Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jisoo was eating the lunch that Seungcheol had made for him and Jeonghan the night before. A sweet potato, broccoli with sesame oil and shredded pieces of chicken breast. His students were off having their lunch and he was seated at his desk in the staff room, eyes skimming over his emails and taking a bite of the food his boyfriend made every once and awhile. He glanced at the clock that read twelve thirty and made a quiet sigh to himself as he opened up a new tab. He had been thinking of looking it up for awhile now, and he hoped he was wrong.

Signs of an eating disorder, Jisoo typed. He looked at the words and hesitated, but eventually pressed the enter key and waited with bated breath as search results started to pop up. Not knowing where to start, Jisoo clicked on the first link at the top of the page and waited for the slow school wifi to bring up the page.

The first thing that had Jisoo feel suspicious had been the saliva on his fingers and the vomiting, but then Jeonghan scolded him for eating all of the food, telling him about the ramen packets and snacks he had found in the garbage. Jisoo knew he hadn't eaten them, and when he tried to ask Seungcheol about it the next morning, he gave Jisoo a nearly frightened look before yelling that it wasn't him and then leaving the apartment, insisting that he had to get to work early that day.  

Three lists of symptoms for the three most common eating disorders were displayed, and Jisoo picked through them, feeling his stomach drop when he got to the list for bulimia nervosa and he was overwhelmed with familiarity. His fingers shook as he opened another tab and he sat there at his desk, lunch long forgotten, as he looked through list after list and article after article about what he was sure his boyfriend was suffering from.

The bell rang loudly overhead and one of Jisoo’s colleagues gave him a look as she passed by and saw that he hadn't moved from his seat. Jisoo let out a loud sigh and ran a hand through his combed back hair, trying to ignore the prickling of his eyes. He closed all of the tabs and then shut his laptop down.

He would have to talk to Jeonghan about this first.

…

Seungcheol must still be avoiding him because he texted Jisoo and told him that he was going to be working later and wouldn't be back home until later that night, even though the shelter itself closed at around five. Jisoo was sitting on the couch when Jeonghan got home, a bottle of beer in his hand and another one already empty on the coffee table in front of him. Jisoo didn't get drunk easily, but he also didn't drink often, so when Jeonghan saw that he was he knew something must have been really bothering him.

“What's wrong, Shua?” Jeonghan asked him softly. He sat down on the couch and noticed the tears threatening to spill over and Jeonghan wrapped an arm around him, allowing him to lean into Jeonghan for support, one of the man's hands rubbing at the muscles underneath his shoulders.

“Is it your mom?” Jeonghan asked in concern. “Or did something happen at work?”

“It’s Cheolie.” Jisoo said, softly and sadly. “I think something's wrong with him, Jeonghan, I think he’s really sick.”

Jisoo saw the confusion and worry on Jeonghan’s face and reached up to cup the side of his face as he explained to him what he had seen, about how he really hadn't eaten any of those snacks and Seungcheol’s reaction when he asked him about it, and then he told him about his research that afternoon, and as he listed down the symptoms he thought Seungcheol had, the ones he recognized, he saw how Jeonghan’s eyes widened, how he didn't want to accept it but how he also couldn't deny the familiarity he was seeing, how spot on it all was.

By the end, Jeonghan was sitting with his head in his hands and Jisoo was rubbing his back, trying to ignore the small shake in his hands and how Jeonghan’s shoulders were trembling. The room was quiet and weighted down by their guilt, how horrible they felt by not putting the pieces together any sooner. Jisoo knew that Jeonghan felt even worse than he did, and Jisoo wanted to tell him not to feel bad, he shouldn't, it wasn't his fault, but he knew that now wasn't the time and that it would just make him angry and even more upset, so he stayed silent and tried to give him support and comfort through his touch.

“We need to help him,” Jeonghan said finally, and Jisoo nodded in agreement, his hand running up until to it was in Jeonghan’s hair. He ran his fingers through his dyed locks for a few moments until he sat back up.

When Seungcheol finally did return home, it was late, late enough that all of three of them were usually all in bed together already. The drinks had long since been put away, but Jeonghan and Jisoo were still seated in the living together side by side. Jeonghan had showered and they had both finally changed out of their work clothes, but neither of them had been able to eat, and neither of them felt tired at all. They waited for Seungcheol to come back home, occasionally saying something to each other, but mostly just sitting in silence, lost in their own thoughts.

They both looked at the door when Seungcheol stepped in and when he saw them, his eyes widened and he grabbed the handle of the door that had already shut close behind him, looking as if he was going to open it and run away again. Jisoo noticed the calluses and slight bruising on his knuckles, the marks that he had always assumed were from work, and his stomach dropped into an endless bit. Jeonghan himself was fighting nausea that had suddenly overtaken him when he saw the bags underneath Seungcheol’s eyes, the marks on his knuckles, the crumbs on his clothes, and how tired and sickly he looked. They both wanted to cry, but they couldn't allow themselves that.

“Sweetie,” Jeonghan began, doing his best to keep his voice even. “Come sit with me and Shua, okay? We need to talk.”

…

Of course, Mingyu had noticed that Junhui wasn't acting like himself. He barely touched any of his food during meals, he never stood in the kitchen while Mingyu was cooking, a plate already in hand and eagerly waiting for the food to be ready, he didn't talk at the table when they could actually get him to eat with them and he was quieter in general. He never joined them for dinner and whenever any of them tried to ask him about it, he always insisted that he had something to do and would either go to their room and go on his laptop or phone or leave their apartment all together and leave for hours on end. He knew Wonwoo and Minghao had noticed too, that they were all worried about him and were just trying to think of a way to approach him and ask him about what was bothering him.

It was a quiet night, Minghao was out at a club with some of his friends and Wonwoo was working third shift, while Mingyu and Junhui were asleep in bed together, the older curled up tightly into Mingyu’s side for warmth.

It was a quiet night until Mingyu woke up to Junhui screaming and crying. Mingyu jolted awake and looked around for anything of any immediate danger, like a robber or something like that, only to see that Junhui had thrown up in bed and was clutching at his stomach, distressed and pained sobs falling from his mouth. Mingyu took a closer look and saw that his vomit had a coffee ground appearance, he had thrown up blood.

“Come on baby,” Mingyu prompted him as gently as he could. “Try to get up, I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“It’s hurt Gyu, it hurts.” Junhui sobbed and Mingyu fought back his own tears at his beautiful face wrinkled in pain and covered with spit and tears. Mingyu picked him up as gently as he could and carried him to his car, trying to not jerk Junhui around too much as he drove. On the way, Junhui threw up, even more, blood on the car floor. He definitely broke at least seven traffic laws after that, but God was apparently on his side that day because they didn't get stopped and Mingyu pulled into the emergency room parking lot after that, hurriedly picking Junhui up and carrying him inside.

It was all very hectic and confusing then, Mingyu cut about six people in line and almost got the security guard called on him before he was able to explain to the receptionist that his boyfriend was throwing up blood and had a fever and horrible pain in his stomach. Thankfully, he was able to get the words out, and a nurse immediately came out with a stretcher to take Junhui into testing. Junhui laid him down on the stretcher and a gave him a delicate kiss, promising that he would be right in as soon as they were done with testing him.

He paced around aimlessly in the waiting room for about ten minutes before he took the empty seat furthest from anyone else and took out his phone, calling Minghao.

“Hao, thank god you answered.” Doing the best he could, Mingyu explained what happened and Minghao told him that he was leaving the club right now and would be at the hospital soon. Mingyu wasn't sure if he should call Wonwoo or not while he was working, but he decided that Wonwoo would be pissed at him if he didn't later on, so he called Wonwoo and waited for him to answer, eyes landing on double doors and waiting for someone to come out and tell him something, anything.

Wonwoo answered the phone, sounding exhausted, and Mingyu almost felt guilt as he told him. The line went quiet for a full minute, and then Wonwoo told him he was going to tell his boss there was an emergency and that he would be there as soon as he could as well. Mingyu texted Minghao that Wonwoo was going to leave work, and his other boyfriend texted back that he would pick up Wonwoo on his way over and to not worry because he would let Wonwoo knew he was coming for him.

Mingyu sighed and slumped in his seat, hoping someone would come soon, whether it be a nurse or his boyfriends.

…

Chan found Hansol in their bathroom on the floor and unconscious, everything on their tiny counter space knocked to the floor and surrounding him. Chan did whatever normal college student would do in that situation when they found their friend and roommate passed out on the floor. He completely freaked out and started screaming until someone from down the hall came to the door, saw what happened, and called an ambulance for him.

Chan couldn't go to the hospital with him because he wasn't a spouse or a relative, but he did promise an unconscious Hansol that he would come see him. And then he sat down on the stoop of their building and called Hansol’s parents.

…

When Hansol wakes up, there's an IV in his pale arm and a handsome man with a round face and blonde hair checking his vitals. He was wearing scrubs with tiny purple and pink characters on it and had a serious expression on his face, an expression that only lasted until he looked down and saw that Hansol was awake and staring at him.

The man gives him a small smile, that's not happy nor unpleasant, but somewhere near sadness.

“I’ll let your parents know you’re awake.”