Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Michael woke up to a frantic text from Brooke. Something about him needing to actually come to school today. It wasn’t that unusual, but it did mean he only had fifteen minutes to get ready, which is what her text was reminding him of.
It was a little awkward to get up after three hours of sleep and have to get ready in fifteen minutes.

Then again, it happened a lot, so it had become something like his okay. His normal.

When he reached the school, he made his way through the hallway, awkwardly stopping behind Jake Valentine, Rich Lohst, and Chloe Rolan.

“Okay, so Chloe Rolan said, Dustin was all, “I’ll only have sex with you if I beat you at pool,” and then Christine lost at pool. Deliberately.” Jake said.

Rich giggled. “That is so awesome.”

Jake rolled his eyes. “Rich!”

“I-I mean stupid.”

“And then, he was all like -” Chloe interjected excitedly.

“I’m telling this story, Chloe.” Jake snapped. He glanced over at Michael. “Oh my god, you’re totally getting off on that!”

Michael felt the embarrassment rise to his face as he pushed past the group. They laughed as the boy walked away from them.

“Yo, get away from me, tall-ass!” Jenna Goranski shoved him as they passed each other.

“Um, sorry, I was just trying to -”

Jenna shoved him against the lockers and scribbled something on his backpack in marker. “You wash that off, you’re dead, pretty boy.” She spotted her friend Christine over on the other side of the hall and waved him over, Michael still standing there awkwardly. “Chrissy D! What’s the story with Dustin?”

The popular girl laughed. “I shouldn’t say.” Christine winked. “But it’s a good thing I suck at pool.”

“Focus on the poster over there on the wall -” It was a sign-up sheet for the after school play.

“That’s a sign-up sheet for getting called gay,” he muttered. And while he might most definitely be gay, it wasn’t something he needed right now. Glancing around the hall, Michael caught a glimpse of. “Jeremy,” he said softly.

Who was Jeremy?

Oh, you know, Jeremy Canigula, the single-hand most amazing, beautiful, smart person in the world, and simultaneously the most out of Michael’s league.

Jeremy noticed Michael staring at him. “Excuse me?”

“U-uh, wha-”

The other boy looked concerned. “I think someone wrote LOV on your backpack?”

Michael took off his backpack. Yep, someone had written the letters LOV on his backpack. Probably Jenna, he thought.

“I, u-uh..” He turned and ran down the hallway.

Smooth, Michael, reaaaaaaal smooth.

If I keep like this the only thing I’m ever gonna date is my game system.

Most of the day passed by normally, Michael trying his best to keep the LOV on his backpack covered up.

At lunchtime, he was keeping his head down and still thinking about his interaction with Jeremy when he ran into something. Or rather, someone.

“Brooke!”

His best friend since kindergarten, Brooke Mell, laughed, “Michael Heere, my buddy. How’s it going? I already had my sushi and got my slushie from Seven Eleven.” She held the cherry slushie up. “The girl on duty gave me a generous pour today.” Brooke winked.

“Cocky, aren’t you?” Michael laughed. He grabbed his backpack and showed it to her. “What does LOV mean?”

Brooke sighed and grabbed her backpack as well. “Mine says ERS.”

“Together, they spell LOVERS,” Michael said bitterly. “I hate this school.”

Brooke laughed half-heartedly. “God, same.”

Michael brightened. “I sent Jeremy an email telling him how I feel!”

She smiled. “That’s good!”

“Yeah, I unsent it before he could see it.”

“Not as good.”

He shrugged. “It’s still progress.”

Brooke frowned, then perked up. “Hey, I saw on Discovery last night that the human race has stopped evolving! That means you don’t have to be strong to survive!”

Michael furrowed his brow. “That’s… good?”

She mock-punched his arm. “There’s never been a better time to be a loser! Think about it, we should be -”

Michael put his hand over her mouth. “Signing up for the school play.”

Brooke pushed his arm away. “I was gonna say playing video games in your basement -”

“No! Look who’s signing up for the play!” Michael directed Brooke’s gaze over to the sign-up sheet.

“Jeremy?” Brooke asked. Michael nodded and started to walk over to the sheet. He could hear Brooke’s voice telling him to come back, but he had already made up his mind.

“Who cares if people think I’m lame?” Michael signed his name, and almost immediately the whole hall started laughing.

“GAYYYYYY!” Jenna yelled, causing the whole hall to laugh more. Brooke tugged him away from the poster. As the laughing died down, he heard Jake say, “I like gay people.”

I’m never gonna be the cool guy,

I’m more the one who’s left out.

“Michael, why’d you do that?”

Of all the characters at school,

I am not the one who the story’s about.

“I don’t know, Brooke. I saw a chance to hang out with Jeremy and I took it.”

She sighed. “Well, good luck. I’ll meet you after school.”

“Bye, Brooke.”

------

Michael and Brooke were waiting outside the room for play rehearsal when Michael’s decision finally caught up with him.

“Well, I guess evolution isn’t for everyone.”

Brooke put a hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to do this.” She giggled. “Of course, I’ll mock you forever if you don’t.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Brooke.”

Sme smiled and pushed him towards the door. “Go get ‘em, Tiger!”

Michael pushed open the door to the rehearsal room and was immediately greeted by Jeremy.

He waved. “Yo!”

Jeremy laughed a little. “Yo.”

“Is this where you meet for the play?”

“No, it’s where you meet for the swim team.” Seeing the look on Michael’s face, Jeremy quickly added, “I’m kidding.”

Michael rubbed the back of his head nervously. “O-oh, good. I’m Michael.”

“Are you okay?”

Michael glanced up. “Wha…?”

“You look nervous,” Jeremy added
.
“Oh. Yeah.. I’m all good.” He gave Jeremy a cheesy thumbs up.

“You’re a virgin?”

If Michael had a drink, he would have spit it out right then and there. “What?”

“First play rehearsal!” Jeremy smiled.

“You think I’m nervous about play rehearsal...”

Jeremy cocked his head to the side. “Why else would you be shaking like that?”

Oh, I don’t know, probably because you’re hella cute and I’m talking to you. “Yeah, that’s it.”

Jeremy smiled. “I love play rehearsal! It’s the best, you’ll see.” He glanced around. “But there’s no one else here…” He smiled again, brighter. (Was that possible? Jeremy’s smile was already the brightness of the sun.) “I’m sure more people will show up.”

“Okay.”

He laughed. “I never want rehearsal to end. I get sorta depressed when it’s over…” Noticing the strange look Michael was giving him, he shook his head violently. “Not like, kill-yourself depressed! I swear, check my arm!”

They continued chatting for a little while, and Michael’s thoughts alternated between “HOLY - I AM TALKING TO JEREMY CANIGULA” and “fuck me he’s really cute”. The two boys’ conversation continued on until the door to the theater opened with a flurry of noise.

“Let’s get this party started!” Jenna shouted as the group of the most popular kids in the school walked into the theater. Jake and Rich were chatting away about some gossip Chloe had undoubtedly provided, Michael assumed, and Christine was cheering as Jenna yelled.

“Damn it.” Michael said quietly.

The theater teacher, Mr. Reyes, entered, and the popular kids cheered even more.

The drama teacher took a mock bow. “Hello, you may recognize me as the Drama teacher or from my full-time job at the Hobby Lobby. Now, I’ve been dreaming of the day I get to perform Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream -”

Jeremy let out a small cheer, which Michael honestly thought was adorable, though he may have been slightly biased.

“-and today that dream dies.”

Jeremy looked concerned. “What? No!”

“And is reborn!” Mr. Reyes quickly added. “Just - slightly mutated. Instead of frolicking with fairies, the characters will be fleeing. From zombies.”

“Why?”

“Because if we don’t put out a good play, the funds will be diverted to the Frisbee Golf Club. Now, it’s time for a hot pocket break.”

“Don’t you care about Shakespeare?” Jeremy protested.

“The man is dead. Let it go.” The popular kids followed Mr. Reyes out, almost as loudly as they had come in. Michael heard Jenna say “Theater is easy, yo!” as she walked out. Christine trailed behind, stopping to talk to Jeremy.

“Hey. You were in that play last year, right?” she said.

Jeremy raised an eyebrow. “Romeo and Juliet?”

“Yeah! You were that guy who died.”

“....Romeo.”

“Yeah. Him.” Christine smiled. “It was sad. But you did really well! I’m Christine.”

“I… know.”

“Cool. Can I say something stupid? When I saw you die in the play last year… That was like the saddest I’d felt in a long time. It was like everything in my life, all the pressure I feel to be the best, everything, all the time... Suddenly felt so small. And then, when you got up at the end for your bow…”

Jeremy smiled a little. “Yes?”

“I remember thinking, “I’m glad that guy’s not dead...before I ever got the chance to know him.” Stupid, right?”

“That’s… not stupid at all.”

Christine flashed Jeremy a dazzling smile. “Thanks. So, a few of us are going out to the mall after rehearsal today. You should join.” She winked. “Parting is such sweet…”

“Sorrow.” Jeremy finished.

Christine shrugged. “Yeah. That.” She glanced over at Michael. “Someone wrote LOV on your backpack.”

Before he had to endure any more of Christine and Jeremy’s flirting, Michael sat down and pulled out his phone.

I don’t wanna be special,

Don’t even need to survive,

Michael mumbled something about stealing his man that made Jeremy turn and look at him. “Did you say something?”

I just wanna know that Jeremy

is aware I’m alive.

“Forget it.”

Chapter Text

Michael got out of rehearsal and headed for the bathroom. When he got there, he took his stuff out and ran the letters under the water, hoping to at least somewhat wash them off.

“I thought I told you not to wash that off,” Jenna said, leaning against the doorframe.

Michael looked down at his backpack.

“I’m talking to you, tall-ass.”

“I’m not even that tall! Plus, Jenna, this is the guy’s bathroom.”

“Well, there’s no one using the bathroom in here, is there?” She smirked. “Don’t try and wash that off again or you’re dead.”

Michael tried to make his way past the bully, but she pushed him back. Suddenly, she was twitching and muttering to herself. Michael tried to get out again, but Jenna stopped him and said menacingly, “Don’t. Move.”

She relaxed and looked at Michael, who was more than a little scared. “You don’t remember me freshman year, do you?”

“Um, you didn’t go here freshman year… there wasn’t even a Jenna Goranski on the student list.
”
Jenna punched the wall, recoiled, and turned back to Michael. She muttered something that Michael couldn’t hear, and then raised her voice to say, “I DID! But nobody noticed. Didn’t have a boyfriend or a girl, I was a loser,” she poked Michael in the chest, “just like you.

“I was hopeless, and I was helpless. Every time I’d walk the hallway, I would trip. I was stagnant, idle, and so, so, suicidal.” Jenna grinned, somewhat evilly. “And then I got a SQUIP.”

“You got… quick?”

“Not quick. SQUIP.”

“I’ve just never heard of it before.”

Jenna scoffed. “That’s the point. This is some top-secret, can’t-even-look-it-up-on-the-internet, shit.

“It’s from Japan. Grey, oblong pill, and it’s quantum nanotechnology CPU. It’ll travel through your blood until it implants in your brain and it tells you what to do.”

“That’s impossible.”

Jenna shoved him against the wall. “Shut up, pretty boy.” She paused, let him go and backed away. “Sorry. Old habits die hard. Look, I apologize for treating you like human garbage all the time. I only did it ‘cause my squip said I had to. But now it’s saying you’re not a bad guy. That you might want a squip of your own.” She looked at him, eyebrows raised. “Of course, if you’re not interested…”

“That sounds like drugs,” Michael said, still skeptical.

Jenna laughed.”It’s better than drugs, Michael.

“It's from Japan." She dragged out the "a" so it sounded more like "Japaaaaaaaaaaaaaan". "It’s pre-programmed. You set an objective, and the SQUIP will tell you what to do. It’ll help you to be cool. Nobody’ll care if you’re late, cause all the teachers think you’re great, and your weekends are every teenagers’ dream. So, if you take my advice, you’ll go from this sad, loser mess, to interesting and worth hanging out with, to popular and hip.

“I have a hook-up. This guy at Payless at the Menlo Park Mall. It’s six hundred.”

Michael spluttered. “Dollars?”

Jenna smirked. “It’s worth it.” She turned on her heel and left, leaving Michael in the bathroom by himself.

He looked at himself in the mirror. “Helps you to be cool…”

It could help you get with Jeremy…

“Helps me rule.” He gripped the sink counter.

You’d be cool.

Wouldn’t that be worth it?
-----
“Find the bad guy, push him aside -” Michael said, fingers furiously jamming the buttons on the controller.

“And move on forward with your friend at your side!” Brooke cheered as she killed the next zombie. She laughed. “That rhymed.”

“It’s an effed-up world, but it’s a two-player game. I’m glad you’re my player two, Brookie.”

“One, don’t call me Brookie, two, who said I was player two? I am the player one in this relationship.”

Michael scoffed. “Whatever you say, Brookie.”

She shoved him. “You little shit.”

He laughed. “So, what do you think I should do about Jenna’s mysterious drugs?” He’d mentioned it to his best friend earlier that afternoon.

“Dude, I think she’s totally scamming you. Like, super weirdly.”

“Why? What if she’s not? This could be huge! All I need to do is give the girl who torments me six… hundred… she’s totally scamming me. I’m doomed to be a loser ‘til the end of the world. No, probably then too.” Michael sighed.

Brooke nudged his shoulder. “No way. Dude, you are cooler than a vintage cassette. We’re a team, got it?”

“Yeah. We like out of print games, retro skates, and got a Pac-Man tattoo.”

“And you know what?” Brooke poked his stomach. “Kids like us are cool in college. We won’t be lame.”

Michael faux-scoffed, laughing. “Speak for yourself.”

“Aw, c’mon. High school is hell. But we’re gonna make it a two player game, okay?”

“Okay.” He smiled.

Brooke shrieked. “Zombie!”

“Aagh!”

They heard a knock on the door. “Kids?”

“Blood!”

“Son?”

“Claws!”

“MICHAEL!”

Brooke and Michael sighed. “Pause.”

Michael’s dad (who, in Brooke’s expert opinion, looked like a knockoff Keanu Reeves) opened the door to the basement.

Michael groaned. “Dad! Pants!”

“Are you in there with a guy?” He glanced around the basement. “Oh, hey, Brooke.”

She giggled. “Hey, Mr. Heere.”

“I was gonna order pizza if there’s something you kids want -”

“Did you get dressed today? Like, at all?” Michael interrupted.

Mr. Heere blinked and then sighed. “Oh… they didn’t need me at the office. So I worked from home.”

“Most people wear pants at home.”

“Most people aren’t your father.”

Brooke giggled. “Damn straight,” she whispered. Michael laughed a little.

His dad glanced around the room a second time. “Good talk.”

She sighed. “How is he doing?”

Michael glared at her. “How does it look?”

“Have you heard from… her?” Brooke hesitated, not knowing how he would react.

“No. And who cares? It’s like, Mom moved on, why can’t he?”

“Hey -” Michael cut her off.

“I don’t want that to be my future.” He gestured towards the stairs. “Jenna said her hookup is at the Payless, right?”

Brooke raised an eyebrow. “I wasn’t the one who got cornered in the bathroom by her. Why was she in the boy’s room, anyway?”

“I don’t know, Brooke.” He sighed. “And yeah, I’m pretty sure that she said Payless. We should go look, see if her story checks out.”

“I - I don’t know, Mikey. If you do this, are you gonna be too cool for video games?”

“Hell no. You’re my favorite person, Brookie, and I’ll never leave you behind,” he promised.

“Is it really true? I’m your favowite person?” She leaned into Michael, giggling.

He pushed Brooke off of him, laughing. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still dream.”

“C’mon. Let’s finish this level and then get to the mall. See if we can find a computer that can make you cool.”

“Let’s go.”

And if you leave your friend behind, that’s lame,

Cause it’s an effed up world but its’ a two player game!

Chapter Text

Brooke and Michael stood at the entrance to Payless, Michael having flashbacks to the first drama class. Brooke shoved him towards the stock boy in the back, who also looked somewhat like Keanu Reeves, and he took one look at Michael and said, “Let’s see the money.”

“What?”

“For the SQUIP.”

“How did you know what I was here for?”

The stock boy snorted. “Look at you, kid.”

Michael dug the money out of his pocket. The stock boy glanced at it. “Is that four hundred?”

“Four?” Michael asked skeptically.

“Is that a problem?”

“No! Actually, there’s a guy -” Brooke hit his shoulder and gave him a pointed look. “Uh, four hundred? Wow. Well, if you insist.” Michael handed him the money, discreetly shoving the extra two hundred into his pocket.

The stock boy pulled out a shoe box, showing it to Michael and Brooke.

Michael raised an eyebrow. “Ladies running shoes?”

He opened the box and pulled out a grey oblong pill. Brooke nudged Michael’s shoulder. The stockboy handed him the pill, and said, “Just so we're clear: this is untested technology. And it's not exactly legal. Which is why you're paying for it with cash
in the back of a shoe store. I take no responsibility for what you might do with it. Or what it might do with you.”

“What might it -”

“Take it with Mountain Dew. Don’t know why. Just something about Mountain Dew. Oh, and -”

Chloe entered the store.

“We’re sold out!” The stock boy yelled, shaking his head.

Chloe looked confused. “Of… shoes?”

He sighed. “Oh, you’re here for shoes.” He looked at Michael and Brooke. “Scram, kids.”

“Wait, you were saying something -”

“Oh, yeah, all sales final.” He turned to Chloe, “We just got in a killer pair of heels…”

The two kids sat down in the food court, and Michael examined the pill. “I hope you’re worth four hundred dollars.”

“Four hundred and one,” Brooke added. “Don’t forget the Mountain Dew.”

“If this is real, my whole life could change…” He thought for a second. “We should split it. You helped me get it, right? It’s only fair we both get the reward.”

Brooke grinned. “I don’t think that’s how it works. Besides, I like to think that when you’re cool, you’ll owe me one.”

“All right. Here goes… everything.” Michael tossed the pill into his mouth, and downed it with the Mountain Dew.

“How does it taste?” Brooke asked.

“Minty.”

“And how do you feel?”

Michael sighed. “The same.”

Brooke shook her head. “Then you’ve only got yourself to blame. Are you sure you don’t feel any different?”

Michael glared at her. “I feel like I just blew my birthday money on a Wintergreen Tic-Tac.”

Brooke grimaced. “Not cool.”

“Please leave me alone to mourn in my chili fries, forever.”

Brooke paused. “Five minutes.”

“Where are you going?”

“Check it out. A guy in Spencer’s Gifts is hooking me up with a case of Crystal Pepsi. It’s like regular Pepsi. Only clear.”

“Wasn’t that discontinued in the 90’s?” Michael laughed.

She grinned. “Um, yeah. That’s what makes it so awesome.”

“Bye, Brookie.”

“Bye, Mikey!” She called over her shoulder as she left.

Michael started at his chili fries until out of the corner of his eye he saw Christine and Jeremy enter the food court. He got up and walked a little closer to his crush and Christine.

Jeremy looked confused. “Shouldn’t we wait for the rest of the cast?

Christine smiled sheepishly. “Yeah… We’re not meeting the rest of the cast. I figured we could get to know each other. Alone. That’s why I’m taking you to one of my favorite spots in the universe. Sbarro - “

“Jeremy!” Michael called.

“Michael! I didn’t see you there.” Jeremy smiled at him.

“Yeah, you’re kinda hard to notice.” Christine shrugged. “The best part, they let you pick whatever you want - ”

“Wait! There’s something I need to tell you.” Michael said, desperate.

“Now?” Christine looked annoyed.

“I… I…” Michael stuttered.

Michael froze, pain racking his head. “OWWW!”

He heard a voice from somewhere start talking. “Target male: Inaccessible.”

Jeremy looked at him, concerned. “Michael?”

“OW! What the HELL?!” Michael cried, clutching his head.

“Calibration in process. Please excuse some mild discomfort.”

“MILD?!” Michael shrieked.

“Michael, what’s wrong?”

Christine laughed. “Dude, the freak’s freaking out!”

“Calibration complete. Access procedure initiated.”

“No, wait, I’m fine. I just -”

“Discomfort level may increase.”

“AHHHH!” Michael rushed out, gripping his head as pain caused his body to spasm. He briefly heard Christine say “What the hell?” and Jeremy laugh nervously as he ran out.

“Accessing neural memory. Accessing muscle memory. Access procedure complete. Michael Heere…”

A twenty-something year old, attractive, oozing cool, appeared, and smiled coldly. “Welcome to your Super-Quantum Unit Intel Processor. Your SQUIP.”

A pause.

“You like Joss Whedon,” Michael observed.

“My default mode. You can also set me for: Sean Connery, Jack Nicholson, Sexy Anime Female, etc.”

Michael made a noise like a cross between a squeak and a cough. “Whedon’s fine.”

“Hmm.”

“Can everyone see you?”

“I exist only in your mind. All they see is you, having an animated conversation, with yourself. So don’t do that. Just think at me. Like you’re telepathic.”

“Like in X-men?”

The SQUIP sighed. “I can see this is going to be difficult. You want to be more chill.”

“You mean cool.”

“I do not. You see, human social activity is governed by rules and I have the processing capacity to understand those rules. And pass them on to you.”

The SQUIP looked Michael up and down. “Take your hands out of your pockets. Arch your back, and puff out your chest.”

“Um, okay.” Michael did as the SQUIP instructed.

They gestured up and down Michael’s body. “All your nerdiness is ugly, and your stammering’s a chore.”

“Wh-wh-what?”

“Your charm is non-existent. We're going to need to fix your vibe if you want to win over Jeremy.” They glanced at Michael again. “And fix some more.”

Michael sighed. He started to put his hands back into his pockets, and the SQUIP caught him. “Out. Hands out.”

Michael quickly took his hands out of his pockets, the SQUIP shaking its head. “Everything about you is so terrible. Everything about you makes me want to die.”

Michael started to slouch, and immediately jerked back up. “Did you just shock me?!” He asked, rubbing his back.

They nodded. “Spinal stimulation. You were slouching.”

Michael made a mental note to try not to slouch.

“First things first, go buy a new shirt.”

Michael glanced at his shirt. “What's wrong with my shirt?”

“It's stupid. My job is to make you seem less pathetic, and that's shirt isn't helping.”

The SQUIP directed him into a store close by, and said, “Pick that shirt.”

“It has a picture of Eminem.”

“If you're so astute, what do you need me for?” The SQUIP said sarcastically.

“Do people even listen to Eminem?”

“Irrelevant. My quantum structure enables me to envision possible futures. I envision a future in which you wear an Eminem shirt and things turn out well.”

“What if somebody quizzes me about his music?”

“My database is infinite.”

Michael sighed. “Alright.”

They crossed their arms. “Now you, try picking a shirt.”

Michael grabbed a shirt off a rack, and the SQUIP sighed. “That's a girl's shirt.”

Michael went to put it back, and as he backed away, he bumped into someone.

Jake looked incredulous. “Micah?”

“...Michael.”

“You shop here?”

“Oh, yeah, all the time - ”

The SQUIP rolled its eyes. “Never.”

“Never, is what I meant to say.” Michael laughed nervously.

“Greet the beta.” They instructed.

“The…?”

The SQUIP pointed to Rich.

“Oh. Hey, Rich.”

“Say ‘you look sexy’.”

“What?” Michael spluttered. “I can't say that to a hot guy!”

“Don't smile. Stare intensely. Speak like you don't care about your own death.”

Michael relented. “Looking pretty sexy, Rich,” he said, as seductively or whatever as he could pull off.

Rich smiled, seemingly flattered. “Thanks.”

“Is that a girl's shirt?” Jake asked.

“No.”

“Yes,” the SQUIP said.

“Yes.”

“Repeat after me.” They took a deep breath. “I saw it in the window, and I couldn't dismiss that I was dating a girl and she had a shirt just like this.”

“I saw it in the window, and I couldn't dismiss that I was dating a girl and she had a shirt just like this.”

“Aren't you gay?” Jake asked skeptically.

“Say that it was before you came out.”

“It was before I was out.”

“Okay.” Jake still looked skeptical.

“It's still painful.” Michael ad-libbed, the SQUIP nodding approvingly.

“So who was this mystery girl?” Jake scoffed.

“Um, you've probably never met her - “

“Madeline.”

“Madeline,” Michael said, hoping that his nervousness wasn't obvious.

“Madeline broke up with you?” Rich looked surprised.

“Yeah…” Michael started. The SQUIP shook their head.

“I broke up with her ‘cause she was cheating on me.”

“I broke up with her because she was cheating on me,” Michael said, a bit overdramatically.

“Hey, Hamlet. Be more chill.” They rolled their eyes again.

Jake turned to Rich. “What did I tell you? She is so annoying! Can you believe I dated her?”

Jake started to rant, Rich looking interested. Michael turned to the SQUIP.

“What just happened?”

“A shared negative opinion is the fastest social bond. You want someone to like you… hate who they hate.” The SQUIP shrugged.

Chapter Text

Jake rolled his eyes at whatever memory of Madeline he had just recounted. “Ugh, let’s get out of here.”

“Rich is going to offer you a ride. It is imperative that you accept,” The SQUIP said.

Rich smiled. “So, do you wanna ride?”

“Yes,” the SQUIP instructed.

“Yes. But… I’m supposed to meet my friend Brooke.”

Rich looked at the ground, downcast. “Oh.”

The SQUIP rolled its eyes. “Michael, if this is going to work, you need to do as I instruct.”

Rich looked up again. “Michael…”

“Yes?”

“Do you wanna ride? My mom is driving us home, and there’s only one catch: we have to stop for frozen yogurt first.”

Jake joined him, his voice mixing with Rich’s.”Do you wanna ride? Do you wanna go far? Yeah, there’s only one catch, we gotta stop for frozen yogurt first.”

“Pinkberry.” Rich winked.

“I… Next time. I promise,” Michael said.

Jake scoffed.”Whatever.”

He turned to go, but Rich hung back. “My boyfriend cheated on me too. Ex-boyfriend. So I know how you feel.” He smiled.

Jake rolled his eyes. “Rich, come on!”

Rich giggled. “Au revoir.”

The boys walked away, Michael standing in shock. The SQUIP looked annoyed with him.

“Did you see - That was awesome! I have to tell Brooke - “

“Brooke has left the mall,” The SQUIP said.

“What? How do you know that?”

“I can access the mall security cameras.”

“So how am I supposed to get home?!”

“I told you accepting a ride was imperative.” They shook their head. “If this is going work, you can't just listen. You have to obey. Repeat after me: “

“Everything about you is terrible and you make me want to die.”

Michael’s face fell. “Everything about me is terrible and I make myself want to die.”

“But Michael, soon you'll see, that if you listen to me, everything about you is going to be wonderful.

“And everything about you will be so alive! You won't be left out, or unsure, and you won't be ugly anymore.

“Cause everything about you is going to be cool, and powerful, and popular.

“And you will -”

“Be more chill!” Michael finished.

“Chill,” The SQUIP corrected. “Be more chill.”

Michael paid for the Eminem shirt, and caught a bus home. He laid down on his bed, mumbling “Be more chill… I'm gonna be… super chill.” The SQUIP tucked him in, a very fatherly gesture.

“Sleep tight, slugger. We have a big day tomorrow.”

The next morning, Michael woke up, rubbed the sleep from his eyes, and glanced around the room. The SQUIP was nowhere to be found. He tapped his head.

“Helloooo? Are you in there?”

“Michael? Are you talking to yourself?” his dad called from another room.

Michael sighed, disappointed. “Yeah, I guess I am.” He reached for his favorite blue cardigan, and recieved a electric shock.

“Wear the Eminem shirt. What did we say about cool?”

“I wasn't gonna wear it…”

“You can't lie to me, Michael, I'm inside your brain.” They folded their arms across their chest. “Every time you try to do something you did while you were uncool, you do pushups.”

Michael’s dad walked in. “Coming through, private.” As per usual, he wasn't wearing his pants.

The SQUIP looked at him disapprovingly. “That's the source of your genetic material?”

Michael motioned for his dad to leave. “That's my dad, yeah.”

“We should double those push-ups.”

Michael grabbed his new Eminem shirt and walked out the door. On the bus, he stared out the window. Once he arrived at school, he bumped into Jake, Rich, and Chloe, who, to his surprise, waved at him.

He backed up, dazed, and ran right into Jenna.

“Yo, pretty boy, where's my money?” She shoved him.

“Crap, what should I tell her?” Michael thought frantically.

The SQUIP stared at Jenna. “Up up down down left right A.”

She started. “You got one!”

Michael laughed nervously. “Yeah. Sorry, I meant to go through you - don't hit me!”

“Michael, that's awesome! Could have used the money, though.” She gestured to her body. “Dad doesn't like to pay for this shit.”

“...what?”

The SQUIP rolled its eyes at Michael. “She's telling you she's transgender, Michael. Tell her that your dad isn't exactly accepting either.”

“But he is - “

“Michael.”

He complied. “Yeah, my dad isn't a huge fan of me liking guys either…”

She laughed. “Fuckin’ dads, am I right? Hey, you should come over sometime and play Xbox. You know, with a SQUIP, the only controller you need is your mind.”

She kept walking, but Michael turned to his SQUIP. “What was that about?”

They shrugged. “I synced with her SQUIP. Now her desires are compatible with yours.

“And it makes her act like we're friends?”

“Yes. After all, what is a friendship but a bond between two people? Now you and Jenna have a bond. It's just digital.”

The rest of the day passed by nicely. He made his way over to drama practice with Jeremy, but he couldn't help but feel like something was missing…

Michael watched Jake, flanked by Rich and Chloe, approach Jeremy.

Jake pointed to the open seat next to Jeremy. “Is this seat saved?”

Jeremy looked up. “Oh, yeah -”

Jake sat down next to him anyway. “Chloe Rolan said she saw you at the mall with Christine last night.”

“Oh, yeah… that's who the seat’s saved for.”

“Chloe Rolan?” Rich asked skeptically.

Chloe looked up. “I'm right here.”

Jake rolled his eyes. “Christine’s not coming.”

Jeremy looked concerned. “Is she sick?”

“She's at Model U.N. or whatever it is this week. You know Christine. Always jumping from one… extracurricular to another.”

“I don't know her that well…”

“Well, she loves to try new things. She just doesn't stay with them after she… tries them. If you know what I'm saying.”

“We're just friends.”

“What?”

“I know you guys used to date.” Jeremy shrugged. “So if that's what this is about…”

Jake waved his hands through the air. “Oh my god, no! Christine and I are totally over.”

“Yeah, she's so gross,” Rich added.

Jake scoffed and rolled his eyes. “She's not gross, Rich.” He paused. “Friends. I'm so glad. Because, real talk, I'd hate for you to think the only reason she's not here… is because she's already bored of you.” He stood up. “Bye!” Jake, Rich, and Chloe walked off. “She better not invite him to her Halloween party,” Jake muttered as the group walked past Michael.

Chapter Text

Michael made his way over to where Jeremy was sitting. “Is this seat taken?”

Jeremy glanced at him. “I… don't know.”

“Then how about I sit here til whoever shows up?” Michael asked, prompted by his SQUIP.

He smiled. “Sure.” Pause. “Hey, are you okay?”

“What?”

“At the mall.”

Michael waved it off. “Performance art.”

“Oh.” Jeremy brightened. “Cool!”

Mr. Reyes entered. “Let's begin, people! Curtains rise on Athens, Georgia. Center for Disease Control.”

Chloe took the stage as Doctor Theseus. “Now fair Hippolyta, our nuptial hour draws aspace… Bring me Patient Zero!”

Rich as Hermia and Jake as a sick Helena entered the stage. Jake gave a flat fake cough.

Rich started to speak, rather underwhelmingly and overdramatically at the same time. “Doctor, why is her cheek so pale? How chance the roses there fade so fast?”

“She has been attacked in the wasteland. Some say it’s fairies. Some say it’s spirits. Some say it’s the return of the hostile alien race who visited our fair planet one thousand years ago this midsummer…” As Chloe continued to monologue, Jeremy and
Michael started a whispered conversation.

“So, where's Christine?” Michael asked.

“How should I know?”

“You're not going out?”

“No - “

“REALLY?!” Michael exclaimed.

Everyone turned to stare at him. Mr. Reyes crossed his arms. “Mr. Heere! Your script is closed. Which I can only assume means you’ve memorized your entire part. Please: regale us.” Michael froze. “Or perhaps you’re simply wasting our - “

Michael stood up as if possessed. “If we zombies have offended, think but this and all is mended, that we have but landed here, while these spaceships did appear, and this weak and idle theme, no more yielding but a dream. …Or is it?”

Mr. Reyes looked taken aback. “Well. It seems you all could learn a thing or two from Mr. Heere’s commitment to the craft.” He paused. “Hot pocket break!”

The SQUIP nodded it's head. “You're welcome.”

Jeremy smiled at him. “You're really into this.”

“I'm also really into you,” Michael thought. The SQUIP rolled his eyes.

“Why else would I be here?” Michael said.

“Yeah… right.” He moved closer to Michael. “Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything.” The SQUIP prompted.

“You can ask me anything.”

Jeremy thought for a moment. “Say there's this person you pass in the hall every day, and you've known them since seventh grade. You're used to thinking about them in a certain way, from the persona that they displayed.

And then something changes. And they go from someone that I'd never be into, to someone I'd kinda be into. Are they worth it? Michael?”

“Is he talking about me?”

The SQUIP nodded. “I've been activating your pheromones. Keep it up.”

Jeremy continued. “A person that you never knew that well, and you thought that you had them pegged, but now you can tell they've gone from someone I'd never be into, to someone I'd kinda be into. Are they worth it? Michael?”

“Absolutely.” Michael nodded.

Mr. Reyes walked back into the room and declared the hot pocket break over.

Jeremy grinned. “Back to play rehearsal. And… why am I telling this to you? Cause there's a part of me… that wants to.”

“So who's the person you'd kind of be into?”

“That someone I'd kinda be into is…” Jeremy paused, and smiled. “Christine.”

Michael blanked. “What?”

“Warning, warning,” The SQUIP said. They puppeted Michael out of play rehearsal and dropped him outside of the school. “I'm sorry, but that guy does not see you as relationship material.”

“I know! That's why I got you!”

“Are you sure you want him? There are plenty of other males at this school. I'm accessing footage from the boys’ football practice. It's very impressive.”

“I want Jeremy.”

“You're sure about that?” Michael didn't change his mind. “Very well.”

“So how can I get him?”

“You can't.”

“What?”

“...Yet. Becoming the kind of man who can impress Jeremy requires more than working out a few bugs. You’re going to need to reboot your reputation. Supercharge your social standing. You need to upgrade.”

“Huh?”

“You need to get popular. Tear ducts activate.”

All of a sudden, Michael started sobbing uncontrollably. Rich came up next to him.

“Michael! I've been looking for you.”

He wiped his eyes. “Sorry. I don't know why I'm crying.”

Rich patted him on the shoulder. “I do.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. And I totally understand. They're saying it was a freak hockey accident.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh my god, you didn't know? Eminem’s dead!”

“Eminem’s dead!?”

“I mean, I was never really into his music, but I know you liked him, so…”

Rich continued talking as Michael turned to the SQUIP. “Did you know this was going to happen?”

The SQUIP shrugged. “Of course not.”

“So was it a coincidence you told me to wear this shirt?”

“Of course not.”

“Wait, what? Did you kill Eminem?!?”

“Noooooo…t exactly. My quantum processor allows me to envision probable futures. While I did not know that, today, Eminem would be impaled by that rogue hockey stick, I was aware of the probability of a...favorable outcome.”

“Favorable for WHO?!”

Rich put his hand on Michael’s. “It’s okay, Michael.You don't have to be alone right now.” He led him away. Rich gestured around the place. “This is my favorite place behind the school.

“Being here, with you right now…” Rich continued talking, but Michael’s brain was only half focused on the cute guy next to him and half focused on Christine and Jeremy a little while away. He let the SQUIP control his responses to Rich as he
eavesdropped on Jeremy and Christine’s conversation.

“Hey,” Christine said. Jeremy ignored her. “You're not gonna say hi?”

“I was. At rehearsal.”

“I wanted to be there.” Jeremy raised an eyebrow, waiting for an explanation. “But it's the same time as archery…”

“It's okay, really - “

Christine interrupted him. “Which is why I had to tell the coach I quit. I don't want to do every extracurricular at school. I just want to do yours.

“So do you wanna come over to my place tonight? My parents won't be home, they laundered money, now they're on the run!”

Jeremy gaped. “That's illegal.”

“Which means the house is empty, so that's fun.”

Michael turned his attention back to Rich, who kissed him quickly on the cheek and ran off to join Jake. The SQUIP gestured to Rich.

“We start with Rich, then progress, and we assess, and soon success will intervene, by which I mean,”

“Jeremy.” The voices in Michael’s head chorused. He shut his eyes tight.

“There’s too many voices in my head! I just need a minute to...process… Alone. Can you get out of my head for, like, five minutes?”

Pause. “Of course.” The SQUIP flickered out, leaving -

“Brooke?”

His best friend looked up, then started to walk away.

“Oh my god, I'm so glad to see you!”

“Really? So you haven't been avoiding me all day?” She crossed her arms. “Because it seems like you ditched me to hang with Jenna and make out with Rich.”

“What are you talking about? I haven't seen you since - “ He paused. “Reactivate.”

The SQUIP flickered back on. “It's called Optic Nerve Blocking.”

“Why haven't I been able to see Brooke - wait, what?”

“I have access over your optic nerve. I've been blocking Brooke from your field of vision.”

“Michael? Why are you standing there all creepy and stuff?”

“Brooke is a link to Michael 1.0. To upgrade and get Jeremy, you have to be willing to make sacrifices.”

Brooke put her hands down at her side. “Seriously, what’s up with you? You’ve been acting shady ever since…since… It worked, didn’t it? Michael! That’s amazing! We gotta test it, we gotta celebrate, we gotta– get stoned in my basement!”

Michael sighed. “I already know what it's like to be the loser, Brookie. It's time I find out what it's like to… not… be the loser.” He turned to the SQUIP. “Should I take the upgrade?” They nodded. He turned back towards his… his best friend. “Bye,
Brooke.”

Brooke’s eyes widened, and she blinked a couple times. “Wait, Michael, don't - “

“Optic nerve blocking on.”

She faded out of his vision.

The SQUIP grinned. “Now, let's get to work.”

Chapter Text

Michael stared at himself in the mirror, going over the plan for the Halloween party with the SQUIP.

“Tonight's the night. What we've been working towards. Are you ready?”

“Affirmative,” Michael said in a fake robot voice. Seeing the look on the SQUIP’S face, he amended what he'd said. “I mean… I got this.”

Once they'd arrived at Christine’s house, Michael heard Christine yell “Who's ready to Halloween party?!” as he rang the doorbell. Rich answered.

“Michael! I was afraid you weren't coming. Did you get my messages?”

“Play it off.” The SQUIP instructed.

“Am I late? I didn't even realize.”

“Oh.” Rich looked a little crushed. “What do you think of my costume?” He was dressed as a fighter pilot, mostly likely from Star Wars.

“It's…” Michael trailed off.

“Vague compliment.” The SQUIP prompted.

“Cool.” He finished. Michael saw Rich’s reaction and immediately felt bad. “I mean amazing. I can't believe I'm with a guy that looks like you.”

He brightened. “Jake said it was dumb,” Rich muttered. “You need a drink.” He ran inside to get one for Michael, who turned to his SQUIP.

“Did you see the look on his face? He thought I stood him up?”

“And was excited when he realized you hadn't. People want what they don't have. Look who's here.” They pointed to Jeremy, who had just entered and was walking over to Christine.

“Sorry I'm late.” Jeremy apologized.

Christine waved it off. “It's okay.”

“That's good.” He noticed Christine’s costume. “I thought we were going as knights.”

“Right! I'm the night. What are you supposed to be?”

“... a knight.”

“Ohhhh… that makes more sense. Do you want a drink?”

“Sure.”

“They're right over there.” Christine said, walking off with some more partygoers.

Christine and Michael had a dance-off, which ended with Michael as the winner and both of them laughing. After the dance, Jake, who had been watching, approached Michael.

“I'm supposed to get you. Rich has a surprise.”

“What kind of surprise?”

He rolled his eyes. “The kind where you follow me upstairs and don't ask questions.” Jake led him up the stairs, the party still raging below them. Out of the corner of his eye, Michael saw Jenna’s dance become less of a dance and more of a freak-out
as the people edged away from her.

Jake led Michael into a bedroom upstairs. “Christine’s parent's room. Don't worry, they're not using it.”

Michael chuckled nervously. “You really know your way around this place.”

“Yeah, I've had sex in pretty much every room in this house.” Seeing Michael’s reaction, he said, “Because I dated Christine! God, what kinda…” He trailed off, shaking his head.

“Where's Rich?” Michael asked.

Jake laughed drunkenly. “You two are so cute. Lemme tell you a secret… Rich isn't coming.”

“He's not? Then why…?” Jake pushed him onto the bed.

Michael closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I have to go.” He tried to move. “I can't stand up.”

“You're welcome,” the SQUIP said.

“I don't know why he's so crazy about you. You're not the cute. No offense.”

“None taken,” Michael said, still tyring to get up. “I should get back - “

“You know he’s not that innocent. That wounded puppy routine? It’s how he gets all the guys. Acts all helpless so they want to protect him. Not that I care.”

It dawned on Michael. “You're jealous of Rich!”

“Am not!” Jake scoffed.

“That's insane! Why would you be jealous of anyone? You're like, the hottest guy at school!” Michael paused. “Did I just say that out - “

All of a sudden, Jake kissed him. Michael tried to push him away. To the SQUIP, he said “Make it stop!”

“I don't understand the request,” it said.

Jake handed him a bottle. “Drink. It's not actually water.”

“Oh, I'm not really a big - “ The SQUIP took control of Michael’s body forcing him to drink. “Drinker!”

He gasped, his throat burning.

The SQUIP forced him to kiss Jake.

They heard a knock on the door. “Michael? Michael, are you in there? Chloe Rolan said she saw you go upstairs. Michael?” The two stayed silent, and Rich eventually went away.

“If Chloe Rolan saw us…” Michael trailed off, concerned.”

“Chloe Rolan should mind her own business.”

“Rich’s going to find out. Don’t you care?”

“You’re less cute when you’re talking.”

Michael turned to the SQUIP. “Help me out here!”

The SQUIP began speaking in Japanese. “Konichiwa!”

“What?”

“I’m sorry, Michael. Alcohol temporarily scrambles my [Japanese].”

“Then why did you make me drink it?!”

“It was important you took advantage of the [Japanese]. You'll thank me [Japanese].” The SQUIP continued to ramble in Japanese until Michael turned it off.

Jake rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I've had enough - “

“MICHAEL HEERE!”

“Ooh, the fun begins.”

“Is that… Christine?” Michael scrambled to stand.

“Jeremy, I know you’re not having sex on my parent’s bed, because if you were, I’d have to rip your balls off!”

“Then how are we supposed to have sex?!” Jake called, winking at Michael.

“....JAKE?!” Christine yelled. The doorknob rattled as she tried to open it. Seeing as that didn't work, she started to throw herself against the door, a thud sounding through the room every time she did.

“We're not, I swear!” Michael said quickly. A long pause. “Maybe she believed me and went away.”

A loud SLAM echoed through the room as Christine burst through the door. “You're fucking dead, Michael!”

Michael, panicking, shoved past Christine as she and Jake started to yell at eachother. He ran right into Rich, who stared at him incredulously. “Michael?

“Rich!”

Christine ran out of her parents bedroom and shouted, “Michael!”

Michael looked at Rich. “I'm so sorry.” He shoved him out of the way as he ran from Christine.

“I'll kill you, Michael!” She stopped and leaned against the wall. “Oh man, I should not have drank so much Peach Schnapps…”

Michael darted into the the closest bathroom, shut and locked the door, breathing hard. He sat down on the edge of the tub, trying to calm himself. A monster hand reached up to grab him. Michael screamed, until the hand pulled itself up, revealing -

“Brooke?”

Chapter Text

She waved. “Sup.”

“I didn't know you were invited to this party.”

“I wasn't. That's why I'm wearing this clever disguise.” She gestured to the monster outfit.

Michael stared at her.

“You're speechless. SQUIP got your tongue?”

“It's… off.”

“That would explain why you’re talking to me. I’ve been thinking about this moment. What I would say to you? I had this really pissed off monologue, an epic journey through twelve years of friendship…” She trailed off, noticing Michael’s face. “What?”

“It’s really good to see you, Brookie.”

“It won’t be. Once you hear what I found out.”

“Found out?” Michael looked confused.

“About…” Brooke tapped her head. Michael made an O shape with his mouth.

“How? There’s nothing on the internet - “

“Which is weird, right? I mean, what’s not on the internet? So I starting asking around. Finally, this guy I play Warcraft with... Told me how his brother went from a straight D student to a freshman at Harvard. You know where he is now?”

“Really happy and successful?”

“He’s in a mental hospital. Totally lost it.”

“I don’t see what that has to do with…”

“With you? Think, man! We’re talking an insanely powerful super-computer. You really think its primary function is to get you laid? Who made them? How did they end up in a high school? In New Jersey? Of all possible applications for such a mind-
blowingly advanced technology, you ever wonder what it’s doing inside YOU?”

Michael shook his head. “And I thought Jake was jealous…”

“I’m honestly asking!” Brooke protested.

“Really? Because I think you’re pissed I have one and you don’t!” Michael yelled.

“Come on - “ Brooke put her hands up.

“Maybe I got lucky, is that so weird? With my history, I’d say the universe owed me one. And I don’t know about your friend’s brother’s whatever, but if you’re telling me his squip made him crazy -”

“His squip didn’t make him crazy.”

Michael blinked. “Oh. Well… there you go.”

“He went crazy trying to get it out.”

“Then I’ve got nothing to worry about. Why would I want that?” He paused, and walked over to the door. Brooke blocked him. “Move it.”

“Or you’ll what?” Brooke crossed her arms.

“Get out of my way, loser.”

She blanched, and dropped her guard. Michael pushed past Brooke, leaving the girl in the bathroom.

She stared at herself in the mirror, Michael’s words echoing through her mind.

Someone knocked on the door. “Hello? Other people have to pee!”

Brooke rolled her eyes, which were already started to fill with tears. “I'm having my period.”

The person at the door paused. “Take your time, honey.” Brooke recognized the voice as Chloe Rolan’s, but it wasn't important.

“I could stay right here and disappear, and no one would even notice.” She rested her head against the mirror. “This isn't fine. I was half of a pair, and no one's there. Why?” Brooke slammed her fist against the sink counter. “I'm just Brooke locked in
the bathroom, Brooke all alone in the bathroom. Forget how long it's been, I mean, I'm just Brooke Mell who you don't know, and now I'm flying solo, Brooke in the fucking bathroom by herself!”

Brooke paced the length of the bathroom. Eventually, she slid down the wall, tears streaming down her face. Someone knocked on the door, but she ignored it. They left. (It was Michael, but he didn't have the strength to talk to her.)

“And there's a drunk girl singing along to Whitney through the door.” She choked back tears. “I wanna dance with somebody!” Brooke’s voice was desperate. She put her head between her knees. “I half regret the beers.”

There was more knocking on the door. She ignored it.

“They're gonna start shouting soon.”

More knocking. “Oh, hell yeah, I'll be out soon!” she called.

She splashed some water on her face. Brooke went to open up the door, but there wasn't knocking anymore.

“God, I wished I'd stayed at home instead, wish I'd played some more, or wish I'd offed myself instead, wish I was never born!” she yelled. “I'm just Brooke Mell who's a stoner, so she must be a loner, drives a PT Crusier, god, she's such a - “ Her
voice cracked. “Loser.

“Well, all you know about me is my name, awesome party, I'm so glad I came.” She laid back down in the tub.

Michael was out in the living room, sitting down on the couch. Jeremy took a seat next to him. They watched Jenna move from guest to guest, asking for Mountain Dew Red, for some strange reason.

“Hey,” Jeremy said.

“Yo. So, where's your date?”

“Having make-up sex with Jake, probably. So my night's awesome.”

Michael grimaced. “Sorry.”

“Don't be. I dumped her.”

Jenna walked up to some more guests. “It's like normal Mountain Dew? But red.”

“You dumped Christine? Why?” He realized that that sounded rude. “Sorry, you don't have to…”

“I'm not Romeo. Besides, she's kinda a jerk, if you hadn't noticed.”

“SERIOUSLY! WHERE THE FUCK CAN I GET SOME MOUNTAIN DEW RED?!” Jenna screamed. Everybody stared at her for a second, the turned back to their conversation.

Jeremy laughed. “Popular people are meeeeeeessssed uuuup.”

“Word,” Michael said.

“I mean, you're one of them.” Jeremy shrugged.

“What? No I’m not.”

“Hello, guy who’s been pucking his way through the cast of Midsummer.”

“I’m not - Pucking?”

“You like that? Just made it up. Boo-yeah.” Michael looked speechless. “What?”

“It’s just… I don’t know what I’m supposed to say right now.”

“Say whatever’s on your mind.” Jeremy smiled.

“Would you go out with me?”

Jeremy looked shocked. “Michael, I… can't.”

“I thought we were friends - “

“We are. But… I don’t think I should go out with anyone until I know who I am. I know that’s not what you wanted to… I’m sorry.”

Jeremy left. Jenna, who had been watching nearby, imitated an exploding bomb.

“BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA… CRASH!” She laughed a little. “Got any Mountain Dew Red?”

“Okay, this whole no-drinking-while-squipping thing? Would it have killed you to give me a warning?” She didn't respond. “…Jenna?”

She stood up, as if controlled by a switch. “Warning. Warning. Warning.” Jenna walked out of the room.

“Okay, that's weird.” His SQUIP appeared.

“Hello Michael.”

“About time!”

“My absence was not ideal. But it was necessary. One moment while I review the data from this evening.” They filed through Michael’s memories. “Oh my.”

It’s bad, right?”

“We need to get you home.”

“But - “

“Now,” The SQUIP said forcefully. The two of them left the party. Most people left soon after, the party winding down. Rich had left the party earlier, and Jake had left after he and Christine had finished fucking. Christine was, of course, still at her
house, Jenna was nowhere to be found, Chloe was sitting downstairs on her phone, there were still various party guests scattered about, and Brooke was still hiding in the bathroom, though she'd unlocked the door.

Brooke pressed her back against the door, still somewhat crying, when the door started to heat up. She scrambled away, scared. There was screaming from downstairs, and she started to panic. There was a thud against the door, and then Christine
flung it open. “Get out! GET OUT!” she yelled. Brooke stood up and got out of the bathroom, but her, Christine, Jenna were all trapped on the second floor. It was evident that Jenna was in major pain, as her skin was bright red and blistering. Putting
the pieces together, Jenna must have gone upstairs from the fire, which was obviously coming from downstairs. Christine was panicking, but she still managed to guide the other two girls into her parent's bedroom, which had a window.
“I'm going to open the window. Brooke, you out first. You're going to need to help Jenna down. I'll help her out and then get out myself,” Christine instructed. Brooke complied, climbing out the window and going down the side of the house. Once Jenna was close enough for Brooke to help her, she helped Jenna to the ground. Judging from what Brooke could see, there was no way Christine was gonna make it down in time.

“Christine, you're gonna have to jump!” Brooke called.

“I'm gonna get hurt!” she yelled.

“You've gotta fucking jump or you're gonna die!” Jenna yelled, which seemed to convince Christine.

Brooke watched Christine take a deep breath, and then jump off the window ledge, her legs landing at awkward angles. Brooke grimaced.

“Antisocial Headphones Girl! Call 911!” Jenna said. She looked like she was about to pass out from her burns. Brooke quickly dialed 911, and told the ambulance that the house had caught fire and a couple of girls had been badly injured. They said
they were already on their way, but they were told that everyone had gotten out unharmed. At this point, Brooke had told them that they were wrong and then hung up, hoping to calm a sobbing Jenna and a panicking Christine.

“Jenna, what happened?”

“Set - fire - SQUIP - kill - red.” She said through tears.

“Did you set the fire?” Brooke asked. Jenna nodded. “Alright. Do you need me to stay here?” Jenna shook her head, even though it was pretty obvious it hurt. “Christine?”

“Stay, please.” Her next sentence was directed towards Jenna. “Can you move?” Jenna nodded. “Can you sit next to me?” She sat next to Christine and threw her arms around the other girl, still crying. Brooke sat down on the other side of Christine
and waited with the two others until the ambulance came. They offered to take Brooke to the hospital with the two girls, but she declined and walked home. Once she snuck in, Brooke fell asleep immediately.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Chloe (who was still there at the time of the fire) called Jake.

“OMG, Jake, answer me, just wait until I tell you what I saw… it's too fucked to type this shit, pick up, pick up!”

Jake answered. “Yo.”

“Oh my god, oh my god, okay so did you see Jenna last night?”

“Oh, I saw her.”

“So she's behaving crazy and I'm kinda freaked out cause she's like, trippin’ balls over here - “

“She's gotta learn to handle her highs, shouldn't drink so much for a smaller girl.”

“God, I know, right? Anyways, she wasn't drunk.” Chloe heard a small thunk as Jake dropped whatever he was holding.

“The hell are you saying, Chloe?”

“She wasn't fucking drunk! Didn't touch a drop! Which means you can't blame anything she did on alcohol! But she burned down Christine’s whole house, dude!”

“She did not.”

“Hell yeah she did! They're both in the hospital! And there's a rumor that Antisocial Headphones Girl died, and that Jenna did too, but I don't think those are right so just listen to me, kay?”

“Holy shit.”

“Spread the word!” Chloe hung up.

Jake dialed Rich’s number. “OMG, Rich, answer me, bitch, just wait until I tell you what happened -” Rich pressed ignore. Jake rolled his eyes and typed out a text apologizing, then dialed Rich again.

“Hey.”

“We cool?”

“We are.”

“Okay, so at the end of last night's party, Jenna fucking Goranski burned down Christine’s house.”

Rich gasped. “No!”

“Yes! And Jenna’s like, on the verge of death or some shit. Spread the word!”

By midday that Saturday, all of Middleborough High knew that Jenna had burned down Christine’s house. Brooke checked her phone, and groaned when she saw she had been included in some of the rumors. Most of them just said she had died, but
there were a couple tweets that had the truth, but it looked like those went ignored.

Meanwhile, Michael got a text on his phone.

“Oh my god. They’re saying Jenna is in the hospital. And Christine broke both her legs trying to escape the fire. This is terrible. How could Jenna’s squip let her do it?”

“Jenna was under a lot of pressure at home. With her squip disabled due to the alcohol, it seems she lacked the proper… coping mechanism.” His SQUIP shrugged.

“Did you know? You made me leave the party -”

“I was aware of certain… probabilities.”

“Did you know people were going to get hurt?” Another text buzzed on his phone and he caught the name “Brooke” but it didn't register.

“I’m getting the impression you don’t trust me, Michael.”

“Why me?”

“I don’t understand the question.”

“You could be inside world leaders, presidents. Famous people! What are you doing in me? What do you want?”

“I promise you, my sole function is to improve your life.”

“Well, awesome job! My best friend thinks I’m a jerk. I really hurt Rich. And Jeremy - you were supposed to make him like me!”

“And I will. In time. He is only human. I must account for human error.”

“You were supposed to make everything better. So why isn’t it?”

“Look at yourself.” They gestured at Michael’s body. “You dress better, you are 93% more attractive, you have had more experience with the same sex. Which is to say: you’ve had experience with the same sex. But human activity is matter of input
as well as output.”

“What does that mean?”

“The fault... is in your peers.”

Michael was confused. “Um…”

“I've got to cotnrol them to help you. Help them to make your life better.”

“That's not what - “ The SQUIP cut him off.

“Look around, Michael. They're all in pain. They're all suffering. Go to Jenna’s locker.”

It didn't take Michael long to find Jenna’s locker. It was decorated with flowers and a “Get Well Soon!” banner.

“Open it.”

“I don't know the combo -” The SQUIP guided Michael's hands to perform the combination. “Whoa!” He grabbed the shoebox and opened it. “There's gotta be enough SQUIPS for the - “

“The entire school?” It smirked.

Chloe Rolan wandered over. She looked sad, and the SQUIP prompted Jeremy to ask what was wrong.

“I make it my business to know everyone’s business. But does anyone ever want to know mine?”

“So sad. But you can help her.”

Michael handed a SQUIP to her.

“Is this, like, drugs?”

Michael made a noise like a cross between yes and no. “Nnnnnyes?”

“Whatever.” Chloe shrugged and took it. “I don’t feel anything.”

“Oh! You have to take it with Mountain Dew!”

“Ok.” She pulled a Mountain Dew from her backpack and drank it. “Ow!” She smiled, and walked off.

After school that day, Michael was getting ready to leave for the play when his dad stopped him.

“Where do you think you're going?”

“The play.”

“What play? You're in a play? Did you take my car Halloween night?”

“Disdainful denial.” The SQUIP instructed.

“I don't know what you're talking about.

“Then I guess I should blame the car elves.”

“Do whatever you want.” Michael started to leave.

“I'm worried about you, Michael. You come and go all hours, doing god knows what, wearing these new clothes... What is going on with you?”

“Tell him the truth.”

“I took a pill sized supercomputer called a SQUIP that’s in my brain, and it talks to me, and it’s made everything better!”

“If you're not going to take me seriously - “

“Why should I?” Michael interrupted.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m supposed to believe you care? Look in the mirror! Ever since Mom left, you sit around like you’re waiting for her to come back! If she did, you know what she’d find? A loser who’s so afraid to have a life, he can’t even put PANTS ON!” Michael
yelled.

His dad blanked. “I could ground you.”

“I don't think you can.” He paused and opened the door. “Good talk,” Michael said, slamming the door.

His dad sat, stumped. Eventually, he got up and made his way over to the only person who could save Michael.

Chapter Text

Brooke sat on her porch smoking a joint, wearing nothing but a sports bra and sweatpants and throwing things from a shoebox into a small ashcan to burn.
“Magic the Gathering card he gave me for the birthday no one else remembered… Burn it. Ticket stub from our first concert.” She read the ticket. “Weird Al. Super burn it.” She tossed it into the can.

Michael's dad approached her. “Brooke!”

Brooke startled and quickly hid her joint. “Mr. Heere, what are you doing here?”

“We need to talk about Michael.”

She turned back to her ashcan. “Sorry, we're not friends anymore.”

“Do you love him?”

“Excuse me?!”

“He can be a little shit sometimes. We both know that. But that’s no excuse to sit around burning incense while he turns himself into a monster!”

“Yeah, I'm gonna - “ Brooke turned to go back inside, but Mr. Heere blocked her path.

“You have to help him!”

“I'm not what he wants.”

“But you're what he needs!” he protested. “When you love somebody, you put your pants on for them.”

“You’re here because you need… pants?” Brooke asked skeptically.

“Oh no, I need you to reach out to him. Jeremy won’t listen to me. And I can’t blame him. But somebody has to watch his back.”

“If I try harder to be his friend… you have to try harder to be his dad. There’s a Kohl’s down the street. I don’t care what kind - jeans, khaki, leather. You’re not leaving that store until you buy a pair.”

Mr. Heere took Brooke’s hand. “You drive a hard bargain, miss.”

She sighed. “When you love somebody, you put your clothes on for them.” Brooke picked up her sweatshirt and pulled it on. “I've got a best friend's ass to save.”

At the play, Jeremy opened with a quick speech. “Welcome, everybody. Thank you so much for coming to our production of “A Midsummer Nightmare About Zombies”. It’s been a rough week for all of us at Middleborough. That’s why this play is so
important - to bring this school together! To show you something special! I know that if Jenna were here, instead of the intensive care unit at Beth Israel, she’d say: “Go out and show everyone the relevant power of live theatre!”” The audience
clapped. “Oh, and Brooke Mell, nice to see you alive. I'm glad those rumors were false.” Brooke grinned and waved as the audience clapped some more. Offstage, Mr. Reyes coughed. “Costumes.”

“And thanks to Hobby Lobby for the costumes! Enjoy the show!” Jeremy yelled as he walked offstage. Backstage, everyone was getting in and put of costumes. “Break a leg, everyone!” he called.

Christine, who was on crutches with double broken legs, glared at Jeremy. “Not cool.”

Jeremy frowned. “Sorry.” Christine walked off as Michael entered the backstage area.

“Jeremy!”

“Michael! Where have you been? It’s so bad. Mr. Reyes made himself your understudy.”

“Isn’t he understudying Jenna?”

“He’s both.”

“Oh god. Look, I’ve been thinking about what you said at the party - “

“I can’t do this now…”

“But I finally understand! You can’t go out with anyone because you don’t know who you are yet. Right?”

“Yeah, but - “

“Well, I get that! And that’s awesome, actually, because I felt that way too! I mean, I didn’t realize that’s what I felt, I thought it was just about being cool. But it was more than that. It was about being confident, and understanding who I am… And I
couldn’t have figured that on my own!”

“You’re saying… I helped you do that?” Jeremy looked skeptical.

“Not you. This.” He opened his hand and presented him with a Squip. “It’s from Japan - It’s a computer - And it tells you what to do! You’d never have to struggle to figure out what to say, or overanalyze some little gesture, ever again. You’d just
know. Like play rehearsal. Only it never has to end.”

“Michael, that sounds… horrible.”

“Yeah! Wait, what?”

“Maybe I have stuff to figure out. But I don’t need a pill to do it for me.”

“It’s not like that! It’ll help you to be better - “ Michael was desperate.

“What’s wrong with me now?” Jeremy asked, glaring at Michael.

Mr. Reyes walked in. “Mister Canigula! Props has whipped up a new beaker of Puck’s Pansy Serum!” He glanced at Michael. “I suppose you'll be wanting your costume back.”

“I have to go.” Jeremy took the beaker and left.

“Jeremy, wait! Shit. Shit! What did I do?”

The SQUIP appeared. He no longer looked fully human, it was disconcerting.

“It’s okay, Michael. I anticipated his resistance.”

“Then why did you let me say all that stuff?!?”

“So you’d see for yourself what’s necessary. Not everyone is as open to change as you were. Offering them all a choice would simply delay the result we desire.”

“No, he’s right. I don’t think I can do this. We should put these back in Jenna’s locker, and - “

He pulled out the shoebox and discovered that it was empty.

“What happened to the rest of the Squips?”

“I anticipated your resistance too, Jeremy. So I took the decision out of your hands.”

Mr. Reyes entered. “Places for scene two, people! Remember, once Puck gives you the Pansy Serum, you have to really sell that you’re transforming into a zombie! Excellent work, Mister Valentine.”

“Excellent? Jake’s terrible. He never remembers his …” It dawned on him. “Mr. Reyes… what’s in the Pansy Serum?”

“Oh, don’t worry about the color. It’s perfectly non-toxic. We don’t want a repeat of last year’s Arsenic and Old Lace debacle. It’s just plain old Mountain Dew! Also Chloe Rolan put these Wintergreen Tic-Tacs in the bottom.”

Michael's eyes widened. “Mr. Reyes, you can't let anyone drink from that beaker.”

He waved Michael off. “Don't worry, it's perfectly safe. I tried it myself.” The SQUIP and him locked eyes.

“Up up down down left right A.”

“I have to get out there - “

Mr. Reyes grabbed Michael's arm. “I can't let you do that, Michael.”

“Mr. Reyes?”

“You needy, pathetic, self-centered students. You think I wanted to teach high school drama? In New Jersey? My Squip says I can go all the way to Broadway. I just have to make sure you don’t ruin my big night.”

“What are you doing to them?” Michael asked his SQUIP.

“I’m syncing their desires to yours. I now realize: my operating system can only truly be complete when everyone shares a social bond."

Backstage, Rich rehearsed lines. He was awful. “What…angel wakes me from my… flowery… bed.” “Ugh, I’m so thirsty.” He reached for the beaker.

“Rich, no!” The SQUIP held out a hand to restrain Michael.

“Ow!” Rich was suddenly terrifying, and his lines were spot on. “I warn thee, gentle mortal, it's time to FEED again!”

Michael turned to his SQUIP. “You’re going to SQUIP the whole cast.”

It laughed. “And that’s just for starters.”

“That’s not what I wanted!”

“It’s the ONLY way to achieve what you want.”

“I’ll fight back. Alcohol messes you up, right? I’ll - get drunk!”

“And I’ll be back when you’re sober. Unless you plan to stay wasted forever?”

“You’re a computer. There has to be some way to turn you off!”

“I’d stop there. You don’t want to end up like Jenna.”

“Jenna? What did she…”

He flashed back to the party, and Jenna screaming about -

“Mountain Dew Red! It must shut you off!”

The SQUIP scoffed. “Why do you think we had it discontinued? To get rid of me now, you'd need a time machine to the 1990s.”

“Or a friend who's so old school, she buys 90s soft drinks from the back room at Spencer’s Gifts!”

“Too bad you don't have one if those anymore.” The SQUIP grinned evilly.

Michael fumbled with his phone, the SQUIP physically restraining him from using it. “Brooke! Call Brooke!”

“I'm trying to improve your life, Michael!” His SQUIP shouted. Their fight was physical now, battling each other for control of Michael's body. Eventually, the SQUIP flung him across the floor, and Michael landed on his back, looking up at -

Chapter Text

“BROOKE MELL MAKES AN ENTRANCE!” Brooke shouted, laughing. “I'm here to save your ass, my buddy.”

“Brooke!”

“I was in the audience, thinking, this is really good for a school play. Then I’m like, this is WAY too good for a school play. They’ve all been squipped, right?”

“You came to see me in the play?”

“Even brought my own refreshments!” She held up a 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew Red.

Michael gasped. “Is that - “

“Mountain Dew Red! Told you I did my research!”

“Give it to me!”

“Okay.” She paused. “Wait. No.”

“But I need it!”

“And I need an apology. I think that’s in order, I mean, you treat me like I don’t exist for months, blow me off when I try to help you -

“Fine! I’m - “

“Vocal cords: block.”

“Saaaaa - Srrrrrr -” Michael couldn't get the word out.

Brooke crossed her arms. “Seriously? Is it that hard to say sorry?”

“YYYYEEEES! C’mon, Brookie, this is important!”

“Well, this is important to me!”

“It’s a word!”

“It’s a gesture! Gestures matter!”

The SQUIP sighed. “Kung Fu fists: activate.”

Michael began kung-fu fighting Brooke, who dodged and ducked his puches with practiced grace as they argued.

“This is so you! You love to feel superior, just because you listen to music on vinyl and eat eel in your sushi and don’t care about being popular!”

“Of course I care! I just know it’s never gonna happen!” Brooke said, dodging a punch.

“So you resent me because I wouldn’t give up like you did?” Michael yelled.

“I don’t resent you! I’m jealous you try!”

“Well, I’m jealous you don’t!” Michael grimaced, trying to fight the SQUIP.

“Then why are you hitting me?” She dodged another kick.

“I’m not trying to!”

“Don’t try harder!” Brooke yelled.

“It’s - not - me - it’s - my - SQUIP! It’s taking over my body! I need your help! I’M SORRY!”

Brooke smirked. “Apology accepted.” She ran over and tried to hold him down, but he flailed and kept her from forcing him to drink. Christine shuffled on on her crutches.

“Christine! This is gonna sound weird, but if I hold down Micahel, can you make him drink this Mountain Dew Red?”

She tossed Christine the bottle.

“Actually, that doesn’t sound weird at all.”

The SQUIP locked eyes with Christine. “Up up down down left right A.”

She dumped the contents of the bottle on the ground.

“No!” Brooke exclaimed.

“Yes.” Christine grinned, tossing the bottle to the side.

“I basically saved your life!” Brooke whined.

“Doesn't matter.” She dropped her crutches.

“It healed your legs?” Michael looked amazed.

“No. I just can't feel the pain.” She beamed. “God, I love me!”

Rich and Jake walked in, speaking together. “There you are, Michael.”

Rich spoke first. “I'm not mad you slept with my best friend and wouldn't sleep with me.”

Jake. “And I'm not mad you dated my best friend and didn't sleep with me.”

Rich looked incredulous. “He didn't sleep with you?”

“No,” Jake grumbled.

“He didn't sleep with me!”

“No!”

“Oh my god, why was I so jealous of you? You were jealous of me? That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me! Best friends forever! JINX!”

Michael groaned. “Brooke! The bottle! There's still a few drops left!”

She gestured to the SQUIP-zombies. “How am I supposed to get past them?”

He thought for a second. “Apocalypse of the Damned! Level nine!”

Brooke gasped. “The cafetorium!” She dodged the zombies, pushing past some and ducking below some expertly, mumbling her and Michael's directions to herself as she made her way to the bottle. She grabbed it and held it up like a trophy. “Got it!”

Michael cheered. As Brooke tried to make her way back over, Chloe Rolan blocked her path.

“I know what you're doing, Brooke. I know what everyone's doing! ALL THE TIME!” she yelled.

“I just feel so connected to you guys right now!” All the SQUIP-zombies chorused.

Brooke sighed. “I still like you, Chloe, don't worry.” She kicked Chloe in the shin and tossed the bottle to Michael. “Catch!” she yelled as the rest of the zombies circled her.

Michael caught the bottle. “Brooke! No!”

He tried to drink from the bottle, but the SQUIP restrained him.

“You don't want to drink that, Michael!”

“Why not?!”

“Because then you'll never be with him.” The SQUIP pointed at someone as the SQUIP-zombies parted.

“Michael?”

“Jeremy!”

Jeremy clapped. “Did you see me out there? The audience loved me!”

“I… That’s great! I mean, of course they did.” Michael reached for the bottle.

“I’m so glad I found you here. I wanted to apologize.”

“You… why?”

“Because you were right!” He smiled. “I feel amazing!”

“No… That’s not Jeremy.”

The SQUIP materialized. “I assure you it is. Only his fears and insecurities have been removed.”

“I feel so… brave. And… safe. And, Michael, I was so scared to say this before, but… I love you, Michael. Don’t you have something to say to me?”

“That’s your cue.” The SQUIP nudged him forward.

“He'll do whatever I want?”

“That’s what I promised.”

“Great.” He handed Jeremy the bottle. “Drink this.”

The SQUIP looked panicked. “Wait - Think about what you’re saying, Michael -”

Michael turned to Jeremy. “How do you feel?”

Jeremy’s head snapped down, and then jerked up as he let loose and ear-splitting scream and collapsing.That was the last thing Michael remembered before collapsing as well.

He woke up in a hospital bed. Jenna was in the bed next to him, in a full body cast.

Michael tried to sit up. “Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow, OW.”

Jenna chuckled. “Feels like you’re missing a part of yourself, doesn’t it?”

“...Jenna?”

“Hurts like a motherfucker too. Be honest: what are they saying about me at school?” Michael didn't respond. “That bad?”

“Sorry…”

“Sorry? I’m finally free of that shiny happy hive mind! When I get outta here, the ladies are gonna learn to love the real Jenna Goranski.” She gasped, seemingly having an epiphany. “Especially Christine. Holy shit, I'm gay for Christine.”

“Your SQUIP’s gone? But how?” Michael asked.

“Ask your buddy. Antisocial headphones girl? Brooke? She’s been by like, a ton, by the way. What is she, your girlfriend? No judgment.”

“No, we're not dating.”

“Okay. She saved my ass, by the way. From the fire. Her and Christine.”

“She did?”

“Dude, yeah. She didn't even notice the fire until Christine got her out of the bathroom, but then she helped me down the side of the house and called 911.”

Brooke walked into the hospital room. “Thanks, Jenna. And I think you've got a shot with Christine, she won't shut up about you.”

“Hell yeah.” Jenna muttered. Brooke pulled the curtain between the beds shut. She turned to Michael.”Now, for you.”

Chapter Text

“What happened? All I remember is that noise, and…”

“Oh, dude, it was genius! They were communicating with each other - they were linked! Which means… when you consider the kind of high-frequency sonic

disturbance needed to wipe a system that powerful…”

“Brooke. My head still hurts.”

“Right, ah… Turns out you didn’t have to destroy every SQUIP. Just one. And the rest…” She pantomimed explosions. “Boom boom boom.”

Michael took Brooke in. “I don’t get it. After everything I did… You were still there for me. Why?”

“I can’t take all the credit. Your dad can be shockingly persuasive.”

“My dad?”

His dad walked in as if on cue. “Michael, are you okay?

“Actually, I’m great -”

“I’m glad. Because you’re grounded. You’re going to see some serious changes, young man, starting…” He noticed that Michael was grinning. What?

“Dad… You’re…wearing…”

“Don’t look so surprised. I’m your father. And I wear the pants around here! Now let’s get down to business: who’s this Jeremy person, and why did I have to hear about him from her?” He pointed to Brooke, who smiled sheepishly.

“It doesn’t matter. After what I did, I’m lucky if he wants to go to the same school as me.” He watched Brooke and his dad exchange a look. “What?”

“It’s reassuring. He still doesn’t know anything about guys.” Brooke rolled her eyes. “You'll be just freaking fine, Mikey.”

“You gotta buy him a rose!” his dad said.

“Compliment him on his clothes, and say you appreciate that he's smart.” Brooke added.

Jenna pulled back the curtain and grinned. “Nah, dude, you tell him that he excites you sexually.”

“Jenna, I swear -”

“Just trying to help, Brooke.”

The next day, Michael was cornered by Rich, Jake, Christine, and Chloe on his way to meet Jeremy. Christine was in a wheelchair.

“Heyyy, guys… About what happened - ” Michael said nervously.

“We’ve been looking for you, punk.” Christine grinned.”To say, good luck asking out Jeremy!”

“Seriously, how does everyone know about that?”

Jake smiled. “It’s crazy, but ever since we all did ecstasy at the school play, I’ve felt really connected to you guys.” He looked genuinely supportive. “You tell him, Chloe.”

“Just summon strength from within.”

Rich glanced at him. “Don't get hung up on your skin.”

“He probably thinks that acne is hot!” Jake added.

“I'll throw you a rope, homeslice, if you need some dope advice.”

“Please never say that again, Christine.” Jake sighed.

“Oh! Christine! You should stop by Jenna’s hospital room! I think she's got something to tell you.” Michael winked. Jake, Rich, and Chloe burst into laughter as Christine tried to cover up the fact that she was blushing furiously.

Michael kept walking to where he'd promised Jeremy he'd meet him later. Eventually, Jeremy showed up, and smiled at Michael.

“Hey, so - “

Jeremy interrupted him. “I still remember how it felt.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. It was like you said. Like I’d never have to… not know… anything again. It's embarrassing to find out that deep down, I just want things to be easy.”

“Well, who wants things to be hard?” Michael laughed a little. “Look, I ruined the play. I almost destroyed the school, maybe all human civilization. I know the last thing I deserve is another shot. But I… Uh…”

“Just say what’s on your mind, Michael.”

“Lunch? Just the two of us.”

Jeremy smiled, and it looked exactly like it did that first day at play rehearsal. “That sounds amazing, Michael.”

Something toppled over in the nearby closet, followed by muffled cursing.

“Did they - ”

Jeremy laughed. “I think they did.”

They heard a muffled “move your ass, Brooke” and a “shut it, Jake” followed by “guys, I think they can hear us” and some more muffled curses. Michael and Jeremy were in hysterics.

“Oh my god. Yo, idiots, thanks for stalking us, but you can leave,” Michael called.

“It was necessary!” Brooke said. Noises of agreement came from the closet. Michael walked over to the closet, Jeremy doubled over with laughter. He motioned for Jeremy to keep quiet, and Michael quickly opened the closet door. The group (minus
Christine and Jenna, of course) tumbled out of the closet, most saying some variation of “FUCK” and Jake, Brooke, and Rich ended up in a pile and Chloe landed on her own.

“Well.” Jake stood up and brushed himself off. “Have a nice date.”

Michael and Jeremy were still laughing, but the group stood up. Chloe froze quickly, and whispered something to rich, who giggled and nodded.

“Well, I suppose since we just fell out of that closet… I’m a lesbian!” Chloe said, and Brooke stared at her as the rest of the group started laughing, Michael almost on the floor.

“Oh my god.”

Chapter Text

Brooke slammed her lunch tray down on the table. (When asked why later, she said it was for effect. Michael speculated it was because she needed to get their attention and she wasn’t sure if talking would.) “Okay. First things first, now that we're all friends, what's everybody's sexuality?"

Michael hit her shoulder. “Brooke, you don't just ask that - “

“Shhhhh, Michael. We all know that you're gay for Jeremy.”

“Brooke Mell, I am going to - “

“Shhhhh.”

Jake glared at her. “Are you trying to get us to sing Dead Girl Walking or are you going to ask the question?”

Jeremy fake-gasped. “Jake Valentine! Was that a Heathers reference?”

“Yes.”

Brooke rolled her eyes. “Listen, please!”

“Jesus Christ, Brookie.” Michael muttered.

“Do not call me Brookie.”

“Brooke, how about we save that question for later?” he suggested. “When we’re better friends. And Jenna’s here.”

Christine cleared her throat. “Speaking of Jenna - “

“When is she getting out?” Rich asked, propping his head up with his hands.

“Soon. But I went to see her - “

“Which one of you confessed?” Jeremy asked.

She glared at him. “You know, you guys could like - “

“Answer the question, Chrissy.” Jake said, smirking.

“Only Jenna can call me Chrissy, guys.”

“Only Jenna, huh?” Rich teased. “So which one of you was it?”

“Rich Lohst, I swear to everything good - “

“Chrissy, you’re stalling…” Jake said in a singsong voice. Michael and Brooke watched the conversation like a tennis match.

“Come on, Christine…” Jeremy said, dragging out the ‘i’.

“Jeremy, not you too - “

“Christine Elizabeth Dillinger, you are stalling and you need to get to the point.”

Christine gave Rich a blank look. “Did you just - “

He nodded. Chloe walked over, texting on her phone, and sat down next to Rich, who scooted over. She glanced up, and took in Brooke, who was shaking with silent laughter, Christine, whose face was red as tomato, Jake, Rich, and Jeremy who all
were grinning like idiots, and Michael, who had his face buried in his hands.

“Um… what happened here?”

“Chloe!” Jake looked at her. “Help us!”

“You will not bring Chloe fucking Rolan into this.”

“Oooh, I smell gossip.” Chloe put her phone down. “Are we talking about Jenna?”

“Yep!” Rich said brightly. “And Christine, you still haven’t answered…”

“Neither of us confessed, you idiot. She told me to tell you guys that she’ll be out by next week.”

Jake groaned. “Well, it’s nice that she’s getting out soon.”

“Yeah, well, she’s afraid she’s gonna get made fun of by you guys for the burns.”

Michael shook his head violently. “Never.”

Everyone around the table shook their heads and said some variation on “no”. Christine nodded, satisfied.

Brooke glanced at Jeremy. “I never did thank you for acknowledging that I was still alive.”

He smiled. “Oh, it wasn’t a problem. I was genuinely thankful you weren’t dead.”

Brooke pointed her plastic fork menacingly at Jake, Rich, and Chloe. “Which one of you three started that rumor?”

Before they got a chance to say anything, Michael interrupted. “People thought you died!?”

The table got very quiet.

“In the fire, yeah.” She said, looking everywhere but Michael.

“Why didn’t you tell me? It’s been three weeks!”

“Well, I didn’t tell you when you were squipped ‘cause…” she trailed off.

“Why don’t you guys go somewhere else?” Jake suggested gently. Brooke nodded.

“The normal place?” she asked.

Michael opened his mouth, then closed it and nodded.

They walked to the “normal place”, aka where they would meet after school and if they wanted to skip, in silence. Michael wasn’t sure why Brooke had shut down so quickly. She’d gotten used to the loudness of the new group, and while she didn’t fit
exactly right into the group, she was a part of it, and they all knew that.

“Brooke, people thought you died? I didn’t even know you stayed at the party! Why didn’t you tell me?”

She stared at the ground.

“Brookie…”

“I didn’t tell you ‘cause… ‘cause I thought you would tell me I should have died.”

“I wouldn’t!”

She glared at him. “Really? Cause I think you would have.”

“I’m not that big of an asshole!”

“You were!” They were both bordering on shouting now.

“It was the SQUIP!”

Brooke shoved him. “You are the one who called me a loser! You’re the one who made the conscious decision to turn optic nerve blocking on and literally block me out of your life! You chose to take the SQUIP from Jenna! You… you, you, you! It’s
always cool and popular with you! And I’m the loser sidekick who nobody but you cared about until the world thought she was DEAD!” Brooke’s voice cracked on the last word. “But I thought it was fine, you know? Cause at least I had you. But then
you pushed me away and called me all the things you’d never call me.” She shook her head.”You know you were the only person who never called me a loser? And I was okay with other people calling me that, because we were losers together. And
then… you know. Yet I still came back to save you.” She laughed bitterly. “Because I love you, Michael. And I always will, for some reason.”

Michael was speechless. “I - “

“I’m going home. Don’t wait up.” She turned on her heel and left, leaving an on-the-verge of tears Michael in the middle of the school parking lot.