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Published:
2020-09-01
Completed:
2020-09-07
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25,914
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Lorem

Chapter 2

Notes:

Thank you so much for the nice comments! God I hope this doesn't suck.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Mother was singing. It was dark, the Moon hiding behind the clouds. No stars were shining. But even when he barely saw anything, he could tell how beautiful she was. Her hair was flowing freely and her robes were loose. It was dark and they were alone, so it was okay. He knew she had never learned how to play any musical instruments as her birthplace deemed music to be unimportant. But she loved to sing and he joined her when he could, his childish voice sounding so wrong to him. She laughed when he said that and petted his head. 

“You will practice,” she said. “You will get better.”

She never said he was good. She never lied.

And she only sang at The Pond. 

The Pond was Jiang Cheng’s favorite place in the world. There was a tiny pond at the heart of Lotus Pier, surrounded by a broad-leafed rush and with only two lotuses inside. The water was as dark as a bottomless pit, but the lotuses in pink and white almost shined. Sometimes they moved even though there was no wind. And in the night, they floated across the starry sky.

At least one Spider was always lurking around, scaring Jiang Cheng if he showed up unannounced. He’d slowly move along the rush when the rush suddenly grew eyes! And then a dark clothed figure would jump out from his side, waving his hands and giving the child a tiny heart attack! His mother would laugh and he’d hide behind her, his puffy cheeks peeking out from her robes. 

His mother and father were allowed to visit The Pond alone, but he and his sister would need a guard to walk them. The lotuses were precious, too precious to let the children play around them freely.

No swimming in The Pond! No touching The Pond! No contact, not even breathing too close to The Pond with the lotuses there!

Those were the rules.

But even with all these rules, it was his favorite spot in the world. It was where his mother sang and laughed.

 

When he was eight, right before his birthday and the celebration that entailed, another lotus had joined the two. It had to be connected to his new brother, as his father called him, this Wei Ying.

“It won’t grow in time,” his mother had sneered at his father. “It’s useless.”

But father’s eyes rested on Wei Ying playing next to The Pond, closer than Jiang Chang or his sister have ever been allowed, and it was like he had never heard a word.

His mother never came to The Pond again after that day. She never sang again. She never laughed again either.

 

Four years later Jiang Yianli developed her golden core. A little later than usual, people said. She was a slow bloomer, nothing more to it. She had become quite a lady by then, already engaged and cooking like a pro. She had a gentle smile and rose-colored cheeks and was adored by all. They couldn’t find any fault with her, no matter how hard they looked. Jiang Cheng, on the other hand …

Failure. Losing to that bastard. To a servant. Unworthy.

If only he could be better, then maybe mother wouldn’t have to whip him anymore. She had cried the first time she did it and it was all his fault. But always him, never Yianli. She wasn’t the one that was all wrong. 

It was a big ceremony when she received her lotus. Two Spiders brought it, holding it carefully like it was made of glass. Yianli’s hands shook when she reached out for it. Her eyes skimmed over the crowd, searching for Wei Wuxian. She’d always look for him first and when she couldn’t find him, her gaze fell on Jiang Cheng, so he smiled reassuringly. She smiled back and took the first bite, her face twisting at the bitter taste. She still ate all of it, slowly gulping down the petals. 

“Good girl,” said her mother, placing her hands on Yianli’s shoulder. Her father placed his on her other shoulder and smiled. They looked like a real family at that moment, but then chaos arose when Wei Wuxian crashed the ceremony, riding a wild donkey and screaming on top of his lungs. He was banned from it by Madam Yu and she was not happy about it. Zidian flared, the Spiders yelled. Yianli laughed and Fengmian tried to calm down his wife.

The ceremony was a failure. Yianli’s talents were non-existent, her techniques the weakest yet. It was like the lotus had poisoned her instead, taking roots deep inside her chest and made her breath stutter sometimes. Madam Yu blamed Wei Wuxian, obviously. Her hatred ran deep after that.

And Jiang Cheng? He lost to Wei Wuxian more and more. He got punished more. He suffered it in silence, hating his weakness. 

 

Wei Wuxian developed his golden core when he was thirteen. A genius they called him. He laughed off the praises and went off to hunt pheasants, carefree like always.

That was the first time Madam Yu used Zidian on Jiang Cheng. He screamed, clawing the skin on his hands to distract himself from the terrible pain pulsing through his back. 

“Why can’t you be this good!” she yelled at him and he covered his face as a reflex. She taught him to never let her hit him where it showed and he would be good for her, obedient, and then maybe she’d stop hitting him and laugh instead like she used to. But he was too weak for that. He thanked her for the lesson and she hit him again. 

He cried himself to sleep that night, rolled in a ball. Yianli would comfort him if she knew, but she shouldn’t and she didn’t. It was his own fault, after all, and he refused to be seen this frail. He trembled under the covers and wished he could simply disappear. But what he didn’t know was that the worst was yet to come. His father took Wei Wuxian to The Pond at night. And he fed him Jiang Cheng’s lotus.

 

If there had ever been any love between his parents, it was gone the next morning.

 

___________________________



Jiang Cheng sat next to his lotus many times after that. It was originally Wei Wuxain’s lotus, obviously, but now nobody wanted it so he took it as his. Because nobody wanted him either. The Pond was abandoned, no guards remained. Why would they? The remaining lotus was worthless. 

He sat there and talked to the little lotus about things he could tell no one else. He cleaned The Pond and guarded it when needed. He firmly believed if he took good care of the little lotus, it would grow and shine like the other two. He loved it like he loved his mother and his father and his siblings. Jiang Cheng had a lot of love to give and he could be so gentle when he needed to be, so nice when his temper didn’t flare.

 

When Lotus Pier burned, the little lotus burned with it. Jiang Cheng was wrong once again - his good care was worth nothing at all and everything he loved turned to ash. 

 

___________________________



One of the best things about living in the mountains was the fact that the air was always fresh and delicious to breathe, neither too dry nor too wet. It was sunny in the summer, but the sun didn’t have the same strength as it did in the lower regions or on the mountain tops. The winters were harsh, of course, and they lasted longer than was common. Yunmeng would already be harvesting hay for the first time when Cloud Recess was still covered in snow. That was especially important to know if you were planning to plant anything, because it meant the flowers would bloom later and for less time, and some years trees would bear no fruit at all.

Lan Xichen had read all about it.

What good was a thousand book library if it had no scrolls on botany? He had disciples search for any mention of the theme for months and then he ordered supplies from nearby towns and started making his own garden in front of Hanshi. 

The first year was a disaster.

The books he read originated from all major provinces because Gosu Lan never had much interest in planting. His supplies and seeds were from lower regions as well and most of them did not survive the harsh winter of Cloud Recess. He almost gave up then, his mind returning to the dark place he so desperately tried to escape from. He thought he was doing better, but he wasn’t - the garden was just a pathetic distraction and he needed …

He stopped eating or leaving his rooms to get some fresh air, his failure hurting him deeply. He couldn’t understand it, just like he didn’t understand A-Yao’s motives or actions. He had been told he should be perfect since he was born, so how was it possible that he had created something so flawed?

And then Wangji told him something that shook him to the core.

“Brother,” he said, looking at him with those sad eyes that made Lan Xichen feel so wrong. “You need help.”

Because he really did, didn’t he? He was far from perfect, he knew that well, and he had accepted it long ago. And apparently, he couldn’t plant. That was fine. He needed … he needed help . It seemed like a brilliant idea.

He wrote letters that same night, sending them to all the larger sects, asking for their knowledge on the matter.

Nie Hausang responded first with some really good information on trying to grow plants where they usually don't grow. Jin Rulan sent him a golden hoe, which he has yet to discover a use for, but definitely looked nice. And Jiang Wanyin …

Jiang Wanyin showed up in person, looking as angry as usual, and carrying a large bag. He threw it before Lan Xichen’s legs where he stood frozen in surprise, one of his hands still holding Hanshi’s door and the other supporting the golden hoe.

“Let’s plant a fucking tree,” he said. He pointed in the general direction of the golden gift. “And get rid of that.”

He left Lan Xichan breathless, his mind for once forgetting that he was in seclusion, that he was supposed to be mourning and feeling guilty. Instead, he and Jiang Wanyin planted a tree. It was a larch, the one Wanyin told him would grow in the Cloud Recess without any issues and could later even be used to make musical instruments. It was such a tiny thing at first, smaller than Lan Xichen’s finger, and he was terrified something would happen to it. He watched over it as it grew and it was as high as his belt before the first winter came.

That was five years ago.

It didn’t take long until the larch was higher than Xichen and he liked to sit in its shade during summer. He could do that later, but for now he had plants to water and weeds to remove. His uncle would be so ashamed if he could see him right now. His white robes were covered in dirt, his hair messy and free. He’d felt bad about it at first, but then Wanyin told him he preferred to see him like that. That it made him look more carefree and mortal and less like something that’s about to disappear. His uncle, though … Well, it was unlikely he would show up anyway. He and Wangji had stopped coming by when they knew he was working, because … they hated his garden. They absolutely despised it. 

People said he was like his father, secluding himself from the world over his lost love indefinitely. But that was wrong, he was like his mother. Building a garden. And then someday, remaining there as a flower. Forever.

The first droplets of blood hit the ground before he even noticed he was clenching his fists too hard. It was what he had wanted, in the beginning, but now … Now he met Wanyin. Now he wanted, for the first time in a while, to simply exist alongside somebody else.

His fingers touched his chest, felt for the little bump underneath his upper robe.

Another dirty mark.

It was a letter he got in the morning and he didn’t know if he should laugh or cry every time he remembered the words.

He still felt ashamed when he thought about the argument they had. It was a bad day, the worst he had had in a while, and he lashed out in a way he knew he shouldn’t have. He had wanted to tell Wanyin how scared he was of him leaving, how insecure he got when he noticed he was growing attached, but it came out all wrong. 

I never want to see you again.

Did he really say that? How could he, when it was the furthest from the truth? Lans don’t lie and yet he did. He wanted to punish himself, but he didn’t know how. If he starved, if he grounded himself, Wanyin would be sad. His brother and uncle would misunderstand and blame others and Xichen couldn’t have that. 

So he punished himself the only right way. 

“I’m ending my seclusion,” he told his uncle who nearly collapsed at the news. 

“Xichen,” he said with tears in his eyes, not knowing what else to say. They both knew how close Lan Xichen once got to shifting, and the relief that he didn’t was immeasurable.

“I want to visit Lotus Pier,” said Xichen when Lan Qiren had calmed himself. Then he corrected his words. “I need to visit Lotus Pier.”

So here he was, taking care of his garden to prepare it for his possibly long absence. He watered the last flower and took one more look at the larch (it grew straight up thanks to the golden hoe they had used for its support, which was still stuck half absorbed in the tree) and then walked to Hanshi to change his clothes.

Wanyin had written the most ridiculous things in the latter. He apologized for disturbing Lan Xichen for years like he could do that without sect leader Lan’s permission. He apologized for the argument like it was his fault. And worst of all, the subtone of the letter seemed like he was apologizing for merely existing and that frightened Lan Xichen. 

When he meets him, hopefully in the evening this very same day, he will tell him precisely how important he is. How much he helped with his presence. And just how much Xichen craves to stay by his side. Because his heart broke when he realized Wanyin didn’t know or believe any of that.

He grabbed the letter tightly and placed it under the new clean robes. He had to hurry or he wouldn't arrive before nightfall. He hung Liebing from his belt and reached for Shuoyue … and stopped. 

Wanyin had helped him clean the blood that still stuck to the blade after years and he … he had snapped … and they had argued …

Maybe he should wait in seclusion some more time. A few days to clear his mind. It should suffice if he simply sent another letter to Wanyin, if he explained that he did in fact want to see him again. Maybe Wanyin would come to him and he wouldn’t have to use …

He walked in circles, out of Hanshi and back inside - fleeing from Shuoyue to his brush and ink and then back again. It was getting late, he really shouldn’t travel such a long distance for the first time. He nodded to himself, certain nobody could blame him for taking one more day to leave his home and visit Wanyin. He already made it halfway across his garden this time, the furthest he’d been so far, and he turned to flee back inside. And then …

“Sect leader Lan!”

He heard rushed steps, not running since it was forbidden but the closest thing. He looked over his shoulder, a group of Lan disciples hurrying towards him, and behind them … Yunmeng Jiang disciples?!

The timing was all too convenient for him not to worry. His eyes searched for sect leader Jiang, but he wasn’t there. He wasn’t there.

The Yunmeng disciples bowed and spoke before the greeting was even completed.

“We need your help, Zewu-jun!” they cried. There was despair in their eyes.

“What happened?” he asked, because maybe Wanyin was simply obeying his words of not seeing him again. That was the best explanation he had on why the other sect leader wasn’t present.

“There is … in the middle of Lotus Pier … is …” the first disciple stuttered, unable to continue. 

“A beast,” finished another disciple, looking at the ground. They were hiding something, shifting on their feet and their eyes downcast.

“Is anyone injured?” Xichen asked, because if Wanyin was fighting, then obviously he’d only sent his disciples to get help. The disciples shook their heads and he let out a breath of relief.

“We need to calm it down,” said one of the disciples and the others nodded eagerly. “And we don’t think anyone but you could manage it.”

“I … I don’t know,” said Xichen, feeling frustrated. He had just decided he wasn’t ready yet and this push was entirely unwelcomed. A vile, embarrassing part of his mind even suggested this was a scheme to make him leave his seclusion. But Wanyin was nothing but patient every time he visited and Xichen was ashamed of his own thoughts. “Wangji … Wangji could maybe …”

“It’s a dragon!” blurted one of the youngest disciples present and everyone stared at him, the Lans in disbelief and the Jiang disciples in horror.

“That’s impossible,” deadpanned one of Lan disciples. Nobody has ever seen a dragon before. Sure, they existed in legends, but in real life? Yeah, no.

“What did sect leader Jiang say about the creature?” asked Xichen because if Wanyin believed it to be a dragon as well … Then it was no wonder he was the one they called.

Yunmeng Jiang disciples looked at one another, clearly uncomfortable with the question.

“Sect leader Jiang …” finally said the oldest one. “Nobody has seen sect leader Jiang since yesterday.”

And Xichen was running, the disciples gapping at his actions but he didn’t care. He was outside the barrier before he even realized what he was doing and then he was flying because … because …

Because in the letter Wanyin had sounded like he was about to die and Xichen didn’t know what he’d do if that was true.

Notes:

I usually don't have any problems choosing the title, but I couldn't come up with anything good for this one! So I told my beta I'll call it Lorem Ipsum if I can't think of anything by the time I have all 7 chapters written ... and here we are. Any ideas?