Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Grayson

It wasn’t completely unheard of for someone to beat Dick to the punch in Bludhaven. He was the only well-known vigilante around, but no one ever showed this much precision with their work, he noted, upon finding the human trafficking ring all but wrapped with a bow; trapped in their own storage crate at the pier with cops already arriving on the scene.

“Got to be Bruce or—”

“T-T! You think that Father has the time to waste dealing with your messes? Gotham is busy enough as it is.”

Dick nearly leapt out of his skin when Damian appeared behind him on the bridge overpass. “Geez. You know, falling from a height like this could kill most people.”

“Most people. Honestly, Grayson, I came here assuming I would be aiding you in apprehending those criminals and instead I did all the heavy lifting while you arrived late to the party. You should really work on your time management.”

Dick scoffed. “Some of us have day jobs. What are you doing out here anyways? I thought you were supposed to be leading the Tiny Titans.”

“It’s Teen Titans and you know it,” Damian growled. “Quit avoiding your own shortcomings. I attended school today, checked in with my team, and still managed to do your job.”

“Yeah yeah. So, what brings you here? Not that it’s not great to see you, but you don’t usually haul yourself all the way out to Bludhaven, y’know?” Dick settled down, taking a seat on the ledge, overlooking his disgusting and yet oddly endearing city.

Damian clicked his tongue again and sat down next to Dick with his arms crossed. “I have need of….advice.”

Dick lived for these moments. He’d had them with everybody. Even Bruce had come to him before, trying to figure out how best to handle Selena. Tim had been his favorite, though, because he didn’t really need the talk, he just needed someone to encourage him to do what he already knew needed doing. Jason, of course, had been a whole different problem. The first and only time that Jason had ever come to Dick for brotherly advice had resulted in the two of them nearly sending each other to the hospital. The second time the subject ever came up, he couldn’t walk for a few days for a whole different reason.

“I’m your man! What’s on your mind? Some girl at school teasing you?”

“What on Earth makes you think I couldn’t handle such a situation? I wouldn’t even have to resort to violence. Mere intimidation would be enough to put a stop to any bullying. In fact, I have taught a few bullies quite the important lessons and I don’t think they’ll be causing problems ever again!”

Dick sighed. “Not at all what I meant, but whatever.”

Damian fidgeted slightly. “No, my question is not with regards to public schooling—which is an absolute joke, I would like to add.”

Dick shrugged. “It wasn’t so bad. Helps teach kids to socialize.”

“I have no need to associate myself with infidels who can’t even—”

“Get to the point, Damian.”

Damian clicked his tongue again and turned away from Dick. “I…I need advice with regards to…um…”

“Wow. It’s really not like you to be so tongue-tied,” Dick commented, feeling the strong brotherly desire to mess with his hair. “Whatever this is, it’s really bothering you, huh? Come on. You know you can always lean on me when you need it.”

Damian ducked his head a bit and still kept looking away. “I have questions about s….”

“What was that?”

“…..”

“I’m not quite hearing you. It’s a little windy up here. You wanna head back to my apartment or something? I mean, this was the main thing I was going to handle tonight so—”

“I have questions about sexual intercourse!” Damian finally blurted out. “It isn’t exactly an easy subject to approach, alright?”

Dick smiled. “Maybe, but that’s just because of the stigma. Sex isn’t necessarily bad, after all. It’s actually a great workout and stress-reliever and…and…” Dick started crunching numbers in his head. “Hang on, you’re only twelve. You don’t need to worry about this stuff yet. I’ll give you details, but you shouldn’t be implementing them yet. I mean, I’m not stupid, I know you’re going to do whatever the hell you want, so I’ll make sure you’re fully informed but—”

“I’m fourteen!” Damian snapped, sounding affronted.

Dick ran the numbers again. “No way…Nope, not buying it.”

“Clearly we’ve established that you’re bad with numbers, Grayson. If you weren’t you wouldn’t be so late getting out here when your workday clearly ended two hours ago.”

“First of all, getting home and prepared after work isn’t an instantaneous process. Secondly…ouch. So, fourteen? Okay, it’s a little less awkward, but I still think you should wait a little more.” Damian opened his mouth to protest, but Dick already had a hand up. “Ah, I’m still going to give you the talk. Calm down.” He cleared his throat and proceeded. “You see, there’s a time in a man’s life when his body has matured enough to develop certain urges. His genitals begin to respond to certain stimuli and certain actions can be taken to satisfy these urges.”

Damian slapped his forehead.

“Am I boring you?”

“I’m fourteen, not four. I’m aware of sexual urges and it’s not like masturbation is a foreign concept.”

“Okay then. What do you not know?”

Damian sighed deeper than Dick could ever remember him sighing. Not that this was a subject he’d planned go address any time soon with the kid, but why was it affecting him like this? It seemed a little dramatic.

“Look, first times are always tricky. If you’re planning to do something, well, maybe it’d be better to just wait? I’m sure your girlfriend’s more nervous about it than you are.” Dick put a hand on his old sidekick’s shoulder to try to reassure him. “If it means this much to you, it’s better to wait. This way she can prove she’s worth it too. If you guys don’t feel the same about it in a couple of years, then—”

“I don’t have that sort of time,” Damian blurted out. “And he’s not…I mean…”

Dick was earnestly surprised. “He? Oh! Oh wow! Okay! That’s still good! I mean…The technical stuff is a little different then. But what do you mean you don’t have the time? Of course you do! You’re just a kid, Damian. You’ve got all the time in the world.”

Damian scoffed. “You wouldn’t understand.”

Dick pushed him gently. “Try me.”

“Just…Just tell me what I need to know,” Damian tried again, skirting around the details of the target of his affections. “I…um…I will be…receiving…and what we did hurt so much that I…”

Dick’s brotherly instincts kicked into overdrive. “Nope. Unacceptable. Who is this kid? I’ll pummel him into next week!”

“Grayson—”

“No, you’re too young for this! He is too I’m sure! I’ll tell you how to do things properly, but I will not tolerate anyone hurting you because they couldn’t keep it in their pants!”

“Grayson—”

“I swear, the moment I get my hands on that prick—”

“Grayson!”

“What?”

“Sit down and listen to me!”

Dick hadn’t even realized he’d gotten to his feet. He was still seeing red but accepted that Damian wasn’t made of glass. Besides, if he wasn’t careful Damian would clam up and he wouldn’t be able to get a name out of him. So he settled back down and waited in silence.

“Kent…Jon…he isn’t a kid anymore.”

“Just because Kryptonians might hit puberty sooner than—”

“He’s seventeen, Grayson.”

Dick blinked a couple of times. “Okay, you’re not making me feel better about this.”

“He left Earth with his twisted grandfather, flew too close to a blackhole, and lived through six years while being gone for only 1 Earth month.”

“Now I’m worried and lost.”

“All you need to understand, Grayson, is that Jon is seventeen, he made his feelings towards me known and they are reciprocated, he had a horrible sex-related experience while off-world that I would like to replace with a good one, and…and…”

“And?”

Damian let his head drop, completely ignoring his posture—an action that the militant child never made—and said, “He is needed in the 31st century, so he will be leaving again and…I don’t know how long it will be this time.”

Dick bit his bottom lip and nodded. “Relative time lapse, space sex, and significant time travel. Super-heroes, am I right? I mean, what are the odds?”

“He’s one of a kind,” Damian muttered with a sad smile.

Dick groaned. “I still don’t like the idea of you rushing this…But even if I don’t tell you anything, you’re still going to do something stupid, aren’t you?”

“No actions I take are ever stupid,” Damian defended.

“Okay, so how do you know sex hurts?”

Damian adjusted his sitting position slightly and mumbled, “Um…we nearly…I mean, we had intended to, but…f-fingers were um…They were too much.”

Dick winced, thinking about the first time his ass was played with. “Okay. Yeah, that’s going to hurt if you don’t prepare. No way around that. What about lubrication?”

Damian blushed. “We…improvised.”

“Soap then?”

“Um.”

“Lotion?”

“S…saliva.”

Dick could almost feel Damian’s discomfort. “Nope. Nope nope nope. Holy freaking friction, Damian, that must have been awful!”

Damian’s eyes glistened just from remembering it. “I could barely walk, Grayson! I thought that…I thought that something was broken! I mean, he is Kryptonian! I spent days trying to think of good excuses not to go out as Robin to Father without alerting him enough to have Pennyworth give me a health exam!”

“Yeah, that’s why you can’t just—” Dick blinked a couple times, considering something that made the color drain out of his face. “Is Jon…um…is he as bullet-proof as his father?”

Damian hid his face in his hands and nodded.

“Holy crap, D, is he super fast too?”

Damian just continued to nod vigorously.

“He could kill you!”

“He is living proof that Kryptonians can have sexual relationships with humans!” Damian protested. “I trust him! I just…also…fear…him…”

“You should!”

“Please! I can’t handle that again! What if he really does break me? How can the human body truly be made to accommodate something like that?”

Dick had to calm himself down. “Okay. Okay, even if he’s completely solid, you can still handle that. I mean, you’ll have to learn how to handle that. Oh man, how do I explain this?”

“Have you laid with a man?” Damian wondered. “Are you able to tell me from experience or would I be better searching for information elsewhere. Everything I ask you seems to make you panic.”

Dick thought back to Jason and heat pooled where it really shouldn’t. “Um…No, I’ve had experience with other guys.”

“Then there are ways to make it less painful, right?”

Dick swallowed hard. “Um, yeah…Of course.” He wasn’t overly experienced in the ways that made things less painful, though. In fact, rough as things could be, he still got hot and bothered thinking back to that night with Jason. The way that Jason had pinned him against the wall and ravaged him…How he had shown no gentleness and taken him like an absolute brute…And how much Dick had liked it…

“Grayson?”

“Hm?”

“Are there any details that you might share in order to avoid pain?”

“Don’t let Jay have his way.”

“What?”

“What?”

“Did you say—”

“I said don’t let Jon just have his way,” Dick said quickly. “A little pain can be fun sometimes, but you both need to be conscientious of each other. If you’re uncomfortable, you have to let him know. You know your limits better than he does. And, um, there are ways to prepare on your own time before you even see him again. Have you masturbated with your fingers before? See if you can ease yourself open a bit. Get used to the sensation.”

Damian paid close attention. “That makes sense, but Jon’s…well his…I mean…” Damian stared at his hands and blushed hotly. “I don’t think my fingers will quite reach what he could.”

Dick quickly pushed the question of size from his mind. “You’d be surprised what can fit.”

“What?”

“Nothing! Stop listening to me! Gaah!” Dick got to his feet and stretched his legs. “There are toys that can simulate size and stimulation. Check a sex shop out, see what looks within reason for you, and grab something that you think you’ll be able to handle. And lube! God, I can’t emphasize how much you’re going to want lube. Trust me, doing things with lube makes everything MUCH easier.” He switched to stretching his arms. “You should get some condoms too. You’re not a girl, so no worries about pregnancy, but there are still health risks you should be aware of. And, well, there’s more that you can do for him. He could do some things for you too. There’s flavored condoms and lube. Don’t use it when doing anal, but you it can make oral a little more fun.”

Damian sat in silence for a long moment before noting, “This is the strangest conversation you and I have ever had.”

“Yep. And honestly, aside from a shop name, I think that’s all I should tell you.” He was finding it more and more difficult to keep his head in the present. “But you have to check in with me after the fact, alright? I want to know that you’re okay, and if you’re not going to talk to Bruce or Alfred about it, at least promise you’ll talk to me.”

Damian scoffed. “You want to be responsible, but you’ll send a minor to a sex shop?”

Dick couldn’t help but smirk. “I thought you prided yourself on being the master of disguise? Didn’t you pose as a bus driver once? Ooh, actually there you go. There’s another piece of advice I can give you. Roleplay!”

“Is it not enough that we are Robin and Superboy?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you’ve had some fantasy? Maybe he has? Maybe you’ve got a thing for villains.”

“That is disturbing, Grayson.”

“Hey, better to play dress up rather than let a guy who’s had you at the end of their barrel have their way with you.”

“Honestly, are you suggesting that you and Todd have—”

“Gee, would you look at the time? I think I’ve got another gambling ring to go bust up.” Dick put his hands out and dove off of the overpass. The rush of night air helped to cool him down a little, but he felt the aching desire to see how Jason was doing these days.

Per their usual, Damian followed after Dick and they played chicken with the road, both of them using their grappling lines to quickly and skillfully save themselves from impact so that the winner could hardly be measured. Damian followed him only as far as the Bludhaven police department rooftop, where Dick landed nimbly to meet with his own version of Jim Gordon.

“God, how’s a guy supposed to move like that?” officer Sapienza wondered out loud.

“I’d teach you if I could, but it might give a whole new meaning to Bludhaven street meat.”

The older man chuckled. “Let’s leave the crazy heroics to you. I’m much more of a pounding the pavement kind of guy.”

Dick laughed at Sapienza’s quick wit and looked back to see if Damian had followed, half expecting the brat to throw in his two cents about their jokes. But there wasn’t a sign of Robin.

“Hm? Something out there?”

Dick shrugged. “Just…saw a bird. Let’s get to work.”

Chapter Text

It had felt like a lifetime since Tim had been home. Given the last…well, return from “beyond the grave,” it was a miracle his apartment was still available at all (no thanks to Bruce, of course. Rather Tim had taken the time to set up programs to work stock trading and automatically pay off certain expenses at set intervals). Conner was nice enough to give him a lift too so that he could skip the stress of catching a cab in Gotham.

Conner had also agreed to crash with him until he figured out what to do now that he was finally back from Gem World. They’d picked up cheap take-out to gnaw on while bouncing ideas off of each other with regards to Tim’s sudden memory emergence, but otherwise the two of them were exhausted and had more than earned a break.

“Thanks for this, Kon,” Tim said as they stepped off the elevator at his floor.

“Sure. You know, even if you don’t remember, I’ve really missed this sort of…casualness. Without a kid around to take care of, I feel kind of useless anyways, so the company is appreciated. Tim stepped up to his apartment door and started to punch in the code in the hidden security panel he’d build into the doorframe only for Conner to put his arm out and pull Tim back. “Someone’s already in there.”

“What? No way! I updated security so much that even Bruce shouldn’t be able to get in without me receiving at least an alert!”

Conner raised an eyebrow while still staring through the door. “Yeah, no, this guy’s way too small to be Bruce.”

Tim slapped his forehead and let out a dramatic sigh. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” He entered the code, used three different keys held together in order to open the main lock, and stepped inside. He ushered Conner to follow quickly and, upon shutting the door, entered another code into a nearby panel and let the door automatically lock itself from there. Conner had already begun searching for the intruder, heading straight for the kitchen.

“Over here, Tim.”

Tim made his way over and dropped their food unceremoniously on the counter, getting Damian’s attention. The little Robin closed the fridge and clicked his tongue.

“Drake, there isn’t a single thing in your kitchen that hasn’t expired. Explain yourself!” Damian demanded while holding a jar of mayonnaise.

“Hey, it’s his first time back here since—”

Tim put up a hand, cutting Conner off. “No. No explaining myself in my own home to the twitchy little prick who’s not supposed to be here. Get out.”

“Make me.”

Conner rolled his eyes and moved at super speed, effectively tying Damian up with the cable from one of Tim’s grappling guns in just a couple seconds flat. “Want me to ditch him on the doorstep of the manor?” he offered.

“Wait! I’m here for help!” Damian exclaimed, frustrated with his new vulnerable position. “How dare you sick your super clone on me!”

Tim felt infinitely better with Damian tied up on his kitchen floor, so he took out the take-out boxes, handed one to Conner, and broke his cheap wooden chopsticks before popping his own box of pork-fried rice open, delighting in the way that the overpowering stench of cheap Chinese food made Damian grimace. “Well then. Ask away,” Tim said before taking a bite of what was basically pure MSG’s.

“Do you have to eat that in my presence?”

Tim unabashedly flicked a piece of pork at his uninvited, vegetarian guest. “Who’s going to stop me?”

Damian clicked his tongue and wriggled awkwardly, trying to put as much distance between himself and the discarded chunk of meat as possible. “Look, I need advice about…About sexual intercourse.”

Conner started to choke on his food.

“Dude. Why not ask Dick?” Tim wondered. “Or, you know, literally anyone else? Hell, I think I’d rather you called up Steph.”

Conner caught his breath and shuddered. “God, I’m so glad Jon’s got a few more years before he starts asking about that stuff.”

Damian scoffed. “Have you been living under a rock?”

Conner shrugged. “Technically the roof was made of agates but…yeah. Why?”

Damian stared at him for a long moment before continuing. “I came to Tim because I figured you two had the experience that I am looking for.”

“Hm? I don’t know about him, but my, uh, sexual history isn’t really that long, Demon Spawn,” Tim pointed out. “My advice? Use condoms, don’t get her pregnant, and kids always come first. There. Discussion’s over. Anything else you wanted to talk about before I have Kon see how far he can throw you?”

“No wait! You two aren’t sexually active?”

“Not really been a priority of late,” Tim said with a hint of rising irritation in his voice.

“Yeah. Circumstances weren’t ideal, and I’ve been busy, so it’s not like I’ve even had a chance to think about girls in a while,” Conner added nonchalantly.

This time the awkward silent stare lasted even longer.

“What?”

“I…I meant sexually active with…each other.”

“NO! NO WAY! NOT HAPPENING!” they said in perfect unison.

Damian turned so that his face was pressed to the floor. “This was a mistake. Feel free to deliver me home now.”

“Hold on!” Tim pinched the bridge of his nose and worked at a quickly building headache. “So, you’re dating a guy then, right? It’s been a while since we spoke, but I’ll see if I can get in touch with Bunker. He’ll have better advice for you.”

Damian just grunted in response, embarrassed by his own assumption.

Conner cleared his throat, trying to regain his calm, and asked, “So, uh, who’s the lucky guy?”

Though it wasn’t physically possible, Damian seemed to sink a little lower into the floor. “Um…Well, you’re half-Kryptonian, so I thought—”

Conner’s eyes widened and began to glow red hot with his fury. “I swear, if you try anything with him, I’ll kill you.”

“Wow. And here I was worried someone might be taking advantage of YOU,” Tim mumbled, giving Damian a deeply disapproving look. “Not cool, Demon Spawn.”

“What? No! He came onto me first!”

“He’s ten!” Conner snapped.

“Ugh! So the rock thing wasn’t a stupid joke?” Damian sighed. “Fly back to Kansas and see for yourself, then! Jon’s seventeen!”

This time it was Tim’s turn to put his arm out in front of Conner, but his intent was more to protect Damian from him rather than the other way around. “Explain,” he demanded.

“He…he left Earth with his grandfather a month back and—”

“Shit.” Tim pulled out his phone and swiftly looked up Metropolis headlines. It wasn’t hard to find a few articles about the new Superboy helping out, and the pictures weren’t of the ten-year-old kid that he and Conner remembered. “He’s not lying, Kon. Superboy’s aged up quite a bit, and with that psycho behind it, yeah. Let’s just be happy Jon’s alive at all. Fuck. He hasn’t killed anyone has he?”

Damian and Conner both stared at Tim in shock.

“Look, that asshole had me imprisoned with this…well…this fucked up version of myself from some alternate timeline where—”

“Oh. You mean the Drake who tried to kill Jon because he was eventually going to cause the death of millions of innocents apparently in the future?”

Tim had to set chopsticks down and took a deep breath. “I fucking hate time travel.”

“So then Jon’s some sort of alternate future version of himself then?” Conner tried to understand. “That’s a lot to take in. And what do you mean you tried to kill Jon?”

“I’m glad the future me failed,” Tim noted.

“He very nearly didn’t,” Damian spat. “Actually, it was the Titans of Tomorrow who stopped him. You were among them, Super-Clone. He even wound up becoming a sort of time and space traversing martyr. Rather honorable and dignified considering his many affronts.”

“Yeah, it’s an alternate timeline, I’m sure. No way in hell I’m going to be like that psycho.”

Conner shook his head. “No. Back up. Jon is seventeen, Jor-El is keeping people in weird prisons, and you’re…you’re sleeping with my little brother?”

“Do keep up, Clone. Jon and I have yet to do more than minor foreplay. I simply wish to make things as easy as possible. For the both of us.”

Conner shuddered. “I…he’s really seventeen?”

“Believe me, if he was still the child that we knew, I would never even consider being here. But he confessed to me and…the feeling is mutual, I think. I can think of no one I enjoy being around more than him…other than Titus, Pennyworth, Bat Cow, and—”

“We get it, you own a petting zoo. But even if he’s not that young, you kind of are,” Tim pointed out. “You shouldn’t be pressured into anything either just because he’s sped things up a little.”

“I won’t justify myself to you.” Damian began to shift out of the coiled rope, having apparently been slowly working at cutting it throughout their entire conversation. “As I said, I misjudged the relationship between you two, so I fail to see how you can provide me any further assistance.”

Tim wasn’t even mad about Damian having freed himself. “Tell you what. I’ll find a few good, informative sites, make sure they’re safe and encrypted so that upon accessing them they won’t show up for Bruce to see, and send them your way. How’s that?”

Damian nodded just a little. “That…that would be very helpful…Thank you, Drake.”

Tim put up a finger. “I’ve got one condition. Tell me how you got past my security without setting off anything.”

Damian clicked his tongue and took a small drive from his pocket. “Borrowed a cyber key from Gordon, rerouted the alerts to my own phone, and picked the lock with a plastic pick kit to avoid triggering the metal detectors you obviously hid inside of the lock.”

Tim snatched the cyber key and swore under his breath. “Won’t let that work twice…”

“Whatever. You really should purchase things from the basic food groups, Drake. I am not only speaking from bias when I say that your current diet is going to kill you someday.”

Tim shrugged and got his chopsticks back in hand. “If my diet, of all things, is what does me in, then I earned it.”

Chapter Text

Barbara wasn’t one to accept help that she didn’t feel she needed, but when Damian showed up while she was fighting off Paris Franz’s latest set of goons sent out to kidnap her, she didn’t exactly mind the company. Plus, it gave her an excuse to be just a little more violent with these boys for following their pig-headed boss—since Damian was bound to show no mercy short of sparing their lives.

And, of course, she’d been meaning to talk to him.

“I didn’t think you were one for relationship troubles,” Damian tried to joke, unaware of what was on Barbara’s mind.

“Oof. Yeah well, if you want Paris, you can have him.” She ducked under one large man’s swing of a metal bat and swept his feet out from under him. The effort had been more significant than she’d gauged because of his weight, but he went down just the same. “Robin, we need to talk.”

“Huh?” Damian threw a pair of batarangs into one goon’s shoulder and another’s eye respectively. “You and I aren’t the talking types,” he reminded her. “We are the cooperate as necessary and clean up the street types.”

“I know about you and Jon.”

Damian looked at her in shock and wound up taking an elbow to the chin hard enough to make Barbara wince. “Look sharp, kid! Fight’s not over yet!” She threw a man over her shoulder and snatched the switchblade from him before breaking his wrist. One calculated throw had the blade lodged into the arm of the man who’d injured Damian.

“I…I don’t need you telling me how to do my job!” Damian shouted, drawing the knife out of the man and ramming it right into the cheek of the poor idiot who tried to sneak up behind him. “I am perfectly focused!”

“You should have known Batman had your little fortress bugged,” Barbara explained between punches.

Again, Damian froze and again, one of the goons landed a rough hit, this time to the solar plexus, knocking the wind out of him. Another goon, having realized that the kid could put up a hell of a fight, ganged up on Damian, kicking him in the back of the head. Damian collapsed on the cool concrete of the storage building and Barbara rolled her eyes. She fired her taser gun at the men nearest to Damian, dropping them both before leaping over the last of the goons standing, wrapping her legs around his neck so that his face was pressed between her thighs, and used her own weight to knock him off balance and slam him down hard.

“Honestly, Robin. If you can’t talk and move, how did you ever work with Dick in the field?” she asked as she approached Damian and offered him a hand.

Damian managed to get himself to a sitting position and didn’t bother with her hand. “How…No…How much do you know?”

She scoffed. “I told you. The place was bugged.” She glanced around at the unconscious or writhing goons and sighed. “Look, I’d rather not be out in the open when my stalker finds these idiots. Do me a favor and get off your sorry butt. We’ll find someplace nearby where I can keep watch and talk there. Alright?”

Damian nodded and got to his feet. They made their way to a telephone tree in the nearby park and perched like a pair of watchful owls in the evening light.

Barbara went first.

“You’re lucky Bruce put me in charge of monitoring most of his bases. I saw you and Jon start getting hot and heavy and immediately swapped the feed to play loop from quieter days down there.”

Damian let out a deep sigh of relief. “I…thank you…”

“Don’t mention it. It’s a real pain in the ass to have a love life with Bruce’s paranoia to work around.” Her eyes narrowed as she thought back to an instance with her high school prom date when Bruce had come to break them up rather than her own father. “I have to bring up, though, it didn’t look like you were really into it at first.”

Damian shuddered. “Did you watch us the whole time?”

Barbara blushed. “Of course not. Initially I just…I took it upon myself to make sure that you two were being safe since I’d taken that ability away from Bruce.”

Damian didn’t seem convinced. “You need to find better hobbies than spying on minors during their times of intimacy.”

Barbara’s face seemed to change to match her fiery red hair. “You sick little…I was worried about you, okay? Superboy’s not a kid anymore, and he’s never been just a human! I just wanted to make sure you didn’t need rescuing or anything! As soon as you got more into it, I shut off the feed and gave you your privacy!”

She and Damian glared directly into each other’s eyes for a solid minute before exhaling and checking on the building they were supposed to be monitoring. “I did say ‘thank you.’” Damian muttered.

“Yeah, well, you could have just left it at that.” She tapped her gloved hand on the tree branch she was leaning against and added, “So, Jonathan, huh? He’s…looking pretty good these days.”

“What are you doing?”

Barbara shrugged. “You’re gay, right? So, we can discuss guys then. And I’d like to discuss one recently-aged half-Kryptonian. Just a coincidence that you happen to be seeing him.”

Damian raised an eyebrow and maintained his scowl. “I’m not…I mean…am I?”

Barbara wanted to hug Damian in that moment. He seemed so cute and confused and human (for possibly the first time since she’d had the displeasure of meeting the result of Bruce’s semi-lucid transgressions). “I just assumed. I mean, you’re still pretty young so it’s not like you even need to worry about your sexual preference right now. But…I just thought it’d be something we could talk about. You and I don’t really have a lot to talk about.”

Damian nodded slightly. “Yes. I…I suppose I prefer…those of male orientation. And Jon is certainly…um…he is not displeasing to the eye…”

Barbara had to resist the urge to laugh. “Okay. Gossip might not be your strong suit. Let’s skip that. How was it?”

Now it was Damian’s turn to blush. “Um…You don’t mean…I mean…”

“I get it, you’re young, so if you aren’t up to that stuff that’s fine. I just…well, how about you just tell me you two were safe so that I can stop feeling bad about hiding this from Big B?”

Damian’s shoulders scrunched together as he thought back and Barbara began to fear she’d stepped on a landmine. “Okay. Not safe? What happened? I’m not here to judge, I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Damian shifted on his branch. “Initially it was a little…surprising. I had failed to recognize his feelings when we were together, so when he returned and revealed them in the way that he did I was…I was…” Barbara reached out and placed her hand on his shoulder to encourage him.

“But I do care about him. More than…I mean…I care…That is what’s important. And I want to show him the depth of my feelings.”

She gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze to encourage him. “It’s okay. You’re growing up. I get it.”

“But…what he did…it hurt…”

Barbara frowned at that. “Oh?” She could feel him shaking slightly in her hand. “D, it’s okay. I’m right here.”

“It really, REALLY hurt. Do females experience such pain? I had come to understand that intercourse was supposed to be a pleasurable experience, but I have read some literature that suggests that it is not always such for your kind. That the first time can be particularly difficult…”

Barbara started to recognize that she’d gotten herself in a little over her head. “Oh. Uhh, that’s because of biology, actually. There’s uhh. I mean, for a girl, something has to be uhh, torn upon their first time.” These weren’t the kind of girl-talk details she’d hoped to address with Damian.

“Something certainly felt like it had ripped.”

Barbara was horrified. “Oh, honey, no. That’s bad. That’s really bad. Are you okay?”

He nodded stiffly. “Y-yes. It took some…recovering…but I believe any damage has been repaired.”

That was at least a small comfort. “He didn’t do anything you didn’t allow, right?”

“No…” Damian shrugged. “Actually, I panicked and, rather than communicate, I shoved Kryptonite in his face to get him away from me.”

Barbara let a smirk escape her lips. “Okay. That’s good. Don’t give up that control. He’s not just some guy, after all. You’ve got to stay in charge.”

Damian loosened up a little at that. “Yeah. I was glad that he didn’t try anything more after that. But I would like to give him more than what I was able. I want him to be happy and…I want him to want nothing more than me. Do you understand?”

“More than I can even explain,” she said exasperatedly. “Oh! Hold the phone…I’d know that greasy hairdo anywhere…”

She was referring to a man in a gaudy Italian suit, stepping out of the passenger seat side of a Lamborghini that pulled up outside of the building where she and Damian had left the goons.

“Wow. Guy overcompensating for something?” Damian joked, not even missing a beat.

Barbara couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Oh wow. I promise I do NOT know what kind of heat he’s packing, but he’s certainly not subtle. Red Lambo in the sketchy side of East End? What a cocky prick.”

“So, we take him down, shove his face in the mud, maybe intimidate him a little, and throw him to the dogs in Blackgate then?”

Barbara groaned. “I wish. Nothing will stick in court and he knows it. I was just going to keep an ear out. See what he’s planning next. Try to head him off. B doesn’t like when I get too close to the creep anyways.”

Damian clicked his tongue. “What does Father know? This scum deserves to be put down.”

“Whoa, okay, Jason. Calm yourself,” Barbara teased. The utter scowl that Damian had for her made the remark completely worth it. “We handle this by the books, as always. Just because he’s worse than dirt doesn’t mean he’s an exception to the golden rules.”

Damian accepted her terms and the two of them returned to the building and kept a low profile, spying on Paris Franz from afar.

The man yelled at his driver, seemingly blaming him for the mess that was his goons. After growing bored with the driver’s excuses, he pulled out a glock and, before Barbara could even think, blew the man’s brains out.

Damian didn’t need another reason to make himself known. The goons they’d left were vulnerable and a crazy man was now executing people that he found to be useless. Before he could put a bullet in the creep who had punched Damian in the gut earlier, Damian had blocked the barrel of Paris’ gun with a carefully aimed batarang and nearly landed a kick to the man’s chest. But Paris wasn’t just a chump with a gun. He dodged the strike quickly and threw the gun at Damian, batarang and all, just barely missing his spine with the barbaric attack.

“Robin? Well that’s disappointing. I was hoping for a curvier member of your little Bat Family,” Paris commented as he stood ready for a fight. “What, is Batgirl busy? Tell me. Are you two actually related or is she just one of your family’s little squeezes?”

Damian shouted out angrily and lunged after Paris, who used his size advantage to move into Damian’s attack and land a punch to the chest with enough force to send Damian back. Barbara dropped down to Damian’s side, fully aware that at least a couple of his ribs had suffered from the impact.

“Ah! There’s my girl! Your little brother and I were just talking about you! He is your brother, right? Or maybe he’s your son? I won’t judge. Single mothers are a turn on. So willful.”

Damian struggled to right himself, driven by mad rage at the man’s vulgar suggestions, but Barbara kept herself between the two of them. “You know, I’ve never been a fan of your weird fantasies, Franz.”

“Well, if you get with me, we can make reality even better,” he suggested.

Barbara scoffed and shot a grappling line at him. It started to tie him up, but he sliced the line before it could go taut and proceeded to use it to pull her closer to him. She allowed herself to be pulled close enough to smell the caviar on his breath as he said, “You’re looking as radiant as ever.”

She smirked and jammed the end of her taser—the one she kept on her no matter what outfit she was wearing—and whispered, “I didn’t have anything on you before tonight, Frenchie, but with that execution, I can finally put you away.”

His eyes widened. “You’re bluffing. You have no means of recording.”

Barbara pulled the trigger and delighted in the little shaky dance Paris did before collapsing at her feet.

“Never underestimate the surveillance of a Bat,” she said to herself more than anyone. “How’re you holding up, Robin?”

“I…can handle myself…”

“Not my question, bucko.” She cuffed Paris and tapped the button that alerted her father to her location so that he could come and pick up her mess. “I’m going to stay here and make sure everyone gets to jail. You should go home. Have Alfred check you out.”

Damian grumbled.

“And, if you’re still feeling a little anxious about your boy problems, I’ll tell you what. When I’m done here I’ll do some research on your behalf. I’ll send you links to information to help you out. And if you ever need someone to talk to who isn’t trying to spy on you all the time, well, I’m always around somewhere. Don’t think you have to hide the gritty details from me.”

Damian got to his feet, keeping a hand pressed to his chest to support his sore ribcage. “Again Gordon…Thank you.”

Barbara placed one booted food on Paris’ back to keep him down and winked at Damian. “Don’t mention it, Robin.”

Chapter Text

Training at the Manor was something that Cassandra could usually enjoy in peace. No one wanted her to go easy on them, but she still made sure to match their movements rather than overtake them. It had always offered a good workout for both parties and given her a chance to study her opponents’ particular habits and methods.

For instance: Dick Grayson would often brag about being ambidextrous, but when fighting he placed his weight on his right leg more often than his left, which added unnecessary strain that a fighter with better balance wouldn’t experience. He also favored showmanship over practicality, often trying moves that were more difficult than necessary. She had never lost a match with him, but there was no denying that he was fun to watch. His flexibility was unmatched as well and, after a good round, he'd help her to work on her own flexibility with meditative stretches.

Tim Drake was far more calculated about his movements. Being smaller, he didn’t have as much weight to throw around. However, his agility was impressive, and nothing was without reason. He relied quite a bit on his bow-staff and other gadgets, which left him at a disadvantage when they sparred without weapons, but he was almost as good at quick assessment as Cassandra herself. But he’d never been taught the killer instinct that was necessary to guarantee the upper hand, so he never could keep up for long.

Jason Todd didn’t visit the Manor often, especially since Bruce had banned him from Gotham (for all the good that had done). But his visits were fun for Cassandra. Killer instinct wasn’t a foreign concept to him. He could give her a run for her money if only because he didn’t take losing well and actively tried to incapacitate her. Every action was brutal and made with every intention of causing the most damage possible. It took considerable effort to keep from taking the worst of the damage and striking hard enough to get through his defenses as well. What he lacked in speed compared to the other boys he made up for with ability (which Cassandra accredited to his time with the League of Assassins and the All-Caste on top of being trained by Bruce and Grayson in his younger days).

And then of course there was Damian Wayne.

Sparring with Damian was always a delight. Their body masses were similar and they had been trained by many of the same people to do one thing:

Kill.

Bruce had given them both a different path to honor and follow, but when fighting each other, letting up for even a second could be the end of it. The challenge was thrilling.

They had been told they weren’t allowed to use actual weapons when sparring, however, after one rough round left Damian with a knife in his shoulder and Cassandra with a cut to her calf that kept her off her feet for a week.

It had been a while since their last session, though, and Cassandra was feeling anxious. So, she sought after Damian, encouraging him to join her for a round.

For the first time since they'd known each other, he seemed reluctant to join her.

She remained insistent, determined to work off some steam, and he eventually followed along, joining her in the gym.

The first unusual thing was that Damian chose loose fitting pants rather than his usual shorts for their workout. They had too much drag. If he wanted to keep up with her, he’d have to work extra hard. Was he insulting her? She had thought that, at least with her, there was mutual respect when it came to the heir to the Demon Head. She didn’t like the thought that he still looked down on her in spite of everything.

“I’m ready when you are,” Damian offered, taking an oddly simple fighting stance.

Cassandra’s face betrayed none of the quiet annoyance that she felt. Emotions didn’t belong in battle, after all, and if Damian were to see how she had been bothered, he would most certainly take advantage of it.

She kept low and closed the distance between them in no time at all. Damian blocked each strike with minimal effort, but Cassandra could see how he was particularly guarded. He was taking great effort to keep himself firmly planted on the ground. Was he mocking her technique? She moved to sweep his feet out from under him and he jumped only to let out a telling grunt. Cassandra should have gotten the hint there, but instincts took over and she pushed up into a handstand, slammed her right foot into Damian’s side, and clamped around him with her other leg, pulling him to the floor in a leg lock.

“Nngh!”

Cassandra released him quickly and stared at him with alarm as he sat up carefully and rubbed his tender behind. “Why’d you stop? I could have gotten out of that!”

Cassandra opened her mouth, but closed it quickly upon realizing that she genuinely didn’t have the words to communicate her thoughts with. Instead she helped Damian to his feet and took a firm hold of his arm, pulling him along with her to the Manor’s library.

“I thought you were eager for a fight? Now you’re looking for an English lesson? You certainly aren’t as odd as Brown and Gordon, but you’re still just as fickle about—”

Cassandra scoffed and shoved an old book into his hands, crossing her arms and giving him the most knowing glare that she could.

Damian stared at the book in horror. “K-K-Kamasutra? Why would you—”

“Damian hurt!” she piped, frustrated with the worries that she wasn’t sure how to properly voice.

Damian stiffened. “I…It’s none of your business!”

“Tell!”

“I don’t have to tell you anything!”

She rolled her eyes and signed to him that he needed to get proper care or she would tell Bruce and force him to.

“This isn’t something that I can just tell Father. It is a personal matter.”

“Fighting hurts,” Cassandra said, searching through what words she could use to express her concerns. “Love no hurts.”

Damian blushed hotly. “It wasn’t supposed to. I mean, he wasn’t trying to hurt me.”

Cassandra narrowed her eyes. “Wanted, yes?”

“Yes,” he confirmed. “We both wanted it. But, well, my body didn’t…um…”

Cassandra took the book back and flipped to a particular page before handing it back to him. Damian only looked for a moment before slamming the book shut. “WHOA! No! We didn’t try anything like that!”

Cassandra puffed her cheeks, annoyed with his obtuse response. She reopened the book to the page and pointed to a passage below the explicit picture that roughly translated to “penetration without preparation may circumvent pleasure."

“O-oh. I…I mean, we prepared.” Damian looked over his shoulder, feeling paranoid to be speaking about this in the Manor at all, so he began signing to her instead. He explained that the whole thing had been unplanned, so there wasn’t a lot that they could do to prepare. Without much detail he told her what they had done and how even he hadn’t anticipated to feel as much pain as he did.

Cassandra, happy to be communicating with someone who could better keep up with her, signed her response, telling him that passion shouldn’t mean pain. She went on to chide him for allowing himself and his partner to go so far without proper care.

Only she didn't sign “partner,” and rather spelled out “K-e-n-t.”

“How do you know?”

Cassandra scoffed. “Obvious,” she said with a gentle smile. “I…like Jonathan,” she told him. “Good heart. Good head. But…too soft.”

Damian sighed. “He’s not like us.”

Cassandra shook her head, relieved that Damian understood. After all, it was that killer instinct that had always kept the two of them separate from most. Jason could certainly give it off, but he wasn’t born to kill, he simply learned to.

But Jonathan Kent?

Superman was cut from frightfully different cloth. All of the strength to kill with a look, but none of the desire. None of the instinct. It made him seem less godlike and more human, but it also made him vulnerable. It stole away his perfect efficiency and made him take pains to ensure that he didn’t kill. It had always bothered Cassandra, but Bruce had tried many a time to explain the importance of his choice.

Of course, she had her own opinions about Bruce’s vow not to kill as well, but she respected him enough to follow it at least.

Still, the willingness to do what’s necessary sets them apart from most heroes. And Jonathan Kent, Superboy, he took quite a bit after his father.

“Love him?” Cassandra wondered. She wasn’t one for attraction in that sense, so she couldn’t sympathize well, but she wanted to understand.

“I…I think so. He’s amazing.” Damian went on to sign out the way that Jon made him feel. The way that the simplest things made his heart flutter, the way that his quirky habits worried him…

...and most concerning was the way that Damian felt righteous fury whenever Jon was hurt.

He was trained to contain his emotions. His mother, grandfather, and father had all taught him to remain distant in order to maintain control. Knowing Jon could so easily mess that up was worrisome.

"Not safe."

Damian shook his head. "No...I don't think that can be helped."

Cassandra sighed and signed to him that she would do what she could to look after them from afar. She signed her support and desire for them to have a relationship that transcended their fundamental differences. She also warned not to let his senses dull because he had chosen one of the soft ones.

Damian's shoulders dropped the longer she went on. Eventually she made a hand gesture that wasn't sign language; she made a ring with her right hand and poked her left index finger through the middle suggestively. "This should be safe," she managed to say with a teasing smile. "No hurt."

Damian clicked his tongue and muttered, "It's not exactly something I can just ask people about."

Cassandra signed her desire to help him look through the book as well as a few others hidden in Bruce’s library that might show him some means of having intercourse without it resulting in such pain and injury that he couldn’t spar after (after all, she really wanted to make sure that her favorite sparring partner was always at his best).

“Thank you. You know, if Father was this easy to communicate with, we would have much less to worry about,” Damian noted. The two of them laughed at the thought.

-

Bruce had been worried since Damian had elected to stay home from patrol for a few nights in a row. He had thought that, with Cassie visiting, Damian would loosen up and perhaps return to his old self. Upon returning from a board meeting, he was earnestly surprised to find the two of them weren’t going at it in the gym. He thought about checking the Manor’s security feeds to locate them but gave them the benefit of the doubt in favor of searching for them first.

Thankfully, there were few places that the two of them ever seemed to make use of in his home, and one of the most popular was the library.

A rush of paternal warmth came over Bruce upon finding his son and the girl he loved like a daughter curled up together on one of the plush lounge chairs by the window.

It was truly miraculous to see them so soundly asleep. Bruce had believed the two of them were incapable of such restful sleep, but in the warmth of one another they knew that they were safe. Were it not for his fear that the moment would pass, he would have run off to find Alfred. Could these two really be the same children who had so egregiously injured one another during training sessions in the past?

Bruce noticed the book resting on Damian’s lap sliding as he shifted to nuzzle his head under Cassie’s chin. It took considerable strength for Bruce to not sigh contentedly at the pure and wholesome sight. He very quietly and carefully retrieved the book from Damian’s lap and took a look at what had lulled them to sleep together…

…

…and proceeded to choke on nothing.

Cassie and Damian awoke with a start, looking up at Bruce in drowsy confusion. Upon recognizing what he was holding, Cassie disentangled herself from Damian and snatched the book back, hugging it to her chest all the while staring at Bruce with wide eyes.

“We were working on her translations,” Damian said easily. “Hindi has a lot of terminology that’s not really used in English, so we were focusing on that.”

Bruce eyed the two of them suspiciously. “You know I have a wide selection of Hindu texts. Why on earth would you two pick that to work with?”

“Most difficult phrases,” Cassie said. “I like challenge.”

Bruce shuddered. “Alright but…perhaps a different book would still be better. Damian’s young, after all. He doesn’t need to be looking at this sort of thing.”

“Oh please, Father. Mother had me memorize the Kamasutra when I was five.”

Bruce closed his eyes, horrified by the thought. “A-alright then…um…I apologize for disturbing your nap.”

Damian clicked his tongue. “I do not nap!”

Cassie smiled and returned to her spot next to Damian and nuzzled against his shoulder. “Naptime, baby bird,” she said in a singsong voice.

Damian blushed and turned away from her. “I do not nap…”

Chapter Text

Stephanie would have much preferred it if Harper had come with her. Even now, feeling surprisingly confident while looking at herself in the mirror, this whole thing felt so wrong. So what if Harper was bisexual and playfully predatory with her? At least her sexual harassment would help take the sense of displacement away.

And what was she thinking? Wearing a lingerie version of the original Robin suit felt…dirty. It was too weird. Looking at herself now she couldn’t even imagine running around Gotham with her legs so ridiculously exposed. Didn’t Dick get cold like that? And how long had he even worn the scaly underoos get-up? After puberty it seemed like things would be…well…

She tried not to think too hard about it, but her mind slowly drifted over to Jason. Didn’t he wear the same thing when he first became Robin? That had to be awkward.

“Miss, you doing okay in there?”

“Y-yes!” Stephanie practically squeaked, embarrassed by her own headspace.

“Do you need me to grab anything in a different size for you?”

“U-um, I’m not sure that size is—”

“Need help measuring? Here, are you decent? I’ll get you measured.”

Stephanie yipped when the pushy saleswoman pulled back the curtain before she could even answer and was looking her up and down with the same sort of eyes that Harper would have. “Girl, you are pulling that off!”

Stephanie’s blush was more from shock than embarrassment. “Th-thank you? Um. I don’t think that—”

“Here. Arms out. It looks a little tight in the chest.” The woman moved Stephanie around like she was a mannequin and wrapped her tape measurer around her skillfully. “Oh, honey, your bra size is a little off. You need larger cups. What are you wearing, a 32 C?”

“Eep!” Stephanie couldn’t help but yelp when the woman got behind her and unhooked her bra to check. “I could have just told you!”

“Oh, no need to be modest. You’re looking fantastic!”

“Still! H-hey, watch that hand!”

“Just measuring your waist. Man, have you got one fantastic set of abs. You a personal trainer or something?”

“No I just— Okay! Stop with the helping please!”

“Damn, not many athletic women have your curves. You are simply a work of art! Unfortunately I don’t think our sidekick line will quite show that off. Why not try something a little more mature? I have a fantastic Batwoman set that would look incredible on you!”

The woman rushed off before Stephanie could even tell her not to bother. “Geez. You’d think they’d be more considerate in a place like this.”

“Brown?”

Stephanie’s eyes widened. She scanned the store and locked eyes with a disturbingly familiar young woman. “Oh. My. God.”

The woman looked her over and shuddered. “What are you wearing?”

Stephanie blushed hotly. "What are YOU wearing?" she spat back. She knew that if she hid in the changing room then he’d likely make a quick escape and she couldn’t allow that, so she swallowed her concerns and strode out, fully clad in the Robin lingerie and caught the familiar girl by the arm. "What the HELL are you doing here?”

“T-T! I fail to see how that is any of your business!”

Stephanie pulled him to the far corner of the store where shelves of rentable porn hid them from view. “It’s my business because you’re not even legally allowed to be in here, Damian!” she said in a harsh whisper. “Why? Why would you be here anyways? Oh god, please don’t tell me they’re running some scummy business in the back room.”

“What? Don’t let your imagination get the better of you, Brown. Paranoia doesn’t suit you.”

She snapped her fingers in front of Damian’s face. “Hey. Hello? Numb-nuts, you’re the one in disguise. What the hell is going on?”

Damian clicked his tongue and averted his gaze. “I…I am, as you said, unable to come in here as myself.”

“So you, what, raided some poor girl’s wardrobe and…wait, are those my shoes?”

“I must admit, you have surprisingly large feet, Brown. Must be very useful for balancing purposes.”

“Okay. You have GOT to put that all back when you’re done or so help me—”

“Relax. Should you wish, I can have them replaced with new versions. In fact, I can update your whole wardrobe, should you desire. You really shouldn’t wear brassieres that are nearly older than I am.”

Stephanie wanted to strangle him. “Why? Why the hell are you here? Give me one good reason not to out you to the staff and have you thrown out!”

Damian swallowed a lump in his throat and muttered, “I was in need of…supplies…”

She let go of his arm at that. “You? Wait. What?”

“I…I have need of supplies. I won’t repeat the same mistake twice.”

Stephanie was suddenly alarmingly aware of the sort of films they were surrounded by. “Oh, wow. Is this a puberty thing? Holy crap. Uhh, can’t you just buy magazines like a normal teenager?”

“I fail to see how magazine would provide the relief from friction that I— Oh…I mean…um…”

Stephanie’s mouth was wide open in shock.

“You can’t tell Father! Or…or anybody!” Damian suddenly begged. “I am not ready to…to explain what Jon and I have at this point in time.”

“Jon? JON? Cheese and crackers, Tiny, isn’t he like…oh wait…He’s aged up recently, right?” She thought back to the recent articles she read on the Daily Planet webpage. "Wow. That's got to be...I mean..."

Damian nodded so hard that his wig shifted a little. “I don’t fully understand it myself, but he is…of a certain age where his desires are more…um…”

“You didn’t.”

“I mean, we tried.”

Stephanie threw her arms around Damian, pulling him into a tight hug. “Oh wow! You’re growing up so fast! Wait," she pushed him out and stared at him earnestly, "you’re not scared to tell B ‘cuz you’re afraid to come out, are you? We could do a whole thing! Announce it to the world!”

Damian pushed his way out of her embrace and fixed his wig. “Absolutely not! My sexual preference is not something that needs to be broadcast! I simply don’t wish to explain to Father that I am dating a Super…or that I am dating at all!”

Stephane nodded. “Ah. Right. Bet Bruce gets weird about that stuff.”

“Miss? Miss uhh, Robin?”

Stephanie cringed. “Hold that thought. I’ll help you out in just a minute.” She made her way back over to the changing room to find the pushy saleswoman with multiple lingerie costumes on her arm. “Whoa. Uhh, I don’t know that—”

“Here! These will look stunning on you! You seemed into heroes, so I found a couple other options as well. Here’s a popular number. Wonder Woman is so iconic, but if she went out in this, she’d turn a few more heads. And then of course there’s this sexy take on Green Arrow. Of course, if you’re more of a Gothamite, perhaps you’d prefer this little Catwoman number? All genuine leather. And, of course, here’s that Batwoman one I promised.”

Stephanie snatched the last one off of the woman’s arms in hopes of hiding it, but was too late.

“Wow. Didn’t take you for the type to be into dress up,” Damian commented, coming around to get a better look.

“Oh, is this your girlfriend? She’s adorable!”

Damian clicked his tongue. “How dare you just assume that I—”

“She’s just a friend. Hahaha! She wanted to help me pick out a few outfits for my date.”

“Oh! Well, I’ll bet she’ll look great in a Robin piece! And maybe a Speedy and a Supergirl too!”’

“What?”

“Here, you two share this stall. I’ll go grab you a few choices. You’re a what, B cup? Your waist is absolutely tiny! I’m so jealous!” The saleswoman shoved Damian into the stall with Stephanie and pulled the curtain shut.

“So, this is the sort of thing that Drake is into?” Damian wondered, examining the Catwoman outfit hanging up. “What purpose does dressing up serve? You’re already heroes.”

“Says the guy dressed in my clothes.”

Damian adjusted the dress with a smirk. “Touche.”

“Look, there’s nothing wrong with a little roleplay. And it’s fun to look sexy for your SO. I’ll admit, the Robin thing was an odd choice, but I wanted to see how it looked.”

“So dressing as another woman is supposed to be stimulating for him? I fail to see the appeal.”

“See, your imagination’s a little weak,” Stephanie noted as she began to peel out of the Robin outfit. Damian, realizing what she was doing, blushed and turned away. “You’ve really never fantasized about anyone? I’ve had Tim dress like the Flash before. It was…well it was kind of hot. I got him in a men’s version of the Catwoman suit too. Now that was sexy.” She held up the Catwoman option and admired it, reminiscing about the kinky things she'd gotten Tim to do that night.

“Th-there is nothing stimulating about having relations with the wrong person…and Kyle is more of a maternal figure to me than my mother ever was, so that is absolutely out of the question…And Brown, why are you stripping in my presence?”

“Uhh, I’ve got to change. Not my fault she shoved you in here with me. Why? Is it a problem? I figured you and I are both seeing people. Besides, we’re practically family. You uncomfortable?”

“N-n-no. I just…I was not…I’m not used to this sort of…familiarity.”

Stephanie winked at him. “Well get used to it. I’m in on your little secret now. You and I are officially having girl time together!”

“I am not female.”

“That’s okay. I don’t think I’m ready to see you try on lingerie,” she said as she slipped back into her jeans. “But, since you’re clearly a…nineteen-year-old girl, you and I can get some tips on things from Gotham’s most insistent sex shop employee.” She pulled her shirt on and pulled the curtain back just as the woman walked over with a few options for Damian on her arm.

“Oh! Did you find any keepers?”

“I’ll hang onto this one,” Stephanie said, indicating the Batman suit that was little more than strings and a cape. “But my friend here isn’t really into roleplay. She’s a uh, fan of anal, but not really big on pain. Any tips?”

The pushy saleswoman looked like she’d just been given permission to strike. With the hangers still on her arm, she latched onto Damian and pulled him along. Stephanie let out a deep sigh of relief upon having a moment to herself again and quickly bought the Bat-lingerie so that she could have it in a bag where Damian wouldn’t see it. Afterwards she stayed back a little way to give Damian some space as he was taught all of the ins and outs on a subject he was clearly not prepared to learn. It took Steph subtly knocking over a small rack of lube samples to give Damian an opportunity to breathe.

“I appreciate the assistance, but your transgression has not been forgiven.”

“My what?”

Damian clicked his tongue. “The transgression of sic’ing that woman on me in the first place. Unforgivable.”

Stephanie could understand that. “Fair enough. Tell you what; if you promise to be more open with me about your relationship, I’ll distract her long enough for you to put your new, extensive knowledge to work and get out of here.”

Damian opened his mouth to protest, but the woman came scampering back towards him and he went into a state of panic. “D-deal!”

Stephanie winked at him and spun into the woman’s path just before she could get back to her target. “Ma’am, I have a question I think you could help me with.”

Stephanie used her peripherals to keep track of Damian, making sure that the pushy saleswoman never had him in her line of sight again as he retrieved the items that he felt he needed. Stephanie kept the woman talking about her preferences for materials when it came to lingerie. It was an unusual thing to use her skills on and she could already hear Harper and Tim chiding her for it later, but there was something thrilling about it all the same.

The moment that Damian was finished checking out she dismissed herself and ran after Damian out the door.

“I will admit, I never thought I’d find a good use for your ability to speak without end,” Damian said with a smirk once they’d put the sex shop behind them. “You never cease to surprise me, Brown.”

“And you never cease to be an insufferable little jerk,” she threw right back at him. “So, what’d you get?”

“Watch it. There are some boundaries between us that I would like to maintain.”

Stephanie elbowed him playfully and brought up, “How about we add my wardrobe to that list of boundaries? Or at least let me help you pick out the outfit next time. Yellow is not your color.”

Damian clicked his tongue and pulled at the skirt of the dress he’d borrowed. “It is a bit lighter than my cape, but I didn’t think it was that bad…Wait, I’m not planning to make a habit of this!”

“Whatever. With your eyes, you’d look much better in something emerald green.”

Chapter Text

“Ah! Ow! Ahhh!”

Alfred stopped next to the door to Damian’s room and listened.

“Oh god oh god oh god…”

Alfred had lived through many a teenage boy’s time through puberty. After Jason demonstrated his proclivities through a rather disturbing means of self-experimentation that led to an extremely awkward doctor house call, he truly believed he’d seen it all.

“Oooh, that shouldn’t do that!”

“Ah hem!” Alfred cleared his throat loudly and rapped on Damian’s door. “Master Damian, you sound distressed.”

“Puh-Puh-Puh-Pennyworth! D-don’t come in!”

“Sir, I understand your need for privacy, but you sound injured. Perhaps I might be of some assistance?”

There was a pregnant pause accompanied by a panicked whimper. After a couple long minutes, a pathetically small voice called out, “C-come in…”

Alfred braced himself and opened the door slowly, peeking in before allowing himself to step fully inside. Damian was standing at the foot of his bed, trembling like he was freezing cold. “Master Damian, I understand that you are of a certain age where some urges come naturally to you.”

Damian’s eyes widened significantly. “Wh-what?”

Alfred tried to remain as calm and collected as possible as he spoke. “You see, there is no reason to be ashamed of your body’s natural responses to stimulation. However, if you are experiencing pain, it may be best to stop and have a doctor properly examine you in order to ascertain what is causing the discomfort.”

“Pennyworth, I’m not a child! I am fully aware of puberty and mmm…muh-muh-masturb-bation.” Damian blushed hotly. “Just because Father and his many charity cases didn’t have a formal education on the matter doesn’t mean that I—” Damian took a step towards Alfred and had to catch himself on one of his bedposts. “Urk…”

“Sir, please, just allow me to help you!”

Damian held one hand up to stop Alfred. “I’ll…I’ll tell you what happened just…Please don’t tell Father…”

Alfred smiled warmly and nodded. “Wouldn’t dream of it, sir.”

Damian curled his lips inward and leaned against the bedpost. “Um…J…Juh…J-Jon and I…we um…we had…”

Somehow this didn’t feel like quite as much of a surprise to Alfred as Damian seemed to think it would be. “Ah yes. You and Master Jon have been rather inseparable. Is he back from his trip then?”

Damian motioned towards the cell phone sitting on his bedside table. “Look up current pictures of Superboy. He’s back, all right.”

Alfred rolled his eyes put picked up the phone and brought it over to Damian. “Never been a fan of modern technology.”

Damian clicked his tongue. “And yet you run the Bat-Computer…” He pulled up a recent article by Lois with a close shot of the returned Superboy.

Alfred was taken aback. “My, puberty hit him like a freight train, didn’t it?”

“Yeah. So hard that he’s older than me now…cheater…”

“I’m sure the explanation is convoluted and complicated, so let’s skip that, shall we? If he’s aged, is what you two did still legal?”

“Yes. Yeah. He’s seventeen. I’m not stupid. I wouldn’t put him in trouble with the law.”

“Says the boy who runs around doing at least ten illegal activities each night as an unsanctioned vigilante.” Alfred checked his watch. “Which begs the question: what has you at home on this fine evening?”

Damian groaned. “It hurts, Pennyworth…I…I mean, it hurt a little when…Okay, it hurt a lot when Jon…um…”

“No need for details,” Alfred said quickly, worried that Damian’s head would explode if he had to explain any further. “These symptoms indicate anal fissures, Master Damian. Not entirely uncommon with such activities, but certainly a painful side effect.”

“You mean if we…if we do anything again it’s going to be just as bad?” Damian asked in a panic. “I fail to see how such processes could possibly be seen as pleasurable!”

“Sir, if there was no pleasure in it, please don’t repeat it. Not everyone can feel pleasure from—”

“N-no, I mean…there was some…um…it wasn’t all…” Damian’s head dropped in defeat. “It really hurts, Pennyworth.”

Alfred nodded. “Of course, Master Damian. I’ll order medication promptly and pick it up on the hour. Perhaps a box of condoms as well? Safety is important, after all.”

Damian scoffed. “It’s not like I’m going to get pregnant.”

Alfred clicked his tongue. “That is not the only use for condoms. I thought you knew that?”

Damian racked his brain. “Y-yes…To prevent the spreading of diseases, correct?”

“Absolutely. And I know that you trust Jonathan, but his body works differently from yours and he has been off planet. Who knows what may have happened out there.” He began dialing on Damian’s cellphone. “That settles it. I’m having you both tested. How does Thursday work for you?”

“Whu-what!? No, I don’t think—”

“Yes, I need to schedule testing for two people. Anonymity and sealed documents preferred. Testing will be paid for in cash…Yes…Is this Thursday available?...Understood. Thank you.” He hung up and ignored Damian’s utterly shocked expression. “Thursday at four, you and Jon are to report to the Clinic on 4th Street. I suggest you let him know right away.”

“You are out of line!”

“And you are young and in love. I congratulate you, but that doesn’t mean I’ll tolerate stupidity when it comes to your own wellbeing. And, if I may say, I believe that you may have been lacking in lubrication if you are this injured from your activities with Jonathan.”

Damian’s face lit up. “Wuh-wuh-we used s-some…I mean...Would...would that help to keep it from...hurting?”

“Again, sir, I will not ask for details. But it is friction that causes fissures. And as I understand, sexual education curriculums these days still cater almost exclusively to heterosexual couples and fail to explain the further intricacies beyond health risks. Truly a shame. I’d almost think schools were more prudish these days than they were when I was—”

“Pennyworth, please. Just order the medicine. I don’t think I can handle much further humiliation.”

Alfred nodded. “As you wish, Master Damian. However, since you’re not patrolling tonight, perhaps I can interest you in an alternative way to spend your time? Relaxation can be key to recovery, after all.”

“Whatever. J-just…Thank you for…not judging me…”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, sir.”

***

Bruce had gone straight from patrol to an event where his attendance as Bruce Wayne was expected. By the time he finally returned home he was feeling exhausted. All he could think about was a hot bowl of soup and an hour’s rest in his grossly underused bed.

“Alfred?” he called out.

No response.

“Alfred!”

“Shhh! Sir, please, you must see this,” Alfred said in a harsh whisper from over the railing of the second floor.

Bruce was a little annoyed to have his evening plans interrupted, but trusted that if something was important to Alfred, it was worth his time.

“I’m rather exhausted, Alfred. Can’t this wait until morning?”

“Sir, it’s afternoon now,” Alfred pointed out. “And this won’t take but a moment.” He led Bruce to the movie viewing room where V for Vendetta was playing; the speakers blasting as the bright city exploded. Bruce failed to see why it was important for him to catch the end of a movie he’d seen before, but then he heard something.

It was a soft sound, but it was there: the soft snort of someone stirring in their sleep.

Bruce quietly hurried towards the front of his viewing room to find a pillow and blanket next set up with Damian curled up in it with Titus and Alfred the cat snuggled up to him.

“It’s a miracle,” Bruce breathed.

“He was feeling a little…down…so I suggested taking the evening to relax. He let me take care of him. We enjoyed fresh cookies and watched a few films with heroic figures into the early hours of the morning. I admit to having shut my eyes for a few hours myself, but then I came to and found this.”

Bruce felt so blessed to have been given this moment. “Thank you, Alfred.”

“He means the world to me too, sir. He’s grown up too fast. We must enjoy these moments while we are able.”

Bruce nodded. “I couldn’t agree more.”