Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Zenitsu Agatsuma is a crybaby. Everyone knows this, it's an undeniable fact… as common knowledge as water being wet, or Tanjiro Kamado being the kind of person who would help old ladies cross the street while apologizing for not doing it sooner.

Listen, Zenitsu is an honorable man… considering all circumstances and despite several “issues”. He is fair, just, and when someone is deserving of praise, he will bestow it upon them. And Tanjiro Kamado is more than deserving of such praise! He’s reliable, humble, respectful, beautiful (in a platonic, aggressively heterosexual kind of way) and frankly, it’s terrifying.

So of course, this is why he dreams of Tanjiro’s kind eyes sometimes…

Zenitsu liked girls. He liked them so much that he had been in love with approximately forty-seven of them in his second year of middle school alone. He liked their hair, their smiles, their laughter, their everything. He has always liked girls.

He dreams of marrying a beautiful woman, settling down in a cozy house on a grassy hill, raising well-behaved children who will inherit his slightly above-average bone structure. This is a well-known dream. A noble dream. A dream passed down by his ancestors, probably.

So why…

WHY does the sound of Tanjiro’s laugh make Zenitsu’s thoughts dissolve into static?

Why does Tanjiro’s smile hit him like a roundhouse kick to the soul?

Why does hearing Tanjiro say his name feel like receiving divine enlightenment directly to the face?

The answer was simple.

It’s because they’re best friends.

Obviously.

Of course! What else could it be anyway? Tanjiro is such a nice guy and a great friend that his body would react this way! Afterall, Zenitsu is in love with Nezuko, Tanjiro’s beautiful younger sister! Nezuko was very similar to Tanjiro, with them both being the eldest son and daughter of their large family of seven siblings!

…He wondered if Tanjiro wanted a large family of his own one day… NO! He meant Nezuko! If she wanted a large fam… you get the point!

Tanjiro and Nezuko shared the same gentle nature, the same warm eyes, even the same sunshine-like aura that made flowers probably bloom when they walked by.

So being near Tanjiro must have reminded him of Nezuko! That's probably why his heart does that! His silly little heart can’t even distinguish between the two siblings!

completelyignoringthefactthatheheartdoesn’tbeatthesamewayforNezukoasitdidforTanjiro—

Huh? Did you hear something? Must have been the wind…

Or

Possibly the sound of Tanjiro Kamado laughing in the courtyard below.

Zenitsu froze.

There it was, clear as a bell and twice as devastating. That soft, warm laugh that sounded like it had never known cruelty. A laugh that probably cured seasonal depression. A laugh that made Zenitsu’s neurons fire in random directions and his will to live both vanish and return at the same time.

He wasn’t eavesdropping. No. Absolutely not.
It wasn’t his fault that Tanjiro is so loud that it’s the only thing he could hear with his extremely exceptional hearing! If anyone should be blamed, it should be Tanjiro!

Zenitsu casually (violently) ripped open the dorm window and leaned halfway out.

Tanjiro stood in the courtyard below, sun rising behind him like the world had scheduled the golden hour specifically for his existence. He was talking with some underclassmen, smiling kindly while adjusting the practice wraps around his forearms.

Again: best friend feelings. Totally normal. Perfectly standard. Nothing to report.

Nothing at all.

Zenitsu began to close the window. Slowly. Casually. As though he had not just torn it open like a man possessed. As though his heart was not currently attempting to blast its way through his ribcage using the First Form of thunder breathing: Thunderclap and Flash…

He hoped Tanjiro didn’t notice his little incident early—

“OH! Zenitsu! Good morning!”

Zenitsu’s entire soul evacuated his body.

Tanjiro, still glowing like the human embodiment of morning warmth and moral integrity, waved up at him.

Gripping the windowsill, Zenitsu considered his options:
Jump.
Fake his own death.
Flee the country and change his identity.

None of these options sounded appealing at the moment… Gramps still needs him to take care of him and he still needs to marry a pretty girl… UGH! This is so frustrating! Tanjiro is frustrating!

“MONITSU! Come down so I can kick your ass!”

And here came a voice that sounded like someone had duct-taped a roar to a wild boar and set it loose, the owner of said voice, Inosuke Hashibira.

Bless Inosuke. If only all heroes arrived like a tornado with attitude. He’s slightly functional again which in itself is a miracle.

“WHY WOULD I COME DOWN JUST TO LET YOU ASSAULT ME?! What part of ‘good morning’ translates to ‘voluntary physical suffering’ in your brain, you wild PIG?!” Zenitsu screams back, ignoring his currently pounding heart.

Whatever, he’s better off getting it over with, the morning spar is always the worst part of the day. He’s mentally stable and mature enough to handle this situation with utmost grace and dignity! That is until—

“Zenitsu! Are you okay? Do you need me to help you get down?”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is Tanjiro Kamado’s gentle voice, and it sounded concerned and genuine… ugh!! Get yourself together, Zenitsu Agatsuma!

“I-I’m o-okay! I can go down on my own!” A timid voice, too loud in his ears but probably too soft to others. He tried to sound assertive and calm but he’s pretty sure it has the opposite effect…

Zenitsu hopes he survives the morning with no heart attack… which is unlikely considering, with just a little head turn, he could see Tanjiro’s sunlight-like smile… is this what they called, “The Tanjiro’s effect”?

Some upperclassmen were talking about “The Tanjiro’s effect”, he thought it was stupid because what even is that… but now he’s starting to believe them…

Maybe he should ask them about it and how to survive this terrifying world-crushing effect. He can only foolishly pray that he can make it through this morning first without having a heart attack first of course…

Zenitsu got to the courtyard faster than he would have liked. There, he could hear so much noise, it drowned out his own worries which he is incredibly very grateful for! Except for one sound, the sound of Tanjiro’s steady heartbeat… Screw Tanjiro and his unreasonably loud heart! It’s all his fault!

“MONITSU! FIGHT ME!”

That was the last thing he heard before a force comparable to that of a truck crashed into his side…

Zenitsu did not remember flying. One moment, he was a human being with bones and dreams, and the next—he was airborne, horizontal, and spiritually detached from reality.

He crashed into the dirt in a somersault of pure anguish.

“WHAT THE HELL, INOSUKE?!” Zenitsu shrieked, flailing like an upturned crab. “ARE YOU TRYING TO COMMIT PREMEDITATED MURDER BEFORE BREAKFAST?!”

Inosuke loomed over him, shirt ripped from too much enthusiasm, fists clenched with righteous fury.

“MY FISTS ARE HUNGRY AND YOUR FACE LOOKED EDIBLE!”

“That’s not—even—WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!” Zenitsu screeched back, clutching his ribs in betrayal.

He ran as fast as he could around the courtyard with bruised (maybe even broken) ribs, amidst all the screaming and crying (from him), he could still hear the concerned heartbeats of Tanjiro Kamado…

Screw you eldest son…

Chapter Text

Wanna know something that frustrates Zenitsu Agatsuma to no end?

The fact that Tanjiro Kamado gets at least 2 love confessions every week! And no it’s not because he’s jealous! It’s just Why… WHY is it always Tanjiro that gets love confessions and never him? He doesn’t look half bad! Definitely not Tanjiro’s level but absolutely not ugly!

Zenitsu sighs as he scrolls through his phone (pretending that this whole situation doesn’t bother him), lying dramatically sprawled across the couch in their shared dorm room. Tanjiro was currently sitting cross-legged on Zenitsu’s bed—yes, HIS bed—organizing his love letters. God please have mercy on Zenitsu’s poor heart… How is he supposed to sleep tonight knowing those letters were sorted right where his pillow sits…?

Best friend feeling! Totally! That’s normal!

Moving on—

Tanjiro Kamado is such a nice guy, he doesn't throw away love letters, no, no! He organises them and writes back sweet rejections that are just so personal and thoughtful that you can’t even be upset with him. He once had a girl reconfessing right on the spot! This guy truly is an angel!

But then, something strange happens—

That’s an odd sound… Tanjiro’s heart is pacing unevenly and it’s darkened? Could a heart darken? Is that even a thing?

By the sound of his heartbeats, Zenitsu can tell Tanjiro is having a hard time with this particular letter. What could’ve stun the ever so charming Tanjiro Kamado?!

Listen! He didn’t intentionally listen in! It’s just unreasonably loud, practically screaming at him!

“Zenitsu, it seems… this letter is for you…?”

Huh?

Zenitsu could hear the bitterness in the other boy’s voice.

HEY! Eldest son! What is wrong with people liking HIM? Is it that unbelievable to you that someone found HIM attractive?!

Zenitsu’s phone slipped from his hand and landed directly on his face.

“OW—WHAT—HUH?!” he sputtered, scrambling upright like a cockroach seeing daylight for the first time. His hair puffed up like an electrocuted dandelion. He pointed at Tanjiro with the shaking authority of a man falsely accused in court. “A letter? For me? As in… romantically? As in love?!”

He really shouldn’t have jumped like that. His ribs were still sore from this morning’s sparring session. Mostly due to Inosuke launching himself at Zenitsu like a war missile… That damn wild boar!

Screw that! He has more important matters to worry about right now!

Tanjiro didn’t answer immediately. Which was worse.

The perfectly polite smile he usually wore when dealing with love confessions was… gone. Vanished. In its place was something unreadable—soft? No. Too tense. Gentle? No. Too focused. Whatever it was, Zenitsu didn’t trust it. Tanjiro held out the letter, but his hand hesitated halfway, as if passing it over physically hurt.

Zenitsu blinked. Once. Twice.

Was Tanjiro… frowning?

His heartbeat—normally bright and steady like warm sunlight—was flickering, crackling like a campfire starved for oxygen. Why was it doing that?! Why was Tanjiro nervous about Zenitsu’s love letter?! Shouldn’t Zenitsu be the one combusting like a pile of cursed fireworks right now?! (He was. But that was beside the point.)

Maybe it’s because they’re best friends and he’s afraid that Zenitsu would leave him after getting a girlfriend!?

That must be it! Of course! Poor dear Tanjiro, what a great friend he is! No worries about that though because why would Zenitsu abandon his very own best friend?! He’s going to reassure Tanjiro that!

Zenitsu cleared his throat. He tried to sit straighter, the picture of maturity and emotional stability (he was neither).

He placed a reassuring hand over his heart (definitely not because it was attempting a full drum solo in his chest) and said, with all the confidence of a man stepping into oncoming traffic:

“Tanjiro… it’s okay.”

Tanjiro blinked. “...Okay?”

Zenitsu nodded sagely. Yes. Yes, that was the correct emotional approach. Comfort. Compassion. Best friend duty.

“You don’t have to worry about me leaving you just because someone fell in love with me! Don’t worry! Even if I get a girlfriend—“

Tanjiro flinched.

Zenitsu paused. Huh. That was weird. Tanjiro’s heartbeat just tripped over itself like it saw a demon wearing sandals indoors.

“Even if I fall in love… and get married… and have seventeen beautiful children with dazzling eye shapes and peaceful domestic lives…”, Zenitsu continued firmly.

Tanjiro’s left eye twitched.

“… I promise I’ll visit you sometimes. Maybe every other weekend!”

Tanjiro stared at him.

Stared.

Not smiling. Not laughing. Just staring, as though Zenitsu had personally declared war on his bloodline.

He must’ve said something! Did he already ruin their friendship?! What should he even do?!

Right! The letter!

His hand reached out.

It hovered.

Why was his hand shaking?! WHY WAS TANJIRO HOLDING IT SO TIGHT?!

Tanjiro wasn’t even handing it over. He was just… staring at Zenitsu’s hand. As if weighing the consequences of letting it go.

Zenitsu’s brain did 47 backflips.

He doesn’t want to give it to me because he’s emotionally attached to me and scared I’ll be taken away. Oh my GOD Tanjiro cares so much. Best friend of the century. Precious darling idiot.

Zenitsu flexed his fingers in what he hoped looked like a reassuring gesture and absolutely not like a distressed crab.

“Tanjiro… it’s okay,” he said, soft and tragic. “No matter what it says… I promise I’ll stay loyal to you.”

Tanjiro’s heartbeat roared.

Chapter Text

Zenitsu Agatsuma is on a date… yes, you heard him right!

THE Zenitsu Agatsuma is on a DATE!

D-A-T-E!

After carefully reading the letter (no less than 500 times), he finally agreed. Can you believe it? Him, of all people, is on a date and it isn’t a prank!

And to ease his worries, Tanjiro Kamado, being the great, wonderful friend he is, gave his blessing, as his best friend, to live happily ever after with a beautiful girl! And he, Zenitsu, would make him proud!

He could still hear Tanjiro’s kind words echoing in his mind, “Zenitsu, I’m not scared at all! I wish you the best and I know we’ll be best friends no matter what!”

Tanjiro, with his head tilted downward, staring at the letter like it personally offended him. Sewed into Zenitsu’s brain was the sound of Tanjiro’s heart pacing like a raging heavy storm but Zenitsu, being the rational man he is, concluded it was obviously just nerves. Totally.

Zenitsu blinked.

Seriously! what is wrong with him…

Tonight isn’t about Tanjiro at all!

It was about the beautiful girl sitting across from him, running her fingers through her hair! Yes! His DATE, Haruko!

Haruko, medical major, sunset-auburn hair and red eyes, warm and bright… The very picture of optimism!

Play it cool, Zenitsu!

“So!” Zenitsu blurted, voice cracking like a 13-year-old going through emotional puberty. “What do you do for fun?!” She giggles and she sounds calm and gentle.

Her heart, unlike his, was steady like a gentle river’s stream. It’s familiar, he can’t quite put his finger on it though…

“I like to help out as much as I can. I actually volunteer at a local shelter nearby on the weekends!” She exclaims excitedly with an enthusiastic smile. The light caught in her eyes, deep red, warm and soft…

Zenitsu’s heart stumbled for half a second… weird.. must’ve been the lighting…

“That’s… really cool,” he said quietly before catching himself and immediately slapping enthusiasm back onto his face. “I MEAN—WOW! AMAZING! VOLUNTEERING! HAHA!”

Haruko laughed gently, smoothing his raging heartbeat. Familiar… too familiar.,,

Zenitsu smiled a crooked smile, and leaned forward, nearly knocking over his glass of water. “I mean— that’s very nice of you!” He said a little too fast but at least this time his voice didn’t crack. A win is a win.

Haruko smiled, brushing a strand of her seemingly soft sunset-auburn hair behind her ear. Then, she leaned forward and tilted her head in a familiar gesture…

Zenitsu blinked and practically threw himself back into his chair. Definitely just date nerves!

“Yeah! It’s very rewarding!” she said, voice steady and sincere. Maybe it’s the way her eyes lit up that made him feel so calm… but also weirdly tense? Zenitsu’s chest tightened.

Trying to find the right words in his scrambled brain was proved impossible as his face became hotter than a forge.

“T-that’s very admirable! You’re amazing, Haruko!” Zenitsu blurted rather loudly seeing that the other guests turned their way. God, at this point he wishes a demon would just come and eat him on the spot…

“What about you, Zenitsu! What do you do for fun?” Haruko asked with a smile so bright, it could probably replace the sun itself—

Zenitsu froze.

Be normal! Play it cool!

Gripping onto the edge of the table to ground himself, Zenitsu replied, “I l-like to play music!”

Her eyes widened with interest and warmth, the kind that is just glowing with encouragement…

“That’s wonderful,” Haruko leaned in and tilted her head, “What kind of music?”

That gesture again…

It’s a common gesture! It’s probably nothing!

“Oh! Uh! Romantic! Not like romantic romantics! Just music you know! Like, music music!”

Zenitsu found a new way to stutter like no man ever did before him at this very moment… Cool. Cool.

She laughed, bubbling like a mountain’s spring. Calming and delightful. Familiar… oh so familiar…

“I mostly play the shamisen… but sometimes I try other stuff too!” Zenitsu swallowed and he could hear his own heart racing like an upstream waterfall…

Haruko’s smile widened and her eyes sparkled, “That’s amazing! I would love to hear you play sometime! Music always makes me feel… calm, you know?”

He nodded too eagerly. “Yeah! I can definitely play for you anytime! Totally! No problem!”

Her heart’s like warm water lapping softly at the shore… echoing a familiar sound…

“Do you have a favorite song!?” She asked with a smile and warm eyes.

Something tug at his heartstrings, a gentle pull… like a warm tide and feeling it tug at your ankles.

Zenitsu’s throat went dry.

“I-I… uh… anything that makes people smile?” He answered, voice too tight and slightly squeaky.

She laughed again, that sound like trickling water over stones. Gentle, calm and too familiar…

It’s just nerves…

And so the date continued, each word, laugh and tilt of her head made him feel something he couldn’t understand, familiarity… like he was walking downstream in a familiar river, unaware of the currents slowly converging…

Chapter Text

Zenitsu Agatsuma is sitting at his desk, tuning his shamisen. Just a normal Saturday night. Totally normal.

Except for the fact that he mistakenly called Haruko, “Tanjiro”.

By accident…

Out loud…

yes…

He called his date by his best friend, Tanjiro Kamada, name…

To her face…

Her very beautiful face, very not Tanjiro’s face…

Zenitsu twisted the tuning peg a little hard and a snap was heard… There goes his G string. Just like his dignity… it was gone, buried 6 feet in the ground.

Okay! Deep breaths!

What if…

… she didn’t even hear him?! He means it’s just a sound and they were in a relatively loud place! Haruko might not even notice it at all! Not everyone's ears are as good as his anyway!

Or the second possibility… she did hear him.

She 100% heard him. God… he could still remember the details of his panic and her tense heartbeat…

She went very still and her heart skipped a beat. Kinda like a rabbit when they sense danger. Kinda like Tanjiro when he concentrates very hard…

Okay… why was he even thinking about Tanjiro right now…?

It must be the “Tanjiro’s effect”! Of course! Why else would that happen!

Zenitsu is simply a victim, the tragic victim to this devastating effect!

Curse you, eldest son!

Zenitsu groaned, dragging a hand down his face, staring blankly at his wall. Across the room, Tanjiro’s bed was neatly made, the soft scent of cedar soap somehow still lingering. Ugh. Even the air smelled like him.

The sound of familiar morning sunlight shimmering over a clear stream was heard faintly.

“Oh, come on…” Zenitsu muttered. “He’s not even here and he’s still haunting me—”

“Zenitsu?”

The voice is right outside the door…

“You seem upset after your date? Are you okay?” Tanjro’s voice, like water pulling at the shore before a wave crashes, was right outside the door.

He sounds gentle yet concerned with a hint of unfamiliar bitterness…

Zenitsu stares. Stares at the door like it personally betrayed him.

Of course! The universe sent him. Zenitsu must’ve been god’s favorite little soldier, huh?

God, he’s not your strongest soldier… Please let him go!

Every second felt like multiple ripples spreading across still water. Small but impossible to ignore…

Zenitsu clears his throat and voice, fresh from crying, yells “N-No! I’m not fine! Of course, I’m not! Tanjiroooo!”

Before he could process everything, he launches himself toward the door and throws it open so violently, it bounces off the stopper.

“TANJIRO KAMADO!” Zenitsu wailed, dramatically grabbing Tanjiro’s shoulders like a man clinging to the edge of a cliff. “YOU HAVE RUINED MY ENTIRE FUTURE!”

Without a second thought, “I CALLED HER BY YOUR NAME! Yes! Your name! Tanjiro Kamado, it’s all your fault!” Zenitsu accused, “It’s the Tanjiro effect!”

He’s sobbing into Tanjiro’s shoulder and Tanjiro pats his back… what a good friend, the best friend in the entire world!

“Tanjiro Effect?” Tanjiro questioned, sounding bewildered as Zenitsu sniffled and rubbed his nose with the back of his hand.

“Yes! Yes!” He replied, as he sniffs. “I was on my date with Haruko and I called her your name! Can you believe that?! Can you?!”

Tanjiro was silent, then asked, “Haruko…?”

“The beautiful girl who wrote me the letter! I was on a date with her and I called her Tanjiro!” Zenitsu groaned. “Can you believe that?! You! Tanjiro! Not Haruko! Imagine if you were her! You’d be disgusted right?! How could I face her again?! She’s the most beautiful girl in the world! She likes helping people, she likes music! I am such a failure! I want to curl up and die!” He shouted as he flailed his arms dramatically in despair and Tanjiro caught them.

Tanjiro was quiet, then softly asked, “So… You like her?”

“… Yeah,” Zenitsu finally answered with a soft voice, staring at his own feet. “She’s nice, you know?”

Tanjiro went very still. He’s quiet. Too quiet.

Zenitsu peered up, squinting in confusion. “Tanjiro? Tanjiro?! Hey! Are you okay?!”

The heartbeat in his ears was deafening. Tanjiro is standing stock still, not breathing, not moving. His heartbeat was a steady stream, like a river… but something about the undertone felt wrong, felt like it was hiding something. Zenitsu felt like he’s standing too close to the edge, staring down at the water below him and it’s slowly rising…

“Tanjiro?!” He squeaked, trying to shake the other boy’s shoulders, but Tanjiro was like a brick house and Zenitsu might as well be a feather, knocking on his chest like a woodpecker.

Suddenly, Tanjiro shuddered. “Zenitsu…” Tanjiro whispered, “Are you sure?”

Zenitsu’s face flushed. “Am I sure about what?!” He snapped, trying to hide his face.

“… Are you sure you want to date her?” Tanjiro asked quietly, voice cracking on the word “date” and his heartbeat was a roaring waterfall, “You… called her my name.”

Zenitsu went very still.

Oh. Oh no.

That’s… that’s not a good look. That’s not a good sound. The sound of a waterfall? Not the gentle stream he’s so used to? What’s going on?

The other boy’s voice was soft, and yet somehow… sharp, “You called Haruko… my name.”

And Zenitsu’s not a genius, but he can read the room.

He knows that look. He’s seen that look on Nezuko, and Inosuke, and Genya’s faces a thousand times.

And he knows that sound… that was the sound of someone getting ready to fight.

“You…” Tanjiro continued, and his voice was getting dangerously quiet. “You were on a date. With a girl. And you called her. My. Name.”

Zenitsu didn’t know whether he wanted to cry or run away. The water was rising. And he was drowning.

“Tanjiro, I-“ he tried, but Tanjiro didn’t let him finish.

“And then you came back,” the other boy whispered. “Crying. Saying that it was all. My. Fault.”

Zenitsu tried to back away, but his back hit the door. Tanjiro followed, looming over him like a dark cloud.

“Why would you do that, Zenitsu? Why would you call her my name?”

He’s not breathing. His eyes are dark. Zenitsu’s heart was beating in his ears, pounding so loud he couldn’t hear his own thoughts.

He’s not breathing, he’s not breathing, why isn’t he breathing?

He tried to answer, but his throat felt like it was closing up.

Why isn’t Tanjiro breathing?

“Tanjiro?” Zenitsu whispered. “Are you okay?”

And then, suddenly, the other boy shuddered, blinking rapidly and looking down at Zenitsu with wide eyes.

Tanjiro sucked in a breath, and it sounded like a sob.

“I-“ Tanjiro swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

And then he turned around and walked away.

“Tanjiro!” Zenitsu shouted, launching himself off the door and running after the other boy. “Wait! Tanjiro—“

But it was too late. Tanjiro had already closed the door behind him and left Zenitsu standing inside, alone.

Zenitsu stared at the shut door.

… What just happened? Did he say something wrong?

He thought it was funny! Wasn’t it funny?! He thought it was kind of funny… right…? Right?

He thought about it and remembered Tanjiro’s expression. No. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t funny at all.

His friend was hurting and he didn’t understand why…

Why… Why would Tanjiro get angry? It wasn’t like him. It wasn’t like Tanjiro to get mad. Not like that…

Maybe it’s because he was tired… or hungry?

But Tanjiro doesn’t get mad when he’s tired or hungry. Zenitsu has seen Tanjiro in those moments, but Tanjiro never acted like that before.

Maybe something else happened? And he was just taking it out on him? He hopes not. That wouldn’t be like Tanjiro…

God… why him…?

Chapter Text

Zenitsu Agatsuma loses everything in a span of less than 12 hours…

His G string…

His date…

His best friend…

With the shamisen on his lap (along with the broken string), he sat there aimlessly tuning the other 2 strings… What a beautiful time to be alive…

Zenitsu never had much growing up, he was an orphan up until the point when gramps adopted him. He’s a whiny, good-for-nothing if anything but gramps never gave up on him. He gave him a home and warmth he never thought he deserved.

And how did Zenitsu repay him?

By becoming… this.

A disgrace to the musical arts. A walking panic attack with hair. A man whose first romantic date in years ended not with a kiss, but with him accidentally confessing his undying emotional attachment to another man, who wasn’t even there!

In the dimly lit dorm room, Zenitsu plucked the remaining string.

Bwooonnnng.

A pathetic sound. Like a dying goose attempting jazz.
Perfect. It matched his soul.

“Heck,” Zenitsu muttered to himself, voice cracking like old wood, “I’m literally studying to be unemployed… music… MUSIC! Gramps! I’m so sorry! I’ve failed you! I’ve failed the Agatsuma bloodline! The shamisen spirits! The entire economy!”

He collapsed backward onto his bed, limbs splayed like a crime scene outline.

“I could’ve studied engineering… or law… or even accounting…” Zenitsu whimpered. “But noooo… I had to follow my dreams. What dreams?! All my dreams lead to Tanjiro Kamado!”

He shot upright.

“WHY IS HE EVERYWHERE?!” he shouted into the void, to no one and everyone.

Silence.

A long, heavy silence.

Zenitsu hugged his shamisen to his chest, eyes wide, staring at the empty doorway where Tanjiro had stood just an hour ago.

And in that silence… in that awful, echoing quiet… a terrifying memory played in excruciating detail:

It was perfect, as perfect as any date with Zenitsu could be. Haruko was laughing, holding a glass of wine and he was smiling, admiring her all too familiar velvet red eyes, warm and sparkly.

This is it! This is fate! This is what being in love feels like!

He would like to take this moment to express his gratitude to the gods for this blessing!

Truly a gift.

The universe is saying “Zenitsu Agatsuma deserves happiness!” And then he opens his mouth…

“Tanjiro, do you wanna try-“

Silence.

A silence so loud, Zenitsu could hear every flicker of lights, every conversation happening at that moment. A fork clinked nearby and somewhere, a god stopped breathing.

Zenitsu blinked.

Haruko blinked.

Zenitsu is pretty sure his soul left his body, floating away and never coming back.

“I-I MEAN! HA-HARUKO!” Zenitsu screeched, voice cracking and stuttering,”HAHAHA! TANJRO?! WHO’S THAT?! NEVER HEARD OF HIM! DEFINITELY NOT MY BEST FRIEND! DEFINITELY DIDN’T THINK ABOUT HIM CONSTANTLY—“

Zenitsu was interrupted by the small clinking sound of Haruko gently setting down the glass of wine.

Her expression was calm. Very calm. Too calm. Like the haunted houses in those small town horror movies… he’s quite literally about to be murdered… emotionally.

He lived a nice life, not long but nice. Goodbye gramps… sorry for never making you proud.

“Tanjiro…” Haruko repeated softly. Not mad. Not accusing. Just soft… just aware.

Zenitsu cursed with great, no, exception hearing, could hear her heartbeat changes. Usually gentle and warm like water lapping at the shore. Now quickened, sharp and confused…

Kinda like Tanjiro when he’s confused…

WHY is Tanjiro on his mind 24/7?! WHY right now? Not a good time, brain!

“I’m so SORRY!” Zenitsu blurted, bowing so violently the table nearly flipped. “It was muscle memory! Brain static! The wind! My ancestors possessed me! My lineage is cursed by a man named Tanjiro—”

Haruko blinked slowly. “So um, you think of him… Tanjiro… often?”

“NO!” Zenitsu practically shouted at her. “I-I mean kinda? Sometimes! In a normal way! In a very platonic way! Non-heart fluffering way!”

Haruko stared. Just stared.

“Oh.” Haruko mumbled under her breath, quietly but loud enough for his ear to pick up. She picked up her chopsticks.

Is that it? “Oh”?

Zenitsu is seriously fucked!

“… You said his name while looking directly at me.” Haruko said calmly, slicing her salmon.

At that moment, Zenitsu knew…

He should have stayed home.

He should have studied engineering.

He should have become a mock.

… at least that way he would have never met Tanjiro Kamado…

… However, somewhere in the back of his head, he knew he would still end up knowing Tanjiro… one way or another. All paths lead to the “Tanjiro’s effect”…

Brain… right now really isn’t a good time… SNAP OUT OF IT!

Haruko didn’t raise her voice. She didn’t slam her utensils or demand an explanation.

Which… was somehow worse.

Because silence meant reflection.

Reflection meant judgment.

And judgment meant Tanjiro Kamado was currently ruining his life without even being in the same geographical location.

Zenitsu sat back down very slowly, knees weak, soul exiting his body for the third time tonight.

“Hahaha… funny story actually…” he said, sweat visibly forming on his temples. “You see, sometimes people say the wrong names! I-it’s psychology! Brain slips! Happens all the time! Haha…ha…”

Haruko dabbed the corner of her lips with a napkin. Graceful. Polite. Calm.

“So,” she said slowly, “who is Tanjiro to you?”

Zenitsu opened his mouth—

—and his brain threw up static.

WHO was Tanjiro?

Sunlight. Safety. Warm hands and cedar soap. The scent of home. The sound of steady breathing after nightmares. Laughter that made Zenitsu feel like maybe the world wasn’t out to get him.

Zenitsu blinked. Then panicked.

“He’s nobody!” Zenitsu shrieked so loudly a waiter in the back stumbled. “I mean he’s somebody! A very nice somebody! Who is absolutely irrelevant to this conversation about YOU and ME and LOVE and FATE—”

Hakuro’s eyebrow twitched. Just a little but more than enough for Zenitsu’s breath to stop…

“Zenitsu..” she said gently. Too gentle as if Zenitsu didn’t just make one of the biggest mistakes in his entire worthless existence. “It’s okay if you have feelings for someone else…”

“I DON’T-” Zenitsu slammed his hands on the table then recoiled from how loud it was. “I-I DO! FOR YOU! I LIKE GIRLS! TANJIRO IS- He’s just Tanjiro…”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me.” Haruko replied with the most sincere smile.

Silence.

Haruko folded her hands in her lap. Her expression wasn’t angry, wasn't even pity…

It was worse.

It was understanding…

“I think,” she said carefully. “You should figure out your feelings first and foremost before dating anyone.”

Zenitsu’s heart stops beating. He could hear a fork dropping in the slowest possible way with each clinks dragged out.

“I-I! HARUKO! Wait! I can explain—“ he tried, reaching out for her.

Haruko stood,bowed politely, and gave him a smile, a bittersweet smile…

“I had a great time.” She said, “Truly. Thank you. But it seems like your heart is with someone else…”

Zenitsu swallowed… Throat dry..

“And Zenitsu…” she added, pausing as she picked up her purse. “You said his name as if it’s a prayer…”

Then, she walked away, leaving him there, alone… with a half finished dish and somewhere in the distance, he could hear a violin playing sad tragic music…

Zenitsu Agatsuma is seriously fucked…

Chapter Text

Zenitsu Agatsuma is hypersensitive to his surroundings.

With his exceptional hearing, it’s hard not to… he could pick up any instrument after hearing it only once, he could hear words before they were even spoken, he could hear emotions with just the slightest hint of a sound… to a deeply inconvenient extent… and he could even detect lies (though, admittedly, with the accuracy of a weather forecasting app).

It’s a curse. A curse disguised as a blessing…

So! It’s not that he’s keeping track or anything! But! Tanjiro Kamado has been avoiding him…

…For 3 days, 12 hours, 57 minutes, and 30 seconds, Tanjiro has been acting… kinda weird?

Not the normal weird… You know. Normal Tanjiro weird would be when he apologized to furniture when he bumped into them, or the way he obsessed over cleanliness… also his ridiculously hard forehead… his perfect cooking… his inhuman, freaky sense of smell…

FOCUS!

No, it’s a weirdness that Zenitsu had never seen before, and it’s solely directed at him.

It’s the way every time Zenitsu approaches, Tanjiro’s heart does that weird thing—

The spike. The stutter… the last time he heard this kind of sound was when…

Haruko lowered her glass. Looked Zenitsu dead in the eyes. And asked in a calm, gentle even, whisper.

“Who is Tanjiro to you?”

Zenitsu blinks, a shiver runs up his spine…

Why is he thinking of Haruko right now?! She’s fine and living her own life!

Focus, Zenitsu!

But…

Tanjiro’s heart is doing the same thing as Haruko’s heart before she walked away… forever…

Zenitsu clutched his head, hair frizzing in static panic. “Ughhhh! What did I do?!” he groaned. “Why does he hate me?! HE WASN’T THE ONE WHO LOST A DATE! HE DOESN’T EVEN–!UGH!”

Maybe it’s because Tanjiro found out Zenitsu drank his special imported peach tea?

Or is he upset because Zenitsu flirted with Nezuko too much?

Or… is it because Zenitsu ate the last mochi?!

Zenitsu slapped both hands over his face. It couldn’t be! That’s not it!

There was distant chatter, footsteps outside, but all Zenitsu could hear is her voice— soft, patient, and sharp as a blade wrapped in silk, echoed in his skull:

“You said his name as if it’s a prayer.”

“GAAAHHH!!” Zenitsu screamed into his palms, kicking his legs on the dorm floor. “WHY DID I SAY IT LIKE A PRAYER?! WHAT KIND OF PRAYER EVEN WAS THAT?! A PRAYER OF DELUSION?!”

Tanjiro Kamado is definitely avoiding him because of the accident… but why?! It’s not like he’s the one who lost a date! Tanjiro is so frustrating! The MOST frustrating man alive!

And, since Zenitsu is apparently god’s strongest warrior, they are roommates! Surprise, surprise!

So even if Zenitsu wanted to ignore him altogether… he can’t! because Tanjiro’s always there!

Heck, Tanjiro’s bed is right across from his as we speak!

Their room isn’t necessarily small but it definitely isn’t big either. 2 beds across from each other, alongside 2 desks, 2 drawers at the foot of each bed, a tiny table with a singular chair, yes, one (Zenitsu’s theory was that the dorm next door stole their second chair but he’s too scared to confront them and Tanjiro’s too nice to notice)…

… and a shared couch under the window that overlooked the courtyard, their one cozy spot… if you can call it that. A mini fridge hummed in the corner beside a pile of Zenitsu’s tangled cords and guitar picks, while Tanjiro’s stack of neatly folded blankets made the whole place smell faintly of cedar and soap.

They even had a little kitchen too. (Zenitsu isn’t too sure though… he never actually used it.. ehe..)

Zenitsu’s gaze flicked at the opposite bed, neatly tucked, perfect, very Tanjiro. His own bed, on the other hand, was a mess… actually, a mess would be an understatement, it looked like a thunderstorm had hit it and decided to stay.

The problem wasn’t that Tanjiro is ignoring him, but rather it’s the fact that he’s ignoring HIM while he’s RIGHT THERE! Every. Single. Second.

Morning? The soft sound of Tanjiro humming as he folded his blanket.
Afternoon? The scratching sound of Tanjiro’s pen as he studied or wrote neat little notes that Zenitsu can’t read from across the room.
Night? The sound of his heartbeat, which is steady, slow, and calm like a river flowing under moonlight, drives Zenitsu insane!

The absolute worst thing about the whole situation was that Tanjiro’s definition of “avoiding him” seemed to involve being everywhere Zenitsu was?

He doesn’t know how to explain exactly, but!

Just this morning! Zenitsu had just woken up, groggy, hair sticking out in every direction, and before he would even yawn properly, he heard it…

The sound of fabric. The soft shuffle of feet. The subtle sound of a steady heartbeat and calm breathing makes its way into his ears… that can only belong to one person.

Usually, morning person with a heart of gold, Tanjiro Kamado, would greet him with a cheerful good morning! Today? Nothing, just silence and avoidance…

The afternoon? It was even worse… Tanjiro spent his day like nothing had happened, as if he hadn’t just left Zenitsu a confused mess! He won’t even look Zenitsu in the eyes!

Everytime Zenitsu tried to start a conversation or approach him in any way at all, Tanjiro would smile a tight smile, the kind that didn’t reach his eyes, and find every excuse possible to step away!

“Ah, sorry, I just remembered I left the rice soaking!”
“Oh, I promised Inosuke I’d help him with his project!”
“I have a study session with Kanao and Genya!”
“I have to get some papers to the professor!”
“Nezuko asked me to go to the new cafe shop with her!”

Or the most painful one—
“I’ll be back soon, okay?”

Okay?

NO, NOT OKAY.

Zenitsu sat at the edge of his bed, fingers twitching, the air heavy with all the things Tanjiro wasn’t saying.

It wasn't silence—it was a performance of silence.
One that Tanjiro was way too good at.

Zenitsu could hear the restraint in his breath, the tension in his shoulders when they brushed past each other in the narrow hallway, the way his pulse tripped over itself whenever Zenitsu said his name.

He was definitely avoiding him. While also… not avoiding him?

What kind of emotional purgatory was this?!

Night didn’t improve much… if anything, in total silence? It’s even worse!

On a normal night, Tanjiro would ask Zenitsu to play him a song. “Something soft, maybe even dreamy”, he would say, warm even through sleepiness.

Afterward, Zenitsu would rant about anything and everything, classes, weather, or even how Inosuke somehow managed to break another kettle! And, Tanjiro would always listen…

Always.

He would listen with that gentle rhythmic heartbeat, the kind that could lull him to sleep faster than any lullaby. Sometimes, Tanjiro would hum and laugh softly… so bright and so light that it would make Zenitsu’s heart ache in the best way possible…

That was their routine. Their rhythm…

But tonight… silence…

No humming. No soft laughs. No song.

Just silence.

But the problem is it wasn't total silence, because Zenitsu could still hear everything…

The faint sound of Tanjiro’s bed springs creaking as he shifts even the slightest. The sound of his slow, measured breathing that meant he was pretending to sleep…

And Zenitsu wishes, more than anything, to turn it all off…

He wishes he was normal
He wishes his hearing was normal
He wishes his relationship with his best friend was normal…

Because every subtle breath and every gentle heartbeat from across the room is killing him!

Tanjiro used to see him! Used to talk to him! Used to laugh with him!

Now… there’s nothing. He’s just there…

Zenitsu felt like a ghost… A ghost haunting his own room, sitting in the dark, counting the seconds between heartbeats.

He turned onto his side, facing Tanjiro’s bed even though the darkness blurred his view. His throat ached, his chest felt too tight.

He wanted to whisper goodnight, but the words stuck.
He wanted to ask, “Are you still mad at me?”, but his voice wouldn’t move.

And so he just lay there, listening to the quiet rhythm of Tanjiro’s heart across the room, steady, patient, impossibly kind… and it broke him a little more each time it didn’t speed up for him.

Chapter Text

Many words can be used to describe Zenitsu Agatsuma. Pathetic loser… good-for-nothing… a coward… a walking panic attack… loud, dramatic, immature, weak… and yes, zero self-respect. All of that, 100%, undeniably true.

But! But… Do friends abandon you like this? Pretend you don’t exist? And can someone like Tanjiro Kamado—Tanjiro Kamado!—really be capable of inflicting this much torture?!

Zenitsu slammed his fist (gently) on his desk. He was done! Finished! Over it! He was going to confront him—look him in the eyes and say, “Tanjiro Kamado, what did I do wrong?”

He was going to be assertive!
He was going to be brave!
He was going to finally take charge of his life!

…or, at least, that was the plan.

But… everytime… every single time he tried… a lump forms in his throat, his heart hammers in his ear and all that came out of his mouth was a high-pitched squeak “h-hi!”…. And Tanjiro, calm and composed, would smile politely, and respond softly, “hello”.

And then awkward silence followed… well, almost silence… because he could still hear it…

The sound of Tanjiro’s heartbeat, steady, warm, and storm-like, pounding just loud enough to remind him how close, and yet impossibly far away, Tanjiro really was…

God… this whole week was a circus…he’s the clown…

Attempt #1

He saw Tanjiro walking down the dorm hallway, humming softly, notebook in hand. It was the perfect moment. Zenitsu even practiced his opening line in his head: “Tanjiro, can we talk?” — simple, clear, mature.

Except when Tanjiro got close, Zenitsu’s throat closed up like a dying accordion. His palms were sweating. His heartbeat drowned out his thoughts.
And what came out was:

“H-HI! NICE WEATHER, HAHA! Ohh look, dust!”

Tanjiro blinked. “Uh… are you okay?”

“NEVER BEEN BETTER.”

Then Zenitsu ran away. Full sprint. Didn’t even grab his bag.

Attempt #2

Tanjiro was washing rice. The light hit him just right. His shoulders looked so calm and so broad and—

Zenitsu slapped his own face. Focus!

He stood there rehearsing in his head: “Tanjiro, are you mad at me?” “Tanjiro, did I do something wrong?”

Deep breath. Deep breath.

Zenitsu leaned against the doorway, trying to be casual. “So… uh… about the thing from before…”

Tanjiro looked up with his usual soft smile. “Oh, morning, Zenitsu. You want tea?”

“Tea?” Zenitsu squeaked. “Tea?! Is that what this is about?! Because I swear I didn’t know that peach import was your tea, I thought it was, like, community tea!”

Tanjiro froze mid-rinse. “Wait… you drank that?”

“OH GOD HE KNOWS.”

“What?”

“NOTHING.”

And before Tanjiro could say another word, Zenitsu had vanished into the hallway, leaving behind the faint sound of his own wailing echoing down the corridor.

...and that was the end of Attempt #2.

Attempt #3

If words failed, maybe music wouldn’t. He’d play something heartfelt, emotional, soulful—something that said, “Talk to me, please, I’m falling apart inside.”

He sat on the couch, plucking the shamisen, eyes flicking to Tanjiro’s desk. He played one sad chord. Then another. Then twenty-seven more sad chords.

Tanjiro looked up. “Zenitsu, are you okay?”

Zenitsu froze.

This was it. The opening.

He swallowed hard, stared deep into Tanjiro’s kind, confused eyes, and said…
“DOES THIS SOUND LIKE BETRAYAL TO YOU?”

Tanjiro blinked. “...No?”

“RIGHT. GOOD TALK.”

Attempt #3: failure.

Attempt #4

Maybe confrontation needed atmosphere. Emotional lighting! A dramatic breeze!

It was midnight. Zenitsu tiptoed over, clutching his blanket like a cape. Tanjiro was sitting by the window, half-asleep, reading a book under the moonlight. Perfect moment. Movie moment.

Zenitsu’s heart thudded. He took a step forward, whispered,“Tanjiro…”

Tanjiro looked up, sleepy smile on his lips. “Mm?”

And Zenitsu said—

“Goodnight!”

Then tripped on his own blanket and hit the floor face-first.

Tanjiro rushed over instantly. “Zenitsu! Are you okay?!”

“Fine! Fine! I’m fine!” Zenitsu said, muffled against the carpet. “Totally fine! Don’t worry about me! Worry about—uh—gravity! Gravity’s evil!”

Tanjiro blinked again. “Okay…”

Attempt #5

“Totally casual,” Zenitsu muttered to himself in the mirror. “You’re just asking your friend a question. No big deal. You’ve got this.”

He practiced in front of the mirror, pointing at his reflection.

“Tanjiro, are you mad at me?”
“Tanjiro, did I do something wrong?”
“Tanjiro, why are you so… ugh—perfect?”

He stopped. “No. Not that one.”

When he finally worked up the courage, he found Tanjiro on the couch, folding laundry. Perfect. Totally normal.

“Hey, Tanjiro?”

Tanjiro looked up, smiling warmly as ever. “Yeah?”

Zenitsu froze. His throat closed up again. His heart went from ba-dump to drum solo.

“Uh… never mind. Just wanted to say… cool… folding… technique…”

Tanjiro blinked. “Oh, thanks?”

By the end of the week, Zenitsu had tried every version of confrontation known to mankind:
Standing dramatically by the door (failed).
“Accidentally” bumping shoulders (failed).
Sending a text that said “hey we need to talk :)” and then deleting it 4 seconds later (failed, and somehow humiliating).

No matter how much he planned, something in Tanjiro’s soft, unreadable expression made his brain short-circuit.
It wasn’t even that Tanjiro was being cruel—he was just… distant. Gentle, but distant. Like he was guarding something.

Zenitsu didn’t know what was worse: the silence or the politeness.

So he sat at his desk that night, staring at Tanjiro’s sleeping form across the room, the sound of that steady heartbeat in his ears.

“Tomorrow,” he whispered to himself. “Tomorrow I’ll do it for real. I’ll say it properly. No running. No screaming. Just me and him and the truth.”
...
He didn’t.

But at least he thought about it. That counted for something, right?

Do you wanna know what the worst part is?

Tanjiro was still nice about it. Still gentle. Still sweet. Still offering him extra food, still folding his laundry when he forgot.

What kind of avoidance was this?! Was Tanjiro avoiding him or parenting him?!

Zenitsu groaned into his pillow, muffled and despairing. “Why is he like this? Why can’t he just yell at me like a normal person?! Why does he have to be kind about it?! It’s cruel!”

Inosuke, who was on the phone with him during one particularly bad rant, just grunted, “Then just ask him.”

(He’s surprised that inosuke even know how to use a phone considering he acts like he’s raised by wild boars but Zenitsu wasn’t the kind of man to question the mysteries of the universe)

“I TRIED!” Zenitsu yelled.

“No, you squeaked.”

“I-I emotionally tried! That counts!”

That night, Zenitsu couldn’t sleep again. He turned over, staring at Tanjiro’s bed across the room. The moonlight cut across the blankets, soft and silver. Tanjiro’s breathing was steady. Calm. Peaceful.

Zenitsu sat up, whispering to himself, “You’re gonna do it. You’re going to actually talk to him. Right now.”

He swung his legs off the bed, padded softly across the floor. He could hear every tiny creak in the floorboards, every quiet inhale Tanjiro made.

He stopped beside Tanjiro’s bed. Stared down at him.
“Tanjiro…”

No response. Just slow breathing. He was asleep.
Zenitsu sighed, shoulders drooping. His voice came out soft, barely a breath.

“I don’t know what I did, but I miss you, okay?”

Tanjiro didn’t stir. The only answer Zenitsu got was the quiet, steady rhythm of that heartbeat again.

He smiled weakly, sitting on the edge of his bed again. “You’re impossible,” he whispered, trying to laugh. “You can’t even let me be mad at you properly.”

He pulled his blanket over his head, muffling his voice. “Tomorrow. I’ll say it tomorrow. For real this time.”

Morning came.

Tanjiro was already up, humming softly, cooking breakfast. The smell of rice and miso filled the air. Sunlight spilled through the window, golden and warm.
Zenitsu sat up, hair sticking out in every direction, face puffy from crying a little (he’ll deny it if anyone asks).

“Good morning,” Tanjiro said gently, without looking up.

Zenitsu’s throat closed again. “G-good morning…”

Tanjiro smiled softly, the same polite smile as always.

Zenitsu opened his mouth. This was it. The moment. His heart thundered.

Say it, Zenitsu. Just say it.

“…The rice smells nice,” he whispered instead.

Tanjiro chuckled. “Thanks.”

And just like that, Zenitsu’s courage evaporated again.

Worse yet… that same night, Tanjiro placed a cup of tea by Zenitsu’s desk while he worked on his music.

“Peach,” Tanjiro said softly. “I know you like it.”
(Tanjiro Kamado remembers every detail…)

Zenitsu blinked at the cup, then up at Tanjiro. The same gentle smile, the same quiet distance.

“Thanks…” he mumbled, voice small.

Tanjiro nodded. “Goodnight, Zenitsu.”

And when Tanjiro went to bed, Zenitsu just sat there in the quiet hum of the dorm, clutching the warm mug, heart aching so loud he swore Tanjiro must’ve heard it too.

“Tanjiro Kamado,” he muttered softly, “is a terrible man… a terrible friend… a terrible human being.”

He took a sip of tea. It was perfect.

Chapter Text

Zenitsu Agatsuma is a mess. This isn’t new, not to him, not to Tanjiro either.

So here, Zenitsu sat cross-legged on his messy bed, hair sticking out in every direction like it had its own panic attack. He had his shamisen on his lap, long forgotten. Because he hadn’t been thinking about music at all for the past weeks, instead he was thinking about him.

Tanjiro Kamado.

No matter what he does, Tanjiro seems to just have the most polite, calm response.. it’s unfair…

Just thinking of all his attempts at a confrontation was genuinely funny… he can’t even laugh about it because it's been haunting him all week long!

The sound of Tanjiro’s heartbeat from across the room had always driven him mad, but today… It made him pause. Not in panic, not in immediate chaos, but in a strange, quiet way. Like noticing the wind before a storm, or the smell of rain in a dry street.

Zenitsu tilted his head, plucking a string absentmindedly. The note rang out, soft and melancholy, but his ears caught Tanjiro’s breathing over it. Steady. Calm. Gentle.

And for a moment, it was… nice.

He scowled at himself. What is wrong with me? Heart racing, stomach twisting, palms sweating, Zenitsu’s thoughts tripped over each other.

Tanjiro is sitting right there across from him… ignoring him…

He needs air…

So Zenitsu stood up and walked out of their shared room. Quietly. Carefully. Like he wasn’t bothered with Tanjiro’s presence. Like it wasn’t Tanjiro himself that made it impossible for him to breathe.

There’s no explanation, no “I’ll be back”. Just the soft click of the dorm door behind him, and the overwhelming, unspoken tension left hanging in the room.

He’s finally able to breathe again, but the sun is too bright and the chattering is too loud. God, he forgot how much he hates mornings!

Zenitsu isn’t a total mess! No! Just a normal amount of mess—

Just before, a force, comparable to a boar attack, hit him.

Oh yeah… Inosuke…

Zenitsu spun around just in time to see Inosuke barreling toward him like a wrecking ball.

“YOU STUPID PIG! What is wrong with you!? Can’t you see I’m trying to breathe! SUN! OUTSIDE! AIR!” Zenitsu flailed back, nearly tripping over his own feet.

“Breathing? You’re… breathing?” Inosuke blinked. Dumbfounded.

“Yes! I’M BREATHING!”, Zenitsu shrieked, "And you’re disturbing it! This is MY AIR! And YOU’RE INVADING IT!”

Inosuke tilted his head, confused.

A voice in his head echoed: Tanjiroooo

Does everyone here just tilt their heads all the time? Weirdos! Is this a thing he’s supposed to get used to?

“ALSO why are you shirtless AGAIN..? GO put on a SHIRT!” Zenitsu scolded. Inosuke is pretty. But said “pretty” is wasted on his wild boar behavior! What a pity!

“You’re acting weird, Chuitsu..” Inosuke blurted out like it’s the most obvious thing ever.

“CHUITSU? That’s not even my NAME!” Zenitsu screamed, almost tripping over again. Geez! What’s wrong with the floor?!

“Then what is it? Zen… Zensu? Zenzu? Zenergy?” Inosuke suggested proudly, pointing at him.

“Z-zen-ITSU! Zen-Itsu!”

“Cool name,” Inosuke nodded. “Sounds fast. Like a boar!”

Zenitsu groaned, collapsing onto a bench.

“You should talk to him.”

Zenitsu’s eyes widened, “WHAT!?”

“Yeah. Talk to the guy.” Inosuke shrugged. “It’s simple. Say words. That’s what I do.”

Zenitsu clutched his head. “You’re impossible… it’s genuinely impossible…”

“You’re… Zen-Zin-Za… Zenu?!” Inosuke tried again.

“INOSUKE!!” Zenitsu screamed, flailing. “I CAN’T WITH YOU! I CAN’T EVEN WITH THE AIR RIGHT NOW!”

Inosuke blinked. “Tsk! Whatever! I’m gonna go fight Ponjiro!”

Zenitsu groaned, “I hate everyone. Especially boars. And floors. And mornings. And my life. And… basically everything.”

The sunlight hit his skin and he felt like he’s being burned alive…

God, life sucks…

All of the sudden, his phone vibrated in his pocket. Thank you, whoever this person is! Finally a distraction!

Zenitsu stared at his phone. The message glowed:

“Hey Zenitsu! There’s a party tonight at the guild hall. You coming?”

He froze. His mind immediately went through approximately a thousand catastrophic scenarios. His hands trembled. His heart was thundering like a stampede of boars.

Zenitsu muttered to himself, “No… no… I can’t. I can’t do parties. I can’t… I can’t… but… what if Tanjiro is going? What if he’s there and… and…”

The thoughts collided violently in his head, like his brain was trying to wrestle a tornado.

“I… I should go! But no! Too many people! But Tanjiro! He’s… he’s going! Maybe! I have to! But what if everyone’s there!? AND WHAT IF TANJIRO TALKS TO ME???”

His phone buzzed again, probably another follow-up:

“It’ll be fun! Don’t worry, Zenitsu! We’ll save you a spot!”

Zenitsu practically leaped into the ceiling, clutching the phone like it was a live grenade.

“Save me a spot?! No, no, no! I can’t! I… I… I… I…”

Anything to avoid facing… the social nightmare. And then, inevitably, his thoughts wandered back—

Tanjiro. Tanjiro. Tanjiro might actually notice me there… And maybe… maybe I should go… maybe…

Zenitsu’s panic was now a delicious, torturous mix of dread, hope, and curiosity. He didn’t even notice the sun outside, or the fact that the chattering of people beyond the dorm hall sounded like the roaring of demons.

He whispered to himself, “Why do parties exist… and why do I exist… and why… why does Tanjiro have to exist too…”

Right outside, in public, this is public humiliation…

Chapter Text

Zenitsu Agatsuma isn’t the type to get invited to parties. No! He’s more of a loner! The kind that get invited by accident or by pure pity.

The music was too loud, the light too bright and he had one too many drinks. As soon as he got here, he started to down alcohol as if it were holy water. Hoping and praying it would drown out his thoughts and feelings… and it did!

Zenitsu isn’t drunk! No! He’s tipsy! He’s just a little buzz! He doesn’t understand why the world is spinning but it’s fine! He had been giggling and laughing at something an upperclassman was saying, something about demons or destiny, or who knows what! Who cares!

Zenitsu’s laughter was too loud. He knew it. Everyone probably knew it. But hey—if he kept laughing, no one could tell that his chest hurt, right?

He clutched his drink tighter, staring into the swirling amber like it had answers. It didn’t. It just stared back, judging him.

Zenitsu blinked. Once. Twice. The lights were spinning. Or maybe he was spinning.

“Oh hey!” he exclaimed, pointing way too enthusiastically across the room. “That’s Inosuke!”

Inosuke was, in fact, standing on a table, shirtless (of course), flexing while a crowd chanted his name.
Zenitsu squinted, deadly serious.

He wonders if Inosuke knows the answers to the universe.

Because someone has to.

And if it’s not Tanjiro, it’s probably the half-naked boar boy screaming about dominance and grilled meat.

He took another sip (bad idea, terrible idea) and nodded to himself. “Yeah… yeah, that guy knows things.”

Zenitsu set his drink down. Or at least… he thought he did. (It hit the floor. Rest in peace, drink.)

He stumbled forward with the determined grace of a man who had no business walking. “Inosukeeeee!” he called, voice cracking halfway through.

The crowd parted, not out of respect, but out of self-preservation, as Zenitsu made his wobbly approach.

Inosuke spotted him immediately, grinning wide, boar mask tilted on top of his head like a crown.

“ZENZUUUUU!” Inosuke yelled back, flexing both arms. “YOU COME TO FIGHT!?”

Zenitsu blinked, swaying. “Fight? Noooooo. No fighting. I came to ask—” he hiccupped, “—the universe. About you.”

Inosuke squinted. “HUH?”

Zenitsu grabbed him by the shoulders, way too close. “Inosuke… listen… you ever… think about life?

Inosuke blinked. “No.”

Zenitsu nodded solemnly. “That’s… that’s why you’re happy.”

There was a long pause. Inosuke just stared. The music thumped. Someone cheered in the background. Zenitsu’s eyes were glassy, his grin lazy and crooked.

“You’re so… so simple. So pure,” Zenitsu slurred, patting Inosuke’s cheek like he was blessing him. “No demons in your heart. Just… pork.”

Inosuke growled, confused. “What’s that supposed to mean!?”

“It means you’re… free, man.” Zenitsu sighed dramatically, draping himself over Inosuke like a damp towel. “Free from pain. Free from… love.”

“Love?” Inosuke tilted his head (again). “Is that something you punch?”

Zenitsu wheezed out a half-laugh, half-sob. “I wish.”

Then he froze. His hearing—his curse, his blessing—caught something through the chaos. A familiar heartbeat.

Steady. Warm. Kind.
Tanjiro.
He was here.

Zenitsu stiffened immediately, face going pale. “Oh no. Ohhh no no no.”

Inosuke blinked, confused. “What?”

Zenitsu whispered, “He’s here.”

“WHO?”

“Him.”

“...The universe?”

“No! TANJIRO!”

Inosuke’s eyes widened. “OH! THE SMILEY GUY! Where?!”

Zenitsu clutched his heart, trying not to combust. “Don’t! Don’t point! Don’t LOOK!”

Of course, Inosuke immediately turned, pointed, and yelled, “HEY, PONJIRO! YOUR ZENZUU IS OVER HERE!”

The entire room went quiet. (At least he thinks it is…)

Zenitsu wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

Tanjiro’s head turned toward the sound of his name — well, a version of his name, courtesy of Inosuke’s creative dictionary.

There he was.

Zenitsu.

Pink-faced, wide-eyed, frozen mid-panicked gesture with his hand still on Inosuke’s shoulder. His hair was a wild, electrified halo, and his expression screamed “I was not supposed to be perceived tonight.”

Tanjiro smiled, gentle as ever. But Zenitsu noticed… a flicker.

The faint twitch in Tanjiro’s jaw. The way his gaze lingered a fraction too long on the half-naked boar and Zenitsu’s slumped, drunken form.

“U-uh…” Zenitsu stammered, suddenly aware of the closeness he had to Inosuke.

“Oh! Hey, Zenitsu!” he called, completely unaware he was witnessing the collapse of a man’s dignity.

Zenitsu’s soul left his body.

Play it cool! Play it cool! immediately tripped over the bench behind him.

“Z-ZENITSU!” Tanjiro rushed forward on instinct, steady hands catching him before he could fall face-first into the floor. “Are you okay!?”

Zenitsu froze again. He could hear it —

Tanjiro’s heartbeat. Calm. Steady. Close enough that he could feel the warmth through Tanjiro’s chest.

Oh no. Oh no no no no—

He looked up, dizzy and delirious, meeting Tanjiro’s eyes. They were soft, impossibly kind, the same eyes that had ruined his life.

“Y-you came…” Zenitsu muttered, voice too quiet, too slurred, too honest.

Tanjiro blinked. “Huh? Well, yeah… they invited everyone! I didn’t know you were coming too.”

Zenitsu’s brain short-circuited.

Tanjiro’s hands were still holding him. He’s touching me. He’s holding me.

The universe had jokes.

“Tanjirooo…” Zenitsu slurred, tilting his head, eyes unfocused. “You smell… like… like good decisions…”

Tanjiro blinked again, visibly trying to process that sentence. “Uh… thank you?”

Inosuke cackled from behind them. “MONCHIRO! CHUITSU IS DRUNK!”

“AM NOT!” Zenitsu protested immediately, too loud, too defensive, too pink. “I’m just… happy!”

“Happy?” Tanjiro smiled softly. “That’s good! I’m glad you’re having fun-”

“Not that kind of happy!” Zenitsu cut him off, flailing slightly. “The other kind! The… existential kind!”

There was silence. Tanjiro blinked. Inosuke tilted his head (of course).

Zenitsu realized, too late, that he had no idea what that meant.

And then, because the alcohol had fully taken control of his mouth—

“You’re really pretty when the lights hit you.”

Tanjiro froze. So did Inosuke. So did the universe.

Then Tanjiro laughed softly, rubbing the back of his neck. “You’ve definitely had a bit too much, huh, Zenitsu?”

Tanjiro guided Zenitsu through the crowd, his hand lightly on Zenitsu’s shoulder, smiling apologetically at everyone they passed. Zenitsu, meanwhile, looked like a cat being carried to the bathtub.

Every nerve in his body screamed abort mission, but his legs refused to cooperate.

“I can walk! I can totally walk!” he insisted.

Tanjiro didn’t let go. “You just tripped over air, Zenitsu.”

“Air is sneaky!”

Tanjiro laughed quietly, that warm, soft laugh that made Zenitsu’s chest tighten. He wanted to yell at himself for being this close, this pathetic, but his brain was made of fog and sugar.

They finally reached a quieter corner of the hall — the music still pulsing, colored lights flickering against Tanjiro’s skin like a dream Zenitsu wasn’t allowed to have.

Tanjiro poured him some water, placing it gently in his hands. “Drink this, okay?”

Zenitsu blinked at the cup. “This isn’t alcohol.”

“That’s the point.”

Zenitsu frowned. “You’re no fun.”

Tanjiro just smiled, that same merciful smile that made Zenitsu want to both punch and kiss him.

“Why are you even here?” Zenitsu asked suddenly. “You don’t drink, you don’t dance, you don’t even—” he gestured wildly “—commit crimes of the heart like the rest of us!”

Tanjiro looked surprised. “Crimes of the—? Zenitsu, are you okay?”

“No!” Zenitsu declared dramatically, slamming the cup down (somehow spilling half of it on himself). “I’m a man of suffering, Tanjiro! A man plagued by emotion! And you—” he pointed accusingly “—you make it worse!”

Tanjiro blinked, clearly fighting a smile. “Me?”

“Yes, you! With your… your niceness! Yo-your face! And your stupid calm heart that I can hear all the time, like it’s mocking me!”

Tanjiro tilted his head. “My heart is mocking you?”

Zenitsu grabbed his own hair. “It’s TOO STEADY! No one’s heart should be that steady! It’s suspicious!”

Tanjiro laughed. A soft, genuine laugh that made Zenitsu freeze all over again.

God, that sound. It was so unfair.

Zenitsu slumped against the wall, muttering under his breath, “I’m gonna die. I’m literally gonna die. Right here. You’re gonna bury me next to the punch bowl.”

Tanjiro crouched a bit to meet his eye level. “You’re not dying, Zenitsu. You’re just drunk.”

“Drunk on what, Tanjiro?!” Zenitsu shouted. “On my feelings?!”

Tanjiro blinked. “...You said that out loud.”

Zenitsu froze.

“Oh no.”

The air between them tightened. For a second, the party noises faded, it was just the pulse of the music and Zenitsu’s breath caught in his throat.

Then Tanjiro smiled again, kind and almost teasing this time.

“Then let’s get you some food too, before you confess to the furniture.”

Zenitsu groaned loudly, face in his hands. “You’re evil. You’re so evil.”

Tanjiro chuckled. “You say that every time I take care of you.”

“That’s because you make it look attractive!”

Tanjiro blinked. “...What?”

Zenitsu immediately screamed, “NOTHING!” and practically fled toward the snack table, face red enough to rival Kyojuro’s flame pattern.

Tanjiro stood there, watching him go, a little confused… but smiling anyway.

From across the room, Inosuke yelled, “PONJIRO! MONITSU IS EATING ALL THE CAKE!”

Zenitsu, mouth full of frosting, shouted back, “IT’S CALLED COPING!”

Chapter Text

Zenitsu Agatsuma wants to scream, vomit, cry all at once… everything is happening too fast, too loud!

One moment he was eating cakes! The next he was crying on the couch! Then somehow… he was flirting with Nezuko. (poorly, oh very poorly…)

Zenitsu, tipsy, jittery, and dangerously unfiltered, leaned a little too close to Nezuko, waving a half-eaten cupcake like it was a scepter of destiny.

“Your ribbon,” he slurred, voice wobbling, “it’s… it’s like… a sunset… but shy… and… and… I think sunsets are jealous of it.”

Nezuko blinked politely, tilting her head.

Zenitsu leaned closer. “Do you… do you like… like me noticing it? Because I notice everything! I notice… uh… everything about you!”

Tanjiro had turned his head so fast Zenitsu swore he heard a neck crack.

He wasn’t drunk! Absolutely not! He was just… dizzy! From the alcohol. The sugar. The emotional whiplash of existing near Tanjiro Kamado!

Even “tipsy”, he couldn’t escape him… the smell of cedar and sunlight, the calm steady heartbeat that felt like a lullaby and a death sentence all at once.

Zenitsu froze mid-flirt, head tilting toward Tanjiro without even realizing it.

“Oh! Uh… hi, Tanjiro! I—uh… just… uh… science!”

Tanjiro raised an eyebrow, soft but amused. “…Science, huh?”

“Yes! Science!” Zenitsu shouted, waving a hand frantically, accidentally flinging frosting onto the floor. “Totally normal! Nothing… romantic… absolutely… science!”

Nezuko blinked again, clearly more confused than impressed.

“Zenitsu,” Tanjiro said gently, “maybe don’t lean so close to her. You’ll get frosting everywhere.”

Zenitsu’s face went beet-red. “I-I was… uh… measuring… uh… the ribbon’s… um… gravitational pull… yes! Physics! Totally!”

Zenitsu, panicked, grabbed Nezuko’s hand reflexively. “And… uh… don’t tell Tanjiro! It’s… confidential… physics research!”

Tanjiro’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly, though his calm demeanor never faltered. “…Right.”

Zenitsu felt his chest tighten. Why is he staring like that? Obviously! It’s because he’s an overprotective brother! What else could it possibly be?!

Tanjiro’s calm gaze lingered on him just a moment too long… and then flicked toward Nezuko, still trapped in Zenitsu’s awkward grasp.

Zenitsu quickly let go of Nezuko’s hand like its burns.

Eeekkk! An overprotective older brother is scary!

Zenitsu backed up a step, wobbling slightly, clutching his cupcake like a lifeline. Yes! Overprotective! Totally normal!

Tanjiro’s calm eyes never left him. Zenitsu swore he saw a faint furrow in his brow, classic big brother warning mode.

Nezuko blinked at him, tilting her head in mild confusion. Zenitsu panicked internally. She doesn’t understand! He’s protecting her! Not… noticing me… just… vigilant guardian stuff!

Zenitsu flailed slightly, waving his free hand around like he could erase all the evidence of his poor flirting. “And… and… uh… yes! Absolutely normal human behavior! Totally… safe interactions! Physics! Science! No feelings here! Definitely not feelings!”

Then—darkness.

Oh.
Right.
This was the part where he passed out.

At least he didn’t die from Tanjiro’s sharp, beautiful, terrifying eyes…

When he came to consciousness once more, the world was soft. Too soft. His head rested on something warm and steady, and a gentle, familiar rhythm pulsed beneath his ear.

He blinked blearily.

And made the biggest mistake of his life.

Because when he looked up, it wasn’t the ceiling that greeted him.

It was Tanjiro’s face… smiling down at him, warm and impossibly kind, sparkles of laughter in his eyes.

Zenitsu’s head was in his lap.
His lap.

The panic was instant and nuclear.

Abort mission! Mission compromised!

But his body refused to move. His limbs were jelly, his thoughts were soup, and Tanjiro’s thigh was… way too comfortable.

The party hummed faintly in the background—music, laughter, chatter. But all Zenitsu could hear was that steady heartbeat. Calm. Certain. A lullaby of cedar and sunlight.

“U-uh… Tanjiro…” he mumbled, voice slurred. “Your… uh… thigh is… soft. And… science says… safe…”

Tanjiro blinked, amused. “Science, huh?”

“Yes! Science! Very important!” Zenitsu hiccuped, pressing a little closer without thinking. “Heart rhythm… science experiment… measuring… uh… reaction times! Very scientific!”

Tanjiro chuckled softly, placing a warm hand on his shoulder. “Alright, Zenitsu. Just rest for a bit.”

Zenitsu froze, staring up at him with wide, panicked eyes.
Rest? No! He wasn’t sleeping! He was conducting an experiment! Totally legitimate research!

…But the warmth was too much.
And the heartbeat… too steady.
And his brain… too soft to resist it.

Maybe it was fine. Just for now. Just for science.

“Tanjiro…” he whispered, voice small, embarrassed. “Don’t… don’t move. I—I need data. Heartbeats. Very important.”

Tanjiro didn’t move. His hand stayed there, grounding him, patient as ever.

Zenitsu’s eyes fluttered half-shut. His words came out like a dream, “You know… the sound of your heartbeat is so calming… kinda like a song… played only for me to hear…”

His mouth kept going—curse alcohol!—as his brain screamed in the background. If sober-him heard any of this, he’d jump out a window and pray to every god available that he’d never meet Tanjiro again.

“I always kinda wanted to know something…” he murmured, voice almost too soft to hear, you would probably miss it if you weren’t listening closely…

Tanjiro tilted his head slightly, listening. Of course he was listening. Always…

“…If I kissed you,” Zenitsu whispered, “how fast would your heart beat?”

Silence.

Stillness.

And then—his brain caught up with his mouth.

“HUH?! SCIENCE! YOU KNOW! LIKE—AN EXPERIMENT!”

Then Tanjiro tilted his head, the faintest smile tugging at his lips. “…A kiss experiment, huh?”

Zenitsu froze. “N–NO! NOT—NOT LIKE THAT!”

Tanjiro’s smile only grew softer. “You said you wanted to test my heartbeat.”

“YES! I–I MEAN NO! I MEAN—YES, BUT NOT IN A WEIRD WAY!” Zenitsu hopelessly tried to explain. “It’s just SCIENCE, you know?! P–pure, respectable science!”

He could feel heat crawling up his neck, his entire face burning like a lit lantern. His heartbeat was loud, embarrassingly loud, practically screaming his feelings into the universe.

Zenitsu jumped up as if lying down any longer would kill him and deep down, he thinks it might just be his 13th reason…

With his hands flailing out like a mad man, he tried to explain to the best of his ability (which isn’t really great), “YOU KNOW! L-Like! Like! This—”

And then, before he could stop himself—before rational thought could intervene—he moved.

One wild, hopeless, catastrophic impulse.

His lips crashed against Tanjiro’s.

Silence.

For the first time in his whole entire existence, he heard nothing— nothing at all! Just silence, just the constant ringing of a line suddenly cut..

His mind short-circuited—like actually!
His lip is still on Tanjiro’s! THE Tanjiro Kamado!
Warm, gentle, soft— Real…

Oh no, oh no, no, no, no, nonononononono.

Then the sounds came back all at once, like someone decided to “unmute” his world. The music, the laughter, the chatters, and louder than all, his own heart beating like a thunderstorm in his skull.

He shot back so fast he nearly gave himself whiplash. (Really do not recommend.)

“I-I! WAIT! T-THAT—” if words failed, surely actions would make it better. So his hands flailed like a windmill like he could erase what happened from existence. Never to be talked about ever again…

“THAT- REFLEX! SCIENCE! I-I SWEAR!”

Tanjiro blinked. Slow and dazed. A faint blush on his cheeks. “Reflex?”

“YES!” Zenitsu screeched, backing away so fast he tripped over a pillow, “Yknow! Like muscle memory! A brain misfire! Happens to geniuses all the TIME!”

Tanjiro blinked again. Calm and soft… this is devastating for Zenitsu’s mental state… “Oh. I didn’t know you considered yourself a genius, Zenitsu…”

God bless Zenitsu because he’s about to explode! WHY is Tanjiro this way?! WHAT did he do to deserve this?!

Right… he did this to himself…

“NOT THE POINT!” Zenitsu yelped, face blazing, “You’re not supposed to be nice about it! You’re supposed to be mad! Or yell! Or anything— anything that doesn’t make me feel stupid!”

Tanjiro tilted his head, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, “would that make you feel better?”

“YES!… No… maybe?”

Everything felt too loud, his heart, Tanjiro’s heart… maybe even the walls…

Tanjiro stood slowly, closing the space between them. Not threatening, not angry—just himself, calm and steady like he always was. Which made everything worse.

Zenitsu stumbled back, babbling, “It’s an experiment! AN EXPERIMENT! It’s NORMAL! Best friend NORMAL!”

Tanjiro’s expression softened even further. “Zenitsu… breathe.”

Tanjiro chuckled quietly, and Zenitsu hated how beautiful that sound was—gentle and patient, like forgiveness wrapped in laughter.

“I’m not mad,” Tanjiro said simply.

Zenitsu froze. “You’re… not?”

“No,” Tanjiro continued, his tone soft, “but… maybe next time, give me a little warning before a scientific experiment like that.”

Zenitsu’s brain blue-screened.

“N-next… time?!”

Tanjiro smiled—small, teasing, and horribly, heart-destroyingly kind.

Then he turned away, heading for the kitchen like nothing world-shattering had just happened.

“I’ll get you some water. You’re still flushed.”

Zenitsu stood frozen, face redder than the sun, mouth open, brain melting out his ears.

He clutched his chest like it could hold in all the screaming.

“I kissed Tanjiro Kamado…” he whispered hoarsely. “I kissed him… and he said next time...”

His heart made a noise like a dying bird and a firework at the same time.

Then he promptly fainted again.

“You said his name as if it’s a prayer…” echoed in his mind.