng’s watchful gaze until nearly two days later, when he was permitted to attend the lessons again. Lan Qiren, to his credit, didn’t call upon Wei Wuxian even once, although Wei Wuxian most definitely did not pay any attention during class. Instead, he was focused on Lan Wangji. His beloved seemed tense, as though pulled apart by invisible strings.

Wei Wuxina could understand why Jiang Cheng compared him to an ice block as Lan Wangji dodged all attempts at socialization. The moment class was over, Lan Wangji left the classroom as quickly as the Lan rules permitted him, sufficiently ignoring Wei Wuxian’s attempt at getting close to him by disappearing deeper into the clan member buildings. Naturally, Wei Wuxian could sneak through the buildings here, but he supposed that would start their meeting on a sour note.

Sighing, he resigned himself to waiting.

And wait he did, for one day, then two, and three, until a whole week had passed and Lan Wangji’s ridiculous behavior still hadn’t let up.

“What is it with him!” he exploded at nobody in particular. Jiang Cheng had started to drag Wei Wuxian along to his study session with Nie Huaisang now that he wasn’t spending all this time with Lan Wangji anymore. The boys’ study sessions were pretty much exactly what Wei Wuxian had expected, half studying because Jiang Cheng was more determined to be an excellent sect heir than any other boy his age, and half fooling around because Nie Huaisang thrived at being a lazy teenager.

“Who?” Nie Huaisang asked.

“Lan Wangji,” Jiang Cheng explained. “He’s been ignoring Wei Wuxian all week.”

“Oh.” Nie Huaisang closed his fan and tipped it against his chin. “Why don’t you go visit him? He can’t avoid you at his own house.”

“I don’t know where he lives,” Wei Wuxian replied. While he hadn’t wanted to go deep into the family buildings at the start of the week, Lan Wangji’s behavior was too outrageous to understand now.

“Is that all that’s holding you back?” Nie Huaisang asked sounding genuinely surprised.

Confused Wei Wuxian titled his head. “Yes?”

Nie Huaisang stared at him before starting to laugh. “Wei-xiong, you are a funny guy. Sometimes I don’t understand at all what’s going on in your head.”

“You are lucky if it’s only sometimes,” Jiang Cheng commented.

“Shut up! It’s not like you know where Lan Wangji lives either.”

“And I don’t want to know,” Jiang Cheng replied. “Honestly, what do you have with that guy? He barely talks, he acts like he’s better than everyone else and he doesn’t even pay that much attention to you. Under any other circumstances, you’d have abandoned him already. You’re not even riling him up for fun.”

Jiang Cheng obviously wouldn’t like it if Wei Wuxian bothered Lan Wangji to make fun of him, but he’d at the very least understand that motivation.

“I just want to be his friend,” Wei Wuxian protested weakly. He didn’t really have a better excuse he could present them with. What was there to say, but that Lan Wangji was the love of his life? That Wei Wuxian adored him so, that he knew his beloved better than himself on some day? On most days, when his own memories conflicted, pulling him in two different directions.

“Well, I can’t help you become his friend,” Nie Huaisang said. “But I do know where he lives.”

“You do?”

Nie Huaisang nodded and smiled. “Yes, and I’ll even tell you for the right price.”

Wei Wuxian’s eyes narrowed as Nie Huaisang’s shrewd character showed itself. “What do you want?”

“Do my homework for me,” Nie Huaisang answered. “I didn’t get anything for today’s class. Old Man Lan must be losing his mind asking about some long-gone ancestors, but if I fail this class, my brother is going to throw me out of the sect.”

From what Wei Wuxian had seen, he seriously doubted that Nie Mingjue would do any such thing to his beloved little brother, but Nie Huaisang certainly could’ve asked for something more tedious.

“Show me,” Wei Wuxian told him and accepted the papers Nie Huaisang tossed at him to briefly scan the questions laid out for him. Apparently, it was some extra credit task, researching the history of the Lan.

“I can do it,” Wei Wuxian replied. “Now tell me where I can find Lan Wangji’s house.”

“You have my utmost thanks, Wei-xiong,” Nie Huaisang answered and pointed down the river from their little hiding spot. “Now, do you see that path down there?”

Wei Wuxian turned to where he was pointing. He did know it – it led further down the mountain, though in the direct opposite direction to Caiyi. When he’d last visited there, nothing but wilderness lingered there.

“That’s where his house is.”

“So far away from all the other buildings?” It seemed strange that the son of the sect leader would live so far away from the rest of the sect, but maybe Lan Wangji just preferred his peace. It was better than to imagine him preferring solitude.

“I’ll go then!” Wei Wuxian announced, got up, and brushed imaginary dust off his robes. It wouldn’t do for him to look like had just ditched class to play around in the grass, even if that wasn’t so far off from what he had been doing.

“Do I look alright?”

“Like a young lady dressing up for her lover,” Jiang Cheng replied drily. “Must you really go bother him?”

He doesn’t deserve it, was the sentence his brother didn’t dare voice, but was undoubtedly thinking.

Wei Wuxian only grinned at him. “Don’t worry! What’s the worst that could happen? He kicks me out?”

The thought settled badly in his stomach. He didn’t want Lan Wangji to kick him out. They’d been having fun working alongside each other in the library. It was not a young monk stumbling over his feet to catch the name of a song, but it was good. It was supposed to be the start of the same old love story retold anew.

“See you later, a-Cheng!” Wei Wuxian shouted and hurried down the path Nie Huaisang had pointed out.

After some minutes of running, Wei Wuxian finally slowed down. His surroundings really didn’t look like he remembered them, his sect had grown far past its original boundaries. Maybe, in the future, he could adjust the wards to accommodate this too. Gusu Lan still wore the same ribbons and played the same music. What did it matter if the meals were a little bland and the rules a little strict? Wei Wuxian would recognize his home in every dream, in every life. If he were allowed to return to it, then surely everything would be worth it.

After some more time, he finally reached a single isolated building. It blended perfectly into the landscape, not dominating it, but coexisting in harmony. His beloved had good taste, not that Wei Wuxian had ever doubted it.

With a confident stride, Wei Wuxian crossed the last distance separating him from his beloved.

Politely, he stepped onto the wooden floors and announced his presence. “Lan-er-gongzi, it’s me! I’m all recovered now and wanted to see how you’d like to study together again.”

He missed walking side by side with Lan Wangji, rambling the same as he did in his past, his beloved listening to his every word, giving input to his suggestions.

Instead of getting a reply, however, all that greeted Wei Wuxian was silence.

“Lan Wangji,” Wei Wuxian called out again. “Are you there?”

More silence.

Maybe he actually wasn’t home but running some errands for his uncle. It wouldn’t surprise Wei Wuxian if Lan Qiren had decided to keep Lan Wangji as busy as possible so he couldn’t be around Wei Wuxian’s corrupting influence. That seemed like a good explanation for Lan Wangji’s most recent behavior.

Stretching out his senses, Wei Wuxian quickly realized that Lan Wangji was home. He’d recognize his beloved’s spirit anywhere. It wasn’t even as quiet as it would be during sleep or deep meditation.

Lan Wangji was wide awake and he was not paying any attention to Wei Wuxian.

Surprised at his husband’s odd behavior, Wei Wuxian crossed his arms.

“Lan Wangji, I know you’re there,” he announced to the closed door. “Ignoring me is rude.”

But Lan Wangji, apparently determined to prove he was twice as stubborn as Wei Wuxian, did not fucking move.

Fine! If Lan Wangji wasn’t going to open the door for him, Wei Wuxian would open the door for himself.

In one swift move, Wei Wuxian pulled open the door to Lan Wangji’s house and immediately found himself confronted by Lan Wangji, who stared at him as though he didn’t know what to do with the sudden appearance of Wei Wuxian. Was this behavior truly such a surprise? Wei Wuxian had always acted like this around him.

“Lan Wangji! I’m sure it’s against one of your thousands of rules to be discourteous to a guest,” Wei Wuxian snapped, his tone perhaps a little harsher than intended.

It wasn’t his fault – he was the one who kept reaching out to his beloved only for him to be pushed away for some unfathomable reason. How much longer was Wei Wuxian supposed to give his beloved to reach back? The easiest way was to do it himself, so he took the first step inside and then the other. He’d keep pushing and pushing until—

“What are you doing here?” Lan Wangji hissed.

“Well, I was waiting for you to let me in, but as you didn’t do that, I decided to just come inside.”

At once, Lan Wangji rose from his seating position, his fingers twitching as though searching for his sword.

“You—how dare you just walk in here?”

“How dare I?” Wei Wuxian repeated. “How dare you! You’ve been nothing but rude since we went to Caiyi! Why do you keep ignoring me? It’s not nice to treat your friends lie—”

“We are not friends!” Lan Wangji shouted, his voice the loudest that Wei Wuxian had ever heard him. “You keep pestering me every day! You are nothing but an annoyance!”

His beloved’s anger was much like his grief, close to tears. He’d loath how easily frustration brought him to tears, then got angry at his own lack of control, despite the many years he lived as a dedicated monk. His husband never raised his voice at Wei Wuxian, because only children screamed in anger, and they were adults, capable of rational speech.

Lan An would never dare speak to him like that.

The boy in front of him was not Lan An, this was just the spoiled second young master of the great Gusu Lan sect, not a man with a dream much larger than his palm.

This was not his husband.

Caught by this damning thought, unwilling to look at his beloved, but not his lover, Wei Wuxian turned on his heel and ran and ran and ran.

Chapter Text

Wei Wuxian blindly ran through the back hills of the Cloud Recesses, places still untouched by time, yet different from what Wei Wuxian remembered. The trees were taller or gone, new flowers bloomed, following the cycle of life, a cycle he broke in his own selfish desire to remain with the family he loved so much.

With hot tears streaming down his face, Wei Wuxian eventually stumbled over a tree root. Under other circumstances, he would’ve been able to catch himself, but as it were, he instead lost his balance and crashed right down the hill, rolling until he was shocked out of his thoughts by ice cold water. Suppressing the instinct to grasp for breath, something he learned in this life growing up alongside the shore of the river, Wei Wuxian focused on his surroundings. Kicking with his legs, he touched upon the ground of the cold springs and pushed himself up, his head breaking surface. There, he finally took a deep breath, trying to gain some measure of control.

This was it, wasn’t it? The pathetic ending to an attempt that had already been so very foolish.

Wet and shivering from the cold, could Wei Wuxian really claim that he had succeeded in anything at all since arriving in the Cloud Recesses?

“What am I doing here?” he asked in the silence.

Wei Wuxian was nothing more than a fifteen-year-old boy. A genius cultivator, but more child than adult. More man than woman. Already, he was taller than he had been in his last life and the people around him kept joking that he was not done growing in the least. Looking at his reflection in the river, Wei Wuxian did not resemble his past self in the least.

Why would Lan Wangji fall in love with him, who was so different now? Why would Lan Wangji care for love at all when their life was done and lived?

Sinking back into the water, Wei Wuxian considered for the first time how pathetic he had been, acting as though it was only a question of time until his beloved would fall for him again. Wei Wuxian had no siblings and no living parents. He learned to play the dizi on a whim, not because it was the only instrument his mother could afford and decided to buy for her eldest daughter. He was no traveling musician, but regarded as a young master by the grace of Jiang Fengmian’s kindness. Centuries separated Wei Wuxian from the venerable ancestor of the Lan.

Wei Wuxian let out the breath he had been holding.

What was he supposed to do with this realization now? Go back to the life he had been living before he remembered his past? Pretend it was all a bad dream and try to burn the memory out of his mind until he couldn’t recall them anymore?

It was probably for the best, wasn’t it?

Defeated, Wei Wuxian decided that this was the best course of action. He’d simply lock all that belonged to the first Lan-furen up in a box and pretend it didn’t exist.

Taking a step forward, Wei Wuxian felt his balance leave him again and he slipped. When his head ducked beneath the water, instead of being able to pull himself above again, he instead found himself pulled further underwater by some invisible force.

Mentally cursing, Wei Wuxian tried to get free of the pull, but no struggle helped him escape. It wasn’t like the hold of a water ghoul, more like a force dragging him. Just when he thought that  he couldn’t hold his breath any longer, the force suddenly disappeared and Wei Wuxian was able to raise his head above water.

Frantically, he looked around, and found himself in some dark cave. He couldn’t recognize it at first, but eventually, his eyes settled on the colony of rabbits at the other hand of the cave. All of them were snow white and had little Lan headbands. Wondering briefly if Wei Wuxian had hit his head while being dragged underwater, he concluded that no, he was not hallucinating. Besides the rabbits, the cave was almost empty. At the very end of the Cave, was a single table upon which a beautiful guqin rested. It was a masterpiece, spiritual energy radiating from it. A skilled Lan Cultivator must have owned it; the instrument was brimming with so much spiritual energy nothing less than a lifetime could’ve assembled it.

As he could not spot an exit, Wei Wuxian decided to walk towards the guqin first, He took one step, then another, and soon had crossed half the distance to the guqin. That was apparently as close as the weapon would let anyone approach as the moment after, a single chord played and a harsh strike emitted from it. Yet, just when it was about to strike Wei Wuxian, it evaporated.

He’d read about that technique in the library. Chord Assassination, a technique created by his granddaughter to fight off dissidents.

Another chord rang out and once again, it disappeared.

As curiosity won over safety, Wei Wuxian approached the guqin. It did not attempt to attack him anew, so he carefully sat down beside it. The weapon was even more powerful than Wei Wuxian had assumed at first. Had those strikes truly hit him, he doubted he’d still be moving in any capacity.

Wei Wuxian had learned to play the guqin when he’d come to Lotus Pier, though only just so he could pluck a silly little tune. In his past, married, loved, he’d learned how to play the instrument properly so he could teach little children how they had to move their hands, what would make the instrument sing.

Leaning over the guqin Wei Wuxian began to play. It was no grand song, nothing anyone would hear outside of a beginner’s lesson, a simple lullaby.

“You still play well, grandmother.”

Wei Wuxian jerked back from the instrument as though his fingers burned, stumbling and falling back into the water. In front of him sat a serene woman radiating spiritual energy. Her hair was dark and kept neatly out of the way. Her ribbon identified her as a member of the main family and Wei Wuxian—

He was caught by her familiarity. It wasn’t the same one by which he recognized paths already traveled, and homes built for beloved families.

It was not recognition of a time and place unchanged, but of a person who knew his name.

Wei Wuxian didn’t cry easily. He used to think that he’d lost the ability after crying for his parents for days until his little body gave up. Far quicker than his mind, his body had realized that crying was only costing him energy he didn’t have to spare.

“Xiao Yi,” he breathed. “Xiao Yi.”

Lan Yi was a little girl who refused to sit still when Wei Wuxian braided her hair. She was always running around, pulling at someone’s robes and making up for all she’d lost as a babe by clinging even harder to the family she had left.

The woman in front of him couldn’t be the child Wei Wuxian had raised with all his love, still grieving the death of his son and daughter-in-law.

“Don’t cry, grandmother,” Lan Yi told him, gently wiping the tears from his face the same way he used to do for her. “Seeing you again is not an occasion for tears.”

His dear, darling granddaughter, his favorite for she was his first grandchild, raised much more like another daughter, sat in front of him all grown up, centuries older than Wei Wuxian.

“How are you here?” he asked. “Did you cultivate to immortality?”

If that were the case, then Wei Wuxian would’ve heard about it. After so many mornings listening to Lan Qiren’s lectures and so many afternoons reading in the library, Wei Wuxian would’ve heard if he still had family left.

Family, someone who looked at him and recognized his entire heart at once.

Lan Yi shook her head. “Not immortality, no. I am bound by other matters.”

Even in his emotional distress, Wei Wuxian’s mind was sharp enough to recognize her words for what they truly meant.

“What is imprisoning you? Tell me, I will—”

His granddaughter interrupted him by taking his hands into her own. Unlike the rest of the cave, they were warm, not with life but some spiritual energy.

“I’m glad to see you again, grandmother. There is no need to speak of my choices now. I’d rather learn what your life is like. I sensed your memories awakening, but I could not grasp you any closer.”

Her vocabulary had already been exceptional when she was younger, but it seemed like it had only grown with age.

Wei Wuxian sighed fondly. “You sound like your grandfather.”

Lan Yi smiled at him. “I did my best to make the two of you proud.”

Even beyond the border of the Cloud Recesses, the accomplishments of one of the few female sect leaders of a grand sect was known far and wide. People didn’t like to remember them, as such a change in sect leadership was usually accompanied by another strife.

Wei Wuxian had never seen the end of the argument that allowed Lan Yi to claim her birthright as the oldest child of their deceased heir.

“I’m sorry.” The words slipped past his lips before he could hold them back. Again, his eyes burned, tears threatening to divulge all his innermost considerations. “I should have been there.”

Wei Wuxian had only been able to send her away, taking on the targets of their nighthunt himself. Had he not laid dying wondering if he’d done enough?

He wondered about the noble woman sitting in front of him, so similar yet years away from the little girl in muddy clothes with a burden much too grand on her shoulders.

“I’m so sorry, Xiao Yi.”

Lan Yi only smiled, her serenity washing away all signs of blame.

“You have nothing to apologize for. I grew up strong.”

But did you grow up happy?

Wei Wuxian bit his tongue, wishing to ask about her presence here, what life she lived beyond the records her descendants decided to keep. Who would care to write down a sect leader’s favorite meal and music, or whether she remained scared in the dark after that terrible nighthunt?

“Come, sit by my side,” Lan Yi told him. “And then tell me about the life you live now.”

Following her request, Wei Wuxian found himself slumped against her side, reminiscent of the way they used to sit together when Lan Yi was much younger still. Back then, Wei Wuxian would be the one waiting for Lan Yi to return from her lessons. His eager granddaughter would sit down next to him, exhausted from her studying, and Wei Wuxian would ask her what she learned today, prompting her to repeat the lesson anew.

It had been meant as a method of instruction, but he’d enjoyed these quiet moments where his only duty was listening to the child he loved.

“I am part of Yunmeng Jiang in this life,” Wei Wuxian started to speak. “I was made head disciple this year and my shidi was furious.”

Slowly, Wei Wuxian began to speak of his life far more disorderly than Lan Yi ever reported on her lessons. He told her of Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, the pranks he played on his shidi and the gifts he brought his shijie. He told her of the sword he used in this life, the name he’d given it, and the newfound appreciation he had for studying the blade.

He spoke of Wei Wuxian, endlessly, lovingly.

When his throat started to hurt from the many words leaving his mouth, he finally paused to take a good look at his granddaughter. Lan Yi smiled at him softly, mild, so very different from the loudmouthed girl, who’d stew in anger at her cousins’ teasing.

“You are living a good life,” she said. “You should treasure it well.”

“I am,” he replied, perhaps a moment too quick, too adamant.

Whatever it was, Lan Yi’s expression filled with worry. Gently, she took his face between her hands, holding him much like Wei Wuxian used to do for her.

“And yet you had a face full of tears when you found your way to me. What last burden lingers on your shoulders?”

“It’s not a burden,” Wei Wuxian insisted. Love should never be a burden. He’d regarded it as a privilege to be reunited with his beloved in this life as well. It was supposed to be a chance to continue their story, but where Wei Wuxian had hoped for acceptance, he’d been met with harsh, unexplainable rejection.

“You’ve carried too many heavy burdens to recognize them anymore,” Lan Yi said. “So tell me of this one and let this unruly grandchild help you out.”

Wei Wuxian didn’t know where he was even supposed to start this explanation.

“Lan An has reincarnated as well, but he does not remember me; worse, he loathes me.”

Lan Wangji’s gaze had been full of disgust and dismay, as though he’d wished to kick Wei Wuxian out of the Cloud Recesses himself and to the ends of the earth.

Lan Yi remained quiet for a while before she spoke again. “I noticed a familiar presence born years ago, but I didn’t consider that it might be grandfather. He is of your age now, isn’t he?”

“His name is Lan Wangji now and he is the younger brother of the current sect heir.”

“And do you still love him?”

Wei Wuxian let out a breathy laugh. “How could I not love my husband?”

And then, unexpectedly, Lan Yi’s previously so gentle expression became harsher—no, more steeled, as though preparing for opposition.

Confused, Wei Wuxian tilted his head. “Is something wrong?”

Quietly, Lan Yi exhaled, and then spoke. “I don’t doubt your love for my grandfather, but I’m uncertain of your love for Lan Wangji. You say he loathes you, and perhaps that is because he doesn’t know you yet, but can you claim to know him either? When you think of Lan Wangji, do you care about the ways he has changed too, or only about how he has remained the same?”

Lan Yi’s words were not meant to anger him, and their deliverance probably kinder than anyone else would’ve phrased them but that didn’t dull their edge at all.

Truth cuts deep, flays open the mind as though a butchered pig.

Had Wei Wuxian, even once, considered Lan Wangji’s own character and upbringing as anything more than derivative to the person he once was?

Looking down at his hands, Wei Wuxian smiled bitterly. “I understand now why they speak so harshly of you in the history books. You do not hold back your words, Xiao Yi.”

“Lying to oneself never brings the desired results. My grandmother taught me this, so I will now tell you another wisdom my grandmother bequeathed upon me.”

Lan Yi smiled at him, all grown up. “Live your life to the fullest, child, and don’t ever look back.”

Ah.

“Reciting those words back to me is rather cruel.”

They’d been among the last Wei Wuxian had told her when telling her to run away. He hadn’t wanted to burden her with his own death, hoping she’d run quicker than the wind and not waste a single moment glancing back at a woman already dead.

“They’ve protected me my entire life; I hope they will do the same for you.”

Wei Wuxian breathed in, then out.

He supposed it was time to return to his life.

This is a memory a-Yuan will not be allowed to forget.

He’s too young to realize what it means that he isn’t safe at home with his parents, but instead playing on the ground in a tent of a hastily constructed camping ground. As the adults around him discuss battle plans, a-Yuan grows bored and stands up, his muddy hands quickly finding their desired target.

“Lan-gege,” he interrupts the conversation, smearing dirt all over Lan Wangji’s pristine white clothes. “I want a story.”

Lan Wangji looks down at the child and picks him up, comfortably settling him at his hip as though he’s done it a hundred times before. “I’ll tell you one later, a-Yuan.”

A-Yuan, determined not to be placated, frowns. It’s an expression much too serious for a child his age.

At the opposite side of the table, Wen Ning laughs. “I can see the resemblance now.”

“Only now?” Wei Wuxian asks. “You should’ve seen them when they first met. Lan Zhan was barely listening to me, all his attention gobbled up by the little radish.”

Wen Ning solemnly closes his eyes and nods. “You must have suffered, being robbed of his attention.”

“I did—”

“Could we go back to discussing tomorrow’s attack?” Wen Qing interrupts them.

Little a-Yuan is told about the tantrum he throws after, throwing his toy until it lands on the map spread out between the adults, pointing out a particularly cunning path on the map.

He is not told about the brief glance exchanged between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, about the boy who walked out of one cave holding on to the life he must lead now - and the one who walked into another recalling the life he once did.