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Chapter Text

Brunnhilde was used to waking up screaming.

However, she was not used to said screaming attracting someone’s attention. She supposed that was to be expected, now that she wasn’t on Sakaar anymore, but it didn’t make her cringe any less when she heard someone knock at her door. She slept just as badly on this ship as on Sakaar, but she wasn’t sure yet if having other people around who actually gave a damn was a good thing.

She reached for the bottle of whiskey next to her bed and took a long swig.

The knock sounded again, and Brunnhilde set the bottle down, pushing herself up and making her way unsteadily toward the door. She decided that if was Heimdall, she would gently close the door in his face and tell him to come back later. If it was Loki, she would punch him. If it was Thor…

Of course, it was Thor.

This wasn’t exactly how she wanted him to see her, but then again, when they had first met, she had fallen into a pile of trash and then electrocuted him. It frankly amazed her that he wanted to spend any time around her at all.

“Brunnhilde, are you alright? I heard…” Thor trailed off, looking as if he wasn’t quite sure how to describe it. Brunnhilde waved a hand dismissively, slightly off-kilter thanks to the alcohol.

“Just a nightmare. Don’t worry.” She had wanted to exude confidence in her voice, but it came out shaky, and even though the whiskey was numbing her, she could still feel the buzz of adrenaline in her veins. She had dreamed about Hela again, of course. Their recent battle had brought her nightmares back in full force, and now they were a sick medley of both the battle on the Bifrost and the battle when she had watched her wife die in front of her.

Sieglinde. Brunnhilde wondered when even the thought of her wife’s name alone would not cause her pain. She felt like that wound had never properly healed, and all of this Ragnarok business had ripped it open again.

“It’s no trouble,” Thor said, shaking his head. “I don’t sleep very well myself, if I’m honest.” He hesitated on the threshold, and without really thinking about it, Brunnhilde beckoned him inside. She told herself it was the alcohol, and that she was lonely, but gods , did she need company right now. She’d never say it out loud, of course, but maybe she’d be lucky and he would stay. She sat down on the bed again, patting the space beside her to ask him to sit down. She had never been very good with words, but she could gesture, at least. After a moment’s hesitation, Thor sat down beside her, and Brunnhilde could practically feel the heat radiating off him next to her. The man was practically a furnace.

“I, ah…” Brunnhilde trailed off, failing spectacularly at thinking of anything coherent to say. She picked up the bottle again, taking another drink without really thinking about it. It was more of an autopilot thing at this point. She tried to speak again.

“Look, I’m half wasted. You don’t have to stay.” Might as well be honest. He had seen her drunk before, but not in the middle of the night, disheveled from a night terror. To her surprise, however, she felt a warm arm around her shoulders, and instinctively, she leaned into the touch. Her head found the side of his shoulder, and she closed her eyes for a moment, stabilizing herself with the touch.

“Why are you so...so…” Brunnhilde gestured weakly with one hand, eyes still closed. “So nice?” She reached for the bottle again but felt empty air. There was a soft clink on the other side of Thor, and she realized faintly that Thor had gently placed the bottle out of her reach with his free hand. She very nearly protested, but it was probably for the better that way. She knew full well she had a problem; it was just that she had never really figured out how to solve it. Or wanted to solve it, really.

“We fought beside each other, and we are both still suffering. I don’t want you to suffer alone.” Thor’s voice was quiet in the dark of her quarters, and even through the layer of whiskey in her mind, Brunnhilde felt her heart twist in pain on his behalf. Her arm slipped around his back, holding him in turn. They sat like that for a while, and Brunnhilde lost track of time, Thor’s warmth and presence making her drowsy. She slumped against him, and her last coherent thought was a faint realization that his other arm had come around to hold her.

When she woke again, her head was throbbing, and when she opened her eyes, she squinted, seeing a haze of gold. She closed her eyes again, swearing at the sun and its light and warmth.

“Oh, you’re awake,” a voice rumbled next to her, and Brunnhilde’s eyes flashed open to see Thor, equally groggy and lying next to her. You’re on a ship, she reminded herself. No sun. The gold had apparently been the glint of his hair in the lights of the ship. She didn’t remember turning them on; maybe he had, or maybe they had come on automatically. She had been too drunk these past few days to really pay attention.

If Brunnhilde had been fully coherent, she would have jolted out of bed and fled, but her head was killing her, and all she could manage was a groan as she curled into Thor’s chest to try and block out some of the light from above. Gods, he was not going to let her forget this, but she was in too much pain to care right now. She only hoped Loki didn’t barge in. To her bewilderment, Thor’s arm came around her back again, soothing her with gentle motions along her spine. She wondered faintly if he expected sex for this; most anyone she had let herself become vulnerable with on Sakaar had. Kindness always had a price.

Then again, this man was a bewildering puppy-like person made of sunshine, and she didn’t understand him at all. She supposed that if he tried anything funny, she was coherent enough now that she could slip away, even if it made her head pound.

“Brunnhilde?” Thor asked, concern in his voice now. He shifted against her, and Brunnhilde peeked her head out to see that he was gazing across the room now. Empty bottles littered the floor, and Brunnhilde honestly couldn’t remember how many of them had been from the night before. Most of them, probably.

“Hungover. Sorry.” Brunnhilde jerked her head toward the bottles on the floor.

“I can see that.” Thor bit his lip and looked down at her, looking suddenly skittish. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep like this. I guess we both needed sleep.” Oh. Of course he hadn’t meant to do this, it had been an accident. Something like bitter disappointment welled up within her, and she didn’t understand what it meant.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to leave,” Brunnhilde said, her voice muffled a little against his chest. “I mean, if you don’t want to leave.” Thor’s hand was continuing to stroke soothing circles against her back, and Brunnhilde thought idly that she might like to stay here all day like this, if he was willing.

“I’ll stay.” Thor’s voice was a quiet rumble against her, and she found it more comforting than she had found anything else in a very long time. Maybe they could help each other out this way. They both needed to sleep well to serve Asgard, after all. She had a ridiculous, nonsensical urge to kiss his shoulder in thanks, but managed to hold it back for now. She blamed that one on the hangover, and the fact that his warmth felt so nice against her.

“Thank you,” Brunnhilde murmured, feeling herself begin to drift off again, this time into a more peaceful sleep. “I’ll...I’ll be back to myself in no time.”

“No rush. You fought bravely and deserve rest.”

Brunnhilde started to protest, wanting to make it clear to him what exactly she did and didn’t deserve, but darkness took her, and she gave into it. That would have to be a conversation for another day.

Chapter Text

The night after Thor had slept by her side, Brunnhilde’s bed seemed incredibly lonely without him. She pushed that thought of her mind and fell into a fitful sleep, plagued by nightmares again. This time, she didn’t scream, but she woke up with a snarl, jolting halfway out of bed as if Hela was still there, taunting her. She slowly lowered her raised fist, her breathing ragged and her heart pounding.

Just a nightmare. Again. She told herself, trying to calm down, but she felt like she wanted to claw the walls apart with her bare hands. Hela haunted her nightmares even more often than she had before, likely because of their recent encounter. At least on Sakaar, other horrors had gradually replaced Hela over time, but now, Hela was fresh in her mind, bringing all of her grief and trauma to the forefront. She wondered if she would ever stop mourning Sieglinde.

Brunnhilde tried to lie down again, but she was far too wired to sleep. This ship was terrible for sleeping anyway, with its constant noise, and it didn’t help that there was no natural daylight. The clock beside her bed said it was four in the morning, and after a while of laying there with no sleep in sight, Brunnhilde decided that it was a reasonable time to get up. Time didn’t mean much here, anyway.

She changed into sweats and a tank top to look more presentable, and then headed down to an exercise area she had found a few days ago, in hopes that she could blow off some steam without anyone noticing. Thankfully, everything was vacant, so once she had warmed up, she went at the closest punching bag with all her might, taking out her fury and grief on the inanimate object in front of her.

It soon became a blur of pain and raw emotion, and she attacked the punching bag again and again, ignoring the increasing pain in her hands as the minutes went on. The only thing that stopped her was someone’s voice, although she was in too much of a haze to pick out any words. Brunnhilde jolted, stepping back from the punching bag, and felt a warm liquid drip down her hands - blood. It felt strangely cathartic, although she knew this was going to hurt like hell later.

“Brunnhilde.” The voice was clearer this time, and Brunnhilde turned to see Thor. He was standing a safe distance from her, but his brow was furrowed, and Brunnhilde immediately felt a wave of shame. He seemed to be making a habit of accidentally witnessing her at her worst. She folded her arms, hiding her bleeding knuckles, although he had to have seen them.

“Thor.” Brunnhilde’s breathing was ragged from the exertion, and she couldn’t make herself look him in the eye. “What are you doing up?” Her hands were beginning to sting, but she didn’t uncover them.

“Same as you, I expect. Couldn’t sleep.” Thor shrugged a little, and took a cautious step closer. “You’re hurt -- “

“ -- I’m fine,” Brunnhilde interrupted, more out of reflex than anything, and she felt a twist of guilt. This isn’t Sakaar, she told herself. He’s not here to take advantage of you or be cruel.

“I mean, I…” Brunnhilde trailed off, trying to backtrack. “I couldn’t sleep either. Thought this would help blow off some steam after a nightmare.” The exhaustion was beginning to hit her, and she moved to sit down, finally revealing her hands and setting them in her lap. Thor had enough to deal with, and she wished he hadn’t caught her like this. The man was far too caring for his own good, and the last thing he needed was to get invested in caring about someone like her. Brunnhilde was too far gone for that.

“I understand.” Thor didn’t point out her hands for the moment; instead, he sat down beside her. He was close enough that their shoulders brushed together, and Brunnhilde resisted the urge to lean against him. Asgard would be in good hands, at least. Thor was unfailingly kind, and it was one of the things she admired most about him. They sat there in silence for a while, and slowly, Thor’s presence began to soothe her, the adrenaline fading away.

“You can, ah…” Thor fumbled over his words, sounding nervous. “You can wake me, if you like. Next time you have a nightmare. If I can help at all, please don’t hesitate.” Brunnhilde blinked in surprise, his kindness stunning her yet again. When she failed to speak, Thor continued.

“I mean, you seemed to sleep well in my presence.” He paused. “Not that I’m presuming anything, of course! But if it would help, I am here for you.” He reached a hand up to card through his short crop of hair. Now he was the one avoiding eye contact, and Brunnhilde found it oddly endearing. Letting her guard down for a moment, she let herself lean against his shoulder a little, telling herself it was because she was so tired.

“I’ll remember that. Thank you.” It had been a long time since Brunnhilde had heard her voice sound that gentle, and she wasn’t sure what she thought about that. Don’t get familiar. It had been more of a warning for herself than for him. She didn’t think she could deal with that magnitude of loss again, and she had long ago decided that it was best for her to keep other people at a distance. They were silent again, and Thor’s arm came around her shoulder. Brunnhilde felt herself begin to doze, but just before her eyes slipped shut, Thor’s voice jolted her back to being awake.

“Brunnhilde, you’re...bleeding on me.” Thor looked incredibly sheepish to have brought up her hands again, but when Brunnhilde looked down, she noted with embarrassment that her hands had, indeed, dripped blood on his trousers. She winced, more out of shame than pain.

“Sorry.” The moment had ended, the spell was broken, and Brunnhilde stood up. She meant to leave, to take care of her hands, but Thor got to her first, taking one of her hands in his.

“Can I help? It’s easier when you don’t have to do it with one hand.”

Brunnhilde’s first instinct was to jerk her hand away from his, to tell him to fuck off, but strangely, she didn’t want to do that this time. She found herself nodding instead, and without a word, Thor led her by the hand to medbay. She kept quiet as he bandaged her hands, amazed that someone who could wield the power of entire storms could be so gentle. When he finished, he fetched her a pain pill and a glass of water without her asking, and Brunnhilde felt like she was floundering in a confusing puddle of emotions she couldn’t identify. No one was ever this nice on Sakaar without a price, but here Thor was, going out of his way to be considerate.

“Thank you,” Brunnhilde murmured, a little overwhelmed. She quickly took the pain medicine, and then without thinking, she slid her hand into his again. Thor blinked in surprise and then cracked a faint smile, which made Brunnhilde feel funny all over again.

Don’t get familiar. Don’t get familiar. Don’t get familiar.

A tiny voice in her mind said it was too late for that, but she pushed the thought away, trying not to read too much into the current situation.

“You said you couldn’t sleep either,” Brunnhilde said, blaming the strange hour of the morning for her lack of impulse control. “If you wanted to try to sleep a little longer, you could come back with me again. If you want.”

“I think that would help both of us.” Thor gave her hand a squeeze, and Brunnhilde kept his hand in hers as they walked back to her quarters. She told herself that they were two battle-weary soldiers, taking comfort in their mutual experiences. It was no crime to want some sort of companionship, especially after a battle like Ragnarok.

She knew, deep down, it was a paltry excuse, but that didn’t make curling up into his embrace again any less comforting. This time, she drifted off into a peaceful sleep, feeling just a hint of safety, something she hadn’t felt in decades.

Chapter Text

This time when Brunnhilde woke from a nightmare, something was different. Terror still consumed her, adrenaline pumping through her veins, but this time, there was a tiny voice in the back of her mind, keeping her tethered to reality.

Go find him.

It was easier said than done, of course. Thor had given her permission to seek him out in the middle of the night if she had a bad nightmare, but she hadn’t quite worked up the courage. It was reassuring to know that she could, in theory, but every time it happened, she had convinced herself that she didn’t need to bother him. This time, however, she was finding it difficult not to give into temptation.

He said it was okay. Go find him.

Part of Brunnhilde wished she could shut that little voice up, but despite her internal protests, she found herself stumbling upward, making her way out of her quarters to go find Thor. She was still a bit drunk from what she had had earlier that evening, and as she passed the door threshold, the alcohol bottles in her cabinet glinted, as if they were taunting her. It would be so easy to take one of those and curl back up in bed, letting the booze lull her to sleep, but she told herself she had already gotten up. If she was going to stand up, she might as well make it worth it.

When Brunnhilde reached Thor’s quarters, she knocked gently on the door, hoping it would be enough to wake him up. The last thing she wanted was to wake any other Asgardians up, knowing it would be mortifying to have them see her like this. To her relief, the door opened after a few moments, revealing a bleary eyed (and adorable, she thought - she attributed that one to the alcohol) Thor.

“Nightmare?” Thor asked before she could speak, and Brunnhilde nodded. She couldn’t tell if he looked sleepy because she had just woken him up, or if he had been up all night. Either way, it made her want to hug him. She refrained for the moment, though, stepping inside his quarters once he beckoned for her to do so.

“Sorry, you said I could - “ Brunnhilde began, and then Thor’s arms were around her, pulling her into a gentle hug.

“Shhh. It’s all right. You have nothing to apologize for.” Thor ran his hand over her hair gently, and it made Brunnhilde’s heart ache a little. This man was so kind, and she could hardly give him anything in return.

“I’ve been up all night, myself. I - “ He coughed a little, as if flustered. “I think this will help me, too. Come lie down.” Thor flopped back onto his bed, making space for Brunnhilde, and she crept in beside him, curling up against his chest. He didn’t seem to mind the physical contact, and he was so warm that Brunnhilde was going to take whatever she could get. Alcohol kept her warm, usually, but as it faded, she always found herself cold in the middle of the night.

“Sorry you’ve also been having trouble sleeping,” Brunnhilde murmured, hoping Thor didn’t notice the hint of a squeak in her voice when he settled his arm around her. Taking a risk, she uncurled her arm to wrap around his back in turn, shifting herself closer. Gods, did it feel good to hold him and be held. She hadn’t realized how touch starved she was, and she was incredibly grateful that Thor was willing to oblige her like this.

“It’s a chronic problem, and I’m used to it.” Thor looked down at her, and something soft in his eyes made Brunnhilde feel suddenly vulnerable. It wasn’t a bad feeling, though, and she tried to recognize the expression on his face. It took her a moment, but she realized it was concern. No one had looked at her like that in so long that she had forgotten what it looked like in a face. “It’s understandable after what we went through. How are you faring?”

Brunnhilde didn’t want to tell him the truth. She wanted to lie, to tell him that she was fine, but she found herself tongue tied, looking into those soft blue eyes. Her filter lapsed, and when she spoke, the words were true for once in her life, even though logically, she didn’t truly know him well enough to trust him. They had fought together in battle, of course, but she wasn’t sure who he was off the battlefield.

“I’m a disaster.” She hadn’t meant to say it, and she felt her face immediately flush red as soon as the words came out. She had meant to say something like “been better” or “you know, managing,” but she apparently was too sleep deprived to control herself. Embarrassed, she turned her head so her forehead rested against his chest, hiding her face. To her surprise, Thor tugged her closer, giving her a squeeze.

“Glad I’m not the only one, then. Although I’m sorry you’re faring so poorly.” Thor reached his hand up to run his fingers through her hair, and Brunnhilde felt herself visibly relax without even thinking. “Sorry - is this all right?”

“Oh, gods, absolutely all right.” Brunnhilde’s voice was a hazy murmur, and she blushed when she realized how eager she sounded. “I’m just - “ She floundered, still hiding her face. “That’s really nice. Thank you.” Thor had tensed up for a moment, but he relaxed again, and she hoped she had put him at ease. After a moment’s hesitation, she reached her own hand up to card through his hair, earning a pleased rumble in return.

Touching Thor was intoxicating, much to her alarm. He was so warm, and deep down, even though she didn’t want to admit it, she knew she was undeniably attracted to him. To be fair, she couldn’t be blamed - he was a beautiful man. She was determined to keep it to herself, though, not wanting to make him in any way uncomfortable. That, and she couldn’t risk getting closer to him than she already was.

“You should sleep,” they both murmured at the same time, and then laughed. That broke the tension a little, and Brunnhilde curled up further in his arms, trying to tell herself that it was okay, that he wouldn’t hurt her. It felt so strange to have someone concerned about her wellbeing, but it was a refreshing change.

“I’ll be here in the morning,” Thor said, leaning down to kiss her forehead. Brunnhilde felt her face go positively beet red, her heart pounding, and she hoped like hell he didn’t notice. Seized by a wild, adrenaline fueled impulse, she tilted her head up to give him a brief kiss on the lips, giving in to what she had wanted to do the entire time she had been lying here.

Mildly terrified at what she had just done, Brunnhilde shut her eyes and curled up tightly in his embrace, trying to look like she was immediately going to go to sleep.

“Goodnight, Thor.”

“G-Goodnight, Brunn - hilde.”

There was no way in Hel they were talking about this in the morning.