Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Hey, Pat,” Virgil greeted as he stepped into their dorm room and dropped his bag into his desk chair.

Patton lifted his head from his textbook and smiled at him. Life was better when they were talking. “Hey, Virgil.” Then he looked back down at his work, hoping against all hope that he could start to make this equation make some sort of sense.

It didn’t.

Five minutes later, after Virgil had supposedly settled at his desk to do some work of his own, Patton heard a very resigned sigh and a heavy thump.

Virgil had let his head drop to the open book before him, his forehead now resting against black lettering.

“Something giving you trouble?” Patton asked. Depending on the subject, he might know dead nothing about it, but he was still willing to try. Besides, maybe they’d get distracted and forget about their school work altogether for the evening. Patton was a little fed up with homework, and none of it was pressing for the moment.

“Yeah,” Virgil agreed, his head still down.

“Well, what is it? Maybe I can-”

“It’s not school work, Pat…”

Virgil lifted his head to look at his soulmate. Looking into his brown eyes, so dark they were nearly black, Patton was suddenly aware of a vague nagging in his chest. Some resigned, heavy burden he was sure wasn’t his.

Patton gave the older teen a look he hoped expressed his concern and confusion.

Virgil sighed heavily, leaving his chair and coming to kneel on the floor at the foot of Patton’s bed. He folded his arms up on the edge of the mattress, covered as it was in a brightly patterned comforter, then rested his chin on them.

“We gotta talk about something…”

Dread. Pure dread.

It was cliche and stupid to feel so utterly awful when someone said that, but there it was. He was suddenly jumpy, wanting to sit up from where he had been laying on his stomach. It’s not that he didn’t want to have a conversation… He just didn’t want to have a conversation that had Virgil all… down.

And that was the problem, wasn’t it? Oh, no, it must be. They hadn’t gotten “back” together as boyfriends yet and that must mean that even though Patton was feeling better about his place with him, he didn’t want to be with them still. Virgil was probably finally taking him up on his offer to move out and find a different roommate. Honestly, who would want their almost functional, useless, non-boyfriend of a best friend turned soulmate to live with them all the time?

“It’s about… therapy…”

Wait…

“Therapy?”

“Yeah.”

“Your therapy?”

“No, you starting therapy…”

“...I haven’t started therapy?”

Another sigh. “I know, Patton. That’s my point.”

Patton was silent for a time, his eyes drifting down to his bedspread where he rubbed his fingers along a patch of yellow fabric. He didn’t need therapy, right? He felt… well, maybe not fine, but he felt the same way he’d felt for years, so he most certainly didn’t feel different. If anything, most of the time spent with Virgil after telling him they were soulmates has been the best time of his life. He hasn’t felt better than this since… a long time ago.

He shook his head. “I don’t need, therapy, Virge.” He tried to throw in a comforting, soft smile to persuade him.

“Except there are a lot of factors in our situation saying that you might.”

Patton scoffed, losing just a little bit of patience. He wasn’t angry, but he was more than a little frustrated. Virgil saw potential dangers around every corner, but usually they were at least a little founded. Or, no, that wasn’t true. But the point still stands that there couldn’t possibly be anything about this that said he needed therapy!

“Okay,” he said, finally sitting up and crossing his arms over his chest. “Name one.”

Virgil stood back up.

“At the age of six, you were told soulmates weren’t real, which was a blatant lie, and you believed it. Your mother physically hurt you, knowing full well that the drawing on your arm was not your fault. You were told that if anyone asked why you had a bandage on under long sleeves, you were to tell them you hurt yourself somehow. Then you wore long sleeves and long pants for eleven years. You convinced yourself that your three, count them, three soulmates would be better off without you. This situation got so bad that in freshman year, you didn’t speak a word for an entire week, and I wound up nearly violating your personal space to prove that there weren’t cuts on your arms. Then a few months ago, when you finally worked up the courage to say anything, and I hesitated for just a few seconds too long, you had a mental breakdown that lasted two and a half days until I had to come get you, calm you down, and all but force you to take a shower and eat something.”

Patton almost couldn’t believe his ears. Virgil was… lord, he knew Virgil was sassy, but this was just straight up biting. Sure, those were legitimate examples, but they didn’t add up to the conclusion of needing therapy! Patton wasn’t… he wasn’t…

No. Virgil wasn’t crazy, and he went to therapy. Virgil needed therapy. Without it… Patton knew exactly what Virgil would be like without it.

No, needing therapy does not make him crazy.

“I…”

“Pat,” Virgil said softly, his tone changing in an instant. His arms dropped from where he’d crossed them as he stepped forward to kneel on the bed in from of Patton. “I’m not saying we’re going to drop everything and go right now. Or, that you get no say in this. I’m saying it might be something we should try taking a look at.”

Patton’s arms dropped to his sides, Virgil’s hands reaching to take his own. He looked down at his knees.

“I’m not… broken, Virge…”

The older shushed him. “No, no, you’re not.”

He pulled him into a firm, warm embrace.

“But maybe… we’re in over our heads here, Pat. Four of us is gonna be a challenge. Especially with anxiety disorders and depression and… trauma… We need a little help to stay afloat…”

Patton didn’t respond, so Virgil kept going.

“You’d know better than anyone about just floating, don’t you? After all, you were my first safety line. Right?”

Patton let out a choked sob into Virgil’s shirt. He nodded just a little bit. Patton had been the reason Virgil had told his parents about his anxiety in the first place, and started the conversation about seeking professional help.

“Right. So how about we calm down right quick, put this on the back burner, and come back to it soon. Alright?”

Patton nodded.

*

Rrrring

Rrrring

Rrrring

“Hey, Pattoncake!”

“Hi, Uncle Emile.”

“How’s dorm life? Giving it the old, college try?”

Patton chuckled a little. He was sitting alone in their dorm room. Virgil was gone at class. He didn’t know this phone call was happening.

“Uh, yeah… It’s good.”

“Uh oh, what’s the gloom I hear in your voice?”

Patton swallowed. “I need to talk to you about some stuff, and see what you say…”

“Stuff like… uncle stuff? Or doctor stuff?”

“M-mostly doctor stuff… But I wouldn’t say no to some uncle stuff either…”

His uncle’s voice softed, lowing to its calming, low tone that it takes on when he’s trying to be soothing. “Sure, sweetie. I’m only twenty minutes from your campus. Want me to come pick you up? We can get some take-out or something?”

Patton nodded, fully aware that the older man couldn’t see him. “I’d like that, Uncle Emile.”

“Sure, kiddo. I need to finish up some paperwork, but I’ll be there within a half hour. Anywhere you wanna meet?”

“You know Insomnia Cookies?”

He could hear the smile in the man’s voice. “Sure thing. I’ll see you there.”

*

The light wasn’t on when Virgil got back. Which was interesting, because Patton had told him this morning that he would be waiting for him when class was over. Or… he might be up in Virgil’s bed taking a nap, because he did that sometimes. Virgil dropped his backpack into his desk chair, stepping forward and climbing up a step or two on his ladder, just to find his bed empty, his blankets still unmade from that morning.

“Hmm…” Virgil hummed to himself.

This wasn’t like Patton. He always told Virgil when plans changed. He sent a text, or he called or…

Virgil pulled out his phone, checking his messages. Nothing.

Okay, now he was getting worried.

No, no. Maybe he just went out to grab lunch. It was two in the afternoon, but it was possible. Patton didn’t always eat within the “lunchtime” time frame. He said it was too close to breakfast and wasn’t hungry enough by then to bother eating yet.

Might as well call him. That would make sense. Right?

The line rang.

And rang.

And rang some more.

Just when he was sure it was going to go to voicemail, the line picked up.

“Virgil?”

Now he could breathe easier. Patton sounded okay. “Hey, Pat.”

“What’s going on? Are you okay?” His voice took on an almost panicky tone.

“What? Yeah, I’m fine.” Virgil answered quickly. No need to worry Patton when things were just starting to get back to… well, their new normal. “I just… you said you would still be here after my class, and you know, when I get back and you’re nowhere-”

“Oh, god, Virge! I am so sorry! Something came up! I’m out with my uncle right now-”

“Which uncle?”

“Emile.”

That means that he either took Virgil’s advice to think about counseling, or he pulled a Patton and did something off the freaking wall and just flew by the seat of his pants. Because that did occasionally land him in situations, while not unsafe, unpredictable by others.

“Oh. Okay, well, uh, have a nice time.”

“Thank you, my kooky cookie! I’ll be back soon. We can chill for a little while before my class at five. Cool?”

“Yeah, sure. Love you-”

Oh no…

“Yay! Love you too! Bye!”

“...Bye.”

*

It was two thirty when their dorm room door opened again, revealing Patton with a bright look on his face. He was wearing a t-shirt, layered over a long sleeve shirt. It had been getting fairly chilly outside. But his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, words standing out, clear as day.
He had gotten better in the few months before the break up about wearing clothes that show off some of his skin. He only did it in their dorm room, usually only alone or with Virgil. Granted, that a flew straight out the window about a month ago, but today was the first time he’d done something like this.

In some private way, Virgil was proud of him.

“Virgil!”

That was the only warning he received before there was a body landing on him, arms wrapping around his shoulders and holding tightly. The wind was knocked out of him, his lungs seemingly forgetting how to breathe for a hot second as his arms came up automatically to wrap around Patton was well.

“Geez,” he wheezed once he’d regained his breath. “A little warning next time, Pat?”

“I gave you warning!” Patton defended, sitting up straight, straddling Virgil’s lap. “I yelled your name!”

Virgil huffed, trying not to laugh. “That’s not quite sufficient, but alright. You get a pass for today.”

Patton smiled sweetly at him. Then on impulse, he leaned down and pressed their mouths together briefly, only backing off enough to let their foreheads rest against one another.

They stayed like that for a minute or two, both smiling, their eyes closed. Patton’s hands rested on the sides of Virgil’s face sliding down over his jaw and along his neck to his shoulders. It was an incredibly intimate moment, one that Virgil was hesitant to break.

But eventually, he had to.

“So, how’s your uncle?” Virgil asked softly, moving his hands to Patton’s waist, smoothing over his sides overtop of his shirts.

Patton hummed. “He’s good. I asked him to meet me at Insomnia Cookies.”

Virgil groaned animatedly. Insomnia Cookies. Best. Place. Ever. Not only were their cookies fantastic, but they would deliver boxes of them to you. Beautiful, beautiful people.

“Good choice,” Virgil agreed. “Any particular reason for the meeting?”

Patton went quiet and Virgil suddenly wondered if he should have asked at all.

After a moment, Patton sighed and pulled away from Virgil, falling back to sit on the older’s legs where they were crossed. The freckled teen wouldn’t quite look at him, but he didn’t seem upset at all.

“I… thought about what you said the other day…” Patton muttered self consciously. “About getting some help…”

“Uh huh?”

“And, I know he won’t take me on as a patient because I’m family, but I figured he would at least give me some advice on where to start or maybe what exactly I’m looking at, you know?” Patton continued, looking up at Virgil again.

Virgil nodded, saying, “yeah, sure.”

“But, he gave me some recommendations, said there’s even a few people on campus we could go to-”

“We?”

Patton stuttered to a halt in an instant.

Wrong thing, wrong thing to say, Virgil. You shouldn’t have made it sound like that, now he thinks you don’t want to help him with this-

“I… yeah…” Patton muttered. “Do you- I mean… Did you not-”

He blew out a rather frustrated breath, his head bowed again, eyes focussed on his hands, fingers twisting in his lap.

“You don’t have to do this with me. It’s my problem, I’ll deal with it.”

Virgil sighed.

Stay calm. Stay calm, Virgil. The last thing you need right now is to freak him out more.

“Patton, honey,” He smoothed his hands up the exposed skin of Patton’s arms and back down to clasp his hands between his own. “I didn’t mean it like that. It just kinda slipped out.”

“Then-”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

Patton’s eyes locked on him without hesitation. “Of course I do. This is… it’s about me, but it’s for us. For you and me, and for Roman and Logan, when he get them on board… right?”

Virgil smiled at him. “Right. Of course you’re right.”

Patton smiled back at him shyly.

“But,” Virgil continued, “I want you to know that you don’t have to start counseling for us. You do it for you, no one else.”

“I know, I know it’s for me. I want this, I do. But I also want to do this for you guys. For any relationship the four of us will have in the future.”

Virgil hummed happily. “I’m proud of you, sweetie.”

Patton grinned wide and happily. He leaned back up and touched his forehead to Virgil’s. They giggled together breathily, Patton’s fingers running over Virgil’s cheeks, feeling skin covered in a light layer of foundation. If Patton focussed on Virgil’s cheekbones, he could see light freckles that he loved so much.

“Are we just going to sit here until you have to leave for class, or…”

Patton just laughed and pushed Virgil down on bed playfully.