Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

To say that Hugo was having a bad day is the biggest understatement of the fucking century. From the moment he woke up, all he felt was dread. Not only did he wake up early, he woke up because of a stupid nightmare. One moment he was in a dreamless sleep, next thing you know it, he's running in the middle of nowhere. He freeze's in place when he hears a loud crash. He slowly looks behind him to see another clap of thunder in the distance. As soon as it's heard, he breaks into a mad dash. He doesn't know where he's going, he just needs to get out of here. With the booming sounds of thunder following close behind, he only ran faster. After a brief thirty seconds, the thunder finally caught up to him, striking brief and fast .

Hugo's eyes shot open like a rocket. He sat up as fast as he could and sat for a minute taking in his surroundings. He was in the inn with Varian laying next to him, still knocked out cold. After finally recollecting his breath, he turned to look out the window.

There was a thunderstorm going on outside...

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Varian lazily forced his eyes open. He suddenly felt the weight shifting on the bed and looked up to see what happened. He saw the Lanky blonde reach over to grab his glasses and stood up to walk out the room. ' Maybe he just needs to use the bathroom.' he thinks. He watches the blonde leave the room and closes his eyes again. He hears the door open then be slowly closed, but he can't bring himself to care. ' it's probably nothing'

Ok, maybe it's more than nothing, cause Varian finds himself still awake and alone in the bed. Not that he cares that he's alone, (Nuru set them up in the room together with a fake excuse that they only had three rooms left.) even still, it's suspicious why he was gone for so long. After a brief argument in his head, he decides to get out of bed and figure out where the 'Lanky Weirdo' went and why. He decides to take the blanket with him and slowly sits up. Ruddiger, being disturbed by the movement, chitters in annoyance and finds a different spot on the bed to lay on. Varian looks down and smiles at his pet. He stands up and starts heading downstairs, on his way to find Hugo.

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Hugo sits on the couch close by the window. He's glad Varian and the others are asleep, so they don't have to see him like this. He picks at his fingers as a tear slowly rolls down his cheek. His fingers hurt but he can't seem to care. He just stares out the window instead of sleeping, because he can't bring himself to relax when all he could do was remember it. How the streets of Ingvar were cold around this time of year. People especially avoiding the less fortunate as they say in the cold or the rain. Even worse in thunder. They would stare at him with disgust or pity. Fake sympathy was all he got. Laughs behind his back, but he could always hear them. Every single word they said. The worst memory was running away from the random people who decided to rudely awaken him with a harsh kick to the stomach. He turned the corner and ran into an alley just to find a dead body waiting just around the corner. He screamed as loud as he could and kept running. To this day, it still haunts him.

He flinched as he heard another loud clap of thunder, this one even closer. Another tear streamed down his cheeks as he hears footsteps drawing close. He hurriedly rubs at his face and turns around to see who it is.

"Hey hair stripe. Miss me that much ?" Hugo asked as if he wasn't just having a crisis three seconds ago. Varian looks down at him and stares at him, hesitating to sit on the couch, still wrapped up in the blanket.

"Hugh, are you ok?" Varian asks, finally sitting down and looking at him. He has this concerned look on his face waiting for a response.

"Who me? I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be?" Hugo says. He then flinches again as a loud strike of thunder touches down close by. Varian sighs and holds out a hand, still covered by the blanket and and opens the cocoon he had formed.

Hugo looks at him with a puzzled expression on his face and points to himself, as if saying ' me?'. Varian looks at him with an exhausted face and nods and Hugo hesitantly shifts closer to him. Varian, already tired of his shit, pulls him in the blanket cocoon and closes it off.

Hugo looks up at him, face completely red, as Varian pushes him close to his chest. He chokes back an embarrassing sound and tries to pull away.

After a brief moment of silence, Varian finally breaks it. "Hugo. Are you truly ok?" Varian finally asks. "And I want the truth this time, not ' I'm fine'. Ok?" Hugo sighs as his eyes well up with tears again.

"No. I'm not ok. Alright? Is that all you wanted to know?" He says, with a bit of impatients. "Is it the thunder? Or the rain? Or something else?" Varian asks. He feels Hugo stiffen under him at the mere mention of thunder.

In the distance he hears the loud sound of the thunder again. He whimpers and pulls himself closer to Varian. "Why do you wanna know?" He asks, voice barley above a whisper.

"Because I love and care for you, idiot. I care for us all. So if something is scaring you, you can talk to me about it." Varian says calmly. Hugo finally let's the tears in his eyes spill.

Varian hears him sniffle and pulls him into a proper hug. As Hugo quietly cries, Varian rubs his back and engulfs him completely in the blanket. He starts humming a song that Hugo doesn't know, but it's strangely calming. Varian slowly rubs circles into his back and before he knows it, he dozed off in his arms. Finally getting the rest he needed. Varian falls asleep less than two minutes later.

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Nuru slowly rolls out of bed and gets ready for the day. She lazily performs her morning routine and goes to wake up Varian and Hugo. She walks downstairs to find the two cuddled up on the couch, in each other's arms, fast asleep. She stifles a laugh , knowing she'll definitely use this against the both of them, but that can wait. The sun pokes through the window, it's barely even six a.m and the sun is barely rising. Nuru figures she can at least give them another hour. After all, it would be enough to time to get her sketch book and draw the two of them to embarrass later.

Safe to say that as soon as Yong woke up, he had to stifle a laugh too and sat right next to Nuru as she drew. Hugo woke up after a while and saw Nuru and Yong staring at them. He remembered where he was at and pushed away from Varian then fell to the floor. He got up and walked back to the room with a scowl on his face. As soon as he made it down the hall, the scowl turned into a lovesick face.

' Maybe this being the worst day of the fucking century is an overstatement' he thought.

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Varian's stomach has never felt so empty. Well not quite like that but close enough. What happened was, he was very rudely awoken by nausea. He opened his eyes and that's when reality hit. He sat up fast, clutching his stomach. After realizing that it was more than a wave of nausea, he got out of bed and speed walked out of the caravan. As soon as he got outside, his stomach decided to empty itself.... All over the grass.

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    Hugo awoke to the sound of gagging close by. He was on second watch the night before and fell asleep on the log right next to him. He swiftly looked around to see where it was coming from. He walks to the front of the caravan to see Varian practically puking his guts out.

"Whoa goggles, you ok or just doing this for fun?" Hugo teased. Varian finishes and looks up at Hugo with scowl. "Let's see, I'm puking out the contents in my stomach and I'm doing it for fun? NO, OBVIOUSLY NOT!!" Varian yells.

"Geez goggles. I was asking." Hugo says, raising his arms in a defense stance. "All jokes aside, are you ok?" Hugo asked with a hint of worry in his voice.

Varian coughs and turns to a compartment to try to find the canteen's of water. "What do you think?" He replies, voice laced with sarcasm. Hugo walks right past him and pulls out the canteen's, which we're right in front of him.

"I think you should go back to the caravan and rest all day. Besides, that way I won't bug you." Hugo says, already pushing him towards the door.

"Nope, can't do that. We have to keep traveling if we want to make it to Nesirdnia in time. Besides, I'll be fine." Varian says before swaying so hard that Hugo has to catch him.

"Nope, your staying in bed whether you like it or not." Hugo says before picking him up bridal style and walking into the caravan. 

Varian waved his arms around to try to find balance and wraps his arms around Hugo's neck. As soon as he realizes that he's in Hugo's arms. HUGO'S ARMS OF ALL PEOPLE! His face turns as red as an apple.

  "Hey!? Put me down!" Is all Varian is able to say without making an embarrassing sound. "No can do hair stripe. You need rest." Hugo says. Right after he says that, Varian starts gagging again.

  " Nevermind, rest can wait a minute." Hugo says as he walks Varian to the nearest bush.

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   Varian lays on his back , staring at the roof. He can feel the caravan moving forward as he lays inside, doing nothing. Both Nuru and Hugo confined him to a day of bed rest while they continued to travel. The caravan was moving slowly, so he didn't feel to bad, but he couldn't help but wonder, why did feel as light as air when Hugo picked him up. It felt like his stomach was going all topsy turvy when he thought of his face, his beautiful green eyes, and... ' Oh my goodness do I like Hugo?' Varian thought

   ' No! God No! WHY!?' He questions in his head. No, no, no! He can't like Hugo, that's not right, he can't do that, can't he? Is it wrong that he MAY like a guy?

   After having an existential crisis for another three minutes, Nuru walks in to check on him. She brings a a clean bucket and takes out the old one.

  "Hey Varian, you feeling better?" Nuru asks as he sits up on the bed to look at her. "Yeah, I'm fine. " He says staring at the wall.

  " What's on your mind?" Nuru asks. Varian looks up and sighs. "Is something wrong with me?" Varian asks as he picks at his fingers.

   "What do you mean?" Nuru asks. Varian looks back up and fiddles with his hand

  "Is it wrong that I MIGHT like a guy. But I also like girls. Like the best of both sides. But I should only like one, right?" Varian asks, feeling a little silly about opening about this.

Nuru slowly processed what he said. Once she realized what he meant, she sits down right next to him and pulls him into a side hug.

   "No, of course it's not wrong. You might be Bisexual." Once she sees his confusion, she explains. "It means you like guys and gals and a few others. I myself am a Lesbian. That means I only like girls. You're not wrong for liking more than one gender." She reassures.

"Now I got to go back outside. You going to be ok by yourself?" Nuru asks. Varian nods and tries to lay back down. She walks out and he takes time to process what she said.

' Bisexual, huh? That sounds nice.' he thinks. Just before he nods of with this new information in his head.... He starts gagging again.

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Hugo sat alone on the couch for two hours. 'He should be back by now.' he thought. He gets up and starts pacing for the third time in a hour.

' Maybe I should call him?' he thinks. He hesitantly picks up his phone and looks for his boyfriends contact.

The two had a fight a bit ago and Varian went out for a drive to blow off some steam. He's worried because Varian hasn't answered yet. He tries to call one more time but again it goes to voicemail. He's about to give up when suddenly, Rapunzel's calling him.

After letting it ring for five seconds, he decides to pick up the phone. "Hello?" He says. He hears sniffling on the other end as she starts talking.

"Hugo! Is Varian with you?" She asks. "No. I thought he was with you?" He replies

"Oh my goodness, this is bad. I tried calling everybody he could have been with, but they don't know where he is." She says in a worried tone.

Hugo sighs and the two talk for a bit. They thought it would be a matter of time until he showed up, but by then it had been three hours. He asks Eugene if he could give him a ride and he says yes.

By the time Eugene shows up, it's already 12:35. " Hey kiddo, I'm sure he's fine. Maybe just went to get something to eat or maybe he's at the park."

"For three hours though? Why would he be at the park at midnight?" he questions.

Just then Eugene gets a call from Varian. Hugo sees and tries to grab the phone, but Eugene holds it out of his grasp and answers it.

He hears crying on the other end and sees Eugene visibly pale. "Alright kid, I need you to take a deep breath and tell me where your at." He says calmly.

Hugo sits with a puzzled expression on his face and tries to reach for the phone again. Eugene pushes him away and turns the car around and starts speeding towards the road.

Eugene hands Hugo the phone and tells him to put it on speaker. He hears Varian struggling to breathe on the other end. ' He's sobbing' he realizes.

"Varian, are you okay?!" He asks, already scared. He hears Varian's breathing hitch and then silence....

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Varian was upset, fuck it, upset was an understatement, he was pissed. Hugo can't tell him how to live his life. I mean it's his choice if he doesn't want to work at fast food restaurant at 18! It's not fair!!

Varian waits at the red light, about to turn onto the freeway. He doesn't know where he's going, he just needs some air. He turns onto the freeway even though a voice in the back of his mind, screamed at him not to go.

Everything was going well so far, he was listening to a random artist on the radio and he was finally starting to feel better.

He was planning on turning into the exit lane when the car next to him swerved and crashed into the side of his car. He yelped as the car swerved and crashed into the railing and after that everything went black...

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Hugo's hands shook as he held up the phone. He wasn't paying attention, just staring at Varian's contact as he was
still on call. His attention was drawn from the phone when he heard Eugene gasp.

He looked up in horror as he saw the car in front of him. It was Varian's and was totally smashed. A tear ran down his face, and then another, until he was full on sobbing. As soon as Eugene stopped behind the car, he full on sprinted to car . He looked up and saw an ambulance that was trailing close behind them, stop next to the car and try to make sure Varian is ok.

Hugo falls onto his knees and buries his head in his hands. His whole body shakes as he sobs harder than he has before. His knees hurt, but he can't seem to care. He deserves it.

Eugene walks behind him and sits right next to him. "It's going to be alright, kid-" He's cut off by Hugo slamming into his chest. He sobs into his chest, as Eugene rubs his back.

"It's going to be alright."

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Hugo sang the last verse of a song he was oh so familiar with. It was the 30th of May and Varian had been out for two days. He has never felt so lonely.

The 30th was the song. The 30th also happened to be the day Varian woke up. As Hugo watch him stir, he starts crying.

"Ugh my head. What happened?" Varian asks in a raspy voice. Hugo just stares at him hesitating to reach out his arms and engulf him in the biggest hug.

He settles for embracing him with tears streaming down his face. He cries into his shoulder as Varian tries his best to embrace him back, with a broken wrist and all.

The two apologies to each other and after a brief moment, Hugo pulls him into a kiss. After a while, the two break apart, and Hugo presses his face into his shoulder.

"It's going to be okay." Varian says after a bit. Ulla bursts into the room right after. "Varian?"

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Hugo has been acting weird lately. He's been quiet. Which is weird because he usually loves talking, even when he feels sick. Varian is the first one to question it.

"Hugh, are you okay. You're been really quiet lately." Varian asks. Hugo looks at him with the same emotionless expression he's been wearing all week.

" Fine." He replies. Varian stands on his tip toes to kiss him on the lips. Hugo kisses him back and engulfs him in a hug.

They stand there for a bit until Varian starts to pull Hugo towards there room. Varian and Hugo were given separate rooms, but always slept in Varian's.

As soon as the two got into the room, Varian runs towards the bed and flops down on it. Hugo stares at him from the door, watching him snuggle under the blanket. He pulls his hand out of the blanket and pats a spot right next to him.

Hugo finally walks towards the bed and lays down next to him and Varian pulls him into his chest.

" Lemme see your wrist." Varian says. Hugo looks up and frowns. "I'm just making sure you're ok. Please?" Hugo gives in and puts his hands in his.

Varian pushes up his sleeves and frowns at the sight of Hugo's wrists bandaged up. Varian sighs and looks down at Hugo.

"Again? Hugh we talked about this." Varian says. Hugo looks at him with sorrow in his eyes.

"Sorry." Hugo replies. Varian sighs and kisses his temple. "No, don't be. When did you start again." Varian asks in a gentle manner.

"Three weeks ago. I-its just, I'm just so tired of it all. I'm tired of people taking pity on me because of were I come from. I'm tired of pretending that I'm fine. I'm tired of living, but I don't want to die. It feels like I'm stuck and everyone is moving on without me." Hugo says with tears in his eyes.

"Why did you forgive me? I don't deserve it. I deserve to be cut and alone. I can't even go clean without relapsing!" Hugo shouts.

Varian pulls him even closer to him and starts stroking his head. Hugo let's the tears slide down his face as he snuggles closer to Varian.

"No, you don't deserve any of that. You deserve to be here. I forgave you because I love you, more than you will ever know. You don't deserve to hurt like this

And it's ok, it's going to be a rough journey to stop hurting yourself. But what does matter is that you have people to be there every step of the way. I love you so much."

Varian starts humming a gentle song. Hugo doesn't pick up much, but after a matter of time, Varian starts softly singing. Something about, ' Hey, you'll be ok'. Whatever it was, it was very calming.

Hugo soon found himself falling asleep. Before he falls asleep, he hears Varian whisper " I love you."

" I love you too."

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The first time Hugo smiles again is three days later. Varian had cracked a joke and slipped right after saying, "What could go wrong?"

Hugo smiled and laughed at him. Varian looks at with a shocked expression and smiled brightly. Glad that his boyfriend is happy.

It took Hugo awhile until Varian got him out of the habit of cutting his wrists. Varian was delighted to see the bandage's of his boyfriends wrists. Sure, he had a few scars from cutting to deep. But that's not a big deal.

He loved his boyfriend all the same. Which was more than he will ever know.

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Varian has a bad habit of saying sorry to much. Hugo picks up on this after two weeks into their journey. Varian accidentally bumped into him and apologized a million times.

It is honestly starting to get annoying. When Varian does one little thing wrong, he apologies like he's getting yelled at even if Hugo is simply saying ' it's okay' or ' it's not a big deal' he still apologies like his life depends on it.

It was especially bad when they had the explosion incident....

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"Ok, if I'm right, hopefully, this should neutralize the Flynnoelum or cause it to weaken." Varian pulls down his goggles and has Ruddiger put on his too.

" Ready?" He asks. Ruddiger nods and steps back a bit. Varian lifts the dropper, hands trembling, and puts one drop in the beaker. When the chemical doesn't react, he puts another. The vial started to shake and overflow. Varian steps back a bit right before it explodes.

Varian opens his eyes and finds half the caravan covered in soot. He looks at the desk and finds a book on fire. He grabs a cloth and tries to pat down the fire.

Once the fire is put out, he checks to see which one it was. He opens the book to find that it's Hugo's advanced engineering book.

"Oh no. Oh this is bad. This is really bad. What do I-" Varian is cut off by Hugo swinging the door open.

"WHAT HAPPENED!?" He yelled. Varian flinched at his tone and squeezed his arm.

"It-it was a failed experiment. I was trying to neutralize the Flynnoelum but it exploded and your book caught on fire.I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

Hugo pinches the bridge of his nose and huffs out a sigh. "Let me get this straight. YOU FAILED AN EXPERIMENT AND CAUGHT MY BOOK ON FIRE? VARIAN, THAT WAS EIGHTY DOLLARS! WHAT THE HELL?!"

Varian's eyes go wide as he stammers through another apology. Tears run down his face as he hurries to wipe them away.

Hugo realizes what he's done and tries to apologize to him. He puts a hand on his shoulder and Varian pulls away with a flash of fear crossing his eyes.

" I'm very sorry. I'll get you a new copy by tomorrow. " Varian walked out the caravan and into the forest while Hugo stands there, regret filling his heart.

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Hugo sat by the fire, the new book in his hands. Varian had gotten him another copy and apologized a million times. He's been quiet ever since.

The book felt foreign in his hands. Like something that shouldn't be there. Varian had spent his own money on this after, just for him. It doesn't feel right.

Once again he's stuck on first watch and everyone is already sleeping. Olivia jumps out of Hugo's pocket and crawls up onto his shoulder.

"I should probably say sorry. I do wonder why he looked so scared when I yelled?" Olivia nods and he stands to walk over to the caravan and apologize.

He pushes the door open and walks over to the beds. ' Oh. He's asleep.' he thought. He turns to leave until he hears whimpers coming from behind him.

He looks to see what's wrong and sees Varian tossing and turning with a tight frown. Varian's whimpers grow louder while Hugo stands there, puzzled.

He walks over and sits right next to the bed. Varian shoots up, struggling to regain his breath. Hugo looks back at Varian, eyes shining with concern.

Varian yelps as he looks at Hugo sitting in front of him. "What? When did you get here?" About two minutes ago. Listen, I'm sorry I yelled. I was just upset and that was fucked up."

"I understand. I'm sorry about the book. I didn't mean to." Hugo smiles at Varian and is relieved to get that off his chest.

He then frowns as he remembers a part of what happened.

"Hey Varian, why did you flinch when I was yelling and apologize a lot. Now that I think of it, you apologize a lot, why?" Hugo questions.

"I... Ummm. Let's just say I don't have the best relationship with my dad?" Varian pulls his knees close to his chest and buries his face in his arms.

Hugo tries to figure out what he said until it clicked. The yelling, the flinching, the scared look in his eyes.

"Oh... Ohhh. Geez goggles, I'm sorry." Hugo stands up and sits on the bed next to him.

"It's okay. It was a long time ago anyway. I don't really talk to him that much anymore." Varian yawned. He puts his head on Hugo's shoulder and starts to fall asleep.

"Thanks for apologizing. Love you." Varian looks up and kisses him on the cheek before dozing off.

Hugo's face turns beet red as he sits wide eyed and flabbergasted.

' Oh my gosh he just kissed me on the cheek and said love you?!' He sits up for another ten minutes and then falls asleep, resting his head on top of Varian's.

"Love you too." He whispers before falling asleep.

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As soon as they wake up, they find Yong giggling in front of them. Varian had some how shifted into Hugo's chest in his sleep and was kinda embarrassed about it.

Safe to say after that, Varian tried more to stop saying sorry as much. Also, to say that Hugo missed Varian laying on his chest... He would totally denied it.

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Nobody is listening. Varian has told them fifteen times there going the wrong way but no one listened.

Hugo and Nuru were arguing and Yong was trying to stop them from physically throwing hands.

While Varian tried and failed to speak up and instead fiddles with his hands, feeling at loss. Hugo and Nuru finally start to calm down and look down at the map and realize that there going the wrong way.

"NURU! WE'VE BEEN GOING THE WRONG WAY THE WHOLE TIME!?" Hugo yelled.

Something in Varian finally snaps and he looks at Hugo with a frustrated smile.

" Of course we've been going the wrong way, Hugo. IF YOU GUYS LISTENED TO ME WE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN GOING THE WRONG WAY FOR TWENTY MINUTES. WE COULD HAVE BEEN TO THE NEXT TOWN BY NOW BUT NO, YOU GUYS WANTED TO FUCKING ARGUE. SO SORRY IF I WARNED YOU, BUT YOU DIDN'T LISTEN!!!" He walked into the caravan and slammed the door shut.

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The three flinch as the door slams shut. They here stomping and then Varian screaming into a pillow, then absolute silence.

" Oh gosh, I feel so bad. We didn't even hear him." Nuru says with a concerned look.

Hugo rolls his eyes and has a smug look on his face.

"Please, goggles is just mad because he didn't have enough courage to speak up."

"He was trying to speak up but we couldn't hear him because you guys kept getting louder." Says Yong as he states the obvious.

Hugo rolls his eyes again and stands up. "I'll go retrieve goggles before he turns so red he passes out." He walks over to the door and kicks it open.

He walks in and looks around. "Hey goggles. You done seething in here?" He asks.

He looks at the beds and sees Varian with his hands in his hair, pulling on it hard.

Goggles you ok?" Varian looks up with tears in his eyes.

" Why don't you guys ever listen to me? I tried fifteen times and you still didn't listen." He puts his head back into his hands.

Hugo walks over and sits on the bed next to him and pulls him into a awkward side hug.

"Lemme see your hands." Hugo gently grabs his wrists and pulls his hands into his.

Varian unballs his fists and sees small tufts of hair in his hands. Hugo sighs and pulls him into a full hug.

"I'm sorry. We should have listened to to you. So, now I'll say, I'm listening."

Hugo pulls the hair out of his hands and pulls back to look Varian in the eyes

"I'm listening."