Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was Robert Roberson's first day at the Superhero Dispatch Network, also known as SDN, and he already felt exhausted. Becoming a dispatcher for reformed villains to help fight crime for subscribers within Torrance was a task that he accepted, at first, with much curiosity, and, now, with much hesitance--and it was only day one. 

During the dispatch call today, the group of ex-supervillains he's in charge of rehabilitating disobeyed direct orders, thus resulting in a blown-up building due to a weapon exploding, an unknown villain escaping, and an older man whose ass cheeks were presented bare to the world due to the aforementioned explosion. While the higher-ups told him things went well today, he felt like a failure.

Robert knew that his feelings were much bigger than the mission--he knew that his anger was a source of projection from having failed the people of Torrance many months ago when his Mecha Man suit was destroyed in battle, thus thrusting himself into civilian life. It stemmed from the looming thought of knowing that he failed his family. It stemmed from knowing that failed his father. 

However, he knew that tomorrow would be a new day to prove himself. Tomorrow would be a new day to prove to his team that he had their best interests at heart. Even if he had given them a bit of tough love post-mission that resulted in Invisigal--one of the reformed villains--socking him in his jaw before she stormed out of the workplace. 

Robert Robertson walked toward his cubicle with his hands in his jean pockets, and his eyes zoomed in on a lanky figure standing above his computer desk with a rag. 

"So, you got the job?" Robert inquired with a small grin on his face. 

The lanky figure was Water Boy, one of the heroes he had met in the lobby earlier in the day. Water Boy turned around frantically, and his brown curly hair whipped across his face and fell across his worried eyes; however, they softened a bit at the sight of Robert--a familiar face. Earlier, Robert had helped fix the young man's tie, and it reminded Robert of how flushed Water Boy had been compared to now.

"What? Oh--yes, yes. I, uh... I'm the new janitor. Custodian, if you will."  Water Boy managed to stutter out, then followed Robert's eyes to the mushed up donut that lay across the computer desk. "I-I didn't do that, by the way."

"I didn't think that you did," Robert responded, then walked closer to the scene of the (donut) crime. He stuck a finger out and scooped up some of the cream and held it up in front of Water Boy's face. "It's a cream donut. My favorite. Wish it was in one piece. Do you want to try it?"

The latter had been a joke. Truly. So he did not expect Water Boy to lean forward and wrap his mouth around his finger to suck off the cream, his eyelashes fluttering close as he savored the taste. His cheeks even became hallowed out and oh. This was extremely erotic. And while it wasn't the only erotic thing to happen to him today, it was the only erotic thing that caused his breath to hitch suddenly. 

Once Water Boy removed his mouth from Robert's finger, his face lit up, "It might be my favorite flavor too!"

"Huh," Robert deadpanned. "So, do you normally suck on strangers after only knowing them for a day or what?"

Water Boy's face changed from excitement to fear in a split second as he realized what he had done, "Oh goodness--I'm so--I didn't mean to--"

"You didn't mean to suck on my finger?" Robert asked with a raise of his eyebrow. "It seemed like you enjoyed it, Water Boy."

If Water Boy hadn't been red before, he was certainly redder now. As Water Boy stammered out a thousand apologies, Robert watched with a tilt of his head as the cogs in his brain began to shift and turn. For some strange reason, Robert was feeling things. Below, at least. In front of Robert stood a stuttering nerd who struggled with eye contact and basic human interaction, and it was somehow extremely attractive. Damnit, Robert thought to himself. What does that say about me?

Robert raised a hand, which ceased Water Boy's rambling. "You're fine. I'm glad you liked it. The donut, I mean. Although, I'm sure you enjoyed trying it from my finger too."

Water Boy looked like he was going to implode, "I'm going to--I'll just... get back to cleaning the mess, Mister Mecha Man, sir--"

"Robert, remember?"

"Mister Robert--"

"No, just Robert," Robert answered with a snort as he turned away. "Don't stay here too late, yeah?"

"Of course, Mis--I mean, Robert."

Robert had turned to walk out at the perfect time, as he could feel his pants tightening the closer he stood next to Water Boy. Maybe he was just extremely sex-deprived; after all, it had been at least a year since he's had sex. To add onto that, this is the first time in forever that he's been around this many people that he didn't have to fight but instead sustain a conversation with. His reaction to Water Boy sucking on his finger was entirely circumstantial and not within reason. He could get over this miniscule feeling and focus on the task at hand--improving the Villain Rehabilitation Program. 

Yeah, Robert thought to himself. I'll get over it by tomorrow.

After a solid hour of Robert's eyes following Water Boy around the office whenever he appeared to clean up a mess, Robert realized that he, in fact, did not get over things the next morning. 

Even his team noticed that he had been a little distracted during the Dispatch call, joking that the former-supervillains had fried his brain before the week had even ended, and that he would quit before the day was over. Hacking systems had taken longer than normal whenever Water Boy waltzed (well, moreso tripped and stumbled) into the office with a rag and bucket; Robert had deployed the wrong heroes for at least 3 tasks, which earned him a sarcastic 'way to go, dickface' from Flambae several times. Lastly, when Robert tried to eat a twinkie from the vending machine in the breakroom to get a moment of peace, Water Boy walked in, gave him a short and shy wave, then bent over to retrieve an extra rag from the bottom cabinet before leaving, which resulted in Robert squishing the twinkie in his hand.

Robert's stomach had been in knots all fucking day. 

"You gonna eat that twink?" Sonar, one of the reformed-villains on his team, questioned from his position by the coffee maker. 

"What?" Robert exclaimed, panicking as he wondered how Sonar knew--was he that obvious? Was there gossip around the office about how hot and bothered Robert couldn't help but get whenever he laid eyes on Water Boy? He needed to kill himself, and he needed to do it quickly.

"The twink you just crushed in your hand," Sonar replied flatly. "Are you gonna eat that?"

"Oh... oh. You know that it's not called--you know what, knock yourself out." Robert tossed the twinkie into the air and watched as Sonar caught it with his teeth. "You did really well today, by the way."

"I know," Sonar said with a mouthful of twinkie. "I noticed that you didn't do well though. You were also less of a stick in our asses today. What gives?"

Robert clicked his tongue and sighed, "I apologize. I've just been a bit distracted today. "

Sonar nodded firmly, "Yeah, you keep staring at Water Boy."

Robert nearly choked on his spit, "What? I--you noticed?"

"Yeah, you must reallyyy hate that guy. Honestly, I can understand why. He doesn't use any cleaning products to clean. He literally just uses his spit."

"Oh," Robert breathed out a sigh of relief, then spoke pointedly, "Yeah, but, I mean, you clean yourself with your own spit, yeah? You know, since you're a bat and all..."

"Don't be a smartass. I'm the one who went to Harvard, not you." Sonar responded sharply, then swallowed the last bit of the twinkie. "But if your hate for him is so strong, why don't you just talk to him about it? I have realized after many years of working with villains that you have to talk through your feelings, or else, you'll find yourself in prison for embezzlement, extortion, drug possession, forgery, fraud, money-laundering, perjury, and cyberbullying."

"Cyberbullying?"

Sonar chuckled and straightened his tie, "Yeah, I still haven't stopped that one. Elon Muskrat fucking sucks, and I won't stop letting him know that. Anyways, talk to Water Boy after work. Good luck."

The bat wiggled his pink snout before he walked out of the breakroom, leaving Robert alone with his many thoughts. On one hand, Sonar was right. He shouldn't bottle up his emotions; he's spent so many years doing that. But, on the other hand, these 'emotions' are bridging upon unprofessionalism, and Robert just got this job yesterday. These weren't even valid or true emotions--it was just Robert being extremely horny for the SDN custodian. A fucking custodian named Water Boy. 

Robert wanted to slam his head against the table. God, not only am I horny, Robert thought, but I'm repressed too.

The door of the breakroom swung open, and Robert fully expected it to be Sonar again. Except, when Robert turned his head, he made eye contact with Water Boy, who looked frantic--his usual appearance. 

"Back already?" Robert asked in an attempt to remain cool, calm, and collected. "Did you forget to grab another rag?"

"Ah, n-no," Water Boy replied with a quiet smile. Robert's heart panged. "I'm on my break now, so I was just gonna--I mean, do you mind that I'm in here? Because I can go somewhere else."

God, please go somewhere else. "Nah, take a seat." I'm so fucked. I'm so fucked.

"Awesome," Water Boy nodded and took a seat across from Robert. "You know... it's been kind of... kind of nice to work here. I wanted to tell you thank you. You're the reason I got this job--or, I mean, you're the reason why I felt brave enough during the interview. After you, uh, fixed my tie and encouraged me in the lobby, I just--" Water Boy looked Robert earnestly in the eye and sighed out, "Thank you."

Jesus, Robert thought. Here this guy was thanking him and being so kindhearted, and Robert couldn't stop thinking about shoving his fingers into his mouth. 

"You did that shit all on your own, dude. You don't need to thank me at all, alright?" Robert said softly. "You would've gotten the job with or without me."

"Maybe," Water Boy chuckled and shook his head, then his eyes zoomed in on Robert's hands. "Did you, uh... did you have another donut?"

Robert looked down at his hand and realized that he still had the cream from the twinkie he crushed a few minutes ago on his fingers. He felt embarrassed as he remembered the reasoning behind it, though he tried not to let it show on his face. 

"Oh, no, it was a twinkie from the vending machine. I didn't get a chance to wash my hands, s'all." 

Slowly, Water Boy started to turn bright red, "Do you... uh, do you want me to... I mean, can I--"

Was he...?

"Can you, what?" Robert asked carefully. The air in the room had suddenly gotten exponentially warmer as a million thoughts swarmed Robert's brain. While Robert didn't want to assume, deep down he knew what Water Boy was implying. "You're gonna have to speak up, Water Boy."

Water Boy swallowed thickly and cleared his throat, "I've never had a, uh, twinkie. Can I try some?"

"Well, Water Boy, unfortunately I gave the whole thing to Sonar, so you'll have to get your own from the vending machine over there."

Robert knew truly what the lanky man was asking for, he did, but he needed to hear him say it, or else this entire interaction simply couldn't be real. There was simply no way that the nerdy custodian with brown hair stamped to his forehead with sweat was asking to suck on his fingers again. In the middle of the breakroom. Where anyone could walk in and see them. There just was no way this bumbling idiot could be that reckless. 

"I--" Water Boy cleared his throat again before he leaned forward. "I can just taste it from your fingers again, if--if that's okay with you."

Maybe this bumbling idiot could be that reckless.

And, well, maybe Robert could be a little reckless too.

Robert leaned forward over the table until he could feel Water Boy's breath on his face, which was labored from anticipation. The way that Water Boy looked at that moment had Robert's slacks feeling tighter by the second. Robert remembered when the two of them were this close in the lobby before Water Boy's interview. He remembered Water Boy's shortness of breath, and his quiet words in Robert's ear, "Now that you- your face is next-aside-a my face... I see that I know you- of you,"  as Robert fixed his tie. It didn't feel intense at that moment, but the memory hit like a freight train as Robert lifted his two fingers and placed them on Water Boy's tongue. 

Water Boy closed his mouth over Robert's fingers, and his tongue languidly swiped over the sides as he sucked up the leftover cream from the twinkie. This should be illegal, the way that Water Boy's blue eyes bored into Robert's own in a way that exhibited both hunger and vulnerability. It should be illegal, how Water Boy gripped Robert's wrist in a feeble attempt to stay steady as his lashed fluttered over his eyes.

It should also be illegal, the way that Water Boy parted his lips and slowly pulled away from Robert's fingers, then whispered, "Thank you."

Even when Water Boy was being a horny minx, he still was polite. 

"Um, yeah," Robert replied, then mentally facepalmed at his lack of composure, "Anytime."

Water boy smiled before he stood up from his chair and pointed at the clock above the breakroom door, "Breaktime is over. Maybe I'll, uh, see you after work?"

All Robert could do was nod wordlessly as he watched Water Boy leave the breakroom. He knew that his break was over, which meant that he had to return to his cubicle to continue being a dispatcher, but when he looked down at his pants, he realized that he needed to give himself more time to... adjust before he could stand up, or else he would be the laughing stock of the office. Hell, maybe even the laughing stock of the superhero world. 

After work, he was certainly giving Water Boy a taste of his own medicine.

Chapter Text

With a lopsided smile, Robert lifted a glass of beer into the sky as his eyes lingered over each Z-Team member, his eyes filled with the anomalous look of pride. Today had been the first time the Z-Team had not failed any missions, and it was the first time that they had all managed to work together to take down not only one bad guy, but three. Robert decided that he'd be a good boss and treat his team to a round of drinks, on him of course (which got him a haughty 'you're alright with me, bitch," from Flambae through comms). 

"Here's to having our first--and not our last--perfect shift," Robert proclaimed. "You all did amazing today."

The Z-Team cheered and laughed, even despite Prism's quiet mention of Robert being the "corniest motherfucker on this planet" while she sipped on her passionfruit margarita. 

It had felt like the Z-Team had grown closer over the course of one week, and Robert was finally feeling like he belonged here. It took a few days to adjust and understand what each of these newfound heroes needed: Invisigal just needed more encouragement, Punch Up just wanted more people to punch, and Sonar just--well, to be honest, Robert still wasn't sure what Sonar needed. Each time that Robert would try to have a heart-to-heart with the reformed villain, he would stare at him blankly, make a shrieking noise, then slowly back out of the room.

In fact, Sonar had been actively avoiding eye contact with Robert the entire week. That was, until tonight. 

Sonar was on his third tequila shot, and Robert noticed that the bat kept staring at him. If Robert took a sip of his drink, so did Sonar. If Robert moved even an inch, he noticed that Sonar's nose would twitch. Now, as Robert stood up to use the bathroom, he noticed from the corner of his eye that Sonar had stood up too. It was slightly freaky, but Robert thought nothing of it as he walked to the bathroom. He didn't necessarily expect normalcy from any of his team members, as he's had his fair share of awkward moments with each of them.

When Robert entered the bathroom, he unzipped his pants and stood in front of the urinal, whistling a tune he had stuck in his head for the past hour. He almost completely zoned out, that is, until he noticed Sonar was standing in the corner of the bathroom in complete silence. Sonar, upon being recognized, adjusted his red tie and nodded in Robert's direction with a short, "wassup."

"Yeah, that totally isn't weird at all, Sonar," Robert deadpanned. "I actually love when giant ass bats stare at me while I piss in urinals."

For a second, Sonar looked shocked, "Wait, forreal?"

"No, Sonar. Please stop watching me piss."

"Well, technically--" Sonar hiccupped, "I am not watching you piss, specifically. I am just... watching you."

"Awesome, glad we figured that out," Robert said sarcastically, then sucked his teeth as he zipped his pants back up, "But why?"

"Uh, I dunno."

Robert raised an eyebrow and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. A part of him knew that he should just stop the conversation there. He didn't need ask more questions. He shouldn't care to know, so Robert made the decision to remain silent. Just as Robert was about to leave the bathroom, and, inevitably, this weird conversation with Sonar, Sonar placed his hand against the door to slam it back shut. Robert blinked and looked up at the bat with a raised eyebrow.

"You're not even gonna..." Sonar huffed, "You're not even gonna ask more? Like, come on, Robert."

"Wasn't planning on it, no."

"You are insufferable."

Robert raised an eyebrow, "Says the guy that stares at people when they pee. You know, this may be the longest conversation we've had since I started working at SDN. Shame that it has to happen in a shitty bathroom of a superhero bar." Sonar's demeanor suddenly changed; he stood up straighter, and his eyes bore into Robert's own in a way that was almost inexplainable. "Fine, fine. Tell me what's happening here."

"I need to touch your dick."

"Right, and I need a raise," Robert snorted and attempted to open the bathroom door again, but Sonar slammed it shut, his grip stronger and more controlled. "Hugeee HR violations happening here, by the way."

Sonar's nose twitched, "I'm not joking."

"It feels like you are." Robert leaned his arm against the door to keep himself balanced; at this point, the tequila shot was kicking in. "You don't need to do anything."

"I want to," Sonar corrected himself. "I want to touch your dick. It's strictly for scientific purposes."

"What study is Harvard doing that involves my penis? Am I getting paid for this?" Robert inquired. Sonar began to gradually look impatient, but it was clearly out of desperation. The hybrid was serious about this, and Robert couldn't quite understand why. Robert squinted his eyes and let his arms fall to his sides as he thought about what to say next. "Okay, say that you touch my dick."

"Are we saying that?"

"Not yet--or, no--" Robert gathered himself, "Say that you do--what do you gain?"

"Eternal happiness?" Sonar responded with a click of his tongue. "I told you, it's for science. Let me touch your dick."

There were a million things that Robert knew he should do. He should just tell Sonar to fuck off, then return to the bar with the rest of the Z-Team. He should sock Sonar in the mouth and go about the rest of his night as if nothing had happened. However, Robert wanted to blame it on the alcohol and let curiosity get the best of him. After all, it was just Sonar. It would just be a quick dick touch--something so casual and thoughtless, and something that Robert was sure meant nothing to Sonar. 

"Okay."

"Okay--wait, seriously?" 

"Don't make me change my mind, Sonar."

Suddenly, Robert was pinned against the bathroom door, his wrists held above his head by Sonar's one hand. The breath was shortly knocked out of Robert as he became more aware of how strong Sonar was; on top of this being the most they've spoken, this was the closest that the two have ever been. He could smell Sonar's cologne, which had a strong, musky scent that filled Robert's nostrils and wrapped around his brain tightly. He could also see specks of blood on Sonar's fur--probably from the missions earlier in the day. Sonar's other hand hovered above the zipper of Robert's pants, as if waiting for something. 

"You've probably been wondering why I've been watching you." 

"No, not really," Robert said in an attempt to sound less breathless, but it didn't work. "Just chalked it up to you being weird."

The corner of Sonar's mouth twitched, "I can't stop thinking about touching you." In an instant, Sonar's hand lay flat against Robert's bulge and squeezed ever-so-slightly, which caused Robert's lips to part. "It's weird, you know, because you're, like, just some random, average guy."

Robert blinked, knowing that he should feel offended, but he can't think clearly. "What a compliment."

"But," Sonar's swiftly undid Robert's pants using only the curve of his nail and watched as it fell to his ankles, "Invisigal told everyone in the office that she saw you naked, so I'm here to even the score."

"Okay, one, she did not see me naked. She saw me shirtless."

"And now I'm going to see you pantsless. We're still evening the score." 

Sonar let his nails drag across Robert's v-line, causing the man to squirm and buck his hips forward. At this point, Robert knew that he was sporting a semi even without looking down at himself. There was no use in feeling embarrassed about this, Robert thought to himself. After all, Sonar was the one who asked for this in the most conspicuous way ever. It also helped that he could tell Sonar was more flustered than he was; his eyes were glowing red, and the desperation on his face was abundantly clear. Having Robert underneath him was doing it for Sonar, and Robert knew because he could feel Sonar's dick poking at his thigh. It felt thick and heavy; with a quick glance, Robert could see that there was a wet spot on Sonar's slacks.

Robert doesn't know when his boxers came off too, but he suddenly felt a breeze hit his bare thighs and shivered. Sonar's hand, warm and moderately sweaty, wrapped around Robert's dick and tugged; the newfound feeling of warmth forced a moan from Robert's mouth, and he silently prayed that no one would need to use the bathroom in the next few minutes if this was how it was going to be. 

Sonar leaned closer to whisper in Robert's ear, "You're bigger than I thought you'd be."

"Again, what a compliment," Robert repeated sarcastically, his chest rising and falling the faster Sonar stroked his dick. "Remember when you said that--that you just wanted to touch my dick?"

"I am touching your dick."

"You're doing more than just touching it."

"I could be doing more," Sonar said, poker-faced. "I could have my mouth around your dick instead of my hand. I could have you fucking my face until I pump all of the cum out of you. Those are things I could be doing, but I'm not. I am just.." Sonar's tongue swirled around Robert's ear and down the man's neck before he gingerly nipped at the skin; it was all becoming a lot for Robert to handle. "...touching you."

A loud knock on the door broke Robert free from his trance, unlike Sonar, who was still staring down at him while stroking his dick ardently. Robert was so close to cumming just from Sonar's eye contact alone, and he could still feel where Sonar bit him on his neck; his entire body was buzzing, and Robert wondered if he was visibly shaking. The knock comes again, and, this time, with an unfamiliar voice: "I'm going to piss myself, dude. Can you hurry the fuck up in there?"

Sonar smirked, his fangs peeking from underneath his lips, "I like doing this to you, Robert. During work, you're always such a stick in the ass, you know? I kept thinking about what it would take to break you. I wanted to see you look vulnerable for once, and it was either this or pretending to drop you from the SDN building. I don't think you would've reacted well to the latter though." 

Robert really wanted to respond to Sonar, seeing as though the bat was sporting the most arrogant expression on his face at the sight of Robert's flushed cheeks and fidgety body. However, Robert knew that if he opened his mouth, there would only be whimpers that came out of him. He couldn't let all of this get to Sonar's head, but Robert also knew that it was a little too late for that. There was warmth building in Robert's abdomen, and Robert couldn't help but buck his hips harder into Sonar's hand with heavy eyelids. 

"Are you going to cum, Robert?" Sonar asked with a tilt of his head. When Robert nodded loosely, Sonar smirked wider, "Can you cum in my mouth?"

Fuck, fuck, fuck, Robert thought to himself frantically. He couldn't get the words out, so he nodded, not even caring how crazed he may have looked in that moment. It was enough for Sonar, because the hybrid dropped to his knees and immediately engulfed Robert's dick in his mouth and sucked, his tongue flicking against the slit and coating the underside with saliva. Whenever Sonar removed his mouth from Robert's dick, there was a loud pop, then he would come back for more. It was sloppy and hot, and that was all that it took for Robert to release inside of Sonar's mouth, his hips twitching and his hands--free from Sonar's grip--simultaneously scratching at the door behind them and gripping at Sonar's hair to keep himself grounded. 

"Oh my god," Robert breathed out, then slapped his hand on his face. "Jesus."

"No, just Sonar," Sonar said with a smile, then used his thumb to swipe the corners of his mouth. "How'd I do, chief?"

Robert shook his head, "Nope, no, we aren't using that one."

"Group leader?" Sonar asked as he stood up from his position on the floor. "My sexy employer?"

"No. That might be worse."

Sonar sucked his teeth, "Damn, I thought that sucking your dick at least once would make you less strict. That means that we'll have to do this again."

"This," Robert gestures between the two of them with furrowed eyebrows as he pulled his boxers and pants up, "is a one-time thing."

"See, you say that," Sonar wagged his finger and grinned smugly. "But one thing about me is that I am desperate and persistent."

Robert knew that he needed to look presentable before he left the bathroom and placed himself in front of the observant eyes of the Z-Team, so he walked over to the bathroom mirror to overlook his appearance. His hair lay flat against his forehead, which was drenched in sweat, and there was a slight purple-ish bruise forming above Robert's collarbone. Robert figured that if he adjusted his shirt every other hour, it wouldn't be as visible, but he knew that the possibility of his teammates seeing it was close to inevitable. Sonar came up behind him sporting another smug grin as the two met each other's eyes in the mirror. 

"I wanted to leave you with a present," Sonar said, then turned on his heel. "See you at the table, boss."

Invisigal leaned forward and unhurriedly looked Robert up and down, "That hickey looks fresh. And pointy. Could it be from--"

"Don't even."

The entire Z-Team was back at the table, and, surprisingly, no one made a comment about how long Robert and Sonar had been gone. That was, until Invisigal took a seat beside him with an all-knowing expression on his face. 

The woman threw her hands in the air defensively with a grin blooming on her face, "I won't say it, but--"

Robert stared at Invisigal pointedly, "But what?"

Maybe she planned on holding this above his head. Knowing Invisigirl, Robert probably wouldn't hear the end of this until he was in his grave. Even then, Invisigal would probably visit his grave to bring it up to prevent Robert from passing on.

"We aren't done evening the score," Invisigal whispered, then took a sip of his drink. Robert looked like a deer caught in headlights as he watched Invisigal put his empty glass back down on the table before she strolled back to her seat next to Flambae. 

It was going to be a long night.

Chapter Text

"Dude, when is the last time you've boned anyone?" 

It was a simple question from Sonar, who sat lazily on Robert's couch--brand new, thanks to Blonde Blazer--drinking a beer. The bat had invited himself over, as he had been doing for the past few days whenever their shifts were over.

The two had become closer as friends, and it actually surprised Robert how he had not managed to get annoyed by another person's presence for this long. For a long time, it had been just him and Beef, who was asleep on Sonar's lap, his little ears twitching at the smallest of noises. Sometimes Sonar would even spend the night and carpool with Robert to SDN, which only got annoying when Sonar wanted to play ASMR bat-call sounds on the Bluetooth.

"Why would that concern you?" Robert inquired from his spot in the kitchen. He had been attempting to make dinner; with his bank account in the negatives, he figured he would try to become more domestic. Tonight, he was attempting spaghetti and meatballs. 

Sonar threw a glance in Robert's direction, "Well, you have me over, like, all the time. I always feel bad because I don't want to cockblock you, but it seems like you generally block yourself from said cocks. By the way, are you gay?"

"Upon request," Robert responded flippantly. He dropped the uncooked noodles into the pot with boiling water. "I could be asking you the same question, seeing as though you spend every waking minute in my house. When are you planning on going home, by the way?"

"When you bone someone, probably."

"Great, so never?"

"Exactly," Sonar replied, then gave Beef a tiny pat on his tummy. "Can I use your phone?"

Robert shrugged his shoulders, busying himself in the kitchen as he looked for his ingredients for the tomato sauce, "Knock yourself out. It should be on the table next to you."

It didn't necessarily bother Robert that he wasn't actively having sex. After all, he felt like dealing with the Z-Team was enough stimulation to last him for the next couple of years. It could be nice to meet someone, whether it be in a casual or committed way, but it wasn't something that he had put much thought into. Right now, his focus was becoming Mecha Man again and ensuring that his team felt supported everyday. Adding a relationship of any sort on top of that seemed like a disaster waiting to happen. 

"You take way more shirtless pictures than I expected," Sonar said suddenly, which caused Robert to stop what he was doing and look in Sonar's direction. "You don't have a dad bod at all--those liars. Anyways, these should work."

"Work for what? What are you doing over there?"

"Getting you laid. I downloaded Grindr. Don't worry, I didn't  use your face anywhere on your profile, just your abs. What should your bio be?"

Robert felt as though he should be more worried about Sonar's sudden leadership in his--potential--sex life, but he couldn't bring himself to care that much, so he rolled his eyes and poured the tomato sauce he found into a pan, "Don't know, don't care. Just don't put my personal information there, alright?"

Sonar snorted, "No one on Grindr cares about your personal stuff, Robert. They only care about your personal stuff, if you know what I mean."

"That is... extremely depressing."

"Yeahhh..." Sonar drawled out, then his eyes lit up. "I put your name as MEGA DICK. Heh, like Mecha Dick. You know, since you're... Oh, have you taken any dick pics lately? They're gonna ask for that almost immediately, and I couldn't find any in your camera roll. Men on here love that."

"You sound like you're overly familiar with this app," Robert said flatly, then proceeded to season his sauce before turning the stove on medium. "I have not and will not be taking any dick pics, thank you very much."

"It's because I am an ally, Robert. I support all people from all walks of life, no matter what." It could've been a sweet sentiment from Sonar, if he hadn't then followed up with, "Do you want me to take the dick pic for you? If you stand by this wall, we could get a good shot with all of these lamps you got from the house party." When Robert didn't respond, Sonar sighed loudly, "Alright, alright! We don't need it. Look, you already got a match anyway."

Robert started to slowly zone out from the conversation as he focused on trying not to burn the items on the stove, "Oh, really? Is he hot?"

"Can't tell--it's just a picture of his huge ass pectorals. Very nice ones, might I add. His name on here is Chad. Man, that's a douchey name. I dunno about this one."

"What happened to supporting people from all walks of life, no matter what?"

Sonar sucked his teeth and snapped his fingers in Robert's direction, "You're right. Oh, he already messaged you. He said 'im 6'4, hung asf, probably the prettiest dude u've ever seen, u free tonite?.'"

"Do people just not, like, say hello anymore or is that a commodity now?" Robert asked, though the confidence in the message definitely piqued his interest. He couldn't let Sonar know that he was becoming a bit more intrigued by this saga. "Also, 'probably the prettiest dude you've ever seen'? I've seen a lot of dudes. Just seems like a wild statement to make. Especially when he doesn't have a photo of his face up there. I'm completely losing all understanding of this app."

"This is to get you laid, Robert. You don't need to see their face, just stare at their body."

"Again, extremely depressing."

Sonar did not deny the statement, instead he said, "You're meeting this dude tonight."

"I can't meet this dude tonight." Robert waved his hands around the stove, "If you can't see, I'm making spaghetti."

Sonar stood up from the couch--though, not before moving Beef from his lap to the couch--and walked into the kitchen to look at the contents on the stove. "There is barely any water in that pot. You've already burned the noodles. How did you manage to burn noodles?"

Robert sighed and turned off the stove altogether, "I never said that I was the best at making spaghetti, alright? Plus, I was trying to feed us, so be grateful, motherfucker."

"One, I want rats in my spaghetti, not meatballs. Two, I wouldn't even trust you to make a sandwich," Sonar said, then tossed Robert's phone in the air, which the human quickly caught. "What are you so afraid of?"

That was the million dollar question, honestly. What was he so afraid of? The random guy murdering him? He knew that he'd be able to fight his way out of that situation. The random guy actually looking atrocious? He would just walk away. The hookup or date itself? Robert didn't know if he would want to meet someone at their house and jump immediately into sex. He would need to at least talk to the person first. After all, he hadn't done anything with anyone in ages. His first time back in the game shouldn't even be a random person--with no face--that he met off of a dating app made for hornballs.

Robert looked down at the open messages between him and Chad from Grindr. Maybe he was overthinking this.

"Is it too much to ask him to meet at a bar?"

Sonar's face lit up, his red eyes brimming with excitement, "See, I like this. Why don't you ask him? Wow, this is so exciting for me. I love to meddle in personal affairs."

"Yeah, and that's what got you thrown into prison, so..." Robert lifted his phone and started to type, repeating the words that he wrote, "Can we meet at a bar downtown?"

Chad from Grindr replied almost instantly: 'wat are u some cop or smth? why cant we meet at ur place. u have abs, i have abs. we have sex. it could all be so simple.' Before Robert could respond--not that he knew what he would have said--Chad from Grindr sent another message: 'meet me at the pound. its a bar downtown.' see u in two hrs.'

"Okay, he said to meet him at The Pound in two hours," Robert said carefully, then placed his phone on the kitchen counter. "I've never been to The Pound."

"That's because it's an underground gay club in Torrance. Mostly supers go there--villains and heroes. Kind of a mixture. Chad might be a super." Sonar replied, which earned him a raised eyebrow from Robert. "Again, I am simply an ally. I need to know these things."

"Right," Robert said, his voice monotone. He looked down at himself and slightly grimaced, taking in his attire of boxers and a stained grey t-shirt he's had for the last two years. "What should I wear?"

"I would let you borrow my suit, but I don't want you to get cum on it. How about you shower first, and when you come out, we can figure it out?"

This was a lot of faith that Robert was putting on Sonar, but he figured that things have already escalated this far. It was just a date--or, more specifically, a one-night stand with a random dude. A super dude, possibly. Robert wandered who it could be during his shower. What if Chad was some old ass hero he knew from his childhood (damnit, maybe he should have asked for his age)? What if it was a supervillain he took down back in his Mecha Man days? Worst of all, what if the guy just didn't show up and Robert had to stand in this gay bar looking like a lost loser?

When Robert got out of the shower, Sonar already had clothes laid out for him on his couch next to Beef: a plain white t-shirt and blue jeans. "Simple. I like it."

"See, I'm a helpful roommate," Sonar said with a grin. "Do you need a ride to the club? Oh! Do you want me to wait inside of the club in case anything goes south? I can totally be inconspicuous."

"We are not roommates. Anyways, your help stops here, buddy." Robert, uncaring under the watchful eye of Sonar, put his clothes on and smoothed out the wrinkles as best as he could. "I'll walk. I checked the distance while I was in the bathroom. It's only a twenty minute walk. Plus, if I get freaked out, I'll just come home. Doubt that I'll need any backup." 

"Damnit, I was mostly offering to go to see how this meetup was going to go, but fine. Me and Beef will stay here and watch The Office reruns until you return tomorrow morning."

"Maybe I'll even return tonight, who knows," Robert added, then gave a salute as he walked towards the front door. "Remember: no coke in the house, or I'm calling Malevola to babysit you while I'm gone."

Sonar groaned dramatically and crossed his arms over his chest, "Fine. I solemnly swear not to do coke in the house."

"Not on the balcony either."

"Damnit."

Robert stood across the street from The Pound with his hands stuffed into his pockets. The sign was neon and blinked profusely, as if telling him 'stop being a bitch and come inside.' He had been standing outside for the past five minutes, which was fine since he hadn't gotten a message from Chad on Grindr about whether or not the man arrived yet. Supers of all kinds stumbled in and out of the club, either leaving with someone, or just stepping outside for a quick cigarette break. Robert had never been to a gay club before, but, surely, it couldn't be that different from a straight club. 

After he mustered enough courage, Robert walked toward the club doors and gave a short nod to the bouncer, who looked at him with a raised eyebrow but let him through regardless. At least it was easier than getting into a supervillain bar. 

The inside of the club was packed with people. There was EDM blasting through the speakers and the vibe of the club was eclectic: people were crowded on the dancefloor, either dancing with one another or dancing alone unconcernedly. Some people were making out, and from one part of the club that Robert could see from the corner his eye, some people were fucking. It was a variety of things that was going on, and so Robert pushed his way to the bar in an attempt to gain some familiarity. He needed a drink before Chad showed up, whenever that would be. 

"One glass of beer, please," Robert said loudly, trying to make himself heard over the sound of music. The bartender nodded and made his drink in a flash, placing it in front of Robert, along with the check. "Thanks." 

Robert threw a couple of a wrinkled dollar bills from his pocket on top of the checkbook, then took a long sip of his beer. He could feel that he was being stared at by different people in the club, but he maintained his focus on his beer, hoping that the alcohol would hit him quickly enough to convince himself to stay longer. 

Soon Robert was on his third glass of beer, and he was feeling a bit tipsy and less anxious. He checked his phone and sucked his teeth; no message from Chad. Maybe he was getting stood up. Maybe that was fine. His nights were meant for lying next to Beef and discussing whether or not his life was on the right path with the occasional Sonar hanging from his ceiling. Maybe it wasn't meant for meeting new people outside of work.

"Little bitch Robert, what are you doing here?" 

The voice came from behind, and it made Robert spin around quickly in his chair. It was Flambae, who stood tall in front of him with his hands on his hips; he looked both amused and shocked at Robert's appearance. Robert didn't expect to see Flambae here. Of course, Robert had an inkling that the man was gay due to some comments the reformed villain would make during the dispatch calls, but Robert wasn't one to assume. 

Robert smiled and began to speak, his words slurred, "Ah, just thought I'd check out some new places in my neighborhood."

He couldn't bring himself to tell Flambae he was here to meet someone from Grindr. He wasn't drunk enough to do that, nor does he think he would do that sober. Flambae would probably clown him. Robert could hear him now: 'Couldn't get a date in real life, so you took it to Grindr? You're more pathetic than I thought, little bitch.' Robert didn't have enough energy tonight to be humiliated, especially if he was being stood up by some random guy that asked him to be here. 

"You do know that this is a gay club? For hot and sexy gay people like me?" Flambae asked, then took a seat in the empty stool beside Robert and waved over the bartender. "Two vodka shots. The expensive vodka, not that cheap shit, Gio."

Robert took another long sip of beer before he responded, "I know what it is, Flambae. I'm here by choice."

Flambae looked like he was trying his best to not look taken aback, "Huh. Interesting. You decided to come to the most intense gay bar in the city by yourself, or did you come with someone else?"

"Why? Are you going to be jealous if I did come with someone?" Robert asked teasingly, knowing that he was playing with--quite literally--fire. Flambae often lost his temper quickly with Robert; when Robert revealed his identity as Mecha Man to the man, Flambae tried to incinerate him, then punched him in the face the day after. All was forgiven, but Flambae did make it known that it wouldn't be the last time that he punched Robert to rid of his anger. 

"You aren't my type." It was a hesitant response from Flambae, who then took his two drinks from the bartender and downed them both in one sitting. 

Robert watched the drink bob down Flambae's throat and hummed, "Right. Then what is your type?"

"Well, first off, men who aren't absolute little bitches with small dicks." 

"So you like a big bitch with a huge dick," Robert said. "I don't know, Flambae. It sounds like you're talking about me." 

Flambae scoffed as he pushed his empty glasses away and signaled for another, "You wish. Now answer the question."

"I came by myself," Robert replied. He tried not to think about how big of a lie that statement was as he finished his drink. "Are you here alone?"

"I am never alone because unlike you, Robert, I am high on everybody's list. I'm meeting someone here." Flambae smirked haughtily, and Robert rolled his eyes. It was like Flambae couldn't talk nicely about himself without attempting to put Robert down; sometimes, it made Robert wonder if the hero even liked him. "But... I don't want him to get depressed when he sees that I know you, and you're sitting all alone and pathetic at the bar."

"So...?"

"So, we'll scope out people in the club for you to go bother, and, maybe if they aren't put off by your lack of self-worth and bitch-ass aura, you could makeout with them on the dancefloor." Flambae said bluntly, then gripped the edge of Robert's chair to spend him around so that they both were facing the crowd of people on the dancefloor. Their seats were a bit closer now, and they were shoulder-to-shoulder (well, more so shoulder-to-arm due to Robert's smaller build), but it seemed as though only Robert noticed, as Flambae was fixated on scoping out the crowd. "You've asked me, now you answer. What's your type, Robert? Scrawny men, like Waterboy? Freaks of nature, like Sonar? Buff like--"

Robert scrunched up his nose and gave Flambae the side-eye, "Why are you listing all of your coworkers?"

Flambae shrugged, "They all seem to be people you have homoerotic relationships with. Anyways, do you want a superhero? A supervillain?"

"I would prefer a superhero, seeing as though that is what I am."

"Was," Flambae corrected carelessly. It honestly didn't hurt Robert the way that the man intended it to; he honestly was getting used to Flambae's insults by now since they held virtually no weight. At the end of the day, the reformed villain was still engaging in conversation with him and keeping him company. This was Flambae's own weird and personal way of being nice to Robert. Or maybe Robert was just a masochist. "You're not giving me anything at all! I'm just going to assume that you're a lost cause."

Robert hadn't truly thought about what his type was. Each person he dated in the past had been starkly different from one another. He tried thinking about what he would prefer in this moment in time as he looked around.

"I don't really have a physical preference. My personality type is... independent and dependent. A good mixture." Robert tilted his head as he thought more about it. "I guess I want someone who just lets me be in control, but I also want it to be something that I have to work for. I think love--or sex--is something that should have roots in desire, you know? And if I desire or want something, I want to have to fight for it."

At first, there is silence from Flambae, who, unbeknownst to Robert, was staring at Robert with his lips slightly parted. Once Robert looked in his direction, the man's face hardened and feigned annoyance. 

"Okay, well, you can't get that from looking at someone, so you're going to need to change your approach, Mecha Bitch." Flambae ran his hand through his dark brown hair and leaned back in his seat, "I get it though. I'm the prettiest guy in here, so it's hard to find someone that would fit the bill."

Something about Flambae's statement tugged on a part of Robert's brain, but he couldn't remember why. At this point, the beer was blurring many of his thoughts, and all he could think about was how much cologne Flambae had on and how tight Flambae's suit was. In fact, the beer must have been extremely strong, because all Robert could think about was Flambae and how he looked underneath the glow of the club lights. His amber eyes had flickered below to peer down at Robert, who didn't break eye contact even when Flambae raised an eyebrow at him. 

"Where's your date?" Robert asked suddenly, then his eyes flickered down to Flambae's bare chest. The super's suit left nothing to imagination. Did Flambae always look like this or was this the beer talking? "Or are you all alone like me?"

Flambae looked caught off-guard by Robert's comment, and Robert was fully prepared for another 'bitch' comment, but instead the man cleared his throat and pulled out his phone. "I'll text him right now."

"I'll wait here."

Robert watched as Flambae began typing on his phone, his eyes following the movement of Flambae's fingers moving across the keyboard. Maybe this was a sign that Sonar was right--maybe Robert did need to get laid, because now he was checking out someone that couldn't go a full two minutes without insulting him. It all felt so ridiculous. 

Suddenly, Robert's phone buzzed in his pocket, which caused Flambae's attention to avert back to him. "Weird, your phone buzzed just as I sent my message. Talk about a coincidence."

"Yeah, it's probably Sonar wondering when I'm coming home," Robert said with a shrug as he pulled his phone out. When he checked the screen, he realized that it was, in fact, not Sonar, but it was Chad from Grindr. The message said 'waiting at the bar 4 u. i'm wearing a brown and orange suit. rmbr, im the prettiest 1 there.' "This is so funny. It's just--"

Robert doesn't think that he's ever sobered up faster than he did in that moment. 

Everything felt like it had moved in slow motion as he looked between his phone and Flambae, who looked confused by Robert's sudden change in facial expression.

"What, little bitch? You look like you saw a ghost."

Worse, Robert thought to himself. I'm going to be a ghost once you realize who I am. 

"I'm going to--" Robert stood up from his seat and gestured with his thumb toward the front door. "I need to get some air, so I'll be outside."

Before Flambae could respond, Robert pushed past the crowds of people until he made his way outside of the club. He let out the breath he didn't know he had been holding in as he leaned against the brick building, ignoring the perturbed looks of the heroes and villains that passed by him on the street. He tried to call Sonar, but the bat didn't pick up. He either fell asleep watching The Office or crashed out from coke. 

Of course the one time that Robert tried to put himself out there by showing up to a gay club to meet a Grindr hookup, the anonymous person he was supposed to meet was actually Flambae. Because why wouldn't it be? The universe had a funny way of making Robert regret his decisions. What makes matters worse is that Robert thinks the beer permanently fucked with his brain, as a part of him couldn't stop thinking about how he was marginally satisfied that it was Flambae and not some random guy. Because despite not having thought about it before, Flambae was attractive. 

Oh god, Robert thought morbidly to himself. Flambae is my type. 

"Drink this." The voice belonged to Flambae, who stood in front of him with a bottled water. "You know that you aren't superhuman, right? You have a baby bitch body. You can't drink as much as you did in there."

"Yeah, well," Robert sighed and ran a hand down his face. "I'm fine, really. I just realized that..." Say it. Say it. Say it. "You're not gonna like this, but I need to be honest with you."

"What?" Flambae crossed his arms. "Are you kicking me off of the Z-Team? Because if you're trying to kick me off the team while you're drunk and outside of a gay club, I'm calling Blonde Blazer and making this an HR issue."

The sound of HR made Robert's stomach churn.

"I'm Mega Dick. On Grindr."

It sounded ridiculous coming out of Robert's mouth, and it took everything in him not to cringe (thanks, Sonar).

At first, there was silence, and Robert clenched his eyes shut to prepare for a blow; however, Flambae abruptly began laughing and leaned forward to place his hands on his knees. "You looked at my phone while I was texting, didn't you, Mecha Bitch? Is that why you're pulling my leg now? Because you're jealous that I have a date and you do not?"

"You can't seriously think I'd say that because I'm jealous of you," Robert said in shock, but Flambae kept laughing. "Fine. I'll prove it right now."

Robert took out his phone and typed out a message before hitting send. Almost immediately, Flambae's phone pinged. As Flambae read the message, Robert could see the realization setting in. The air felt tense between them both, and Robert prepared for a blow again, but the fist never came. Instead Flambae threw the water bottle over his shoulder and stroked his chin in deep thought. 

"Well, this is very awkward. I guess I should have seen that coming. Mega Dick does sound like Mecha Dick."

Robert nodded, "It was Sonar's pick."

"Of course it was," Flambae scoffed, then flicked away a stray piece of hair that fell to the front of his face. "Well, alright."

"Alright?" Robert said with surprise laced in his tone. "Alright?"

"While I am mildly embarrassed that I messaged you--of all people--on Grindr, it isn't... the worst thing in the world." It was a sentence that Robert wasn't expecting Flambae to say at all. He almost wanted to pinch himself to check if this interaction was real.

"Am I drunk or are you being nice to me?"

If Robert's vision wasn't so blurry, he would've been able to confirm whether or not Flambae was blushing, as his skin had turned a subtle shade of pink, "I think that I am just drunk too, so do not get used to that, Robert."

"That's Mecha Dick to you," Robert joked, which earned him a sharp look from Flambae. "Sorry. Too soon."

Flambae leaned against the brick wall alongside Robert, their bodies exponentially closer than they were inside of the club. This time, Robert could tell and feel, this was more intentional. 

"I guess now you know that my real name is Chad."

Robert tried his best not to snort, "Your name is actually Chad? I thought that it was just your Grindr alias or something. I wouldn't have pegged you for a Chad."

"Don't forget that your name is Robert Robertson III. I don't think that you have much room to critique."

"Touché." 

The two men glanced at one another and laughed, the space between them closing gradually. It became apparent to Robert that this was the first time that him and Flambae got along with each other. They always bantered, but this time was different. It felt different. This was also the longest that Flambae has gone without referring to him as a 'bitch,' so that was also different. 

After their laughter died down, Flambae cleared his throat and spoke, "You know, Robert, I didn't mean what I said earlier."

"Which part? That I'm a little bitch?"

"No, you'll always be a little bitch," Flambae said impassively, then he lowered his voice an octave. "I didn't mean what I said earlier about you not being my type."

Despite the many people wandering outside, it felt like they were the last two people in Torrance. Maybe even the last two people in the world. There were a million ways Robert expected tonight to go, and this certainly wasn't one of them. Here, in the dead of the night in front of an underground gay club, Flambae was--flirting with him? Robert wasn't really sure what was happening, but he knew that he didn't want to shut it down. At least, not right now. If Sonar was here, he wouldn't hear the end of this. 

"Oh? You like semi-retired superheroes with dad bods?"

Flambae smirked, "You don't have a dad bod. Your profile picture on Grindr is enough to prove that, surprisingly. Anyways, the truth is, I think that you are... ugh, how can I say this without throwing up? I have always thought that you were--god, I'm gonna puke."

"You don't have to say it then, you know," Robert interrupted as he watched Flambae pretend to gag. "I feel like this is going on longer than necessary."

"No--I can be strong." Flambae let out a careful breath, "I have always thought that you were... attractive. There, I said it. Now, we wait for a meteor to strike me down for saying such a thing out loud. Do you see anything hurling at us in the sky?"

Robert looked up at the sky, trying to wipe the smile from his face, "Nah, not yet. It may be a bit delayed. You could keep telling me about how sexy I am, and maybe it'll hit us faster."

"I did not say 'sexy'."

"Eh, it's a synonym."

Flambae playfully shoved Robert as he spoke, "We are not going to sit here and pretend like you haven't been checking me out the entire night. I may be dumb sometimes, but I am not clueless when it comes to people eyeing me, Robert." The man turned on his heel so that he was face-to-face with Robert, the distance between them so small that you could only stick a sheet of paper between their lips to prevent them from touching. At this point, Robert had felt less afraid. In some odd way, he felt like he had the upper-hand, even with Flambae standing above him in all of his 6'4 glory. "I'm right, aren't I?"

"And so what if you are? I think that you're attractive too. That's something that I'm not afraid to admit." Robert's eyes flickered down to Flambae's lips, which were plump, rosey, and bare. "Call it liquor courage, I guess."

Another look of shock washed over Flambae's face--a look that Robert was growing to cherish in such a short amount of time--before the man leaned forward and pressed his lips against Robert's; it was an act of desperation as their teeth clashed and their tongues rolled and swirled over one another's. Robert paused to pull and suck Flambae's bottom lip into his mouth, the action causing Flambae to grip onto Robert's sides to keep himself steady. They shouldn’t have. But Robert's hand slid to the back of Flambae's neck, and Flambae didn’t stop him. The kiss was forbidden and frantic; and each time the kiss deepened, it sent a ripple through Robert's chest. 

Robert ran his hand from Flambae's neck to his hair, using the points of his finger to loop through the strands and slightly tug Flambae's head backwards. Robert's tongue briskly trailed down his neck, and he could feel the taste of salt and ember exude from Flambae's skin. It was a taste that Robert wanted to become familiar with, the same way his body was becoming familiarized with being slotted underneath Flambae's muscular build. 

The sound of Flambae's shallow breathing and moaning was enough for Robert to bring their lips back together to deepen the kiss, their hands gripping at each other's clothes as if trying to keep themselves grounded. They were both so enthralled by the kiss, Robert almost didn't notice the bouncer chuckle and shout 'get a room!' from a few feet away. Almost. That was enough for the two of them to break away, their chests rising and falling at a rapid pace. 

Recognizing their appearance, the two of them pulled away almost as quickly as they pulled each other in, their arms falling to their sides. 

"That was..." Flambae used the back of his hand to wipe his mouth, his eyes blown and dark. "That was, um--"

"Sexy?" Robert suggested, the corner of his mouth lifting into a lopsided grin. 

Flambae, in an attempt to gather his composure, used both of his hands to slick his hair back, "This time I will agree with you."

Robert pushed himself off of the building, dusted himself off, and started walking away from Flambae, who stared after him with apparent uncertainty. When Robert realized the hero wasn't following him, he turned around while walking and grinned wider, "Are you coming over or what? I'm a twenty minute walk away."

yo, go home. im about to come back and get laid. thanks.

Sonar groaned loudly as he read the message, hurriedly snorting the last line of coke spread out on Robert's coffee table. He gave Beef, who sat up from his doggy bed and tilted his head, a small pat before he stood up. 

"Looks like your dad finally did it, Beef," Sonar said with a shake of his head. "Try to get some earplugs tonight, buddy."

Chapter Text

MONDAY MORNING, 9:15 A.M.

"Back to square one..." Coupé mumbled with a pinched expression plastered on her face. "I do not see anyone within sight of the movie theater."

The assassin sat perched on one of the buildings nearby a movie theater for at least an hour now. Her knee-high silver, armored boots dangled off of the side of the building and slightly knocked against the brownstone; however, her movement froze in an instant. Her eyes, which were hidden behind a silver domino mask, observed the people below her scrutinizingly, waiting for one person in specific to make a move. She had been waiting for the person she had been paid about one million dollars to kill: Deanjolo Mcielt.

"He should be coming out now, Coupé. He's wearing a bright yellow shirt and khaki pants. That is the man that killed my daughter as of last year on this very day. I want his blood spread out on the concrete," the client told Coupé in a rush, then spoke slower when he received a grunt as a reply. "I'll let you focus. Please return my call when you're finished."

"Mhm," mumbled Coupé smoothly, then clicked the button of her intercom to end the call. Afterwards, she used the fixed ladder on the side of the building to scale downward and land on her feet effortlessly.

She saw it in an instant — a flash of yellow — nearby, and she swiftly moved through the crowd with her hands gripping the handles of her daggers located behind her shoulders. Coupé kept her distance, refusing to walk faster even when Deanjolo turned the corner and looked sideways with crazed gray eyes, as if he was already aware that he was being followed, but wasn't too sure.

The daggers that were being held in Coupe's hands gave her comfort as her and Deanjolo finally came to a dead-end, the quiet part of Spain. It was known now, as realized by the man, that he was being followed, and he turned around with shifty eyes and twitching hands.

¿Qué quieres?" Deanjolo shouted at Coupé, his voice livid, but Coupé could hear how much his voice was shaking. It was amusing. "What? Who sent you? I'll pay you triple of whatever they're giving you."

Coupé twirled the daggers in her hand as she walked closer to the man, her eyes falling to his pants leg--he had peed himself. "Do you have the cash on you?"

"I--I--no, I don't, but I can... if you just--"

Coupé sucked her teeth and stopped dead in her tracks, "No money? No promises."

In a swift motion, Coupé flicked her wrists and let the daggers fly, watching as they instantaneously pierced the sides of Deanjolo's neck. The man choked out a cry before he fell to his knees, blood spurting out the sides and landed on the concrete of the quiet alleyway. Coupé sauntered over to the man's twitching body, not letting a moment pass before she roughly snatched the daggers from his neck. He yelped out in pain as he reached for the sky, as if trying to become one with his maker before his final moments.

Coupé turned away and checked her watch; it was time for her break. "Enjoy the time you have left, cariño." 

The man groaned in response, but Coupé didn't care enough to acknowledge it as she left the alleyway while licking the edge of her dagger.

MONDAY NIGHT, 11:11 P.M.

Metaphorically, there was a black cloud hovering over Coupé's head, though she had no idea why.

It could be because she had been outside of the house since seven in the morning, but leaving herself to wander the streets of Spain wasn't necessarily irregular of her. Coupé has been in Spain for the last couple of weeks on various missions; she made money assassinating people--good and bad--and it was a job she had grown quite fond of. She worked on her own schedule, she liked the look in people's eyes when the light went out of them, she got to use her daggers, which she treated as if they were her own children. Each night, they got a thorough cleaning and sharpening, and she named each one based off of her favorite missions. 

The reason for this 'black cloud' could be due to her loneliness. She had very few friends back in the states, but they were all close due to the nature of their jobs--being supervillains. She didn't have many friends in Spain, nor was she absolutely sure she wanted to make some. The villains out here were a bit more cliquey and slightly racist. 

She thought back to her first job here, and how when she waltzed into the supervillain bar, the villains took one look at her and her skin and scoffed before returning to their business. She had even heard snide remarks about it as she sat in silence in the corner of the room, and, usually, she would have responded in her own homicidal way, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

Tonight, she was back at the same place, but this time she had sought refuge at the bar. The only person who showed her an ounce of kindness was the bartender, Roy, who was a tall bronzed man with long, black hair and brown eyes. He had told Coupé that he was also from the states, but decided to come to Spain for the year to lay low due to his cases open back home.

By first glance, one could assume that Roy was dim-witted--all brawn, no brain--, but upon speaking to him more, Coupé realized that the man was an expert engineer and knew a lot about math and science. He was multi-faceted. Coupé could understand that. 

Coupé had a drink in her hand, a gin and tonic, and her eyes are trained on it until she heard the sound of someone take a seat in the stool to the left. Her yellow eyes lifted from the glass to focus on the bartender who stood a foot away from her and immediately took the order from the person who recently sat down. She didn't bother to look in the person's direction. Despite the feeling of loneliness, Coupé found no reason to engage with others when she wasn't sure how long she would be staying in Spain for.

"My boy, Punch Up! How is da city treating you?" Roy greeted the stranger beside Coupé in his usual Hawaiian Pidgin accent, a bright smile taking over his face. "You know, I was just tinking of you. Haven't seen you in months!"

From the corner of Coupé's eye, the stranger by the name of Punch Up placed his arms on the table, and she could see that he had a large tattoo on his left arm--it was a rose with a dagger sticking through it. 

"I got into some trouble up in Ireland with the mafia, mate. Some fellas wanted to start a fight club, and, of course, I obliged. Bets were placed. Asses were kicked. Murder..." the stranger had a thick Irish accent that almost made Coupé snort to herself, but she held it in. "Now some tools are demanding for their money back. It went arseways, so I'm back here. I'm fawkin' up to 90 now trying to avoid those motherfuckers like the plague."

Roy whistled, "Mannn. I dunno how you do it, brudda. Seems like a handful, yeah?"

"Yeah, but I can take it," the stranger replied, then flexed his arm and chuckled. "What's happening with you?"

"Working all day, everyday."

"Roy, you're a treasure. Lemme get a Guinness."

Roy nodded cheerfully and turned around to prepare the Irish man's drink, leaving Coupé with just a moment of silence. However, the silence was cut short, as the stranger turned ever-so slightly in his seat to face Coupé, and the sudden movement caused the two of them to lock eyes in an instant. The stranger had black hair that was slicked to the side and a handlebar mustache that usually didn't work on anyone, but it worked on him. It had been groomed and styled, and the stranger was stroking it in between his thumb and pointer finger as he took in Coupé's appearance.

The man had to be 3'3 at most, which caught Coupé off-guard, but she was never one to judge. She once--many, many years ago--went on a date with a fairy. She had been delightful, but kissing had been a bit difficult. 

Not that she was thinking about kissing the man, who was smiling up at her as if she had put every single star in the sky that night. It was an odd interaction, and Coupé could feel her heart leap into her throat, rendering her speechless for the first few seconds that their eyes met. 

"Hello," Coupé said coolly. "Punch Up, right?"

He smirked, "It is. I like the way you say it. And yours?"

"Coupé."

"Beautiful name. Anyone ever called you Coop before?"

The woman scrunched up her nose in thought, "Like a chicken coop?"

"No--well, yes, in a way. But I meant it in, like, an endearing and totally cute way." Punch Up shrugged his shoulders, then he pointed at the wings littered with daggers on Coupé's back. "You fly, or s'just for decoration?"

"I fly," Coupé answered. "Gracefully."

Punch Up looked impressed, and he didn't take his eyes off of Coupe's stature, not even when Roy placed his beer beside him and said 'on the house, brudda.' Coupé had not felt under such scrutiny since she left the states. It felt almost peculiar to be seen like this. Like she wasn't being judged, but being... absorbed. It was almost like Punch Up was trying to figure out how to swallow her with just his eyes. 

"You remind me of a ballerina of sorts. I watch a lot of ballet shows and movies when I'm by my lonesome." Punch Up pointed his finger in her direction and looked as if a lightbulb went off over his head, "Your name! It's a ballet term that means 'to cut' in French, yeah? Genius shit, Coop."

Coupé tried her best not to look taken aback by Punch Up's spot on assumption. She had done ballet for several years before she became an assassin. She went to the dance academy to hone her skills, but she ended up dropping out after being rejected from several theater shows that would have put her name on the map. Soon, she turned to the path of being a supervillain, and the rest was history. It was a part of her past that she tried not to dwell on. 

"Thank you," Coupé said softly, finally deciding to be the one that broke eye contact by facing the bar again. 

"I'll assume that you're here on some secret mission villain shit, yeah? That why you're sitting all mysterious and sexy at this bar?"

"Yes," Coupé grinned, simply because she couldn't help herself around this stranger. "Did you just call me sexy?"

Punch Up laughed, though it came out a bit more nervous, "Yeah, I guess I did. You're a beautiful little lady."

"Little? I'm taller than you."

"And I'm into that."

Coupé could not believe that this was happening. She knew that she was attractive--she was very secure about her looks. However, here in Spain, not many people made the choice to approach her and flirt. 

Punch Up continued, despite Coupé's silence, "Do you happen to be single by the way? Shoulda asked that first before calling you sexy."

"Me being single wouldn't change whether or not I was still sexy," Coupé responded.

"Nope, s'pose not," Punch Up used his fist to keep his head up as he continued to look at Coupé, "but if you were my missus, and I heard someone say that to you, I'd probably use your daggers to poke their eyeballs out. Then I'd use the eyes as olives for your martini. Would you like one, by the way?"

It was the sweetest thing that anyone has ever said to Coupé. Where did this guy even come from? She thought to herself in awe. 

"No drink, but thank you. I'll have to leave soon," then Coupé hesitated. "Also, yes, I am single. Have been for years. Kinda hard to settle down when you're a villain."

"Oh, I can understand that, for sure." Punch Up then stuck his hand out for Coupé to take, and she looked down at it, brandished with confusion, "Would you like to dance with me, Coop?"

Coupé needed to go home, and she knew it. The longer she stayed in this bar, the more trouble she would be in. Talking to Punch Up for this long had been the most dangerous thing she had done so far, even though the black cloud looming over her head was slowly disappearing. 

"That sounds fun, but I have to get going. It was nice meeting you." Coupé stood up and started to walk away, but Punch Up grabbed her hand and was spun around so that she was back to staring at him. "Oh. Hate to see me go?"

"But I love to watch you leave. I just want to know when I'll be able to see you again?"

Right now, Coupé was searching Punch Up's eyes for any sign of lying or playfulness, but the man was serious. He actually wanted to see Coupé again, and she didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. "I will be around. I will probably see you before you see me."

"Counting on it, Coop," Punch Up winked at her and let go of her hand. "See you soon."

THURSDAY, 10:33 A.M.

He was there, in the cafe; the man that Coupé had seen the other night at the bar who wanted to dance. The stranger's name had slipped from her mind until then, and she could now hear a husky voice saying Punch Up and repeating it like a mantra.

It was eating at Coupé. That was what Punch Up's presence was doing to her, and Coupé knew that Punch Up could tell because he smirked as soon as he caught her eye. The corner of his lip perked up and his green eyes observed Coupé as if she was some form of a target.

Coupé took a sip of her coffee and watched Punch Up walk over to her table and stood across from her. To be truthful, Coupé hadn't expected to see Punch Up again; she actually told herself that she wouldn't ever return to the bar that she met him. Even if that meant that she wouldn't get to indulge in conversation with Roy. She couldn't risk feeling whatever it was that she felt while talking to Punch Up that night.

"Do you mind if I join you, Coop?"

Punch Up held a half-eaten chocolate croissant in his hand and held onto the top of the empty chair, but he didn't make a move to sit down yet. He was waiting for Coupé. 

Coupé knew that she should have said yes, I do mind, but instead she said, "Sit."

"I was hoping that you'd say that," Punch Up said happily. "It's been awhile."

Keep it short, Coupé thought to herself as she tensed up. Keep it short. Keep it short. Keep it short.

"Yes."

Punch Up took a bite of his croissant. "Small talk is fine with me. I just like being near ya. Have you been busy this week?"

"No."

"Oh, so you had a relaxing week then?"

"No."

"Do you say no to everything?"

Coupé thought for a second, "No."

Punch Up burst out into fits of laughter, despite it not being that funny, and Coupé became overwhelmed by his smile so much that she actually shifted in her seat. Usually, Coupé considered herself to be a cool, calm, and collected person; however, now that Punch Up was here, she felt like a pubescent boy that couldn't look his crush in the eye. She briefly considered digging her dagger into her brain in an attempt to bring back some sense. 

"Why are you speaking to me?" Coupé carefully asked, which earned her a bemused look from Punch Up.

"I can't speak with you?"

"No. It's just--" Coupé looked down at her coffee cup. "I'm known for being intimidating." Punch Up laughed. Coupé looked up, insulted. "What?"

"No, no, I agree that you're intimidatin', don't get me wrong, Coop! But..." Punch Up laughed a little more before he continued, "I thought I made it pretty clear the other night that I liked ya. I actually like that you look like you could kill me."

This time, it was Coupé's turn to laugh, "You are very... strange."

"Yeah, well," Punch Up shrugged, and from the expression on his face, you would've thought that Coupé had given him the ultimate compliment. "I was hoping that I would see you sooner, 'cuz I wanted to ask you if you wanted to, maybe, have some wine and dinner at my place tonight."

What is happening? "Are you asking me...?"

"On a date, yeah, if that's alright with ya."

"You don't--you don't even know me," Coupé remarked, then sat up in her seat, "and you're inviting me over your house?"

"Yeah, I live right on this street actually. Got a good deal on rent from my mate Tom. Grateful for the deal. He's just as thick as a plank, though."

"You shouldn't tell people that."

Punch Up raised an eyebrow, "Tell people what? That Tom is an idiot? Trust me, everyone knows that he's a straight muppet."

"No," Coupé stated, letting a giggle escape her lips at the Irish man's bluntness, "you shouldn't tell people your address."

"But I'm not telling people," Punch Up corrected without a hitch, "I'm telling you. So, what do you say?"

"Again, you barely know me, and I barely know you."

"That's what a date is for, but..." Punch Up pointed at his tattoo, the rose with a dagger shot through it. It had appeared in Coupé's dreams for several nights after she met him. "I got this after I left the circus. I used to be the carnival's strong man. Long story short, I got greedy, met some witchy lady, and got cursed. I got stronger, but I shrunk in size. I got this tattoo--" he tapped it, "--to represent the, uh, what's the word? Co... co--"

Coupé interrupted, "Coexistence?"

"Yes!" Punch Up said excitedly, then continued, "The coexistence of joy and pain. Can't live without one or the other. You can want something, but you gotta be prepared to give up something too. Part of life."

"That is..." Coupé felt like she had a lot to say, but couldn't find the words, "...hauntingly beautiful."

"I want to know about you too, Coupé. That's why I want you to come by tonight."

Before Coupé could respond, her burner phone rang. It was her phone that she specifically reserved for job calls only. Coupé stood up and excused herself from the table before she could give Punch Up an answer, and she mentally thanked whichever client it was for interrupting the conversation before she said something that she would regret. She walked to the cafe's single-stall bathroom and locked the door behind her before she picked up the phone.

"This the assassin?" the voice over the phone was gruff and snappy, but Coupé could deal with the tone as long as money followed shortly after.

"This is she."

"Great. I got a job for you, and we heard that you're the best at takin' people out. I'm talkin' one million dollars, plus an extra five hundred thousand if you take a photo for proof. Think you can handle that?" 

It was a shit load of money. It was enough money for Coupé to buy new sets of daggers. It was enough money for Coupé to return home to the states and never return to Spain again. Whoever this guy wanted her to kill must be someone important, either someone attached to the mob or a politician; that was usually how it was if the price was that high. 

"I can handle anything," Coupé responded with a hand on her hip. "Give me the information, deadline, then the deposit, and we'll be set."

There was a slight sound of shuffling over the phone before the client spoke again, "One of my goons is wirin' over the deposit to you now. This fucker we started a fight club with took all of our money and dipped out without a trace after killing some of my men. One of my people said they saw him loitering 'round the Madrid area. He's short as fuck, but, with his huge ass arms, he ain't too hard to miss. We want him dead. Dead. dead. dead. Hell, chop off his ball sacs and mail it to us once you're done, and I'll double the price. I need him to feel humiliated before and after death." 

Coupé froze, and the hair on the back of her neck stood up in an instant as she thought back to what Punch Up said a few nights ago: "I got into some trouble up in Ireland with the mafia, mate. Some fellas wanted to start a fight club, and, of course, I obliged. Bets were placed. Asses were kicked. Murder..."

"May I ask the name of the person I'm looking for?" Coupé inquired as she gripped her phone with both hands, her voice getting lower. "And the deadline?"

"Fucker's name is Punch Up. I need this done by midnight," the client snarled. "I heard that you're quick on your feet, so don't fuck this up." 

Then the line cut, leaving Coupé alone with just the buzzing sound of the vent above her head. Coupé had never failed a mission. She had a combined kill-count of 68 people that she had assassinated, and she couldn't break that streak now. Even if the man she was assigned to kill was currently in the cafe and wanted to ask her on a date to his apartment.

All of this felt too easy. 

Then why did it feel so difficult?

Coupé cleared her throat before leaving the bathroom, returning back to her seat as if nothing ever happened. The Irish man didn't even ask about the phone call, he simply just looked overjoyed by her return. Like a puppy waiting for its owner at the front door.

I am going to kill you tonight, Coupé thought as her eyes raked across Punch up's face. And it will be the easiest thing I've ever had to do.

"I will come over... for the date."

Punch Up's smile could have powered one hundred generators, "Oh, fuck yeah. Thank goodness you said yes, 'cuz I already scheduled for three bottles of wine and Chinese food to arrive at my apartment by 8 P.M. while you were in the bathroom. I had high hopes, y'know?"

"I..." Coupé trailed off, then spoke quietly "I love Chinese food."

"Perfect," Punch Up said, then jumped down from his chair. "I need to clean my entire house now, so I'll leave ya to enjoy the rest of your morning." His excitement made Coupé dig her nails into the table out of pure anxiety. "Oh, and Coop?"

"Yes?"

"Come as you are. I like it that way." 

Then the man left the cafe, the sound of the bell on the door ringing out and piercing through Coupé's ears. This was what happened when she allowed herself to get close to others; the people around her either got hurt by her or someone else. This is the number one reason why she wanted to avoid seeing Punch Up again in the first place. Now, she had to kill the man in cold-blood during their date. 

THURSDAY, 7:45 P.M.

There was fifteen minutes left until the date started, and Coupé was silently watching Punch Up move around his house from the balcony. He didn't know that she arrived yet, nor that she made the decision to scale up his building rather than use the front door, and it was because Coupé didn't know how to go about this.

Before Coupé arrived, she drank her own wine at home, hoping that a bit of alcohol would give her the courage she needed to murder the only man who has made her heart beat as fast as it did. Because of this, Coupé was, unfortunately, a bit tipsy, and she swayed back and forth as she tried to maintain her balance on the balcony railing. 

Punch Up had a cozy apartment, and he cleaned up well. The man wore a tight green button-up with the top three buttons undone to reveal the curly hair on his chest, and a pair of red suspenders to hold up his brown slacks. Punch Up placed down two wine glasses on the table, along with the Chinese food he had ordered for the two of them. There was a lit candle in the middle of the table, and the man dimmed the lights to create a more romantic atmosphere. If Coupé wasn't so torn up emotionally, she would have swooned at the gesture. 

"Y'know..." Punch Up said with his back turned, his voice muffled since the sliding glass door was closed. It made Coupé's eyes widen as she looked around the room to see who the man was speaking to. Was there someone else with him? Did he have another woman over? "You don't need to watch me silently from the balcony. You can come inside. It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey out there."

He knew she was here. How did he know I was here?

Coupé stepped off of the railing and walked forward, sliding open the glass door and removing the barrier between the two of them. Punch Up turned around to face her, and he didn't even look the slightest bit disturbed by Coupé's unusual entry. In fact, he seemed charmed. 

"I didn't want to be too timely," Coupe said slowly, then side-stepped. 

Punch up smiled, "Did you drink before you came here, Coop?"

"No." Coupé stumbled forward, and Punch Up swiftly caught her in his arms. They were face-to-face, and Punch Up had one hand on the small of Coupé's back, while the other curved underneath one leg to keep her in a dipped and steady position. Coupé pressed her hand against his chest for extra stability (yeah, that's why) and blinked. "Okay, I may have drank a tiny bit."

"Just a tiny bit?"

"So, so tiny."

Punch Up doesn't let go of her, and Coupé wasn't sure if she wanted him to. The more the two stared at each other, the closer they got, and, eventually, Coupé closed the gap on her own. She leaned in, intending a peck. But he caught her mouth, deepened it, and ruined her plans with one soul-stealing kiss. Every section of Coupé's brain screamed at her as she parted her lips and allowed Punch Up's tongue to explore further, and his hand slowly slid up the bicep of her thigh. 

It was the most intense kiss that Coupé had ever experienced. And maybe even the last one. Despite her feelings, she knew what she had to do as she subtly reached for her back and branded a dagger into her hand. Just as Punch Up opened his eyes, Coupé brought the dagger's blade down and determinedly hit the Irish man in the chest as she prepared to be hit with spurts of blood and the look of betrayal. 

The blade snapped in half on impact with Punch Up's chest, the pieces falling to the floor and filling the silence.

His chest broke her dagger.

"Your--my--how did...?" Coupé stuttered, then yelped as Punch Up dropped her to the wooden floor. 

"Did you just try to murder me?" Punch Up asked, his eyes flitting between the broken blade, his chest, then Coupé, who sat speechless on the floor. "Is this... was this a fawkin' hit?"

Coupé sucked her teeth and watched as Punch Up's fist balled up slowly, "As of a few hours ago, yes. I was recently sent to kill you."

At first, Coupé fully expected the man to kick her out on her drunk ass. The anger in his eyes had only lasted for a few seconds before it changed to a look of amusement as he nodded sternly to himself, as if having a silent conversation that Coupé had no part of. 

"Okay. I'll let you kill me."

"What?" Coupé still made no move to remove herself from off of the floor. The alcohol wasn't doing her any favors. "What are you saying?"

"I'll let you kill me," Punch Up repeated, "if you can beat me. So stand up quickly because I don't play fair."

Coupé was incredibly confused. "I'm still a bit lost--"

Suddenly, Punch Up's fist slammed against the space beside Coupé's head, and the only reason why it didn't make contact with her face was because she had hurriedly rolled over and leapt onto her feet. Coupé had never been so confused--she supposes that she was having many firsts with Punch Up. He wanted to fight her. 

The man rushed in her direction, and instinctively, Coupé lifted her leg in the air, the heel of her boot connecting with his jaw. He stumbled back a few feet and wiped his mouth, but he looked more exhilarated than frustrated. He ran at Coupé again, but before Coupé could fly upward, he gripped her leg and slammed her back down, her head knocking onto the floorboard. It felt like her brain had turned to Jell-o as her vision blurred before returning to focus. 

Punch Up stood over her body and pinned down her arms, and Coupé knew that she was simply too weak to move. She knew that she should probably be more afraid; Punch Up had the upper hand, and she hadn't come here prepared. However, she was more turned on than anything. Why am I turned on by this? 

"You tappin' out?" Punch Up asked her in a raspy voice, "or you still got some fight left in ya?"

Coupé forcefully shut her brain off and let her heart take over, and her feelings of attraction flooded to the pit of her stomach and stumbled out of her mouth, "I like you."

At first, the words didn't quite register to Punch Up. "You hit your head too hard, Coop?"

"Yes," she said plainly, "but I also know that I like you. I like that you are so honest. I like that you are very funny. I like that you care to get to know me. I like that you kicked my ass. I like it all too much."

"Don't you have a job to do?" 

It was a somber question, but Punch Up placed his hand on her cheek anyway and spoke softly to her. 

"I'll turn it down. My burner phone should be in the plant on the balcony. If you just--"

She didn’t see it coming. One second, he was hovering over her with hesitance, then the next, her mouth was full of him, aching with need. This was not how she expected her night to go. She expected to have left the apartment by now, blood seeped into her fingernails and her heart broken. The two broke a part to come up for air, and the look in both of their eyes were feral and overcome with emotion.

"I like you too, Coop."

"Janelle," she corrected quickly, and no part of her regretted it. "My name is Janelle."

Punch Up's mouth split into a grin, "That's a beautiful name. My name is Colm."

"Colm," she repeated with a nod. "Very Irish."

The rest of the night had been surreal, with Colm leading Janelle to the bedroom, and, soon, back to the living room to finish their cold Chinese food and lukewarm wine. Colm had put on an old ballet movie that he had apparently seen over thirty times, and Janelle watched it with her head on his lap. 

From the corner of her eye, she could see the clock on the wall strike midnight; however, she made no moves to reach for her phone. She would figure it all out in the morning. In that moment, she wanted to enjoy her time with Colm, who stroked her hair with tender care until she fell asleep. 

She could no longer feel the metaphorical black cloud hovering over her head, just warmth. 

Chapter Text

Robert and Waterboy have this… thing going on.

It started out as small hangouts where Robert would encourage Waterboy to become more confident. Whenever they were at work, Robert told Waterboy to have more conversations with the members of the Z-Team. Whenever they left for their lunch breaks, Robert told Waterboy to order them lunch without stuttering. It had been small asks to hold Waterboy accountable for his growth in self-esteem.

So, Robert isn’t really sure how the two ended up here.

Waterboy was splayed out naked in front of him, his glasses hanging low on the bridge of his nose. His face was flushed pink, and he had a mischievous glint in his eyes, as if this was what he had planned all along.

An hour prior, the two went to an empty office to discuss Waterboy’s performance on the Z-Team as of late.

Ever since Waterboy’s addition to the team two weeks ago, Robert decided to take him under his wing. Their dynamic was simple. At least, their dynamic was supposed to be simple. Robert would push Waterboy outside of his comfort zone and get the man used to existing without fear, and Waterboy would follow Robert’s lead.

However, when the two arrived in the empty office space and sat down, there seemed to be a change. 

Waterboy was stuttering less—in fact, when Robert asked him questions about his performance in today’s early shift, Waterboy answered clearly and without avoiding eye contact. 

“How would you rate your performance today, Waterboy?” Robert had asked him, pen and pad in hand. 

Waterboy answered with a Cheshire cat smile, his teeth glinting underneath the dim light of the room, “Maybe an 8 out of 10. We could’ve talked more.”

Robert looked down to take more notes, “You wish that you could’ve talked more with the Z-Team? Do you feel like they were excluding you—?”

”No,” Waterboy cut in, his voice lowering an octave. “We could’ve talked more. Me and you.”

Robert stopped writing and looked up to finally take a good look at Waterboy, who sat across from him with his legs lazily spread open, his arms folded across his chest, and his eyes a dark black color. The man’s demeanor was entirely different than usual, and it made Robert raise an eyebrow and place his pen and pad down on the table. 

“You’re not my Waterboy.”

”Your Waterboy?” 

Robert sucked his teeth, “Slip of tongue. What’s going on here?”

”Malevola did a ritual on me at the end of the shift. She wanted to practice her powers and said that my vessel seemed ‘vulnerable enough' for the spell.” Waterboy explained calmly. And yeah, that sounded about right. Robert supposes that he should have a conversation with Malevola about rituals in the workplace sometime soon. “S’posed to last for a couple of hours.”

“And what did this ritual do exactly? Other than make you scarily good at eye contact.”

Waterboy leaned forward, thus moving a few inches closer to Robert, then placed his elbows on his knees, “It’s supposed to make me more honest with myself. I think it also inflates my ego a bit more too, but I’m not sure. There might be some unknown side effects. She said it could help with my stutter.”

”While it did help with your stutter,” Robert said slowly, “you don’t need a demon to help you build your confidence. You were doing just fine on your own. Unless, you don’t think that I’m a good teacher.”

”I think that you’re an excellent teacher.”

The compliment felt like more than just a compliment. It rolled off Waterboy’s tongue in a way that made Robert timidly clear his throat. 

“Thank you, Waterboy.”

”You are so welcome, Robert.”

Robert could tell from the way Waterboy drew out his sentences into a low purr that whatever ritual Malevola did on the man was going to be difficult for Robert to withstand. Admittedly, he already had a tiny crush on Waterboy, despite his usual demeanor being shy and often ruffled by the world around him. Robert liked that Waterboy sometimes had trouble with saying what he wanted. Robert, selfishly, also liked to help Waterboy with that. It made him feel needed.

However, now, with Waterboy eyeing him as if he was prey, Robert still felt needed, just in a different and unexplainable way.

“Well, what were your plans now that you have this newfound confidence? Did you want to cut our check-in short?” Robert asked, unmoving. 

“No, I’d like to continue, actually. If that’s okay with you, Robert.”

Waterboy’s unwavering words threw Robert off so much, he took a second to nod in agreement before he picked his pen and pad back up. All he needed was a few more minutes to get through this, then he could decompress in the makeshift privacy of his cubicle. He was going to rip Malevola a new one later when he saw her.

”Right,” Robert started writing again. “I like to think that you’ve made lots of progress on your missions. You’re quicker, and you’ve been synergizing well with everyone on the team. By next week, I can see your name soaring up the leaderboard.”

Suddenly, Waterboy hooked his foot underneath Robert’s chair and swiftly pulled the man closer. With Waterboy leaned forward, their faces were closer to each other’s—something that hadn’t happened since Robert fixed Waterboy’s tie in the SDN lobby on their first day. 

“It’s all thanks to you,” Waterboy said, and Robert was back to holding his breath. “Can we talk about something more important?”

Robert chuckled lightly, despite Waterboy’s solemn gaze, “Something more important than your standing at SDN?”

”I know where I stand. You just told me.” Waterboy placed a gentle hand on Robert’s thigh. “I don’t know when this ritual will wear off. I just know that I want to tell you this before it does. And I want you to believe me when I say it.”

”I already think that you’re incapable of lying right now, so I’m obligated to believe you, Waterboy,” Robert replied, trying not to give much attention to the sudden physical contact. He was trying to keep his brain clear so that he could keep things professional, but Waterboy was making it much harder. Literally and figuratively. “I just don’t want you to say things that you’ll regret later, that’s all.”

“I think that you are so hot that it overwhelms me.”

Robert almost went into a coughing fit, but he was immediately distracted by Waterboy tugging his chair even closer, the motion sharp. 

“Sometimes, when we have our hangouts, I get so turned on from you telling me what to do that I have to excuse myself.” Waterboy’s eyes flickered down to Robert’s lips, “I always tell you that I need to use the bathroom, but I actually go to touch myself. And I don’t stop until I cum.”

”Herm—“

”Let me finish,” Waterboy cut in, his hand inching up Robert’s thigh. “Please, let me finish.”

”I—“ Now it was Robert’s turn to stutter. “Okay.” 

“Whenever you tell me about how well I’m doing, or how I’m improving, it drives me crazy. It makes me want to do better. It makes me want to be better. For you.” Waterboy’s fingers danced along the waistband of Robert’s slacks while the other hand sat still on Robert’s thigh. “I can’t stop thinking about kissing you every single time we’re together. It’s like my mind is glued on you.”

Robert should have pulled away, but he didn’t. Somehow, Waterboy’s words explained everything that Robert felt for the past few weeks. A part of him didn’t want to trust that this was Waterboy’s truth; Malevola could have distorted Waterboy’s reality, for all he knows.

But the other part of Robert knew from looking in Waterboy’s eyes that this couldn’t be fake. Each word from Waterboy felt methodical, as if it was a part of a thought that had been written out and erased time and time again. 

"I've been afraid to tell you what I think because, well, you know me..." Waterboy continued, his words a tad bit softer. There was a flicker of reflection on Waterboy's face before he returned to his sultry tone. "I think that I'll take rejection better if I'm under this ritual spell thing."

Robert began to slowly understand, "So you let Malevola do it then? So that you could tell me how you feel?"

"I guess I did, huh?" Waterboy gave Robert's thigh a tight squeeze. "I also wanted to hear how you felt. I could go based off what your dick was saying, but I'd figure I'd ask. 

Robert looked down at his slacks and blinked twice at the erection he was sporting. How typical of his body to give away what he was thinking and betray his logic. It wasn't that he didn't want Waterboy, but he knew what would change if he allowed himself to give into his desires.

"So I guess I should acknowledge that I have an erection," Robert deadpanned, then shut his eyes. "I feel the same way about you, Herm, but we need to keep it--"

Waterboy sat up in his chair, grabbed Robert's hand, and pressed it against the crotch of his suit. Under the blue and yellow suit, Waterboy was sporting a mutual erection, and Robert could barely fit it in his hand.

"Professional?" Waterboy finished the sentence for him, though his tone was teasing and careless. "I don't want to. Not when you say my name like that."

"Oh, I cannot wait for this spell to wear off," Robert mumbled under his breath as he looked up at Waterboy and dug his nails into the arms of the chair. "It's not about what you want."

"Is it about what you want then?" Waterboy questioned with a head tilt. He reached up and slowly started to unzip the front of his suit, the sound of the zipper bouncing off of the walls and into Robert's ears. "Tell me to stop."

Robert couldn't bring himself to speak as he watched Waterboy's suit fall to his ankles, leaving the hero naked and bare. He wasn't wearing any underwear, so his dick sprung out from its confines and slapped against his thigh. Robert had to bite back the groan that threatened to spill from his mouth as he took in the sight of Waterboy's body, long and tanned from the warm weather.

"You're making this really hard for me," Robert said carefully, his eyes stuck on Waterboy as the man dropped to his knees. Waterboy was eye-level with Robert's erection, the only thing separating them being his slacks. "I don't even remember if I locked the door."

"You always lock the door," Waterboy reassured. It was a simple sentence, but it made Robert's dick jump. "Let me have it. Do I have to say please? I can be so polite. You know that I can."

Holy shit, Robert thought to himself. It suddenly occurred to him that he doesn’t think that he could ever say no to Waterboy.

”I… okay. We have to be quick, alright? Break is almost—“

It seemed like all Waterboy heard was ‘okay,’ because he didn’t let Robert finish his sentence before he grabbed the sides of Robert’s slacks (and underwear) and tugged them off, not even giving Robert a chance to stand up from his chair. The man reached up to undo the buttons of his own shirt as Waterboy watched with hungry eyes, his tongue slowly gliding up Robert’s leg to his dick, which stood tall, leaking.

”You should not look that good doing that, oh fuck,” Robert groaned, then tossed his shirt to the side, leaving them both naked. 

“I never thought that I’d get a chance to have my way with you,” Waterboy whispered, his lips mouthing the tip of Robert’s dick. “I just thought that you’d go for Invisigal since she likes you so much, you know?”

”Wait, what—?” Another groan emitted from Robert and stopped him from speaking as Waterboy sucked on the tip, his tongue and lips wet with spit. 

Waterboy tilted his head to the side to lap up Robert’s dick from another angle, and it felt so good that Robert almost forgot that his bare ass was on the office chair that everyone used. Naturally, Robert’s fingers found Waterboy’s hair, the pieces wet and dripping onto the palm of Robert’s hands.

”Fuck, have you done this before?” Robert asked, breathless. 

“No,” Waterboy answered honestly, then said, “but I like that my first time can be with you,” before swallowing Robert’s dick in his mouth and gagging in it, one hand fondling Robert’s balls, and the other still stuck to Robert’s thigh. 

This had to be a dream. Or maybe an HR nightmare. Either way, this couldn’t be real. 

“Herm,” Robert swallowed thickly, “if you keep going, I’ll cum in your mouth.”

Waterboy pulled back with a laugh, ”Oh no, that sucks so bad. It’s not like that’s what I’ve been dreaming about since the day we met.”

”Jesus, your mouth is filthy. Maybe the Z-Team is rubbing off on you.”

“They are a little bit,” Waterboy agreed, then stood up and nodded his head towards the table. “Get on the table.”

”Get on the—“

”The table, yes. Get on the table, Robert. Lay on your back.”

Robert doesn’t know how many times his brain can explode within a given hour, but this had to have been the hundredth time. Waterboy loomed naked over him, patiently waiting for Robert to move his ass to the office table as requested, and if Robert had half a mind, he would’ve taken that as an opportunity to put his clothes on and leave.

Instead, he did as he was asked and laid his ass on the table.

One minute Robert was staring at the rounded lights on the ceiling, and the next, he was staring into Waterboy’s eyes, still dark, wide, and blown, as he sank down onto Robert’s dick as if it was a piece of a puzzle piece he had been missing.

The moan that spilled from Waterboy’s mouth was loud, and it made Robert lock eyes with the office door. He didn’t have much time to worry about it, because Waterboy gripped his chin and forced Robert’s attention back on him.

”Don’t worry about that. Just look at me,” Waterboy whispered with half-lidded eyes. “I want you to only look at me.”

Robert was going to cum at any moment; he could feel it.

Waterboy bounced steadily on Robert’s dick, his hole already slick and open from his own moisture. It slid in and out so easily, Robert felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes. The crazed and hungry look in Waterboy’s eyes paired with the sound of thighs slapping made Robert’s eyes gradually roll to the back of his head as he let himself moan along with Waterboy.

”It feels good, doesn’t it, Robert?” Waterboy asked in between breaths, his smile lazy and taunting. “I meant it when I said I can’t stop thinking about you. I want more time alone with you. Do you want that too?”

Robert felt himself nodding instinctively, though he absolutely meant it. After today, he wasn’t sure how he could possibly try to create distance between him and Waterboy. Not when he was being ridden like this. Not when he was being swallowed whole.

”Tonight, I’m coming over your apartment for round two, and you’re gonna let me in, aren’t you?”

Warmth enveloped Robert’s body as he struggled to keep his eyes open, “Yes, god yes.”

”I’ll be back to my old self, but I’ll still want you just the same,” Waterboy said quietly, then pressed his thumb against Robert’s lips. “Do you understand that? How badly I want you?" 

It was a mixture of dirty talk and truth, and it was enough for Robert to arch his back off the table and cum deep inside of Waterboy, who held a mutual expression of pleasure. He bit down on Waterboy's thumb to try to muffle his sounds, but it echoed throughout the room regardless. Soon, Waterboy came on Robert’s chest, some of it hitting the bottom of his chin. It all happened so quickly, and the two were panting, trying to catch their breath.

Waterboy spoke first, breaking the silence. "I don't want to take it out."

Robert's dick, sensitive and still semi-hard, twitched slightly at the statement. "If you stay on any longer, we'll have to walk everywhere like this, Herm." It was a joke, but from the look that Waterboy gave him, Robert knew that it wasn't a joke to him. "God, you're insane. Is this seriously what runs through your mind throughout the day?"

"Yes."

Waterboy does--fortunately for everyone in the office--remove himself from Robert's dick, and the two spent the next five minutes hurriedly getting dressed and making themselves look presentable before their exit. While doing so, Robert couldn't help but think about what would happen later. Sure, Waterboy said that this wasn't going to be a one time thing, but what if once the ritual wore off, Waterboy returned back to his anxious self and started to avoid the man in the office? Robert doesn't think that he would ever forgive himself. 

"I'll see you after work, Robert," Waterboy said once he finished mussing with his hair, another tantalizing smile tugging on his lips. The man opened the door and let out a soft 'ah.' "Looks like the door was unlocked. Totally my bad."

Then Waterboy left, the door shutting behind him and leaving Robert a mental mess in his wake.

Robert tossed his dispatch headphones onto his desk and sighed as he leaned backwards in his chair. During the entirety of his last shift, he was completely distracted while working with the Z-Team. For a reason that wasn't explained to him, Phenomaman took over for Waterboy, who hadn't told him that he wouldn't be able to make the last shift. 

His absence didn't make Robert feel any better about what went down in the office earlier, and he dreaded going back home to face his feelings on his own. Maybe Waterboy went home early to avoid speaking to Robert. Maybe Waterboy quit SDN and was on a first-class trip out of the country to never have to see Robert's face again. Maybe, just maybe, everything that Waterboy said was a lie, and he was figuring out a way to let Robert down easy. 

As he packed up his things and slung his backpack over his shoulder, Robert tried his best to convince himself that he could handle the rejection. If Waterboy truly wanted to remain friends or nothing at all, he would learn to be okay with it. He was a grown man, goddamnit. He shouldn't be getting his heart broken in his late twenties. 

"Y-you ready to go?" The voice startled Robert as he spun around and locked eyes with Waterboy, who stood a few feet away with red cheeks. "Sorry I, uh, didn't make it to the l-last shift. After the ritual wore off, I... I kind of, um, passed out in the shower. Then hit my... hit my head super hard. Phenomaman f-found me, and I asked him not to... not to tell. Because it was... well, it was embarrassing."

Robert couldn't help but smile a small, knowing smile that pressed at one corner of his mouth, half-concealing amusement, "That does sound embarrassing."

"Yeah," Waterboy sighed and held onto his arm tightly. "I still... want to--you know, come over if that's... if that's okay with you. If it's not, I can just--" he made a few weird gestures with his hands. "--go, I guess? And then, uh, then die."

"No need for that, Herm," Robert replied, then stepped out of his cubicle. "Let's head out together."

NO MORE RITUALS IN THE WORKPLACE, MAL. -RR, YOUR BOSS

Malevola and Golem stared at the note posted on the door of SDN's training quarters and glanced at one another with their arms crossed.

"I thought that you said the ritual that you did on Waterboy was like a placebo effect?" Golem asked. 

"It was," Malevola responded, her face contorted with confusion. "I told him that it would make him more confident, made his eyes turn black, and his brain did all the heavy lifting. Maybe he did some wilddd shit yesterday and that's why he didn't show up to the last shift."

"Damn," Golem huffed. "Wish we could've seen that."

"Me too."

Chapter Text

"Courtney, did you take my earrings again? The ones with the red ruby in the middle?" 

Invisigal, better known as Courtney to her roommate, grunted in response. She was sprawled out lazily on the couch of the living room, watching a reality television show called The Mole on Netflix, and she was on the episode where each person finally realized who the double-secret agent was in the group. Honestly, the episode was getting juicy. 

That was, until her roommate stepped in front of the television, remote in hand, and clicked it off. Invisigal glared as she looked up and met the eyes of Blonde Blazer, or, in this case, of being at home rather than in the office, Mandy. 

The woman looked dolled up, wearing a slim blue gown with a slit down the leg. Her brown hair was curled and draped beautifully across her shoulders, and she looked as if she had stepped straight out of the cover of Vogue. It wasn't atypical of Blonde Blazer to dress up like this for superhero galas that she attended, but Invisigal took note that she wasn't wearing her usual mask or amulet. 

"Hey, I was watching that!" Invisigal exclaimed, but Blonde Blazer simply tossed the remote onto the coffee table and placed her hands on her hips. "What?"

"My earrings," Blonde Blazer repeated with an expression of annoyance. "Did you take them?"

Invisigal smirked playfully, "Wait, are you going on a date? You're in Mandy form right now."

"I may or may not be," Blonde Blazer extended her hand out and tapped her foot. "Earrings. Now."

"Fine, fine, I'll hand them over..." Invisigal sat up from her position on the couch and wiggled her eyebrows, "If you tell me who you're going out with tonight. Oh! Is it that guy whose superpower is literally making veggies appear out of his hand? Wait, wait... don't tell me you're getting back with Phenomaman. You two couldn't even have sex--! Wait, no--has to be that guy in the office whose strong as shit."

"Roy? Roy's dating someone. Plus, he's just a friend."

"Damn," Invisigal sighed. "He's fine as fuck. Oh, well. Who is it then?"

"Please keep this between us."

Oh, a secret. Invisigal was good at those. However, the one person she did relay those secrets to was Golem, since they played video games every night together after work. He was extremely trustworthy, so he at least never told. 

"Who is it then?"

Blonde Blazer huffed and took a seat beside Invisigal, her cheeks rosy, "It's... Robert. We've been talking a bit. First, about work and SDN. Then, we just... clicked, I guess. We're going to go out to dinner tonight, but, honestly, it's nothing serious."

"Nothing serious?" It took everything for Invisigal's jaw not to drop. "You're going as yourself. As Mandy. That seems pretty serious to me. I didn't even know that you liked him like that."

It wasn't that Robert wasn't likable. He was just a real pain in the ass to work with sometimes. Granted, so was she. Hell, the entire office hasn't warmed up to her other than the Z-Team, and she's been working at SDN for a few months already. Even the new janitor, Waterboy, ran away whenever she stepped into the room.

She could see why Blonde Blazer would like him. Other than the man being hot in a totally pathetic way, the two complemented each other seemingly well. Both were perfectionist do-gooders who wanted to influence others in their own weird Dr. Phil-esque way. Honestly, it was almost a match made in heaven. 

"It's just a first date, so I don't want to go into it with any high expectations," Blonde Blazer explained, her words soft with a tinge of worry. "I'm also nervous since I haven't had sex with anyone in, like, years. Not saying that me and Robert are going to have sex or anything, but--"

"It's always a possibility," Invisigal teased, creeping her fingers up Blonde Blazer's spine and laughing as the woman tried to swat her hands away. "Hey, nothing wrong with taking it slow. I mean, personally, I'm not one to wait for those things, but you know. If you ever need a practice partner, you know where to find me."

Blonde Blazer stared at Invisigal through squinted eyes, "Are you propositioning me for sex?"

"Is that a bad thing? Do people not do that anymore? People are so damn conservative nowadays."

"You're my roommate," Blonde Blazer stated, then stood up to smooth out her dress. "Earrings?"

"Oh, is that the only reason? I thought the reason would be that I'm a woman. Or that I'm a top. I know plenty of people that fuck their roommates." Invisigal waited to see if Blonde Blazer would bite, but the woman stared at her silently the same way she did before. "Fine. You're missing out, though. Your earrings are on my dresser in my room. Knock yourself out."

"Thank you."

Invisigal watched as Blonde Blazer sauntered out of the living room, her eyes locking on the curves of Blonde Blazer's hips before they went out of view and disappeared down the hall. What she said to Blonde Blazer was partially a joke, but Invisigal wasn't afraid to admit that she imagined what it would be like to sleep with her. After all, when you're a bisexual that lives with (according to every single hero magazine) the 'sexiest hero of the modern century,' it was only natural to have some thoughts.

She was only human.

Blonde Blazer returned to the living room, this time sporting her ruby red earrings and a matching ruby necklace, "Found the set in your room. You've gotta start putting my stuff back."

"I just forgot!" Invisigal gave her a charmed smile. “Plus, I like the way you look on me.” Blonde Blazer blinked at her. “It looks on me, I mean.”

“You’re such a pain.”

”Where are you guys even going? That dude can’t be making enough money.”

”He’s not,” Blonde Blazer agreed. “I’m paying. And flying with him to get there. Kind of makes me feel good.”

Invisigal raised an eyebrow and sank further into the couch, her hand trying to feebly reach for the remote on the coffee table, “I guess since Phenomaman treated you like a dainty little lady, you prefer someone more bitch-like, huh? I get wanting a switch-up. It’s fun to emasculate men sometimes. Hey, can you pass the remote?”

Blonde Blazer scoffed, “I’m not trying to emasculate him, per se. I’m just… happy to feel like I’m in charge right now. Plus, I’m sure he’ll make me feel dainty in the ways that matter.”

”Oh? This sounds like another sex conversation. Are we having that for real now? If so, can you pass the remote so that I can multitask?”

It was almost like Blonde Blazer didn’t hear a thing, because the woman suddenly bit her lip with worry and sat back down next to Invisigal on the couch. 

“Okay, I thought about it again while I was putting on my earrings and necklace. What if he wants to have sex?”

”Then… fuck him?”

“But what if— I don’t know— what if I’m bad?”

Invisigal couldn’t believe that was even a question.

”You’re a beautiful fucking woman with superpowers. If the sex is bad, it wouldn’t be your fault. It would be his.” Invisigal rolled her eyes, giving up on trying to reach for the remote. “You’re speaking about this like you’re a virgin. You’ve fucked before Phenomeman; this I know.”

”Yes,” Blonde Blazer said slowly, “but that was so long ago.”

”Are there cobwebs down there? If so, are you asking me to dust it off for you? With my tongue?”

”Again, you’re such a pain in my ass.”

”See, you added that ‘in my ass’ part, and I feel like you know I’ll respond to that,” Invisigal said, then took Blonde Blazer’s hand in hers and squeezed it. “Listen. If you don’t want to have sex yet, then don’t. The world is your oyster. Also, if he has a problem with it, you can actually just catapult him into the sun, which is awesome.”

Blonde Blazer squeezed back, and it was supposed to be a gentle gesture, but it cracked the bones in Invisigal’s hand a little bit. 

”Thank you, Courtney.”

“You’re welcome, Mandy. Now hurry up and pick up your Robert before he tries to do something human like catch a bus or something.”

Blonde Blazer nodded sternly and stood up, “I’ll be back tonight. I’ll bring you back some takeout food.”

“You do love me!” Invisigal shouted happily as Blonde Blazer began walking toward the front door. “Oh, before you leave, could you grab the—“ The front door slammed shut, indicating that the hero had left. “Remote.”

Invisigal had been asleep on the couch when she heard the keys to the apartment turning in the knob.

She was entirely too sleepy, so she ignored the sound and closed her eyes again, hoping to fall back asleep.

”Visi, are you awake?” a voice whispered in the darkness. It was Blonde Blazer. Invisigal didn’t bother to open her eyes. “Courtney? Is that you on the couch?”

”No,” Invisigal said flatly. “It’s a murderer. Run. I’m gonna get you.”

”You’re awake!” Blonde Blazer exclaimed, and from the pitched voice, Invisigal could tell that the woman was a little tipsy. “I’m back from the date!”

Invisigal kept her eyes closed, “Yes, I figured. You know, from you being home right now and not on the date. How’d it go? Did you fuck him?”

There was a bit of shuffling before Invisigal felt a bit of weight on her, forcing her to open her eyes and squint in the darkness. Here on the couch in the pitch black, Blonde Blazer was straddling her, her blue dress raked up to her thigh to give her more leeway. 

Well, this is new, Invisigal thought to herself, then wondered if she was in the middle of a dream. It couldn’t be, though, because she used the darkness to pinch herself without Blonde Blazer seeing her at least five times.

“No, I didn’t 'fuck' him. I don’t think I’m ready to do it with him yet. We made out, and he is such. A. Good. Kisser.” Blonde Blazer huffed, "I think that you were right, though. I need to practice." 

The statement was enough to wake Invisigal up a bit more. She was suddenly aware of the position the two of them were in. The glow of the moonlight shone through the living room window and illuminated Blonde Blazer's face; her brown eyes bore into Invisigal's, almost pleadingly. Invisigal was not unfamiliar with the look of a horny woman, but it felt absurd to see the look come from her roommate.

"Don't think I said those exact words, but go on..." 

"I know that I'm a little tipsy, but it'll wear off soon, and I really don't want to have to say it."

"You don't want to say that you're taking up my proposition from earlier?"

Blonde Blazer tilted her head back and sighed, "This is ridiculous, right? I shouldn't be asking this of you."

"I've been asked worse things," Invisigal reassured, then gently placed her hands on Blonde Blazer's hips. When it came to a pretty girl, Invisigal could admit that she was easy. All she really needed was a look, and usually her pants were off. "I just don't think you really know what you're asking for. What happened to not fucking your roommates?"

"I didn't say that exactly. I just meant that it's one of the reasons I'd hesitate." Blonde Blazer corrected, then placed her hands on top of Invisigal's. "The zipper is in the back."

"Can I ask what made you change your mind?" 

It didn't really matter to Invisigal what it was that changed the brunette's mind, but she figured she'd make conversation as she unzipped the dress. Her fingers brushed against Blonde Blazer's skin, which was soft to the touch, and dipped along the curve of her spine. 

"He brought you up during the date."

Invisigal froze.

"Saying what exactly?" 

Blonde Blazer's lips curved into a gentle smile, "Why? You interested in him, too?"

"Could be. Maybe. Probably. Haven't put much thought into that," Invisigal answered honestly, "but I've thought about this."

Her fingers delicately pressed against Blonde Blazer's crotch area, which was covered by black satin panties, and she watched as a quiet moan escaped the brunette's lips at the sudden touch. Invisigal truly believed Blonde Blazer when she said she hadn't had sex in a long time; if she was reacting like this, Invisigal couldn't imagine what it would be like once her mouth was on her. 

"Well," Blonde Blazer breathed out shakily, "he said a lot of good things about you. Said you really have started showing up for the team. He said he wanted to hang out, just the three of us."

How weird. Not that Invisigal was against the suggestion, but it felt like Blonde Blazer was omitting parts of the conversation. She didn't want to push, though, not when she could feel Blonde Blazer soaking through her underwear at the incessant pressing. There were many more important matters to dwell on.

"I'm liking the implications there, honestly," Invisigal tugged on the blue dress. "You gotta take this off. Kind of in the way."

Blonde Blazer nodded eagerly, removing herself from Invisigal's body to tug off her dress before returning to her position in a hurry. She had even taken off her underwear, a while meaning that she was sitting staring down at Invisigal in all of her naked glory. 

"I haven't been..." Blonde Blazer cleared her throat, her arms raising subconsciously to cross over her perky, bare breasts. Before she could, Invisigal grabbed Blonde Blazer's arms and pinned them to her sides. After a moment, Invisigal reached up to cup them, feeling the weight, and massaged them in her hands. She took Blonde Blazer's hard nipples between her fingers and twisted them gently. "I haven't been, oh-- naked in front of... in front of anyone in a while. So this is..."

"New?"

"Yes," the hero squeaked out. "Haven't even been with a... a woman before."

Invisigal let one hand drop back down to Blonde Blazer's pussy. It was still dripping wet with need, and it took everything in Invisigal not to start grinning. She couldn't believe she had her boss in such a compromising position. If she made that comment, Invisigal was pretty sure her roommate would topple over and retreat into her bedroom, never to return. 

Invisigal slipped a finger inside slowly and watched as Blonde Blazer's eyes widened, her hips bucking forward. Her finger moved in a slight circular movement and teasingly dipped inside and out of Blonde Blazer's entrance, coating Invisigal's finger with wet. The sound of Blonde Blazer's moans was enough confirmation for Invisigal to quicken the pace.

"I want you to sit on my face," Invisigal voiced. "Think you can do that, Mandy?"

Another moan, much louder than before, came from Blonde Blazer's mouth at the sudden inquiry. 

"Won't I--won't I squish you?"

"I certainly wouldn't be offended if you do. Move up."

It only took a few seconds of thinking before Blonde Blazer did as she was told. The woman lifted her body slightly and scooted forward before gradually ascending onto Invisigal's face. Once she sat down, her thighs clenched the sides of Invisigal's head desperately. Invisigal's tongue licked, and her lips suckled at the bundle of nerves. Her tongue moved in circular motions, and she buried her nose deep into the soft brown hairs of blonde Blazer's pussy, inhaling the scent with her eyes fluttering shut. She put her finger back to where it was before, inserting herself inside of Blonde Blazer until her pussy swallowed her finger whole. 

Invisigal was pretty sure that she could hear Blonde Blazer stuttering out what sounded like broken English from above her, but Invisigal maintained her focus. She firmed her tongue and let Blonde Blazer ride her, digging her other spare fingers into Blonde Blazer's hips as she felt Blonde Blazer smear herself across her face.

"Visi--Courtney--I'm going to--"

Invisigal's tongue worked on Blonde Blazer's clit, and Blonde Blazer's fist almost rips out Invisigal's hair when she started to come, abrupt thrusts turning sloppy. Invisigal didn't stop until Blonde Blazer's fist released her hair. The brunette was shaking from the orgasm, but she managed to scoot downward so that her pussy sat against Invisigal's chest instead of her mouth. 

Blonde Blazer slapped a hand over her face and let out a breathy laugh, "Fuck."

"We did," Invisigal responded, then lifted her own fingers to her mouth to suck the cum off. "I think that was a good practice sesh, don't you? Dunno if Robert will be half as good as me, but we can certainly hope."

It looked like Blonde Blazer had something to say, but the woman smiled instead and stood up, the weight leaving Invisigal's body. Invisigal almost missed having the warmth. 

"It's so late. I need to head off to bed, and you should too." Blonde Blazer bent over and picked up her clothes from the floor, pieces of hair falling onto her face. "But... this was fun. And I won't be weird about it. I promise."

Invisigal turned on her side to watch Blonde Blazer move around, "I wasn't thinking you'd be weird, but, because you said that, now I think that you'll be weird."

"I won't be!" Blonde Blazer quickly interjected, then blushed furiously. "I swear. Goodnight, Courtney. I'll see you in the morning. By the way, I did bring you takeout. I left the food on the counter since I know you like to snack in the middle of the night."

"Thank you," Invisigal replied softly. "Night, Mandy."

The next morning came quickly. 

Invisigal walked into the SDN office, her feet dragging. She hadn't gotten much sleep last night, so she knew that the missions that she had done so far today were shitty. She kept thinking about last night and whether or not it would happen again, which made her clumsier and distracted. That meant, however, that she was bound to get some complaints from Robert.

"Tired?"

And there he was, like clockwork. 

Robert stood leaning against the front of his cubicle with his arms crossed, locking eyes with Invisigal. One leg was crossed around the other, and he looked as if he had been expecting her to walk by. Or, maybe, like he had been waiting for her there. He was in his usual get-up: an SDN button-up and brown slacks. However, today, his sleeves were rolled up, revealing a bit of his arms and catching Invisigal's eye.

"Very," she replied, placing a hand on her hip. "I didn't get much sleep. Someone came in late from her date."

The comment didn't phase Robert. "I didn't know that you two were roommates until she told me last night. That explains why she fights so hard to keep you on the Z-Team."

"Yeah, well, I need to borrow stuff from someone," Invisigal said with a shrug. "You know, I was fully expecting you to yell at me by now. I sucked today." 

"Decided to cut you some slack. I'm not always an asshole, you know." When the man smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkled. It hadn't been something that Invisigal noticed before, and it threw her off immensely. She held her composure well, but even he noted the subtlest shift in her eyelids. "Something wrong?"

"Just didn't expect you to be nice about it," she answered. "Is it because you didn't get any last night, and now you're tryna suck up to me to see if I can put in a good word?"

"Oh, you two tell each other everything, huh?" Again, the man didn't look phased. "Why can't I just be normal towards you? Is that, like, a crime? Or is it an obligation for every person in the office to bully me to gain some sense of power?"

"She probably has some sort of weird ass fucking crush on you, Robert," Invisigal heard Chase say from a cubicle over. "Quick! Spray her with a damn hose or something."

"Fuck off, old man! No, I do not," Invisigal said sharply, then sighed. "No, nothing is wrong. Thank you for asking. Again, I'm just tired."

Robert threw his hands in the air, a playful glimmer in his eye, "Alright, I won't push it. I guess that Blonde Blazer also told you that she wanted the three of us to hang out at your apartment, too. Listen, I told her that it might be weird for you, so if that's what's bothering you, I honestly don't have to come over.”

Invisigal froze. 

"Blonde Blazer said that she wanted us all to hang out?"

"Yeah," Robert said with furrowed eyebrows. "Unless... she didn't tell you that?"

"Oh! No, no, she did. Just..." Invisigal trailed off as she thought back to the conversation from last night. Why would Blonde Blazer lie about that? Did she not want to make it seem like it was her suggestion? Invisigal knew that she was hiding something. The woman was simply too good to lie. "We could hang out tonight. All three of us. Why don't you come over after work?"

"What if I have plans?"

"What are your plans? To third wheel with Coupé and Punch Up when you could be third wheeling with me and Blonde Blazer?"

Robert nodded, "Point taken. I'll be over at eight."

Invisigal had been sitting on the kitchen counter facing the front door when Blonde Blazer finally returned home. The hero shut the door and immediately took off her mask and amulet, tossing them into the decorative plate on a nearby mantle before she saw Invisigal staring at her intensely. 

The woman placed a hand on her chest out of fright, then sighed with relief, "Oh, it's just you. Why are you staring at me like that?"

"You lied. You liar."

Blonde Blazer snorted and walked past Invisigal to get to the fridge, opening it to grab a can of seltzer water, and cracked it open.

”And what did I lie about?”

”You told me that Robert suggested that the three of us should hang out. When really, it was you.” 

Blonde Blazer froze in place, “Oh.”

”Yeah, oh! Who lies about that sort of thing? Like, what was the point of that?”

"I didn't mean to lie! I just was..." Blonde Blazer took a sip of our seltzer and set it down beside Invisigal. "I just was embarrassed, I guess. I didn't want you to think that I was talking about you on the date. Even though I was." Invisigal didn't say anything; she just let the brunette continue. "I want to have a threesome with you and Robert. I already feel really comfortable with you, and I thought that it could be, you know... fun if you were there."

"Did you hit your head on a fucking building?" Invisigal grabbed the sides of Blonde Blazer's head and tilted it around concernedly, checking for damage. "You never talk like this. How did you go from being scared to have sex again to thinking about a fucking threesome? Even the horniest people I know don't jump bridges like that."

"If you don't want to, I completely understand--"

"It's not that! It's just completely out of character for you." Invisigal scoffed and let go of Blonde Blazer's head, "Does Robert know that that's what you want? Would he even... would he be okay with that?"

Blonde Blazer shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know. When I brought up him coming over, I think he just figured it would be a friendly hangout with the two of us."

On second thought, the man did seem pretty normal when he brought up the hangout to Invisigal earlier. There was no way he understood what Blonde Blazer was suggesting during their dinner date. Such a clueless man, Invisigal thought with a shake of her head. Then she remembered.

"I invited him over."

"What? Why?" Blonde Blazer asked incredulously. "When?"

"Well," Invisigal checked the clock on the wall, "he should be here in a few minutes."

"Courtney!"

"What? It's not my fault. I thought that you set this plan in motion. You shouldn't have lied to me." Invisigal watched as her roommate hurriedly gulped down the remaining seltzer and scurried out of the kitchen. "Where are you going?"

"To take a shower!" Blonde Blazer shouted from down the hall, resulting in an eye roll from Invisigal. "Just--keep him distracted when he gets here! Make out with him or something to set the tone!"

"Make out--? Mandy!"

The bathroom door slammed shut, leaving Invisigal alone with the ticking of the clock. Just as she jumped down from the counter, the doorbell rang out. It was exactly eight o'clock. The man was extremely too punctual, and Invisigal would never admit out loud that she found that fact the slightest bit endearing. 

When she opened the front door, Robert was standing there in casual clothes, holding a bottle of red wine. He had that same close-mouthed, polite smile from earlier, the one that made Invisigal's stomach churn. 

"I brought a gift. Mandy told me that you both liked red wine, so..." Robert handed it over, and Invisigal took it wordlessly. "Can I come in?"

Invisigal stepped out of the man's way to let him come inside, watching as he looked around. She couldn't help but let her eyes rake downward to get a look at his ass, but was quickly brought to reality when he turned around. 

"Did you just give me an updown?" Robert asked confusedly, but Invisigal didn't respond. "Right. Where's Mandy?"

"She's in the shower. She wanted me to keep you company until she was done, so--" Invisigal walked past him and into the living room. She gestured to the couch, an indication for him to sit down, which he did carefully. Invisigal popped open the wine and drank a swig of it from the bottle before she set it down on the coffee table, warranting an amused look from Robert. "Trust me, I'm gonna need it."

"Okay, whatever that means," Robert said, then clasped his hands together. "I like the apartment. It feels very you." 

Around the living room, there were printed and framed posters of different rock bands and their tour dates. There was a guitar hung up on the wall above the TV, and a couple of vinyl records were hung up beside it. A few loose articles of clothing (belonging to Invisigal) were scattered around the living room since she spent most of her naps in there. She definitely spent more time in there than Blonde Blazer did, since the hero was always on the go after work. 

"Thank you. Do you want some wine too?" Invisigal asked, but she didn't even wait before she shoved the bottle in Robert's hand and sat next to him. "Awesome."

Robert paused before he took a swig of the wine and set it down, "Why are you acting weird?"

"I'm not acting weird."

"You are," Robert said matter-of-factly. "Almost as if you're worried about me finding out that I was invited here for a threesome." Invisigal turned to face him, a look of shock and fear washing over her. How did he...? "At first, I was a bit confused when Blonde Blazer brought up the three of us hanging out during our dinner date. It was just random. Then, when you and I spoke at the office, I started thinking about it more. You also checked me out earlier, and you checked me out a few minutes ago. In fact, you've checked me out a couple of times this week."

Invisigal didn't know what to say, truly. She felt exposed. 

Robert continued, "If I'm reading this wrong, then fine. I'll pretend like this never happened, and we can go back to normal. But I don't think that I am." The air between them sizzled. Invisigal couldn't deny the curiosity she felt as she looked down at Robert's lips. Robert smirked and inched closer to her, his arm lay across the top of the couch and brushing Invisigal's shoulder. "Can I kiss you, Visi?"

She nodded wordlessly. He kissed her knuckles first, then her wrist, and when he reached her mouth, she was already undone. When they finally kissed, it was like striking a match in a dry forest. He kissed her like he was trying to memorize her. Every curve of her lips, every sigh. Damn, Blonde Blazer wasn't lying when she came home the other night. He was a good kisser.

"Oh, good. You did as you were told." The voice came from Blonde Blazer, who stood behind the couch with a blue robe on; it was opened slightly, revealing the curve of her breasts that Invisigal had felt yesterday. "So, we're doing this?"

Invisigal couldn't tell if she was dreaming again. 

All three of them made their way to Blonde Blazer's bed in the span of a few minutes. Blonde Blazer was lying underneath her, and Invisigal's mouth was back on her pussy, the taste familiarizing itself on her tongue. Invisigal's back was arched on the bed, and she could feel Robert behind her, his hand sliding down her back and pushing it downward more, her ass poking in the air. 

With his other hand, Robert gripped his dick, the tip teasingly rubbing against Invisigal's pussy and dipping subtly inside. He didn't push in all the way, but Invisigal could still feel herself dripping. 

"You two look so fucking sexy like this," Robert said, his voice raspy with need. "You think you take me, Visi?"

Invisigal moaned out in response, her tongue lying flat on Blonde Blazer's clit, "Yes, yes, please."

That was all Robert needed before he pushed himself fully inside of Invisigal, who took it all, her fingers twisting around the sheets. To keep her steady, Blonde Blazer gripped her hair and pushed Invisigal's mouth closer to her pussy, overwhelming her senses from the front and from behind. Robert pounded into Invisigal harder than before, the sound of skin on skin, moaning, and heavy panting the only thing that could be heard throughout the bedroom. 

Invisigal felt the bottom of her stomach churn, and her vision blurred as she was pushed into the bed, feeling her stomach becoming sticky with sweat. God, she needed to cum now before she exploded.

Invisigal couldn't control herself as Robert thrust into her steadily, the tine of his nails creating a lunula on Invisigal's soft skin as his grip strengthened to keep Invisigal in place. She started to rub her hand on her own clit, and soon she was cumming all over her hand while Robert continuously fucked her like her life depended on it.

It was like a domino effect, because Blonde Blazer clenched her thighs and came on Invisigal's tongue, grabbing at anything that her fingers could reach. Her moan was loud, and it came with a mixture of giggles as she caught her breath, her chest rising and falling unevenly.

Robert pulled out quickly and held the base of his dick, his thumb covering the slit. He hadn't cum yet.

"What?" Invisigal asked as she collapsed on top of Blonde Blazer's legs, her head tilted to get a good look at Robert. "Is my pussy not good enough for you? S'that why you didn't cum?"

Robert chuckled and shook his head, "No, it's not that. I'm just saving myself for round two." The man snapped his fingers and twirled his finger in the air, "Switch positions."

Chapter Text

Prism: u been fucking this guy? say it ain't soooo!!!

Flambae: listen. i didn't realize that the motherfucker had such a big dick. he's, sadly, kind of built too. he's such a bitch for that. 

Prism: the BIGGESTTTT bitch omg... so who tops? im tweeting abt it rn on my secret acc and the people wanna know. don't worry, i changed the names to hide y'all's identities

"Prism and Flambae, I would love it if, rather than texting during the Z-Team meeting, you actually shifted your attention to me. You know? The guy who determines whether or not you keep your jobs?" Robert said with a straight face. Although he was speaking to the two of them, his eyes were solely on Flambae, who stared back at him with a scampish look in his eye. "Can we do that, or do you want to wait outside?"

The rest of the Z-Team snickered and 'oh'd at Prism and Flambae getting in trouble, and Flambae was pretty sure he heard Sonar murmur, "Looks like daddy's mad."

Prism crossed her arms and muttered some insults under her breath, but she didn't bother to cause another scene. It was honestly a bit surprising, but, knowing her, she probably did it out of respect for Flambae rather than for her own benefit. 

Flambae, on the other hand, rolled his eyes and scoffed, "Don't be so fuckin' sensitive, Mecha Bitch."

Flambae has spent the entire week getting under Robert's skin. Ever since the two of them started hooking up, Flambae found out that the brattier he was with Robert, the better the sex was. It was simple, really. Flambae would piss him off, Robert would get angry, then later on in the night, Robert would drill him into the bed. It was a foolproof plan.

More 'oh's erupted throughout the room, and Flambae could feel Punch Up nudge him in the arm excitedly. He expected another warning from Robert, whose eyes bored into his, but Robert walked to the door, opened it, and pointed outside, causing the entire room to cut their laughter and go silent. 

"We'll fill you in once the meeting is over."

"You're fuckin' joking, right?"

"I'm not fucking joking," Robert responded, then pointed again. "Go."

Okay, this was a little embarrassing. I just got bitched out by my bitch, Flambae thought as he stood up from his chair, the legs scraping against the floor at the sudden movement. He walked towards the door and watched as Robert slammed it in his face, the blinds shutting too. 

"Fuckin' rude little bitch," Flambae muttered under his breath. "Closing the fuckin' door and the blinds on me."

Flambae huffed and leaned against the window as he watched the clock on the wall across from him. 

He doesn’t know how many more minutes passed when the office door finally opened, but soon his co-workers were spilling out and walking past him. The only person that acknowledged him was Prism, who gave him an arm squeeze before she walked away.

”You can come in, Flambae,” he heard Robert say from inside of the office. 

Flambae waltzed into the room and saw Robert sitting at the office table. His back was straightened, and his hands were folded over his chest as he watched Flambae come in and lean against the table.

”Take a seat, Flambae.”

There was a moment of hesitation before Flambae obliged, taking a seat on the spinny chair while maintaining eye contact with Robert, whose facial expression was almost blank; except, Flambae could see that familiar look of hunger in his eye.

”Actually, I want you standing. Stand up.”

“Are you serious—?”

”Did I stutter?”

There it is, Flambae thought. That sexy ass anger.

Flambae cleared his throat and stood up slowly, watching as Robert’s eyes raked across his body. The man didn’t speak for another minute, just sat in his chair, unmoving. 

“So am I just gonna fuckin’ stand here, or what—?”

”Why are you still talking?” Robert asked with a raised eyebrow. “Haven’t you talked enough today? Shut the fuck up.”

If there was a devil on Flambae’s shoulder, he was pretty sure it would have saluted at the order from Robert. Flambae shifted onto the other foot, but he refused to break eye contact. 

“I’m not sure why you try to undermine my authority in front of the team when you know what’ll happen,” Robert stated as he stood up. “I think next time, I’ll just embarrass you in front of them. Maybe I’ll show them how I handle you outside of the workplace. I’m sure your friends would love to see that. Might do wonderful things for your ego.”

Flambae turned his head to look towards the door, but Robert walked in front of him and grabbed his chin, forcing his face forward.

”I’m talking to you.” The corners of Robert’s mouth tugged into a smile as he held onto Flambae. “If you can’t focus, maybe it’s because you need to be at my level. Maybe even lower. Get on your knees.”

There were not only a million things happening in Flambae’s brain, but now his suit was also tightening around his body, specifically near his dick. He almost didn’t catch what Robert demanded of him, but even if he didn’t, Robert had put a hand on the top of his head and lowered Flambae to the ground himself. 

There, in the office, Flambae was on his knees in front of Robert, this time with maintained focus. 

“Look at how well you listen when it’s just you and me,” Robert cooed, and squeezed Flambae’s cheeks tighter in his hand. “I want to record this and show this at the next meeting. Look guys! Flambae can follow directions! Think they might laugh.” Robert let go and began unbuttoning his pants, “They might laugh even more when they see how much you like it. What do you think?”

Flambae didn’t respond.

”Oh, good. You’re learning. I don’t pay you to think.” Robert pulled down his underwear slightly to reveal his cock, which was hard and dripping from the tip. Flambae wondered if Robert could tell that he was going insane. “Kiss it.”

Flambae’s eyes widened, ”But someone could walk in—“ Suddenly, Robert grabbed the base of his cock and slapped Flambae’s cheek with it, leaving a streak a pre-cum, as well as leaving Flambae’s mouth agape. “Did you just slap me with your fuckin’ dick?”

”Kiss it.”

I’ve turned him into a monster, Flambae thought incredulously as he leaned forward. A sexy sex monster.

He put his two lips on the tip of Robert’s cock and gave it a peck, his tongue peeking out slightly to taste the pre-cum. 

“All over. Why are you being shy? I’ve seen you gag on it for a hour straight. And keep looking at me while you do it.”

There was no room for an argument, Flambae knew. He nodded and leaned back in, peppering Robert’s cock with kisses, licking around the base as if it was his last meal. Robert gripped Flambae’s black hair, which had been slicked back into a tight ponytail, and pulled it back, just like he had done the night they kissed at The Pound. 

“Tongue out, baby.” 

Flambae hated how easily he stuck his tongue out. He hated how he let out a moan at the new pet name. He hated how Robert looked down at him with enough intensity to make his stomach turn. He especially hated how Robert sat his cock in his mouth and just slapped it against his tongue, gliding it back and forth. God, he hated and loved it so much.

“Good boy,” Robert whispered, and it sent shivers up Flambae’s spine. “You’re so good when you want to be, yeah?”

Robert pulled back and pulled his pants back up, tucking his dick away in a flash, much to Flambae’s dismay.

”What? Are we done al- fuckin’-ready? My dick is so hard that it could rip through my suit.” Flambae complained as he reluctantly stood up, his knees tingling. They were surely going to bruise later. “This isn’t fair.”

”Well, this is a workplace, Flambae. I have a meeting with Phenomaman about permanently being on the Z-Team, so that leaves me with less time to fuck around with you.” Robert explained plainly. “Plus, I’ll see you tonight. You’re still coming over, right?”

Flambae bit back another huff, “Maybe.”

Robert grinned, as if he knew the answer anyway, “Right. Alright, see yourself out. If you see Phenomaman on your way out, tell him that he can come in now.”

It took everything in Flambae not to punch the grin off of Robert’s face. How dare he deny him in this state? Flambae walked out of the room and into SDN’s open office space with a look of annoyance etched on his face. He was pretty sure that he was sporting a bulge, but no one in the office seemed to care. It was typically the price you paid when your supersuit was this thin.

”Ah, Flambae. The man of fire. Is Robert Robertson the third available at the moment?” 

It was Phenomaman who asked, and the man walked up to Flambae with his fists on his hips. His whole demeanor threw Flambae off sometimes; the guy was just… very obviously not from this planet.

”Yeah, he’s waiting for you in the office.”

”Phenomenal!” Phenomaman said happily, “I hope that he and I can make love again after this conversation. He is a very good lover, and I’ve been having a bit of a depressing day.”

Flambae’s eye twitched, “Excuse me? What did you just say?”

Phenomaman looked confused by Flambae’s tone switch, but he still repeated himself, “I said that I hope that he and I—“

“I heard you, motherfucker.”

”Alright then, I am off. Happy to have another seemingly unpleasant conversation with you, man of fire.” Phenomaman said before he walked away in the direction of the office door and shut it behind him.

Was Robert fucking two people in the office? Who did this guy think he was? Flambae refused to be anyone’s side bitch. If anything, Robert would be a side bitch. In every life, Flambae was the main bitch. Also, Phenomaman of all people? Did Robert just fuck on anyone with big muscles and a submissive aura? That bitch.

Flambae stomped into the breakroom, pushing open the door so hard that the hinges squeaked. Prism had been sitting at the table eating a yogurt with Malevola when he entered, and she eyed him curiously.

”Damn, you look mad,” Malevola pointed out, her tail wrapping around a chair to pull it out for Flambae. He grunted, but he still took a seat. “What’s got you so tight?”

”I can tell you who’s got him loose,” Prism said with a snort, earning a sharp look from Flambae. “My bad, bae. I did tell her about it though.”

“Oh, about him and Robert? Yes, but I knew about that already. Sonar told me. Since you’re always over Robert’s house, he has sought refuge in my house and complains about it all the time.”

Flambae threw his hands in the air, “It’s only a matter of fuckin’ time before the entire team knows then. Nothing is sacred anymore. Not even casual situationships.”

”Okay, what’s the problem?” Prism asked with squinted eyes. “Did something just happen?”

”No. Yes? I don’t know.” Flambae answered quickly with a pout. He pouted. He never pouted. Robert had to die. “Phenoma-fuck came up to me and said that he hoped him and Robery made love again. Again? Does that little bitch think that he can play the field and— why are you two laughing?”

Malevola and Prism were giggling while holding onto each other. Prism had almost fallen over, but Malevola’s tail gripped her sides to save her from the cold of the floor.

Malevola wiped tears from her eyes and spoke, “Nothing, nothing. So you’re jealous?”

”Jealous? I have no reason to be fucking jealous— look at me!” Flambae gestured at his abs, which pushed against the cloth of his suit, and slapped at his thighs. “I’m a sexy piece of fucking meat. No man can resist me. I’m a superhero with a huge dick. Robert is a puny human with a medium-sized dick.”

”Now, don’t be fake,” Prism said, pointing her finger at his chest. “You were just saying that his dick was good when we were texting earlier. If you’re gonna talk shit, speak truthfully.”

”Also, it still sounds like you’re jealous,” Malevola added. “Why don’t you talk to him about it?”

Flambae sank into his chair, ”And say what? Stop having sex with Phenoma-dick?” 

“See, when you say his name like that, it just makes it sound like you think his dick is phenomenal,” Prism voiced. “But, yeah. Just tell him you want to be exclusive. If you really like him—“

”I do not.” 

Malevola and Prism exchanged looks again.

”So, if you don’t like him… then who cares who he’s having sex with?” Malevola asked slowly.

Prism shook her head, placing her hand on Malevola’a hand, “He’s in denial, girl. Don’t ask him too many sensible questions, or else his brain might explode.” 

Flambae pointed at Prism, “Fuck you,” Flambae then pointed at Malevola before he stood up, “Fuck you too.”

“Don’t be mad at us because you can’t get your feelings in order, Flambitch.” Prism nudged Malevola, who was already having another giggle fit. “See? That one was good.”

”Flambitch,” Malevola repeated breathily. “You’re good.”

Flambae turned on his heel and stomped out of the break room. He didn’t need advice. He would take matters into his own hands. He was a grown fucking man. He would just give Robert a piece of his mind tonight.

When Flambae arrived at Robert’s apartment, he stood in front of the man’s door for a full ten minutes in deep thought. 

He hadn’t knocked, so Robert didn’t know that he had arrived yet. Flambae was just too much in his head trying to think about how he was going to give Robert a piece of his mind without sounding like a jealous little bitch. Because he wasn’t jealous. Not in the slightest. He was just— he’d get to what emotion he was in a moment.

Just as Flambae raised his hand to knock, the door opened to reveal Waterboy, who looked up at Flambae with complete surprise.

”Oh! Flamebae, it’s nice to… it’s nice to see you here. In, uh, mister Robert’s apartment—or, uh, his humble—“

Flambae put his hand in the man’s face, “I d-d-don’t care to speak to you. Where the fuck is Robert?” 

“He’s in the b-bathroom. I was just—just, um, leaving.”

”Yes, you were,” Flambae replied in a snappy tone, then pushed past to walk inside just as Waterboy walked out.

”Before I go, c-could you tell Robert I said thank you when you—“

Flambae slammed the door in Waterboy’s face and locked it. 

No way was Robert hooking up with Waterboy before he was scheduled to come over. First Phenomaman, and now this? Waterboy wasn’t even a buff guy—submissive, sure—but, now, Robert was deviating from the common standard. At this point, Flambae was ready to set this entire apartment ablaze once Robert stepped out of the bathroom. The only thing that stopped him was Beef, who was fast asleep in his doggy bed in the living room.

Robert walked into the room a few minutes later, wiping his hands on his shirt, then smiled when he saw Flambae, “Oh, hey. When did you get here?”

”A minute ago, Robert. Just when Waterboy left.”

Unphased, Robert nodded and took a seat on the couch, “Cool. Do you wanna watch something? I’ll order the food. I gotta make it up to you since last time I got you the wrong curry.”

“Are you just not gonna—“ Flambae flailed his arms around, and Robert blinked. “Why the fuck was Waterbitch-boy here?”

”What? He was just—“ Suddenly, a smirk bloomed on Robert’s face, and it took everything in Flambae not to wring his little neck. “Wait, why does it matter?”

”Oh, please, don’t flatter yourself. I can ask any fucking question I want to ask.”

It looked like Robert wanted to pry him open a bit more, but he hummed and answered simply, “I left my bag at work. He brought it back here for me. Then we talked about him permanently being on the team too, like Phenomaman. He was really excited about having a group of people to rely on and get to know. You should be nicer to him.”

Flambae squinted, “Oh, like Phenomaman, huh?”

“Yup,” Robert popped the ‘p.’ “Is there a problem?”

Flambae was going to sound like a jealous boyfriend, but, at this point, he didn’t care. Robert was testing his patience and acting too calm and nonchalant for his liking. He shouldn’t be the bothered in this situation. Flambae is secure, goddamnit. 

“You know that he came up to me and said that he was hoping he could ‘make love’ to you ‘again’? In the middle of the fuckin’ workplace! I mean, have you no fuckin’ shame? What level of unprofessionalism is this, Robert?” 

There were a couple of things Robert wanted to respond to, but he could only do one at a time. “Were you not on your knees earlier in the office kissing my dick, or did I imagine that part? We can’t be talking about professionalism right now.”

“Unimportant. Overruled.”

”Okay,” Robert began, then pat the empty spot next to him on the couch. “Can you at least sit down so that we can talk? You’re standing up like you’re thinking about leaving.”

Flambae glared, “Well, maybe I am.”

”Come here, Flambae.”

It was a firm but gentle demand, one that made Flambae’s dick jump in his suit. He waited for a second—as if proving to himself that he wasn’t that desperate—before he sat down on the couch, ensuring that he created distance between him and Robert. Robert didn’t seem to mind Flambae’s makeshift wall between them, and he reached out to tuck the stray hair in front of Flambae’s face behind his ear. It was a sweet gesture. Flambae hated this.

”Phenomaman didn’t mean it in that way. He thinks hugging is equivalent to ‘making love.’ You can ask anyone in the office, and they’ll tell you.”

Flambae thought back to when he told Malevola and Prism, and how they laughed when he brought it up. Oh. Well, that made a little sense. The motherfucker didn’t know anything about human phrases, so Flambae should have probably assumed it wasn’t what he meant. 

Flambae let out a tiny breath, “Well, now I feel stupid.”

”Well, you are,” Robert deadpanned, which earned him a punch in the arm from Flambae. “Listen, if you’re jealous, that’s a normal feeling. I want you to be able to tell me these things.”

”I don’t want to be jealous. I shouldn’t have to be jealous. It literally doesn’t even fucking matter. I’m the most beautiful person ever. I mean, look at how fucking strong I am.” Flambae flexed his arm, and Robert put his hand on it to lower it. 

“You are all of those things and more,” Robert reassured. “If you want to date each other exclusively, then I would be happy to do that.”

The suggestion caused Flambae to inhale sharply and hold his breath. He tried to ignore how much his heart swelled. Unbeknownst to Robert or anyone, Flambae never dated someone exclusively. Ever since he realized that he was gay, he opted for random one-night-stands and casual hookups rather than going down the romance route. The thought of being in a relationship just felt… scary.

What if he had to be nicer? Worst of all, what if he wanted to be nicer? God, it was all too fucking much.

“—But,” Robert continued. “I don’t want to do it if the only reason is to keep me from having sex with others, which I’m not doing anyway. I want to do it because I like you. I would want you to do it because you like me. You don’t have to answer me now, but it’s some food for thought. Cool?” Flambae didn’t quite know what to say. “Cool. I’m gonna place the order for your curry now, so pick a movie.”

Flambae nodded and did as he was told (per usual). Maybe he did need to think about what he wanted. Yeah, sure, Prism and Malevola told him that earlier, but it sounded sexier coming out of Robert’s mouth. 

Soon, the two were watching a movie when, eventually, the bell rang. It had to be the food that Robert ordered for them. 

“I got it,” Robert said after he gave Flambae’s thigh a brief rub, then stood up to answer the door. At first, Flambae kept watching the movie, but then he slowly started to tune into the conversation between Robert and the delivery driver. “Thanks, man. You can keep the change.”

”We noticed that you’re a regular here, so we threw in some extra naan in there. Hope that was okay,” the man retorted, and Flambae could hear him smile. Why the fuck was this guy smiling about naan?

”For sure, I’ll never turn down free food. Thanks, seriously.” 

“I wanted to say this last time, but I wasn’t sure if—are you single? I think that you’re very handsome.”

”So funny you’d say that, actually, I am—“

Flambae doesn’t know when he stood up from the couch; he also doesn’t know how he made it to the door in record speed, but he suddenly was standing in front of Robert and shutting the door for the second time that night. Flambae took Robert by his wrists and pressed him against the wall, causing Robert to drop the bag of food onto the floor and look up at Flambae, his eyes amused and pupils dilated. 

“I’ve had enough time to think,” Flambae announced.

”Have you? It’s only been forty minutes. You couldn’t even last an hour?”

Flambae held onto Robert tighter, “I have never… dated anyone seriously before. I have never gotten jealous before. I am not just bothered by the thought of someone having sex with you. I am also bothered by—“ Flambae gagged. 

“Don’t tell me you’re doing this again.“

”The thought of—“ Another gag. “I can get it out. Fuck.” Robert blinked some more. “I can’t stand the thought of someone else doing simple things with you either. Like how you do with me. Other than the sex being so bomb—and I mean, absolutely fuckin’ life shatteringly bomb—, I like that you… take care of me. I like that you don’t mind how mean I am to you most of the time.” Robert snorted. “Okay, all of the time. Don’t be a little asshole.”

”I didn’t say anything. Continue.”

“I like that you are patient with not just me, but with everyone. Even weirdos like Phenomafuck and Waterbitch.” 

“Be nice.”

”Sorry,” Flambae said quickly. “See, look? I even like how you try to make me a good person.”

”I don’t have to try,” Robert corrected with a shake of his head. “You are a good person. You just have a cursing problem.”

“Fuck you, no, I don’t. Anyway, stop interrupting me. I’m trying to be fucking cute.” Robert remained silent, not even interjecting when he realized how long he’s been pinned to this wall. Flambae's eyes continuously flickered between Robert's eyes and lips during his speech, seemingly undecided on which to focus on in the moment. “I like that you aren't afraid to give me shit and keep me in check. I like the way you smile at me. This all feels weird to say. This is difficult."

Robert grinned, “Why are you trying to make--“

“Out? Because you’re hot, and I have no self-control.”

"I was going to say ‘make this difficult', but you know what, that works too," Robert let out a snort after he spoke. "This doesn't have to be difficult. Having a boyfriend doesn't have to be difficult. I don't want to make your life difficult. So let's date and call it a day. No more nonsense."

"But... I like nonsense."

"Please."

"Okay, I'm on board." Flambae was close to letting Robert go, but he wasn't ready yet. He was so used to Robert having him pinned nowadays that it was nice to have the man underneath him again. "Can we make out now? Now that we're boyfriends and shit?"

Robert rolled his eyes, "We were making out before that, Flambae. I don't think I ever was against us making out."

"Yeah, but now it's, like, super fuckin' special, so..."

When Flambae leaned in, he noted mentally that it was barely a kiss, more like a shared breath. But somehow, it meant more than any words could say.

Chapter Text

1

"Robert Robertson, may I speak with you for a moment?"

Robert had been walking through the parking lot to his car--a new addition to his life, thanks to his very first paycheck--when Phenomaman appeared in front of him. Phenomaman's cape, which usually billowed heroically behind him whenever he walked or stood, faltered and fell flat upon his arrival, and Phenomaman was the epitome of distress. This had been the man's usual state ever since his breakup with Blonde Blazer a few weeks ago, but his demeanor seemed more worried than upset. 

Robert stopped in his tracks, "Sure, Phenomaman. What's up?"

Truthfully, he didn't have much time to stick around and talk to Phenomaman; he had plans to meet up with Malevola and Sonar at a new pizza place that had opened up across town in less than an hour. The two had been begging for Robert to hang out with them after work, and today was the one day he agreed to, as long as he didn't have to pay for his own drink or dinner. However, he didn't want to neglect the man when he was in need.

"I would like to know more about what it means to be a human," Phenomaman expressed sternly, "and who better to ask than the weakest human man I know?"

"Oh," Robert nodded slowly, "okay. What would you like to know?"

"Everything."

"Well, I don't necessarily have time to teach you everything about what it means to be human. I don't even know all of that myself." Robert laughed, but the stoic look on Phenomaman's face remained. "Is there a reason why this is so important to you?"

"As you know, Blonde Blazer and I broke up many days ago. Before, I was broken. Ready to launch myself into the sun and destroy planet Earth as we know it. Now, I am filled with questions. When we broke up, she told me that I did not know how to empathize. She said that my view of humans was skewed, and that I viewed them as weak and incapable of understanding the most simplistic things. But, is that not true? Have humans, historically, not shown that they can't handle much of anything without the help of true heroes?"

Robert sighed. He was going to be late for dinner.

"Humans are... complex, Phenomaman. Sometimes, they are incapable of understanding things, but so are superheroes. You see how you're coming to me for help right now?"

A switch flickered on in Phenomaman's head, "I suppose that I am. I see what you mean, Robert."

"Exactly," Robert placed his hand on Phenomaman's arm, hoping that the gesture was one of comfort. "I think that you should try to lean into human nature. Why don't you think of some... human things that you want to do this month? It could be a good start. It also might help you become more empathetic."

The hero thought for a second, rubbing his fingers against his brown mustache, then he eagerly grabbed Robert by both arms, lifting the man into the air and leaving his feet dangling a few feet above ground, "Will you aid me on this journey of becoming human, Robert? It would be a great help."

The grip was bone-crushing, but Phenomaman didn't seem to notice Robert's body tense up and wiggle in his grasp. 

Robert wheezed as he tried to push Phenomaman's hands away, "First order of business, you cannot grab people without superpowers like this. I'm pretty sure that you've broken, like, twelve of my bones just now."

"Oh! I apologize," Phenomaman said, then quickly let Robert go, causing the man to drop to the ground and cough erratically. "But does that mean you will help me?"

"Sure, but I don't have much time now," Robert coughed some more before he regained his composure. "I have to drive to meet up with Malevola and Sonar for pizza, and I'm running a bit late."

Phenomaman's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, "I have never had pizza. I try to eat only the finest cuisines. Nor have I ever driven anywhere before, as flying is much faster."

"Yeah, well, I'm cheap and certainly not airborne, so..." Robert unlocked his car and maneuvered behind Phenomaman to open his car door, and he almost got inside to drive off, but from the corner of his eye, he could see Phenomaman's head droop and his shoulders raise to his ears. He couldn't leave the man like this; his conscience wouldn't let him. "Are you getting in? Wouldn't hurt to have company on the drive over."

The question immediately caused Phenomaman's eyes to light up again as he turned around to face Robert, "Really? Am I allowed in your tiny vehicle?"

"Yes, just don't... break anything, I guess."

The process of Phenomaman getting in the car was extensive, to say the least. 

The hero almost broke the car door when he pulled it open to get inside, but Robert had yelled out, 'Careful!' before it could happen. When Phenomaman got inside, the top of his head reached the car's ceiling, and his arms were so large, they covered the entire seat, including the seatbelt. Phenomaman was certainly cramped, but he looked happy to be there, and that was enough for him. 

"So, this is what being inside a car is like," Phenomaman noted, then reached his hand out to touch the buttons on the radio console. "I am extremely uncomfortable and claustrophobic. Is there a button to make the car larger?"

"No, those are for the radio," Robert said as he swatted Phenomaman's hand away. "It's broken right now, so we can't listen to any music. I don't want you touching it in case your huge ass fingers break the buttons." 

Phenomaman placed his hands in his lap and looked around the car some more as Robert began to drive, "Are you of the lower class, Robert?"

"Second lesson, don't ever say that to someone."

"I apologize again."

"But, yes, I am," Robert answered flatly, then glanced at Phenomaman. The man had rolled down the window and had his head out of it as if he were a dog. It was slightly endearing. "Where are you from, Phenomaman? What's your, like, lore?"

"That is an excellent question, Robert. I am from the planet of Urgot-52dc, located 4.5 billion kilometers away from Planet Earth. At birth, I was given the name Katon-Ur. However, after briefly working at Nordstrom Rack, my fellow co-workers blessed me with the nickname 'Dumpy' due to my abnormally large posterior. Once I stopped working there, I became Phenomaman and dedicated the rest of my life to helping the humans of Earth." Phenomaman explained proudly, unaware of Robert's single eyebrow raise. "You may call me any name that you please, Robert, since we are now companions."

"It might be fitting to call you Katon. Humans love nicknames, you know?"

"Shall I call you Robby? Or, perhaps, Bobert? Like Sonar says during the dispatch missions?"

"No, no," Robert murmured as he tried to focus on the road. "Robert is just fine for me."

"And what is your lore, Robert? Aside from being of the lower class."

Robert didn't bother to correct the man on what he shouldn't say again; instead, he replied, "Well, as you know, my father was Mecha Man. I grew up pretty lonely since he was usually busy... You know, saving the city and such. I spent a lot of time with Chase growing up. He's like a brother to me. After my father died, I pretty much dedicated the rest of my life to helping others, too."

Opening up about the past was no longer difficult for Robert. After he got the job at SDN and became closer with the Z-Team, he felt like he was able to embrace things that he hadn't been able to before. The past no longer brought him any sadness, just lots of reflection.

"Perhaps we aren't so different," Phenomaman said with a warm smile. "My mother and father were also very busy ruling the planet of Urgot-52dc. I did not have someone like Chase to grow up with. Perhaps that is why I came to Earth."

"Must have been pretty lonely there."

For a second, a look of sadness flashed on Phenomaman's face before he returned to smiling, "Yes, it was. That is why I am grateful that you have allowed me to join the Z-Team. I am also grateful that you have allowed me to tag along on your excursion." 

Robert spoke softly, "Of course, Katon."

When they arrived at the pizza restaurant, Robert could see from his car that Sonar and Malevola were waiting outside. Upon seeing Robert's car pull up, the two immediately started to complain loudly about his lateness, along with a couple of harsh words that Robert didn't care to react to. 

Robert got out of the car first, then Phenomaman followed, which made Sonar and Malevola's shouts falter. 

Malevola crossed her arms over her chest, "A text would've been nice."

"You brought the alien dude?" Sonar added, surprised. "Is this why you're nearly an hour late?"

"Hello, Z-Teamers! I hope you do not mind. Robert has invited me to join you all for pizza and drinks," Phenomaman said happily as he walked towards the restaurant's door and opened it. "For the inconvenience, I will pay for every single thing that you all order. I hope that makes up for our lateness."

Malevola's eyes widened before she walked through the door, turning around and giving Robert a wink, "Robert, all is forgiven. Phenomaman, I'm happy you're here."

"Man, I guess," Sonar mumbled as he followed closely behind Malevola. "I'm ordering five beers from here then."

Before Robert could follow Sonar and walk into the restaurant, Phenomaman stopped Robert from walking by placing a hand on Robert's head. He gave it one pat. Then two pats. Robert won't admit that it felt nice.

"Robert," the man began, his voice soft and husky, "I know that I have said this already, but thank you for your kindness. I have already learned so much from our interactions alone tonight. I wanted to ask, before we venture inside, if I could... make love to you."

Robert blinked slowly and scratched the back of his head, "I'm not sure you know what that means."

"Of course, I do."

"You're saying that you want to have sex with me."

"Oh, then maybe I do not quite understand what it means," Phenomaman let his hand drop from Robert's head. "I was asking if you would come into my arms so that I may hold you tightly. This time, I will not break any of your feeble bones. This, I swear."

"A hug, Katon. You're asking for a hug. Not to make love."

"Yes, a hug!" Phenomaman, without warning, embraced Robert tightly, but not enough to break his bones this time. Robert couldn't help but chuckle at the man's loving nature; it was a bit refreshing to have someone be genuinely good-natured around him. He had been used to the playful bullying he got from his other teammates daily. "Also, it would be extremely difficult to have sex with a human. My genitals are very large and incompatible. That is why Blonde Blazer and I did not have sexual intercourse during our relationship."

"I did not need to know that, Katon." Although it was interesting to hear. "If I were you, I wouldn't tell anyone else that."

"Then I apologize for the third time."

2

The shift with the Z-Team had gone extremely well. 

Team synergy was strong, and Robert felt like each of them listened to every single command. Even Flambae, who had only referred to him as a 'bitch' once during the shift. It seemed like Phenomaman was getting along better with the rest of the team, too. 

"I say that we all get super fuckin' high at Robert's place tonight," Flambae said through the comms, which incited cheers from the rest of the Z-Team. "I'll bring the weed!"

Waterboy jumped in excitedly, "I will... I will bring the snacks!"

"I don't think I agreed to this," Robert said flatly into the microphone, but he was ignored. "Is this thing on?"

"Have you ever gotten high before, Waterboy?" Prism asked. "You seem like the type to green the fuck out."

"Aha! Contrary to--to popular belief, I--I have gotten, uh, high before. With my grandmother. I did, um, in fact, gr-green the fuck out."

Punch Up murmured out "weird," at the same time Coupé uttered "cool."

Golem spoke briefly, ”I’m out, got better things to do. Visi and I are gonna go to an arcade. Peace,” then disconnected.

"Okay, who's coming? We got Waterboy, Prism..." Flambae trailed off, attempting to get a headcount. 

Phenomaman suddenly spoke, his voice much louder than everyone else's, "I will also come to get high in Robert's apartment. I will admit, I have never indulged in weed before, but I made a promise to myself to do more human activities, like eat pizza and ride in tiny cars." 

"Oh, fuck yeah. I'm coming just to see Phenomaman get high as shite for the first time. Coupé would come, but she wants to read her romance novel," Punch Up explained. "She's on the last chapter."

Coupé spoke in a formal tone, "It's my favorite book in the world."

"Sonar can't be around uncontrolled substances, so we will be opting out," Malevola said, which resulted in a displeased grunt from Sonar over the mic. "But have fun, take lots of pictures, and don't have an orgy without us. That would suck."

"What is an orgy?" Phenomaman questioned. "Is it similar to a hug?"

"A hug with dicks and vaginas, yes," Flambae answered quickly. "Okay, so it's me, Waterboy, Prism, Punch Up, and Phenoma-fuck. We'll meet at Robert's in a couple of hours. Robert, please tell me that you have more furniture. Or is it BYOFC? Bring your own fucking chair?"

"Even if I had no furniture, which I now do--thank you very much--, I didn't invite anyone over to my apartment."

"Great, he has furniture! See ya soon, Robert," Punch Up roared, which caused the others to cheer some more before they all disconnected from the call. 

Robert guessed that he and Beef would be having company over. Great. It could be nice to get high with friends again; the last time that Robert got high had been before he became Mecha Man. When his father died, he was pretty sure that was all that he did before he realized he needed to become someone. 

He just hoped nothing too crazy happened.

Robert was too high.

Whatever weed Flambae brought to his apartment had to be laced with some other hallucinogen because Robert swore that he could see stars floating above each person's head. Everyone seemed to be feeling the effects, too, as Prism and Flambae had their heads on Waterboy's lap, a gesture that would never have been done outside of this context, and Punch Up was curled up in the corner of the room with Beef while on FaceTime with Coupé. From what Robert could hear, Coupé was telling him about the ending of her book, and Punch Up had the largest and most adoring smile on his face while he listened, completely ignoring everything else in the room.

Phenomaman, who was sitting across from Robert on the living room floor, on the other hand, was staring intensely at Robert. His eyes were wide, pupils dilated. Clearly, the weed had gotten to him as well, and it made Robert snort quietly to himself.

"You good over there, big man?" Robert questioned, then he scooted forward to get a bit closer. "I didn't think the weed would affect you this much."

"I did not think so either, but this strain seems to be very strong," Phenomaman responded, his words slightly slurred and slow. "It is making me... think."

"Yeah? What about? Lay it on me."

"What is love?" Okay, he didn't expect this question. Robert wasn't quite sure what he expected, actually. Nevertheless, Phenomaman continued. "I thought that I knew what it was. I thought that I was in love with Blonde Blazer. Then, she told me that I didn't love her for her, but out of obligation. That I only loved her as a superhero, rather than in her human form. So, my question is, how do you know when you truly love someone?"

Robert thought about it for a few seconds. He was high, so it could have also been a minute. Robert knew what familial love was. He felt it whenever he looked at Chase, Royd, and Beef. However, romantic love, the kind that Phenomaman was questioning, Robert didn't know too much about. He once had a crush on a girl in middle school. Then, he once kissed a boy in high school. But it wasn't love.

"I can go based on what I've seen, rather than what I know," Robert said. Phenomaman nodded, urging him to go on. "Well, when you love someone, you--"

"Fuck them super hard," Flambae interrupted with his eyes closed. 

Robert blinked, "Well, yes, but no--"

"Eat their ass? I feel loved as hell when that happens to me," Prism inserted herself into the conversation, then pinched Waterboy's thigh, causing the hero to yelp.

"Why is this all about sex right now?" Robert inquired. "Love is not always hard. It can be soft too."

Punch Up didn't remove his face from his phone, but he joined the conversation regardless, "When you love someone, you always wanna be around them. Feels like whenever you look at them, you might explode or somethin'. Sometimes your heart can't stop beatin' either. And you think about how you can't imagine a world without them in it. You know it's love when you take them for who they are, no matter what or who they are. That, buddy, is love."

There were a few seconds of silence before Coupé broke the silence from the phone, "Get home, you sappy piece of ass. I'm waiting for you in the bedroom."

Immediately, Punch Up stood up and scurried out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. 

Prism laughed and stood up, "Now, that is love. Alright, Rob, we're out of here."

"Yeah, let's blow this dick-sucking stand. I want to go set some stuff on fire. Waterboy, you can come and put it out," Flambae declared, then stood up too. "Cool?"

Waterboy followed suit enthusiastically, though he stumbled a bit, "So cool! I will... I will make everything s-so wet!"

"Already done," Prism remarked, and Waterboy's cheeks turned a deep red. "Let's go, baby."

Eventually, the three left Robert's apartment, leaving Phenomaman and Robert alone in the comfort of the living room. 

"Well, now it's just you and me," Robert said, then watched as his dog trotted over to take a seat beside them, "and Beef."

Phenomaman didn't seem to mind that it was just the two of them. "Robert, that was all very helpful."

"Was it? I feel like most of their answers were super horny. Might have to fill out some HR reports in the morning, but that's usually how it goes." Robert shook his head. "Punch Up was right, though. When you love someone, you have to love all parts--both good and bad. It's hard to do, but it's a choice you make."

"And once that happens, both parties eat each other's ass, yes? I have never done that... or much of anything with someone from this planet, but it sounds beautiful."

It took everything inside of Robert not to laugh. "You can pretty much do whatever you want, yes. As long as both parties consent, of course." 

"Phenomenal," the hero muttered under his breath. "Well, I will let you know when I recognize such a feeling."

"Sounds good, Katon," Robert yawned. 

"Are you tired, Robert?"

"Yeah, think I'm gonna get some sleep. My legs feel like Jell-O. I don't know how--" Suddenly, Robert was lifted into the air and placed into Phenomaman's arms. "Oh."

Phenomaman looked down at Robert, his expression unreadable, "I will bring you to your bed, then I shall take my leave." 

Robert knew that he should complain and tell the man to put him down, but being held like this made Robert's eyelids flutter sleepily. Being in Phenomaman's arms like this was super fucking comfortable. He could fall asleep right there without a problem. 

It felt like magic how quickly Robert ended up in his bed. Phenomaman placed Robert's head carefully on the pillow, then tucked the sheets around Robert's body as if swaddling a newborn baby. Robert tried to wiggle to see if the sheet would move, but it remained in place. Man, Phenomaman was good at this. 

It looked like Phenomaman wanted to say something, but he settled on very few words, "Goodnight, Robert."

"Night, Katon."

3

Having Phenomaman around was surprisingly... really nice for Robert.

Whenever Robert dispatched the Z-Team, Phenomaman ensured that he excelled at every single mission he went on. Whenever there was a break, Phenomaman would bring him an ample amount of Twinkies from the vending machine without a word. Whenever work was over, Phenomaman would walk Robert to his car to make sure that the man got there safely. Phenomaman made it a mission to walk home rather than fly to--as he told Robert--feel more "human." It was precious.

The more that he thought about Phenomaman, the more that Robert began to feel things. Like, emotional things. He would worry more whenever Phenomaman got injured on missions. He would look around the office more in search of a red cape. At night, he would try to swaddle himself like Phenomaman did a few weeks prior, then huff out of frustration when it didn't feel the same. Robert didn't necessarily know how to place said feelings, and so he said and did nothing about it.

"Are you and Phenomaman seeing each other?"

The question came from Blonde Blazer, who stood beside Robert's cubicle when he returned from the breakroom. Her blonde hair sat lavishly on her shoulders as she observed Robert with a slight head tilt, a playful smile pulling at her lips. 

The question had caught Robert off guard, but he tried to keep his facial expression neutral as he sat down in his chair. 

"Why? Am I breaking girl code?" Robert jested, then leaned back. 

"No, not at all," Blonde Blazer said calmly. "Just heard a few rumors going around the office. Plus, I've noticed how flustered you get whenever you talk to him on comms. I wouldn't be surprised if the entire Z-Team but him noticed."

Was he seriously being that obvious?

Robert cleared his throat, "Nothing is going on between me and Phenomaman. We've just been hanging out a lot more. Teaching him how to be human. You know how that goes."

"I suppose I do."

"You don't sound convinced."

Blonde Blazer shrugged, "Neither do you."

What a jerk, Robert thought to himself. She knows.

"Don't you have a burning building filled with orphans to save? Or do the heroes around here just leave all the work to the Z-Team now?"

The woman laughed, but she backed off, "Fine. I'll leave it alone. I just hope that you know what you're doing, Robert. Have a good rest of your shift."

"You too."

When Robert walked into the parking lot, Phenomaman had been sitting on the hood of Robert's car.

He looked pensive with his hands tucked in between his legs, and his eyes glued to the ground.

“Everything alright, big man?” Robert asked. He stood in front of Phenomaman, who looked up and locked eyes with Robert in a flash. “Is there a reason why you’re denting my car with your butt?”

Phenomaman let out a breath and hurriedly stood up from the car, causing the vehicle to rock back and forth. 

“Robert, I am having a… dilemma.” 

Robert nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets, a bit bothered by the cold. “What’s your dilemma?” 

“I am missing hanging out with you.”

The statement caused Robert’s cheeks to flush. He tried to convince his brain to stop overthinking, but each thought ran through his mind at a hundred miles per hour. 

Phenomaman continued to explain himself, “I know that we speak everyday, and it is out of, mainly, obligation. However, I enjoyed going over to your apartment and riding with you in your car the other week. May we do something else together tonight? Just you and me?”

This was normal, Robert thought to himself. He was just a friend who needed a friend. He shouldn’t make this weird or about his own weird feelings. 

“Sure,” Robert replied. “Why don’t we—“

”I would like to suggest something, if that is alright.”

Oh. “I mean, sure. What do you wanna do?”

Phenomaman extended his arms out in a cradle position. “I know that I have been wanting to behave as a human, but flying would be faster in this instance. Do you mind?”

”You want me to…?” Robert pointed at his arms, and Phenomaman nodded. “Alright. Just, please, don’t drop me.”

“I would not dream of it.”

After a moment of hesitation, Robert was being cradled by Phenomaman, and the two took off into the air and away from the parking lot. Robert watched as the ground slowly began to disappear, his eyes drooping to avoid any motion sickness.

”So, where are we going?”  

“You will see when we arrive.”

”Are you going to kill me?”

From the corner of Robert’s eye, he could see Phenomaman grin. “I am a superhero. Superheroes do not kill. They lead with honor and pride.”

Here was another thing Robert found secretly precious; the man stood firm on his ideas of morality and his values. Robert let himself rest his head on Phenomaman’s chest, trusting that they’d make it to the destination, and trusting him.

”Here we are,” Phenomaman announced. “I will put you down now.”

They were on the top of a grass mountain, high enough that the moon and the stars looked as if it was close enough to touch. Robert had never been here before. Everything looked beautiful.

The two sat next to each other on the cliff, legs dangling from the edge. It was a comfortable silence at first, neither of the men daring to utter a word as they observed the evening sky together. 

Phenomaman suddenly pointed his finger up at the sky, “Do you see that very tiny star right there?”

Robert squinted, then nodded, “Yes.”

”That is my home planet.”

”Have you been missing it? Is that why you were also a little sad?”

“A little,” Phenomaman paused. “I suppose that I feel sad that I do not really miss it at all. Remember when I told you that I was very lonely?”

”Yes.”

“Well, I was. I had no friends. Just aliens who worshipped me and my powers.” Phenomaman paused again before he turned to face Robert. “You do not worship me. You treat me like everyone else. You treat me like I’m—“

Robert interjected, “A person?”

“Yes.”

”Yeah, well… it is what you wanted. Right?”

”Yes, but…” Phenomaman bit his lip and looked away. “I am having a far greater dilemma, Robert, but I do not want it to change everything. I know that I am one of the strongest beings on this planet, but it feels intently weak of me to try to express this.”

Robert was growing a little worried. Did Phenomaman get into some trouble? Was something serious happening? Did the man want to possibly leave the Z-Team?

”I dreamed of you approximately five times.”

Okay, so the man was not in trouble. That was good to know at least.

Robert opened and closed his mouth, “Okay…”

“I never dream,” Phenomaman iterated, a bit more stern. “Dreaming is for those who fail to face reality for what it is. I, Phenomaman, face reality just fine.”

“Well, clearly not, since you had five dreams—“

”Approximately.”

”—Approximately five dreams about me,” Robert finished. “It is completely normal and human to have a dream. What were they about? Did I die? I have a lot of dreams about that.” 

“You died in one dream,” Phenomaman answered quietly, “and I cried.” 

“Thank you for mourning me.”

”You are very welcome.”

”What about the others?”

Phenomaman looked like a fish out of water, but he kept speaking, “We… we made love. In all of the other dreams.”

”Oh, like we hugged, you mean?”

”No.”

”Oh,” Robert said, “okay.”

”It was very shocking for me because, like I told you, I do not dream. I also do not have sexual intercourse with humans because my genitals are incompatible. However, in the dreams, you were very eager and willing. It all felt very real. Although it was not.” Robert hoped that Phenomaman couldn’t tell that he was holding his breath. “I did not know whether or not it was too inappropriate to tell you, but it has been on my mind.”

Robert plucked at the grass underneath him, trying to avoid eye contact, as well as the thoughts that were creeping into the back of his mind.

”Well, thank you for telling me.”

”With that being said, I need to ask something of you.”

Robert might fall off this cliff. Just one little scoot, and he could be with the rocks right now.

Phenomaman grabbed Robert’s shoulders and turned him back around so that they were eye-to-eye, then asked, ”Will you kiss me?” 

“Will I what?” Am I dead? Am I the one dreaming?

”It will help me understand the root of my dreams. If it means nothing, this kiss will mean nothing as well.” 

“I don’t—I just—“ Robert was stuttering, and it made him feel like Waterboy on any given day. This was crazy, right? He should demand Phenomaman to take him home, then fill out another HR report. He should listen to logic above his heart and dick. “Okay. Sure, if it’ll help.”

”Phenomenal.”

It was a soft brush at first, more question than answer. When Phenomaman leaned in, he deepened it, like a secret passed from lips to lips. They shouldn’t have. But Robert’s hand slid to the back of Phenomaman’s neck, and he didn’t stop him. Robert was not sure how long the kiss lasted, but when they pulled away, their breaths were labored and low.

Robert’s emotions hit him like a freight train. He understood now.

Phenomaman stood up so fast, blades of grass ripped from the ground and landed on Robert’s lap. “I must go now.” 

“How will I—?” Then Phenomaman disappeared, leaving Robert alone on the top of the mountain. “Get home..”

4

Robert and Phenomaman hadn’t spoken since their kiss on the mountain, which was four days ago. Four.

It was odd. 

The parking lot was always empty whenever Robert walked to his car. Phenomaman barely spoke during dispatch missions. There was no red cape that dragged through the office during the breaks, and there was no ample amount of Twinkies on Robert’s desk. It was almost as if the hero had faded away.

Here is why Robert is angry.

If the kiss was that bad, then fine. But leaving him alone on a damn mountain in the middle of nowhere? He was forced to call Sonar to come and get him, and the bat kept asking him all sorts of questions as to why he was up there alone. 

Robert had been nothing less than patient with Phenomaman, and this was how it was going to end? With Robert’s feelings on the floor, and with Phenomaman pretending that nothing ever happened? Did he realize that humans were too far beneath him? That Robert was too far beneath him? He could hear Blonde Blazer in the back of his mind saying I told you so.

He tried not to let his anger show, but as he packed up his things to leave for the day, he could see Chase looking at him with concern from his cubicle. The older man, thankfully, didn’t say anything; instead, he gave Robert a pat on the back and a bottle of beer before he went home. 

Robert walked down the hallway, clutching his backpack and looking down at his feet. He had finished the beer and tossed it into the recycling, and he could already feel tipsy the more he walked. He definitely wasn’t going to be able to drive home tonight. It was looking like he’d have to walk.

Before Robert could reach the door, he was pulled into the supply closet, causing him to kick and shout, but a hand was brought up to cover his mouth.

At first, he figured it was a villain, but upon looking up, he saw that it was Phenomaman, whose eyes were wide, yet sunken, and who was sporting a patchy beard. Robert’s body calmed, but the anger stayed as he pushed the man away from him.

”What the actual fuck?”

”I apologize, Robert. I just didn’t want you to scream and be scared.”

”Oh yeah, because it’s definitely not scary to grab someone and drag them into the supply closet. Actually, that’s the most normal thing I’ve seen anyone do. Are you insane?” Robert shouted with a hand on his heart. This was the first time Robert had seen the man in days, and he looked almost defeated. “What do you want?”

”I wanted to talk to you.”

”Talk to me?” Robert laughed dryly. “You had four days to talk to me after you left me on the damn mountain. Thanks for that, by the way.”

Phenomaman sighed, ”I know. It was disrespectful and wrong of me to do so. I want to apologize.”

”Not accepted.”

”Robert, if I may—“ Phenomaman grabbed Robert’s shoulders to hold the man in place before he sniffed. “Did you have alcohol?”

”Relax, I had one beer once everyone packed up and left.” Robert responded. He wished that he could leave the supply closet, but Phenomaman was blocking the door. “Can I go now? I left Beef at home tonight, and feeding time is soon.”

”Please, Robert, hear me out, then I will release you from the shackles of the supply closet.” 

Robert blinked up at him with furrowed eyebrows, as if saying, 'Go on.'

Phenomaman struggled to start, but Robert still waited patiently, “I… When we kissed, I felt many things. I felt everything. I suddenly understood what feeling Punch Up was talking about the night that I tried cannabis. I felt it even before we kissed. It was… very scary for me. And I am not afraid of many things.”

Robert’s brain was trying to catch up with Phenomaman’s words, but his heart began to swell with understanding. 

“I wanted to do more that night than just kiss you, Robert,” Phenomaman admitted, his words gentle and sending a chill down Robert’s spine. “But you have been such a good friend to me. It confused me as to how I felt such a way. How I felt so strongly about you. How I feel so strongly about you.”

Phenomaman’s hand fell to Robert’s hip, bringing the man closer to him. 

“I should not have left you on that mountain. I should not have ignored you for four days. I felt so guilty that I floated in space for three hours and hoped that a meteor would take me.”

Robert bit back a laugh, ”You are entirely too dramatic.”

”But not dramatic enough,” Phenomaman corrected softly. “I should have told you how I felt on that mountain. I was just afraid of what you would say. I have already dealt with rejection from Blonde Blazer, but I do not know if I could bear it from you.”

The anger inside of Robert seemed to wash away the more that Phenomaman spoke. 

“You have taught me so much, and, for that, I am grateful. To lose you in any capacity is to grieve you, and I can only handle that in my dreams. Just barely.”

”Katon,” Robert said, then placed his hand on Phenomaman’s cheek, “it’s alright. I wish that you had stayed that night. If you had, then you would’ve known that I like you too. I wouldn’t have rejected you in the slightest, which is also, maybe, terrible on my part from a workplace standpoint.”

Phenomaman looked surprised by the confession, and his hand squeezed Robert’s hip a little tighter. 

“Then I cannot believe that I have wasted so much time.”

It wasn’t their first kiss, but this was the one that changed everything. Their lips collided with a sense of urgency, and Robert could feel himself being lifted against the door, hands running underneath his shirt frantically. 

Phenomaman’s hand reached for Robert’s belt, and he hesitantly unbuckled it before letting it fall to the floor. Robert took it upon himself to unzip his pants, and he could hear Phenomaman unzip the bottom of his suit.

Robert reached his hand down to get a feel of Phenomaman, and, oh boy, was this guy not joking about his dick. It was so thick that it couldn’t fit in Robert’s hand, and it had to be at least thirteen inches, wet and throbbing in his palm. From what Robert could see in the dimly lit closet, the veins were purple and pulsing, and the tip was slightly pink.

”Robert,” Phenomaman said in between kisses, his tongue brushing against Robert’s in an act of desperation. “I do not think that you will be able to take it. Even with my genitalia being able to emit a lube-like secretion, it may hurt you. But I can start with this..."

Phenomaman grabbed both of their cocks and held them in one hand, the friction causing Robert to buck his hips forward, and began to jerk both of them off. Phenomaman's moans were loud and filled Robert's ears, running through his brain like a song stuck on repeat. The difference between Robert's dick and Phenomaman's drove Robert crazy, and he couldn't stop thinking about how it would feel stuffed inside of him. 

"Let me feel it," Robert whispered in the hero's ear. Phenomaman swallowed thickly, and Robert could feel his dick jump and hit his stomach. "If it hurts, I'll tell you, Katon."

"If you insist, Robert."

Phenomaman shifted Robert a bit to give himself space to lead his cock inside of Robert, the tip pressing up dangerously close to his hole. It had only touched Robert, and he was already a bumbling mess, quietly begging for the things he wanted Phenomaman to do to him in the privacy of the supply closet. 

The second that Phenomaman pushed his cock forward, Robert's eyes widened, and he wrapped his arms around Phenomaman's neck tightly, his lips parted. There was no way that all of it was going to fit inside, but the stretch felt so good to Robert. After many years of enduring pain from fighting and nearly dying, taking alien dick seemed almost manageable at the moment. 

Phenomaman shivered, "You are so tight, Robert. I have never been inside someone like this. I do not think that I will be able to let you go."

Robert was simply too overwhelmed to speak; instead, he held on tighter and tried to bounce on Phenomaman's cock, his head falling over at the sudden exertion. It seemed like Phenomaman didn't mind that Robert wasn't moving a lot, as just the feeling of being partially swallowed was enough for him to twitch in anticipation.

"Katon, can you--"

Before Robert could beg, Phenomaman gripped Robert's cock and went back to jerking him off while he kept giving the man slow strokes, "You do not need to ask for a thing, Robert. I will do it for you without question."

And if that wasn't enough to send Robert over the edge, Robert didn't know what would have been. He came all over Phenomaman's hand with a loud cry, and he bit into Phenomaman's shoulder in an attempt to be quieter, the sound sending vibrations through the alien's body.

Phenomaman didn't pull out yet as he watched as Robert caught his breath, "Well, that was--"

"Don't say it."

"I will not," Phenomaman said quickly, then under his breath whispered, "Phenomenal."

"Did you hear that?" Prism asked, placing her hands on Waterboy's chest to push him back slightly. 

The two of them were in one of the two supply closets in the SDN hallway after work ended, and Prism had Waterboy flustered and pressed against the wall during their make-out. 

"Hear... hear what?" Waterboy asked, quickly readjusting his goggles. "I think I... can only hear the s-sound of the blood rushing to my head."

Prism smirked and leaned forward once more, "You're cute, white boy. Come here."