Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Zuko had lost track of how much time he had spent in front of the mirror this morning. It was definitely the longest stretch of time he had spent there in recent memory, which he figured had to count as irony. The reason he had avoided mirrors for the past few months was because he didn't like seeing the scar and really didn't like the way it reminded him of the day he got it. The reason he was spending so much time in the mirror this morning was because he couldn't decide what he wanted to do regarding his hair and the aforementioned scar. His hair was long enough to cover it up if he wanted to, but the feeling of hair in front of his face had always bothered him, even before the process of healing from a burn added all kinds of new unwanted sensory input to his system.

He knew he was at risk of running late–at least if he wanted Uncle Iroh to give him a ride to school on his way to the Jasmine Dragon–but Zuko collapsed back on his bed in frustration. He didn't go back under the covers–that was a one-way ticket to sleeping through the first day of classes, which was probably not the best impression to leave on any professors who hadn't been part of last semester's online program–but he did sit there with one of his weighted blankets on his lap, hoping it would help with something. After all, if he chickened out now, it might prove that his father has been right about everything that was wrong with him, and that was not a possibility Zuko was willing to grapple with right now. Or ever. It sucked that the process of evicting his father's voice from the back of his mind took longer than the process of moving out of his father's house.

Before Zuko's anxiety could spiral any further, there was a gentle knock at his door. “Zuko, are you ready to go yet? I made you some tea–it’s a new blend I’ve been working on.”

“Uncle, you can come in.” Zuko had just gotten comfortable under his weighted blanket and wasn't ready to ruin it by getting up to open the door. Iroh nudged the door open with the hand that wasn't holding a travel mug of freshly-brewed tea. Iroh had always known more about tea than anyone else in any town he had ever set foot in, and Ba Sing Se was no exception. It helped that experimenting with different scents, flavors, and temperatures of tea had always calmed his mind in ways that he didn't know how to put into words. At this point, he couldn't remember whether he had gotten interested in tea because it calmed his nerves or if tea had developed that effect because he liked it so much and had spent so much time teaching himself about it. “Stimming” and “special interest” were words that came to mind, words that Iroh had learned years ago while researching to fight his brother for custody of his nephew (and by extension, his niece) but didn't know applied to him until much more recently. An exclusive boarding school for gifted & talented students had made custody of Azula more or less a moot point, at least in the eyes of Ozai’s local family court judge, but Zuko wasn't quite so lucky. He remained under Ozai's jurisdiction until there was an incident that not even the world's least competent family court judge could ignore. The fact that it had taken place the night before Zuko's 18th birthday added a cruel irony to the whole thing. Although Iroh couldn't go back and undo his brother's actions, he could make his house a welcoming environment for Zuko and do everything in his power to monitor Azula’s situation in case she ever needed intervention.

Now that Iroh had secured a grant for military veterans interested in starting small businesses and used it to open the Jasmine Dragon, tea became a full-time job instead of just a quirky hobby. For some people, turning a hobby into a full time job was a one-way ticket to simultaneously burning out on your job and your hobby. This didn't seem to be the case for Iroh. He was two years into this business-owner adventure and did not anticipate getting tired of it anytime soon. The location across the street from Ba Sing Se University was perfect–students and professors alike flocked there to find the perfect blends to boost their energy, calm their nerves, or all of the above. The mug he brought for Zuko to try was a new blend meant for “all of the above.” Iroh suspected that his nephew hadn't slept much the night before and that the same nerves that interfered with sleep would also hinder the ability to focus on class.

Iroh sat on the desk chair next to Zuko's bed. “I have a guess about how you feel about going back to school. Do you want to talk about it?”

Zuko shrugged. “There's a lot to think about. Nobody had their cameras on when my online classes met, but I can't exactly hide my face on campus. I'm not sure if I'm ready for people to ask questions.”

Iroh nodded. “Did anyone ask questions when you met with Piandao to sort out your accommodations?”

“That's different! Piandao is an adult who works there. I'm not sure if my classmates are gonna be as cool with it. The last time I went to a class at a school was in high school, and even then I finished up my last semester by doing classwork my teachers sent home when I was recovering from this. This is college. Plus, people who were on campus last semester already established their friend groups. I might be too late to fit in anywhere.”

Iroh handed Zuko the mug of tea. “I know there's nothing I can say that can fix what my brother did, and nothing I can do to keep others from reminding you of the past. But what I can say is that friends know how to see past a broken fence and admire the flowers in your garden. If you find yourself surrounded by people who focus on your broken fence, try again until you find the ones who like your flowers.”

“That's easy for you to say Uncle. It's easy to say things when you don't have to live with a permanent lesson on your face.” Iroh nodded.

“Take your time. I can still drop you off, even if it's not the original schedule. Gyatso can handle the opening duties this morning if I’m running late–he’s always there early when our supplier brings the ingredients for his custard pies and he’ll be completely understanding of the situation. He’s helped plenty of his former foster children move into dorms and off-campus apartments so he's very familiar with the emotions that come with this type of transition.”

Zuko took a sip of the tea. Something definitely made him feel better, but whether that was the tea or his uncle's support was anyone's guess. It was probably a combination of the two. “I think I'll be ready in a few minutes.”

“Do you want me here or do you want space?”

Zuko thought for a moment. “I think I want some space for now. I’ll text you if that changes.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Iroh returned to the kitchen to make himself some more tea before work, leaving Zuko in the quiet of his room once more. He opened the music app on his phone but couldn't decide whether or not he actually wanted to listen to anything. He closed his music app and opened YouTube, but had a similar problem with deciding what (if anything) he wanted to watch. Nothing felt like the right vibe. Then again, maybe there wasn't a right vibe for when your first day of college classes with your peers was also your first day spending an extended amount of time in public for the first time after having half your face burned. Zuko sighed and stared at his wall.

After a minute or two, Zuko remembered that his favorite hoodie had just been washed the night before and should be somewhere in the clean laundry basket. He got up to look for it and saw that it had actually fallen next to the clean laundry basket. Zuko shuddered, thinking of what his father would say and/or do if he saw how close he had gotten to a “floordrobe” situation. Then he remembered that he no longer lived with his father, and that his uncle would never judge him for falling behind on tidying up. He put the hoodie on and put the hood up. Although the feeling of hair in his face sucked, the inside of his hood was soft and comforting on his face. One nice thing that Zuko had heard about college was that the high school dress code rules about not wearing hoods in class no longer applied. It wasn't a perfect cover for the scar but it was better than the alternatives so Zuko hoped that his hoodie would in fact be allowed. Then he took a deep breath and went to let Iroh know he was ready to go.

Zuko's first half hour on campus was a blur of finding Piandao’s office, getting copies of his disability accommodation letters (which explained what his accommodations were and the laws that required professors to honor them but did not disclose the names of the actual disabilities, much to Zuko’s relief) in envelopes addressed to each of his professors with the word “confidential” stamped across the front, finding his first classroom, and choosing a seat. The “choosing a seat” part was new, seeing as all of Zuko's high school teachers had assigned seats in their classes, but Zuko had known it was coming thanks to stories his cousin Lu Ten had told him about his own college experience. Zuko wished he had asked his cousin more questions about how college worked, but Lu Ten’s job had him traveling all over the world, often to remote areas where he didn’t have cell service and was in a completely different time zone anyway. 

Choosing a seat was going to be more challenging than Zuko had anticipated. When he had looked forward to the freedom that came with the switch from high school to college, he never imagined that he would be navigating the transition with a scar on his face to possibly have to explain to every new person he met or with damage to his eyesight that made it crucial to choose the right seat if he wanted to be able to see anything the professor happened to write on the board. The damage was on the left side of Zuko’s face, and the windows were on the left side of the classroom. There was an open seat next to the window in the front row, so Zuko decided that would be the right place to sit, at least for today. 

When Zuko put his backpack on the floor under his desk, he realized there was another student at the desk right behind the one he chose. “Sorry, am I gonna be blocking your view if my hood’s up?” Zuko wasn’t sure if he was ready to make eye contact with anyone–it had been a challenge even before he had a scar to be self-conscious about–so instead he looked at his classmate’s backpack, which was decorated with patches shaped like wolves and swords and boomerangs. He could’ve sworn he’d seen the same backpack when he was in Piandao’s office but knew there was no polite way to ask. Even if there was, Zuko wasn’t sure if he wanted to volunteer the fact that he had been there himself. After spending his life being told the disability he was born with was something he should hide while also hearing his father audibly blame problems on that same disability, and then having a brand-new disability added right before legal adulthood entered the chat, Zuko’s relationship with the concept of being disabled was complicated at best, and it was borderline impossible to decide how much information to share with peers so he defaulted to not asking anything.

“Dude, you’re fine. If I was worried about people blocking my view I would have sat in the front row. My name’s Sokka by the way.”

“Mine’s Zuko.” He took out the sword-shaped keychain he had almost forgotten was in his pocket and began playing with it.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you on campus before. Are you new? Or maybe we just haven’t crossed paths before.  What’s your major? I’m in mechanical engineering.”

“Undeclared still. And all my classes last semester were online.” Ozai had always threatened to not pay Zuko’s college tuition whenever there was disagreement about what Zuko would be studying, but one upside of the incident was that Ozai’s finances were no longer part of Zuko’s financial aid calculation. Iroh was perfectly happy to let Zuko take his time in deciding what he wanted to do with his life. 

“That’s cool. What do you think of the campus so far?”

“I guess it’s ok. It’s more interesting than a laptop screen in my bedroom. Kinda easy to get lost though.”

“I can understand that. Maybe it was a little early to ask that. Is this your first in-person class here?”

“Yes, it is.” Zuko continued playing with his sword keychain. 

“Dude, that keychain is cool. I like swords. Is there a real sword it’s based on? Last time I went to the science museum they had a collection of weapons that were all made from the same meteorite but the gift shop was out of space rock weapon stickers so now I have to wait for them to come in the mail.” Sokka gestured to the sticker collection on his laptop, which were very similar to the boomerang and sword patches on his backpack but also included a NASA Project Artemis sticker, a Ba Sing Se University Department of Mechanical Engineering sticker, a rainbow neurodiversity sticker, drama masks, and a sticker that just said “my brain has too many tabs open.” 

“It’s supposed to be like one of the props in Love Amongst the Dragons, but my uncle bought it from a merchandise stand at an Ember Island Players production of it so it probably isn’t accurate to any other production.” Zuko froze after he spoke, waiting to get in trouble for infodumping even though the sword stickers and drama mask sticker on Sokka’s laptop were probably signs that Sokka wouldn’t mind hearing about the differences between different prop weapons or about the mistakes that the Ember Island Players had a bad habit of making.

“I haven’t seen Love Amongst the Dragons so I’ll take your word for it.”  There was a bit of a pause before Sokka added, “hey, have you ever thought about joining the performing arts club? Rumor has it that this semester’s show might need people who know how swords work.”

Before Zuko could answer, their professor came in and started class. It was a pretty standard introduction to the syllabus, though Zuko was pretty sure he heard Sokka mutter something along the lines of “why would he pick that week for that play?” when the assignment due date calendar showed when some assignments about Macbeth were due. 

When class ended, Zuko pulled one of the “confidential” envelopes out of his folder. He was hoping to hand it to the professor with as little fanfare as possible. Piandao had made it sound like the process of letting professors know about his accommodations was pretty straightforward. Unfortunately, either he tripped or Sokka tripped–it wasn’t quite clear–and they both fell. Zuko dropped his envelope, and landed with the word “confidential” facing up.

“Did you drop that, or did I?” asked Sokka. “Wait, let me check my backpack; I’m not sure if I took mine out yet.”

Zuko picked up the envelope. “I think this one is mine.”

“Mine was still in my backpack so that makes sense.”

Zuko took a second to process what Sokka had just said and whispered “wait, does that mean you get accommodations too?”

“Yep, as of the middle of last semester.” Sokka didn't change the tone or volume of his voice at all, and Zuko couldn't decide whether to be concerned about being overheard or just impressed at the confidence. Then again, with the “neurodiversity” and “my brain has too many tabs open” stickers on Sokka's laptop, Zuko realized that he probably shouldn't have expected anything else.

“So do you know what we do with these? Do we just hand them to the professor? When I was online Piandao handled it.”

“Since my ADHD wasn’t official on paper at the start of last semester, Piandao handled the paperwork a little differently too. But if I remember correctly for this semester we are supposed to see the professor after class and hand him the envelopes.”  Sokka looked at the front of the classroom.  “However, I get the feeling that that only works if the professor actually sticks around after class.”

Zuko took another look at the front of the room and saw what Sokka was talking about. Their literature professor was nowhere to be found. Most of their classmates had also left. Tripping, dropping the envelope, and sorting out whose paperwork was whose must have taken more time than they thought. However, knowing that nobody had stuck around to listen in on their conversation helped Zuko feel a little bit more at ease. Maybe Ozai's warnings about what people expect in the “real world” had in fact been as wrong as Iroh said they were. “What do you think we should do now?”

“I guess we hold onto these until the next time we have class? My friend Toph said that Piandao had an orientation day over the summer for incoming students who were registered with his office, but I don’t think there’s anything like that for the spring semester.”

“That sounds about right–I remember getting emails about it but I wasn’t medically cleared to be on campus yet.” Zuko held his breath, unsure if he had said too much to a classmate he had literally just met. 

Sokka took a split second to do the mental math on what Zuko had said. “Weren’t medically cleared…if you don’t mind my asking, is the stuff that made you not medically cleared to be on campus the same stuff you get accommodations for?” 

Zuko wasn’t sure how to respond. First, he still had to decide what information he trusted Sokka with, and that was assuming there was nobody else in the room to overhear them. He had always expected there to be questions about his scar, but not nearly as polite as Sokka’s. 

“It’s ok, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. We did just meet, after all.”

“I…I don’t mind answering. I’m just trying to think of how to explain…it’s complicated. Some of my accommodations are new, thanks to an injury I don’t feel want to talk about but am pretty sure you can see.” He gestured to the scarred half of his face. “But even before the injury I had been in contact with Piandao to discuss extended time and a separate location for tests.” Zuko wasn’t sure if he should just leave it at that, but at the same time he got the feeling he could trust Sokka with the next part. “I’m autistic.” 

“Ok, cool. I’m glad you felt comfortable sharing that.”

“You are?”

“Dude, you are far from the first autistic person I've met. Matter of fact, there's this one cafe–the Jasmine Dragon– that my friends and I hang out at because my roommate likes to see his former foster parent who works there making custard pies. I happened to be there when I got the email about my ADHD diagnosis, and long story short the owner ended up telling us that he was autistic and gave me the neurodiversity sticker for my laptop.”

Zuko blinked as he processed what he just heard. “You're probably not gonna believe this, but the cafe owner who gave you the neurodiversity sticker is my uncle. I used to help out there when visiting him during school breaks, but it's been a while–there were some concerns that my injury was too fresh for the health inspector’s liking, and even if it wasn't my uncle insisted that I needed the time to rest anyway.”

“I didn't know the place existed until after I moved into my dorm, so that explains why we never crossed paths before. If your uncle owns the place, does that make it weird for me to invite you to hang out with me and my friends there? We usually meet there for lunch, and today my girlfriend thinks she'll have some insider info on what this semester’s play is going to be since the club president is in her calculus class.”

“It wouldn't be weird at all. I’d warn you that my uncle might try to join a conversation or two to offer some advice, but if he's handing out neurodiversity stickers to customers I get the feeling you know that already.”

“It definitely wasn’t what I was expecting. Especially since that email came in around the same time as most of my midterm grades, and the first half of the semester turned out to be an overwhelming mess of deadlines that eventually escalated to several of my friends staging an intervention in the library that more or less boiled down to ‘Sokka, even the Dewey Decimal System thinks you have ADHD.’  The call numbers for the engineering books began where the autism and ADHD books ended, so it’s not like they were wrong, but it turns out not all librarians like it when your friends stage an intervention in the library. Didn’t get in trouble per se but I would recommend avoiding this one librarian–I forget his name but you’ll know it’s him because he always wears ties with owls on them. Of course, having to avoid a specific librarian probably didn’t help with the midterm exams or the general overwhelming mess of deadlines so the grades weren’t quite what I was hoping for.”

Zuko got the feeling he was supposed to say something in return but had no idea what to say. He was no stranger to rehearsing for social situations but nothing Sokka said matched up with any of the responses he was used to using. After a pause that felt a little too long, he finally said, “that’s rough, buddy.” 

Sokka chuckled. “That’s one way to put it. Anyway, my friends and I are gonna be meeting up at the Jasmine Dragon around 12:30. If you're free then you're more than welcome to join. Do you want my phone number?”

Zuko and Sokka exchanged phone numbers and went on to their next classes, which were on opposite sides of the campus. As he searched for his next classroom, Zuko couldn't help but smile. This semester was off to a better start than he expected. 

Chapter Text

Zuko's second class got out about fifteen minutes earlier than expected, but that professor actually did stick around long enough to accept Zuko's disability accommodations letter. Handing it to the professor was as straightforward as Piandao had said it would be, which raised a few questions about why the literature professor hadn't stayed around to get the letters. Zuko made a mental note to ask Sokka about his other professors and try to figure out what had happened that morning. However, he didn't want to ask in front of Sokka's friends. Although it sounded like they were perfectly accepting of Sokka's ADHD, and had in fact been supportive of if not involved in Sokka getting assessed in the first place, Zuko drew the line at introducing himself as autistic without testing any waters first. 

As he exited the classroom and started walking towards the Jasmine Dragon, Zuko thought about what Sokka had said about Iroh. Zuko was not surprised that Iroh had a supply of neurodiversity stickers ready to hand out to customers as needed, but he was surprised that his uncle was comfortable being open about it with customers. From the moment Zuko was diagnosed, his father’s main focus was making sure Zuko knew how to blend in. The only kind of standing out that was considered acceptable was overachieving perfection, and his sister had a bit of a monopoly in that department. Zuko had done the mental math to know that his father and his uncle had grown up around the same time, with his uncle being a few years older than his father. As such, he would have assumed that both men had been raised with similar attitudes towards disabled people. It wasn't like they had separate parents exposing them to different sets of viewpoints or had attended wildly different schools. 

Before Zuko could get too far into this train of thought, Sokka spotted him and ran up to him. “Hey, Zuko! Are you gonna join us today? I realized after I got to class that I forgot to tell you which table we meet at, so it's probably a good thing I spotted you now.”

“I mean, I would probably be at the Jasmine Dragon anyway with my uncle owning the place so I may as well join.”

They arrived at the Jasmine Dragon together, and were the first of their group to get there. Iroh smiled and waved at both of them as they came in but didn't get out from behind the counter. Zuko figured that if Sokka and his friends had become regular customers in his absence, his uncle was capable of doing the mental math to figure out that Zuko was making friends with classmates who happened to have chosen the Jasmine Dragon of all places for the between classes hangouts. Sokka led Zuko to a corner booth, where several printed menus and one braille menu were already laid out. Zuko was a little confused about the braille menu—after all, he still had some vision in his left eye and all the vision his right eye had always had–but he figured his questions would answer themselves soon enough. 

As luck would have it, the answer to any questions Zuko may have had about the braille menu on the group’s table was next to arrive. As she walked toward the table, he noticed that she had a dog with a vest that read “Seeing eye dog at work. Please do not pet.” 

Sokka greeted her. “Hi Toph. I’m not sure if you got a chance to check the group chat but I brought a new friend from my literature class.”

“Hello, Zuko here.” Zuko waved for a few seconds before he remembered that the existence of Toph’s seeing eye dog meant that she probably couldn't see him waving. He awkwardly switched from waving to scratching the back of his neck.

“Let me guess–you were waving before you realized I couldn't see.”

“How…how did you know?” Zuko slid down in his seat a little bit. 

“It happens more often than you’d think. That, and Badger nudges me with his nose when he sees someone trying to get my attention. I’m not sure if all seeing eye dogs do that but he's extra talented.” 

Sokka tried to come to Zuko's rescue. “If it helps, I think most of the theatre club has done the same thing. One of our club fundraisers last year could have been setting up a ‘we forgot that Toph is blind' jar. We didn't because we doubted Student Affairs would approve of it, but if we had we would have made a decent amount of money from it.” He handed Toph the braille menu. “Lucky for us, Iroh and Gyatso are good at remembering that Toph is blind and making sure their cafe is accessible.”

“Knowing my uncle, I’m not surprised. He doesn't like when there's barriers between people and tea.”

“Wait, your uncle works here? I knew Gyatso raised Aang but I didn't know anyone had a nephew at our school.” 

“Yes, Iroh's my uncle. I used to help out here  when my high school was closed, but it's been a while. I'm not sure how much Sokka said about me in the group chat.” Zuko paused before asking, “does Badger have a way to tell you what people look like? Because when everyone else shows up I’m not sure if I'll need to address the elephant koi in the room.” 

“What, are you a 400 foot tall  purple platypus bear with pink horns and silver wings or something?”

Zuko giggled uncomfortably. “No, nothing like that. I’m a human. But I also have a burn scar across half my face, right by my left eye, which in hindsight I probably shouldn't have mentioned because you're the one person who wouldn't notice but at the same time I don't want to leave you out of the loop when it comes to addressing the elephant koi in the room.” 

Toph was silent for a moment, and Zuko worried that he had said something wrong. Then in a quiet voice, she asked, “did the burn mess with your eyesight at all?”

“It did, actually. My right eye is unharmed, but everything on the left side is usually blurry if not invisible. You're one of the first people to ask me that, unless you count discussing paperwork with Piandao.”

Toph's smile confused Zuko a bit until she replied, “does this mean I get to introduce you to every accessibility hack I've ever learned? Like, I'm sorry about whatever led to you getting burned but the way I see it you have the best of both worlds–you can play the blind card when circumstances require it, but you also can use weaponized geology without risking innocent bystanders.”

Zuko raised his eyebrow in confusion. “What in Agni’s name is weaponized geology?”

“I think that's what Toph calls borrowing the heaviest books from my collection of expensive atlases to hit people with.”

“Sokka, I know you love expensive atlases but that was weaponized geography. Weaponized geology is what I call throwing rocks at people.” 

Zuko didn't even see the next person arrive. “Toph, you have a Paralympic gold medal in judo. You don't need to weaponize geology.”

“Katara, just because I have world-class martial arts experience doesn't mean our new friend Zuko does. 

Katara turned to Sokka. “Is he the new friend from class?” 

“No, he’s a ghost I found in the bathroom.” Sokka must have seen the look on Zuko's face (a mix of offense and confusion, a look he had mastered very quickly after his sister learned how to talk) because he immediately followed it up with “I’m being sarcastic. Yes, Zuko is the new friend from class. I thought I mentioned his name in the group chat.”

“Zuko, please forgive my brother. He is the self-proclaimed meat and sarcasm guy, and since we didn't order food yet he might be using extra sarcasm to make up for the lack of meat.” 

Zuko nodded. He wasn't sure whether Katara's comments about Sokka being the meat and sarcasm guy were normal sibling banter or a sign that the group chat introduction contained more information about him than he would have wanted. He sent Sokka a quick text. “What exactly did you say about me in the group chat?” 

Sokka replied right away. ‘Just that I met you in class and that you might be joining us for lunch. Why?”

Zuko wrote back, “sorry I guess I was overthinking your sister's comment when I missed the sarcasm.” Ozai was always one to publicly shame his son for missing social cues, and Zuko hadn't quite wrapped his head around the existence of environments where people didn't do that. 

Sokka's answer of “dude don't worry–what happens in our literature classroom after the professor leaves stays there” came in right away but before Zuko could respond to that message, the next person showed up–a guy around their age with tattoos that looked a lot like Gyatso’s. The fact that he was able to skateboard into the cafe without crashing into anything was impressive. 

Zuko wasn't sure what to say, so he just said “hey, cool tattoos.”

“Thanks. Yours is cool too. Do you have a cool backstory to it? I got mine from a religious ceremony.” 

The table went silent. Sokka pulled the guy with the tattoos to the side and whispered “Aang, that's not a tattoo.” Zuko wasn't sure if Sokka knew he could hear this part of the conversation or not but was glad that Sokka had his back. 

Aang and Sokka returned to the table around the same time that the next two people showed up–both were girls, one with short auburn hair and one with very long hair that was either white or that shade of blonde that almost looked white. The one with the short auburn hair kissed Sokka on the cheek, and Zuko could see that her hoodie said “Stage Crew: Kyoshi Island High School Drama Club” on the back and “Suki” down the side of her sleeve. He guessed that meant her name was Suki but didn't want to assume anything. 

The one with the white hair sat down and looked at Zuko. “Can I assume that you're the Zuko that Sokka mentioned in the group chat?”

“Yes. And you are?”

“My name is Yue.” She unzipped her jacket, revealing a Project Artemis shirt with a logo that looked a lot like the sticker on Sokka's laptop. “I’m in the aerospace engineering program.”

Zuko knew that social cues weren't his strong suit, especially when it came to the flirting department, but something seemed odd about the way that both Suki and Yue seemed to have an above average connection to Sokka. On one hand, it was probably normal for students in engineering programs to have merchandise relating to projects that they aspired to work on one day. On the other hand, the odds of it being a coincidence were pretty slim. He decided his safest bet was to ask Yue about her shirt. “I take it you’re a fan of space travel?”

Yue smiled. “You guessed correctly. I’m not sure whether my talents are better suited to being an astronaut or supporting from the ground, but my goal when I graduate is to work for NASA’s Project Artemis in whatever way I can. There’s so much we don’t know about our own moon, and I feel like I was born to answer the unanswered questions.”

“That’s really cool. I’m still figuring out what I want to do, so it’s awesome that you seem to have that figured out.”

“Unfortunately my parents disagree. They want me to focus on finding a husband, and they thought that I would intimidate too many potential future husbands by being too smart. The only way I could convince them to sign off on their part of the financial aid paperwork to come here for aerospace engineering was to point out that I would have a better chance of meeting a compatible guy if I took classes that had more boys in them.”

Zuko nodded. The logic definitely checked out. 

“Unfortunately after I moved into my dorm my parents got a lot more concerned about whether or not I had met anyone yet and kept trying to set me up on blind dates with guys whose parents they knew. I was worried it would interfere with my classwork and with the extracurriculars I had joined, but then Suki and Sokka came up with a plan. Suki’s my roommate, and Sokka's her boyfriend in case you couldn't tell from when she greeted him with a kiss.”

Zuko was in fact aware of the fact that “greeting each other with a kiss” was a social cue for “these two people are probably romantically linked in some way shape or form” but he didn't mind the fact that Yue was directly spelling out who was who. He was starting to worry that he might need some kind of cheat sheet for everyone’s names or a flow chart explaining the friendship dynamic. He got the feeling that Yue was going to continue explaining anyway but also knew he was probably supposed to respond when there was a pause in the conversation. “What was the plan?”

Yue smiled. “In a word, Sokka. Basically, we told my parents that he and I were dating so they would stop trying to set me up with dates at inconvenient times. I already knew him from being in the theatre club, using  the study room in the engineering department, and from being friends with Suki.”

“How does that work when Sokka is actually dating Suki?”

Sokka answered that one. “It's simple–every so often we do an activity together at a place for some time, and at some point we take a selfie and send it to Yue’s parents.” 

“My parents live up in Agna Quel’a, so there’s no risk of them popping up out of nowhere and catching Sokka on a date with Suki. I don't have any social media accounts to worry about posting evidence to, and they don't have any social media accounts to look up Sokka and Suki with so we should be in the clear.”

Toph leaned closer to Zuko and whispered, “we have a betting pool on how long it'll take the plan to fall apart if you're interested.” 

However, Toph’s whisper must not have been as quiet as she thought it was because Katara immediately elbowed her, saying “leave the new guy out of your schemes, please.” 

Toph switched back to her normal volume level and said, “what? I’m just saying we all do what we have to do to deal with ridiculous parental expectations. Like, I only got to go to the Paralympics because my middle school gym teacher Mr. Boulder convinced them I could handle martial arts, and even now they think I'm studying business to go manage an office somewhere and not so I can open my own fully-accessible martial arts and rock climbing gym without having to put someone else in charge of the paperwork.”

Zuko nodded but said nothing. He could definitely relate to the parental concerns but didn't think he was ready for that conversation in this big of a group. 

Luckily for Zuko, Aang decided it was time to change the subject. “Suki, did you get any inside information on what this semester's musical might be?” 

“As a matter of fact, I did. As of now, Pippin is the most likely candidate. Sokka, you may be interested to know that Pippin has some scenes with swords. If I remember correctly the sword usage is mostly comedic, but it probably doesn’t hurt to know how swords actually work.”

Zuko was very intrigued about a show with swords in it that wasn’t the Ember Island Players’ rendition of Love Amongst the Dragons. “How many characters get swords?”

Suki shrugged but Sokka seemed excited to share what he knew. “If Pippin is the musical with the song ‘War Is a Science', then probably a lot of people.” 

Suki turned and gave Sokka a puzzled look. “Why is that the one song from Pippin you know? Usually it’s ‘Corner of the Sky’ if the audition songs I used to hear in my high school drama club are any indicator.” 

It was Sokka’s turn to shrug. “What can I say? One of my history teachers used to play it in the background when our independent work assignments were about a war. Turns out there’s been a lot of those.”

Nobody was quite sure how to respond to that. Suki decided to break the silence and say, “if it’s anything like last semester we should all be getting emails with the audition information soon enough.”

“Do we have to sign up somewhere to get the emails, or do we get them automatically? I’m not sure if I got anything last semester.” Zuko surprised himself by asking. Then again, when else would life present such a great excuse to talk and think about theatre and swords at the same time?

Suki answered, “I think the emails go out to everyone, but one of us can forward you the information if needed.”

Katara turned to Zuko and asked, “do you have the MessengerHawk app, or did my brother just exchange phone numbers with you and call it a day?”

“Um, the second one.” Zuko wasn’t sure if being asked about his messaging apps was a good thing because he was being included or a bad sign that Sokka actually hadn’t been as interested in friendship as he had seemed in class.

Sokka seemed to sense Zuko’s confusion. “Sorry, I didn’t think this far ahead when I gave you my phone number. I was just thinking about lunch.”

“Whatever. I’ll have my brother send you the link to download the app. Of all the messaging apps we’ve tried, this one seems to work the best with Toph’s phone.”

“Yeah, it’s the only messaging app that has a system for adding image descriptions to photos you send and actually reminds people to write one when they send a photo. On all the other apps my screen reader just says the word  ‘image,’ which can get annoying after a while because then I have to send a message like ‘it sounds like you sent a picture, but I guess you’re referring to what’s in the picture’ and then whoever sent the photo has to type out the relevant information in another message anyway. MessengerHawk’s image description reminders have been pretty helpful at preventing that problem.”

“Exactly,” Katara continued, “so once you download MessengerHawk you’ll be able to connect with all of us on there. After all, being part of the group means being part of the group chats.” 

Zuko nodded. If this was what being part of the group felt like, he decided he could get used to this.

Chapter Text

When Katara had said that being part of the group meant being part of the group chats, she had failed to mention just how many messages that entailed. This was definitely the most notifications Zuko had gotten on his phone in his entire life. While it felt nice to be included, the sheer number of messages also felt overwhelming at times. More often than not, Zuko ended up using the emoji reactions instead of actually typing responses. 

That wasn't to say that the MessengerHawk app wasn't useful. After Sokka told Toph about their literature professor’s apparent refusal to stick around after class to receive the letters from Piandao's office, she set up a chat with just her, Sokka, and Zuko. Much to Zuko's amusement, Toph had taken the liberty of naming the chat “weaponized geology.” Eventually Sokka and Zuko were able to hand in their letters, but not without the professor tilting his head in confusion and saying “but you're both so articulate.” When they messaged Toph about it later, she filled the weaponized geology chat with all the swear words she knew, which included a few Zuko hadn't heard before. 

Zuko was catching up on the latest batch of Toph's swearing lessons when he thought he saw a familiar face in the hallway. He assumed it was his imagination until he heard his name. 

“Wait, Zuko, is that you?”

He turned around. “Mai! I didn't know you went to school here.” 

“I didn't know you went here either. I know we kinda lost touch after Azula got into that boarding school. I almost didn't recognize you with the new sc–hoodie, with the new hoodie.” There was an awkward pause before she added “Ty Lee's here too. I didn't know until we got randomly matched as roommates.” 

“Ty Lee's here? I thought she was Azula’s age because the gymnastics coaches had strict rules about what age bracket everyone trains and competes in, or at least were stricter about that stuff than your taekwondo coaches.”

“She is, but she got her GED early through her tutors at the circus.” Zuko had forgotten about that. Around the same time that Azula had gotten into her super gifted boarding school, Ty Lee had passed her audition for a traveling circus. 

Zuko nodded. “Hey, Mai, I'm sorry I didn't really stay in touch after Azula and Ty Lee left. I think Azula was the one who did most of the event planning.”

“It's ok. I was actually looking to apologize to you for that. After Azula left, my parents didn't want me spending time at your house anymore. They didn't think it would be proper.”

Zuko debated whether or not he wanted to draw attention to his scar when he responded, but decided against it when he remembered that they were technically in a public hallway. “It's okay. I know a thing or two about complicated things with parents.” 

“I have another class to get to but do you have the MessengerHawk app? At least on my phone plan, it has better security than regular texting.” 

They added each other on the app, and Zuko made his way to the Jasmine Dragon. This visit wasn't for a group meet-up, or even to buy anything. When Iroh built the place, he designed the employee break area to have a sensory room. Although Zuko wasn't back on the shift schedule yet, he still had permission to use the sensory room between classes. Technically any Jasmine Dragon employee could use it, but most of the time it was empty unless Gyatso needed to use it as a meditation space. Zuko didn’t need to use the room every day, but he felt like it would be a good place to go wrap his head around the fact that his sister’s friends somehow ended up at the same exact university he had ended up at. 

When Zuko arrived, the sensory room was in fact empty. He went inside, closed the door, and turned off the lights. Too much light was overwhelming. If fire codes weren’t a thing, candles would have been a welcome source of light, but tiny lamps that resembled candles were an acceptable substitute. Headphones went on–loud music that Zuko was in control of was infinitely better than ambient noises he didn’t get a say in. Then it was time to set an alarm on his phone in case he fell asleep, wrap himself up in a weighted blanket, and zone out. 

After his alarm went off, Zuko put his supplies away and went out to the cafe area to get some tea and a snack. He may have been the owner’s nephew, but he still placed his orders and waited like any other customer. While waiting, he took out his phone but decided to wait before checking MessengerHawk, opting to play a sudoku puzzle instead. 

There were five empty boxes left in his puzzle when Zuko saw someone sit down across from him at the table. He looked up and saw that it was Sokka. 

“Hey Zuko, glad I found you. Is it ok if I sit here?” 

Zuko was confused but said “ok, sure. Did you order anything? Because I placed an order at the counter already so I'm not sure if anyone is gonna stop by to take your order.”

“Don’t worry, I know how to go to the counter when I'm ready to order. Actually I already placed a to-go order since I wasn't planning to stick around super long; I just needed to ask you something.”

“Go ahead.”

“Ok, this question is gonna be in a few parts. First, are you familiar with the musical How to Dance in Ohio?” There's a new production of it opening up downtown this weekend, and one of Suki's friends from her high school stage crew is on the stage crew there, so she was able to arrange some group tickets, plus an audio description listening device for Toph.”

“I’ve heard of it. The Ember Island Players wanted to perform but their application for the rights to the script got rejected because they didn't have any openly autistic actors.” Zuko wasn't sure where Sokka was going with this.  

“Ok, cool, you have some background information. Anyway, after Suki arranged the group tickets and the audio description listening device, Yue had an internship interview at the Ba Sing Se Observatory. The good news is she got the position, and it looks like it'll be helpful for her NASA application. In other words, my fake girlfriend is one step closer to the moon!”

“That's great, buddy.” 

Sokka smiled. “Yes, yes it is. But there is a bit of a catch, and that's what I wanted to talk to you about. As part of the internship, there's an event Yue has to work at this weekend, so she can't come see the play with us. I don't think we can change the dates for the audio description listening device reservation. Our group ticket is gonna have an open seat. Before she brings it up in the group chat, I wanted to ask you if you were interested. But at the same time, I wanted to make sure you were aware of the fact that the show has autistic actors playing autistic characters beforehand because I was worried that you would think I was using the show to call you out on something or try to imply anything about you to the group. Also I’m glad I found you to ask you this in person because I'm pretty sure that if I were to try to text you about it I would accidentally send it in the ‘weaponized geology’ chat and I don't even want to think about what Toph would say to that.” 

“About me being autistic or about accidentally using the wrong chat?”

“The second one.”

“Yeah, I don't even want to think about what type of nickname Toph would think up after that one. It would probably be even more embarrassing than when she calls Aang ‘Twinkletoes.’ Do I even want to know where she got that one from?”

“It's a long story and Aang would probably prefer I didn't tell it. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know what was going on before Yue told the group. From what I've seen online it looks like a good show. Plus, the merchandise includes fidget spinners so I'm hoping to stock up on those.” 

“I’m interested. It’ll actually be my first time seeing a show that didn't involve the Ember Island Players, so that should be nice to see. I feel bad that Yue can't go though.” 

“No worries, I can always go see it a second time the next time we need to do an activity together for some time at a place.” 

Before Zuko could respond, Iroh came to the table with the tea and fire flakes that Zuko had ordered, and another tea that Zuko assumed was Sokka's. “It's nice to see the two of you hanging out here.”

“Uncle, do we have anything going on this weekend? Sokka invited me to come see a play with his group of friends.” Zuko did technically feel friendly towards the group, but wasn't sure how to tell if those feelings were reciprocated or when it was okay to refer to the group as his friends. In some ways it was like when he ended up hanging out with Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee while growing up–at the end of the day, Mai and Ty Lee were Azula's friends, not his. In other ways, it was nothing like his childhood memories with Mai and Ty Lee. 

“Zuko, you're an adult. You don't need my permission to go see a show with your friends.” Iroh moved on to the next table before Zuko could respond. 

As if on cue, both Zuko and Sokka heard their phones buzz simultaneously in the special rhythm that phones only buzzed in for MessengerHawk notifications. 

Yue : Hey guys, good news and bad news. The good news is I got the internship I interviewed for. The bad news is it includes a mandatory event the night we’re supposed to see HTDIO. 

Katara : Congratulations on the internship and sorry to hear that you're missing the show 

Yue : Thanks. I know this means we have an open seat in our group ticket. Zuko, since you’ve been hanging out with us a lot lately, I was wondering if you would want the tickets

Yue : BTW HTDIO=How to Dance in Ohio in case you aren't familiar with the show

Zuko : I’m interested (:

Toph : friendly reminder to please use actual emojis instead of typing your own because the my screen reader just reads the DIY emojis as whatever random punctuation you used 

Zuko: sorry, I forgot 

Toph : I forgive you 

Toph: this time anyway

Yue: Zuko I’ll send you a direct message with the details to download your ticket

Yue : Also now that the ticket logistics have been sorted out I just want the record to show that I got this internship with my hair dyed white which just proves that Agna Quel'a Academy’s rule against unnatural hair colors is just plain ridiculous 

Aang : I thought white was a natural hair color?

Yue : not at our age lol 

Sokka : Aang you shave your head on a daily basis why do you care which hair colors count as natural? 

Zuko looked up at Sokka. “Why do you know Aang's daily routines?”

“I forget if this came up in conversation before but we're literally roommates.” 

“Okay, that makes sense.” Before he could say anything else the phones buzzed again. 

Suki: Congratulations Yue! We’ll miss you but I’m happy to know it's for a good reason! 

Katara : Is there somewhere we should meet before the show?

Toph: Good question. I thought your brother was usually the one who keeps track of the schedules as a coping strategy for his ADHD or whatever 

Sokka : Toph next time warn me before you call me out in front of the group

Sokka : Also my schedule thing is about times not meeting places. My collection of maps and expensive atlases is about places

Suk i: okay Mr. Expensive Atlases is there somewhere we should meet up before the show? 🙄

Toph: Thank you Suki for proper use of emojis 

Toph : Zuko please take notes 

Zuko : One time. I typed my own emoji one time. How was I supposed to know? 

Toph : Maybe we should send you out on a wild turtleduck chase of a quest to restore your technological honor 

Zuko looked up at Sokka. “You know Toph better than I do. Is she using the sarcasm?” 

“Most likely yes. At least in my opinion as the meat and sarcasm guy.” 

“I realize that my typing a smiley instead of using one of the actual emojis made an accessibility issue for Toph, but the lack of a special font for sarcasm is starting to be an accessibility issue for me.” 

“Ooh, maybe we can send the MessengerHawk developers a suggestion for that!” 

“That doesn't help the current conversation.” 

Toph: That was sarcastic btw 

Zuko blushed as he read that reply. “Did we take too long thinking about how to respond to that one? Are you sure you're the only one in the group who knows why I suck at understanding the sarcasm?” 

“I promise I never told anyone. Let me see if I can change the subject in the group chat.”

Sokka : How do we feel about meeting up somewhere to get food before the show? 

Aang : as long as I can check the menu of wherever it is before we go I’m all for it 

Toph : I would include a reminder to avoid that place that didn't let Badger in with me but rumor has it they shut down anyway so that's no longer a problem 😊

Several thumbs-up reactions came through for all three messages about getting food, along with some suggestions for restaurants near the theatre. 

“Sokka, if I head over to the restroom could you watch my stuff for a few minutes?”

“Of course.” 

Zuko left his phone on the table. He didn't want to feel the buzzing in his pocket while walking to and from the restroom. Befriending Sokka in class had quickly escalated into the most social interaction Zuko had ever had in his life. It was nice to be part of a group, but sometimes his brain needed a break from processing all the conversations. Before exiting the restroom, Zuko splashed some water in his face to help wake himself up for the rest of the trip planning discussion. 

True to his word, Sokka was still at the table. “Hey Zuko, it looks like most of the details for the play have been worked out with a time for us all to meet at the restaurant across the street from the theater.”

Zuko nodded and opened up his phone, adding some thumbs-up reactions to the appropriate messages about when and where they would be meeting. Then he looked up from his phone. “By the way, thanks for thinking of inviting me and for changing the subject in the group chat when I needed a break.”

“Dude, that’s never a problem. I’m pretty much always prepared to make a joke or something if you need the distraction to get away or whatever. When in doubt, reminding people that food exists seems to do the trick.” When Zuko didn’t seem to respond, Sokka added, “the group chat and stuff is all new to you, isn’t it? Not that I expect you to talk about it if you’re not comfortable.”

“You’re not wrong. My mom used to encourage me to join in when my sister had friends over, but after my parents separated under complicated circumstances and then my sister got into her boarding school, the playdates stopped. Making friends my age didn't really work either. I never got to join after school clubs or sports because my father insisted on a crazy intense tutoring and therapy schedule that I don’t always like to think about.”

“You don’t have to share details if you don’t feel comfortable. When I started seriously considering the possibility of ADHD, my social media algorithms included some autism videos in the mix, sometimes with details about negative experiences in special education settings. I don’t want to speculate about your experiences, but if it was anything like the videos I’ve seen I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“Thanks. You’re the first person other than my uncle to say something like that to me. Then again, the therapists my father sent me to weren’t exactly the type to advertise their methods super publicly. Most people probably just don’t know.” As he finished speaking, Zuko touched his scar without realizing he was doing it until he saw Sokka’s face shift to an expression of horror he had never seen before.

“Tui and La, did one of your therapists do that to you?” After an awkward pause, Sokka quickly added, “not that it’s any of my business.”

“It…it wasn’t a therapist. I think that’s all I’m comfortable saying for now.” 

Sokka nodded. “Understood. It's your story to tell or not tell, not my story to speculate about. Anyway, from what I hear the show should be good. Plus, the official merchandise includes fidget spinners that I wanna stock up on. I've seen some other shows before but never with official fidget spinners.” 

“Stock up? Are there different designs you can collect?” 

“From what I saw on the website it's just the one design with the show logo, but you can never have too many fidget spinners.” Sokka reached into his pocket and pulled out a small boomerang, or at least something that looked like a tiny boomerang. “Right now the only fidget spinner I have is this one with a less common shape but I wanna grow this collection.” 

“That makes sense. Honestly, I’m just looking forward to seeing a show that doesn't risk being like the way the Ember Island Players used to butcher Love Amongst the Dragons every year.”

“Why would you go see it every year if you knew they were bad at it?”

“Long story short it was my mom's favorite play, and the Ember Island Players were the only theatre company in our area to produce it.” 

“Well, I think you're in for a treat this weekend.” Sokka checked his watch before getting up. “I have to go but I’ll see you soon.” 

Sokka exited the cafe. Zuko debated returning to the sensory room–this most recent conversation had left him with even more things to process than usual. However, when he checked the time on his own phone, he saw that it was pretty close to the time Iroh had said he’d be getting off work for the drive home. As such, Zuko stayed in his seat and reopened his sudoku app. He’d rather sort through his thoughts in his room than in the Jasmine Dragon’s employee sensory room anyway. In the meantime, he had a musical to look forward to.

Chapter Text

When the weekend came around and it was time to get ready for the show, Zuko surprised himself by being the one to start a conversation in the MessengerHawk group chat. 

Zuko : Is there a dress code for this? 

Toph : send us some pictures of the outfits you're thinking of and I can pick for you! 😊

Zuko : ok just give me a second to set up some possible outfits

Zuko : wait a second 🤔

Sokka : Toph why do you always feel the need to do that? 

Sokka : In all seriousness Zuko you should be fine wearing whatever you're comfortable with

Katara : Sokka was gonna cosplay as Tommy but the Captain America shirt and red sweatshirt wouldn't have made it through the dorm mailroom in time 

Katara : I already had the teal hoodie and black leggings for a Marideth cosplay so I might wear those 

Katara: Especially since I know it’ll annoy Sokka that I’m cosplaying and he isn't #siblingrivalary

Aang : Katara when did you get into cosplay? I had no idea you liked doing that

Katara : my high school drama club used to sponsor cosplay contests as fundraisers for a local children's hospital and I’m never one to back away from doing something that could help people in need

Katara : also as I mentioned before it makes a great opportunity for sibling rivalry 😆

Aang : fair point

Aang : if you're cosplaying as Marideth should I dress up as Drew? 😉 I think I have a shirt with the right kind of stripes 

Zuko : Do all theaters in Ba Sing Se allow cosplay? Whenever we saw the Ember Island Players my father and sister would make rude comments about other people's clothes 

Suki : as far as I know there aren't any theatres with rules against cosplay. Some shows might have target audiences that frown upon it but that's not the case for HTDIO

Sokka : also unless you're basing your cosplay on the “slow dancing” costumes or the final dance it’s pretty much normal clothes 

Yue : [Photo attachment.  Photo image description: Yue wearing a pink dress with purple butterflies]

Yue : Have fun tonight guys! Sharing my Jessica cosplay here since the costume doesn't work with tonight's event, especially since the people sponsoring that Women in STEM scholarship I applied for should be there and idk how they feel about cosplay in professional settings 😆

Sokka : Good luck at the observatory tonight!

Sokka : Maybe seeing the play at some future date can be our next activity, especially if the clothes for my Tommy cosplay arrive sometime this century

Suk i: [photo attachment. Photo image description: Suki wearing a pink sweater]

Suki : This is more of a Disneybound than a cosplay since my other clothes don't match the costume but this sweater I borrowed from the prop closet should work for Jessica

Katara : I forgot how many pink clothes were involved in last semester’s production of Legally Blonde 

Toph : There was so much pink in that show that it hurt my eyes 🤢

Suki : Toph you were Enid. Your costumes weren't pink lol

Suki : Wait, was that a blind joke again?

Toph : 😜

Toph : Speaking of Disneybounding, Katara says that if I pair my T-shirt from the guide dog conference Badger and I went to with literally any flannel shirt it could be a Disneybound for Mel because they wear a flannel shirt and they work in a pet store 

Sokka : Wait, am I the only one who doesn't have a costume?

Zuko : I don't have one either

Zuko : I didn't even know that was an option. I was just trying to find out whether or not it was acceptable to wear my sneakers 

Sokka : Sneakers are perfectly fine 

Sokka : Zuko we need a nickname for our alliance 

Zuko : what do you mean by alliance?

Sokka : we are apparently the only 2 who won't be in costume 

Toph : I can come up with a nickname for you two

Sokka : please don't 

Zuko eventually figured out what he wanted to wear. The bus ride over to the restaurant was fairly standard. He would have worried about being on the wrong bus, but everyone else was starting out from the university dorms, which were on a different route from his house. It was pure luck that the stop closest to the restaurant and the theatre was on both the line that went by his house and the line that went by the university. 

He met the group outside the restaurant. If it hadn't been for the lengthy cosplay discussion in the group chat, Zuko never would have guessed that his friends were wearing anything other than normal clothes.  Had Yue been there, her dress may have stood out as a costume. Then again, if Yue had been there, Zuko wouldn't have. 

Toph was the first to speak when Zuko arrived, and she seemed way more excited than normal. “Guess what? Twinkle toes was double checking the menu and saw that they have a Melon Lord DIY juice and smoothie station!” Badger was wagging his tail as if he was picking up on his human’s excitement. 

Zuko had never seen a Melon Lord DIY juice and smoothie station before, so he wasn't sure what the hype was. He just nodded and said, “cool, sounds like fun.” 

They entered the restaurant and the waiter brought them to a booth. Zuko slid in next to Katara. 

Aang tried to subtly get Zuko's attention. “Um, I wanted to sit there.”

If Aang was dropping a hint, Zuko failed to pick up on it. “What's the big deal? Just sit here.” 

Aang sat down next to Zuko  without saying anything. Across the table Sokka and Suki exchanged a look but didn't add anything to the conversation. Toph sat down next to Suki while Badger curled up under the table. 

The conversation during dinner was fairly normal. It was certainly more pleasant than any of the conversations Zuko remembered having with Azula before family trips to see the Ember Island Players. Zuko didn't add much to this conversation, as he was mostly thinking about the upcoming show. However, nobody seemed to mind that he was being quiet. 

That being said, there was an effort to include Zuko in the conversation. At one point, Katara turned to him and asked, “when was the last time you went to see a play?”

It was an innocent question, but not one Zuko was particularly prepared to answer. “I haven't set foot in a theatre since my family was actually happy. And that was a long time ago.” He didn't want to try to interpret anybody's facial expressions or responses, so he just chugged what was left of his drink and excused himself to refill at the Melon Lord DIY juice and smoothie station. He could feel everyone (except maybe Toph) exchanging glances and could hear a few whispers but couldn't make them out. 

While refilling his glass, Zuko realized that Sokka had gotten up to follow him. He finished his turn with the drink refiller and turned around. 

Sokka said, “Hey, sorry if my sister’s question made you uncomfortable.”

“You don't have to apologize for that. Her question just caught me a little off guard.” When Sokka didn’t respond right away, Zuko added, “do I need to apologize for any discomfort my answer may have caused?”

Sokka shook his head. “Nah, you’re good. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Honestly I don’t know how to respond to that. My uncle likes to make sure I’m okay but he doesn’t always expect a coherent response.”

“I won’t demand a coherent response either. The good news is that in about an hour you’ll be making some theatrical memories that don’t involve the Ember Island Players or any of the rude comments that family members I promise not to name might make.”

They walked back to the table together. Before Zuko could sit down, Suki intercepted him. “I know you just came from the Melon Lord station but I wanted to talk to you there for a minute. Don’t worry, it’s not about anything major.”

Even though Suki had told him not to worry, Zuko felt his heart rate increase on the walk back to the drink station. He didn’t have a fitness tracker watch, but if he had had one he got the feeling it would have been buzzing off the charts. 

Before Suki could tell Zuko what she had brought him away from the group to discuss, he nervously asked “am I in trouble?”

“What could you be in trouble for? Friends aren't bosses.”

“I don't know! It just feels like I'm about to be in trouble for something and I don't even know what I did!” 

“I promise you're not in trouble. In hindsight, maybe I’m doing this the wrong way. It's just–Aang likes Katara and  he wanted to sit next to her but he was too shy to say anything about it when you sat next to her instead.”

Zuko blinked. “I’m sorry. Any hints they dropped went right over my head.” 

“No big deal. That happens a lot with one of my friends from my high school stage crew too. I just figured I should let you know.”

“Honestly, I'm surprised it was your job to let me know. Usually it's Sokka who catches me up on all the stuff you guys figured out last semester.” 

“Katara is his sister, so I’m not sure how involved he wants to be with her love life.”

“That I understand. I don't think I want to know about my sister's love life either.” Zuko would actually prefer to know as a little as possible about Azula's life in general after a childhood full of bullying, but he got the feeling that saying that to Suki would go over about as well as the “not since my family was actually happy and that was a long time ago” comment. 

They went back to their seats and Zuko tried to pretend like the conversation hadn't happened or had at least been less embarrassing than it actually was. 

The first thing they did after scanning their tickets to enter the theatre was find the booth where they had to pick up the audio description listening device for Toph. It was conveniently located in the lobby, right next to the box office, so that didn't take as long as the group had planned for. The next step was getting their playbills and finding their seats. 

Zuko ended up between Toph and Sokka this time, with Toph being closer to the aisle so there was more space for Badger to comfortably curl up. Suki was on Sokka's other side, and then Aang and Katara finally got their chance to sit next to each other. Luckily for Zuko, their seats were positioned where his good eye was closer to the center of the stage. He was confident that he’d be able to see everything, or at least everything that was important to the story. He took a moment to look around as other audience members came in and found their seats. On the surface, it was just like any other audience he had ever been in. However, he also noticed that several of the audience members had noise-blocking headphones and/or fidget toys, and at least one had an infinity sign on their shirt. Zuko did some mental math and realized that right now in that theater was probably the first time he had been in a room with that many other neurodivergent people, or that many other autistic people if he wanted to be more specific. After all, he could only see who was visibly signaling their neurodivergence, whether through a sensory need like the headphones or a choice like the infinity sign shirt. Neither he nor Sokka was intentionally signaling their neurodivergence to their fellow audience members, and Zuko figured there had to be others like them there too. 

When the time came for the show to start, seven of the cast members came out to the front of the stage. The Ember Island Players never started their shows that way, but Zuko knew from the little bit he had read about the show that this prologue was based on the introduction speeches that often happened at sensory friendly performances of other shows. In this case, every performance was meant to be sensory friendly. The part of the speech that really made something click for Zuko was when the actor playing Tommy said “there is a saying–if you’ve met one autistic person, you have met one autistic person. You are now meeting seven autistic people!” The line was met with cheers from the audience. Zuko wasn't sure what it meant for the audience to be cheering like that before the show even began, but he felt the excitement anyway. The actors continued their speech, and when they got to the part where the actor playing Remy said “isn't it nice to know exactly what's going on?” Zuko was more than ready to watch the play. 

Very early in Act 1, Zuko knew that this show wasn't like anything else he had seen before and it wasn't just because the Ember Island Players were not allowed anywhere  near the stage. “Under Control” was definitely the most seen he had ever felt. He was kinda glad he was next to Toph because at least she couldn't see if he was tearing up. If Sokka happened to see he at least had some context so Zuko was less worried about whatever conversation would ensue afterwards. As Act 1 progressed, Zuko enjoyed getting to know the characters and seeing how they prepared for their spring formal. 

Towards the end of the first act, Drew started working up the courage to ask Marideth to the dance. At first, Zuko didn't think much of the plot point other than the fact that he realized that Aang's question about cosplaying as Drew when Katara was dressing up as Marideth probably should have been a hint about Aang possibly liking Katara. He was more or less coming to terms with the fact that flirting and figuring out who likes who would never be his strongest sets of social skills. Then the moment where Drew had a chance to ask Marideth to the dance arrived and Drew…asked Marideth if she wanted to borrow his book about Pangea. She accepted the book, but Zuko couldn't help sinking down in his seat as he noticed the similarities between Drew's failed attempt at an attempt to ask Marideth to the dance and his own first date. 

The lights came up at intermission, and the room filled back up with conversations. Zuko's group agreed they were enjoying the show so far. Then some of them got up to handle some intermission missions: Sokka and Suki went to the merchandise stand to see just how many fidget spinners they would be allowed to buy at once while Aang and Katara went to the lobby for a change of scenery. This left Zuko and Toph in their seats. 

“So, um, how are the headphones working for you?” Zuko asked. 

“They work great! I like knowing what's happening onstage. What do you think of the show so far?”

“I like it so far!”

“If that's the case, is it ok if I ask why you were crying before and why I felt you sink down in your seat right before the intermission?”

“How…how did you know that I was crying earlier? My tears were silent and you can't see.”

“I can feel that Badger repositioned himself to rest his head on your lap, and he only does that when he notices someone crying or otherwise feels like someone needs help calming down. I think he had some training as a therapy dog before he started his seeing eye dog training.”

“Even though I wasn't sad, at least as far as I can tell? I know I was tearing up but that's just because it was the first time I really felt seen, or felt like I was seeing myself in a main character.” Zuko raised his eyebrows and put his hand over his mouth when he realized what he had said. He hoped Badger wouldn't tattle on him again and that Toph wouldn't think too hard about what he said. 

“The first time you’ve seen yourself in a main character? Does one of the actors have a scar like yours that the audio description failed to mention? Last time I checked, this wasn’t Phantom of the Opera .”

“I don’t think I would feel seen in Phantom of the Opera . I looked it up, and his scar is on the wrong side.” Zuko paused, unsure if he should continue or not. “No, what I meant is I’m autistic and this is the first time I’ve seen something where autistic people exist as more than just the butt of the joke or a problem for the neurotypicals to deal with.”

“Gotcha.  That makes sense–last semester when I played Enid in Legally Blonde it got picked up by the local news. The reporter mostly focused on the fact that Badger’s presence as my seeing eye dog meant that there were three dogs in our production instead of the traditional two dogs playing Bruiser and Rufus, but Ba Sing Se School for the Blind made a field trip out of our Saturday matinee and I got a couple fan letters in braille. So I get what you mean about feeling seen. That explains the crying earlier. But it doesn't explain why you were sinking down in your seat at the end of the act.”

“That's because it reminded me too much of everything I did wrong with the first date I ever went on. Only date I ever went on, if I'm being completely honest.”

“There's no way your first and only date could have been that bad.”

“She thinks my name is Lee.”

“You're gonna have to explain a bit further than that. There's nothing wrong with using Lee as a stage name or something.”

“It's a long story, but I didn't want her to know my real name. My dad was all over the news for being a corrupt wealthy politician with a lot of downright terrible ideas, and I didn't want her to make the connection there, or to look me up on social media and find out just how much of a loser my high school classmates thought I was.”

“Ok, so you have a secret identity for going on dates. That's one of the stranger things I've heard of but probably not the strangest.”

“It doesn't end there. I absolutely sucked at finding things to talk about during dinner and probably drew way too much attention to us when the waiter prematurely called her my girlfriend and I freaked out a little bit.”

“Again, I wouldn't say that's unheard of. I’m still not sure how it relates to the show.”

“You know how Drew was just about to ask Marideth to the dance but at the last minute he asked her to borrow his book instead?”

“I'm at the same show as you, so yes.” 

“Well, I interrupted my own first kiss to give her a coupon to my uncle's tea shop.”

“Okay that one might be a bit harder to recover from.”

“She did end up kissing me afterwards but I still couldn't shake the feeling that I royally messed up.”

“That’s not necessarily true. Did you talk to her at all after the date ended?” 

“No, but it wasn’t entirely my fault. We met when I was spending a school break with my uncle and helping out at his shop and she was in town for college tours. I always meant to text her or something after the break ended and I went back to my dad’s house, but I was always too afraid of messing it up and then the incident with my d…–with my eye happened.”

“Did your uncle give you any advice on this?”

“A little bit but only before I went out with her, mostly while he was helping me figure out what to do with my hair. Don’t laugh–it took like ten minutes and my hair was shorter than it is now.”

“Friendly reminder that I have no idea what your hair looks like for purposes of judging how long it should take to style it the way you want.”

“Fair enough. Anyway, I thought I had moved on from thinking about everything I did wrong with Jin, but when Drew asked Marideth if she wanted to borrow his book about Pangea instead of asking if she wanted to go to the dance with him, it brought me right back to the moment I interrupted my own first kiss to give her a tea coupon. I know I just spent the past few minutes telling you about all the mistakes I made, but if we set those mistakes aside it really was a special evening. I may have been pretending not to be Governor Ozai's son, but it was the first time I got to spend time with someone my age without the pressure to pretend to be neurotypical.”

“I hope we aren't accidentally pressuring you to pretend to act neurotypical.”

“No, that's just my own overthinking and the fact that I spent most of my life being told I had to hide it. By the way, you didn't sound very surprised when I told you I was autistic.”

“Well, even *I* saw the social cues fly over your head in every conversation ever. I’m kind of joking, by the way, but bear in mind, I know I mentioned students from Ba Sing Se School for the Blind making a field trip of my performance in the musical last semester, but I didn't actually go there. I was the only blind student in my school district, and long story short I ended up with a lot of autistic classmates. At the end of the day it's your business to decide who you want to tell or not tell.”

“Thanks, I think. Anyway, I have been enjoying being here at this play. Like I said back at the restaurant, it’s been a long time. This has been a good introduction to what theatre can be when the Ember Island Players stay home or at least off the stage. It's also probably the first time I've been in the same room as this many other neurodivergent people without there being some authority figure telling us everything we were doing wrong by just existing. So that part has been nice.”

“It sounds like you're about to point out a part of this that's less nice for you.” 

Zuko sighed. “You're not wrong. In some ways I feel like I'm doing something wrong for having mixed feelings right now, or for letting those feelings affect my thoughts about the show. The thing is, when you listen to the performers and to your audio descriptions, you get to reflect on last semester's musical and if you happen to meet any of the actors you can connect with them because you'll share the bond of having played a role in making the theatre world more welcoming to disabled performers and stepping up to be the disabled role models that didn't necessarily exist when you were kids. For me, seeing Drew's dad comment on how he didn't think his son was making enough progress or the scene with Mel’s boss brought back some negative childhood memories, and I guess by the time Drew asked Marideth if she wanted to borrow his Pangea book it became more to process than I thought it would be.”

“I understand. The good news is, there's still another act left of the show, so there's still plenty of time for Drew to redeem himself with Marideth. And even if you don't cross paths with Jin again, there's still time for you to redeem yourself in the dating department too.”

Before Zuko could respond to that, a shout was heard across the whole theatre. “My merchandise!”

Toph started bouncing in her seat with excitement. “I knew Sokka would buy out an entire stand's supply of fidget spinners! When Twinkletoes gets back I’m gonna have to tell him he lost the bet.”

“What bet did you two make this time?”

“I bet that Sokka would buy an entire stand's supply of fidget spinners and Aang said he wouldn't.”

“And you could tell that happened from just one person yelling about their merchandise?”

“It happens more often than you'd think, so yes.” 

Before Zuko could fully wrap his head around what Toph could have meant, Sokka and Suki returned to their seats with the largest collection of identical fidget spinners Zuko had ever seen. 

Sokka handed one of the fidget spinners to Zuko. “Dude, you need a souvenir from tonight.”

“Um, thanks.”

Aang and Katara came back to their seats. Katara’s eyes widened when she saw Sokka's latest purchase. 

“Please don't tell me you bought an entire stand's supply of fidget spinners. What do you think Gran-Gran would say about that?”

“Okay, I won't tell you.” 

Toph called out, “hey, Twinkletoes, remember our bet? You’ll need to pay up.”

Before Aang could respond, the lights flickered to alert the audience that the intermission was ending soon. “The next act's about to start so I’ll give you the money after the show.”

Toph put her headphones back on. “They really should add a sound to the end-of-intermission warning, or maybe just use their words.” 

Zuko nodded, and then after remembering that Toph couldn't see him nod he said, “you have a point there.” 

As Act 2 played out, Zuko found himself once again immersed in the characters’ world. When they got up to the song “Nothing At All,” Zuko felt himself tearing up again, but he also felt Sokka's hand on his left shoulder while Toph squeezed his right hand. At that moment, he was glad that at least two of his new friends had some context to his feelings about the show, even if he wasn't ready to share that context with the rest of the group. When “Building Momentum” started, Zuko found himself at the edge of his seat, literally and figuratively. At the end of the show, the whole group was part of a standing ovation. 

They didn't get a chance to meet any cast members after the show. It was raining and they had a bus to catch. For the return trip, Zuko rode the bus with everyone else. Iroh would be waiting at the university to pick him up, having told Zuko “I know that you know how to navigate the bus route home, but I want to do this for you. Besides, your friends may want to use the bus ride to continue hanging out together.” Zuko had to admit that he was glad he followed his uncle’s advice. Riding the bus home with his friends–after talking to Toph at intermission, Zuko was in fact more comfortable with the concept of thinking of this group as his friends and not just Sokka’s friends–was infinitely more fun than riding alone. 

As promised, Iroh had parked his car in the lot closest to the bus stop. After Zuko buckled his seatbelt, his uncle asked, “did you enjoy the show?”

Zuko nodded. “I’m glad I went.”

“Was it better than the Ember Island Players?”

“Definitely.” 

Iroh chuckled. “Maybe the two of us should go see a show sometime.”

“I think I would like that.”  

The rest of the ride home was spent in comfortable silence. When Zuko got home, he put the playbill and the fidget spinner in a safe place on his bookshelf. He had no idea what Sokka’s plans were for most of the fidget spinners he had bought were, but he was glad that he had given one of them to him. It did make a nice souvenir.

Chapter Text

Falling asleep after the play was harder than Zuko had anticipated. He was used to staying up late to process his emotions. It always felt safer to do that after everyone else in the house was asleep. What he wasn't used to was having those feelings be from the excitement department. Although having “positive social interaction” adrenaline running through his veins in Iroh's house was as opposite of waiting for Ozai and Azula to be too asleep to hear any crying that happened while processing whatever stressful situation he had been in that day as he could get, after years of hiding feelings from Ozai and Azula it was impossible for Zuko to break the habit for this new situation. He got out of bed and picked up his new fidget spinner from his bookshelf. Maybe this would help. 

As he watched the fidget spinner do the task it was named after, Zuko found himself thinking back to the date with Jin that he had inadvertently opened up to Toph about. It had been a few hours since that conversation and he was still surprised that he had been willing to say as much as he had. Evidently, Toph had a way of getting people to share deep thoughts. Or maybe it was Badger's borderline supernatural way of sensing the emotions of people. Badger had sensed Zuko's feelings and responded before Zuko himself had wrapped his head around those feelings. Maybe Zuko's subconscious was keeping him up not out of an old habit from surviving in Ozai's house but as a defense mechanism from having his secrets accidentally revealed by his friend's borderline supernatural seeing eye dog. The sad thing was, if Zuko had time traveled to tell his childhood self “one day you will be concerned about your friend’s borderline supernatural seeing eye dog accidentally revealing your secret thoughts and/or feelings to the rest of your friends,” his childhood self might've found the words “friend” and “friends” to be the less believable parts of that sentence, as opposed to “borderline supernatural seeing eye dog,” which was a phrase that hadn't crossed his mind until this very evening. 

He had met Jin at the Jasmine Dragon. He was working there, as he usually did during breaks from school. She had been on a prospective student tour at the university and had decided to check out the cafe that so many people on campus seemed to enjoy. At first, Zuko didn't see her as any different from any other customer. He was mostly focused on remembering which order went to which table and what facial expressions he was supposed to be making when talking to customers. It wasn't until Jin wrote her name and phone number on Zuko's copy of her bill that he realized something might be up. 

His first instinct was to show the paper to Iroh. “Uncle, did you start a new rewards program for the customers?” 

Iroh shook his head. “No that I’m aware of, unless Gyatso started one and forgot to tell me.”

Gyatso, clearly having overheard, started laughing. ‘Nope, I didn’t start any rewards programs, unless the ‘guess how many candies are in the jar and win a free fruit custard cake’ contest counts. I’m also working on a flyer for our sponsorship of an upcoming Pai Show tournament but I won’t have that announcement ready until next week.”

Iroh nodded. “Sounds like I was right about us not having a new rewards program.” He turned back to Zuko. “Why do you ask?”

Zuko pointed at Jin’s name and phone number. “The girl with the braids over at table 8 wrote her name and phone number on her bill.”

Iroh and Gyatso shared a glance and started chuckling. 

“Why are you both laughing? This is so confusing.” Zuko was a bit louder than he meant to be.

Iroh smiled. “Seems to me she has a little crush on you.” 

Zuko's eyes widened. His entire knowledge of crushes came from the magazines Ty Lee used to bring when she came over to hang out with Azula. The covers usually said something about there being a quiz inside to see if your crush likes you back or an article about how to talk to your crush. Usually Azula and Ty Lee would call Zuko into the room to ask him questions from the magazine and giggle as they compared his answers to Mai’s. Azula had also once ripped one of the “how to talk to your crush” articles out of a magazine and set it on fire when Chan from her PE class had rejected her invitation to a middle school dance. The fact that she had asked immediately after kicking his team’s collective butt in a game of volleyball and inadvertently (she claimed it was an accident but accident was not usually a word in Azula's vocabulary) hit him in the head with a volleyball was of no relevance. Clearly the magazine article had been wrong. After Azula burned the article, Ty Lee stopped bringing the magazines when she came over to hang out. A few months later, Azula moved into her dorm at boarding school, and her friends stopped coming over at all. 

If the magazine companies made boy versions of the “how to talk to your crush” articles, or maybe even “what to say when someone says they have a crush on you” articles, Zuko hadn't read any. Ozai certainly wouldn't have bought them for him, even if they could have theoretically taught Zuko more social skills. Ozai had other methods he preferred to see used in Zuko's education. As silly as Ty Lee's quizzes had made Zuko feel, he did somewhat wish that there had been a boy version he could read before talking to Jin. 

Regardless, he knew he had to talk to her. Unfortunately, his father had been all over the news last night announcing plans to cut the budgets of school music departments across the state. One of the chairs at Jin's table had a box that Zuko knew was a Tsungi horn case. He had heard enough of Iroh’s impromptu concerts every time he visited to recognize the case’s distinctive shape anywhere. It was just another one of the many differences between his father and his uncle, but this was not the time for making venn diagrams. Zuko wasn't a very common name, and Zuko got the feeling that if he introduced himself with his read name it would not be very long before this Jin person did the mental math and realized that he was in fact Zuko Sozinson, son of governor Ozai Sozinson from the news reports about music department budgets being slashed. Between his guess that someone who brought a musical instrument to a cafe would not want to associate with the son of the man who cut music department budgets and the fact that when school was in session “Zuko Sozinson” was a synonym for “loser,” using his real name felt unwise in this situation. He needed to think of a stage name, so to speak, and he had to do so quickly. The only possible source of names he could remember off the top of his head was a picture book his uncle had read him hundreds of times as a child, The Tale of Lee and Mushi . Of the two main characters’ names, Zuko decided Lee would be less embarrassing to use. 

He took a deep breath and approached Jin’s table. “Hi, Jin? I got your note on your bill. My name's Lee.”

Jin giggled. “Hi Lee. It was nice to meet you today. Would you want to hang out later?” 

Was hanging out the same as going on a date? Ty Lee's magazines never made that clear. Zuko froze, unsure of how to respond. 

Iroh popped up over Zuko's shoulder. “He would love to. His shift ends at 6:00, which is sunset tonight.”

“Thanks, Uncle,” whispered Zuko. 

Jin smiled. “Ok Lee, I’ll meet you outside the cafe at sunset.” 

After Jin left, Iroh leaned in and whispered “why did she call you Lee?”

“You of all people should have seen that there was a Tsungi horn case on the seat next to her, especially since she took it with her when she left. I couldn't have her figuring out that Governor Ozai Sozinson of all people is my father.” 

“That's understandable but I worry you're just making a bigger problem for yourself in the long run.”

“I’ll worry about that if it becomes an issue.” 

Gyatso tried to help. ‘Iroh, let the young man make his own mistakes.”

Iroh nodded, and then snapped into action. “She's meeting you tonight at sunset? I always kept potted plants on hand to spruce up the place if you bring home a lady friend, but now that it's actually happening I feel like I’m behind on preparations.”

“Uncle, you don't have to prepare anything. I’m meeting her outside the cafe, not inside our house.”

“I still feel like I should help you fix up a special hairstyle or something. Gyatso, any ideas for my nephew's hair?”

“Um, I've shaved my head daily for as long as I can remember. You probably don't want my help with your hair but I can take over running the counter while the two of you sort it out.” 

Iroh and Zuko ended up taking up Gyatso’s offer to run the shop while sorting out Zuko's hair. Iroh did most of the styling, and after about ten minutes he seemed pleased with his work. Upon seeing the results Gyatso thought that perhaps he should have helped with Zuko's hair but was too polite to actually say so out loud when Zuko was still within hearing distance. 

The sun set, and Zuko went out front to meet Jin. She spotted him first, saying “Hey!” The first thing she did when she saw him was ruffle his hair while saying “well, look at you. You look so cute.”

Nothing Zuko had ever read about crushes had prepared him for this. He didn't necessarily hate the way it felt when Jin ruffled his hair, but he wasn't sure if he liked the feeling either. It seemed dating came with all kinds of new sensory input to make sense of. It was a good thing Ozai wasn't in Ba Sing Se to see this. 

If Zuko's face was showing any kind of conflict over his feelings, Jin failed to notice. She led him to a restaurant he hadn't seen before, saying a friend of hers had recommended it. Zuko followed her inside, but his anxiety was through the roof. He would have liked to be able to check a menu beforehand and get an idea of what tastes, textures, and smells to be mentally prepared for but it was a bit late for that. Getting seated and placing orders was a bit of a blur. At least tea was on the menu–it wasn't anywhere near as good as the tea Uncle Iroh made but it was familiar enough to calm Zuko's nerves. 

Jin did most of the talking at first. She was planning to double major in music and psychology while deciding whether to pursue a master's in music education or music therapy. That second one was new to Zuko. The closest he had gotten to ever hearing the words “music” and “therapy” in the same sentence, let alone the same job title, was that time in middle school when Ms. Kwan had snapped his headphones in half as a punishment. Therapy with Ms. Kwan had always been about making Zuko easier for Ozai to deal with and not about making life easier for Zuko. Now didn't seem like the time to tell Jin all that though. Even if it were to seem like a good conversation topic, Zuko did not like the headspace that he tended to end up in after working with Ms. Kwan or even thinking about her sessions. Unlike every therapist Zuko had ever been forced to interact with, the activities Jin talked about when explaining what “music therapy” was sounded actually helpful. 

Even though the restaurant was a bit too loud to fully focus on everything Jin was saying, as the conversation progressed Zuko almost felt his subconscious relax. In some ways, he had expected this date to feel like his childhood playdates with Mai and Ty Lee. Then he realized that unlike the times Mai and Ty Lee came over, there was zero chance that Ozai could be watching his conversations, waiting to punish him if he made the wrong amount of eye contact or something. There was never much rhyme or reason to the punishments, no real pattern to pick up on, so Zuko had no choice but to associate Azula’s playdates with anxiety over the possibility of making mistakes. Here with Jin in Ba Sing Se, there were no “you failed that social interaction” punishments to be anxious about. 

Zuko had gotten so caught up in thinking about how relieved he felt to be away from his father’s unrealistic expectations that he almost didn’t realize that Jin had finished a story about her high school music teachers and was about to ask him a question. Luckily, he was able to pivot his train of thought in time.

“How do you like the city so far?” Jin asked. Zuko realized that she must be aware of the fact that his uncle hadn’t always lived in Ba Sing Se. After all, the Jasmine Dragon was a relatively new business.

Zuko wasn’t used to being asked his opinion on things and didn’t really have an answer scripted. He just shrugged, played with his food a bit, and said “it’s okay.” It was definitely better than his father’s house, but it was too early to dump all that backstory on Jin. It was nothing like Jin’s backstory with volunteering to run a marching band for her town’s middle school after Governor Sozinson’s budget cuts canceled extracurricular stipends for art and music teachers. Telling Jin a fake name was definitely the right call.

Jin was not fazed by Zuko’s minimal answer. She continued asking questions. “What do you like to do for fun?”

Zuko was even less prepared to answer that question. He definitely didn’t have any fun extracurricular activities to talk about, let alone anything as impressive as Jin’s marching band experience. In theory he could talk about swords–whenever he had free time for reading or watching videos, swords usually ended up being the subject. However, he usually had the chance to teach himself about swords when he was with his uncle. His father was significantly less supportive of this hobby. Zuko couldn’t figure out a coherent way to explain all of that, so he just gave Jin a one-word response. “Nothing.”

Before Jin could reply to that or think up a new question, a waiter approached their table and said, “Excuse me, sir. Would you and your girlfriend care for dessert?” 

Zuko hadn’t even established whether or not Jin counted as a friend. This was their first time actually hanging out. In a panic that in hindsight might’ve sounded grumpier than Zuko intended, he yelled “she is not my girlfriend!” He slammed the table while saying it, but ultimately he was confused and stressed, not angry. Unfortunately, people didn’t  have little neon signs above their heads that displayed their emotions, so there was no way for the people at neighboring tables who overheard Zuko’s outburst to figure out what was actually going on. Even without little neon emotion signs over everyone’s heads, Zuko could feel the diners at other tables staring, and in at least one case giving him a mean look. He took a deep breath and tried to continue the date.

He looked across the table at Jin, who was successfully ignoring the stares from the other tables by finishing a bowl of noodles. The first words out of Zuko’s mouth were “You have…quite an appetite for a girl.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Zuko realized that he had probably chosen the wrong thing to say. He remembered overhearing Mai’s mom complaining about everything the concession stands at Azula's Taekwondo tournaments and how certain menu items or portion sizes weren't ladylike enough. 

Jin didn’t say anything about whether or not Zuko had said the wrong thing, but even he could sense that she seemed a bit more uncomfortable than before when she said “Umm…thanks? So, Lee, where were you and your uncle living before you came here?”

Zuko couldn’t blame Jin for wanting to change the subject, but did it have to be that subject? He couldn’t exactly explain where he and Iroh had been living (and where he technically still lived when school was open) without revealing that he was the son of the governor who cut the funding for her school district’s middle school marching band. He decided that a lie of omission was his best move. “Umm…well, we've been traveling around for a long time.” Iroh had been on more than his fair share of tea-finding adventures, and Zuko was fairly confident in his ability to remember enough postcard messages to pretend that he had also been traveling.

Unfortunately, Jin didn’t seem interested in details that Zuko could recall from a postcard. “Oh. Why were you traveling so much?”

Zuko needed to think of an answer quickly. The first thing that popped into his mind was Ty Lee’s method of moving out of town. “We were…uh, part of this traveling circus.”

Jin seemed very interested in this. “Really? What did you do? Wait, lemme guess! You juggled!”

Zuko didn’t have time to think of a better lie, so he just folded his arms and said “yes, I juggled.” 

Jin’s excitement made Zuko realize that using her first guess as his cover story might have been a bad move. She handed him some random ceramic bottles–Zuko wasn’t completely sure whether they were from the table or if Jin just liked to carry random ceramic bottles with her on dates for some reason–and said “I’ve always wanted to learn how to juggle. Can you show me something?”

Dear Agni, this was getting out of hand. Actually, this had possibly gone beyond Agni’s jurisdiction. Could Tui and La help out somehow? Or maybe Hei Bai? Which spirit was in charge of this kind of situation, where living a lie was somehow the best option but now maintenance of that facade required the immediate acquisition of new skill with no practice whatsoever? Or was this the type of situation that was beyond the help of any spirit, since lying was supposed to be wrong? Zuko knew that if he hesitated for too long Jin would get suspicious. 

He took a deep breath and gave juggling his best shot. Unfortunately for him, that ended with a bunch of broken ceramic bits on the floor and some substance he couldn’t identify all over his hair. Judging by the smell of things, at least one of those bottles had been perfume, and not one that Zuko was mentally prepared to have to smell. In hindsight, he should have said that his circus act involved swords. He at least knew more about swords than he knew about juggling, and it would have been a lot less likely for Jin to have a bunch of swords on her person ready to request a demonstration of circus skills. 

Knowing that Jin was probably gonna be a lot less likely to believe the circus story now, Zuko made an attempt to brush off his obvious failure to juggle. “I haven’t practiced for a while.” Whatever remained of Iroh’s hairdressing skills was erased as Zuko brushed what he could of the bottles’ contents out of his hair. There was no way Jin was gonna believe the circus story now, which meant she could start a new line of questions that would unravel everything else Zuko had said tonight. Then again, he had only said they were from a traveling circus. He never said whether or not the circus was any good. There had to be at least one circus out there that traveled from city to city not because new places demanded their presence but because their lack of skills got them rejected by town after town after town. 

By some miracle (though whether the miracle should be attributed to Agni, Tui and La, Hei Bai, or some other spirit was anybody’s guess) Jin didn’t get hung up on the obvious evidence that Zuko didn’t have the circus skills he claimed to have. She seemed just as ready to change subject as Zuko was. “It's all right. Hey, I want to show you one of my favorite places in the city.” 

Zuko was more than happy to leave. Explaining the juggling failure mess to the waitstaff was just as embarrassing as expected, but somehow they got their bill settled and were able to exit the restaurant. 

Jin led Zuko down the street, saying “I'm so excited for you to see the Firelight Fountain! The lamps make the water sparkle and reflect in the pool in the most beautiful way.”

Zuko had never been to the Firelight Fountain before. Most of the school breaks that he had stayed with Uncle Iroh for had coincided with major festivals that were always ridiculously crowded, with the Firelight Fountain typically serving as a centerpoint for the festivities. Crowds weren’t really Zuko’s thing, and Iroh wasn’t big on crowded places either, so he was perfectly happy to stay home with his nephew while Gyatso handled any festival-related business promotions that the Jasmine Dragon would benefit from. This might’ve been the first school break where there was no festival in Ba Sing Se, so it was also Zuko’s first opportunity to see the fountain without crowds.

Unfortunately, the lack of crowds and festivals was also a lack of reason for the city to turn on the candle lamps. Even Zuko could see that Jin was disappointed when she said “I can't believe it! They aren't lit.” 

Zuko tried to think of a response, but before he could think of something to say hw happened to notice a light switch on a nearby wall. There was nobody supervising the switch, but there was a sign that said “Candle lamps property of Ba Sing Se. Do not touch.” 

Nobody else was around, which gave Zuko an idea. Wanting to give Jin some plausible deniability, he said “close your eyes, and don’t peek.” Once he saw that Jin’s eyes were closed, he moved as quickly and quietly as possible to the light switch and turned it on before moving as quickly and quietly as possible back to Jin. Her hands were still over her eyes, so he said “okay, now you can look.” 

Jin looked around, as she comprehended what was going on her face lit up even brighter than the candle lamps. “Oh wow! What happened? How did they light? What did you…” Jin’s voice trailed off but Zuko said nothing. Jin once again ran her hands through Zuko’s hair, but this time Zuko liked the feeling. Before he knew it, they were holding hands in front of the fountain. 

Everything was perfect, and they turned to face each other. Suddenly, Zuko knew what Ty Lee’s magazines were talking about when they described crushes and the feeling of butterflies in your stomach. This might have been the first time Zuko felt those butterflies in a good way. 

Zuko remembered what he was supposed to do. Jin clearly deserved a souvenir from tonight, and Zuko had just the thing in his pocket. When Jin leaned closer to him, Zuko said “I’ve brought you something,” and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a paper and held it between their faces, saying “it’s a coupon for a free cup of tea.” 

Zuko didn’t know what to make of Jin’s facial expression when she accepted the coupon, but he understood her words when she said “Lee, this is so sweet.”

Unsure of what to say to that, Zuko panicked for a split second  before responding. “Don't thank me – it was my uncle's idea. He thinks you're our most valuable customer.”

Jin smiled. “Your uncle is a good teacher.” She stepped a bit closer to Zuko and placed her hand on his shoulder. “I have something for you too. Now it's your turn to close your eyes.”

Zuko closed his eyes. The next thing he felt was Jin’s lips making contact with his. Zuko wasn’t sure what was more unexpected–the fact that Jin was kissing him, or the fact that he liked it. He had always expected to hate kissing. It always seemed like it would be one of the world’s least predictable sources of sensory input. Almost instinctively–after all, it wasn’t like his parents or any of his social skills classes would have taught him this–he kissed Jin back. 

In a perfect world, this moment by the fountain would have lasted forever. Unfortunately, this wasn’t a perfect world. After Zuko kissed Jin, all of his conflicted feelings about the lies he had told over the course of the night hit at once. He knew he couldn’t be “Lee” forever, and that one day Jin would figure out that the Lee she had spent this evening with was actually Zuko Sozinson, the socially awkward loser who couldn’t even be upfront about who his father was. He had heard enough of the Dear Evan Hansen cast recording to know that building your romantic relationships on a lie of omission typically did not end well. (The Ember Island Players had performed that show once, but their production was shut down after their opening performance caught the attention of the copyright lawyers who hadn’t actually approved the show, so Zuko didn’t get a chance to actually see how the plot played out.) Overwhelmed, Zuko began to back away from Jin.

“What’s wrong?” Jin asked. She seemed genuinely concerned about Zuko, which made his internal conflict hurt even worse. 

“It's complicated. I have to go.” He walked away quickly, not looking back. If he had looked back he would have seen the disappointment on Jin’s face. 

When Zuko finally made it back to his uncle’s house, he tried to sneak into his room unseen. He didn’t want to tell Iroh that he and Gyatso had been right about trying to be “Lee” for the night. 

Of course, Iroh saw him anyway. “How was your night, Zuko?”

In a panic, Zuko disappeared into his room and slammed the door. Then he remembered that it was technically rude to do that, especially since Uncle Iroh wasn’t trying to be nosy and was in fact genuinely curious about how Zuko’s evening had gone. He opened the door part of the way and said “it was nice.” Then he closed the door again, a bit more gently this time. After all, even with the rocky start and the overwhelming flood of conflicting emotions, it had been a nice date. Definitely the nicest date Zuko had been on, and that probably could have been the case even if it wasn't also the only date he had been on.

Zuko had always meant to text Jin at some point. He still had  her number saved from that day in the cafe when he had mistaken her attempt at flirting for a new customer reward program he hadn’t been told about. Her name in his phone was just Jin. They hadn't exchanged last names, which was totally fine for Zuko. He hadn't thought of one for his “Lee” alias. He sometimes debated adding a green heart emoji in place of her last name, but if Ozai or Azula were to somehow see that in his contact list he would never hear the end of it. It wasn't like he knew anyone else named Jin that he could've gotten her contact mixed up with anyway. Using just her first name was sufficient. 

What was less important than her name in his phone was the fact that he couldn't think of what he would say to her. Did he need to apologize for leaving her by the fountain? Was it his turn to plan an activity if they ever happened to cross paths again? Nobody had ever bothered to teach him the social skills for this. Even if he had been taught the social skills for sending texts after a first date, the fact that he was technically living a lie every time he let her call him Lee added a whole new layer of complications. Did he need to pretend to still be at his uncle's house? Did he need to fake an adventure with the traveling circus? If he had to fake adventures, was it ok to borrow photos of Ty Lee’s travels or did he need to Photoshop something on his own? Living a lie like this was complicated. Then again, in some ways living this lie was easier than living the lie Ozai expected him to live. At least, seeing as Ozai loved to scold Zuko with a harsh “your autism’s showing” whenever a missed social cue played out to the expected results it seemed that Ozai expected Zuko to pretend to be as neurotypical as possible. While it was true that Zuko had never actually told Jin that he was autistic, it was also true that he subconsciously put less effort into hiding it around her. But thinking about that only raised more questions–what was the difference between living a lie by pretending to be neurotypical, and living a lie by pretending to not be related to Governor Ozai Sozinson? 

In any case, these unanswered questions dancing around in Zuko’s head made the prospect of texting Jin back too overwhelming to actually follow through with. Instead, he just let her number st in his contacts list, untouched. After the incident, he felt even more uncomfortable with the idea of reaching out to Jin. While there probably was a plausible reason that a juggler in a traveling circus could end up with half their face burned off–perhaps a flaming torch stunt gone terribly wrong–everything just felt too complicated. Seeing as he was now on campus five days a week, there was a chance he could run into Jin at some point, assuming she had in fact chosen to attend Ba Sing Se University instead of a different school, but that hadn’t happened yet. She might have chosen a different university that had offered her a better scholarship, or maybe their classes were in different buildings. Zuko was tempted to overthink the future but he knew that didn’t always end well.  For now, he would just let the date–and perhaps more memorably, the kiss–live in his head rent-free.

Chapter Text

Zuko woke up to the sound of his phone buzzing. He opened the group chat, assuming it would be a bunch of references to the show they had seen the night before or maybe some questions for Yue about her event. Yue did share some selfies she had taken with some astronauts that Zuko didn't recognize, but there were also several messages about Pippin auditions. The email with the information had been sent out while they were at the show. 

At first Zuko assumed everything was just normal conversation about the email, but then he saw that some of the messages had tagged him specifically. His friends had kept their promise to let him know when they got information about the semester's show. He smiled when he realized what was going on. Then he checked his email to see if he had gotten the email, and it was right at the top of his inbox. Even though he had in fact gotten the email, it was nice to know that his new friends were keeping him in the loop. Then he remembered that it would probably be polite to thank them. 

Zuko: I got the audition email, but thank you so much for letting me know in case I didn't! ☺️🎭

He left his room to go get breakfast. Iroh was already in the kitchen making pancakes. Even before he got to the kitchen himself, Zuko could tell that pancakes were happening from the music playlist. Although Iroh had the art of making hundreds of different types of tea down to a science, cooking actual food was a different story. At the Jasmine Dragon he had a system of timers, plus some help from Gyatso, but that wasn't the case at home. Gyatso was at his own home for obvious reasons, and although Iroh could tolerate the timers at work he preferred for his home to be a break from the constant beeping. As such, several of his attempts at cooking had ended in disasters, such as the time he accidentally set a plastic water jug on fire while attempting to make grilled cheese sandwiches. However, during one of his school break visits, Zuko had suggested making music playlists to use instead of timers. After all, his system of making different background music playlists for different types of homework helped him keep his assignments on track, or at least it did when he was actually allowed to use it. (Ozai did not understand the system, and neither did Ms. Kwan.) Over time, Zuko had helped Iroh make a bunch of playlists for different recipes. The “pancakes” playlist was set up for a new song to start every time it was time to flip the pancakes, with a slightly longer song playing when it was time to pour more batter on the griddle. Zuko suspected that some of the playlist making had been less about Iroh needing a playlist and more about Iroh sensing that Zuko needed to feel like he was doing something helpful while recovering, but he never questioned his uncle on it. 

Zuko came in just as the song was switching again and Iroh was putting pancakes on a plate. “Good morning Zuko. How did you sleep last night?”

Zuko shrugged. “Took a while to fall asleep, but this time I think it was adrenaline from a good night at the theatre.” 

Iroh nodded. “That makes sense. Well, if you need help waking up you know where to find some tea.” The song switched again and he ran to the stove to flip the pancakes before they burned. 

Before Zuko could start pouring his syrup (always in on a separate smaller plate for dipping so the pancakes wouldn't get too soggy while waiting to get eaten), his phone buzzed again. It sounded like the buzz for the MessengerHawk app, so he assumed it was the group chat again. He was surprised to see that it was someone else. 

Mai : Hey Zuko! Did you get the email about Pippin? Ty Lee and I were thinking of joining the theatre club this semester. Were you thinking of trying out? 

Zuko remembered connecting with Mai on the MessengerHawk app but the message was still a surprise. He could picture Ty Lee being interested in joining the theatre club if it turned out she missed the performance aspect of her time in the circus, but he didn't expect Mai to also be interested. Still, it would definitely be polite to respond. 

Zuko : Hi Mai! Yes, I was thinking of trying out, especially after Sokka introduced me to some of the other people in the club. 

Mai: Cool, did you fill out your audition form yet?

Zuko : not yet. I saw the email but I didn't see the form yet

Mai : it should be attached to the email lol

Zuko took a closer look at the email and saw that there was in fact an attachment. He opened it up and it seemed fairly normal, with space to fill in your name, your audition song title, and characters you were interested in playing. Zuko wasn't sure which “voice type” to circle because he had never been allowed to take a chorus class, so he hoped he could skip that question and let the music director sort it out later. The last section at the bottom caught his eye though. “Special talents.” He decided to text Mai about that one. 

Zuko: reading the form now. Is there anything you're planning to list under special talents?

Mai : knife throwing and maybe taekwondo but I’m out of practice on the second one 

Zuko : are you sure those are allowed to be used in an audition?

Mai : they never said we use it in the audition they just want to know what we know how to do

Mai: do you still have those broadswords you used to play with when nobody was looking? I’m sure you can work something like that into the special talents section of the form

Zuko : how did you know about the broadswords? 

Mai: long story short, Azula

Zuko : I’m surprised she would tell you about a talent I had that she didn't 

Mai: when our taekwondo teacher introduced us to some of the weapons and I ended up better at some of them than she was she made a joke about your swords

Mai: tbh I think she was jealous that it seemed I was gonna have more chances to learn some of the weapons because she had to be more focused on the skills the Olympic coaches look for while also learning enough gymnastics to potentially try out for that team too 

Zuko remembered Ozai's determination to get at least one of his kids into the Olympics, thinking that being the father of a gold medalist would help him politically. All those hopes were pinned on Azula–in Ozai's opinion Zuko had taken too long to master basic motor skills as a child to be of any use as an athlete. Being simultaneously pushed into gymnastics and taekwondo had introduced Azula to Mai and Ty Lee and had eventually helped her catch the eye of an admissions officer at her super exclusive boarding school, but there was always the underlying question of whether this pressure was doing more harm than good.

Zuko: somehow I'm not surprised that she brought it up in the context of teasing me. And yes, I should still have the swords somewhere. 

The exact location of the swords was a bit of a mystery, but Zuko knew that Iroh had been in charge of making sure none of his personal belongings had been left with Ozai when he moved out. Iroh wouldn't have left Zuko's swords behind–after all, he was very understanding of the concept of special interests. 

Mai: if you can meet me at Yangchen Park this afternoon we should be able to practice our special talents for the auditions

Zuko sent Mai a thumbs up emoji. Then he got up to go look for his swords, but his pancakes were still untouched on the table. 

Iroh noticed right away. “Um, Zuko, I think you’re forgetting something.” He gently gestured toward the plate of pancakes. “I know you’re excited to get started with your day, but you can’t get all of your energy and nutrients from tea. Trust me, I've tried.” 

Zuko returned to his seat. “Sorry Uncle. The email with the audition information for this semester’s musical went out, and Mai wanted to meet up and practice sword stuff in case we need to demonstrate any special talents in the audition but I don’t remember where my swords ended up when I moved in with you so I wanted to go look for them.” He started eating his pancakes while waiting for his uncle to respond.

“That’s an easy one–I locked the swords in the safe under my bed. I can get them for you when we’re done with breakfast.”

“Why would you lock my swords in a safe under your bed? Last time I checked, we didn’t need to babyproof the house for anyone.”

“Some of the paperwork I got after everything your father did said to keep weapons locked away from children. Now that I say that out loud, that part of the paperwork was probably for legal guardians of minors and not for people opening their homes to a legal adult in a vulnerable situation like the one you were in and was just included on a technicality because you were 17 at the time of the incident but 18 when you were released from the hospital, but I was afraid that I would somehow get in trouble if I didn’t do it.”

Zuko understood his uncle’s fear about getting in trouble for failing to follow written instructions. If Azula were there she would probably have made fun of both of them for taking it too literally, but she was still away at her school so there were no rude comments to worry about. Instead, Zuko said “I don’t think anyone’s gonna check on that. I’m almost 19.”

Iroh nodded. “You’re probably right. I just worry sometimes. After your  mom had to leave, I tried to convince the courts that I was better suited to raising you and your sister than your father was. I learned everything I could about autism, thinking my knowledge would tip the odds in my favor, but your father’s lawyer went on a rant about their idea of what was best for autistic people and the judges preferred the way their plans upheld the status quo. Neurodiversity was a foreign concept to them. Then when I got a diagnosis of my own, the battle for your safekeeping got even more uphill. I think I was afraid that if I didn’t lock up the swords I would somehow get you sent back into my brother’s clutch. But I guess you’re right–they shouldn’t be checking up on your custody paperwork at this point; you shouldn’t even have that type of paperwork for them to check because you’re an adult now. I don’t see any problem with you practicing swords for a theatre audition. If anything, the world needs more artistic uses of swords, and maybe  a bit less combative uses of them.”

Both were silent for the remainder of the meal. As promised, Iroh got Zuko’s swords out of the safe and into their carrying case. When the time for him to meet Mai got closer, Zuko caught the next bus to Yangchen Park.

The bus schedule was always a bit different on weekends, but Zuko had lived with Iroh long enough to be familiar with the weekend routes. Driving was out of the question at the moment–prior to the incident, Ozai had refused to let Zuko even think about getting a learner’s permit, and even almost a year after the incident it was still unclear if or when Zuko would be medically cleared to take the permit test. His eye doctor still had some concerns about depth perception. Luckily for Zuko, Ba Sing Se had a world-renowned public transport system, and the buses even had Wi-Fi. Unfortunately for Zuko, today the bus Wi-Fi meant that the sudoku puzzle he had chosen for the bus ride got interrupted by notifications about breaking news: Asami Sato had officially declared her candidacy for governor, running against Ozai Sozinson, which meant the new election cycle was starting. Her running mate would be announced at a later date, so it was still very early in the cycle, but Zuko still had the same visceral reaction he got every time his father was up for a new elected office. Elections meant public appearances, disrupted routines, campaign events full of sensory overload, and constant pressure to act as neurotypical as possible–mistakes were even more costly than usual. Then the bus hit a speed bump, and the sudden jolt upwards reminded Zuko that he no longer lived with Ozai and was no longer required to participate in re-election efforts. Still, he decided it would be wise to put the phone away. He spent the rest of the bus ride fidgeting with his sword shaped keychain and practicing the deep breathing exercises his uncle had taught him when he first moved in. He wanted to be in the right mindset when he met with Mai. 

Despite the fact that the bus was the most timely it had ever been on a weekend, Mai got to the park before Zuko did and had chosen an open field for the two of them to practice in. Then again, the walk from the dorm rooms to the park was definitely shorter than the bus ride from Iroh’s house to the park. 

Zuko ran over to Mai. “Are you ready to get started?”

Mai didn't look up from her warm up stretches before asking “I’m ready whenever you are. Are you sure you warmed up enough?”

“It was a ten minute walk from the bus stop to here, so probably yes.” 

“Don't forget to stretch.” She moved on from her stretches to her actual practice routine. It had been a while since she last took a taekwondo class, but the muscle memory was still there. The knife throwing practice would have to be somewhere else–there were signs at the park entrance that specifically banned the activity but Zuko wasn't sure if Mai was involved in whatever event had made the sign a necessity or if its presence was just a coincidence. 

Zuko took Mai’s advice and stretched before opening up the carrying case with his swords. He took them out but left the practice safety guards on. If there were already signs about knife throwing he didn't want to be the reason a new sign about dual broadswords got added to the park entrance. 

Unfortunately, Zuko did not have the same level of muscle memory as Mai had. He wasn't sure how much of his difficulties came from generally being out of practice and how much came from the fact that his eyesight had changed a lot since the last time he touched his swords, but if anyone other than Mai had been there it would have been embarrassing. Actually, even with Mai it was a bit embarrassing but not as embarrassing as some of the situations that Azula had put him in when they were kids. 

Mai definitely noticed the change in Zuko's performance though. “Hey, buddy, is everything okay?”

“I think so. I just haven't practiced in a while.” Zuko blinked after he spoke. His excuse–which was actually true this time–mentally brought him back to his date with Jin. He silently promised himself that one day he wouldn't completely mess up a skill in front of someone and need to use that excuse, but today obviously wasn't that day.

If Zuko had looked at Mai’s face, he might have seen the mental math that was happening. Then again, Mai could have been the poker face champion of the world if such a competition actually existed. “Zuko, is this the first time you've tried to use the swords after…everything happened?”

“Actually, yes. My uncle had them in the safe under his bed because he took some of the legal paperwork too literally and didn't realize it wasn't meant for situations like mine.” 

“Somehow I'm not surprised your uncle did that. He’s a silly old man at times but he's never been one to cut corners when it comes to caring for the people he loves. It was annoying sometimes when we were kids and he was in charge of supervising playdates, but looking back he just wanted us all to be safe.” 

“That’s very true, especially now that I’ve finally been able to move in with him and away from my father…” Zuko didn’t realize that his voice was trailing off.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Honestly I don't know. I thought that moving in with my uncle would solve everything, but I can't shake the feeling that something is going to go horribly wrong and I'll end up back where I started somehow. After years of being told I had to be a certain way and never really being allowed to break character, so to speak, I’m always confused and not sure I know what's right or wrong anymore. Sometimes I'm not sure whether to be more angry at my father for all the stuff he put me through for the first eighteen years of my life, or angry at myself for putting up with it for so long.”

“Zuko, it wasn't your fault.”

“Logically, I know that. But at the same time, it's almost like it's been wired into my brain and I don't know how to rewire it back out. Even today on the bus ride here, when I was trying to use a sudoku puzzle to try to get into a more focused headspace before practicing swords, I couldn't truly relax because I got news notifications about a new candidate announcing plans to run against my father in the upcoming governor election and it brought me back to all those times my dad dragged me along to campaign events.”

“I kind of know the feeling. Probably not at the same level as you, but my childhood was full of reminders to behave, sit still, and only speak when spoken to because we had my dad's political career to think about.” 

Zuko had almost forgotten that Mai’s dad was one of his dad's most supportive senators. It was one of the reasons that Mai and Azula had been somewhat pushed together into friendship in the first place. “Is your dad gonna make you visit any of his campaign trail stops this year?”

“I think he's shifted his focus to Tom-Tom for that. Preschoolers are better for the camera than college students, at least in the eyes of his fan base.” Mai fidgeted with the thumb holes on the sleeves of her sweatshirt before continuing. “Speaking of Tom-Tom and all the ways my dad has used both me and him for political photo ops, there's something else I wanted to tell you.”

Zuko had no idea what Mai could possibly mean by that but he nodded for her to continue. 

“Do you remember that time my dad was all over the headlines for wanting a bunch of books removed from every school library in our state and I had to go do some photo ops volunteering at a special education center because it would somehow prove that my dad doesn't actually hate teachers?”

“I think I remember seeing you on the news in the “volunteer” T-shirt.”

“It was a few weeks before…before you turned 18, so I wasn't sure. Anyway, it turns out most of my assignments there involved children with autism. My supervisors commented that I seemed to really click with a lot of the kids, and as time went on the center employees explained more about what they were doing for the students, why they were doing it, and some background information on how the students’ brains tended to work. I did some more research on my own, and a lot of the information felt a lot more familiar than I expected it to.” Mai paused and took a deep breath. “I won’t have a way to officially confirm anything until I graduate and get a full-time job with a health insurance plan that’s completely separate from my parents’ plan, but as far as I can tell, I’m autistic.” 

“I’m glad you felt comfortable telling me that.”

“Right now you and Ty Lee are the only people I’ve ever told, unless anonymously commenting on blog posts to ask for links to self-diagnosis resources counts. I didn’t tell my supervisors or coworkers at the special education center because I was worried that they might stop trusting me with the kids, and I didn’t tell my parents because, well, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I remember overhearing them talking to each other after either your mom or your uncle told them that you had autism and the stuff my dad said was very unkind to say the least. Obviously they waited until we were in the car on the way home from your house and I wasn't technically supposed to be listening to them but it stuck with me more than I expected it to. Even more so after Azula went to her new school–that was why my parents didn't think it would be proper for us to continue hanging out.”

“My mom and uncle told your parents? I’m kind of surprised, seeing as my dad always insisted that I had to act as ‘normal’ as possible at all times and even normaler than usual when we had guests.” Zuko had never realized that Mai and Ty Lee might have been told that he was autistic, and he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do with that information. He was sure his mom and uncle had had good intentions, and it wasn't like his elementary school self would have had that type of self-advocacy skills anyway, but it was still a lot to process. 

“Apparently there's parents out there who want to make sure that they know how to accommodate the needs of their children and the needs of their children's friends, but we definitely didn't get that unless your uncle counts, and your mom before she left. That's why I'm planning on becoming a science teacher–the system failed both of us by letting me slip under the radar and exposing you to abuse out the wazoo, but maybe I can get myself into a position where that won't happen to the next generation. Because the way things are going, especially if the ideas our dads keep proposing end up being popular enough to get used, the world is gonna have even fewer redeeming qualities than it does now and I really don't want to see that.”

Zuko smiled. “I forgot how much I love the way you hate the world.”

Mai paused for a second and looked at Zuko. “I don't hate you.”

Zuko inched closer to Mai. “I don't hate you too.” 

Without warning, Mai leaned in and kissed Zuko's cheek. Zuko wasn't sure what facial expression he had made but it clearly had been the wrong one (or maybe she just read it wrong) because she immediately said “I’m sorry. Something came over me and it just felt right.” 

Zuko thought for maybe half a nanosecond and said “I didn't hate it.” He hadn’t fully processed what had happened but if he had hated it he would have known right away. If Mai had been shorter, he would have considered following up with a kiss on her forehead, but they were too close together in height for that to work unless he found something to stand on. 

Before either of them could say anything else, a boomerang flew by and got stuck in a nearby tree. 

Mai looked up at the tree and said “aren't those things supposed to go back to whoever threw them?”

Zuko shrugged. “I’m better with swords than with boomerangs, even if today wasn't the best example.”

Mai patted Zuko's shoulder. “Those swords were under your uncle's bed for almost a year. Cut yourself some slack.” 

Almost as if discussion of swords and boomerangs could be used as a summoning charm, Sokka came running from the same direction as the boomerang that was now stuck in a tree. “Hey Zuko, and um, Zuko’s friend.”

“I’m Mai.”

“Nice to meet you. Anyway, did either of you happen to see a boomerang anywhere? The weather was so nice today that I decided to come here and try out some new boomerang tricks while Aang practiced some of his airborne tricks in the skate park area, but it seems that my boomerang has failed to come back.”

Mai and Zuko both pointed at the tree the boomerang had landed in.

Sokka looked up at his boomerang, which was perfectly balanced between two branches above a park bench. He turned to Zuko and Mai. “Would either of you happen to have any ideas about how to get my boomerang out of the tree?”

Zuko thought for a moment and said, “maybe we can try shaking the tree like in Animal Crossing .”

Mai smirked, or at least did whatever her version of smirking was. "Since when do you play Animal Crossing ? I remember your sister saying your dad didn’t allow video games.”

“My dad didn’t allow them, but my uncle is a different story. He thought the in-game errands and challenges would help me feel like I was accomplishing something, and honestly it worked. I ended up getting some Nancy Drew computer games for the same reason.” 

Sokka tuned out Mai and Zuko’s conversation about video games and tried shaking the tree. It kind of worked–the boomerang didn’t come all the way down, but it did end up on a lower branch that might be reachable from the park bench. Sokka climbed up on the bench to see if he could reach the boomerang, but it was still out of reach.

“Tui and La, this is frustrating,” Sokka muttered under his breath. 

Mai climbed up on the park bench. “Either I’m taller than you or our shoes make it seem that way, so maybe I can reach it down.” Unfortunately, it was out of her reach too.

“It’s too bad that the park bench isn’t like two feet higher. We’d be able to reach it with that extra height. Then again, it would be a lot harder to use the bench as a place to sit,” Zuko chimed in.

“Zuko, you’re a genius!” Sokka shouted. “If two of us stand on the park bench and lift the third person, we’ll be able to reach the boomerang!”

“Um, I didn’t suggest climbing on the park bench to lift each other up. I was just observing the height situation. If anything, I was gonna suggest we check in the park maintenance and public safety building to see if they have a ladder.” Zuko rubbed the back of his neck.

“Nonsense, this’ll be way faster. Are either of you familiar with cheer pyramids?”

‘I know enough about them to know that there should be a spotter,” said Mai before she jumped down from the bench. 

Sokka took out his cell phone. “I can call Aang.”

Suddenly, Zuko remembered which activity  he had come to the park to practice in the first place. “I have an idea!” He took his swords out of the carrying case and climbed up on the park bench. Sure enough, his swords were long enough to reach the boomerang, which he carefully balanced between the two swords as he slowly brought it down to be within Sokka’s reach. 

“Thanks buddy! Those dual broadswords sure came in handy!”

“Thanks. Honestly, that’s the first sword trick to go right for me today. If I didn’t have the safety guards on, we’d be having a very different conversation right now. Mai can verify.” Zuko put the swords back into their carrying case.

Mai shrugged. “It’s true, but only because he’s out of practice.” 

“Mai’s sugarcoating it.” Zuko held up the sword case with one hand and said “it’s my first time using these things,” then with the other hand he pointed to his eyes and continued “with only one of these things.” 

Sokka smiled. “I’m sure with enough time and practice you’ll be back to where you were before that happened.” Sensing possible discomfort from both Mai and Zuko, he quickly added, “in terms of your skills, not your geographic location. Anyway, I gotta go meet up with Aang so we can get back to campus before his study group meets. I forget whether it’s the one for his philosophy class or his history of aviation class, but either way he wants to be on time.” 

Sokka ran back in the direction he came from, leaving Mai and Zuko to think about whatever had just happened. 

“Is your friend always like that?” Mai asked.

“From what I can tell, yes he is. But he was also the one to introduce me to his friends from the theatre club and the one who I inadvertently formed an alliance with in our literature class when Professor Zhao was trying to avoid accepting our accommodation letters from Piandao’s office.” Then Zuko remembered that Mai probably didn’t know that Sokka was registered with Piandao’s office for disability accommodations. “Shoot, I’ve said too much. As far as I can tell he hasn’t told the rest of the group that I’m autistic and here I am spilling his personal business all over the place. Why am I so bad at being a disability ally?”

“I’m not sure if you noticed, but his T-shirt literally had a disability pride flag on it. I don’t think he’s gonna care that you accidentally revealed that he gets accommodations for his disability, especially since you didn't reveal which disability he has. And seeing as you have disabilities yourself, there really isn’t a right or wrong way for you to be a disability ally or advocate or whatever you want to call it.” Mai’s facial expression didn’t change at all, but Zuko could tell she meant everything she was saying. 

“You have a point there. What would you say if I suggested taking a break from talent practice to go check out the turtleduck pond?” Zuko wasn’t sure if he wanted to go through the trouble of taking his swords out of their carrying case for a third time today.

“I’m not opposed.” With that, their talent practice that turned into a boomerang rescue mission turned into a walk around the turtleduck pond. Zuko wasn't sure if it counted as a date or not–the topic never came up, and he was the type to need whether or not something was a date spelled out for him. Regardless of whether it was a date, or just two friends in a park who had inadvertently had one (1) kiss on the cheek, it was an enjoyable hangout. 

Chapter Text

While Sokka had been telling the truth about going back to campus with Aang, it wasn’t the whole truth. When Aang went to go meet his study group (which turned out to be for his history of aviation class but was also followed by a writing center appointment to get some help with a philosophy paper, so Sokka's wrong guess hadn't been completely out of nowhere), Sokka had a mission of his own, right there in the dorm room. 

The first step of the mission was getting the right supplies, which in this case mostly meant refreshments. Way back in his freshman year of high school, Sokka had discovered that there was one specific beverage brand that made an iced tea/lemonade combo that seemed to help the gears in his brain shift into “focus mode.” He had even semi-jokingly taken to calling it “hyperfocus juice,” but that was mostly because he had borrowed the nickname from his father, who had used the exact same iced tea/lemonade combo to survive finals week at the navy academy. Although Sokka was now aware that his “hyperfocus juice” was technically a form of self-medication for his (undiagnosed at the time) ADHD, and that self-medication was not the wisest activity out there, there were still times when drinking a beverage with the right balance of caffeine and sugar to make his brain chemicals do the thing seemed more helpful than not, and this was one of those times. (The navy academy finals week survival strategy was one of many stories Hakoda told his kids about his past that Sokka was starting to suspect pointed at undiagnosed ADHD, especially since the DNA for his own ADHD had to come from *somewhere,* but that would be a conversation for another time.) Luckily for Sokka, the “grab and go” fridge in the dining hall had the same beverage brands as the vending machines in his high school, so he always had a steady supply when needed. 

With Aang out of the dorm room to meet his study group, Sokka was free to work on his mission: finding a way to help Zuko relearn his dual broadswords, preferably before auditions for Pippin started. The RAs would probably frown upon the use of actual swords in a dorm room, even if nobody else was actually in the room, but Sokka had a solution for that: a sword simulator video game, complete  with handheld controllers and virtual reality glasses. Sokka usually attached the controllers to each other for straight sword mode, with the jian as a personal favorite, but there was also the option to put one controller in each hand for dual wielding mode. 

Sokka spent about an hour getting his bearings in dual wielding mode before he moved on to the next phase of this side quest–figuring out the dual broadswords without the usage of his left eye. Sokka wasn't sure exactly what Zuko's vision on the left side was like–completely absent, blurry like those goggles high school health teachers use to simulate doing tasks while drunk without actually giving alcohol to students, or polka-dotted with blind spots. He decided his best bet for relearning the swords from Zuko's perspective was to put an eye patch over his left eye–then Zuko could close his left eye if needed for whatever tips Sokka figured out to work, or maybe work an eye patch into his costume for any scenes in the show that he needed his swords for. As luck would have it, Sokka had dressed up as a pirate for Halloween last semester and still has the eye patch at the back of his shirt drawer. How it ended up there was anyone's guess, but it was probably a better location for an eye patch than, say, the sock drawer or the underwear drawer. He put the eye patch on, put the VR headset over the eye patch, and tried some one-eyed dual wielding. It was definitely harder than it had been with two eyes, but Sokka eventually figured out some ideas to share with Zuko. He scribbled them on a notepad before he could forget them, his Halloween pirate eye patch still covering his left eye. 

When Aang came back to the dorm room, he was greeted by the sight of Sokka frantically writing while wearing a pirate eye patch, and the game system still set up behind him with the Sword Simulator game running. “Am I sure I want to know what you were doing while I was out?”

“Long story short I was trying to teach myself to use dual broadswords with only one usable eye so I could help Zuko get ready for his Pippin audition.” 

Aang was unfazed by Sokka's answer. “Did you eat dinner yet? It’s like 8pm and I didn’t see you at the dining hall.” Sokka’s stomach grumbled audibly, and Aang continued, “I’m gonna take that as a no.”

“Tui and La, how did I forget to eat dinner? And wait, what time were we at the park? Because I might have also forgotten about lunch.” Sokka couldn’t help feeling at least a little bit stupid for being so focused on the Sword Simulator game. As if on cue, his phone buzzed with an alarm, with a note that said “reminder: physics homework due at 11:59 pm tonight.” Sokka groaned. “Ugh, how did I forget that too?” It was starting to feel like last semester all over again. Granted, this time he knew words like “executive dysfunction” to explain *why* things were happening, but that didn't make moments when consequences caught up with actions any less stressful. 

Aang shrugged. “This might be the part where I let my ADHD crash into yours and hopefully set it on track. Put your phone on ‘do not disturb’ and use the app on my phone to order food–there’s plenty of places that’ll deliver to here this time of night on the weekends. While we wait for the food to arrive, we can try that  body-doubling thing I sent you the meme about the other day. I’ll do the edits to my paper that the writing center suggested while you do your physics homework. If you need background music, I can put on one of my meditation CDs. Gyatso sent me a new one that might be helpful.”

Sokka agreed to the background music with a thumbs up. He did what Aang suggested and logged into the website where his physics professor posted all the homework. About half an hour later, Aang got a notification on his phone to go pick up Sokka's delivery order. As luck would have it, Sokka had reached a good stopping point for a meal break by the time Aang returned to the room. 

Aang started unpacking the food, which in this case turned out to be an eggplant parm hero with a side of French fries and an order of mozzarella sticks. He did a double take. “Did they send you the right order? I thought you were the meat and sarcasm guy?”

Sokka unwrapped the sandwich. “Yes, this is the right one. I would've felt weird ordering meat from your phone–isn’t it against your religion or something?” 

“Eating it, technically yes but there's exceptions for stuff like if it's medically necessary or if the only other option is to throw it away and waste it. There's no official rules about buying it for someone else or serving it to others. Sometimes people donate it when the monks run food drives and it gets served to people in need just like any other donation. As luck would have it, the building Iroh bought to be the Jasmine Dragon was set up with a double kitchen already–I forget what allergen the previous owners were concerned about, but they custom-built their cooking area to accommodate a rigorous allergy protocol and Iroh kept the previous kitchen setup in place as a religious accommodation. Specifically, when he went into business with Gyatso he decided to keep the ingredients for menu items with meat in them in their own kitchen out of respect for our religion, but Gyatso does sometimes enter that kitchen to pull things out of the oven if the timer is going off and everyone else is busy with customers or other tasks because he sees wasting the meat by letting it burn as disrespectful to the animal the meat came from. Which is basically a very long way to say that it would've been fine for you to order your usual stuff from my phone. I’m sorry for not mentioning it earlier.” 

“Honestly, now that my brain has fully registered that I forgot to eat, it doesn't really matter what type of food is available but I will keep that in mind if there's a next time.” 

After he finished eating, Sokka returned to his physics homework with a new surge of energy. He finished the assignment and pressed “submit” at 10:59 pm, a full hour ahead of the 11:59 pm deadline. Aang finished his campus writing center approved edits at the same time. 

“That was close,” said Sokka as he double checked the time. “If those equations had been based on a harder concept I'm not sure if I would have made it on time.” 

“The important thing is that you got it done. Now that dinner and homework are out of the way, how did your experiment with the Sword Simulator game go?”

“It was definitely different from how I normally play it. Adjusting to dual wielding mode took some time, and then covering my left eye took even more getting used to, but I think I have some strategies to share with Zuko tomorrow. Which reminds me, I should probably text him to see if he's actually available tomorrow, which I hope is the case because otherwise I'm not sure how helpful this actually would be for his audition this week.” 

Zuko was a little confused about why Sokka wanted him to bring his swords to Yangchen Park so soon after the boomerang rescue mission, but he met his friend there anyway. He was even more confused when he saw that Sokka was wearing a pirate eye patch, with the case for a portable VR video game system in one hand, the other hand somehow balancing a notebook and two long sticks. Zuko wasn’t sure what Sokka wanted to do, but he couldn’t think of a good enough excuse to turn around in confusion and leave.

Despite the borderline ridiculous number of items in his hands, Sokka ran up to Zuko as soon as they saw each other. “I’m so glad you could make it! I wanted to make sure you had a chance to do this before the auditions!”

“Is there a reason you're wearing a pirate eye patch?” Zuko was fairly certain he knew Sokka well enough to know that the eye patch wasn't mocking his partial blindness or anything like that, but he had no idea what it could be for or why it was so important that they do this before the auditions. 

Sokka was more or less vibrating with excitement, almost like a fire ferret that found an unattended grocery bag full of favorite snacks. “When you mentioned having trouble with your swords yesterday, it reminded me that my sword simulator video game has a dual wielding mode. I decided to teach myself how to use the dual broadswords using the video game and then I decided to reteach myself with the eyepatch on in case I picked up any ideas that could help you adjust to your new situation. I wasn't sure how much eyesight you have on your left eye and it seems like kind of a personal question so I decided my safest bet was to just wear the eye patch because I could always tell you to close your eye if whatever eyesight you have on your left doesn't work with the tips and tricks I figured out last night.”

Zuko blinked in confusion, unsure of what to say. That was definitely not what he was expecting when Sokka had asked him to meet in the park. He wasn't sure how much time Sokka had put into teaching himself to use the dual broadswords with and without the eye patch, but it was definitely more effort than he was used to anyone (except maybe his uncle) putting into something to help him do an activity he was interested in. “Um, thanks. You really didn't have to do that.”

“I know, but I wanted to do that. My dad never leaves anyone behind on his navy assignments and I know a college theatre club is very different from the Navy but I still refuse to let a friend get left behind from an activity they want to do.” 

“Well then, I'm not gonna let you waste the effort you put into this. I’m a little confused about how you decided to play the game with an eye patch on instead of just sending me information about where to get the game, but I’m not complaining.”

Now it was Sokka's turn to blink in confusion. “Honestly, it didn't occur to me to send you information about the game instead of figuring this out the hard way. Maybe I only know how to learn things the hard way, but that's a conversation for another time. More importantly, in addition to teaching me not to leave anyone behind, my dad taught me not to shy away from doing stuff the hard way, so maybe that learning style would've been hardwired into my brain anyway. Anyway, do you want to try the VR headset first, or do you want to go straight into my notes with the physical swords?” 

“Good question. I’ve never used a VR headset before so I'm not sure how it translates to real swords, but I also don't want to repeat the problems from yesterday. Can I read your notes before trying on the VR headset?”

“Of course!” Sokka handed Zuko the notebook, which despite the fact that Sokka had been wearing an eye patch from a Halloween costume while writing, was fairly legible and useful. 

After about an hour with the VR headset, Zuko decided he was ready to try his real swords again. Unlike yesterday, the tricks he tried actually worked. He even felt safe enough to move on from solo tricks to trying some tricks with Sokka. After another two hours, Zuko felt much more prepared for the auditions. 

Unfortunately, those feelings of preparedness faded when he got home and took a closer look at the audition sign up paperwork. In addition to the “voice type” question that was still unanswered, there was also a blank line to fill in the song title he was going to sing for his audition. He had listened to plenty of songs over the course of his 18 (almost 19) trips around the sun, but he wasn’t sure which one was right to sing for an audition. He got the feeling that singing one of the songs Iroh made up with his Tsungi horn wouldn’t be the best course of action. 

The good news was he had friends he could ask. He figured that the friends who wanted to keep him in the loop about audition information emails wouldn’t mind sharing advice about choosing an audition song. 

Zuko : Hello, Zuko here with a question about auditions. How do you guys know which song to choose? I’ve never done this before. 

Toph : Zuko the app attaches your name to all your messages so you don’t need to start conversations with “hello Zuko here”

Aang: I don’t mind it. When we’re talking about multiple things at once it kinda helps me regroup my thoughts

Aang : Also you didn’t answer his question but I’ll say that my go-to is usually Empty Chairs at Empty Tables unless it feels wrong for the vibe of the show

Suki : Aang if you can figure out what vibe Pippin is supposed to have that would be great! The stage crew got together to read the script last night so we could start figuring out props and sets and tbh it left me more confused than I was before we read it

Toph : My go-to is Everything Else from Next to Normal, but I get the feeling that's not the vocal range you're looking for

Yue : When my mom heard that song on the cast recording she made me return it to the library because there's 2 swear words in the first 3 sentences 

Toph: oh so that's why your idea of teenage rebellion was to look up songs from Rent on YouTube and choose videos that didn't say “school edition” in the title

Yue : I forget why I shared that fun fact about myself during tech week last semester but I might regret it now lol

Katara : eh, tech week is prime time for regrettable decisions. I’m just glad nobody posted any videos of when I thought I could participate in a rap battle because I had been using the Hamilton cast recording to keep myself awake while doing homework but ended up failing to improvise and using the lyrics from those Hamilton songs instead. 

Katara : That being said I’m using Eliza’s part of That Would Be Enough for this audition–I was gonna use Satisfied but I don’t think there’s any rapping in Pippin

Sokka : Be More Chill is usually the musical I get my audition songs from. Last semester I did Michael in the Bathroom and this time I'm planning to sing Loser Geek Whatever

[ Toph laugh-reacted to Sokka's message: Be More Chill is usually the musical I get my audition songs from. Last semester I did Michael in the Bathroom and this time I'm planning to sing Loser Geek Whatever ]

Sokka: Toph I know you're dying to make a Loser Geek Whatever joke. Let's just get it over with 

Toph : Actually I was laughing because even though logically I know Michael in the Bathroom is a song title, my text to speech sometimes pauses in weird spots and it made your message about when you did Michael in the Bathroom for last semester’s audition sound like it raises more questions than it answers 

Toph: questions like “was that before or after you started dating Suki?”

[ Suki thinking-emoji-reacted and Aang, Yue, and Katara laugh-reacted to Toph's message:  questions like “was that before or after you started dating Suki?” ]

Sokka : wow guys

Zuko stared at his phone for a minute, reading the original message with pauses in different spots to figure out what the joke was. Then he realized what Sokka saying “I did” before the song title “Michael in the Bathroom” sounded like, or rather what the word “do” could mean when it referenced other people. 

[ Zuko laugh-reacted to Toph's message: questions like “was that before or after you started dating Suki?” ]

Sokka: et tu, Zuko? 

Zuko : sorry it's a rare occasion that I figure out the joke before the subject changes so I couldn't resist

Sokka : for the record I don't know anyone named Michael. Also Suki and I started dating in the middle of last semester and the auditions were at the beginning of the semester. After I got her phone number I texted her six haikus about my favorite onstage props and then we ended up at Kuruk’s Cones (aka the  ice cream parlor with the most flavors and toppings in this ring of Ba Sing Se)

Suki: technically you only sent me 5 haikus. That last one had 6 syllables on the last line

Katara : somehow I’m not surprised that my brother did that

Katara : I am surprised that it worked though

Sokka : Hey! That was uncalled for

Zuko put down his phone to let his friends sort out their sibling rivalry (sometimes he had to admit it was entertaining to watch from the sidelines, but other times it was just a stark reminder of how unhealthy the dynamics in his childhood home were and he didn’t want to accidentally send himself to the wrong headspace by reading too many messages). He had more important things to focus on, like choosing a song before tomorrow night. Actually, he probably needed to choose tonight so he would have time to go find some sheet music in the library or something. 

His first instinct was to use the song Under Control. After all, that song was the most “seen” he had ever felt in a long time. The only problem was that he wasn't sure if using that song would give the audition panel ideas about him that he didn't want them thinking. How to Dance in Ohio was a relatively new show, and Zuko wasn't sure how much the people who would watch the audition would know about it. There was a nonzero chance that using Under Control as his audition song would inadvertently out himself as autistic. There was also a nonzero chance that the audition panel would assume he was being an ableist jerk by choosing that song, especially if he had to put his last name on the sign up sheet. It wasn't like sign up sheets had room to add an asterisk that said “yes I got half my DNA from that dude but I endorse none of the things he says and does as governor.” 

Then a random memory from middle school popped up on Zuko's head. All of the sixth grade ELA classes read the first Percy Jackson book in class, and there was a field trip to see a local production of the musical. The special education class Zuko was in was typically excluded from field trips, especially trips to places like theatres, but even if his class had been included he wouldn't have been able to go because there was no way Ozai would ever sign his permission slip and it had been about a year since his mom left. Exclusion from the field trip didn't stop Zuko's teacher from sharing the music with the class, and one song in particular (“Good Kid”) had been a mental life raft as the first anniversary of his mom leaving approached and passed. Although he didn't have any quests to go on or mythology monsters to fight, Zuko found Percy's position at that point in the show extremely relatable. The song ended with Percy repeating to himself “I’m good enough for someone,” and Zuko had adopted those lyrics as some type of personal mantra. 

Since he was already familiar with the song, Zuko was less worried about having enough time to practice. He would still need to find some sheet music for whoever was playing the piano in the audition room, but he suspected that sheet music for the Percy Jackson musical would be easier to find than sheet music for How to Dance in Ohio . Since Rick Riordan had written the Percy Jackson books because he wanted his son who had ADHD and dyslexia to have characters he could relate to, all of the demigods (including Percy) were canonically neurodivergent, sharing the same disabilities as the author’s son. The show and the books were popular enough to be used as audition songs without raising suspicion while still fulfilling Zuko's desire to honor HDTIO’s example of casting neurodivergent actors for neurodivergent characters. 

Although he didn't have sheet music yet, Zuko did find a YouTube video with an instrumental karaoke track to the song he chose. His practice was interrupted by a private message from Toph. 

Toph : Hey Zuko! I didn't want to ask in the main groupchat because I wasn't sure how open you were about the vision damage and your disability accommodations, but I wanted to ask: is one of your testing accommodations large print? Because if it is, you can bring a note from Piandao’s office to the Heiskell branch of the Ba Sing Se Public Library you should be able to borrow their large print sheet music

Toph : at least that's how I got a card because the campus library doesn't have anything in Braille 

Zuko: I know I got a Ba Sing Se Public Library card when I moved in with my uncle but I was under the impression that I wasn't the target audience for the Heiskell branch because I don't read braille and still have adequate sight on one side

Zuko : not sure about sheet music but large print versions of books are in all branches of the Ba Sing Se Public Library 

Toph : If you want we can go together tomorrow afternoon–I think we both have Monday afternoons free

Toph : if they have large print sheet music either your existing library card should work or if it doesn't a letter from Piandao's office should get you access. The campus library has sheet music but not in large print or braille so Piandao made arrangements with the Heiskell branch to allow university students who need accessible materials to borrow stuff even if they don't have a Ba Sing Se Public Library card because they only live here when school’s open 

Zuko : I probably still need a normal print version for whoever’s playing the piano in the audition room but I’m at least curious to see what's at the Heiskell branch 

Zuko : or I guess I should say to find out what's there

Zuko : didn't mean to say “see” sorry if that was rude and/or ableist 

Toph: when my text to speech read that out loud the internalized ableism burned my ears

Toph : that was sarcasm btw (I know it's not your strong suit)

Toph : I know it's just a phrase people are used to using. Meanwhile I was born blind so I'm used to hearing it and also used to hearing everyone's discomfort as they backtrack after they remember (tbh it’s sometimes fun when people forget that I'm blind and I get to remind them)

Toph : anyway I'm looking forward to introducing you to the Heiskell branch tomorrow! We’ll get to be a couple of blind bandits taking on the town

Zuko : are you sure I'm blind enough to call myself that?

Toph : if I'm the one saying it, yes. It's not every day that I decide to share a nickname with someone, especially the nickname I got on my middle school wrestling team

Toph : so I probably should have said *the* blind bandit and an honorary blind bandit but “a couple of blind bandits taking on the town” sounded a lot better 

Zuko : I thought your gold medal was in judo? 

Toph: recruiting me for the school wrestling team was part of how Mr. Boulder convinced my parents to let me try judo (he will always be the best middle school gym teacher ever)

Toph: I didn't get to compete in *every* match because not all of the schools we competed against thought to familiarize anyone in my weight class with the concept of blind vs sighted wrestling (because plot twist, there's official rules for when a sighted wrestler competes against a blind wrestler) but when I did get to compete I was undefeated 

Toph: on one hand sitting out of matches because opponents weren't properly prepared wasn't fun, on the other hand the fact that Mr. Boulder anticipated that happening probably made my parents more willing to sign the permission slip 

Zuko : I can understand the frustration there. My mom and uncle were always willing to let me try doing things, but my dad was a different story

Zuko : not a story I feel like telling right now though. For now I'll just say that I'm honored to be an honorary blind bandit 

It was getting late, but Zuko sent Piandao an email so he could get the letter he needed for the library. He wasn't completely sure if he needed it, or if the library even had large print sheet music of the song he wanted, but he decided it was better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. There were probably still plenty of ways that tomorrow’s audition could go wrong, but the whole idea suddenly felt a lot less intimidating.

Chapter Text

Much to Zuko's relief, both the process of getting a library letter from Piandao's office and the process of actually finding the Heiskell branch of the Ba Sing Se Public Library were pretty straightforward. He hadn't anticipated any issues from Piandao, but he was still surprised by the number of bus routes that went to that particular branch of the library until Toph pointed out that the library's location had intentionally been planned to be as accessible via public transportation as possible because nobody wants to give driver's licenses to blind people. No matter how good Badger was at his seeing-eye-dog job, letting Toph do the driving with Badger doing the seeing was not an arrangement any DMV employee would ever be willing to sign off on. Every driving law in the country (actually probably every driving law in the universe) had been written with the assumption that the person doing the driving and the person doing the seeing had to be the same person, much to Toph's annoyance. 

Toph and Badger led Zuko to the reference desk. A button on the desk was labeled “ring for service” in both braille and a large print font. Toph pressed the button and someone came out of the staff room. 

“Welcome to the Heiskell branch of the Ba Sing Se Public Library. My name is Opal. How can I help you?” When she got closer to desk, Opal saw them and said “Hi Toph. What brings you here today?”

“A few things, actually. I have some items on hold to pick up, and my friend Zuko has a few questions so I brought him here.” 

He knew from the group chat yesterday that Toph wasn't a fan of hearing the same introduction over and over, but Zuko didn't have another script in his head so he greeted Opal with his usual “Hello, Zuko here.” 

Opal smiled. “You two are the only ones here, so I guessed you might be Zuko. What questions did you have?”

Zuko handed Opal the letter from Piandao's office. “I have a Ba Sing Se Public Library card with a different branch, but I heard you guys might have some large print sheet music and I was wondering if my card would work here or if I needed special permission or something. I lost eyesight on my left side due to an…injury last year, so I’m still adjusting to things and figuring out what type of accommodations to ask for.”

Opal smiled. “This is definitely the right library to come to for accommodations. You technically don't need the letter from your university because you have a Ba Sing Se Public Library card. Anyone with that card can come here to get what they need. If you're looking for sheet music, we happen to keep the large print sheet music for the whole library system and send it out via interlibrary loans so it's technically available to all card holders. However, because you have the letter I have a new device you can try–Future Industries created a new eReader that has both a braille mode and a large print mode, and we're authorized to loan them out to Ba Sing Se University students who have accommodations for vision loss.” 

Zuko hesitated as he picked up the tablet. “That seems like a very niche target audience for loaning out the new devices.”

Opal opened a drawer and pulled out two borrowing agreements, one in braille and the other in large print. “Sorry, I should have clarified. Ba Sing Se University students who have accommodations for vision loss are allowed to borrow these tablets for a full semester at a time. For everyone else the loan period is one week at a time, just like all the other stuff in the Library of Things program.” 

That answer satisfied Zuko, and he had no problem navigating to the sheet music app on the “eReader” side of the tablet. He found that “Good Kid” was already available, and he was able to adjust the size and color scheme to maximize comfort. 

“This is awesome! I’m so glad we came!” Toph's excitement about the new braille tablet reminded Zuko of Sokka's excitement when they practiced swords yesterday. “My screen reader and text to speech stuff is great, but sometimes my ears want a break.” 

Zuko got the feeling he knew exactly what Toph was talking about. One of the more frustrating phases of his recovery from the incident had been when the only sources of entertainment he was allowed were listening only–music, audiobooks, and podcasts. Music was usually great, but audiobooks and podcasts never cooperated with his attention span, and even if they had cooperated with his attention span there were only so many spoken words his brain was willing to process within a given time period. 

After they filled out the relevant paperwork, Toph took Zuko's hand and said “c’mon, there's some cool stuff I wanna show you.”

Zuko debated making a joke about that “blind leading the blind” saying but wasn't sure if it was actually applicable here because technically Badger was leading Toph. He was surprised when they ended up in what was clearly meant to be a children's reading area full of board books and picture books. “Is there a reason you brought me here?” 

Toph picked up one of the picture books. “It's in both braille and print so little blind kids can get the same literacy exposures their sighted peers do, and so blind parents can read with their sighted kids and everyone can get the full experience of being read to.” She picked up another book. “There's also a lot of books that have different textures built in. They're technically for kids but they can be a nice sensory experience for people of all ages. I've been thinking about what you said when we saw the play–how you said it was the first time you had truly felt seen. This area of the library is like that for me. When I was a kid, there were a lot of things my parents didn't know about having a blind daughter, and there were things I missed out on until I got to school. But coming here and knowing that books like these exist gives me optimism for the next generation of blind kids. I know your situation is a lot more complicated than mine, and there's probably a lot of stuff that I’ll never understand, but I wanted to show you some tangible evidence that it's starting to get better.”

Zuko smiled. “Thanks. You're not wrong about it being complicated, but I'm navigating it. I’m glad this exists, and I’m glad you showed me.” Before Zuko could say anything else, he heard the sound of someone else entering the library. He couldn't see her but he knew from the sound of her voice that she was someone who knew him and would cause problems if she saw him there. His first instinct was to hide, but he didn’t want to leave Toph to face Kuvira on her own–even if Toph had never had the horror of being babysat by one of Ozai’s meanest interns and Kuvira had no way of knowing that Toph knew Zuko, leaving her out in the open felt wrong. He spotted a supply closet that looked big enough for him, Toph, and Badger to all hide in. He took Toph’s hand and whispered, “I’ll explain everything later but for now I need you to trust me.”

“What on earth are you talking about? It sounds like you saw something dangerous.”

“Actually I heard someone dangerous, so hiding in the supply closet is our safest bet.” They entered the closet and Zuko closed the door as quickly and quietly as possible. The acoustics in the library didn’t allow for the full conversation between Kuvira and Opal to be overheard, but it sounded like Kuvira had some complaints about specific books being available in the library. It kind of reminded Zuko of the rant Mai’s dad had gone on that eventually required Mai to volunteer at the special education center in order to save her dad’s career. 

Eventually it sounded like Kuvira left the library, but Zuko waited an extra two minutes before he opened the door of the supply closet and led Toph and Badger out. Although Zuko had heard the slamming door that indicated Kuvira's departure, he had somehow failed to hear Opal entering the children's reading area that Toph had been so enthusiastic about showing Zuko. 

“Is there a reason the two of you were in the supply closet? I know you guys are only in your first year of college so your prefrontal cortexes haven't had a chance to do the thing yet, but I would've expected people your age to realize that the supply closet next to the children's reading area is a really bad place to make out.” 

Opal didn't seem that much older than them, so Zuko wasn't sure why she had assumed they were making out in the supply closet. Usually that was something older people assumed teenagers do at libraries, and although 18 years was technically still a teenager because the number ended in “teen,” as 18-year-old college freshmen they were both legally adults. (Okay maybe there were some flavors of cactus juice that couldn't be purchased by anyone under the age of 21, but that's a separate matter.) He just looked down at his feet and said “we weren't making out, we were just hiding. Kuvira used to babysit me back when she was an intern in my dad's office and I didn't want her to see me here. My vision loss occurred long after she finished her internship, and I didn't want her asking a bunch of questions about the scar if she were to recognize me.”

“Hiding in the supply closet is definitely not the type of behavior we want to see our library patrons doing, but if it was in fact about avoiding Kuvira I really can't blame you.  She's always causing problems for employees of the Ba Sing Se Public Library. I feel bad for my coworkers who seem to be stuck with her for the foreseeable future. I came to Ba Sing Se University to study library science after an ankle injury ended my career with the Zaofu Metropolitan Ballet, and once I graduate I’ll more than likely be moving to Republic City because I’m engaged to the mayor. Anyway, I should probably get back to the reference desk. I hope you guys come back soon.” 

Zuko, Toph, and Badger caught the next bus back to the university. Toph's phone buzzed with an alarm. “Glad we left when we did–I almost forgot that I planned to meet with Onji before the auditions to work out a plan for Wednesday. After I kept bumping into people at the dance part of last semester’s Legally Blonde auditions, the club advisors decided it made more sense for me to meet with the choreographer separately instead of trying to do the new dance in a group. Ooh, it also looks like Sokka sent a message to our ‘weaponized geology’ chat while we were hiding in the supply closet. 

Zuko opened the MessengerHawk app and saw the exact message Toph was talking about. 

Sokka: did you guys know that Piandao plays Pai Sho with Iroh and Gyatso? I saw Gyatso starting a game with Piandao when I went in to get some tea before class, and after he took my order Iroh told them he wanted to play the next game. Felt a lot like seeing your teachers outside of school as a kid, you know?

Toph: I didn't even see my teachers *inside* of school as a kid but I get what you're saying 

Zuko: I knew that my uncle is in some kind of “white lotus” club where he plays Pai Sho with other people and that that was where he met Gyatso (which eventually led to them making their plans to open the Jasmine Dragon after Gyatso retired from being a school librarian) but I had no idea Piandao was also a member 

After responding to Sokka's message, Zuko saw that he had also been added to a group chat with Mai and Ty Lee. 

Ty Lee: Hi guys! Are you ready for auditions today? I’m so excited! I miss performing 

Mai: I’m just looking for a potential excuse to throw knives without getting in trouble 

Zuko: Did you guys find sheet music for your audition songs? Toph brought me on a library field trip to get some for mine lol

Ty Lee: doesn't the on-campus library have sheet music?

Zuko: she needed it in braille and I needed large print, so no lol

Mai: I found some for mine in the on-campus library but glad to hear you found what you needed for yours

Ty Lee: I’m looking forward to seeing you guys tonight! Do you guys wanna hang out beforehand?

Mai: we’re already hanging out because roommates

Ty Lee: I meant the three of us lol! Zuko's invited too! 

Zuko: I have to go home and get my swords because I didn't think I would be allowed to bring them to class so I’m not sure how the timing would play out with the city bus schedule 

The city bus schedule was in fact not in Zuko's favor. He ended up running across campus to get to the music building, where lots of people were already in the hallway. 

Sokka was the first to spot Zuko. “You made it! I was getting worried.”

Zuko shrugged. “I had to go home and get my swords, and then the bus got delayed.”

“That's understandable. Did you add your name to the sign-in sheet? They're having everyone try out one at a time tonight, and then Wednesday night they’ll do dance auditions and callbacks.” 

“I didn't see the sign-in sheet yet. Can you show me where it is?” 

Sokka brought Zuko over to the sign-in sheet, which was on a clipboard on a music stand outside a classroom. Zuko picked up a pen from the music stand and wrote “Zuko Sozinson,” his penmanship a bit shakier than normal because his hands were shaking with an unfamiliar mix of excitement and nervousness.

Right after Zuko signed in, Mai and Ty Lee showed up, ready to add their own names. They had evidently gotten very different memos about how one should dress for a college theatre club audition. Mai’s outfit was all black with trousers and a blouse that wouldn't look out of place in a professional orchestra concert, while Ty Lee was wearing a pink crop top that she had bedazzled the words “circus freak” onto with a matching pair of pink jeans. Standing next to both of them, Zuko was starting to feel a little underdressed in his usual hoodie and jeans, but then he remembered that Aang and Sokka were also wearing their usual jeans and t-shirts and Toph was wearing the same outfit she had worn to the library. 

Sokka recognized Mai and said hello to her, which Ty Lee took as a cue to introduce herself. Sokka then took the fact that Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee hadn't been part of the club last semester as a cue to introduce them to some of the other people who were waiting for their turn to try out. Zuko already knew the ones he hung out with at Jasmine Dragon, but the rest of the introductions were a blur of new faces. Zuko figured he would get to know which faces went with which name once rehearsals got started, unless everyone called each other by their characters’ names or something. Seeing as Sokka had once sent the group a meme about knowing you're a theatre kid when your parents know your friends by the characters they've played and not by their actual names, Zuko wouldn't have been surprised if the directors decided to refer to everyone by character names (though that would probably get tricky for everyone named “ensemble”). 

Other people in the hallway also appeared to be first-timers, and Zuko wasn't sure if that was normal for the second semester of the school year but he was glad to know that he wouldn't be the only one to not know what was going on. One of the other new people had apparently been on the same middle school wrestling team as Toph. Zuko saw her hug him and heard her ask, “Haru, what are you doing here? I thought the rehearsal schedule would conflict with wrestling practices and meets and stuff.” 

Haru shrugged. “Long story short, joining the theatre club is part of a complicated plan to make up a literature credit after Professor Zhao messed up my testing accommodations. Piandao helped me present my case to the Dean of Students, which got a failure turned into an incomplete. In order to make up the ‘incomplete,’ Piandao also helped me set up a meeting with my advisor and plan a series of independent assignments that other professors from the literature department will assess. One of those assignments involves participating in the theatre club and writing a paper comparing theatrical storytelling to other forms of storytelling.” 

Zuko still wasn't super open about being registered for disability accommodations, but he couldn't help overhearing and wanting to ask for more information. “Sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop but did you say Professor Zhao messed with your literature credits? I’m in one of his classes this semester, and he was the only professor I've seen have an issue accepting my accommodations letter.” 

Haru nodded. “In hindsight I don't know what I was expecting–English classes were always an issue for my dyslexia but my high school teachers were always willing to follow my school-approved accommodations. I’ve been told that Professor Zhao is an anomaly and that others are better at following accessibility laws, but I'll believe it when I see it.”

“Did the university give professor Zhao any consequences for failing to uphold your accommodations?” As if worrying about the audition wasn't enough, Zuko was starting to wonder if he should be worried about upcoming exams. 

Haru shrugged. “If they did, they didn't tell me. I was more focused on maintaining eligibility for my wrestling scholarship. When we first made the plan to make up the credits I was worried about how I would balance classes and rehearsals and wrestling obligations, but then I remembered that Bolin Kaseigan was able to balance starring in the NukTuk movies with his MMA competitions before going on to be the first openly autistic mayor of Republic City, so in theory it should be possible to manage everything this semester.”

Zuko remembered when Bolin was elected. Ozai had called Yon Ra and Long Feng to laugh about how badly Bolin's term was destined to end up–none of them believed an autistic person would be capable of leading Republic City, even with the word “openly” being there in all the headlines to hold space for the possibility that at least one previous mayor had also been autistic but either lived before a diagnosis was available or had been diagnosed but felt they lacked permission to make it public. Ozai had used the speakerphone setting, so Zuko had had the misfortune of hearing both his own father's rude comments (which was nothing new) AND the equally ableist responses. Ozai had either failed to realize that Zuko was within hearing distance, or he simply hadn't cared. Zuko still wasn't sure which possibility was worse. Either way, it was too soon after meeting Haru to share that much of his backstory–Sokka hadn't even unlocked that level yet. 

Katara must have come close enough to hear at least part of Haru’s story without Zuko noticing, because before he could think of a response that would show Haru he listened without giving away more details than he was comfortable with, Katara said, “I don't have a complicated make-up credit situation, but I do have some swim meets scheduled for this semester and some experience with figuring out a balance between sports and theatre with last semester’s swim team stuff, so let me know if there's anything I can help with.” 

Haru smiled. “Thanks Katara.”

Toph couldn't resist adding to the conversation. “It's great that Bolin Kaseigan is out there as a role model for your current situation, but doesn't his fire ferret have more Instagram followers than he does?”

Haru shrugged. “Pabu’s adorable, so honestly I can't blame the people of Instagram for being more interested in a cute little fire ferret than in a celebrity.” 

“Toph, you don't even have an Instagram account.” Katara pointed out. “How do you even know how Bolin’s follower count compares to Pabu's?” 

Toph smiled. “I have my ways.” 

Zuko tuned out the rest of the conversation, reading over his sheet music, squeezing a frog-shaped stress ball he had almost forgotten was at the bottom of his backpack, and practicing how he would introduce himself to the audition panel. He debated going into the restroom to use a mirror to practice his introduction monologue, but wasn't sure how many other people would be doing the same or if using the bathroom mirror to practice talking to himself would be considered rude if anyone else came in to use the bathroom for its usual intended purpose. 

Before long, Zuko heard his name being called from the door of the classroom that was being used as the audition room. It was his turn. He took a deep breath and entered the room. He didn't have any kind of heart rate tracker on his watch, but if he did it probably would have been buzzing to alert an abnormally high heart rate. 

He turned to face the audition panel, and all the words he had practiced for his introduction seemed to vanish from his brain. He resorted to improvising and hoping it was the right thing to say. “Hello, Zuko here but you probably knew that already. You know, from when you were reading it from the sign up sheet? Anyway, I’ve never done this before so I have no way of knowing if I’m doing this right or if it's good or if it's bad but I hope it's good. I’ll be singing ‘Good Kid' from the Percy Jackson musical.” 

He handed the pianist some sheet music, and he sang on the right cue. He didn't pay attention to the facial expressions the people on the audition panel were making, but even if he was he wouldn't have had the brainpower available to make sense of those expressions. He had to think about hitting the right notes with the right words and making his own facial expressions make sense.

After he sang, there were some questions about the sword tricks he had listed as a special talent. He was asked to demonstrate. Zuko took the swords out of their case but left the safety guards on. They were on school grounds after all. The tips and tricks he had figured out with Sokka worked. 

One person on the panel (Zuko didn't remember any of their names) said “dance auditions and callbacks for specific characters will be on Wednesday night. We’ll send out an email tomorrow with more information.” 

Zuko smiled, thanked the audition panel, and made his way to the door. Now that this part of the audition was over, he felt a sense of relief. He knew Mai and Ty Lee were next, assuming they had in fact put their names on the sign in sheet at the time that he saw them. 

However, a different face was there when opened the door–one he hadn't seen since the night he turned on the Ba Sing Se candle lanterns without permission, since the night he interrupted his own first kiss. 

Jin looked at him and said, “Lee, is that you? It's been so long! And what in Hei Bai’s name happened to your eye?”

Before Zuko could answer, Mai approached the door on her way to her own audition. Clearly having heard Jin, she looked at the two of them and said “um, Zuko, why does she think your name is Lee?” 

Zuko didn't know which question to answer, or what to say if he were to even attempt to answer either question. He was face-to-face with both the girl he had had his first date and first kiss with and the childhood friend that he might or might not have ended up with additional feelings for. The only thing he knew was that he was in deep ostrich-horse shit. The only solution he could think of was to run straight to the bathroom and lock himself in a stall. After all, it wasn't like Mai and Jin could follow him there. Plus, he couldn't tell for sure but he thought he was starting to feel like he might throw up–if that feeling was correct, the bathroom was the appropriate place to be anyway. 

He wasn't sure how much time had passed (it felt like 10 minutes, but Zuko's anxiety had always messed with his sense of time so it could just as easily have been 2 minutes or even an hour) when he heard someone come in and knock on the door. “Zuko, are you okay in there?”

He recognized Sokka’s voice, so he unlocked the door and stepped out. “I think so–I just wasn't expecting to step into the middle of what might be a love triangle when I stepped out of the audition room.” 

“The middle of what might be a love triangle? I know from the park that you're friends with Mai, but how did you know Jin? All I know about her was that she was in the pit band for Legally Blonde last semester. I forget which instrument she was on though. I didn't think she was from around here or from your old town.”  

“It's a long story. She happened to be in town for a campus tour and music department audition during a week when my high school was closed and I was staying with my uncle. This was before the eye injury, so I was working at Jasmine Dragon when she gave me a paper with her name and phone number and we ended up on a date, which was a strange mix of fun and disastrous. Unfortunately we lost touch when I went back to my dad's house and I never got around to reaching out to her when I officially moved in with my uncle.” Zuko paused for a moment before adding, “Were things this complicated when you and Yue made up your fake dating scheme? Because I think that's the closest I've come to knowing someone with experience dealing with love triangles.” 

“Eh, my fake dating arrangement with Yue is less of a love triangle between her and Suki and more of a favor to deal with her overbearing parents, but I can see why you'd think I know what to do here. Suki and Yue both helped me come up with our plan. The only advice I can think of is to talk to both of them about your feelings and see what happens.”

Sokka had a point, but Zuko had more concerns. “Thanks for the advice but it's a bit complicated. Can I text you about it later? I need time to think about how to phrase everything.”

“Of course.”

Zuko miraculously avoided running into Mai or Jin or anyone else on his way back home. Iroh was ready to drive home from the Jasmine Dragon by the time Zuko had exited the audition–by some miracle the timing of that night's dinner rush had been just right. 

He changed into his pajamas and plugged in his phone. He was glad his charging cable was long enough to let him use his phone in bed. This conversation could be a long one. 

Zuko: Hi Sokka. This is something that I've never talked about with anyone else before but I think I can trust you with it–you’ve been trustworthy with everything else thus far. 

He debated whether to make this one long message or separate two separate thoughts into two separate messages. He decided that multiple messages was his best bet–there was a pretty good chance that these messages were gonna be paragraphs. 

Zuko: Anyway, crushes and stuff never worked for me the way they seemed to work for other people. I remember Ty Lee bringing “does your crush like you back” magazine quizzes when she came over to hang out with Azula when we were kids, but the people who wrote them tended to assume the people taking the quizzes were girls, so I attributed my confusion to the fact that I’m a boy. Then boys in my class would talk about having crushes on certain celebrities and I never had anything to add to the conversation. Crushing on celebrities was a concept I never fully understood–it wasn't like we had ever met any to know what their personalities were like or what we would talk about or anything like that 

Zuko: at first I thought that my lack of anything to add to the celebrity crushes conversation was an autism thing, like there was some social cue I had failed to pick up, but last semester my psychology 101 textbook had a chapter on how people form their own personal identities, including a section on LGBTQ+ identities, and some of the stuff about asexuality made a lot of sense

Zuko: and yes I know textbooks don't always get published quickly enough to be up to date on that kind of stuff but the professor for that was an adjunct whose main job was mental health counseling for a community organization that supports LGBTQ+ youth so the information might be more trustworthy than if someone like Professor Zhao from our literature class was teaching it (plus the part of the textbook that talked about autism didn't use any of the outdated terms except to acknowledge the fact that those terms were outdated and note what terms should be used instead, so I imagine the textbook authors stayed on top of new research in other areas of psychology as well)

Zuko: I’m still figuring out what word is the best fit for where I land under the asexual umbrella, but seeing as my feelings for Mai developed in the context of a pre-existing friendship and with Jin it took until the end of the date to fully wrap my head around whatever feelings came from being on the date, at this point demisexual and/or demiromantic seem to be the closest description

Sokka: thanks for sharing–I can see how that would be complicated to sort out 

Zuko: the “talk to both of them” idea gets a lot more complicated once you factor in stuff like Mai already knowing that I’m autistic because my parents told her parents but Jin not knowing because I never mentioned it, and possibly having to come out as demisexual and/or demiromantic to explain my feelings, and that coming out as either of those things can quickly turn into a vocabulary lesson

Zuko: if coming out is going to be a vocabulary lesson I want to be sure I'm teaching the right words (and in Jin’s case I’d probably also have to come out as autistic and I’m still navigating my feelings about telling people that one–right now you and Toph are the only ones in our group that I've told)

Sokka: I can't really tell you what to do but I can listen if you ever need to talk

Toph: I can tell you absolute turtleducks that you need to check which MessengerHawk conversation you're in *before* sending messages. This is the “weaponized geology” chat not your individual DMs

Zuko got the feeling that the deep ostrich-horse shit he was in just got a lot deeper. He scrolled back up in the chat and realized that Sokka had laugh-reacted to Toph's comment about not even seeing her teachers inside of school, which had made the “weaponized geology” chat the most recent message from Sokka when he started the “there's a nonzero chance I'm ace or demisexual and/or demiromantic so I have no idea what I'm doing in a love triangle” conversation 

Toph: consider yourselves lucky that my headphones were working otherwise Katara could have heard everything 

Toph: or maybe she wouldn't have since she's got her own headphones on and is doing that chai tea thing she always does the night before swim meets so she's basically in her own world but if both of our headphones were to malfunction at the same time we'd be in trouble 

Zuko: I think your text-to-speech corrected “tai chi” to “chai tea” (which side note you shouldn't order at Jasmine Dragon unless you want Iroh and Gyatso to give you a linguistics lecture)

Sokka: I wasn't going to ask for chai tea there but now I low-key wanna hear the linguistics lecture 

Toph: if you're gonna intentionally order something that isn't on the menu for the express purpose of getting a linguistics lecture please make sure you do it when I’m NOT there 

Toph: I hope my speech-to-text setting put the word “not” in all caps for emphasis. If it didn't please pretend it did 

Zuko: wait, what happened to those cool new tablets we got from the library 

Toph: I don’t think the MessengerHawk app works on that cool new braille tablet I got from the library

Zuko: well since you're here do you have any opinions or advice or anything? 

Toph: my advice would be to wait until after the play to make any decisions. After all, we’ll all be seeing a lot of each other at rehearsals and stuff and you never know who you'll end up having to dance next to if you're in the ensemble 

Toph: like, last semester Satoru and I got paired up for an assignment in our marketing class. With all the times we met up to work on it we started to realize that there could be a potential romantic partnership in addition to the business partnership we were set up with for the class

Toph: however, we also realized that between my desire to open a fully accessible martial arts and rock climbing gym and his interest in starting an assistive technology company, there was a pretty good chance that we’d be taking a lot of the same classes and have a lot of compatible ideas for projects where we’d want to work together 

Toph: we knew that breaking up would make things awkward and that actively pursuing a relationship could potentially turn into a conflict of interest situation in the real world, so we had a conversation like adults and mutually agreed to wait until after we graduate and start dating then if those feelings continued to exist 

Zuko: I’m not sure if you noticed but I usually suck at conversations, or at least was never taught the social skills for the type of conversation you're thinking of

Sokka: I just want to point out that me dating Suki didn't have any negative impact on our ability to work together to build parts of the set 

Toph: That's because you and Suki have one of those connections where you're good as both romantic partners and as project partners. Also decorating set pieces for Legally Blonde is a bit lower stakes than a semester-long project that makes 75% of our grade. Experimenting to see whether or not you're capable of being project partners and romantic partners at the same time isn't going to be as dangerous if it backfires 

Toph: also Suki is just one person and even if we factor in your insane arrangement with Yue, all three of you were on the same page when it started. Zuko is still figuring out not just which relationships work as romantic partnerships, which are better as other type of partnerships, and which work as both, he’s still sorting out which relationships actually exist 

Zuko: that's fair but I still feel called out 

Toph: my elementary school had me in a social skills group for like two years because my parents thought it was socially inappropriate for me to always want to play in the mud and somehow convinced the school to put it in my IEP even though it had nothing to do with my blindness and if your school put you in anything similar, they probably didn't adequately prepare you for anything past asking a friend if they want to come over and handing the phone to your respective parents to sort out the logistics 

Zuko: you're not wrong about the elementary school social skills groups. Did yours meet during lunch and recess too? Like that is the one time of day we were supposed to be using those skills, and even if it's just once a week that the group met it adds up

Toph: yes and that always annoyed me because it meant I got less time on the playground (which I was surprisingly good at navigating, or at least the recess monitors always sounded surprised)

Sokka: I feel out of the loop here lol

Zuko: consider yourself lucky 

Toph: if I may make a suggestion I would say to try to talk to Mai and Jin tomorrow this way it's out of the way before things go further with drama club and if things get weird there's more time to recover before the call backs and dance auditions

Zuko: that's a good point, thanks 

Toph: you're welcome, even if this wasn't the chat you meant to use 

Toph: keep us posted on how it goes! 

Zuko reacted to Toph’s message with a thumbs-up emoji and put his phone down. He had a lot to think about, but he also needed to sleep. Tomorrow was probably gonna be a record breaker in the “complicated conversations” department.

Chapter Text

Jin wasn't sure what had drawn her to try out for Pippin . Her only prior experience on the stage had been when she had played the Fiddler in a production of Fiddler on the Roof Jr .  that a friend of her parents had directed when she was 14, and even then she was a last-minute substitute because the kid who was supposed to be the Fiddler had caught the flu with no understudy and she happened to meet the criteria to fill in (knowing how to play the violin and memorize the necessary music quickly, being roughly the same size as the original performer so the costume fit, and not being afraid of heights so she could stand on the platform that had been painted to look like a roof). The fake beard was itchy and hiding her hair under the hat was tricky, but otherwise it was an ideal performance–no speaking or singing in front of an audience was required, just playing the violin at the appropriate times. Soon after that show Noren had ended up moving to Ba Sing Se when his wife got a scholarship to study pharmacy, so Fiddler on the Roof was the last show he directed in Jin’s hometown. Up until the Pippin audition email went out, she hadn't been interested in being onstage anyway, so the fact that the only director she had ever performed for had moved was a moot point. She didn't expect to like any other acting roles. (She did sometimes miss babysitting Kiyi but that was a separate matter–after all, Kiyi would have started school by now, which would make her need less babysitting once after school activities started and even if Noren’s wife hadn't gotten her future pharmacist scholarship Jin would still be living in a dorm room at this point, making it a lot harder to get to babysitting gigs.)

Being expected to talk to or in front of people had always made Jin nervous. Things had gotten better after a few years of working with a music therapist, but conversations had always been a struggle when she was a kid. When her music therapist suggested joining a marching band in addition to the school orchestra she was already in because the community marching band full of kids who liked music enough to actually want to be there instead of being required to be there for a grade would be the type of group Jin would have more things in common with to build new friendships, she had chosen the Tsungi horn because it was impossible to talk while playing. (At first her parents were worried that this choice of instrument and train of thought would defeat the purpose of the therapist’s marching band suggestion, but if they had had the clairvoyance to see that Jin would be volunteering to run the middle school marching band her senior year of high school, they would've known not to worry). There were still times when Jin went back and forth between the two extremes of “not wanting to talk at all” and “talking enough for three people,” but she never spent enough time at either extreme to get caught by anyone’s “complete weirdo” radar. When the marching band performed, she could be anonymous in the identical uniforms, making the marching band the perfect compromise between Jin’s comfort zone and her parents’ desire that she be more outgoing. Musical theatre pit orchestras had had a similar perfect balance, so Jin wasn't sure why her subconscious had brought her to the auditions to sing and dance on the stage instead of playing an instrument off to the side but she decided not to fight it. 

If showing up to audition in the first place was unexpected, the English language didn't even have a word to describe the moment Jin went to add her name to the sign-up sheet at the literal last minute and she saw who was exiting the audition room. Way back when she had come to the university for a marching band scholarship audition during her high school’s spring break, she had gone to a cafe called the Jasmine Dragon and asked a waiter who appeared to be around her age on a date. Or, maybe it was more accurate to say that she had put her name and phone number on a receipt to see what would happen and to prove that she could be more outgoing once she actually got to college and the waiter’s uncle who owned the cafe decided to ship it and see what would happen. Either way, the result had been a date with Lee from the tea shop, who on one hand occasionally drew more attention to their table at the restaurant than he intended to and might have been lying about knowing how to juggle, but on the other hand had somehow figured out how to get the festival lamps turned on when there actually wasn't a festival, had brought a tea coupon for her to keep as a souvenir (which doubled as evidence that the date had really happened in the event that anyone didn't believe her, but he didn't know it would be used that way), and although Jin didn't necessarily have experience to compare it to to know for sure he did seem to be good at kissing. (He was bad at recognizing when it was time to try kissing, but that was a separate skill). They had lost touch after their one date, and Jin just assumed that life was sending them on different paths, like perpendicular lines that only ever cross once. That is, until she saw him exit the audition room. 

It took Jin a moment to recognize him–his hair was longer, the hood of his sweatshirt obscured her view of his face, and when she did see his face there was a scar around his left eye that hadn't been there before. At first Jin thought that maybe it was makeup, perhaps he had chosen a song from Phantom of the Opera for his audition (though if it was makeup the scar was on the wrong side for that). Then she realized it wasn't makeup–at some point between spring break of their senior year of high school and the start of the spring semester of their freshman year of college, something traumatic must have happened. Jin knew that people didn't always want to discuss their trauma, especially trauma that had happened less than a year ago, but she couldn't stop the words from coming out of her mouth. “Lee, is that you? It's been so long! And what in Hei Bai’s name happened to your eye?”

Before Lee could answer, another girl who was also waiting to audition asked him “um, Zuko, why does she think your name is Lee?” Her outfit reminded Jin of orchestra concert dress codes from high school onwards, when “concert black attire” had replaced the “white top and black pants” of her elementary school and middle school concerts. 

Before Lee–or maybe it was Zuko, though Jin wasn't sure why anyone would lie about their name on a date unless they were in some kind of witness protection, and people who were in witness protection probably weren't supposed to audition for musicals–could answer either question, he ran straight into the men’s room. Jin did not follow him there for obvious reasons. The girl who called him Zuko also did not follow him for the same obvious reasons. A different girl in a pink outfit entered the audition room, leaving Jin and the girl who has called Lee “Zuko” in the hallway by themselves to figure out what on Earth had just happened. 

Jin’s first instinct was to check her backpack for snacks. After being taught as a child that it was rude to talk with your mouth full of a food (and figuring out from trial and error at the kindergarten lunch table that it was impossible to talk with your mouth full of water), she had been quick to figure out that eating was technically a way to avoid talking when you didn't know what to say. Of course, this method of avoiding conversations had mixed results, especially at family gatherings. Although her noseyest aunts and uncles had been willing to accept this habit as “kids need lots of energy during growth spurts” when Jin was younger, nowadays it wasn't uncommon for them to look back and forth between her plate and her body while commenting that she should “enjoy that metabolism while it lasts but maybe start being more careful or risk waking up one day to find that the next growth spurt would be horizontal instead of vertical.” Clearly, none of them had any experience with being in a marching band–if they had, they would've known that the daily rehearsals involved multiple miles of walking while playing an instrument at the same time, which burned a lot of energy. Clothes that she had bought two or three years ago still fit perfectly fine, not that it was any of their business one way or the other. Even if her  “use food to avoid unwanted conversation” strategy were to one day cause her to need to start replacing her current clothes with the next size up, the “horizontal growth spurt” comments were beyond rude and uncalled for, and if the relatives making those comments had even an ounce of self awareness they would've made the connection between their habit of making rude comments and Jin’s desire to avoid conversation with them. Fortunately, one of the side effects of living in the dorms at Ba Sing Se University was that she had a “get out of jail free” card to avoid gatherings of rude relatives because her current default setting was to not be at her parents’ house. Other than the aforementioned family gatherings, the most recent time Jin had had to use the “it's rude to talk with your mouth full” method of avoiding conversations was when she was at the restaurant with Lee and wasn't sure what to say when the waiter had guessed that they were already a couple instead on a spontaneous first date. (Lee had noticed and commented on the fact that Jin had “a big appetite…for a girl” but as awkward as that was it was still far politer than anything Great Aunt Tilly had said in the past decade or so.)

The search for backpack snacks was not quite as fruitful as hoped. All she found was a pack of fruit-tart flavored gum. Somehow chewing gum had been exempt from the “no talking with your mouth full” thing, so it wasn't the solution Jin thought she was looking for. However, offering to share gum with people was sometimes a way to come across to others as social without having to think about saying anything else. She held out the pack of gum to the girl who called Lee “Zuko” and asked “would you like any?”

The girl took a piece and said “I’m gonna wait until after my audition to open this because I don't want to choke while singing, but thank you. Fruit tart is my favorite flavor. I’m Mai, by the way. The blur of pink that is probably walking on her hands in the audition room right about now is Ty Lee, the guy who ran straight from the audition room to the bathroom when he saw us together is Zuko, they guy who followed Zuko into the bathroom to check on him is Sokka, and as for everyone else in this hallway I don't really know and I don't think I care.”

Jin tilted her head in confusion. “You said his name is Zuko? He told me his name was Lee when we went on a date last year. I met him at the Jasmine Dragon–he was working there as a waiter when I went in to get some tea after a scholarship audition.”

Mai blinked but otherwise didn't change her facial expression. “The stuff you said about working at the Jasmine Dragon checks out, and you seem nice so I hate to tell you this so close to your turn in the audition room but he gave you a fake name.” Before either of them could say anything else, the girl in the pink outfit exited the audition room and Mai entered for her turn. 

Jin had to take a closer look at the audition sheet. Mai’s vibe seemed to be the type that was too indifferent to sabotage someone else's audition, but what other reason could there be to claim that a friend had lied about their identity? Jin found her own name on the sign up sheet, then traced her finger upwards, passing Mai’s name right before hers and Ty Lee’s name right before Mai’s. The name before Ty Lee should have been Lee, and if it was it would prove that Mai was lying and Jin shouldn't have even bothered trying to talk to anyone until after the audition dust had settled. However, to Jin’s horror, the next name up on the sign-in sheet, inked in neat penmanship that still somehow also showed it had been written with shaky hands, was the name “Zuko Sozinson.”

Zuko Sozinson. ZUKO SOZINSON. Not only did the somewhat mysterious waiter from the Jasmine Dragon lie about his name, he had sat there while she told him all about how Ozai Sozinson’s governor policies had directly harmed the music programs in her hometown schools and didn't say anything. If he pretended not to be related to Ozai Sozinson, what else could he have been lying about? Given the mess his attempt at juggling had ended in, the whole circus thing was probably a lie, an amazing cover story for the amount of time he had spent living in the Governor's Mansion. But then what about his uncle? Was the guy who owned the Jasmine Dragon his uncle on his mom's side or his dad's side? Was the cafe making political donations without telling customers? If they were, that was not a good scenario. 

Jin's train of thought was interrupted by the girl in pink–Ty Lee. She put a hand on Jin's shoulder and asked “are you okay? You look like you're processing ten thousand thoughts at once, and that's not good for your aura.” 

Jin had no idea what in Hei Bai's name an aura was, or how thinking about too many things at once could harm it. “I think I'm okay, just processing some big unexpected news that I kind of wish I hadn't found out or could have at least waited until after my audition to find out.” Unsure of what else to say, Jin started twisting one of her braids around her finger. For reasons she couldn't explain, the feeling was calming. Then she noticed the words that were bedazzled on Ty Lee's shirt: “Circus Freak.” Could Ty Lee be the person Lee/Zuko got the idea to say he had been in a traveling circus? Jin had to find out. “I hope you don't mind my asking, but have you been in an actual circus before or is that just a brand name on your shirt?” 

“I was an acrobat in an actual circus! I used to travel with them all over the place and do all kinds of performances with them. The people running it retired though, and a lot of the other circuses that had acrobat openings to audition for had questionable standards of care for their performing animals and I didn't want to be affiliated with them. Luckily, the tutors in the circus that I worked for helped me get my GED a year early and I was able to come to school here. Our closing performance was the week before move-in at the dorms.”  She gestured to the words on her shirt. “My sisters and I are identical septuplets, so it took effort to stand out and not just be part of a matched set. When my childhood gymnastics lessons eventually got me into acrobatics, kids at school used to call me a circus freak before I even got around to joining a circus. At first I didn't like it, but it became a way to distinguish myself from the rest of my sisters and I decided to embrace the label.” 

“That's honestly pretty cool.” Jin wasn't sure if she should press any further but she had to know. “Was one of the performers in your circus by any chance a juggler named Lee? Though if the demonstration he gave me was any indication, he probably wasn't that good at juggling. He may have been traveling with an uncle.”

“I don't think he was from my circus. The only child performers who had family members with them were the ones whose parents were also in the circus. The rest of us were on our own. My friend Zuko used to spend school breaks with his uncle to get away from his dad, and eventually moved in with his uncle full-time before starting school here, but he was never in a circus.” 

The name didn't match and the backstory didn't fully line up, but Jin was starting to get an idea of why Lee/Zuko might have lied about his name that night the festival lamps mysteriously turned on when her eyes were closed and her first kiss was interrupted by a tea coupon. Before she could ask Ty Lee any other questions, Mai came out of the audition room. Jin was up next. 

Just like last semester, Bumi was directing the show. He was a senior, so this would be the last show he’d be directing for the club. Jin remembered from overhearing conversations in the music building last semester that Bumi tended to cast based on whatever vibes he felt like and not necessarily the same criteria that other directors might use, but so far the vibes had steered him towards shows where the cast was talented and had good chemistry with each other so he had no plans to change anything anytime soon. 

Jin handed her audition form to Bumi and put her sheet music on the piano. She looked at the audition panel and said, “Hi guys, my name is Jin. I was in the pit orchestra last semester but wanted to try being onstage this time. I’ll be singing ‘My Grand Plan’ from the Percy Jackson musical.”

“Marvelous and very curious!” Bumi was almost shouting. “What an amazing coincidence! The girl who was in here just before you chose the exact same song!” 

Based on the aesthetic of Mai’s makeup, Jin would have assumed that she would have gravitated towards Addams Family or Beetlejuice or something along those lines when choosing an audition song, but other people’s choices didn't matter here. What mattered was that Jin sang her song well and had fun doing it.  If Noren could have seen her audition, he probably would have been proud–after all, he was technically the one who introduced her to theatre, even if she only ever did that one show before this one.  

Jin had listed her musical instruments under “special talents” but hadn't thought to bring any for a demonstration. Luckily for her, Bumi considered last semester’s pit orchestra performance and all the marching band performances he had seen as enough evidence of Jin’s musical abilities. Jin also mentioned that there was a possibility of a conflict between at least one performance of the play and a marching band competition depending on what time slot the band was assigned, but since Ba Sing Se University was set to be the location of the competition she did not anticipate needing to worry about travel time between the competition and the play. Bumi assured her that they could work something out because both the play and the band were university activities. As far as Jin was concerned, the audition had gone surprisingly well, even with the potential roadblock of having to think about who Lee from the tea shop really was. 

When she exited the audition room, she was surprised to see that Mai and Ty Lee were both still in the hallway. She had assumed they would be back in their dorm rooms by now–after all, she had to get back to her room soon or she’d risk accidentally waking up Song, who usually had early morning classes (nursing majors technically didn't start their clinical rotations until spring of their sophomore year, but the program apparently wanted to get the students’ circadian rhythms on track for 7am hospital sign in times from the moment they declared their major). 

Any questions Jin might've had about Mai and Ty Lee's presence in the hallway after they had already finished their auditions were answered when Ty Lee walked up to her and said, “glad we caught you on your way out. Mai and I were thinking that both of you should talk to Zuko at some point tomorrow–it might make sense to get to the bottom of whatever was happening, and if you do it tomorrow you'll have more time to restore the pinkness of your aura before the callbacks and dance auditions on Wednesday.” Ty Lee was talking a mile a minute, but Jin somehow still understood what she was saying. 

“Your plan makes sense in theory, but how are we supposed to make sure we see him tomorrow? We're in the second semester of our first year, so like halfway through the school year, and this was the first time I ever saw him on campus.” 

Mai opened the MessengerHawk app on her phone and went to the “new contact” screen before handing it to Jin. “He was online last semester while waiting for medical clearance to be on campus.”

Medical clearance to be on campus? Jin was starting to get an idea of what might've happened to Lee's eye–or Zuko's eye, to use his actual name. She felt sick to her stomach at the thought of what Zuko might have gone through, and suddenly felt uneasy about the idea of confronting him about the fake name thing. She put her contact info into Mai’s phone but asked, ‘are we sure we should be doing this right now, this close to callbacks and stuff? I’m worried that I’ll say the wrong thing and then we’ll get assigned to dance together or something and both be thrown off by the situation.” She was afraid of oversharing but decided that context might be important. “Between the autism, the social anxiety, and the ADHD there is a very high chance I will say the wrong thing.” She handed the phone back to Mai. “Oh crap, I hope that wasn’t oversharing.”

Mai exchanged a look with Ty Lee before saying “that is quite the trifecta there but I wouldn’t consider that oversharing. Having more or less grown up with Zuko, I don't anticipate him having a problem with any of the things you just mentioned. I’m not sure if you've been to the Jasmine Dragon after that time he told you his name was Lee, but his uncle has a whole drawer full of neurodiversity stickers that he gives out to customers if it comes up in conversation. His father is a different story but his father doesn't live in Ba Sing Se so that shouldn't be an issue.” 

Ty Lee added, “I know you probably saw the last name ‘Sozinson’ on the sign in sheet and if you Google you might see younger versions of Zuko in the background of campaign events but trust us, he didn't have a choice about being there. I did gymnastics with his sister for a few years while Mai did taekwondo with the same sister for the same few years, and Ozai was always either dragging his kids to campaign events or dragging news cameras to his kids’ activities.” 

“It was exactly as torturous as it sounds,” Mai picked up where Ty Lee left off. “As the undiagnosed autistic daughter of Senator Ukano Lowood, I was forced to attend way too many campaign events  and endure way too much sensory overload. Luckily the university isn't in his district, so his campaign people can't follow me here. I personally can't wait to vote against my dad now that I’m 18, but it's gonna be a few years before I get the chance because of how senate terms work. From my understanding Zuko is in a similar position as far being forced to attend campaigns he doesn't actually agree with goes but with the opportunity to vote against his dad much sooner, especially now that he lives with his uncle and away from potential repercussions if his dad were to somehow circumvent the whole ‘votes are supposed to be private’ thing and find out.” 

The name “Senator Ukano Lowood” had sounded familiar but not familiar enough for Jin to recognize Mai’s surname on the sign in sheet. The only reason she knew the name was because her 12th grade English teacher had needed to rush her class through the novel they were reading because a statewide ban on teaching it had been proposed by Senator Ukano Lowood and if it were to pass it could have been problematic if they were in the middle of it. The ban had ultimately failed, but for the rest of the school year ELA class had an undertone of anxiety, never knowing when the powers that be would force their curriculum to change overnight or remove books from the shelves with little to no explanation. Jin was a little concerned about the fact that she ended up at the same university as the son of Governor Ozai Sozinson and the daughter of Senator Ukano Lockwood–even though college parents weren't supposed to contact the professors of their children, those particular parents were in a position to threaten to reduce the university’s funding if they disliked something. However, Mai seemed sincere about not wanting to be affiliated with her father, and even with the fake name thing there was a chance that Zuko had been sincere about his feelings on their date if not his backstory. 

Jin agreed to meet with Zuko before the callbacks started, and Mai set up a MessengerHawk chat. “I’ll wait until the morning to send the first message, but I’ll set it up now to make sure all of your contact information is correct.” 

Zuko was surprised to see a new MessengerHawk chat when he woke up. He was even more surprised to see who was in it. “What on Earth are Mai and Jin doing in the same groupchat? I must be in bigger trouble than I originally thought.” Because he was alone in his room talking to himself, nobody answered. Since he knew that he was going to have to talk to Mai and Jin again at some point, he decided to open the chat and see what it said. 

Mai: Hi Zuko! I’m sorry I didn't get a chance to talk to you after your audition yesterday. I think a lot of things got off to a weird start. The good news (at least I think it's good news) is that I met Jin and we got to talk for a bit. We decided it might be wise to meet up at some point today and talk to each other before the auditions continue and the rehearsals start. (Ty Lee’s idea because she's worried our auras won't be pink enough or something if we time the conversation wrong 🙄). I hope setting up this chat with you and Jin is ok 

Jin: Hey Lee, or I guess I should say Zuko (Mai filled me in a little bit–I hope that's okay.) I’m a little confused about the fake name thing but I can also see why you wouldn't want to tell me your real name when I spent half the date talking about all the problems your dad caused my town’s schools

Well, the catgator was definitely out of the bag now. In hindsight, Zuko probably would have preferred to be the one to tell Jin the truth, but he also missed the opportunity to do so when he ran to the bathroom to hide instead of facing his problems so it was what it was. 

Zuko : To be fair, my dad causes problems everywhere for everyone (except maybe my sister, but that's a different story). I’m sorry for lying about who I was and for running away instead of talking last night 

After he responded to Mai and Jin, Zuko opened up the “weaponized geology” cat. Sokka and Toph would probably want an update on the situation. 

Zuko : Good morning, Zuko here with an unexpected update on the situation from last night–Mai added me and Jin to the a groupchat and they want to get together at some point today 

Sokka : Is that a good thing? It's too early for me to judge for sure but I think that was what you said you wanted to do anyway 

Toph : Ooh what time do they want to get together? Katara invited me to come check out that new hot pot place tonight with some of her friends from the swim team. If you go there and our tables are close enough together maybe I can get her to weaponize the soup if your conversation isn't going well

Sokka : I highly doubt my sister is going to weaponize soup on your behalf, especially if it's a new place and she's with her swim team friends 

Toph : well I can't weaponize the soup myself without risking innocent bystanders and there's a first time for everything 

Zuko : please do not weaponize anything, especially not soup

Toph : you're no fun 

Before Zuko could say anything else to Sokka and Toph, his phone buzzed with a new message in the new chat. 

Jin : Do either of you have class at 3:00 today? If not I think our best bet is to meet somewhere then. I do have a marching band rehearsal at 4:00 but tbh I’d rather give the conversation a time limit

Mai: 3:00 works for me. I have a Garden Club meeting at 4 and it's my turn to feed the venus flytraps so I don't wanna be late 

Zuko : I’m free then too. Any idea where we want to meet? My first instinct is to suggest the Jasmine Dragon but then there’d be a non-zero chance my uncle would try to give us advice we didn't ask for after overhearing something out of context

Jin : We might be better off choosing someplace on campus (plus if we spend longer talking than we planned it might be more convenient for those of us who have obligations later to already be on campus)

Mai: they opened a frozen yogurt stand in the Student Affairs building this semester. Ty Lee made me go to the grand opening with her. She loved it and I didn't hate it so it might work 

Zuko: So 3:00 in the Student Affairs building? Sounds like a plan

Jin : See you then! 

Maybe the deep ostrich-horse shit Zuko thought he was in last night wasn't so deep after all. Mai and Jin being friendly enough with each other to set up a group chat together had to be a good sign, right? Unless of course it meant they were teaming up against him. Maybe it was time for a second opinion from the weaponized geology chat. 

Zuko: update to the update: I will be meeting Mai and Jin at that frozen yogurt stand in the Student Affairs building this afternoon (at 3 because there's a natural time limit–Mai has garden club at 4 and that's also when Jin’s marching band rehearsal starts)

Toph : I like frozen yogurt 😉

Sokka : Toph where are you going with this?

Toph : I’m not saying I wanna spy on the meetup or anything but I think 3:00 might be a good time to go get some frozen yogurt from the Student Affairs building food court 

Sokka: I still don't think it's a good idea to follow other people around and listen in on their conversations 

Zuko : Tbh there's a pretty good chance Ty Lee is gonna be there with Mai so it might be nice to have someone else there within hearing distance (I don't wanna call it a witness but that's probably the closest word to what I'm looking for)

Toph : just say the word and I can weaponize the toppings

Sokka : if that ends up anything like that time you tried to weaponize French fries at that burger place where people kept complaining about Badger, we might end up with a lifetime (or at least semester-long) ban from the Student Affairs building which would be a pretty big problem when there's play rehearsals in the multipurpose room

Toph : fine I won't weaponize anything on campus 

Toph : I do still want to listen in on this meetup and maybe text you some advice 

Zuko : Toph, at what point do I need to worry about your desire to weaponize everything? So far I think I've heard you mention that you've wanted to weaponize geology, geography, soup, French fries, and frozen yogurt toppings 

Toph : when you list it out like that it does sound impressive 😃

Sokka : Toph please don't take this the wrong way but what kind of advice can you give on Zuko's situation if the closest thing you have to dating experience is mutually agreeing with Satoru that you’ll wait until after you graduate and get separate jobs (you running your accessible martial arts and rock climbing gym, him running an assistive technology company) to try dating

Toph : how dare you assume that I don't have any other dating experience! 

Toph : believe it or not I had a secret thing with Haru when we were in 7th grade (yes it's true that by the time we got to 8th grade we decided that we were better off as friends, but that doesn't erase anything I learned about dating in 7th grade) 

Sokka : secretly dating a teammate from your middle school sports team because your parents don't allow dating and openly dating someone in college are two very different experiences 

Sokka : if we're gonna do the listen and give advice thing maybe I should go and bring Suki with me for a second opinion (and maybe even Yue as a tiebreaker)

Toph: at that rate we may as well bring Aang and Katara 

Zuko : guys when I reached out to give you an update on the “I have dated/kissed a grand total of two girls, one of whom knew me by a different name, and they were both standing outside the audition room when I exited” situation I was not expecting the start of some convoluted eavesdropping group project 

Zuko : but I get the feeling you guys are gonna do it anyway 

Sokka : you're probably not wrong but it would also depend on how many of us are free at the time

Zuko : if you're really gonna do the convoluted eavesdropping group project thing, please promise me you’ll at least try to show up at different times so it doesn't look like an eavesdropping group project 

Zuko : also please try to individually reach out to the people you wanna include on the convoluted eavesdropping group project because it would just feel weird to be reading the messages about it in the group chat 

Sokka and Toph were, at the very least, respectful of the request that invitations to the convoluted eavesdropping group project be given on an individual basis and not sent in the group chat. Aang and Katara were not available (Katara was at a swim meet and Aang said he was expecting to be using his extended time accommodations on a test and did not anticipate being done in time for the eavesdropping). Sokka, Suki, Yue, and Toph were all available but had failed to coordinate staggering their arrival times. They all showed up at once and sat down at the same table. 

Zuko, on the other hand, showed up alone. He arrived about 5 minutes after Sokka, Toph, Suki, and Yue showed up. Mai and Jin (and Ty Lee, if she was joining them) hadn't arrived yet. Zuko decided to go check out the flavors and toppings while he waited. Deciding which textures and flavors he wanted to combine could take a while, and he didn't want to waste their time before garden club and marching band. 

The yogurt and toppings were all self-serve, which in Zuko's opinion was a good thing. He was already bracing himself for an awkward conversation with his friends and definitely didn't want to add asking an employee if it was okay to put toppings first, then yogurt, then more toppings on top. If he did ask for that, they would probably look at him like he was a 400 ft tall purple platypus bear with silver horns and pink wings. Back when his middle school social skills class had gone on a field trip to an ice cream shop to practice ordering, one of the teachers had scolded him for making such a request because “toppings are for on top.” It didn't matter that he liked the texture of the toppings better than the texture of the ice cream–sandwiching the ice cream between two layers of toppings to ensure that the last spoonful contained some of the toppings apparently violated social norms. Things were better now living with his uncle–case in point, when Zuko mentioned that he liked the cookie part of Iroh's homemade chipwiches (featuring homemade cookies and store bought ice cream because none of the ice cream machines he had ever tried using had been good at the task they were named after), Iroh made a new version that used the same amount of ice cream but in a stack of three cookies. However, it seemed that Zuko hadn't spent quite enough time with his uncle to make his brain stop assuming someone was waiting to scold him for making the “wrong” choice. 

Zuko was so caught up in the memory of being yelled at for his texture preferences that he almost didn't notice that Jin had arrived and was standing right behind him until she accidentally bumped into him. 

Jin was quick to apologize. “Oops sorry.” When Zuko turned around to see who had apologized, Jin recognized him right away. “L–Zuko! Glad to see we came to the right place. Have you seen Mai yet?”

“No, not yet. But I also got here a few minutes early so I’d have more time to decide what I want to get.” Zuko was a little embarrassed saying that last part out loud, but Agni only knew (unless this was a Hei Bai, Painted Lady, or Tui and La situation) how embarrassing the rest of the conversation would be so admitting his indecisiveness about frozen yogurt felt like less of a big deal. 

“I feel you there. The first time I got froyo here I couldn't decide what I wanted so I mixed everything together and some of the flavors and toppings were definitely not a good combo. Pro Tip–if you can't decide between ‘peanut butter’ and ‘sugar-free cotton candy’ get separate cups.” She picked up a laminated sheet of paper and handed it to Zuko. “If you get stuck, somebody was nice enough to put together a list of recommended flavor and topping combinations. If it's your first time here, that might be a wise move.” 

Zuko was still reading over the choices when he noticed Mai and Ty Lee come in. Mai went straight to the froyo station and started putting her sundae together. Ty Lee ended up joining Sokka's table after Suki waved her over. Zuko could only imagine how that would impact the convoluted eavesdropping group project situation but he didn't have time to worry about that. He needed to decide what type of frozen yogurt he wanted, and at this point all he knew was that he definitely did not want “sugar-free cotton candy” because that was an oxymoron that was probably guaranteed to taste terrible. Why the company the university dining services got its frozen yogurt from had chosen cotton candy of all possible flavors to make sugar-free was a mystery, and not the type of mystery anyone Zuko knew wanted to solve anytime soon. He decided to take a second look at the recommended combinations. The “chocolate peanut butter cookie” idea was standing out–combine the chocolate flavor and peanut butter flavor of froyo, then top with (or in Zuko’s case, sandwich the layer of froyo between two layers of) cookie dough, Oreo pieces, and peanut butter cups. There was just one potential snafu–he didn't know if it was safe to bring that much peanut butter flavored stuff to the same table as his friends. He was pretty sure Mai wasn't allergic, as he remembered Mai’s mom making peanut energy bars of some sort for the snack table when their families got together for parties. Jin, on the other hand, he wasn't sure about. Yes, she had mentioned the peanut butter flavor when giving her protip, but he wanted to double check. Before he could ask her about whether or not she was allergic, he saw her add a scoop of peanut butter cups and concluded that it would be safe for him to use as much peanut butter stuff as he wanted. 

The three of them ended up at the table next to the table that Sokka and Toph had chosen. Zuko sat on one side, while Jin and Mai sat next to each other on the other side of the table. Nobody was sure how to start the conversation. Mai stirred her froyo without saying anything. Zuko saw the mix of fruit and graham cracker crumbs and realized that she must have tried to make the froyo as similar to a fruit tart as possible, which made sense since those were always Mai’s favorite dessert when their families got together for dinner or parties, especially when they came from that one bakery that sprinkled rose petals into every box of pastries they sold. Out of the corner of his right eye, Zuko saw Sokka get up to throw away garbage of some sort but stop on his way to hold up a sign that said “say something!”

If Sokka had made that suggestion out loud, Zuko probably would have made some sort of snarky comment like “silly me, I should have thought of that,” but there was no way to respond to Sokka without alerting Mai and Jin to the fact that he had brought a friend to coach him through the conversation. Instead, Zuko cleared his throat and asked, “what did you guys think of the auditions yesterday?” 

Mai shrugged. “I guess it was okay. I don't have any other experience to compare it to.”

Jin had a bit more to say. “Most of my theater experience is in the pit orchestra unless you count the one time I was in Fiddler on the Roof Jr. as the Fiddler, but I was a last minute substitute who just did the violin stuff and didn't have to audition.”

“There was zero percent chance my dad would have let me try out for any of my middle school or high school plays, so it was my first audition too.” He paused and then said, “I guess I should probably address what happened when I came out of the audition room. Jin, I’m sorry about lying about my name last year. At the time, especially when I saw that you had brought a Tsungi horn with you to the cafe, I assumed that it would be better to try to make up a fake backstory than to have to explain being related to the governor who seems to have something against music in schools. When you talked about volunteering to run a middle school marching band and double majoring in music and psychology while deciding whether to go for a career in music therapy or music education, I assumed I had made the right choice. Obviously, my assumption was not as correct as it could have been.” 

Jin chuckled. “You're not wrong about your assumption being incorrect. Mai and I talked for a bit after we both auditioned. She didn't share specifics, but I got the vibe that there are a lot of complicated feelings about your father and your past.”

Zuko looked at Mai. “What exactly did you say?”

“Don't worry, I mostly talked about my own situation as a senator’s daughter and let Jin do the mental math on how that might apply to being a governor’s son.” 

“Hm, okay that makes sense. I kind of figured you wouldn't intentionally share too much without checking first, but I did tell a pretty big lie and my uncle says that if you try to live a lie there's no way to prepare for the moment of truth.” He paused to eat a spoonful of his sundae before adding, “I’m not sure whether this next part is better addressed by talking to you each privately but we're here now and now that I've started this train of thought I don't know how to stop it. Jin, when we went on that one date, we knew from the beginning that it was a date but I was never upfront about who I was. Mai, you have always known who I am from the time we were kids, but we’ve never discussed whether or not hanging out in Yangchen Park the other day or any of the other times we've hung out count as a date. I was never really taught how to navigate dating under normal circumstances, let alone inadvertently taking steps towards relationships with two different people at the same time without really realizing it.” Zuko wasn't the best judge of other people's facial expressions, but he got the feeling that both Mai and Jin were confused about where he was going with this. He was also pretty sure his friends at the eavesdropping group project table were listening as hard as they could. “To keep things simple, I think it's best if I hold off on being anything other than friends with either of you for the time being, at least until we finish all performances of the show.” 

Jin was the first to respond. “That seems reasonable. I would still need more time to wrap my head around everything I've learned in the past 24 hours anyway.” 

Mai used her spoon to poke at some of the fruit she had left at the bottom of her froyo cup before adding, “what you're saying makes sense. There's just one tiny flaw with your plan–what happens if we get cast as characters that kiss each other?” 

Zuko shrugged and said, “I think the only characters that kiss each other in the show are Pippin and Catherine. Seeing as it was all of our first times auditioning for a musical, the odds of me getting cast as Pippin with either of you getting cast as Catherine at the same time seem to be slim to none. Obviously if that happens we can revisit the plan.” 

“Should we pinky swear on the plan?” Jin asked. 

Mai took a pen out of her pocket and said, “I have a better idea. Let's all sign a napkin and agree on somewhere to keep it until closing night of the show. We can call it the ‘no offstage drama’ pledge or something.” She wrote “no offstage drama” on the top of the napkin and signed her name. She passed the napkin to Jin, who signed it and passed it to Zuko. 

Zuko signed his name, resisting the urge to add “aka Lee” underneath. “Any idea where we should keep it?”

Mai picked up the napkin and said “Ty Lee has a collection of lockable music boxes in sickening shades of pink. I can ask her to put it in one of them for us.” 

Jin and Zuko agreed to the plan, and Mai got up to give the napkin to Ty Lee. Jin excused herself to get ready for marching band practice, leaving Zuko by himself. However, he wasn't alone for long. 

Sokka sat down in the seat Jin had left. “How did it go? Unless of course you want to keep the answer to yourself or prefer to text it or something.” 

Zuko scooped up the last spoonful of his froyo, which was about 90% topping and 10% actual yogurt–the ideal ratio for a final spoonful, in his opinion. “It went a lot better than expected. Toph's advice to sit down and have a conversation ended up being perfect.” 

As if on cue, Toph sat down in the seat Mai had gotten up from and said “ha! Told you so!  I am officially the best advice-giver in the world!” 

Zuko smirked and said, “I guess you and my uncle are gonna have to have an advice-giving contest sometime.” 

“Oof, I forgot about your uncle. Then again, his advice comes with tea so it's kind of its own category. The good news is you got that conversation out of the way and now you don't have to worry about bumping into them at the dance auditions. Unless of course you literally bump into each other but that can't be helped unless you're me and get your own private dance audition as a reasonable accommodation for a disability.” 

Sokka elbowed Toph. “Will you please give him a chance to process today before making him think about tomorrow?” 

Zuko chuckled. He wasn't used to friends playfully arguing over him like this. “Guys, it’s ok. No matter what happens tomorrow and which characters we end up playing, I’m glad that I got to sit down with them and all get on the same page. With all that awkwardness from last night out of the way, dancing and callbacks should be a breeze!                   

Chapter Text

Zuko wasn’t sure if it was normal to be less nervous about the callbacks than he was about the first round of auditions, but then again the real-life conversation he had had with Mai and Jin made the idea of following a script for a made up story a lot less intimidating. However, before he could go to the auditions, he had to get through a regular day of class. Unfortunately for Zuko (and Sokka), this included Professor Zhao’s class. 

Literature classes had typically been easy for Zuko in high school, especially when it came to assignments that were given over breaks where he stayed with Iroh. (He also usually could call his uncle when he wanted to brainstorm essay topics or had questions about a book he had read, but the most helpful assistance was always when they stayed together.) Although Iroh was mostly known as a tea expert, he was also a major bookworm. Having grown up without a way to explain why the way other people talked was confusing, he had made a point to study every form of figurative language he could. By the time he had grown up, raised a son, learned what autism was by helping raise his nephew, watched his son graduate college and start a career that often brought him to remote areas of the world, and learned that he himself was autistic after starting therapy to cope with the stress of knowing that his son was often unreachable due to the nature of his work, the multiple meanings of many different words had more or less wired themselves into Iroh's brain. He didn't consider himself much of a writer, but he did become an expert on giving out proverbs with the tea he served and occasionally sharing linguistic facts with the customers. Living with his uncle, Zuko hadn't had any problems with the online writing class he had taken his first semester. He would have taken Introduction to Poetry and Drama with that same professor, but she had taken the spring semester as maternity leave, so he ended up taking it with Professor Zhao instead. The upside was getting to meet Sokka on the first day of class, but the downside was literally everything else. Iroh could still help Zuko with homework, but being stuck in the room with Professor Zhao was a different story. If it weren't for Sokka, the situation would be unbearable. 

This morning’s lecture wasn't super out of the ordinary. They were studying some old poem about changelings, faerie children who replace the human children that had been kidnapped by whichever type of fae folk the local legends said was in the nearest forest. Even the fact that changeling myths were thought to be a way to explain disabilities like autism and ADHD before the modern vocabulary existed would have been a relatively normal tidbit of information to include in the lecture, if it weren't for the fact that Professor Zhao kept staring in Zuko and Sokka's direction when sharing this information. It was probably the least comfortable Zuko had ever felt in a class, and that included his first semester of online classes when the physical discomfort from his burn scar was more prominent than it was now. 

When class ended and Professor Zhao left, Zuko turned around to talk to Sokka and get a second opinion on whether or not the changelings lecture was weird. “Did it feel like he was staring at us more than usual today? Especially when he was talking about developmental disabilities?” 

“I noticed that too. I was even considering excusing myself to the restroom to double check whether or not I was wearing my T-shirt with the disability pride flag on it or one of my neurodiversity shirts and had somehow forgotten that I had put it on this morning, but with the way Professor Zhao was acting I didn't want to leave you alone with him unless I actually had to go to the bathroom.” 

“It's not like it was a one-on-one meeting. There would technically still be witnesses if anything went wrong–it’s not like he could burn half my face off and get away with it.” Zuko chuckled at his own attempt at dark humor. 

Sokka did not see the humor in Zuko's comment. “Buddy, are you okay? I meant like the ableist comments getting worse or more targeted at you specially instead of at neurodivergent people in general, not anything physical.” He took a second to process what Zuko had said. “Wait, shit, I'm sorry I didn't process this at first, but are you saying the person who caused your injury and partial loss of eyesight got away with it?” 

“In a sense, yes. Because the incident happened so close to when I turned 18 there was a lot of confusion over which laws actually applied to the situation, especially since the object I was burned with was marketed as an autism treatment and the guy who did it had a really powerful lawyer.” He took a deep breath and continued, “I would rather not go down this particular train of thought this close to when we have the callback auditions tonight, but today's lecture was pretty mild as far as ableism I've had to deal with goes. The parts about what people used to do to suspected changelings was a little rough, but nothing I can't handle hearing about.” 

“I get that, but at the same time you shouldn't have had to handle the thing that happened in the past and you definitely shouldn't have to deal with additional ableism from your college professors. While today's lecture technically didn't reach a level where I think Piandao would be able to help, I definitely get the feeling that the two of us have to stick together when it comes to these things.” 

Zuko wasn't sure how to respond, so he changed the subject. “What time do callbacks start tonight?”

“Officially they start at 8, but Suki and I might be closer to 8:30 depending on how long the assistive technology extra credit workshop we’re going to ends up being.”

“I can understand how your mechanical engineering classes might give extra credit for an assistive technology workshop, but what program is Suki in that she would also get that?” 

“The assistive technology minor is open to all majors, but if you were asking about Suki's major she's studying occupational therapy. Or technically her undergrad is in health sciences but because of the way the OT program here works she's already accepted for the graduate program and doesn't have to apply later.” 

“I guess that makes sense. I don't usually ask people about their majors because I don't want to deal with people implying that I'm falling behind just because I'm still undeclared. Like, yes I probably technically am behind but that's because I was part time last semester not because I didn't figure out what I want to do yet.” 

“There's nothing wrong with that. After the complete mess some of my grades were last semester, my advisor suggested that I drop the assistive technology minor because there were concerns that it would add too much to my course load, or that I be less involved in the theatre club because of the time commitment to rehearsals. However, neither of those options work for me. I’ve been interested in assistive technology projects for a long time, and being involved in the theatre club gives my brain a scheduled break from thinking about my classwork, and I’ve noticed that sometimes it's easier to process new information if I think about something completely different for a little bit and come back to it later. Which means there might be a chance that my degree will take an extra semester or two between the extra classes for the minor and the classes I might need to retake for better chances on grad school applications, but last time I checked college wasn't a race.” 

“That's a good point. My uncle usually reminds me to take my time when doing stuff, but things were also different when he was my age, so hearing it from you too helped, I think.” 

“Glad to be off assistance. Don't forget to bring a water bottle with you tonight, and make sure you wear clothes and shoes you can move in–think of stuff you might've worn for your high school gym classes. If you have dance shoes that's great, but if not sneakers also work well for the dance auditions.” 

Zuko thanked Sokka and made a mental note to go home and change clothes before the dance auditions. 

As expected, Zuko got to the auditions before Sokka and Suki did. The first person he ran into was Aang, who was in the middle of doing some sort of warm up or stretching or something before the dance auditions. 

‘Hey Aang,” said Zuko. “Are you ready for tonight?”

“Definitely. Is this your first time doing a dance audition?”

“Yes, it is. Sokka gave me a pro-tip about bringing water and dressing like I'm going to gym class, but beyond that I don't know what to expect.” 

“Once Bumi–the director–is ready, Onji–the choreographer–will teach everyone a dance sequence, which usually is one that she's planning to include in the show. She’ll teach it to everyone at once, and then we'll get called in small groups to do the actual audition. After the dancing stuff they'll call people in to read certain scenes or try singing parts of some of the songs from the show. I think they have a lot of the girls singing for Catherine or Fastrada right about now but I’m not sure which.” 

“Were they given an earlier start time or something?” 

“I think so. I remember Katara's email gave her a different time for something but I forget what time they told her. There's usually more girls than boys at these kinds of things so scheduling callbacks for specific characters can be tricky. Is this your first time at something like this?”

Zuko nodded. “I didn't realize the audition process would be so involved, especially for a club. I would've assumed a club would be less competitive.”

“I can see why you would think that. Most of the theatre majors are usually too busy performing in the shows that they actually get graded on, so the majority of the club members aren't theatre majors. On one hand it means we're mostly just doing it because we love it, on the other hand it means most of us aren't expecting to have a lot of performing opportunities after we graduate because a lot of community theatre groups are for teens only and even when there are amateur theatre groups for adults the rehearsal schedules may not always line up with job schedules, so it's not uncommon for people to see this club as their last chance to be in a play.” 

“Is it weird that I’m just starting now?” Zuko was starting to second guess his decision to join the club. It wouldn't be the first thing he was too late for. 

“Not at all! There's no such thing as too late to try a new activity! I was actually the one who taught Gyatso how to skateboard.”

“Aang, I love the optimism you've got there but I’ve definitely seen age limits on things, especially when it comes to beginner classes.” Although his sister had been enrolled in activities out the wazoo, Zuko had been more or less left out, stuck on the receiving end of the types of therapy that did more harm than good. By the time Zuko had accumulated enough school reports to potentially prove that he was capable of extracurricular activities, he had aged out of most if not all of the beginner-level classes available in his hometown. However, he wasn’t in the headspace to explain all that to Aang, so he didn’t elaborate. 

Aang smiled and said, “the good news for you is that this isn’t a class and we’re always happy to share our love of theatre with newcomers.” 

“Glad to hear that,” said Haru as he sat down on the floor next to Aang. ‘Sorry, I hope I’m not intruding on anything.”

Zuko scooted a bit to give Haru some more room. “No, you’re good. Aang was just explaining some audition stuff.” He took a sip of his water bottle, hoping someone else would continue the conversation for him.

That someone ended up being Sokka, arriving earlier than expected from the assistive technology workshop. “Hey guys, turns out the workshop wasn't as long as my professor said it would be. It was supposed to be longer, but it ended early when two professors tackled the last presenters and forcibly removed them from the room.” 

Aang, Haru, and Zuko were all silent as they processed what Sokka had said. Zuko definitely found the mental image of professors tackling someone to get them away from a microphone entertaining, but that was only because he had no idea what type of situation had made those actions necessary and he didn't want to laugh if it was because of something serious. 

Haru ended up being the one to break the silence. “What on Earth did they say in their presentation that two professors felt the need to tackle them?” 

“It actually happened before they said much of anything. They pulled up a PowerPoint slide with their company logo–Laogai Spark Incorporated.” 

“I wonder what that company could have possibly done to make actual professors do that,” said Haru. 

Zuko thought the name sounded familiar but he wasn't comfortable explaining where he thought he knew the name from so he stayed silent. 

“Which professors did it?” Aang asked. 

“I don't remember their names because I haven't taken their classes, but one of them was the head of the occupational therapy department and the other teaches the bioethics class I'm supposed to take next semester.” 

Zuko had also never taken a bioethics class, but if the professors who tackled the presenters to forcibly remove them taught bioethics, it seemed much more likely that Laogai Spark Incorporated was in fact that company that Zuko thought it was. 

Haru held up his phone, allowing the others to read the screen. “There's not a ton of information out there about them, just that the founder’s name is Kuvira Dailee and that she got the idea to start the company while working as a  behavior therapist for children with autism.” 

Zuko felt his heart sink when Haru read from the phone. His worst fears about that company were confirmed. It was bad enough that he had almost crossed paths with Kuvira when he and Toph were in the library the other day. That could be treated as a one-off incident. But if the company she founded was sending representatives to on-campus events, that increased the odds of something sinister at play. There was no guarantee that the next event would be run by professors who had both the knowledge and the guts to end the event in the spectacular manner that Sokka had described. 

Before their conversation could continue, Onji came into the waiting area to give an update on what time the dance part could be expected to start. Zuko decided to take this as an opportunity to both exit the conversation about Laogai Spark Incorporated and to ask Onji a logistical question about the dance auditions. 

“Hey Onji, Zuko here. I have a question about the dance stuff tonight.”

“Hi Zuko, I remember you from the audition the other day. Were you the one who sang Good Kid?” Zuko nodded, and Onji continued, “what question did you have?”

“When we learn the dance we're using, can I please have a spot on the left side of the room, assuming the instructions are gonna be front and center? My eyesight is better on the right side than on the left, so I’d rather have that eye be closer to where the dance is being taught.”

“Of course! We make accommodations like that all the time here!” 

Zuko felt a bit calmer after that. However, instead of returning to Sokka, Aang, and Haru, who might still be talking about the professors tackling the representatives that Laogai Spark Incorporated sent to the assistive technology workshop, he found Mai, Ty Lee, and Jin as they exited the same room Onji had come out of. 

“How were the callbacks?” Zuko asked. 

Mai shrugged. “They were fine.” 

“I had fun in there!” Ty Lee exclaimed. 

“Ty Lee, you have fun everywhere,” Mai pointed out. 

“I think my callback went better than I expected it to,” said Jin. “I didn't have a traditional audition process for that production of Fiddler on the Roof because I was a last-minute substitute, so it's been fun seeing how regular auditions work.” 

When Onji called everyone into the multipurpose room for the dance auditions, she was true to her word about giving Zuko a spot on the left side of the room. Although Zuko had very little dance experience, he felt that his dance lesson went well. When they were broken up into groups to practice the dance sequence before their official tryout, Zuko was happy to see that he was grouped with Sokka, Aang, Katara, and Yue. Practicing together felt comfortable. Down the hall, he could see that Mai, Ty Lee, and Jin were also in the same audition group, alongside Haru and another guy whose name Zuko didn't quite catch. It sounded like he said “Jet” but Zuko wasn't sure. 

When their group got called in to run through the dance, Zuko was once again allowed to be the furthest to the left in their line. Although Toph's story about bumping into people made him a little nervous, he completed the dance routine successfully and was happy with his performance in the audition room. 

Even when the time came for the “callbacks” section where he had to go in with other people who'd been called back for the same characters (Pippin and Lewis in his case) and sing stuff from the show in front of them, everything felt fine. He was a little surprised at how easy acting came to him, since usually new skills took forever to master (at least in his experience growing up with Ozai and Azula). Then again, he spent his whole life being taught how to act neurotypical. Acting as a specific character with specific directions to follow was a pleasant change of pace from real life expectations. 

The only issue was when the callbacks for the role of Charlemagne started. Although Zuko wasn't needed for that portion of the audition, he could still hear the singing that was happening from where he was in the hallway. (He wasn't needed for any other audition stuff, but Iroh wouldn't be ready to pick him up until later so he decided to hangout in the hallway with however many friends were also either sticking around after their audition ended or waiting to get called in for something else). The song being used for the Charlemagne callback was “War is a Science,” and one line from that song stood out to Zuko: “It is smarter to be lucky than it's lucky to be smart.” 

To most people, that one line wouldn't be a big deal. Unfortunately for Zuko, he had grown up hearing his father say something similar to compare him to his sister–in Ozai's eyes, “Azula was born lucky and Zuko was lucky to be born.” Hearing that line multiple times as other people auditioned was simply too much. If overhearing the phrase “it is smarter to be lucky than it's lucky to be smart” was the only problem that day, things might have been fine. Unfortunately for Zuko, it was the third strike, with the first two strikes being Professor Zhao’s changeling lecture that was overflowing with subtle ableism and the news that Laogai Spark Incorporated had sent representatives to an on-campus event. 

His heart started racing and everything was a blur. He was pretty sure he could hear the blood flowing through the veins in his ears. He did the only thing he could think of: he ran outside and sat on a bench in front of the building. He couldn't remember if he told his friends where he was going, but even if he wanted to there was a pretty good chance that none of the sounds he would have been able to get out of his mouth would have been words that made sense. 

He wasn't sure how long he had been hyperventilating on the bench when someone sat down next to him and handed him…a ball of yarn? Zuko wasn't sure what it was but it felt nice in his hands. He looked towards the person who handed him the ball of yarn. It was Katara. 

“Go ahead and squeeze it,” she said. “Do you have any airborne allergies?” 

When Zuko shook his head, Katara pulled a bottle of perfume out of her bag. The label had a picture of a beach on it, but Zuko couldn't quite make out what the label said. She took an additional ball of yarn out of her purse and sprayed it with the perfume. 

After spraying the yarn ball, she handed it to Zuko and said, “you can use this like a normal stress ball just like the other one I handed you, but this one also has an ocean breeze scent added. I’ve found that when I get panic attacks, a change in sensory input like scent or texture can help reset my brain.”

Zuko sniffed the new ball of yarn, which he now knew was meant to be a stress ball. With his other hand, he continued to squeeze the other stress ball. It was more helpful than he originally expected it to be. Once he felt his heart rate go back to normal, he turned to Katara and asked, “how did you know I was having a panic attack? I don't think I said anything when I ran out of the building.”

She smiled and shrugged. “The same way I figured out how to help you through the panic attack–it was a ‘takes one to know one’ kind of thing. After the car accident, I started getting panic attacks on a regular basis but after roughly ten years I’ve learned a lot of strategies.”

“Wait, what car accident are you talking about?” Zuko wasn't expecting to unlock this part of Katara's backstory. 

“My brother didn't tell you?” Katara asked. When Zuko shook his head, she nodded and continued, “I’ve told him multiple times that he's allowed to talk about it–it affected the whole family, after all–but he wasn't there so he sometimes feels funny explaining it. My mom and I were on our way home from a Tadpole League swim meet, while my dad and Gran-Gran were with Sokka at a beginner fencing tournament. I’m not sure if you're familiar with the Southern Raiders soccer team, but their bus crashed into our car when we were stopped at a red light. No players were on the bus; the driver was on his way to the bus depot or something and decided it would be okay to text while driving. I was still little enough to need a booster seat, so I was safe in the back of the car, but my mom was hurt pretty badly in the driver seat. Her left leg had to be amputated below the knee, but otherwise she's fully recovered. It took a long time though. The Navy did give my dad a long leave to help my mom with recovery, but the leave lasted long enough that he's gonna have to wait a few extra years before he can retire.”

“Woah, I had no idea. I’m sorry to hear that you went through all that.” 

“Thanks. It was rough, but we’ve adjusted and we learned a lot. Before the accident she was working as a veterinarian for an aquarium and was heavily involved in animal rescue missions. After the accident, she had to pivot to do more in the office and less out in the field because even with the prosthetic leg, the locations injured animals are in are not always accessible. After the aquarium got a dolphin with a prosthetic tail, she also does a lot of visitor education activities by the exhibit, especially when school groups and summer camps come in for field trips. A lot of kids like seeing that her leg matches the dolphin’s tail.” 

“I’m sure their reactions to that are entertaining,” said Zuko. 

“They definitely can be. The questions from kids she doesn't mind–adults are sometimes rude about it though. After she had to spend less time out in the field doing rescue missions, she also got more involved with our school stuff. If you remember that cosplay contest I said my school drama club used to sponsor as part of a fundraiser for the children's hospital, she would attend every year dressed up as Hiccup from How to Train Your Dragon . Then again, even before the accident she's been good at sorting out costume things. She’s actually the one who taught me and Sokka how to cosplay, starting from the moment we needed costumes for our kindergarten Halloween parties. And while she was recovering from the amputation surgery, she taught herself how to crochet. That's actually how she made those stress balls I was showing you earlier. She made a lot of them for me when the anxiety attacks were at their worst, and eventually she taught me how to make them. She also made pride flags for everyone in our high school GSA club who wanted one. Even though we graduated and she no longer has kids in the building, I think she stayed in touch with the teacher who runs the GSA club so she can continue the tradition of crocheting pride flags for all interested club members.”

“Your mom sounds amazing. Mine was too, from what I remember. But my parents had a complicated divorce when my sister and I were kids, and my dad is pretty good at manipulating our local family court judges so I suspect he played a role in her not getting any kind of custody or visitation or anything.” After an awkward pause, he added, “shit, I didn't mean to turn this into a conversation about me.”

“Is it okay if I pat your shoulder?” Katara asked. When Zuko nodded, she put a hand on his shoulder and said, “you're allowed to say whatever you need to say to process whatever you need to process. My panic attacks are always a mixed bag–sometimes talking about the stressful thing helps, and other times I need a distraction.” 

“Thanks. I guess I'm still getting used to being allowed the space to process certain things, and a lot of stuff happened to build up today.” He took a deep breath. “Did your brother by any chance tell you that I’m autistic?”

“No, he didn’t, but he’s usually pretty good about respecting people’s privacy when it comes to that kind of stuff. I think that’s how he ended up becoming president of the GSA club as an 11th grader when usually only seniors end up with leadership roles–people feel safe talking to him about personal stuff and they trust him to not spread rumors all over the place.” 

Zuko nodded. “That makes sense. I wasn't planning on telling anybody other than professors who needed to know about the fact that I was registered for disability accommodations, let alone which specific disability I was getting accommodations for, but when your brother and I had a paperwork mixup on our first day of class I ended up telling him pretty much everything. I told Toph too, during intermission at How to Dance in Ohio because she needed context for some of my thoughts on the first half of the show, but otherwise I mostly wanted to keep it quiet. College was gonna be the first time that whether or not other people knew stuff was entirely my own choice and the result of a ‘my parents told their parents told them’ kind of thing. Unfortunately, a lot of different things happened today that make me think I'm going to have to start telling more people more things, and sooner rather than later.” 

Katara subconsciously turned the shoulder pat into a side-hug. “That’s entirely up to you, or at least it's supposed to be. Sokka bought like ten different neurodiversity t-shirts and a disability pride flag shirt within two hours of finding out about his own ADHD, but he grew up understanding disabilities through the context of seeing our mom recover from the car accident and do photoshoots with that dolphin with the prosthetic tail. It was never something our parents wanted us to feel shame about–if they did have any negative emotions about Sokka's diagnosis, they kept those thoughts hidden from us, unless you count their annoyance at the fact that the therapist we worked with after the accident completely missed all signs of ADHD and made Sokka miss out on years of potential support. If you grew up with the concept of disability being treated like a problem, with no room for joy or nuance, or with all your access needs treated like an inconvenience, I can easily see how that would affect the way you think about this.” 

“Are you a psychology major or something? It almost feels like you read my mind.” Zuko wasn't sure how he felt about that. 

“Marine biology, with pre-acceptance to enroll in the university’s veterinary medicine program as long as I meet the GPA requirements. My mom did the same program when she was my age.”

“Okay, that actually answered a follow up question. When you said you were studying marine biology I was wondering why you'd come here instead of somewhere like Agna Quel’a or Ember Island or somewhere else a lot closer to a beach. But if the vet school is involved that makes a lot more sense. I’m still figuring out what I want to do, so it's interesting to hear what everyone else is planning on.” 

“Glad to be of assistance.”

“With the panic attack or with choosing a major? Because I haven't really made much progress with that second one.” 

“I guess with both. You can keep both of those stress balls, by the way. My mom's latest care package had around twenty of them because she was experimenting with a new brand of yarn for the GSA club pride flags but accidentally bought the wrong shades of a few different colors and didn't know what to do with the yarn, so she made a bunch of stress balls for me to share with anyone who wants or needs them. And please don't take this the wrong way, but it was pretty clear to me that you were in need of something.” 

Zuko chuckled. “That's one way to put it. I just knew that I needed to get to somewhere I couldn't hear the same song over and over again, or at least the section of the song they were using for the callbacks. My dad always said that my sister was born lucky and that I was lucky to be born, so the fact that the character who says that it's smarter to be lucky than it's lucky to be smart is the main character’s dad was a lot to process. I probably could have handled it if it was the only thing, and now that I know it's in the show I can prepare to hear it in the rehearsals and performances, but today it caught me off guard and that was after my literature professor found the most ableist way possible to discuss a poem we read in class and after Sokka mentioned that Laogai Spark Incorporated tried to present at the assistive technology workshop.”

“That sounds like a tricky situation, but I also don't think I know what Laogai Spark Incorporated is.” 

“I don't expect most people to know. I definitely didn't expect to hear that they were on campus. But if they're the company I think they are and not just someone who innocently chose the same name, then they're the reason I missed the end of 12th grade and had to do only online classes last semester. Or, technically someone else played a role there but they used a device that Laogai Spark Incorporated was testing out.” He debated pausing to give Katara time to process what he had just said, but he didn't want her to interrupt with questions he wasn’t quite ready to answer, so in the same breath he continued, “I know that probably sounded cryptic, but I’d rather explain as few times as possible so I’m gonna hold off on elaboration for now.” 

“I understand. When I was younger I didn't always like dealing with my classmates’ questions about my mom's prosthetic leg, and those questions weren't even about me. I can only imagine how exhausting questions about yourself could get.”

“It’s a double edged sword. Questions are exhausting, but so is pretending to be normal. I’m starting to feel ready to reveal more of my backstory to at least a few people, but I don't think tonight is gonna be the night.”

“That's completely understandable. If the school started giving out Southern Raiders soccer merchandise, I’m not sure I’d want to spend that day explaining why I hate that team so much. Like I know logically that it was the bus company they hired and not their players or coaches or anything, but from that day forward my favorite soccer team became whoever was playing against the Southern Raiders. From what you've told me, it sounds like Laogai Spark Incorporated is the Southern Raiders of your mind.” 

“That honestly might be the best explanation of the situation I've ever heard.” Before Zuko could say anything else, his phone buzzed. 

Uncle Iroh: I’m ready whenever you are. I’m parked in the north parking lot

Uncle Iroh : no need to rush if you still have auditioning to do! The library added some new audiobooks about tea making to their digital collection and my sudoku app downloaded a new set of puzzles, so you don't have to worry about me getting bored while I'm waiting on the car 😊

Zuko turned to Katara. “Do I need to sign out or anything when I’m done? From what I was told I wasn't called back for any other characters, just Pippin and Lewis.”

“No, once your characters are done you're free to go. Sometimes people like to hang out in the hallway together, especially if they have plans to walk back to their dorms together or carpool somewhere off campus if they commute, but you're not required to stay for anything.”

“In that case, can you let Sokka and the others know that my uncle came and picked me up when I was out for some air?”

“Of course! That's no problem at all. I’ll see you at rehearsal or at the Jasmine Dragon, whichever comes first.” Katara went back inside, and Zuko made his way to the north parking lot.

As expected, Iroh was in the car, doing sudoku puzzles with one of the new audiobooks playing in the background. He paused the audiobook when Zuko entered the car. 

The first thing Iroh noticed was the yarn stress ball. “Ooh, does one of your new friends like to crochet? I've been meaning to add a yarn station next to the stand where we keep the pai sho boards, but I keep forgetting to go to the craft store.” 

“I actually didn't think to ask her if she crochets. She said her mom made these for her to give out because she had too much of the wrong kind of yarn for a different project. I think she said they're stress balls.” 

“Those definitely sound like a useful crochet project.” Iroh said. “Wait, a friend gave you two homemade stress balls? Is there anything you want to talk about?” 

Zuko wasn't sure how much he should tell his uncle. On one hand, he hated lying, especially to Iroh. On the other hand, he didn't want to dump all of the day’s complicated feelings, especially the ones involving Laogai Spark Incorporated, onto his uncle's lap on the way home from a long day of work. 

He somehow found a middle ground. “The auditions themselves were fine, but it was a long day. I had a small panic attack after my audition stuff was over, but going out to the park bench helped, and so did the stress balls from Katara.” 

“I see. I don't want to force you to relive the panic attack or anything but I hope you know you can talk to me about anything. But you're also allowed to not talk if that's what you prefer.” 

“Do you mind if I put on my headphones? I think music is gonna be easier for my brain to process than spoken words. You can put the audiobook back on–if I turn on noise cancelling mode I won't hear it.” 

“That sounds like a plan.”

They spent the rest of the ride home in silence, each tuned into their respective choice of decompression background noise. Although the changelings lecture, the news about Laogai Spark Incorporated, and the post-audition panic attack weighed heavy on Zuko's mind, they weren't the only things that had happened that day. If nothing else, Zuko knew that his new friends would have his back in a variety of situations. 

As if it had read his mind and wanted to prove a point, the algorithm on Zuko's music streaming app brought up a song from that Be More Chill show that Sokka used for all his audition songs. Although Zuko hadn't ended up using a song from that show for his audition, he did end up listening to it on Sokka’s recommendation. Although the premise–a high school student named Jeremy gets a device implanted into his brain that teaches him how to be more popular, but unfortunately the device had some ulterior motives–didn’t quite feel like the type of thing Zuko thought he would be into, he found the music enjoyable (first Broadway show with a theremin in the orchestra pit!). He also found the lyrics more relatable than he originally expected to, like in the opening song when Jeremy says “freaking out is my okay.” Zuko felt like that was the understatement of the century. And although it definitely felt applicable to several events from that day, another line from a different song was sticking out in Zuko's mind: “overall, a not-too-heinous day.” Although the day had its moments and ended with a panic attack, Zuko didn't want to let that overshadow the success of the second half of the auditions for his first ever musical.

Chapter Text

Zuko couldn't sleep. This wasn't like the time he couldn't fall asleep after watching How to Dance in Ohio. That night, the lack of sleep had been from excitement. This time, the lack of sleep was from his brain processing everything that had happened that day, up to and including the panic attack and the conversation with Katara afterwards. He tried turning on different genres of background music, audiobooks, and white noise. He tried silence (or at least as silent as it could get with Iroh snoring in the next room). He tried laying under a pile of every blanket he could find. He tried changing from long pants to shorts, taking his shirt off, and laying on top of all the blankets from earlier. He even tried playing with every fidget toy he could find. Nothing helped. Insomnia was one heck of a curse. 

When he saw that it was past 2 am, he decided to try for a change of scenery. Growing up with Ozai had given Zuko a special level of expertise in silently moving from one room to another without waking anyone up. He made his way to the living room and turned on the TV. 

Zuko flipped through the channels and landed on Brooklyn Nine Nine . He wasn't sure if there was a marathon of some sort or if the channel just played the episodes in order, but the first two episodes that were on involved the storyline where Rosa came out as bisexual–one coworker found out in the first episode, and then the next episode featured her telling the rest of her coworkers because the first coworker was too stressed about keeping it a secret. Although Rosa’s parents had trouble accepting their daughter’s identity, her friends from work were fully supportive. When Captain Holt told Rosa that “every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place,” Zuko had more feelings about it than he anticipated.

Zuko wasn't sure if coming out as any of the identities that landed under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella could be compared to disclosing an autism diagnosis. In some ways it kind of felt like it would be similar–he had grown up in an environment where both were expected to be kept hidden, both groups had to grapple with the headache that came from every childhood piece of media with a “be yourself” message coming with a personally-tailored asterisk saying “no not like that,” and both groups could easily find their legal rights under attack if the wrong politicians made their way into office. At the same time, he wasn't sure if he was qualified to make the call to compare the two. Although he had learned what the words “demisexual” and “demiromantic” meant when last semester’s psychology class discussed LGBTQIA+ communities, he still wasn't completely sure if those words applied to him or if there was some other more obscure word to use instead. Even if the words did apply to him, he wasn't sure whether they were subcategories of the “A” or if they fell under the plus sign. Regardless of whether or not he was supposed to compare the two situations, Zuko did have to admit that watching Rosa’s storyline did make him start to wonder if it might be a good idea to tell more of his friends more of his backstory. 

He turned off the TV and went back to his room. He was gonna need some paper and a pen, and he kept both of those things in his desk. He drew a line down the middle of a piece of paper–one side for listing the friends that knew he was autistic, and one side for listing the friends that he hadn't told yet. Mai, Ty Lee, Sokka, Toph, and now Katara all knew. Aang, Yue, Suki, and Jin hadn't been told yet, and neither had anyone else who was in the theatre club. He was back and forth on whether or not to list Jin with everyone else when she wasn't a childhood friend he reconnected with like Mai and Ty Lee or part of the group he hung out at the Jasmine Dragon with, but after catching her up to speed on the whole “my name is actually Zuko Sozinson and not Lee” thing, he decided that including her in this next conversation felt appropriate. Looking at his list, he could see that the friends he had told outnumbered the friends he hadn't told yet, and he realized that “coming out” (for lack of a better word) as autistic had ended much better than he had originally anticipated. Maybe telling his friends some other stuff would also end better than originally anticipated. 

MessengerHawk had a “schedule send” option, so he used that to reach out to his friends. He didn't want to wake them up, but he was only able to fall asleep after he finalized his decision to get everyone together and tell them exactly how he got the facial scar. 

♾️🎭♾️🎭♾️🎭♾️🎭♾️🎭♾️🎭♾️

By some miracle, everyone's schedules worked out to gather at the Turtleduck pond in Yangchen Park. They all sat criss-cross applesauce in a circle like they were about to play a round of turtleduck-turtleduck-pandagoose, but Zuko hadn't invited them out to play. He had something a lot more serious on his mind. 

“Hello, Zuko here but I know you already knew that. However, there’s a lot of things I haven’t been telling you.” Before Zuko could say his next thought, Badger walked up to him and rested his head on his lap, kind of like he did at the theatre a while back but at a different angle because this time they were on the ground. “The first part I’ve told some of you when it became relevant to other stuff we were talking about, but I’ve inadvertently left some of you out of the loop, even though I originally wasn’t planning to tell anyone at all: I’m autistic.” He didn’t look to see how anyone from the ‘hasn’t been told yet” side of the list reacted because he knew he’d lose momentum he needed for the next part. ‘I’m mostly mentioning it to give you a little context for this next part, the one most of you can see on my face–the scar. When I started classes this semester, I wanted to avoid talking about it at all, but after hearing what happened at the assistive technology workshop yesterday, I’m realizing I might have to share more of my story sooner rather than later, and in case I have to start telling the whole word or something, I wanted you guys to be first. Growing up, my father had a lot of ideas about ways to make me less autistic or more neurotypical or however you want to phrase it. This scar came from his final attempt at that, the night before I turned eighteen.” 

This time Zuko looked up to see his friends’ reactions. Ty Lee was whispering something to Mai–Zuko knew that they both had known he was autistic and that his father had trouble accepting that fact, but he wasn't sure if they understood the full extent until now. The rest of the group appeared to be speechless. The looks of horror on Sokka and Katara’s faces were identical enough to make one think that they had been born 11 minutes apart instead of the 11 months apart they actually were. Toph had a look on her face that Zuko had only seen when characters in movies and TV shows were planning a murder, or at least planning to punch someone else’s face. He had at least one guess as to whose face she was thinking of punching. Aang’s facial expression seemed more confused than anything else, as if the idea of a parent intentionally harming their child was impossible for him to wrap his head around. Jin was staring at her feet, so Zuko couldn’t see her face clearly enough to guess what she was thinking, but if he had to guess from the way she was ripping apart blades of grass she was probably distressed by what she heard. Yue and Suki’s faces had similar mixtures of disgust and disbelief. 

After assessing his friends’ reactions, Zuko decided to continue before he risked possum-chickening out. “I don't know how much background information you guys have on what autism is or how it works, but the short version is my brain is wired differently than most people, which can make social stuff confusing and can make senses work a little differently. For me, that second part usually means being hypersensitive to certain sounds and textures–that’s why I usually have headphones with me and why I always get sauce on the side instead of on top of stuff when we get lunch. It’s also why I usually keep the hood of my hoodie up–I really like the way the inside feels. There's other stuff too but I don't want to bore you with the details for now.” He took the sword keychain he had had with him on the first day of class out of his pocket and started to fidget with it while he continued talking. “I don't remember all the details because I was so young at the time, but my parents found out I was autistic when I was in early elementary school. Although there's a lot of better supports in place nowadays, my dad had a more ‘old-school’ approach to handling my disability. If I fidgeted too much or said the wrong thing to the wrong person, he saw my actions as behaviors to be corrected regardless of context.” 

Ty Lee shuddered. “I can't believe I had no idea this was going on, even with all the times I hung out with your sister when we were kids. I remember my mom sitting me down one day and explaining that even though you were older than me and Azula that there were things you might need help with and that even though my friends’ older siblings could be good examples that I shouldn't necessarily use you as an example of how to act. And that sounds really mean now that I say it out loud.”

Zuko shrugged. “I've heard worse. And my dad was always careful about how he presented himself to people who didn't live in our house, so there's no way that you or Mai could have known. Anyway, from the moment I was diagnosed, my afternoons and weekends were filled with whatever activities the behaviorists my dad hired wanted me to do. Ms. Kwan was the one I had the longest, and she was easily the worst–she’s the one who snapped a pair of my headphones in half and the one who told my dad to burn one of my books about swords.” 

Mai gasped. “I remember her from the taekwondo tournaments–she was always fussy about everyone else's manners but with most of the people my parents were friends with that was pretty much normal.” 

“She was there to make sure I didn't embarrass my dad or my sister at public events like the taekwondo tournaments and the gymnastics meets, especially the ones where my dad encouraged journalists to show up so it could also be a campaign event. I don't particularly want to relive everything I dealt with while working with Ms. Kwan, but there is one intern she had for a while that you guys should probably know about, especially Sokka, Suki, and Toph. That intern’s name is Kuvira Dailee.”

“The one we hid from in the library supply closet for long enough for the library intern to think we were making out?” Toph asked. 

“Very specific memory, but yes.”

“Is that also the same Kuvira Dailee who founded Laogai Spark Incorporated?” Sokka asked. 

“Indeed it is. My dad was pleased with her performance as an intern for my behaviorist, so when he found out that she had been double majoring not just the psychology that the behavior therapy internship was for but also political science, he offered her an internship in his office. That was also around the time she started babysitting me and my sister, which now that I mention it, sounds like a massive ethics violation to hire one of your interns to babysit your kids, but that's a story for another time.”

“Hei Bai, she was your babysitter? No wonder you wanted to avoid seeing her at the library. And also it kinda makes sense that you didn't explain any further because she sounds like someone I would want to throw rocks at if I had the eyesight to throw rocks without risking innocent bystanders.” Toph was holding a rock she picked up, and Zuko half expected her to squeeze it into a million little pebbles. 

“Anyway, I’m sure some of you may have taken psychology classes that covered at least a little information about strategies that teachers and certain types of therapists use to address certain behaviors in their autistic students. There's a lot of ethics questions that have come up over the course of a relatively short but otherwise very complicated history. I don't know if I'm in the right headspace to discuss that history at the moment, other than to say that Kuvira is one of many people on the wrong side of it.” 

It was Jin’s turn to interrupt. “Shit, is that why you seemed so uncomfortable between when I mentioned that I was planning to study psychology until when I explained what music therapy was? Because one of my psych classes has us reading this book about the history of mental health treatments and if what you experienced was old school enough to be similar to the chapter my class is up to, I don't blame you for proceeding with caution there.” 

“Honestly I don't remember enough individual feelings from that night to answer that but I wouldn't be surprised if that had been the case. Anyway, once Kuvira graduated from college I didn't hear much from her and assumed she was safely out of my life. Then Laogai Spark Incorporated started putting commercials on TV for all their products, including the Bender Glove.” Zuko had to pause for a moment before continuing his explanation. This time nobody interrupted. “I’m not sure how many of the commercials for it you've seen, but it was designed as a tool for behavior modification programs. The teacher or therapist or trainer or whatever you want to call them keeps one hand on the client at all times, with the glove on. When the client does something right, the glove provides a calming massage. When the client does something wrong, there's a different button the trainer can press to distribute a small electric shock.”

Katara couldn't hold in her disgust. “On human children?! My first biology class here had a whole instructional module on ethics in animal experiments, and what you're describing would be illegal to even think about using on a lab rat!” 

Zuko nodded. “Unfortunately Kuvira Dailee is very good at getting around laws about ethics. When my father found out that Laogai Spark Incorporated was created by his favorite former intern, he bought a Bender Glove–an advanced version that in addition to the massage and shock settings, also had an option to change the temperature of the outside of the glove. It was marketed to be like ice packs and heat packs that you can apply to different types of injuries, but I doubt it ever actually gets used that way. The way the glove is set up, only one setting is supposed to be used at once, and he definitely preferred the behavior modification mode over the injury treatment mode.” 

“Tui and La, I don't think I like where this is going,” whispered Yue. 

“I’m gonna fast forward a bit here, to the day before I turned 18,” said Zuko. “It was a long day, and a busy one too. There weren't any campaign events but there were a bunch of other events that my dad was making appearances at and decided I needed to be at too. The suit I was forced to wear was ridiculously itchy, and the tie made it feel borderline impossible to breathe. The fancy dinner we went to was the worst. All of the food was made out of terrible textures. At one point I had to leave the room to throw up. Sorry if that's too much information, but it's how I ended up alone in the hallway with a news reporter who was covering the event. Normally my dad does all the talking when there's a camera around, but he was still inside the ballroom, and the reporter started asking me questions while filming. I didn't answer, just asked to be left alone and made my way back into the ballroom. I thought that was the end of it, but once the dinner part of the event was over the DJ somehow got even louder than they were before, and I didn't have any kind of headphones or earplugs with me–my dad insisted that I was too old for that. All I could do was cover my ears with my hands, but my dad hated it when I did that. Between the fact that I couldn't stay at the dinner table and the fact that I was covering my ears, my dad was pissed when we got home. He spent the whole car ride talking about how disrespectful it was for me to do that.”

“But wasn't he being disrespectful of your needs?” Aang pointed out. 

“Trust me, he didn't care about respecting my needs. Then when the news came on and included the footage of me asking the reporter to please leave me alone, my dad got even angrier. Not even my sister's nightly video call where she showed him her grades on any assignments she got back and her progress on whatever classwork she was working on could help calm him down. I tried to apologize but he wouldn't listen. At one point he left the room and came back with a Bender Glove. The last thing I remember was him saying ‘you will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher’ as he put his hand on my face, somehow activating the heat mode and the shock mode at the same time.” He pulled down his hood and lifted his hair, turning his face for everyone to see the scar. “I never showed you guys the whole thing before, but because of the Bender Glove it's vaguely handprint shaped. Toph, I know you can't see it  but you can touch it later if you want. The rest of the night it happened is a bit of a blur after I passed out from the pain.” 

“What kind of father does that to his own kid? Like what the actual–” The squawk of a pandagoose covered up the end of the question Sokka was asking, but everyone was pretty sure they knew which word he was planning to end that sentence on. 

“I don't think any of the languages available to take as classes at the university have a word to answer that question. The next part is kind of a blur since the pain had me in and out of consciousness, but I do know that my uncle arrived for what he thought was a surprise visit but actually ended up being a rescue mission. I couldn't see what was going on, but I remember him yelling at my dad ‘what the fuck did you do to my nephew?!’ That was the first time I ever heard my uncle use a word that would get bleeped out on TV. I also know my uncle was the one to drive me to the hospital and that he carried me to his car. I was in the hospital for a few weeks. My sister wasn't allowed to leave school to visit, but my uncle was there every day, and my cousin Lu Ten happened to be between assignments with the organization he works for so he got to visit too. From my understanding he did a lot at the Jasmine Dragon while my uncle was with me, and he also helped my uncle retrieve items from my dad’s house and set up my room for when I was finally released from the hospital.” 

“Shouldn't your father be in jail or fed to an Unagi or something instead of being the governor?” Suki asked. 

“If he was anyone other than Ozai Sozinson, he probably would be. Unfortunately in addition to harming his children, he is very good at corruption and has multiple judges in his back pocket. He made sure my mom didn't get any kind of custody or even visitation rights when they divorced, and no matter how many times people who worked at my school called in to report their suspicions nothing happened until it was too late. A few hours after I arrived at the hospital, I turned 18 and CPS couldn't do anything anymore. There might be states where something that happens before you turn 18 can continue to be investigated by CPS after you turn 18, but my dad signed the law adjusting the statute of limitations in his favor. We did go to court at one point, but since the Bender Glove was legally registered as a medical device for the treatment of behavior disorders and autism spectrum disorders and my dad claimed he was using it for its intended purpose and had simply accidentally activated two modes at once, there was no punishment for him. Bender Gloves were temporarily taken off the market, at least until the design was changed to make it harder to activate the shock and the heat at the same time, but whether or not they actually did it or just changed the packaging is a different question.”

“Maybe I should have cheered harder when those professors tackled the representatives from Laogai Spark Incorporated,” joked Sokka.

Suki elbowed Sokka. “Now is not the time for jokes like that–the fact that those representatives were allowed to be on campus at all in the first place after their product was used the way Governor Ozai used it is a big problem.”

Ty Lee raised her hand like she was in class. “I don’t mean to sidetrack the conversation, but is your sister safe?”

Zuko had to think for a moment before answering. “In the eyes of the court, yes, but I know that’s not gonna be a good enough answer because the court thought I was safe too, until it was too late. Normally abuse of one kid is supposed to get all children removed from the home and the parents’ custody, but the boarding school she attends gives her an extra layer of physical safety. Also, since she’s not diagnosed with any disabilities and the Bender Glove incident was classified as an accidental side effect of a disability treatment, it was determined that she did not face the same level of risk that I faced. My uncle and I worry about her sometimes, but as long as she’s at school she should be fine.”

“Doesn’t she graduate this year?” Mai asked. 

Ty Lee shook her head. “I would have graduated this year if I hadn’t gotten my GED with the circus tutors, but I was always a year ahead of Azula because of how our birthdays lined up. Mine was a week before the ‘you must be 5 by this date to start kindergarten’ deadline, and hers was a week after. Unless boarding schools have early graduation options, she’ll have one year left there.”

“It’s kind of weird how a random date decides when you start school, putting the two of you in different school years even though it sounds like you’re only two weeks older. Meanwhile, Sokka is almost a full year older than me, but with his birthday being just after the kindergarten registration cutoff date of one year and mine being just before the cutoff date for the next year we ended up starting school at the same time.” Katara played with her necklace a bit. “We definitely confused a lot of our elementary school teachers.” 

“Regardless of when everyone’s birthday is, I’m just glad we all ended up in college together. I originally planned for this to be a fresh start away from my dad, but if bits and pieces of my past had to come up you guys were a good audience for it.” Zuko didn't have a mirror to know for sure but it definitely felt like he was blushing. He was almost tempted to sing the Campfire Song from the Percy Jackson musical– we don't care where our parents may be as long as you are here with me –but wasn't sure if anyone else would get the reference.

“If there's ever anything we can do for you, please let us know,” said Aang. “We're all one team now.”

“Since we're already in a circle, I think I know what we should do next,” said Katara. “C’mon everyone, being part of the group means being part of the group hugs!”

Mai started to object, “I’m not much of a–” but Ty Lee elbowed her before she could say “hugger.” 

With the number of people involved, the group hugs probably looked more like a team huddle before a soccer game, but that part didn't matter. What did matter, at least to Zuko, was that his new friends would always be at his side.