Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Lottie Matthews had a brilliant idea for that weekend: go to a fraternity party she’d been invited to by a group of girls she didn’t even know—girls who had flirted with her just long enough to extend the invitation. Her only obstacle to attending that night had a first name, a last name, and an entire plan to spend the rest of the day watching bad 2000s movies with Taissa.

“Come on, Shauna!” Lottie whined, trying to convince her to change her mind. “There’ll be girls and drinks! It’s the best place to be on a weekend!”

For the fifth time that day, Shauna Shipman sighed and buried her head between her knees, a failed attempt to block out Matthews’ presence. Her plans were nowhere near party-related—let alone staying longer than ten minutes if she somehow got dragged into one.

“I’m not going, Lottie! I already told you,” Shauna snapped. “You know very well this stuff isn’t my thing. I have to study.”

Lottie shook her head dramatically and let herself collapse to the floor, eyes closed as if she were fainting from the sheer injustice of it all. She lay still for a few seconds before finally speaking.

“Please! Please! Pretty please!” Her eyes fluttered rapidly, trying her best to look adorable. “If you don’t go with me, I won’t have anyone to go with! Would you really do something that cruel?”

“You know damn well I would,” the younger girl retorted.

Trying to ignore Matthews’ relentless pleading, Shauna started pacing around the room, feeling her friend's gaze burning into the back of her neck.

“Okay—” she finally gave in, giving up faster under that stare than she had under the begging. “But I’m staying for one hour. Max.”

A radiant smile lit up Lottie’s face as she jumped up and ran to hug Shauna, nearly knocking her over. Lottie caught her before she could fall.

“Thank you!” Lottie said, giddy with excitement. She planted a loud kiss on Shauna’s cheek as she bounced on her heels, still holding onto her. “Have I told you how much I love you?”

“Oh, come on—no need for all that!” Shauna grumbled, wiping the kissed spot while trying to squirm free. “You better not make me regret this.”

Lottie finally let go, still bouncing around the room like she’d just won the lottery.

“You’re gonna have fun, I swear!” Matthews beamed. “There’ll be girls, drinks, girls, good music, girls, neon lights, girls...”

She rattled off the list with a grin, as if trying to convince Shauna she’d made the right choice.

Shauna rolled her eyes, sank back down onto the bed, and turned her attention to her phone, already regretting her decision.

“You know a bunch of random, drunk girls isn’t going to change my mind about anything, right?” she muttered, her bad mood bubbling back up. “I don’t care about that stuff, Lottie. And neon lights give me a headache.”

Lottie, completely unfazed, was already digging through her wardrobe for something to wear.

“Still, it’s gonna be amazing, girl!” she said, tossing clothes onto the floor. “Put on your best outfit, ‘cause tonight is going to be unforgettable. Trust me!”

***

If regret could kill, Shauna would’ve died at that party.

Of all the ways she imagined she might hate being there, she never expected just how irritating and noisy it could actually be. In under ten minutes, she’d already been shoved by drunk strangers, had her clothes stained by a spilled drink from some frat boy, and now had a headache thanks to the flashing lights. All she wanted at that moment was to be curled up in her own bed, watching movies—wishing with all her heart that she didn’t have to stay another minute, and hoping her situation wasn’t as miserable as it felt.

But even if she wanted to leave, Lottie was her ride, which meant as long as Matthews wanted to stick around, Shauna was stuck too. She was already considering starting a fight just to have an excuse to leave when Lottie appeared out of nowhere, holding two glasses. Shauna grimaced and shook her head before her friend could even speak.

“I’m not drinking, Lottie. Since you are, someone’s gotta be sober enough to drive us back,” she grumbled.

Lottie just rolled her eyes and tried to hand her one of the glasses anyway.

“Come on, Shauna!” she said playfully. “If I get too drunk, we’ll just call Taissa to come pick us up!”

“I don’t think Taissa should be forced to leave the comfort of her home just to come to some stupid party,” Shauna snapped, taking the glass anyway just to avoid arguing further.

As a distraction, she let her eyes wander across the room, hoping to find something—anything—that might make Lottie want to leave early too. Unfortunately for Shauna, she was the one who found something. Her gaze swept across the crowd until it landed on someone—and then froze.

She had a vague sense that Lottie was still talking, but everything around her seemed to go quiet the second she recognized that smile. The way she laughed, those little teeth, the freckles across her cheeks, the big hazel eyes, the once-blonde hair now tinted with a more brownish hue—Jackie Taylor hadn’t changed at all.

“Okay. That’s it. We’re leaving,” Shauna said abruptly, grabbing Lottie’s arm the moment her thoughts snapped back into place.

Lottie blinked, clearly confused.

“Why?” she asked, tilting her head and taking a long sip of her drink. “I was literally talking to a really cute girl. I don’t wanna leave yet!”

“Fuck the cute girl!” Shauna shot back. “We need to go. Now.”

Lottie took another sip, staring at her.

“No way. Look—she’s right there…”

She tilted her head toward a girl with pink streaks in her hair, who was laughing with a small group. But Lottie’s attention drifted to the blonde standing next to her, smiling politely at the others.

“Oh my God. Is that Jackie over there, or am I starting to hallucinate from this drink?” she asked, blinking in surprise. Her dark eyes shifted to Shauna, like she was trying to read her reaction. “Only one way to find out… Hey, Jackie!”

She shouted the name, trying to be heard over the pounding electronic music, waving both arms to get the girl's attention. But the sound was too loud and the room too crowded, full of swaying bodies, making it impossible to stand out. With a sigh, Lottie grabbed Shauna’s arm.

“You know what? Let’s just go check.”

“No!” Shauna yanked her arm back, eyes wide. “I’m not going over there, Lottie!”

A wave of panic swept over her. She hadn’t seen Jackie in a long time—not since they’d gone to different colleges. After high school, they’d drifted apart, partly because of the distance, but mostly because Jackie hadn’t seemed thrilled with Shauna’s decision to go to a different university. The last thing she wanted was to run into her now, have Jackie bring all that back up, and make an already terrible night even worse.

Lottie, however, didn’t seem to hear her friend’s desperate plea—maybe because of the blaring music, or maybe because she was too focused on figuring out whether the former captain of their high school team was really standing there among that group of beautiful, alternative girls. The crowd was practically pushing them deeper into the center of the room, but Lottie’s height helped her weave through the chaos with less difficulty than Shauna, who was being all but dragged along behind her.

To Matthews’ delight, as they got closer, it became undeniably clear: it was Jackie. Even after a few years since high school, she still looked almost the same. Her hair was about the same length—just a bit darker now—but what stood out most to Lottie were the tattoos now scattered along her arms.

“Hi, Mandy!” Lottie greeted the girl with pink streaks she’d been talking to earlier, then turned her attention to the real target. “Oh my God, hi Jackie! I didn’t expect to see you here!”

Jackie, who had been mid-conversation, turned toward the sound of her name. Her soft smile faltered, replaced by a stunned expression—one that only deepened when she saw Shauna. She blinked several times as if trying to confirm she wasn’t hallucinating, her lips parting wordlessly for a moment.

“Hi, Lottie,” Jackie said at last, her voice warm despite the surprise still painted on her face. Her gaze then shifted. “And... hi, Shauna.”

Her smile grew again, radiant and full of something that looked suspiciously like hope. Her eyes locked on Shauna’s, as if she had a million questions and no idea where to start.

Lottie, realizing she’d effectively disappeared from Jackie’s field of vision, gave up on the moment and turned back to Mandy, letting go of Shauna’s arm and drifting away into a much more reciprocal conversation.

Shauna wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole.

Correction: the only thing she wanted more than that was to sink her fist into Lottie’s face for putting her in this humiliating situation. She kept her eyes down, avoiding Jackie’s gaze at all costs, silently begging the universe to make this a dream she could wake up from.

But she knew better. Of course she wouldn’t be that lucky. Her shoulders tensed. She raised one hand awkwardly in a half-wave, her voice barely audible when she finally spoke.

“Hi…” It came out shakier than she’d intended, and she mentally cursed herself for it.

Jackie smiled at the reaction. Her mind flashed back to distant memories she’d spent years trying to forget—but they were still there, etched into her. Despite everything that had happened between them, despite the way it all ended, the sight of Shauna still made her heart race. The pounding music around her faded into a dull hum. For a moment, it felt like the two of them were the only ones in the room.

“I never thought I’d see you at a party like this, Shipman,” Jackie said, teasing softly. “Did Lottie drag you here?”

“Yeah…” Shauna muttered, pretending to fidget with her coat just to avoid eye contact. “I wanted to stay home and watch a movie, but she wouldn’t stop bugging me until I gave in.”

Jackie looked around, spotting Lottie already deep in conversation with Mandy, gesturing animatedly about something she couldn’t hear. Then her eyes returned to Shauna.

“I think she ditched you to go dance with Mandy,” Jackie said with a grin. “The music’s so loud, and I swear they’ve played this song three times already. Want to get out of here?”

“Better not,” Shauna replied quickly. “I don’t want to get in the way of your… girlfriend?”

It was a genuine question, even though part of her felt a bitter sting at the idea of Jackie dating someone. She had noticed how close that other girl was to Jackie, and her mind had jumped to the most logical conclusion.

“Don’t worry about it. I think I’ll just call an Uber and head home. Places like this were never really my thing, even when I was younger…”

Jackie let out a quiet laugh at that. She glanced around again, trying to figure out how Shauna had come to that conclusion.

“I don’t have a girlfriend, actually,” she said, a smile in her voice. “And if you want, I can give you a ride home—save you the Uber fare.”

Shauna shrank slightly again, eyes dropping to the floor as she shoved her hands deep into her coat pockets. Part of her wanted to end the conversation right there and bolt, just to avoid the risk of a painful argument resurfacing between them. But another part—the louder one—really wanted to get out of that party as soon as possible. And she knew if she waited for an Uber, Lottie might find her and somehow guilt her into staying.

“I’ll take it…” she mumbled at last. “I just want to leave. This whole environment is making me feel awful.”

Jackie gave the faintest smile, quick and fleeting. She nodded once and glanced over her shoulder toward Lottie, who was still completely absorbed in her conversation with the girl with pink hair.

“Do you want to let her know you’re leaving?”

“Definitely not,” Shauna answered immediately.

The idea that Lottie might try to convince her to stay—or worse, make things even more awkward by commenting on her leaving with Jackie—was enough to snap her fully into action. Without another word, she grabbed Jackie’s hand and pulled the taller girl with her, weaving quickly through the party toward the exit.

Jackie followed without resistance, momentarily reminded that, despite being shorter, Shauna was still stronger—and trying to take the lead from her would be pointless.

“My car’s the red one,” Jackie pointed out once they were outside and her lungs were finally free of the thick smell of alcohol and weed.

Shauna just nodded, letting go of her hand and stuffing both of hers back into her pockets, heading briskly toward the car. She stopped by the passenger side, waiting silently as Jackie caught up, having made it there first in her rush to get away.

Jackie fished around in her coat for the keys, watching how tense Shauna looked—like she couldn’t get away from the house fast enough.

“Where are you living now?” she asked, finally pulling out the keys and unlocking the door, gesturing for Shauna to get in.

“I share an apartment with Lottie, near Brown,” Shauna replied. “I can give you directions.”

As soon as she said it, she climbed into the seat, fastened her seatbelt quickly, and stared straight ahead, clearly intending to avoid too much eye contact during the drive.

Jackie slipped into the driver’s seat, buckled in, and started the engine. She glanced at Shauna out of the corner of her eye, debating whether to say something, noting how tense the other girl still looked.

“Cool…” Jackie said, peeking at her through the rearview mirror as she pulled out. “Sharing an apartment with Lottie must be… interesting.”

“Not so much when she’s always dragging you to some dumb party like this one,” Shauna muttered, resting her head against the window and closing her eyes. “At times like this, she’s really hard to deal with.”

Jackie let out a quiet laugh at that reaction.

“She was always the one dragging us to parties back in school,” Jackie noted. “She and Natalie! I once caught them sneaking off to smoke weed in the back room of my house. Good to know she hasn’t changed much.”

“I’m not sure I think it’s a good thing for her to still be the same as she gets older…” Shauna said softly, watching the road ahead. “I don’t know, staying as immature as she was years ago doesn’t really seem like growth.”

Jackie shrugged, not exactly disagreeing but choosing to stay neutral.

“Yeah, maybe I agree. I don’t know…” she said. “When I think about who I was as a teenager, I realize I didn’t enjoy most of it because I was too busy pretending to be someone I wasn’t—hoping that, somehow, it would make people truly love me. But now that I’m in my twenties, I’ve learned that how people see you... that runs a lot deeper.” A quiet sigh escaped her lips, a vague look of frustration flashing across her face. “And honestly... I’m sorry for being so selfish about the college thing, Shipman. I never thought I’d get the chance to say this to you, but now that I do—I want you to know I’m really, truly sorry.”

That caught Shauna’s attention. She turned to look at Jackie clearly for the first time that night.

She blinked, visibly taken aback—unsure if she’d actually heard her right. For years, she’d imagined that if she ever ran into Jackie again, it would end in another argument. She’d been so sure Jackie would never get over her decision to choose a different college. But now… everything she thought she knew about that moment was shifting.

“You’re apologizing?” she asked, surprised. “I’m sorry—it’s just... I never thought... I always imagined that if we ever met again, you’d be sarcastic and not really take it seriously. I figured you’d wait for the perfect opportunity to bring it up just to rub it in—but instead, you’re apologizing to me?”

Jackie kept her eyes on the road, trying to stay focused. Of all the things in her life, she knew that Shauna had always been her softest spot. More than anything else, that girl had the power to throw her completely off balance.

“Maybe two years ago I would have done that,” Jackie admitted. “But after losing you because of something I did... it just stopped feeling worth it. Back in high school, I was terrified of losing you, so I tried to plan every second of your life next to mine. And that only pushed you away. Now, I’ve found you again after three years, and I’m not going to waste it arguing about what could’ve been if we’d stayed together or gone to the same college. I kept all my feelings to myself for so long because I was scared that if I said them out loud, they’d become real. And I know that doesn’t justify how immature and controlling I was, but... that was what people expected from me back then. And I cared. Maybe that was my biggest mistake.”

A small smile tugged at Shauna’s lips at Jackie’s words. She hadn’t expected to hear something like this—maybe ever. She knew she wasn’t blameless in all of it either, but never in any version of the story she’d built in her head did Jackie take the first step toward owning her part.

“I’m sorry too,” she said softly. “I know I could’ve just told you what was bothering me, and maybe you would’ve stopped. But... it’s still something I struggle with. I create these scenarios in my head where saying certain things doesn’t feel worth it—like it wouldn’t change anything.” She let out a short, embarrassed breath. “I know that’s messed up. But at the time, it made sense. I thought that even if I did speak up, you wouldn’t care. So I figured the only way to feel even a little free was to walk away.”

As she spoke, Shauna reached out with her left hand, gently resting it on Jackie’s leg in a soft, comforting touch. “But hey, Taylor—if it makes you feel any better... not a single day goes by at Brown where I don’t think about you at least once.”

Jackie let a silly smile slip onto her lips after hearing Shauna’s words. Her heart felt like it was about to burst out of her chest, and she was struggling to keep her eyes on the road, resisting every urge to look at the girl sitting beside her.

“I think I can say the same, Shipman,” Jackie replied, slipping back into the tone she used to use in high school. “There hasn’t been a single day I haven’t thought about what we could’ve been—if I had told you I loved you… Sometimes I wonder if I would’ve still been as popular if people had known I was a lesbian. If they’d known about us. And all I can think about is how many times I convinced myself no one would like me if I wasn’t as feminine as the other girls, or if I stepped too far outside the image everyone had of me. But it’s so ridiculous now, because in the end, the only thing I cared about was how you saw me. What you thought of me.”

A small, shy smile spread across Shauna’s face this time, followed by a soft laugh. She turned to look at Jackie again, and this time her smile was unmistakable. The fact that nothing had gone as she expected since the moment she spotted Jackie turned out to be the best thing that could’ve happened. Just knowing that her old friend—her first love, in a way—didn’t hold a grudge lifted something heavy from her chest. And now, hearing all of this, hearing how Jackie really felt... it made her heart pound. It brought up a storm of emotions she hadn’t let herself feel since high school.

“Can you pull over for a second?” Shauna asked quietly, her voice breathless, like she was caught in a whirlwind of her own thoughts.

Jackie gave her a slightly confused glance, but did as asked, pulling the car up to the curb. She looked at Shauna, studying her face to make sure she was okay.

“Are you alright?” she asked, a flicker of concern in her voice. “Did you drink? Do you feel sick?”

“I didn’t drink. Lottie offered me a glass, but I didn’t even touch it,” Shauna reassured her. “I just... I think I need to figure something out.”

With that, she unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned closer to Jackie. Her heart was pounding, but even with no alcohol in her system, something about being near Jackie made her feel completely intoxicated. And then, without another word, she climbed onto Jackie’s lap and pressed her lips against hers in a kiss that was long overdue—one she’d needed for years.

Jackie froze in surprise for just a moment, but the confusion melted away as soon as she felt Shauna’s lips move against hers. Her pulse quickened, and her hands instinctively reached for her seatbelt, unbuckling it as she returned the kiss just as intensely, just as desperately. Her hands slid to Shauna’s hips, pulling her closer, drawing a soft gasp from between her lips.

Shauna wasn’t faring any better—her breath was ragged as the kiss deepened, her whole body heating up with every second they stayed connected. Eventually, though, she needed air. Slowly, she pulled back, eyes locking onto Jackie’s with a quiet intensity.

“Do you want to spend the night at my home?” she asked, leaning in just a little more. “There’s a really comfortable bed there…”

Jackie exhaled hard, blinking a few times like she still couldn’t quite believe this was real.

“I’d love to,” she said softly, her voice full of wonder—and something deeper, something like devotion.

She had no idea how she was supposed to drive now, with the girl of her teenage dreams sitting on her lap, shifting gently against her. Her uneven breathing gave her away, as did the tight dress she wore—which made it very obvious that if this continued, focusing on the road would be absolutely impossible.

Shauna smiled again, then leaned in to plant a brief kiss on Jackie’s lips before climbing off and settling back into the passenger seat, refastening her seatbelt.

“I missed you, Jax. It’ll be nice to spend the night with you.”

Chapter Text

The ride to the apartment was fairly quiet. Jackie tried to stay focused on the road as much as possible, though it was nearly impossible with the thick heat hanging in the air, making both girls' anxiety palpable. Still, Jackie did her best to keep a conversation going with Shauna, asking a few trivial questions about how she was doing lately and whether she was still in touch with the rest of the team. The conversation didn’t last long, though—Jackie kept getting distracted by Shauna’s lips, stealing glances before snapping her eyes back to the road.

Luckily, the apartment wasn’t far from the party. It was in one of the wealthier parts of the city—not that surprising, considering it belonged to Lottie. Jackie pulled up in front of the building and glanced out the window, her expression genuinely impressed.

“Wow!” Jackie said. “Nice place, Shipman.”

“Thank Lottie for that!” Shauna joked. “If it were up to me, I’d be living somewhere way more low-key.”

Shauna quickly unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped out of the car, waiting for Jackie to do the same while taking the opportunity to grab her keys. As Jackie approached, Shauna gently took her hand and unlocked the building’s entrance before leading her toward the elevators.

The short elevator ride felt like it lasted forever. Shauna kept stealing glances at the taller girl’s lips, blinking slowly as her mind spiraled through all the scenarios she could imagine between them. Thankfully, it didn’t take long to reach their floor. Shauna pulled Jackie by the hand again, guiding her to the right door and unlocking it quickly, stepping aside so the girl could enter before closing and locking the door behind them.

“Well… welcome!” she said with a smile. “I live here with Lottie. My room’s the one on the left, this is the living room, kitchen’s right over there… Make yourself at home, Jax!”

Now that Jackie was actually inside her apartment, Shauna seemed to realize what she’d just done. A flush spread across her cheeks as the reality of the situation set in. She didn’t want Jackie to think she’d invited her over just for sex—though, of course, she wanted that too. But more than anything, she cared deeply about Jackie.

For years, Shauna had believed she’d lost Jackie for good. The possibility that it wasn’t entirely true, that there might still be a way to make things right, sent her thoughts spinning. Her expression shifted to embarrassment as she faced Jackie.

“I’m sorry…” she said, swallowing hard. “I swear I didn’t bring you here just to… I mean, yeah, for that too, but… I really wanted to fix things between us. I mean it.”

Jackie absentmindedly tossed her coat onto the couch as she slipped off her heels, finally giving her feet some relief. She sat down, watching Shauna with a teasing smile as she patted her lap, inviting her over.

“I didn’t see it like that, don’t worry!” Jackie reassured her, trying to ease Shauna’s nerves. “I think we’re even now, for all the times I invited you to sleep over at my home with the excuse of watching some dumb movie on TV—only for us to do literally anything but that.”

Jackie laughed at the memory. Throughout much of her childhood and all of her teenage years, she and Shauna had shared a complicated relationship—one that went far beyond friendship but was never acknowledged as anything else. Maybe that was because of Jackie’s own fear that people would find out and start seeing her differently. The truth was, it had already been hard enough for her to navigate school life. Her parents constantly reminded her to avoid raising questions about her gender identity, pushing her to be as feminine as possible to avoid scrutiny.

Jackie had never outright rejected that pressure, even though it made her feel like she was performing a version of herself that wasn’t entirely real. The only person who’d ever come close to truly knowing her had been Shauna. Maybe that’s why she clung so tightly to the idea of control—even in situations where control wasn’t possible or even healthy. It had made their relationship all the more difficult.

But now, she was just happy to have a second chance with Shauna. She knew the girl wasn’t always easy—Shauna had her own baggage—but Jackie genuinely wanted to rebuild something from what they used to have. This time, better. More honest. More grown-up.

“And hey, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” Jackie added. “We can actually just watch a movie on Lottie’s giant-ass TV.”

“I want to!” Shauna replied—way faster than she intended, her cheeks flushing almost immediately.

Despite the embarrassment bubbling up inside her, Shauna stepped closer to Jackie, reaching for her hand instead of accepting the lap invitation.

“We should go to my room,” she said. “I have no idea if Lottie’s coming back tonight, and I really don’t want to deal with any of her dumb jokes.”

She led Jackie through the apartment once again, this time toward her bedroom. Once inside, Shauna kicked off her shoes—her worn black Converse—leaving just her socks on as she stepped further into the room. Her eyes met Jackie’s again, and she gave her a shy smile before sitting on the bed and patting the empty space beside her, silently inviting Jackie to join her.

“Look, there’s a TV in here too,” she said with a soft laugh, gesturing toward the screen mounted on the wall. “So we can do whatever you think is best, Jax.”

Jackie glanced around, taking in the small details of Shauna’s room. Her lips curled into a suggestive smile when she spotted a Polaroid photo of the two of them from kindergarten pinned to the wall.

“I like the photo,” she said, sitting down on the bed. Their faces were now incredibly close, their breaths mingling in the air. “But I don’t think little Shauna and little Jackie should see what we’re about to do.”

Carefully, Jackie removed the Polaroid from the wall and tucked it under the lamp on the bedside table. Her attention turned back to Shauna, eyes catching the way her flushed cheeks stood out against her skin. She leaned in, just enough for their lips to meet. Jackie kissed her slowly, deliberately, with the kind of longing that had built up over years. She wanted to take her time—this wasn’t the first time they’d done this, but she didn’t want it to seem like that was the only reason she’d come over.

“I find you way more interesting than anything that could be on TV,” Jackie murmured, pulling back just enough to meet Shauna’s gaze.

Shauna blinked slowly, part of her still processing what was about to happen, the other part silently scolding herself for forgetting to hide that little Polaroid. But even through the nerves, a soft smile appeared on her face. She felt in sync with Jackie—both of them wanting the same thing, both trying to respect each other’s pace.

With that in mind, Shauna slowly climbed onto the taller girl’s lap, shifting to get comfortable before leaning in to kiss her again—this time deeper, more intense. It wasn’t technically their first time, but just having Jackie like this again after so long made her heart pound. As the kiss deepened, her body acted on instinct. She slipped off her flannel jacket, letting it fall to the floor.

“Now we’re both without jackets…” she joked softly, briefly pulling back, her eyes lingering on Jackie with a look of awe.

Jackie let out a quiet laugh, her hands drifting to Shauna’s waist as her body leaned forward slightly, their hips pressing together. She moved her lips down to the other girl’s neck, leaving a trail of slow, wet kisses as her hands slipped beneath Shauna’s shirt. She knew exactly where she wanted to touch, her fingers gently brushing against her skin beneath the fabric of her bra.

“Well, I didn’t know it at the time,” she whispered in a teasing tone, “but I think I only bought this dress so you could take it off.”

Shauna let out a soft gasp, her breathing growing heavier as she felt the kisses against her neck and Jackie’s fingers brushing so close to her breasts. Her hips began to move instinctively against Jackie’s lap, her voice barely more than a whisper.

“Can I take your dress off now? What do you think?”

Jackie let out a breathy sigh at the sensation of Shauna grinding in her lap. She was clearly affected—even though she didn’t want to show it too much, it was almost impossible to hide. Her head tilted back slightly, basking in the feeling for a moment before bringing her lips back to Shauna’s neck and answering in a low, husky drawl.

“Please.”

A grunt escaped Shauna’s lips as she listened to Jackie, pulling back just enough to help Jackie slide off her dress. Thankfully, it didn’t take long. As soon as the fabric was gone, Shauna climbed right back into her lap, watching the taller girl’s expression closely. After a beat, she let a sly smile spread across her face, gathering the courage to tease her.

“I think now I’m the one wearing too much,” Shauna said, smile still in place as she guided one of Jackie’s hands to the hem of her own shirt.

Jackie’s hazel eyes darkened slowly as her fingers found the edge of Shauna’s shirt. She kept her gaze locked on the other girl’s face, watching her expression—soft, open, but heavy with anticipation. Her eyes flashed, and for a moment she got lost in that smile before her own lips curled into the same provocative smirk.

“Let me take care of that for you, baby,” she murmured, still in that low, husky voice—using the pet name she knew always got to Shauna.

She slowly pulled the shirt up, revealing her torso, clad only in a black bra. Jackie didn’t bother to hide the way her gaze dropped to Shauna’s chest before drifting back up to her face.

Shauna’s breathing was completely uneven now, her brown eyes even darker as she watched Jackie take her in. Somewhere deep inside, she knew she had to suppress the moan that nearly slipped out—just from hearing Jackie call her baby. Still, another smile tugged at her lips when she noticed the way Jackie immediately looked back up at her after glancing at her chest—like she didn’t want to miss a single reaction. Carefully, Shauna reached back and unclasped her bra, letting the straps fall from her shoulders until she was completely bare.

“Like what you see, Jax?” she teased, trying to sound more composed than she actually felt.

Jackie let out a soft gasp as her eyes took in Shauna’s naked torso. She lifted her gaze back to her face, leaning in again—this time leaving a hot, lingering kiss on her lips as her hands pulled her closer, their bodies now colliding fully, skin against skin.

“You’re beautiful,” Jackie breathed between kisses. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, Shauna.”

Normally, Jackie liked having control in moments like this. But now? She simply guided Shauna’s movements against her hips, hoping she’d realize exactly what she was doing to Jackie’s body.

A low moan slipped from Shauna’s lips as she felt the small bulge beneath the single remaining layer of clothing Jackie still wore. In Shauna’s case, her denim shorts were still getting in the way of everything she wanted to feel—but even so, she found it more satisfying to grind slowly on Jackie’s lap, letting out another soft sound as she did.

“Jackie…” she murmured, glancing up at the taller girl. “I still think I’m wearing too many clothes, don’t you?”

The truth was, Shauna wanted Jackie to undress her completely. The thought of being entirely naked for Jackie—not to mention how much she knew that affected her—made her burn from the inside out. She hoped Jackie would pick up on the hint. She wanted her to know exactly what she was asking for.

A shiver ran down Jackie’s spine at the question. She had to suppress the moan that rose in her throat as she realized exactly what Shauna meant. Her hands trembled slightly, hesitating for just a second before she reached down and carefully unzipped Shauna’s shorts, easing them off. Her breath caught when she felt the heat and wetness against her hip—and this time, she couldn’t stop the moan that escaped.

“Already…?” she asked, a smug smile playing on her lips. “All wet for me?”

“Maybe…” Shauna rolled her eyes at Jackie’s smug tone, then smiled through it. “And by maybe, I definitely mean yes.”

Before Jackie could say anything else or gloat further, Shauna leaned in, kissing her again—deeper, dirtier—as she rocked her hips. The movement pulled soft moans from both of them. There was so little fabric left between their bodies now that every touch sent a shiver through Shauna, the growing friction making her tremble with need.

Normally, she hated it when Jackie tried to take control. But this time? She’d let her. Gladly. Her body wasn’t really responding to her brain anymore—it just kept kissing Jackie, moving frantically on her lap, chasing more friction, more pressure, more of her.

Jackie tried her best to keep her composure, but with Shauna grinding against her like that, it was damn near impossible. She knew how much she loved having control—how much she’d wanted to keep things careful, deliberate, so she didn’t ruin this. Back in high school, when they’d had sex, Shauna always let her take the lead—but afterward, she'd always seemed irritated about it. Jackie didn’t want to repeat that mistake. Still, she couldn’t resist.

She pulled her mouth away, her hands drifting to the last thin piece of fabric still covering Shauna. She slipped her hand beneath it, fingers finding her clit and pressing down lightly with her index and middle fingers.

“What do you want me to do, Shipman?” Jackie asked, her voice low and rough with desire.

“Jax…” Shauna moaned, writhing under her touch, chasing more pressure. “You know what I need…”

Her moans grew higher, more desperate, her eyes falling shut as she gave herself over to the pleasure. She was a complete mess—whimpering, gasping, needing more of Jackie, more contact, more of everything.

The smug smile returned to Jackie's face after getting that reaction in response. She removed her hand from between Shauna's legs and slowly tilted the other girl’s body until she could finally lie down on the bed. Jackie leaned over her, staying on top and leaving a few kisses on her neck as she gently removed the last piece of clothing still on Shauna’s body.

Her lips moved down slowly—first to her collarbone, then to her breasts—leaving a trail of kisses that made Shauna shiver beneath her. Finally, Jackie settled between her legs, carefully spreading them apart before lowering her head toward Shauna’s center. This time, she teased her clit with her tongue before slowly beginning to suck.

Louder moans now escaped from Shauna’s mouth, her small body writhing beneath the wave of pleasure crashing through her. Jackie was definitely good at it. Shauna had known that since they were teenagers, but now it felt even more true—especially after being away from Jackie’s mouth, from her whole body, for so long.

A sharp moan broke from her lips when her legs tried to close involuntarily, only to be held apart by Jackie’s firm hands. That strength—subtle, but unrelenting—made Shauna moan even louder. She couldn’t help but picture the kind of things Jackie could do to her with muscles like that.

Jackie’s mouth began to intensify the sucking as Shauna’s moans grew more desperate. Every time Shauna’s legs tried to close, Jackie gently but firmly held them open, her own body heating up with every high-pitched sound that came from the girl beneath her. For a second, she wondered if she'd forgotten the exact sound of Shauna’s moans—but no. That was something she could never forget.

With Shauna’s body responding so beautifully, Jackie slowly slid her index finger inside her—just to prepare her. She moved it at a rhythm that didn’t quite match the pace of her mouth, giving Shauna’s body different layers of stimulation. They hadn’t tried this very often back in high school—most of their sex had happened in Jackie’s bedroom, while her mom was in the living room watching TV—but Jackie remembered how well Shauna reacted to it. If she wanted to take it that far tonight, Jackie would give her anything.

As if answering her thoughts, Shauna forced her eyes open through the haze of pleasure, blinking slowly before brushing her fingers along Jackie’s cheek to get her attention.

Once she had it—Jackie looking up at her from between her legs—Shauna stared silently for a beat, trying to find the words through the overwhelming pleasure.

"I want..." she began, swallowing hard, her voice shaky with need and hesitation. "Fuck, Jackie, I need you inside me!"

Her tone came out more impatient than she intended—maybe from embarrassment, maybe just from wanting Jackie too badly. Either way, her face flushed a deep red as she waited, hoping Jackie wouldn’t be offended. Hoping, instead, she’d understand. And say yes.

Jackie looked up to take in Shauna’s state—her breathing ragged, her cheeks flushed, her brown eyes darker than usual. A low moan slipped from Jackie’s lips as she heard Shauna ask for it like that. She loved teasing her, but right now—after so long apart—Jackie would be lying if she said she didn’t want the exact same thing. She slowly withdrew her finger, keeping Shauna’s legs open as she positioned herself between them.

"Is that what you want, baby?" she murmured, the pet name slipping out unconsciously this time. Her hands moved to her own panties, slowly sliding them off without breaking eye contact. "Your wish is my command."

Jackie gently leaned forward, lowering her body onto Shauna’s. One of her hands moved to her own cock, guiding it inside Shauna. Her eyes fluttered closed for a brief moment, her entire body trembling as a raspy moan escaped her lips the instant she felt Shauna's warmth again—her inner walls squeezing tightly around her length.

"You're still as hot as ever..." Jackie groaned between shaky breaths.

A louder, more desperate moan broke from Shauna's lips, with no chance of holding back what came next. She had completely forgotten how incredible it felt to have Jackie inside her—it was like her body had been waiting all these years for this exact moment, aching for the day they would be reunited.

Her hands quickly found their way to Jackie's back, leaving small scratches along her skin as her spine arched with every thrust. It didn’t take long for Jackie to settle into a rhythm, and Shauna moaned long and low as her body clung desperately to her, whining each time Jackie’s hips pulled back even a little.

“Jax…” Shauna cried out, voice shaking. “You’re still so… so hot, too.” More moans followed, her words crumbling into breathless gasps. “I missed you so much, baby…”

It was the first time in years Shauna had used that word—not even back when they had that complicated relationship that was never just sex, but never anything else, either. She had never called Jackie “baby” before.

Part of her had always refused to give in, to let Jackie know just how deeply devoted she really was—not while she still felt like a secret. But this time was different. Ever since Jackie apologized, something had shifted. For the first time, Shauna didn’t feel like a secret. She felt something real. And now, she could finally give herself over—fully, completely—the way she had always wanted, without fear of what tomorrow might bring.

Jackie let out a few drawn-out moans in response to what she heard from Shauna’s lips, feeling her nails digging into the skin on her back as she gradually increased the pace of her hips. Shauna’s legs wrapped tightly around her, as if trying to take back some control of the situation.

She leaned in and kissed Shauna deeply, letting the other girl move her hips too—this time in syncopated rhythm, pushing against Jackie in the opposite direction, creating an even more intense friction between their bodies. Jackie arched her back briefly, a hoarse, prolonged moan escaping her lips as she felt Shauna's nails drag along her skin. And then, for the first time, she said something she had never let herself say in a moment like this:

“I love you, Shauna…”

“I love you too, Jackie…”

A louder moan tore from Shauna’s throat after the confession, her eyes rolling back as her body tensed, her back arching and her mind going hazy. She hadn’t planned to come that quickly—especially not right after hearing something so vulnerable from Jackie—but after all the years she had spent silently craving those words, finally feeling safe enough to respond to them... there was no way her body could’ve held out much longer.

That overwhelming sensation crashing through her only proved it. Her nails dug sharply into Jackie's back as her walls clenched hard around her, and just like that, Shauna came—losing herself to an orgasm she never imagined possible, not even in her dreams.

Jackie felt Shauna's walls tighten around her, clenching hard enough to make her arch her back and thrust deeper inside, another hoarse moan breaking from her lips. She knew she couldn’t last much longer—especially after realizing she had brought Shauna to climax. Her body trembled, and she quickened her pace just slightly, her hips rocking faster. She raised her head, locking eyes with Shauna as the tension built inside her.

A vibration rippled through every cell in her body. Time seemed to slow down. Then, with a long, drawn-out moan, Jackie stilled her movements and came inside Shauna, releasing with a final thrust. Her body gave out completely, and she rolled to the side so she wouldn’t collapse on top of her. Her chest rose and fell quickly as she tried to catch her breath, sweat glistening on her forehead and sticking to her bangs. Jackie let out a shaky sigh, still reeling, eyes drifting back to Shauna’s face.

“You were amazing…” she murmured, her voice ragged and breathless. “As always…”

A tired laugh escaped Shauna as she turned to Jackie with a soft smile. For the first time in years, she didn’t feel any bitterness over how things had played out. Just a deep sense of relief in her chest—and warmth spreading inside her from Jackie’s release.

“You were amazing too, Jax…” she replied, still smiling, though it faded slightly as a thought crept into her mind. “Are you leaving?”

After everything they’d just shared—every electric sensation—doubt still managed to seep in. What if Jackie hadn’t meant what she said? What if those words had only slipped out in the heat of the moment?

Of course it was a silly thought. She knew that. But it was there, persistent and nagging, another meaningless creation from Shauna’s tangled mind. The worried look she gave Jackie was impossible to hide—full of all the insecurity she felt in the aftermath of what had just happened.

Jackie responded by gently running her fingers through Shauna’s brown hair, then leaning in to kiss the tip of her nose. She didn’t know exactly what was going through Shauna’s head, but one thing she knew for sure: she didn’t want to leave. Not now. Not after everything they’d just done. Not after saying “I love you” and hearing it said back.

“I don’t want to leave right now…” Jackie reassured her, closing her eyes for a moment, soaking in every bit of the closeness she’d longed for. “If Lottie doesn’t mind, can I sleep here with you tonight?”

A wave of relief crashed through Shauna’s chest, finally making it clear that her doubts were nothing more than self-sabotage. Knowing Jackie wanted to stay—knowing the words she’d said were real—made everything feel even more perfect. A smile bloomed across her face again, brighter than before, her eyes practically sparkling.

“Yes! Definitely yes!” she answered eagerly, not hiding how happy she was. “Fuck Lottie! I’m letting you stay and she can’t stop me! Just… stay with me, Jackie. Please.”

Jackie laughed in response, continuing to stroke Shauna's hair. It was the first time she’d seen that kind of sparkle in Shauna’s eyes. She wasn’t sure what had brought it on—because the last time Shauna had looked at her like that, they were still kids, untouched by all the messiness adolescence would bring. Jackie had no idea what part of herself she'd managed to recover in that moment to make Shauna look at her like that again after so long, but she couldn’t have been happier about it.

“Shipman…” Jackie said softly. “Just so you know, I meant it when I said I love you. I wish I’d said it sooner, but I was scared of how those words might come out…”

When she was younger, Jackie had truly been afraid to tell Shauna she loved her—because, to her, it never sounded like just best friends. She was scared to admit what it really meant and how that might affect her life. After high school, after the fight about different colleges, and after wondering whether life was even worth it without Shauna in it, she realized she had no reason to fear what love meant to her. Back then, it had been hard—she was young, and her reputation and the influence she had at school mattered. But maybe having this time to grow up was exactly what she needed to understand the choice she should’ve made all along when it came to her complicated relationship with Shauna. And honestly, no reputation in the world could ever mean more to her than that girl.

The sparkle in Shauna’s eyes only deepened at Jackie’s words. She smiled wide as she nestled her head against the taller girl’s chest, closing her eyes right after.

“I meant it too, Jax. Really…” she whispered, tracing gentle shapes on Jackie’s shoulder. “Actually, I’ve felt this way longer than you could imagine. I was scared of what you'd think if I said anything back in high school. And after our fight about college, I thought… I thought whatever love I thought I had was gone for good. But it’s always been there. It never went away.”

Shauna was being sincere. All through her teenage years, she’d convinced herself her feelings would never be returned—that Jackie would never acknowledge them. Maybe it was naive to let go of all the hurt so quickly, but the truth was, she needed Jackie. She didn’t want to lose her again. And if this was her second chance, she was ready to put her pride aside and forgive whatever it took—just to have Jackie back.

“I don’t want to lose you again,” Shauna murmured, her voice nearly a plea as she kept her eyes closed. For the first time, she was letting herself sound completely vulnerable in front of Jackie. “Please… stay this time.”

Jackie blinked slowly, taking in every detail of what she'd just heard. She had never really been sure if Shauna loved her. Toward the end of high school, Shauna had acted more like she hated her—and that memory had haunted Jackie throughout the three years they’d spent apart.

The possibility that Shauna might truly hate her—that everything Jackie had done to bring them closer, even joining the soccer team or applying to the same college—had all been for nothing… it terrified her. She’d feared none of it would be enough, because maybe Shauna didn’t feel anything good toward her at all.

But hearing her now, knowing she had loved her for so long, knowing she wanted her to stay… it made Jackie feel something she hadn’t in years: hope. She suddenly felt deeply grateful that Laura Lee and Natalie hadn’t let her go through with ending her life right after graduation. If they hadn’t stopped her, she wouldn’t be here now, experiencing this moment.

“You’re not going to lose me, Shipman,” Jackie said, her voice firm—certain—for the first time in a long time. She had a reason to keep going now. A reason to live, if it meant living next to the girl she loved so deeply. “I promise.”

She wrapped Shauna’s smaller body in her arms with care, caressing her back as she blinked rapidly, trying to hold back the tears. She didn’t want Shauna to see her crying—not now. These weren’t sad tears, and she didn’t want to worry her.

Thankfully, a perfect distraction came in the form of jangling keys and footsteps entering the apartment. Then, Lottie’s unmistakably drunk voice echoed through the previously quiet space.

“SHAUNA, I REALLY HOPE YOU CAME HOME AND DIDN’T DIE AT THAT PARTY! I TRIED TO LOOK FOR YOU EVERYWHERE BUT I COULDN’T FIND YOU! I’M GOING TO SLEEP AND I THINK I’LL THROW UP A LITTLE, OKAY? GOOD NIGHT!”

All the serenity Shauna had been feeling next to Jackie nearly shattered with Lottie’s arrival. It took everything in her not to storm out of the room—completely naked—and hurl something at Matthews’ head.

Thankfully, the soft strokes on her back kept her grounded. They soothed her just enough to resist the urge toward violence. Instead, she sighed and tightened her arms around Jackie, deciding that the best thing to do was simply sleep, warm and safe in her embrace.

“Ignore her,” Shauna murmured. “She won’t come in here—at least not until morning. By then she’ll be sober, so a little more bearable.”

With that, she nestled herself more comfortably against Jackie, closing her eyes with a smile. That familiar peace settled in again, and she found herself silently thanking Lottie Matthews for insisting she go to that party—because without it, she might never have found her first, and only, love again.

Chapter Text

Jackie had no intention of waking up so early on a Sunday, but between the sunlight streaming through the uncovered windows, the loud whir of someone using a blender, and a song playing whose lyrics she didn’t recognize, her brain was forced into consciousness against her will. She opened her eyes, squinting at the brightness, and bit by bit the memories of the previous night returned—especially as she noticed Shauna lying next to her, arms wrapped tightly around her body.

She leaned in slowly, pressing a soft kiss to the other girl’s forehead. Waking Shauna hadn’t been her intention, but with the racket coming from the kitchen and the music still playing, it felt almost inevitable. Jackie noticed a pair of brown eyes beginning to flutter open. She was just about to smile and wish her a good morning when the bedroom door swung open and Lottie’s voice rose above the kitchen noise.

“Shauna, I made a smoothie—” Lottie’s excited expression faltered as she caught sight of the bed. “You didn’t tell me you slept with Jackie! You could’ve texted me so I wouldn’t barge in!”

In a flash, Jackie pulled the sheet up over both their bodies, the one likely kicked to the end of the bed sometime during the night.

“Hi, Lottie!” Jackie said with a smile, doing her best not to sound completely mortified.

“I didn’t see anything!” Lottie blurted out, backing out of the room and shutting the door behind her just as fast as she’d come in.

Jackie blinked a few times, trying to process what had just happened. Her eyes found Shauna’s, watching as her initial embarrassment began to fade.

“Good morning!” Jackie said with a softer, more relaxed smile. “Sorry—I think I woke you up!”

Shauna blinked slowly, still half-asleep and trying to make sense of what had just happened. The fact that Lottie had barged into her room wasn’t surprising—she did that often enough. But that wasn’t what had her mind lagging behind.

What had her stunned was the fact that Jackie Taylor was lying in bed beside her. Which meant everything that happened the night before—things she’d half-convinced herself were only a dream—had really happened. That realization brought a shy smile to her lips, and she pulled Jackie into a tight hug.

“Good morning!” she finally replied, beaming as she looked into Jackie’s face. “You really stayed the night… and you kept your promise. Whether you woke me up or not doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re here, Jax.”

Jackie’s smile widened at the warmth of Shauna’s hug and the words that followed. She let out a soft laugh, thinking back to the night before and how much better everything felt in the morning. Shauna didn’t seem the least bit regretful, and Jackie felt no need to hide what had happened. Even Lottie walking in and seeing her naked didn’t bother her now the way it might have years ago.

“I told you I’d stay,” Jackie said, pulling Shauna on top of her and brushing her thumb gently through her brown hair. “I just didn’t expect you to be right about Lottie showing up first thing in the morning. If I’d known, I would’ve grabbed the sheet before she got an eyeful of my—well, anyway!”

Her tone was light and teasing. Honestly, the last thing on her mind was Lottie’s awkward entrance. If anything, Jackie figured it was probably more embarrassing for Matthews than it was for her.

A small laugh escaped Shauna’s lips at the whole situation. As embarrassing as it was, it was undeniable to her that Lottie wasn’t exactly in a position to complain. After all, it was thanks to her that Shauna and Jackie were currently naked in bed together.

With that thought in mind, Shauna leaned in and left a quick kiss on the taller girl’s lips before starting to get out of bed.

“Lottie was making coffee, right?” she asked, receiving a nod in response. “Do you want to take a shower before we head to the kitchen? If you want, we could shower together—just like in the old days!”

For the first time in a long while, Shauna recalled something from their past without pain or tension. She smiled, comforted by the thought that Jackie had kept her promise to stay. If it were up to her, she’d find a way to keep Jackie close forever. But she knew it wasn’t a decision she could make alone, so she held back from asking if what had happened between them meant they were becoming something more.

Jackie, on the other hand, was still struggling to process that this was all real. That she hadn’t simply woken up alone in her own bed after dreaming it all. The reality of it—of being there with Shauna, fully and truly—left her both stunned and deeply happy. For the first time, she felt like she had all of Shauna back, not just a piece. And that Shauna wanted her just as much as she wanted her.

She got up from the bed and walked over to where Shauna stood, wrapping her arms around her from behind and pressing a few kisses to her neck before gently turning her around to face her.

“You do remember that when we used to shower together… that wasn’t all we did, right?” Jackie teased, her voice light as she rested her hands on Shauna’s waist. “But I promise I’ll be respectful this time, baby—I’m not a horny teenager anymore.”

The word baby had slipped out unconsciously, just like it had the night before. But this time, Jackie noticed—and didn’t bother correcting herself. She was starting to like calling Shauna that. Especially if this reunion turned out to be more than just one night. Deep down, she was already hoping it would be. And if it came to that, she definitely wouldn’t be afraid to call Shauna her girlfriend this time.

Shauna held Jackie’s gaze, a mischievous smile spreading across her face as she pulled their bodies even closer, nothing left between them to stop the warmth from passing skin to skin.

“I think that’s exactly why I’m sending you a signal, Jax—you just need to figure it out.” A playful glint lit up Shauna’s eyes as she kissed her again, then turned and calmly headed toward the bathroom. “Baby, I promise I’ll lend you some of my clothes. And if they don’t fit, we’ll just steal something from Lottie.”

With that, the shorter girl disappeared into the bathroom, practically skipping, while Jackie remained in place, laughing softly to herself as she imagined Jackie’s expression just moments before.

This was the first time Shauna had ever hinted at something more with Jackie so openly—and with such joy. What surprised her most was how natural it felt. For once, she wasn’t second-guessing herself or feeling like she was doing something foolish by showing just how much she cared. Years had passed since they’d last seen each other, and now, with more maturity, she believed things could be different. Maybe this time, they had a real chance. So she allowed herself to be softer, more open—less guarded. She wanted to believe in them again.

An incredulous expression crossed Jackie’s face as she realized Shauna really had ulterior motives behind that invitation. Slowly, a sly smile crept across her lips as she followed her into the bathroom. She’d never imagined she could feel so completely devoted to Shauna, but this new feeling washing over her was something deeply good—something she welcomed.

Jackie wasn’t particularly surprised by how luxurious the bathroom was—after all, she remembered the apartment belonged to Lottie. And while part of her still wished she had been by Shauna’s side during all those lost years, she was genuinely grateful that Lottie had stepped in and been a good friend to her. Grateful... and maybe just a little jealous. Jackie couldn’t help but wonder if Lottie had taken her place as Shauna’s best friend. If that were true, she knew one thing for sure: she wanted that spot back—and this time, she wanted to be more than just a best friend.

She stepped closer to Shauna again, pulling her into her arms and leaving a trail of soft kisses along her neck, her hips pressing into hers with subtle insistence. For a few seconds, Jackie found herself silently thankful for the loud music still blasting from the kitchen—it would definitely help cover any sounds they made in the bathroom.

“I really hope Lottie’s not waiting on us for breakfast,” Jackie whispered, her hands sliding smoothly down to Shauna’s waist.

She gently turned Shauna’s body, pressing her back against the wall and capturing her lips in a kiss filled with the same desire and intensity as the night before. Her hands, once resting at her waist, now lifted Shauna effortlessly, settling her onto her lap.

“If she is…” Shauna murmured between kisses, “…I think she can wait a little longer.”

A wide grin spread across her face as she wrapped her arms around Jackie, perched on her lap, fully aware she owed Lottie a big thank-you later. If it weren’t for her, none of this would be happening. So, yes—she’d make it up to her. Just as soon as her little moment with Jackie was over.

***

Lottie was distracted, trying not to burn her pancakes while singing along—loudly and off-key—to the song playing on her Spotify when Jackie appeared, holding Shauna’s hand and wearing a goofy smile. Matthews gave the two girls a once-over, one eyebrow raised, as if trying to analyze the entire situation in a single glance.

“You took forever!” Lottie complained, setting two plates of pancakes on the table. They had smiley faces and were slightly more burnt than usual. “And I think that shirt is mine!”

“I borrowed it!” Jackie defended herself, plopping down at the table. “Shauna’s clothes don’t fit me anymore—I think I grew a little after high school!”

Lottie burst out laughing at that.

“I’m still taller than you, so I hadn’t even noticed you grew!” she teased. “But it checks out—Shauna’s still as short as ever.”

“Hey!” Shauna crossed her arms and glared at her. “I’m average! That’s totally valid.”

She knew the protest wouldn’t be taken seriously, but it made her giggle before she took a seat and pulled Jackie down beside her.

She figured this was the perfect moment to thank Lottie. Despite her chaotic energy—which sometimes drove Shauna a little mad—she’d always had a good heart. And if it weren’t for her help, maybe Shauna wouldn’t have even made it to Brown. She was a good friend. Maybe even the reason Shauna and Jackie were sitting there together now.

“Hey, Lottie,” she called softly. “Thanks for dragging me to that party yesterday. If it weren’t for that, I probably wouldn’t have reconnected with Jackie. She’s different now. We actually talked about things… things I don’t think we could’ve even started to figure out when we were teenagers.”

Jackie gave a small, shy smile and squeezed Shauna’s hand as she sat beside her. Lottie clocked the movement while listening to the thank-you, flashing a big grin in return—happy that Shauna had ended up having a good time, even if it hadn’t been at the party itself.

“At least someone had fun,” Lottie muttered, sitting across from the pair with a dramatic sigh. “Mandy turned out to be straight! Then I drank an entire bottle of vodka, threw up in the pool, had to call Taissa to come get me, and she brought Van along. They both yelled at me the whole ride home for ruining their movie night, and Van was super pissed that I convinced you to go to the party and then lost you. Taissa even wanted to file a missing person report, but I told her you'd come back! Speaking of which—now I need to tell them you did come home… and that you slept with Jackie!”

Jackie, who had been casually cutting into her pancake, froze and looked up at Lottie.

“Wait. Am I about to get yelled at by Taissa too?” she asked. “She blocked me on Instagram after graduation. I doubt she wants to see me again.”

“Oh, I did that too!” Lottie chirped, giggling. “We were super pissed about what you did to Shauna. But I unblocked you because Laura Lee said forgiveness is a virtue. I don’t even really know what that means, but she said she’d haunt me if I badmouthed you because she’s still your friend!”

Jackie blinked several times, lips parted in surprise, trying to process what she had just heard. She’d known things had been tense after she distanced herself from Shauna, but she had no idea the team had been that upset with her. Natalie, Laura Lee, and even Misty Quigley had stuck by her side, so she’d assumed the rest of the girls hadn’t cared that much. Clearly, she’d been wrong.

“I can let Tai know I’m okay!” Shauna offered, trying to smooth things over a bit. “I’ll let her and Van know everything’s fine—and explain that I found Jackie. They might not believe you if you tell them Jax has changed.”

It wasn’t a lie. Shauna knew very well that Lottie could be swayed by Laura Lee’s words, but Taissa and Van were a little harder to convince. Still, if she explained things herself, there was a better chance they’d actually believe it.

After high school, Shauna had been adamant—almost harsh—about never wanting to speak to Jackie again. She had made that clear, even last night when she tried to leave the party the moment Jackie appeared. But now, seeing how different Jackie was—more mature, more thoughtful—Shauna thought maybe the others would be open to accepting her back. Maybe. But probably not without seeing it for themselves first.

With that thought, Shauna grabbed her phone and quickly typed out a message to her friends, briefly explaining what had happened. She left the phone face-down on the table, not even thinking about how it was about to explode with incoming texts.

“Done!” she smiled, turning to Jackie. “I made sure to mention you’re different now, and that you were really kind to me last night—just like I was going to tell Lottie. I just think they’ll probably want to see you for themselves, if that’s okay with you.”

Lottie let out a low chuckle as she took a sip of her smoothie.

“I don’t think anyone’s going to believe that the fabulous Jackie Taylor doesn’t care about her reputation anymore and is dating her best friend, who she treated like a boring sidekick for years,” Matthews said dryly.

Shauna shot her a glare.

“What?” Lottie shrugged. “I’m just saying—it’s a big shift for someone who used to care so much about what people thought of her.”

“You’d understand if you’d ever had to hide who you really were out of fear of being rejected,” Jackie muttered, poking at her pancake with her fork.

“Oh, I do understand that,” Lottie shot back, her tone still cutting. “The pills in the bathroom cabinet say plenty about that, Jackie. You’re not the only one who had something their parents didn’t want people to know about. But still—that doesn’t excuse the way you treated Shauna.”

“And I’m sorry for that,” Jackie said, lifting her head to meet Lottie’s eyes. “I really get that I screwed up. I should’ve never treated her like a secret. I am sorry… for all of it.”

Lottie let out a long sigh.

“I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad,” she admitted. “Actually, my real question is: how were you even at that party? We’re, like, five hours away from New Jersey!”

“I know the host’s cousin—she goes to Rutgers too,” Jackie explained casually. “She invited me. I didn’t have anything better to do this weekend, so… I came.”

“Cool,” Lottie said, fiddling with her cutlery. Then, with a pointed look, she added, “But now you’ve had sex with my friend, so you’re officially responsible for her, Taylor.”

She pointed her butter knife at Jackie. “That’s a threat.”

“Lottie!” Shauna scolded. “We just got back together. I think it’s okay if Jackie needs a little time to figure things out.”

That was definitely a lie. Shauna desperately wanted Jackie to commit to something serious with her. She wanted that more than anything—but she’d never pressure her into it. So hearing Lottie make that kind of comment, even as a joke, didn’t sit right with her.

“Just…” she sighed. “Just give her a break, okay? We only just woke up, and Jackie probably still has to think about heading back to New Jersey. That’s already a lot. Please don’t make her uncomfortable.”

“Lottie’s right!” Jackie jumped in quickly, trying to reassure her. “I don’t want things to go back to how they were before. I can’t just bump into you at a party, we sleep together, and then I disappear like nothing happened. I really want to fix things, Shauna. I mean that.”

Lottie clapped her hands dramatically, as if she were cheering on a telenovela plot twist.

“That’s what I’m talkin’ about, girl!” Matthews grinned, holding up her hand for a high five.

Jackie just stared at her, confused, making Lottie slowly lower her hand and awkwardly go back to playing with her cutlery.

“Anyway,” Jackie continued, “I do have to go back to New Jersey, but I want to keep seeing you—if you want that too. We could spend weekends together, or... whatever else you want.”

Shauna’s entire face lit up at those words. She couldn’t hide the grin spreading across her lips. Every time Jackie proved she was serious—every time she showed this was real—Shauna’s heart swelled.

“I get a few days off during the week too!” she offered excitedly. “I can come to New Jersey on those days and we could spend the day together—or the afternoon, whatever works for you! And you could come here on weekends!”

Her enthusiasm was unmistakable—and nearly chaotic. In the heat of the moment, she gestured too quickly with her hands and almost knocked over the juice jug. Thankfully, Lottie was quick enough to catch it before disaster struck.

“And I know you have to go back,” Shauna went on breathlessly, “but could you stay until tomorrow? That way you could meet up with Tai and Van, and the five of us could go out! Me, you, Lottie, Taissa, and Van!”

She poured the invitation out in a rush, words tumbling over each other in a way that was rare for her.

“What do you think? What do you think?” she asked eagerly. “Will you say yes?”

Lottie watched Shauna’s growing excitement at Jackie’s responses, and finally, some of her sarcasm toward Jackie began to soften. Jackie, meanwhile, wore a goofy grin, clearly pleased that her words had made Shauna so happy. For the first time in a while, she felt like she was making the right choices. And although she still feared what her former teammates might think of her, the idea of seeing them again didn’t bother her—not if it meant making Shauna smile like that.

“That’s fine with me!” Jackie agreed. “I don’t have class on Monday, so I can spend the whole day with you, Shipman! I’ll head back in the evening—Laura Lee’ll be fine on her own at the apartment.”

Lottie, who had just taken a sip of her smoothie, nearly spat it out in surprise.

“You live with Laura Lee?” she blurted out, her voice rising in pitch. “Can I go with Shauna to New Jersey? Please? Can I? Can I?”

Jackie stifled a laugh at Matthews’ reaction, slightly confused as to why she was so excited. As far as Jackie knew, Lottie and Laura Lee had always kept in touch. But instead of questioning it, she simply chose not to shoot down the idea.

“Well, I don’t see a problem with it,” Jackie said with a shrug. “That way Laura Lee doesn’t feel like a third wheel, I guess!”

Lottie’s whole face lit up. Jackie honestly had no clue what was going through her head—and she didn’t really care. The only thing that mattered to her right now was what Shauna was thinking. And judging by the spark in her eyes and the constant smile on her lips, she was happy. That meant everything.

The truth was, there had been a time in Jackie’s life when the thought of people finding out who she really was terrified her. The idea that they’d stop seeing her as a girl, that they’d stop treating her with respect, that they'd mock her for loving girls—those fears had consumed her for years.

But sitting there beside Shauna, none of that felt important anymore. None of those old fears could outweigh the joy she felt just from being with the brown-eyed girl next to her.

Chapter Text

Half an hour had passed since Shauna had spoken to Taissa and Van, finally agreeing to meet them at the nearest park so the two of them could see Jackie for themselves. Not that Shauna was all that confident about the situation—on the contrary, she had a feeling it might not go very well. Still, there was a faint glimmer of hope. After all, if Lottie was more relaxed around Jackie, maybe the others would be too.

With that thought in mind, Shauna followed the girls to the park, eventually spotting her friends sitting on a bench. She took a deep breath, squeezing Jackie's hand tightly—more to reassure herself than the taller girl.

“Everything's going to be fine, Jax, I promise.” She tried to sound optimistic, quickly approaching the others. “Hi, guys!”

“Hey!” Van was the first to greet her, giving the former high school soccer team captain a once-over. “Well, what do you know? Shauna wasn’t lying when she said you were in town.”

Jackie took a deep breath, swallowing hard as she faced the two girls. Even after three years, Taissa Turner still had that same judgmental look that seemed to stare right into her soul. One eyebrow was arched, as if she were genuinely surprised to see Jackie—but not exactly happy about it. Van, on the other hand, wore her usual calm smile. She didn’t seem judgmental at all, just curious. Like she was silently asking what the hell Jackie was doing there.

“Hi, Van…” Jackie gave a small wave, unsure of how to start. She looked between the two of them awkwardly before continuing. “Tai... it’s good to see you both again…”

Taissa remained silent, staring at her intensely. Meanwhile, Lottie—who had been distracted, watching the birds—turned her attention back to the group.

“I told you Shauna hadn’t been kidnapped!” she announced cheerfully.

“Yeah. Incredible.” Taissa finally said, her voice dry and sharp. “Instead, she found Jackie and just went home with her after years of not speaking. What a great coincidence. And what a terrible sense of self-preservation, getting into a car with someone you haven’t seen in years who could’ve been drunk at a party like that!”

"She looked like she had just gotten to the party, Tai!" Shauna snapped back, meeting the taller girl’s gaze. "And just so we're clear, I wouldn’t have accepted the ride if Lottie hadn’t dragged me to that party and then left me alone with her. So don’t act like I committed some unforgivable crime."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa—you left her alone with Jackie?!" Now Van turned her attention to Lottie. She didn’t sound angry, just surprised. "You didn’t mention that part, Charlotte!”

Lottie blinked, confused for a second, before a sheepish smile crept onto her face as she realized she had left out a key detail.

“Oh, right!” she said brightly. “I met Mandy at the party—really alternative kind of girl, you know? We had a super cool chat. Then I went to offer Shauna a drink because she looked kind of out of place, but she didn’t want one, and then boom—there was Jackie!”

Taissa’s piercing glare shifted from Jackie to Lottie.

“And you just left her alone with Jackie?” she repeated, clearly irritated.

“Yeah…” Lottie sighed. “Sorry!”

Jackie swallowed hard again, clutching Shauna’s hand even tighter—it looked adorably small entwined with hers. Taissa’s glare made her deeply uncomfortable, and honestly, she got it. After everything that had happened between her and Shauna, she had every reason not to want her around. Still, that didn’t make it any easier to handle the way her old teammates seemed to see her now.

Shauna seemed to pick up on her discomfort and pulled Jackie closer, slipping her arm around the taller girl’s waist. She let go of her hand only long enough to wrap it around her, like a protective barrier against Taissa’s scrutiny.

At least Van didn’t look judgmental—just surprised. Like she was still trying to wrap her head around how the universe had made this bizarre coincidence happen.

“So let me get this straight,” Van said bluntly, “you ran into Jackie, Lottie left you alone, Jackie gave you a ride back to your home, and then you had sex?”

She was met with a withering look from Shauna, whose cheeks turned pink.

“Don’t look at me like that!” Van added with a shrug. “You seem more alive than usual, so I put two and two together.”

“Oh my God…” Shauna groaned, massaging her temple with her free hand and lowering her head before answering. “Yes, that’s what happened. Happy now?! After that, we talked about everything from the past, and—yes—Jax was very sweet. She apologized to me!”

Taissa blinked a few times as she processed all that information, her eyes catching on the way Shauna had wrapped her arm around Jackie’s waist, like she was trying to shield her. Lottie seemed to notice it too and let out a low chuckle, watching her friend—who was significantly smaller than Jackie—trying to be the protective one.

“Did you two have sex?” Taissa asked bluntly. “Did you at least use a condom, Taylor?”

Jackie took a deep breath at the question, feeling more judged than she thought was necessary.

“No... I didn’t come to that party planning to hook up with anyone, so why would I bring condoms?” she replied rhetorically.

Taissa looked at her like she’d just confessed to a war crime.

“Do you have any idea how many sexually transmitted diseases people can catch?” she shot back, clearly irritated. “Wait, stupid question—of course you don’t! Shauna was the one who helped you pass your biology tests!”

“Taissa!” Shauna snapped. “Whether Jackie knows or not, I know—and I put myself in that situation, okay?! I invited her in, I sat on her lap in the car and started kissing her like my life depended on it, so can you please stop acting like Jackie committed the worst crime imaginable?!”

It all tumbled out of Shauna’s mouth before she could stop herself. She only realized how much she’d overshared when Van started trying to stifle a laugh.

“Wow, you really needed that, Shauna... Were you drunk?” Van asked. When Shauna shook her head, the redhead just shrugged, as if that answered everything. “Well, no alcohol, no condom, and it was consensual... I don’t see a problem. Worst-case scenario? A little surprise in about nine months, maybe.”

Jackie blinked rapidly, trying to process what Van had just said.

“What?” she asked, clearly confused. “I don’t think that’s how it works, guys…”

“Well, babies come from sex without condoms!” Lottie chimed in. “And that’s what you two did!”

Taissa crossed her arms, her expression hardening.

“Would that bother you, Jackie?” she asked seriously. “If that happened, would you pull away from Shauna again, or pretend nothing ever happened between you two—like you always used to?”

“No!” Jackie responded instantly. “I wouldn’t fucking do that! What is your problem?”

Taissa just shrugged, still looking indignant.

“You literally did that all through high school, so forgive me if I’m not jumping to trust you now!” she shot back. “I’m not accusing you of anything you didn’t do, Jackie.”

“Tai, that’s enough!” Shauna interrupted, this time stepping directly in front of Jackie in an even more obvious attempt to protect her. “She wouldn’t do that, okay?”

“She’s not afraid to let people know you’re together anymore?” Van asked, still the calmest person in the group—second only to Lottie. “That’s progress, Taylor!”

Shauna sighed, rubbing her temples again. She deeply regretted suggesting Jackie meet her friends at the park. If there was any chance Jackie might leave her, it felt like it would be because of them—not because of anything between the two of them.

“Look, I know you guys don’t like what she did to me in high school,” she began, trying to reason with them again. “But Jackie apologized yesterday, and I mean it. She promised she wouldn’t leave this time. We already made plans to see each other during the week—and to spend weekends together. Lottie was there! Tell them, Lottie!”

Lottie, who had returned her attention to the birds, turned back to the other girls, taking a few seconds to process what was happening before finally chiming in:

“I think Jackie really regrets being so mean to Shauna, guys!” Matthews said in agreement. “I know it sounds hard to believe, but they actually had a normal conversation at breakfast—no Jackie telling Shauna what she should or shouldn’t do. And judging by how long they disappeared into the bathroom—and the very suspicious sounds I heard—I think they’re really okay with each other now!”

Jackie couldn’t tell whether she felt more grateful or mortified by Lottie’s support. Maybe a little of both—especially after how casually she'd exposed what had happened between them.

Taissa, however, didn’t look convinced. She glanced at her girlfriend for a moment before turning her attention to Lottie.

“Well, I don’t think hooking up again in the bathroom is proof of anything,” Turner said acidly. “If anything, I remember Shauna saying she felt like she was just something Jackie picked up and dropped whenever it suited her—so who’s to say she didn’t just come back for more of that?”

Jackie rolled her eyes at Taissa’s comment, silently counting to ten to keep herself from snapping. She had to remind herself she was 21 now, an adult. This wasn’t high school anymore—they were in a park, in public, with people walking by. Not exactly the right place for a meltdown.

“I’ve never seen Shauna like this,” Jackie replied quietly, keeping her tone even. “And I’m sorry if she felt that way. I know I didn’t handle things well back then, but if she ever told you those things, she never said them to me. I had no idea that—”

“Are you blaming her again?” Taissa cut in, one eyebrow arched. “Real mature of you, Taylor.”

“As mature as you not letting her finish a sentence?” Shauna shot back, crossing her arms as she glared at Taissa. “Look, Tai, I know what happened and what didn’t. I know what I said and didn’t say that bothered me at the time. So even if it ruins your argument, the truth is Jackie couldn’t have known how I felt—because I never told her. We both made mistakes. It’s that simple.”

Shauna’s heart pounded as the words left her mouth. It was the first time she truly felt at ease defending Jackie—and, more importantly, acknowledging her own part in what happened between them. She knew things didn’t change overnight, but something about the night before had been different. Jackie’s apology. Her promise to stay. The way she’d looked at her like she actually meant it. It had all felt real, and that was what made Shauna’s defense of her former best friend so rare—and so genuine.

At least someone noticed. Van raised an eyebrow as she listened, taking in the calm strength in Shauna’s voice. Back in high school, every time Shauna tried to defend Jackie, there had been a sadness in her eyes—downcast, uncertain. Even during random college conversations when the past came up, that same look would return. But not this time.

Quietly, Van nudged her girlfriend and subtly gestured toward Shauna’s expression. She knew how stubborn Taissa could be about this stuff, but she didn’t think her girlfriend would keep being so harsh if she saw just how happy her friend looked.

“I think it might be real,” Van said at last. “Jackie, I never in a million years thought I’d say this—but I believe you. Or at least, I believe in your intentions. Shauna’s never stood up for you like that before. Just… don’t let that sparkle in her eyes disappear, okay?”

Jackie gave Van a brief smile in response, almost like a silent thank-you for at least treating her kindly.

“I’m not gonna screw things up this time, Van,” Jackie assured her, wrapping her arms around Shauna’s waist and pulling her in affectionately. “I don’t really expect any of you to understand my side, or even like me. I’ve kind of accepted that half of you were talking behind my back about what a terrible leader I was. I’m not as dumb as I look, Tai—and Nat says a lot of things when she’s drunk. But honestly, the only thing I don’t want is for you to tell me what I do or don’t feel for Shauna, because, with all due respect, none of you ever actually bothered to get to know me. You just went along with what everyone else thought. So if you, Tai, really think you’re looking at the same insecure, clueless girl from three years ago—you’re fucking wrong, got it? Don’t ever talk about how I feel about Shauna again if you don’t want me to become a problem for you.”

This time, Taissa didn’t say anything. She just stared at Jackie for several long seconds, her expression one of stunned disbelief—like she wasn’t sure if she was hallucinating. It was both strange and impressive to realize Jackie had the nerve to talk to her like that. Back in high school, Jackie may have been popular enough to be heard, but she never actually earned their respect. She was more tolerated than respected, a symbol of status more than a leader.

But now, standing there in front of her, Taissa realized Jackie wasn’t that same girl anymore. She wasn’t the poor little rich kid whose mother tried to dress her gender identity up into something presentable so no one would talk about her at school. She wasn’t the mediocre player who somehow became captain just because of her social standing. She was something else now—something Turner had never expected to exist. And the craziest part? Jackie didn’t seem to care about her approval anymore. Or her affection. Or her respect. That was the part that shocked her the most.

Meanwhile, Shauna just stared up at Jackie with a giddy smile on her face. She’d never imagined seeing her like this either. And it brought her an odd, genuine sense of peace. She threw her arms around Jackie in a tight hug, practically trying to lift her off the ground.

“You’re so adorable when you’re like this, you know?” the shorter girl beamed, planting a few kisses on her face—and then one on her lips—before turning excitedly to the others. “See? See?! She lets me do that in front of you guys now!”

Shauna’s excitement made Van laugh softly again, shaking her head in disbelief.

“She just went off on my girlfriend and that’s what you’re focusing on?” she said, amused, laughing even more when Shauna nodded enthusiastically. “Wow. You’ve unlocked a new achievement, Jackie. She’s head over heels for you like we’ve never seen before.”

Jackie smiled in response, then leaned in and kissed Shauna again—this time initiating it herself. She didn’t care if anyone around them noticed. Taissa still hadn’t moved. She just stared, her expression dazed, like she was trying to make sense of everything she was seeing.

“Fine!” Turner finally blurted out. “If that’s what you’re saying, I won’t argue!” She paused, then let out a long sigh before adding, “But I swear to God, if you hurt Shauna again, I will beat the crap out of you.”

Jackie raised an eyebrow at the threat, arms crossing as a sarcastic smile curled at her lips.

“Go ahead and keep threatening me. It’s not gonna happen,” she said flatly.

Lottie giggled after taking in the entire exchange, watching how hopelessly in love Shauna looked as she clung to Jackie. Whatever fear she’d had about the reunion seemed to be slowly fading, especially seeing how confident Jackie was in her decisions—and how much that seemed to ground Shauna.

“Hey, guys!” Matthews called, getting their attention. “This was supposed to be a fun outing! Why are we fighting? We could go get ice cream or do something normal for once. Which reminds me—I need to stop by the pharmacy for a refill. I don’t know why the ice cream made me think of that, but yeah. Pharmacy!”

“Let's go to the pharmacy!” Shauna declared, her voice unusually bright and excited—far more than it normally was when Lottie dragged her along anywhere. “And then I want mint ice cream!”

With that enthusiastic outburst, Shauna practically skipped ahead, dragging Jackie with her toward the pharmacy, following a distracted Lottie. Jackie let herself be pulled along, smiling as she intertwined her fingers with Shauna’s, their joined hands swinging gently as they walked.

Van laughed at the whole situation. She might still have her reservations about Jackie, but seeing her this confident—and more importantly, seeing Shauna genuinely happy by her side—was slowly convincing her that maybe this reunion wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

“Everything seems fine between them now. It’s the first time I’ve seen Shauna that excited about something as simple as ice cream,” she joked to her girlfriend, squeezing her hand. “Come on, babe, they’re gonna snatch all the ice cream before we even get there!”

Taissa narrowed her eyes, arms crossed as she watched the group ahead. She was more stubborn than Van—and she hadn’t forgotten how many times she'd comforted Shauna over the years, during and after high school, because of Jackie. She didn’t want to be a buzzkill, but she also didn’t want to pretend none of that had happened. Sure, Jackie seemed more mature now, but Tai hadn’t seen how that change happened—hadn’t been part of it—and that made it hard to just accept it blindly. Still, if Shauna was really happy… maybe she needed to at least try.

Letting out a small sigh, she stood from the park bench and took Van’s hand, trailing behind the others. Up ahead, Lottie was rummaging in her pocket—probably searching for her prescription.

Taissa glanced sideways at her girlfriend, then took a deep breath before asking, “Do you really believe Jackie won’t screw things up again? I mean, I don’t doubt that she cares about Shauna, but she’s never admitted it to anyone. Do you think she’d really have the guts to tell her college friends she has a girlfriend? Do they even know she’s not a cis girl? Or is she still hiding that too?”

Van let out a long sigh at the question, her expression thoughtful. She knew Taissa had valid concerns—real ones, rooted in years of watching Shauna get hurt—but she also knew that assumptions wouldn’t help much. Even though the redhead wasn’t entirely sure about Jackie’s changes, Shauna seemed to believe in them strongly—and considering how hard it was for her to trust anyone, especially when it came to the tallest girl, that already felt like a good sign. If it wasn’t, well, she’d back Taissa in punching Jackie. But for now, she was willing to give in and believe in the girl’s newfound maturity.

“I’m not totally sure,” she admitted honestly. “But Shauna seems way happier with her now than she ever did back in high school, and I think that counts for something. Look at her.” She nodded subtly toward Shauna, who was still holding Jackie's hand, now clinging to her arm as they walked. “Jackie hasn’t tried to hide it, even with all these people around. She’s not pushing Shauna away, not pretending it’s something else—so maybe this time it really is different.”

She paused for a beat, then added with a smirk, “And if we’re worried she won’t come out to her college friends, we just have to ask her. Wait for a chill moment and bring it up casually. If she’s hiding it, we’ll catch her red-handed.”

Taissa seemed to accept the perspective, nodding in agreement, almost as if she'd just been waiting for the right moment to ask that question. But she settled for walking in silence, her fingers still laced with her girlfriend’s.

The walk to the pharmacy was quiet, but not uncomfortably so. Lottie still looked distracted, eyes following the birds around them like she was mentally counting how many had passed. Taissa kept her gaze fixed ahead with her usual serious expression, while Jackie seemed completely unaware of it, smiling every now and then as she exchanged knowing glances with Shauna.

When they arrived, Lottie pulled a crumpled piece of paper from her shorts pocket and set it on the counter. A young girl behind the register greeted her with a familiar smile.

“Hi, Lottie!” she said cheerfully, like seeing Matthews there was part of her daily routine. “Refill?”

“Hey, Daisy!” Lottie greeted back. “Yeah! I was supposed to come last week, but totally forgot.”

Taissa hung back with her arms crossed, still watching Jackie out of the corner of her eye. The other girl stood near the shelves, casually looking through medicine boxes, completely ignoring Taissa’s presence—or at least pretending to.

But what really caught Jackie’s attention wasn’t the shelves. Her eyes wandered to the small display next to the register, stocked with brightly colored candies, chewable vitamins… and condoms. With a quick glance at the packaging, she picked up a box and quietly placed it on the counter while Lottie paid for her refill.

Taissa frowned slightly, trying not to let out a laugh as she watched. Lottie, too, glanced curiously at Shauna, barely holding back a giggle. Even the cashier raised an eyebrow at Jackie before leaning in slightly and asking in a low, gentle tone:

“Okay! Are these for your boyfriend? Because if they are, you might want to text him first to make sure that’s the right size, just so, you know… it’s not too tight or too loose…”

Van let out a quiet laugh, which only grew louder when Taissa gave her a light smack on the arm to behave. Lottie also chuckled softly, earning a puzzled look from Daisy behind the counter.

Shauna, meanwhile, said nothing. Her eyes were fixed on Jackie, her arms slowly loosening around hers. She lowered her head and bit the inside of her cheek, the movement so small it was almost unnoticeable. They’d been in this situation before. And more often than not, Jackie would go along with it—pretending the condoms were for some imaginary boyfriend.

It wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but the fact that Jackie never once admitted it were for them always stung. It was a quiet reminder that whatever they had was meant to be hidden. And now, with a familiar moment unfolding again, all the confidence Shauna had started to build about Jackie's growth began to crack. Without saying a word, she slowly stepped away from her, just enough so she wouldn’t have to make the effort of pulling herself out of Jackie’s embrace.

Jackie blinked a few times, smiling awkwardly as she felt her cheeks flush. She noticed Shauna's slight withdrawal and glanced at her with a mildly guilty expression, understanding why the other girl had reacted that way. Jackie sighed, staring at the girl who was now smiling kindly at her, and decided that this time, she had no reason to hide who she was or what she and Shauna had.

Although her mother had always tried to protect her from the prejudice she might face if she made her gender identity known—and had taught her from a very young age, from the first moment she let her wear a dress to her first day of kindergarten, that people wouldn’t accept her if they knew—she couldn’t keep hiding who she was. Even though it scared her, she needed to do this. For herself, and for everything she and Shauna had shared—and had kept hidden.

Jackie stepped forward again, holding Shauna’s hand tightly and offering her a soft, comforting smile. She gently caressed the other girl’s hand, intertwining their fingers once more before turning her gaze back to the cashier.

“They're for me,” she said calmly, even though her voice faltered slightly. Internally, she feared how the other girl might react. “And I know my size, thanks!”

The cashier remained silent for a few seconds, looking at Jackie in surprise, as if trying to make sense of something. Then her gaze shifted to Shauna, and something seemed to click. She simply nodded in response.

“Oh! Got it!” the girl replied, now looking a bit embarrassed herself. “My God, I’m so sorry about that question—how embarrassing!”

Jackie smiled kindly, shaking her head to make it clear that the girl’s reaction hadn’t bothered her.

“It’s okay, don’t worry,” Jackie assured her. “I’ll take it as a compliment—it means you didn’t think I was a guy!”

Lottie chuckled softly at Jackie’s comment, noticing the cashier’s still-awkward expression. Daisy just smiled and nodded in agreement.

Shauna watched the scene, blinking rapidly in disbelief—partly to disguise the tears welling up in her eyes as she kept her head down, and partly out of sheer surprise. This wasn’t just new behavior—it was unprecedented. Jackie calmly admitting who she was, and on top of that, holding her hand in public, making it clear to the cashier that they were together.

That simple gesture was enough to make the girl’s shoulders finally relax, and her earlier fears began to fade as she realized Jackie was truly keeping her word—that things really would be different this time. With that in mind, Shauna wrapped her arms around the taller girl, resting her head against her chest before looking up at her with a sweet expression.

“Can we take this too?” she asked with a big smile, pointing to a packet of candy near the register.

Jackie smiled in response, placing a soft kiss on Shauna’s forehead before picking up the packet of candy and setting it on the counter.

“Of course, baby,” she replied in a sweet, gentle tone.

Taissa stared at Van, visibly surprised by that response. Internally, she wondered if she had heard it right or if her eyes were playing tricks on her. But it was real—completely real—the way Jackie seemed confident in the situation, despite how awkward it could’ve been. The way she asserted herself and treated Shauna like they were actually in a relationship now... it caught Turner off guard. Not in a bad way, of course, but still—it wasn’t something she ever expected to witness.

After Jackie paid for the condoms and the candy, Lottie skipped out of the pharmacy, offering Daisy a kind goodbye. The cashier just waved back in response. Taissa grabbed Van’s hand and pulled her along, still in disbelief over everything she'd just seen.

“So, are we getting ice cream now?” Lottie asked excitedly. “There’s a new shop that opened nearby—we could go there! Shauna said she wants mint. What about you guys?”

“Wait, are you paying this time?” Taissa asked, raising an eyebrow. “Because last time, miss generous, you only paid for you and Shauna. I’m broke!”

Lottie rolled her eyes.

“I’ll pay for everyone’s ice cream, don’t worry!” she assured them. “Come on, Jackie, what about you? What flavor do you want?”

Jackie, who’d been distracted trying to sneak one of Shauna’s candies, turned her attention to Lottie.

“Um... I’ll go with strawberry.” she said thoughtfully. “Yeah, I think I’ll stick with that.”

Lottie nodded, then turned to Taissa and Van, her expression asking the same question.

“If you’re paying this time, fine. I want flake,” Taissa said.

“And I want chocolate!” Van chimed in excitedly.

Amid the ice cream talk, Shauna seemed completely lost in her own little world, just smiling at Jackie, laughing as she popped another piece of candy into her mouth. It was the first time they'd had such a peaceful moment together in public, and Shauna could only hope that more moments like this were still to come.

Chapter Text

Five weeks had passed since Jackie had reconnected with Shauna at that college party. Although it had all been a coincidence—almost a twist of fate—that encounter had been enough to get their relationship back on track. Despite all the issues they’d had during their teenage years, Jackie had felt more confident and at ease with herself from the moment she saw Shauna again and decided to apologize for the fight they had after she found out Shauna was going to Brown.

Of course, Jackie had every reason to be frustrated, since she’d had no idea Shauna had changed her plans and decided to go to a different college. But after the conversation they’d had during their reunion, it became much easier to understand that Shauna had felt like a secret, even to herself. She hadn’t wanted to disrupt Jackie’s life or pressure her to come out—especially because she knew how big of a step that would be for Jackie, one that could truly unravel the life she’d worked so hard to build.

In fact, Jackie had believed that hiding who she was—and what they had—would make her life easier. But all it did was push Shauna away, maybe because Jackie herself had been scared of ruining everything. She understood Shauna’s point of view, even if it hurt deeply, even if maybe she just needed more time to finally feel safe. All she wished was that she’d realized how Shauna was feeling before it was too late—before that damned day that tore them apart and almost made Jackie give up on her own life.

Despite how painful and horrible life had been without Shauna, Jackie was grateful for Natalie, Laura Lee, and even Misty being by her side. They were the first girls on the team who truly supported her and didn’t look at her differently after finding out about her gender identity. In fact, they were kind and understanding, and they saw why she was so afraid of what people thought of her—why she clung so tightly to the image they all had of her.

Even though that version of Jackie didn’t really exist—even though Shauna needed the real her, not the popular high school girl—Natalie was the first to show her that she couldn’t keep mourning what she’d lost. She had to move forward, and not repeat the same mistakes. At first, Laura Lee talked about how taking one’s own life was a sin, quoting scripture. But despite her religious background, she was always kind. She told Jackie that God loved people for who they truly were, not who they pretended to be—and she accepted Jackie exactly as she was.

Misty Quigley always stayed positive, even when the other girls on the team mistreated her or when people at school were cruel. That helped Jackie realize that maybe she was being too hard on herself. Having those girls by her side—supporting her and encouraging her to be who she really wanted to be—was enough to make her understand that she didn’t need to be a perfect version of herself to be loved. She didn’t have to try so hard. Love would come, sometimes, from the most unexpected places—like, undeniably, from Natalie Scatorccio.

Jackie tried every day to be more confident in who she was—to let people know she liked girls, to stop hiding her gender identity the way she had been taught, to swallow her pride, and to feel genuine remorse for treating Shauna like a secret. All of these efforts, slowly shaping her new sense of self, had brought Shauna back into her life—and she couldn't have been happier. Especially because, during these past five weeks, their relationship seemed better than it had ever been during their entire adolescence.

Just as Jackie was trying to be more open and let go of her pride, she noticed that Shauna was making an effort too—being more honest when something bothered her, actually talking to Jackie instead of keeping things bottled up until she was completely exhausted and frustrated. Finally, they were in a healthy phase of their relationship. That’s why Jackie had decided it was the perfect time to start calling it something more than just a friendship. And she was going to use this weekend—when Shauna was coming to visit her in New Jersey—to ask her out officially.

"Okay, how do I look?" Jackie asked, stepping out of her bedroom wearing a long, sleeveless white dress. She did a quick twirl to show her friends, who were helping her tidy up the apartment for Shauna’s arrival.

Natalie, who had been busy organizing CDs for reasons Jackie didn’t fully understand, looked up at her for a few seconds before finally answering:

"The same as always."

Jackie rolled her eyes at that answer, then turned to Misty and Laura Lee, hoping for a more enthusiastic response.

"You look great, Jackie!" Misty replied cheerfully. "I’m sure Shauna’s gonna love it!"

Laura Lee, on the other hand, looked more thoughtful as she eyed the dress, raising an eyebrow before asking:

"Is this a marriage proposal or just a date invite?" she teased. "Because it kind of looks like a wedding dress, Jackie. Not that it’s bad—it’s just funny."

Natalie burst out laughing at Laura Lee’s comment while Jackie glanced down at her outfit, letting out a frustrated sigh.

"I’m changing!" she announced, already turning back toward her bedroom.

"That’s the fifth time in the last hour!" Natalie pointed out, putting the CDs aside and standing up with her arms crossed. "At this point, I’m gonna suggest you ask Shauna out naked—she’d still find you hot!"

"Natalie!" Misty gave the taller girl a light smack on the arm. "I don’t think that’s a good idea. We don’t even know if Shauna would like being asked out like that."

"I’d wonder if the plan was to do something more after the proposal—like, maybe the lack of clothes was to make things easier," Laura Lee added matter-of-factly, earning a set of stares from her friends. "What? I think anyone would think that if someone showed up naked!"

Jackie covered her face with both hands at their reactions while Natalie laughed even harder at Laura Lee’s bluntness.

"Come on, Taylor!" Natalie said, giving Jackie a friendly pat on the shoulder. "The dress looks great! But Laura Lee’s right—you look like you’re about to get down on one knee, pull out a ring, and propose to Shauna. She’s gonna think you’re seriously emotional!"

"I am changing!" Jackie declared, marching back toward her room.

Natalie groaned as Misty smacked her arm again.

"What? What did I do this time?" she asked, looking at the shorter girl.

"It made her want to ditch her outfit all over again!" Misty retorted. "I don’t think we have time for Jackie to spend any longer deciding on a simple outfit."

"Speaking of time—did anyone remember to take care of the food?" Laura Lee asked, glancing at her phone. "Because I handled decorating the place and making the living room look nice! And judging by the time, Shauna should be here soon."

"Oh! I left a lasagna in the oven!" Natalie announced. "Misty helped. She’s terrible at Italian food, but she’s learning from the best!"

A smug smile spread across Natalie’s face as she leaned in to kiss Misty, who had been her girlfriend for about two years. In the background, the intercom buzzed, prompting Natalie to pull away from Misty and turn to face Laura Lee.

"Holy shit, when you said she’d be here soon, was that a prophecy?" Scatorccio joked.

"I swear it wasn’t!" the blonde insisted. "Jackie, you’d better get ready! I think Shauna’s here!"

To help out, while Laura Lee hurried Jackie along, Misty went to answer the intercom—only to be met with an unexpected response after greeting Shauna.

"Hi, Misty!" came Shauna’s excited voice on the other end. "We just got here—can you buzz us in?"

"Sure!" Misty replied, though a confused expression lingered on her face. "Alright, you can come up!"

As soon as she hung up, the shortest girl rejoined the others, looking even more puzzled.

"Guys..." she called out. "Was Lottie supposed to be coming this week?"

"No, she wasn’t!" Laura Lee replied. "She told me she couldn’t make it, so I suggested Jackie go ahead and make the date proposal today. Why?"

"It’s just... from the way Shauna talked, I’m starting to think either Lottie lied, or she brought someone with her," Misty said nervously. "Now what?!"

Natalie looked at the others, frowning in thought.

"No fucking way we’re spending the whole afternoon with Lottie Matthews!" she groaned. "Misty and I have plans—we’re going to the movies to see some highly questionable film she’s dying to watch. It’s your job to handle Lottie, Laura Lee!"

Right after that, Jackie rushed back into the room, nearly tripping over the living room rug as she zipped up her pants.

"I definitely don’t look like a bride now!" she declared with a proud grin—one that quickly faded when she caught the expressions on her friends’ faces. "What? Don’t tell me this outfit sucks too!"

"I wish that was the problem..." Misty muttered, swallowing hard before continuing. "We think Lottie showed up. Uninvited."

"I’ll take care of her!" Laura Lee offered immediately. "Since Nat and Misty are heading out, I’ll drag her along with me. We’ll make it a double date, so she won’t get in your way."

"A double date?!" Misty exclaimed. "I don’t think my lovebug’s gonna be thrilled about that..."

"Yeah, no way!" Natalie agreed with Misty. "We are not watching a questionable musical that’s almost three hours long with Lottie. That’s already torture enough for me!"

Jackie sighed, crossing her arms as she looked at her friends.

"Well, Lottie can’t stay here!" she declared. "It wouldn’t be fair to make her a third wheel, and—"

The sound of the front door opening interrupted any train of thought Jackie might have had.

"Okay! Okay! She’s coming with us, it’s settled!" Natalie gave in, clearly annoyed. "We’ll do the damn double date—just open the fucking door!"

Jackie would’ve thanked her friend right then and there if she wasn’t already on the verge of collapsing internally. Not just because the whole situation was spiraling out of her control with Lottie’s unexpected presence, but also because of the nerves she felt about finally taking the next step in her relationship with Shauna.

She took a deep breath, counting to ten in her head, before walking slowly, deliberately, toward the door.

Jackie grabbed the doorknob, feeling sweat gather on her palm, making her grip slippery. Her heart was racing as she turned the knob quickly—almost like she wanted to get those few agonizing seconds over with.

Her anxious expression began to soften the moment she saw Shauna standing there, looking just as beautiful as ever, with an adorable smile on her face. And next to her was... well, Lottie Matthews. Wearing a fraternity cap, sunglasses, and a wide, enthusiastic grin.

"Hi, baby," Jackie greeted Shauna, pressing a soft kiss to her lips before turning to Lottie and narrowing her eyes slightly, as if silently asking what on earth she was doing there.

"Hi, honey!" Shauna replied, not content with just a kiss—she wrapped her arms around Jackie and pulled her into a tight hug. "I missed you!"

And that was no exaggeration. Even with their regular meetups and the healthier dynamic between them now, Shauna always longed for more time with the taller girl. Every day without her felt like an unbearable stretch.

At that point, it had only been three days—but it was already enough for Shauna to really miss Jackie. And enough to test her patience with Taissa, who had clearly decided the best way to help was by flooding her with paranoid theories: that maybe Jackie wasn’t taking things seriously, maybe she was seeing someone else, maybe she’d never actually commit.

But Shauna refused to let herself be shaken by any of it—especially because Taissa had crafted a completely different version of reality, one that didn’t remotely match what was happening between her and Jackie. She’d even gone so far as to say Jackie was cruel, when Shauna had never spoken badly of her—not even after hearing some not-so-kind things when she decided to go to a different college. All she’d told her friends was how sad she felt. Apparently, though, that sadness had somehow been warped into something far more dramatic than even Shauna would’ve imagined.

Still, despite those outside distractions—and despite Jackie’s nerves—Shauna felt calm, content. She was just happy to see her again, and she had no intention of letting go of that hug anytime soon.

"Lottie said she wasn’t coming, but she changed her mind last minute," she finally explained. "Sorry I couldn’t let you know.”

Although she was genuinely frustrated by Lottie's presence, being wrapped in Shauna’s arms was enough to distract Jackie from the internal chaos she felt—caused by something being out of her control and going completely against the plan she’d built up in her head.

"It’s just that I was going to a party tonight with some girls, but no one else could come this time, and Tai and Van never agree to go, so..." Lottie explained with a shrug.

"You have a real habit of dragging Shauna to parties she doesn’t even want to go to!" Jackie snapped.

Lottie shrugged again, removing her sunglasses and hooking them onto the collar of her T-shirt. "You did the same thing in high school!"

"Lottie!" Shauna scolded her. "Not now."

Before the conversation could escalate, she leaned in and gave Jackie another quick kiss, smiling as she looked up at the taller girl.

Though she was ready to get lost in her own little world with Jackie, Shauna’s attention turned toward Natalie, Misty, and Laura Lee, who were now approaching. She stepped back slightly to greet them.

"Hi, guys!" she said with a cheerful wave.

"Hi, girls!" Misty replied enthusiastically.

"Hi, Shauna," Laura Lee greeted her warmly—then turned her attention to Lottie, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. "Didn’t you have plans today, Miss Matthews?"

"What’s up, Shauna?" Natalie finally said, hands shoved into the pockets of her leather jacket. Her green eyes met Lottie’s with clear disapproval. "And Laura Lee’s right—no one knew you were coming."

Lottie looked at the group, visibly confused.

"I did have plans—I was going to that party I mentioned!" she tried to explain. "But I canceled because Shauna was going out, and I didn’t want to get drunk and be there alone! Why, is it a problem that I came?"

"No!" Jackie responded almost immediately, forcing a nervous smile. She was doing everything she could to keep it together—to not let it show that Lottie’s presence had just ruined, or nearly ruined, her plans. "You’re going out with Laura Lee too! You’re going to see a movie!"

Lottie looked even more confused.

"We are?" she asked, turning to Laura Lee.

"We are!" the blonde confirmed, stepping closer. "Me, you, Misty, and Natalie. Like a girls’ night out."

"You called it a double date earlier," Misty pointed out, earning a sharp look from Laura Lee. "But you did say it!"

"Anyway," Laura Lee said firmly, brushing past it, "we’re all going out together. That cool with you, Lottie?"

Lottie glanced at the others, clearly still confused but intrigued. She paused before finally answering.

"Sure, why not!" she agreed. "Jeez, if I’d known I was gonna see Laura Lee, I would’ve dressed better!"

Despite being completely annoyed by the situation she'd been unwillingly dragged into, Natalie couldn’t help but laugh at the look on Laura Lee’s face.

"I think it’s time for us to head out, actually," Natalie said, pretending to check her phone as if she were suddenly in a rush. "Shall we, babe? That way we can catch the early screening and get my suffering over with faster."

Jackie smiled, almost grateful for Scatorccio’s sarcasm, as she slid her hand to Shauna’s back and began lightly caressing it while standing by the door—silently begging her friends to just leave already.

"Yeah, it’s time!" Misty agreed, grabbing Natalie’s hand and dragging her out of the apartment. "See you tomorrow, Jackie and Shauna!"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow, guys! Come on, Lottie!" Laura Lee added, pulling Lottie along just as quickly—not even giving her a chance to say goodbye.

Shauna watched the scene unfold with a confused expression, not quite understanding why Jackie’s friends were acting so strangely, let alone why they were rushing Lottie out with them.

"Are they okay, baby?" she asked, puzzled. "Did I upset them the last time I was here? Is that why they didn’t want to stay?"

Her question was genuine, her brow furrowed with concern. The last time she’d been at Jackie’s apartment, she’d played a few board games with her friends while they drank. She’d gotten a little too enthusiastic celebrating her wins thanks to the alcohol, and now she wondered if maybe that had annoyed the others more than she realized.

Now that the apartment was finally quiet, Jackie smiled, silently thanking her lucky stars that nothing had been ruined—despite how wildly the afternoon had derailed from her original plan. She looked at Shauna, calm and reassuring.

"No, actually—I asked them to leave early this time," Jackie explained, planting a kiss on her girlfriend’s lips before casually walking toward the kitchen to check on the lasagna in the oven. "So we could be alone."

"Alone?" Shauna echoed, following her with a curious expression.

A flicker of doubt crossed her mind. Had she done something? Or maybe Jackie just wanted some quiet, affectionate time together? That seemed the most likely—but still, she mentally reviewed whether she’d forgotten anything important before wrapping her arms around Jackie from behind.

"Are we celebrating something?" she asked, holding Jackie as tightly as she could.

Jackie giggled at the sudden embrace, her attention momentarily stolen from the lasagna. Lately, Shauna had been especially affectionate. Jackie didn’t know if she’d done something to deserve it, or if the other girl just missed her more than usual.

"Well..." Jackie began, turning to face the shorter girl again, "we’re not celebrating yet..."

She kissed Shauna softly before turning back to the oven. This time, she grabbed a dish towel from the counter to protect her hands and carefully lifted the dish out of the heat.

Balancing the lasagna in both hands, Jackie moved slowly and cautiously—desperately trying not to trip. She’d never been good at household tasks, something her mother had always criticized, saying she’d never make a good wife if she didn’t know how to run a home. Fortunately, she made it to the table without incident, setting the lasagna down in the center before turning back to Shauna.

"I’m not gonna sugarcoat anything—you know I’m not great at expressing myself," Jackie began, her voice a little shaky as her palms grew sweaty. "This is something I should’ve done years ago... maybe then you wouldn’t have left. But anyway—this isn’t about the past. I want to talk about now."

She paused, breathing in deeply before continuing.

"I love you, Shauna. And I know I’ve said it a bunch of times since we reconnected at that party, but... I don’t want to keep telling people you’re my best friend, like I used to. Because you’re so much more than that, and you deserve to be called what you really are."

She hesitated for just a moment, then took the leap. "Will you be my girlfriend, Shauna Shipman?"

The words tumbled out almost all at once. Jackie’s eyes locked on hers, full of anticipation. She wasn’t afraid of a no—at least not entirely—but part of her still braced for it. What if Shauna wasn’t ready? It had only been five weeks since they’d found each other again. What if she was still hurt? What if she didn’t want to give herself over too fully this time?

Shauna’s eyes widened at the question—not out of fear or hesitation, but simply in shock. Of course, it would be a lie to say she hadn’t imagined this moment since they’d reunited and worked things out. But she’d never brought it up herself, not wanting to pressure Jackie into anything. She wanted to give her the space and time to feel ready for a relationship.

But now, with Jackie standing right in front of her, those imagined moments had become real—sparking a whirlwind of emotions in her chest. Her mouth hung open for a few seconds, speechless. It didn’t take long for her eyes to well with tears, and then she wrapped her arms around Jackie tightly, as if terrified of ever losing her again.

"Of course I do! You know I do!" she answered eagerly, her voice trembling with emotion. "It would always be yes. Always."

There was no hiding her excitement now. The tears streaming down her cheeks were full of joy, completely different from the heartbreak they’d once shared. Euphoric, Shauna held on tight and, without hesitation, tried to climb onto Jackie’s lap—clearly inviting herself to be lifted.

All the fear Jackie had felt about Shauna’s answer slowly faded, replaced by warmth and overwhelming happiness. Her eyes filled with tears too—not out of sadness. Never sadness. Just the pure intensity of finally getting something she had longed for during her entire adolescence… something she’d been terrified might never happen.

She lifted Shauna’s small frame with ease, holding her tightly, grateful for how naturally it all came together—how Shauna had basically thrown herself into her arms. Tears spilled from her own eyes as her heart raced, but now from joy, not nerves. It was the same intense euphoria she’d only felt twice before: once, the moment she saw Shauna again at that college party... and again, when she accepted Jackie’s ride home, and they talked like they used to—like nothing had changed.

"I love you, Shipman," Jackie said, though they both already knew. She kissed her face over and over, arms wrapped firmly around her, holding her close as if silently begging her never to let go again.

"I love you even more, Jackie Taylor!" Shauna declared, a broad smile spreading across her face.

She immediately cupped Jackie’s face in her hands, bringing them closer together and initiating a soft, peaceful kiss filled with love.

Any lingering insecurity Shauna had evaporated. All she could think about was going home and proving Taissa completely wrong—about how much Jackie loved her, how she was ready to commit, and how they were now officially a couple.

But despite her excitement, something didn’t sit right. A strange feeling settled in her stomach, and within seconds, Shauna pulled away, swallowing down a sudden burp. She quickly climbed off Jackie’s lap and rushed to the nearest place she could find: the poor kitchen sink.

The vomit came fast—not a huge amount, and nothing unusual in color or smell. Nothing that immediately suggested food poisoning.

Shauna blinked slowly, trying to process the sudden nausea. For a moment, she mentally reviewed what she’d eaten that day, wondering if something had triggered it. But then... a cold chill ran down her spine.

She was late.

Her period had been late for a while now, but she hadn’t really thought much of it. She’d blamed the delay on stress—mostly from dealing with people’s comments about Jackie. That made sense, right? They’d been careful. They hadn’t had sex without a condom since...

The party.

Shauna’s stomach flipped again. Another wave of nausea surged up, and she leaned back over the sink to vomit once more, her mind racing to retrace every step.

That night—when they met again—neither of them had condoms. And they’d had sex. Twice.

Mentally calculating the timeline, Shauna remembered that her last period had been about a week before the party... which would’ve been her fertile window. Her eyes widened in horror.

No way. There was no way she could be that unlucky—to get pregnant now, just when she’d finally gotten to be with Jackie. The thought made her head spin. And while part of her felt certain that Jackie wouldn’t be angry or reject her, the idea that a small embryo might already be growing inside her was more than enough to throw her entire life into chaos.

"I'm sorry..." she finally whispered, her voice shakier than she’d expected. She turned to look at Jackie, doing her best to stay calm—at least until she figured out if her paranoia was even real.

Jackie stared at her, wide-eyed with worry, blinking as she tried to make sense of what had just happened. She stepped forward, gently placing her hands on Shauna’s shoulders, careful and tender, as if she were made of glass.

"Are you okay?" Jackie asked softly, her fingers brushing comfortingly along her girlfriend’s arms. Her voice was calm, but full of concern. "Did you eat something bad, baby? I can call Misty—she’s studying nursing, maybe she can help! Or we can go to the ER, whatever you want!"

Jackie couldn’t hide the panic rising in her chest. She had no idea what had triggered Shauna’s reaction. Maybe it was the way she’d held her? Or maybe her perfume had been too strong and made her nauseous? That could happen, right?

But deep down, Jackie could feel something was off—something bigger than a bad meal or a weird smell.

"I'm fine, honey..." Shauna tried to reassure her, but even she didn’t sound convinced.

Part of her was afraid to voice what she was thinking—what she feared this might be. But another part knew it wouldn’t be fair to keep something like this from Jackie. Not now. Not right after she'd asked her to be her girlfriend.

So, Shauna took a deep breath, trying to summon the courage to speak the truth—and brace herself for every possible reaction.

"I think I know what it is... but I have no idea if you're going to like the possibility," she said quietly, her voice small as she avoided Jackie’s eyes. "Um... my period's late. Like… two weeks late. God, I don’t know why I’m starting like this—I'm sorry!”

Jackie blinked rapidly, the words taking a few seconds to fully land. It was as if her brain had started assembling a puzzle she didn’t know she was working on. And while Jackie wasn’t a cis girl, she understood how the cycle worked. She knew periods could be delayed sometimes—from stress, or illness—but when a delay came with nausea…

There was really only one possibility.

Her lips parted. Her eyes widened. The pieces clicked into place, along with a sudden wave of realization.

Now that she thought about it, Shauna had been acting a little different these past few weeks. More affectionate than usual. More easily irritated by Taissa and Lottie—beyond the usual venting. She’d cried through the entire movie the other night, and sure, it was Finding Nemo, and Shauna always cried during it. She’d told Jackie before how hard it hit her growing up without knowing anything about her dad. But she even cried during the funny parts. That hadn’t happened before.

And now she was throwing up out of nowhere—even though she hadn’t eaten anything that could’ve made her sick.

Jackie’s knees nearly buckled. She grabbed onto the back of a chair for support, as if the weight of it all might knock her over.

"I'm sorry..." she whispered, voice trembling, face pale with shock. "Holy shit... this is my fault. Taissa was right. I should’ve used a condom..."

She kept blinking, stunned, frozen in place.

The perfect moment she’d imagined—the one she’d finally worked up the courage to create—now felt like it had collapsed before her eyes. And all she could think was: Did I ruin this? Will Shauna hate me for this?

"I agreed to do it without a condom, baby," Shauna said softly, her heart sinking as she watched the guilt consume Jackie. "We both put ourselves in that situation—please don’t blame yourself."

And she meant it. Shauna didn’t want Jackie to carry that guilt. She could’ve said something too. She could’ve asked Jackie to use a condom. It wasn’t all on her. They’d both made the same mistake, and the last thing she wanted was for Jackie to spiral into the same kind of self-blame that had haunted her ever since their teenage years.

Just like then, Shauna had never blamed Jackie. Not once. Not for the past, not now—and she still didn’t. She didn’t feel angry or betrayed.

If anything, what she felt now was fear. Fear that not saying something sooner had ruined everything. Or worse—that Jackie might regret asking her to be her girlfriend now. The second possibility hit like a punch to the chest, and it was enough to bring tears back to her eyes, this time from raw panic.

“The right thing would be to buy a test right now, but… there’s a chance that we might be having a baby,” she said quietly, her voice breaking slightly as she met Jackie’s eyes. “Do you hate me for this? I ruined everything, didn’t I? We’re not going to be together anymore, are we?”

Her voice quickened, words spilling out almost too fast to catch. “It’s okay if you don’t want to be, honey, you don’t have to feel forced into anything—I’m so sorry, I didn’t know! If I’d suspected earlier, I would’ve told you, or found a way, or— I still can! I promise!”

She looked up at Jackie with sheer desperation, bracing herself for the worst—but hoping, somehow, for anything but rejection.

Jackie didn’t speak. Her body moved on instinct, wrapping Shauna tightly in her arms, refusing to let her pull away. Her hands still trembled slightly, but she ran one gently along Shauna’s back, trying to soothe the both of them.

“Hey… Shipman,” she whispered, voice still a little unsteady, but full of tenderness. “I would never leave you because of this, okay? We did this together. And... it’s not the end of the world. I mean, I don’t know how you feel about all of it... and I’m sorry if I messed things up again…”

She paused, pulling back just enough to cradle Shauna’s face in her hands, her thumb gently brushing away the tears on her cheeks. Jackie took a deep breath, her own eyes glistening now with tears. “But I would never leave you alone with our baby… if that’s what you want. Whatever decision you make, I’m with you. We’ll go through it together, okay?”

“Okay…” Jackie repeated quietly. “Baby. Our baby.”

The words hung in the air, surreal but powerful. Her voice shook again—but this time from something closer to awe than fear.

“I think we should really get a pregnancy test,” Jackie said, her voice a little steadier now. “Just to make sure it’s really there.”

A wave of relief washed over Shauna’s body, easing her tension as she realized that, even though they were both scared out of their minds, Jackie didn’t hate her. In fact, she supported her—no matter what she decided. The thought of continuing a pregnancy still terrified her, of course, but the idea of having a baby with Jackie felt oddly comforting. A shy smile tugged at the corners of her lips as that thought took hold.

“Yeah… we should get a test,” she agreed, gently wiping away the single tear that had fallen from Jackie’s face. “And… if you’re really not upset about it, I mean, it’d be scary, obviously, and not easy at all, but… if it’s positive, I’d want to go through with it. The baby might take after you. That’d be adorable.”

Her earlier panic slowly gave way to something else—something warmer. Fulfillment, maybe. Shauna wasn’t just imagining being Jackie's girlfriend now. She was starting to imagine a future with her… a baby… a life together. And most importantly, proving to both of them that they could do this. That they wouldn’t be terrible moms.

Jackie’s eyes welled up again at Shauna’s words. She really wanted the baby, if it turned out to be real. And though Jackie knew that if the test came back negative, she'd probably end up cursing every higher power for scaring her like this—deep down, the thought of something bigger coming out of that night didn’t terrify her. Not anymore.

A child. With Shauna Shipman.

The love of her life might be pregnant right now—with their baby. And even though the fear hadn’t gone anywhere, she found herself smiling. Just a little. But it was real.

“I wouldn’t mind having a baby,” Jackie said softly, her voice steady and sincere. “I’d build a family with you.”

The idea of becoming a mother was terrifying for Jackie—especially as a trans girl. She had no idea how people would react if they found out she had gotten someone pregnant. She knew some would try to invalidate her. But if it meant building a life with Shauna, and with a child they made together… it was a risk she was willing to take.

Maybe, for the first time, Jackie could finally feel like she belonged somewhere. Like she had a family. One that truly loved her for who she was.