Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“What are you smiling about?” Agent Clint Barton asked as you retracted your legs off the coffee table for him to walk past with his plate.

“Nothing.” You mumbled, replacing your legs, crossing them at the ankle. You threw your phone careless down on the cushion next to you and turned your attention back to the laptop that rested on your thighs.

“Yeah right.” Clint grinned slyly, wholly unconvinced as he took the arm chair next to the sofa you were currently sat in the middle of. You ignored him, continuing with your typing, the click of the keys the only sound in the room apart from the occasional flick of Loki turning a page where he sat opposite you across the coffee table.

Your phone buzzed, and you grabbed it again, opening the new message, reading it and then typing a response before you paused, read it through, considered it, then edited it again.

“Wow, do you think this hard about every message you send?” Clint teased, taking a bite from his sandwich.

You scowled, “Not the ones I send you.”

Barton just smirked.

You hit send and tossed the phone away again.

It pinged again a few minutes later.

“Someone’s popular.” Natasha Romanoff observed as she too wandered into the living room area where, only a moment ago, you’d had peace.

“Must everyone comment on my phone activity?” You muttered, picking the device up again and unlocking it.

“Is that a dating website?!”

Shit. You hit the lock button on your phone too late, Stark - who had materialised behind you – having already seen the screen over your shoulder.

You saw Natasha raise her eyebrows at this revelation before you grimaced, scrunching your eyes close in embarrassment as Clint ‘oooed’ next to you, waiting for the comments that were soon to follow.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were looking for a hook up, kid?” Tony cried, slapping you on the back and then leaning on the back of the sofa with crossed arms, looking over at you. “I know lots of interesting people.”

“Because I’m not looking for a ‘hook up’.” You growled, glaring across at him. “And I don’t need your input.”

“Someone’s snappy….” Tony drawled with interest, pushing himself up and away from you, “The sea a bit empty of fish?”

“No.” You retorted moodily.

“Just not very good at the game?”

You gritted your teeth together.

“Stark.” Natasha warned him.

“Aw, come on, it’s just a bit of light hearted ribbing, right Specs?” Tony asked, looking to you.

You however, had already ducked your head back to your laptop. You grumbled something like ‘whatever’ but didn’t look back up, busying yourself with your typing.

You felt the eyes remain on you though and you desperately wished there was a way to supress the heat in your cheeks.

“So, how many matches have you got?”

“Clint!” Natasha reprimanded as you shot your head up.

“What?! This is the most interesting thing that happened since Thor lost his hammer and decided the smartest thing was to call for from four floors up.” Clint pointed out.

Tony grimaced. “That was not interesting.” He muttered. “That was costly.”

You felt your lip twitch at that - apart from narrowly missing the hammer as it smashed through the floor a few feet away from you and right up into Thor’s hand, it had been quite entertaining to watch it dawn on Stark’s face what had happened.

You realised everyone – bar Loki who has still apparently more interested in his book - was looking at you expectantly. You remembered Clint’s question. “I had a few matches…” You mumbled, trying to somehow hunker down in the sofa so far that you’d be swallowed up by it.

“And?” Stark pushed. Natasha shot him a look but didn’t say anything this time and you knew she must be just as intrigued, though a little better at hiding it.

You just shrugged.

Just then, Thor strode over, a sandwich in his hand similar to Clint, and followed on behind by a reluctant Loki. Obviously, today was one of the days that Thor forced his brother to socialise for a few hours.

“Thor!” Tony perked up, spotting the God and eager to relay the new gossip. “Specs here,” He gestured down at you who was turning even redder, sinking even further in your seat. “is on a dating app!” He exclaimed. Thor frowned in confusion, it wasn’t the response Stark wanted, he didn’t seem to care, having too much fun with this and now turning on Loki. “Hey, Reindeer Games,” The man in question glared at the nickname, or just at Tony’s presence – it was hard to tell - “you’re still single, right? Maybe you need to join too? Find yourself a girl who’s got an antler kink?” Tony suggested with a grin. You scowled at Stark.

“What is a ‘dating app’?” Thor frowned, ignoring all of this and continuing into the group. He took the armchair opposite you, leaving the only free space for Loki as the cushion next to you on the sofa. You shuffled quietly over, keeping your eyes down on your laptop.

“It’s an app for people that are single -,” Natasha explained.

“Not always.” Coughed Tony under his breath. Natasha shot him a glare as you felt the sofa sink under Loki’s weight and saw the edge of this thigh out the corner of your eye, though you pretended to be focusing on what was on your screen.

“You sign up,” Natasha continued, the sternness in her voice a warning to Tony. “put in your information in and then you match with people that take your interest.”

“Then what happens?” Thor asked, apparently very interested in this new thing.

“Uh –“ Natasha glanced around for help, but no one jumped in, “Well, it’s up to you I guess… You usually meet up in real life, get to know each other a bit more, hopefully ending up in a relationship.”

Thor scoffed. “That sounds ridiculous.” He stated, “What is wrong with meeting a maiden at a festivity and then wooing her?”

“What indeed.” You grumbled quietly to yourself, but you thought you caught Loki’s glance flicker down to you as though he had heard.

“Well… uh, there’s nothing wrong with it.” Natasha mumbled.

“Thing is, big guy,” Tony chimed in again, “the only real chance to meet someone on this planet is at work or at a party – and [Y/N] here,” He gestured to you again, “doesn’t go out, and works with us…” He gestured around the room. “So, unless someone wants to take one for the team…” He hinted.

“Stark.” You growled warningly, and he shot you a grin. “Look, if we’re done discussing my personal life, I have work to do and my laptop is dying.” You closed your computer down and pushed yourself to your feet.

“Don’t forget about the party tonight!” Stark called after you, “Come to this one! – you might even find Mr Right!”

You heard, Tony’s exclamations of ‘what?’ at everyone’s disapproving frowns and Natasha mutter something like ‘Jerk’ as you stepped into the lift.

Chapter Text

“Well, this scene looks oddly familiar - though slightly less people.”

You practically jumped out of your skin. “Geez.” You breathed, now looking up at Loki who stood by the side of the sofa you were once again sat on. “Would you mind just knocking into a table or something when you walk around?”

He raised an eyebrow at you, taking the armchair on your left, where Natasha had sat earlier that day, and crossing one long leg so the ankle rested on his other knee. “Your attire is a bit unusually for lounging on a sofa, though.” He observed, nodding at the dress you had dug out from your wardrobe, your made-up face and your styled hair.

You twisted one side of your mouth into a half-hearted smirk. “Yeah, well, I tried Stark’s party out.” You confessed, “Well, I say tried – I stayed long enough to stand in a corner and have a drink on my own before I promptly bailed.” You admitted. “And now I’m here working instead.” You gestured at yourself in the exact same position as you had been earlier, sunk low in the middle of the sofa, feet up on the coffee table, laptop resting on your legs.

You were trying to comfort yourself with the fact you had tried tonight, but the truth was, you hadn’t. Yes, sure you had dolled yourself up and dug out that one outfit fit for ‘partying’ but the minute you walked in the room and courage or confidence you had felt had immediately abandoned you.

There was a reason you had never gone to Stark for dating setups - firstly because you knew he’d tease you, and secondly, because any of his ‘friends’ would be the sort of people that actually enjoyed attending his parties – the complete opposite of you who preferred to hide away somewhere the minute the tower was filled with people.

The problem was - like Stark had said - how were you supposed to meet someone like yourself, if neither you nor the other person ever went to things like parties? You struggled to talk to any men you didn’t already know, and you rarely ever left the Avenger’s Tower – both living and working there – so you stood little chance of ever meeting anyone.

That’s why you had turned to the dating app.

Starks other words from earlier ran through your head.

No fish in the sea? No, there were fish in the sea – just none that you could catch or would want to catch. It wasn’t that guys weren’t happy to talk you through online dating, but none of them were what you were looking for, or what you needed.

No good at the game? No. You weren’t. You had zero experience in the game. Yes, you were still very young, but by your age most people had been in at least had one relationship or at least had a vague idea of what they were doing. You. You’d had nothing and knew nothing.

You could feel Loki’s eyes on you, and you swallowed self-consciously, finding almost impossible to look back and, instead, keeping your gaze on the screen in front of you, trying to look busy.

That didn’t deter Loki though. “No one wishing to woo you at the festivities?” He questioned, with a wry smirk, recalling his brother’s earlier words. It was clear he already knew the answer.

“Uh – no.” You blushed fiercely, feeling the deja vu of wanting to be swallowed up by the sofa.

“And your ‘dating app’,” He said, pronouncing it carefully like it was foreign word, “Any suitors courting you?”

You didn’t know if was possible for you to feel any more embarrassed. “Uh – well – I - uh – why do you care?”

“Avoiding the question.” Loki observed with a sly smirk, “Usually suggests the answer.”

You scowled. “Well so are you.” You pointed out.

“I am merely intrigued by the odd courtship methods of you Midgardians.” He shrugged indifferently.

“Well I suggest you study someone other than me, I’m not exactly a prime specimen of how to get a date on this planet.” You muttered bitterly, tucking you chin down and focusing on your work again.

“I have read numerous books from this realm.” Loki pointed out, not letting the subject go that easily and you suppressed the urge to roll your eyes. “Yet,” Loki continued, “the customs for finding a partner in the accounts I have read do not seem to deviate far from Asgardian customs. They therefore do not explain, nor even hint, to the peculiar system you appeared to have now.”

“That’s because you only read the classics.” You grumbled down at the screen, typing in the odd number. “Dating seems simpler in the times of Jane Austen and Charles Dickens…” You mused to yourself “- aside from the fact I would probably be deemed a spinster by now.” You added with a huff of humourless laughter.

Just then the phone that sat next to you vibrated loudly. Still feeling Loki’s eyes on your every movement, you reached for it, unlocking it. You wish you didn’t, but you could feel your eyes light up slightly at the sight of a new message.

This was how desperate you were. An answer from any random stranger was enough to make your heart soar. You hated how pathetic you were.

“Is that a proposal?” Loki teased from his chair. You shot a glare at him, typed a quick response and then put the phone down again, carrying on with your work as though your heart wasn’t beating twice it’s normal speed.

The two of you sat in silence for a moment, Loki finally turning his attention to the book he had brought with him, and you making the only sound in the room as you clicked at the keys on your laptop.

Your phone went off again. Ignoring Loki’s teasing eyes, you reached for the device again, opening the new message. You read it through and abruptly felt your heart sink. You read it again to double check you had understood, then locked the phone and tossed it aside.

“Not responding?” Loki asked in surprise.

“Not right now.” You muttered, not looking over at him.

“Trouble in paradise?” He teased.

You didn’t say anything, just continued on with your work.

Out of the corner of your eye you noticed him unfold his legs. “What did he say?” Loki said, completely serious, not trace of teasing left.

You shook your head, “Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me.” He growled quietly, and you shot your head up, surprised at how angry he sounded.

“It’s nothing.” You dismissed quickly, “just have to think before I respond.”

“That’s not all though, is it?” He probed, leaning towards you as though trying to read you better.

You frowned over at him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You stated stubbornly.

“You had hope for this particular suitor, and now he’s just broken it…” Loki deduced, and you were mortified how easy it was for him to read you.

“Whatever.” You growled defensively, momentarily wishing you had one of your comfier hoodies on that you could just tuck your chin in, pull up the hood, and disappear into it.

“Tell me what he said.” Loki ordered firmly.

Your sighed dramatically, knowing he clearly wasn’t going to let it go and turn to him again, his book long forgotten on his lap, and his face watching you seriously. “He said he was looking for friend with benefits which might eventually turn into something serious. Happy?”

Loki frowned. “And what is a ‘friend with benefits’?”

You felt your cheeks glow again. “Uh – well – its – uh being friends… but you also – uh – sleep together.”

Understanding shown in Loki’s eyes, and you were relieved you didn’t have to try to explain it further.

“And you don’t want that?” Loki presumed.

You looked away and let out a deep sigh. “Not really.” You confessed.

“Why not?”

“Why do you care?” You retorted back angrily, glaring at him.

He waved a hand, the palm facing up. “Same as before.” He said simply, continuing to watch you patiently, waiting for your answer.

You sighed loudly, throwing your head back against the sofa. “I’ve never been in a relationship,” You confessed to the ceiling. “and so, I’ve also never… done it.” You muttered, embarrassed. “I don’t want a one-night stand. I don’t want friends with benefits. I want someone that cares.” You ranted at the tiles, finding it easier to talk to Loki when you weren’t actually facing him.

“But, my problem is,” You continued, almost unable to stop now you had started to explain it all, “I don’t even know if I can have that - I don’t know if I can have a relationship.” You admitted, your head still back. “I – I feel like I want a relationship until I talk to a guy and start to see a possibility of a relationship happening… Then I get scared, panic, and bail.” You explained. “Every guy I talk to sounds like they want a relationship the next day. I can’t handle that. I don’t deal with strangers well and that’s what they still are to me.” You could feel your eyes growing hot and you willed yourself not to cry. “I – I need someone that’s willing to move slow, take it at my pace, be my friend before my boyfriend. To want me around and therefore fight to keep me.” You confessed. “But I’m worried that I’m too needy, too demanding and that guy just doesn’t exist - or at least he definitely doesn’t on a bloody dating website.” You said, flicking hand in annoyance at where the phone lay.

You let out a sigh, feeling gravity tugging at the tears that had inevitably formed in the corner of your eyes.

“I don’t know why I told you that….” You mumbled, closing your eyes in embarrassment. “Ignore me.”

You suddenly rather weary and remained in your position, head back and eyes closed, but you could sense Loki’s movement, hear the material of the chair as he got up.

You had presumed you had frightened him off with your emotions, and he was just going to leave you to your pitiful state, but you suddenly felt your laptop snap shut and its weight disappear off your legs. You snapped your head up to find Loki placing it on the coffee table by your feet.

“Shift over.” He commanded, and you weakly shuffled to one side like you had earlier that day, making room for him again. He sat down next to you, closer, you thought, than he had been previously, his legs practically touching yours.

You had the urge to lean against him and you bit the inside of your lip, feeling how tense every inch of your body was at his proximity.

“Have you ever thought that maybe someone would fight for you if you gave them the chance to realise it.” Loki muttered down at you. His voice sounded stiffer, but you put that down to him probably not appreciating being this close to another person – though it made you wonder why he had moved to sit next to you.

You also couldn’t believe that Loki was trying to comfort you, and it took a while for his words to through, but what he said made sense - though there was still one problem. You let your head drop back to its previous position, gazing up at the ceiling – despite how vulnerable that made you feel next to Loki. “But guys just scare me though.” You pointed out, then though about it. “Relationships just scare me.” You clarified. “How can I expect anyone to understand, and put up, with that?”

“Do I scare you?” Loki murmured next to me.

“Well, yeah,” You admitted, glancing over at him, “but in a different way.” You chuckled weakly. He raised an eyebrow in question. “You’re scary in a could-easily-break-my-neck-if-I-piss-him-off kind of way.” You explained, “Not like other guys which is a panic of ‘what if I say something stupid and he hates me forever’ sort of thing.” But then you had to pause and think about it.

For the first nearly three months at the tower you had been almost completely unable to talk to Loki. He had terrified you as a previous enemy of earth, as a god, and as just being a guy.

Yet over time, you had got use to the unusual, though very handsome, man, you had grown to like him and even begun to trust him, so - despite what you had said - you were no longer scared of him.

Loki smirked at your confession. “Well, if it helps in anyway, I’ve never had the urge to break your neck.” He confessed.

“Gee thanks.” You muttered dryly, turning your face back to the ceiling. It suddenly hit you late it probably was. “Well, look, I’m going to call it a night.” You stated quickly, pushing yourself wearily to your feet. You grabbed your phone and laptop and bade a quick goodnight to Loki before you practically ran from the room, worried that when you woke up in a few hours this whole conversation was going to feel a lot more painful.

Chapter Text

You woke up the next morning and it wasn’t long before the earlier hours came flooding back.

You groaned up at the ceiling.

You had basically confessed all of your relationship issues to the trickster god.

Why?!

What was even weirder, Loki had seemed to comfort you afterwards rather than fleeing the room.

You sighed, turning over - wanting to ignore your problems for a little bit longer if you could - and reached for your phone to check what had happened whilst you had been asleep.

You’d slept later than you thought, had over fifty emails to get through from your correspondents on the other side of the world, had a new update to install, but had no new messages from any matches.

You couldn’t help feeling slightly disappointed even if you weren’t really in the mood to talk to anybody right now. You clicked on the app anyway, feeling the urge to just flick through a few guys just for the hell of it – it was like winning the lottery after all, if you didn’t try you’d never have any chance of hitting the jackpot.

You flicked through bare chest selfies, dorky scenes with mates and a few that seemed nice, but that you had no attraction to. There were a few you flicked right for, most you flicked left for, and a few you hesitated at before flicking left just because they looked too intimidating.

You had gotten to the stage of flicking left on nearly everyone that popped up, only regretting a few that you mindlessly flicked away without thinking, when you suddenly stopped.

You had almost automatically flicked past him, but now you slowly moved your hand away from the screen to cover your mouth as your jaw dropped.

It was probably just some kid playing a joke – you seemed numerous fake Steves and Thors on the site before.

But Loki. This was a first.

There was only one picture, but it looked genuine, and recent – not the fuzzy crap quality you could steal from news sites and fan blogs.

You studied the same handsome features that had sat ridiculously close to you earlier that morning, trying to work out if there was any way it could possibly be real.

You couldn’t help clicking on the profile, scrolling for the bio.

‘I am looking for someone who doesn’t want a one-night stand or friends with benefits, someone who wishes for person to fight for them and want them around.

I am looking for someone who is scared of guys and relationships and who is worried that I’d break their neck if they piss me off, or worried I’ll hate them forever if they say something stupid.

I am looking for someone who wants to take things slow.’

You blinked stupidly at the screen, feeling something hot in your eyes.

That was everything you had said last night. Precisely. He had been listening, not planning his escape from the room.

This had to be the real him then.

You felt your lips curl up into a smile. A grin. A ridiculous grin.

Could it actually be possible that Loki, the god, liked you?

It seemed absurd. Completely absurd. You offered nothing. Maybe it was a trick of his, or maybe Stark had somehow managed to record your conversation and done this as a prank?

But Stark had been busy at the party all night, and, knowing Tony, would be pretty incapacitated until at least midday so there was no way he could have put it together this quickly, right?

You didn’t know.

This was too illogical to be true.

You looked at the phone again, memorising the picture, studying the words. You could feel a tear run down your cheek, but you ignored it, desperately trying to prove to yourself that this was profile was real, but also that somehow it couldn’t possibly be.

But God, you wanted it to be real because - you couldn’t help it - you had a crush on Loki.

You had known you had for a while, when, despite getting to know him, you still felt nervous and jumpy, and got jealous when he spoke to other women. It was a stupid, hopeless love though, and something you had prayed you’d eventually get over. That’s why, recently, you had been so keen to find a guy - to get rid of that odd feeling you got when you saw the Trickster - you hoped to drown it all out with a different guy.

But, despite the small burst of happiness you got when someone matched or started a conversation with you, nothing compared to the nervous butterflies you got when Loki came too close, sat next to you, teased you, even just spoke to you. You turned to putty under his intimidating green gaze.

You weren’t sure how long you sat in bed just staring at that single profile on your phone, but you knew eventually you’d have to get out of bed and face the day. Whether that was to confront someone for their cruel, painful prank, or to fall further into idiotic love, you weren’t sure.

It was hard to get yourself to move, but you did. You needed to find Loki – if you saw him, you would know.

You hastily threw on some clothes and tackled your bed head, splashing water on your face. You had to know. Now.

You needed to find Loki, but you didn’t want to seek him out - if he knew nothing about this then you didn’t want to bring it to his attention. Only one of you needed to be embarrassed about this if it was a prank from Stark.

If it was a prank from Loki though, you were going to throw your phone at him.

You decided you would head to the living room and wait for Loki there under the pretence of having a long leisurely breakfast - he’d arrive eventually.

However, as you walked into the large communal room, you found you didn’t have to wait as Loki was already there. You could see him stood out on the balcony through the large glass doors on the opposite side of the room.

You paused in the doorway, swallowing nervously, suddenly doubting your plan. Did you really want to know that it had all been a trick? That was the only explanation after all, couldn’t you just live in your happy bubble for a bit longer?

No. You knew now that you were kidding yourself – you’d spend the whole day thinking about whether is was a trick or not.

But, you couldn’t just go out and confront him about it either - you weren’t that brave - you needed an excuse to talk, and then, hopefully, you could get all your answers just his behaviour alone. But, maybe you wouldn’t - what then?

“You alright, [Y/N]?” Natasha called from the kitchen, making you jump and snap your head away from Loki and to where the spy was making some breakfast. “Want some coffee?” She asked, raising the coffee pot.

“Wh- oh – yeah, sure.” You stumbled over your words as you were brought back to Earth, “I – uh – just gotta go talk to Loki for a sec, I think he’s – uh – been lying about some data again.”

Before she could say anything else, you made your way across the room to the balcony.

No turning back now.

You pulled one of the clear doors open and slipped out.

Immediately you were hit with the cold, blustery air that came from being this high above the city. You hugged your arms tightly around your chest as your hair whipped across your face, looking to your left where Loki was stood, hands clasped behind his back as he looked out over cityscape below. His own long black hair billowed to the side like yours, but he showed no sign of feeling the bitter cold like you did - even though you doubted his asgardian armour could be providing that much protection from it.

You approached silently behind him and - though you knew he must have noticed you the minute you opened the door - he didn’t turn, keeping his vigil over the city.

You had wanted to play it cool, look for hints in his behaviour, but your excuse for talking to him was quickly leaving your mind. All you could do was look up at his profile beseechingly, no words available.

“Banner told me how to make it.” He answered your silent question, turning his green eyes on you finally.

You felt the air leave your lips, releasing a breath you hadn’t realised you had been holding. You had to look away from his face then, dropping your gaze to his armoured chest that was level with you instead. “It is a mean trick.” You managed out, cursing yourself when your voice broke.

“It would be,” He agreed quietly above you, “if it was one.” You suddenly felt his cold touch on your cheek, brushing the silent tears you had barely noticed were escaping your eyes. You bit your lip to stop yourself making a noise, the simple gesture making you heart sting painfully.

“Y- you got it wrong anyway,” You pointed out weakly, trying to ignore his touch and glad you pass your shivers off on the freezing wind. “I-I told you I wasn’t worried about saying something stupid to you.”

“I did wonder,” Loki smirked down at you, now moving his hand to gently cup your face, gently tilting your head up. “why is that?” His hold was soft enough that you could easily pull away from him if you wanted to, but, despite the urge to look away, you nervously met his eyes again, seeing the genuine interest for your answer.

“I – I guess I – I just thought you were too far out of my league,” You said, glancing away again, not daring to move your head in case he released you, “to – to have any hope of – uh - attracting you in the first place – so there was nothing to – uh – blow.” You stammered out, the whole moment ridiculously overwhelming. You honestly couldn’t believe anything that was happening right now, and you wouldn’t be surprised if you were still asleep.

You glanced back up at Loki as his hold on your cheek tightened ever so slightly, his eyes having hardened at your words. “You underestimate yourself.” He told you sternly, his thumb now stroking your cheek gently.

You didn’t say anything, dropping your chin slightly, his gaze too intense for you keep eye contact with him for long, and instead you focused on his chest armour again. Despite your movement, Loki didn’t release you, his hand remaining on your cheek and continuing the gentle rhythm of strokes on your skin.

You could have stayed like that for eternity, his touch so soothing, but the thought of what happened next continued to niggle at your mind until you couldn’t stand it any longer. “I - I don’t know what I’m doing.” You confessed with a wobbly voice.

You felt his hand drop from your cheek and your heart plummeted at the empty feeling it left behind. You feared that somehow your words had shattered the fragile illusion of his love and you dropped your gaze to the floor, fighting back the sudden surge of tears.

Suddenly a pale hand appeared in your line of sight, offering to be taken.

You warily glanced up at the trickster, feeling the tears in your eyes threatening to spill over again. “Take it slow?” Loki asked, his face looking surprisingly vulnerable.

You hesitated, glancing back down at the gesture with a teary smirk before you placed your cold hand in his. His fingers curled around you, holding you in place as he leaned down to your ear.

“The first thing we’re doing is deleting that app.” He growled, and you let out a quiet wobbly laugh.

Natasha watched from the kitchen window with a smirk.