Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I don’t own Star Wars or any of their characters, they all belong to Lucasfilm and Disney. Also Judge Lauren Lake is a real person and a real judge on her own TV show titled Paternity Court.

There was a plethora of people walking up and down the halls outside the door. Murmuring into their walkies and to each other about what was about to happen. Right now, I was looking at my reflection in a mirror. Not sure what to do with the woman who was staring back at me. Having just had my hair and makeup done by professionals. From a television studio for a court show.

That’s why I was here. I was about to go out in front of at least two dozen people to appear on a court television show. Paternity Court, to be exact. I’d received a letter in the mail from one of their producers. Telling me that my sleazy ex-boyfriend Armitage Hux had petitioned for a DNA test on our daughter Alice.

He knew damned well that she was his. I hadn’t been intimate with anyone other than him during our entire relationship and it wasn’t like I didn't give him an opportunity to do this before. He was doing this to look like a victim on television. Not to mention the internet. They’d gobble this all up in an instant. He wanted fame and he wanted me to look like a terrible person with no morals.

We’d just had our cheeks swabbed for the DNA analysis. I was worried that Alice would’ve fussed with a cotton swab in her mouth. But she took it well and with no fight. Any discomfort was made up for with the lolli she received when they were done.

Right now, she was occupied by playing with her favorite toy on the ground. Completely unaware of what was going on around her. But she was good at picking up on my energy so I fought to keep myself calm.

I suddenly felt two large hands rest on my shoulders. Then the sound of a soothing voice came to my ear, “It's going to be fine, sweetheart.” He pressed his thumbs to the back of my neck and began a circling motion to relieve the tension I was feeling. “You know the truth and so does he. The only one who’s going to look stupid is him and you don’t need him anyway.”

A blissful sigh escaped me as I leaned back against his well-toned chest. It was my fiance, Ben Solo. The man who had been there for me and Alice from the beginning. Coming across me by chance while I was still pregnant and living my darkest hours. He let us into his home, his life, and then his heart. After mine had been broken, I never thought I’d find love again. But Ben broke through the walls that surrounded my mind and heart. As if that weren’t enough, he loved Alice with everything in him. He saw her as his own even though they didn’t share blood. He’s the only father she’s ever known in her short life. 

There was some truth to his words. He wasn’t. “I know we don’t need him. But I want Alice to have a chance to know her father.” I reminded him. “I owe her that much. And it is his right to know his own child.”

“You know I would never stand in the way of that.” He pressed a gentle kiss to the back of my head. “I just want you both safe and I don’t trust him.”

When he rested his chin on my shoulder, I gave a small peck to his cheek. “Me neither, but we’re here now so there’s no point in going back.”

He let go of my shoulders so I could lean down and pick up the tiny tot. His dark brown eyes lit up with adoration when she was nestled safely in my arms. He placed one hand on my waist to pull me against him and used the other to stroke her short curls. She smiled brightly at the attention and grasped his tie with her tiny fingers, demanding more attention. He smiled when she pulled him down to her level and gave her a kiss on her chubby cheek, making her giggle in response with pure joy.

I couldn’t help but smile at them both. Alice had had him wrapped around her tiny fingers since birth. He was the first to hold her because I’d fallen unconscious shortly after giving birth, having suffered a placental abruption. It was he who helped me during those sleepless nights. He who would read to her and sing her to sleep when I couldn’t. She would light up like a Christmas tree whenever he came home and he, his usual appearance so gruff and intimidating, would melt in an instant as soon as he’d see her.

These two were the center of my whole universe. Their happiness and well-being were all that was important to me. Nothing else mattered. But that didn’t stop me from being nervous about all the things that were going to come to light in a few short minutes.

Ben’s large nose nuzzled my temple, interrupting my internal musings. “I know you’re worried. Don’t be. I’ll be standing next to you the entire time.”

Before I could respond, a knock came from the door and I called out, “Come in!”

A head poked in from the door, one of the producers. “Hello, Ms. Nima, Mr. Solo, they’re ready for you now. Would you like some more time to prepare or are you ready to proceed with the trial?”

Ben gave me a confirming nod and I turned back to her, “We’re ready.”

“Okay then,” she spoke briefly into her earpiece and then waved us over. “I can take Alice to the nursery if you’d like. Unless you’d rather it be you.”

“No, that’s fine,” I assured her and gently placed Alice in her waiting arms. Then I pressed a gentle kiss to Alice’s cheek. “I love you, Alice. Mummy and Daddy will be right back, Luv. Be good,”

Ben was next to give her a kiss and straightened her headband. “Miss you already, Princess. I love you.”

She leaned her small head against the producer’s chest and then they were off down the hall. My eyes trained on their retreating forms until I felt a small tap on my shoulder. I turned to see that it was another one of the crew members with lavalier mics for us to attach to our clothes. The microphone was a little awkward because it had to go up under our shirts and clip onto the collar at our chests. The receiver was attached to the back of our pants or into the back pocket, hidden by the clothes provided to us by wardrobe.

We were then led to a waiting room of sorts with benches on either side of the double doors that led into the courtroom. Another producer told us to sit for the moment just as another couple came in behind her.

My hazel eyes zeroed in on the familiar green ones of my ex. We held eye contact while I felt the rage and betrayal of his actions soar through me once more. His lips twisted in an arrogant smirk as the woman next to him took his arm and looked at me like I was dirt under her stiletto pumps. Nearly two years later and I still felt the same hurt weighing on my chest. 

There was pressure on my hand and I looked to see that Ben was squeezing it in reassurance. He looked at them past my head, his eyes narrowed in on the couple as he leaned down to kiss my hair. I relished in seeing Armitage shrink back a little. Ben was only an inch taller than him but it was more than enough to be intimidating even when he was sitting down. I don’t recall there was ever a moment where anyone wasn’t afraid when they first met him. Myself included. Both times. But once you got to know him, he was actually a big softie. A big softie with almost two-hundred pounds of pure muscle and could look very menacing when he wanted to.

This was one of those times. He continued to stare at Armitage in open challenge as his hand released mine to tighty clasp our fingers. The warning in his eyes was clear. The corner of his lip turned up ever so slightly when the message was received and they turned to suddenly admire the painting that hung on the wall in front of them.

The four of us waited for several minutes before another crew member entered and told us to wait to be called.

I could hear the audience talking to each other in the other room. So much talking going back and forth. I had to admit, I wondered how much audience members were paid to be here? To watch people go back and forth in regards to legalities. Or in this instance, paternity doubts. Then, we heard the call from the male bailiff, “All parties in the matter of Hux vs Niima, step forward.”

The crew member gestured towards Armitage and his fiance to enter first before motioning for Ben and me to follow. They were already passing the small swinging doors as we descended down the aisle. 

When they made it to the plaintiffs podium the uniformed bailiff, Mike Jerome Putnam greeted Armitage and his fiance and had swore them in. To tell the truth and nothing but the truth so help them. After he finished with them he came to us and did the same. We too swore as we raised our right hands.

Once we were all sworn in, he announced in a loud clear voice “All rise!” Called the grey-haired bailiff when Judge Lauren Lake entered the courtroom. 

When the beautiful African-American woman took her place at the bench, she called out, “Please, be seated!” The audience behind us all sat down while Ben and I stayed standing at the defendant’s podium.

The bailiff stepped towards the bench and greeted the judge, “Hello, Your Honor.”

“Hello!” She greeted him with a kind smile.

He handed her a folder, “This is the case of Hux vs Niima.”

She took from him, grateful, “Thank you, Jerome.” Then to everyone else, “Good day, everyone!”

We all responded, “Good day.”

She then opened up the envelope and proceeded, “Mr. Hux, you are here to prove that you are not the father of your ex-girlfriend Ms. Niima’s daughter, Alice. You say that you have been tricked by a conniving woman who cheated on you multiple times throughout the relationship, then attempted to trap you with a baby and has wrongfully placed you on child support while knowing you're not the father. You also claim to have concrete evidence that will prove that you are not Alice’s biological father. You hope today’s results will clear the air and Ms. Niima will leave you alone so you can get married to your fiance and be taken off the birth certificate as well as the child support, is that correct?”

My ex-boyfriend Armitage Hux bobbed his head with a confident smirk, “Yes, Your Honor.”

Then the Judge looked at me, “Ms. Niima, you claim that Mr. Hux wanted to have a baby with you, but when your birth control failed and you became pregnant with your daughter, he left you broke and alone. You had to go through your whole pregnancy without his support and you say if it wasn’t for the man who is standing with you now, your fiance Mr. Solo, you and your daughter may have ended up on the streets. You say when today’s results prove that Mr. Hux is Alice’s biological father, you hope that it will encourage him to step up and be in her life. If he doesn’t want to, you ask that he terminate all his parental rights and give consent for your fiance to adopt her after you marry, is that correct?”

I nodded then my fiance Ben and I replied, “Yes, Your Honor.”

Judge Lake turned to look back at Armitage. “Mr. Hux, why don’t you explain to me how this all started. You say there’s no way that Ms. Niima’s child could be yours. Can you explain why you’re so sure?”

“You see, Your Honor, Ms. Niima was unfaithful to me from the beginning.” He told her and the audience let out a noise of surprise and disapproval. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, my insides twisting in disgust at the lie. “I have pretty strong instincts and I knew deep down that she was cheating on me. So, when she told me she was pregnant, I felt for certain that the baby could not possibly be mine.”

“Tell me the nature of your relationship with her.” She then said. “Were you boyfriend and girlfriend, friends with benefits or something else?”

“Boyfriend and girlfriend.” He said.

The Judge turned to me, “Is that true, Ms. Niima?”

I nodded, “Yes, Your Honor.”

She turned back to him, “So it was a committed relationship?”

“It was on my end, anyway.” He nodded his head towards me. “She wasn’t committed to me at all.”

I bit my tongue to stop from retorting. At the same time, I felt the gentle press of Ben's hand on my back. Reassuring me without speaking. You’ll have your chance. Don’t let him rile you up. You’re better than that. Was what it felt like he was telling me…and he was right.

The Judge spoke up again, “Where did you two meet?”

“Sophomore year of high school. My parents had just moved us from Ireland.” He explained, which was true. “But we didn’t start dating until a year later. We got an apartment together after we graduated. That’s when things started going down hill.”

“Explain,” she told him.

He let out an exaggerated sigh. “I guess that, given her upbringing, she felt that since she’d finally gotten that taste of freedom, she wanted to do whatever she wanted with whoever she wanted. She was hardly ever home. She’d be gone for hours at a time and I would have no idea where she was. I knew she was cheating.”

The audience let out an “Ooooooh” and the Judge turned to me again, her eyes contemplative, “Ms. Niima, do you agree with what Mr. Hux is saying? Is he telling the truth?”

I shook my head, “No, Your Honor. Not all of it anyway.”

“Okay then,” she leaned forward, her full attention on her now. “Please tell the court your version of the relationship.”

My heart started pounding when all the attention became focused on me. I swallowed as a lump formed in my throat, nervous.

“Take your time, sweetie, I know this is hard.” She said softly, her eyes full of understanding and patience. I heard Armitage snort and her eyes shot to him in warning. “Mr. Hux, she let you tell your side of the story so far without interrupting. I ask that you show her the same courtesy and keep the noises to yourself.”

He blushed, embarrassed for being caught. “Sorry, Your Honor.”

I never liked being the center of attention. The only reason I agreed to this was to prove my daughter's paternity. I hated that it had to be done publicly and for millions of people to be in my business as we aired out our dirty laundry to the world.

But this wasn’t about me. I was here to get answers for my daughter. Alice deserved to know the truth. None of this was her fault. This was my responsibility...but I also wasn’t alone. I looked up at Ben briefly and he offered a nod of encouragement. 

I took a deep breath and let my mind bring back all the good and bad memories. “I didn’t have the best childhood, he was right about that.”

“How do you mean?” She asked, curious.

I bit my lip before answering, “My parents were drug addicts and didn’t take care of me. They abandoned me with some mean strangers when I was five. I guess you could say they basically sold me for drug money.”

Fifteen Years Ago

The scorching hot sun was beating down hard on my skin. It’s bright light made it hard for me to make out the silhouettes of the two figures walking away. I desperately tried to follow them but the mean lady who lived here was holding tight onto my arm. I couldn’t pull away so all I could was cry after them, “Mama! Papa! Come back! Please, don’t leave me!”

The lady pulled me harder, towards the front door. “Shut up! You live here now!”

“No I don’t!” I shook my head and started to cry. Reaching out towards my mother and father, I beseeched, “I’ll be good! I will! Mummy, Daddy, please take me with you!”

Maybe they couldn’t hear me. Or perhaps they’ll come back for me later. Yes! That had to be it! They were coming back. They wouldn’t just leave me. I felt better the more I thought about it. I stopped resisting the lady and she yanked me inside, slamming the door shut. Blocking my view of my parents walking away.

She let go of me and left me in the room, disappearing into what looked like a kitchen. I held my little rag doll to my chest, scared. I looked around the room, scared. The wallpaper was dirty and torn as hung from various places. The floor was covered with glass and empty beer cans. What used to be a light carpet looked stained and matted. Almost all the furniture had duct tape holding it together so it wouldn’t fall apart. The only thing that didn’t seem to be broken was the telly sitting on a table in front of the settee. But the picture was fuzzy.

The lady came back into the room and threw a dustpan and brush at my feet. When I looked up at her questioningly, she pointed at them. “Get to work and start cleaning! You have to earn your keep to live here and if you want to eat.”

I picked the brush without a word and nodded. She then dropped down onto the settee and picked up the remote. I wasn’t sure where to start, the room was so messy. So I thought it best to begin with the broken glass by the telly.

When I started sweeping into a pile, she screeched, “Move, you little runt! I can’t see!” I dropped to my knees, instantly terrified. But when I did that, I landed on the glass. At my pained yelp she looked at me, annoyed. “Now look what you did!”

I bit my lip to keep from crying, “I’m sorry.”

She snorted, “You start with those tears and then I’ll really give you something to cry about. Get back to work!”

Knowing that woman wasn’t lying, I picked the brush back up and kept sweeping. I ignored the red liquid coming out of my cut as I cleaned for a few hours. When it was almost night, I'd already moved onto the kitchen. Instead of worrying about glass, I had to deal with cockroaches. Some big and some small. But they were all fast and it wasn’t easy to squash all of them.

The door opened and slammed shut, making me jump in surprise. In the next moment, a man entered the kitchen and threw something on the table. When he noticed me crouched down by the fridge, he looked back into the other room and snarled, “Tammy, what the hell is this?”

“That’s the Niima girl.” Came from the living room. “You said you wanted someone to clean this dump.”

The man sneered at me, “I meant a maid, not some kid!”

“Well, you get what you paid for, Greg!” The woman barked. “She cost $200!”

“How old are you, kid?” He demanded.

I gulped, “Five.”

He turned on his heel and marched into the living room. “Are kidding me with this, Tammy? $200 for some pipsqueak?”

“Hey, you could’ve been here for the sale instead of out with your buddies.” She said defensively. “Or you could have asked them yourself when they offered her while they were here yesterday.”

I listened to them argue about me for a long time while I just kept cleaning. They went back and forth about what they were going to do with me. Mummy, when are you and Daddy coming back for me? I don’t like it here!

The man, Greg, came back into the kitchen and yanked the door open to pull out a can of beer. He opened it and noisily slurped as his eyes looked by my feet. “What is that?”

I looked down and realized he was talking about my dolly. I picked her up and showed her to him,  “This is Elizabeth! Like Queen Elizabeth!” He reached down and snatched her out of my hands before I could blink. “Oi!”

“What a piece of garbage!” He chortled as he looked her over, “You Brits and your queens. What a joke.” He then waved her in my face and pulled back when I tried to take her back. “You want it?” I nodded eagerly. He walked and opened the door by the sink, “Then go get it!” And then he threw her.

“No!” I cried in despair and tried to chase after it.

His sweaty hand grabbed my arm and slammed the door shut before I could reach it. He leaned down so close that I could smell the beer in his breath, “I don’t want that trash in my house. Now, if you don’t behave, then the next thing I throw will be you. Got it?” I gulped and nodded. “Good.” He then headed back in the direction of the living room, and yelled over his shoulder at me, “You’ll be sleeping on the floor in the living room. But not until you finish cleaning this kitchen. It better be spotless when we get up in the morning!”

I kept myself from crying while I continued to scrub the floor. Not wanting to see if the woman, Tammy, would fall through with her threats on making it worse. By the time I actually finished the kitchen, they were already in bed and it was pitch black outside. I couldn’t tell time but I knew it was late. I collapsed from exhaustion on the carpet in the living room and curled into a ball. There was no blanket and no pillows so all I could do was tuck my legs and arms into my shirt like a turtle. Alone in the room, devastated at the loss of my beloved toy, and that my parents hadn’t come back yet, I cried myself to sleep. 

The next morning, I was pushed out to the backyard and the door locked behind me so I couldn’t get back in. Greg demanded that I sweep and hose the deck, rake and pull some weeds. The yard looked mostly empty with some broken items laying out in the dirt where very little grass was visible. One lone tree stood at the center with its leaves being the only source of shade from the sun. After a few hours of what I thought was cleaning, I plopped down onto the hard dirt and got some relief under its branches.

When I looked closer, I saw a familiar stitched smile staring back at me. Elizabeth! I jumped up to my feet with excitement at seeing her. But just as quickly, my shoulders drooped at how high up she was. The trunk was way too wide for me to climb and I also couldn’t jump high enough. I spotted a plastic lawn chair overturned by the fence and dragged it so it was under the same branch. It helped me reach higher but not enough. Refusing to give up, I gathered more and more random items scattered around and stacked them all until it reached where I needed it to.

With a determined breath, I climbed up the makeshift mountain of junk and I reached up with all my might. My feet ached as I balanced my toes on the top of the lawn chair. Almost got it! Almost…just a little more! Suddenly, there was a loud snap and then I was falling. I closed my eyes, prepared for the pain when I landed on the hard ground. Instead, two branches wrapped around my stomach and my back hit the tree trunk.

I let out a breath of relief and lifted my lids. Then I saw that the trunk was in front of me and that it wasn’t branches holding me. They were two pale arms of a man. My eyes bugged out when I realized that someone was holding me and I started to flail and panic.

“Hey, woah!” He said as I tried to wiggle out of his arms. “Easy, it’s okay! It’s okay!” He set me down on my feet and I scurried away to hide behind the tree. When I poked my head around, I got a better look at him.

He was tall! Almost as tall as the tree! Kinda skinny too. His eyes were black, almost like the hair on his head. He was wearing a black tank top and matching backpack with torn baggy jeans and hiking boots. Big ears on either side of his head with a matching nose. A couple of moles I wouldn’t have noticed if he wasn’t so light.

As I was looking him up and down, he kept his large hands up, I guess showing that he meant no harm. When he came a little closer, I inched back. “Easy,” he said again, this time slower. More calm. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

My eyes narrowed in suspicion, “How do I know that?”

He blinked, confused. “I saved you didn’t I?”

Well that was true. But still, I snorted. “You could be tricking me.” Then I gasped and pointed an accusatory finger at him. “You could be a bad man in disguise!”

“I promise I’m not.” He said, keeping his hands up.

I hid behind the tree again. “Then why are you wearing so much black?”

“Er...” He sounded almost shy, “I like black?”

“Bad guys always wear black!” I informed him. “Everyone knows that! Frollo, Maleficent, Cruella, the Headless Horseman, Chernabog―”

“Wasn’t he a demon?” He interrupted.

“So?” I went on. “Then there’s Hades!”

“Ummm, he’s blue.” He pointed out. “With fire for hair. Come on, you know that’s cool!”

“Who wears black.”

“Actually, it’s more like a shade of charcoal.”

“He has black smoke instead of feet!”

“Well,” he paused, “What about Gaston from Beauty and The Beast ? He didn’t wear black.”

“He had black hair!” I said in triumph. “Just like Scar!”

He snorted, “Ouch, he’s my favorite.”

“Ah-ha!” I shouted with triumph. “Bad guys like bad guys!”

“I’m not a bad guy!”

“Prove it!” I demanded. “I’m not coming out until you prove it!”

“Okay then, how?” Did he just laugh? “What can I do to prove that I’m not a bad guy.”

Hmmm, I didn’t think about that. I looked around. A test. A test. What could I use for a test? My mind repeated until I caught a glimpse of my dolly still stuck in the high branches. “Get my dolly down from the tree and then I’ll believe you!”

“Ummm...sure.” He said. I hid a snicker. There was no way he could reach her! I had to find everything I could to stack up to where it was tall enough. With the chair broken, he couldn’t do it and then he’d have to leave.

Suddenly, red-colored yarn appeared in the corner of my eye and then I was met face-to-face with my precious toy held in his large hand. “Here you go.”

I grabbed her from his hand, stunned. “How did you do that?”

He was still on the other side of the tree when he explained, “Well, it wasn’t hard for me to reach it.”

“Her!” I corrected him.

He laughed gently,  “‘Her’, excuse me. Anyway, I could reach her very easily. I’m a lot taller than you.” I poked my head out again to glare at him. “Can you come out now?”

I kept glaring at him instead, “You tricked me!”

“Did not!” He exclaimed as I went back behind the tree. “You asked me to get it― her down from the tree and I did. Don’t get mad because I could do it and you couldn’t.”

My jaw dropped, offended. “Oi!” I stomped out and placed my hands on my hips, my dolly still in my fingers. “I could’ve done it if the chair hadn’t broke!”

His face broke out in a big smile, “Ah ha! You came out!”

Realizing my mistake, I puffed my cheeks out and turned away. Crossing my arms and hiding my face from his view. He kept laughing while I glared at the fence. “Why are you here, anyway?” I asked, keeping my arms crossed and my eyes on the fence, refusing to look at him.

“Well, I saw a little girl about to fall from a good height, so I felt like playing hero.” He said as he came around and squatted down in front me. His eyes were kind and not black. Looking closer, I could see that they were brown. I felt my scowl loosen from my face as I regarded him carefully. Those eyes dropped down to my knees and he frowned, “What happened?”

“Huh?” I looked down to see what he meant. Then I remembered the cut I got on my knee yesterday. “Oh that, it’s nothing.”

His frown deepened, “It doesn’t look like nothing.” He reached with his hand and I backed away again. “Does it hurt?”

“A little,” I admitted, embarrassed. It actually hurt worse than it did before. It looked worse too. The skin was red and the blood had already dried, making it crusty and painful to bend the knee.

“Did you show your parents?” He asked, his eyes still on the wound.

I shook my head. “They’re not here.”

“When will they be back?”

“I don’t know,” I confessed, feeling unnerved when I said it out loud. I had hoped they would come pick me up this morning. But they hadn’t shown up yet. When would they?

My thoughts were interrupted when he took off his backpack and sat on the ground. He unzipped it and pulled out a large glass bottle. I eyed the clear liquid warily. “What’s that?”

“Vodka,” he answered as he unscrewed the cap. “It’ll help clean up any germs that are on the cut.”

I looked down at my knee, alarmed, “There are germs?”

“Most likely,” he said as he rummaged through his bag some more. When he pulled out a shirt, he muttered to himself. “It’ll have to do.” Then to me, “Maybe you should sit down. It’ll be easier.”

I did as he said and looked at the bottle again. “What's Vodka for?”

“Drinking,” he said, then he stuttered, “But not for you! You can’t drink it until you’re twenty-one.”

“How old are you then?” I asked, curious.

He stiffened, “That’s not important.” He took the shirt and poured some of the liquid onto it. “I’m going to rub it on the cut, okay? It’ll sting for a little while but it’s better than letting it get infected. It will hurt a lot worse if we don’t.” He reached for my leg and I flinched, scared. His eyes softened, “Hey, it’s okay. I just wanna help.”

I bit my lip, nervous. “You promise it’ll help?”

He nodded, “I promise.”

Normally, I didn’t trust strangers. But, I didn’t want the scratch to hurt any worse. Giving up, I looked away and gave a stiff nod. When he pressed the damp cloth to the cut, I whimpered.

“Sorry,” he said, but kept cleaning it. “I know it hurts.”

I shook my head and held tightly onto my dolly. I tried to be brave, “It’s not too bad,”

“Well, you’re very brave.” He appraised. “Out here alone in the heat. Why aren’t you inside?”

“They told me to stay out here and clean the yard,” I explained.

“Who’s ‘they’?” He asked and I didn’t answer. “We’ll get back to that. There! All done, see?”

I opened one eye to peek at it and it was better. It wasn’t dirty and the dried blood had been wiped off. He took the same shirt and tore it with his hands. Picking up one of the shredded pieces, he wrapped and tied it around my knee. “This’ll hold for now. The cut isn’t deep, which is what I was worried about, so that’s a good thing.” 

I looked at the makeshift bandage with wonder. “Thank you,” the cut wasn’t hurting as badly as it was a second ago anymore. There was a little sting but easy to ignore.

Once it was tight enough, he got back up to his feet and held his hand out to me. I accepted it, thankful as he helped me off the ground. Out front, I heard a car door slam and turned my head towards the sound. “You should go.”

His head turned to where I was looking, having heard it too, and his lips pressed into a thin line. “Thanks, but I wanna have a word with your family.”

“They’re not my family,” I informed him.

He paused for a moment and looked back at me, “Then who’s watching you?”

“No one,” I shrugged, “The people that live here left for work. Like I told you, they told me to stay out here and clean the yard. They must’ve just come back.” 

“Wait,” he stopped me, “The people that live here? This isn’t your house?” I shook my head. “If they’re not your family then who are they?”

“I don’t know their names.” I confessed. “My parents left me here.”

At that, he went stiff, “They left you here?”

“But they’ll be back for me!” I said quickly. “They have to...right?”

“I wish I knew.” He looked at me with pity and came back down to my level, “Listen, I’m gonna leave for now. But, I’ll come back tomorrow okay?” I nodded and he patted my head. “Good. I’ll see you then. My name is Ben. What's yours?”

Don’t give your name to any strangers. He was the only person who’s been nice to me since I came here. Should I do it? I wanted to. He seems like he wanted to be my friend and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He helped my cut too. I let out a defeated sigh, “I’m not supposed to tell it to strangers.”

He nodded gently, “That’s okay. That’s smart! You’re a very smart girl. Now, I promise I’ll come back tomorrow. Try not to get any more scratches!” I watched in awe as he quickly climbed over the fence, out of sight.

He kept his promise. Every day for over a month. Each day, he’d climb over the fence and spend time with me in the backyard. Changing the bandage each day until it was completely healed. We’d just talk for the most part. At some point, he noticed that Greg and Tammy weren’t feeding me much because he noticed that I was getting weaker each day from malnutrition. Then started bringing me Lunchables and Smuckers sandwiches. I still didn’t trust him completely which was why he always brought me something sealed in a package to prove it hadn’t been tampered with. Even after all that, I refused to tell him my name. But he never pushed me. In the end, he became my only friend.

He told me that he was in town for the summer staying at his uncle’s house some few miles south of where I was. That his parents were making him stay there because they thought it would be good for him. He confessed that he got in trouble a lot. Usually fights in school. So they wanted to see if time away from the bad crowd he hung out with would help him. He admitted that he did love his uncle, but he didn’t like being told what to do. Yet, he found that he didn’t mind it too much since meeting me.

Each day that passed, I still wondered where my parents were. Some days I’d even ask him if he’s seen anyone resembling them. Eventually, I went to Greg and Tammy and implored them to find my parents. Or at least call them to come and get me. I must have cried and begged for hours before Greg finally snapped and hit me across the face. He then threw me out in the backyard and chained my ankle to the deck to teach me a lesson. I was left there all night and most of the next day. No food or water for eighteen hours in the middle of July in Utah. Normally I’d drink from the gardening hose but the chain prevented me from reaching. It was only a few feet away, but it may as well have been a mile.

That was when Ben found me. I’d gone under the deck to shelter myself from the rays of the sun. I barely remembered seeing him. After being out in the heat for so long I was in and out of consciousness. He’d called his uncle who told him to stay there and came straight over. Also warned him to not touch the chain until the police arrived, much to Ben’s chagrin. But his uncle convinced him that it would be best to leave it to prove that I had been, in fact, shackled by Greg and Tammy. While they waited, Ben desperately tried to keep me awake and hydrated. He pulled on the hose so hard that he nearly broke the outside tap as he rinsed me so I would stay cool and tried to get me to drink some of it. My throat had been so dry that it was near impossible to swallow without choking.

He kept me in the shade and never let go of my hand until the police finally came. His uncle had watched us through the cracks and when they showed up, he led them to us. They had cause to climb over the fence and called for an ambulance just as Greg and Tammy had turned into the driveway.

I vaguely remembered them trying to point the finger at Ben. Calling him a pedophile and trespasser. Luckily, the police were able to do the math. They freed me and then I was taken away by the paramedics while Greg and Tammy were being detained. Ben stayed with his uncle to be questioned. He asked them if he could ride with me so I wouldn’t be alone, but he was denied. The last I saw of him was through blurred vision of his tall and skinny silhouette before the ambulance doors shut and I passed out once more. 

At hospital, I was questioned by a social worker after I woke up. She asked about my parents and then Greg and Tammy. I told them all I knew and when she was done, I asked to see Ben. Telling her that he was my friend and that I wanted to thank him. She told me she’d “see what she could do” and then left me alone in the room. I was discharged a week later and then placed in foster care when they couldn’t locate my parents or any living family. Moving from state-to-state until I turned eighteen. I never did find out what happened to Ben. That was the last time I ever saw him.

Until many years later.

Chapter Text

I don’t own Star Wars or any of their characters, they all belong to Lucasfilm and Disney. Also Judge Lauren Lake is a real person and a real judge on her own TV show titled Paternity Court.

(Courtroom Present Day)

The room was silent as I told the story of my abandonment and life in foster care. Some of it spent with a family and some of it in youth shelters. Neither had been very pleasant experiences. None of the foster parents I lived with showed me any genuine love or care. It didn’t take long for me to notice that I meant nothing to any of them. I was just a paycheck every month. I would smile for pictures to keep up appearances that I was “happy”. It wasn’t horrible. None of them beat me or starved me like Greg and Tammy had done. But they didn’t show me any kindness either. It was like this until I became of legal age.

As I spoke, the Judge listened very carefully to every word. Only stopping me when she wanted elaboration on certain details. I daresay that this was the first time I saw compassion from an authoritative figure of any kind.

But when I mentioned Ben, she stopped me, “Wait, when you say Ben, do you mean” She pointed to my fiance, “Mr. Solo here?” I nodded and she turned to him, stunned. “Mr. Solo, you knew her all this time?”

“No, Your Honor, not really.” I looked up at him as he shook his head, “The day she was taken to the hospital was the last time I saw her. I didn’t see her again until years later.”

“At least fourteen,” I agreed.

“But the two of you didn’t become involved while Ms. Niima was still with Mr. Hux, is that right?” She asked.

I shook my head with a frown, “No, I didn’t meet him again until after Mr. Hux had left me and we didn’t become involved until Alice was a year old.”

“So there’s no possibility that he could potentially be Alice’s biological father, correct?” She inquired.

“There’s no way,” I confirmed. “I was already sixteen weeks along when we crossed paths again.”

“Okay, well that rules him out.” She nodded encouragingly. “Continue, Ms. Niima.”

Now for the “fun” part. “What Mr. Hux said about the two of us meeting and dating in high school was true. It was sophomore year and he had just moved to Yonkers. I guess you could say that we bonded because we were both different from the other teenagers. Many of our peers teased him for his accent, just like they did me. Even though I was born and raised here in the States, I never lost my British accent. I think it had something to do with always being interested in my parents' homeland. I was always reading books and watching movies about the history and culture. I think it made me feel closer to my heritage...and I was proud of it. They’d moved here from the UK when my mum was still pregnant with me. So I knew what it was like, being called a ‘foreigner’.”

“So the two of you were high school sweethearts.” She concluded and we both nodded. “Give me your version of the relationship, Ms. Niima.”

“I guess you could say that we were like any other teenage couple.” I started with a shrug. “We started out as classmates, became friends and then later a couple. For a long time, it felt like us against the world. We were young, dumb and in love. He’s older than me by a couple of months so we had to wait until I became eighteen before we could move in together. And we did. We were together for a total of four years and lived under the same roof for only one year. I was in love with him, Your Honor. What he’s said about me being unfaithful, it’s not true.”

“Would you mind elaborating for me, please?” She asked.

“For one thing,” I started, “As far as me being out for hours at a time, like he claims, I was working as a mechanic. As soon as I turned eighteen, I got my license and started working for a vehicle repair shop. I worked on cars, motorcycles, semi-trucks, and boats. It can be a very demanding job.”

She nodded, “Of course. So you were working?”

“All the time.” I confirmed, then continued, “Later, I found out I was the only one working.”

Armitage turned sheepish when the Judge turned to him with an arched brow, “That true, Mr. Hux?”

“I was going through a lot at the time, Your Honor,” Was his lame response.

“Were you now?” The Judge asked, not impressed. “Alright, we’ll get back to that. Was there any other reason why you thought she was stepping out on the relationship?”

“She was around men all day.” He said, feigning disgust. “Every day, she’d look for excuses as to why she had to hang out with them.”

“I was the only woman working at the shop.” I pointed out. “Of course, there were a lot of men there. There was nothing romantic about it, we were all coworkers. The only hanging out we did was around an engine or toolboxes.”

“For twelve hours?” He pressed.

“Have you ever heard of a double shift?” I bit back. “I did a lot of those. Good thing or I wouldn’t have been able to afford the four months back rent that you stuck me with.”

“What?” Judge Lake asked with newfound astonishment. “Mr. Hux, did you leave her with back rent?”

“Eh,” he gestured with his hand, “Not exactly.”

“Yes, he did and it gets worse, Your Honor,” I told her.

“Oh boy,” she rubbed at her temple, “This is gonna be a long one, huh, Jerome?”

“Looks like it.” The uniformed gentlemen replied with a look of pity.

“We’ll get to that in a minute. But for now, back to the paternity in question.” She folded her hands together and tilted her head thoughtfully, “Take me to the moment you found out you were pregnant.”

“I was in the middle of eating breakfast and all of a sudden I got very ill. Hit me like a ton of bricks.” My stomach twisted just thinking about it. “I’d had fish the night before and I thought maybe it was food poisoning so I went to hospital. They couldn’t see any other symptoms aside from me being sick. So they took a blood test and it came back that I was pregnant. They did an ultrasound and everything.”

She nodded, in understanding. “How did you feel?”

God, what didn’t I feel that day? “Shocked, scared, happy? It was a mixture of emotions.”

“Your Honor,” Armitage spoke, raising his hand, “She planned this! She told me she was on birth control.” He shrugged his shoulders as if it were obvious. “She obviously wanted money from me so she lied. How could she get pregnant if she was on birth control?”

“Well, Mr. Hux,” she shook her head as if she were trying to clear it. “It’s not entirely uncommon for birth control to fail. It can happen and it has before. Did you use condoms whenever you were intimate with Ms. Niima?”

“Er...no. I didn’t think it was necessary.” His ears turned into a shade of pink and he mumbled, “I believed that shot was fool-proof.”

“If you were that worried about being trapped with a baby, you should’ve taken every precaution necessary.” She explained, “Yes, the shot helps. But, you know what? Both partners using protection lowers those chances of unplanned pregnancies. You take extra measures, you get better results. Not only that but if you suspected that Ms. Niima was cheating, you should’ve done it to protect yourself in case she contracted any STDs. Did you think about that?”

I held back a smirk. Thank you, Judge! I thought as I hastily went through the papers I’d brought in as evidence while they were talking and finally found what I was looking for and held it up, “Your Honor, I have proof here that I was taking birth control injections every three months. Receipts from that year. I didn’t have any insurance so I paid out-of-pocket at a clinic not far from where we lived at the time.” Then I pulled out another paper. “And this is the results of my test that showed high hCG levels in my bloodstream when I went in for food poisoning.”

“Jerome, hand me that evidence, please.” She told the bailiff. “I’d like to see it.”

The uniformed man came forward and I held out the papers to him to take and bring to the bench. “Here you go, Judge.”

“Thank you,” her eyes looked back and forth between the test and receipts. After a minute, she pursed her lips and nodded. “Yep, the dates coincide. It says that you were fourteen weeks pregnant. Were you given a conception date?”

I pulled out more papers and the bailiff accepted them all, “They estimated that I conceived somewhere between December 5th to December 9th and that I would be due in late August.”

“When did you inform Mr. Hux that you were pregnant?”

“I texted Mr. Hux as soon as I left hospital.” I explained. “I said that we needed to talk when I got home and that it was important. He said alright and that he’d meet me there. When I got home, I sat him down and told him I was pregnant.”

“What did he say?”

“Nothing at first.” I said with a shrug, “I assumed he was shocked. Not that I blamed him because I was too since, again, I was on birth control.”

“I still don’t see how that’s possible, Your Honor.” He broke in.

“Mr. Hux,” she turned to him briefly, lifting up one of the papers I’d handed her, “We’ve already gotten past that. She brought valid evidence that proves her statement. Do you need to see these papers too?” He snapped his mouth shut and shook his head. “Continue, Ms. Niima” She encouraged me.

I proceeded with the story, “After he got over the initial shock, he seemed thrilled.”

She perked up, “Really?”

A firm nod. “Yep, he got really excited and even started making plans for what we were going to do. Setting up a corner in the bedroom for a nursery, bought some unisex clothes, toys, and bottles. He told me that I shouldn’t be around all the fumes and chemicals at work so he convinced me to quit and that he would cover everything until I could get back to work after the baby was born. We were getting ready to start a family.” I choked a little on that last part. “At least I thought we were until a few days later.”

“What changed?” She asked, sensing my quick change in mood. “You mentioned in your initial claim that Mr. Hux left you broke and homeless after you told him you were pregnant. Tell the court how that happened.”

Two Years Ago

The telly buzzed in the background as I lay back on the settee with a cold rag on my forehead. I’d just had another bout of morning sickness a couple of hours earlier and felt the need to relax for a bit. Barely noticing that I’d fallen asleep, which was happening a lot lately. Nausea and fatigue seemed to be going hand in hand during my first trimester.

I’d just quit my job the day before. Armi had convinced me that I shouldn’t be around all of the fumes while I was pregnant and that I could go back after I had the baby. My boss was understanding enough but he couldn’t guarantee me that there’d be an opening for me when I was ready to come back to work because he would ultimately need a replacement. I told him it was fine and that there was plenty of time from now until then for me to figure it out. Besides, Armi promised to take care of all our financials until then. He was so sweet. He even surprised me with a little stuffed teddy when I got home.

He’d left earlier this morning to run some errands and said he’d be back by tonight. So, I was enjoying some small time to myself.

I was woken up from my little nap when I heard a loud banging coming from the door. “Open up, this is your landlord!”

What the...? I got up from the bed and hastily made my way to the front door. One look through the peephole and it was indeed Mr. Cambridge, our landlord, red with fury. With shaking hands, I undo each lock and opened the door. “Yes, can I help you, Sir?”

His arms crossed as he gave me a once-over and when his eyes landed on my slight bump. He scoffed, “Rather bold of you, Ms. Niima.”

I blinked, confused. “I’m sorry?”

He held up a piece of paper and waved it in my face, “Recognize this?”

Perturbed, I took it from him and read it carefully. The head was in big bold letters saying ‘30  DAY NOTICE TO VACATE’ with the reason of ‘UNPAID RENT’. I looked up to Mr. Cambridge and shook my head with denial, “This has to be a mistake. We’ve paid the rent every month on time for the last year!”

“You’re not fooling me, Ms. Niima,” he proclaimed, snatching the paperback. “You haven’t paid rent in four months and I have given you more than ample time to pay what you owe. I will not play favorites with my tenants. Enough is enough.”

“I’ve never seen this before!” I exclaimed, my whole body beginning to shake with tremors. “Please, Mr. Cambridge, let me figure this out. I always give the money to my boyfriend and then he brings it to you as a money order.”

“Oh really?” He asked incredulously. “Has your ‘boyfriend’ brought you any of the receipts? I always have one ready on hand or leave it in your mailbox. Ever see one?” My shocked expression was his answer. “Right, your boyfriend isn’t here. Where is he now?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted, feeling sick. For once, it had nothing to do with my morning sickness. “Can I call him?”

He shrugged, uncaring, “Do what you want, it’s your name on the lease. But I still want you and your stuff out of my building within twenty-four hours. If you are not out of here by this time tomorrow, I will call the cops and have you removed from the premises.”

“Please, Mr. Cambridge, I’ll get you the money.” I implored, desperate. “I’ve just found out that I’m pregnant and I can get a new job.”

“Oh, cry me a river!” He barked in an accusatory tone. “You shouldn’t be having kids if you can’t even afford to pay bills. You’re knocked up, that’s your problem. Not mine. I don’t believe for a second that you didn’t know about these notices. I think you feel entitled and you don’t have to pay for anything. You want everything done for you. No, I’m done being nice. If you can pay what you owe in back rent right now, I won’t take this to court.”

“Me?” Court? Is he joking? No, he wasn’t. He was dead serious. “How much do we owe?”

His face remained petulant, “$3,320 and you can guess that I’m keeping your deposit.”

God, I was going to vomit and I’d already done that twice today thanks to morning sickness. Instead, I nodded and took out my checkbook. What else could I do? Nothing, I was trapped. Thankfully, I’d saved enough. But my bank account was about to go from $5,234 to $1,914 in less than one minute.

“Don’t forget to sign it.” He reminded me as if I were a child. “I don’t trust you not to endorse it.”

I took it out of the book and handed it to him, “Here,”

He ripped it out of my hand, “Good, now pack your shit and get the hell out of my building.”

“Yes, Sir,” I didn’t shut the door until he turned the corner down the hall and was out of sight. My hands shook as I took out my phone and dialed Armi’s number. There has to be a reason! I told myself. He wouldn’t just leave me alone with this...right?

He answered on the third ring, “Yeah, agra?”

“Armi,” I started, my voice trembling. “You need to come home right now. Mr. Cambridge just came here and screamed at me.”

“What about?” He asked kindly, “Take a breath, Rey.”

“He said…” My breath caught and I tried again, “He said that the rent hasn’t been paid in four months. That can't be true, right? We’ve been splitting it and you told me you paid it each time. Do you still have the receipts?”

“Erm…” He suddenly got quiet.

My pulse started racing, “Armi? You do have the receipts, right? I gave you the money after each paycheck.”

It was a few seconds before he spoke again. “I don’t have the receipts with me,”

“What? Why?”

“I…  He paused again, “I never got any. Not after November.”

I had to sit down because my knees couldn’t hold my weight any longer, “Armi, why don’t you have any receipts from the last four months?” He didn’t speak. “Armi, answer me!” When he finally did answer, I thought I misheard. “Say that again.”

“I haven’t paid any rent since November.” He repeated to me. “We owed December through this month of April in payment.”

“How is that possible, Armi?” My hand came up to my chest to try and put pressure on my sternum so I remembered to breathe. “I’ve given you my half of the rent every month since we moved in. What happened to it?”

He sighed as if he were caught, dread filled me to the brim at the sound. “I spent it.”

“You…” I felt my hand slide up to my throat, “You what?”

“I spent the money, Rey.” He admitted, sounding upset. “I was going through some things and I needed it.”

“This isn’t happening.” I tried to convince myself as I kept the phone to my ear. “How could you not pay the rent for four months? And why weren’t we notified earlier?”

“We were,” he said quietly, “I hid the notices.”

“What!?” I yelled in outrage. “First you take my money for yourself and then you hide the fact that we were behind on rent? Why that second part?”

“I didn’t want to stress you out!” He admonished. “I knew you’d be upset! Just listen to you now!”

“You didn’t want to stress me out?” I repeated, flabbergasted. “Are you joking? We’re being evicted, Armi! I’m plenty stressed and I’m also pregnant to boot! Oh God,” the nausea I was feeling was making me dizzy. “I’m pregnant and we’re about to be homeless. Armi, what are we going to do?”

“Well,” He started slowly, “My parents understand and they’re letting me stay here. I’ve been here all day in fact.”

“Why are you there when you said you were going to be running errands all day?” I accused, followed by a groan. Well, that’s just perfect. His father was a prick and his mother was no better. “You know what? Nevermind! Well, tell them to expect another body, plus one.”

“Right, I wouldn’t do that.” He said slowly. “I don’t think they want to see you.”

My brows went up to my hairline, “Too bloody bad! I’m carrying their grandchild and their son has spent all my money. If they can give you a home, I’m sure they won’t mind you sharing that bed with me.”

He snorted, “Do what you will."

Why is he acting like I’m the one in the wrong? I asked myself instead of antagonizing him further. “What about your things?” I asked instead. Why was he acting so blase about all of this? Didn’t he realize that we were about to lose our flat? “Also the furniture and the baby’s things. What are we going to do with it all? And aren’t you going to help me?”

“Bring what you can.” He said, sounding impatient. “Just make sure that you get all of my clothes. I’m taking a snooze."

“Now!?” Was he serious? “You’re going to sleep now? It’s the middle of the afternoon!”

“You take naps all the time!”

“I’m pregnant, you twit!” I snapped back. Now I wanted to cry. Damn hormones. I was about to go mad! I had to take a few deep breaths to force myself to calm down. With the anger finally beginning to simmer down, I picked up a pad and pencil. “Alright fine, whatever. I’ll get your clothes. Was there anything else you wanted me to save? It all goes tomorrow and unless you plan on renting a U-haul, I’m not coming back to get the rest.”

He let out a long and tired sigh before he eventually went on, “My Xbox for one. Then there’s my films, video games, PSP, my autographed copy of The Beatles: Let it Be ...I think that’s all."

I scribbled down each item he named on the notepad until he was done and I let out a gruff, “See ya,” and hung up. Throwing the pencil down with a loud smack, I let my head fall into my hands and allowed myself a few tears. Just sat at the table and permitted myself a few minutes of self-pity.

Those few minutes turned into a full-blown hour and by the time I was finally done, I could feel that my eyes were swollen while the rest of my face was puffy and blotchy. With tears still running, I got up and started packing. Armi was the only one with a suitcase so I started with his things first. Putting his clothes and game consoles inside while his other more fragile items went into an old delivery box. By the time I packed all of his things, there was no room for mine. So, all of my things ended up in garbage bags. 

The worst part of getting our things out was the stairs. We were on the third floor, so I moved my 1997 Jeep Wrangler so it was right next to the first set of stairs. Armi’s suitcase had rollers, which was a huge blessing, but it didn’t do me any good when I had to walk down the stairs. It took me a total of four trips to get everything down. It would’ve taken me half that but I didn’t want to carry too much weight at once so I brought down one bag at a time.

Once all of the material items were successfully placed in the car, I went back up one more time to a final sweep. I tried not to cry as I looked around what had been our home for a year. I never wanted it to end like this. We’d talked about getting a bigger place after the baby got a little older. But we were fine here for the time being. At least I thought we were. 

No sense in stressing myself further so I went back to the task at hand. In the cupboards we had plastic dishes so, to conserve space, I let them be. We could always buy more later. His family was rich with antique China they brought back from Ireland so there really was no need. I’d already gathered our toiletries from the restroom, so that was done. All that was left was the bedroom.

Both the dresser and the closet had already been emptied so I decided to check under the bed for anything I might’ve missed. Getting down on all fours, I lifted the comforter to check. Empty for the most part. A couple of socks, old receipts, a business card, and one pair of pants. Then something caught my eye by the head of the bed. I couldn’t really tell what it was so I got down on my stomach, mindful of my tiny bump, and reached for it. Feels like a dog chew. I pondered as I got my fingers around it. When I finally managed to pull it out, I turned it over and was left speechless. It was Elizabeth, my dolly. I looked at her stitched face and yarned hair in wonder.

My heart fluttered at the familiarity of holding her in my hand. I thought I’d lost her in the move here and was devastated. The only thing left from my childhood. She’s been by my side since I could remember. Growing up was a hard experience for me, but this little doll was the one thing that was a constant in my life. Different homes and different families, I always had Elizabeth.

I looked her over, impressed. She was in pretty good shape for being as old as I was. Of course, her color was faded and she was missing a few threads of her hair. Some of the strands had come undone and were stringy. But she was still mine.

Getting back up to my feet, I dusted myself off and put her in my handbag that still sat on the end table. Satisfied with the last sweep, I walked out of the apartment, locking the door behind me. I took the last trip down the stairs, hopped into my jeep, drove to where the landlord’s rent dropbox was, placed the apartment keys in an envelope, and dropped them in. With one last look at the building, I pulled out with a heavy heart.

Armi’s family didn’t live too far away. With light traffic, it only took twenty minutes. Today, it was a little busy on the freeway so it actually took me double that. I almost sighed with relief when I finally got onto their street.

After I pulled into his parent’s driveway, I took out the phone and called him as I pulled out his suitcase. It rang ten times before going to voicemail, making my annoyance resurface. “I’m here, Armi, help me with your stuff!” I hung up and threw my phone back in the car. I held the box in one arm and rolled the suitcase up the stairs to the wooden porch.

I placed them down and knocked on the door. There was no response at first so I tried again. Finally, the door opened and I was met with the disapproving face of my boyfriend’s mother.

I gave her my best polite smile, “Hello, Mrs. Hux. I’m guessing Armi has already told you about our...situation.”

“Yes, he has.” Her eyes went down to my stomach before they landed on my face, “So why are you here then?”

“Um,” My tongue felt heavy, already disturbed by her hostility. She never really liked me but this was a whole new level of disdain. “I’ve brought his things. Mine too. We need a place to stay for a while.”

She snorted, the look on her face showing disbelief, “And what makes you think I’d let a tramp like you into my house?”

I blinked once, stunned. “Excuse me?”

“Don’t play stupid with me! You know what you did!” She said, her eyes narrowed as she placed her hands on her hips, “You come to my home and expect me to just let you in after what you’ve done to my son?”

“What I’ve done?” I parroted back, still stunned. “I haven’t done anything!”

“Oh, yes you have! I know a vindictive woman when I see one!” She waved an accusatory finger at me. “And I’m going to tell you that you’ve manipulated my boy for the last time!”

“I never manipulated him, I love him!”

She shook her head with disgust, “You still lie.”

My knees started shaking while the box in my arms became heavier with every breath. “I want to talk to him.”

“No,” then she held out her hand, “Give me his things and then get off my property. You’re not welcome here anymore.”

 I put the box down behind me instead and stood back up to my full height. My brow arched in open challenge, “Tell him to come down here and get it himself. If there is a problem, he needs to come down here to tell me because I am not leaving until he does.”

“I already told you no.”

If I went on with this woman any longer I was going to lose it. Instead, I looked up at the window I recognized as his room and shouted, “Armi! If you have something you’d like to get off your chest, then you better get down here and say it to my face!”

Mrs. Hux gaped at me, her face turning red. “You dare raise your voice in my house?”

“I’m not in your house, I’m on your porch.” I deadpanned.

“What part of ‘he doesn’t want to see you’ do you not understand?” She asked. “Do I have to keep telling you until you get a hint?”

“Oh, I understand. But, at this point, I don’t care what you say.” I shrugged with little interest. “Your boy stole my money, got us evicted and I am carrying his baby. He has some explaining to do.”

“Leave!”

“Not until he talks to me!”

Behind her, the man in question sluggishly came down the stairs. He was barely dressed and his hair was in a tangled mess. He yawned and rubbed the back of his neck, “What’s with all the shouting?”

His mother turned to him, “She won’t leave.”

“I have this, Ma.” He kissed her on the cheek, “I’ll take care of it.” He then turned to me. “Rey,”

“Armi,” I said slowly, “What’s going on?”

“Rey, don’t take this personally, but,” he let out a loud yawn. “I want to break up.”

I choked on my own oxygen at his words. Denial twisted in my stomach. “What?”

“It’s over, Rey,” he said flatly. As if he weren’t ripping my heart out of my chest.

“Armi, please,” My voice shook with despair, “Don’t do this to me. To us. What about the baby? I don’t want to raise it by myself! I need you!”

He snorted and crossed his arms, “What about it? It’s not my problem.”

I gaped at him, “Are you serious? It’s yours!”

“How do I know that?”

That made my heart skip a beat. He couldn’t mean...“What are you trying to say?”

He bobbed his head down towards my still-flat stomach. “That there’s no way that thing mine.”

“‘Thing’?” I said back with outrage. “This ‘thing’ is your baby! You weren’t calling it a ‘thing’ when you bought baby clothes yesterday! And are you telling me that you think I cheated on you?”

“I don’t think you did, I know you did.” He stated, “A girl as desperate as you would spread your legs for anyone. No doubt you’ve screwed every one of your coworkers. Your boss too.”

“I did no such thing!” I said, aghast.

He chuckled cruelly, “Then how do you explain getting a job at a mechanic’s?”

“Because I have a certified license!”

“So you keep telling me.”

“Because it’s the bloody truth!” I looked at him as if I were seeing him for the first time. “Armi, what is going on? Why are you acting like this?”

“I’ve already said it, Rey,” he said, his smile still there. “We’re done.”

“No,” I said immediately with a shake of my head. “Don’t do that.”

He sighed and rolled his eyes. “It’s best we go our separate ways. Things were getting stale anyway.”

“It wasn’t stale when you begged me for sex last week!”

“Did you give it?”

“I told you I wasn’t feeling well.”

“Not feeling well or too tired?” He asked mockingly. “Too many trysts with your mates at the garage? Or a good shag with Boss Man?”

“You insecure git!” My fists clenched so hard that My nails bit into my palms. “I find it funny that you're suggesting this right after I tell you that I’m pregnant with your baby! It’s not my fault that the shot failed!”

“So you keep telling me.” He hummed and glanced at his nails, “Even if it was mine, I don’t want kids.”

My mind was in a whirlwind of panic and denial. Where was all this coming from? This couldn’t be happening! Armi and I were supposed to be starting a family together with our child. Now, here I was standing in front of the man I loved and I thought loved me while he accused me of infidelity and has decided to break things off. 

Another thing occurred to me at that moment and I gawked at him with realization. “You were fired from the shop weren’t you?”

He pursed his lips, “I may or may not have taken an item from the go-back cart back in November.”

The bastard has been lying to me this whole time! My eyes tingled but I sniffed back any tears that wanted to come forth. I would not cry in front of him. He was not going to get the pleasure. Instead, I said calmly, “I want my money back.”

“Hmmm,” he tapped his chin as if he were pondering. Then with a ruthless smirk, he responded, “No.”

“Yes!” I finally snapped. I wrapped the collar of his shirt in my fist and yanked him forward so we were nose-to-nose. Relishing in the fear that appeared in his eyes. “You stole from me, Armitage! Remember? You admitted it over the phone that you took the money I gave you for rent and spent it on God knows what! You owe me!”

His expression cooled, “Have you any proof? It was you who handed me the cash.” I stiffened and he smirked. “Ah, that’s what I thought.”

“I could go to the police!” I said.

“Oh, and who do you think they will believe?” He asked, his tone of voice even more mocking. “Me, a young man from a kind and prominent family...or you? A little nobody who grew up in the system. In and out of homes her whole life. Now a young mother-to-be. It seems only too common that you would go against the lease that you signed on your own. You just didn’t want to pay rent. And now here you are threatening me in my own home. I may be within my rights to file an order of protection against you. You know, for my own safety.”

My hand loosened its hold on his shirt. Dread and anguish weighed heavily on my heart. Finally, I asked the only thing left, “Why are doing this to me, Armitage? Why? I have done nothing to you!”

He just shrugged, “It was fun while it lasted. But, I’m ready for something different.” His eyes roamed over me briefly. “Something better.” he picked up the box from the ground with one arm and grasped the handle of his suitcase with the other. “Have a nice life!” Then he kicked the door shut, slamming it in my face. 

I just stood there and stared stupidly at the door. As if it were to open back up and he would come rushing back out. Pull me into a hug and tell me he was joking and that he really did want to be a family. But it wasn’t going to happen.

With nothing left to do, I step away from the door, down the porch steps, and back to my car. I shut the driver’s side door and stared at the driveway in front of me. My hands clenched so tightly on the steering wheel that my knuckles had turned white.

I looked down at my stomach in hopelessness. “Oh, little one, I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do.” The moment I heard the little nectarine’s heartbeat, I was filled with overwhelming pride. I swore that I would do anything to protect it and here I was. Suddenly homeless and without its father! It wasn’t even born yet.

My head dropped onto my hands. I’d been pregnant for only fourteen weeks and I already felt like I was failing as a mother. But I couldn’t crack now. Not yet. Not in front of his house so his entire family can laugh at me. It’ll have to wait. Turning on the car, I cast one more regretful glance at the house before looking over my shoulder and backed out of the driveway. I switched gears and then drove off into the night. Alone.

I spent that night in my car at an abandoned parking lot. Also the night after. The whole time, I could hear people doing shady deals and transactions all around me. My car windows were all covered because I didn't want to risk any of them peaking inside. It didn’t make me feel any better. I’d never felt so unsafe in my life.

The third morning, I drove to the nearest convenience store. Picked up some snack meals and a newspaper after using the restroom. When I got back in my jeep, I nibbled at the food as I went over the “Help Wanted” section. I had to get a job ASAP. At least maybe that way I could stay at a cheap motel for a while until I could get another apartment. I shuddered with the knowledge that that was going to be difficult with an eviction on my record now.

There weren’t too many jobs that fit my level of expertise. Veterinary Assistant, Dentist, Housing Advertisement, Professional Painter, the list went on. Some server and hospitality jobs are available. I guess I could do that. I didn’t have any customer service experience but I was willing to learn.

I kept skimming through the different jobs. Highlighting the ones that seemed best fitted for me. When I made it to the end, I spotted a familiar address on the listings. I sputtered, “You have got to be joking.”

My skin crawled all along my body as I drove down a familiar street in an area I hadn’t set foot in over a year. I’d spent most of my high school years in this neighborhood and there was a reason I never came back. On the outside, it seemed like a simple working-class neighborhood. But, in fact, the place was more sketchy than inside of a pencil box.

I drove a few blocks. Took a right, a left, two more rights, and then another left, and then I spotted my destination at the other bend. It was two side-to-side properties that had been merged into one single larger property. A large garage with a mechanics shop on the same lot with cars strewn as far as the eye can see. Some a little worse for wear.

I pulled onto the sidewalk and put the jeep in the park before hopping out. “Unkar!” I called out as I slammed the door shut. “Are you here?” The garage door was wide open and there was a loud whirring sound, so if anyone was there then it was likely that they couldn’t hear me. I followed the noise into the garage and sure enough, there I saw the bottom half of a very large plump man sticking out from under an old pickup truck.

When the sound dimmed down, I tried again, “Unkar?”

The man stilled, stopping his work. Soon enough there was the sound of a tool dropping and then the man in question pushed himself from under the car and I was met with the face of the man I tried so hard to get away from. My former foster father’s eyes widened in recognition before lighting up with glee, “Well well well!” He forced the rest of his body out and stood up on his wobbly feet to stare down at me. “If it isn’t Rey Niima! Long time no see, girl! ”

I kept my face blank, “Hello, Unkar.”

His answering grin made my skin crawl, “It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Haven’t seen you in a year. What was it you said last time we spoke? You know, before you walked out and slammed the door behind you.”

“‘That I’m never coming back to this shithole even if it’s the last place on Earth.’” I said while watching his face grin with satisfaction.

He clapped with fake enthusiasm, “Well done, that’s it!” He stopped clapping and then crossed his arms. I didn’t miss his eyes going to my stomach. “Who knocked you up? That Hux character?”

“Yes,” I responded. Keeping my voice clipped. “We’re no longer a couple.”

He clicked his tongue, “Shame. That a baby should grow up without its father. Of course, you know all about that, don’t you?”

Same old taunts he’d use to provoke me when I was under his charge. He was still a prick. “I do,”

“What brings you here?” he finally asked.

I crossed my own arms, keeping eye contact. “I need a place to stay.”

He snorted, amazed, “Oh really?”

“Yes,” I feared that I was going to be saying that word a lot to him in the upcoming weeks.

“I have no room in the house.” He informed me. “All beds filled with new foster kids. You understand.”

“Don’t I ever,” I mused out loud. More paychecks for him. The house he spoke of was on the lot right behind the shop. A decent size with two stories and six bedrooms so I knew he had to have room somewhere. “What about the couch? The floor? Anything?”

“Well,” he rubbed his chin, “There is the shed out back with running water and electricity. But I’m not going to just give it to you.”

“Obviously, that’s why I’m going to work for you,” I replied evenly and his eyes bugged. “I saw your ad looking for a mechanic and I’m willing to work for less than half the pay in exchange for lodgings wherever you can put me. You’ve had me work in your shop back when I was still living with you. You know I’m good with my hands and when I’m not working on the cars, you can send me to the junk heap to collect scrap and car parts.”

“Goodness,” he chuckled, “You are desperate, aren’t you?”

Instead of giving him the satisfaction of a retort, I held my hand out, “Do we have a deal?”

“Oh, Rey,” he said so sweetly that I felt my teeth rot. He took my hand and shook it. “You know that I’ll always have a place at my shop for you.” When he let go, I fought not to rub my hand on my jeans. He pointed with his thumb over his right shoulder, “Shed’s this way.”

I followed him down a small path behind the garage. Kicking away trash as we walked at a steady pace. Finally, we stopped at a small wooden shack. Plutt pulled out his keys undid each padlock on the door and opened it, “Home sweet home!”

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I stepped into the small space. It was pitch black until he pulled on a cord of a single lightbulb. When the interior came into view, I almost considered asking him to turn it back off. The room couldn’t have been any larger than 150 sq ft at most. Hardly any furnishings. There was a single bed at the far corner to the right. Small sink and toilet on the opposite end, a single counter right next to a mini fridge, and a telly that sat on a small table at the foot of the bed. Looked like I was going to have to rummage through my clothes in the trash bags because there was no dresser of any kind in sight. There wasn’t even a window or a stove. But there were at least two wall electrical outlets. I could get myself a hotpot or a microwave to cook meals.

It was absolute shite but it was either this or a women’s shelter. After witnessing what I have from youth shelters, the latter seemed like the worst of the two. So instead of hightailing it, I turned and gave what I hoped was a grateful smile, “Thank you, Unkar, this will do just fine.”

He grinned, showing his teeth that had yellowed from drink. “You're welcome! Here’s the key,” he dropped it in my hand. “You can move your things in today and settle in. Then you can start work in the morning. How’s that?”

“Sounds good,” I replied with dead enthusiasm. It wasn’t like I had much of a choice. “Can I park my jeep back here?”

He shrugged his shoulder, uninterested. “As long as it’s not in the way.”

“No problem.” I replied, “Then, I guess I better unpack.”

“I guess you should.” He chuckled and walked out to go back to the shop. “Welcome home!”

I ignored his jab and just went straight back to the sidewalk for my jeep. There was a good spot to park it right behind the shack. It also would be kept out of sight. I didn’t trust Plutt or any of his regulars not to try and make a quick buck on it.

Trash bags in hand, I walked into my new home and placed them on the floor in different corners of the room. I also brought in two plastic buckets from outside after hosing them down with the hose. There was no washer or shower in the shack. So it looked like it was going to be hand washing my clothes and sponge baths for me. Not ideal but not the end of the world. At least I would be able to wash my hair in the sink.

Which was the first thing I did. After sleeping in the car and having not had a shower in two days, I felt like I needed a good wash. I brushed my teeth first, twice. Then started to shampoo and condition my hair. I twisted it up into a bun on top of my head and then filled one of the buckets up with warm water. Took out a bar of soap and a washrag, then scrubbed until my skin was raw. Once I was satisfied with my hygiene, I dumped the water down the sink and watched some television. 

The day went by in a haze. At some point, I drove to the shops to get a microwave and some more food. Thank God it wasn’t expensive. At least I still had some money left to my name. I got back, set it up and immediately put it to good use. I treated myself to pizza pockets. Lots of them, feeling like I’d earned it. I could eat healthy tomorrow.

It was sometime around midnight when everything began to hit me at once. I’d been tossing and turning for over an hour, trying to get some rest. The mattress was better than the car but still not that comfortable. My thoughts had started to wander back to the last several days. My pregnancy, the landlord evicting me, discovering that my boyfriend of two years had been stealing my money while lying to me about the rent, doesn't want to be a father so he was denying that the baby is even is, turned his family against me even though they already didn’t like me, and then broke up with me. I was pregnant with his child and he left me with nothing but a shattered heart.

 With the blankets up to my chin, I held Elizabeth to my chest and cried. I cried because I had once more been abandoned by someone that I cared about. My unborn child wasn’t wanted by its father. It was like my whole world had been torn apart. I didn’t see it improving any time in the near future either. I was trapped. The only thing for me to do now...was survive.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please leave Kudos and a review and tell me what you think!

Chapter Text

I don’t own Star Wars or any of their characters, they all belong to Lucasfilm and Disney. Also Judge Lauren Lake is a real person and a real judge on her own TV show titled Paternity Court.

Two Weeks Later

Staying in the shack on Plutt’s property was as bad as I predicted it would be. I worked twelve hours six days a week. He was kind enough to give me Sunday’s off because it was the only day the garage was closed. He fancied taking his foster kids to church every week to earn appraisal from the other parents and to show he was a God-fearing man. 

I remembered going while under his care. I didn’t hate it. I just didn’t think Christianity was the best religion for me. Personally, I preferred Buddhism. We were helping set up an annual sale for donations going towards a children’s hospital when I came across a copy of the Tripitaka. Only cost me a dollar and I still had it.

It was one of the few things I could salvage from the apartment. The now-faded cover was slightly torn and the spine was cracked from years of use. But it was my only copy and I didn’t have the heart to throw it away. Sometimes I read the stories out loud at night to calm myself after a tiring shift. Aside from meditating here and there, I didn’t really consider myself religious. But I liked reading the stories. Especially on days like this.

I’d just gotten back from the junkyard with several pieces of stainless steel scrap. Right now, I sat by the new pile while I scrubbed the rust off the rust with a steel bristle brush and some OxiClean. I was scrubbing so hard that I was sweating profusely. 

“Rey!” Someone called from the garage.

Startled, I looked up from the scrap I’d been cleaning and replied, “Yeah?”

“Get over here,” Plutt barked, “I need you!”

With a loud sigh, I dropped the alternator onto the ground and stood up from the uncomfortable milk crate. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I walked in through the back door to see Plutt with his hands on his hips as he regarded two male customers. One older than the other like a father and son duo. Actually, the closer I looked, the more related they looked. But there was something about the younger gentleman that seemed almost familiar.

Both had to be over six-feet tall. The older man was glaring at Plutt with his arms crossed over his chest. There were lines on his face that said he’s seen a battle or two. Possibly a war veteran or something of that nature. Impressively fit for a man of his age. Clearly, he kept in shape. He wore a light button-down collared shirt with faded jeans with a drawstring bag slung over his shoulder.

The man next to him had a just as powerful a presence. Handsome too. His black hair was swept back from his face and there was so much of it. Not everyone can pull off hair at that length, but he was definitely owning it. It framed his face and hung over his ears, passed his neck and almost reached the tops of his shoulders. Large plump lips that looked soft to the touch. I could also see through his leather jacket and linen shirt that he had a good amount of muscle on him. He’d taken a seat on one of the foldout chairs while he listened to the two others argue back and forth. His expression was so serious that it made him look even more intimidating.

Oh, they were definitely related. I could see it in their eyes. Both of them had the same brown eyes. The younger man had them hidden behind retro square sunglasses that had slid down his large nose. I was already intimidated and I haven’t even spoken to them yet.

With what I hoped was a welcoming smile on my face, I asked, “What’s up, Unkar?”

“I’ll tell you what’s up!” The gruff older man said, holding up a piece of metal. “Your boss sold me a faulty crankshaft recommended by one of his mechanics!”

“All of my parts are top quality!” Plutt rebutted, defensive.

The older man dropped the crankshaft onto the counter with a loud clang. “I’ve seen your junk pile out back, Plutt. I’m not giving you another dime until I get what I paid for! If you don’t own this, I’ll see to it that you’ll never get business again. Got it?”

While Plutt continued to sputter nonsense, I wordlessly picked up the offending object to examine it. Neither of them even noticed that I pulled out a magnifying glass to assess the damage. Sure enough, at closer inspection, I could see what the man was referring to. “Unkar, this crankshaft is cracked.”

All eyes landed on me in amazement. Yay. In my peripheral, I could even see the younger gentleman peek at me over the bridge of his sunglasses. Instead of shaking under their stares, I hold up the piece to my boss to show him the damage. “See? Right there.” I handed it to him so he could look at it while I turned toward the customer. “Who sold this to you?”

He shrugged his shoulder, “Some guy named Teedo.”

“Teedo, eh?” I shot a knowing look at Plutt. Teedo was another one of his mechanics and a lousy one at that. He cut corners wherever he could and had no problems selling faulty parts if it would earn him an extra buck. Not that he could tell a bad part from a good one. “Why does that not surprise me?”

“See, Rey here is one of my best.” Plutt improvised. “Knows the ins and outs of every car part you can think of. Quality before quantity always. She can find you a newer and better piece and it’ll be free of charge.”

I fought to keep my eyes from rolling out of my head. He was as humble as he was genuine. Phony. Areshole was going to take the cost of the replacement out of the little pay I already wasn’t making. No doubt. 

But, a deal’s a deal. So I put on a fake smile and say, “I’ll happily get you that part Mr…?”

“Solo,” he finished, holding out his hand. “Han Solo and that’s my son Ben.”

The man in question stood up from the chair and offered his hand as well. Ben...I know that name. I know it. Where have I heard it? “Nice to meet you both.”

Oh, yes, he is much more intimidating up close. I thought as I shook both their hands, keeping the smile on my face. “You as well. So, another crankshaft. Anything else while I’m back there?”

“No, but do you mind if I send Ben back there with you?” He asked, nodding towards his son. “No offense, but I trust Plutt here just about as far as I can throw him. Ben knows what I’m looking for and I trust his judgment.”

As he spoke, the man in question tucked his large hands into his pockets while he looked me up and down. I couldn’t tell if he was sizing me up or what but his intense stare was making me a little uncomfortable. It was almost like he was trying to place me. Which made no sense because I’ve never met this man before...I think.

“Doesn’t bother me.” I shrugged my shoulders, pretending it didn’t bother me that a mountain of a man was going to peer over my shoulder while I looked through parts. No, instead I waved him over. “Right this way. It’s back here.”

He came around the counter and silently followed me out the door that led out back where all the scrap and car parts were. Each of his footfalls were so loud that I had to try and not speed walk to make some distance between us. He was so tall that even his shadow looked intimidating.

“They’re right over here by the workbench,” I told him, In the corner of my eye, I could see his shadow tower of mine. There was something familiar about him but I couldn’t figure it out for the life of me. Maybe I did know him from somewhere. He seemed to recognize me too. But from where?

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard him snort in disgust. I looked over my shoulder to see him glancing around with an odd look on his face. He’d pushed his sunglasses back up, so I couldn’t read his eyes anymore. But the curl of his upper lip told me that he didn’t like what he saw.

I dared to ask. “Something wrong?”

“It’s just…” He paused and then crossed his arms as he kept looking around at the piles. “How can you find anything in all this crap?”

Oh, that voice! I could listen to him talk all day about nothing! I chuckled to hide my swoon at the deep richness of his words, “There’s a place for everything and everything in its place. You just have to work with what you have. It takes a special skill to sort through it all but I happen to be a part of the few that can. I’ll find you a crankshaft in no time.”

“I don’t see how.” He mused while he followed me to the workbench.

I ignored him and pulled out the box of crankshafts that sat beneath it. Grabbing the first two, only to throw them towards the scrap pile. These were definitely more of Teedo’s pickings. Most likely he just picked out the cheapest parts from a dealer to save money, not realizing that they were more than likely obsolete. Luckily the third one I picked out was in working condition. A couple of scratches but it was usable.

“Here we are.” I held it up for him to see. “Have a look.”

Intrigued, he took it from me and looked it over carefully. He pulled off his sunglasses and placed them on his head to see better. He looked it up and down for a few seconds before he nodded. “Yeah, it looks good.”

I held my hand out to him once more, “How about as a sign of good faith I clean it for you?”

He blinked, surprised, “Really?”

I nodded, “Sure! I mean,” I gestured behind me. “All the tools are here and you were given a faulty part prior to this. Let me make up for my coworker's bad judgment.”

“Huh,” he said with slight hesitation. Then he handed it back to me. “Alright, do your magic.”

I take it with a real smile this time, “Will do!”

 He kept his stare on me the entire time while I rummaged through the box of cleaning supplies. I picked out a small stainless steel wire brush from the bottom and then grabbed the bottle of car cleaner on the shelf followed by some protective goggles and a p100 mask along with my gloves.

His eyes bugged out of his head as he watched me pull the strap over my head and adjust it to my face. “Why do you need that?”

I’d already had the red straw pointed at the spot that needed to be cleaned and froze. I felt a flutter in my stomach at that same instant and I didn’t know if it was butterflies or the little fruit of life that was incubating in my womb. Crap! Should I tell him the truth? What would he do if I did?

He waited patiently as I stood there stupidly at a war with myself. “Look, I’m not trying to get you in any trouble.” He said gently. No doubt he could sense my discomfort. “But is there a reason why you need to wear a mask when you’re just cleaning a car part? Do you have asthma or something? I’m not judging you, I’m just curious if your boss knows.”

“It’s not asthma,” I said, muffled through the mask and sprayed the cleaner. “And my boss knows about my condition. We have an arrangement.”

“What’s your condition?”

I kept my focus on the scrubbing while I spoke, “I’m pregnant.”

“Oh,” Was all he said, his eyes immediately dropped down to my stomach. Then it was silent. All you could hear was my insistent brushing.

It only took me only about ten more minutes of brushing before I was finished. I daresay that it was some of my best work. I took off the mask before I handed it back to him. “Here you are.”

He accepted it and looked it over once more, impressed. “Nice job.”

“Thanks,” I said quickly before backing away, wanting to make some distance. “Think you can find your way back? I have more work that needs to be done before we close.” It wasn’t a total lie. I did have to finish the rest of the scrap but it wasn’t like I couldn't finish it tomorrow. I just needed to be alone before I started crying in front of a complete stranger.

Thankfully, he got the hint. “Yeah, no problem.” Then he smiled. “Thanks again.”

I just waved and left in the other direction. I didn’t even turn to see if he did find his way back. I’d just needed a minute alone. Bringing up my pregnancy had me start thinking about Armitage and our breakup. It’s been two weeks and the sting of it still felt fresh. Every day I spent here was just another reminder that I was going to raise this baby by myself. Then I was left homeless and broke. Well, I did have some money but it wasn’t enough to live off of. Not by a long shot.

My hormones had me crying before I even made it back to the milk crate. I picked back up the brush and scrap then scrubbed through waterfalls of tears and a runny nose. Luckily, Plutt handled the front of the house for the remainder of the day just fine on his own. Didn’t need me for anything else so I just stayed hidden in the back where no one could see me.

I didn’t even notice it getting dark until Plutt called me to close up shop. He would leave around eight-thirty at night after counting the till and I would turn everything off and bring down the garage door. As I was pulling on the chain, I noticed a black Chevrolet Tahoe sitting at the corner of the street. Normally something like that wouldn’t bother me, but in this area, there was not a single car in this neighborhood that didn’t have some sort of imperfection. This car was spotless. No dents, nice paint, visible tags, and brand new plates.

The car was facing in the direction of the shop and when I paused to look, I saw movement in the front seat. Like someone ducked behind the stearing wheel. I started to pull on the chain harder until the overhead reached the ground with a loud thud, brought the car lift down, put all the tools away, made sure the security system was switched on, turned out the lights, locked the door, and sped towards the shack.

I was in such a rush that I didn’t see my foot hit something hard, causing me to trip and fall. Thanks to my quick reflexes, I was able to make sure I landed on my bum and not my stomach. After dusting myself off, I looked to the offending object and let out a curse. Teedo, I am going to wring your bloody neck! The moron left his toolbox out and when I tripped over it, it spilled most of its contents onto the ground.

“Really? Now?” I yelled at the toolbox as if it would respond. I was tempted just to let everything sit there since Teedo has never done anything to help me. Not even when I was still under Plutt’s charge. But I decided that I wasn’t going to be petty and went to the workbench for the flashlight. Luckily, there weren’t too many loose screws or drive sockets strewed around but all of his wrenches had fallen out and grumbled to myself the entire time.

Once that was done, I heard the sound of a car door slam in the distance. I froze. It was the Tahoe. Had to be. Someone had been watching me and now they were headed this way.

Freaking heck! I kept my head low and tiptoed back towards my jeep. At least that way, I could drive off if it got too dangerous. Not to mention that it could take a better beating than the 150 sq ft shed I was living in. I got to my jeep, felt around in my pockets and cursed again. I’d left the bloody keys in the shed!

I could hear someone getting closer. They were almost on top of me! Quickly hiding behind some boxes, I peeked over to see if I could get a glimpse at the intruder. I was expecting to see someone wearing a black hoodie and a ski mask skulking around the workbench or back door of the shop. What I wasn’t expecting was losing my footing and falling backwards against a hard surface. Nor was I expecting it to be a hard torso with arms attached that wrapped around my middle.

I could feel the panic surge. My baby! Don’t hurt my baby! My protective instincts boiled over and my arms were still free. I brought my elbow down hard, hitting whoever it was right in the stomach.

Whoever it was, let out a pained grunt and released me long enough for me to swing my arm around and punch him right in the face. He fell back against the door of my jeep before falling into a heap on the ground. “Ow!”

Son of a bitch, I recognized that voice. “You!” 

I switched on the flashlight and shined it right in his face. Ben Solo came into view and moved to shield his eyes. “Ah! Alright already, I surrender!”

“What the hell are you doing back here?” I demanded, switching the light back off. “And what business do you have sneaking up on me like that?”

“I wasn’t trying to sneak up on you, I swear.” He said as he rubbed his jaw. “You seemed pretty upset earlier and I felt like I should apologize to you. I didn’t know when your shift ended so I just sat in my car and waited. You never came out. Not even with the shop closed down. I saw you close the overhead but then that was it. After about thirty minutes, I got worried and decided to make sure that you were alright.”

“How chivalrous.” I scoffed. “As you can see, I’m perfectly fine.”

“Yeah, no kidding. You got a good elbow and a nice right hook.” He said with a pained chuckle. “But back to my point, why haven’t you left yet? Wouldn’t you rather be home?”

I crossed my arms with an annoyed huff, “I am home!”

He gaped at me, “You mean you live in the shop?”

I shook my head and took hold of his arm to help him up, “No, back here in the shed.”

He looked over towards it as he got up to his feet. His mouth dropped in shock, “You live in that?”

“It’s not so bad,” I snorted, wiping off the dirt on his shirt. “Beats having nothing.” Then I paused when I noticed his jaw starting to bruise. I guess I hit harder than I thought. “That looks bad. Come inside, we should put something cold on it.” I pulled him towards the door and unlocked it. I beckoned him in after I switched on the bulb and put a bucket upside down. “Have a seat.”

He had to duck his head to get in through the threshold he was so tall. When he entered, he looked around the interior, taking in the lack of furnishing and trash bags, before he took a seat on the bucket. He looked at me thoughtfully when I took out a bag of frozen peas and pressed it to his skin. 

I smiled when he let out a sigh of bliss, “I’m sorry I hit you. When I’m startled, I tend to react with my fists instead of my head.”

“I’m sorry too.” He murmured, “For this afternoon and for startling you. It wasn’t my place to butt into your business and the last thing I wanted was to make you cry.”

“You didn’t make me cry, my hormones did. As for sneaking up on me, I accept your apology. And to be honest, even for a guy who scared the daylights out of me, you’re the most decent person I’ve spoken to in a long while.” This was true. I felt oddly comfortable around him even though I didn’t know him. “In fact, you’re the only person. I don’t have any friends and it was just me and my boyfriend for the last few years.” My other hand went to my stomach, “Now it’s just us.”

He tilted his head, curious, “Where is he now? The father.”

I bit my lip, breaking our eye contact. “Moved back in with his parents. He’s decided that he doesn’t want to be a dad.”

“Asshole,” he muttered with a hiss and nodded in agreement. Then his eyes went down and a furrow formed between his brows, “Is that a ragdoll?”

I looked down to see that he was referring to Elizabeth. “Yeah, I’ve had her since I was a kid. Her name’s Elizabeth. After Queen Elizabeth.”

“Really?” He asked, suddenly more animated. “I feel like I’ve seen it before.”

“Her,” I corrected and looked over her aged appearance. “And I doubt that.”

“No,” his voice had gotten quiet as he reached for the doll and held her in his hand. He played with her yarned hair, “I remember a little girl I used to know when I was a teenager. She had a doll like this. Told me that one was a ‘her’ too. Gave me a good scolding about startling her too.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “What did you do to the poor thing?”

“I helped her!” He said with insistence. “She was trying to get her doll out of the tree and fell down. I grabbed her before she could hit the ground. She started freaking out and made me drop her and she hid behind the tree.”

I froze in my movements, “You said she fell trying to get her doll?” He nodded, his eyes meeting mine. “What was her name?”

“She never told me.” He admitted, looking back at the doll. “No matter how hard I tried, I don’t think she ever fully trusted me. Not that I could blame her, she didn’t ever feel safe enough to let her guard down.”

“That’s not true,” I said slowly as tears filled my already stinging eyes. “You said your name is Ben, right?” He nodded stiffly. “I knew someone with the same name when I was little. I thought he was bad because he wore a lot black and had black hair. He saved me when I was falling from a good height reaching for that doll there. That wasn’t all he did. He also used some kind of alcohol to clean a cut on my knee. What was it again?” I thought for a moment. “Tequila?”

“Vodka.” He choked out, his own eyes getting moist. “Soaked it with an old shirt and used it as a makeshift bandage because I didn’t have any real ones on me.”

I nodded, smiling as the memory got clearer. “Yeah, that’s right. He told me I was too young to drink it.”

“Damn right, you were!” He said, his face turning serious. “What were you? Four?”

“Five,” I admitted with a pained chuckle. “How old were you? You were no twenty-one-year-old yourself.”

He ran a hand through his hair to rub the back of his neck, “Yeah, definitely not. I was fifteen. That was fourteen years ago. After all this time, I never stopped wondering what happened to that little girl I met in that backyard.” Then he rested his hand on my cheek, his thumb wiping away a tear as he looked deep into my eyes. “Is it really you?”

I wiped at my nose and nodded, “Yeah, Ben, it’s me.”

The next thing he did took me by complete surprise. One moment, we were both sitting and facing each other, then the next; he’d pulled me against him and wrapped his long arms around me. His nose buried itself into the crook of my shoulder as he choked back a sob, “I can’t believe it’s really you after all this time! I never forgot about you. Not once!”

“Me neither,” I smiled through my tears and wrapped my arms up under his to grasp his shoulders. My chin rested on his neck when I spoke, “When I woke up in hospital, I asked them if I could see you to say ‘thank you’ and they never got around to it. At first, I thought that maybe it was because you didn’t want to see me.”

“Never!” He exclaimed, pulling away so he could look me in the eyes again. “Of course, I wanted to see you! All they did was tell me that your condition improved and that they would be in touch with social services if they couldn’t find any family. I even begged my parents and my uncle to pull some strings but their hands were tied.”

I giggled and pulled away to reach for a tissue and blow my nose. I offered one to him and he took one, grateful. We both laughed with each other for a minute before I gestured toward the tiny refrigerator. “Can I offer you some pizza rolls?” I reached into the freezer and pulled out the plastic bag filled with the tiny frozen appetizers. Then again, he’d just told me he owned a gym. I didn’t think he got all of those muscles from eating junk. “Unless you don’t like pizza rolls. Do you?”

“Are you kidding?” He crossed his arms and gave me a knowing smirk. “I can eat an entire box in one sitting. Bring ‘em on!”

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding and popped a plateful of them into the microwave. While the timer counted down, I suddenly felt a little exposed and looked at him, “I’m sorry I don’t have anything else to offer. I mostly eat tv dinners and whatever else doesn’t need a stove or oven to be cooked. So nothing’s fresh.” 

“It’s fine,” he assured me. “Maybe we could catch up a little and when you’re ready, you can tell me why.”

“Sure,” I didn’t mean it. At all. I wasn't interested in sharing my life story. Great, our reunion had already gotten awkward.

Luckily, he was the first to break the ice, “You still have the accent, hmm?”

“What?” That was an odd question.

He chuckled and put the peas back to his face, “Your British accent. I half expected for you to lose it as the years went on. But I noticed you still talk with it.”

“Oh, that.” My cheeks turned crimson. “Yeah, I still have an accent. People kept mentioning it and when I saw period movies that took place in England, I felt that I should try and keep that sense of pride for my heritage.”

“I think it’s great,” he said with appraisal.

The microwave dinged, thankfully cutting off whatever response I could formulate at that moment. I knew he was going to ask me again but he couldn’t ask anything if his mouth was full. “Here you go! I’d give them a minute because they’re roasting.” I poured them from the hot plate into a small bowl and placed it on my makeshift table. Which was, in fact, a tiny stool. Make the best with what you have.

Luckily, he didn’t comment and he just waited patiently for them to cool before he popped one in his mouth. He chewed with a thoughtful smile the whole time, “Sometimes you can’t beat an old fashioned packaged pizza roll. Sometimes it’s the crappy snacks that make you feel the best.”

“Amen to that,” I said with a mock salute and we clinked our respective rolls. “This is my only vice really. I’ve cut down on most of my junk food intake since I found out I was pregnant. These little bastards have become my best friends.”

“Yeah, you said you don’t have any friends. That ends right now.” He said with earnestness. “I’m your friend and I haven’t stopped being your friend. You changed my life and I was the one who wanted to show my gratitude.”

My eyebrows reached to the top of my hairline, “I changed your life? How?”

“More than you think, Rey.” He took a hold of my hand and stroked his thumb across my knuckle as if he were trying to convince himself I was real. “I was going down a nasty path. Petty theft was one. That and I was getting into fights in school with other students and even some teachers. I’ve been suspended more times than I can count. My parents were stupid rich and well known to the community. My dad founded his own airline and my Mom is a district attorney. Well,” he paused and a dark shadow flickered on his face, “She was. She died six years ago.”

“Oh,” I reached up to brush away some hair that had fallen over his eye. “I’m so sorry.”

He sighed, no doubt he still carried some of the grief from the loss within him. “It’s alright. I was able to make up for all the crap I put her through in my teens thanks to you.”

“Again, how am I the reason?” Flattery wasn’t something I was used to. Especially if it was in regards to someone’s supposed success.

For a moment he didn’t say anything. As if he weren’t too sure on what right words to use. Then finally, he said, “After I watched you be taken away in the ambulance, my uncle pulled me aside and told me that I probably saved your life. That had I not shown up when I did, you may have very well have died of heatstroke. Not gonna lie, I almost punched the shit out of those assholes when I heard them admit how long they'd chained you up. The cops threatened to detain me if I didn’t calm down and they told my uncle to take me home. I couldn’t sleep that night. Images of you lying there soaked to the bone with sweat kept appearing in my head and I ended up wandering into the living room to watch tv. The noise woke my uncle up and instead of telling me to go back to bed, he sat with me and we talked.”

“Did you not talk to him much?” I asked, slightly curious. “My memories from that time are a bit fuzzy but I do remember you saying you didn’t like being there.”

“I think it was more about thinking that my parents couldn’t handle me so they dumped me with him. He’s my mother’s twin.” He explained gently. “Looking back, I can see why. I was a nightmare back then. Always angry and always picking fights with someone. But my uncle helped me figure out a way to channel my anger. He owned a gym in town and brought me to work with him one day. He told me, ‘If you want something to hit, hit a punching bag. But if you really want to hit someone’s face, go for old Johnny here.”

“He let you hit a member?” I asked, flabbergasted.

His head fell back and he let out a loud laugh, “No, it was a punching dummy. The ones with a whole eight-pack torso and a head.”

I let out a relieved breath, “Oh, okay phew!”

He chuckled before continuing. “Anyway, I started going every other day to work out. At home, he told me to make a list of everything that made me mad and when I say everything  I mean everything. Sent me back to my room twice when he didn’t think the list was big enough. After that, he made me take each of those things that made me mad and write why they made me mad.” He wiped his hand down his face and kept the lower half-hidden to keep me from seeing his reddened cheeks. “I felt like an idiot. Like he was forcing me to sit in summer school. But, as I wrote those reasons down, I began to learn more about myself.”

“He seems like he knew what he was doing,” I said with genuine interest. “Was he a therapist?”

“No,” he lowered his hand. “He lost his parents while he was in college. Car accident. The last time he saw them was the day he left. He’d gotten into a fight with them about his choice of college. They wanted him to go to Fordham University and he wanted to go to NYU. Never spoke to them again. He never forgave himself for not being the bigger person and calling them on the phone. It was always my mom sending messages back and forth for six years.”

“So when you went to live with him…” I started. 

“It didn’t take a genius to see that I was fighting with my own parents. When they couldn’t figure me out, they thought my uncle could. But I wouldn’t talk to him. I felt abandoned and―”

“Unwanted?” I offered. Flashes from my own childhood resurfacing after so long.

He gave me a look of pity and nodded, “Yeah. Anyway, when summer ended, I asked my parents to let me stay with my uncle and go to school there until I graduated. I felt like I had a place at the gym. I felt balanced for the first time in forever and I didn’t want it to end. It also turned out that I didn’t hate spending time with my uncle. So I moved in with him that school year. I’d fly home to my parent’s place in New York after school on Fridays, spend the weekend with them and fly back to my uncle’s Sunday nights. Kinda like boarding school. Best decision I ever made in my life. I became a better person and I grew as a man. I went to school and got my Masters in Business Administration. While I was there, I tried mixed forms of martial arts and even came up with some of my own maneuvers. I bought an old rundown warehouse and fixed it up into a multistory gym. Solo’s Martial Arts Academy is what I called it.”

I perked up. “Oh! I’ve heard of it! I knew your last name sounded familiar but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I think I’ve driven by that building a few times when I’ve done jobs in the city.”

He grinned, “I even started a nonprofit organization for kids and teenagers that were like me. Angry but with nowhere to go with all of that excess energy and wanting to fight everyone. The program is for kids that can’t afford their own classes. After school, three days a week for six weeks each season. It’s not for everyone but it does help. There’s a trial period. They try the first week, if they like it, then they can choose to finish the program. As long as they kept their grades up. It’s meant to be a motivator, not a distraction. If their grades didn’t improve or got worse, they’re cut from the program until the next season. Then they can try again.”

“Wow,” What else could I say? Then I chuckled, “I wish it was a thing when I was still in school. I would’ve loved to go.”

That made him pursue his lips. “How long have you been in New York? And how did you get here from Utah?”

“About five years,” I said, doing the math in my head. “Unkar was my last foster parent and he took me on during my freshman year in high school. My ex and I stayed in Yonkers after graduation and got an apartment. Well, I got an apartment. He didn’t put his name on the lease.”

He frowned, “Why didn’t he if you two were living together?”

I put two rolls into my mouth and chewed my frustration for a second before answering, “He didn’t want to be on the hook in case anything went wrong and it did. I guess he got fired from work some time in either late October or early November because, according to the landlord, the rent hadn’t been paid up to March.” I took a breath and kept going. “It was my understanding that when I handed him the cash from my paycheck for my half of the rent, that he was taking it and giving it to the landlord every month. Turned out that he’d been swindling me for four months and put my money in his back pocket for his own personal use. Oh yeah, I found out all of this only a few days after I learned I was pregnant.”  

My head dropped into my hands when I felt that familiar pressure in my eyes. “I was so scared. I’d been taking the injection for a while and it never failed before.” I barely even noticed that Ben had moved from the bucket to sit next to me on the mattress. His arm came around my shoulder so he could rub my arm in a comforting manner. Patiently waiting for me to continue. “When I told him, he seemed like he was happy to be a father. Then after I got yelled at and kicked out by the landlord I went to his parent’s home, thinking they'd let the person who was carrying their grandchild stay, only for him to dump me at the door.”

His hand kept stroking my arm and I lifted my head to read his expression. I was expecting to see trepidation or impatience on his face. But instead, I was met with empathy and warmth. He was actually paying attention to what I was saying and waiting for me to keep going. It was as if he knew I was dying to unload everything I was feeling.

So, I decided to let it all out to the only person who would listen. I cleared my throat, and let it out, “He’d convinced himself that I lied about being on birth control, got pregnant on purpose and that I’d been cheating on him with my coworkers. I know you can’t judge what’s happened based on what I’m saying, you weren’t there. But the only other person that was in the room when I conceived this baby was him! Now, I have an eviction on my record, little money, pregnant, and living in a shed. I’ve been here for two weeks.”

His other hand came up, cutting me off. “So you’ve got some shady deal going on with Plutt so you can live in here?” I nodded, “I’m not trying to judge you, Rey, but why not go to a women's shelter?” 

I shuddered, “Being in the system, I’ve seen what happens in youth shelters. They weren’t all bad, but for the most part, they weren’t up to par. After what I've seen there, I do not want to take a risk by going to one for adults.” I gestured to our surroundings, “I can’t get work anywhere else because I’m sixteen weeks pregnant. I’ve worked here under the table for Plutt before and that’s how I knew he wouldn’t pass on some cheap labor.”

He removed his arm from my shoulder and moved to kneel in front of me, showing me his pained expression, “Rey, I had no idea.”

“It’s not like you could,” I said, brushing his concern off. “We haven’t seen each other for over a decade and it’s amazing that we’ve met again at all. I’ve grown up, Ben. I’m not a defenseless little girl anymore and I don’t need protection. If I wasn’t pregnant, I’d be fine with living in my jeep. But at least here, I can save up what little money I’m making until I can afford something better.”

“If there was something I could do―”

I patted his hand, cutting him off, “You being here and listening to me prattle on about my problems is more than enough.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because you’re the only true friend I’ve ever had and that’s more than enough.” My phone dinged and I then noticed how late it was. “It’s getting late. How’s your jaw?”

He rubbed it absently, “It’s fine. Are you sure you’re okay here?”

I gave my most enthusiastic nod. “Definitely. I think we both know I can pack a punch.”

“Well,” he got up to his feet and looked around. “If you’re sure.”

“I am.” I stood up too, offering my most convincing smile. “Thank you again, Ben, it was really nice seeing you again. I’m really happy for you. You’ve done so well for yourself and I’m very proud of you.” This was a fact. He’s grown so much from that ruggish teenager that would climb over the fence to feed me Lunchables to a successful businessman who gives back to his community.

His apprehension was clear as day, like he was battling with himself on whether or not he should stay. But what could he do if he did? Camp out by the door? Not likely.

Instead, he pulled me into another hug which I happily accepted. When we broke apart, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a card, handing it to me. “Here, my card.” I took it and his voice got serious, “If you need anything― anything ― you call this number, I’ll be here in an hour. Please, Rey, I’m here for you. Okay?”

I accepted the business card. “Okay, Ben.” Then I put it in my pocket, “I promise. Drive safe, please?”

“I will.” Then gently, “Goodnight, Rey,”

“Goodnight,” then he was gone again.

A loud banging woke me up sometime later. I pulled down the blanket and glared at the door, “Now what?” The pounding got even louder and I threw it off. “Quit the noise, I’m coming!” The springs in the mattress creaked in protest as I moved around to put on my slippers. I grabbed my phone, shuffled over to the door, undid the latch, opened, and was met face-to-face with a disheveled Ben Solo dressed in his sleepwear.

What the…? “Ben,” I looked down at my phone, barely making out the time through sleepy eyes. “It’s 3 am! What are you doing back here?”

He brushed past me and grasped my shoulders when I turned around. His eyes filled with determination as he looked directly into mine, “Rey, I’ve just spent the last few hours tossing and turning in my bed because I couldn’t sleep. Wanna know why? Because I couldn’t stand the thought of someone I cared about living in filth. Look at this place!” He waved his arm around at what was in the room. “You’re getting paid a crap wage to live in a crap place. You don’t even have a fucking bed! You sleep on a mattress! What’s going to happen when you’re in your third trimester? How are you going to get up?”

My mind was taking longer to process what he was saying than the rest of me. Given that I was still pretty foggy withs sleep, his words were breaking through to me. I looked up at him, my lip trembling, “I have nowhere else to go.”

“Not true.” His hands tightened on my arms and he leaned in close to my face, “Not anymore. Pack everything you have and load it all into the jeep; I’ll help you. You’re coming with me.”

I shook my head to clear, unsure if I’d heard him correctly. “I’m sorry, you want me to do what?”

He loosened his whole on my arms and lowered his voice, “Rey, I’ve been wanting to know what happened to you for years. When they took you away, I’d hoped that it was for the best and that you would be taken care of. I’m proud that you’ve taken care of yourself up till now. You’re strong but not invincible. Please, please let me take care of you and the baby. I can help you with all your financial needs and doctor's appointments. My apartment has four bedrooms! One of them I keep exclusively for guests. It’s very spacious, twice the size of this place and it has an ensuite. You can even stay after the baby is born. Hell, you can stay as long as you need. Please, don’t fight me on this. I’m not leaving without you. You either get to pack up your things and follow me in your jeep, or I pick you up from this spot and put you in the car myself.”

My mouth dropped and I was gaping like a fish, “What about, Plutt? We had an agreement.”

“Screw him!” He said a little too loudly. “You that worried about it? Don’t be! Leave a note in here if you want. You don’t owe him a damn thing and I can convince my dad to buy whatever parts he needs elsewhere. It's not like there aren’t other places we can go.”

“I…” The more lucid I got, the fewer words I could form. “Ben, I don’t think―”

He cut me off, “Rey, I’m serious. This is not a place for a pregnant woman. For anyone! I wouldn’t even let an animal live here. Please, come with me. I can help you with everything you need. Please!”

“But―” Then I looked into his eyes again.

They were imploring as his next words. “I can’t just walk away and leave you here. Don’t ask me to, Rey.”

I looked around the shed. The lumpy mattress, gross toilet and all the other imperfections. He was right. It was a nightmare now and it would get worse as the baby growing inside me got bigger. Could I really take care of the baby here? I had hoped that I’d make enough money working for Plutt to move out and get a better place. But the more I thought about it, the less appealing and realistic it sounded.

I met his face, his eyes beseeching, “Okay. I’ll stay with you.”

“Oh, thank God,” he let out a huge sigh of relief and pulled me into another bear hug. “I’m glad you agreed because I was prepared to come knocking on your door every night until you did.”

My laugh was muffled against his shirt, “You’re still as persistent as ever, aren't you?”

“Yeah,” he said, sounding bashful. “That hasn’t changed much. Once I have my mind set, it can’t be changed.”

“Would you really have come knocking on my door every night?” I had to ask.

He leaned back so I could look at his face. “Oh yeah. I figured by the end of the second night, you’d crack.”

“Damn,” I said with faux disappointment. “I should have held out longer.”

“Nope,” he let me go and kneeled down by the fridge. “I have a cooler in my car from a picnic last week. I’ll throw all of this in there and you can go ahead and get your things into your car. Sound good?”

I guess we were really doing this. “I’ll get started.”

*Kudos and Reviews are always appreciated!*

Chapter Text

I don’t own Star Wars or any of their characters, they all belong to Lucasfilm and Disney. Also Judge Lauren Lake is a real person and a real judge on her own TV show titled Paternity Court.

I followed Ben’s black Chevrolet Tahoe for half an hour along the Hudson River into the city. Watching the buildings get taller and taller as we got closer to Manhattan island. Being that it was still early morning, it was still dark outside. Giving me some spooky vibes as I drove under each street light. My hands held onto the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles turned white.

Was this really a good idea? I haven’t seen Ben in years, since I was a child, and here I was. Following him to his flat to an unknown location. Was he being genuine about offering me a safe place to stay while I have my baby because he was a kind man...or was he hoping for something in return? Never in my life has anyone offered me anything without a price. There was always a catch involved.

From what I could remember, Ben was never anything else but kind to me. More than that, he saved my life. I knew him for only a month and I was only a small child but, in truth, he was the only person who has ever made me feel safe. However, that had been over a decade ago. A lot could have changed over the years. Sure, he does what he can to give back the community. Helping troubled youth learn how to channel their anger much like how he did.

He’d also said that he never forgot about me after all this time. Which in all honesty was a first for me itself. Everyone forgot about me eventually; including my past foster families. After I would be placed in a new home one after the other I was soon forgotten by the previous. I never spent longer than half a year with each family. Which was more of a chore than anyone could understand. No two same households were the same. Different rules in each one. The only thing that was a constant rule with them was to stay out of trouble and to not make them look bad.

Was that what it would be like living with Ben? Given that he was well known to the community, would he want to keep me hidden so people wouldn’t see that he was letting a single soon-to-be young mother living under his roof? Can’t say that I would blame him. Or perhaps maybe he wanted me to be visible so people could see how charitable he was being to me.

My thoughts were interrupted when his right blinker signaled to turn on West 72nd St and I followed him until we were back on Riverside Blvd. In the short distance, I glanced up through the windshield to see a building with identical towers on either side. They were so tall that they had to be at least forty flights high. The Rushmore. I was relieved when he made a sudden left on 64th but it was short-lived when he immediately turned right into an entrance to underground parking. I followed him closely behind him until he came to a stop at a small booth with a male security guard inside. 

Ben must have been well known to the man because he greeted him with a familiarity that reminded me of seeing your favorite clerk at the shops. I saw his arm come out the window to show some sort of pass or ticket to the security guard. When it was handed back, he then pointed with his thumb towards my car. When the security guard glanced at me I waved awkwardly because I didn’t know what else to do. He nodded to Ben and then started toward my car.

Was this the part where he tells me to put in reverse and beat it? It was obvious that he wanted to talk to me so I rolled my window down and waited till he got closer. When he made it to my door, he smiled in greeting, “Good evening, Ma’am,”

“Erm, good evening. I’m with Ben Solo.” I replied lamely before mentally berating myself. No, really? Because you’ve only been following right behind his car in the early hours of the morning because you had nothing better to do.  

He chuckled, clearly amused at my shyness, “Yes, I understand. Mr. Solo has informed me that you’ll be staying with him here in the building and will require a parking space while you’re here.”

I croaked in shock as the reality of it hit me. “He actually lives here?” Part of me was hoping that he only parked here, then I remembered that he mentioned having more than one bedroom.

“Indeed, Ma’am,” He confirmed, “If I could just see your driver’s license and registration, please?”

Too amazed at this point, I just reached over to my glove compartment and pulled out the papers as well as my license from my wallet. I handed both items to him and waited anxiously as he walked back to the booth. It wasn’t like I had warrants out for my arrest or anything. It was just that this whole thing was making me jittery.

The guard came back out to hand Ben back his card with a nod and they exchanged a laugh before walking towards me with a small green paper in his hand and my registration. He handed it back to me when he got to my window along with my license. Holding up the green paper, he said, “Alright, Ms. Niima, this is your parking tag. Mr. Solo’s reserved it for a year for you. Attach it to your rearview mirror when you’re parked here. The number on it is your parking space, which is right next to his and this,” He handed me a smaller tag, “is your pass. Just insert it into the ticket reader whenever you enter and exit the parking structure and the boom gate will lift for you.”

My mouth fell agape, “It’s...he...he what?”

He nodded, then continued, “He’s also asked me to tell you that the cost is nothing to him so don’t worry about it and to just accept it.”

“He’s impossible,” I groaned and let my head fall back against the headrest. Then I blew a raspberry, conceding defeat, and nodded to him, “Thank you, sir.”

He smiled kindly, “Not a problem.” Then went back into the booth.

Now there was nothing else for me to do except continue to follow Ben deeper below ground level. I watched in interest when we came to a stop at the boom gate like the guard mentioned. Observing how he inserted his ticket into the small machine and spitting it back out as the gate lifted for him to pass through. 

Once he was on the other side, it lowered again as I drove up. I took my own ticket and saw the visual instruction on what side goes into the slot before slipping it in. I almost expected it to reject my ticket before it suddenly lit up in green and the gate lifted once more. Taking the ticket back, I followed where Ben had made a left and kept going until he made a stop at the parking space. Sure enough, the one to his right had my number painted on it. So, I put my car in my new space, put it in park and switched the key to turn it off.

When I looked out my window, I saw he had already gotten out of his car and was waiting patiently by the boot. I pressed the release button and he immediately opened it to take out my bags.

“Wait, Ben!” I quickly hopped out when I noticed he was reaching for all of them. “You don’t need to do that, I can carry them.”

I didn’t miss him rolling his eyes as he swung three of the trash bags over one shoulder and picked up the fourth with ease before shutting the boot closed. He gave me a pointed stare, “It’s no trouble, Rey, really.”

“I know it’s not but,” My fists clenched tightly to keep growing my anxiety at bay, “Please, I have to carry at least one. I’m sorry, I know it sounds ridiculous and you’re just being nice, but I’ll feel more secure.”

His eyes widened and I knew he could tell that I was trying not to hyperventilate because he instantly dropped the last two bags, “Hey, hey! It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize.” his hand came up to rest on my shoulder. Squeezing gently as I tried to get my breathing back under control. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you.”

My own hand flew up to hide the shame on my face. “You don’t need to apologize, it’s me! Everything around me is changing so fast and I’m afraid that I’m losing my grip on what little I have left.”

I heard him release a harsh breath, “You still can’t find it in you to trust anyone.” It wasn’t a question. “Every time you’ve opened your heart to someone, even a little bit, it gets crushed. People have lied and stolen from you time and again, so you hold on to your material items because they’re all you have. I’m right, aren’t I?”

I nodded with a sniff and wiped my eyes with my arm. “Nothing in my life has been a constant. Not since that day when I was five. People coming and going became my normal, so I got used to being independent. It was easier for me to not get close to anyone. I thought that changed when I met Armi.” I looked up at him as the pit in my stomach got wider. “He was the one person in my life who remained present for the duration of our knowing each other. The only person. Now, he’s left me too. Just like that.”

“Rey,” He started slowly, “Him leaving was his choice. I’d hate to sound like a dick, but he’s a spineless weasel. A real man doesn’t leave the woman who’s carrying his child alone without a second thought. Even if they’re not together anymore, they put the baby before their own feelings and work something out.”

“So stupid,” I chastised myself, breaking eye contact. “I thought that this was my chance to show that I could give my baby a good and stable life. And here I am, about to be just another young single mother with no plan because I was gullible enough to fall for the first man to show interest in me. I’m just another statistic.”

All of a sudden, my face was pressed against a hard chest and I was wrapped in a bear tight hug. “Don’t you ever call yourself ‘another statistic’.” Ben’s voice was quiet and steady, “Rey, you are so much more than that. I’m sorry that your moron of an ex can’t see it but that’s his own damn fault. I don’t know how your relationship was like while you were together but nothing atones for stealing from a pregnant woman. Even if you did cheat on him, he’s an asshole for taking it out on a baby that isn’t even born yet. You were willing to live out your pregnancy in a rundown shack and work yourself to the bone so you could provide for your child.”

“He told me he loved me,” I blubbered pathetically as my tears began to stain his shirt. “And I believed him. I believed every word and he played me for a fool! I thought I was finally getting the family I’d always dreamt of. He stole from me and left me with nothing!”

One of his hands came up to stroke the back of my head. “It’s gonna be okay. It’ll be hard, very hard, but you’ll make it through this. I’m going to do everything I can to help you.” He placed his chin atop my head and squeezed tighter. “Whatever you need, just ask. Don’t worry about paying me back. Just focus on keeping yourself healthy, okay? That’s all I ask in return.”

 I gave myself a moment to let my breathing and my heart rate get back to normal and just let him hold me. He waited patiently while rubbing small circles into my back, not saying anything. “Alright, I’ll try.”

He loosened his arms and pulled away so he could look me in the eye then brought up one hand to wipe away my tears with his thumb. “Good. I know it’s going to take some time for you to trust me, but I promise that I will do my best to make you comfortable while you’re here.”

I smiled with earnest through watery eyes, “And I promise that I’ll try not to cry so much.” He smiled back and I giggled through a loud sniff. “I don’t usually don’t get so emotional. But these hormones have me going on in all sorts of directions.”

That made him grin, “Can I trust you not to hide behind a tree when I try to talk to you?”

“Yes, but I can’t promise that my temper isn’t any cooler than it used to be.” I grinned, thinking back to when we were young.

He shuddered and rubbed his bruised jaw, “At least before you couldn’t reach my face. You did get me in the shins when I caught you though. It felt someone had thrown bricks at them.”

“Oh God,” My hand flew to hide my mouth to hide my embarrassment. “You remember that?”

“My shins certainly do.” His foot came up and he twirled his ankle. “Learned my lesson.”

“Just not the one to sneak or save a woman from behind?” I mused, lowering my hand.

He picked the bags back up and smiled, “Yeah, I may have forgotten to look before I leap.”

“Indeed,” I looked him up and down as if I were giving him a once over. “But rest assured, that I don’t intend to lay any more bodily harm on you during my stay.” 

“Well, at least we’re one step closer.” He nodded his head towards an elevator. “Why don’t we move this from the garage and up to my place? Trust me, it’s nicer. Just a heads up though, this elevator takes us up to the lobby on the ground floor. From there, we’ll take another one up to my apartment.”

“Oh, umm,” I glanced at the trash bags, nervous. “I’m guessing there’s a concierge too?” Fancy buildings always had one. When he nodded, I continued, “What would he or she say when they see us coming up with all these bags? What will they think? ” Great, I was hoping that no one would actually see Ben with me carrying all these bags. All the different kinds of scenarios that people could come up with.

Drug deal with a pregnant hooker? Likely. Helping some random homeless girl? Technically it’s true. His desperate...what was that called...baby mama? That would make him look bad.

“And?” He pressed. “They’re not getting paid to care about who I bring into my home. They can think what they want and it will make no difference. As long as I pay the bills and we don’t disturb any of the other tenants, we’re fine.”

I bit my lip, “Well…”

“Rey,” I heard the warning in his new tone. “We could stand here all day going back and forth but, at some point, we do have to get up there. Your things have to get up there at some point so it really makes no difference whether you’re with me or not. They’re just bags, Rey. Trust me, they’ve seen crazier things go through their doors. One of their tenants has a service pony.”

That piqued my interest, “Did you just say service pony? That’s a thing?”

“It’s a thing,” he confirmed, “Though, I suppose the correct term would be miniature horse. The man is blind. Happened after he was thrown off his horse when it was spooked by some thunder a couple of years back. Ever the equestrion, he requested that he use a pony instead of a dog.”

The image of a grown man walking a small horse down the street made my inner child light up with interest. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a miniature horse before. Lots of ponies though. How tall is it?”

He pursed his lips and thought for a moment, “It’s been a while, but if I had to guess, I’d say she was at least three feet.”

If that were the case, then it wouldn’t even reach my waist. It became impossible to suppress the smile on my face. “That sounds impossibly cute.”

“Maybe you’ll get to meet him while you’re here,” He offered. “That being said, do you still think these trash bags will raise some heads? Are you more relaxed now that you know there is a three-foot horse walking around in the building?”

I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing. “Yes.” I picked up the last bag that he left for me to carry, smiling. “Okay, I’m ready.” Then followed him into the elevator.

We were only two stories below ground level so we weren’t in there for long before they opened to reveal a brightly lit lobby. I couldn’t help but be taken in by its extravagance. It looked more like the lobby of a museum with its shiny marble floors, separated maple walls, cylinder columns, and circular ceiling. 

This place is so shiny, it should be illegal. I thought while looking at the whole interior. They must clean this place top to bottom every hour. It was spotless. Absolutely spotless. Just as I was about to reconsider fleeing, I heard the distinct sound of a clippity-clop echo.

Ben must’ve heard it too because he turned to where the noise was coming from and smiled. “Well, how do you like them apples? Look who’s here!”

I followed his gaze and I saw a man who looked to be in his mid-40’s coming through the main entrance’s revolving doors. Sure enough, trotting beside him was a fluffy dog-sized paint horse wearing a burgundy vest and handlebar that the man was holding on to.

“Oh my God.” It came out before I could stop it. I couldn’t help it! It’s a tiny bloody horse!

Ben chortled and greeted the man, “Good morning, Mr. Valentine!”

The man in question paused and turned as if to look at Ben. He smiled in greeting through his sunglasses, “Ah, good morning to you too, Mr. Solo!”

We got closer and Ben reached a hand out to him, something the man seemed to sense because he held out his hand too. “You’re out awfully early.”

“I could say the same for you.” The man, Mr. Valentine, laughed heartily.

“How’s the book coming along?” Ben asked with interest.

Mr. Valentine let out a long sigh, “I’m stuck on chapter fifteen. Thought a nice walk would help clear my head.” There was a brief moment of silence. “Are you going to introduce me to your friend?” 

I jumped, startled. I’d been staring at the horse and when he spoke. I thought he couldn’t see. “Er, hello. It’s nice to meet you.”

“British, lovely.” He complimented, making me blush.

“This is Rey Niima,” Ben introduced. “She’s going to be staying with me for a while.”

“Sorry for startling you, my dear. When Mr. Solo spoke, I heard two sets of feet followed by his voice.” Mr. Valentine laughed again and offered his hand to me as well, “Daniel Valentine, it’s always a pleasure to meet new people.”

I accepted the hand offered and shook it. “It’s nice to meet you too, Sir. Sorry, if I seem a little jumpy.”

“She’s never seen a service horse before,” Ben explained as we all started towards the lobby elevator. When the three—or four —of us entered I watched in fascination as Mr. Valentine moved his finger along the buttons with practiced determination. Clearly, he’d hit the right ones because Ben didn’t seem bothered in the least.

“Ah yes,” Mr. Valentine continued with understanding in his voice. “Diamond here certainly draws all the attention to her. She's always known how to light up a room.”

“She’s beautiful,” I said in awe before I could stop myself. Then I noticed that her vest had big bold letters that read, ‘DO NOT TOUCH’. “Oh, was I going to ask if I could pet her and then I saw the vest.”

Mr. Valentine shook his head gently, “Yes, I’d rather you didn’t while she’s working. But I appreciate you reading it first.”

“It’s actually illegal to pet a service animal or distract them in any way,” Ben informed me. “Because their focus needs to be on their owner at all times in case something happens.”

“Oh,” I said, feeling guilty for wanting to pet her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

Mr. Valentine kept smiling, “It’s alright, Ms. Niima. Diamond is a beautiful creature and I can’t blame you for being fascinated. It’s not everyday you see a miniature service horse, right?”

“This is the first time I’ve seen a miniature horse ever. ” I said with awe. “I’ve seen ponies but never this small.”

“Really?” He asked, “Well, make no mistake, she loves attention. You’re more than welcome to visit whenever I’m home. I’m on the tenth floor in 10C. I travel a lot but whenever I’m home, feel free to give us a knock.”

“I’d like that,” I said earnestly and I swore that Diamond winked at me with her crystal blue eyes.

The elevator came to a stop with a ding, “Here we are, come Diamond!” Mr. Valeting said and she led him out into the hall. “Good to see you again, Mr. Solo. And a pleasure to meet you Ms. Niima.” Ben and I waved as the doors closed and it was, once again, just the two of us.

“I think he likes you.” He said with an admired appraisal. “See? Nothing to worry about.”

“He couldn’t see the trash bags,” I bit back.

“No, but he could hear them. Just like he could hear your footsteps.” To prove his point, he shook one of the bags. “Polyethylene has its own texture and a distinct sound too. Given that he can’t see—”

“All of his other senses are heightened and thus he could hear them.” I finished for him with a sound of annoyance. “And he made absolutely no comment and treated me with great respect.”

“There you go.” He said, pleased. “And you were worried about the concierge and neighbors making a fuss. Trust me, you’re going to be just fine here.” Then his voice became quiet and firm. “If anyone does give you problems then they’ll have to deal with me.”

I smiled up at him, grateful. “Thank you, Ben.”

His response was interrupted when the elevator dinged and the doors opened again. This floor was different, however. Instead of a long hallway on either side, it looked more like another lobby. I trailed behind him to the door on the right before he paused in thought. He looked at me and said, “You know, let’s go in this way. Closer to the bedrooms.”

I frowned when he walked towards the door on the left instead. Perturbed, I asked, “Wait, if this door goes into your apartment then why were you headed for the other one first?”

“Force of habit.” Was his answer. “I usually bring guests through the main entrance so I can give them the full tour. But given that I brought you here just two hours before dawn, I think it’s best to get you settled into your room as soon as possible so you can get some more sleep.” He smiled, “I could show you everything the building has. It even has a playroom for kids.”

“Wait so,” I pointed at one door and then the other, “You have two flats on this floor?”

The corner of his lips twitched like he was fighting a smile, “Rey, I don’t have an apartment on this floor. This floor is my apartment.”

My mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish. Slowly, I did a circular motion with my hand, “This whole floor is one apartment and it's completely yours?”

“Yep,”

I waved, “See ya.” Then I turned back towards the elevator.

“Come back here,” Both hands held two trash bags and he still managed to get one arm around my shoulders and steer me back. “Don’t be so dramatic, it’s just a penthouse.”

“‘Just a penthouse’ he says.” I mocked.

“Haha very funny.” He dropped one of the bags so he could reach into his pocket and pull out his keys to put into the lock, but then he stiffened and looked at the door in horror. “Uh oh.” Then he turned to me with an apologetic grimace, “Shit!”

My whole body went stiff as a dread tingled its way up my spine. Oh, God, he has a girlfriend! Was my first thought. Worse, he probably has a whole wife! No way he was this successful and living in a nice home without a lovely lady on his arm. Hell, earlier he’d left and came back to fetch me so fast that she must still be in bed asleep! What will she say? What will she do? Would she be okay with me staying with them? I wouldn’t blame her if she demanded I take my things and walked back to Plutts!

Before I could faint from being winded by my own thoughts, he suddenly asked, “Are you allergic to dogs? Or any kind of fur?”

I blinked, taken off guard. Okay, I definitely wasn’t expecting that. “Umm no, why?” Right after I said that, I heard whimpering and scratching at the door. Oh...there was a dog on the other side.

Meanwhile, Ben let out a huge breath of relief and proceeded to open the door, “I have a pit-terrier mix. He’s perfectly harmless, I promise. My mind didn’t just put two and two together that I completely forgot to mention it to you. Sorry about that.”

“That’s fine,” was my lame response. “What about your...girlfriend?” The last word came out as a nervous squeak. I was also terrified that the pup might wake her up too.

He tilted his head, thoughtful, “I’m not seeing anyone, Rey. If I were, I definitely would’ve warned you ahead of time.” A bark came from the other side and he then proceeded to unlock the door. “I hear you, Bronx, hang on!” He looked back at me and pushed it open with the keys still inside, “I gotta warn you that he’s an excitable one.”

In the next instant, a brownish-grey blur came bolting out of the entryway and started jumping up excitedly at Ben’s legs. The knee-high ball of energy was so happy to see him that the entire lower half of his body wiggled back and forth with his tail. He snorted happily as he danced around his master’s feet.

“Hey, buddy!” Ben’s face lit up like a child’s as he looked down at his loyal companion. “I know! I know! I’m sorry I left without you but I had an emergency.” He looked up at me and nodded his head towards the entrance, “Go on in and turn to the left, I’m right behind you.”

I stepped into the threshold and got a glance of the dining room on the right before turning left, as he instructed. The door shut behind me and then the excited four-legged pup came to greet me. His tail was still wagging as he looked up at me expectantly.

“You can pet him if you like.” Ben offered, as he put the locks in place. “He doesn’t bite and he loves attention.”

Bronx snorted in response, still waiting for me to acknowledge him. Unable to resist any longer, I ushered him forward and let him paw at my legs as I scratched him behind the ears. Not an easy thing to do as he wiggled about and hopped on his hind legs until he rested his paws on my thighs. I smiled and gave his head some more scratches.

“Alright, that’s it, you big baby, down!” Ben called, and Bronx immediately dropped back to all fours to look over his shoulder at him. “Don’t look at me like that, she’s not going anywhere. You’ll see her in a couple of hours.” Bronx gave me one last longing look before padding away. He looked so crestfallen that I almost pitied him.

Ben let him walk past him before coming up to me. He laughed at the expression on my face and said, “Don’t fall for it, he’s a big drama queen.” Then he gestured down the hall, “Make another left at the corner.”

I laughed when I noticed the pit-terrier mix chuff at the words ‘drama queen’ and laid floor. “I think he heard you,” I said as I walked followed his instruction.

“Yeah, well that’s what he gets for guilting me into giving him my t-bone last week.” He muttered as we continued to the end of the hall where two doors stood. “Here we are.” He dropped the bag and opened the one on the right. “This will be your room.” Then he hit a switch, lighting up the room.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. The room was beautiful. More than any I’d ever seen before. Even in a hotel. There was a full-sized bed with iron and thunder grey blankets and pillows. Oakwood adorned the floor, the walls were painted white, save for the on the right where the bed stood, which was daltile green. To the right of it was a black nightstand with a single potted plant and two armed wall lamps on either side of the bed frame. A grey swivel chair at the far end of the room right next to a dresser with a flatscreen attached to the wall above it.

Ben placed all of my bags down on the floor by the bed and proceeded to a door on my right. “This,” He said, flipping on another light switch. “Is your ensuite.” I poked my head in and to see the same color theme and marveled at the size of the shower alone. It alone had to be bigger than the bathroom in the flat I rented with Armi.

 “It already has toiletries,” He continued, “But we can go shopping later to stock it with things you need.” Then he leaned back to open the next door, which was right next to the bathroom, “And this is your closet.”

I bit my lip to fight back more tears. “Ben, this is perfect. It’s beautiful.”

His shoulders relaxed in relief and he backed up into the hall to pat on the door to mine. “This is my room. If you need anything, just knock. If I don’t answer, let yourself in and wake me up yourself. I don’t care if it’s 2 am, I’m here for you. Okay?”

“This is all mine?” I asked in amazement.

He nodded, “Absolutely. This is your space. You do whatever you want with it to make you comfortable.”

“This place doesn’t need anything, it’s perfect,” I said sobbingly. “I don’t know how to thank you. I’ve never felt so at home in my life.”

“Come here,” He reached for me, pulling me in for another hug. “It’s gonna be okay.” I relaxed and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Armitage never held me like this and we were together for years. Normally I’m not so forward but I’ve been deprived of affection for so long that I desperately wanted to cling to it. He was all too willing to give it.

We pulled away when I covered my mouth and let out a tired yawn. “Sorry,” I said, “I think I’m going to go make love to that bed.”

He barked out a laugh, “It’s a Tempurpedic. Adjustable too.”

“You mean like those ones on the telly?” I asked, perking up. “Where the girl was jumping on it while a glass of wine stayed perfectly balanced?”

He nodded, “That’s the one.”

My body began to tremble with childlike glee as I walked over to the bed and sat down to test the mattress. When my bum sunk down, I tested the waters further by laying on my back. Immediately, I could feel the mattress align itself along my spine. It felt so good that I couldn’t prevent the blissed sigh that escaped my mouth. “I feel like I’m on a cloud.”

I lifted my head to see him cross his arms and lean against the doorway with a knowing smirk. “It’s nice, right?” I nodded and he did the same. “Yeah, I knew you’d like it. I have one too and it has done wonders for my back.”

Sure enough, I could feel my own back as if it were realigning itself. That mattress back at the shed really was garbage. I was already starting to feel pains in my lower back from the pregnancy and if I had stayed there, it would’ve been murder. “I think I could lay on this bed for the rest of my life and be as happy as can be.”

He straightened from the doorjamb and took hold of the knob, “I’ll leave you to get some rest. Just a heads up, if you wake up and I’m not here, it means I’ve taken Bronx out for a walk. I take him out every morning when I go running at seven.”

“Got it,” I said, sitting up to kick off my shoes. “I think I’ll definitely sleep easy.”

“I’m glad.” He said with earnest. “Sleep well, Rey.”

“You too,” I told him and he shut the door, leaving me alone in the room with my thoughts. My room. I looked around to marvel at all of its characteristics. Especially the color scheme with the greys and greens. It so happened that this particular shade of forest green was my favorite color. There was no chance he knew that. It was almost like this room was waiting for me.

Another loud yawn tore itself out of me. Exhaustion had such a tight hold on me that I didn’t even plan on changing clothes. So I just pulled the duvet back and wrapped myself in the plush blankets. Relishing in their warmth as the mattress molded to my body shape again. My eyes became so heavy that I didn’t have it in me to stop them from sliding shut.

Despite my nerves, I felt completely safe for the first time in weeks.

An unmistakable rolling in my stomach I’d become rather accustomed to each day woke me up from the best sleep I’d had in over a month. I kicked off my blankets, getting ready to roll off the mattress and crawl to the toilet. But imagine my surprise when I reached blindly for the floor that wasn’t where it normally was.

Cracking one eye open was enough to almost blind me when I looked up at a white ceiling instead of a shack roof. There was also sunlight coming in from the window to my right, which is also something I did not have. In fact, the entire room was unfamiliar. Before I could go into a panic, memories of the last few hours came rushing at once.

Which did not help as my unborn child kept demanding that I expel whatever it was in my stomach that displeased it. I wobbled my way into the loo and held off my gag reflex long enough to kneel over the bowl and take care of business.

It took a while but when I was done with retching, I flushed and used the sink to hoist myself back up again. When I saw my reflection in the mirror I almost startled myself. I looked like absolute hell. My hair was a mess and my skin was as pale as a fish’s belly. I needed a wash badly.

Then I caught the sight of the shower to my right and grinned. “Oh, I have a feeling I’m going to get good use of this lovely device.” It took me a short while to remember which bags had my soaps and shampoos before I eventually found them. I think I stayed under the warm spray for almost a half-hour. The water pressure was amazing and the showerhead had different settings too. It was so since that I could’ve stayed in there for hours but my stomach was once again making noises but for food.

I exited the shower and got dressed in a simple tank top and joggers. My sock-covered feet padded on the carpet as I walked to the window and moved the curtain aside, welcoming the sun. I looked down below, gazing at the tall trees that poked up between some buildings. It couldn’t be Central Park because that was a little further east but it was nice nonetheless.

That’s right. Ben came back to the shack last night. I remembered as I continued to admire the view. He offered me a place to stay here at his flat and gave me this room. Said I could stay here as long as I’d like. As happy as I was, I still felt the need to be wary. I can’t remember the last time I had a string of good luck. Or any good luck for that matter.

Suddenly, I sniffed and my nose picked up the delicious aroma of bacon. Ben must’ve been awake. Part of me wanted to just hide away in this room but the other part of me said to get over it because, since we were going to live together for an unknown amount of time, so I may as well get used to being around him.

I wasn’t so sure if I was nervous about being around someone as attractive as Ben or if it was because it was Ben that was so attractive. It wasn’t as if I didn’t think him so before. I was just a young girl who used to think all boys were yucky. But I’m a woman now. Over the years he’d gone from a skinny and gangly teenager into a full-grown adult man. I shook my head to keep the inappropriate thoughts at bay before they got too rowdy. It doesn’t matter anyway. He could have whatever woman he wanted...or man, I wouldn’t judge...there’s little doubt that he would settle for a young mother. But he promised to always be my friend and keep me safe. That was more than enough.

After my mental pep talk was finished, I pulled on a pair of slippers moved to open the door. On the other side, I was greeted with a canine smiling up at me. His tail started wagging as if he’d been waiting for me to come out.

“Good morning, you,” I said, leaning down to scratch under his chin. He started panting and wagging his tail harder.

“Bronx, leave her alone!” I heard Ben call out from the other end of the flat. “She’ll come out when she’s ready. Come!”

Bronx padded away and I followed close behind, already convinced that I would’ve gotten lost otherwise. This place was huge and I’ve only seen half of it. Just a short distance more and I could hear the sound of food being cooked. I looked around the corner and saw the dog plant himself just outside of the kitchen line.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I slowly made my way over to him and finally made it to the kitchen. What a kitchen it was too! The first thing that caught my eye was the bar counter, which is where I headed first to get a better look. There I saw Ben standing over the gas stove, string something in a pan.

He must’ve sensed my presence because he glanced over his shoulder and smiled when he saw it was me. “Hey good morning! Or should I say,” He glanced down at the watch on his wrist, “Good afternoon?”

Amazed, I looked out towards the windows. “It’s afternoon already?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed, sauntering over with an empty plate and gestured towards one of the stools at the bar. “Have a seat. I made some breakfast. I hope you’re hungry.”

“I’m absolutely famished.” My eyes lit up at the wonderful array of foods that were already laid out. “This looks amazing!”

He smiled at the compliment and handed me some silverware. “Thanks. I wasn’t sure what you’d like so I made a bit of everything. Except for the eggs. I wasn’t sure how you like them and I know that you can’t have them undercooked, so I thought I’d wait for you. If you even like eggs.”

“I appreciate the thought,” I told him. “I usually have them over easy, but hard-boiled is fine. If that isn’t a bother.”

“Not at all,” He assured me and took out a small pot. “I prefer them in an omelet myself. Help yourself to everything else in the meantime. I’m out of syrup for the waffles, however, so I hope jam is okay.”

I waved him off, already filling my plate with fruits and pastries. “I prefer it actually.” I’d already started to dig in but then paused, realizing I was being too hasty. “Sorry.”

He glanced back over his shoulder from the stove and waved his hand, “Don’t be. Please, start without me. You’re eating for two and I can wait five more minutes.

My stomach agreed and I resumed stuffing my face. Sure enough, five minutes later, he handed me the hard-boiled eggs before reaching back just in time to flip his omelet. “Bon appetit!” He announced, sliding it onto his own plate and came to join me at the bar. “How is everything?”

“Delicious!” I told him, mouth full and he smiled proudly before digging into his own breakfast. I tried not to stare. He was wearing a charcoal tank top and matching joggers with his hair swept back. The muscles in his arms were much larger up close. Not to mention they were exposed all the way up to his shoulders. 

Why did he have to be so handsome? These hormones are going to get me into a world of trouble!

Chapter Text

I don’t own Star Wars or any of their characters, they all belong to Lucasfilm and Disney. Also Judge Lauren Lake is a real person and a real judge on her own TV show titled Paternity Court.

Ben and I mostly ate the remainder of our breakfast in silence, which I was grateful for. I was trying hard not to glance at him too. But he was so...big! Just sitting next to him made me feel like I’d shrunk and I was taller than the average woman. Armi was fit too with a good amount of muscle but Ben was more—what did Americans call it— buff.

I shouldn’t be ogling him like this. No, I shouldn’t be ogling him, period. More importantly, why was I? I’ve just gotten out of a long-term relationship two weeks ago and it still hurt to think about it. Armi and I had been together since high school and even after all we’ve been through together, he just threw it all away like it meant nothing. Oh yeah, and I was pregnant.

It wasn’t my fault the birth control didn’t work. Even the doctor assured me that it was a rare occurrence. He said that it could’ve been a number of reasons. One of the main ones being that we had unprotected intercourse too soon after the Depo-Provera injection had been administered. I guess that I could’ve insisted that Armi wear a condom as a precaution. Then again, he should’ve thought of that too. We’re both grown adults and we knew what risks there were. So why did all the blame fall on me?

Then he had to go on and say that I’d been unfaithful to him and turn his whole family against me. Not that they liked me much to begin with, but still. He was the one that got us kicked out of the flat, not me. He always had a home to go to if he needed and he knew that I didn’t. Took the quickest way to get rid of me, he did.

Out of instinct, my unoccupied hand reached down to cradle my small bump. Not much there yet, but somewhere underneath my belly button, there was a small little speck of life. A tiny little thing that sat completely unaware of the hardships of this world. The road ahead is going to be a hard one for us both. But thanks to the person sitting next to me, I wasn’t going to face it alone.

A sigh of bliss came through my nose when I chewed on another piece of bacon. I don’t know how, but he managed to cook them just how I like it. Not too crispy or too soft but something in between. A good amount of chewy and crunchy with every bite.

His head lifted at my noise of delight and smiled as I kept chewing. “Good?” I nodded eagerly, unable to speak with food in my mouth. He took a bite of his omelet and reached for some fruit, “I’m glad you like it. My mom taught me everything she knew in the kitchen.” 

“She’s the one that taught you your culinary skills?” I asked, suddenly intrigued. I tried to picture him as a teenager watching his mother describe all the different kinds of ingredients involved with cooking. 

“Yep.” He helped himself to the plate of bacon and continued. “When I’d visit my folks on the weekends and holidays, my dad would let me help him with his cars and my mom would show me how to work around the kitchen.” He let out a deep chuckle as he reminisced. “Whenever I’d ask her to cook a particular dish, she’d say ‘yes’ on the condition I help her make it. Turns out, I wasn't too bad at it and I enjoyed doing it with her.”

Hearing him talk about his mother with such affection filled me with such warmth. He didn’t talk about his family much when we were young. By his own admission, his relationship with them was strained back then. I’m glad he was able to mend it with them over the years. Not everyone is so lucky.

“What about your parents?” He asked gently, bringing me back to the present. I hadn’t even realized that my thoughts had wandered off. “Did you ever find out what happened to them?”

My mental shields went up automatically and I looked down at my plate. “No.” For all I knew, they could have fled back to the United Kingdom. I didn’t even know if they were alive. If they were, they never looked for me. Or if they had, they didn’t try hard enough.

A buzzing sound broke us out of the awkward silence that had taken over us. I looked over at Ben to see him reach into his pocket and pull out his phone. He glanced at me briefly before getting up from his stool, “It’s my dad. Be back in a sec.” His thumb pressed on the screen and brought it up to his ear as he walked down the hall.

I spread some more jam onto a waffle and got ready to stuff it into my mouth when I noticed a pair of dark eyes staring up at my plate. Bronx was looking at the fruit like they were the last pieces of sustenance on the planet. Those eyes left the plate to look up at me beseechingly.

Oh, God, that face! I thought, turning my back to pick at some of the fruit. He let out a tiny whimper and I kept eating, trying to ignore him. I risked another glance and he started wagging his tail expectantly. His long tongue came up to lick the slobber that was already leaking from his mouth. He came up to rest his paws on the stool and rested his chin on my thigh. I let out a groan, “You’re making me feel like I’m a terrible human being.”

He whimpered once more before Ben came back. When he saw him on my lap he snapped his fingers and pointed to the ground. “Bronx, down!” Then to me, he murmured, “Sorry about that. He’s terrible whenever there’s food around. I’ve been training him since I got him a year ago. He’s getting better, I promise.”

I giggled at their exchange, “It’s alright. He’s pleasant company.”

He smirked knowingly, “Yeah, he is.”

I gestured towards his phone, “Work?”

He shook his head, “Nah, I’ve taken the next three days off.”

“Can you do that? Won’t you get into trouble?” I asked, worried.

He waved his hand, fighting another smirk, “I’m the boss and I rarely take any time off. The instructors have already divided up my classes to cover for me. I’m set.” He waved his phone. “It was my dad. He wants me to stop by his place in Cold Spring later to have a look at his car. You wanna come with?”

I looked at him incredulously. “You want me to meet your dad?”

“Well,” He tilted his head to the side, “Technically you two already met yesterday.”

I made a face, “Yeah, but that was under different circumstances!”

“So?” The corner of his mouth lifted, “He was very impressed with your work on the crankshaft yesterday. Especially for spotting the imperfection in the old one.”

“That was before I punched you in the face.” I reminded him plainly. “‘Hi, Mr. Solo! We met yesterday but it turns out I know your son. He helped me when I was five and got chained in a backyard by a cruel couple after being abandoned by my parents. That bruise on his jaw is from me taking a swing at him after he’d scared the piss out of me. We got to talking and it turned out that we recognized each other from back then. Now he’s offered to give me and my unborn child a place to stay at his flat so I don’t have to live in a shack at Plutt’s.’”

He snorted, amused. “Don’t be so dramatic. He knows about what happened back then. I’ll just explain to him that you’re the same person. Only now, you’re all grown up.”

“Do you really think he’ll believe that?” I asked him, doubtful.

“Why not? It’s the truth.” He replied, a little offended.

“It’s too coincidental.” I pointed out. “No way will he think any of this is true. I was there and I don’t even believe it.”

“Leave that to me.” He insisted. “He’s going to meet you at some point. So why don’t we just rip off the bandaid and get it over with? I promise as soon as you start talking cars, you’ll win him over in no time. Come on, what do you say?”

“I don’t know,” I said, unsure. I wasn’t really in the mood to meet any new people at the moment. I’ve always been somewhat of a loner growing up. I couldn’t relate to anyone my age because I didn’t really know how. But the more I got to thinking about it, it did make some sense. Maybe this would help me in the long run. I didn’t know how long I was going to be staying here, just that it was going to be indefinite. Maybe Ben had a point. Getting it over with might be easier than him just telling his father he had a pregnant friend staying with him. Not to mention rude.

I took the last bite of my waffle and sighed with defeat, “I guess you’re right. But I’ll go mainly because I don’t want to be alone here in the apartment just yet.”

“That’s fine,” he started. “I totally understand. Speaking of the apartment. How about after you let me take this,” he took my empty plate and put it in the sink, “And take care of the mess here while you go get dressed, and then I’ll change so I can give you a proper tour of the apartment. Then I can show the public facilities we have here in the building.”

“Alright. Just knock on the door when you’re ready.” I wiped my face with a napkin and excused myself from the room. Finding my way back to the bedroom was easier than leaving it. I remembered that it was to the side of the door that led into his room at the end of the hall.

I threw on a tank top and cardigan followed by a pair of khakis and trainers. While I was at it, I put away the rest of my clothes in the dresser. Finally free of those wretched trash bags. But I realized as I put away the baby clothes in the top drawer, that it wasn’t going to be enough space. However, there was ample room in the closet by the ensuite. I knew how to use a hammer and a drill. I could put in a few shelves and make a dresser for the baby myself. I’d have to ask Ben first. 

When he knocked on the door some time later, I opened it and had to fight to keep my jaw from falling to the floor. He smiled in greeting, “Hey, ready for the tour?”

 I swore that this man could make a potato sack look attractive. He was wearing a dark blue henley t-shirt with light grey cargo pants and black Chelsea boots. Over the years, he had definitely grown some more fashion sense. Instead of just everything black, he’s moved on to more colors. Although, he still seemed to still favor them in the darker end of the spectrum. Not that there was anything wrong with that. In fact, he looked amazing in everything I’ve seen him in. He even looked attractive in his sleepwear.

Stop it! I mentally scolded myself. You’re pregnant. It’s the hormones and you’re still stung from the breakup. You were a kid when he saw you last. He probably sees you as nothing more than a little sister anyway. It took me a minute to realize that he was waiting for an answer. Steering my brain away from any more inappropriate thoughts, I give him a welcoming smile, “Yeah, I’m all set.”

“Alright,” he pointed to his door, “For starters, as I said, this is my room here. Down here,” he led me to the archway that was at the other end of the hall, there were three doors. He pointed to the one on the left, “This is my study, and that room,” he pointed to the door on the far right, "Is mainly storage space. And the room in the middle is another bathroom.” I nodded with interest and he led me past the entrance towards the kitchen and stopped by a pair of double doors. He opened them, revealing a state-of-the-art washing machine and dryer.

“I’ve always wanted to try these!” I said with new excitement. When I saw that his expression turned confused, I explained, “We had a laundry room at our complex. You know, the ones that need quarters? They worked fine but these,” I marveled at them. “I might actually enjoy doing laundry.”

He chuckled as he pulled the doors closed. “Well, before you fall in love, let me show the rest.” He gestured towards the kitchen, “You’ve already seen the kitchen and dining room. Now over here, we have the family room and living room kind of meshed together.”

The walls and ceiling were painted raw grey. Filled with neatly placed furnishings and decorations. There were two televisions in the room. One was in an entertainment armoire on one end of the room and another hung above the fireplace. Probably hand for when he has mixed company.

But all of those pretty things didn’t mean too much when I glanced towards the window. Stunned, I asked him, “That’s the Hudson?”

“Take a look.” He encouraged me. “It’s a beautiful view from this floor. You can even see New Jersey on the other side.” 

With his reassurance, I went over to the window to look at the river. Indeed it was a sight to behold. It occurred to me, at that moment, that I’d never actually stopped to admire the historic landmark. I’d driven past it several times whenever I would come into the city for work. It was really beautiful. At some point, Ben came up from behind me and reached for the latch on the window, opening it so I could feel the fresh air on my face. I took in a whiff and sighed happily. “That’s nice.”

“The ones in your room open too.” He informed me as he shut it tight. “I hear fresh air is good for babies. So you could put the crib under the window and leave it slightly ajar to let some in.”

“That’s a great idea,” I said in agreement. “I’m due in August, so it’s gonna be hot. The breeze up here would be wonderful.”

“Which reminds me,” he started hesitantly. “When is your next doctor’s appointment?” 

Hmm, good question. I took out my phone and scrolled through my planner. “My next appointment is on...Wednesday. Oh,” I looked at the small note by the appointment. “That’s right. They’re going to tell me if I’m having a boy or a girl."

“Hey, that’s great!” He said, enthused. His face lit up with excitement. “Then we’ll know if we need to get pink or blue balloons.”

“Very funny.” I snorted before worrying my bottom lip with my teeth. How was I going to raise a baby without health insurance? “I’m going to have to switch to a nearby clinic and apply for state aid.”

He furrowed his brows in concern, “Why would you need to do that?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, “I’ve never been able to afford health insurance. Even with my job from before. ”

His mouth dropped, “Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve payed to get you enrolled with one already.”

“Really?” I rolled my eyes. “One thing at a time, Ben. And I don’t want you paying for it, it’s my responsibility.”

“Rey,” He placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me to so I kept eye contact with him. “I said that I would help you and my word is my bond. Yes, you can get aid and you will likely qualify for free medical assistance but it can only cover so much in the long run. I can afford whatever health plan will be best suited for you. I have more money than I know what to do with it. My family has even more.”

“I just,” how could I word this properly without offending him? I knew he was just being nice. “I understand that you can afford it. It’s not about that. I feel like I’m using you, Ben.” My insecurities were beginning to show their nasty selves. “I’m not used to things just being handed to me. I’ve had to work for my keep all my life. Having a lot of money would be nice, don’t get me wrong. But you’ve already done so much for me. Too much, in fact.”

“Oh?” His brow arched. “I disagree. You see, Rey, you’re not using me at all. I offered to give you a place to stay. As you’ve seen already, I have plenty of room.” He shrugged. “How I choose to spend my money is my decision. Your refusal to accept it only further proves that you are not using me.”

“Ben―” I stopped when he cut me off.

“Nope!” He said, emphasis on the ‘p’. “I don’t wanna hear another word about it. I said I would help cover your expenses and, again, I meant it. Now,” he crossed his arms, “You are either going to hand over your medical information to me willingly so I can give it to my secretary for him to handle or ,” he grinned, “I sign up with most expensive insurance company right now and pay for the next year on my credit card.”

I gaped at him, “Oi! That's not a choice! You’d be paying for it either way!”

“That’s right, but,” He held up a finger, “I’d much rather you give it to me on your own. Call it a trust test.”

“‘Trust test?’” I repeated and he nodded. “Is this payback for not telling you my name when we were younger?”

“My heart!” He dramatically smacked his hand on his chest. “You wound me!”

“I can see that.” I quipped. Then took the hand on his chest and moved it slightly to his left pectoral. “Your heart is over here.”

He kept up the charade. “See? I’m so hurt that I don’t even know where my organs are!”

“Oh good grief, alright!” I said, giving up. “Alright already! You can pay for my medical expenses, you big baby.”

“Thank you!” He said, instantly cheering up. “Was that so hard?”

“Shut it,” I grumbled.

“Right,” He laughed and then held his hand out. “Now that you’ve seen the whole apartment, would you like to see the rest of the building?”

“Yes,” I admitted quietly. 

He hadn’t been joking when he said that his building had many amenities. They were all located on the first floor. There was a La Palestra pool big enough to be used for the Olympics. Nextdoor was a fitness center filled with Cybex exercise equipment. Followed by that, there was the Kidville playroom that Ben had mentioned to me before, a billiard room with a neighboring sitting room, and then there was even a small screen room. This building really had everything. I could see myself getting some good use out of that pool and playroom.

“So what do you think?” Ben asked after we’d left the billiard room. “Not too shabby, huh?”

“It’s just missing a helicopter pad.”

“Oh, it’s on the roof.” He said with a straight face. Then he grinned and shook his head at my flabbergasted expression. “I’m kidding! I’m kidding! There is a roof terrace though.”

“You think you’re so funny,” I said with a giggle.

“Oh, I know I'm funny.” He said with confidence. Then there was that buzzing again and he sighed, pulling out his phone. “It’s my dad again, hang on.” He brought it up to his ear, “Yeah, Dad?” He waited for the answer on the line patiently. “Okay, okay. I’ll head over right now. Oh, by the way,” he looked at me, “I’m bringing Bronx and a friend along. That okay?” He kept his eyes on me and nodded. “You know her. You’ll recognize her when you see her...great, see you in a bit.”

When he hung up, I asked him, “Is it his car again?”

“Yeah.” He put his phone back in his pocket. “If you want, you can meet me down in the garage by the car while I go get Bronx. It’s two stories down. Want me to walk you to the elevator?”

“That’s alright,” I said, waving him off. “Sure. Would you mind picking up my car keys while you’re up there? I have a rucksack that I never drive without.”

He nodded gently. “No problem. I’ll see you down there.”

Luckily I didn’t get lost finding my way to the elevator. Nor was it a challenge looking for Ben’s car, given it was next to mine and it was easy to spot. He came down to join me ten minutes later with Bronx in tow. The eager pooch obediently jumped into the back seat when he opened the door for him.

As requested, he handed me my keys so I could get my rucksack. It had all of my car tools in it and I never traveled far without it. You just never knew when your car might break down and it’s always important to have those kinds of tools on hand. I had everything in from a 

The drive to Cold Spring was nice. Ben’s Tahoe was very spacious and comfortable. Not to mention that I got a kick out of watching Bronx stick his head out the window so he could enjoy the wind and stick his tongue out.

The view was something I was admiring. I’d never been this far north before and I was loving all of the greenery. It was like the village was molded in with all of the trees surrounding it. It reminded me of one of those quiet towns you’d see in films. It was small but it was also nice. I could see myself living in a small cottage out here.

Ben kept driving until we made it to a nice white folk style Victorian house further out in the country. Most likely built in the late 19th century or early 20th century. Two-stories with a set of wooden steps leading up to a nice roofed porch complete with a porch swing. Double-hung paned windows adorning the front with wooden shutters on each side.

He pulled over into the driveway and turned off the car. Bronx was already dancing around in the backseat. As soon as the door was opened, he launched himself out and immediately ran up the steps to the door.

When I got out of the car, Ben turned to me, “Let me explain things to my dad real quick. Give him a chance to absorb it all before he meets you again.”

I held my hands up and let out a nervous laugh, “That's just fine with me.” Then I noticed the 1976 mustang sitting outside of the attached garage and pointed at it. “Is that car he was talking to you about?”

He looked to where I was pointing and nodded. “Yep, that’s it. He’s actually very car savvy, so I don’t know why he called me over. But,” he shrugged. “It’s his baby. Anyway, wait here. we’ll be out in a minute.

“Sure, no problem,” I said finally and he followed Bronx to the porch before letting himself in. Meanwhile, I couldn’t help but be intrigued by the automotive classic beauty.

It was already lifted with the carjack underneath. Clearly, Ben’s father had it set and waiting for when he arrived. I could see why he would want his car looked at carefully. This thing was a beauty! Who wouldn’t want the best to take care of it?

In the corner of my eye, I saw a red plastic creeper next to the toolshed. Checking if the coast was clear, I quickly made my way over to pull it out and set it down by the car. Then I went back to Ben’s Tahoe to pull out my rucksack that carried most of my car-handy tools and placed it next to the creeper. It took me a few tries to get down on the thing because my center of gravity is already beginning to shift. Finally, I managed to just squat down on top of it before lying back until I was down on the headrest. I unzipped my bag, put on my gloves and mask, then using my arms, I pulled myself to the undercarriage.

There was moisture everywhere and it was hard to see where it was coming from. I scooted myself down a little to reach for my drill in the bag and pulled myself back up. I started unscrewing the drip pan so I could see what was under it. It fell to the ground with a loud clang and I flinched, worried that Ben and his father would’ve heard it from inside.

I waited a few seconds until I was certain they didn’t hear before getting back to work. Had to reach into the bag again for my flashlight because I couldn’t see a damned thing. But my nose beat me to it. I could smell antifreeze.

I was already screwing the drip pan back on when I heard someone shout, “Hey, what are you doing?”

Ben’s father, it had to be. I recognized his voice from yesterday. But this was my element. Instead of being intimidated by his harsh tone, I simply said through my mask, “I’m diagnosing your car.”

“What?” He demanded. “Who asked you to look at it?”

“Hang on, Dad, give her a chance.” I heard Ben say. Then to me, “Do you know what's wrong with it, Rey?”

I pushed myself out from the undercarriage and gave them both a pointed look. “It’s leaking coolant.” I put my drill back in the bag and moved to stand. But that was proving to be as difficult as getting on, so I held my hand towards Ben. “Sorry, do you mind?”

Without a word, he took my hand and hoisted me back onto my feet. I turned towards his father and pulled my mask down to speak to him properly, “It’s Han Solo, correct?” He nodded so I kept going. “I’m going to pop the bonnet to get a closer look. Do you have a pressure tester and an adapter kit I could use?”

His expression hardened and he crossed his arms. Immediately I could see the similarities between him and his son. “While I’ll admit that you’re good at cleaning parts and have a keen eye for faults, why should I let you anywhere near the engine? I don’t know you that well, Missy.”

“Dad!” Ben admonished and I crossed my own arms.

“The name’s Rey.” I corrected him, keeping my arms crossed. “And for your information, I understand completely why you would be hesitant in letting me work on this car. She’s a gem.” I laid a gentle pat on the passenger door. Normally, I’d be alarmed by his hostility. But when it came to mechanics, this was my territory. I knew what I was talking about and I was going to prove it. “In fact, I’ve worked on her before.”

I swear I saw a vein throb in his neck. “Come again?”

“Five years ago; a punctured fuel tank. Ring any bells?” I asked, nonchalantly looking down at my nails.

He looked cynical. “How’d you know about that?”

“I was in Plutt’s care at the time.” I let my face break out into a smile. Oh, this had to be the most fun I’ve had in weeks. “I, along with other fosters, would help him around the garage and I learned a few things here and there. Plutt was busy and Teedo was...Teedo. So he had me work on it. Purred like a kitten afterward, didn’t she?”

“Sure did.” He said, stunned. His entire posture ambled away. “That was you?”

I nodded, relieved. “Yes, and a year ago I got my mechanics license. Had a good job at another auto repair shop in Yonkers for a good while. With that information, do you think I’m capable of giving it a go now?”

He looked up at Ben, “This is the same girl you knew back then?”

“Yep, that’s her.” He confirmed. “Tough as nails with a heart of gold.”

 Han turned to me once more. His arms uncrossed and he gave me a short nod. “Ben’s already vouched for you and given that you’ve already worked on my girl here, I think I can give you another shot.”

Ben’s face scrunched up. “I thought mom was your girl.”

“She was and always will be, son.” His father said with a hearty laugh, “But Amy here was the first car I ever bought with my own money. I’d wanted a mustang since they first came out in 64.”

As he was talking, I popped open the bonnet to have a look at what I was dealing with. “May I have that pressure tester, Mr. Solo?”

“Oh, call me Han please. ‘Mr. Solo’ makes me feel old.” Ben was about to retort but he held his finger up. “Don’t start, son.” Then back to me, “Be back in a minute.” 

Meanwhile, Ben put his hands in his pockets and leaned against the side of the car. His expression unreadable.

“What?” I asked, with feigned innocence.

He shook his head with a twitch of his full lips, “I certainly underestimated you.”

I ignored him and instead waited patiently until Han came back with the pressure tester and adapter kit. Putting my mask back in place, I get to work. I removed the radiator cap from the cooling system, then connected the adapter to the pressure tester. After a few pumps, I could hear the spurts of liquid coming out so bad that I was barely getting any pressure.

In the corner of my eye, I saw Ben's expression become concerned. He turned to his father, “Dad, that sounds awful. How long has it been like this?”

Han rubbed at his eyes, “About a week.”

“Hmmm,” I hummed as I leaned over as far as I could with the flashlight. My mouth fell open at what I saw. “It’s the sensor that’s leaking the coolant. Did you let Teedo work on her?”

“Er, yeah.” He asked, “I brought her to Plutt’s about a month ago.”

I held my hand out as I kept my eye on the sensor, “I have a long needle-nose plier and screwdriver in my rucksack. Could you get those for me please?” Both tools were placed in my hand and craned my neck to get a better look as I reached in with the screwdriver first. I was almost laying completely on top of it. Placing the tailcap between my lips, I started fiddling around to look for the pin. 

Finally, I got the little bastard out. It was where the leak was coming from. At closer inspection, I could see what was wrong. I held it up with one hand to show both of them as I kept searching, “Your sensor doesn’t have a gasket. Here,” I let Han take it to inspect as I used the pliers to reach for the gasket. Sure enough, I managed to get it out. But it was in terrible condition. It was stretchy and hanging like a piece of pasta.

“Well, your gasket is shite.” I clicked my tongue and pulled away from the engine. “Do you have another sensor?”

Han bobbed his head once, “Yeah, I just bought some.”

“Brand new?” I edged. “The one that Teedo put was clearly outdated and on its way. I don’t think this girl can take another one.”

He waved his hand, “Yeah, yeah they’re all new and still in the box. Scout’s honor.”

I nodded, pleased. “Alright then. Bring it on over.”

Installing the new sensor was a piece of cake. Not to mention that it was actually in the proper condition to be used. When I finished, I reattached the pressure tester and pumped. This time, there was no sound of squirting or leaking and the gauge actually moved this time. I pumped it until the pressure built to about fifteen PSI and made sure it held.

“Looks good,” I told them. Then I unhooked the tester and brought the bonnet back down. “Let’s get the crankshaft out and turn her on. We’ll be able to tell if it worked.”

Ben lowered the car back to the ground before his father hopped into the driver’s seat. Then he lowered himself to the ground and waited for him to turn it on. When the car switched on, we waited patiently to make sure that there weren’t any more leaks.

“How does it look?” I asked him.

He stayed down for a little longer before beaming up at me, “Not a drop. You did it, Rey!” he got up to his feet to give a thumbs up to Han. 

I took off my mask when his father turned the car off and stepped out. He looked at me with a new glint in his eye. “You’re good.”

Filled with a new sense of pride I grinned. “I know.”

Han met Ben’s eyes once before looking at me again. “Ben told me that you quit working for Plutt.”

“In a sense,” I admitted, suddenly feeling shy. “I more or less left with only a note. I was desperate at the time and I needed a place to stay. I’d been living in my car for a couple of days because my boyfriend spent the rent money behind my back and got us evicted.”

“Yeah, Ben was telling me.” He said, rubbing his chin. “Where were you working before?”

“Just a small auto repair shop in town,” I explained softly. “It wasn’t much, but as you can see, I’m good at mechanics. I enjoyed it and it paid well enough.”

“Why did you quit?” He asked gently.

“My ex-boyfriend convinced me to,” I said with contempt as my hand instinctively went to my bump. “Said that all the fumes would be bad for the baby and to wait until I gave birth. He said would be taking double shifts to provide for all of us. Instead, he ran away to his parent’s house and left me.” Ben came over to stand beside me in a comforting gesture. “As for what happened fourteen years ago, yes. I was that little girl that Ben befriended. I never thought I would see him again, but I’m glad I did.”

He smiled at me with great approval. “You left quite an impression on my son. I could see the change in him with my own eyes. He’d finally started to enjoy life again. So thank you,” he held his hand out to me, “for being my son’s friend.” I took his offered hand and he gave a firm shake. 

“So,” he started when we dropped our hands, “I’m a retired pilot with nothing but time on my hands. I’m set to open up my own dealership next month and I haven’t got any mechanics yet. If you’re interested, I could offer you a position. That is if you don’t mind the drive over from the city.”

I blinked at him, amazed. “Are you offering me a job?”

He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “If you want it.”

The next thing that happened surprised everyone. I jumped on him and wrapped my arms around his neck in gratitude, almost knocking him over. Tears of joy sprang from my eyes as I became overwhelmed with delight.

“Thank you,” I told him earnestly through the sniffling. “Thank you so much! You don’t know how much I needed this!”

“Hey now, come on.” He said, choking up a little as he hugged me back. “No need for tears. This job isn’t going to be easy. I plan on working you to the bone.”

“Oh please!” Ben exclaimed, incredulous. “If any of the stories mom told me when she was pregnant with me were true, you won’t even let her near an engine without a ten-foot pole!”

Han laughed and spoke over my shoulder, “She has a mask, she’ll be fine.” I laughed at his sarcasm and held him tighter. When we pulled apart, he gave me a firm look, even though he was smiling. “Now I won’t actually make you work too hard right now.” He glanced down at my bump briefly before meeting my eyes again. “There won’t be any heavy lifting for you, period. No more working on the undercarriage. Nothing personal, but you’re going to have a tougher time getting up from a creeper as you get bigger. Speaking of, after you hit a certain point in your pregnancy, I might have to put you at a desk until after you have the baby. Until then, you’ll mainly be cleaning parts and working under the hood. Is that alright with you?”

“It’s more than alright,” I assured him eagerly. “I can’t thank you enough.”

“Well,” Han sauntered back over to the mustang. “You did fix my favorite car. I normally don’t let anybody but Ben and myself touch her. I’d say we're even.”

“The car is older than I am.” Ben pointed with annoyance.

Han smirked, rubbing the door seal. “Yeah, and she’s full of memories. Most of them are dates with your mom.”

“Ugh,” Ben groaned, making a face. “I think we can live without hearing date night stories. I swear that most of the fights you two had were over this car.”

That made his father shrug. “I don’t see why, given that I gave her the best present in that backseat.”

Ben frowned, “What was that?”

Han grinned and said just one word. “You.”

Sudden understanding dawned on his face and he let out a disgusted whine, “Oh, Dad, that’s gross!”

His father let his head fall back as he started laughing. “Hey, you asked.”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t expecting that, ” he rubbed his eyes with his index finger and thumb before pinching the bridge of his nose, “Good God, I rode in that backseat!”

“We were at the movies!” Han said in defense. “It was a month before the wedding. And I reupholstered the interior! Don’t tell me you never had a date in the back of your car.”

“Not when I have a perfectly good bed at my place!” Ben retorted.

“I couldn’t take her to my house, she lived with her folks until we got married.” Han turned to me. “Can’t say I blame them, I was a little older than she was. But they would’ve keeled over if they knew she was the one who jumped me first.”

“I’m not listening to this! I’m deaf!” Ben brought both his hands up to cover his ears and started shaking his head. “Nope, can’t hear you! Nuh-uh! La! La! La! Rey, I’ll meet you in the car! Let’s go, Bronx!” He walked away in the opposite direction followed closely by his canine companion and I hid my own laughter behind my hand, disguising it as a cough.

“He gets his theatrics from his mother,” Han explained to me. “She’d get pretty dramatic too.” His face became downcast as he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. “Some days I miss that. She would be so proud of him if she saw him today.”

“I wish I could’ve met her,” I said gently.

He cast me a sideways smirk, “I know she would’ve liked you.”

Chapter Text

Han was an absolute gentleman. Meeting him was a real treat. Not only was he welcoming, but he’d also offered me a job when he opened his garage next month. A few days later, he met me at the warehouse where he intended to open up his garage. The workbenches and all the other machinery were still being installed, but he was able to show me the floorplans.

It looked like it was going to be amazing. I even believed that it was going to be nicer than the auto shop I worked at before Plutt’s. Certainly more spacious. It was going to be a couple of weeks before it opened but I was excited to get back to work. I can’t just wander around Ben’s apartment all day, I’d go mad. Yes, I was going to end up with doing paperwork for his father when I got further into my pregnancy, but it was something to do so I could still earn a living.

That’s probably what thrilled me the most. I was going to get paid a proper wage and that meant that I could start saving again. Ben had assured me that the bills and rent were all covered at his flat; given that he outright refused to take any money from me. Which, in the end, gave me plenty of legroom to put money aside for an apartment of my own for myself and the baby. But that wasn’t going to be for some time.

Meanwhile, I could settle for using the pool and the gym here in the building. It certainly gave me something to do. When I was done with my shower after my swim, I decided that I’d cook dinner for the two of us. 

I’d already begun prepping by the time Ben got home from work. I informed him that it would be ready by the time he got back from taking Bronx for a walk. I was alerted to their return after an hour and a half just as the timer went off. A few seconds later, they both walked into the kitchen. Bronx trailing beside Ben like the ever-loyal companion he was.

I greeted him with a welcoming smile, as I took the pan out of the oven. “Welcome back!”

“Hey,” he greeted back with a smile of his own. He sniffed the air. “That smells amazing! What are you making?”

“Eggplant parmesan,” I told him simply and I glanced at my watch. “It still has to cool, so it’ll be ready in just a minute. Do you mind setting the table for me?”

“Sure, no problem.” He rolled his sleeves up to his elbows before joining me in the kitchen to grab the plates and silverware. “It’s been years since I’ve had it homemade. What’s the occasion?”

I shrugged nonchalantly. “No occasion. You’ve been doing most of the cooking since I got here and I wanted to show my appreciation.” I walked with the tray to the dining table and set it down. “That and I had been craving it like you wouldn’t believe.”

“I hear that.” He joined me at the table with the silverware and salad bowl. When we finally sat down to eat, he took a bite of the eggplant and he let out a hum of bliss. He gave a firm nod, “This has got to be the best eggplant parmesan I have ever tasted!”

I blushed at the compliment. “Thank you.”

He shook his head and took another bite. “No, I mean it. Where did you learn to cook?”

“While I was in foster care,” I said with a shrug. “None of the other kids I lived with fancied sharing their toys or electronics, so I mostly read books or watched television. One family I stayed with really liked watching cooking shows and had shelves upon shelves filled with cookbooks. They’d give all the kids in the house a weekly allowance. I was twelve at the time, so while the other kids spent their money on toys, I spent it on groceries so I could try and replicate a recipe. Then when I lived with Plutt, he was rarely around and we only ate TV dinners. It drove me crazy so I started cooking all the meals. Didn’t bother him much because it made him look for ‘making sure’ that the kids got their three meals. I even packed their lunches as well as my own. I was the eldest out of all the children he fostered while I was there. I guess you could say I was like the mother hen.”

He tilted his head thoughtfully as he chewed on his portion. “So you looked out for them?”

My eyes cast downward. “Kind of. They were middle school ages, so it wasn’t easy for me to connect with them on a personal level. That and they were never there for more than a few months at a time. Either they were adopted or moved to another home. I doubt they even knew I was foster like them. I think they just saw me as a housekeeper.”

“Did you bond with any of them?” He asked gently. “I mean, you must’ve had some friends.”

“No, not really,” I said with a shake of my head. “I mean, when I was younger I got on well enough with the other kids my age. Borrow a brush here or a book there. Help each other with homework if we could. But, looking back, I feel like we were more roommates than anything else. Minding our own business.”

He frowned slightly. “What about at school?”

“Well, I was never in one town long enough to really get close to anyone,” I explained slowly as a wave of sadness suddenly overcame me. “I think that’s why when I met Armi, I was relieved I’d finally had a friend. A real friend. The first one I’ve had since...well you actually.” I said, gesturing towards him with my fork. “He later became my boyfriend. He was my first everything. Literally. First love, first kiss, first time, and first heartbreak.”

“Hey,” He said, cutting me off before I could trail off further into Depression Lane. “It’s his loss. Now he doesn’t get to have any of this delicious meal. More for me!”

I smiled at his attempt to break in some humor to the conversation. Of course, it helped me feel better. I continued, “Anyway, the food always came out fine. When he and I got our apartment, I did most of the cooking because, out of the two of us, I was the only one who knew how.” I made a face. “You know, looking back, that git couldn’t even boil water without mucking it up?”

“How do you mess up boiling water?” He asked, confused.

“Easy. You put the pot of water over the heat and leave it there on high unattended until it completely evaporates into nothing and then you have to start all over.” I said with a straight face.

He blinked and I could see the disbelief in his face. “That is bad.”

“Right?” I asked in agreement. “He would’ve survived off of instant ramen if I hadn’t cooked for the both of us. At least I’m able to take care of myself. I’m going to make sure that my baby can do the same.”

“Speaking of the baby,” he started, his tone casual, “Were you able to make an appointment with your doctor?”

“I did. Tomorrow actually. But not with my doctor.” I told him as I helped myself to some of the salad. “He recommended one here in town so I didn’t have to travel too far for each checkup.”

“What time is the appointment?” He asked, before taking another bite of the eggplant and he moaned in bliss.

“It’s at 2:15. They’re going to do a routine checkup.” I said with a new sense of excitement. “Then they’re going to identify the gender as well.”

He gave me a teasing smirk, “What, no gender reveal party?”

“No thanks,” I said instantly. “I feel like they’re too pretentious. I don’t need a party just to find out the gender. More simple just to get it over with when I’m getting the ultrasound.”

“What are you thinking?” He asked, curious. “Boy or girl?”

“Hmmm,” I thought for a moment. “You know, I’m not sure.” Now that he’s mentioned it, I don't think I’ve thought about the gender once. Maybe briefly when I first found out I was pregnant but not much after if at all. Probably because I’d been so stressed about everything else that I didn’t really have time to consider it.

“Any preference?” He prodded.

I pondered a bit before replying, “I suppose a lot of women hope for a girl of their own and I’m no exception. But a boy would be nice too.”

“I bet it's a girl. I can picture a mini you running around.” He mused. “Maybe come out with a wrench in hand and ready to work on the next car that breaks down.”

“That would be a picture.” I thought out loud with a giggle. “Maybe I should get a toy toolset for the baby to practice with.”

“I don’t see why not. Speaking of tools,” he paused briefly to dab at his mouth with a napkin. “Did you still need to stop by a hardware store?”

I swallowed my mouthful with a nod. “Yeah, I wanted to modify the closet with some shelves so I’d have a place to put the baby’s things. Is that alright?”

“Sure,” he responded slowly. “But, you know I could just get you a baby dresser.”

Immediately, I started shaking my head back and forth. “You’ve already got my health insurance covered and offered to pay for the crib and changing table. Woodshop was one of my electives in high school. All I need is my screwdriver, screws and shelving. I already have two out of the three, so the whole thing shouldn’t even cost me $40.”

He chuckled and held up his hands in surrender. “Alright, I won’t buy a baby dresser. But don’t expect me not to buy toys for the little one.”

“As long as it’s not anything too extravagant,” I said warily. “It’s not that I don’t want the baby to have nice things. But there need to be boundaries. I don’t want the baby to grow up spoiled and unappreciative. He or she is going to understand the meaning of the word ‘no’ as well as that money doesn’t grow on trees. I don’t want to have to deal with a temper tantrum at a shop because they couldn’t get any sweets.”

He nodded slowly, “I can respect that. How about this,” he took a sip of his water. “I run the gifts by you first. Birthdays or Holidays, I won’t buy anything without your approval. Is that more reasonable?”

That was a good compromise. But, he could be sneaky when he wanted to. “Price tag included?” 

He made a face. Yep, caught him. “Fine.”

I felt my lips stretch into a satisfied smile. “I think that’s perfect. I appreciate it, Ben.”

He smiled again as he proceeded with the meal. “Anytime. So, were you planning on going before or after the appointment?”

I took a sip of my own water before answering. “I think before. Just to get it out of the way. Why?”

“Do you mind if I tag along?” He asked politely. “I’m thinking about redecorating my office. Thought I’d have a look at paint for some inspiration. We can take my car and then when we’re done shopping, I can drop you off at your appointment.”

“Won’t you be at the gym?”

He held up three fingers. “Just two classes in the morning and then I have one in the evening. I’ll be out of there by noon. I can pick you up, we’ll go to the store and then I can drop you off at your appointment.”

“What will you do in the meantime?” I asked. “I don’t know how long I’ll be there. Even with an appointment, I could be sitting in the lobby for a good while before I get called in by the doctor.”

“No problem.” He said, undeterred. “I could probably stop somewhere to eat while you’re there. Then when the appointment is over, you can call me and I’ll come get you.”

I did like the sound of that. Kill two birds with one stone and I wouldn’t have to drive. “You know what? That would be great.”

He grinned. “I am to please, milady.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever. Don’t get smart. Eat your eggplant.”

“Yes, mom.”

The following morning was a pleasant one. I’d woken up not long after Ben went on his run with Bronx. As always, the little pittie would greet me at my door, waiting for me to come out.

It had quickly turned into a routine. Ben would be up by 7:00 am and leave with Bronx while I would usually sleep in a few more hours. When he got back, he would take a quick shower, make himself a smoothie and head off to work. I’d normally putter around the flat for a bit or go to the pool downstairs for a swim. When I would finish with that, I come back up and sit with Bronx on the couch and watch television. I’d say that he and I had become rather close in the short time we’ve known each other.

His presence right now was a comfort actually. Amidst the nice start to my day, I was quite tense. He followed me into the kitchen as I took a seat at the counter and looked on my phone to look for new messages or missed calls. I’d called Armi a few times as well as texted him to let him know about the appointment today. So far, there’s been no response. I’d been hoping that maybe in the last few weeks he’d grown a set. Then I reminded myself that he was probably still being babied by his mum.

I rolled my eyes at the thought. Sure, he’s definitely grown up with mummy dearest doing everything for him. Damned Momma’s boy! Before I could mentally berate his character further, my phone buzzed in my hand.

It was him! I hit pressed ‘answer and held the phone to my ear. “Hello?” I answered, a little too enthusiastically. 

I wasn’t expecting the harshness of his tone. “Why are you blowing up my phone all of a sudden? ” Was the response I got.

My enthusiasm from a second ago diminished instantly. “I’m going in for an ultrasound today,” I informed him calmly. “The doctor’s going to determine if it’s a boy or a girl.”

“And? ” He asked, impatient.

I grit my teeth, trying not to lose my cool. “And I thought it would be a good idea to let you know in case you wanted to come along.”

I heard him snort on the other line. “Why would I do that? What part of ‘we’re over’ do you not understand? ”

“Oh, I understand all of it,” I responded in a dead tone. “This isn’t about us. This is about the baby. The baby that we made together. Just because we are no longer in a relationship, that doesn’t mean we aren’t still going to be parents. There’s a thing called co-parenting. Don’t you want to be there when we find out what we’re having?”

“There goes that ‘we’ again. ” He whined. “How do I know that this baby is even mine? ”

“There you go with that again.” I retorted, annoyed. “You know, if you are so unsure, I have no objections to having a prenatal DNA test.”

“A what? ” He asked, sounding confused.

What on Earth did I see in this man? Was he always this immature? I thought to myself as I tried to not throw my phone at the wall in frustration. “It’s a test to determine the paternity of a fetus while it is still inside the womb.”

“That’s a thing? ”

“Yes, it’s a thing,” I explained slowly. “We can get it over with before the baby even gets here.”

“How much does it cost? ”

“Don't know,” I admitted, quickly running out of patience. “Not my concern. You’re going to have to find out on your own and you’ll be the one to pay for it. I’m not putting a cent into it because I’m not the one who has doubt. But, that can be discussed at a later date. This is about discovering the baby’s gender. Do you want to be there or not?”

There was a long contemplative sigh. I waited patiently before he spoke again. “What time is the appointment? ”

A little spark of hope lit up inside me. “At 2:15 this afternoon.” Maybe there was hope after all? “I’m going to check in at 2 and I might be waiting there for a bit anyway. So that should give you a twenty-minute window.”

“I'll try to make it. ” He responded. “Send me the address. ”

I let out a breath of relief. “That’s all I ask. Thank you, Armi.” He made a noise of affirmation before hanging up. 

Well, it wasn’t much but it was something. Things might be rocky between the two of us but that doesn't mean we can’t still get along for the sake of the baby. I’m willing to swallow my pride and be civil even though he has yet to do the same.

“Good news?” I heard Ben asked from the couch, startling me as I was just about to text the address.

I rubbed the side of my temple. “Sort of. I just might have convinced Armitage to come to the appointment today.”

His brows went up with surprise. “Oh really?”

“Yeah,” I said with a hesitant nod.

“How do you feel about that?” He asked carefully.

“I'm not too sure,” I told him. “It’s been almost a month since I last saw him and it wasn’t on the best of terms.”

He snorted. “That’s putting it mildly.” 

“Doesn’t matter,” I stated firmly. “If he wants to be there, great. This is all for the baby. He’s still the father and he has that right.”

“You got a point there.” He got up from the couch and checked his watch. “Ready to hit the road?” 

“Born ready.”

The hardware store was about five miles away from the flat and a ten-minute drive from the clinic. It was very convenient because it meant that we didn’t have to rush too quickly. I only spent about twenty minutes in the shelving area where I found matching wood for the closet and had it cut for me. I met Ben in the paint section just as he was having his selection sealed. Satisfied with our purchases, we left the store just with just enough time to grab a quick bite to eat.

We went through a drive-through window at a fast-food restaurant that was in the parking lot. Sat in the car and ate our food while we chatted about how it reminded us of when we were younger. Him climbing over the fence with whatever he could get. One time, he brought over a meal similar to the one we were having now. He got me a kid’s meal that came with a prize and everything. I remember that I had actually started crying because no one had ever given me a present before. Elizabeth wasn’t a present. I’d found her on my own on the ground at a park when I was three-years-old.

“I never thought you would cry over a cheap plastic cat.” He said as he took a bite out of his sandwich. “Scared the daylights out of me.”

I tried to keep from spitting out my food as I laughed with him. “You know I still have it?”

He swallowed his mouthful and gaped at me. “You’re kidding!”

“It’s a little worse for wear but otherwise fine.” I took another bite of my sandwich before I checked the time on my phone. The appointment was in twenty minutes. With a sigh, I turned to him again, “I think we better get going.”

He checked the time and nodded in agreement. “Yeah, alright.” We wrapped our meals and put them back in the bags before putting our seatbelts on. When he turned the car on, he asked, “Any word from your ex?”

“Oh,” that’s right. I hadn’t checked my phone in a while. I fished it out of my bag and let out a disappointed sigh. “No, nothing. But that could mean he’s driving.”

He didn’t say anything. Just pulled out of the parking lot and drove onward to the clinic. He dropped me off at the entrance and asked me to text him as soon as the appointment was over so he could pick me up. I agreed and waved at the car as he drove off. 

I walked inside into the lobby and checked myself in with the receptionist. Writing my name down on a small spreadsheet before handing it back to her. I was a little early but I didn’t mind the wait. I usually keep a word search book with me just to pass the time.

As soon as I sat down on an adjacent chair, I heard my phone ding from inside my bag. I pulled it out and unlocked it. Smiling when I saw it was Ben.

My thumbs speedily typed up a response.

I slipped my phone into my pocket, then took out my word search and a pencil. But I couldn’t focus on the puzzle. Every few seconds, I would check the clock on the wall before glancing at the door. After a while, I gave up on the search puzzle and decided to focus on the television that hung on the wall. But I couldn’t focus on that much either. It was like every tick of that clock was mocking me.

My knee bounced up and down as I fought to keep my growing panic at bay. I didn’t know which was making me more nervous. Waiting for my ex to show up or that I was about to find out what the gender of my child is going to be. The last time I saw him, he’d slammed the door in my face. Ending our relationship.

I bit my lower lip and glanced at the clock. It was 2:32. I’d officially been waiting in the lobby for over a half-hour. Watching people walk in and out while I just sat there quietly. Not unheard of, even with an appointment. But still, my phone remained silent.

Armi still hadn’t shown up yet. I thought about texting him myself but then decided not to. What was the point? He knew where he was supposed to go and what time he had to be there. I shouldn’t have to remind him every five minutes. He was a grown man and he needed to start acting like it.

My fidgeting came to an abrupt halt when I heard a woman call out, “Rey Niima?”

I turned my head to see a female doctor standing in the lobby with a clipboard in her hand. Feeling a little timid, I stood up from my seat. “Right here.”

Her eyes met mine and she scribbled something onto her board. “Please come this way and follow me.” She headed down the hall that let out of the lobby.

Remembering that Ben asked me to let him know what was happening, I sent him a quick text.

I gathered my things and stood up from the chair before giving one last desperate glance at the door. It looked like I was doing this on my own after all. I wasn’t surprised, but it still stung.

“Are you alone?” The doctor asked me as I made my way over.

My mouth felt like it was filled with cotton. “I—

“Hey!” A familiar deep baritone voice called out from behind, followed by the sound of a door closing.

I looked over my shoulder and my mouth fell open in amazement at the man walking towards us. “Ben?”

“Sorry I’m late.” He said casually as if we’d been expecting him. “I couldn’t find a parking place anywhere.”

“Are you the father?” The doctor asked instantly.

Someone shoot me! I thought with panic. Not that I could blame her for asking the question. What other reason would a man come to a fetal ultrasound appointment unless he was the father? I couldn’t deny that it did seem odd.

“No, but I am a close friend of Rey’s.” Ben corrected her before I could say anything. Then he looked over and winked at me. “I came for moral support.”

You sneaky devil! I thought as I felt the tension leave my body. In truth, I was relieved to see him. Grateful more like. If I could pick anyone to be there for me during this appointment, it would be him.

In fact, at that moment, I was almost glad Armi didn’t show up. I’d only invited him as a sign of good faith and that I bear no ill will towards him. Well, that changed.

The doctor led us through the halls until stopping at a smaller room that was carpeted and painted universal khaki walls with pieces of art hanging above the exam table and visitors' chairs. There was a small window with the shades drawn at the far end of the room. Not far from it, an ultrasound system with a tall stool right next to it.

As soon as she left the room, I turned my head to face him and whispered, “Well done. You know you didn’t have to come. I would’ve been fine by myself and I’m pretty used to it by now.”

“I know.” He said gently as he shuffled from one foot to the other. “But I wanted to be the first to know if I needed to buy a pink or blue teddy bear.”

I snorted, “Very funny.”

He chuckled but kept going. “I also know that, even if you won’t admit it, deep down you don't want to be. Why be alone when you can have a friend here with you?” 

My hand came up to stop a stray tear from escaping my eye. In truth, I was relieved to have him here with me. In those few seconds, after the doctor asked if I was alone, I was almost petrified. I know the people in the lobby could see me looking back and forth from the clock to the front door. It was pretty damn obvious I’d been waiting for the father of my child to appear.

“You’re right. I’m really happy that you’re here.” I admitted to him. Then I narrowed my eyes, suspicious. “But, how did you know he didn’t make it? I watched you drive away after dropping me off.”

His cheeks tinted pink and he cleared his throat. “I did do that. For about fifteen minutes. Given what this guy has put you through already, I didn’t trust him not to pull a stunt here. So I turned the car around and came back. Sat in the parking lot and waited.”

“So that was why you texted me earlier,” I said with a small sniffle. “When you asked if I checked in and to keep you updated.”

“It was a sneaky way to check if your ex made it.” He said bashfully. “You would’ve mentioned it if he had. So I waited to see if he would actually show up.”

“But you don't know what he looks like.” I pointed out.

“No, but I was confident it would be easy to spot a guy walking alone into a women’s clinic.” He shot back.

“So when I texted you to say I’d been called...” I started but couldn’t finish.

“I jumped out and came running.” He finished. “All the people that were in and out were either women or couples. So when you sent that message, I knew for certain that he didn’t show up.”

I let out a groan. “Good God, this is so pathetic. But to be honest, I think this might be a good thing. He’s made his intentions crystal clear twice now. I knew better. But I was ready to be an adult and work with him for the baby’s sake.”

“Which only further proves that you’re a bigger person than he’ll ever be. You’re putting your child first. He’s putting himself first.” He said with a pointed look. “And from what you’ve told me, that’s what he’s always done.”

“I’m just mad that I had to get pregnant for me to realize it,” I said sadly.

He shrugged and pursed his lips. “There are worse ways.”

“True,” I admitted.

Luckily, the awkward topic dissipated as the doctor walked back in and turned on all of the machinery. 

“Okay, Ms. Niima,” She started and plopped down onto the stool. Holding a small bottle that must’ve been the ultrasonic gel in one hand and a transducer in the other. “If you would lift up your shirt for me, please?” She squeezed its contents onto the device before pressing it to my bare abdomen. I flinched a little as she spread the cold gel around, keeping her eyes on the monitor.

I too kept a close watch on the screen. Not wanting to miss a second of it. They did an ultrasound when I first discovered I was pregnant. I could see the silhouette of the baby at the time but that was it. Right now, at first, there was just a fuzzy grey screen. The doctor moved the transducer slightly to the side and we could see some odd shapes come into form then…I saw it.

“Oh my God.” Ben breathed.

“There’s your baby.” She said gently.

I was speechless. This wasn’t at all like before. The image is clearer and there’s more detail. I couldn't see the baby’s nose. The small lips. The small flicker in the chest that was its heart.

It all came rushing back to me. My initial excitement when I first found out I was pregnant. But the excitement was quickly followed by the same fear that had plagued me. This little person was inside me. I am literally carrying a life that I have created.

“Okay, now,” the doctor started as she moved the transducer around, “We’re going to see if this little one will open its legs so we can determine what we’re having here.” The image on the screen almost looked like a frisbee. I watched the doctor squint at the image for a moment before looking at me with a smile, “Alright, it looks like you’re having a baby girl.”

“Really?” I asked as my bottom lip began to tremble. A girl. I was having a girl.

Ben leaned in to whisper in my ear, “Told you.”

“Shut up.”

Chapter Text

Courtroom (Present Day)

Judge Lake listened to my testimony with genuine interest as I carried on about what I had gone through during the early stages of my pregnancy. Living in a shack that belonged to my former foster father. Ben finding me and taking me in. Meeting Han and getting a job at his shop. All these things leading up to when I found out I was having a girl.

After I mentioned the part where Armitage failed to be present for the ultrasound, she looked over at him and asked, “Mr. Hux, you didn’t go to the appointment?”

“No, Your Honor.” He said instantly.

“Why not?”

His expression looked as if it were obvious. “Why go when I know for sure that the baby isn’t mine? What’s the point?”

“Well, I believe we’ve already established that you don’t know for sure.” She pointed out before she addressed me. “Ms. Niima did you tell him you were having a girl?”

“I messaged him right after and even sent him a picture of the ultrasound,” I explained.

“Did he respond?”

I fought not to roll my eyes, “He said ‘congratulations’ but that was it.”

“Mr. Hux, did you have any intention of going at all?” When he shook his head, she then asked, “Why then tell Ms. Niima that you’ll try to make it.”

"He shrugged nonchalantly. “I didn’t want her calling me every five minutes and I figured that agreeing was the only way to get her to stop. She was obsessed with me, even after we broke up.”

“Is that true, Ms. Niima?” The judge asked, turning to me. “I have to ask. Did you call Mr. Hux repeatedly after the two of you had broken up?”

I shook my head and kept my tone level even. “I only ever contacted him when it was in regards to the baby. With me, I have all of the text messages between us from when we broke up to this day. I let him know about every appointment in case he ever wanted to be present. I also suggested to him that we could take a prenatal DNA test while I was still pregnant.”

“Oh!” That seemed to really get her attention. “That’s certainly a smart idea. Mr. Hux, why not try that?”

I looked to see him scratch the back of his neck, “It’s too expensive. I couldn’t afford it.”

“Why not use the money you stole from me?” I demanded as my past hurt came rushing forth. “That was over $2,800 you took. Where did it all go?”

He swung his gaze at me and he sneered, “None of your business!”

“I beg to differ!” How dare he? He takes my money and spends it on who knows what, then he has the audacity to tell me that it was none of my business? How could one be someone self-righteous? 

There was a pounding sound and we both stopped talking to look as the judge pounded her gavel. “Let’s get some order.” Her gaze firm as it held mine, “Ms. Niima, I understand that you’re hurt. You feel that you’ve been wronged and you want him to know it, and you will have your say, but you have got to keep yourself calm. I’m not saying you can’t show your emotions because, speaking as a mother myself, I know that’s not easy. But none of that is why we’re here. We’re here for Alice, right?”

I closed my eyes and nodded. “Right.”

After I said that, the monitor lit up and showed a live video of Alice sitting in the nursery she’d been placed in. My heart filled with warmth while she smiled at the camera as she lifted a toy into her mouth. The audience “Awwed” at her as the Judge smiled and gushed at her picture. “Oh, she’s so cute!”

I heard Ben chuckle next to me as he too looked at the screen. “She is.”

“I can see in your eyes that you love this little girl, Mr. Solo.” The judge said with kind acknowledgment. “You’ve been with her since the very beginning.”

“It was hard not to fall in love with her, Your Honor.” He replied in earnest. “Just one look into those beautiful brown eyes was all it took for me.”

She smiled again, “And she’s why we’re here. This is all for her. If Mr. Hux is in fact her father, you are all going to need to work together. Somehow. She’ll need stability, not drama.”

My first instinct was to retort by explaining that I did try to work with Armitage before we even got here. Then I felt Ben place his hand on my back again. Recentering me as I brought my focus back to the matter at hand. I knew that I would get my chance to say more as the trial proceeded forward. “Yes, Your Honor.”

“That’s alright, I know it’s hard.” She said with deep understanding. “I know you have more to tell the court and you will get your chance. Right now, we’re still going over the pregnancy. Why don’t you tell me about the new job you mentioned. Are you still able to work as a mechanic now?”

I nodded eagerly, my earlier anger dissipating almost as quickly as it came. “I am.” 

“Really?” She asked, suddenly intrigued. “Is it something you like doing, Ms. Niima?”

I felt a new sense of pride come forward as I nodded. “Very much, Your Honor. I also get to drive everything I work on.”

She smiled in approval as the audience started to clap, “Well good for you! Where do you work now?”

I gestured towards Ben as the clapping died down, “At my future father-in-law’s auto repair shop.” I cast a quick glance over my shoulder to smile at the man in question. Han sat quietly with the audience in the front row directly behind us.

“Mr. Solo’s father?” She inquired and I nodded in affirmation. Then she looked at Ben, “This true, Mr. Solo?”

Ben nodded while fighting a grin. “Yes, Your Honor.”

“Is he here now?” She asked.

“Yes.” We both said.

She looked past us to see Han wave from his seat. She pursed her lips in thought before turning to her bailiff, “Jerome, please escort him to the witness stand.”

The bailiff nodded and escorted Han through the swinging doors, past us and up the steps to the witness bench. He sat down and raised his right hand as he was sworn in.

When they were finished, the bailiff gave the okay to the judge and she gestured to Han, “Please state your name for the court, sir.”

“Han Solo,” He told her.

“Pleasure to meet you, sir.” She said, turning in her chair to face him. “Now you are the father of Ms. Niima’s fiance Ben Solo?”

“Correct,”

She scribbled something down into her notes as she kept talking, “Can you confirm her testimony that she started working for you not long after moving in with your son?”

He nodded once, “Yes, the following month actually. When construction was complete. She worked on repairs until she was at the end of her second trimester. From then until she was three weeks into her third, she was away from all the heavy machinery until I put her on maternity leave.” Then he cast a glance in my direction and winked at me. “She’s a hard worker and model employee.”

The judge’s eyes lit up as they landed on Ben, “I see you smiling, Mr. Solo, you seem very proud.”

He chuckled as a slight blush tinted his cheeks, “I am. I get more proud of her every day.”

“That’s so sweet.” She said, still smiling before she turned to me. “You appear to have found yourself a good man, Ms. Niima. And his father seems very taken with you too.”

“She’s like a daughter to me,” Han told her as he kept his eyes on me so I could see that his words held truth. “Over the years, she’s brought a lot of happiness to our lives, and her little girl Alice is a dream.”

The judge looked to him with a tilt of her head, her shiny curls bouncing with each movement. “So you have a bond with Ms. Niima’s daughter as well?”

He chuckled and scratched his nose with his thumb. Something he’d do whenever he felt bashful, which wasn’t often. “It was kinda hard not to grow attached, Your Honor. Ms. Niima didn’t like being away from her much, so she would bring her to work with her. We set up a little playpen for her in the office and everything.”

“I did it until she was about a year old,” I added quickly. “Then I enrolled her in daycare on days both Mr. Solo and I were working. Around the same time he and I started going together.”

“Very good.” She mused gently before turning to Han again. “Now, Sir, given your testimony, you have a fatherly bond with Ms. Niima, I have to ask you this. Has she ever confided in you that there may be someone else who could be Alice’s father? That she may have been intimate with someone else during the window of conception?”

Han shook his head firmly. “No, never. From the beginning, she has always maintained that she was only ever with her ex at the time. My son was the first person she had ever become involved with since and, as she said, that was much later.”

“Your Honor?”Armitage interjected while raising his hand. “How do we know she wasn’t involved with Mr. Solo before then? Since they were so close, how are we sure that he didn’t sleep with her beforehand? They could be lying to you now. What proof does he have?”

“How about plane tickets and hotel receipts?” Ben chuckled quietly as he pulled out a few papers of his own. “Your Honor, I was on a nationwide tour to participate in nonprofit charity programs for troubled youth from early November to late December for the holidays. I have all the evidence right here.”

“Jerome, please bring Mr. Solo’s evidence.” She requested as the bailiff had already made his way over to our podium. Ben handed him the paperwork and he then gave to the judge who thanked him as she began to read. She analyzed it all before she looked over at Armitage with an arch of a perfect brow. “Well, Mr. Hux, based on this paperwork, Mr. Solo definitely wasn’t present at the time of conception. And I believe Ms. Niima’s testimony when she stated that she and Mr. Solo didn’t meet again until after she was already pregnant. So, once again, Mr. Solo has been ruled out.”

It gave me the guilty pleasure of watching Armitage’s face turn red. Whether it was from embarrassment or anger, I didn’t know nor care. He wanted to make a show of our business and he was getting it.

“Ms. Niima,” The judge started, looking at me once more. “We’ve covered the fact that Mr. Hux wasn’t present for the ultrasound that revealed you were having a girl. Did he attend any of the doctors' appointments after that?”

“None,” I stated flatly.

She leaned back into her chair and let out a loud sigh. “I knew this was gonna be a long one.” She straightened her back and interlocked her fingers. “Alright, Ms. Niima, walk me through the rest of your pregnancy.”

Two Years Ago (28 weeks)

I groaned loudly as I collapsed down into my chair after what had to be the fourth time I’ve relieved myself in the last two hours. The chair did little to help the aching pain in my lower back. As my middle grew in size, the pain became more prominent.

There was no hiding my belly now. What was once just a small pudge had metastasized into a round visible bump. As if I had taken a melon and swallowed it whole. According to the last doctor’s visit, the baby’s head was facing downward. Which was a relief, because that meant that the baby was where she was supposed to be. I’d been warned about the possibilities of a baby being breech and the dangers it could bring. Luckily, I didn’t have to worry about that.

However, there were other things I had to worry about. Such as hypertension. After I had gone to find out the baby’s gender, the doctor had me come in the following week for a full thorough examination. There, she discovered that I had high blood pressure and asked if I had been through any stress. I’d almost laughed. That was putting it mildly. I gave her the short version of what I had gone through with Armitage and she expressed some concerns. Nothing too terrible. Just that I may need to go on bed rest in my final month of the pregnancy if it spikes again.

The mere thought of being to do nothing except lying down drove me mad. So, as of two weeks ago, I’ve officially been placed on desk duty. As tall and agile as I was, even I had difficulty reaching for an engine when there was a big round belly in the way. That was when Han caught me. He’d watch me grow from when I first started working and it wasn’t hard for him to notice I was having more difficulty than usual to get around. Especially whenever I’d drop something. I could squat down to reach it, that was never a problem, but I would need a ledge of some kind to get back up.

I thought I would be able to prove him wrong, and I did...for all of ten minutes before I dropped something else and had to do it all over again. He laughed at me every single time. Especially whenever I would say no to his offered hand because I insisted that I needed no assistance. By the end of that day, I finally caved.

As a matter of fact, a small part of me was relieved that I wasn’t on my feet as much. They had already begun to swell a little and it was becoming harder and harder to get them into my trainers in the morning. Luckily Han was a very accommodating boss. I was working in an office adjacent to his where I handled most of the paperwork in regards to the cars that were brought in. Which is what I was doing up to this point until a certain pen rolled off the side of my desk.

“Damn it.” My lip curled at the offending piece of plastic that made its way to the far end of the room. Of course. Thank God my chair had wheels on it. I used my feet to propel myself toward it and attempted to reach with the tip of my shoe. Now one would think that rolling it back to me would be no sweat. Myself included. However, fate seemed to have other ideas because instead of getting the pen closer to me, it somehow flipped and rolled ever further away out of the office towards the cars.

I growled, “Bastard has a mind of its own!” Giving up on the chair, I got down on all fours and crawled after it. Muttering the whole way, “Stupid pens...should’ve stuck with quills...gonna shoot whoever invented this thing…” I finally got the small thing in my hand, letting out a laugh of triumph. But my victory was short-lived when I realized I stuck on the ground. There was a kick from within me as if the baby was saying now you’ve done it!

At this point, I had two options: crawl around the garage floor until I found something that I could hoist myself up on or I could call for help. Neither sounded appealing to me. I hung my head down and let out a frustrated noise.

“Need some help?” I peeked over my shoulder to see a young short Vietnamese woman giving me a teasing smile as she held out her hand. Rose Louis, the welding queen. She started working here as soon as the place opened last month. She was just a few years older than me but her short height at five-foot-two had Han mistake her for a teenager when we first met. The knowing yet annoyed expression that adorned her face right after told me he wasn’t the first. Gave him a good shock when she calmly informed him that she was also married with a two-year-old son. Turned out that her husband, Finn, worked as a kickboxing instructor at Ben’s gym and he told her about the position. What were the odds? She was short and feisty and I loved her. Her and her khaki boiler suit. Luckily the feeling was mutual. 

I think I’d finally managed to make a girlfriend. We just got to talking about cars and the smell of brand new tires and it was like we were long lost sisters. Teasing included.

“You bet it isn’t,” I confirmed in irritation as I let her help pull me back up onto my feet. Containing her laughter as I continued to curse the pen I held in my hand. “Rose, who invented the pen?”

She tilted her head and looked around the room in thought, “John something...John J something...Loud I think. John J Loud.” She narrowed her eyes at me in suspicion. “Why?”

“Because,” I started while glaring at said object in my hand. “I want to find him and ask why he decided to make them cylindrical or hexagonal when he could have made it rectangular? Or what about triangular? What stopped him? What’s the point of making them roll? They can’t do it in a straight line! Not just them, but pencils too!”

When my rant finally died down, she blinked with an amused smile, “Feel better?”

“Yes,” I said, followed by a loud sigh. Which was then followed by another groan as my lower spine started aching. “Ow.”

Her smile dropped and her mirth became replaced with worry. “Okay, time to sit back down. Come on.” She took my hand and gently led me back to my chair. When I plopped back down and reached behind to gently massage the area. “How’s your back treating you?”

“Like there’s a large mass protruding from my middle and is putting unnecessary strain on it.” I griped with an amused chuckle.

She laughed too. “I know. I remember those days.”

I smiled and rubbed my stomach gently. “Speaking of, how’s Freddy been doing?”

A gleam appeared in her eye and she pulled out her phone. “He’s doing great. Check out what he made at daycare the other day.” She scrolled through her photos before showing me a paper covered in different colors of paint. Finger painting.

“He has a keen eye for color.” I complimented and I meant it. It was an artistic mess and it was beautiful. 

“Doesn’t he?” She gushed as she put her phone away. “How about you?” She gestured towards my bump. “You got any names picked out yet?”

I clicked my tongue. “Nope, not yet. Nothing really feels right, you know?”

“You try going alphabetical order?” She offered.

I shuddered. “That would take way too long and I don’t have that kind of patience to learn every single name in the English language.”

She bobbed her head from side to side playfully. “Nothing says you can’t look into other languages too.”

“I’d just start calling everybody ‘asshole’ from now on,” I concluded jokingly. “Forget names, they’re overrated anyway, we’ll just stick with ‘asshole’.”

“Creative.” She commented dryly as she rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, you’ll find it at the right moment. It may not even hit you until after she’s born. It does happen.”

I nodded, “True. When did you land on Freddy's name?”

“Oh, well it’s actually Frederick. Finn wanted to name him after his dad.” She admitted with a gentle smile. “I agreed on the condition we call him ‘Freddy’ for short.”

“I think that’s sweet,” I told her and I was being honest. Suddenly, my phone started vibrating in my pocket and I reached in to see that it was Ben calling. Surprised, I answered, “Hello?”

“Hi, Rey, is this a good time?” He asked on the other line.

I checked my watch, “I was just wrapping up. Everything alright?”

“Yeah, kinda.” He said lamely. “I forgot that Bronx’s vet appointment was today. I was gonna bring him to the gym with me and take him there early after my classes were over but I forgot I had a meeting scheduled right after. I got so distracted by it that I forgot about the appointment and accidentally left him at home. I can’t get another one until next week and he needs his annual shots. The meeting could take up to two hours and it’s in five minutes. I can’t miss it. You mentioned that you only had a half-day today and I was wondering if you could help me?”

My brows furrowed, “You want me to take him to the vet?”

“No! No!” He said immediately. “Just bring him to the gym. The receptionist will let you into my office and you can leave him there.”

“Oh, got it. Yeah, that’s not a problem. I’d be happy to.”

He sighed in relief. “Thank you! Thank you so much, Rey! I owe you!”

I snorted, “Oh, come now. It’s the least I can do. Let me just finish up here and I think I can get him there with plenty of time.”

“You're the best, Rey!” He proclaimed. “I’ll let Kaydel know you’re coming. Thanks again.”

I laughed gently, “You're welcome. I’ll see you tonight.”

“When I get home, we’ll order in.” He promised.

“Now you’re talking!” My mouth was already beginning to water. “Pizza?”

“Your wish is my command.” He vowed. “How about some appetizers and dessert too?”

“Music to my ears.” I hummed. “I’ll have the menu out for you when you get home.”

“Alright, sounds good. See you later. Oh, and one more thing,” He said quickly. “Whatever you do, don’t say the word ‘vet’ in front of Bronx. You’ll never get him out the door. He hates shots and hasn’t forgiven me ever since I took him to get neutered.”

“Gotcha, no problem. See you tonight.” I hung up and put my phone back in my pocket. When I lifted my head again, I saw that Rose had her brow curved upward. “What?”

She crossed her arms and her lips quirked with new mirth, “How’s Ben doing?”

“Fine,” I said slowly. “He forgot that he has to take Bronx to the vet and he can’t escape this meeting he’s about to go in. So, I’m going to drop him off.”

“Yeah, I got that.” She uncrossed her arms and rested them on her hips. “What do you think about him in general? I’ve only known him for a couple of years so I have no idea what he was like when he was a teenager.”

“Oh, well,” in truth, I thought the world of him. So far, since he’s let me stay with him, he’s been a very welcoming flatmate. Respecting my privacy and independence was like second nature to him. “In the short time I knew him back then, he was really sweet. Kind of like a protective brother. I guess you could say I’ve grown fond of him. He’s the most selfless person I know and I’m grateful for all he’s done for me. I mean, these last couple of months, he’s been so supportive of me. I’ve never had that before.”

“So the fact that he’s gorgeous makes no mind to you?” She asked slyly.

“It’s not like that.”

“Then why are you blushing?”

“I’m not blushing.” I denied just as heat rushed from my chest all the way up my neck. My hands flew up to my cheeks.

“Right.” She said in a disbelieving tone.

“Look,” I started calmly, keeping my tone even. “While I’ll admit that Ben is very attractive, he’s just a friend.”

“Finn and I were ‘just friends’ too.” She quipped.

“Besides, I have other things to worry about than my relationship status.” I reminded her while pointing at my bump. “I’ve sworn off men for a while. My main focus, right now, is the baby. I have no doubt that she’ll keep me plenty busy and then I won’t even have time to think about dating.”

“You do have a point there.” She concurred. “When Freddy was born, Finn and I became so preoccupied with him those first few months that we even forgot about our wedding anniversary.” She gave me a comforting pat on the shoulder. “One day, you’ll get back in the game.”

“I doubt it,” I admitted with a bit of hopelessness. After what happened with Armi, I don’t think I had it in me to let someone else into my heart without being afraid that they may break it. I knew that not all men were the same, Ben was a perfect example of that, but I still didn’t want to take that risk. So many people had left me already, I didn’t want it to happen again if I could help it.

“Well, should it happen, I want to pick out what outfit you're going to wear.” She pulled her hand away to check her own watch. “On an unrelated note, do you mind if I tag along with you to the gym?”

“Not at all, I’d like the company,” I said instantly. “But may I ask why?”

“My car is getting painted and won’t be ready until tomorrow. So Finn dropped me off this morning and that’s fine, but it’s such a long drive that we won’t make it back home until later tonight. I promise I wouldn’t be asking if you weren’t going there already.”

I nodded in understanding, “No, it’s alright. Is that why you were here so early?”

She smiled sheepishly, “Yeah, he dropped me off before his first class started. I could’ve taken the bus but it’s two hours each way. Which wouldn’t bother me if it was just one bus. But I’d have to take at least three different buses and make sure I didn’t miss any of them. At least this way, I could take a few laps on the treadmill. I have a yearly membership, so I may as well use it.”

“I had to take buses while I was still in Yonkers before I got my jeep,” I told her with understanding. “I know where you’re coming from. Let’s finish our work and I’ll meet you at the car after we clock out.”

She grinned before skipping away, “Love you, Rey!”

Rose and I chatted the whole way to Ben’s penthouse. Even when we made it inside, we bumped into Mr. Valentine and Diamond as he was getting off the elevator. Greeted the both of us kindly while Rose gushed over his small equestrian companion. The two of them remained in the lobby while I went up to get Bronx. Both were having a laugh at something when I came back down with him on the leash.

We said our goodbyes and headed to the gym next. This was actually my first time going, now that I’ve thought about it. After I moved in with Ben, I looked it up online to see more about it. It had high approval ratings that ranked four out of five stars. The website was well coordinated. Details of the classes they taught, youth programs, workout areas, a pool and jacuzzi, their faculty members, what was taught in each season and monthly to annual memberships. 

Ben had made a joke about me not needing any of the self-defense courses they taught because of the punch I’d thrown at him. The bruise it left had since healed but he still felt the need to tease me about it.

The gym building itself was a little intimidating upon closer inspection. It was three stories high, built with a brick exterior and plate glass windows, making it visible to see people working out on the exercise equipment. Before, I’d only ever driven by it so I never had the chance to actually admire its structure. I was almost afraid to go in.

Rose headed straight to the door without a care in the world and held it open for me as I kept a tight hold on Bronx’s leash. We all walked in and were immediately greeted by a young woman at the front desk. “I recognize that little pittie, anywhere! You must be Rey.”

“I am,” I told her while looking her over. She was pretty, looked to be around my age if not a little older, golden-brown hair, about Rose’s height, cute button nose, and light brown eyes. “Kaydel?”

“Yep! Ben, told me you were bringing him.” She leaned back and called out to a tall woman that had just passed by. “Hey, Phasma, are you busy?”

The woman in question paused to look over her shoulder at us, “Nope, class just finished. What’s up?” She was wearing a pair of neon green tracksuit bottoms and a grey tank top with a small towel hanging around her neck. As she got closer, I could recognize her from her photo on the website. Light blonde hair, tall, taller than Ben even, and an impressive muscular build. Gwyneth Phasma, fencing instructor of five years. She must prefer to go by her surname. Guessing by her accent, she was British too.

Kaydel gestured towards me as she pulled out a set of keys from a drawer, “This is Rey. Ben’s still in his meeting and she brought Bronx so he can take him to the...thing later. Would you mind letting her into his office for me?”

Phasma dabbed at some of the sweat on her face before taking the keys from her, “Sure, that’s no problem.” She looked over at us and her eyes landed on mine as she smiled. “You must be Rey.”

“Guilty,” I said with a shy wave.

She offered her hand and I shook it, “Gwen Phasma, but everyone calls me ‘Phasma’. Ben’s told me a lot about you.”

“Oh, God.” I groaned in protest.

She laughed, “All good things, I promise.” She then turned to Rose and smiled, “How’ve you been, pipsqueak?”

“As good as you, stilts.” Rose shot back and they both started laughing harder. “Finn in class?”

Phasma glanced down at her phone, “Actually he’s just about to take his last break, so you might be able to catch him by the snack machine before the next class starts.”

“Alright, then. I’ll leave you both to it. See you tomorrow, Rey,” She gave me a quick hug and did the same for Phasma and Kaydel before heading off.

“Right then, Rey, follow me,” Phasma ordered and started walking. She led me to an elevator and held the door open for Bronx and me before she followed. “So, I understand that ‘congratulations’ are in order.” She said after the doors closed. “I hope I didn’t startle you earlier. I know I can come across as intimidating sometimes.”

Feeling a little more at ease already, I smiled, “It’s alright. And thank you,” As if he could understand, Bronx bumped his nose against my protruding stomach. I looked down and scratched his ear, touched. Somewhere in me, I could feel that Bronx knew I was pregnant. It wasn’t too long after I’d moved it, but out of nowhere, he just became very protective of me and the baby. One night, he’d been whimpering and scratching at my door and didn’t stop until I let him in. When I finally let him in, he just stared at me until I lied down. Then he jumped up with me, I almost said no, until he rested his head by my stomach. Like he wanted to be close to the baby in case there was anything wrong. I let him sleep with me after that. Whether I was napping or going for the night, Bronx wouldn’t be far.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Phasma stepped out first and led us down the hall to the right. I read each plaque we passed. Different names or room functions until we made it to Benjamin O. Solo’s Office . “Here we are.” She unlocked the door and let us in so I could tale Bronx off his leash. On the walls held some framed photographs and news clippings. Some of Ben and the faculty members with students. To the right, there was a modern birch desk. Behind it was some drawers that reached the length of the inner wall under some matching cupboards. On the opposite end of the room were large windows with an L-shaped gray sectional sofa and glass table. To the left of it was a ficus and to the right, I could see a bowl of dog food right next to some water and a plush pet bed with some chew toys. He’d mentioned that he would bring Bronx to work with him sometimes. Glad to see he made sure he had everything he could need.

“Alright then, Bronx.” I said as I unhooked him from the lead. “Be a good boy at the…” Phasma flinched and I caught myself before I said the “v” word. “...place and I’ll see you later.” Gave him one more chin scratch before letting Phasma lead me out. When she locked the door behind me, I let out a breath of relief and whispered. “That was a close one!”

Phasma fanned herself, “You definitely dodged a bullet there.”

“Right, well I think I better head home before I make any more slips,” I said with a laugh. “Thank you for letting me in.”

The older woman smiled, “It was my pleasure. Let me escort you back.”

“I’d appreciate that,” I told her and I followed her down the hall and back to the elevator. “So, you’re the fencing instructor, right?”

“That’s me.” She raised a brow at me, “Interested in taking a class? I’d be happy to teach you.”

I shrugged, “Maybe. If I do it, it won’t be for a while. Until the baby is old enough at least.”

She smiled, “I understand. Just let me know, and I can enroll you in one of the beginner classes. I could even get you a discount.”

“Oh please,” I started to blush, “There’s no need for that.”

She waved her hand as the elevator stopped, “Nonsense, any friend of Ben’s is a friend of mine. I saw that bruise you left him, and I have to say, I was very impressed. I don’t condone violence, don’t get me wrong, but I admire any woman who is ready to defend herself if necessary.”

“He scared the wits out of me.” I shuddered. “I don’t like people sneaking up on me.”

“Noted.” She confirmed. We came across the front desk where Kaydel was still sitting. Phasma handed her the keys. “He’s in there, ready to go. You can let Ben know.”

Kaydel accepted the keys and smiled, “Thanks, Phasma.”

She winked and started off in the direction she was headed to earlier, “Happy to do it. Nice meeting you, Rey.”

I waved at her, “You too.” Then I turned to Kaydel and smiled, “Thank you for your help. Have a good evening.”

She nodded, “You too.”

I left and made my way back to my car. Thinking about Phasma’s offer the whole way. I couldn’t figure out why I would ever need fencing in the future, but just thought of learning a skill sounded fun. Fencing was majestic and unique in its own way. What was the harm in learning?

It certainly gave me something to think about for the rest of the day.

“We’re home!” I heard Ben call out from the front door.

I was lying on the couch with a book laying open on my chest and the television going off in the background. I must’ve dozed off at some point. I rubbed my eyes to see him walk into the living room with Bronx speeding past him. I smiled as the dog jumped on the couch with me to rest his head on my rounded stomach and let out a snort.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” Ben greeted as I rubbed my eyes. 

“Hiya,” I replied with a loud yawn. Bronx groaned and scooted closer to me on the couch. “I see somebody’s in the dog house and it’s not the pooch.”

“I’ll say,” He muttered, taking off his coat. “As soon as I got close to the parking lot, he started whining.” Bronx snorted again as if he knew we were talking about him. “I saw Rose on my way out. She told me to remind you to stay off your feet when you’re home.” 

“Well, I think we’ve got that covered.” I pointed out while stroking the pit mix's head. “Can we eat now?”

He held up his phone and smiled, “I was just checking the menu. I’m guessing a loaded veggie with stuffed crust and extra jalapenos?”

“Don’t forget the extra cheese!” I reminded him sternly. “I want there to be so much cheese falling from the sides that I can knit the strands into a sweater.”

He pressed his mouth into a thin line before replying. “Hey, I’m all for a lot of cheese but...uh, are you sure all that plus the appetizers and dessert is a good idea?”

My eyes narrowed, immediately on the defensive. “Did I ask if it was? I want lots of cheese. Deny me this, and I’ll empty the bag of shredded mozzarella that is in the fridge. I will get my cheese!”

He gulped loudly, “Yes, ma’am! Lots of cheese is a must.”

Almost instantly I pulled back, ashamed of my little outburst. “I’m sorry that was a little harsh. I just...really want lots of cheese.” I suppose it was a good thing that I was hidden in the office at work because my hormones now have me going on angry streaks.

He waved his hand unbothered and started typing on his phone. “It’s fine, I’ve just been reading too many pregnancy health articles.”

“I wish you could’ve seen the look on your face when you saw me eating ice cream with a chili pepper.”

“Yeah, so do I.” He mumbled, “I thought I was having a dream.”

“I wanted something sweet and spicy,” I said before sticking my tongue out at him. “Don’t hate it before you try it.”

“Yeah, yeah. Oh, here,” he pulled out a plastic container and took off the lid before holding it towards me, “One of the instructor's neighbors, Maz, made brownies for everyone, so I thought I’d snag a couple for us as well. Would you like one?”

My mouth had already begun watering. “Oh, yes please!” I marveled at the large pieces of chocolaty deliciousness. I nudged Bronx gently to get him off so I could sit up and take one. “These look great.”

He smiled and took out the other one for himself. “They’re Maz’s own personal recipe from scratch. Every once in a while, she’ll make a batch for Poe to bring to the gym for us to indulge. She loves making them for his wife and kids especially.”

I had already taken a large bite of my brownie and was basking in the moistness of its texture. It tasted divine. One could never have enough chocolate. There was a strange aftertaste but easily ignored. I couldn’t remember the last I had a fresh-baked brownie so that was probably what it was. All the ones I’d ever had before came in a box that had already been baked and stuffed into a freezer before being put out on the shelves. I spoke behind my hand as I chewed, “Not that I’m complaining, but isn’t it some sort of taboo to bring baked goods to a gym?”

He took a but of his own and chewed a bit before replying, “Not if it’s just for the faculty.” His phone started buzzing in his other hand and he looked to check who was calling. “Speak of the Devil.” He looked to me briefly, “Let me take this and then I’ll order the food right after.”

 “And not a second later,” I told him with pieces of brownie still in my mouth.

He winked and exited the room before answering his phone.

I took another bite when I heard a loud “What? ” and jumped up in surprise. He sounded almost thunderstruck. Even Bronx had turned to look where the noise had come from. We gave each other a look of uncertainty before going back to what we were doing.

“Umm, Rey?” Ben called out after a minute.

“Yes?” I answered hesitantly. He came back into the room, his hand rubbing the back of his neck and his expression sheepish. I was afraid to ask. “Something wrong?” 

“Erhm, yes and no.” His eyes landed on the empty container. “You know the brownies?” I swallowed the piece I’d been chewing and nodded. “Well, Poe just called me and told me that he was given the wrong batch.”

“The ‘wrong batch’?” I asked, eyeing the container warily. My stomach began to twist in knots and I looked back up at him, “Which batch were they?”

“Pot brownies.” He picked it up to sniff the interior and grimaced. “Yep, I can smell it. Apparently, she had two batches. One for Poe and one for his grandmother. They’re friends so she made some for her special because she has arthritis.”

Dread caused my skin to prickle. “When you say pot, are you talking about...hash?” He nodded an affirmative and I immediately began to panic as the realization hit me. “Oh God, I just ate the whole thing!”

“Well, I ate one too.” He offered lamely, then flinched at the look I gave him. “Right, not helping. Got it.”

I got up from the couch and began to pace. One hand pulled at my hair as I kept walking back and forth while the other cradled my bump. “What will this do to the baby? Could it harm her? Would I miscarry? It was such a big piece!”

He ran his hand down his face, “You didn’t smoke it, you only ingested it. And given that neither of us could taste it, I think it’s safe to say that she didn’t put too much in them.” He picked up the Tupperware and walked it to the sink. “Go ahead and call your ob-gyn to get her input. It’s better to be honest. Thank God tomorrow’s Sunday.”

“Damn it,” I muttered. “I work at the garage tomorrow. I won’t still be under the influence tomorrow, will I?”

“I wouldn’t go into work if I were you.” He said as he proceeded to scrub the dish. “You might be a little droopy.”

I rolled my eyes. “I may be young but I’m old enough to not be playing hooky.”

He laughed. “You won’t be playing hooky. You’ll be taking a safety precaution by not messing up any paperwork. Trust me, you’ll likely be very drowsy. You could stay in bed all day and you’ll probably sleep it off.”

“I hope you’re right.”

Sure enough, the doctor reassured me that the baby was going to be fine. Maybe a little active throughout the night, but fine. That and to drink lots of water to help it pass through more quickly. I was only in my twenty-fifth week, so it would be out of both our systems long before I went into labor. That and there was no cause to call CPS or the police. She just told me to rest and stay home from work the next day. No argument there.

When I called Han after, he was just as understanding. Understatement. He flew into a fit of laughter when I explained what had happened. Then he told me he was more than fine with holding down the fort and would see me the day after tomorrow. when I hung up the phone with Han, I went back to join Ben who was waiting patiently on the couch with Bronx’s head in his lap. His head lifted and looked at me expectantly, “Well?”

I sat next to him with a sigh of relief. “She said that the baby will be just fine and that I should just call off from work tomorrow.”

“And my dad?”

My head fell back against the top of the couch, “He said not to worry and enjoy having the munchies.”

He stroked Bronx’s head and I spied the corner of his lips quirk, “Yeah, my dad would know all about it.”

“He’s had cannabis before?” I asked, bemused.

He nodded, curtly. “Before he met my mom. The whole 70’s thing I guess.”

“So,” I looked down at my hands and wiggled my fingers. “Am I supposed to feel some sort of way? I can’t say that I feel anything yet.”

“Oh, you’ll feel it.” His other hand lifted to pinch the bridge of his nose. His eyes shut as if he were in pain. “Edibles take a little longer for the THC to kick in than smoking it. It could be anywhere between one to two hours before you feel anything. And when it hits you, it hits you. It’ll slowly creep in on you and by the time you realize what it is, it’s too late.”

That was oddly specific. My eyes narrowed at him, “You seem to know an awful lot about it.”

His expression became sheepish. “I may or may not have smoked a little weed back in high school before moving in with my uncle. It’s been a long time. Thank God tomorrow is Sunday and there are no classes. Luckily no one touched the brownies until it was time to leave. I’ve already called everyone and only two others aside from Poe and us have eaten them. The others threw theirs away as soon as I called them.” He looked down at my stomach. “How’s she doing?”

I looked down and stroked my bump thoughtfully, “She’s fine. Moving every once in a while.”

“May I?” He asked, reaching his hand out towards me. Waiting for permission. When I nodded, he placed his hand upon my belly. He bent down to press his ear against my shirt. Listening. “How’re we doing, little one?” I waited with him to feel something. She had a habit of making little noise and movement as possible if anyone was actively listening. But sometimes, “Come on, Princess, I know you can hear me.” Sure enough, I felt a kick from behind my belly button. He grinned, proud and said, “There you are! So, you want me to call you ‘Princess’, is that it?” There was another kick and we both laughed. “Of course, your highness.”

“How come she does it when you ask, but when I ask, she ignores me?” I asked, not even the least bit annoyed.

“I don’t know.” He said, pulling away. “I could just be a baby whisperer.”

I snorted, “You would be.” Then I took a quick look at the time. “So what now?” I asked lamely. 

“Now,” He started before dialing on his phone with one hand and picking up the food menu with the other, “I’m going to call the pizza place and ask them to add some extra sides to our order.”

“I thought you said we shouldn’t eat too much,” I asked with a disapproving look.

He cast me a sideways glance, “You’ll thank me later. Because by the time it gets here, those brownies are gonna kick in and we’ll need it.”

“So tell me again,” I started, swallowing a mouthful of pizza, pointing at the television, “Where did those things come from?”

Ben had convinced me to watch a creature feature called Tremors with Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward as the main protagonists. Right now I was watching the two actors bicker while the female character was working on something else behind them.

The brownies kicked in about fifteen minutes ago and it did sneak up on me like he said it would. I had gotten back to reading my book when I noticed that, for some reason, none of the words made sense. I couldn’t focus and it was as if I was hyper-aware that I wasn’t able to. It was like I was in a dream but I wasn’t. I felt strange. Tingly. Suddenly, I knew what the “Is this real life?” boy went through. I’d actually asked that question out loud without realizing it and Ben was kind enough to assure me that it was. That was when he popped the movie in.

He picked up another slice of his own pizza as he answered, “Apparently they’ve always been around. Like the girl said, they predated the fossil record. The fourth film is a prequel and it explains how they became active again after millions of years. Something to do with a hot spring in a mine waking up petrified eggs.”

I shivered before popping a jalapeno popper in my mouth. “I will say that it's definitely an interesting plot, in its own way. Lame town finally gets some excitement with a man-eating 30-foot-long worm.”

“Thanksgiving won’t be so boring anymore, will it?” He quipped as he continued to eat. “How’re you feeling?”

I shrugged, “I feel like ‘buzzy’ is an appropriate term. You?”

“A little the same,” he answered. I could see it though. The whites of his eyes were tinged pink and the bags under his eyes were more pronounced. I had no doubt that I must’ve looked similar so I’ve been avoiding all mirrors.

We sat next to each other on the couch as the food laid spread out on the coffee table. Two large pizzas, jalapeno poppers, spicy chicken wings, cheese bread, mozzarella sticks, tater tots, and some cannolis. Ben really did go all out for this. Because between the two of us being pissed and my being pregnant, the food diminished quickly. However, I knew that there was going to be leftovers tomorrow. In between bites of food, I made sure I kept drinking sufficient amounts of water. Unfortunately, that and the baby’s slight movements had made him pause the film a few times so I could get up and relieve my bladder

At some point, after I’d finally had my fill of pizza and other treats, I became a little drowsy and I let my head rest on his shoulder as the movie kept playing. It actually wasn’t that bad, not to mention funny during some scenes. But it wasn’t just the movie I had been paying attention to. Every once in a while, I would catch myself looking at him. Memorizing each detail on his striking face. 

Did he always have such a nice profile? I knew I was guilty of admiring his looks from time to time, especially the few times I’ve accidentally seen his bare chest. I wasn’t peaking or anything, but it was getting warm out, and he would sometimes go for his jog without a shirt. I didn’t see him as attractive when I was younger, but I was a woman now. Whether it’s my own biology working against me or if it was something more had me stumped either way. I knew I cared for him deeply. He was my best friend. Best friends could be attracted to each other, right?

As if he could feel my gaze on him, he looked away from the screen to look directly into my eyes. I flinched, ashamed for being caught ogling him. I was expecting him to reprimand me but he didn’t say anything. He just stared. Through the haze I was feeling, I could still see him. His pupils have grown in size to the point where I could barely see any trace of his honey-brown irises. Amidst all of that, I realized that we had both leaned in closer toward one another. To the point where I could actually feel his breath on my face.

I didn’t know who moved first. One moment we were still staring at each other with literally just one breath apart and the next...our lips met and my world exploded. My eyes closed and I could see stars shining behind my lids. Ben’s full lips felt soft and smooth like velvet as they moved against mine. His hand crept up to cradle the back of my neck and pull me deeper into the kiss. I, in turn, reached up to finally run my hands through his glorious mane.

He moaned against my mouth as I deftly combed my fingers through his black locks. Keeping one hand around my neck, the other that had been resting on the back of the couch came around me to pull me closer to him until he had me straddling his lap. He released my back and that same hand slowly went up my side to stroke my belly. Keeping me near as it slid down and the fingertips crept beneath my shirt ever so gently. His fingers didn’t venture far aside from barely brushing the newly exposed flesh.

At the feel of his skin against mine, I let out a small gasp. Giving him the opening to slip his tongue into my mouth. My own tongue began to move of its own volition. Sliding along his as we explored each others’ mouths. He hummed into our kiss before pulling away to trail his lips from my chin, along my jaw and down my neck. His large nose rubbing against my hair as he whispered my name with yearning, “Rey.” Then he rolled his groin upwards under me so I could feel the unmistakable hardened length of his arousal.

Heat began to gather in my core and I grinded it against him. Making him growl and both hands landed on my bum to mold me against him, as much as my bump would allow. I could kiss him for hours on end. I thought to myself as he reclaimed my lips. I never knew that kissing could be like this. It wasn’t like I had much experience. There had only ever been Armi and it was never this good.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and ran my fingers up to tug gently on his hair. Letting myself get lost in the moment.

Everything came to a screeching halt when there was a hard thump from within me. We pulled away from each other and we both landed our eyes on my bump. I took one of my hands out of his hair to stroke the spot where the baby kicked. It was gone in an instant. Our attention immediately became captured by the small life growing inside me. Ben helped me move my leg so instead of straddling him, I was laid across his lap. I immediately nestled into his warmth and let him comb his fingers through my hair.

Sleep came to me slowly. The movie still played in the background as my eyes became heavy. Finally, I let myself slip away.

My head felt groggy when I woke up many hours later. Despite how comfortable I’d been sleeping. Even with a heavy weight laying on my legs. When did I move to the arm of the couch? I opened my eyes and saw Bronx laying sideways with his head resting on my bump like a pillow.

I looked around. Open and closed boxes from last night’s food fest still sat on the table. The television was on but it was only showing the main menu of the disc.

“Good morning.” A sleepy voice said, making me jump. I was sitting in Ben’s lap! I remembered...I think...it’s fuzzy. Oh no! 

Was it a good morning? “Hi,” I improvised as I attempted to get up, but the added weight on my legs made it tough and I could feel my bladder screaming. I gestured towards the dog still unconscious.“Umm, a little help? I have to pee.”

He sobered up instantly, and gently patted Bronx, jostling him. “C’mon, boy, up! Up!” The dog woke up and obeyed his master’s command to remove himself from my lap. This followed with a large obnoxious yawn.

I got up from Ben’s lap before making a hasty retreat to the public restroom. It was closer than mine and I didn’t trust myself to hold it long enough. After I’d relieved myself and washed my hands, I made my way back into the living room.

I saw that Ben was doing push-ups on the floor by the entrance to the kitchen and my heartbeat picked up in pace. Did last night really happen? Should I mention it? I don’t want things to be awkward between us. I could blame it on the hash...mostly. I mean, I’ve never been bold before. Did I even do that?

I couldn’t take it. I had to know for sure. “Hey, Ben?” I asked, tentatively as I sat back down on the couch. He stopped exercising and stood upright on his feet, giving me his full attention. “Did we...erm…”

He blinked, confused, “Did we what?”

“Uh,” Uh oh. He didn’t remember. Or...perhaps it could’ve been a dream? How could I approach this carefully without giving anything away if it were just a dream? “Did I crawl into your lap last night and fall asleep?” Keep trying! “Because, if I did I do apologize.” Nice one.

His expression lightened up a little and rubbed the back of his neck, “Oh that. Well, sort of. You know how I was at the far end of the couch?” At my nod, he kept going. “Well, Bronx was at the other end and he kept scooching while you both slept until you had no more room to move. I think you were only half asleep though because you maneuvered yourself backward until you made it to my side.”

So that was why I was curled up in his lap like a child. My chicks started to heat up, “I am so sorry. I didn’t know I was so clingy in my sleep.”

“Pfft, it’s fine.” He said nonchalantly. “I didn’t have the heart to wake you and it wasn’t uncomfortable. That and the chances of me getting up from the couch were slim anyway. So, no harm done.”

I breathed out a sigh of relief, “Well, aside from the awkward cuddling, it was a great pizza night.”

“Probably the last one for a while, so why not go out with a bang.” He offered with a smirk.

“Without magic brownies,” I warned.

He flinched, “Yeah, I’m gonna have to ban bringing in baked goods to the gym unless it’s for events. I know Maz made an honest mistake, but I can’t take the risk if it might compromise my teachers’ lessons. We have to keep an example for the people that come to us for motivation and inspiration. That means free of any substances that may impact our judgment or performances.”

“I’ll admit one thing,” I said slowly. “That was the first night I’ve slept all the way through in the last month.” I stood up and stretched my arms. “But once was enough for me.”

He bobbed his head and checked the time. Then he grimaced, “Sorry, I gotta take Bronx out for his walk. I’m not going for the full mile today, so I’ll be back in half an hour.”

I waved him off and started picking the boxes off the table. “Go ahead, I’m fine. My head is mostly clear now. I’m just going to put the food away, take a shower, and read in bed.”

He smiled and saluted me before leaving the room, Bronx trotting behind him. I heard him grab his keys and get his shoes on before the door opens and shuts. Leaving me alone with my thoughts.

So it was just a dream. I didn’t know whether to feel relieved or disappointed. Subconsciously, I brought my fingers up to my mouth and brushed my bottom lip. Even if it was only a dream, it felt real to me. The scary part was that I wanted it to be real when I knew I shouldn’t. It has become deeper than just hormonal urges. I had romantic feelings for my childhood friend.

Chapter Text

One Month Later (32 weeks)

After the forbidden fudge incident, I tried hard to keep from thinking about the dream that I’d had about Ben. Very hard. I disregarded it as just a wet dream put on by my hormones but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted it to be real.

I’d already admitted to myself that I was attracted to him physically, but the more time I spent with him, I discovered it also ran deeper than that. Being his flatmate has actually been a lot of fun and we enjoyed each other’s company. Sure, there was the occasional bicker between us, but nothing too drastic. One we’d had the other day was more about him admitting he was a little jealous that I had managed to make friends with most of the instructors at his gym and he was convinced that they liked me more than him. I fired back that it was likely because he was their boss I wasn’t.

It first started with Kaydel and Phasma coming to the garage when Rose and I were working. They’d invited us to come along to the cinema and we had a grand time together. Then on another day, Rose’s husband Finn stopped by the apartment with their son to borrow a camera from Ben. He was very well mannered and we had a nice chat. Not to mention that their boy was a little cutie. He even suggested that maybe he and my daughter could be friends when she was old enough.

On another day, Poe Dameron the karate teacher came to have new tires installed. He apologized profusely for the brownie mix up and his wife Zorii made a lasagna as a peace offering. Very sweet woman and I could tell just by the way they conversed with one another that she was the one that wore the trousers in their relationship. But, given how smitten Poe appeared, I didn’t think he minded one bit. They had a ten-year-old daughter and a six-year-old son. Yasmine and Raul. Small replicas of their parents and loved looking around the garage like it was a playground. I had a feeling that they might be back in a few years to look for summer jobs.

Today was my last day at work before going on a sixteen-week paid maternity leave. At first, I’d told Han that it wasn’t necessary and that I could come back sooner but he wouldn’t have any of it. He said that it was important for me to have as much time as necessary to recover after giving birth. Also mentioning that bonding time with a newborn baby was detrimental to their development and that the average leave these days was a joke. He mentioned to me that when his wife had Ben, it was mandated for her to be on leave for eighteen weeks, unpaid. Leaving him to be the sole earner for the household until she could go back to work. He didn’t want that for me or any other woman that would work for him and assured me that he could afford it and taking care of his employees meant a lot to him. I almost broke down right then.

“It’s gonna be strange around here with you, kid.” He told me as I waddled into his office to hand him some paperwork. “

I rolled my eyes, “You were the one who insisted I take the time off.”

“I know,” he agreed, “But you’ve been here since before I opened and you’ve done such a good job. Both on the cars and the paperwork.”

“I could just take eight weeks.” I offered.

He narrowed his eyes and his mirth tightened, “No, you’re taking the sixteen and it’s gonna be paid.”

I smiled and stroked my belly thoughtfully. “I really do appreciate this, Han. I’ll rest easy knowing that I don’t have to worry about whether or not the baby is going to eat.”

“Oh, now,” He protested gently, “you know Ben would never let that happen.”

“I know,” I assured him as I continued to stroke circular motions on my belly. “It’s just an expression.”

“Rey!” We heard Rose call out from out of the office. “I need some help back here, you mind giving me a hand?”

“See?” I turned to Han with a knowing look, “Rose still thinks I can work.”

He waved his hand and turned back around in his chair, “Yeah yeah, whatever you say. Go on, kid.”

I laughed and followed to where Rose was calling me. At least I thought I was but I couldn’t see her anywhere in the garage. “Where are you?”

“Back here!” She shouted. “In the storage room!”

“What are you doing in there?” I muttered to myself as I made my way over to the dark room. Great, the lights were off. “Did you need help screwing in a new bulb, short stuff?” I joked as I flipped the light switch only to jump back at the display before me surrounded by familiar faces.

My heart nearly leaped out of my chest when I was met with several shouts of “Surprise!” as I saw Rose with Freddy on her hip, Phasma, Kaydel and Zorii with Yasmin and Raul trailing next to her as they jumped out from behind some boxes and furniture.

I blinked, stunned, “What’s all this?”

Rose came forward and pulled me into a hug, “It’s your baby shower, silly! We’ve been planning this for weeks!”

“All of you?” I asked dumbly, returning the hug. When she pulled away, I could see the proud smiles on all their faces as I looked around at the array of decorations and foods. On the far wall were some lettered banners that spelled out ‘baby girl’ above a table filled with an assortment of food and gifts. “You did all this for me?”

“Of course we did!” Phasma proclaimed taking a seat by the table. “Every soon-to-be mum should have a baby shower. We’ve got presents, games, punch, and lots of food. And before you freak out about the cost, we were happy to do it.”

Kaydel came over and patted me on the shoulder, “You never talked about having one yourself, so we decided to put it together and surprise you.”

“Mission accomplished.” I breathed.

“I got the impression that you weren’t into anything flashy, so I called Han and asked him if we could have it here,” Zorii explained as she handed me a plastic cup with some punch. “We thought it would be great last hoorah before you have the baby.”

That got my attention. “Han’s okay with all of this?”

“Doesn’t bother me.” The man in question said from behind us. I turned to see him with his arms crossed as he looked around the room. His expression pensive, “So much pink. Rose, promise me that none of this frou-frou stuff will make it anywhere near the tools or the cars.”

Rose moved her free hand in a shooing motion. “Oh, hush now, it’s only for a few hours!”

He shuddered, “And I thought Leia’s baby shower was overboard.”

“This is so not ‘overboard’! Trust me, you haven’t seen me go overboard yet.” Rose stated insistently as she handed him a small cupcake. “Now shoo!”

That made him chuckle and back away, cupcake in hand. “Alright then. You all behave yourselves now. Oh, before I go, this is for you, Rey.” He bent over by the door and lifted up a small gift bag for me to see. “Had to give you a little something too.”

My lower lip trembled with appreciation as I accepted it. “Han, you didn’t have to.”

He cleared his throat and wiped at his eye, “It was nothing. Go on, open it.”

 I looked down into the bag and pulled the pieces of tissue paper out of the way. Moving it gently until my hand finds something soft. I pulled out two different things. One was a cute light brown spotted stuffed giraffe. It's a little body soft in my hands. Then I looked at the other item to see three small stuffed animals hanging from a spiral. A butterfly, an owl and a beetle that made small rattling noises.

“I saw that little guy in a window in town and thought it would be great to give the baby when she’s born. Ben told me you hadn’t got any stuffed animals yet so I thought this would be a good start.” He booped the stuffed giraffe’s nose before moving on to the other item. “This is supposed to hang in a crib or a stroller.” He explained softly. “Great for a baby’s working mind. It’s mostly sound paper but the bug there plays a little tune when you press it.”

Curious, I took the little beetle in my hand and squeezed it gently. Sure enough, a cute sounding lullaby came out from it. “Han,” I said looking up with what I hope was gratitude. “This will be perfect. Thank you.”

He smiled proudly and pulled me into a gentle hug, mindful of the cupcake. “No problem, kid. I’m glad you like it.” Then, over my shoulder, he said, “Ha, she opened mine first! How do you like them apples?”

“That’s cheating!” I pulled away in time for Rose to come stomping over with Freddie still in her arms and point a finger at Han. “Now get! I won’t tell you again!”

“Have fun, everyone!” He said before making a hasty retreat.

“C’mon, Rey,” Kaydel said as she led me towards one of the tables. “Let’s take a look at all the loot you’ve got. We checked with Ben and only got the things that were still on your nursery checklist. Maybe a couple extras.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “I thought I lost that list.”

Her smile turned slightly sheepish, “He said he found it on the kitchen counter.”

“Oh, that little—” I started before she cut me off.

“Who wants cake?!”

Was it bad that I was actually enjoying being showered with gifts for the baby? For once, I didn’t think so. I had already gotten a crib, bedside bassinet, pram, and changing table, which Ben had offered to pay for but I insisted we split the costs rather than he cover the whole thing. But this was different. I’ve never had so many people care about me enough to the point where they would throw me a party. I’d seen it on the telly many times. Friends and family gathering together to plan surprise parties for the unexpected guest of honor. I wouldn’t have guessed that I would be so lucky. Each person in this room came together to put this all in place for me and damned if I wasn’t going to let myself enjoy it. 

First, we played some games. Pin the bib on the baby was fun. It was like Pin the Tail on the Donkey. We each took turns blindfolded and would attempt to attach an adhesive bib to a baby picture. No one really won but Kaydel was the closest. A race to see who could put a diaper on a toy baby the quickest, Zorri won that one thanking it on her practice with two kids. Bobbing for pacifiers, a lot harder than it looked because even though pacifiers are smaller than apples, they were also lighter so they moved in the water more swiftly. Then there was the last game; diaper derby. Rose and Phasma were the most competitive at that one. It was funny to watch those two go at it with the toilet roll while Kaydel tried to keep the peace. We all looked ridiculous with our make-shift diapers when it was over. More like very cheap hula skirts.

Then later, when all the games had been played, Phasma impressed us all by painting a pretty mural onto my bump. Different highlights of greens and yellows with vines and red flowers going in a circle around my belly button.

I giggled as she stroked the wet brush along my skin up my side and she gave me an amused smirk. “Stop moving so much!” She chastised gently, but seeing her fight off a smirk told me she wasn’t actually annoyed.

“I can’t help it!” I said with another giggle. “It tickles!”

“Well, I’m almost finished. Think you can keep still for a few more minutes?” She asked with her brow arched upward as if saying, I dare you to defy me. I pressed my lips tightly shut and nodded with what I hoped was a serious look. It turned out beautifully in the end.

When she finished, she placed a fan down in front of me so the paint would dry faster. Meanwhile, we started eating. Well, everyone else started eating. I was already nibbling on a cupcake that had been sitting by the edge at the table. Or was it my second? Phasma cooked a nice meaty lasagna with plenty of cheese. It didn’t disappoint. Kaydel made a veggie platter with a homemade dip, grape tomatoes, celery sticks, baby carrots, peppers, and cauliflower. All of the pastries were Rose’s doing. Turned out that the small mechanic loves to bake. Volunteered at many community events by selling homemade desserts for charity and organizing bake sales.

The woman could start her own bakery.

Zorii, on the other hand, was responsible for the variety of crisps and layered dip. Stuff was so good that it should be illegal. She made the fruit punch, provided a case of bottled water and different kinds of canned fruit juice.

The array of all of the food they brought was apparently just what the doctor ordered. We were spread out and seated as we all ate comfortably

One by one, I opened each present that was on the table. I had been given an assortment of different items. As Kaydel said, some of it had been on my list and others weren’t. One of them was the breast pump. Not that I knew what it was at first. I looked at the two yellow suction cups attached to a motor unit with trepidation.

“That thing is a lifesaver, trust me!” Zorii insisted. “I have one like it and worked great both times.”

Rose gave a nod of affirmation, “Ditto! Your girls will thank you! Especially when the little starts weaning.” 

Curious, I couldn’t help but lift the identical cups up to my ears and make a goofy face. Immediately the room erupted into a fit of laughter. Even the kids joined in on our giggles. Yasmin and Raul brought over a large basket filled with baby necessities they said was a gift from Poe: towels, a bib, booties, brushes, combs, and a little teddy bear.

Zorii also got me a 6-in-1 bottle warmer and sterilizer. It had different modes for fast warming, normal warming, food heating, fast defrosting, constant defrosting, and sterilization. Perfect for after the baby was weaned and moved onto bottle feeding. Turned out it was built to work with many types of bottles in different sizes, even toddler cups too. Which was great, because that meant I wouldn’t have to trade it in later.

Kaydel got me a car seat that was good for newborns up to toddlers. It was the perfect fit for my jeep, which was exactly what she had intended. She also got a crib mobile that lit up and twirled with a remote control where I could pick and chose the colors as well as the speed. I could even pick which lullaby it played.

Phasma got me a baby bath that could fit in the sink with some toys to go along with it. I read the label and gave her a pointed look. “I swear if you start singing ‘Baby Shark’ I will lose my mind. Do you know how long I’ve been humming that song around the house? Even Ben got tired of hearing it.”

“What? It’s a cute song.” She said defensively. “My nephew loves it.”

“I like it too!” Raul stated proudly with a mouthful of cake. “It’s my favorite song!”

Zorii chuckled and wiped some of the crumbs off of his face. “Yes, baby, we know.” She looked up at me with an exasperated smile, “They sang it at the school play last year. He played the daddy shark.”

“That’s so cute!” Rose gushed, quietly while rocking side-to-side with Freddy in her arms. The little tyke had dozed off a little while ago after eating. She laid a kiss on his temple before gesturing with her chin towards another gift bag. “Open that one next, Rey. Finn and I got it for you.”

 I smiled with appreciation and accepted it from Kaydel. Tearing off the wrapping paper until I could see the image printed on it. Recognizing what it was, with new giddiness, I ripped the flaps open so I could take it out. Inside was a well equipped nappy bag. Immediately I was in awe of its design, “Oh my God, Rose, I love this! Especially the color!” It was light-medium aquamarine with plenty of spacious compartments for all the supplies I would need for the upcoming months. I fought to suppress my smile from splitting my face in half as I looked to the patron, “This is lovely, Rose, thank you.”

She grinned, “I thought you’d like it. You mentioned that you were having a difficult time finding the right one. So when we were shopping for some new clothes for Freddy, because I swear this boy grows more every five minutes with his dad’s genes, we stuck around to browse for a bit. This one actually unfolds into a little bed for the baby. Great in case you need to change her diaper while you’re out of the house.”

“Well, that is definitely useful.” I started, stroking the material softly. “It’s perfect. I can’t thank you enough and would you mind passing that on to Finn as well?”

She winked, “You got it, missy. There’s one more from us and I think this is the last.” She stood up, Freddy still snoozing in her arms, and handed me the final box. She kissed him on his forehead and said, “This is a great way to keep a baby occupied and one place so you can use both hands for daily tasks while still able to watch her."

I pursed my lips thoughtfully and started unwrapping the final gift. First, I noticed the bright colors and then I saw that it in fact was a box with pieces for an activity chair. I understood what rose meant now. I could plop the baby in the seat and with all of the toys attached to it, the baby would still be amused while I’d work around the house. I could keep her in the same room with me and still be able to watch her.

“This would be great for when I come back to work,” I said with a new eagerness. “In case she got tired in the playpen.”

“See? Already planning your future together.” She stated with a wide smile.

I looked around at all of the opened gifts with a new sense of overwhelming appreciation. Each of these amazing women have bought these with me in mind. Even Han had pitched in a little. Giving the okay for them to have the party here and also provided a couple of presents for the baby. Then there was the party itself. They did all of this for me.

I didn’t even realize I had started crying until I felt someone wrap their arms around me. My face was hidden in my hands, stifling my sobs as whoever was hugging me rubbed my back soothingly.

“You’re alright, Luv.” She soothed. It was Phasma. “You’re alright. We’re all friends here.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, muffled.

“There’s no need to apologize.” She pulled away to look at my face when I finally lifted it from my hands. 

“It’s just,” I paused to grab a spare napkin she offered to blow my nose and wipe away my tears. After releasing a congested honk into it, I sniffed and met her blue eyes shyly. “This is all so new to me. I mean, I’ve been to parties before but I never had one for myself. I was little when my parents left, so I doubt they did anything special. Not even for my birthday. It wasn’t as if I expected the families I lived with to throw one for me. But I always felt left out when I would hear other kids talk about how much fun they would have. I stopped caring when I got into high school.”

All of the women had gotten up from their chairs to stand around me in a protective circle as I continued to talk about my past experiences. “I kind of gave up. As the years passed, I just viewed my birthday as any other day. If I had money, I’d get myself a slice of cake with a candle but that’s all.” I sniffed and kept going. “Before Ben, I never had any friends. Then, in just a few short weeks, I went from having no friends to having several. It’s the first time I’ve had my own support network.”

There was a pat on my shoulder and I looked to see that it was Kaydel. She dabbed at her eyes with a napkin as she spoke, “I was the nerd in my high school. Having too many smarts made me an easy target for bullying. Especially with boys. I had friends in middle school but they went to a different campus so I was by myself. It wasn’t until I went to law school where I became more comfortable in my own skin. I learned to be proud of my smarts instead of embarrassed by them. That’s how I met my fiance. He was actually impressed with how smart I was and respected me as a fellow colleague.”

“I was always teased for being tall,” Phasma admitted with a wink. “I towered over everyone in my class with the exception of a few boys after they hit puberty. I didn’t wear short skirts for years because they’d call me ‘giraffe legs’. I hated it. None of the girls were surprised when I got into sports. Claiming I actually belonged on the boy teams. But it was always fun to wipe the smugness off their faces whenever I would bring home the winning trophy for our school volleyball team. My teammates became my friends and they helped me see my height as an advantage instead of a burden.”

Rose came over after placing Freddy down on a makeshift bed from boxes and blankets. Her hand tucked into her pockets and she kicked her foot absently. “I was made fun of for being short. Classmates and even teachers would think I was in the wrong classroom because my height made me look younger. Once, when I was in elementary school, a hall monitor stopped me when I was using the water fountain and thought I got separated from the other kindergarteners.” Her lips turned upward mischievously. “When she offered to take me back, I played dumb and said, ‘Why would you do that? I’m in Ms. Sherbrook’s class in the third grade and I have a hall pass.’ She went tomato red! So, I just left her standing there with a dumb look on her face and went back to class.”

“My family moved around a lot,” Zorii spoke suddenly. All of our eyes landed on her in time to see her wipe at her own nose with a napkin. “I’m what you’d call ‘military royalty’. My dad’s a colonel who served in Korea, Vietnam, Cuba and several other countries. My brothers joined the navy as soon as they were out of high school and my mom lived as a military wife. My dad had never been inactive in the military while we were growing up so we were always going somewhere new every few years. I would make friends, sure, but we hardly ever kept in touch after I moved. And it was always in the middle of the school year. I hated being the new girl, it drew a lot of attention. Each time, all the kids in class wanted to know me because I was new and that made me seem mysterious. That’s fine and all, but after a couple of weeks, you start to blend in with the background.”

She snorted, “I applied for Harvard my senior year in secret. My dad wanted me to enlist as soon as I graduated high school. He didn’t care where, just as long as it was in the armed forces. When he found my letter of acceptance in the mail, he was furious and forbade me to go. But, I was already eighteen and I told him that as grateful as I was for him and my brothers for serving our country, that’s not how I wanted to contribute to society. I wanted to study psychology so I could become a therapist for children. He told me that I had until the end of the week to enlist or get out of his house. So, the next day, I packed up all my stuff in my car and left. I did great in school and finally made some long-term friends. Some I’m still close with.” 

“But after always being around my family, I felt so lonely. For years, I didn’t speak to my parents. Even during the holidays. My brothers were the only that would talk to me and they actually supported my decisions. They’re the ones that even convinced our parents to come to my wedding years later. I remember seeing my mom and dad standing on the front row as my brothers walked me down the aisle. At the reception, he pulled me aside and told me he was proud of me. We even danced together for the father-daughter dance.” She took out her wallet and pulled out a few pictures to show me.

I piqued with interest and took the photographs to examine them closely. The first showed Zorii with a wide grin on her made-up face as she looked up at the man who was holding her with an equally large grin. I recognized him. Poe Dameron. This must be from their wedding day. She was dressed in a white lace v-neck and cap sleeve dress with a floral brooch wrapped around her middle. Her hair put in an updo with large twists and a single rose. Poe had his hair slicked back, unlike his normal shaggy style. He wore a charcoal tuxedo vest with the first two buttons undone. Both of them basking in their wedded bliss.

The next picture showed Zorri in what looked like a slow dance with another gentleman. This one was much older and was wearing a military uniform with ribbons and medals. This had to be her father. They were looking at each other as if they were long lost friends. In the back, I could see two men wearing naval uniforms standing at the DJ. Most likely her brothers.

The last one was a group shot with Zorri and Poe in the middle between two families. On Poe’s side was an older couple that I assumed were his parents. Followed by two women around his age, one man around the same holding a toddler in a small tuxedo. Most likely they’re close family of his. On her side, I confirmed that the three men from the previous photo were her father and brothers. Next to her father was a woman I didn’t recognize, but given her features, she had to be her mother. They all looked very happy.

I handed them back to her wordlessly and she continued, “The point is, Rey, is we all know what it’s like to feel lonely. So it’s nice when you’re actually able to connect with people on an emotional level. We don’t know your whole story, and we’ll listen to it when you’re ready, but you’ve already grown on us.”

“It’s going to take some getting used to,” I confessed. “But I think it won’t be too difficult. I’ll always be grateful to you all.”

“Oh, come here, you big sap!” Phasma pulled me into another hug and rocked me back and forth. “We love ya!”

I heard the other three ladies laugh before joining us in a group hug.

The party went on for a couple more hours after our sob little fest. Mostly just exchanging silly stories from one to the other. Apparently, we had all lousy first times. Rose’s was after she’d turned twenty-one and she’d brought a date home. He was so drunk that he passed out before he even finished.

Zorii’s first time happened the night of her junior prom. Her date’s parents were out of town, so she lied to her parents to say she was going home with a girl classmate and instead went to stay the night at his place. By all accounts, he wasn’t as good as he bragged.

Kaydel’s first time was with the only man she’d been with besides her fiance. They weren’t together long. Their first turned out to also be their last because he’d called her another woman’s name. She said she stopped him and left him high and dry before letting him finish.

Phasma’s was during a fencing tournament in her early twenties with her first real boyfriend. Evidently, a picture hanging on the wall above them fell down and hit him on the head because the headboard kept banging against it. Knocked him out cold.

My first time happened during the homecoming parade junior year. I could hear “Yankee Doodle Dandy” while Armi and I fumbled in the backseat of his mum’s car. He was a two-pump chump that time. No doubt it had been his first time too.

After we were done with storytelling, we started to clean up. Well, they started cleaning as they refused to let me go anywhere near the broom. They helped me load everything into my car before sending me on my way so I could home and rest while they took care of the mess. I made sure to say goodbye and thanks to Han again and give him another hug before leaving. 

Kaydel followed me into the city with her car to help me unload the gifts and leftover food from the party. Insistent on helping me carry everything up to Ben’s flat. I was actually grateful for that because, without her, I would’ve had to take several trips up and down the elevator and my feet were not interested in doing all that walking. I couldn’t see them anymore but I could feel that they were swollen.

When we came to the building’s car park, I got a little idea. For once, I thought I’d pull one of Ben’s moves and pay for her parking spot. She wasn’t going to be here for longer than twenty minutes tops so even I could afford that. Not to mention it was the least I could do for her part in putting the party together. The look of outrage on her face in my rearview mirror was almost worth the scolding she gave me after. Now I knew that satisfaction he always felt when he’d do something charitable for me and there was no way for me to protest it.

She grumbled the whole time from the car park, into the lobby, inside the elevator, up to his floor, and until we entered the kitchen. But seeing her with all those boxes and bags showed how strong she actually was. While I carried three boxes in my arms and the nappy bag on my back, she carried two bags on each arm while carrying the car seat and gift basket in her hands. I only needed to make one trip. Luckily all of the food had been placed in her car so she only needed to go back down one more time before giving a hug goodbye and leaving.

Bronx greeted us as we had walked in with some happy yips and a wagging tail. His nose went on full throttle when Kaydel came up with the food. He went on full alert and I had to dance around him to get the food safely into the fridge without him getting a bite of it. Once I put it all away he gave me a snort of disapproval before following me into my room.

I was excited to get started with all the new baby loot I got. First, I stripped off my shirt, trainers and socks so I was only wearing my black maternity bra and joggers. My painted belly still unsmudged after being under my shirt for the last hour. I’d taken photos of it but they were all at awkward angles until I got a cute one of my reflections in the bathroom mirror. When I was done with my little photo shoot, I got to work on the first box.

Right now, I was sitting on the carpet by the crib with my legs crossed with him resting his head on my thigh while I assembled the pieces of the mobile to attach to it. When I finished, I fitted it to one of the square bars at the end above the baby pillow.

Next, I got to work on the baby bottle warmer. I took it out of the box and went to set it up in the kitchen. Bronx followed me most of the way until we heard a key jingle in the lock. Immediately he started barking with excitement as his master made his way through the door.  When I heard it close, I called out, “Welcome home!” And found a place for the machine on the counter.

“Hey!” He greeted me from the hall. “Did you have a good time at the party?”

“Yes, I was wondering where my baby wish list disappeared to,” I said pointedly, gauging his response.

I didn’t have to wait long. “Rose wanted to know what you were still shopping for and I saw it sitting on the counter. I knew it was up to date because you’d crossed out the things you already bought.”

“You’re so bad,” I told him with an amused chuckle.

He joined me in the kitchen to say something but froze when his eyes landed on my stomach. “Woah, that’s amazing! Who did that?”

I smiled down at the artwork. “Phasma. Didn’t she do a wonderful job?”

“I’ll say.” Then he held up his hand and backed away, “Hang on, let me go grab something from my room. Don’t go anywhere!” Then he disappeared back down the hallway.

Bronx looked at me, just as confused as at his sudden eagerness. With a shrug, I leaned against the cabinet by the fridge. He padded over until he was directly in front of me and sat up on his hind legs and pawed at my belly. I smiled at his tenderness and I reached to take hold of his paw in my hand. We just stood there, having a little quiet moment of our own.

There was the sound of a click to my right and there I saw that Ben had returned, looking through the lens of a professional camera that was aimed at us. He pulled away to smile at us sheepishly, “Sorry, it was a good shot.”

I laughed and let go of Bronx's paw to face him completely. “What are you doing with that?”

He nodded his head towards the living room, “I was thinking about getting some pictures of the paintwork before you wash it off. If you haven’t already taken some.”

My lips pressed together with excitement. “You mean, like a maternity shoot?”

“If it’s okay with you.” He offered.

The idea thrilled me. “I’d love to.”

His smile widened and he held his hand out towards the other room, “After you.”

I waddled in and let him guide me to the window overlooking the Hudson. He placed me so my back was pressed against the glass as I leaned against it. Instructing me to interlock my fingers below my bump, cradling it. Then he kneeled down to pose my leg by bending it at the knee to rest the bottom of my foot against the wall. When he stood to his full height again, he tilted his head as he gazed down at my face. “May I try something?”

I didn’t see the harm, so I nodded and said, “Sure,”

He then let the camera hang from the strap around his neck as he reached behind my head with both hands. His hand found the band that kept my hair up in its messy bun and pulled it off, letting my dark tresses fall free around my face.

It took a lot of self-control to keep my cheeks from flaming. My hair must’ve looked like a rat’s nest. “Do you want me to brush it out first?”

He shook his head, “No, it’s perfect like this.” Then he combed his long fingers through the brown waves himself. “It looks natural.”

I fought not to roll my eyes because there was no way that was true. But I selfishly enjoyed the feel of his hands in my hair. He fluffed one side while gathering the strands on the other to place behind my ear.

When he was finished, he stood there for a moment, admiring his work. Then he backed up a few steps, making some space between us before speaking as he looked through the viewfinder, “Okay, just hold that position. Look down at your stomach smile, please?” I did as he instructed and heard a few clicks. “Looks good. Let me get another angle.” He moved to the side and snapped a few more. Then to the opposite side from a kneeling position.

“The sunset behind you looks amazing in this shot.” He complimented me when he stood closer to the window on my right. “Now, if you can, look over your right shoulder out past the river. If the sun is too much there you don’t have to. No smiling, just relax your face.”

Curious, I did as he asked and he started snapping away. “That’s perfect! Just a couple more,” he was right. The sun did burn a little but I held on. “Okay, I think I got them all.”

My eyes immediately blinked rapidly as I looked away from the mirror. “Ow. That’s bright.”

“Sorry,” He apologized as he looked down at the display screen. “I promise it looks great. Do you want to take a look?”

“I’ll wait until they’re printed,” I said with a shrug. “I want to be surprised.”

“And surprised you shall be.” He pledged. Then he put it down and ran his fingers through his own hair nervously. “Speaking of surprises…”

My eyes narrowed into slits. “What have you done now, Ben?”

“Nothing bad.” He avoided my eyes and his jaw tightened. “I know you said you didn’t want me to pay any more for the baby than I already have, but I’m the only one who hasn’t gotten her a gift yet. So today, I took it upon myself to get the last thing that was on your list.”

My eyes bugged out and my eyebrows went up to my hairline. I racked my brain, trying to remember what else I had written down on the piece of paper weeks ago. It was mostly fundamentals but I couldn’t think of much else about what was on it. “What did you get?”

He left the room without saying anything. Presumably, to get whatever it was he purchased. I stayed by the window and waited patiently for him to come back, which didn’t take long. He must have picked it up on his way home because he couldn’t have gone back farther than the door before coming back into the living room.

With cautious steps, he held out a large gift bag and said, “I asked Rose if she could leave me to get this one. My own gift for the baby. I know we agreed that I would ask you first before buying anything, but this was on your list so it doesn’t count.”

“Leave it to you to find a loophole,” I mumbled teasingly and took the bag from him. I held both ribbons apart so I could see what was inside. Immediately, my mouth dropped in awe. “Oh, Ben.” It was a baby gym mat with similar colors as the activity chair. It was for the baby to lay on with hanging toys and buttons with a couple of rattles with it.

He blushed and smiled nervously, “I thought it would be great for the baby before she starts walking. Poe said that he Zorri had it for their kids and they seemed to like it when they were that age.”

“I think, just this once, I’ll accept one more surprise gift. “I took the entire box out of the bag and held it close to my chest. “I really do appreciate it. It’s perfect, Ben, thank you. This whole day has been amazing and you’ve just made it better.”

His whole body loosened with a breath of relief. Safe from the guillotine of my wrath. Then he broke out into a toothy grin. “I’m glad you like it, Rey. You think the baby will?”

I looked down at the picture on the box fondly, fighting my own smile. “I think she will.”

*A look at the goodies Rey got at her shower!*

Chapter Text

Courtroom (Present Day)

The monitor that showed Alice before turned on again. This time revealing two of the photos that Ben had taken of me after the baby shower. I had to hand it to him, they turned out beautifully. I was smiling in the first one. Cradling my painted belly as I looked down at my then still growing baby while the camera caught it all with the sunset shined in the background.

The second one was when he had me look out the window. Even now, I could remember trying not to flinch at how bright it was. But it looked amazing. When I thought I was looking out with a pained expression, it actually appeared as if I were just staring off into the distance in serene thought. The sunlight made little green specs reflect from my eyes, almost as if they were glowing from within.

I remembered the awe and excitement I felt when Ben first brought them to me printed and enlarged. It was the only time I had actually thought myself to be beautiful up to that point. He was a very good photographer. 

“These are nice pictures of you, Ms. Niima.” Judge Lake complimented. “You look happy in them.”

I smiled and glanced briefly at Ben before answering, “It was all thanks to good direction.”

The screen went blank once more and she leaned on forearms as she regarded the four of us. Han, having been excused from the stand after giving his testimony, was seated in a witness chair instead of back with the audience and listening.

Her eyes then landed on his finance sitting in a chair by the plaintiff’s podium. “I’d like to hear what your witness has to say about the paternity in question. Please stand, ma’am.” The chestnut brown-haired woman rose from her seat and moved to stand by Armitage. “State your name for the court.”

“Bazine Netal,” she introduced her voice a smooth soprano.

“And you’re Mr. Hux’s fiance?” The Judge asked.

Ms. Netal nodded with a confident smile, “Yes, Your Honor.”

“How long have the two of you been seeing each other?”

She did nothing to hide her malicious smile, “Three years.”

I winced. It wasn’t hard to do the math. Alice wasn’t even two yet, so that meant Armitage had been with his not-so-new fiancee since before I got pregnant. Then he had the nerve to tell me that I was the one being unfaithful. That stung a lot more than it should’ve. I’d suspected that they were together for some time but not that long. Of course, I now had a better idea as to where my money had disappeared to.

Judge Lake noticed my discomfort and frowned, “Ms. Niima, you seem surprised by that statement.”

“I am a little, Your Honor,” I admitted. “I didn't know they’d been seeing each other that long.”

“That’s because it’s none of your business!” Ms. Netal barked at me. “Learn to take a hint!”

I ignored her jab and kept my back straight. Meanwhile, the judge narrowed her eyes at Armitage with suspicion. “Mr. Hux, were you seeing Ms. Netal and Ms. Niima at the same time?”

“Yes,” She answered for him. “He’d come over almost every day. After he got fired, he would tell her that he was at work when he actually was with me.” She sounded so proud. Like she’d won a big prize by entertaining a man that had been committed to someone else. Not caring who she may be hurting. “I gave him what he wanted and did it better.”

Nevermind, she did me a favor. She can keep him.

“Mr. Hux,” The judge started slowly, “You’ve been hellbent in your testimony that Ms. Niima had been unfaithful in the duration of your relationship and that you were the one committed to her and her alone. But given your fiance's statement, it seems that it was you who was stepping out while you were still together.”

“I thought she was cheating so I thought it was only fair that I do it too.” Was his quick excuse and I tried not to smirk. He’d been caught. I could see it in his face as he turned paler than a sheet. I’d seen a similar look on him when his mum caught him in town driving her car without permission.

A knowing look passed the judge’s face. “I see. Are you living together?”

“Yes,” Armitage answered.

“Where?”

He cleared his throat, “We’re currently staying with my parents until we find a place. We’re saving our money right now.”

“Where did the two of you meet?” The judge asked.

This I had to hear. I looked over at the plaintiff’s podium and waited for either of them to answer. Ms. Netal was the one to speak, of course. “We met at a bar. I was there with some girlfriends and he was there with friends too. He bought me a drink, we exchanged numbers and had sex for the first time that same night. We started texting, sending each other photos, meeting often for dates. We had fun.”

The judge regarded her for a moment before asking her the next question. “Do you think your fiancé could be Alice’s biological father?”

“There is no possible way.” She said with confidence. “Your honor, I’ve never met her personally, but I already knew about her. She had a reputation for sleeping around with multiple men. Everyone knew about it. Mr. Hux was sleeping with her, but she was having sex with so many other men at the time, that I doubt she could remember them all.”

It was all I could not to run to the other side of the room and throttle the woman. She didn’t know a damned thing about me! What reputation was she talking about? I didn’t have any reputation, let alone one that said I was promiscuous. Well, I probably did now thanks to Armitage and this trollop. Thank goodness I didn’t live in the same area anymore.

“I’m going to need a little more than that, Ms. Netal.” The judge said carefully. “You saying that other people have said things is only hearsay. Do you have any kind of physical proof that supports what you’re saying?”

She nodded her head towards Armitage and said, “His mother feels the same way.” 

“And she’s here via Polycom, so we’ll take her statement. She was unable to come to court today due to not being able to take time off work.” The judge explained and turned towards the monitor. In the next instant, a pixelated video of Armitage’s mother appeared on the screen. “Good morning, Mrs. Hux, can you hear me alright?”

It took a second, due to the lag, Mrs. Hux nodded and said, “Yes, I can hear you, Your Honor.”

“Excellent.” The judge turned her chair so she faced the monitor more fully. “Now, Mrs. Hux, as you know, we are here to determine the paternity of Ms. Niima’s twenty-two-month-old daughter Alice Niima. I’ve heard from your son, his fiancé Ms. Netal, Ms. Niima, her fiancé Mr. Solo, and his father. Now, I would like to hear from you. Do you think there’s a possibility that your son could be Alice’s father?

Her answer was immediate, “Absolutely not.”

“Why do you think that?” The judge asked her gently.

Mrs. Hux huffed, “That girl has always been trouble. I never liked her. Even before they broke up, I couldn’t stand her.”

The feeling is mutual, you haggard harpy! I mentally screamed.

She kept going, “My son spoke to me about her often. How she supposedly ‘worked’ all the time.” She held up her hands and made quotations at the word before continuing. “If she worked so much, she should’ve been more than capable of covering their expenses while they were living together so he could find work. Instead, she demanded they split everything.”

“Well, that’s quite common with couples, Mrs. Hux.” The judge informed her. “And given what both your son and Ms. Niima testified to, that was the agreement between them until he admittedly took her half of the money and spent it on himself.

Her eyes narrowed and she glanced at Armitage briefly before picking up a piece of paper and looking back to his mother. “Did you know that your son was unemployed from November to the beginning of March?”

There was a beat of silence. “He told me he was going through some difficulty finding more work after he’d been laid off.”

“Did he inform you that he had taken Ms. Niima’s half of the rent and spent it on himself before leaving her with back rent?” 

“I’ve never heard of any of this.” She admitted before stating, “He told me that she was being unfaithful and he knew that the baby couldn’t be his. When they were facing eviction, I saw it as a sign that she was getting what she deserved for what she had done. She knew how good of a man that my son is, she wanted to pin her baby on him and trap him.”

The judge pursed her lips and asked, “So aside from what your son told you, do you have any other reason to believe that Alice may not be your granddaughter?”

The older woman shook her head, “She looks nothing like my son. I’ve compared pictures of her with my son when he was an infant, and they look nothing alike. Especially the eyes. Her eyes are brown.” The monitor cut from her to reveal two images side-by-side. One of Alice that I had submitted when she was eight months old, and another photo that had to be Armitage at the same age. I had to agree, there weren’t many physical similarities aside from maybe their noses. She looked more like me in that sense.

“Which neither I nor Ms. Niima have!” Armitage interrupted. We all looked at him as he pointed at the monitor, “Her eyes are hazel and she has brown hair. My family has very strong genes, Your Honor. Red hair and green eyes from my dad’s side. We are literally the living breathing stereotype of the Irish.”

“Your grandmother’s eyes were brown.” I pointed out.

He snorted, unperturbed. “Another thing, she’s a girl.”

Judge Lake blinked at that last comment, clearly confused as the rest of us. “Are you saying that girls don’t run in your family, Mr. Hux?”

“They don’t, Your Honor. If I may?” He gestured towards the board that was left of the defendant’s stand.

“You have an exhibit?” She asked and he nodded. “Go ahead and present it, Mr. Hux.”

I looked up at Ben with a raised brow and he shrugged. This was going to be interesting. I didn’t miss him glare daggers at my ex as he strolled up to the board. No doubt he could feel them at his back.

He first took down the blackboard and then presented a...written family tree? I wasn’t too sure. I recognized a few of the names. His parents and his brothers were familiar. But I wasn’t too sure about the rest of them.

“As you can see here,” he pointed to the name at the top, “Starting from my great-great-grandparents down to my generation, they all had boys. None of them had any girls. So that’s one cause for doubt.”

“Okay?” The Judge said slowly, obviously apprehensive. “Continue,”

“Next,” he pulled that board down and revealed one that showed images of him, his brothers and their children along with Alice on the bottom. “As you can see, I and every one of my four brothers has red hair and green eyes. Two of them with sons of their own. My oldest has three.” He pointed to the three of them. “Again, red hair and green eyes. Then there’s my second older brother, he too has a boy with red hair and green eyes.” His hands went up with a confident gesture, “Ms. Niima’s child looks nothing like me or my nephews and she’s a girl. All these facts just further prove my doubt.”

Ben and I looked at each other and we both had the same expression on our faces as if we were mentally asking each other, This is evidence? We didn’t have any reason to refute it so we just shrugged our shoulders and let him walk back to his podium.

“Thank you for that interesting exhibit, Mr. Hux.” Judge Lake was clearly trying her best to take his demonstration seriously. As we all were. 

“There’s also the fact that she put my name on the birth certificate without my signature.” He spoke up as he walked back to the podium. “I feel that she did it behind my back deliberately so she could keep her talons in me.”

“I have her birth certificate right here, Your Honor,” I said, holding up the paper as the bailiff walked over. “As well as the hospital records.”

As the judge was handed the new papers, Armitage spoke out, “She had the baby in July, Your Honor. She was supposed to be born in late August if she was conceived in December. The dates don’t add up so that’s another reason I doubt she’s mine. Also, if Ms. Niima was so sure, then why not give her my last name?”

“She was premature, born at thirty-seven weeks,” I said through gritted teeth. “It happens. I have the release papers from hospital. As for not giving her your name, I did it because you made it abundantly clear you didn’t want to be involved in her life. ” 

“She did put your name on the birth certificate, Mr. Hux.” The Judge spoke up, as the monitor showed the certificate in question. “It lists Ms. Niima as ‘Mother’ and you as ‘Father’. But there’s no signature. Were you there for the birth?”

“No,” he said instantly.

“Why not?”

“I knew she wasn’t mine.” He said with confidence. “I had no reason to be present for the birth of a baby that I didn’t make.”

In the corner of my eye, I saw Ben glower at him from across the room before saying, “Your loss. You missed a beautiful miracle. Both of them nearly lost their lives, but they fought the battle and won. If anything, you could have shown up and gotten your DNA test as soon as Alice was out of NICU. Which was only overnight while Rey was recovering. Or you could have shown up to the hearing when she was three months old.”

The audience broke out in another set of surprised “Oooooh’s” as Judge Lake lifted her head up in shock. “Wait a minute, Mr. Solo, what hearing are you referring to?”

“It was for paternity, Your Honor, for child support,” I answered for him, pulling out a copy of the summons from back then. I continued as the bailiff took it to show her. “I’d sent the paperwork to his parents’ house because I didn’t know where he was living at the time, for him to get a paternity test after she was born. He didn’t show, so he was named the biological father by default.”

“Mr. Hux,” she seemed like she was struggling to choose the right words while she looked over the papers. “This doubt could have been taken care of already but you couldn’t be bothered to show up and find out if this little girl is yours?”

“It wasn’t that I couldn’t be bothered, Your Honor.” He said as his tone got defensive. “I sincerely felt certain that there was no point since I am not the father. Despite not showing up, I still have to pay child support because she’d put my name on the birth certificate.”

“Well, then that’s your own fault!” She pointed out. “Not hers. If you were so worried about paying child support for a baby you don’t believe is yours, you should’ve gone to court when you were supposed to get it settled. We wouldn’t even be here today if you would’ve bothered to show up.”

“I couldn’t get a ride!”

“Oh, please,” the judge rolled her eyes, “Now, you’re just making excuses. You thought that if you didn’t go to court, then Ms. Niima wouldn’t be able to put you on child support. Did I get that right?”

Armitage chewed on his lips before answering, “For the most part.”

“Right,” she clicked her tongue before continuing. “Have you paid any child support?”

I didn’t miss the fleeting glance he threw in my direction before answering, “I would give $50 here and there to get her off my case.”

“Ms. Niima?” She inquired.

My eyes met his pleading ones, “Not a cent.”

She cast her eyes downward as she wrote down more notes, “‘$50 here and there’, you said. She says you haven’t paid anything, Mr. Hux. Do you have any proof of payments? Receipts of that show you bought items for Alice?”

“Er,” He cleared his throat. “Not with me, Your Honor.”

“Why not?” She demanded, clearly exasperated. “You knew you were coming to court today. You contacted the show. You brought an exhibit to talk about eye color and hair color, but so far, you haven’t brought anything substantial to prove your case. Your failure to appear last time put you on the hook for child support. Now, you’re saying that you’ve given Ms. Niima some money for the child, but you brought no evidence.”

There was a moment of silence before she spoke again, “Mr. Hux, do you have a job?”

“Yes,”

“Is it full-time?” He nodded his head. “What do you do for work?”

“Little bit of this. A little bit of that.”

A muscle strained her jaw, “Little bit of what?”

He cleared his throat, looking a bit flustered, “Handywork. Fixing a drain, cutting a fence, repairing lights, stuff like that.”

“Do you work for a company?” She edged.

“I get paid cash under the table.” His body went still. Realizing the mistake of the admission he’d just made.

“There it is!” She announced with a pleased clap of her hands. “Now I understand. The pieces all fit. I kept thinking to myself, ‘How has this man gone for almost two years and not paid any child support even though he was named the father by default? It would’ve been taken out of his paycheck.’ Now I see it! Your wages were never garnished because you don’t receive a payroll.”

His Adam's apple bobbed up and down in his throat before he nodded. “That’s correct, Your Honor.”

Judge Lake crossed her arms and gave him an even stair, “I’m assuming you know that unpaid child support can result in either a fine, jail time or both.”

“I did know that, Your Honor.” He acknowledged quietly, earning him a look of dismay from his fiancé.

The judge’s eyes honed on him like a predatory animal cornering its prey, “Is that the reason you reached out to the show, Mr. Hux? Because you’re afraid of the law coming after you for this child support?” He nodded slowly but didn’t say anything. “I need you to speak verbally, Mr. Hux. We’re talking about a child’s life here. A child that could be yours. Take some accountability for her sake. She’s innocent. Even if what you say is true and she’s not yours, this isn’t her fault.”

Armitage poked the inside of his cheek with tongue before finally saying, “Yes, I could be facing legal trouble back home and that is why I contacted the show.”

“Thank you,” She said sincerely. “I appreciate your honesty.” She looked to my podium and leaned forward on her desk. “Take me to the day you gave birth Ms. Niima. You mentioned earlier that you had some complications. Tell the court about that.”

“It was on a hot day in July.” I began. “I had been on bed rest for a while and I’d earned myself a little walk for some fresh air.”

  Two Years Ago (37 weeks)

I had to get out of the flat. I was losing my mind. Some time outside was desperately needed.

As comfortable as the bed was, I was going stir crazy sitting at home all day. Lately, I’d taken up some hobbies that didn’t require much physical activity to pass the time. Mostly knitting and sewing. Even a little scrapbooking for after the baby was born. I’d also already started nesting around the apartment. Buying plug protector, toilet lock, corner guards, magnetic safety locks, you name it. The apartment had been entirely baby-proofed, save for Ben’s room and office. That and I’d rearranged the closet with her clothes dozens of times. Not sure if it should be color-coordinated, have colors and whites on separate shelves, organize it by what should be worn on what day.

Yeah, I definitely needed to go outside.

I slipped my feet into a pair of ballet flats, pulled on a simple white t-shirt and slid into some denim overalls. Perfect for this kind of weather. I wasn’t going to walk far. Just a few blocks and when I got tired, I could call an Uber or Lyft to bring me back. No biggie.

Grabbing my bag and keys, I left my room and made my way to the entrance door down the hall. Once it was slightly ajar, the doorknob slipped from my hand and it slammed shut again. Startled, I looked down to see that Bronx had trotted over to sit by the door and used his front paw to close it.

Experimentally, I tried opening it again, sure enough, that same paw pushed it closed. He was looking up at me with what could only be described as a firm look. Like he was trying to tell me not to go outside. As if shutting the door wasn't enough of a hint.

“I’m not going to be gone long, Bronx,” I promised him gently while giving him a gentle pat. “I’m just taking a walk.” I moved to open the door again and he let out a high-pitched yip of protest before jumping up on his hind legs to paw at my belly. “What’s the matter? Ben already took you out this morning.” He whined and rubbed his head against my stomach before licking it through the denim. His eyes almost pleading.

I took hold of both paws and gently pushed him back so he was standing on all fours. “The baby’s fine, Bronx. I can’t take you with me without Ben because I wouldn’t be able to do anything if I lost you on the lead.” I moved my body to block as I got the door open for the third time and, this time, kept it open. “I’ll be back soon, okay?” The look he kept giving when I shut the door crushed my heart, but I had to get some space so I could breathe before the baby came. I doubt I was going to get out that much at all after she’s born. So, I best enjoy one last day of freedom while I can.

The city was bustling around me as it normally did. I’d walked for a few blocks before making it to a nearby park. Waddling down some of the dirt paths as I enjoyed a gentle breeze and shade from the trees. It was warm out but not too bad. But after a while, I got tired of walking and took a seat at a bench to drink some water I’d brought with me.

As I took a thoughtful sip from the canister, I noticed something familiar in my peripheral. I took the bite valve away from my lips to get a better look. Then I wished I hadn’t.

There he was. It had months since I’d seen him last, but I would recognize him anywhere. I could spot his light-red hair from a mile away. Armitage Hux was standing several feet away from where I was. Smiling and having a jolly good time. With another woman.

She had long wavy brunette hair, just a few shades darker than my own. Sharp cheekbones, small pouty lips and perfectly sculpted eyebrows. She was beautiful. I watched on, heartbroken as he laughed and smiled with her leaning on his arm. They looked like the perfect couple. Walking hand-in-hand as if they were in their own little world.

But that wasn’t what made my breath catch. It was watching the two of them stop walking for him to get down on one knee and pull out a small box from his pocket. He held it up and opened the lid. Even far away, I could see that it was a ring.

The woman he was presenting it to covered her mouth in shock and nodding eagerly before offering him her left hand. Passerbys broke out into applause as he slid the ring onto her finger and got up from his kneeling position to let her wrap her arms around his neck to kiss him with all her might.

The baby kicked me from inside as if she could see what I was seeing. Everything I had gone through these last months coming back to me in a rapid flood of memories. Being evicted, going from living in my car to a small shack, working tirelessly in the early stages of my pregnancy, crying for hours on end because I had been abandoned once more by someone who said they loved me.

I’d accepted that he and I were over. He showed who he really was when I was at my most vulnerable. I shouldn’t be bothered. So why did it hurt so much? 

I stood up from the bench as breathing became harder. They’d already started walking away in the opposite direction. Hand-in-hand with a skip in their steps. Nothing in the world to disturb their new joy while I faded away in the background like I always did.

It was sudden. One second, I was watching my ex-boyfriend, the father of my unborn child, happily walking awaywith his new fiancé and the next...everything went black.

My mind was fuzzy. Slowly, my awareness came to me piece by piece. The first thing I noticed was the beeping sound coming from my right. Next, was the feeling of cotton muslin all over my body. I wiggled my fingers and then realized that there was something taped and hanging from the top of my hand.

I opened my eyes slowly, momentarily blinded by the harsh light. I had to blink a few times before my vision cleared. That was when I realized I was lying in a hospital bed. After I’d made that deduction, I was confused. When had I gotten here? How long?

Before I could panic, the door to my room opened and a young woman of Jamaican descent wearing a lab coat and scrubs walked in. When she saw me she smiled warmly and said, “Well, look who’s awake. How are you feeling, Ms. Niima?”

“I...erm...” I really didn’t know how to answer that. Also, how did she know my name?

Her smile stayed on her face and she responded soothingly, “Don’t worry, you’re safe. I’m Doctor Jannah Kef. You're in a hospital. You’ve been unconscious for a couple of hours.”

My throat was so dry that my voice came out raspy when I spoke, “What happened?”

“You don’t remember?” She asked gently as handed me a plastic cup filled with water and a straw. “You fainted in the park not far from here. Someone saw you collapse and called an ambulance. Good thing. Do you remember anything that may have caused it? 

I fainted? That was a first. I accepted the cup from her and took a sip before replying, “It’s all a blur.” I remembered going out for a walk. After that it gets fuzzy. “Is the baby alright?”

“For now,” She wrote something down on the clipboard. “Your blood pressure was through the roof, even for a pregnant woman. We’ve got you hooked up to keep an eye on both of your heart rates. May I call you Rey?” I nodded. “Rey, I want to keep you here for a few hours. Maybe even overnight. It’s just a precaution but I want to be sure everything is okay with you and your baby before we release you, okay?”

I let out a loud and defeated sigh as I let my head fall back against the pillow. “I don’t like the idea but I don’t want anything happening to her.” I rolled my head to the side to face her again, “Is there a phone I could use? I’d like to make a few calls.”

She gave an understanding nod and walked to the other end of the room. “All of your belongings are here.” She came back over with my phone in her hand before giving it to me. “I’ll leave you alone for a few minutes. If anything happens, press the call button.” She gave me an encouraging pat on the shoulder before leaving me in the room.

I should probably call Armitage and let him know. It’s only fair. I thought as I unlocked my phone and scrolled through my contacts. I pinched the bridge of my nose as a small headache made itself known while I tried to remember what had transpired today. There wasn’t much. I remembered leaving the flat because I’d wanted to go for a walk. Bronx had been acting strange and refused to let me leave.

That stood out to me. They say animals can sense just about anything before it even happens. I’d read somewhere that some service animals were trained especially to recognize irregularities in blood pressure. Maybe he could sense that mine was high or that it was going to get high. But I couldn’t imagine it spiking just because of a walk. It wasn’t like I’d been dehydrated. I remembered sipping from my water canister occasionally.

Then I remembered. My hand shook as my fingers tightened on my phone after I’d dialed his number.

I’d seen Armitage. More than that. I saw him with another woman. He got down on one knee and proposed to her while I barely stood a hundred feet away from them. That was what did it. Witnessing the man who’d left me with nothing move on with his life while mine stood still. Frozen in time. 

Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Kept repeating in my head like a mantra as the phone rang. I tried twice before I was eventually greeted by his voicemail automatically. He was ignoring me. I wasn’t sure if I felt disappointed or relieved that I didn’t have to talk to him while he was entertaining his new girlfriend. Instead, I waited patiently for the beep. “Armi, it’s Rey.” I started calmly, “I’m in hospital at the Mount Sinai Doctors at 52 West 8th Street. There may be something wrong with the baby so I’m being kept under observation. I know we’ve had our differences but I’m asking— no I’m begging you to come. Not for me but for our baby. I don’t…” I paused to take a breath. “I don’t know what’s going to happen and I’m scared. Please call me back when you get this. Bye.”

The phone remained in my hands as I stared blankly at the screen. Would he call back? Unlikely. He’s made no effort to be involved so far, why would this be any different. I wasn’t even due for another month. Nothing may even happen but that didn’t mean I was in the clear. Not yet anyway. They didn’t tell me how long I would be staying here so I was literally stuck. It was clear that I was going to do this alone.

Or was I? I looked at my phone again, contemplating. I could call Ben. He did say that if I ever needed anything, he would be there in a heartbeat. But that didn’t mean I could just abuse the offer. Does this count? I still didn’t know how serious this was. I may end up going home in a few hours and he would never know I was even here.

However, what if I end up staying overnight? He would undoubtedly notice when he got home and found me gone. Then he’d call me himself and ask me if I was alright. Could I lie to him if that were to happen? Probably not. He sees right through me and can detect a fib from a mile away. Maybe it would be easier to rip off the bandaid now. 

Resolved, I scrolled through my contacts, found his name, and pressed ‘Call’. It rang and rang until it too went to his voicemail, but I panicked and hung up. Since he didn’t answer, he must have been plenty occupied already. It was a weekday, so he was likely teaching classes. There was no need for me to leave a message for him in this state. I didn’t trust myself not to break down when I barely made it through Armi’s machine.

When I heard a small vibration noise to my left, I looked over to see that it was my phone on the overbed table. It was ringing and in big bold letters, it read ‘Ben’. I reached for it immediately and my hands started shaking so bad that I almost dropped it. When I finally managed to hit ‘Answer’, I put it up to my ear, “Hello?”

“Hey!” He greeted me, sounding out of breath. “Sorry I missed your call, I was wrapping up my kendo class. What’s up?”

I couldn’t contain the shock in my voice as the sound of his concern was already overwhelming me with warmth. He called me back! “Ben?”

“Yeah,” Then his tone changed slightly, “Is everything okay?” When I didn’t answer right away he started to sound worried. “Rey, talk to me. What’s wrong?”

Oh right, I’d called him. I’d prepared to sit here alone for an unprecedented amount of time. So when he called me right back I was taken completely off guard and forgot that I was supposed to reply. “I’m...I’m in hospital.”

Those three words set something in motion because I swear I felt him tense on the other end of the line. His next sentence came out so clear he sounded like was in the room with me. “I’m on my way. What hospital? Where?”

“Mount Sinai Doctors at 52 West 8th Street,” I said slowly, shaking my head to clear it.

I heard some shuffling and movement before he spoke again, “I’ll be there in twenty. Just hang on, I’m coming.”

“But—” He’d already hung up. At that same moment, Dr. Kef walked back in.

She looked at me staring at my phone in shock and asked, “Was that the father?”

“No,” I pinched the bridge of my nose, my mind still reeling. “He was...unavailable, so I left him a message. But I was just speaking with my friend. He’s on his way over.”

She nodded, seemingly pleased. “Well, that’s good. Sounds like you have someone in your corner.”

True to his word, Ben arrived within half an hour. I was still talking to the doctor when he knocked on the door.

Dr. Kef opened the door and greeted him, “Ben Solo?”

“Yes, I’m here to see Rey Niima.” He sounded frantic. “The front desk said she was here. Is she okay? What about the baby?”

“Ms. Niima had a little accident earlier today but both their heart rates and blood pressures are currently stable.” She stepped aside so he could enter the room fully. He saw me on the bed and immediately came to my side and hugged me, mindful of all the wires attached to me as well as the monitoring belt wrapped around my belly.

“I’ll leave you two alone.” She said gently as she scribbled something down on her clipboard. “I’ll be close by. Everything seems fine right now, but the moment you feel any pain or discomfort, let me or one of the nurses know immediately.”

“Yes, doctor.” I agreed, still keeping a tight hold on Ben.

 As soon as she closed the door behind her, he pulled away and noticed the bruise on my forearm. “What happened?”

I didn’t want to go into details about what I’d seen earlier, so I just stuck with the facts. “I fainted earlier. High blood pressure, they said. Someone saw and called an ambulance.” His hand came up and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear as I kept talking. “They’re keeping me here until they’re sure that nothing is wrong with the baby.”

He looked up at the fetal heart monitor, his brow crinkled with worry. “How long have you been here?” 

I checked the time on my phone, “At least three hours.” 

His eyes widened like saucers. “Why didn’t you call me sooner?”

“I only woke up an hour ago,” I explained with a shrug. “And we still don’t know if this is anything serious yet. I didn’t want to bother you if there was a chance I would be leaving before tonight.” My hand moved on its own accord to stroke my swollen midsection. 

“Rey, you’re never a bother. You know that. Especially when it comes to her.” He assured me as he pulled up a chair and placed his own hand on my stomach. She kicked me under his touch, making him smile and rub the same spot. “Hey, you! Are you giving momma a hard time?” He leaned in closer to press his ear against the hospital gown and listen. 

I checked the time again and frowned, the gym didn’t close for another five hours.“Aren’t you supposed to still be teaching right about now, Ben? What about your classes?”

He snorted and gave me a doubtful look. “I only had two more classes and Phasma was able to cover for me.” Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. His thumb started typing away and he said, “Everything else is just paperwork and I can do that at home.”

My brow arched slightly. “What about Bronx? He’s going to need to go for a walk”

He was ready for that because his face lifted into a knowing grin, “Already called Dad. He’s gonna take him out for a couple of hours at the dog park and then meet us here.” He put his phone back and crossed his arm. “Anything else?”

I shook my head, trying to keep myself smiling back. “No, that pretty much settles it.”

We stayed like that for a little while. Just idle chatter back and forth about nothing interesting. The only thing that was really bothersome was the constant checking in with the nurses every twenty minutes. Not that I wasn’t grateful that they were being thorough but I was tired of being fussed over.

When the fourth checkup was just minutes away, I was more than ready to leave at that point. Ben checked his watch and pursed his lips, “You can glare all you want, Rey, you’re not going anywhere.”

I snuffed at him, “I just want to get out of here and go home. I’m tired of sitting in this uncomfortable bed. I can already feel the bed sores beginning to form.” I’d lost track of how many times I’ve had to change my position. Nothing really felt right.

He gave me a pointed look, “You know that they’re likely going to recommend that you spend the remainder of the pregnancy on bed rest, right? You’ll just be trading one bed for another one.”

“Yes, but that one is like sleeping on a giant marshmallow.” I couldn’t suppress my smirk. “I could stay on that thing for the rest of my life.”

“Which might actually happen if you keep overexerting yourself. Quit fidgeting!”

“I can’t help it,” I told him as I resituated myself again. “Oh!” I said when I felt a twinge in my back. That was strange. Then there was a high-pitched shout that scared Ben so badly that he jumped up from his chair. He looked at me in shock and that was when I realized that the shout came from me.

“Ben, my back,” I said worriedly, then cried out in pain again. All of a sudden, the beeping from the monitors accelerated and started blaring. Panic began to bubble out as I spoke, “What’s going on? What’s happening?” The pain wasn’t going away!

He turned sheet-white shook his head. “I don’t know.” Then he made a run for the door and called out, “Hey, I need a doctor or nurse! Anyone!”

This can’t be a contraction! What is it? The loud beeping seemed like it was going faster and it felt like I couldn’t breathe! My own heart monitor had sped up in pace as well. All the worst-case scenarios were fighting over each other in my mind. What was happening?

The door opened and Ben came in, flanked by Dr. Kef and two nurses. He walked to the other side of the bed where I wasn’t hooked up to machines and took my hand. One of the nurses lifted the blanket to check for something before looking at the other nurse with worry. “She’s bleeding! Get Dr. Kef, now!”

“What?” When the other nurse ran from the room, I asked the one that was now removing the blanket. It was then I could feel a slight wetness trickle from between my thighs. Oh, God, it’s happening! I’m losing my baby! “Please help me!”

“What is going on?” Ben demanded as he kept his hold on my hand.

A nurse came up and blocked him from my view, forcing him to release my hand. “Sir, we’re going to have to ask you to leave.”

“I’m not leaving her!” He growled, firm.

I reached for him desperately as he tried to get around her, “Ben!”

In the next instant, Dr. Kef came running in with the other nurse plus two more. One look and she began barking orders at the nurses. When she turned to the nurse blocking Ben, she said, “Take him to get some scrubs.” He was pushed out of the room and out of my sight. Looking helplessly at me as I continued reaching out for him. Don’t leave me, please!

As the nurses scrambled around to follow her instructions, the doctor turned to me, “Ms. Niima, you’re having a placental abruption, which means the placenta is detaching from the uterine wall, making it difficult for the baby to get oxygen. We’re going to take care of you but I’m going to need you to stay as calm as possible, okay?”

“Is my baby going to die?” I asked through the pain. She didn’t say anything at first. “Answer me!”

“I’ll tell you, right now. Truth is, this is deadly for both of you.” She gently placed her hand on mine, her eyes unblinking, “But, we’re going to do everything we can, okay? You’re still early, however the baby’s developed enough to where she might be just fine. We’re going to need to perform an emergency cesarean, alright?”

I stared into her eyes, unblinking, “Do whatever you have to do, I don’t care what happens to me! Save her! Please!”

She gave a firm nod, then to the nurses. “Alright, we’re going to wheel her into the operating room.”

Everything flew past me in a blur. I remembered being moved into a different room. Smaller. Even more sterile than the last. The nurses all moved about as they prepared me for the operation. I just kept staring straight ahead. I didn’t even feel the long needle being inserted into my spine as the anesthesiologist injected me with a numbing agent before the anesthetic. I did notice the bottom half of my body going numb as they laid me back down. My hair had been put up in a condor bouffant cap while I stared up at the lights in deep thought. I couldn’t feel the nasal cannulas being put into my nose. I didn’t even notice the anesthesiologist inject me in the spine with a numbing agent or the anesthetic.

All I could think about was the impending doom that has been given to me. I was trying to keep breathing even so as not to cause any more potential harm to my daughter. But it was a fruitless task. There was a good chance that only one of us was going to leave this room when it was over. If my baby didn’t make it, I don't know what I would do. Everything I had done up to this point had been for her. Now, I may not even get the chance to hold her.

They hung a blue drape over my chest as the door opened and I could tell that it was Dr. Kef behind the mask and hairnet. I vaguely remember her asking me if I was alright as she brought the blanket up to my chin. I just nodded and then she informed me that they were going to proceed with the cesarean. 

Another doctor came in and sat on a chair next to me. I didn’t pay him any mind at first. I’d just assumed that he was there as an extra precaution. Then I felt a hand rest on my shoulder and I turned to him.

When honey-brown eyes looked back at me, I recognized him immediately. “Ben?”

He nodded gently. “Yeah, Rey.” He said, his voice muffled. He was wearing a surgical mask. “I’m right here.” His hair had been pulled back into a medical cap which revealed his large ears and he was wearing blue scrubs. If it hadn’t been for his eyes, I probably never would’ve guessed it was him.

My eyes watered as I looked at him. “You’re really here.”

He moved his hand up so he could stroke my forehead. I could see his eyes crinkle up as he smiled through his mask. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

I choked on a sob of relief as he reached down with his other hand to hold mine. I squeezed his fingers as I confessed, “I’m scared.”

“I know,” he said comfortingly. “I am too.”

“Ben, you’ve done so much for me up to now. You’ve been my friend and confidant throughout this pregnancy and you’ve proven time and again that you would always protect me.” I told him earnestly. “But there’s one more thing I have to ask you.”

He leaned in close, his eyes intense. “Anything.”

I swallowed once to moisten my throat as the words slipped out of my chapped lips. “If I don’t make it—no—let me finish, please.” I stopped him before he could interject. “If I don’t...survive this, I want you to take care of the baby.”

“Hey, don’t talk like that!” He said with an insistent shake of his head. “Listen, you’re gonna be fine. Okay? Nothing is going to happen to you or the baby.” His thumb rubbed against my temple. “You’re not dying today, Rey. She needs you.”

“Please, Ben,” I implored him as tears streamed down from my eyes. “I have no family. You’re the only person I can ask. Armitage might not claim her and she could become a ward of the state. I do not want my daughter to go through what I did in foster care.”

“That will never happen.” He swore, his voice low.

“Then promise me that you’ll take care of her,” I begged him again. “I’ve never trusted anyone in my life until I saw you again. You protected me when I was a defenseless little girl and found me again years later to protect me as a pregnant mother. If there’s anyone who can keep her safe, it’s you.”

His eyes slammed shut as if he were in pain and he hung his head low. His fists clenched tightly as if the bones would protrude from his knuckles while he bounced his knee in contemplation. If the room wasn’t filled with medical personnel, he probably would’ve got up and paced the room until he made a hole in the floor. 

Eventually, he lifted his head to meet my eyes. His red and glistening with tears. “Alright. Alright, sweetheart. I promise that,” he choked, “if you don’t make it, I’ll take care of her. I’ll raise her and cherish her as if she were my own. She won’t live a single day without knowing a parent’s love.” He reached for my hand and brought to his covered lips to lay a kiss. “I promise, Rey.”

I smile through my tears, overwhelmed with gratitude. “Thank you.” My baby was going to be safe. That was all that mattered. If anyone could keep her safe, it would be Ben. In the end, that’s all I want.

“There she is!” I heard the doctor announce with excitement. Both of us turned our heads in towards the sheet. “Okay, we’re almost there. Almost...”

Please! I thought desperately as I tried to listen. Let her be alright! I’ll do anything, just let my child live!

“Okay, we got her!” Dr. Kef announced and I almost sobbed in relief when I caught a glimpse of something slimy and red over the curtain.

But it was quiet. Weren’t newborn babies supposed to cry? Why wasn’t she crying? I looked at Ben briefly and he too had the same expression of terror as I must’ve had. No!

Then there it was. The most beautiful thing I had ever heard. The sound of a newborn's wail. Oh, it was so loud but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

When the doctor asked about cutting the cord, I looked to Ben and said, “Go, I want you to do it.”

He nodded once and he was then directed to stand close to the sheet and reached over. I heard a short snipping sound and then I saw something small and wrapped in a towel being placed in his arms. It was her.

Ben was sobbing happily as he looked down at the screaming newborn before bringing her to me. “She’s beautiful, Rey! She’s so beautiful! Here,” he brought her down to my eye-level. He was right. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

Her face was scrunched up tightly while her arms and legs moved about. Gumless mouth wide open as she continued to cry. My arms had been bound to my chest for safety measures, so I couldn’t hold her. But I could see her perfectly.

“Alice.” I breathed. It just came out. All these months of indecisive name picking had suddenly come to an abrupt halt. “My Alice.”

One of her tiny hands flailed around until it hit me on the cheek. It didn’t hurt. In fact, I loved it. It seemed that that little touch was all she needed to recognize me. Because she reached out again, this time placing her whole arm under my chin. Holding my face close to hers as cries simmered down to small whimpers.

“Hello, darling.” I greeted her for the first time. She knows who I am. She knows I’m her mum. “You’re absolutely perfect. I love you, Alice.” I could feel it happening then. I was losing my hold. On cue, the monitors began to blare loudly but I could barely hear it. 

“She’s lost too much blood. She’s going into shock!” Someone called out. I couldn’t tell who. Maybe the doctor?

My surroundings became blurry and my hearing muffled. “Rey?” That was Ben, I think. It was getting harder to tell what was what and who was who. Alice’s cling to me was the only thing I could decipher from everything else. All I could do was look at her from the corner of my eye as Ben’s blurry silhouette pulled her close to him. “Rey, can you hear me?”

I tried moving my lips to reply, but I couldn’t. My eyes were unable to stay open as the overwhelming desire for sleep came upon me. This was it. I was falling. I was going to die. I would never be able to watch my daughter grow up. But it’s alright. Alice was safe. Ben would take care of her. That’s what mattered more than anything. I could let go now. 

“Rey, please hang on!” I could still hear him. He sounded scared. “Don’t you die on me! Please, Rey!” It’ll be alright. I tried to tell him, but I still couldn’t move my lips. “You can’t leave me now! I lo—”

It was like I was underwater. I couldn’t hear him as clearly anymore. His voice sounded further and further away. My body couldn’t hold out much longer. It was time.

The last thing I heard before the darkness could completely claim me, was his frantic voice calling out to me.

“REY!”

Chapter Text

It felt like I was floating. There was no sense of when or where I was. I was just here, in a plane of existence. Wherever ‘here’ was. It was as if my mind and body were stuffed with cotton.

The last thing I remembered was looking at my daughter Alice in Ben’s arms. Feeling content that she was going to be safe and that I could leave them without worry. That’s probably what happened. I must be dead. Or somewhere in between before I crossed over.

I couldn’t move nor speak. But I could hear. Someone was talking to me. Reaching out to me through the void.

“Rey,” They started, “Please, wake up.”

It sounded like Ben. Wherever I was, I could still recognize his voice.

“There’s so much left here for you to do.” He said imploringly. “You’re strong and empowering. You’ve worked so hard your whole life to get where you are, you can’t leave now. You can’t go before watching Alice grow up.” I heard him sob. “She’s doing so great. The doctor said she’s as healthy as can be. They’ll take her out of intensive care in a few hours. Oh, Rey, she’s spectacular. She’s barely even a day old and I love her so much already. In these last few hours since she’s been born, I’ve seen that same fighting spirit you have in her.” There was a short moment of silence before he spoke again. “I know I promised I’d take care of her and I will...but I want you here too. Alice needs you. I need you. There are so many things I haven’t told you yet. Things you need to know. But I can’t say them if you don’t wake up, Rey. Please, come back to us. Come back to me.”

That was all I heard before I slipped away into the darkness once more.

More time passed before I was pulled forth from the fog again. Things seemed to come to me more clearly and I became more aware. For the second day in a row, or the third, I woke up in a hospital bed. My eyes slowly opened and I could see the fiberglass ceiling above me. To my right I saw, hanging from the rack, two saline bags. One filled with clear liquid and the other...dark red. What in the world?

I let out a hiss of discomfort when I felt a new soreness on my lower abdomen. Out of instinct, my hand went up to stroke my belly and search for the life that grew within me. Only, instead of a firm roundness, I was met with loose and stretchy skin. Startled, I looked down and saw that my stomach was less than half the size it was when I last looked at it. Then I felt it. The emptiness. Something missing.

Where’s my baby? I looked around the room with a new sense of panic. What happened? Where is she? Who took her? In seconds, I was hyperventilating. My baby was gone!

Before I could start screaming and demand to know where my child was, someone walked in. My head swung in the direction of the newcomer and was met with a familiar face. “Han?!”

The older gentleman jumped in surprise when I’d called his name. His eyes widening with relief as he stepped towards my bed. “Oh my God, Rey, you’re awake!”

Feeling perplexed and scared, I reached for him. He put down a cup he’d been holding and came to stand by my bed. When he was within reach, I grasped his hand in an iron grip, my voice shaking with terror, “My baby! Where is she? She’s gone!”

His eyes softened and he took a seat, never letting go of my hand. “Rey, do you remember anything?” I shook my head furiously and he kept going, his voice comforting, “Okay, try to stay calm. The doctor said you might wake up confused and disoriented but it will come back to you.”

“Where. Is. My. Baby?” I demanded desperately, squeezing his hand.

He didn’t even flinch from the death grip I now had on him. His voice remained calm and even, “Alice is being discharged from the intensive care unit as we speak. Ben’s with her now.”

My breath caught, “Alice?” Suddenly, I remembered. All of it. The park. Armitage. Waking up in a hospital room similar to this one. Ben coming. Being rushed into an operating room. Seeing my baby for the first time before falling into the depths of darkness.

“My Alice,” I whispered and rubbed my temple with my other hand. The memories came with a new headache as my brain tried to put the pieces of the puzzle together. “She’s alright?”

I saw some moisture collect in the corner of his eye before he brushed it away. “She’s amazing, kid. And she’s going to be just fine. She’s well developed for 37 weeks. They were mainly worried about her lungs, but they’re in good shape. I gotta tell ya, they’re impressive. She could sing opera when she gets older.”

“Oh, thank goodness,” My body deflated as I became overwhelmed with relief. I let myself sink into the mattress and relax. But, when I moved, my stomach stung in protest. “Ow,”

He let go of my hand and stood, “Are you in any pain?”

I nodded slightly, “A little. In my stomach.”

“I’m not surprised.” He said with a shake of his head. “C-sections are no joke. They’ll be here any minute, so the doctor may be able to give you something. But I can’t say for sure.” Then he smiled. “Ben is going to be over the moon when he sees you’re awake. He’s been with Alice all night. He would only leave her for a few minutes at a time to check on you while you rested.”

“How long was I asleep for?” I asked, dreading the answer. Last I remembered, it wasn’t even night when I was taken into surgery. The sun was already high up in the sky now.

“Let me see here,” He lifted up his wrist to examine his watch. “I got here about a half-hour after Alice was born. That was not long after 7 pm. So a little over thirteen hours.” 

“Thirteen!?” My mouth fell open in amazement, “He stayed with her all that time?”

He smirked, “A herd of elephants couldn’t pull him away from her. I swear that she’s going to be superglued into his arms when you’re not watching. He even came in with her to see you once. Keeping her in one arm while holding your hand with the other. He thought it might help you wake up quicker.”

“He sat with me?” I asked, bewildered.

“Every forty-five minutes.” He confirmed. “He was a mess. Almost sick with worry. I offered to stay so he could go home and get some rest, but he wouldn’t hear it. He didn’t want to leave either of you.”

“And you?”

He shrugged, “I came last night after I walked and fed Bronx. Just got back a while ago after taking him for another walk this morning. Kept your snoozing self company while he stayed with Alice.”

I raised a brow jokingly, already at ease. “You sure you didn't just come to drag me back to work as soon as I was conscious?”

“Don’t tempt me, kid.” He said with fake firmness. “Ben was beside himself and I was worried too. You came pretty close.”

As if he could sense us talking about him, the man in question walked through the door. But I didn’t have a chance to greet him. The moment he saw me he shouted my name, shot over and encased me in a warm bear hug. I barely got to even look at him before he pulled me against him.

Before I could protest that he was squeezing me a little too tight, he murmured shakily, “I was so worried.”

Touched by his concern, I forgot about his death grip and hugged him back. “I’m okay, Ben.”

His hand came up to cradle the back of my head, keeping his face burrowed in the crook in my neck. “I thought I lost you.” I could feel slight moisture on my skin. Was he crying? “When you lost consciousness I thought that was it. Don’t ever do that again.”

“I’m sorry,” I told him sincerely. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

He gave me another squeeze before pulling away to look me over. I could finally see his face clearly. He looked like he'd been through hell. There were dark bags under his eyes. His long hair, which he usually kept combed and neat, was disheveled and hanging around his face. He also had a shadow of some stubble growth around his mouth. I’d never seen him so unkept before.

Behind him, I saw a nurse and Dr. Kef walk in pushing a stainless steel bassinet. My breath catching when I saw something swaddled with a blanket inside. My baby girl.

“You’re awake, Ms. Niima.” Dr. Kef with a relieved tone. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” I told her, “A little sore.”

She nodded with understanding, “That’s to be expected. The incision will hurt for a while and in a few days, we’ll remove the stitches.”

I bit my lip nervously, “When can I go home?”

“Hopefully in less than a week.” My mouth fell open and she continued, “It’s a normal recovery period after a c-section and you also had a placental abruption, remember? You lost a lot of blood and you almost died. We needed to give you a transfusion.”

“That explains that,” I said, looking up at the plasma bag filled with red liquid. I could finally see the blood type letters printed on the label. 

The doctor came closer and offered a happy grin, “Would you like to hold your daughter?”

My throat became dry and I swallowed with a nod. “Yes, I want to see her.”

The nurse behind her picked up the tiny bundle and brought her over to me. Seeing the face of my daughter clearly for the first time instead of under the influence of numbing agents and blood loss.

She gently placed her in my waiting arms, letting me get comfortable with holding her. I cradled her small head in my hand as I marveled at her pink face. She truly was perfect. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful than her. I made her. She was mine.

Her face twisted slightly before letting her eyes open. A slight grayish color that they’ll have for a few months until they change. They look around the room briefly before landing on mine. At that moment, nothing else existed. I could tell she recognized me as quickly as she had right after birth. There was no one else in the world except us. Like we were communicating in our secret language to one another mentally.

“Hello there, Alice,” I greeted her warmly. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

She blinked at me, curious. As if whatever she wanted was obvious. I looked to the nurse, “I think she’s hungry.”

“Your milk has come in.” Dr. Kef informed me, “Would you like to feed her?”

My face lit up with maternal excitement and I nodded eagerly, “Yes,” I let her take Alice so I can bring my hospital gown down to wear it barely hung above my breasts. They were already beginning to build with pressure. As if my body knew what I was about to do before I did it.

She placed a pillow under my chest as I straightened to sit up. Then she gave Alice back to me as I moved to place her head close to the skin.

Ben cleared his throat and gestured towards Han. “Let’s give them the room, Dad. Have some uninterrupted bonding time.”

Han smiled in agreement and stood up from the chair. “I agree,” He gave me a pat on the shoulder. “See you in a bit, kid.”

“We’ll be in the cafeteria,” Ben said before leaning in to press a kiss to my tangled hair. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you for staying with her,” I said with all my gratitude. “You have no idea how much it means to me.”

“I think I do.” He smiled, “It was nothing.”

They were followed out by both of the medical professionals. Leaving me alone with my daughter.

I gently lowered the gown, exposing my bare breast and then propped up her head so it was facing my nipple. I took my breast in hand and expressed some droplets of milk onto her lips, coaxing her to open them and latch on. It took a few tries, but she eventually found her way to the tip and suckled greedily.

This is my baby! I thought with excitement and fear. She’s finally here! After months of feeling and watching her grow inside me, I still wasn’t prepared to see how beautiful she was. Maybe it was because she was mine? Maternal pride welled up inside me as I watched her nurse. I think so.  

I saw my phone on the overbed table and brought it over to pick it up. Smiling when it turned on and showed that the battery was at full capacity. Either Han or Ben must have kept it charged for me while I was sleeping. I opened my camera and took a picture of her. Thinking I could send it to Armitage through a text in hopes that he may reach out now that she’s here.

I hit ‘send’ and it went to his messages. I watched it go on as ‘read’ and waited patiently for him to respond. Only for no response to come for some time. Each second ticked by as if time was slowing down. Then it lit up with a small vibration. He responded! But it wasn’t the excited new father that I had been hoping for.

Nope, it was the same areshole that felt I was too beneath him to even acknowledge with decency. I also noticed that he hasn’t even attempted to get a hold of me since I left the voicemail last night. Either he simply ignored it or didn’t care. Given this new response, I wouldn’t be surprised if it were the latter.

You wouldn’t dare!

Curious, I hopped into his social media pages and tried them...until I couldn’t find him. In Facebook Messenger, his picture was blank and his name read ‘Facebook User’. I went to his page and the whole thing was blank. I couldn’t find his Instagram or his Snapchat either.

The twit actually blocked me! I realized with outrage. He blocked me! Here I was, only hours after giving birth to his child and he’d fucking blocked me on social media. All because I told him that his baby was here.

I thought I was being the bigger person by giving him the opportunity to be a part of her life. That I was willing to let bygones be bygones so that we could move forward and be good parents. I was even willing to accept his new fiance in her life. Legally, she was going to be Alice’s stepmother and quite possibly the mother of any half-siblings she may have. I wouldn’t want to deprive her of knowing her brothers and sisters after being an only child myself. I had no family growing up and I didn’t want the same for her.

Did it really have to come to this? Apparently so. Even after all that was said and done between us, I still held onto some hope that he and I could come together and co-parent. But Armitage would rather believe she wasn’t his than even make an effort to prove otherwise.

But it didn’t matter. I would see to it that she never feels lonely. That, no matter what, she will always have people around her who care. I wasn’t the first single mother on the planet and I wasn’t going to be the last. Fathers too. She wasn’t doomed to a sad fate like I was. If anything, she was the light at the end of my own tunnel.

Here, in this moment. This was why I’m here. All of the trials I have gone through for this moment made it all worth it. Seeing her. Holding her. I would do it all again if it meant I would have Alice. From this day forward, my life was never going to be the same. Anything I do from now on will be connected to and for her until she’s an adult. The road ahead wasn’t going to be an easy one, but I can handle it. I have to be strong for her.

There was a tug on my nipple and she gnawed into it a little hard before continuing smoothly.

“Oh, Alice,” I murmured mournfully. “I’m so sorry. You’re only hours old and you have to deal with the issues resulting from my bad choices. I have no other family to offer you. No grandparents, not even a father.” I paused before lowering my voice. “But I do have lots of friends. And I promise that they’ll be a better family than you could ask for. You have a village, little one. People who love you.”

“I don't know how good of a mother I will be,” I confessed to her, “I know it’s not going to be easy. But I can promise that I’ll do my best. I’ll always put your needs above my own. You will always come first.”  When she pulled away from my nipple, I brought her up to my shoulder to pat her back. After she let out a small burp, I brought her down to rest against the skin below my neck. “We’re going to be alright, darling.”

Ben rejoined me in my room sometime later after Alice dozed off. Frowning when he saw the disappointed look on my face. He sat down on the bed next to me and took my hand, “Hey, what’s the matter?”

I kept my eyes down on the sleeping babe. Worried that if I looked at him, I may break down. “It would seem that Armitage has decided once more that he is not her father nor does care to find out for sure.”

“What do you mean?” He asked quietly.

Clearing my throat, I reached for my phone and unlocked the screen. “Have a look. The messages are right there.”

With a furrow of his brow, he took the device from me and looked at what I was talking about. In a split second, his expression went from confused to aggravated to the point where he started shaking. “That son of a—”

“Ben,” I whispered scoldingly. “Language!”

He paused, glancing down at Alice before muttering, “...biscuit.” He put my phone down and crossed his arms. “What is he, in the tenth grade? Are you sure he graduated high school?”

“I was there,” I confirmed. “But maybe he cheated on his tests.”

“I just don’t get it.” He murmured. “How can a man commit so much time to a woman, only to abandon her because he got bored of her? A woman carrying his child, no less. He’s so insecure that he’d rather believe you cheated on him than to step forward and be a father.”

I smiled at him sadly, “Well, he’s not the first man to behave that way, Ben. There are plenty out there just as spineless as he is.”

He nodded, “I know. It’s just, he has the chance to find out and he’s choosing not to.” He let his eyes wander over to mine. “If I thought for a second that there was a baby out there that could be mine, I wouldn’t hesitate to find out. Even if it was unlikely, I would do it for the baby’s sake. If I wasn’t the father, then that would just mean there was one less man to narrow down. If I was, I would do my part and step up.”

“Not everyone is as honorable as you are.” I reminded him. Then, even though it pained me, I said, “One day, hopefully soon, you’ll be able to have that experience with the woman you love. Have that happy life and raise a family with her. Whoever she is, I know she’ll be lucky to have you.”

His face became solemn and he said, “I hope so.”

In truth, the thought of seeing Ben marrying and having kids with somebody else hurt. It was selfish of me, but I couldn’t help it. I needed to get used to the idea. He deserved to have the best of everything and we were just friends. That’s all we were and that alone was more than enough. My bed has already been made. I accepted it the moment Armitage slammed the door in my face.

“What are you gonna do?” He asked with new worry.

I shrugged, “What I’ve been doing. Move forward without him.”

“Are you really going to take him to court?”

My eyes remained trained on Alice, “I think so. It’s only for her sake. We both made her, so whether he wants to admit it or not, he should still be held accountable. He was prepared to have us live on the streets with nothing while he carried on with his life. He’s just as responsible for her as I am.”

He didn’t say anything in response. Instead, he just kept silent while we watched the little one sleep in my arms. Unaware of the drama playing out around her.

A few minutes later, the same nurse that brought her in earlier returned with a clipboard in hand. She produced a sheet of paper and a pen, “Alright now, Ms. Niima.” She started, “It’s time to fill out Alice’s birth certificate. May I please have the first and last name of the father?”

Flashes of what I had seen yesterday as well as the messages that were still glowing on my phone came flooding back to me. But I knew this moment was coming. “Arm—”

I was interrupted when I felt Ben’s hand on mine. He looked up at the nurse and said, “Excuse me, nurse, but can we have the room for a moment longer? There’s something we need to talk about.”

Both the nurse and I looked at him questioningly before she relented and put the pen back in her pocket. “Sure, not a problem. Just hit the call button whenever you’re ready.”

When she was gone, I turned to face Ben, mindful of Alice still under my chin. “Is something wrong?”

“Rey,” He tightened his hold on my hand. His eyes bore deeply into mine, nervous, “Say the word, and I’ll put my name on the birth certificate.”

“What?” I croaked, “Ben, she’s not—”

“I know she’s not,” He said, cutting me off. “And by blood, she never will be. But that doesn’t mean I can’t still claim her. That way, no matter what happens, she’ll be taken care of. She would inherit from me.”

I gawked at him in amazement, “You would do that?”

He nodded as he lifted a hand to run a long finger up and down her soft back. “Absolutely,” Then he took hold of her tiny hand. “I said that I would help you take care of her. By claiming her as my daughter, this could give her some security and you don’t have to torture yourself with that jerk. He didn’t even have the balls to show up for her birth. Even now, he’s not man enough to come here and find out if she’s his. He doesn’t deserve to have his name on her birth certificate.”

I was suddenly filled with a new sense of excitement. If Ben claimed Alice, I wouldn’t have to worry about Armitage ever again. He still refused to acknowledge that she was his even though he damn well knows it. A large child, that’s what he was. Alice deserved better. Ben, on the other hand, was a good person. Selfless and honorable. Not to mention protective. She would be lucky to have a man like that as her father.

There was a snort on my chest and I glanced down to see her attempt to rub her nose on my skin. I reached a tentative finger to rub the small appendage for her. She settled almost immediately and snuggled back into the blanket. Then I saw it. It was as quick as a flash but I could also feel it. In her short hours of life, I could already detect some of her father in her.

Armitage had made his point clear when he texted me back earlier this morning. He had no intention of being in her life. But that’s not her fault. It was mine. I thought I knew the man I was with and, in truth, I didn't have a clue. She didn’t ask for any of this nonsense so she shouldn’t have to pay for my misjudgment. 

I met Ben’s eyes and placed my hand atop of his, “Ben, as much as I appreciate what you’re offering, not to mention grateful, I can’t let you do that.”

He looked taken aback. “Why not?”

“Because, at the end of the day, she is still half his.” I expressed gently. “Biologically speaking anyway. I don’t think it’s right for me to hide him from her when she has the right to know where she comes from."

“Does she really have to know?” He asked tentatively. “Wouldn’t it be better not knowing that the man who made her is a selfish jerk?”

I chuckled, “I suppose it would, but I want to be a better person. Taking shortcuts to make my life easier is not how I want this to go. I can’t even hate him because she wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him. I chose to lay down with him so I have to own it. This isn’t about me anymore, it’s about her. And I don’t want to start our lives together with a lie. She deserves the truth.” I looked down at her perfect little face. My whole universe held in my arms. No, as much as I’d like to, I can’t choose who her father is. No matter how much time will pass, half of her will always be his. “Not just that, but what if there’s a medical instance where I may truly need her father’s family? I know nothing of my own family’s medical history and they’ve already confirmed to me that we don’t have the same blood type. It could actually save her life one day.”

“I don’t want to hide anything from her. Pretending that he isn’t her father would make me feel like I would be denying a part of her. Yes, he left me, but he has given something far more precious in exchange. I don’t have it in me to hate him. One day, when she’s older, I can give her the full story.”

He squeezed my hand and murmured, “You’re amazing, Rey.”

“No,” I leaned down to place a small kiss on her beanie. “I’m a mother.”

The nurse came back a few minutes later. This time, without hesitation, I gave her Armitage's full name. But Alice would share my last name instead of his. Afterward, she proceeded to inform me that I could file for child support after proving paternity in court at a later date and would provide me with all the information I would need to go forward with it. 

When she left again, I turned to Ben again, “Perhaps, with your permission, you could be named as her godfather instead?” I offered. “That way, in case anything were to happen to me, legally she would be yours instead of being juggled at court with Armitage and his family. I doubt that he is going to sue for custody at any time soon. He seems more interested in pretending that we were never together to begin with.” I took in a nervous breath. “Would that be alright?”

The haughty grin on his face was all the answer I needed. Even when he said, “I would be honored, Rey.” 

Both Han and Ben went home that evening at my insistence. Promising that they would be back in the morning. The next day, I was cleared for more visitors. First, Rose and Zorii came together. Later followed by Kaydel and Phasma who came after her classes. Soon, my room was filled with pink balloons and several bouquets of flowers. Finn and Poe couldn’t leave but they would stop by later in the week before I was discharged. Which was fine. I was being smothered plenty by all of the affection and love from my female friends.

I’d finally been allowed to eat some regular foods aside from ice chips. However, I was going to be on a strict diet of vitamin-rich foods until I recovered fully. It didn’t matter. At least it was actually food. What they offered was alright. I was so hungry that I barely cared.

Each one of them had their turn holding Alice. Rocking her and singing to her while we all conversed quietly. She slept through most of it while we all gushed over her. Yes, she was going to be just fine. She already had four aunties on standby, ready to take on anyone who would dare to do her harm. They’re already talking about who was going to have the honor of being the first to babysit.

When it came to changing her first nappy, Rose and Zorri were the ones to direct me. Showing me the proper way to hold her and clean her. I’d taken some parenting courses, but it just proved that nothing prepared you for the actual thing. I was even intimidated by how much baby powder I was supposed to do. Unfortunately, that led to a small accident where I accidentally squeezed it facing upwards. Making a little white cloud of powder go up and had us all sneezing. Even Alice. The expression she gave me was something on the line of, “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

It was so funny that we all broke out into tears because we were laughing so hard.

Their enthusiasm was heartwarming, to say the least. It only reminded me of what I was thinking earlier. I had a healthy network of people around me that cared. I’ll never have to worry about Alice. She would be safe with any of them. There was not a doubt in my mind.

They all left around the same time later in the afternoon. Only leaving Ben and myself.

“I like your stache,” I commented dryly at the more visible facial hair.

He looked up at me with surprise and stroked it before smiling sheepishly. “Yeah, I forwent shaving these last few days and it’s finally caught up to me.” He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “How bad is it?”

I giggled, “It’s not bad. I’m just used to it shaved is all.”

“Well,” He started while stretching his arms over his head. “I’ll take care of it when I head back home.”

“Get some rest first.” I insisted, rocking Alice gently after having just fed her. I was starting to feel a little dozy from the endorphins. “I don’t want you scaring Alice if you walk in tomorrow with bandages all over your face because you fell asleep holding the razor.”

He rolled his eyes, “Oh, come on! That was one time!”

“Right, one time since I’ve been living with you.” I pointed out while rolling my own eyes. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m not perfect, I cut myself too and I feel way out of practice. I haven’t been able to shave past my thighs in months.” I let out a huge yawn and held her out towards him. “Would you mind putting her down for me? I’m getting a little sleepy.”

Instantly, he came forward and readily took her into the cradle of his arms. His eyes light up with joy, “Of course. Hey there, Princess.” She cooed happily in response as he rocked her back and forth. “Did you have a good day? You got to meet all the aunts that are going to spoil you rotten.”

“Not too rotten!” I said insistently with a shaky laugh.

He winked at me as he lowered her down into the bassinet, “Fine, just a little rotten.” With a gentle stroke of her head, he whispered, “Night night, Alice. I’ll see you and mama in the morning.”

I watched them interact with each other with a new sense of longing. If someone from the outside were to look in, they’d think he was the proud new daddy. I knew from the moment she was born that he loved her. It made me so happy that Alice had a man like him to be a positive male role model in her life. He was better than Armitage. He had no obligation to either of us whatsoever, but he still felt it his responsibility to be my support system and my friend.

Twice he has saved me now. Still, he asks for no reward. Only that Alice and I are safe. If I’ve learned anything over all the hardships I’d endured, it’s that there are still good people in the world. 

Chapter Text

I was finally released from hospital after a week and I was more than ready to go home. Alice was examined thoroughly by the pediatric nurses, given that she was born almost a month early. She ate well, had successful bowel movements, no issues with breathing, or any other problems. All things considered, aside from her small size, she was as healthy as could be.

What really had me worried was the car seat test. Amidst all the chaos that happened, Han had brought it over along with the hospital bag I had packed a few days before the incident. Dr. Kef and a nurse monitored her breathing, oxygen level and heart rate while she was in it. I was so stressed about something going wrong that I nearly broke skin as I chewed on my finger. We observed her for about two hours before they gave us the clear to take her home.

I gave my thanks to the doctor and all the nurses that helped to save our lives. They had done so much and I felt that there weren't enough words to describe my eternal gratitude. Of course, all of them promised that this was what they did every day. My respect for medical professionals was always high, but now, it reached up to the height of the stars.

It was recommended that I be pushed out on a wheelchair once I checked out. The nurse pushing me stayed with me and Han at the entrance while we waited for Ben to drive up. She oversaw that we put in the car seat correctly and that it was secured before we left. 

Introducing her to Bronx was a piece of cake. He was so excited when we walked in that he started doing zoomies around the room and jumping up on his paws. Ben had to keep a firm hold on him as I walked in, carrying the baby in the car seat. I placed her down on the floor and he immediately came over to sniff her. His big nose rubbing against her hands and blanket as he got used to her scent. When he was done sniffing her, his tail started wagging at a record pace and he let out a small half-bark of excitement.

One day, I caught him snuggling with her on the settee. He was laying on the corner with her curled into his side. Looking at us as if he was saying, “I don’t know who you think you are, but this is my baby. Not yours.” We knew that she had a protector from that day forward. He had become so protective of her that he wouldn’t let her out of his sight for more than a few minutes with the exception of bedtime.

Taking care of a baby was no easy job and I was so lucky I had Ben and the girls helping me out. He had arranged to take two weeks off work to help me with Alice while I was still recovering at home. I don’t know how single parents managed this with zero help. They all deserved medals. From the feedings to rocket poops, constant cleaning, spit-up, and crying, I was a mess. So was his apartment. Aside from my baby-proofing frenzy, there were toys, bottles, fresh diapers, and blankets everywhere so we always had what we needed on hand.

One day, when Ben and I had finally managed to get her down for her nap, we sat down for five minutes and then were out cold. It was so funny. Han had been scheduled to come over that day for a visit. When he arrived, he saw us both passed out and snoring on the couch while Bronx sat on the carpet rocking her in her cradle with his paw. Ben was laying downward with one arm hanging off the edge while I leaned back against the arm with my legs reclined atop of his. We were so tired that we didn’t even hear him come in.

He snapped a picture to show us when we woke up a few minutes later. 

I was expecting to lose a lot of sleep but that didn’t mean it wasn’t still exhausting. Some days I couldn’t even remember my own name I would be so tired. One morning, I was so groggy that I went to give Alice her pacifier and just shoved it in what I’d thought at the time was her mouth. It took me a few seconds to realize that, in my daze, I had accidentally given it to Ben. I was so mortified but he just laughed it off. I would say that it would depend on the day. On some, everything went smoothly. Alice would settle and there would be no problems or complaints. Meanwhile, on other nights it would take hours to get her to sleep.

Tonight was one of those nights. My ears were ringing as she continued to cry with earnestness. I rocked her gently in my arms. Desperate for her to settle down before she woke Ben up from down the hall. Or anyone else in the building for that matter.

“Please, my love, what can I do?” I kept rocking her as I walked around the room. Still, she kept crying and I was beginning to lose hope. Her cheeks were red as her gumless mouth remained wide open to release her unstoppable wails. Soon enough I was starting to sniffle too. It’d been going on like this for over an hour nonstop and I’ve never felt so hopeless. If I couldn’t stop my own child from crying at barely a month old, how was I supposed to raise her into an adult? It made me feel like I was already failing as a Mother.

A knock came from my door, followed by a groggy voice, “Rey? Is everything okay?”

Damn it! I thought, gritting my teeth. Ben was awake. I shouldn’t be surprised with the rate Alice had been going. Now I really couldn’t stop myself from crying. I called out to him, “Sorry, Ben, I’m just trying to get Alice to calm down.” Trying and failing.

“Can I come in?” He asked. “Maybe I could help.”

I sighed, hopeless. “Sure,” she could hear her own voice echo in her head, I promise we won’t be a burden. Right, so much for that. Liar!

The door opened and when he came in, I almost started sobbing. He definitely had just woken up. His hair was a mess, sticking out in every direction. His eyes were hooded and unlike his usual confident strides, he moved like a drunk elephant. When he rubbed his eyes and actually took in my disheveled appearance he looked concerned. “Rey, what’s the matter?”

“I…” I looked up at my reflection in the window and grimaced. There were dark bags under my eyes that were now soaked with tears. My scleras were bloodshot from lack of sleep and my hair looked like rats had been nesting in it. I sniffled, embarrassed. “I’m so sorry, Ben. I know I promised we wouldn’t be any trouble and I’m trying really hard. I swear!”

 “Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself.” He came forward and placed his large hands on my shoulders so I would face him. “Rey, I’m not upset. I just wanna help.”

“You don’t have to do that.” I shook my head, “I should be able to handle the rest. It’s my responsibility, she’s my daughter.”

“And she’s my goddaughter.” He stated, firm. “Rey, let me help.”

I was losing my resolve and I started to crack. Still, I rocked the screaming baby in my arms. Another few torturous minutes passed before I finally, in a broken voice, whispered, “I’ve tried everything.”

He let go of my shoulders and held out his hands towards Alice, “May I?”

With another sniffle, I nodded and gently placed the small bundle in his waiting arms. He smiled tiredly as she was handed to him. “Hi there, Alice, come here. Shhh, you’re okay.”  He cooed to her smoothly as he lifted her head to his shoulder with one hand then cradled her bottom on his forearm and started to bounce her. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with her.” Everything just started to spill out from there. Any composure I had at that point was out the window. “She’s not hungry, I didn’t overfeed her, her nappy is dry, I don’t see any teeth yet, there aren’t any pins in her,” I took a minute to catch my breath. All the while, Ben just stood there. Listening intently as he kept bouncing Alice in his arms. “Nothing is working.”

Right after I said that, Alice’s cries slowly started to simmer down. Ben and I watched closely as they lowered into small whimpers. I looked up at him, astounded. “What… how did you do that?”

He yawned as he kept up the same rhythm, “My mom told me that babies love it when you bounced from the knees as you’re holding them. Not sure why. She assumed that maybe it was because it’s a familiar motion to when they were still in the womb.”

I stupidly looked down at my knees as if they were scolding me. I felt like a complete idiot. I’d read something of that nature in one of the baby books. Why didn’t I think of it before? How could I forget something that simple? What kind of a mother am I?

“Rey, I can see the wheels turning in your head so hard that they’re about to fly off the rails,” Ben said suddenly, making me pause my mental tirade and look at him. I’d been so lost in my thoughts I didn’t even notice him putting Alice back in the bedside sleeper. His tired eyes held so much concern. He placed his hand on my back and nodded his head towards the door, “Come on,” he kept his voice as he led me out, leaving the door slightly ajar, but not before snatching the tablet with the baby cam. When we made it into the living room, he placed the device table and switched it on, then turned to face me. “What’s the matter? You’re not upset with me, are you?”

I shook my head and wiped away a tear with the heel of my palm. “I’m not upset with you, Ben, I’m upset with me. Furious actually. All I did was walk around while rocking her in my arms. Not once did I think to just stand still and bounce on my knees.”

“Rey, it’s just a little trick.” He sounded as if he was trying to reassure me. “I didn’t know for sure it would work until I tried it. I’ve seen Finn and Poe do it with their kids and not all of them were fond of it. It depends on the baby.”

“Yes, I know,” I said with a snort. “But I should have at least considered it. I didn’t even think of it. What kind of a mother does that make me?”

He blinked, “It doesn’t have anything to do with what kind of mother you are. You forget you’re also human and humans aren’t perfect.”

“It’s not that,” I said, furiously wiping away more tears. “It’s that…” I took a shaky breath, “she’s only three weeks old and I’m already doing a terrible job. How will I do when she’s two? Old enough for school? Or, heaven forbid, when she’s a teenager! I feel like I’m failing her already.” My body began to shake and I felt I was going into a full-blown panic attack. “She almost died because of me.”

At that, his eyes grew impossibly wide. “What are you talking about? When?”

“When she was born,” I said quietly. “It was my fault that I had the placental abruption.”

“How could that have been your fault?” He demanded, crossing his arms. “The doctor said it was stress that brought up your blood pressure.” 

I snorted, “Yes, stress that I caused. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did when I saw him.”

Those dark orbs widened with shock before narrowing into small slits, “Him? Him who? Reacted to what?”

Nice going, Rey! My inner voice berated at me. “Nothing.”

The arch in his brow told me he obviously didn’t believe that. “Are you talking about your ex?” When I didn’t answer, he asked again, “Did you see him that day?”

There was no dodging it now. He was bound to get it out of me sooner or later. May as well get it over and done with. “Yes, it was him. I saw him at the park just before I fainted.”

“What did he do?” He demanded, his tone dangerously low. “Did he hurt you?”

I shook my head, “No, he didn’t even see me.”

He blinked, “I don’t understand.”

“Do you remember, in the messages, he said that he was engaged?” I asked. When he nodded, I continued, “Let’s just say I can guarantee he wasn’t lying.”

“You saw him with his fiancee?”

“Oh, even better,” I growled. “I got to see him get down on one knee and propose to her in person.” The sob came out before I could stop it. “It shouldn’t have bothered me. But seeing the man that I thought I was going to spend my life with, eight months pregnant with his child, propose to someone else was like a knife had been stabbed into my heart. Like the last three years we shared never happened. Just like my own parents sold me away for drugs.”

I sniffed and took a shaky breath. “What is it about me that makes it so easy to forget?” He stiffened and I kept going. “Why would they just leave me like that? Their own daughter? I look at Alice and I can’t even imagine giving her away for all the money in the world. She’s everything to me. I don’t think there’s anything she could do that would make me not love her. So what could I have done at the age of five that would make them walk away?”

“Rey—”

“What did I do?” I demanded, hurt. “What made them so desperate that they had to pick drugs over me?”

“They were addicts, Rey,” He reminded me slowly. “They’re the ones that did the unthinkable. You were innocent.”

I broke eye contact and stared down at the floor. “Then what about Armitage? He said he was bored. Convinced himself that I cheated on him. Stole from me. I was pregnant and he let us get evicted. I was nothing but loyal to him and he’s turned his back on me. Three years of my life wasted. It’s as if I’m so irrelevant that I’m easy to forget.”

“I won’t forget you.” He promised me. “I never did. After all these years, you’re still precious to me. I would never abandon you. Just like Rose and the others. They love you.”

He was right about that. For the first time in my life, I had real friends. People that actually cared. Shared their own pain with me. I was able to relate to them. Alice already had more people in her life from the day of her birth than I have ever had in my entire life. Aside from that one incident with the brownies, none of them had any shady behavior. They were all sound of mind and good people. What I would have given to have that kind of love and devotion when I was a child. The fact that Alice had that, made me feel more than relieved.

“Rey,” He tried again. “Can you ever see yourself walking away from Alice?”

“Never!” I swore firmly. “I would fight Hades himself to protect her. She would have to be pried from my cold dead hands.” My parents may have left me and walked away without guilt, but I would never abandon Alice. Ever. I would die first.

He placed his hands on my arms in a comforting gesture, “Exactly. Don’t you see? There’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve already proven that you’re a better person than any of them could hope to be. Not to mention brave.”

“I thought my insecurity might cool down after I had Alice,” I confessed with a new sense of embarrassment. “But it seems it’s only gotten worse. I’m so afraid of being a bad mother to her. I never had any older female role models growing up. How do I know if what I’m doing is good enough?”

“You won’t.” He pointed out bluntly. “You can read as many parenting books as you’d like, it still isn’t enough to prepare you for here and now. From what I’ve heard, being a parent is the hardest job in the world and it never gets easier. All you can do really is figure it out as you go. So far, you’re doing alright.”

I snorted and gave him a doubtful look. “It doesn’t feel like it.”

“Would I lie to you?” He challenged me.

“I guess,” I admitted

He pulled me to his chest and wrapped his arms around me. Tucking my head under his chin. His hands rubbed my back as he whispered encouragingly, “This is just a touch of the baby blues. You’re gonna be fine. So will Alice. You’re doing your best and that’s what counts. You’d been left alone in a hard situation, but you pulled through okay.”

“Not without your help,” I said, muffled against his shirt.

He chortled. “Even without my help, you would’ve made it. You’re tougher than a bull.”

“I thought you were going to say stubborn as a mule.”

“That too.” I smacked his chest. “Ow!”

We’d both returned to bed and I couldn’t help but feel a little lighter. These last few weeks I’d been mentally fighting my two biggest fears. Something bad happening to Alice...or being a terrible mother for her. Both of them going at it in my head to the point where I was almost paranoid. To think that I thought the pregnancy hormones were a hassle.

Ben mentioned the baby blues earlier. I remembered reading about it in one of the baby books I’d borrowed from the library. Commonly occurs a few days after delivery and can sometimes last for weeks. I’d read about that, postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis as well. Luckily neither of those two were what I was experiencing but my heart went out to the mothers that did. It couldn’t be easy. Your own mind and body becoming your enemy because you only did what it was made for to procreate, I couldn’t imagine.

I was curled on my right side under the covers and one hand on Alice’s bassinet. A position that had become a habit after I’d come home from hospital. It felt comforting to me. To face my baby and keep a small hold on her.

My eyes opened slowly and, as I do every time I wake up, looked at the blurry image of my sleeping child. Sometimes there would be mornings like this one where I would just lay and stare at her. It was as if I were mesmerized. In a sense, I was. I created this beautiful girl. She was mine. My daughter. After eight months she was here with me. From being a tiny embryo growing inside me to being able to hold her in my arms was like I was in another plane of existence. Nothing else in this world mattered to me as much as her. Sure, I was going through a lot of stress with being a new mother, but I’d never been happier.

With slow and steady movements, I slipped out of the covers and padded my way to the bathroom.

I shut the door and rubbed my nose with an unattractive sniffle and took a look at myself in the mirror. Big mistake. I looked better than I did last night but not by much. Even with the extra two hours of sleep. It was then I noticed my engorged bosom. I never had a big bust to begin with, so one would think that I would be happy that it had grown. Yeah, not so much. I’d noticed my chest getting larger as the pregnancy had progressed but so was everything else from my stomach down to my ankles. While the water retention had gone down considerably, I was still bigger than I was before. That and I had stretch marks around my lower belly and on my breasts. I’d applied lotion religiously each day on the areas where they started to show, but some marks remained stubborn. It was fine. It wasn’t like I showed off my body often and I didn’t see myself getting back in the dating game any time soon or ever again. 

Rose warned me that it may take a while for my body to get back in shape if ever. Telling me to be prepared for the changes my body has gone through. Then proceeded to follow it by pointing out that I was literally giving life to another human being and that it takes a toll on the body so I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. Zorii said much of the same.

My breasts felt full and heavy. Like literal weights hanging from my chest. Hard and itchy. I’d been slowly introducing Alice to the bottle with good results. I thought it was a good idea to rotate from one to another. That way it would be easier to have her weaned. 

I washed my hands after using the loo before taking a damp rag under my shirt and on my breasts. Opening the door behind me as I bask in the feel of the cold cloth on my skin. The girls were even sorer than they were a few minutes ago and I often liked using a cold compress whenever they became a little too comfortable.

As if she could sense my discomfort, I heard a small gurgle behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see that she had woken. On cue, I felt my moisture gather around my areolas. But they were going to have to wait. With one last look at my untidy appearance, I went to pick her up and brought her to the changing table first. I’d like to pat myself on the back for getting much better at changing her. Whereas before I was intimidated, now it was as easy as replacing a car battery. At least for me. Now I can maneuver, clean and powder her without fail. With her being so young, I didn’t have to worry about her rolling over or failing about too much...yet.

A wet nappy leaves no one happy , was my new phrase I repeat like a mantra in my head whenever I’m hit with the smell. I had to give it to her, her poo could knock out a horse. Even Bronx would cringe at the smell and try to cover his nose. He was more dramatic than Ben when he first changed her. I swear the soul left his body after that first whiff much like mine had. But, like me, he got used to it quickly.

After disposing of the soiled nappy, I put a new one on her, lifted her from the table, grabbed a receiving blanket to put on my shoulder, sat down in the rocking chair, unbuttoned my nightshirt, and brought her hungry mouth to my breast. Finally getting some relief in my sore breasts.

I rocked us in the chair as she fed. By now, she’s figured out how to use her hands to where she would grasp the breast she was nursing from and squeeze so more milk would come out faster. Which was fine with me as long as she was latched. One time, when she first started doing it, she squeezed before she’d fastened and ended up squirting herself in the face. It’d been funny had she not gotten it in her eyes and nose.

After almost an hour and a breast-and-a-half later, she released from my nipple and rubbed her eyes with a yawn. Resting her head on my shoulder, I gave her some gentle pats. Hoping for a simple burp, but I knew the chances were 50-50. Sure enough, the unmistakable feeling of warm sludge landed on the receiving blanket by my ear. I was used to it by now and it never landed on my skin...anymore. The first time it happened, I’d forgotten the blanket, and she spat up all over my shoulder and it even trailed down my back. Ben thought it was hilarious until the same thing happened to him a few days later. Yeah, now I never go anywhere without at least two within reach.

Keeping Alice against me, I buttoned my shirt, threw the soiled blanket into the laundry hamper in the bathroom, walked back, and picked up a wrap from the crib. I had become a master at tying a baby wrap. Thanks to YouTube and a toy baby I had been practicing with, it had become super easy and I loved holding her this way. I could get things done around the flat and keep her close to me. It felt nice having her close to me. Sometimes, when I would be doing nothing, I would find myself with my arms wrapped around her. Staring at her beautiful face while she slept. One hand would reach up to stroke the light hairs on her head while the other would keep hold of her.

With her safely wrapped to me, I leave the room and head to the kitchen. Normally, I’d find Bronx waiting outside by the door waiting for us, but given the position of the sun, he was out with Ben on his jog. He’s made notions that he wanted to sleep in the room with us to keep watch on Alice but I wanted to wait until she was a little older and I moved her from the bassinet to the crib so he could sleep on the floor beside it. So, he settled with staying by the door. I thought it was cute so I purchased an extra dog bed so he wouldn’t have to sleep on the cold floor.

I opened the freezer and pulled out one of the bags that contained my milk. Placing it on the counter, I filled a measuring cup with some water, poured it into the GROWNSY bottle warmer Zorri had gotten me and plopped the frozen milk in with it. This was my typical morning routine. I’d get up, take care of Alice, prepare her her bottle, make some breakfast for myself, hopefully get a couple of bites in, and let her sleep while I puttered around the flat...usually.

I’d just taken the newly-sanitized bottle from the warmer when I heard the door open. “How was your jog?” I asked casually as I took out the bag and put in the bottle to be sanitized.

“It was alright. I forgot to check the forecast before I left and the air quality was awful.” He and Bronx joined me in the kitchen a moment later. Drinking from a water bottle. 

I couldn’t help but watch as the muscles of his neck work with each sip. Sweat dripping down his skin and soaked through his shirt. Sometimes I wondered if his entire physic had been carved by a sculptor from ancient Greece. He was beautiful. All of him. Sometimes I wondered what it would feel like to have his arms wrapped around me in more than a friendly way.

Before my imagination could wander too far, I looked away and slammed that thought shut. This is ridiculous! You need to have one of the girls watch Alice so you can go out and buy a new toy. Normally, I’d take run a mile or two on the treadmill but I wasn’t allowed to do any strenuous exercises for a while. 

He drank from the bottle until it was empty before bringing it over to the sink to wash it. “Sorry, I don’t mean to seem rude but I desperately need a shower.” He placed it in the dishwasher and turned to me with a grimace, “Would you mind setting up the coffee machine for me?”

“Sure,” I told him. “This is going to take a minute anyway. Enjoy your shower.”

He saluted me and disappeared into the hall. Leaving me to chew on a breakfast bar I’d taken from the cupboard. I’ve had a hankering for granola and yogurt these last few days. Especially GoGurts.

I had just poured the milk into the bottle when he came back in as I was screwing the nipple on. Wearing a clean pair of gym clothes. A charcoal-colored elemental baselayer t-shirt, TBMPOY sport joggers and ivy black high-top trainers. He also had a towel draped over his head as he dried his black hair. With his voice muffled, he said, “I feel like I can breathe with both nostrils again.”

I chuckled, “Good. Now, any chance you could watch Alice for a few minutes while I take a shower? I can’t honestly remember the last time I bathed.”

Giving his hair a few more rubs, he put the towel down and nodded. “No problem.”

With a sigh of relief, I gently lift her from the wrap and hand let him take her. He waited patiently while I unwrapped the blanket from myself before wrapping it around him next. Once she was safely tucked in, I said, “She might be hungry soon so I just finished her bottle.” I pointed to the bottle warmer, “It’s already warm and ready. But she may not need it yet. I’ll try to be quick.”

A groan rumbled in his throat and he said, “Relax, take as long as you want. You’ve earned it. I still got an hour before I have to leave and because of this little one, I’m going to need about three cups of coffee to get me through the day.” 

“At least you can have caffeine,” I muttered as I exited and retreated back to my room. Stripped and breezed into the shower in a blur. Not daring to even glance at my reflection, I avoided looking at myself bare for a while now. I don’t like looking at my scar. It just takes me back to when I thought I was about to die and would never going to see my baby grow up.

A moan that sounded almost pained escaped my lips as I was pelted with streams of warm water. First splashing my face before I went further under the spray to soak my hair. I grabbed my scalp massager to brush and massage the shampoo into my hair. Groaning with a small sense of relief as my scalp lost some of its tension. After, I clipped my hair up and scrubbed myself down with a loofah, carefully avoiding my incision. I even gave myself the luxury of some overdo shaving.

In fact, the first thing I’d done when we got back from hospital was shave my legs. They had gotten so bad that I wouldn’t be surprised if someone thought that they’d belonged to a man. Luckily it wasn’t so bad anymore. After I was done shaving, I turned off the water and hopped out. Toweling off before I rubbed lotion and Palmer’s cocoa butter onto my stretchmarks.

Once I was dressed, I rejoined Ben and Alice in the kitchen. He was sipping from a coffee mug with one hand while feeding her her bottle in the other. His eyes met mine with a small tinge of shyness, “Hey, I hope you don’t mind but there was no more milk in the fridge so I took some of hers.”

From the bottle? Uh oh. “I don’t, but I think you might.”

He frowned slightly, “Why do you say that?” Then brought the mug up to take another sip.

I felt my lips twitch as I tried to keep myself from laughing. “That’s breast milk.”

The mixture of embarrassment and shock on his face was one for the books. He hadn’t had the chance to swallow yet and not he just stood there like he didn’t know what to do. His Adam's apple bobbing up and down in contemplation.

I half expected him to spit it out. That would’ve been funny. Instead, to my surprise, he let the gulp he’d taken go down his throat in a smoothly. He looked down at the liquid thoughtfully and pursed his lips before looking down at Alice. “You coulda warned me, you know?” 

That did it. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I snorted and broke out into a fit of uncontrolled laughter. Soon enough, he joined in. His large muscled form shaking as he tried not to hold it back as to not scare Alice. Pretty soon, both of us were holding onto our stomachs while we tried to keep ourselves from falling over. Good thing he had a long waist, or he wouldn’t have been able to reach it with her still wrapped to him.

When we were finally finished, we both had tears leaking from our eyes. Ben was trying to keep himself balanced while holding onto the counter with one hand and Alice in the other. It took us a couple of seconds before we could breathe and form a coherent sentence.

“I’m gonna pick some up from the store after work.” He said followed by a cough.

I nodded, my face still sporting a smile. “Yeah, that might be a good idea. Here,” I pick her up from the wrap, seeing that she finished the bottle while we’d been laughing, and bring her up towards the receiving blanket draped over my left shoulder. “She’s already spat up on me earlier and I don’t want you to have to change clothes again after just taking a shower.”

He pulled the blanket and folded it neatly before saying, “Fun. The joys of parenthood, right?” 

“All the joys,” I confirmed and gave kisses to both of her cheeks.

Chapter Text

( 2 Months Later )

Things pretty much got easier with Alice as the weeks went on. I’d gained some more confidence as I took care of her. Everything appeared to come so naturally to me. From nursing her to reading bedtime stories. I knew she couldn’t really understand what I was saying to her verbally, but it was like she understood me on another level. I’ve truly begun to feel that becoming a mother has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

Alice is my reason to keep moving forward. She is why I wake up every day. My little baby. Sure, I didn’t plan on being a mother so young and the circumstances left little to be desired, but I had no regrets. I would never let myself fall again. Not when she needed me to be strong. I could do it. I would do it all for her. Nothing mattered more to me than for her to be happy and healthy. Seeing her tiny smiles made everything worth it.

It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, however. Somedays, being a mother was painful. There were still nights where she would refuse to sleep and keep everyone up with her. Sometimes, not even knee-bouncing would satisfy her. It was tiring but expected. I knew better than to think that that wasn’t going to stop for a while. On the nights where she slept well, except when she woke to feed, were ones I treasured. Being able to sleep for more than a few hours at a time didn’t happen often. Those first couple of months, it was all about sleeping a couple hours at night only to nap around the house at different times of the day.

When Alice reached two months old, I took her to get her first dose of shots and she wasn’t happy. When the doctor pricked her with that first needle in her thigh, she had the look of pure betrayal on her face before bursting into a fit of unstoppable tears. I felt so bad for her but I knew it had to be done. Especially since she was born premature. The pediatrician assured me that she was doing very well. Everything was normal and she was gaining weight at an acceptable rate. Unfortunately, next month would be her second dose and neither of us were looking forward to it.

My biggest worry was her getting sick. I knew that it could happen to her ultimately, I just hoped it happened some years later when her immune system would be stronger. Then again, I also know that if it does happen, there’s nothing I could do to stop it except take care of her. That didn’t mean I wouldn’t try to do whatever possible to prevent that from happening. 

Now, I had a new situation to worry about. Family court. I’d downloaded and filled out the application for child support when Alice was a week old and submitted it. I wrote down the address for Armitage’s mother because it was the only one I knew where he’d get it. Around a month later, I received a summons in the mail giving me a date and time for a court date. It also confirmed that he did in fact receive the paperwork and needed to be present as well. I knew they were likely going to ask for a DNA test.

This was a good thing. It meant that there would be no way for him to deny her after that. The court would even cover the cost so he won’t be able to say he can’t afford it. Which would take a load off my shoulders. However, there was one thing that kept nagging at the back of my head.

What if, after it was proven that Alice was his, he tried to take her from me? The idea terrified me. I knew the possibility of him filing for joint custody and I was more than willing to make some legroom for it, but what if he turned the tables and tried to get full custody instead? It would be just like him to try and take another jab at me by attempting to take her away.

Then the sensible part of my brain reminded me that, if he tried, he’d most likely lose because he would have to provide proof that he was the better parent. “My mum thinks the world of me,” wouldn’t hold much ground. I, on the other hand, had proof that I was living in a suitable environment, I was working full time, sound of mind, and that Alice was happy and healthy. Not to mention, I kept the text messages sent between Armitage and myself. It was a low blow, but I was prepared to use them in the event he’d act like I was the one who refused to test paternity.

One thing that was keeping my mind busy was that I was already three weeks out of maternity leave and back at work. Like Han promised, the garage didn’t fall to pieces while I was away the business was going well. As happy as I was to be working again, I had a new problem. I hated the thought of being away from my baby. The new mommy instincts going on overdrive and wanting to keep her safe and not being able to do it when I’m away. Ben offered to watch her on days he wasn’t working. Which I readily accepted because he was one of the few people I trusted her with. I’d later expressed to Han that I wanted to wait until she was twelve months before I enrolled her in daycare and he was very understanding about it.  He mentioned to me that Ben’s mother brought him to work too until he was about eight months. He believed that it had a positive impact on the baby. Then had the office in the back remodeled with laminated glass so I could leave Alice there and still be able to watch her while I was working on cars. He’d had a little area set up so I had a place to put her playpen. 

It was great to be back at work. Who’d think that the smell of motor oil would be missed? Apparently me. I was happy to get my hands dirty again. Running diagnostics, changing oil, replacing batteries; it was all like coming home. Except when I’d have to clock out to feed Alice or pump because my breasts would start leaking. I would wash my hands twice and remove my coveralls before handling her. Just to make sure I wouldn’t expose her to any chemicals. But she actually slept more time during the day so I didn’t have to pull away much. 

Everyone at the garage loved Alice. Han and Rose aside, the other mechanics loved watching her through the glass. Snap, who was hired not long after Rose, would stand and make goofy faces through the glass until he got a smile out of her. The grin he’d have after each time was always a joy to watch. She fit in well here. Even customers fell in love with her when they saw her.

Han even made a joke that he should make Alice the mascot to bring even more customers. I really did miss listening to his sense of humor. 

“So when’s your court date?” He asked nonchalantly as I was replacing a tire.

“Day after tomorrow,” I informed him after I tightened the last lug nut.

“Do you think your ex will show?”

I got up from my knees and put down the lug wrench on the roller cabinet. My hands landed on my hips as I let out a contemplative sigh. “I don’t know. I hope so. He signed the papers and mailed them in so it wouldn’t look good for him if he didn’t. I’m not holding my breath. It really could go either way.” 

He picked up a spare rag and handed it to me to wipe my greasy hands. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Oh, Han, don’t worry. It’s just a DNA test. There won’t be anything to it. It’s not like you can testify that you were there when Alice was conceived.” I teased.

His cheeks turned a shade of pink and he stuttered, “That’s true. Well, that’s it for this one. We got another that’s on the way. They called yesterday and told us what they needed to get done.”

“Is it the same chick, who called asking if we did paint jobs too?” We heard Rose asked from under the Volvo next to us. Her voice slightly muffled.

“The very same.”

I heard her growl, “She's not supposed to be here for another hour!”

“Correct,” He said and rubbed his eyes. “But I guess they think if they show up earlier then they can squeeze.”

“Figures,” She muttered as he walked away. “ My ears still got blisters from how long she kept me on the phone. I’m surprised we’re not on a first-name basis. I hope she likes waiting because I’m not helping her until done with this.”

“Want me to work on it for you? I just finished so I got some time to look at it until you’re done.” I offered her. Or, her legs, I should say because her upper body was still underneath the car.

“Thank you!” She said sweetly. We were both startled by a couple of loud honks that came from the opening. “Bet you that’s her. Once I’m done here, I’ll take over whatever you didn’t get to cover, okay?”

The honking persisted and I nodded, “Sounds good. I’ll try to leave you a lighter load.”

I followed the obnoxious noise to a 2005 Toyota Camry parked in front of the shop but no driver. Must’ve got out to look for someone. This was the one with a list of problems. Broken tail light, oil change, the works. After all the repairs were finished the customer wanted to have a smog test. No problem. At least, I didn’t think there would be.

Where have I seen this car before? I thought as I examined its beige exterior. I was just about to shrug and walk away, then I spotted the four-leaf clover dangling from the rearview mirror.

“Excuse me!” Someone called out. I froze. I recognized that voice. “Does anyone work here?”

The Irish accent alone was a dead giveaway. It was Armitage’s mother. Whom I haven’t seen since she denied me entrance to her home when I was still early in my pregnancy. I held back a groan and fought to keep my expression civil as I turned to with, what I hoped, was a nice smile. All I could feel was my face cracking like dry paint. I had to play it cool.

When she saw me, her green eyes widened slightly before narrowing into slits. Here it comes. “You little, tramp.”

“Mrs. Hux,” I replied coolly. “How goes it?”

“What are you doing here?” She demanded harshly.

I placed my hands on my hips and regarded her intently. “I work here. You know, so I can buy pampers and food for my baby. Turns out they're very expensive.”

Her upper lip curled in disgust, “Serves you right for spreading your legs like a little whore.”

Lightning shot up my spine. “I was good enough for your son.”

“Who do you think you are?” She demanded rudely. “Sending court papers to my house. Where do you get the audacity to do that? You were the one that let yourself get knocked up!”

“You don’t know the full story. I didn’t let anything happen.” I hissed. “I was on birth control for the main reason to prevent getting pregnant. But the baby is here and we both made her. I had to step up and take responsibility as her mother, which I am doing. Armitage needs to do the same.”

She huffed. “You just can’t leave him alone, can you? You’re obsessed! Do you know he’s engaged now? Why won’t you let him live his life?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, congratulations on your future daughter-in-law. He told me as such the day after our daughter was born.”

“Your daughter.” She tried to correct me. 

“Our daughter!” My voice had raised slightly. “This is why I’m taking him to court. Your son left me alone with little money left in my pocket and an eviction. It’s not like I’m conspiring against him. I’m holding him accountable. When two people engage in adult activities, they should expect adult consequences. I’ve had to take responsibility for bringing a new life into the world. So he should do the same.”

“You impudent bitch!” She screeched, her face turning red with anger.

“Hey, what’s going on out here?” Han’s voice boomed as he came from the office with a clipboard, Rose and Snap not far behind. When he spotted us, he walked over and asked, “Is there a problem, Rey?”

Mrs. Hux turned her back to me to face him, “Are you the manager?”

“I’m the owner.” He offered calmly. “Can I help, Mrs...?”

“Hux.” She finished for him. “I’m sure this girl has told you all sorts of horrible things about my son.”

His eyebrows rose to his hairline and I could see him put two and two together as he realized he was talking to Alice’s grandmother. He schooled his expression and kept his tone even, “Ma’am this is an auto shop, not a drama class. I don’t deal with spats or personal problems during work hours. I fix cars and sell parts, that’s about it. Now, what can I do to help you as a customer?”

She pointed her thumb back at me. “You can start with her. Your employee here has a vendetta against my family and I don’t want this slut anywhere near my vehicle! Keep her away and get me someone that’s competent!”

A shadow passed over his eyes and he glowered at the woman. The muscles in his jaw tensed as he contemplated his next words. He glanced over at me briefly and I just shrugged. Fine with me. The further away from her, the better.

He broke his stare from me and looked back to her with a knowing smirk. “No problem, ma’am. In fact, I'll do much better than that. None of my employees will come within a foot of your car.”

“You mean you’ll work on it yourself?” She asked, hopeful.

He shook his head, a new gleam in his eyes. “Nope. No one will be working on it. You’re going to drive it off this property, and then take it somewhere else.”

Her face turned absolutely purple, “You mean you’re not going to fix it?”

“Damn right I’m not.” He told her, all humor gone from his face. “I’m not going to provide service to someone who disrespects my employees. You insult one of them, you insult me and my business.”

“I’ll tell everyone!” She warned. “I’ll tell them that you’re discriminating against me because I’m her ex’s mother and you practice nepotism. You’ll never get any work from Yonkers.” She over her shoulder at me as she continued to speak. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s slept with you to get a job.”

It went dead quiet. Behind him, I could see Rose and Snap standing there with their mouths wide open in shock. I too was amazed at the accusation. While I knew she never thought that highly of me, I never thought she believed I was that low. It stung more than it should have. 

“That’s it.” Han slapped the clipboard down on the table as the remainder of his calmness simmered away. “First you insulted my employee and then you just insulted my integrity as a business owner. Now, you’re gonna listen to me. I’ve heard what you had to say and now it’s my turn.” 

She stepped back, dumbfounded at his new hostility. Served her right. As we stood there waiting and listening, more of my coworkers had come over to listen in on what was going on.

“One, I am open and willing to take care of any customer that comes in my store, regardless of history they may or may not have with my staff. But I’m not going to just stand by and let them take the abuse from somebody nor will I tolerate someone I’ve never met try to defame my character in my place of business. Rey is one of the best mechanics I’ve come across in forty years. Shows up on time, professional and gives it her all every time she comes in. Now,” He rubbed his chin, “While it has been a while, I’m not so desperate that I would sleep with a woman young enough to be my daughter just to work here. Maybe your husband would, but not me.”

Rose fell back against a car as if she couldn’t handle how badly he just burned her while Snap and the other guys pumped their fists in the air. I had to cover my mouth too to keep my own laughter at bay.

Mrs. Hux turned an even darker shade of purple and she even stomped her foot with her next jab, “How dare you make assumptions about my husband! We’re happily married!”

Han held his hands up in fake surrender, “Sure, whatever you say. I’ll just take your word for it.”

She flat out screamed, “Just you wait! I’ll have you bankrupt by the end of the year and all of you will be out of the job!”

“Lady, did you not notice the ‘Smile, you’re on camera!’ sign on the door when you first walked in?” He asked as he pointed upwards. “Why don’t you show it your pearly whites?” All of us looked up at the monitor that showed a live feed of the three of us at an angle coming from a security camera that happened to be facing where we were standing.

Han continued with some newfound mirth, “It captures audio too. So, if you start any rumors, threaten my business or my employees again, I promise you that this will go online and you’ll be the next viral Karen.”

For a few moments, she didn’t reply. She just kept her eyes on the monitor looking back at herself. Then turned and she sneered at me, “Your little bastard isn’t getting a penny from my son, understand?”

A wave of anger flowed through me from the tips of my toes up to my hairline. The words came out before I could stop them, “You can say whatever you want about me. I’ve heard it all growing up. But let me make one thing clear,” I kept my eyes even with hers as my voice got dangerously low, “ Never insult my child or call her derogatory names. She’s done nothing to deserve it. And for you to feel the need to downgrade a baby just to feel better about how your own son turned out just proves how entitled you really are.” I fought to keep my composure while my anger continued to boil from within. “I could throw insults about Armitage at you to the moon and back, but I haven’t done that, have I?”

“You’ve insulted him plenty!” She loudly insisted.

I held a finger up, “Stating facts and insulting someone are two different things.” She opened her mouth to retort something, but then immediately shut it. I knew I had her then. “Here’s another fact; that ‘bastard’ is your grandchild. Your blood. Whether you like it or not.”

She wanted to retort but I could see a speck of doubt in her eyes. Sure, she believed every word that came out of Armitage’s mouth. But she was smart enough to know that he was sleeping with me when I got pregnant. She just hoped that he wasn’t the only one. Bad news for her.

She left without another word. Just got into her car and drove away. 

I kept watching until her car faded from view. Didn’t even realize that I was shaking until someone placed their hand on my shoulder. “You okay, kid?”

It was Han. I just exhaled and said, “Yeah. We’ve never really got along. I think she only tolerated me before because I was dating Armitage. Now that he and I are no longer together, she can finally call me names to my face.”

“Well, she’s not going to do that here.” He promised. “And that goes for everyone else too. If anyone comes in here and starts causing problems for any of you, you come to me and I’ll handle it. I said it when we first opened; this is meant to be a safe environment for customers but also for you guys. You give respect and you’ll get respect. Bottom line.”

I heard the sound of a single clap. Followed by another clap...and another. Soon enough, everyone, including me, was clapping. People whistling and hollering as if we’d just witnessed somebody score a final goal. Han truly was an amazing boss. We all agreed.

“Alright, that’s enough!” He said as the noise began to die down. “I love all of ya. Now get back to work. Go on! Except you,” He turned to me when I was about to head back as well. “Go take your lunch. You’ve earned it. Spend some time with Alice.”

I wasn’t even hungry. I spent my whole lunch with Alice in my arms. Just watched her sleep. It was hard to explain, but it was like I just needed to hold her. It kept me grounded. Mrs. Hux’s words really hit deep, especially what she said about her. The first thing that came to mind at that moment was wanting to pound her face in. The second thing was to take Alice and run away.

She couldn’t hear anything from the office and if she had, she wouldn’t have understood. But I still felt like I had to defend her. She’s my daughter and I just wanted to protect her. I didn’t have anyone to look out for me and I refused to let that history repeat itself with her. I knew that I couldn’t protect her from everything. But I could damn well try.

After I clocked out, I drove to a nearby fabric store in town. Ben had invited me to a Halloween party they have at the gym every year. They hosted a halloween contest for the kids and teenagers. There wasn’t much for the adults to do per say, but he mentioned that the staff liked to bring their kids along. I told him I’d think about it, but now I was more sure.

The store also happened to have some costume accessories as well as fabric. Probably for the Halloween season. There was enough for me to figure out what I could dress up as if put together correctly. Alice was easy. I just bought a yard of some black sheer fabric with sparkles for her. She had a full black onesie at home and I was confident that I could turn it into the perfect first costume.

I had already gotten home and was pinning the fabric to a pattern I’d made when I heard the sound of a key jingling in a lock followed by the front door opening. “Rey, you home?” Ben asked a little too loudly, making me flinch. I wasn’t afraid of him, I was worried he’d wake Alice up after it took me a while to put her down.

When hulking form came in from the main hall, I held my finger up to my lips and let out a “Shhh!” at him before pointing at the sleeping babe. He froze in place and we both turned to look at her, holding our breaths as we waited for her to awaken from his loud entrance. We stood still for a solid ten seconds before we were certain that she was still sound asleep. He glanced over at her before mouthing a ‘sorry’.

He tiptoed his way over to the coffee table I was sitting at and whispered, “I heard you had little trouble down at the shop today.”

“Dare I ask who couldn’t keep their trap shut?” I muttered, annoyed.

“Actually,” He started, “I heard it from Rose when she called Finn. He had it on speaker and I may have eavesdropped a little.”

“Oh,” I dropped my eyes back down to the fabric. “Serves me right for jumping to conclusions. There’s not much to say really.” I looked to see that he had plopped himself on the couch with an expectant look and I sighed.“Armitage’s mother came to the garage for some repairs. When she saw me, we exchanged some words.”

He bit the inside of his cheek. “I assume she didn’t invite you over for coffee.”

“No, did she give me an earful though.” I picked up the scissors and started cutting. “About how I was trying to ruin her son because I’m trash and blah blah blah. I swear, the more I hear her speak, the more grateful I am for her not letting me stay with them. I would’ve gone mad living under the same roof.”

“I heard Dad showed her the door.” He commented and I could almost hear him smirk.

I gave a confirming nod. “She threatened to make sure he lost business until he told her that everything she said was on camera and that he would upload it online under the ‘Karen’ category if she tried.”

He winced but had a sly grin, “Ooh that probably would’ve made gold on YouTube.”

Just the image of her face if she saw that herself acting like a total bitch on the internet made me laugh lightly. “Yeah, but I think she got the message and left with her tail between her legs.”

“Are you okay though?” He asked softly. “Rose said that she seemed to have really upset you.” I froze my cutting and he backtracked and said, “I mean, if you want to tell me about it, you can. But if you don’t, I respect that too.”

My thoughts slowly halted as I proceeded to cut the rest of the piece. “It wasn’t what she said about me that upset me. I know how she sees me. How she’s always seen. That hasn’t changed. It was what she said about Alice that set me off.”

Immediately he went rigid and his voice got even lower, almost a whisper. “What did she say about Alice?”

“It’s—” I took a minute to find the right words without getting mad again. I put the scissors and fabric down and sat next to him on the couch. “In a sense, she wasn’t wrong. But it was the way it was said. She said that my little ‘bastard’ was never going to get a cent from her son.”

“ What? ” His tone was almost a growl. Clearly he didn’t hear that part when he was eavesdropping on Finn’s phone call with Rose.

I held my hand up, stopping him before he got even angrier, “It’s over and done with now. Don’t worry, I didn’t take her saying that sitting down. I put her back in her place, let me assure you. But,” My voice caught and I felt his arm wrap around me/ but I forced myself to keep going. “The fact that a person could say something like about a baby. A baby that you could be related to, no less! I just don’t understand how someone could do that. I don’t mind insults, I can take them and I’m used to it. But Alice is just a baby. Why can’t she see that? None of this is her fault but I keep feeling like she’s doomed to suffer the consequences of my past. It’s not fair to her.”

His hand rubbed my arm soothingly, “You can look at this way; once it’s proven that she’s her granddaughter, you can use the footage to help you prevent her from seeing her. From what it sounds like, she probably won’t accept her anyway. But if your ex finally grows a pair and decides to be in her life, you can make sure his snake of a mother doesn’t go anywhere near her.”

“That’s an insult to snakes,” I muttered defiantly. “At least when they strike, they do it out of defense or for food.”

He laughed, “How about wasps? They’re just jerks with wings and stingers.”

“I can go with that,” I said, followed by my own little laugh.

“This is sparkly,” He remarked after the mood got lighter. Keeping his voice low as he fingered the fabric. “What’cha making?”

“Bat wings.”

His eyes lit up and smiled cheekily. “Does this mean you’re coming to the party?” 

“Yeah,” I said annoyed groan. “You’ve convinced me. It’s not every day you get to go to a party and dress up. And it’s been a while since I’ve been out to have some fun.”

He barked out a laugh, “Sure, but be warned. There’s going to be plenty of kids there hyped up on sugar and it can get a little crazy.”

“I’m sure,” I murmured as I glued two pipe cleaners together. “But even that’s more amusement than just sitting at home and watching cheap horror movies on the telly.”

“You saying you don’t like scary movies?” He asked in a mock accusatory tone.

“I like them,” I assured him, “Just not by myself and I like the idea of dressing up more.”

He picked up the fabric and examined it a little more closely. “So you’re going as a sparkly bat?”

I snatched it from his hands. “No, Alice is going to be a bat. I picked up a black onesie and beanie at the shops so I’m going to attach the wings along the seams from her arms down her sides. The pipe cleaners are going to help with their shape. I’m going as a vampire.”

“Hot,” He commented with a wink, making me blush. “You making yours too?”

“Yep,” I said before blowing on the wet glue to help it dry. “I’m recycling my maternity clothes to make a gothic-type dress. I also bought some fangs and a dark wig to go with the look.” I moved on to the next set of pipe cleaners and asked, “What are you going as?”

“Meh,” He shrugged his wide shoulders with a bored expression, “Lumberjack. Nothing special. My heart wasn’t all that in it this year. I have jeans, a plaid shirt and a fur-trimmed jacket. Fake fur, obviously. All that’s left is growing out the whiskers a bit.”

“That shouldn’t take too long,” I remarked with a giggle. With him here, I was already feeling better.

Here I was. Sitting in my car at a carpark, getting ready to walk into the courthouse. I was so nervous, I felt like I was about to vomit and I wasn’t even in the building yet!

Ben had the day off today and offered to watch over Alice at home while I went in so I wouldn’t have to take her with me. I was more than happy to accept because I knew there was a chance I could be there for a long wait and she was still so young. 

I had all of my paperwork in a single folder. Everything from my tax forms down to the receipts for purchases I made for childcare expenses. Even the affidavit service form I’d filled out earlier. I had been informed that these were items I needed to bring as evidence.

To wear, I settled for a business casual attire. So I wore a pair of tan dress pants, cream ruffled blouse, brown ballet flats, light makeup, and put my hair up in a bun. When I got here, I was still an hour early. For twenty minutes, I just sat in my car to collect my bearings. Taking deep breaths, in and out.

At this first hearing, we’re supposed to show up, provide statements as to why we were there. Then the judge would determine whether or not a paternity test should be issued. If it were, we would be sent to an approved lab, then come back at a later date with the results. If they proved that he was the biological father, which he was, then it would be decided how child support would proceed.

Unable to sit still any longer, I took a deep breath, grabbed all of my paperwork, and walked in. I went to where my hearing room was located and checked the list outside of the waiting room to see if my case was there. Sure enough, ‘Rey Niima vs Armitage Hux” was there in black and white. I walked in and took a seat. 

In the room were several other individuals. Men and women of all ages and ethnicities sitting and waiting. Just like I was. Except for one problem, I couldn’t see Armitage. Where was he? I’d expected to see him amongst the others here or arrive at the same time as me. He so badly wanted to be right, so I thought he would've come in early.

Meanwhile, the rest of us waited patiently before the uniformed court-appointed officers called us up to check in. I’d read on the paper outside that the cases may not be called in order, so I had to be prepared for a long wait if necessary. 

“Rey Niima and Armitage Hux.” The female court officer called out. 

I glanced around one more time to check if he was here. When I still couldn’t see him, I stood up from the chair and made my way over to her. When she saw me by myself she looked confused, “Is Armitage Hux here?” I took one more look to be sure before shaking my head. “Is he coming?”

“I don’t know.” I told her honestly. “I hope so.”

I let her walk me to the hearing room. Inside were only two people. One was a man who looked to be of Latin descent in his fifties sat behind a large desk with the American and New York state flags behind him next to the wall. Must be the magistrate. At a small table to his left, was a woman with a tape recorder and papers on its surface. 

The court officer showed me to a table on the left to stand at while bringing a file over and reading my case number to the magistrate.

“Are both parties present?” He asked her as he laid eyes on me before looking at the empty table to my right.

“The respondent has yet to check in, Your Honor.” She told him. “And there’s been no word from the court clerk yet.”

He nodded gruffly, “I see. Well, swear Ms. Niima in and then we’ll proceed without him. If you hear anything or if he’s called the clerk, let me know.”

She came back to my table and asked me to raise my right hand. I held it up and she swore me in before asking for my name, home address and social security number. Then she proceeded to tell me that I had a right to an adjournment if I wanted to hire an attorney or I could wave that right and speak for myself. I chose the latter. She then thanked me and permitted me to sit.

“Ms. Niima, I understand that you did not have ‘Voluntary Acknowledgement of Paternity’ from the respondent. Why is that?”

Just straight to the jugular. “Mr. Hux has refused and firmly believes that he is not our daughter’s biological father.”

“And the two of you were never married, correct?”

I bit my lip before answering. “No, Your Honor. We were a couple and lived together, but we were never married.”

He pursed his lips and cleared his throat before speaking again. “Ms. Niima, for the sake of the child in question, I have to ask you if there are any other men that could possibly be her father?”

“Absolutely not, Your Honor.” I told him in earnest. “He’s the only...partner I’ve actually had. That’s why we’re—I’m here. I was hoping to get an order for Paternity so we could prove it.”

His dark eyes regarded me carefully. “Were you both aware that such a test could have taken place at the hospital after the baby was born?”

I nodded eagerly, “We were, Your Honor. I even suggested it while I was still in hospital.”

“And he declined?” He asked, clearly surprised.

I chose my next words carefully. “It was more about financial means. He claimed that he didn’t have the funds for a test. As for me, I refused to pay for him. I felt that it was his responsibility given that he hadn’t paid for anything else up to that point. I actually have copies of the text messages we exchanged that day.”

He gestured to the court officer, “Bring me those texts, please. And the baby’s birth certificate.” I pulled them both out of my folder and handed them to her to give to the magistrate. Sitting on pins and needles as he looked through the messages that had been sent between us. When he finished, he looked at me and asked, “I can see here you put his name on the birth certificate but no signature. Given these messages, can I assume that wasn’t there for the birth?”

I shook my head solemnly, “No, Your Honor. I called him, but there was no answer. I didn't hear anything from him until I texted him again the next morning. There were...complications with the birth. She came three weeks early.”

“Did you have any other kind of contact before or after the birth, Ms. Niima?”

I fidgeted a little as the nerves began to set in. “I always kept him informed of any doctor appointments I had during the pregnancy. I even invited him to come to the gender reveal ultrasound but he didn’t come. After Alice was born, he blocked me on social media.”

He wrote something down. “Can you give me any thought as to why he has failed to show up to this hearing, Ms. Niima?”

Honestly,” I started slowly, “I don’t know. I don’t think I understand him at all anymore, Sir. It seems that all of this has brought a side of I didn’t know. Or he was always that person and I just didn’t know it until it was too late.”

He interlaced his fingers and I could see a hint of understanding on his features. “How is your daughter now? Healthy? Happy”

That caught me a little off guard. I knew he might have inquired about her during this hearing, but not with so much emotion as he was displaying. “She’s well, Your Honor. She had to be in NICU for a few hours after she was born but that’s all really. She’s eating well, gaining weight.”

“Are you working?”

I nodded again, “I’m, Your Honor, full-time. I’m a mechanic.”

“And you’ve been raising her by yourself so far?”

“Not entirely.” He tilted his head thoughtfully as if asking me to explain. “I’m living with my friend. When Mr. Hux and myself split, it wasn’t on the best of terms and it left me in a difficult situation. But I ran into that friend and he’s let me and my daughter stay with him to help me get back on my feet. Since staying with him, I’ve made some new friends that have also helped me.”

This time, the magistrate was silent. I was almost worried that I may have said a little too much. They say honesty is the best policy, but too much honesty can come back to bite you.

Finally, he spoke. “I think I’ve heard enough.” Then he handed the papers back to the officer who returned them to me. “I’ll rule now.”

I held my breath. Now? He can do that even though Armitage isn’t here? I forced myself to start breathing again because the room was beginning to spin.

“Given that the father-in-question or respondent, Armitage Hux, has failed to be present at this hearing to provide any substantial evidence that he is not the father to the infant-in-question, Alice Niima, I hereby name him as the father by default. Seventeen percent of his monthly income will be garnished from his wages which will be awarded to the mother and petitioner, Rey Niima. This hearing is now adjourned.” He hit the gavel on the block and that was it.

This is what I had in mind for their Halloween costumes!

Chapter Text

The next two months flew by in a haze. Halloween came and went. Mine and Alice’s costumes came out great and we had a good time at the party. Ben had it set up on the first floor in a room that was the size not dissimilar to a high school gymnasium. Students and members of the gym had free admission while guests had to pay a small entrance fee that would go to the free programs. For once, Ben didn’t protest when I told him I’d pay to get in despite his invitation. I believed in what he and his staff were doing for the kids.

I got to meet the rest of the instructors at the gym and they were all very friendly. It was great seeing the others dressed up too. Rose and Finn were dressed as Wonder Woman and a Sea Captain. Poe went as the Joker from Batman while Zorii came as a witch. Phasma’s costume wasn’t too dissimilar to mine as she came dressed as a grim reaper with a hooded robe and large scythe. Kaydel and her fiance came as a mermaid and a ghostbuster. All of them thought Alice looked absolutely adorable with her little bat wings. Whenever she would wave her arms, it looked like she was trying to fly. I too received many compliments from parents and staff on my homemade vampire costume. Everyone praised me for my creativity by thinking outside the box and reusing my maternity clothes. I had to admit, I was proud of how it looked when it was finished. It really was more fun to make your own costume.

Or, in Ben’s case, use whatever’s in your closet. True to his word, he went as a lumberjack. He even went and bought a plastic ax to go with the rest of his outfit. I had to admit, he made an attractive lumberjack. Then again, he always looked attractive. I wasn’t so sure if that was a good or a bad thing.

It was great to watch him with the kids, however. He was so good with all of them, which didn’t surprise me. Given how natural he was with Alice, nurturing and protectiveness just seemed to be a part of his nature. Even showing them how to play the games that had been laid out as well. He was also a judge for the costume contests they held. They had it divided between each age range to keep it fair; elementary, middle school and high school. Separated by boys and girls. The teachers had their own contest as well.

I felt like I was a kid again myself. Getting excited and seeing everyone line up in their costumes. Everyone was so carefree and just living in the moment. It delighted me to see everyone have a good time, myself included. I think my favorite part was when Ben put on the winning sash for a ten-year-old girl who was dressed as Medusa from Greek mythology. She was so ecstatic that she could stop grinning as he crowned her Halloween Queen of the junior kids. You could tell that her night had been made.

Needless to say, it was a lot of fun.

November was pretty uneventful for the most part. The garage was busy but that was to be expected because many people needed their cars in their best condition in preparation for traveling for the holidays. But that’s always been a thing, especially in the shops. November and December are insane when you want to get some shopping done. One time, it was so bad that I nearly got trampled in a grocery aisle and someone almost took my cart with Alice still in it! I finally had to give in and have our groceries delivered from then on because getting in the middle of a brawl over a frozen turkey was just not worth it.

Luckily the Solos weren’t as intense. It turned out that they didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving the same way many other Americans did. Turned out that when Han’s father served in World War II, he fought side-by-side with many Indigenous Americans and became good friends with most of them. They also helped him be more informed about their views on the holiday and show their side of the history. So, after he returned home from overseas, he celebrated with his family by only serving native dishes and doing some manual labor on the reservation that wasn’t far from where they lived.

Han had that tradition with his father and his comrades for years until he left for flight school. Turned out that he was a bit of a philanthropist himself. Every year, he donates money to the Native American Rights Fund as well as the Warrior Women Project. His way of giving thanks for how well they’ve always treated his family over the years.

As for Alice, she was getting bigger and bigger each day. Going from a  newborn to a small infant before my very eyes. I was almost afraid to blink because I’m worried I’ll miss something she’s growing so fast. Already, the little newborn peach fuzz had fallen from her scalp and was slowly being replaced with brown strands similar to mine.

Last month, for the first time, she rolled over all by herself. It may seem silly but I was so proud of her. I’d left her on her back on the little gym mat when I walked away for just a moment to grab her bottle and when I came back, she was on her tummy. I was so proud of her. It made me ecstatic to see that little bit of movement because it just proved how well she was developing. At least until I found out that I was no longer allowed to turn my back ever when I’m changing her, lest she roll off the changing table. Lately, she’s been experimenting with sitting herself up too. She can keep her head up no problem, but she’s still trying to figure out how the rest of gravity works. She wasn’t crawling yet, but I could see that she was satisfying her curiosity in other ways. Like pulling hair. Ben and I both suffered often at her tiny hands, as we happened to be her favorite victims, but it’s easily corrected. With extreme patience that I didn’t know I had until her.

“Rey, you and Alice are coming, aren’t you?” Han inquired suddenly in the middle of dinner.

I’d been holding her while balancing her bottle in her mouth when he spoke. The question had caught me by surprise that I didn’t even realize that they were waiting for me to respond. “What? I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

“For Christmas.” He said. “Or whatever you celebrate, I don’t judge. Ben comes up to the house every year to celebrate, except for last year.”

“I was on a tour volunteering with troubled youth,” Ben explained when I looked at him questioningly.

Han gave him a sad pout. “Broke your lonely old man’s heart.”

Ben gaped at him before admonishing, “Don’t you start playing the violin now. You said you were happy I went and I Skyped with you all day!” He rolled his eyes and stabbed at his steak with the fork. “We even ate dinner over the call.”

“Relax, I’m just teasing!” Han assured him with a laugh before turning to me again. “So, will you be joining us?”

“Oh,” I bit my lip, feeling a little shy. “Well, I wouldn’t want to intrude. I’m fine with staying here at the apartment.”

He snorted, “What kind of Christmas would that be?”

I shrugged, unperturbed. “The kind I usually have. I’ve never really celebrated the holidays growing up. I would dress up for Halloween and stay up past midnight for New Years' but that’s all.”

Which was true. Sure, the families I stayed with celebrated holidays, but I was rarely included. I think the only holiday where I was actually included was Thanksgiving dinner, but I didn’t celebrate anyway. The winter holidays were actually a hard time of the year for me because it was about family. Which I never had. Even when I was still dating Armitage, I was never invited to celebrate with his family. He’d go to his parent’s house and stay the night while I stayed home. 

There was a beat of silence before Han spoke again. “Well, that just sounds like no fun at all. It’s settled then. Ben,” He turned to his son again. “I’m gonna set Rey and Alice up in the nursery. You mind helping me bring down the crib from the attic?”

His response was instant, “I can do that, no problem.”

“Wait,” I interjected quickly, “Are you sure? I’d hate for you to break tradition.” The last thing I wanted to do was ruin their plans. It wasn’t like either of them were expecting an extra mouth to feed. Or, in this case, two.

It was Ben who spoke next, “Holiday tradition is all about spending time with the people you care about, Rey. We’d love to have you both with us. Also,” He reached over to boop Alice on the nose, “It could make this little gremlin’s first Christmas extra special.” She giggled at the attention and proceeded to stuff her fingers in her mouth.

Suddenly, I was hit with an image of seeing Alice with a big smile on her face as she unwrapped presents and played with her new findings. Having a good time like all the other children around this time of year. Han was right. It would be good for her and maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing for me either.

I let myself smile a little at the thought before turning to Alice and asking her, “What do you think, darling? Should we spend Christmas with Ben and Han at his house?” She smiled widely and giggled enthusiastically. “Well, I think she likes the idea. We’d love to join you.” Both of their faces lit up with bright smiles, but then I held my finger up in warning, “But no ugly Christmas sweaters.”

Han’s smile dropped instantly. “Oh, come on! That’s my favorite part!”

“That’s funny because I thought your favorite was chugging spiked eggnog,” Ben replied with mirth. “At least that’s what you told me.”

I looked at Han, “What?”

He looked down at his plate, his cheeks turning a light shade of red. “I can’t help that it tastes good with bourbon in it.”

“Mom used brandy.” Ben reminded him incredulously. 

“That’s what I said.”

“One more thing!” I said quickly, interrupting their eggnog chatter. “And I can not stress this enough. I’m not singing any Christmas carols.”

Groans of protest and disappointment etched out of both of them all the way until dinner was concluded. 

Ben and I both agreed that it made more sense to take one car, so we decided to use his Tahoe. I’d done my shopping for everyone in advance earlier this month and wrapped them all last night, having already sent out the gifts for my friends in the post. I even got a little something for Bronx.

Since I sat with Alice in the backseat, he was more than ready to sit beside his master on the passenger seat once we’d hit the road. Leaving his head out the window so he could enjoy the wind and stick his tongue out.

“So,” Ben began after we’d left and crossed the bridge over the Hudson. “My uncle will be there.”

I looked up from the carrier to glance at the back of his headrest. Han hadn’t mentioned anything about that. “Oh?” 

He smiled sheepishly, “Just thought I’d let you know. It’s why I wanted to leave early. When we get to Dad’s place, I’ll drop you and Alice off, bring the crib down, and then head to JFK to pick him up. He comes every year. Even after mom died. He and my dad have a pretty cool bromance.”

“Does he still live in Utah?”  I asked inquisitively. 

“Yep,” he confirmed with a nod. “Since I was nine or ten.”

“Was he always so close with your dad?”

“Not at first.” He said. “He gave him the lecture of a lifetime if he ever hurt his precious little sister. He was only five minutes older than her but he acted like it was more of a five-year difference. Apparently, he called dad and met up with him in secret. Wanted to make sure that his intentions were nothing less than perfect. Mom was already an adult and working at the time but she was still living with their parents. So he did his ‘investigating’ under their radar because he still wasn’t talking to them. Soon enough, they became best friends. Dad even made him his best man at the wedding.”

“Surely, their parents were there?” I asked, curious. “At the wedding? I know you said he didn’t speak to them after he went to college but did they just avoid each other the entire day?”

“They were civil.” He corrected me. “From what Mom had told me, things were still pretty salty between them. They all played nice for her sake because none of them wanted to stir up any drama and ruin the big day.”

I looked out the window, murmuring, “That’s a shame. I’m glad that they got along but it’s still sad that neither of them seemed to get over their pride until it was too late.” Such a different world for his family. It really was another example to keep an open mind about someone else’s personal life. When I was still a child, I’d often wonder why other people weren’t more grateful to have their families when I had no one. Many would take advantage of them but, also, some people weren’t around family because it was too toxic. It might have been the same with his uncle. He probably felt that it would be better not to make contact instead of risking getting into another argument

“It’s probably why he eloped with his wife Sonja in Vegas.” He mused out loud. “I never asked, I just remember Mom telling me that she was sad she couldn’t be there. But she supported their decision. She knew him well. Uncle Luke was never into spectacles, neither was his wife. They wanted to keep it strictly between them and my parents respected that.”

I pursed my lips thoughtfully, “That's actually quite sweet. But, if they were all so close, why did he move to Utah?”

“Aunt Sonja was killed in a bank robbery gone wrong.” A shadow fluttered over his eyes before he schooled his expression. “Some of the robbers panicked when an alarm got tripped and shot three of the hostages. She was one of them.”

My hand flew up to my mouth in shock, “Oh no,”

I saw him nod in the reflection, confirming what I was thinking. “She was there for a job interview. We had only just seen her that morning at brunch. Uncle Luke was at our house when it happened. I still remember that day, when the police knocked on our door.”

“So, he left to escape the pain.” I deduced. 

He nodded again, “It was too much for him to come home to that empty apartment. They’d lived there together since before they became engaged. He said it didn’t feel like home anymore without her there. So, he left to start somewhere fresh.”

“Why Utah?”

The corner of his mouth lifted slightly, “Would you believe me if I told you that he rolled a dice on a map of the United States? That it was completely at random?”

“You’re joking.”

“I’ll take that as a ‘no’.” He chuckled. “I’m not. He said he wanted to leave it to chance. Let the chips for where they may. Or, in this case, a single dice.”

I shook my head in wonder. “He could have ended up anywhere on the map.”

“Aren’t we glad that it turned out in our favor?”

“Definitely.” I breathed. Who would’ve thunk? Had the dice not landed on Utah, his uncle wouldn’t have lived there. Ben could have ended up staying with him all the way up in Alaska if the dice had landed there. We never would’ve crossed paths.

But my heart also went out to him. So much loss for one man. His parents, his wife and then his twin sister. I couldn’t imagine how much pain he had to endure in his life.

He sighed loudly, “After Mom died, he came for the funeral and stayed with my dad for a few months to keep him company. Which really helped. The grief over losing her was...a lot. Dad was in a pretty bad place. I think Uncle Luke was the one who really pulled him out of the dark.”

“Anyway, he’ll be happy to see you.” He said, interrupting my thoughts. “And he loves kids. I think he’ll turn into mush once he meets Alice.”

I felt a gentle tug on my finger and I looked down to see her tiny hand holding it tight. Her eyes closed as she slumbered with the dummy still in her mouth. She always fell asleep quickly on car rides. The motion was probably soothing to her. I stroked her soft cheek while admiring her long eyelashes. My little bundle of joy. Growing every day.

Already, she was surrounded by so many loving people that would do anything for her. Something I never had growing up. I couldn’t lie, I was a little apprehensive at the thought of meeting Ben’s uncle. Sure, technically, I’ve already met him. But I was five. I was also in and out of consciousness at the time due to the intense heat that day. Now, here I was years later with a child of my own. I wondered what he would think.

The rest of the ride was mainly quiet with the exception of the radio. Which, of course, had been nothing but Christmas songs since before Halloween. I was so grateful for the adapter I put in my car so I could use the aux cord for my phone. If I heard “Jingle Bells” one more time, I was ready to take a hammer to the radio.

When we finally made it to Han’s place, he was already standing on the porch, waiting for us. The exterior of the house had been decorated to the nines with lights, wreath garlands on the rails of the deck, ornaments hanging above on the paneling, and multicolored twinkling lights to finish along the rims and windows.

“Hey, kids!” He welcomed us as he came down to give me a hug. “How was the drive?’

I hugged him back, delighted to see him. “It was fine as usual. Some traffic but nothing too bad.” I pulled away to open the door for Bronx so he could go and run around the lawn before reaching back in to gently unbuckle Alice’s car seat while she still slept. Ben had already gotten out and started pulling out our luggage.

“Has Uncle Luke called yet?” He asked casually as we headed towards the house. Bronx was already there waiting for us.

“Not yet, Han said when he let us in. “His flight isn’t due for arrival for another hour.”

Ben grimaced. “I should head out to Queens soon anyway. By the time I get there, he’ll have already landed and probably claimed his baggage.”

Han nodded with understanding. “I hear ya. Let's get the crib down so you can head out. Rey,” He waved towards the kitchen. “I’ve got some hot cocoa ready in the kitchen if you’d like some. Help yourself to some marshmallows, cinnamon and whipped cream too.”

My mouth was already watering. “Gladly!” Alice was still happily sucking on her dummy so I could take her out of the seat and enjoy the warm beverage before I’d have to feed her and put her down for a nap.

I permitted myself a generous amount of marshmallows and cinnamon for my drink and just snuggled with Alice on the settee while they worked upstairs. Bronx had padded over to a small bed that was situated at the corner of the room and was resting comfortably.

By the time they came back down, I had already finished my cup and was nursing Alice underneath my poncho. Han was rolling his shoulder and grimacing while Ben looked at him pointedly.

“What happened?” I asked them with concern as he kept rolling his right shoulder.

Ben wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, keeping his eyes on his father. “He tweaked his shoulder on the way down.”

“I’m fine!” Han insisted with a sharp glare. “Just a little rusty.”

“You always overexert yourself, Han.” I tutted with a laugh and pulled Alice out from my poncho as she rubbed her eyes. I wiped away a small droplet from her lips as she let out a tiny yawn and nestled into my chest. “Is it alright if I put her down now?”

They both nodded and Ben spoke first. “Yeah, everything’s set up for you. I’m gonna head out now while the traffic's light. Because heaven knows it’s going to be an absolute nightmare in just a couple hours so I better get going. See you in a bit.”

He left and Han led me up to the second floor to a small room decorated with storybook wallpaper, Austrian shades on the window, a full bed, crib, a small toy chest, and a Sam Maloof rocking chair.

The first item that piqued my interest was the crib. I brushed my fingers along the smooth engravings, admiring the detail. “This was Ben’s crib?”

“Sure was. Took me about forty hours to finish.” He started proudly as his mouth lifted into a half-smile. “I’ll never forget Leia’s face when she saw me come home with all that birch.”

I swung my head in his direction after I’d put Alice down on the small bedding, my eyes widened like saucers. “You made this?”

That half-smile turned into a cheeky grin. “Not long after we bought the house. My gift to her and the baby you now know as Ben. I was so excited to be a dad. Almost as excited as I was on our wedding day. I didn’t want to give her something that I bought with my hard-earned money, but something I made with my own hands. Something that I made while thinking of her and the baby the entire time.”

“Something from the heart.” I finished for him almost longingly. Sitting on a small table by the window, was a photograph. In it I could see what looked like a younger version of Han with his arms wrapped around a young woman with long brown hair holding a baby close to her chest. No doubt they must’ve been his late wife and Ben when he was small. All of them were smiling brightly at the camera. The perfect family. 

Han nodded lightly. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.” He saw where I was looking and picked up the picture. He stroked the glass thoughtfully. “My father once told me that the gifts you make have more love in them. You can buy anything with good thoughts. But when you’re making something, you’re making it with that person in mind. It just makes it that more special.”

“Funny you should mention that.” I interrupted. “I knitted scarves, mittens and beanies for all of my friends. I made them all using colors I knew each of them would like. It felt nice making them.”

“See?” He chirped. “Makes you feel good, right?”

I pressed my lips together to keep from grinning. “It does.” Glancing down at Alice’s already sleeping face, she had already started snoring lightly, I also said, “It also makes them feel good.” Suddenly, something occurred to me. “Han, you wouldn’t happen to have any spare yarn around the house, would you?”

He blinked, taken aback. “There might be some up in the attic. Leia experimented for a while but never fully got into it. Why do you ask?”

I bit my lip nervously before replying, “There’s one more present I need to make.”

Sure enough, we found a box full of different colored bundles of yarn with some knitting needles. More than enough. Han and I then spent the next couple of hours in the kitchen knitting and chatting after he’d set up Ben’s old baby monitor so we could listen for Alice when she woke up.

Sometime later, when her nap was over, I headed back to the nursery to bring her out when I heard people talking downstairs.

“Now,” said a voice I didn’t recognize, “Where is the little lady?”

I heard Han snort. “Which one?”

“Dad,” Ben growled with warning.

I peeked over the railing and saw Ben and Han standing in the foyer with another man. This must’ve been his uncle. He had dirty blonde hair slightly greyed and a full beard.  My fingers tightened on the railing as I tried to calm my nerves. Why was I so nervous?

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the last time you saw him, you were chained outside and suffering heat stroke? I thought with nervousness. Now here I was over a decade later with a whole new list of problems. He must think I had the worst luck on the planet.

I swallowed around the rock that had lodged itself in my throat and commanded my feet down the stairs. Holding Alice on my hip, keeping me centered. When three sets of eyes landed on me, I offered what I hoped was a confident smile and said, “Hello, Mr. Skywalker. It’s nice to finally meet you. My name is Rey and this,” I hitched Alice a little higher on my hip, “Is Alice.”

“Well, look at you.” He said warmly and he came forward to offer his hand. Upon closer inspection, I could see that his eyes were a bright blue that were lit up with excitement. “So beautiful. After all these years, you’ve grown into a lovely young woman.” 

I looked away feeling a little shy as I shook his hand. “Thank you, sir.” Quickly, I added, “Not just for the compliment but for helping me...back then.”

“None of that.” He said and offered a wink as Ben hurriedly went up the stairs with his luggage. “I was happy to help and I am so glad to see how well you’ve done for yourself. Han’s told me a lot about you and I couldn’t wait for the opportunity to meet you again.”

I felt my own cheeks get warm, “Thank you, Mr. Skywalker.”

His answering smile was kind. “There’s no need to be so formal with me. Name’s Luke. Any friend of my nephew is a friend of mine.” Then he turned his attention to Alice and his eyes lit up with warmth. “And look at this little cutie! She’s precious.”

I grinned from ear to ear with motherly pride. “Absolutely. She’s my everything.”

“That little monster has everyone wrapped around her fingers,” Ben remarked jokingly as he came back down the stairs. He came to stand next to me and stroked her cheek with a content smile of his own.

“She looks just like you,” Luke complimented me gently as he shook her tiny hand. “Hi there, Alice. Are you excited for your first Christmas?” She squealed giddily and clapped her hands against his, making us all smile. “Yeah, I thought so.” He looked at me again. “So how’s your knee?”

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “My knee? It’s fine, I guess. Why?”

“I always wondered how well it healed.” He cast a sly grin over at Ben. “Given that it was my best bottle of vodka that cleaned the cut.”

Ben looked away, his cheeks tinted red with embarrassment. “I said I was sorry!”

Luke just laughed and replied, “Yeah, yeah. Did it taste good at least?”

“It wasn’t bad.” He offered with an uncaring shrug.

“‘Wasn’t bad?” Luke parroted back at him, his face twisting into a scowl. “First you steal it and then you insult it. That was my favorite bottle of Smirnoff!”

That made Ben have his head fall back and let out a dramatic groan as he muttered, “Here we go again. Really, Uncle Luke? Really? I was a teenager! I’m sorry I don’t remember exactly how delicious it was.”

Han stood beside me, placing his hands on his hips and sighed loudly. “These two, I swear.”

“Are they about to fight?” I asked, a little troubled. I’ve seen tensions get high during this time of the year with other people and I wasn’t interested in getting in the middle of a scuffle. Especially not in front of the baby.

He waved his hand, unconcerned. “Nah, it’ll settle down in a minute.”

Ben and Luke kept bickering back and forth as if they didn’t even hear us. 

“You wanna go, old man?” He challenged.

His uncle scoffed, “Please you wouldn’t last five minutes, little boy.”

“Who are you calling little?” Ben demanded incredulously. “I’m almost thirty and I’m taller than you!”

“Only by a few inches!” Luke said defensively. “Height doesn't make up for skill and I have more than enough to kick your ass!”

I looked at Han nervously. He just winked and left the room for a moment, only to come back holding a small tray with four steaming mugs and shout, “Who wants spiked eggnog?”

The uncle and nephew broke their intense staredown to look at the mugs. Luke spoke first, “Brandy or bourbon?”

“Both,” Han assured him with a teasing glint in his eyes.

Luke immediately came over, muttering, “Give it to me.” before taking the Santa mug and drinking its contents as he took a seat on the couch.

Ben followed suit and made to grab a reindeer mug but stopped when Han blocked him. “Sorry, that one is for Rey. No alcohol.” His son grumbled before taking the elf mug instead and joined his uncle in the living room. The both of them drinking their warm beverages in peaceful silence.

“You see?” Han asked, gauging my expression. “I told you they’d be fine.”

I shook my head in disbelief and sighed, taking the mug with my free hand. “They fight like children.”

“Tell me about it.” He took the last mug and nudged my shoulder. “Come on, let’s sit by the fireplace and drink our eggnog before you head out again. Then we can decorate the tree when you get back.”

Which we did. Ben and his uncle carried on in conversation as if they didn’t just get into a spat ten minutes ago. Given Han’s lack of concern, I assumed that it must be normal. Maybe it was just how they expressed their love? Playful threats of a beatdown here and there before cooling their tempers and going back to being friendly?

Looking at them now, they seemed close. Han was sitting next to Luke on the settee while Ben and I sat on matching wingbacks on either side. It was mainly the two older gentlemen who held most of the conversations.

They were still animatedly chatting away when Ben and I returned from the shops. He let me drive because I was the only one who didn’t have any alcohol. We were a little late because there was a Santa Claus there and I just had to get a picture of Alice on his lap. Two; one with just her then another with Ben and myself included. One of them was going to be the new background on my home screen for sure.

Decorating the tree was fun. From the glittery garlands and very fragile ornaments, we all took part. I never thought it would be so much fun! From looking at the assortment of ornaments and lights to the star tree topper. They let me and Alice do the honors since it was her first Christmas. Of course, we had to coax it from her first because, despite her tiny hands, she had the death grip of an aye aye lemur. Luke was the one who managed to distract her with a gingerbread man long enough for me to sneakily pry it from her fingers and put it on the top of the tree while still holding her with one arm. She didn’t even notice it again until Han plugged in the lights and everything lit up with gold. Her face looked up with bewilderment and then her whole body revved up with excitement brighter than the tree as she squealed, waving her arms and kicking her legs.

Seeing the lights reflect in her eyes as she gazed at the tree almost made me break down in tears. She looked so happy and it made my heart melt. Everyone else’s too because all three men were just gushing over her joy. Each taking a turn so they could take her around the tree in a circle so she could see every inch and she was loving it.

All the excitement eventually caught up to her and she fell asleep in my arms right at the dinner table while we all talked about cars and martial arts. Even Bronx was down for the count. I excused myself for the evening and let the men catch up. Which made Han whine because I was leaving him alone with the jiu-jitsu buffs. I gently rebuffed him and wished them all goodnight.

I stayed awake for another hour or two to finish my knitting but still went to sleep before anyone came upstairs. It was around 3 am when Alice’s fussing woke me up. Not crying per se, but my internal clock seemed to be the same as hers. When she woke up, I woke up. Perfect timing too, as I could feel I was beginning to leak. Another glorious benefit to motherhood. It was more of a nuisance than anything else. The first time it happened, she was probably two weeks old. I was eating some leftover spaghetti and didn’t even notice it until Ben came in from his morning run. His eyes spotted the twin stains on my shirt before quickly turning around mumbling it quietly.

I was so mortified that I turned beat red and ran back into my room and called Rose crying. Being the understanding friend that she was, she managed to calm me down and assure me that it was just another ‘normal’ thing for many mothers. Not all, but many...I was one of those many. 

With simple ease, I got out of bed and picked her up from the crib before relaxing on the old rocking chair and unbuttoning my nightie to let her nurse. Her sleeping schedule was becoming more set as the weeks carried on. Instead of waking me all hours of the night whenever she wanted, it'd finally settled. Sure I was still getting up every night to tend to her, as I should, but it was more...manageable I suppose? Organized? Regardless, it was much easier. 

She pulled away after a few minutes and moved on to the other breast. I stroked the small hairs on her head thoughtfully. Soon I would be introducing her to solids. She really was growing too fast! 

When she finished, I fixed my night and just rocked in the chair, holding her against my breasts. I was so transfixed on her that I didn’t even hear the footsteps approaching from behind until someone whispered in amazement.

“Leia?” Someone whispered.

Startled, I looked to see who it was and saw Han standing by the door. His face as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“Han?” I asked, standing up to face him. “What is it?”

He blinked and shook his head before rubbing his eyes. He cleared his throat and said, “Sorry, kid.” He sniffed as he kept rubbing his eyes. “For a second there, I thought I’d died and shot up straight to heaven.”

Immediately I knew what he meant and it broke my heart. For a split moment, he thought I’d been his deceased wife. I put Alice back down in the crib and walked over to where he leaned against the doorway.

His eyes were downcast as he murmured, “She always liked to face the window. Each night, whenever she’d come and take care of Ben, she would rock in that very chair with him snoozing in her arms. Often, I would come up here and find her sitting with him.” He sniffed again. “God, I miss her.”

I placed my hand on his arm in a comforting manner. “You really loved her, didn’t you?”

“More than anything, until we had Ben. Then I had two.” He admitted smoothly.

I couldn’t help but ask. “How did you two meet?”

There was a small semblance of a smirk on his face. “I was a bit of a player back in my day. Quite the ladies man. But when I met her, it all went to hell. She wasn’t so easily won over with my charm. In fact, she outright laughed in my face when I first approached her. Which never happened to me before. Usually, girls laughed at my jokes, not me. My ego never knew such pain.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” I said, making fun of him. “

He chuckled. “Point being, she was a real strong academic. She was going to Harvard, studying to be a lawyer. Very into advocating for women’s equality and showing feminine empowerment. She wanted to help make a difference. No clever line or good looks would ever win her over. Not by a long shot. She said, ‘I will not let my education be jeopardized by a scoundrel.’”

“Oof. So how did you finally manage to get her to go out with you?” I asked, already taken in by the story.

“Well,” He scratched his head. “That’s the interesting part. After that first night, I didn’t see her again until a year later. I was a pilot working for an airline at the time. I was only in Cambridge for the night and I had to fly the next day. I’d been back a few times since, but never long enough to really meet anybody. Until there was a nasty snowstorm in January. All the flights were canceled, so I was stranded there until it let up.”

My brows furrowed slightly. “Where were you living at the time?”

He shrugged, “California. Anyway, it was late at night and I was bored out of my mind in my hotel room so I decided to go do some laundry down the street. It was open twenty-four hours and I thought I’d take care of my clothes and catch up on some reading. Little did I know, she was right there on the other side of the folding table. Surrounded by law books, scribbling away in her notebook. I almost didn’t recognize her. But I could spot her little button nose from a mile away.”

“When she finally looked up and saw me, she didn’t recognize me either at first. When she did, I couldn’t tell if she looked indifferent or if she was thinking about hitting me in the head with one of those thick books. Anyway, I assured her that I came in peace and I was only there to do my laundry, same as her. She told me to leave her alone and I did.”

This time, I sat down on the bed and patted the space next to me. “Then?”

He took the offered space and continued, “So we didn’t speak for a good while until we noticed the lights flickering. The storm had gotten worse. Five minutes later, they went out. Did I mention it was nighttime?”

I shivered, “Talk about dark and cold.”

“And Leia was terrified of the dark.” He informed me. “Of course, I didn’t know it at the time and she kept her composure pretty well. Until we found out that the door was locked. That pretty much did it for her.”

“She was nyctophobic,” I concluded out loud.

He nodded in confirmation, “Pretty bad too. We were also stranded, which didn’t help matters. She was starting to panic and hyperventilate so I had to look around for anything that would give us a little light. The one time I left my lighter at home. Luckily I found a flashlight in a utility closet. She was so happy, she almost burst into tears.”

I snorted, “So you managed to win her over with a flashlight?”

He puffed his chest out proudly, “Never take the simple things for granted. That flashlight may have very well been what brought us together. When she saw that I was actually trying to help instead of making fun of her, she figured I wasn’t so bad.”

“How long were you two trapped in there?”

 “Until morning,” He said in a flat tone. “The owner showed up and found us sleeping in the closet.”

My eyes widened and my cheeks got warm. “You two...did it in the closet?”

He went beat red and started to sputter. “What? No! Absolutely not! We stayed there because the heat went out with the lights and it was cold. Never mind, all we did was talk. Really.”

“Oh, got it.” I couldn’t help but feel a little relieved that he spared me details of his intimate past with his wife. Of course, whatever they did behind closed doors was their business. Obviously Ben had to get here somehow but I did not fancy knowing exactly when and where it happened. Especially since Han had already confessed that it happened in the back of his car.

 “I actually got to know her. I asked her out again, which she almost accepted, but she insisted that she was very dedicated to getting her degree and didn’t want any distractions. She was already in her third year and she was working hard as it was. She was waitressing too. So, at that point, it wasn’t that she didn’t want to date, she just didn’t have the time. Not just her, but I was already flying internationally by then. We were both busy, but we liked each other.”

“So, I opted for a compromise. Being with her clearly meant that it had to be serious so I decided that, if she was still interested, that we wait until after she graduated. Meanwhile, we could write letters.” He popped his knuckles. “See, kid, domestic computers were beyond expensive back in those days and they weren’t as needed as they are now. Whenever I would fly somewhere, I would send her a postcard. She loved them, especially from overseas. Her favorite was the one I sent her from Greece. She loved it so much that we went there for our honeymoon. I gotta admit, I loved coming home and finding my mailbox filled with envelopes with her handwriting. Two years later, I actually took the time off and went to Cambridge for her graduation. Then we became official. I moved out to Cambridge to be closer to her. We dated, got engaged, then married and then we moved to New York together.”

“Did she ever get over her fear of the dark?” I asked, mildly curious.

“Eh,” He tilted his hand from side to side. “Yes and no. We kept a lot of nightlights around the house, which made it easier, but she still didn’t like pitch black. She would brave it for Ben when he would have nightmares and ask us to check for monsters in his room. I also made sure that we always had oil lanterns within reach in case we had any blackouts or brownouts.”

“Anyway, after the honeymoon, we rented a small one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. Which suited us newlyweds just fine. It wasn’t much but it was ours. I started working with investors in finding my own airline while she started taking civil cases in the city. Soon enough, both our careers flourished. When she became pregnant with Ben, I decided to get us a house. We wanted something big but with an outside so there would be lots of space for him to play. So we packed up what we had in the apartment and moved here. She was worried about the drive back and forth into the city with a baby so she set up her own small law firm here in town. Did really well too.”

“Unfortunately, as good as our careers were, we both let them get in the way of our family life. We were too focused on making sure Ben would have whatever financial and material means he needed, that we failed to see the bigger picture. It’s not like we weren’t present or anything, there was just some level that we couldn’t connect with him. When we heard about his first fight, we were flabbergasted. It only got worse as he got older. Almost every day there was something new to argue about. Not just with us, but with his teachers too. It was when he was brought home in the back of a police car that we realized how bad it had really gotten. That was when we sent him to live with Luke for the summer. You know the rest.”

I offered an understanding smile. “He told me as such. He said that you both thought he would be better off with his uncle because he too had a falling out with his parents. So, you guys were hoping he could get through to him.”

He sighed loudly. “Yeah, that was pretty much the gist of it. Apparently, he didn’t do too well there either. Until he became friends with a small kid.” He nudged my shoulder playfully. “I’m sure he told you that we tried to get in touch with social services after you were taken away.” At my nod, he kept going. “Well, we didn't have any luck. We offered Ben to come home early and he declined. Said he needed to think about things. Luke told me he was in real rough shape after he thought you were gonna die in the heat. Leia felt awful. She felt like we’d failed him again. She even considered quitting her job and flying to Utah until he called us a week later. Telling us that he wanted to stay there.”

“We were under the impression that he hated it there so we were shocked. Then Luke called us and told us how well he was doing at the gym. So, given his vast improvement, Leia and I permitted him to live with Luke during the week and then spend weekends and holidays with us. It all worked out for the best. When we saw him, we actually got to spend time with him. He and I would go hiking and work on cars in the garage. Then he’d spend time with Leia in the garden and kitchen. After he graduated high school and went on to college, she and I felt that it was time for us to retire. So, I sold my airline and she sold her firm, then we traveled. We went everywhere. Sydney, Oahu, Egypt, Scotland, Paris, everywhere. We just...wanted to be together. Then, we decided that for our twentieth anniversary, to go back to Greece for our second honeymoon. We even retook our favorite photo from the first trip.”

I poked his side playfully. “Why, you old romantic, you! Han, that has to be one of the most beautiful stories I’ve ever heard.”

He snorted gruffly. “Don’t tell Ben. I’m always a sap when it comes to the old days.”

“Your secret is safe with me,” I assured him with a comforting pat on his shoulder. “Thank you for telling me.”

“It was my pleasure.” He said as his eyes landed on the family photo again. “I have stories about Leia that could go on for days. But,” he grunted and got back on his feet. “I gotta get back to bed. Or Santa won’t leave any presents for us.”

“Hardy har har!” I called after him, rolling my eyes. I could hear him chuckling all the way back to his room.

When morning came, I felt something I didn’t know was still possible. Childlike glee because it was Christmas morning. It was still fairly early and I didn’t hear any movement outside my room so I took care of Alice’s needs first without worry.

As soon as I’d finished dressing her in her new outfit that I picked out specifically for this occasion as for her first Christmas, there was a knock on the door. I told whoever it was to come in and the door opened for Ben to poke his head in, his hair askew and his lips spread into a giddy smile.

“Morning!” He greeted us cheerily. “Merry Christmas!

Both Alice and I smiled back. “Merry Christmas to you too!”

He chuckled and stepped into the room. “Dad and Uncle Luke are making a fresh batch of cocoa downstairs. Ready to join them?”

I laughed at his eagerness before turning Alice to me, “What do you think, darling?” She pulled at the fabric of her top before looking up at me curiously and smiled again. My gaze went back to Ben. “I think we are.”

Ben moved to make room for us to leave but froze. His eyes caught something in shock. “Rey,” He whispered, pointing behind me. “Look.”

Concerned at his sudden demeanor, I looked over my shoulder to see what had gotten him so shook. At first, I didn’t see anything. Just the window and the scenery of the forest. Then there it was. A spec fell passed the window. Then another and another.

“It’s snowing,” I said in awe. "The forecast said it wouldn’t happen for a few more days." For once, I was happy they were wrong. 

Ben and I walked to the window to get a closer look as more snowflakes came down. I moved Alice around so she was fully facing it. “Look, Alice,” I whispered in her ear. “It’s your first white Christmas.” 

“I think it’s rather fitting.” He stated proudly. “Only the best for the princess.”

I kissed her head, mindful of the headband I’d put on her. “I agree.”

We made our way downstairs to see that the tree now had several wrapped presents beneath it. Actually, it didn’t surprise me. I’d come down not long after Han returned to bed to place my last-minute presents under the tree only to see that there were a bunch of presents already there. I guess he wanted to add a little bit of magic to Alice’s Christmas. 

In the kitchen, not only was there hot cocoa waiting for us, but also frosted biscuits, eggs, hash browns, bacon, and muffins. Apparently, one of their traditions was to have a high-carb breakfast while everyone opened their gifts. Bronx was staring up at Luke while he added new slices of bacon to a pan. I didn’t know what was cuter. Him staring at the bacon like it’s priceless gold or the ridiculous reindeer headband he was wearing. He didn’t seem to notice anything except those slices of pork cooking.

We each filled our plates before we moved onto the living room. The order was decided to start with the youngest first and work your way up; leaving Alice first and Han last.

He quirked his brow confusedly at the two new gift bags under the tree that hadn’t been there when “Santa came” but before he could say something, I shook my head and pointed at myself. Reassuring him that Old Saint Nick didn’t pull a fast one on him while we were sleeping. He then laughed and nodded approvingly before plopping down on the couch as Ben and Luke came in with their plates and steaming mugs.

I sat with Alice in my lap on the floor and opened each of her presents for her. We all watched with much enthusiasm as she examined each of her new treasures with interest. She obviously couldn’t tell what any of them were but that didn’t stop her fascination. It felt like, pretty soon, she’ll be able to name everything she sees. This is something.

Luckily, in the corner of my eye, I could see Ben holding his phone up taking pictures and videos. We’ll have plenty of captured moments to keep. 

When we got to Luke, I handed him one of the new gift bags first with a wink at Ben who did the same. Luke accepted it with a pensive look before pulling out his contents. He then barked out a laugh and pulled out a new bottle of Smirnoff vodka.

“Consider it a peace offering since you never got the other one back.” Ben snarked. “It was Rey’s idea.” It was. When he and I were shopping, I spotted it when we passed the liquor aisle and told him it would be a funny and thoughtful idea.

Luke glanced over at me, narrowing his eyes while his tone became serious, “If you’re trying to butter me up...it’s working!”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and glared at him. “That’s not funny!”

“Yeah, it is.” He said, completely unbothered. “Don’t worry, I’m just messing with you.”

I looked away and mumbled in a bashful voice, “I’m close to regretting the time I put into your next present.” I handed him the second gift bag. “Here. I didn’t have enough time to make another one.”

The reason I’d wanted some yarn before was because I wanted to make something for Luke. It seemed only fair since I knitted something for everyone else. I made Ben a scarf and beanie, same as Han but in different colors. They can take a few days to make, so I only had enough time to make him a beanie before this morning.

Luke was actually quite humbled at the gesture. Fit on him perfectly too. Which was a relief because I didn't know his head measurements and had to guess. Ben and Han liked theirs too. Han gave me a nod with a secret understanding of our discussion yesterday. Making gifts for others comes from the heart.

We spent the rest of the day admiring our presents, playing with Alice and binging holiday-themed films. When Han first invited me, I was a little hesitant. I thought I might be in the way of their holiday. But being here with them, it felt natural. I felt included.

I knew I had Ben and Han’s support. But it felt good knowing that I was welcomed by his uncle. I was worried that he would pity me after seeing me again after all these years, but he was nothing but kind. To Alice as well. Of course, all she had to do was smile and she could win anyone over.

This had to be one of the best days of my life. My only hope was that there were still more ahead of us.

Chapter Text

We stayed at Han’s until after New Years Day. It was a blast. I actually didn’t make it to midnight. I’d fallen asleep with Alice curled beneath the tree before it was even eleven o'clock while the men stayed up to welcome the new year. I was so tired that I didn’t even stir when Ben picked us up and carried us to our room.

I was happy that Alice’s first Christmas was festive and surrounded by loved ones. Ben was right, Luke was great with her and she adored the attention she was receiving. I think he’s volunteered himself to be her new fun uncle.

“Please, feel free to call me any time.” He said as he gave me and Alice a farewell hug. “You’re both also welcome to come visit me at my home in Utah if you’d like. I need someone to play chess with.”

“What are you talking about?” Han bemoaned at his brother-in-law, sounding a little offended. “I play with you.”

“Yeah, but you stink at it,” Luke remarked disparagingly. “I need a challenging opponent.”

I winked at him. “Challenge accepted. I’ve never played, but I’m a quick learner. Bring your board next time you're in town and I’ll wipe the floor with you. For Han!”

“Yes, it’s on!” He cheered and gave a fist bump to the air. “You heard her, Luke. Don’t underestimate her either. This one’s a little firecracker.”

Luke nodded, satisfied. “Alright, it sounds like we have a bet. We’ll shake on it. Loser buys the winner a steak dinner.”

We shook hands and I gave him my most confident smirk, “It’s a deal!”

When we got home, we found our invitations to Kaydel’s wedding waiting for us in the mail. She was having a June wedding with a Roaring Twenties theme. Everyone was expected to wear light wool suits and flapper-type dresses with stylish headbands and fedoras. They were getting a jazz band and have silent films playing on white backdrops throughout the venue. It Looked like I was going to need to run to the shops soon.

At the moment, I was on my laptop scrolling through my inbox on the breakfast bar while Alice played in her activity chair. Kaydel had sent me a picture of a 1920’s Nash Touring that was a little worse for wear that’s been in her family since before the Great Depression. It was rusted, the back windows were missing, the interior seats were faded and torn, and the tires were nothing but shredded rubber hanging off the sides. She’d asked me before if I or anyone I knew could restore it. I’ve done it before but not on cars this old. Finding the parts would be the hardest part. This project would be difficult but not impossible and my interest was certainly piqued.

I had already started browsing the internet on where I could order the replacement parts when Ben came into the room. “Still working on your day off, huh?” He asked, surprised. Then he peeked at the screen over my shoulder. “Woah, now that is an old car.”

“Kaydel sent me the picture, she wants it restored for the wedding. It was her great-grandfather’s.” I explained. “She wants to use it for their ‘Just Married’ vehicle for the reception and when they go to the airport for the honeymoon.”

He whistled and grimaced. “That sucker looks like it’s been through the wars.”

“It’s certainly old enough. It’ll take me a while to finish though.” I acknowledged in agreement. “But, it’s not impossible. I think I can do it. I’ll talk to Han about bringing it in.”

“Take before and after pictures and post them online. You’ll start getting commissions in no time.”

“Han would be happy.” I mused. “He’d cover the wall with pictures of each restoration like trophies.” He laughed in agreement and I typed the message to Kaydel on giving me a couple to see how it could work. We offered repairs for body damage but not a full restoration. I didn’t even know if we needed a kind of permit for that sort of thing. But, it shouldn’t be an issue.

While taking a sip of juice, I heard a ping come from my computer. It was the notification sound for a new email. I put the cup down and went back to my inbox. There was a new message from an unfamiliar yahoo address. I took a look at the name in the sender ‘Sender’ box to see if I would at least recognize the name. Then I froze. I reread the name again. No, that’s not possible. No way! I slid my finger on the mouse pad and clicked on the message.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Hello

Hello, Rey

It's been a long time. I found you on Facebook and thought it would be best if I reached out to you via email. Too many years have passed since we've last seen you so your dad and I are in New York and thought now would be a good time for us to finally reunify our family. I also see that you've made us grandparents. You're a little younger than I would like to be a mum but I think she's lovely. We would love to meet her and the father too. Please feel free to reply at any time. You may even choose the time and the place.

We love you, Sunshine. Hope to hear from you soon.

“So I was thinking of shrimp scampi for dinner tonight. How does that sound to you? We’ve already got all the ingredients. I just need to defrost the shrimp—hey, are you okay?” When I didn’t answer right away his voice became more urgent. “Rey, you’re freaking me out. What’s wrong?”

“Ben,” My voice was barely above a whisper. “I think I just got an email from my parents.”

It was over an hour later before I could form a coherent thought again. I was sitting on the couch with a cold flannel draped over the back of my neck and a paper bag held at my lips. The sheer disbelief at that audacity that was my parents had left me hyperventilating.

What in the actual fuck? I thought angrily as I breathed into the paper bag. MIA for over a decade and a half and now you want to reach out to me out of the blue? You’re either very confident or very stupid. Then you criticize me for being a young mother. You have no room to judge me!

I’d asked Ben to take Alice out of the room so she couldn’t watch me break. She didn’t need to see me like that. Not now, not ever.

“Are you sure it’s them?” He’d asked when he came back into the room. He handed me a cold bottle of water and sat down on the coffee table in front of me. “It could be a catfish or a scammer.”

I took the bottle and drank the whole thing in less than a minute while he waited for me to give my input. The cold liquid was soothing as it made its way down my throat. I finally found my voice again. “I don’t think so. There are only two people in the whole world that ever called me Sunshine.”

He rubbed his bottom lip, curious. “Not even your ex?”

“No, he would call me agra. ” I said with a pained sigh. “It has to be them.”

“Okay,” He poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue. “Why now, though?”

I shrugged, my stomach twisted with apprehension. “I don’t know. I wasn’t even sure if they were still alive. It doesn’t make any sense. But they mentioned wanting to meet Alice when they saw her on my Facebook.”

I saw his expression darken for a moment before covering it with a mask. “How do you feel about it?”

“Absolutely not going to happen,” I said definitively. “Parents or not, they’re still strangers to me and I’m not risking her safety.”

“Do you want to meet with them?” He asked next.

I bit my lip, the knot twisting tighter. “I’m torn. A part of me wants to see if it’s really them so I can get a few things off my chest while the other part thinks I should just ignore it and let them feel the same rejection and see how they like it.”

“But you won’t because you want answers.” He said with easy certainty.

I popped my knuckles. “Damn right I do.”

He nodded as if he were expecting me to say those exact words. “How are you thinking of approaching this?”

“I could suggest where and when we meet.” I started, thinking through a mental checklist. “Somewhere public that I’m familiar with. Like a restaurant or something. I’ll leave a two-hour window. I’ll bring a book to pass the time in case it is a scam and nobody shows up. Worst case scenario, that’s what it is. As for Alice,” I looked up at him, feeling shy, “If you don’t have any plans on your next off, could I trouble you to watch her for a whole day? I’m going to have to meet them after work because this week I’m covering my workload and another mechanic who's sick with the flu. If it’s no trouble, I’d rather leave her here than take her to work with me, drop her back off just to head out again.”

His signature smile adorned his face and he chuckled, “You know I never have a problem with watching Alice.”

My cheeks felt warm and I looked away, “I know, but it’s almost a full day this time and you do have a life of your own. I’d understand if you already had plans.” Like a date, maybe? With a beautiful woman who can bring you the happiness you deserve?

“Nope, not really.” He said, uncaring. “I was just going to laze around the house for a bit. You’ll be headed out by the time I’m getting ready for my run with Bronx anyway. So I could take her in the stroller and bring her along. As for the rest of the day, I’m fairly familiar with her schedule. But if you want to write it down in detail for me, that’s fine too.”

I bobbed my head with appreciation. Selfishly feeling a little relieved that “That’s a good idea. Yeah, I could do that. Thank you, Ben, really. I already feel much better.”

“Absolutely.” He said reassuringly. “I’m sure we’ll have a good time binging Tumble Leaf and Sid the Science Kid. ”

That made me laugh. The image of Ben sitting through kid shows was a special one. There were times I would find him lying on the couch with Alice resting on his chest while the television would be playing cartoons. I think she liked his warm temperature because she loved to snuggle and sometimes when I would be holding her, she’d reach for him.

Yes, she would be just fine. Anywhere was safer than with my parents...if they were in fact my parents.

Later that day, I replied to the email and gave them a time and preferred location at a cafe in Hamilton Heights for late afternoon two days later. I’d gone there a few times with the girls. Mostly Rose. She and I would go after work with Alice until she either had to pick up Freddy. It was nice and I knew the area fairly well.

I noticed I was a little early when I got there and decided on a booth in a quiet corner of the cafe. Ordering a milk tea because it was literally the only thing I could stomach at the moment. Meeting in public was safer but I also didn’t want any strangers listening in on my family drama. I was so nervous that my knees were shaking as I drummed my fingers on the table. They had sent me a photo to show me what they looked like now in case I didn’t remember. In it, they looked pretty much the same as I remembered. Just a little older. They both had crow's feet at the corners of their eyes and slight graying in their hair. It was strange seeing them again. Even in a photograph, it was unreal. Part of me was really hoping nobody showed up. I wasn’t too sure if I actually wanted the answers I’ve been thinking my whole life.

Switching between looking at the entrance to the people walking outside the window. I pulled out my copy of The Mechanical and opened where I’d left off beforehand and tried to read. Sometimes I would glance down at my book and pretend to read so I would appear less anxious.

When I decided to go through with this little reunion, I thought bringing a book would help in case I got bored. But I was so nervous that I couldn’t focus on any of the words printed in front of me. I must’ve read the same paragraph three times already.

I heard the jingle of the shop keepers bell at the entrance again and this time, I was certain. Suddenly the energy in the whole establishment had changed. From the corner of my eye, I could see a man and woman walk in and look around as if searching for something or some one . I didn’t want to lift my head. The book had now suddenly become very fascinating to me.

In milliseconds, my hands began to shake as the couple headed towards my table. Getting closer and closer until I could see the design of their winter clothes. I kept my eyes on my book, pretending I was too engrossed to even notice them standing there. Hoping they’d either be the first to speak or leave altogether. It ended up being the former. 

“Rey?”

The last time I heard that voice was over a decade ago. That was the moment I realized I couldn’t pretend any longer. I closed the book and slowly turned my head towards who it came from.

If I wasn’t already sitting, my knees would’ve buckled. Years later and I still remember their faces. The person who called my name was my mother. Imogen. Her oval face surrounded by light brown curls that had escaped her messy bun. Light blue eyes, naturally sculpted brows and a small button nose.

Of course, the man standing next to her is none other than my father. Liam. A man who’d always kept in fair shape was a little huskier but still had a good deal of muscle on him. His hair, which used to always have a slight fringe, was now a clean buzz cut. Hazel eyes just like my own. I could see parts of myself in both of them

Then I remembered they were waiting for me to answer. I cleared my throat and straightened my shoulders, “Yes,”

They both smiled with relief and my mother opened her arms towards me. I then realized that she wanted to hug me. Getting my legs to move again took some work before I was able to wiggle out of my seat. Then I was wrapped in two sets of arms. I froze and didn’t hug them back.

In the movies, usually, the moment the child is reunited with their parents is filled with tears and enjoyable laughter. I, on the other hand, didn’t feel comfortable at all. I didn’t know what I was expecting. The last time I saw these people, they walked away and left me behind.

“Look how big you’ve gotten!” My father said with amazement. “You’re all grown up.”

“Oh, but we’ll always recognize our little girl!” My mother said proudly. “The moment I saw your face online, I knew it was you.”

I just stood there for a little longer before pulling away. I gestured with my head towards the other side of the booth and sat back down. They took the invitation and sat down.

When the server came over, I sent a silent thank you to the universe for her interruption. She handed paper menus to my parents as they took off their coats and left us to study them.

I pointed towards their menus, “Are you hungry? You’ve come all this way, the least I can do is buy you something to eat. They have a great selection of sandwiches and desserts.”

Imogen smiled and almost immediately reached for hers with Liam not far behind. “Thank you, Rey, that’s so kind of you.”

“Don’t mention it,” I said with double meaning.

“Where’s the baby?” She asked, sounding a little disappointed. “We were hoping you’d bring her.”

My instincts were immediately ready to go on the defensive. I felt like a lioness getting ready to protect her cub with claws and teeth ready to strike. But, I promised to keep my inner momma feline back and be polite. I took a nice inhale from my tea, letting it’s aroma calm my nerves. “It’s nothing personal, but I’m not that quite comfortable bringing my daughter around strangers.”

Liam looked a little affronted by my choice of words. “Well, your mother and I are not strangers, we’re her grandparents. We’re family.” 

“Family that I haven’t seen since I was five years old.” I pointed out in a near growl. “So imagine my hesitation when I see an email after years of no contact whatsoever from someone claiming to be my parents. You could have been anyone and while I can look out for myself, I’m not willing to take chances with my baby.”

That seemed to get the message across to them before I could chastise myself for my harshness. It was my mother who spoke next, “It’s alright, darling, we understand. Right, Liam?” He nodded gruffly and she continued, “Besides, we have all week.”

That’s what you think. I almost said out loud. Instead, I settled with, “We’ll see how this goes and then we’ll discuss when you can meet her. For now,” I took out my phone and pulled up my image library, “I can show you pictures.”

Imogen took the phone and they both began to ooh and aah over the hundreds of pictures I had of her. Liam was the first to comment, “She’s adorable, Rey.”

“She is!” My mother gushed with agreement, making me feel a little proud. “She takes from our side of the family, no doubt.” That crushed it in an instant. For some reason, whenever either of them said the words family and our , it just made my blood boil. They scrolled through a few more before she faced the screen towards, “Is this the proud daddy?”

I wished. It was a picture from when Alice was three months old. She was resting on her back on Ben’s thighs, smiling up at him. I remembered that day. She had been having another one of her long crying fits and nothing would help her settle down. So he tried funny faces until she stopped crying and opted for amused giggling instead.

“No, this my friend Ben,” I explained calmly. I’ve been staying with him at his flat and he’s grown close with her.”

“I see,” Liam said and turned the phone to look more closely at it. “And the father is okay with this? Which one is he by the way? I thought I’d see some lovey-dovey pictures in here.”

That’s because I had deleted all of the ones of Armitage after he stood me up at the ultrasound appointment. I had one printed picture of him that I’d saved to show Alice when she got older and that was it. She was all the reminder I needed of my time with him and I was grateful to have her.

“We were hoping to meet him too.” Imogen piped in. “Is he watching the baby?”

I may as well bite the bullet and tell them. “He hasn't been around. He and I broke up early in my pregnancy and we haven't been in much contact since.”

“Were the two of you serious?” She asked, sounding a little inquisitive. “I’d think you would be if you were having a baby together.”

“Alice wasn’t planned. I was on birth control.” I said through gritted teeth. “Not long after we found out I was pregnant, I discovered that my boyfriend of three years wasn’t the man I thought he was. So now, I’m raising my daughter with some help from my friends.”

My father pursed his lips, “Is this Ben one of those said friends? How long have you known him?”

“He is,” I confirmed slowly. “And how long I’ve known him is none of your business. He offered me a place to stay so I could get back on my feet because the father of my child not only left me but stole from me as well.”

“Wow,” Liam muttered. “He sounds like a real piece of work.”

My eyes looked straight into his so deep that I hoped he felt them burn into his soul. “I don’t know. The three of you seem to have that one thing in common. Walking away from your responsibilities for one.”

He coughed and awkwardly handed me back my phone. “I guess there’s no point in hoping we could breeze through that quickly.” My gaze hardened and he nodded with understanding. “Right then. I’m guessing you’re probably still a little upset with us.”

My brow arched, “You’ve guessed correctly.”

“Rey,” My mother started and she tried to reach for my hand on the table. I pulled it away and crossed my arms over my chest. “I’m sorry for what happened. But we didn’t have a choice. We were low on money and we couldn’t afford to feed you.”

I looked at them incredulously, “So you just sell me to some strangers that I’ve never met? Strangers that beat me and treated me like a servant, by the way.”

“We thought you would be better off.” Liam attempted lamely. “We’d just been evicted because your mother and I lost our jobs and we couldn’t afford rent. We ended up sleeping in a tent under a bridge after we dropped you off.” 

“Oh, you poor things,” I said mockingly with a roll of my eyes. “I had to sleep on the floor with no blanket or pillow and a sharp cut on my knee because there was broken glass everywhere.” I uncrossed my arms and rubbed my temple as I felt a headache coming on. “You thought that was a safe environment for a five-year-old? There were cockroaches in the kitchen!” That last bit came out a little louder than I intended and it unintentionally drew some looks in our direction. I offered an apologetic glance, then turned back to my parents and lowered my voice, “You decided to make a couple of dollars instead of just surrendering me to the state.”

Liam pulled at the collar of his shirt and attempted to look understanding, “Look, Rey, they weren’t our first choice. It had to be better than foster care.”

“Foster care wasn’t fun,” I agreed slowly, “But none of my guardians were abusive to me. They weren’t always nice to me, but they’ve never raised a hand to me.” Then a thought occurred to me. “What did you mean by them not being your first choice?”

It was Imogen who spoke this time, “My mum. You’re grandma. She still lives in the UK.”

“I have a grandmother?” I asked, shocked. Then that shock was replaced with confusion. “You mean to tell me that I could have been staying with a family member this whole time instead of moving from house to house all over the country? Why couldn’t I go live with her? Don’t tell me a plane ticket was too expensive for you.”

“No, Rey, it wasn’t that.” She spoke, trying to sound gentle, “I’m sorry, dear, she wasn’t the best mum. We never really got on at all and she kicked me out at sixteen after I’d been arrested for shoplifting. She didn’t want anything to do with me.” 

I hmphed, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree then, does it?”

She wrapped her hand around Liam’s arm as if seeking comfort. “When we asked her if she could take you in, she said she didn’t want to raise another child. She didn’t want anything to do with me or you.”

The room suddenly felt much smaller. It was as if our booth was the only bit of space in the whole cafe. “Wai— so you’re saying she didn’t want me?”

“No, darling,” Liam said, trying to sound sympathetic. “I’m so sorry.”

I smacked my lips before regarding him. “Sorry for what? Leaving me with drug dealers or that the only blood I have other than you wants nothing to do with me?”

“We didn’t know Rey!” Liam insisted. “When we heard what happened, we were shocked.”

My head shot up, the clarity of those words hitting me like a tidal wave. “When you heard? When you heard what exactly?”

They looked at each other nervously before Liam answered. “The police found us in Vegas not long after you were put in the hospital. They deported us."

I gaped at him, stunned. “You didn’t come to see your own daughter after she had a heat stroke? You do know that it’s thanks to the man I’m staying with that you’re so quick to judge as ‘strange’ is the same person that saved me back then!”

“They wouldn’t let us see you.” He tried halfheartedly.

I rolled my eyes hard and waved my hand dismissively. “Spare me, I’m not buying it. Go ahead and continue your sob story. But my patience is wearing thin.”

 “Alright. For a lighter jail sentence when we got back to the UK, we were recommended that we terminate our parental rights because you had been born in the country and were already a citizen. We were then told to go into treatment after we were released. We had to stay clean for a certain period of time before we could be granted custody again and then they would have sent you over. It never really worked out well. After a while, it just became too hard for us. We managed to get off the drugs but were so depressed about losing you in the first place that we turned to drink instead. In the end, we decided that you were better off without us and decided to let you go.”

I bit my tongue to keep back the string of curses on my tongue that would make a sailor blush. It took a few shallow breaths before I was able to speak again. “I’m sorry, but you’re telling me that you knew all along about what I’d gone through before and during my time in foster care and you didn’t think to contact me once? Not even a letter just to tell me where you were? You weren’t even in the same country!”

“We ended up relapsing.” She said defensively. “We were terrible parents and we didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“Well, nicely done. I’ve never been more disappointed in my life.” A small laugh escaped me, then another and soon enough I was laughing hysterically. Covering my mouth with my hand so it can stay muffled so it wouldn’t cause concern for the other people here. This was strange behavior for me that’s never happened before, but I’d also never been more outraged in my life.

They both just stared and fidgeted awkwardly in their seats. Not knowing what to do. Probably for the best. If either of them attempted to console me, I’d probably lose it. So they just sat there and watched me as I kept giggling.

When my laughter finally subsided, I kept my eyes on the table as I asked the one question that had been plaguing me all these years. “How could you do it?” There was no response from either of them. So I tried again. “How could you just walk away and leave me?” They still didn’t say anything. This time, I lifted my head to look at their faces. Theirs were facing downward as mine had just been. “Look at me please.” They eventually did and I let them hear the pain in my voice. “Do you have any idea what that’s done to me? I don’t even know what my self-worth is if I ever had any. It doesn’t feel like I have any, to be honest. But I do know Alice’s. And hers is infinite. As horrible as my upbringing has been, I would do it all again because it led me to her. Being her mother has been the most rewarding experience in my life. Yes, I’m young, but accidents happen and I’m taking responsibility by being the best mother I can be for her. I would never ever just give her away. Not for all the money in the world because she’s my child! I would never just give up on her.”

My mother wiped away a tear from the corner of her eye. “We didn't give up on you, we gave up on ourselves.”

“And by doing so, you gave up on me. All you had to do was stay sober for a certain amount of weeks or months.” I parroted back at her. “You couldn’t do it. You gave up. Parents who are fighting for their children don’t give up. So getting me back obviously wasn’t worth it to you to get clean.” Then my eyes narrowed at both of them. “So why the sudden desire to get back in touch now?”

They glanced at each other briefly before Imogen clasped her fingers and rested her arms on the table. “I just happened to find you online, and then I saw the pictures of your daughter. You’re right, it has been a long time. So we decided that now was good to make up for lost time. We missed so much of your life and we don’t want to miss any of hers. So, we've been granted a one-week stay so we could see you both.”

“How thoughtful,” I said with obvious sarcasm. “Forgive my lack of enthusiasm.”

“Whatever our reasons were back then,” Imogen quickly cut in, “We’ve grown since then. Yes, we still struggle a little with our problems but we’ve turned our life around since back then. We’re here now and we’d like to start over with you and our granddaughter. We want you to come home with us, Sunshine.”

I gaped at them in disgust, “Are you serious? You want me and my small child to move in with you across the world? After you’ve just admitted that you still have problems?”

Liam also tried to reach for my hand but stopped when I glared at him. He sighed, “We’re trying. Really, we are. If you and the baby come live with us, it will give us the motivation to do better. We could really sober up this time. To give her what we couldn’t give you when you were a child.”

“So I wasn’t enough motivation for you?” I demanded harshly. “I had to have a baby for you to give a damn about me?”

“It’s not just that, Rey. We want to be a family again and you need us. You’re too young to be doing this by yourself.” Imogen said disapprovingly. “Add to that, you’re living with a man who isn’t her father. It’s inappropriate. You shouldn’t have any strange men around her unless you’re in a relationship. You’re better off staying with us.”

I looked back and forth between the two of them, amazed at what they were suggesting. “So, let me get this straight. You want me and my daughter to fly with you back to the UK? Where I know absolutely no one and with one family member who doesn't even want to meet me around?” They nodded and I scoffed. “This may not have occurred to you, Mum, Dad, but I have a life now. I have friends, a job that pays well, and a roof over my daughter’s head. For the first time in my life, I have people that care about me. The same people that care about Alice too. I can’t take her away from that.” 

“You can have all of that back home,” Liam said, unrelenting. “You’re grandmother, as harsh as she is, has let us move in with her on the grounds that we take care of her and pay the bills. She’s rather frail now and needs help to move around. So, she’s agreed to let you two stay with us as well so long as you help around the house.”

“Oh, I feel so honored,” I muttered with harsh annoyance. “She didn’t want me when I was a child, but she’ll let me live with her now because I’m useful. If she needs someone to take care of her, I recommend hiring a nurse. I’m a mechanic.”

“They do have garages in the area, so finding a job shouldn’t be too hard and you can make new friends. Your mother and I can watch Alice whenever you’re out so you don’t have to keep an eye on her all the time.”

The next words came out so low that I barely heard them when I spoke, “Over...my...dead...body.” I pulled two twenty-dollar bills out of my wallet and slammed them on the table, making them jump in their seats. “I would rather swallow needles than leave you two alone with her for even five minutes. You want to be a family again? Too late! I needed you when I was five, I needed you when I was ten and I needed you when I was fifteen but I got tired of waiting. I don’t need you now. That ship has sailed. I have people that have known me for less than a year and treat me more like family than you ever did in those five years combined.” I kept my eyes on them as I got out of the booth. “The worst part, all I wanted was to know where you were. If you were okay or if you missed me. But you didn’t care enough to give me that little bit of clarity. Now that I finally have some stability in my life, you want to come in and act like you care so I’d leave it behind and choose the two of you instead.”

“Rey—” Imogen tried but I cut her off.

“No, I’ve heard enough.” I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder. “I never should have opened that email. You didn’t come here for me, you came here for you. Enjoy New York while you’re in town. I hope you have a nice flight back.”

Then I walked away from the table and out of the cafe. I never looked back.

The drive back to Ben’s flat had me in a near frenzy. Desperately wanting to get there as quickly as possible and cursing every red light on the way. So desperate that I was almost tempted to crash through the gate in the car park or simply park the car on the red line in front of the building. Tickets be damned.

But I didn’t. Instead, I obeyed the traffic laws and inserted my pass for the parking structure like a normal person. As if I weren’t experiencing serious emotional turmoil. I didn’t even check the mailbox, instead, I just speed-walked to the lifts.

I checked my watch as the one I’d chosen seemed to be taking forever to get to Ben’s floor. It was full of other people who lived in the building. It seemed like everyone in the building had gotten off work at the exact same time. It felt like the longest eight minutes of my life. I had to get to Alice and I had half a mind to get out and take the stairs. I couldn’t explain it. She should be napping now, but I needed to see her. Hold her. Make sure for myself that she was safe. 

When the lift finally stopped, I almost pried the doors open and speedily ran to the door that went into the living room. My keys decided this was the perfect time to slip my fingers onto the floor as I scrambled to get the right one in the lock. I could hear Bronx barking on the other side. “Come on, damn it!” Finally, I successfully got the right key in. I pushed it open with more force than necessary and ran to the living room. When I didn’t see anyone, I called out to Ben.

He came out from the kitchen, a worried expression on his face. “Rey?”

“Where’s Alice?” I asked, my voice shaking. “I need to see her. Now.”

His hands came up in a calming gesture, his voice soft, “She’s okay. She’s taking a nap.”

Immediately I brushed past him and made a beeline towards my room. The door was slightly ajar and I slowly pushed it open before tiptoeing to her crib. She was there. Lying face up, hugging her giraffe with her cupid's bow lips pursed in a perfect pout. Her small chest rising and falling with each breath.

The need to hold her was too much to keep back. I slid my hands under her small form, lifting her gently so I wouldn’t wake her. She stirred a little but didn’t open her eyes as I held her close. That small heart beating against my own. She’s here. She’s safe and whole.

I heard a click and realized Ben must have closed the door to give me some privacy. So I plopped myself on the bed and just sat there. Already I was starting to feel better. This was what I needed. Every little movement or noise she made helped me feel more and more relaxed. Holding her was keeping me from flying off the handle. 

Maybe it was a maternal thing, but whenever I felt upset, all I had to do was look at my baby girl and it would all go away. Each time, I am reminded that she has made me who I am now. I still don’t feel like I have any self-worth, but I have just enough left to be a good mother for her. If that was all going to have, it was all I needed.

After some time had passed, I finally felt calm enough to put her back in the crib. 

I decided to go back to the living room, where Ben was sitting on the couch. His elbows on his knees while his chin rested on his interlocked fingers while he stared straight ahead. He looked up when I came around and rested my shoulder against the threshold.

I didn’t move when he stood up and slowly walked towards me as if he’s afraid I’d bolt at the quickest opportunity. He stopped once he was right in front of me. His honey-brown eyes regarded me carefully while he waited for me to speak.

 Not trusting myself not to break down again, I broke our eye contact and stared at the coffee table. My words came out in a whisper, “It was them.” He inhaled deeply and I kept going. “I was right not to bring Alice. They wanted us to go with them back to the UK. To ‘be a family again’.” I said while making quotation marks with my fingers. I still didn’t meet his eyes but I did see his hands clenching into tight fists. “Apparently I’ve had a grandmother all these years. But she didn’t want me either. Now that she's frailer, she’s fine with me living there so long as I contribute to the bills and help around the house. Aren’t I lucky?”

He remained silent so I could continue getting it all off my chest. “You know they knew I was in hospital when I had a heat stroke? They’d been arrested in the next state over. The police told them where I was and they didn’t come to see me because they were ashamed. They were getting deported, so they signed off their rights to me and the state let me stay because I was born in the states. They were told to go into treatment and stay clean for a period of time before I would be permitted to go back with them. Apparently, I wasn’t worth it. They got off drugs, I’m assuming to work, but now they're drinkers. Isn’t that good news?” I bit my lip to keep it from trembling. “All this time they knew where I was and never once thought to get in contact with me and let me know where they were.” A sardonic laugh slipped from me and I shrugged. “I was stupid to have any hope for them. They never cared about me. They only want me around when it’s convenient for them. But for some reason, even though I already knew deep down that I wasn’t worth much to them, it still hurts. It hurts!” That last word came out in a squeak as a sob tore itself out of my throat before I could cover my mouth.

This time, my knees did buckle and I would have fallen onto the ground had Ben not been quick enough to catch me. My hands fisted in his shirt as I buried my face into his chest and finally let the tears fall. His skin vibrated under my hand when he spoke, “You don’t have to hold it in anymore. Don’t hold back what you’re feeling. If that means you have to cry then cry.” 

Those encouraging words were all it took for the damn to burst. I couldn’t hold it back anymore. All the years of pain and rejection came forth in a tidal wave of despair and I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I was finally given the closure I so desperately wanted but I got it in exchange for my worst fear. I wasn’t worth the fight. I cried for the little girl that wanted her family to come back. I cried for Alice, who will have no grandparents growing up. I cried for me, for the love I was never going to get.

Ben didn’t speak again. He just sat there with me on the floor, rocking me. Holding my while I cried until the day’s events finally caught up to me and I fell asleep in his arms. I could swear, before I dozed off, I felt him stroke my hair.

The next morning, my thoughts were still a mess. I woke up in my room confused because I was unclear when I came back in here. Then I remembered that I’d cried like a baby in Ben’s arms until I cried myself to sleep.

I tried apologizing to him but he waved it off and said it wasn’t necessary. Again, I was grateful for him being such a good friend but I had to stop being so emotional around him. It seemed that whenever I’m in a mess, he was there to catch me. I couldn't let myself get too comfortable because, at some point, it won’t be there anymore. Sooner or later, Alice and I will move into a place of our own. Then, in time, he will be giving his undivided attention to someone else. He’ll always be my friend, but I can’t let myself rely on his kindness and understanding forever. I had to remind myself that our current arrangement will eventually come to an end.

There was still some snow on the ground but not enough to completely cover the streets. There were still some clouds in the sky. Ben said Alice liked watching the snowflakes falling on the plastic cover when he took her on his walks yesterday. So I thought I’d take her out to enjoy some more snowfall before the season ends. I felt like I could use some fresh air myself.

So I decided to take advantage of my day off and stroll through Central Park. I slipped into my army green winter warm hoodie with faux fur that Ben had gotten me for Christmas,  bundled her up in her warmest winter suit, packed the diaper bag, a snack, and we were off.

Central Park was only about five blocks away from Ben’s flat, so I left the car. I pushed Alice’s pram down a trail that went around the softball field and eventually led to the Lake. I thought that would be a good enough distance before I would turn back.

The events from last night were still fresh in my mind. While I did feel like the weight lifted from my shoulders after finally getting clarity on my past, I still felt that sting in my chest. I continued for another mile before I spotted something. There, sitting on a lone bench, was Phasma—and she was crying. Not just a few tears but full-on sobbing.

I approached her slowly before calling her name. “Phasma?”

She jumped, startled. When she saw me, she hastily wiped her eyes and tried to smile. “Hey, Rey. How goes it?”

“Are you alright?” I asked, ignoring her question and sat down next to her on the bench, pulling the pram to lock in place beside me. 

She nodded through her tears. “Of course, it’s just allergies.”

“Allergies, hmm?” I inquired doubtfully and handed her a tissue. “What are you allergic to?”

She rolled her eyes, knowing she’d been caught. “My parents, it would seem.”

My muscles tensed at the word ‘parents’. “What happened?” She hesitated, obviously unsure if she could trust me. So, I quickly improvised. “You don’t have to tell me the whole story if you don’t want to.”

She shook her head and blew her nose into the tissue. “No, I might as well get it all out. I didn’t plan on staying in the closet forever anyway.” It took me a second to realize the double entendre in her words. Before I could inquire about it, she pulled out her phone to show me what was on the screen.

It was a selfie with Phasma smiling at the camera with her arm wrapped around a petite Haitian woman whom I’ve never seen before and was smiling just as enthusiastically. She had green eyes with dotted freckles painted across her cheeks. Her hair was multicolored and styled in a half-updo with long freely hanging braids

At first glance, you’d think that they were just close friends. However, upon closer inspection, I could see the slight twinkle in both of their eyes. They both looked very congenial together.

My eyes lifted from the image and landed back on Phasma. The unassertive expression she had was all the confirmation I needed. “She’s your girlfriend?” She nodded and I handed her phone back. “How long have you been together?”

“Three years,” She sniffed as she glanced fondly at the picture again before she put it away. “Her name is Tamara. She’s the love of my life.”

“She seems lovely.” I offered. “Does anyone else know?”

She immediately shook her head, “No, I was too worried about it getting back to my parents.”

That would explain why I’ve never seen her girlfriend on any of her social media. “They’re homophobic?”

“They insist that they aren’t.” She huffed and took another tissue to dab at her eyes. “It’s more of being fine with others who are gay, but if it’s someone they know personally, they see them in a different light. Apparently being their daughter doesn’t give me a pass.” Her eyes dropped downward. “At first they thought I was kidding. Then when I told them I was serious, they lost it. Said that it couldn’t be possible, or that I just hadn’t met the right man yet or I just had too many bad experiences. I didn’t even know I was gay until I met Tamara. We met at a game store. There was a particular board game I wanted and she happened to be looking for the same one. There was the only one left and neither of us were willing to give it up. So, she challenged me to a card game of War. Winner got the game and the loser got the shame. Of course, I lost. As I licked my wounds, she invited me to the park to play the game with her as a truce. I didn’t see the harm in it, so I went along. We ended up spending hours playing.”

There was a new contentedness shown on her face. “She’s a stylist. Has her own website and everything and she’s extremely talented. I once spent over an hour just looking through her portfolio while she watched my fencing videos. I’d never felt so comfortable in another person’s presence. It was like I’d known her my whole life in just a span of a couple hours. We became friends and started hanging out regularly. Over time, we became close.” She dabbed at her eyes some more. “She wasn’t shy about who she was or her sexuality. In fact, she was proud of it. I never judged someone by who they were attracted to so I wasn’t bothered. I just enjoyed her company and I felt more alive whenever she was around. She always knew how to light up my day. Then, after six months, we kissed for the first time. I don’t even remember what brought us to that moment. But when it happened, there was no turning back. I knew then that she was what I wanted. There was no pretending or denial any more. She made me happy. Her parents, probably the most delightful people I’ve ever met, had supported her when she came out in high school. And they welcomed me with open arms when she first introduced me to them.”

For a moment, she stopped talking to kick a stray pebble. Then she continued, “She understood why I was hesitant to tell my family, but she didn’t want our relationship to be a secret forever. Neither did I. I want us to spend our future together and tell the world how in love I am with this woman. That we made each other happy and that it was worth fighting for. I suspected my parents weren’t going to be pleased at first, but I hoped they’d overlook it for my sake. So, they gave me an ultimatum; it was either them or Tamara. It hurt because they’re my parents and she’s my girlfriend. She’s never been abusive or cruel to me. She’s good to me and makes me feel happy. But my parents can’t accept that because she’s a woman. I could either be shunned by my family, that I’ve known my whole life, or walk away from the woman I love.”

“Oh, Phasma,” I breathed, feeling devastated by her dilemma.

“I picked Tamara.” She stated, clearing her throat. “I couldn’t lose the one person that made me happy. The first to see me. But it hurts because they’re still my family. My sister and I were always close and I can’t imagine her not being in my life but…” She let the sentence dangle for a moment. “I also can’t be someone that I’m not just to please them. I’ll always keep that door open because I love them, but I can’t be what they want me to be.”

“You shouldn’t have to,” I told her smoothly. “They’re the ones that have the issue. Your sexuality should have no bearing on how they see you as their daughter. If they would rather you be miserable than in love, then they have a problem.”

She let out a long breath I didn't know she’d been holding. “I know. I don’t want that negativity to ruin what I have with Tamara. I won’t let it. Actually, I’m bringing her as my plus one to Kaydel’s wedding.”

“That’s great!” I affirmed, proud of her. “I can’t wait to meet her.”

“Careful, she may try to steal Alice when you’re not looking.” She said in a faux warning tone. We both broke out into a fit of ridiculous laughter that lasted until our stomachs started cramping. After several minutes, we finally caught our breath and leaned over to check on the baby.

“What about you?” She asked, catching me by surprise. 

My whole body turned to stone. “What about me?”

She made a face at me. “You have that look on your face when you’re thinking about hitting someone with a wrench. What’s wrong?”

Well, she saw right through me. I looked away from Alice and back at her to see the eager expression she was carrying. I knew then it was hook, line and sinker. Ben was right, there was no point in holding it in anymore. Even though my parents have failed me, it didn't mean I don’t still have people to turn to. I have people that are willing to share my pain with them. True friends. 

We got up from the bench and kept walking until we stopped by an ice cream cart and got a vanilla cone each. Then we made it to Cherry Hill and sat at the fountain. When we were sitting down again, I let her take Alice out of the pram and hold her on her lap when I finally told her what happened. I started with the surprise email I got from my parents. Then I moved on to the disaster that was our happy reunion. After I got to the part where I told them off and left, she jumped up from the lip of the fountain with Alice still in her arms as. “What are their names? Which hotel are they staying in? What room? What’s their flight number? I’ll sort them out real quick! You said they live in the UK? I still have some of my volleyball mates in London. Where’s granny’s house?”

“While I admire your enthusiasm, luv, I’ve already said my piece to them,” I said, shaking my head at her.

She blew a raspberry on Alice’s cheek and pouted at me. “But I haven’t.”

“It’s done,” I said. “If I ever see them again, it’ll be too soon.”

“If they ever come back, I want to know immediately.”

“Enough, eat your darn ice cream already!”

Chapter Text

It took some weeks for me to come to terms with what happened with my parents. While I’m still very angry at them, I’m not going to let it control my life. Not anymore. I got my answers, they weren’t the ones I hoped for, but I got them. Now that I have that clarity, I can move on. I’m not the first person in history to have neglectful parents and I won’t be the last. Imogen admitted herself that her own mother was a terrible parent. History repeated itself when she had me and now I had to break the cycle. For Alice.

Walking away from the only blood family I had was a necessary evil I had to live with. I had to think of my mental and emotional well being. There was already enough going on, I didn’t need any more stress. My life wasn’t a walk in the park, but it was mine and we were in a good place. I wouldn't give it up for anything.

More months flew by in the blink of an eye. February was busy. When it rolled around, Ben and Han flew out of state to watch the Super Bowl in person. I’d gotten the tickets for his birthday back in September. Which was a week late because he somehow “forgot” that it had passed. I gave him a stern talking to for that.

Speaking of birthdays, mine just happened to be the week right after the game. I didn’t do much except have a small barbecue and potluck with my friends on the roof of Ben’s building. Phasma even brought her girlfriend over to officially introduce her to all of us. Unsurprisingly, everyone readily welcomed her into our little troupe. Also, as she had predicted, she fell head over heels for Alice. So much that Tamara volunteered to babysit in case I ever needed someone last minute. How could I refuse when Alice looked so delighted with the attention from her new aunt? Especially when they got on so well.

A month later, her first tooth came in. Found out when I was nursing her one morning when I’d suddenly felt a sharp pain stab me on my nipple. When I inspected her mouth, there I saw just a hint of a single lower central incisor. Unfortunately, I wasn’t the only one who was in pain. Poor Alice was so uncomfortable. Even drew a tiny bit of blood. I had to go buy her some teething toys and Rose recommended the silicone ones you can put in the freezer. They were amazing and gave her some relief throughout the day.

  Now, in April, when the snow melted and it officially became spring, at nine months old, she started crawling. Caught me by surprise. She’s been able to sit herself up and test her limbs for weeks but rarely could do much else. One day, I walked out of the room for thirty seconds tops and when I came back, she was gone. I freaked out. Ben and I were frantic as we searched every nook and cranny that she could fit in. The place had been baby proofed to the max, so I tried not to let myself panic but it was terrifying. After the longest five minutes of my life, we found her under the dining table covered in peanut butter. Little monster must’ve pinched it from the coffee table. From then on, I kept her in a playpen whenever I left the room.

She was getting smarter and smarter every day. Everyone would often tease me and say that she was probably going to be a real brainiac when she grew up. I hoped so. Then again, I assumed every parent wished for their child to be the next genius who will cure cancer or fix climate change singlehandedly. But any career that Alice may or may not pursue in the future would be up to her. I could give her advice and maybe help her if she needed, but it’ll be her decision when the day comes. She may not want to go to college. Instead, she may want an apprenticeship with an electric company or construction. Whatever she chose, all I could do was give her my full support. Unless she was doing something illegal, then I’d definitely intervene. But, that was a long ways away. For now, I was going to enjoy the times we’d share while she was still small. She was growing fast enough already.

Each day I’ve been trying to get her to talk. Like “Hello” or “Bye bye”. She at least knows how to wave. Sometimes I try “Mama” but, so far, it’s been to no avail. There’s no reason to rush anyway. She’ll start on her own soon enough, I just hope I don’t miss it

Last week, I’d started introducing her to solid baby food. Having more luck with some flavors over others. One of the shelves now filled with an array of different varieties of baby food and pouches. All of them mashed fruits, veggies and proteins. So far, she liked yams, bananas, carrots, apple-blueberry, pear-pineapple, green beans, and apple-chicken dinner. Steering her towards the greener options was proving to be a little tricky. 

Today, on Easter Sunday, I had the day off. Which was actually normal, as Han kept the garage closed on Sundays anyway. Lately I've been working on restoring Kaydel’s old car. After I approached Han about it, he informed me that he had already been considering offering automobile restoration at his shop for a while and there was plenty of unused space for it. Snap, Rose and I were deemed the most qualified. Then a percentage of each commission was divided between the laborer and the shop. It’s already brought in more business and Kaydel’s was just two weeks from being finished. More than enough time before her wedding. But, right now, I was ready for some well deserved rest.

Ben hosted an easter egg hunt at the gym every year for kids in the area. Some were students and others lived close by, everyone was welcome. The proceeds from admission and the food vendors went to charity to pay for a kid’s membership at his gym. He promised to bring back a stuffed bunny for Alice. Everyone was there except for myself and Phasma. She went with Tamara to Philadelphia to spend it with her family. For me, I didn’t see much of a point to bring her to something that she wouldn’t really be able to participate in and it didn’t feel right if I were to find eggs for her. Maybe next year, when she’ll at least be walking. Right now, I just wanted to have a nice relaxing day at home.

The universe laughed. Alice’s tooth had been bothering her off and on all night. So, we were both a little cranky this morning as I had to get up each time she started whining. Then, when I’d nurse her, she’d take her frustration out on my nipple and start chewing. I’ve had to stop her in the middle of feeding at least three times already. 

So, I spent the first half of the day as a zombie. Again, I sent a mental praise to all single parents out there who’ve shared my struggles. Alice was becoming a little ball of energy to the point where I felt that she was days away from crawling up on the walls. Bronx never strayed too far from her, always staying close to her side. I wouldn't be surprised if he eventually became her loyal steed.

At lunchtime, we started a war over brussel sprouts. I’d never understood most people’s hatred for them. I loved them. They reminded me of miniature cabbages. I’ve tried several times to coax her to open her mouth with a small spoon. Making noises and weird faces. “Here comes the train! Choo choo!” She turned her head away from the small plastic ware, green already smeared all over her mouth. I managed to feed her three spoonfuls so far but it seemed that was all I’d be giving her.

“Come on, Alice, see?” I took a spoonful myself in an attempted to convince her. Trying not to wince at the awful taste, I rubbed my tummy as though I were content. “Mmm, tasty! Your turn.” As I went to go for another scoop, her tiny hand came flying down on her tray where the jar of food still sat. Green goo splashed all over the tray, table and on my front. EW! I mentally screamed as I stood from up the chair and looked down at the mess on my gray shirt. She giggled and clapped her hands together as I glared at her playfully. “Thank you, darling, I thought this shirt needed some color.”

Muttering silent curses, I head to the sink and dampened a cloth to wipe at the stain. It wasn’t going to come out easily with just water. This shirt was peach colored, I might have to try club soda so it won’t set. I found some in the fridge and used it to dampen a new cloth.

Between wiping my shirt and keeping an eye on Alice, I didn’t even notice anyone else was home until I heard a familiar deep voice ask in a haughty tone, “New fashion statement?” Ben hadn’t left yet.

“Didn’t you hear?” I asked back casually and kept wiping. “Green is all the new rage this season.” 

Alice let out a small excited noise when she saw him come in and wiggled in her chair to try and get out. He headed over and unbuckled her. His laughter reached me when he saw the mess on her face. “Well it looks like the princess herself is also taking part in this new trend.”

“Oh, more than that,” I started with a mock serious tone. The stain now almost gone. “She founded it. Soon enough, the streets will be pouring with people wearing this new original design.”

“The start of a fashion revolution!” He announced proudly, still playing along. “All will bow before her in due time as they should.” I peaked over the counter to see him wiping her mouth with a napkin without a fuss. “She’s already won over everyone we know, I’m pretty sure the rest of the world will soon follow.”

One could only hope.

“How’s your shirt?” I heard him ask, suddenly right behind me. He held Alice in one arm, her small body resting comfortably against him. Gosh, she really did have him under her thumb. They made such a beautiful picture together that it stirred things inside me that I would never be able to speak of out loud.

It took me a second to remember he’d just asked me a question. I pulled on the cotten to show the areas that had been green were now just water spots. “Club soda cures more than upset tummies.”

“You missed a spot.”

I glanced back down at my shirt, confused when I saw nothing. “Where?”

The corners of his mouth pulled down, showing his lower teeth as if he were nervous. “In your hair.”

I immediately grabbed a spoon to check my reflection and, sure enough, there was a clump of green goo stuck in my hairline. “Ugh!” How had she managed to get it up there?

“Too bad St. Patrick’s Day was last month.” He joked.

“At least I finally had an excuse to get a ‘Kiss me I’m Irish’ shirt.” I said as I turned the faucet back on. Then I quickly added, “For her anyway.”

Which was true, she was half Irish. That shirt, though, gave me a great idea for a photo session. I put on the brightest red lipstick I could find and just covered her with kisses. It didn’t bother her, she just thought she was being adored. She looked so cute covered in lipstick stains all over her face as she smiled at the camera. It was only a matter of time before I started making a calendar.

While I rinsed out my hair, I heard a high pitched squeal and turned my head, as best I  could leaning over the sink, and saw Ben lifting Alice high in the air. Making “Wheeee!”noises as if she were flying. I smiled and turned back to the sink when he asked, “So what did you make her eat that gave her no choice but to revolt?”

“Brussel sprouts.” I told him over the sound of the running sink. “At least the baby food version of it. I’m trying to give her more greens but I couldn’t get more than three spoonfuls into her.” I grabbed some paper towels and wetted them to wash what I had missed. Better I do it now before it has a chance to harden.

He sniffed the jar and grimaced. “If it tastes as bad as it smells, I can see why.”

“Oh, it’s worse.” I assured him sarcastically. 

He made a noise of disgust. “Don’t tell me you had some.”

A hopeless groan escaped. “I wanted to prove to her that it tasted good.”

“Who were you trying to convince? Her or you?” He asked pointedly, lifting her higher on his hip.

“I have no idea.” I admitted with a shrug.

Alice made a small noise and started wiggling in his arms. I turned around to see her shoved her fingers in her mouth and chewed. “I think it’s her tooth.” Ben said and, without fail, ran to the freezer to grab one of her toys. He picked a lemon-shaped one and offered it to her. She took it from him and immediately put it in her mouth for some relief.

“I can’t believe she’s nine months old.” I uttered with disbelief. “And she already has her first tooth.”

“Pretty soon, we’ll have to start making calls to the tooth fairy!” He said to her, lifting her up high while she laughed. “So she can come and leave her a magic coin!”

I chuckled with a bit of uncertainty, “I am not wearing a tutu.”

He looked almost offended, “Well don’t look at me!”

“Isn’t she supposed to be asleep when that happens?” I pointed out. “There’s no reason we’d have to dress up anyway.”

“What if she wakes up when your hand is under her pillow?” He asked back.

A groan escaped me and I rubbed my eyes. Were we really debating about what might happen if Alice found out the tooth fairy wasn’t real? “Don’t you have a bunch of eggs to hide, Mr. Easter Bunny?”

“Very funny. You sure you don’t want to come along?” My answer was a loud yawn that I tried to hide behind my hand and he laughed, “I get it. Shall I bring you back a chocolate bunny?”

That perked me up a little, “Maybe some Robins’ Eggs too?”

“I’ll grab some if I find any.” He offered, “I might even throw in some mini reeses.”

“Be still my heart!” I said with a dramatic sigh. “How could I decline such an offer?”

He placed her in my waiting arms and smoothed out the hairs on her head as she continued to chew on the toy. “Wish me luck. Those kids can get nuts on all that sugar. The winner who gets the most eggs wins the big Easter basket with even more sugar.”

“I’ve always wanted one of those. I wish you and everyone all the luck in the world. You’re going to need it.” I coveted for him. Many times I’ve seen first hand how rowdy they could get after having too many sweets. Even I had a few sugar rushes when I was younger. Running around like an animal until I crashed. Then I’d have a nasty stomach ache when I woke up the next morning.

He waved his thanks and left. Leaving us alone to our devices. I decided to hook up the door jumper for Alice to keep her occupied and in one place so I could prepare ingredients for the beef stew I was making tonight. Along with rice and a simple green salad. We normally took turns making dinner but, since I had the day off and he was going to be out all day, I offered to be the one to prepare it tonight. The look of horror on his face when I jokingly suggested that we have rabbit stew to commemorate Easter was priceless.

I wanted to get out whatever horror jokes I could before Alice could understand what they meant. Best to let her stay blissfully unaware of adult jokes until she was older. It wasn’t until I became an adult when I noticed all the dirty jokes that had been hidden in child films growing up. Funny I never caught on before, but no harm done. Cartoonists have been doing it for years and will continue to do so. It may offend some people, but it was nothing to twist my neck over. If it was kid friendly, then it was enough for me. But absolutely no Bachelor or Jersey Shore . Had to draw the line somewhere, but that’s what parental controls were for

Along with the stew, I was preparing a green salad and some rice. The salad was already chopped and ready, chilling in the fridge. Alice bounced herself on her feet as she watched me cut vegetables while the battered meat cooked in a pan. As I waited for the pieces to brown, I felt my eyelids starting to get heavy. My lack of sleep last night was finally catching up to me.

I decided it was time to put the knife down before I started chopping off my fingers next. There was no use fighting it, I desperately needed to lie down. When the beef was done, I transferred it into the stockpot along with some broth. I turned off the burner and moved Alice into the playpen in the living room.

Putting my phone down on the coffee table, I lay myself flat on the couch and watch. Smiling while she attempted to match small shapes in their matching holes. Bronx sitting right beside her. A shape sorter I got for her last week. She’s pretty good at identifying the triangle piece, but would often get confused with the square and the circle. Of course, none of them were cleared for usage until she stuffed each one of them in her mouth for proper sanitation.

My eyes felt so heavy. It wouldn’t do any harm to sleep for a few minutes, right? Just a few minutes. Five tops, no more than that. It wouldn’t do any harm.

Suddenly my nose was met with a flavorsome aroma. My head was a little fuzzy but I could detect bay leaves and red wine vinegar. That was when I remembered. The beef stew! I thought I turned the heat off before I lied down. My eyes shot open, then I sat up and turned so fast that I got whiplash. That was when I noticed that the playpen was missing a nine-month-old.

I jumped up in alarm and looked around. She was nowhere in sight! Did she actually manage to climb out? “Alice?” How long did I sleep? Bronx was gone too. I got down on my hands and knees to check under the coffee table and couches. “Alice, where are you?” Like she could answer.

Before I could go into a full blown panic, Ben’s voice shouted from the other room, “We’re in here!”

Breathing a loud sigh of relief, I hoist myself up and follow the noise. They were seated at the dining table with Alice in her high chair and Ben feeding her from her butterfly bowl. When she spotted me, she turned away from the spoon and gave me a gummy smile. Her single tooth gleaming in the light.

“Hello, Alice.” I greeted her warmly and gave her a kiss on her head before turning to Ben with a repentant expression. “I’m so sorry, Ben, I didn’t mean to doze off like that. I swear it felt like it was only five minutes. If I wasn’t looking at you now, I’d swear you just left. What time is it? When did you get home?”

He shrugged his shoulders, unperturbed. “Almost seven and about an hour ago. When I got back, you were both sleeping. You seemed pretty worn out, so I took it upon myself to finish dinner and feed Alice.”

“You did? Oh, and you even put on the rice!” I queried with delight when I noticed the saucepan on the stove next to the larger one. But before I celebrated, a thought hit me. “Erm, I think I better change—” 

He shook his head with a smile, cutting me off, “Took care of it. She had a real stinker when I got here.”

“Oh God,” I stressed and rubbed my itchy eyes, “Why didn’t you wake me up? You shouldn’t have to do that when I’m here.”

He just rolled his eyes, “You were sleeping. It wasn’t a big deal so quit apologizing. I doubt it’ll be the last diaper I’ll change in my life.”

I smiled at his wit, “Maybe not. But I appreciate it nonetheless.

He winked and moved his attention back to Alice. While making airplane noises, he said in an over enthusiastic voice, “Come on, Alice, one more and then you’re done!” To my surprise, she did, and I let out an excited squeak. Then he gently fed her the spoon, even scooping the bit that escaped and giving it back to her. We both applauded her when she was done and she basked in the praises.

“Good job, Princess!” He applauded her as he cleaned her face. “I knew you could do it.”

“I don’t believe it.” I picked up the clean bowl, curious. “What was it? Peas?”

“Nope,” He said with a loud ‘P’ sound as a confident grin spored his face, “Brussel sprouts.”

“Come again?” I demanded, not too sure if he was telling the truth. “Are you sure? I’ve never got her to eat that much.”

I handed the bowl back to him, the smile still on his face, “Yep. First thing I did was throw away that garbage you were giving her. After the egg hunt was over, I stopped by the grocery store and picked up some fresh ones. She was snuggled up with Bronx in the playpen when I got here. Snoring away.”

“He was in the playpen? How?” I asked, taking a quick look at the sleeping pit mix.  

He picked Alice up from the chair and sat her on his lap. “My guess is he jumped from the footrest. Anyway, I steamed them for about ten minutes and tossed them in the blender.” He tickled her, making her giggle and squirm. “Little Princess ate them all up.”

 My hand flew up to cover my eyes and hide my embarrassment. “I can’t believe that’s all it took.” I lowered it to look at him again, grateful. “Thank you, Ben, really. You do so well with her that I’m almost jealous.”

He scoffed. “Oh, come on, you’re a great mom. You’ll always come first in her book.”

“Until she gets a boyfriend.” I joked.

The smile instantly turned into a scowl. “She’s not dating ever.”

“Ben!” I admonished laughingly. “Even I’ve accepted that she’ll be a teenager one day.”

His scowl dropped slightly, but only into a pout. He looked down at her and bounced her on his knee. “I don’t want her to grow up.”

“I know,’’ I assured him gently. “I feel the same way, but it is what it is.” There was a ding and I again looked towards the stove. “Stew’s ready. You mind putting her down while I set the table?”

“You got it. Let’s go, Alice, bed time.” He affirmed. She immediately whimpered and began fussing in his arms, reaching for me as I walked away. “What’s the matter, Princess? Rey, I think she wants you.”

Unfortunately that couldn’t be helped as I was already headed for the kitchen and I didn’t want the stew to burn. She would have to wait. “Mama will be right there, luv. Just a moment.” Like she could understand me.

In any case, apparently, she disagreed. Alice continued to grunt and moan while I stirred the pot. Ben tried distracting and comforting her but to no avail. It hurt to hear her like that, but I learned early on I that I couldn’t drop what I was doing every time she wanted me. She was probably just grouchy because it was time for bed. Then there it was. “Mama!”

The wooden spoon slipped from my hand and into the pot. Completely submerging into the thick liquid as I nearly broke my neck to make sure I didn’t hallucinate and gap at the struggling babe in my friend’s hold.

Ben too was looking down at her in shock. His mouth was wide open as her tiny hands reached out towards me and she did it again, “Mama!”

I switched off the burner and zipped towards them. Without prompting, Ben immediately held her out towards me as I eagerly pulled into my own arms. “She said it!” Joy replaced my initial surprise as I lifted her high in the air. “She said ‘mama’! Her first word!” I brought her down to smother her face with kisses, beyond proud.

In the corner of my eye, I saw Ben’s thumb wipe away some of his own tears. The look on his face could only be described as complete admiration. “She did it, Ben,” I said, followed by a happy sniff. Alice curled herself under my chin, seeking my warmth. I cradled the precious bundle to my breast. “My baby girl said her first word!”

Ben crossed his arms and looked at her with an unreadable expression. “She’s growing too fast. I’m going to have to pay even closer attention to what I say around her.”

“Oh, you should hear what comes out of my mouth whenever I stub my toe.” I informed him with a laugh. “Words that’d make a sailor turn pink, that’s for sure.”

His brow lifted slightly, “You? A potty mouth? This I gotta see.”

“Don’t worry,” I promised him. “The time will come one day when she’s sleeping. Pieces of furniture seem to be drawn to my big toe. I’m surprised it hasn’t turned black and fallen off yet.” I began to feel a slight dampness on my chest. With a peak down at her face, I could see her small mouth was open as she drooled and her eyes were beginning to droop. I stroked the back of my knuckles along her cheek. “It looks like she finally wore herself out.”

“You go ahead, I’ll set the table.” He offered. “Dinner will be waiting for you when you’re ready.”

I nodded my thanks and took her to our room. She was already fast asleep. Didn’t even notice me slipping her into her lamb footie onesie or when I placed her in the crib. Once she was tucked in, I rested my arms on the rail to watch her a little longer.

My baby girl chose me as her first word. I guess that means I must be doing something right. I thought proudly. She had a big day. Not bad for her first Easter. Sure, it was only one word, but to me it was another beautiful discovery of her growth. It was beautiful but also terrifying. One part of me was happy while the other part wanted to keep her small forever. The everlasting turmoil of a mother.

I switched on her nightlight and headed back to the dining area. Ready to join Ben for dinner. When I passed the wooden console by the entrance, I spotted a colorful Easter basket. The basket itself was dark brown with light pink and green grass filler. A brown stuffed bunny sat in the center, surrounded by chocolates, sweets and even a few biscuits. 

Huh, had that always been there? I hope all that sugar wasn’t for Alice.

“Happy Easter,” Ben announced kindly, coming around the corner. I looked at him questioningly and he ran a hand through his dark waves. “I saw it at the store. I know they’re meant for kids but it had everything you wanted plus a little extra.”

“This for me?” I asked, touched.

He nodded, picking it up and holding it out for me. “You mentioned earlier that you always wanted one. I thought it would be a nice surprise.”

I took it from him and peaked inside. There I saw a Dove chocolate bunny, carrot-shaped bags filled with Reese's pieces, jellybeans, and a small box of peeps. The basket itself looked like it was good quality too. I was definitely going to use it in the future.

My finger absently played with the plastic wrapping. “Are there Robins’ Eggs?”

He smirked, “You bet there are.”

Sure enough, I spotted the two small cartons buried deep in the colored grass. “Ben, this is great. But...” I looked away, feeling embarrassed. “I didn’t get anything for you.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to.” He said to reassure me. “Either way, I disagree. Being able to witness Alice say her first word was more than enough. I was happy to be a part of that.”

“That was a tremendous experience.” I agreed and shook my head with bewilderment, “You’re so good with her. She’s lucky to have such a good person like you in her life. As am I.”

He let out a dreamy exhale. “It’s impossible not to love her. She bewitched me from the very beginning.” He tilted his head, pensive. “And I also enjoy your company too. I like having you both around. Bronx too. I daresay that he likes Alice more than me now. It’s definitely brought some excitement into my life.”

My chest shook with laughter. “Ah yes. The sleepless nights, the dirty nappies, spit up everywhere, it’s a party every day.”

“Now life would be dull without spit up.” He chuckles before turning serious. “I mean it, having you two here has been great. I didn’t realize how lonely it was here with just Bronx and myself.”

“It’s been great staying here.” I told him, hoping he could hear the truth in my words. With a hand on his shoulder, I told him, “I can honestly say that I’ve never been more comfortable in my life. You’ve been such an accommodating host, but you’re more than that. You’re my first and closest friend. You’re very dear to me, Ben. I hope you know that.”

“Just as you are to me.” He breathed gently, before he hastily cleared his throat, “I mean, you and Alice are important to me too.”

I nodded. Then, with a hint of dejection, admitted, “I’m going to hate leaving.”

His tone became equally as sad. “It’ll be strange not having you around. I know Bronx will be devastated when you and his adopted pup are gone.”

What about you? I thought before I could stop it. Would you miss me? It took biting my tongue to keep from saying it out loud. There was no future where Ben and I would stay under the same roof for the rest of our lives. I couldn’t let myself hope...could I?

I quickly shooed that thought away before it went further down into the forbidden abyss of useless hopes. Instead, I let myself be filled with the reminder that we’re here now and we could enjoy the limited time we had under his roof.

With the basket still in my hands, I stood on the tips of my toes and laid a small kiss on his cheek. “Happy Easter, Ben.”

When I pulled away, he didn’t speak at first. For a second, he seemed startled by the gesture. Reaching up to touch the place where I’d kissed him with a dazed look on his face. I was worried I’d overstepped until he smiled again. “It was my pleasure, Rey.”

“Well,” I started, breaking the near-awkward moment. “Now that we have dessert waiting for us, we should get started on the warm beef stew I was supposed to cook, but my awesome flatmate finished making it for me and I want to eat it.”

That made his handsome face light up with knowing confidence. “The meat was cooked and the vegetables were chopped, I just threw it all in the pot and added the broth. We’ll call it a team effort.”

“How could I not agree to that? Oh, and don’t forget the salad!” I reminded him. “It should still be in the fridge.”

He barked out a laugh, “Ah, yes, of course, Milady. The salad mustn't be forgotten. But I’m not gonna lie, I'm looking more forward to the stew.” Then he paused and looked at me suspiciously. “It is beef in that pot and not rabbit, right?”

“Here we go.” I moaned with regret. “Are you still going on about that? Yes, it’s beef!”

“I was just checking!” He insisted before shuddering, “You can be very sneaky when you want to be.”

My eyebrow twitched, “We’ll see how sneaky I am when your secret pizza roll stash goes missing.”

He gaped at me, mortified, “How did you find it?”

“Ah ha!” I cheered triumphantly. “So you do have a stash!” 

“Damn it,” He grumbled, realizing he just outed himself. “You’re good.”

Oh yes, it was a Happy Easter indeed. A first for me. Hopefully the first of many.

Chapter Text

Kaydel’s wedding was a week away and after countless hours of sweat and grease stains, her Nash Touring had been completely restored to its original condition. I had to say, it looked great. The stack had to be replaced entirely. It was ripped to shreds and I couldn’t even get the thing to open without the rusted metal snapping under the pressure. The whole thing had to be redone.

The seats were even worse. I sat in one of the back ones only for my bum to fall through the dried out leather. They had to be reupholstered, which cost even more, but it had to be done.

I had to look at other pictures of similar cars for the paint job because the ones Kaydel had sent were, of course, in black and white. She even called her dad, who had to call his older brother, who had to call their uncle, only for him to say that he remembered the body was a light color. No problem. I just sent her examples of what I’d found and she checked off the colors that she thought would look best. The body was painted cream and black while the hubcaps were orange.

Kaydel was practically over the moon, she was so happy. She and her family had come over to the shop to pick it up today. Her parents even left us an additional tip because it came out so great. They even promised to spread the word so Han’s shop could get some more customers.

About an hour ago, she sent a photo of herself posing by the car. She said she was tempted to make it her personal car and sell her volvo.

I laughed at her humor. I knew she wouldn’t. She was just overly excited for her big day. Not that I could blame her. She’d been waiting for this moment since she was small. Of course, there were a lot of ups and downs. Once, I saw on her facebook that her makeup artist had a family emergency so she had to cancel and Kaydel kept asking if there was anyone who could do her and her bridal party’s makeup because everyone else was booked. Luckily her aunt found someone who had a cancelation. Another time, she was freaking out because, somehow, the seating chart had gotten mixed up and some of her family began throwing fits because they hated where they were sitting or who they had to sit with. Something about her cousins, whom she claimed had been spoiled since birth, not wanting to sit with another family member. Ben said her phone had been going off at work every couple of minutes with texts and calls from her family with complaints about it. She tried really hard to rearrange it so it was to everyone’s satisfaction. However, whenever she would make a change, someone else got upset. After two days of this nonsense, she went onto the even page that she’d made for the wedding and wrote, in all caps, “THE SEATING CHART HAS BEEN CHANGED FOR THE LAST TIME. IF ANYONE ELSE HAS A PROBLEM WITH IT, EITHER DEAL WITH IT OR DON’T COME!”

I honestly laughed when I saw that post. The comments beneath it were just as funny. Most were very understanding while some didn’t seem so pleased. Some people, however, would insist on a change and she would respond, “My decision is final. I’ve changed it three times, no more. I have more important things to focus on.”

There was also the age requirement that bothered some of the guests. It was stated in our invitations that the age limit was seven years old. It wasn’t that she didn’t like children, she just felt it was better if there weren’t too many small ones that needed a lot of attention.

I wasn’t offended, it made perfect sense. I’ve heard many horror stories where children too young would run a mock during formal events. Not that that was their faults per say. Young children need to be occupied or else they get bored. While I’ve never attended a wedding before, I do remember certain events that I had to attend with foster families and I would behave but I’d also be bored to tears. Some children handle boredom in different ways. Just like Alice. Granted, she was still a little young to be too much of a problem. But I was actually pleased not to take her. I would have to carry her around in my arms or in a carrier. She was a good baby, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t cry or fuss. She was still a baby and I’d hate for the nuptials to be interrupted by her whining and me having to excuse myself to take care of her.

Thankfully, Han has offered to stay over that night and watch her for me so I wouldn’t have to hire a babysitter. I was grateful because he was already very familiar with her schedule and I wouldn’t have to teach it to a stranger. Not only that, Han loved Alice. He would never let anything bad happen to her. She would be safe with him, that I knew for certain.

“Time for a nap, darling.” I told her when I glanced at the clock. I wasn’t working today and I’d already taken her out for a walk to shops for some groceries. I was almost knocked off my feet when a horrid stench reached my nose. “Whew! Goodness, Alice, who needs a nuclear bomb when we can just throw your used nappy at them?”

As I started changing her when I heard the front door open and the sound of keys from down the hallway. Ben must’ve gotten back. Her chubby little arms started going up and down with excitement as she also knew that it meant Ben was home.

“Rey, you home?” I heard him call out.

“In here!” I told him as I sprinkled some baby powder on Alice. When I put the bottle back down, he knocked on the door jamb and I greeted him with a chuckle. “Come on in, I’m almost done.”

He made a face of mild disgust, “Thanks, I think I’ll stay over here where it’s safe.”

I rolled my eyes, “Oh, come on. I’ve never heard you complain about it before.”

“That was before you fed her asparagus.” He said pointedly. “Which had to have been one of the dumbest decisions ever.”

“If it weren’t so true, I’d get mad at that.” I fastened the adhesive and booped Alice’s little button nose. “I don’t think I’ll be feeding her asparagus again anytime soon. At least until after she’s potty trained, then I won’t have to clean it.”

He finally entered the room, “Now that’s a good decision.” He grinned when Alice reached for him with her tiny fingers and he was all too happy to pick her up from the changing table and into his arms. “What do you think, Princess? Should Mommy refrain from feeding you that glop?”

She giggled, delighted at the attention she was receiving from the tall man. I couldn’t help but watch them fondly as Ben doted on my little girl. But I also felt a slight twinge of longing.

“You’re home early.” I commented, turning my thoughts away. “Everything alright at the gym?”

He bounced her in his arms before replying. “Yeah, we had to close down early for pest maintenance. Happens every year.” He looked back at Alice and have her nose another boop. “How’s the princess?”

“Getting ready for her nap.” I responded dryly. “Now that you’re here, she’ll never go down.”

“Uh-oh,” He said to her. “You heard Mama bear. Nap time, Alice.” She yawned as he placed her down in the crib and tucked her in. He flipped on the crib mobile and chose a slow tuned lullaby. His voice lowered to a whisper, “Sleep tight, Princess.”

He gave me a thumbs up and I returned it with a pleased sigh. We looked and saw Bronx pad inside and lay down next to the crib. I swear, the devotion this canine has to my small baby melted my heart every time I looked at them.

We quietly tiptoed out of the room and into the kitchen. Both of us were already invading the pantry for some snacks.

“Hey, so I was thinking,” he started, taking out a can of Pringles. “Since we’re both invited to the wedding, and neither of us have a plus one, I thought it would be a good idea if we went together.”

There was no way I heard that correctly.  He didn’t just suggest I go to the wedding with him, did he? “As in your date?”

“I mean, as in a couple of friends going to an event together.” He blushed a little and nervously scratched the back of his neck. “Unless you already have someone in mind?”

I shook my head, trying hard to hide the glee that was zipping around in my head. “Nope, not me. I was going alone. I’d assumed you had a date.”

He shook his head, “No, ma’am. So, what do you think?”

“I don’t know,” I pretended to think for a moment. Tapping my chin with my finger as if I were in deep thought. I then gave him a playful smile. “Maybe if you ask me properly?”

The tension in his muscles dissipated instantly. “Oh, well excuse me. I do beg your pardon.” He started as if he’d committed a grave offense. “Rey, would you like to go to the wedding with me?”

You’d think he was asking me to prom, I felt so giddy. How could I not? My good friend, whom I have a crush on, a man that could ask any But, I refused to let any of it show on my face and kept my composure. “I would love to go with you.”

“Great!” He moved to rub his hands together with an eager expression. “So what time should I be at your room to pick you up? 5-ish? What’s your curfew?” Needless to say, he wasn’t surprised when I threw the small towel at him.

I spent the remainder of the week working on my dress for the wedding. The ladies and I had agreed that we would all be wearing flapper dresses in different colors. Most of them were buying theirs while I was doing a bit of both buying and making. Mine was red with black and silver beading in a diamond shaped pattern. With a scoop neckline and thin straps. I’d found some black beaded fringe trim at the same craft store where I got the fabric for Alice’s bat wings during Halloween. Once more at the right time and the right place to provide me with what I need. Then I found a pair of long velvet black evening gloves that went up to my elbows and a black feathered headband that had been in the holiday clearance section that went great with the look. 

When the day finally arrived, I’d stitched the last of the fringe along the hem of the dress that was just above my knees. The black beads actually matched the ones that were stitched to the fabric so, when it was done, it actually looked like it came with it.

Ben had knocked on my door about ten minutes ago and I was just putting on the finishing touches of my look. Which had taken almost as much work and concentration as the car had.

For makeup, I turned to YouTube and Pinterest for inspiration. After several rewinds and a bin filled with makeup wipes, I finally got it. Once it was mastered, I dare say I looked pretty good. My lips were painted avenue red, a simple pencil job for my eyebrows, and a light smokey eye look. The dark hues around my eyes really made the green in my irises pop out. 

My hair was another story. It was already naturally wavy, but I wanted to have those natural looking flattened curls to surround my face. If I was being honest, the hair took a lot longer to perfect than the makeup had been. But once it was, it looked great. It was exactly what I had been looking for to go with the rest of the look. It looked even better when the headband was on.

The shoes I’d picked out were simple black satin flapper dance shoes with t-straps and two-and-a-half inch heels. I wasn’t that much into high heels because I felt I was already tall enough, but they went with the look and I fell in love with them as soon as I saw them at ‘Payless’.

The last thing I did was put in the gold art deco earrings that were the last of my ensemble. I’d found them on Etsy not long ago just for inspiration. Once I was fully satisfied, I picked up my new clutch and headed to the dining room.

I couldn’t help but stare. He looked incredible. He wore a fitted white button up shirt, a black bowtie at his neck, stretch classic fit pleated pants, a simple tuxedo jacket, and a nice pair of cap toe shoes. Then, on his head, he wore a Panama hat. Now that I think about it, I’ve never seen him in a hat aside from a beanie. It looked one him. All of it looked good.  

 He did a double take and looked over me from head to toe. 

“How do I look?” I asked shyly. 

He shook his head and sobered his expression, “You look gorgeous. I’m beginning to wonder if maybe you were meant for that era instead of this one.”

I blushed at the compliment. “Thank you. You look rather dashing too. That vest fits you well.”  He pulled at the fabric and that was when I noticed the chain that started from the top and disappeared into the pocket. “Do you have an actual pocket watch?”

He pulled it out and pressed it open. “Yeah, it was my grandfather’s. Mom gave it to me when I graduated high school.”

“It’s impressive.” I marveled. “Such a beautiful timepiece.”

“Yeah, I don’t wear it often.” He snapped it shut and placed it back in the pocket. “I save it for important events depending on the dress code. Do you think I made a good call?”

I nodded, “Absolutely.”

“Mama!” Came Alice’s soprano pitch when Han carried her in from the living room. 

“Don’t you two look dapper.” He piped in after winking at me. “Now be sure you’re home before midnight or that nice car of yours will turn back into a pumpkin.”

“Very funny.” I huffed with a smile and pulled her into my arms. “Now, Alice, you be a good girl for Han, okay? Mummy’s job may depend on it.” She blubbered her affirmative and I kissed her cheek. When I pulled away, I muttered. “Oops!” I left a lipstick stain on her face!

Han barked out a laugh and Ben kept his lips pressed together but his chest was shaking. I was giggling with them as I quickly rubbed it off with a wet wipe. “Your mother did that to you a lot.” Han told his son as he took Alice from me and held her against his hip. “She’ll be fine, Rey.”

“Right,” I took her hand and stroked her small palm. “Bye bye, Alice.” I let her go and looked at him again. “Now, she already had dinner, so she may be due for a change soon. She may still want a bottle later, around seven just before she goes down. There are bags of milk in the freezer you can defrost or some formula in the cupboards, whatever you’re more comfortable with. Or if you have any other questions or need anything, you have my number and you can let me kno—.”

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll be fine, mom.” He insisted, cutting me off. His eyes rolled so hard they nearly fell out of his head. “Now get out of here before you miss the wedding.”

“You heard him.” Ben said as he ushered me out while I kept laughing.                            

We spent most of the car ride in silence. Only bringing up what type of things to expect in regards to the roaring twenties theme. I was mostly excited to see how everyone else was dressed up.

The venue was being held at Terrace On The Park in Queens. The ceremony was going to take place in the Chapel downstairs and the reception would be held in the Paradise ballroom. I’d never been to this part of New York before. 

When Ben drove up to the entrance, we were greeted by a valet. Ben exited first so he could come around and get my door for me. I tried not to smile too hard, he was such a gentleman.

He handed his keys to the valet before turning to me and offering his arm, “Shall we?”

My heart fluttered. We’re just friends! Just friends! I kept reminding myself as I wrapped my gloved hand around his toned bicep. But, for a moment, I couldn’t help but revel in the feeling. Why not live a little? Sure, we were only here as friends, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t have some fun. I always had a good time when I hung out with Ben. He was great to be around.

I decided to live and let live. We walked into the lobby and it was like we’d entered through a time portal. The lobby had been made up to look like we had been thrown into the roaring twenties.

A man with a large camera came up to us with a big smile, “Hi guys, are you here for the wedding?” We nodded and held his hand out towards the piano, “You both look great! Would you mind if I took a picture for the pre ceremony shots?”

“What do you think?” Ben asked with interest. “Should we?”

“Why not?” I responded with excitement. Aside from yearbook photos and picture day at school, I don’t think I’ve ever had my picture taken by a professional. We stood in front of the instrument. His arm wrapped around my shoulders while mine rested on his lower back. After the photos were taken, we wondered around to admire the interior. 

I didn’t stray too far from Ben. Mainly because I didn’t know any of the people here at the moment. I breathed a sigh of relief when I finally heard a voice I recognized call out to me.

“Oh my god, Rey!” Rose squealed when she found us. She came over with her husband Finn not far behind and gave us both hugs. Her brown eyes looked up and down at my dress with appreciation. “This is beautiful! You look like you were meant for this time period.”

I blushed at her compliment. “Thank you,” I said as I marveled at her own dress. “You look amazing too.”

She blushed at the compliment. “Thank you.” She too was wearing flapper dress, but hers was egyption blue with matching fringe at her knees and silver beading on the bodice. Her hair was up in a sideways chignon with a darker single feathered headband.

Finn was dressed in a blue checkered Shelby & Sons slim suit jacket with a gangster godfather hat and Manhattan black and white Frederick Leone tuxedo shoes.

“Isn’t she gorgeous?” He asked as he looked her over appreciatively, making her blush more. “My own cool cat.”

“You’re about two decades too early, man.” We heard and then saw Poe walk over with Zorii on his arm with Phasma and Tamara right behind them.

Phasma’s flapper dress was shiny black with gold sequins. Her beautiful blonde locks had been curled in a similar fashion to mine probably done by Tamara. She had an emerald green colored Molly flapper dress that had a gold peacock feather design along the front.

Poe and Zorii looked like the perfect gangster couple. The cocktail dress she wore matched her black, floor-length with silver sequins, completed with a black boa wrapped around her arms, matching velvet underarm gloves and two strands of pearls around her neck. Her dark blonde hair had been curled and clipped to one side that fell over her shoulder.

Poe was wearing a black and white pinstripe suit with a white tie and matching fedora. His wingtip shoes were so shiny that you could blind someone. He looked over at Finn and twisted his face strangely before speaking with a strange accent, “My good friend, you gotta remember that a dame always knows when your pickup lines are outta date. Ya gotta charm her the proper way by dazzling her with your charm instead of ya mouth.”

Zorri shook her head in dismay. “Honey, you know I love you, but your attempt at gangster talk leaves much to be desired.”

“Aw c’mon, babe,” He began with a pout, still using the accent. “I’m work’n ‘ere.”

She sighed, “Fine, just don’t say something stupid.”

“Good luck with that.” Phasma chortled.

We were then called to attention by the wedding planner and she requested that we all go downstairs to the chapel for the ceremony. Then the staff helped guide everyone to the stairs and elevators. 

Once we were downstairs, I was impressed with what I found. The white chairs each had three strands of pearls hanging on the back. On each side of the aisle were sets of five thirty-four inch pampas grass reed plumes. The walls had been aligned with white and gold drapery. Giving the room a luminous glow. Whoever Kaydel’s decorator was, they really outdid themselves.

Ben and I took our seats one the bride’s side. We all chatted amongst ourselves for a short while before the orchestra started playing “Canon in D” by Johann Pachelbel and we all stood. First it was the officiant, followed by the grandparents and parents of the bride and groom. Then it was Neil’s turn. He looked so excited dressed in his Michael Gray vested pinstripe suit. The photographer came around and started snapping pictures.

After him came the bridesmaids and groomsmen. Three women dressed in identical champagne colored maxi dresses with plunging necklines, cape overlays and floral beading. Their bouquets were boho style with dry flowers, feathers, white palm leaves, beige and white flower arrangement. The men wore brown checkered tweed double breasted three piece suits with pocket squares that held a single white rose and double breasted vests.

Next was the ring bearer and the flower girl. Cute little things, around the ages of six and seven. I understood that they were Neil’s cousins from Missouri and were the children of his best man. As the little girl came down spreading rose petals, suddenly I was struck with the image of Alice, a little older, dressed in a cute fluffy dress as she dropped flower petals down the aisle.

The image faded when everyone stood up from their seats, signaling the bride’s arrival. I got to my feet and waited anxiously.

Kaydel looked beautiful. Like she’d come straight out of a magazine cover. Since I’d last seen her, she’d gotten a bob haircut which was now draped with a sheer vintage style veil with a lace edge drop and a floral clip on the side. Her face had been dolled up with red matte lipstick in the style of a cupid's bow on her lips, a light shade of rosy blush on her cheeks and blends of black and gold eyeshadow adorned around her eyes. Her dress was an off-white lace a-line gown with a plunging v-neck and floral pattern. The three-foot train trailing behind her with every step.

She was beaming as she walked with her father down the aisle to the arch where her husband-to-be waited. He too was smiling widely as he watched his bride come closer with each step. I daresay I even saw some moisture in his eye before he dabbed at it with a tissue.

Her father had tears of his own when he kissed her on the cheek as he gave her away. He gave a firm handshake with the groom before joining her mother in the front row.

There was a flash of white in the corner of my eye and I noticed it was a handkerchief. Ben was holding it towards me with an understanding smile and I then I noticed was crying too. I took it and nodded my thanks. More tears were saved as they read their vows to each other. Pouring their hearts out to each other in front of their friends and family.

They talked about when they first met during college. How their first date was an absolute disaster. The time they got lost on a road trip to Yellowstone. Their first big fight. The first time they both said “I love you”. All important times in the relationship, good and bad that led them to this moment.

Once their vows were finished, the officiant then proceeded with the rest of the ceremony. When he announced that the groom may kiss the bride, Neil swung her around so she was hanging in his arms looking up at him as he planted her a big one. Everyone applauded loudly as they were now introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Crane. They walked up the aisle, sporting the happiest smiles on their faces. The honeymoon stage had already begun.

After the last of the bridal party and groomsmen left, we were directed to go to the ballroom upstairs. When we got there, it was even grander than the chapel. If I thought the lobby looked good, this room was on a whole different level of authenticity. I was mostly enamored with the jazz band playing on the stage.

We were placed at a table where Poe and Zorii were sitting. Soon we were followed by Rose and Finn, then phasma and Tamara after them. Kaydel must have made sure that we were seated at the same table.

We all clapped as the bridesmaids and groomsmen came out one pair at a time. Then, when the DJ announced the newlyweds, we gave it our all in applauding them. Kaydel and Neil walked out hand-in-hand as we cheered and whistled at them.

The cake cutting was great. They had a three tier that was white painted with black and gold vintage designs. It was red velvet with butterscotch frosting. But, I thought it looked more like an art sculpture than a cake. I almost cried when they cut into it, however it was very tasty. So was the choice in caterer.

Then the dancing began after the food was served. The floor was given to the happy couple for their first dance as husband and wife. They moved together in harmony, living the moment in their new wedded bliss like they were the only two people on the planet. I hoped the photographer was getting good pictures to capture the moment. 

When the song ended, they moved onto the father-daughter and mother-son dance. I watched with a hint of envy. I didn’t see myself getting married in the near future, or at all really but I was a little girl once. I imagined marrying my Prince Charming and my father would give me away. My mother would help me fix my hair and my makeup for the big day. Those dreams belonged to a child who still believed her parents were coming home.

I was startled when Ben stood up suddenly and held his hand out to me. The important dances had finished so now everyone else was on the dance floor. Smiling, he asked, “Wanna dance?”

Immediately I looked around, nervous, and whispered, “I would, but I don’t know how.” 

“I’ll show you.” Instead of being discouraged, he took my hand and brought me to my feet. I sputtered as he pulled me onto the dance floor. I looked at the people surrounding us that actually looked like they knew what they were doing.

I just stood there, frozen. My feet might as well have been glued to the floor. Before I could change my mind and retreat, Tamara came over and helped me follow her steps. Apparently she took jazz lessons in high school. I swear, the more I learned about this woman, the more I could see why Phasma fell for her. Hell, I was falling for her. Soon enough, I was able to keep up with everyone else. 

I danced with everyone through the two songs before the band changed to a slower tune. A saxophone solo that had everyone seeking their partners.  

Feeling awkward, I moved to leave before Ben stepped in front of me. I smiled sadly at him. “I’m afraid I’ll have to bow out this time, Ben. You might want a better partner.”

I expected him to shrug and walk away. Instead, he placed one hand on my waist and the other took hold of my right hand. He leaned in close, his dark hair brushing my cheek as he instructed into my ear, “Place your free hand on my shoulder.” I did as he said, and he pulled me closer to where we were almost touching. “Now, just move as I move.”

“What if I trip or step on you?” I blurted nervously, already anticipating that his feet would be black in a matter of minutes.

“Don’t worry,” He reassured me. “I’ve got you. Just trust me.” Then we were off.

It was the strangest thing I had ever felt. Despite my reservations, he led me around the floor with complete ease. It took a few tries, but I was soon moving at his pace. His smile never faltered and it wasn’t long before I was smiling too. My feet moved with his in harmony as we moved alongside the other dancers. Some of them even stopped to watch us.

I felt like I was flying. The entire time, Ben never let go of me. His hold was soft and firm as he kept whispering words of encouragement while we moved. His smile never faltered. He made me feel completely at ease. For a moment, I swear it was just the two of us. At some point, we had gotten even closer to where our bodies were touching. His hand had moved from my waist to my back, keeping me centered. His gaze stayed on me, and mine remained on him.

My heart was pounding. The look in his eyes held something I haven’t seen before. As if he was looking at me for the first time. Those brown orbs flickered downward for a moment before meeting my eyes again. My heart nearly skipped a beat and I mirrored the same action. His face was so close to mine. Our lips were literally only a breath away. For a moment, it seemed like they were being pulled towards each other.

When the song ended, the spell was broken by the applause from the onlookers. I blinked, remembering where I was and ducked my head to hide my shyness while Ben politely guided me off the floor.

“You did great.” He reassured me, once we got back to our table. “Are you sure you’ve never danced before?”

“Oh shut up.” I muttered as I tried to catch my breath. My head was spinning. Did we almost kiss? I obviously didn't say that out loud.“You’re just a very good partner.”

“But it was fun though, right?” He snickered. “C’mon admit it!”

“Yes.” I admitted with a happy sigh. A little too happy. “It was. I enjoyed it. Congratulations, you’re the first to ever get me to dance in public.”

He whooped made a fist bump in the air. “Score one for me!””

“‘Score one’ for what?” I parroted back, slightly confused.

“To get you to do something fun you’ve never done before.”

“Don’t get too used to it.”

“I make no promises. I’m going to get some water.” He disclosed, pointing at the bar. “Want some?”

I was feeling a little parched. All that dancing made me thirsty. “That would be great, thanks.” I spotted the happy couple chatting with Rose and Finn and waved when they saw me. “I’m going to say congrats to Kaydel real quick.”

We parted as he went to the bar and I to the newlyweds when I got close enough, I she pulled me into a tight hug. I squeezed back, “I’m so happy for you, Kaydel. You look beautiful.”

“Thank you!” She beamed, still very much glowing. Then she brought her smiling groom forward, “It’s like a dream come true! You’ve met my fiancée Neil, right? Oh. I mean my husband. ” She giggled like a little school. “Sorry, it still hasn’t hit me yet.”

Neil just smiled adoringly at her. “It's alright, my beautiful wife. I’m still kinda in shock too.” Then he nodded to me, “It’s nice to meet you again, Rey. Nice work on the car by the way. It looks great.”

“It should.” Rose piped in. “She worked on that thing for hours on end.”

“It was my pleasure. I had fun and I didn’t do it alone.”

Rose crossed her arms, “Sure, only ninety percent.”

Our conversation was interrupted by a old shrill of a voice. We looked to see two female guests glaring daggers a no one and everyone. There was a blond and a redhead, and there was something about them that just screamed “I’ll have you fired if you even blink at me wrong”. I didn’t recognize the redhead but there was something about the blonde that seemed familiar to me. 

“Excuse me!” She blonde one demanded the passing server rudely. “We’ve been standing here for a long time and none of you have stopped to ask if we need anything. We’re thirsty! Is this your first day on the job or something?”

They were each wearing below knee length drop waist dresses with a loose, straight fit. Their hair combed and curled into an updo with cloche hats placed nicely on their heads. Both of them said a few more choice words to the server before he mumbled an apology and scurried away.

“They seem charming.” Finn remarked sarcastically with a disdainful look. “Who are they?”

Kaydel groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose, “They’re the daughters of my mom’s colleagues. Known them for years. We’ve always gone to everyone’s functions. She must have sent them invitations without me knowing. The one with red hair in blue Lucille Montegue, and the blonde wearing lavender is—

“Julie Lanier.” I finished for her. Each one of them turned and gawked at me. “I lived with her family for a year in junior high.”

“And what was that like?” Finn asked next, with a hint of dread.

“I’d been through worse. They pretty much ignored me most of the time, except during meals. Her parents worked a lot but they always made it a priority to be present at the dinner table. Julie, on the other hand, I wish she’d ignored me.” More than that. Living with her family, she’d make it her mission for me to always know my place. I was just a foster kid living in her home to make her father look good and that I would be out the next year. In school, since her parents enrolled me in the same one as she, she would make fun of me in front of her friends and other classmates. That I had no parents, no one wanted me, I was a loser, etc.

“I’m sorry, Rey,” Kaydel apologized, looking a little down. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t like them much either.”

“I don’t like them at all period.” Neil stated flatly. “Never have never will. They’re too self absorbed and they act like just being in their presence is the most rewarding experience you could have.”

She looked up at her husband and patted his chest gently. “I know honey, I know.” 

I shrugged it off, “It’s your day, guys. This all is about celebrating your union and new chapter of your lives together.”

Finn shook his head before taking Rose’s gloved hand. “Yes, but there’s always room for trouble.”

“Enough of this mean girl BS.” Rose said before taking a hold of the lapels of his jacket. “Let’s go join Phas and Tamara. The night is young and I want to get some more dancing in while my feet are still comfortable. You in?”

He grinned and let her wrap her arm around his elbow, “Let’s do it, baby.” Then they swept away and followed the music.

The rest of us were interrupted by an unmistakable squeal. “Oh, Kaydel!”

She rolled her eyes and sneered, “Speak of the Devil’s spawn.” Then she quickly wiped away with an endearing smile. “Julie, darling, and Lucille, you made it!”

They kissed each other on their cheeks in a formal gesture. The redhead, Lucille, folded her arms and, in an intrigued tone, said, “We just couldn’t help but check out the theme you had decided on. The 20’s, why pick this time period? I always thought you were more of a fifties girl. You certainly know how to act like one.”

“So I like to binge ‘I love Lucy’, what of it?” Oof. Looked like I wasn’t the only one Julie and her posse liked to sick her talons into. 

Neil placed his hand on her shoulder, “I’m sure she was just complimenting on how devoted you are when you set your mind on something. Just like Lucy did.”

If he meant when she was devoted enough as Lucy Ricardo when the character stole John Wayne’s footprints from the Walk of Fame while she was in Hollywood, then sure. Only Kaydel wouldn’t break the law for a souvenir. But it was a nice save.

Kaydel obviously knew he was just trying to cool down the situation but seemed to be satisfied with his attempt to make peace. She simmered down a tad before regaining her composure. “Thanks for that endearing compliment. Julie, Lucille, let me introduce you to my friend. This is my friend Rey. Rey, Julie and Lucille.”

Julie did a double take after she gestured to me, my stomach twisting in knots as recognition graced her heavily made up face. “Rey? As in Rey Niima? Well isn’t this a coincidence.” 

“It certainly is.” I agreed unhappily, trying not to let it show. “It’s been a long time, Julie, how’ve you been?”

“Oh, you know how it is. A little of this, a little of that. Fashion shows, movie premiers; you know the deal. It can be so tiring.” She looked down at her fingernails, pretending to be bored. “How about you? What have you been up to since middle school? Did you ever find your parents?”

My self doubt swirled in my stomach before I could swallow it down. “I did. But I’ve decided I’m better off without them. Now, I’m a mechanic.” I stated confidently. “I work on car repairs and restoration.”

“That’s right!” Kaydel chimed in. “Rey even helped us out for our transportation tonight. That classic car, all her.”

Julie’s face went somber for a moment before looking at the newlyweds. “Not the old one that was parked outside.”

She winked at me. “The very same.”

“Oh?” Julie mused inquisitively. “Where do you work exactly?

“Han Solo’s Auto Repair in Cold Spring.” I said.

Her eyes bugged, “Not Han Solo the father of Benjamin Organa Solo?”

I nodded, “That’s him.”

She tilted her head, her red matte lips pursed. “Now how did you manage that?”

“His son is a good friend of mine. He helped me.” I explained to her and it was the truth. Ben was my friend. “He’s also my date tonight.”

Her and her friend looked at each other in disbelief. “This I have to see to believe.”

Thankfully, Ben came over in that minute with our drinks. “Here’s your water.”

I took it from him, grateful. “Thank you.” I desperately needed something cold to throw at the raging inferno that was trying to break free.

“Benjamin Solo!” Julie gasped and she quickly fiddled with her hair and her dress. Her eyes shifted from starstruck to alluring. “It’s such an honor to meet you. I’m Julie Lanier. My parents and I love your work. You do so much for kids. Your charity is meant for hunger, right?”

I chugged down my water to keep from snapping at her. She’s good at flirting, but not that informed. Luckily he was far more polite than I was. “Thanks, but that’s not it. It’s actually a mix of aerobics and martial art classes that teaches kids how to control their anger and channel it into something productive.”

She listened and watched like he was made of gold. “Oh, that is so kind of you! You must really love kids.”

“I can relate to them.” He said simply.

“C’mon, honey, let’s head back to the dance floor.” Kaydel purred to Neil. “I want to shake it with my husband some more.”

He smirked and brought her close for a sweet kiss. “As my wife commands.” Then the two lovebirds wandered off, attached at the hip. They really did look adorable. That newlywed glow wasn’t going anywhere for a while. Count on it.

Julie whispered something in Lucille’s ear before ushering her away. Leaving the three of us. “So,” She started seductively, moving closer towards him. “Mr. Solo, might I share a dance with you? I would love to hear more about your charity work.”

“Uh, erm.” He looked around like he wasn’t sure what to say. Then he moved to stand next to me. “I’m sorry, but I promised Rey I’d be her dance partner for the evening.”

She stepped closer, “She won’t mind if you spare a few minutes apart, will you, Rey?” Her pretty features twisted into a sneer. “You came as friends, right?”

She always knew how to say the right thing that’d strike a cord. But she wasn’t wrong. “Right.”

She waved her hand and scoffed. “That’s what I thought.” Her green eyes zeroed in on mine in a challenging manner. “It’s just one dance. Besides, you guys aren’t actually dating so it’s not like I’m stealing him from you.”

My nails bit into my palms as I clenched my fists to keep from biting back a retort. Don’t get testy! My inner voice spoke before I could get worked up. Remember this is strictly a platonic outing. If they hit it off then let him have some fun.  

Being the civil human being that I was, I gave them an encouraging smile. “Go ahead, have fun! I need to call and check up on Alice anyway.”

That had Julie narrow her eyes considerably. “Who?”

“My daughter.”

“Oh, you have a kid.” She said with a tone that was more condescending than I liked. “Congrats. How old?”

None of your damn business! “She’ll be a year next month.”

“Is she at home with her daddy?” She inquired with fake politeness. “Naughty of you to bring another man for your date.”

I wanted to snap. again, but I held firm. “He’s not in the picture. You two, have fun!” Then I slipped away like the coward I was.

When I was far enough away from the other patrons. I opened my small clutch and pulled out my phone so I could video call Han. He answered on the third ring, his gruff face came into focus as he said, “Hi, Rey! How’s your night going?”

“It’s going well.” I told him with a small laugh. “I just wanted to check in. How’s Alice doing?”

He looked down and angled the camera so I could see her sitting on his lap. “She’s doing good. We’re just watching “The Lion King” before she tinkers out. But I think she may be going down sooner than that.” He then moved the camera so it was in front of her face. “Say ‘hi’ to mommy, Alice!”

When she saw me on the screen, she giggled with joy as she reached for the phone. “Momma!”

“Hi, darling!” I gushed at her, “Are you being a good girl?” She babbled some more gibberish and I laughed. “I knew you would be!” Han brought the phone up so I could see the both more clearly. “Did you have any trouble with giving her her bottle?”

He snorted, “Please, it was easy.”

“You chose the formula, didn't you?” I deadpanned. Knowing full well that, while he could take apart a car and reassemble it with his eyes closed, defrosting breastmilk in a bottle warmer might have been a challenge.

“Yes, and don’t get smart.” He scolded playfully. “She didn’t seem to mind.”

I giggled. “She rarely does. Well, I’ll let you go. We’ll see you when we get back.”

He nodded. “Alright see you then.” He and Alice waved bye at the phone and I had to take a screenshot before the call ended. 

I noticed in the camera that my makeup could use some touch up. I needed to find a bathroom. When I found it, I was amazed at how huge it was! I couldn’t remember ever seeing one so big. But instead of admiring the architecture, I made my way over to the large mirror that hung on the wall above the sinks. My little black clutch held some extra makeup just in case I needed a touch-up. Sure enough, my lipstick was fading just a little so I added one more coating.

As I smacked my lips to even it out, I heard some giggling. “Can you believe they even let her in the door?”

I paused, it came from one of the stalls. Curiosity got the better of me as another voice spoke up. “They probably wouldn’t have if she wasn’t with Ben Solo himself.”

A chill went down my spine. They’re talking about me! I heard a couple of flushes follow after that last comment. Panicking, I quickly hid in the vacant handicap stall. Praying that no one who would actually need it would enter.

“As if!” One of the girls said as I put the lock in place. “Apparently Kaydel actually invited her for some stupid reason. I wonder how she convinced her to do it. How do they even know each other? Did you see what she was wearing? Where did she get that rag?”

“It has to be K-mart or something.” The other one spoke. “Why he let her leave the house with it, I’ll never understand.”

Ross, actually. Suddenly feeling self-conscious, I pulled at the fabric of the skirt of my dress. Did it really look that bad? Sure it wasn’t Gucci but I’d thought it was pretty and it went with the theme. I’d worked really hard on adding the fringe to it too.

My thoughts were brought to an abrupt halt when one of them started speaking again, I finally recognized that it was Julie and her friend. “Her taste in clothes is bad enough, why would he bring her as his plus one anyway?”

“Why else?” Julie asked, “Clearly he only did it because he feels sorry for her. He’s a rich bachelor who could have anyone he wants, meanwhile she’s a nobody single mom. It’s not like he can bring an actual date back home with him since she’s there. How awkward would that be? ‘Don’t mind her. She’s not my girlfriend, I just let her and her baby live here.’ Unless they went to a hotel or to her place, that’s not gonna fly.”

Lucille scoffed, “Can he date? I mean, she’s been living with him for over a year! I get that her boyfriend dumped her after he knocked her up so Ben wanted to be nice and help but come on . After over a year, you still don’t have your shit together?”

“Maybe she’s doing it on purpose?” Julie offered. “I mean, think about it. He paid for everything in the beginning. Bills, groceries, and other stuff. Who wouldn’t want that? He even got her a job where she gets good enough pay. His father even gave her paid maternity leave. She should have enough money saved up by now to move out. But why leave? She came from nothing and now all of a sudden she gets everything. All she has to do is be a mechanic and take care of her brat.”

Each word they said was like a weight being placed on my chest. Each one heavier than the last. Is that how people saw me? As much as I didn't like it, what they were saying held some truth to it. I was still living with Ben. It wasn’t as if I didn’t have any money. It just became so normal living with him that I became comfortable. We’d have breakfast together, I’d pack up Alice and take her to work with me at his father’s garage while he goes to his job at the gym. All this time, he’s been so welcoming to me and Alice that I didn’t even think about how we were affecting his personal life.

“Oh well,” Julie said with resignation. “It’s not like it’ll be for forever. I think he’s only let her stay with him so long because he felt bad from back when she was still a kid. If she doesn’t move out on her own, it’s only a matter of time before he snaps and kicks her out.”

“Would he do that?”

“I wouldn’t want to find out. I’d hightail it out of there so fast before I make an even bigger fool of myself than I already have. Besides, he’s way too polite. She probably just can’t take a hint.” They both laughed like schoolgirls and then I heard the clickety-clack of their heels as they exited.

Once I knew for sure that I was alone, I came out of the stall and washed my hands before exiting the restroom. I went back to the ballroom to get myself some sparkling water, to ease my stomach.

My eyes scanned the room, looking for the bar, when I spotted them. Julie was standing with Ben at the bar. She was leaning into his side while keeping her arm curled around his. She then placed her free hand on his chest as she leaned up to whisper something in his ear. 

Seeing them so close, looking so...intimate. It was painful to see. Despite already knowing that I would never have him, I couldn’t help but feel jealous. She is someone who can get close to him. 

Sure, I didn’t like Julie but that didn’t mean Ben would feel the same. They might even hit it off and who was I to stand in their way? As his friend, I should be happy that he was having a chance at romantic companionship. Maybe he could bring out the good in her. He would have to dig very very deep though.

Stop it! I mentally berated myself. It was none of my business either way. But I couldn’t watch anymore. I don’t think I could even stomach the sparkling water anymore. I turned and walkedn away before I did something stupid like cry. Even though I came close. I refuse to let anyone, especially Kaydel, see me like this. The last thing I wanted was to ruin her big day.

My feet led me towards the elevator, thankfully empty, and I quickly pressed the lobby button. Before I knew it, I was breezing through and already outside.

The fresh air was soothing and welcoming. I took in a few breaths to let it spread through my lungs. Letting my heart return to a normal pace as mulled over my disappointment.

I had been having such a good time earlier. I was laughing, dancing and just enjoying myself. All of it faded to dust in minutes. As much as I hated it, their words did ring some truth. 

Was that why he asked me to come with him? Because he felt sorry for me? He didn’t seem like the kind of person that would do that. But he asked me as a friend. He hasn’t made any indication that he was actually interested in me. At least not in the way I’d hoped. Of course not. Why would he?

I came from nowhere. My parents were addicts. I’m a young single mother because of my lack of good judgement and bunch of bad choices. This felt worse than back when I was chained and left out in the heat. All this time, I’ve only been thinking about myself

Then there’s Alice. How great he’s been with her all this time. Like he’s a natural father. I let that happen. What if his attention on her was making it more difficult for him to think about his own life? I knew he wanted kids, he’d told me as such. Us being there would make it hard for him to start a family with us living with him.

Oh, God, what have I become? I thought, fighting back a sob. I shivered, and it had nothing to do with the breeze. If it wasn’t rude, I would’ve just left and texted everyone an apology later. But I couldn’t do that to Kaydel. I felt bad enough for coming outside while the party was still going. But I needed some space to think.

“There you are!” So much for that. It was Ben. I must have been out here longer than I thought. “I’ve been looking for you. What are you doing out here?”

“I just needed a space. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I lied breezily, quickly thinking of a better explanation. “My head is pounding.”

His expression filled with worry and he stepped towards me, “You have a headache?”

I waved him off, “It’s probably just a migraine. I think I’ll say congrats to Kaydel and Neil one more time and head home.”

He caught me by surprise when he lifted his hand to place it on my forehead. “You don’t have a temperature. How long have you been feeling like this?”

Approximately ten minutes. “Not that long. But it doesn’t seem like it’s going anywhere. I think I’ll be retiring early tonight.”

“I’ll drive you back.” He offered.

“No!” I said. He jumped slightly and I mentally cursed myself for sounding so harsh. “I mean, it would be rude if we both left. And you’ve known Kaydel longer so it makes more sense if you stay.” I said lamely. “I’ll just say my goodbyes and call an Uber. Please, enjoy yourself.”

There was a flicker of doubt in his eyes and he looked like he wanted to argue. Instead, he asked, “Are you sure everything is okay?”

Not really. I feel like I’m being ripped apart on the inside. But I can’t tell you that because then I’d also have to tell you that I’ve been secretly in love with you ever since I was still pregnant with Alice. It was on the tips of my tongue. Instead of saying it out loud, I told him, “Everything's fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“Oh, Ben!” I heard a shrill voice call out. Julie had found us. She must’ve followed him to the elevators. “I was wondering where you wandered off to.” When she spotted me her gaze shifted slightly but it immediately went away. “Rey, I didn’t know you were here.”

You also didn’t know I was in the ladies room when you were insulting me behind my back, did you? Instead of saying that, I remained equally civil. “It’s alright, I’m not feeling all that well anyway. I’ve decided to go home early. I’m just going to say goodbye to the happy couple and head home.” I caught the slip and quickly said, “I mean, Ben’s place. I’ll just stay out here for a little longer and then I’ll say my goodbyes.”

Ben swung his face back to me when I corrected myself, looking a little confused. His brows furrowed and I knew instantly he could tell something was off. But the gleem on Julie’s face didn’t go unnoticed. “Well it is getting late. You should probably get back to your baby anyway.” Where you belong, her tone suggested. “It was great seeing you again. Hope you feel better.”

“Thanks, you too.” I said tightly. 

Ben looked like he wanted to say more but she pulled him back inside so hard that he never had the chance. I just stood there and waited for another five minutes before I finally bit the bullet and headed back to the ballroom. I sought out Kaydel first, given that it was her and her new hubby’s night, and gave her the same lame excuse of needing to leave because I had a fake migraine. She was disappointed that I was leaving so soon and it crushed me, but she was understanding and wished me well and told me to take some cake.

I felt like a real asshole. But I could feel myself being minutes away from breaking down. I finished saying my goodbyes to everyone else quickly, ignoring the unconvinced looks they gave and just ordered the car. 

During the trip home, I leaned my head against the window as the lights went by. The city that never sleeps. Just like my self doubt. I didn’t pay attention to the blur of buildings and trees that we passed. Not even when we drove through the tunnel under East River. My mind was too overwhelmed with thoughts of knowing that I’ll never have Ben in the way that I want. Even if there were a chance, how could it end well? Another heartbreak? Most likely. Only it wouldn’t just affect me, it would hurt Alice too. We’ve already pushed so much of ourselves into his life that I can’t fathom doing any longer without him resenting me.

After some time, I saw The Rushmore in the distance. For nearly a year, this had been my home. The building staff all knew me. They’d even wave and say hello whenever they’d find me at the fitness center or the pool. Especially if I had Alice with me. I’d grown too comfortable and forgotten that this too was only temporary. I don’t belong here.

I thanked the driver and bid him goodnight. Then I made sure to leave him a good tip and five-star review on the app. I slipped off my gloves as I went up in the elevator. Smiling and thanking others who complimented me on my outfit while I tried to keep steady. My body was now catching up to the exhaustion of my brain.

I was the last to get off. When I got to the door on the right, I checked the time. It wasn’t that late but Han may have gone down early after he put Alice to bed. At least I hope he was. I didn’t want to talk to anyone else for the remainder of the evening. I tried to be as quiet as possible when I unlocked the door.

The main lights were still on and I could hear the television. He was definitely still up. So much for dodging the bullet. Sure enough, as I took my heels off, he came to the entrance, dressed in an old t-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms. “Hey, kid.” He greeted me, looking surprised. “I didn’t think you’d be home so early.”

I put on my fake smile and made a move to rub my temple for the “fake” headache that had become painfully real. “Yeah, I got a nasty migraine and decided to leave. How was Alice?”

“She was an angel, as always.” He started slowly. “She’s sleeping now. Where’s Ben?”

“I told him to stay. There was no reason for him to miss out too. Who knows, maybe he’ll get lucky?” I joked halfheartedly. “He could really use a break from us.” That seemed to concern him for some reason because his eyes widened like saucers. Before he could question what I meant, I hastily said, “I’m just going straight to bed. Here,” I handed him the small container. “I brought you some cake.”

He took it but still looked a little uncertain.  “Did the two of you have an argument?”

Oops. It looks like I may have let too much slip. “No, not at all! One of the guests there took a fancy to him and we aren’t dating or anything, so I told him to stay.”

“Oh,” was all he said but he still didn’t look too convinced. “Well, okay then. Take some ibuprofen for your head.”

I gave him a genuine smile, followed by a quick hug “Already on it. Thank you for  watching Alice.”

“Don’t mention it.” He patted my back softly as we pulled away. “You get some rest.”

“I promise. Goodnight, Han.” He said it back gently and returned to the living room. 

When I got to my room, I checked on Alice to take a peek at her before I slipped quietly into the ensuite so Alice wouldn’t hear me. I’d done it again. My room. It was the guest room. Ben’s guest room. I had to stop thinking like any of this was really mine. Just like Ben wasn’t.

They were right. All of them. Even though I knew there were no chances, deep down, I still hoped that he and I could be more. Living here with him this long has only made it worse. It had gone from an innocent crush into something that I’d never thought I’d let myself get into again.

I thought I knew love when I was with Armitage. Teenage hormones was all it was in comparison to what I felt for Ben. I stopped seeing him as my big brother childhood friend when I looked at him through adult eyes. At the garage, I didn’t know who he was at first, all I saw was a man. An attractive one that was familiar with car parts. Then later, that same evening, he made an effort to come back and see if I was alright. Only for him to come back again and bring me to stay at his apartment. 

Throughout my pregnancy, I knew I found him physically attractive. I tried to brush it off as hormones going into overdrive that were making me horny. Hoping it would settle after I gave birth and that everything would go back to normal. It didn’t. Instead, I only realized that my feelings towards him truly were more than platonic and it had nothing to do with how attractive he was. I was also attracted to his kindness and good nature. He was funny, always knew how to put a smile on my face or make me laugh. 

There was no one to blame but myself. I had fixed my credit and saved up a lot of money so I’ve had the means to get a new apartment for two months now. But I had become so comfortable that I let myself forget that this was only temporary. Ben offered me his home for as long as I needed, not forever. He never gave me an exact date to move out, he just said when I was ready.

Me. When I was ready to leave his home. The entire time he’s made me feel welcome here. He even helped me get a good paying job with his father. I’ve taken all of the things he’s offered and have done nothing for his kindness. He did all of those things because he’s a good person...and I took advantage of him. The more he gave, the more I took. I accepted it all because I needed it, at least that’s what I told myself.

Then there’s Alice. She’s so little. Would she even notice when Ben wouldn’t be around as much when we left? I know they had formed a bond during our time here. One that I could only dream of for a positive male role model. He was still her godfather, that wouldn’t change. But I let them get too attached. Everyone saw how he was with her, even me. How would it affect him?

It would seem that I have turned into my parents after all. Not as a neglectful mother, but someone who takes advantage of another person’s generosity. Now, all that was left for me was to do the right thing. Pack up our things and leave. It was time for us to go.

<Rey's Dress>

<Rose's Dress>

<Kaydel's Dress>

<Phasma's Dress>

<Zorri's Dress>

<Tamara's Dress> 

Chapter Text

I didn’t know whether or not Ben had gone home with Julie that night. Then again, I didn’t ask and, to be perfectly honest, I didn’t want to know. I just knew that he was home by the time I woke up the next morning. I couldn’t face him at first. The nagging feeling in my stomach still hadn’t settled so I did my best to act casual.

That could only go on for so long. I wasn’t sure how I was going to tell him that I was looking to move out soon. After my little revelation, I don’t think I could look at him without feeling ashamed. However, I could tell he knew there was something going on. As if he could sense my shift in mood. It hurt because he’s always been the one I could confide in. But not this time. I can’t ever tell him my true feelings.

I often wondered how he would react when I did tell him. Would he be sad or relieved? We seemed to get on well together this last year and even shared a few good moments of fun. I was especially grateful for his help with Alice. Even though we were leaving, I would still have that door open for him to come see her whenever he’d like. That way the two of them could still have their special bond.

So far, I was checking out apartments in Midtown. Mainly one-bedrooms because, at least that way, Alice would have her own space when she got older. I would buy a foldout couch for the living room and sleep on that.

Even though my credit was fixed, for the most part, I still had an eviction on my record. So far, three places I have put in an application for have rejected me. They’d called my previous place of residence for a reference and he, of course, told them how I didn’t pay rent for some of the months. It was my own fault for trusting Armitage with the money. I’m surprised the lights were never turned off.

“I see.” I said disappointedly into my phone as I crossed off another name from my list. “Well, thank you for contacting me so soon. Have a nice day.” My thumb pressed the ‘End Call’ button, dropping the phone onto the table so I could rub my temple. I was on my lunch break. Alice had already been fed and she was snoozing away in her portable bed. The call was another rejection from a different apartment complex. The management had just called to tell me that, while my credit was good, they only accepted tenants with a clean or no record from previous housing. 

I mentally cursed the father of my child. Then myself. He did con me but I was the one stupid enough to believe his bull. Thanks to my gullibility and blind love, he could find an apartment without any problems. Hopefully his new fiance won’t be as foolish.

Alice was going to be a year old next week. One whole year. Where did the time go? She was already starting to try and stand up on her own. She knew her legs were there, now she wanted to figure out how to use them. Soon enough she would graduate from crawling to walking. Some days I still felt like I’d only just given birth to her. She was so small back then. Three weeks premature but already so strong and determined to live. I had thought that first moment was the only one I would have with her because I nearly died that day.

Ben was ready to take her if that happened. He promised to raise her in my stead if I didn’t make it. Something I know that he would still to this day. He knew I had him written down as the person who would take care of her if anything else were to happen to me. Like he does now. There were many days where he would volunteer to watch her if I had to run out or just needed a minute of peace. I never needed to say anything or give him any money, he would just do it. He was as sad as me that she was growing.

Taking the last bite of my sandwich, I slapped my notebook shut and wiped the crumbs off my lap. There had to be an apartment somewhere out there that would accept us. One that didn’t cost an arm and a leg or to sign my soul away. There’s one I’ve found that looks like it could be good but it wasn’t available yet. Murphy’s Law, right?

I tossed the wrapper into the bin and washed my hands before going back out to the garage. No restorations today, just repairs. Oil changes, an indicator replacement, coolant leak, stuff like that. I clocked back in so I could get started on a battery replacement on a Nissan.

“Hey, Rey?” Han called from my left as I was about to open the bonnet. “Can I see you in my office?”

My skin bristled. It felt like being called to the principal's office. But, I pretended I wasn’t at all bothered and followed him. When I shut the door behind me, he was leaning against the front of his desk with his arms crossed. His expression looked unreadable.

I kept my fingers in my pockets to stay grounded. It was either that or I’d literally start twiddling my thumbs because of how nervous I was. Hoping to break the ice, I simply say, “What’s up?”

He let out a loud breath through his nose. Like he was dreading this conversation as much as I was. Finally, he spoke. “What's going on, Rey?”

My heart skipped a beat and I decided to play dumb. “What do you mean?”

“I was hoping you’d tell me.” He replied, sounding a little unsure. “The last couple weeks, you’ve seemed a little preoccupied. You know you can talk to me about anything, kid.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” I said assuringly. “Nothing big anyway. I’m just a little distracted lately. Has my performance been lacking?”

He shook his head, his expression still troubled. “Not at all. The cars look great. But the others have been noticing, especially Rose, that your mind is...elsewhere.”

Great. So even my friend was going behind my back. Before I could retort a response, he quickly held his finger up. “Don’t get mad at her, she only came to me because she’s worried about you.”

“Then she can come talk to me.” I bit out. “There’s nothing wrong, I’m just getting ready for a move.”

His jaw dropped, astounded. “You’re moving?”

“Not far away!” I quickly said before he jumped to a different conclusion. “Just out of Ben’s flat. Thanks to working here, I’ve managed to save up enough money to get my own place. It’s time. I’ve just been a little stressed because so far, it’s all rejections. Didn’t stop them from taking my money for their expensive application fees though.”

“Oh, I see,” He looked away, rubbing his chin. “Ben hasn’t mentioned anything about that.” When I flinched his eyes narrowed. “You haven’t told him?”

“It’s not set in stone.” I said defensively. “The apartment I’ve been looking at won’t be available until mid August. I haven’t even put a deposit down yet. Who knows, I could find a place close to here. I was going to tell him soon.”

He made a face like he didn’t believe me. I didn’t either. But he wasn’t wrong. It wouldn’t be fair for me to keep Ben in the dark. I shouldn’t wait until the very end and be out the next morning. He deserved better than that. I really didn’t want to do it because I detest confrontation and I was already dreading what might happen. But it had to be done. “Alright, I’ll tell him.” There was an awkward silence. “Was there anything else?”

“Oh right.” He picked up a flyer from his desk. “You said you wanted to know when the petting zoo is in town. Well it’s today.”

My face fell into my palm. I knew there was something else I’d forgotten about. For an early birthday gift, I wanted to take Alice on her first pony ride and get a picture. I’d heard that there was a small fair in town this week but I’d forgotten whether it was on a weekend or weekday. Apparently it’s a weekday and I had errands after work. “Well, there goes that plan. I’ve been putting off grocery shopping and now I really need to pick up some fresh fruit.”

He walked back to his desk and sat on the chair. He rested his chin on his palm while he pondered. Then a thought struck him. “Is Alice’s diaper bag stocked? Wipes, food, formula, extra clothes?” I nodded. “Why don’t I take her to the fair and bring her home tonight. I know it can be hard to do chores and shop with a baby.” I instantly perked up at the idea but was crushed just as quickly as he finished. “So you can get what you need to get done and then you and Ben can talk.”

Oooh that sneaky old coot! I knew there had to be a catch. He was making sure I stayed true to my word to talk to Ben because I’d just said I would. But he was right. It was actually nice of him to offer to take Alice. I had a feeling that this would be better said if it was just Ben and I.

“That’s actually a good idea.” I admitted with some reluctance. “Yeah, that would be great. I appreciate it. Please, feel free to get yourself some food while you’re there and I’ll cover it.”

“Don’t worry about that.” He insisted, shooing me away. “Now go on, that’s all I needed to say. Back to work.”

“Yeah, boss.” I saluted him and went on my merry way.

The trip to the shops was fairly uneventful. The fear of impending doom that was burrowed deep in my stomach made everything look inedible. I had to relent and buy a can of ginger ale to settle the nausea because it almost became unbearable.

I walked into the apartment with apprehension. Please, don’t let him be home yet! I’m not ready! Please! Please! Please! I looked around, to see if he was here. He wasn’t home...yet. I let out a short breath of relief. Just Bronx on the couch, no Ben. There was still a few more minutes of solace before I had to speak to him.

Not only was I going to move out, I also intended to pay him back for all of the money he spent on Alice and myself. With the exception of her gifts he’s gotten her, I intended to repay him for everything else. I had been doing a lot of calculating this last month. Between my share of the utilities, making an estimate of how much rent I should pay for the room we’d been staying in, all the times he’s watched her for me, it added up. But, I had to do it. It just didn’t feel right leaving without giving him something after all he’s done for us.

I greeted the dog with a belly rub before I went to put away the groceries with speed I didn’t know I had. Like he could come in through the door at any minute. Unfortunately, I almost accidentally had the eggs and tomatoes in the freezer. I ended up chugging the rest of my beverage as my anxiety was getting worse. Biting the bullet was an understatement of what I was feeling. Biting an actual bullet sounded more appealing to me. 

With one last mental pep talk, I pulled out my checkbook from my bag and walked into Ben’s office. Five-thousand dollars. Wow, give yourself a gold star. One of his fancy suits cost double that easy. But it was all I could spare at the moment so I just put the check in the envelope and placed it atop his desk. I needed the rest for the move into the new apartment. I was still making good money, so it wouldn't be too hard to pay him back, it would just take some time.

As if the universe itself was working against me, once I made it back to my room I heard the door unlock and open.

“I’m home!” He announced. “Anyone here?”

Kill me now. I bit my lip, “Hey, Ben!”

I heard him come down the hallway. His large form came through the threshold and he leaned against the frame. “Hey,”  His eyes wandered towards the crib. “No Alice?”

“She’s at the fair with Han.” I explained. Then my mind started screaming. Tell him! Tell him already! “He offered to take her off my hands for a while and bring her home later tonight.”

“Ah, got it.” He began. “So, have you thought of anything you wanted to do for her birthday next week?”

Leave it to him to remember. “I’m not too sure yet. I was thinking something small and quiet. Nothing too grand.”

He nodded with consideration, “I think she’d like that.” He glanced down at his watch. “I don’t mean to cut this short but I need to do some paperwork. I’ll be down the hall.” 

“Oh, okay. Go ahead.” You selfish coward! It wasn’t like I wouldn’t be avoiding it. If he was going that way, I wouldn’t need to be quiet for much that longer. No more dodging it after that. 

He headed down the hall to his office. Where the envelope I left for him was sitting on his desk. Any moment now, he’d see it and confront me. The pit in my stomach grew and I felt like I needed another ginger ale.

“Rey, what is this?” He asked when he came back out, confused. Sure enough, there was the now-open envelope in his hand. I knew immediately that it was the check. “What is it for?”

I shrugged, pretending not to care. “It’s yours. You’ve covered all of my expenses since I moved in while I was still pregnant with Alice. Doctor appointments, parenting classes, checkups, even the delivery. You covered all of it. Not to mention you bought all the groceries and formula. I know it’s not much at the moment but I fully intend to pay back every penny.”

“You don’t have to pay me back at all, I was happy to do it.” He insisted as if it were obvious. “I adore Alice and I would always want to do whatever I could to help her. And you. ”

I turned my back to him with a defeated sigh, “You’ve been beyond helpful, Ben. You gave me a place to stay, found me a decent paying job at your father’s shop, treated Alice as if she were your own—” Damn it, I made myself swear that I wouldn’t get emotional. “I’ll always be grateful to you,” I said quickly. “We would never have made it this far if it weren’t for you. You took care of us when we had nowhere to go. You’re an important part of her life and I won’t ever stop you from seeing her if you still want to.”

“Wait,” he paused as if he wasn’t sure of his own words. “What are you saying?”

I kept my back to him so I wouldn’t see his face. If I were to look into those beautiful brown eyes, I’d lose my nerve and I couldn’t back down from this now. “After her birthday, we’re moving.”

“You’re leaving?” He sounded hurt. “Why? What did I do?”

“Nothing, Ben,” I shook my head and turned to face him. “You didn’t do anything.”

He took a step toward me, “Then why are you moving out?”

I shrugged, “I just feel that it’s time, that’s all.”

His jaw tensed, “Where will you go?”

“I found an apartment last week.” It wasn’t technically a lie. I was still thinking about the one I’d been looking at before. The one that wouldn’t be available for two weeks. “It’s a one-bedroom over in Midtown.”

“Why now?” He demanded. “Why are you leaving now? I thought you and Alice were happy here. What changed?”

“Nothing.” I insisted, staying my ground. “I just feel that it’s time. I can stand on my own two feet now, just as we had been hoping for. My time here has made it that much easier but all good things eventually come to an end. It doesn't mean we won’t see each other anymore, just not every day, like we have.”

Those dark eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What happened at the wedding, Rey?” My back stiffened, caught off guard, and he saw it. “I knew it! You started acting differently ever since I found you outside.” 

“I…” I wasn’t expecting him to bring up that night. It really made my heart race. “It’s not—”

He held his hand up, cutting me off. “I could tell something was up just by the way you were acting. After that night, you haven’t looked at me the same. You’ve been avoiding me. You barely stay in the same room as I for more than ten minutes. It’s like you’re afraid of me.”

“That’s not true,” I assured him. Or was I assuring myself at that point? “I haven’t been avoiding you and I’m not afraid of you either.”

“Don't—” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. Fighting not to get angry. “Don’t lie to me. We’ve always been honest with each other and we’re not stopping now. Please, Rey.” His voice lowered to a pained whisper. “Talk to me.”

Damn it! I could feel myself beginning to crack. When he looked at me with those eyes, I swore they could see into my soul. Instead of saying what my heart wanted, I fibbed. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“If it’s about that girl I danced with, I don’t know what you thought it was, but I wasn’t interested in her.”

”That has got nothing to with it!”

“Bull shit!” He snapped, getting impatient. “I know you better than that.”

Anger wormed its way into the pit in my stomach. How dare he? “Well then if you know me so well then maybe you should tell me. ”

His chest expanded wide enough to tighten “How can I if you won’t let me in?”

“What’s the point?” Frustrated, I threw my hands up and held them over my ears. “I can’t listen to this, I’m leaving!” I turned to walk away.

He followed right on my heels. “Well, that’s too damn bad. I don’t consider myself to be an entitled person, Rey, but I think I’ve more than earned a little credit to get an honest answer.”

“Don’t you get it?” I shouted, any resolve I had left was about to fade into ash. “I’m leaving for you! I’ve been in the way of you living your own life! How can you date anyone with me still living under your roof? Especially with Alice. I’m trying to do the right thing.”

“What if I don’t want things to change?” He challenged, arching his brow. “What if I like things just the way they are?”

I stopped halfway into the living room. “You might feel that way now.” Fighting back tears, I uttered, “Maybe not today or tomorrow, maybe not even a year from now, but ultimately, you won’t want me around anymore.”

“How could you say that?” His voice sounded shaken. “When have I ever said that I didn’t want you here? Do you have any idea what you mean to me? What Alice means to me? I would never abandon you, Rey.”

“You won’t abandon me, but you will eventually tire of me.” I croaked, looking over my shoulder to meet his eyes. “Every person I’ve ever loved has.”

Everything went silent. You couldn’t hear a thing. Save the sound of Ben’s choked gasp. I had stopped breathing altogether. My heartbeat rapidly sped up and it became the only thing I could hear.

Neither of us said anything for a moment. At some point, I’d remembered how to breathe, but then nearly forgot again the moment Ben asked, “What did you say?”

I broke our eye contact and looked straight ahead as I tried to get my breathing back under control. “Please,” I said, while moisture gathered in my eyes. “Just leave it alone.”

“Not gonna happen.” Two large hands grasped my shoulders and turned me to come face to face with his chest. When had he gotten so close? I tried to push him away but his fingers wrapped around my upper arms and gave me a soft shake. “Damn it, Rey, quit shutting me out! You don’t have to do this by yourself.”

I struggled against his iron grip, “Let go!”

Instead he held on tighter, “Not until you stop pushing me away and let me help you instead of dealing with whatever it is you're going through alone.”

“It’s the only way I know how to survive!” I admitted, finally saying it out loud for the first time in my life. Even to myself. I looked up into his eyes again. “There’s nothing I hate more than being a burden. I’ve felt that way my whole life and I don’t want to feel like that with you too.”

His fingers loosened their hold on my arms to slide upwards from my shoulders to my neck before cradling my face in his hands. The skin of his palms felt warm and comforting against my cheeks. His thumbs stroked away my tears. “You could never be a burden to me.”  Then he leaned forward and stroked his soft lips to my forehead, surprising me. When he pulled away, he pressed his temple to mine. “I love you, Rey.” Panic shot up my spine and I tried to pull away, but he kept his hold firm. “Stop. Look at me.” I did as he asked even though I could barely see him through my tears. “I love you. I’ve loved you ever since I saw you at the garage. Alone, carrying the world on your back and still smiling through your pain. Seeing you again after all those years woke something up inside of me. Ever since then, I haven't stopped thinking about you. At first, I thought I was a creep for seeing you as a beautiful woman instead of the little girl I knew so long ago.”

“Are you saying you don’t see that little girl now?” I challenged him as the insecurity filled within me.

“She’s still here.” He murmured. “But she’s grown up into the woman who stands in front of me now. And I don’t want to lose her again.”

Those words hit me with force equivalent to a typhoon. What he was saying, it was too much. “I have to go.” I removed his arms and brushed past him. I didn’t even pause on my way to the door as he called after me. “Don’t follow me!” Not trusting the elevator’s speed, I ran for the stairs in case he decided to follow me. I flew down about six flights before I felt there was enough space between us and took the lift the rest of the way.

When the doors opened, I was greeted by a pair of familiar sunglasses. “Mr. Valentine?”

The older gentleman smiled in recognition. “Well, good evening, Ms. Niima.”

“Same to you.” I said with a sniff. Praying that he didn’t hear. I cleared my throat and wiped my tears.

His four legged companion snorted and shook her head. “Forgive her. I normally don’t go out so late, but I called the store and they were having a sale on my favorite brand of tea.”

I then noticed that he was carrying multiple grocery bags in his hands while still keeping hold of the small pony’s lead. “It must be good.”

“The best.” His eyes crinkled behind the shades, “Though, I’m afraid that I may have over indulged.”

“Please, can I take one of those for you?” I offered, eager for a little distraction. 

“That’s kind of you, Ms. Niima, thank you.” He said as I took one of the bags and made room for him in the small space. “But weren’t you coming down?”

I squirmed a little and tried to keep my tone easy as I pressed the button for his floor, “I wasn’t really going anywhere. Just wandering.” It wasn’t a total lie. In my haste to get away, I didn’t even grab my keys or my wallet. So it wasn’t like I could go far. Not to mention that Han would be bringing Alice back in an hour.

He stared in my direction for a few seconds, keeping his face blank. Then, as he stepped into the elevator with me, he said, “I see.” His face remained fixed as he stared forward at the doors. Busted. He could tell something was off with me. Either he heard it in my voice or, hell, the sniffles I tried to make as quiet as possible.

Neither of us spoke as the elevator glided upwards. The only noises heard came from Diamond and her snorts. The tension in the air became so thick that I began to feel like the elevator was getting smaller.

When the elevator stopped at his floor, I followed him down the long hallway to his apartment. The miniature pony trotting between us. He unlocked his door with simple ease and let me inside. He flicked the lights and air conditioning before leading me into the kitchen. First, he unhooked the harness from Diamond and let her wander off. We placed his bags on the dining table and I helped him put everything away.

Once the tea was within reach, he let out a delighted laugh. “Normally I have to buy this online. Taj Mahal truly is the best. Say, would you like to try some?” 

“Well,” Was it really such a bad idea? There was still more time before Han would be here. I could message him and ask him to put her down when he got here. He wouldn’t mind. “Sure, I’d love some.” A nice cup of tea may be exactly what I need.”

“Excellent!” He cheered as he placed a kettle on top of the stove. “Please, take a seat and make yourself at home. It’ll be ready soon.”

“Thank you.”

“Where’s little Alice?” He asked as I took a seat on the wingback chair. “I rarely notice the two of you apart.”

“Ben’s father took her to the petting zoo.” I explained as Diamond came over to nuzzle my knee. She was truly a wonder. I almost went to stroke her main but stopped myself, remembering his former warning when we’d first met. Better safe than sorry.

After a few minutes, I heard the whistle of the kettle and soon enough he came back in, holding a tea tray with two cups and a bowl of biscuits. “You can pet her now, if you’d like. Once we’re home, she’s not technically working.”

I hesitated, a little apprehensive. “Are you sure?”

“Of course,” He lowered the tray so I could take the saucer and cup with a few biscuits. “She’ll love the attention.”

With his permission, I brushed my knuckles up and down her snout. She snorted appreciatively. The little girl inside me was overjoyed to be next to such a lovely creature. It was hard not to squeal at how soft and sweet she was.

After she felt she was done being petted, she went back to stand next to her master.

To his left, I noticed the portrait of a woman on the table next to the bookshelf. Then I saw a few others throughout the room that showed Mr. Valentine in them with her. Smiling like they were on top of the world.

“That’s my wife.” He said suddenly. As if he already knew what I was looking at. 

“She’s pretty.” I mentioned when I noticed one that had to be from their wedding day. In it, Mr. Valeting was much younger and wasn’t wearing his sunglasses. It was likely taken before he lost his sight.

“Isn’t she? She’s a nurse.” I could hear a new jovial tone in his voice. “We’ve been married for thirty-one years. She’s in Chicago, at the moment, taking care of her mother who has alzheimers.”

How awful. I remembered, when living with one of the foster families, the grandfather had a really bad case. It got to the point where he became so aggressive that he turned violent and had to be put in a home. 

I looked at her picture again. “You must miss her.”

“I do, every day.” He said woefully. “But her mother needs her right now. I would do the same so she has my full support. We talk everyday to wish each other good morning and good night.”

It was hard to keep the smile off my face at that. “I think that’s sweet.”

“I have enough grossly sweet stories about our lives together to write another novel.” He boasted with a light chuckle. He took a sip from his tea before turning to me again. “Now, why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you?”

My smile dropped and I tensed up. How did he...“I’m sorry?” I tried to sound confused but didn’t do too well.

He tsked and sighed. “I may not be able to see, but my ears work just fine. I don’t mean to sound intrusive, but you were crying earlier, weren’t you?”

Of course he could tell. Who wouldn’t? I wasn’t actively bawling my eyes out when we were in the elevator, but I did sniffle once or twice to keep them back. Anyone would be able to pick up on that.

But was it safe for me to speak about it with Mr. Valentine? Not just about moving out but all of it? I haven't told everything to anyone. Not even Han or Rose. I was too afraid of it getting back to Ben. But it was too late now. He already knew what my feelings were.

“You’re safe here, Ms. Niima.” He assured me. “Whatever we talk about stays in this room if you want. If there’s any way I could help relieve you of some burdens you’re carrying, I’d like to help.”

Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea. For weeks I’ve had these thoughts and emotions weighing it down and felt trapped because I couldn’t talk about it with anyone. This might help give me some clarity and enlightenment.

He waited patiently for me while I weighed my options. It took me at least a solid minute before I finally let the words spill out. “There is some new...tension between Ben and myself.”

“Is everything alright between you two?” He inquired lightly. 

“He told me he loves me.” I admitted plainly.

He didn’t seem surprised at the news. Instead, he chuckled and said, “I’m amazed he took so long.” He took a sip from his own tea before continuing, “But, forgive me, you don’t sound too happy about it.”

I shrugged out of habit, even though I knew he couldn’t see me do it. “What he feels for me can’t be real.”

“Aw,” He set his cup down. “Why would you think that? I was under the impression that the two of you got along real well.”

“We did...do. And I care for him deeply. It’s just,” It took me a moment to find the right words. “How can he love me when there’s nothing in me worth loving?”

“Now that’s just not true, is it?” He challenged me. “While I’ll admit that I have only known Mr. Solo for a few years, I can tell you that he is most likely among the most genuine people I’ve ever come across. From what I’ve heard, he’s always honest.”

That was true. Ben was always upfront about what he was thinking. If he didn’t like something, he’d say it to your face, not behind your back. But he was polite about it too. Like if I would cook something and he didn’t like it, he would tell me in a nice way. I also didn’t get easily offended so it worked.

I shook my head before I let myself hope even in the slightest. “I know he’s being honest. But after we leave, I think whatever he’s feeling will fade with time. The right woman is out there for him somewhere, and when he finds her, I’ll be happy for him.”

“Does he love Alice?”

There was no hesitation. “With all his heart.”

“Do you trust that she’s safe with him?”

“Absolutely.” I said earnestly.

“Does she love him?”

“Very much.”

He waited a moment before he asked me the next ones, “Do you love him?”

A new wave tugged at my eyes and slammed them shut so I wouldn’t cry again. I took several deep breaths before I was certain I could speak without losing the battle. I willed the words out, “What I feel for him doesn’t matter.”

“That’s what I thought.” He said with a disappointed sigh. He lowered his face and peaked over his sunglasses as if he could actually see me. “Not that anyone can blame you. He’s a good man. What’s the harm in letting him love you?”

“I have nothing to offer him except for a broken past.” I admitted in a pained whisper, letting my eyes stare downcast into the dark liquid in my cup. “Ben deserves better than that. Better than me. Someone who doesn’t come with so much baggage and problems. He’s given me so much and I’ve done nothing for him in return. Nothing.”

“That’s where you’re mistaken, Ms. Niima.” He leaned forward, his elbows coming up to rest on his knees, “I don’t think you realize how much joy you’ve brought him since you arrived.”

 My gaze fluttered upward, doubtful. “I don’t understand.”

He interlaced his fingers as his blank stare looked off into the distance. “As I said before, I’ve only known him for a few years. While he and I were always friendly and civil towards one another, we never really got that closer than that. But, lately, I’ve noticed that he’s acted much more jovial since you came. Before, when we would speak, he just seemed to be going through the motions like anyone else. Friendly. Not happy, not sad, just living.” His lips twitched gently. “These last few months, he always seems to be in an excellent mood when I talk to him. I could tell he was always smiling. Like he couldn’t wait to get back home where you and Alice were waiting for him.”

“I’ve never seen him as anything but kind.” I said truthfully. “It’s hard to imagine him behaving any other way. Even when we were younger.”

“Yes, he told me he knew you from years ago. Then never saw you again.” His lips spread further. “Over a decade later, after you both have grown into mature and hardworking adults, the two of you have found each other again. Both times you two have crossed paths, you saved each other.”

I shook my head, “That’s where you’re wrong. Ben has only ever saved me. I haven’t done anything for him worth meaning.”

His smile dropped, “I disagree. He told me so himself. That you saved him from a path of destruction while he was in his youth. You gave him a reason to do better. Now, you’ve saved him from a life of loneliness.”

“I wouldn’t call it that.” I mumbled doubtfully. “I feel as if I’ve been freeloading off of him all this time.”

“Then, let me ask you this,” he started gently. “Has he ever given you any indication that he didn’t like you living with him? Any at all?”

My mouth opened to respond, then I shut it. No, Ben has never once told me that I was a bother. Actually, looking back, he has always gone out of his way to make me feel welcome. Unlike everyone else who I had stayed with at one point, he never failed to make sure I felt comfortable and safe. So why did I have these feelings of doubt eating away inside me making me feel that he didn’t want me there?

I was so deep in thought that I almost forgot that Mr. Valentine had been waiting patiently the whole time. “Your silence speaks volumes, Ms. Niima.”

“It doesn’t matter.” I insisted, my mind made up. “Even though we make good flatmates, it doesn’t mean that we would be a good match as a couple. There are too many differences between us. He has a family that loves and supports him, I have parents that can’t get off the drink and a grandmother who never wanted me. He gives so much to the community with his non-profit organization. What would people say if they saw him with me? An unwed mother with no family to speak of with one of the most respected men in Manhattan? What would they think? I don’t want him to lose any of his investors or supporters. I’ll be seen as either a gold digger or another charity case. Either way, he deserves better. ”

Mr. Valentine rubbed his bearded chin thoughtfully. Pondering some thoughts before he put down his mug. He then felt around the table to his left, where the picture of his wife sat, before his hand found the frame and picked it up to hold it in his lap. His fingers stroked it as if he were seeing her image with touch.

I watched him intently as he continued to trace his wife’s photograph. Wondering what he could possibly be thinking. It was like he was memorizing his wife’s features as if he were reading braille. 

Then, he said, “You know, Ms. Niima, there was a time when I felt the same as you did.”

“How do you mean?” I asked him, slightly perturbed. 

He cleared his throat before explaining. “I’m sure you know how I lost my eyesight.” He tapped his sunglasses gently. “I was riding my favorite stallion, Hades. Then, suddenly, I heard the tornado sirens going off in the distance. Horses are commonly spooked by thunder and he was no exception. After that first lightning strike miles away, it was game over. We were in the pasture, he was terrified and I couldn’t get him to calm down. One loud clap of thunder later and he bucked me right off the saddle. Knocked me out cold. When I woke up in the hospital, I couldn’t see anything. I had traumatic optic neuropathy from the fall.”

“Those first few weeks, I was a mess. You never think of sight as being something that can be taken for granted until one day you can’t. I couldn’t see my horses, watch the sunset or look at my beautiful wife. It was all just black.”

I swallowed loudly. That sounded terrifying. Waking up in hospital after an accident only to find your sight was missing. It made me shiver.

 “I became very depressed. The simplest tasks had become impossible for me. I couldn’t even watch television or read the morning paper. I refused to go anywhere further than the restroom. It went on like that for about a month. I felt like I was only half the man I used to be. The worst part, I believed I was inadequate for my wife. That was what hurt the most. She tried so hard to keep my spirits up and I just didn’t see the point. I rebuffed her, which later turned into arguing matches between us.” He stroked the picture again. “In the end, I realized it was all pride talking. It was painful, not being able to look at her. I didn’t think there was a future for me anymore and she would be better off without me. I felt broken. Losing my sight wasn’t her fault, so why should she be stuck with my problems? So, I offered her a divorce.”

“That’s…” Gosh, no single word in the English dictionary sounded appropriate. “A lot. But, given that the two of you are still together, I’m guessing you worked it out?”

He leaned forward, “You have no idea. Not only did she say no, but she also went into a full rampage. Called me a coward for giving up on everything and us so easily. She asked me if I still loved her and I said yes. ‘Then don’t start doing me any favors,’ she said. She told me she’d only accept a divorce if it was because I didn’t want to be with her anymore. I obviously still did, so she wouldn’t hear it. Then she shot our vows back at me, ‘In sickness and in health,’.” He put the picture back on the table. “From then on, I fought. Sure, it would get frustrating at times. Stubbing my toe on the coffee table, bumping into a wall, miscalculating my footing. I would get so mad when I didn’t feel like I wasn’t improving fast enough. Then she would reassure me by saying ‘Some progress is better than no progress.’. I hired a tutor to teach me braille so I could read again. Things slowly got back to, I wouldn’t say normal, but more comfortable. With her help, I even got to ride Hades again. Not like I used to, of course, but I still got back on the horse. Some years later, we decided on getting a seeing eye animal. When we found out about miniature ponies, I lept at the chance.”

Diamond plopped herself down on her behind and rested her head on her patient’s lap. He reached down and stroked her snout, “You see, Ms. Niima, I thought I wasn’t good enough for my wife anymore. I thought she was better off without me. But not once, during all of my self hate, did I stop and think about what she wanted. She wanted her husband. Me.” I looked down at the barely touched liquid in my cup that had now gone cold. “Have you ever thought about what Mr. Solo actually wants?”

That had me lift my head again. “It’s all I’ve ever thought about. It’s why I’m leaving. That and, even if I would entertain the idea of being with him, I have to think about Alice’s well being first. Nothing hurts more than when the people you care about most in your life walk away. If something were to break Ben and I apart, I don’t want her to go through the pain of losing him. She’s still only a baby. At least this way, he can still be in her life without it negatively affecting either of them.”

“Ms. Niima,” He paused, “Do you not want him to love you?”

“He deserves better.” I told him again.

He smiled like the cat that ate the canary, “That wasn't the question.”

My eyes burned. Caught. Yes, I did want Ben to love me. It was selfish, but a part of me has been dying to hear those words from him for months. It was something I could only let myself dream of. All the while knowing that it would never happen...until it did.

“You poor child,” He said mournfully, interrupting my thoughts. “Your heart has been broken so many times that you feel unworthy. But if you truly think that he deserves the best, can you see yourself approving the woman he chooses?” 

The very thought made my heart ache. But I would do it for him when it happened. “He would have my full support. If he felt the woman he chose was what he wanted, I wouldn’t stand in the way.”

“You say this, but you’ve already rejected the woman he’s chosen.” He said pointedly.

I did?  “How’s that?” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” When I sat there clueless, he laughed and the revelation of his next words boomed in my ears. “He’s already made his decision. He chose you.”

The saucer and cup slipped from my fingers and shattered on the carpet.

Chapter Text

Mr. Valentine’s words kept playing in my head. Over and over, even after I noticed the mess I’d made. My apologies fell on deaf ears because, apparently, he saw it as a breakthrough. He was glad that it happened. Because to him, it meant that his words reached me where they were supposed to. My heart.

He was right. While I always said that I would be understanding of Ben's choice when he found love in someone, I ended up doing exactly the opposite. I just never let myself believe that it would be me. He chose me. Out of all the women in the world he could have, he wanted me. Not just me, but my daughter too. He wanted us both.

After I cleaned up the broken shards and washed the carpet, despite Mr. Valentine’s protests, I went out for a long walk. Han messaged me earlier, saying that he brought Alice back and put her down in her crib, so I knew she was safe. I wondered if Ben had said anything to him about earlier. About his feelings for me. Then again, maybe Han already knew. Ben could’ve told him weeks ago for all I knew.  The lights were off. Figures. But I knew that wouldn’t prevent Ben from realizing I was back. I held my breath as I walked down the hall to my room. Passing his office where I could see the glow of a light from under the crack of the door. 

I need a little time to myself to clear my head.

Bronx was curled on the ground next to her crib. He didn’t move from the spot but his tail started tapping the ground gently as I kicked off my shoes and socks and made my way over to look down at my sleeping daughter.

Alice was lying on her back, arms spread out and out cold. She didn’t even move as I let my fingers brush against her cheek or when I pulled a single small strand of hay from her hair. She must’ve been worn out from her time at the petting zoo. I didn’t fail to notice the new stuffed lamb sitting next to her. Han must’ve bought it for her.

She was lucky to have such a good man in her life to portray as a kind grandparent figure. I never had that growing up, so I was happy she was blessed with at least one. But it wasn’t just Han, it was Ben too. He also stepped up as a positive male parental figure for her. Also, I never fail to notice how strangers would mistake him for her father whenever we were out in public.

They weren’t exactly wrong. To Alice, Ben is the closest thing she’s ever had to a dad. Even when she was still in my womb, he had a way of connecting with her that no else did. It was like she knew he was there the whole time. Not even me. He stayed with her in NICU while I was still unconscious after her birth. He held her before I did and I wasn’t even jealous. Even now, it felt right.

Knowing all of that, I was confident that Alice would always be safe with him. But could I let myself hope that he and I would work? Mr. Valentine’s words kept repeating in my head. I did say that I would accept whoever he wanted and I completely threw away that he wanted me. How could something seem so selfish and selfless at the same time? I wanted Ben to be happy, but I never thought that he would find it with me of all people. Even now, I couldn’t see myself being good enough for him. But he did. He was the first to ever ask me to stay.

I wanted to protect her from heartbreak, but what if it inadvertently kept her from having a good man step in as a father? I knew that there were children out there that grew up with absent parents and still had good lives. When I was left alone on that porch, I accepted that that was how it was going to be. I was fully prepared with the reality that I would raise her alone. Until Ben stepped in. 

As if he could hear my thoughts from all the way down the hall, I heard him exit his office and make his way over to my room. Not even bothering to sneak passed as his footfalls were loud and heavy with every step. He wanted to continue our earlier conversation, I had no doubt. Given that I had left in the middle of it because I was too afraid to admit my own feelings.

When he made it to the room, he didn’t pass the threshold. He just waited there while I kept my back to him while my eyes remained on the sleeping infant.

He didn’t say anything. Neither did I. Not for several seconds. I knew he was waiting for me to speak first. Giving me the silence I needed so that I could say exactly what was on my mind. Just as he always had given me that respect.

My heart pounded and I swallowed the rock that was lodged in my throat. There was no turning back now. I couldn’t look at him, not yet. “It’s not that I don’t believe you have certain...feelings for me.” I felt more than heard him stiffen behind me but I kept going. “It’s just, I don’t understand how. I think Alice is the first person to ever reciprocate any kind of love I felt for someone and she’s just a baby. My baby. So I almost expect it.”

I reached into her crib to pull the blanket over her middle. “I’ve had so many people tell me that they loved me. But they all left me behind when they didn’t need or want me anymore. People that I loved. From one rejection after the other, I began to believe that I was just unlovable.” My throat tightened and I fought to keep my composure. I had to get this out, he deserved that much. But I had to keep my composure so as not to wake Alice. “What I’m saying is, how can someone with so much promise like you love a damaged person like me, when I don’t see anything in me worth loving?”

There was no answer. At first I feared that I may have actually scared him off. But I didn’t hear walk away. After a solid minute, I heard stepping onto the carpet as he entered the room. Not stopping until he was directly behind me. So close that I could feel his breath on the back of my neck.

I kept a tight hold on the edge of the crib in case my knees gave out. Trying to keep my breathing even and slow. Then, ever so quietly, I heard him ask, “Will you let me show you?” When I didn’t answer right away, he kept going. “Will you give me the chance to show you what it is I see that makes me love you so much? Let me help you see through my eyes when I look at you.”

Normally, my first instinct would be to retreat. Either shut down or leave the room altogether. But as his plea made its way into my heart, I knew I couldn’t. Not without hearing him out. 

In the corner of my eye, I saw his hand. Palm up, waiting for me. I eventually looked over my shoulder up at him. The light reflecting in his eyes showed the lighter shade in them. Honey brown.

My mouth wouldn’t work, so instead, I nodded and placed my hand in his.

I let him lead me into his room, never letting go of my hand. He unhooked the baby monitor from his belt and placed it on his nightstand before walking me over to a full length mirror that stood by the wall next to his closet.

He turned me so I was facing towards it with my back facing his chest. His intense eyes met mine in the reflection and my first instinct was to turn away. But, before I could, he placed both hands on my shoulders and made sure I stayed facing it directly. He wasn’t going to make this easy.

“Open your eyes, Rey.” He commanded gently when I kept them closed. “Let me show you.” They remained shut for a few more seconds before relenting. When I opened them, I could see him watching me from behind and above my shoulder. I watched as his plump lips came down to my ear, “I want to start with your eyes. Tell me what you see?”

I looked into the eyes that have stared back at me all my life. “I see the color hazel. Nothing special.” Which was true, in my opinion. Nothing really stood out to me. 

“They say the eyes are windows into the soul.” He murmured. “And whenever I look into yours, I can see everything. Even the things you try to hide. I see a woman who has fought battle after battle and still come out whole. Regardless of what she thinks.” His gaze hardened when saw me try to interject. “They show the strength that you have from within you. I love how they turn green whenever the sun hits them. They also light up when you’re really happy. Almost as if they’re glowing. Especially when you laugh. Another thing I love about you, you’re incredibly funny. Always know what thing to say and when to make someone laugh.”

No one has ever said that before. My cheeks warmed but I kept my gaze on the mirror and let him speak. “Years ago, I made friends with a little girl who had just been abandoned by her parents. Scared and alone but tough as nails. I still see some of her stubbornness in you now.” He smiled teasingly. “But you aren’t that young girl anymore, Rey. Nor am I the same troublemaking teenager you once knew. We both have changed over the years, but we’re still the same people. When I knew you back then, you were the little sister I wanted to protect. That I still want to protect.” When I moved to turn again, he stopped me. “But I don’t see you as a sister anymore, Rey. I can’t. I tried, damn did I try, because I thought it was wrong for me to feel this way. But the little girl isn’t here anymore. You are.”

That had been one of my greatest insecurities. Him only seeing me as that child forced to spend the day out in the summer heat every day. Yes, I’m the same person but I’m also not. I’ve grown up.

He continued to speak, “When I saw you again after thinking I would never get the chance, I could tell that you still carried the same pain as before. You have been given the short end of the stick so many times that you convinced yourself that that is all you deserve. But listen to me very carefully,” his lips brushed the shell of my ear, “I have no desire to continue that cycle. I intend to break it.”

“I’m scared.” I confessed in a pained whisper. “I’m scared that if I stay with you, I could ruin your chances of meeting someone who’s better for you.”

“I don’t want someone better, I want you.” He said, hushed. “From the moment you walked into that garage, I knew I was lost. Not long before we crossed paths again, I was resigning myself to live the lonely life that appeared to be laid out for me. Just like you were.” I let out a shaky breath at the admission. “Over the years, I had the occasional lover here and there, but I never saw myself staying with them for more than a few months. Neither did they. I had pretty much given up on having a family of my own.”

As I stood there, staring at his reflection dumbstruck, he kept going. “Then you waltzed your way into my life again and, for the first time, I’ve experienced true happiness with another person. Like you were the piece of the puzzle I had been missing. You also brought Alice into my world. I already knew that I would care about her, because she was yours. Then, when I first held her in my arms, I never knew I could have so much love for a human being that I’d just met. I felt like there had to be a reason that I was the one who witnessed her birth and not him .”

I let out a shuddering breath. “That’s what I’m afraid of.” He waited while I tried to explain. “If we do this, I have to think about how it will affect her. Armitage has already walked away from her. But, in a way, it’s easier because she’s never met him and she’s still little. You, I can see how much she loves you. If I kept you at a safe distance, then it would hurt less if you left. I have to put her first, Ben, no matter what. Even if we were to do this, if there were ever a time where I had to choose, there would be no choice because it will always be her.”

“Rey,” He took my shoulders so he could turn my body to face him. “I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s one of the things I love most about you. You’re an amazing mother. Despite what you’ve been through, you give her the best you can. All I ask is that you let me fight for her with you. I would never intentionally hurt either of you.”

His hands suddenly let go of my shoulders to wrap his arms around me, pressing my back firmly against his chest. He kept his lips close to my ear, “I know you think that you’re doing me a favor by trying to distance yourself from me, but you couldn’t be further from the truth. There is no one better. You and Alice make me feel whole. I don’t have to look for the perfect woman because I’ve already found her. And with her is the most precious child I could ever dream of knowing. With your permission, I very much would like to call her mine one day. The three of us together is all I could ever want. I love you both with every fiber of my being.”

“This can’t be real.” I breathed.

“Please,” he whispered gently, “Stay with me and we can be family. We can have that and I know you know it too.”

I just stood there, listening to him in shock. No one has ever fought me before. I’ve always been the one nobody wanted. Left behind to fade in the shadows. Easily forgotten. But Ben hasn’t forgotten about me. Now, here he was baring his soul to me. Pleading with me to stay.

He removed his lips from my ear to press them softly against my temple. Keeping them in my hair as he murmured, “I know you’re afraid. But I will never leave you, Rey. I could stare death in the face tomorrow and laugh because, even as a fucking ghost, I will not leave your side.”

“If we do this, I need to know something.” He straightened, giving his full attention. “If we are going to do this and be a couple.” My cheeks tingled after I said the word but kept going. “Should there come a time and we have more children, you have to swear that you won’t treat her differently. I just don’t want her to ever feel left out, especially in her own home. It can be really painful for a child.” I would know. I lived my entire life that way. It’s not that I believed Ben would do the same to her, but I needed his word. If we were going to be a family, we were all going to be in this together. 

He leaned forward, “If we are going to be a couple, Alice would be treated as no less than my own daughter. I was prepared to do that when she was born. Even if we don’t have another, she’s more than enough. But you have to admit, she would make a wonderful big sister.”

A giggle of relief escaped me. “That is such a relief to hear, Ben. You don’t realize what it means to me.”

His gaze softened and he lifted his other hand to brush his knuckles against my cheek. “I do.” The low timber of his voice flowed through my whole body. “But I owe her a lot too.”

My head tilted, curious. “For what?”

“She brought you to me.” He said with strong confidence. “Had it not been for her, what was the likelihood of us meeting again?”

Looking back, he had a point. If I hadn’t been pregnant during the eviction, I would have still been working at the other garage. I’d have slept in my car for a while but it wouldn’t be a bother because it would only have been me. I went back to Plutt’s because I needed four walls and a roof over my head. Try and save enough money to at least rent a room from someone that would accept a mother and child.

Then Ben and Han came into the shop. “She brought us together.”

He let out a small chuckle. His hand uncurled to cradle my cheek. “Little monster wasn’t even born yet and she was already pulling the strings.” 

“My little bean was looking out for me.” I murmured.

“So, what do you say then?” He asked, hopeful. “You want to give this a shot?”

Was I really doing this? For the last year, I’d been convinced that Ben would be no more than a friend to me. Now here he was, offering his heart and home with him. For both me and my daughter. Because he wants us to stay and be a family. It felt too good to be true.

There was a moment of pause, and then I smiled. “Yes, I’d like to. Very much.”

His whole face absolutely lit up with the biggest grin I’d ever seen him give. “Really?”

I chewed on my lip worriedly and nodded. “Yes, I want to do this. I’m still scared, but you’ve shown me over and over that you’re someone I can always trust. I feel safe with you. And I don’t want to hide how I feel any longer.” My own hand came up to rest on the one on my cheek. “I love you, Ben. I always have.”

Then it was a blur. All of sudden his lips landed upon mine. I let him slip his fingers into my hair as he pulled me flush against him. My fingers fisted into his shirt as his kiss grew more intense. I felt a rush of euphoria start from the tips of my toes up to my scalp. 

We pulled apart, panting as we rested our foreheads together and caught our breath. “That should’ve been our first kiss.” He bemoaned.

My brain was still foggy from the kiss but then my mind flashed back to when we had the special brownies made by Poe’s neighbor. Indignity struck me harder than a bull and I buried my face into his chest. “I thought that was a dream!”

“I wasn’t sure if you remembered. It was wrong of me anyway. We were both under the influence and that’s no excuse for me being inappropriate and over stepping.” He explained, sounding a little chastened.

“I was a willing participant.” I recalled as my face grew warm. “High or not, I wanted to kiss you.”

“But would you have done it if you were sober?”

He had me there. But he had to know the whole reason. I pulled my face out to look at him. “Only because I thought you weren’t interested in me like that. I’ve...wanted to kiss you for a long time. Being extremely horny was almost a constant while I was pregnant and I think that may have had a bigger part to play than the hash.”

“Are you saying you liked making out on the couch?” The timber in his voice sent shivers throughout my body. Those lips were once again dangerously close to mine. “If I’d known how you felt this whole time, we could’ve done it more often.”

Yes, I liked it very much. Can we please do it again soon? My inner self asked as he circled his nose along mine. “I’m glad I didn’t know back then because I probably wouldn’t have been able to restrain myself. But I’m glad with how things are though. It gave me the head space I needed to put all my focus on Alice.” I reminded him gently. “You were very accommodating in letting me do what I needed to do to grow as a mother. Nothing but respectful.”

He lightly kissed the corner of my eye. “I knew you had a lot on your plate. You’d also just had your heart broken. I had to give you room to breathe so you could heal.”

I reached my hand up to brush some stray black strands out of his eyes. My lips trembled as I let him hear these pain in my voice “I was broken both times we met. Each time, you put me back together.”

My fingers traced his lips as he spoke. “You’ve given me a purpose twice. I wanted to do good by you after you were taken away and turned my life around. Then I saw you again, and this time spent with you and Alice has given me a reason to wake up every day with happiness in my soul. Before you moved in I didn’t have much of a life outside my business. Sure I’m friends with some of the gym staff. I also have my dad, Uncle Luke and Bronx but there was something absent.” His tone got quiet. “You have such a big heart. And for you to allow some space for me inside is the most rewarding thing you could ever give me.”

“You let yours open to me too.” I responded leaning into him. “You shared so many personal things with me and you showed me that there were people I could trust.”

“I’m the luckiest man alive!” He declared, his voice echoed with joy. “Thank you, Rey! You’ve made me so happy.”

Hearing all of his words of devotion, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. “You’ve given me a home.” He froze, his eyes widened with awe as I kept going. “Growing up, that’s all I ever wanted. Thank you.”

“You’ve given much to me too, Rey. Before you came, this was just an apartment.” He murmured. “Bronx and I, sometimes my dad, were the only ones here. Even when I brought girlfriends over, it still felt empty. Then when you came, it started feeling like a home. After Alice was born and it was filled with baby things and toys, it truly was a home.”

“I assume this means you’d like your guest room back?” I offered cheekily.

His arms tightened like iron rods and held me firm against him. “Only if that means you’ll be sleeping in here from now on. Then we can set up the spare room next to my office and turn it into a nursery for Alice.” Then he cleared throat and quickly said, “If you’re ready for that, I mean. There’s no rush.”

I looked him square in the eyes, “I’m done waiting.” Then I grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him back down into another kiss. Humming into his mouth as we deepened. He needed no prompting as he coaxed my mouth open to slip his tongue inside. His hands seemed to have had minds of their own as they traveled up and down and all around my body.

“I love the way you smell.” He said blissfully as he burrowed his face in between my shoulder and neck. He started nipping my skin and upwards until he made it to my earlobe and bit it lightly. The sound of his voice sent waves of pleasure through my bones as he said, “I want you, Rey. Tell me you want me too.”

I trembled at his words. The hardness of his length pressed against my hip proved his words true. He wasn’t alone because it was long before I felt warmth gather in my loins. It’s been over a year since the last time I was with Armitage. He was the only lover I’d had. Until now.

I was ready to let myself live.

He waited quietly until I finally gave him my answer, “Yes.”

His head swooped down and captured my lips again before sliding his hands down my back to grasp the back of my thighs and pulled me up so my legs wrapped around his waist. He kept a strong hold and carried me over to the bed and kneeled on the mattress. Never breaking our kiss as he lowered me onto the comforter and caged me with his whole body.

I only pulled away because my brain was starved for oxygen. His lips remained on my skin until he pushed himself off me to reach behind his back and remove his shirt. Leaving his hairless muscled chest bare for my eyes to admire. I’ve seen him without a shirt before, it’s his apartment, but I never permitted myself to look out of respect. Now, with his consent, I could finally let myself admire his physic without guilt.

Feeling bold and a little shy, I bring my hand to lay it on the skin above his heart. Marveling at the pounding beats that matched the speed of my own heart. He was just as anxious as I was.

“I’m out of condoms.” He said admittedly, blushing. “Are you still taking the shot?”

I lifted my arm and pointed at my tricep. “I got the nexplanon implant after I had Alice. From what I hear it’s one of the best, not that I can judge. The side effects finally settled after a few months, it seemed like the spotting was never going to end.”

“I thought that thing was supposed to stop periods.” He mused curiously.

“I know.” I said with a small growl. “Lucky me. I almost had it removed because I was getting tired of buying feminine products all the time but it stopped three months ago. Again, it’s ninety-nine percent effective, however it’s still a risk. Are you willing to take it?” 

His hand came up to curl a strand of hair behind my ear. Those long fingers wrapped around to cradle the back of my neck, a hint of a smirk on his lips. “I have no complaints if you don’t. I’ve already said I’m prepared to fully step up as a dad for Alice and I meant it. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of you. All of you.”

The thought made my heart soare. Images of what life could be like with the three of us. Then possibly more children. I wasn’t looking to get pregnant again so soon, but if it should miraculously happen again while I’m on a different birth control, I wouldn’t be alone this time. If Ben is willing to go the distance for Alice, then I have no doubt that he’ll be there if we were to have more. 

“I guess that settles it then.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket and opened an app. After logging in, I face the screen towards him. It was my STD test results from last year. His eyes skimmed over the digital image as I explained. “I haven’t been with anyone since the breakup but I got tested after I found out I was pregnant. All negative.” I shrugged. “It's a protocol precaution for expectant mothers. Just so doctors know in advance if the fetus had been exposed to anything during or after conception.” 

He reached over me and picked his own mobile up from the bedside table. “I got tested not long after you moved in.” He cleared his throat and looked away briefly. “My last relationship was a month before we met the second time. We used protection but I decided to get tested anyway to be safe since there was going to be a baby in the apartment.”

My mouth dropped open at the admission as he handed me his phone. Sure enough, there was a similar chart that showed negative results from an STI and STD test. “You did that for me?”

“I did it for both of you.” The phone was removed from my hands and he moved his eyes downward. “I promise, I wasn’t expecting anything from you. I just wanted to assure you that you can trust me not to be a harm to you.”

I placed my finger under his chin to lift his head so he could look at me. “Thank you.”

The worry on his face melted away instantly and I was met with relief. “I would do it again if you asked.” 

“I know.” I kissed the tip of his nose. “But I trust you.”

We continued to undress each other. He slipped my own shirt off my head before I teased the belt buckle of his jeans. I managed to get it undone before he pulled my hands away so he could get them off completely. Leaving him in only his boxer briefs.

I lay back in just my bra and jeans as his hands traveled along the bare skin of my torso. Making my skin prickle while his fingers moved memorized every detail of my body. I couldn’t help but feel a little self conscious. He’s the first man to see me naked since my pregnancy. While I did lose most of the baby weight, there was still some stretchy skin around my abdomen along with some faded stretch marks around my umbilicus and hips.

His mouth followed his hands as if he were memorizing every grove and dimple on my body. Laying kisses from my neck down to my cleavage and down my abdomen. “This,” his lips ran along a horizontal line beneath my belly button where I knew was my scar from the c-section. “This is the symbol of your survival. I almost lost you. The events that resulted in this scar saved your life and Alice’s. All of your hardships leading up to the moment she came into the world.” He kissed the scar tissue and looked up at me, his eyes enthralled, “That was when I realized how much you meant to me.” Then his long fingers popped the top button of my jeans.

A tiny gasp shook my chest as my eyes flew to look at the ceiling. I couldn’t believe what was happening. How many times have I caught myself staring too long at his nicely sculpted form? Almost salivating whenever he wore his jogging clothes. Now, here we were, about to leap into something neither of us could turn back once it was done. I shivered when I felt the tug of the zipper and he stopped. “Rey?” I lifted my head to see him examining me with worry, his fingers still on the zipper. “Are you okay?” 

“Yes,” I assured him shakily, then looked away. “It’s just...it’s been a while.”

He let go and raised himself higher, his eyes full of apprehension, “Do you want me to stop?”

My response was delayed from near shock. He sounded so authentic that I knew immediately he would stop if I asked him to. Even though we were already in so deep, he would stop everything at my request.

The word came out in a hushed whisper, “No.”

Those eyes darkened and he continued on his task. He hooked his thumbs in belt loops and swiftly pulled the denim off my legs. After kicking them off my feet, his hands slowly came back up my sides before sliding to my back. Stroking along the edge of my bra before meeting in the middle at the clasp. I sighed as his lips continued their mission on my throat while he undid each hook with gentle precision. When the wings came apart, his hands came up to hook his thumbs in the straps before pulling them down my shoulders and tossing it on the floor. Leaving my breasts bare to his gaze.

It must have been the cold air. Suddenly I felt a familiar tightness in my breasts and a bead of milk dripped from my nipple. Dread tore itself through me. I was leaking. Horrified, I brought my arms up to shield them away from his view. “Oh no!”

“What’s wrong?” He asked gently.

“I forgot to pump earlier.” I looked away, ashamed and embarrassed. “I’m so sorry. My head was somewhere else.”

“Never apologize.” He said firmly. “Not for this. Not for your body. You’re beautiful, all of you.” He placed his hands on my wrists, “Please, don’t hide from me.”

That’s exactly what I normally do. I had done that with Armitage when he would point out any physical flaws I had. My breasts were small before I had Alice, barely a B-cup, and he once even suggested I think about getting implants. He would’ve been pleased with my new D-cups. However, he always thought breastfeeding was gross and, while we were still together, asked me if I would mind sticking solely to bottles and formula. He said he heard about how breasts can leak and thought it was a huge turnoff.

Ben was staring at them like a starved man. His eyes had almost gone completely black. I could barely see any brown left in them as he leaned in towards my left breast. The feeling of his breath above my nipple had goosebumps form all over my skin. My breath caught when his tongue did an experimental swipe at the swollen peak, capturing another drop that had leaked. Then he wrapped those plump lips around the peak and began to suck. In seconds, my milk began to flow freely into his mouth. My weak protests fell on deaf ears as he moaned and continued to nurse from my breast.

Soon enough, I too was moaning. Not from pain, but from relief and titlation. He kept nursing and slowly grinded his pelvis into mine. I could feel that he was hard as a rock as he rubbed against me. 

“Every time,” He began, after releasing my nipple for a brief period, “Every time you would feed Alice, I had to look away or else I would stare until it became painful. It was marvelous.”  He licked it again. “I was jealous. When she wasn’t feeding, I wanted to be the one to relieve you. Not the machine. That first time, when you leaked through your shirt, it took everything in me not to rip it off and drink from you then and there.”

All oxygen escaped my lungs at his confession. For the last year, I have felt unattractive for the changes my body went through. Meanwhile he has secretly desired me this whole time. His lips had already descended upon my right breast. Suckling away as he filled his mouth with more of my milk. All of those pained expressions I caught, he wasn’t trying to hide disgust, he didn’t want me to see that he was turned on out of respect.

When he finished with that breast, he moved onto the other one. While he suckled, his other hand moved down my side until caught in the hem of my panties. I moved so he was able to slide them over my knees and dropped them somewhere near the same place as my bra.

Those long calloused fingers slowly stroked up my inner thigh until they found their destination. I whimpered as I felt two brush against my opening. He moaned as his mouth remained busy while his fingers began circular movements.

I widened my legs so he could rest between them and lay more comfortably above me. After my breasts were both empty, he licked his lips and kissed me on the cheek. It was so tender and arousing I almost cried. He stood up to take off his briefs and crawled back on the bed before bringing the blanket up over both of us.

When his head disappeared under the blanket, I jerked a little when his lips traveled past my belly button, realizing what he intended to do when he grasped both of my hips in his hands. Before I could utter a protest, tell him that it wasn’t necessary, there was a swipe of his tongue along my slit. My mouth fell slack, completely stunned. There was another and I gasped. I was shocked at how good it felt. Whatever protests I wanted to object died on my lips as he continued in my most intimate area.

Armitage never did this. He said it was gross and pointless, and me being the understanding girlfriend that I was, never made him. But here was Ben, going down on me without any prompting. I should be mortified, but it was like his tongue was erasing my rationale with every stroke.

I had to cover my mouth when his hand came up and he stroked my bundle of nerves with his thumb. A small hum flushed through my nether regions. The audacious noises that tried to escape were muffled by my hand as I began to crest. He must’ve felt that I was close because his movements began to go a little faster. When it finally came, I tried to edge myself away but he held me in place. Lapping at the sensitive flesh as I came apart.

When it was over and I tried to remember how to breathe, he emerged from the covers to plant another kiss on me. I blushed at the new taste of his lips and when he pulled back, he smiled. “You’re amazing.”

“I think I should be telling you that.” I said with a dazed giggle.

He kissed me under my chin and brushed some hair sticking to my face. “How are you doing?”

I nodded reassuringly, still breathing heavily. “I’m fine.”

“Do you want to keep going?”

“Yes,” I told him. I was still nervous, but Ben would never hurt me. I trusted him completely.

He nodded and his hand slipped between us under the covers. The tip of him brushed against my folds and I shuddered but kept kissing him. After the first inch of him pushed inside, I could feel he was more proportionate than I was used to. Armitage was, I assumed, average size and Ben was...not. He swallowed my moan when he completely pushed the rest of the way in. Completely sheathed within me.

At first he didn’t move, that was when I realized he’d pulled away because I’d stopped breathing. Mostly due to shock at how full I was. There was no pain or discomfort, but just fullness. When my lungs started working again, I gave him the okay to keep moving. Which he did.

He grasped my free hand and intertwined our fingers on the sheets as he pulled himself almost all the way out and then back in again. He repeated the motion a few more times before we both fell into a rhythm. My eyes fulletered close as his thrusts started becoming faster while he stretched me open. 

With each piston, I can feel him rub against me from within. Somewhere inside that he hit with every stroke which had me writhing beneath him. I whined as his movements became quicker and more rough. His other hand snapped out to grasp onto the headboard as he started to really pound into me. 

I could feel all of him. It was like he was everywhere. In me. Around me. He was just there. Our sweaty bodies were molded together as if we were becoming one organism with our movements. I hooked my ankle around his hip as he dug into me with another hard thrust. The heat in my core became more intense. There was a familiar feeling starting to tingle as it whooshed through my pelvis. My breath was coming out in short pants and he must’ve noticed because he sped up further.

The orgasm came rushing through me and I was shocked at its intensity. When I hit the peek of my climax, he managed to keep it going for longer than I’d ever had with a toy. After it was over, I looked up at him in astonishment. He was looking down at me as if I were a priceless treasure.

This wasn’t just sex. It was more than that.

After a few more quick thrusts, he arched his hips and went in as deep as he could go before moaning in my neck as he reached his peak. Shuddering as he finished inside me. When it was over, he pulled out of me with a small his. I sighed at the feeling of his warm release leaking from my opening.

With a shiver, he lowered himself down so his head was resting on my sternum. His hair tickled my nose as we laid there limp catching our breaths. I could barely think. My limbs felt like jello.

Some time passed by with no sound between us except for our breathing. Finally, he lifted himself up by his arms again and moved to get off me. I turned to give him some more space, expecting him to remove his arm next. Imagine my surprise when that arm stayed in place and, instead, pulled me against him so his front was pressed against my back spooned me from behind. He pecked me behind the ear and gave me another squeeze before resting his chin on my shoulder and letting out a content sigh. “I love you.”

Ben Solo was a cuddler. Could I get any luckier? My face split wide open as a well pleased smile let itself settle on my lips. I snuggled against him, relishing in the newfound warmth he was giving me. “I love you too.”

Chapter Text

I woke up some hours later feeling lighter than I had in a long long time. The warmth surrounding me was comforting as I nestled deeper into the blanket. I was curled on my side, my head cushioned by very fluffy pillows. As I moved to stretch, I noticed that there was an unfamiliar weight draped over my middle. My eyes slowly blinked open, expecting to see the window above Alice’s crib. 

Imagine my surprise when I saw the painting ALLEY BY THE LAKE hanging above a dark brown Baylow dresser. A few things occurred to me at once. One, I was not in the bedroom I shared with my daughter. Two, I felt sore in places I never knew existed. Three, I could feel that I was stark naked under the blanket. Not to mention that there was the unmistakable touch of an equally naked body spooned around me.

Just as the rest of my mind caught up, I felt the gentle touch of smooth lips on my skin. Then the arm beneath me came up to wrap around my front and hold me tight so my back pressed firmly against his chest. That was when it all came back to me; Ben.

We were together last night. Together together. After finding out that we were in love with one another. I still couldn’t believe it. Ben Solo loved me. Has for some time apparently and I just couldn’t see it. But now my eyes were wide open.

Those lips of his continued to pepper my skin with small kisses as my mind went back to last night. We slept together. With very little actual sleeping involved. Together. The ache in my joints only confirmed it.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He mumbled quietly with traces of lingering sleep slurring his words.

“It wasn’t a dream.” I breathed with relief.

There was a peck on my shoulder followed by a drowsy response. His hair tickled the back of my neck. “What was that?”

I shivered at the term of endearment. “For a second I thought I was going to wake up and this would all disappear.”

His breath tickled my ear as he nuzzled it with his nose. “Does this feel like a dream?” Feather-light kisses started from the corner of my jaw and down my neck. “Or this?” The hand of the arm draped over me moved up to turn my cheek and face him, seeing a glimpse of his tired smile, before he gave a passionate kiss on my lips. Then His hand started making its way its way south and I moaned into his mouth as he loosened his hold and turned me around to face him.

My eyes closed as we let our mouths move together in sync and his hands moved on their own accord while mine slid up to wrap around his neck and bring him closer. Exploring my body with his calloused fingers as they traced the patterns on my skin. My scalp prickled at the tenderness of his touch, nearly bringing me to tears. It was as if he wanted to memorize every inch of me like I was a priceless piece of art more valuable than the one hanging on his wall.

He could make me feel beautiful even without words.

I didn’t even realize I was starved for oxygen until we pulled away and my lungs nearly collapsed in on themselves. We shook with small tremors as we tried to catch our breath, I opened my eyes to see him staring at me with a proud smirk and his face equally flushed as mine. I decided to tease him a little. “Like what you see?”

Those dark orbs looked over my face appraisingly and he gave a tired nod. “Very much. I could get used to waking up like this. Still think it’s a dream?”

“Nope,” I said absently, bringing my hand up to trace the beauty marks on his face. His expression was relaxed and content. Immediately, my mind went back to how it looked last night when he was making love to me. The intensity and lust. Yeah, that was no dream. “Definitely awake.”

“Then mission accomplished, good.” He chuckled and gave me a small peck on the nose. “Because I’m ready to prove to you every day that this is anything but a fantasy. Not after yesterday.”

Take that, Julie! I thought victoriously

He paused, "What?"

I tensed up. Did I say that out loud?

“What about Julie?”

That was a resounding “yes”. “Nothing.”

The gaze went from ease to hard in less than a second. “She’s the girl from the wedding, isn’t she?” My silence was more than enough confirmation for him. “What did she do?”

“It’s not that important.” I compromised, with a small shrug. “It’s over and done with. We’re together now, so it’s nothing to worry about anymore.”

“Rey, you can tell me.” He insisted, his eyes pleading. “I could tell you were hurt and whatever happened was enough for you to doubt me. I almost lost you twice, I don’t want to go through that again. I need to know.”

Of course, he was right. As much as I hated touchy subjects, this was supposed to be a relationship. We’d decided that we were going to be partners. A partner is someone you can communicate with. Someone who will listen and be there for you. I had to let myself open up to him completely if this was going to work. 

“I was in the restroom,” I whispered absently, the words flowed out as if they had been itching to be released. “I’d just gotten off the phone with Han and decided to go there to freshen my makeup. While I was there, I heard Julie and her friends talking about me. I panicked and hid in one of the stalls.”

His hold tightened slightly. “What did they say?"

I broke our eye contact, choosing to stare at his bare chest instead. “First they made fun of how I was dressed. Said that my outfit was a rag and they didn’t understand how I could be there with someone like you. They thought you asked me out of pity because it would’ve been awkward if you got an actual date.”

He worked his jaw carefully from side to side. His stare was intense. This made it clear that I was definitely wrong in believing what they said. He reached up to cradle my cheek, his thumb softly stroking my skin, and tucked me under his chin. His murmured words in the next breath set my cheeks aflame. “It was nothing less than me wanting to enjoy the pleasure of your company.” He swiped his hand up to smooth away my messy hair so he could lay a kiss on my forehead. 

“I know that now, but then, I still had doubts. It was all wishful thinking as far as I was concerned.” I worried my bottom lip with my teeth. Being upfront about how I felt was always easier with him. However, this was something I would’ve never dared to hope for. “They talked about how it had been over a year since I moved in and I must’ve been sticking around because you were paying for everything.” I lowered my gaze in shame. “I actually believed what they were saying. I agreed with them. At the time, it was impossible not to. From my perspective, you gave me so much on top of shelter and employment, that it felt like I’d taken advantage of your generosity. I could see you eventually getting tired of us staying with you.”

His eyes turned sympathetic. “Sweetheart—”

I rested my fingers on his lips to stop him. “I know better now, Ben. But before, I just wanted you to be happy. I’ve come to realize that what we have may not be normal nor did it start out in the best way, but it’s special. Someone had to point it out to me for me to finally realize.”

He swooped down to kiss both of my eyelids. “Who is this person that I owe my life to for you finally accepting that you make me happy?” He asked in an eager voice when he pulled away. “I’d like to thank them personally.” 

“It was Mr. Valentine actually,” I informed him, followed by a nervous laugh. “He likes Taj Mahal tea.”

Those dark eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. “God damn, I’ll buy him a lifetime subscription. Mr. Valentine is the one that made you do a complete one-eighty?” 

The image of the man in question came to mind. Sitting on his chair while he sipped his tea as he listened to the morning news. “He’s very observant. Apparently, he’s been expecting us to get together for a while now. Then he reminded me that I should let you decide whether or not you thought I was good enough for you.” I snorted. “He used my own words against me. I said I’d be supportive of your choice...”

“But you wouldn’t let yourself believe that I chose you.” He finished for me. 

I flattened my hand on his skin. His heart beat softly against my palm. “It was too good to be true. I never thought in my wildest dreams that you could love me. Not in the same way I did.”

“And now?” He asked, hopeful.

There was no holding back this time as I looked into his eyes so he could see the sincerity in mine. “After what was said last night, there’s not a doubt in my mind that this, what we have, is right. What we have together with Alice is special and I’m tired of being afraid.”

He smiled impishly. “Thank you, Rey. I’m honored that I’m the man who gets to love you. I’ll do right by you both, I promise.”

“I know you will.” I breathed, awestruck. “Our lives will never be the same.” 

He stretched his arm out with a yawn and gave me a subtle wink, “If it means I get to wake up like this more often, I won’t complain.” He moved so I was on my back and he could lean over me with a suggestive smirk. “I could get used to the sight of your beautiful face first thing in the morning.”

The groan tore out of me and I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I’m sure my crusty eyes and messy hair are a lovely sight.”

“Are you going to tell me that my look is any better?” He challenged, referring to his own mess of bedhead. His raven hair fell around his face like a curtain. Sure his hair wasn’t neat, but it looked better than mine.

“Your hair always looks good,” I said instead and absently took a thick strand to curl around his ear. “It’s so soft. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve fantasized about how it would feel to run my fingers through it.”

His brow arched playfully. “You have, have you?” Suddenly, he tugged on my arm until he managed to pull me astride his chest. He grinned, pleased with himself and our new position. “Any more fantasies you’d like to share?”

Busted. I couldn’t stop the snort or the words that came next. “More than I’d like to admit. I found you extremely attractive when we met the second time. Before I even knew who you were staying with you certainly sent my hormones into overdrive. Especially that first morning.”

His smile turned naughty. “Oh really? Do tell.”

“I couldn’t help it,” I admitted slowly, remembering how sexually frustrated I was. “I thought you looked so sexy cooking in that tank top with your wet hair. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you did it on purpose.”

“Would you rather I was shirtless?”

“That’s not...I mean…!” I started stammering terribly. “I just meant it flatters your physic well. Of course, you look amazing without one. That wasn’t supposed to come out.” I clamped my mouth shut but it was already too late. The damage had been done.

His eyes darkened and his smirk turned almost sinister. “Why, you naughty little minx. I had no idea you were lusting after me.”

“Don’t blame me, luscious locks.” I fired back. “It’s not my fault you have a heart of gold and good looks create the perfect package.”

He snorted and rubbed his nose against mine. “Those ‘luscious locks’ hide my big ears. I never grew into them like I’d hoped so I let my hair grow out instead.”

“Well, this length suits you,” I told him honestly. “But I like you no matter how you style it.”

“Whatever turns you on more.” He offered. That devilish smile took permanent residence on his face.

“And my hair?” I asked. “Was there a particular length you’ve liked so far?” Right now it was barely at my shoulders. I usually don’t let it go past the bottom of my cervical. I normally like to keep it a length short enough to not have too much to deal with but long enough to put into a ponytail.

He brought his own hand up to curl a few strands around his large fingers. “I think I like it at this length. Though, I’d be lying if I said I’m not curious about how it would look longer.”

“Maybe I’ll grow it out one year.” I improvised. “Just for you.”

“You’re too kind,” He crooned. “But regardless of what length your hair is, you’re always beautiful.” 

“Oh please,” I scoffed. “I was bigger than a house when I was pregnant.”

“Nonsense, you were glowing. ” His hands slowly started to stroke up and down my arms. Goosebumps formed in their touch. “There was just more of you to love.”

My eyes narrowed as I looked at him with suspicion. “Did you practice that answer?”

“I’m offended, madame!” He exclaimed dramatically. “My words come from the heart and nowhere else. Shall I sing you a sonnet to prove my sincerity to you?

I couldn’t help but let out an excited giggle and kissed him to stop him from talking. He laughed against my lips and we were soon falling into ourselves again. Before we got too carried away, I stopped and rested my forehead against his. I looked down, and suddenly the reality of where we were hit me. “What do you think everyone will say? Han and the others?”

“Are you kidding?” His chest and shoulders shook as he laughed. “He’ll be thrilled when he finds out and Uncle Luke will probably be on the first flight over the moment he hears something.”

“But what if they don’t?” I couldn’t help but ask. My insecurity was still trying to make me question everything good. “Before, we were just friends but now...what if it changes how they see me?”

“Hey,” He lifted my chin with his finger. “It won’t. You pretty much won him over when you fixed his precious Mustang. As for us,” his voice dropped lower. “I think he knew before we did. Same for my uncle. He kept dropping hints whenever you left the room and even attempted to prank us with mistletoe.”

I pulled away to hide my mortified face. “Oh my God, I probably would’ve fainted!”

Those skilled fingers worked their way up my sides, lightly tickling my skin. “Don’t worry, I took it down before you could see it.”

“Thank you for that.” I sighed, feeling reassured. “What about our friends?”

“At some point, they will find out because they know us too well. Don’t worry, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Which will likely be when we go to work.” He clicked his tongue, unbothered. “They’ll be collecting bets from each other by the end of the day.”

That did it. I broke out into a full fit of laughter and he soon followed. Finally, let the worry fade away into nothing. It felt great. No more doubt, no more fear, just us.

“Why don’t we stay home today?” He suggested after our laughter subsided. “Just you, me and Alice. No students, no customers, no coworkers, just us.” His hands began to explore again. “Maybe fool around a little more after we put her down tonight.”

It did sound nice. Very nice in fact. I found that I didn't even want to leave this bed. The three of us lounging around all day. But, I knew better. “As much as I’d love that, we can’t just ditch work to stay home and have sex.”

He pouted. “Why not?”

“Because we’re responsible adults and we need our sick days for flu season.” I pointed out and leaned to kiss him again.

There was a small sound that came from the bedside table and I went stiff in his lap, laughter gone. He immediately noticed my change in mood and looked around the room in alarm. “What is it?” This time, he also heard the sound and his body relaxed with understanding. “Alice,”

It was the baby monitor we were hearing. The sounds of her small whimpers indicated that she was awake now. I looked at him and shrugged. “I better get her.” He nodded with understanding and released me so I could crawl off of his lap. I grabbed for the closest thing I could reach and threw it on. It was rather big so it must’ve been his but it was better than walking around in the buff.

His morning alarm went off just as I entered the bedroom to see Alice standing up in her crib. Her face scrunched up as fat waterworks rolled down her cheeks. Yep, she was hungry. My breasts tingled as I quickly threw on a pair of shorts before taking her out of the crib. 

I settled into the rocking chair, as usual, and lifted the shirt for her to nurse. She immediately latched on and her crying simmered down into small whimpers. Lately, she’d been getting better at not using her teeth while she was feeding. However, I’d been considering weaning her soon. It should be a smooth process, as she’s already been introduced to the bottle and other solid foods. The tug on my nipple reminded me of what else transpired with Ben last night and my cheeks became warm.

There was a knock and I turned to see Ben standing there, already dressed in his running clothes. The corner of his lips lifted into a full smirk, no doubt at my pink cheeks. “I like how you look in my shirt. Feel free to borrow another one whenever you want.”

He winked and walked away with Bronx on the lead trailing behind him. My face felt warm. I didn’t know how to handle Ben being openly flirtatious when I was more used to him being a teasing jokester. But I think I could get used to it.

I could definitely get used to wearing his giant shirts.

***

I arrived at work feeling light as a feather and a skip in my step. Snap was sitting by the car lift when I came in with Alice’s pram. “Hey, Rey!”

“Morning, Snap!” I answered him cheerily before slipping into the locker room. The garage didn’t open for another half hour so I had a couple of spare minutes to enjoy my drink before clocking in.

When I shut my locker door, I was startled when Rose’s face suddenly appeared as it shut. “Sheesh, Rose, good morning to you too.” She just continued to stare at me without blinking. “Is something wrong?”

“You were humming.” She started slowly. “A very merry tune I might add.”

I looked around the room, confused. “Is that a crime?”

“You never hum. Even when you’re in a great mood you don’t hum.” Was her snorted reply. “There’s something else. You’re glowing! Did you win the lottery or something?”

Technically she wasn’t wrong but I personally believed I struck better than the winning jackpot. However, Ben and I haven’t really discussed if we want to go public yet. How would we even bring it up? “We had a fight, I got advice from a neighbor, we confessed our love for each other, and then we slept together. Now we’re a couple.” Right, that sounds like relationship goals.

“Can’t I be in a good mood?” I jibed, hoping I sounded convincing.

She crossed her arms and flared her nose. “You’re hiding something and I’m going to find out what it is.” She zipped up her coveralls and marched out.

Yep, she could definitely tell that something was up. She’ll likely get me to spill my guts before the shift is over but I wanted to keep this between Ben and myself for a little longer.

I just placed Alice in her little area in the office before getting to work. There was a 50’s Cadillac convertible calling my name for a new transmission.

Throughout the day, Rose pretty much left me alone. Which was more terrifying. It meant I had to keep my guard up in case she snuck up on me when my guard was down. None of the others could sense the shift in my mood. Han, I wasn’t so sure. I saw him when I first came in and we wished each other good morning but that was it. I wasn’t stupid, I know he and Ben must’ve spoken after I’d walked out of the apartment. I know Ben assured me that Han would accept us seeing each other, but he was still my boss.

A few hours later, while I was doing an oil change, I heard Snap call from behind me. “Hey, Rey, there’s a flower delivery for you.” There was a metallic clunk sound of a too dropping on the floor and I knew instantly that Rose had heard him too.

I quickly grabbed a towel to wipe the grease off my hands before stepping out. Then a stranger wearing a green polo shirt and khakis stepped out from behind him, holding a ceramic vase with a bouquet of yellow flowers.

He looked at me curiously, “Rey Niima?” I nodded and he held them out to me. “These are for you.”

I took the bouquet with my thanks and he left without another word. They were beautiful. I decided to bring them to the breakroom to draw less attention. Once I was out of everyone’s eyesight, I read the card.

No flower can hold a candle to your beauty, but I felt these suited the occasion perfectly. It may be a little unorthodox to send you something so soon after only being together for less than 24 hours. However, I don’t ever want to give you a reason to doubt how much you mean to me. I chose Daffodils because they symbolize rebirth and new beginnings, which is exactly where we are. A new start together. 

I love you, Sweetheart. 

Ben

My heartbeat increased greatly as I read over the words again. This was beyond what I ever expected of him. This wasn’t my first bouquet ever, Armitage would get me some for Valentine’s Day, but this was the first time someone had them personally delivered. That and he chose the flowers on purpose as a way to commemorate our new life together. There was so much emotion that I didn’t even realize I was smiling until Rose’s voice cut through. “First humming and now somebody sends you flowers? This explains why you’ve been in such a jolly mood, you got laid!”

“Shit!” I gasped, placing my hand on my chest. “Do you have to be so damn loud?”

“Well? Who is it?” She asked impatiently as my whole face went warm. “Oh for the love of—please tell me you didn’t hook up with your baby daddy.”

That was a bucket of cold water. I snorted, slightly offended. “Of course not, Rose, give me a little credit.”

“So you did get laid! If it wasn’t your ex, then that means…” Her voice trailed off as her eyes grew wide. “It was Ben!” She figured out with a squeal of excitement. “It finally happened! You two finally did the deed!”

I clamped my hand over her mouth. My voice came out in a hushed tone, “Will you keep it down? I’m not ready for everyone to know I’m involved with the boss’s son!”

She pulled my hand away and gave me a doubtful look. “I think my mouth is the least likely giveaway. The bright flowers are doing enough talking on their own.” 

“That doesn’t mean everyone needs to know the details!” I hissed. Then a thought occurred to me and I took out my mobile.

She watched me with confusion, “What are you doing now?”

“Sending a ‘thank you’,” I told her plainly as I typed away on an app. Ben’s lunch wasn’t for a little longer, but if I was quick, I could get his usual from the deli down the street he fancies, it might just make it.

Naturally, Rose was still hungry for information. “Girl, I need details, damn it! Tell me already!”

“What do you want me to say exactly? You’ve already figured it out.” I reasoned. 

“Come on!” She whined. “For over a year, you’ve said—no insisted that the two of you were just friends and that you’d be nothing more than friends. This morning you come in with the “Walk of Shame” smirk and be in the brightest mood you’ve had in weeks.”

I grimaced. “Thanks?”

She flailed her arms and quickly went on, “I’m talking about the big picture here. Rey,” Her tone shifted to something more soothing, “I’ve known Ben for a few years, he’s a great guy. You’re amazing too. If anyone is good enough for him, it’s you. And after the shit you’ve been through, you deserve someone that will treat you well. There’s no one better.”

“Now that is a fact.” I agreed with a wink. “I’m happy to have him.”

She smiled back, “And I’m happy for you both.” Then he brought her hands together and rubbed them with excitement. “Now come on, tell me. How was it?”

“Oh my God, woman,” I groaned with a snicker. “It was very good. Happy?”

“What did I say about needing details?” She reminded me. “Define ‘very good’.”

My face twisted into a scowl. “No!”

“Please?”

“Can’t we do this later?” I begged.

She shook her head so hard her dark hair nearly came out of its bun. “Absolutely not! I don’t want to wait! I want to know now!”

Our bickering came to an abrupt halt as soon as we heard Han’s sarcastic voice. “Am I interrupting your little spat?” We jumped out of our skin and turned to see him with his arms crossed. His bushy brow arched in contemplation as he examined the flowers. “Those from Ben?” Words wouldn’t come out so I just nodded. “Well, I’m glad he knows  his stuff.” Those dark eyes zeroed in on me. “If you're not busy, Rey, I need to talk to you in my office real quick.”

This time I did respond with words. “Be right there, boss.”

When he left, I met Rose’s face and she shuddered. “Called to the owner’s office two times in two days. It’s like being in high school.”

“Oh well. It’s not like I can avoid it forever. I should've spoken to him earlier anyway.” I relented, placing the flowers on a sturdy surface and followed after him. “Wish me luck.”

“I’ll come to rescue you if you need help!” She called after me.

I followed Han to the office. Breezing past him as he held the door open for me. When I faced him, his dark eyes held a similar mirth I’d seen in Ben’s. I chuckled nervously, “Look, I know how this looks and I don’t want you to get any bad rep for it. If dating Ben is a conflict of interest here, you can tell me and I’ll clean out my locker. All I ask is for a good recommendation so I can find suitable employment elsewhere.”

“Woah easy there, kid. Nobody is fired.” His dark eyes held a similar mirth I’ve seen in Ben. “Look, it is unconventional, but you’re one of the best employees I have and I’d be an idiot to let you go. The two of you weren’t going out when you got the job. As long as it doesn’t affect your work here, there’s no problem. It’s not like people can say you used him to get the job because you already had it.”

My defenses instantly came up. “I would never use him like that. Or at all. I love him, Han.”

He nodded with understanding, his eyes kind “I trust you, kid. Honestly,” He shrugged, “I think you two are perfect for each other. You and Alice are a pleasure to have around and you make him happy.”

I was speechless. Not only was he accepting of my dating his only son, but he trusted me enough to still be able to do my job. For a person with as much wisdom and knowledge as Han to have such faith in me is an honor. 

“There is one more thing, though. More of a favor really.” He spoke again, his tone considerably quieter. “Be good to him, huh? I’m not asking as your boss but as his father. He means everything to me and I don’t want to see him hurt. I’m not saying you’re that type of person, but I am ready to defend him if I have to.”

I shivered but kept my back straight. Of course, he would. I’d do the same for Alice. A truck would run me over before I let somebody hurt her. I did expect Ben to be a good partner, but we have to be good to each other. Both sides need to give it their all. “I understand. Ben makes me happy too and I want to do the same.”

“Do you really love him?” He asked me point blank. “Do you really love my son?”

I didn’t hesitate. “I do, Han. Very much.”

He cleared his throat and looked away. But not quick enough before I caught the shine in his eye. “I promised my wife I’d look after him. Never intrude or overstep but stay close enough to know he’s safe and around good people.” His head turned back to me and gave me a thoughtful look. “She would’ve been so happy to know that he’s finally found someone. And I think she’d be pleased it was somebody like you. You’re determined, tough as nails, smart, friendly, and just a little bit sassy. I tell you, she’d pay to see you go full mama bear on your ex’s mom.”

“I guess that’s a good thing.” I pressed my lips together as I tried not to laugh.

His own face started to lighten up a bit too. “From her, oh yeah. But, besides all that, I’m glad that Ben has you.”

“I’m happy to have him,” I responded.

“This’ll be interesting.” He remarked. Then he shooed me away and picked up his coffee mug. “Finish the oil change and then you can take your lunch.”

Taking that as my cue, I leave. Once I was out of his office, my phone began buzzing in my pocket. “Hello?”

Ben’s curious voice came through from the other end. “Are you the one responsible for sending me this delectable feast?”

I felt a rush of excitement. The food got there on time! “Yes, it was me. I had to show you my own appreciation for these flowers, Ben. And I knew you skipped breakfast this morning so I thought you could use a nice lunch.”

His responding laugh was like music to my ears. “Thank you, sweetheart. I’m glad you like them. Are you sure it wasn’t too much too soon?”

The giggle forced its way past my lips. “Well, Rose already knows. Apparently, my good mood is a dead giveaway. The flowers just confirmed it. Han knew the moment he saw the bouquet. He compliments you for them, by the way.”

“I’m sure he does.” He chortled. “How did he react?”

I let him hear my relaxed sigh. “It went well. I still get to work here, as long as my performance is up to par, I’m safe.”

“See?” He said. “Nothing to worry about. I’d told you he’d be down.”

“You were right.” I’ve come to learn that he usually is.

***

Throughout the week, Ben and I went to work on moving my things into his bedroom. Before last night, I’d never even set foot in there. I’d met him at his door a few times but I never actually went inside so I never knew what it looked like.

First of all, the man had two walk-in closets. Two! And they were several feet deep walk-in closets. Apparently he only ever used the second one for a few bags of emergency supplies. He was giving me that one and moved the bags into the first. There was still space left after I put all of my stuff in it.

The room itself was modestly decorated. Mostly framed mementos He assured me that I could add some personal touch. Bring in some color so I’d be more comfortable. I might bring in a couple of plants or some pottery. Ben suggested we go out and pick out a new bedspread that fits both of us. Considering that we both use it now...for more than just sleeping. That and other places around the apartment.

Alice’s things have been moved into the spare room by his office so the guest room can be used for overnight company again. It was a relief to see that she had no problem sleeping in the room by herself. I think it was the first night since she was born that she slept through the night without me. It was a good thing, but I couldn’t deny that a small part of me was going to miss being close to her at night. However, it was also necessary for her personal growth.

Speaking of personal growth, tomorrow was officially her first birthday. Next week I was meeting her daycare attendants and touring the establishment. For weeks I struggled with whether or not it was a good idea to start introducing her to other kids at this age or if I was just terrified of not having her in my sight 24/7. Most likely the latter. It has mostly positive reviews and a good reputation. It was just that I was nervous about leaving my baby with strangers. I’ve only entrusted her with people I knew. But it was either this or I hired a full-time babysitter. If she’s in daycare it’ll be easier for her to learn how to interact with kids her age. Give her an early start for when she starts preschool.

Preschool, good grief, that was only a few years away. Three tops. Four if I decided to keep her home an extra year. Why did she have to grow up? Why couldn’t she just stay small forever? The love and pain of every parent.

For her birthday picnic, I was making a DIY unicorn cake. I know, I could’ve just gone to the bakery and had someone make it for me and it would be perfect but I didn’t want to spend that kind of money on a cake for a one-year-old. Homemade costs practically nothing anyway. The edible toppers were probably the most expensive thing and they didn’t even cost $7.

Everything else for the picnic had already been taken care of but we still had a few more things to do. Give Alice her lunch for one because she was hangry.

“Nana!” She demanded Ben as he chopped them on the cutting board while on the phone with Han.

“Don’t worry, munchkin, I haven’t forgotten about your bananas.” He reassured her before he went back to speaking on the phone. “Sorry, Dad. Yeah, that works. We’ll be at the park in about two hours, we’ve rented the tented benches by the duck pond. Yep, just us. Okay great, we’ll see you there.”

I peeked over my shoulder in time to see him end the call. “Han’s coming?”

He nodded before putting the chopped banana into a bowl, “Yeah, he’s excited. He loves a good picnic.” 

“Well I hope he’s not expecting a huge spread,” I said as I went back to spreading the frosting on the cake. “Just sandwiches with a salad and crisps. Those and the cake, of course.”

“What about beverages?”

“Oh,” Fantastic, I knew I’d forgotten something. “Crap. I guess I could make some lemonade.”

“Don’t panic, Dad’s already offered to bring some tiki punch.”

I was just about to thank him when my ears caught something.“D...Da!”

That did not come from me. No, she didn’t. The box slipped from my fingers. Knocking over another container as cake confetti spread all over the counter. I turned my whole body to search for the noise I’d just heard, baffled. There past the island stood Ben with an equally stunned expression as he gaped at her in the high chair.

Seemingly frustrated that neither of us reacted the way she wanted, Alice tried again. This time, much more forcefully. “Dada! Dada, nana!”

She did. She wasn’t calling him that by chance, she knew the ‘name’ belonged to him. My little girl chose Ben to be her dad.

I noticed his lip quiver while tears filled his eyes. He was looking at her with such affection. Like she hung the stars in the sky. He tore his stare away from her to look at me. As if he were waiting for me to say something.

Then I realized that he was asking my permission. We’d agreed that he would treat Alice as his. I also consented to him being allowed to take on that role as a dad. But we never actually discussed what he would be acknowledged as. Ben or Dad? Sooner or later, she would learn the truth. But, at the moment, she already knew the distinction. She understood enough words to know his name and how it sounded. Instead, she chose “Dada”.

I choked down a sob and nodded my answer. There was no way I couldn’t. Ben wants to be her dad, she wants him to be her dad. It’s more than I could ever want for her. I can’t undo the past and make Armitage be a father but I can see to it she’ll have a good future with Ben in his place. If anyone has earned that title, it’s him.

His responding smile was bright enough to light up the world. He mouthed the words ‘thank you,’ as he blinked away his tears and placed the bowl in front of her on the tray. He then got down to his knees so he was at eye level with her and She looked at him curiously, “That’s right, Princess. I’m yours.” He reached up to lay a kiss on her tiny hand. “I’m your Dada. For as long as you want me.”

She smiled back and clapped her hands, excited. “Dada!” Her small fingers grabbed another piece of fruit and held it out to him. “Nana?” He obediently opened his mouth for her to feed it to him.

“Mmm!” He hummed with over-exaggerated joy. “Yummy! Thank you, Alice.” He kissed her on the cheek and got up from the floor. After dusting himself off, he came to join me in the kitchen.

Only when he came around the island was when I could see he’d finally let the droplets fall. No words were needed. I opened my arms and that was all the invitation he needed before coming to cry tears of joy on my shoulder. My shirt was dampening while I too cried happily with him, but made sure our volume wasn’t too loud so Alice wouldn’t hear. 

We stood there in each other’s arms for a few more minutes before we let go. I was suddenly overwhelmed with so much emotion. We ended the hug but still remained touching. Eventually, my hand came up to cradle the side of his face. I stroked away the last remaining tears with my thumb and asked, “How does it feel to be called ‘dad’?”

He leaned into my hand before he brought his own up to hold it closer. He gave a light kiss to my palm before answering. “Even though it’s her birthday, I feel I’m the one who got the best gift. I have a daughter. You’ve...you’ve given me a daughter, Rey. I feel like I’m on top of the world and I’m determined not to mess this up. I’ll keep my promise.”

To hear him say the word ‘daughter’ hit me deep in my soul. “I have no doubt.” I lifted my other hand so I was holding his face in both my hands as I stood up on my tiptoes to lay a kiss on his forehead. “Come on, Dad, we have a birthday to celebrate!” 

***

We left the apartment two hours later, just like Ben said. The weather wasn’t too bad despite the heat. Han was already at the park bench by the time we got there. Ready and waiting with a couple of small presents and a mini cooler filled with canned punch. He helped us set up the balloons and little streamers on the table before we started.

Alice had fun being the star of the show. On her head sat a little cardboard crown I’d made for her. Lined with gold glitter paper, silk flowers around the base, and the number ‘1’ glued to the front of it. Fastened with a small piece of elastic pulled under her chin.

It was a wonderful time. We ate, played, and sang. She really enjoyed herself, especially when ripping into her presents 

When we got to the cake portion of the afternoon, Han held up his phone to record us singing “Happy Birthday” with us while we presented it to her. As I blew out the candle for her, she let out a delighted yell. She probably won’t remember this, but I would. One year down, several more to go.

Within seconds, her face and hands were completely covered with cake and frosting. Not that she minded. She was having a blast eating and we loved watching her. Of course, the bigger the mess, the more she liked it. As did we all. So, I was well satisfied with how the cake turned out.

After cleaning her up, Ben went to show Alice the ducks while I pulled Han aside and told him what had happened earlier. The older man’s eyes watered before clearing his throat and returning to his normal stature. A little later, he asked me if Alice could use a grandfather. I was so taken aback by the offer that I almost started my own waterworks again. He said that if Ben decided he wanted to be her dad, then she was a part of their family now. Just like I was.

A family. I was finally a part of a family. My dream was coming true.

"ALLEY BY THE LAKE" by Leonid Afremov

Chapter Text

The following month was all about adjusting to a new normal. Unlike how I feared, things didn’t change too much between Ben and myself. We got on well as flatmates, it’s the same as it was before except now we’re intimate and bicker more. Never about anything serious. Trivial things like leaving the toilet seat up or forgetting to remove hair from the drain after a shower.

In that short time, he has completely taken on the role of Alice’s father. We now took turns caring for her throughout both day and night. Feedings, changing, playtime, washes, he helped with it all. All of the extra help he’d put in took an even bigger load off my shoulders.

We’d trade off when she cried at night. That alone had been a huge relief. He finally got a true taste of what I usually went through. I didn’t even realize how much sleep I’d been losing until I slept all the way through the night for the first time in over a year. I could see it exhausted him but he took it all in an easy stride. Some nights I would watch them on the baby cam. Seeing the loving interaction between them meant everything to me. One time I walked in on them sleeping on the rocking chair with her resting comfortably on his chest.

Lately, he’s been attempting to teach her how to walk. She can stand with the help of keeping a grip on a piece of furniture. On her own, it’s a little harder. Bronx tries to help her sometimes by letting her lean on him as she moves around the apartment. Thankfully he never let her wander too far.

Her room had finally been completed. Painted cream and decorated with grey and tan colors. Hanging were framed pictures of various baby animals. Without a queen bed to take up space, we had more room to place her furnishings and toys like a proper nursery. Complete with a botanical recycled glass nightlight.

Of course, a new relationship and family dynamic wasn’t the only thing we’ve had to get used to. Three weeks ago, Alice had her first day of daycare and it was as hard as I feared it would be.

***

“Rey,” Ben started, a little impatient. “We’ve talked about this.”

“I know, but I've been thinking a lot lately and you know what happens when I do that,” I said as I pulled Alice a little more tightly to me. “I’ve decided it’s too soon.”

He crossed his arms, his face stern. “For Alice or you?”

“Does it matter?” I hissed, feeling a little defensive.

It didn’t bother him. He more likely was expecting it. “Rey, this was your idea to begin with and you also said that you wanted to start weaning her.”

“Which gives me the right to change my mind as it was indeed my decision,” I stated.

“We both agreed that now was a good time to start introducing Alice to other people.”

“She knows plenty of people.” I pointed out.

“All who work full time the same days we do and she could use friends that are her age.” He fired back before lowering his arms to place his hands on his hips. “Introducing her to more kids is going to help her in the long run.”

There was a small pull around my neck as Alice played with my necklace. I looked down at her and observed as my worry kept seeping out. “Well, what if something bad happens?”

“Then they’ll call you immediately.” He came to sit next to me on the couch and placed his hand on my shoulder in a comforting manner. His expression softened. “Sweetheart, have you been reading daycare horror stories before bed again?”

Caught, I brought Alice higher on my lap to hide my face so he couldn’t see my embarrassment. “Maybe one or two. But it’s not just that.”

That hand came a little higher to cradle the back of my neck. His thumb pressed in circular motions to lessen the tension beneath the skin. “I’m all ears.”

I looked at my priceless treasure’s innocent face. She looked back with her innocent smile. “I’m scared stiff, Ben. She’s my baby. I want to be close to her all the time. What if she gets scared when she sees me leaving?”

He sighed and pulled me closer. “She very likely will and it’s going to suck.”

My nose twitched. “I thought you were trying to convince me that this was a good idea?” I accused, with narrowed eyes. 

“You said you always wanted me to be straight with you.” He reminded me as he leaned in to give a kiss under my ear. “We both know it’s not going to be a cakewalk. There’s no benefit to pretending it will be. It’s just a matter of getting through it. But I’ll be there to help you.”

He was right about that. If I was to do this alone, I’d probably drive past it and go straight to the garage and wait another year. 

I let out a groan of defeat before muttering, “Fine.”

“That’s my girl.” He murmured approvingly.

He was the one who ended up driving us to the daycare. I rode in the passenger seat beside him, worried that I’d lose my nerve on the way over if I sat next to her car seat. I was tense enough as it was.

After we pulled up in front of the small plaza, the nerves started up again. We greeted the receptionist when we entered the small facility and she handed me the sign-in sheet for Alice. As I filled it out, she went over the rules on how there had to be a limited number of people permitted to check her out. I was the primary contact. Ben was secondary, he was also to be called right after me in cases of extreme importance or emergency. The next person cleared to check her out was Han. Phasma or Tamara after him. 

It may seem a little extreme at first glance, but I actually was very impressed with their precautions. No doubt it was to make sure that the children in their care are never to leave the premises with anyone other than the approved adults of the custodial parent. But it shows that they’re looking out for themselves too. They’re responsible if something were to happen so they can’t take the risk of handing a child to just anyone on their word alone. Anything could happen and it was important that there would always be someone that could come in and take care of her. 

As I returned the clipboard, a woman who could be in her forties but looked like she was still in her twenties with lightly made-up wide-set eyes, flawless sepia skin, and white streaked black hair in crochet braids came walking out. Wearing brown Uggs, jeans, and a plain yellow long-sleeved t-shirt with a lanyard badge hanging from her neck.

“Good morning, Rey!” She greeted me with a merry pitch in her soprano voice. “I’m Cindy, we met the other day during your tour?”

I gave her a tight smile, “Right. It’s good to see you again.”

Her expression said she knew better. “I know, the first time is tough. I have three boys so I understand how you feel.” 

“Thank you,” I said with a stiff nod. “I’m sorry if I seem a little tense.”

She smiled with understanding. “Don’t worry about it.” Then she turned to offer her hand to Ben. “Hello, I don’t believe you were on the tour.”

He accepted her gesture with a polite shake. “No, I wasn’t. I’m Ben, nice to meet you.”

“Are you this little one’s dad?” She asked with a kind nod towards Alice.

He cleared his throat before with a regretful shake of his head. “Not yet. But,” He cast a quick glance at me before turning to her again, “Maybe one day it’ll be on paper.”

Despite my current trepidation, a hum of excitement zipped through my veins. Was Ben actually considering adopting Alice?

My thoughts halted when Cindy waved at Alice. “Hi there, cutie! You must be our Alice in Wonderland.” 

Alice looked away and tucked her head into my arm. I gave her head a small petting. “Sorry, she gets a little shy around strangers.”

She laughed with a knowing grin. “Oh, that’s alright. We’re going to get along just fine.” Her eyes landed back on me. “Shall we?”

I swallowed the rock stuck in my throat and followed her to the classroom. From the tour, I remembered there being a painted landscape with green hills and white clouds. Rainbows and butterflies are everywhere. Unlike the tour, when it was empty, it was filled with children ages from six months to three years old. There were three other adult women in the room as well. Likely more supervisors. Each one doing activities in different groups like painting, clay, and puzzles. One of them was holding a small baby a little younger than Alice in a harness.

Speaking of, she looked all around the rooms at once with astounded curiosity. So much going on and she was trying to process everything.

Cindy waved over the other supervisors and introduced us. The one carrying the baby had voodoo blue hair was Charlene. Gale was the blonde with a bob cut using the puzzles. The last was Yvette, who was the queen of all things puzzles apparently. They all waved to Alice with bright smiles and friendly faces.

It was when they walked away that I felt that the time was up. I had to leave her now.

“Usually a quick and easy goodbye is the best.” Cindy offered gently, holding her hands out to receive her.

I took a deep trembling breath before giving my little girl another kiss and gently placed her in the other woman’s arms, followed by her diaper bag. She tensed the moment I let go and stared up at me with an expression I could only describe as concern.

That concern quickly changed into fear. The corners of her bottom lip turned down with a tremble. Cindy bounced her in her arms gently just as moisture began to gather in her brown eyes. No! No! Please don’t look at me like that, Alice! She reached toward me with her tiny hands. Her arms stretched as far as she could, trying to twist her body so she could get to.

“Momma!”

 If it weren’t for Ben with his arm around me, my knees would’ve given out. We breezed through the hall and passed the front desk, barely bidding farewell to the receptionist.

Once we were outside, the fresh air did little to make me feel better. We were within five feet of his Tahoe before I started going in reverse. “I have to go back.”

“Rey, no!” He protested and grabbed my wrist.

I tried to pull my arm away. “Let go, she needs me!”

Instead of following my request, he yanked me against him and pressed my face into his chest. His hold locked me in place. “You can’t now, it’ll do more harm than good.”

Alice, my baby. She’s scared and she doesn’t know what’s happening. Just that her mother was walking away and didn’t know if they were returning. “She thinks I’m leaving her!”

“Rey!” He grabbed my head and made me look him in the eyes. “You can’t be there every time she cries. I know this hurts, it’s killing me too but it has to happen.”

I tried to break away from him but to no avail. “I know what she’s feeling right now, I’ve lived it!”

“You are not abandoning her.” He reiterated. “You’re coming back in a few hours after your shift. Then you’ll take her home and shower her with all the affection you can muster. With time this will get easier for both of you.”

His words slowly helped me regain my bearings. My near hysteria finally simmered down several notches as he kept holding and comforting me. I really didn’t deserve this man. But screw it, I was keeping him.

“She’s going to be fine.” He said in a reassuring tone. “I promise.”

“You’re right.” I conceded gently. “I’m sorry for freaking out like that.”

He kissed my hair and cradled my head under his cheek. “It’s alright. I don’t like it either but we owe it to her to tough it out.”

I smiled and nuzzled my nose into his shirt. “I can do that. Thank you for doing this with me.”

“Anything for you.” He declared, before leaning back to wipe the tears from my face. “Well, let’s go. We have to get to work.” I nodded and let him open the door for me before he jumped into the driver’s seat. 

On the way to work, Ben stopped by a Starbucks drive-through and treated me to my favorite order because he thought I deserved it. I absolutely adored this man. He dropped me off at the garage with a kiss goodbye and drove away. Promising he’d be back by the end of my shift to pick me up and we’d both get Alice.

Han greeted me with his usual gruffness and we went over the list of assignments together. We were in the middle of restoring a classic punch buggy from the 70’s.

Rose came in the early afternoon with lunch just as I’d finished sanding it. “Hey, girly. Alice in daycare?” I nodded, accepting the paper bag. “How did that go?” 

“It went alright.” I lied breezily, opening the bag to glance inside.

She didn’t miss a beat. “How was it really?”

“I felt like I was being ripped in two.” I blabbed with a loud sniff. “I probably would’ve grabbed her and walked back out if Ben wasn’t there to keep me grounded.”

“Come here,” She commanded gently and opened her arms to give me a comforting hug. I hugged her back and rested my chin on her shoulder as she patted my back. “I know it’s tough. Wasn’t easy for me and Finn either. I hated hearing Freddie cry for me and I didn’t even want to get out of the car. And he starts Pre-K next year!”

“God, don’t remind me. One year at a time please.” I whined with protest.

She let go with a small apology and I let out a pained hiss. “Ouch.” The pressure against my breasts from the hug reminded me that today was not only Alice’s first day at daycare but also my first day of no nursing. They were weeping for some relief.

Her eyes glossed over me with worry. “What’s the matter?”

I rubbed the areas around my chest, careful not to coax any milk out. “Weaning day one.”

Her face twisted in a grimace as she shuddered. “Oh yeah, that’s rough. Try putting cabbage leaves or cold compresses in your bra.” She offered. “That’s what I did after I weaned Freddie. Oh, and make sure you’re stocked on bra pads. Your shirts will thank you.”

“I have three pairs for every day of the week,” I assured her, pointing in the direction of the lockers. 

When I turned around, Han was standing by the workbench with a questionable expression on his face. Then he shook his head and rubbed his eyes with a tired sigh. “You know what? I didn’t hear a thing.” Then he dropped the wrench he was holding and stomped away.

Rose and I failed to hold back our laughter after that. 

As promised, Ben came to get me after my shift ended. I only had to wait a few minutes. Ten tops. My knees shook all the way to the daycare and started biting my nails for the first time in ten years. 

I spoke to the receptionist with a little more demure approach this time. She was nothing but understanding as she got on the phone with Cindy as I filled out the form once again.

We thanked her made our way to the classroom and let ourselves in. My eyes immediately scanned the room for Alice. Some of the children I’d seen earlier weren’t there anymore, a few new ones in their place. I barely paid attention to Cindy after she welcomed us back. I kept looking around until I finally found her.

There she was, sitting at one of the small tables with three more children about the same age. Her eyes focused downward as she scribbled on a piece of paper with an orange crayon. One of the supervisors we’d met earlier, Charlene, the one with the blue hair, was sitting next to her and smiling while she interacted with her. Alice seemed very comfortable with her.

I let out a sigh of relief. She’s okay. She’s not upset. She’s enjoying herself. We walked up to her and I spoke first to get her attention. “Alice!”

She swung her small head in our direction and showed us a gummy grin before shouting, “Mama! Dada!”

“Hey, Alice!” Ben greeted her as I picked her up. He reached down to grab her drawing and turned it towards Cindy, it was a mess of colorful squiggles and uneven shapes. “Can we keep this?

“Absolutely!” Cindy assured him. “She’s welcome to take whatever she makes home.” 

I laid a few kisses on her small fingers before asking, “I hope she didn't give anyone any problems, did she?”

“Not all, she was just fine. She settled down after about twenty minutes.” Cindy told me in a knowing manner as she handed me back her bag. “We started out with some sock puppets and those seemed to really fascinate her. She was fed according to her schedule, got her nap in and was given bananas for her snack.”

Ben let out a hearty laugh. “Her absolute favorite.”

“I thought so, it was gone in seconds.” She commented dryly with a knowing wink. “She did very well though. We enjoyed having her.”

Indeed, Alice was very content at the moment. Not over-expected or stressed. She did well. A whole lot better than me.

“Come here, Princess, I missed you,” Ben said gently as I handed her to him. He placed a warm kiss on her cheek before tucking her close and swaying from side to side. Clearly, he’d missed her as much as I had. He looked over at Cindy, “Thank you for taking care of our girl.”

Our girl! He said our girl! I thought giddily.

We went home feeling much more relaxed than we had that morning. As soon as we walked through the door, food was the only thing on our minds. Neither of us felt like cooking so we decided on Chinese. I had been hankering for pot hot and sour soup lately.

After we put Alice down for the night, Ben and I took a nice long soak in his deep bathtub. Bubbles and all. I nestled between his legs and leaned back against his chest while he held me close.

Relaxing in the warm water after such a long day was just what we needed. My joints and limbs agreed too. It was great for my full breasts too. The temperature was soothing enough to give some small comfort and appease their soreness.

The blissful silence was interrupted when I broke it, “There’s something I wanted to ask you.”

“Hmm?” He’d been resting his cheek on my head when I spoke. 

“Earlier,” I started quietly, feeling a little shy. “When Cindy asked if you were Alice’s dad. You said maybe one day it’ll be on paper.” He waited for the question patiently, his body tense with worry. “Are you actually thinking about adopting her?”

The tightness in him loosened a little. His answer was calm and confident, “I have every intention of being the father Alice deserves. But a part of me feels like what I do isn’t enough. I’ll always be there for her, but legally, I have nothing for her.”

“Ben,” I brought one of his hands up to my face and laid a kiss on each of his fingers. “You don’t need a piece of paper to prove to either Alice or me that you love her. It’s your presence and involvement that matters.”

There was no answer at first. For a moment, I thought I might've come off as a little dismissive. Then, thankfully, he spoke again. “It’s not about proving that I love her, I want to be her dad. She and I will never share DNA, but I want to give her every advantage I can as if she did.”

These words sounded familiar. “I feel like we’ve had this discussion already.”

“The day after she was born.” 

“That’s right!” I remembered as the memory from that day returned to me. “Only, you were offering to sign her actual birth certificate back then.”

I felt him shift uncomfortably. “Yeah, in my head at that moment, it seemed like a much better plan than getting down on one knee and proposing.”

“Come again?”

“What?” He said quickly, feigning ignorance that he hadn’t just confessed that he thought proposing to me

“Don’t ‘what’ me!” I snapped.

He groaned with regret and buried his face in the back of my neck. “Again, it seemed better in my head.”

How does one respond to that? The man, whom I thought until recently only saw me as a friend, considered asking me to marry him after I gave birth. What am I supposed to say?

“But,” he spoke again, a little lighter, “given your answer, I’m pretty sure you would’ve said no to that too.”

I snorted. “Yeah. No way. Trust me, I would’ve wanted to. Hell, I wanted you to sign her birth certificate. But I wanted honesty more than that. Also, I didn’t want to do anything that would jeopardize your future. I wasn’t anticipating...this.”

“Aren’t you glad though?” He quizzed teasingly. 

“I am,” I conquered and reached up to stroke his chin. “As for Alice, there’s nothing I want more than for you to be her father in every way possible. But we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

He hummed his agreement and we settled back into a calm quiet for a few more minutes. Our bubbles were starting to fade little by little.

 This time, he broke the silence. “What do you think about going out sometime? Go see a movie, get some dinner...just you and me.” He suggested as he nuzzled the back of my neck. 

I blinked, unable to believe what I was hearing. I leaned back a little further so he could see my face. “You want to go on a date with me?”

He shrugged, nonchalantly. “To be honest, I’ve wanted to for a while now. I was hoping the wedding would’ve been my shot but it didn’t go at all how I’d hoped.”

Me neither. But I let him continue. “I want to take you out on a real date. Treat you how you deserve and get to experience things with you in this new light. I know you hate the idea of being showered in gifts but—”

I cut him off sharply, “You wanted to buy me a new car.”

“Because your Jeep is old as dirt and eats up more gas than methane-consuming bacteria.” He quickly interjected.

The hair on the back of my neck bristled at the mention of my beloved Jeep. “You mean my baby?”

“No,” He gibed slowly. “Your baby is in the nursery. I’m referring to your metal polluter.”

“Motorized baby then. Whatever. Keep your mitts off my car.” I warned him with a small poke to his bicep. “I’ll get a new used one if that one becomes total. Until then, mine. That aside, I don’t need you to buy me expensive presents.”

“But what if I want to?” He asked and I could tell he was pouting. “I like getting you things.”

Aww, how could one man make me feel so soft and squishy inside? He was such a teddy bear. “I don’t need an eight hundred dollar price tag to be happy, Ben. You’re enough for me.”

I felt his lips on my hair, his next words quiet and hushed, “I know that, Sweetheart. But that doesn’t mean I can’t wine and dine you once in a while.”

“I guess not,” I renounced, snuggling a little tighter against him. “It does sound like fun though. I won’t lie and say I haven’t thought about it either.”

“Then it’s settled!” His arms tightened around me and water splashed around us as he gave me a tight squeeze. I giggled as his voice changed into a victorious whoop, “We’ll check out your work schedule in a couple of weeks and go from there. The movie you’ve been wanting to check out will be released by then. I’m sure it’ll take no convincing to get someone to watch her for us.”

There was no denying that statement. “Yeah, Phasma has been pestering me to let her babysit her niece.”

“You too, huh?” He remarked with a sigh. “I have to avoid her in the halls or else she corners me. It’s worse when Tamara’s there.”

I smirked knowing full well that he was telling the truth. “Then I guess I better get on the phone with her.”

***

I was awoken from a nap due to a buzzing sound behind me. With one eye, I move from my comfortable position to crane my neck and glance over my shoulder. My cell phone alarm.

I was suddenly slammed with a hit of excitement.

I’m going on a date with Ben in a few hours! Tonight was the night. In about half an hour, Phasma and Tamara were going to arrive and watch Alice. Ben was going to take me to the cinema and then to dinner right after.

Ben had gotten home before me as I had to pick Alice up from daycare. Which has gone much more smoothly since that first day. She doesn’t cry anymore when I leave. Sometimes I still do though. Anyway, we all seemed a little drowsy and it was time for her nap anyway so we all laid down in the king bed.

We just curled up together under the blankets. Alice was snuggled between us. One of his hands was cradling the pillow under his head while the other crossed with mine which lay over her small form. Bronx was curled up at our feet at the end of the bed. We were all protected by one another. I’ve never felt more safe than being surrounded by the ones I loved.

I rolled on my back to reach for the offending electronic device. Turing it off, I rolled back onto my side just as Ben began to open his eyes. First, there’s that normal fogginess in his gaze like everyone else when they first woke up. Then they’d focus as landed on me and his face lit up with benevolence,

“Hey,” He murmured tiredly.

I bit my lip but that did little to stop my grin. “Hey, yourself.”

There was a small sniff and we both looked to discover Alice having woken up.

“Hello there, Princess.” He cooed sweetly, already looking more awake, before kissing her gently on the head. “Did you have a nice nap?”

She rubbed her eyes and yawned before burrowing under my chin. I smiled at her crankiness and snuggled her closer. “Aww, not ready to face the world?” She made a small noise of confirmation. “Your favorite aunties will be here soon. You get to spend all night with them.”

“Won’t that be fun?” He commended dryly before getting up.

We took turns brushing our teeth and washing our faces before he left to answer the door after we heard the bell and Bronx started barking. On schedule as always. I gave them a quick hug hello before they took Alice and we went back to getting ready.

I hid in the guest room so I could surprise him while he went back into the master bedroom. For my outfit, I’m wearing an off-shoulder chiffon navy blue floral flare dress that falls at my knees and high tops. Then I spent nearly ten minutes wondering whether I should have my hair down or in a bun. Both looked good but I couldn’t decide what looked better. I ended up settling with the bun and let a few curls loose around my face.

For makeup, I decided not to go too overboard. Eyeshadow, mascara, some dark coloring for my lips, and a little bit of contour.

When I was finished, I gave myself a once-over in the mirror. Even did a little twirl and giggled. I liked it. Taking a deep breath, I sent a silent prayer out to the universe, picked up my purse, and let myself confidently stride into the living room.

Tamara was setting up a small play area while Phasma bounced Alice in her arms. Then I noticed him and I was nearly knocked off my feet. Ben was wearing a light gray v-neck linen shirt, slim-fit jeans, and dark brown leather lace-up boots. He opened his wallet and handed Tamara a few bills. “Feel free to order in whatever you’d like. That should cover it and the tip.”

Both of the ladies had already looked up when I entered the room so they were smiling by the time he finally turned and noticed me. His face turned into the same expression as it had when I was dressed for Kaydel’s wedding. Then he let out a gentle laugh, “You’re beautiful.”

I couldn’t help it. No matter how many times he compliments me, he can still make me blush like a schoolgirl.

Phasma whistled loudly with approval. “You look sexy. Do you have some nice lingerie under there for him later?”

That small blush evolved into a complete inferno. Ben’s cheeks were scarlet too as glared at her. “Phas, don’t make me fire you.”

“Babe!” Tamara scolded her before smacking her in the leg with a penguin squishmallow. “Not in front of the baby.”

She clicked her tongue, “You’re all boring!”

Ben rolled his eyes before placing his hand on my back, “Let’s get out of here now before she gets worse.”  Then started walking me towards the door. 

“Alright,” I agreed, feeling my face cool down a little. 

Phasma was right on our heels. “I don’t want you two home until midnight” She demanded, as if we were teenagers going to prom. Only she’s encouraging fornication.

“Thanks, Mom, but we’ll be home by eleven anyway,” Ben said with an annoyed eye roll. “Maybe earlier.”

“You better not!”

 I turned towards her and placed my hands on my hips. “Are you sure all of this is okay? You really didn’t have any plans?”

“Woman, are you going to leave or am I going to have to throw you out?” She demanded exasperatedly.

I backed out the door with my hands up in surrender. “Okay, sorry! Going now!” She practically slammed the door shut.

Ben and I laughed on the drive all the way to the movie theater.

We each got a large drink and split the cost for an extra large popcorn and a box of red vines. I leaned in beside him as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. It was an enjoyable feature. A good amount of action with a nice plot and no surprise twists. A retired FBI agent racing against the clock to rescue his daughter from a criminal mastermind who makes him steal valuable files and documents from government facilities all over the country. Thankfully it had a happy ending. It wasn’t without tugging on the heartstrings though. There were a few close calls, I won’t lie.

After the credits started rolling, we walked out hand-in-hand. The restaurant Ben had suggested was only a few blocks away and we passed the time by asking each other questions back and forth about the movie. What we liked and didn’t like and whether or not we’d expected the ending. It was a good feature and we were certain we’d likely purchase it when it’s released. 

Once we made it to the restaurant, ever the gentleman, he opened the door for me. A go-green theme decorated the brick walls with pots of vines hanging down both sides of the entire interior. The ceiling was pure glass, likely so the plants could get sunlight during the day. 

The hostess greeted us and brought us to a booth across from the bar with wood top tables with more vines and purple flora hanging from the ceiling above along with light fairy lights. Mason jars with lit candles sat at the center of every table inside and out. The luminescent glow that it created made the environment feel romantic and personal. It made the dance floor in the far corner look like it had its own internal glow. 

“This place seems cozy,” I said, marveling at the decor. “And a little mystical in a way.”

His teeth gleamed in the light when he smiled. “I agree, it’s nice. The pictures don’t do it justice.”

I nodded as we were handed menus and greeted by a server. We both decided on sharing a large pizza with salad and mozzarella sticks.

“I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.” He admitted shyly, while we were eating. His voice wavered with some uncertainty. “To show you how much I enjoy spending time together. We’ve been so busy that we haven’t made any time for ourselves.”

I tilted my head thoughtfully and placed my hand on the table for him to take.“It was perfect Ben. I think it’s exactly what we needed. Alice is with good people. We’re able to breathe a little and spend time away. We deserve this every once in a while.”

He squeezed my hand, reassured. “Once a week, we’ll have a date night. We can trade off what we choose to do each time.”

“So,” I started, feeling a new spark of flirtatiousness. My fingers loosened on his hand to crawl two of them up his palm until they reached his pulse, “What if I said I wanted to go to the carnival next week?”
He leaned in and murmured, “Then to the carnival we go. The opera after that?”

“The opera?” I repeated, perking up some more. “As in, fancy dress code and theater binoculars opera?”

“Yes, that kind.” Then he frowned. “Unless you’re not into that sort of thing.”

On the contrary. “Are you kidding? I love opera!” I told him with new enthusiasm. “I watched on television all the time growing up.

The relieved smile on his face was a treat. We continued with our dinner and kept chatting. After we paid our bill, I heard a familiar guitar tune from the speakers and then started hearing the lyrics of  “Girls Like You” by Maroon 5. Couples were gathering together as the song picked up the beat.

“I like this song.” I heard him say.

I rocked myself on the balls of my feet. “Me too.

Our eyes met and his hand was already waiting for mine. “Care for a dance?”

My hand had already landed on his. “Of course.”

He led me to the dance floor with the other patrons. Neither of us paid them any mind as we let ourselves get lost in the music and each other. Soon into it, we started mouthing the words at each other. Laughing as we exaggerated our expressions and movements with the lyrics and rhythm. I couldn’t look anywhere except for his face. Seeing the fun he was having, how comfortable he felt. This was a part of him only I got to see. Towards the end, we had switched from dancing to him spooning me and us swaying to the last bit of the song. It was soon followed by another with a more upbeat tempo after it ended and that prompted us to finally leave and head home. I felt that the dance was a perfect conclusion to our night out.

On the ride home, his hand stayed interlocked with mine. His thumb stroked the skin as we passed under the streetlights of the city that never sleeps.

After we exited the car in its parking space, I wrapped my hand around his arm and kept it there as we headed up to his flat. Once we were in the lift, I couldn’t stop myself from resting my head on his arm with a happy sigh. Then there was a small press of his lips against my temple as a way of expressing his own satisfaction.

We got off the elevator and he was the one to take his keys and unlock the door. He let me in first and the first thing we noticed was that it was quiet. Then we heard the muffled sound of the television in the next room. Curious, we went into the living to look and found Phasma sitting on the couch and scowling at the television as she flipped through the channels with Bronx lying next to her holding a similar expression. 

Something wasn’t right with this picture.

“Hey, Phas,” Ben said to her nervously. “Where’s Tamara?”

“She’s in the nursery with Alice.”

Ben and I glanced at one another with the same concerned look before turning back to her. Why was she so upset? It was me who had the nerve to ask first, “Is everything okay?”

Her scowl deepened. “Your brat stole my girlfriend.” Bronx snuffed in agreement.

Now I was even more confused. “I’m sorry, what did Alice do?”

“She managed to get all of Tamara’s attention on her!” She tossed the remote beside her on the couch with a huff and crossed her arms. She looked at me with an accusatory expression. “All night it was ‘Let’s watch Alice’s favorite show. Let’s dress her up in three different outfits and take a thousand pictures.’ Although she did look adorable in all of them. Then it was, ‘We can’t take our eyes off the tablet when she’s sleeping!’”

Ben coughed into his hand to hide a chuckle. I could see him fight to keep the mirth off his face as he attempted to sound casual. “Well, it is Alice. You know better than most how she wins people over.”

Her scowl slipped in defeat and was replaced with a knowing smile. “I know, I’m just not used to being the third wheel in my own relationship.”

“Just wait till you two start having kids. You better get used to the idea.” I reminded her. “Tamara has already been hinting about how pretty engagement rings are.”

“Alright, keep it down!” She chastised. “I’m working on it. Don’t remind me. She has a folder full of wedding dress ideas on her laptop.”

We both laughed and I left to go check on the two in question.

I gently pushed the door open to the nursery and peeked inside. What I saw warmed my heart. Tamara sat cross-legged on the rocking chair, Alice safe in the cradle of her arms fast asleep. She smoothed her fingers over the dark strands on her tiny head, her eyes never moving from her face.
“Hi there,” I murmured quietly.

Her spell was broken and she swung her head in my direction, startled. She let out a quiet breath of relief and whispered quietly, “Hi, Rey,”.

I gestured towards Alice, “Did you all have fun?”

“The best.” She beamed, standing up from the chair to lay her down in the crib. Then gently got her blanket and tucked her in. “I can’t wait to do it again.”

I marveled at how natural she was with her. “I’ll think you and Phasma will be great mothers one day?”

Her cheeks turned a shade darker and she took the receiving blanket off her shoulder. “One can only hope. How do you do it all the time?”

With a shrug and came over to glance down at my precious treasure. I asked myself that question often. There was no simple answer. Only a real one. “Hour by hour and day by day. For each day that passes and she’s well and happy, it’s a step closer to making sure she'll be prepared for when she starts her own life. But it’s terrifying. It’s also the hardest thing in the world, being a mother, but seeing her and watching her grow, makes it all worth it.”

There was some moisture gathering in the corner of her eyes before she wiped it away. Then she smiled, “Well, I need to go and make sure Phas isn’t still mad at me.”

“Oh, you wish.”

We said our goodbyes and helped them pack the Thai food they’d ordered before they left. But Ben realized he forgot his wallet in the car and so he went down with them. I decided I wanted a shower.

His ensuite was double the size of the one I’d been using in the guest room. White aspen vinyl plank flooring that matched the marble of the alcove soaking bathtub and countertop. The walls were covered with Portland stone gray glazed ceramic tile. Double vanity made from dark brown birch with two rectangular mirrors that each hung above the white porcelain sinks with identical widespread two-handle faucets in SpotShield brushed nickel. 

Ben had commented that he was glad to finally have someone to share it with. That the double mirrors always seemed awkward with just him. He gave me full access to the entire left side and permission to set it up how I see fit. I had to hand it to him, I liked seeing our His and Hers setup.

I turned on the shower to let the water get warm before I pulled out a pack of makeup wipes from a drawer. I rubbed my face until it was completely free of eyeshadow and foundation. The mascara and eyeliner always took a little longer because they were smudge-proof. When I was done, I stripped off my dress and underwear and tossed them in the laundry hamper. 

With the water now at a comfortable temperature, I seal myself inside the shower and let it rain down on me. The warm water cascaded down my body as I lathered my loofah with jasmine-scented body wash.

As I scrubbed my skin and steam filled the room, I missed the sound of the door opening or the silhouette behind the glass. I was startled when the sound of the suction handle pulled the door open but then relaxed when I recognized whose presence it was.

Ben’s chest pressed along my back as he pulled the door shut beside him. He reached around me to take the shampoo bottle and squirt some of its contents onto his hands before bringing them up and smoothing it into my hair. The great feeling of those strong fingers massaging my scalp had me leaning against him as I moaned in bliss.

When he was done kneading my skull, he reached above me this time to grasp the showerhead. He brought his other hand to tilt my forehead back so he could keep the soap out of my eyes as he rinsed out my hair. He conditioned it next, gently combing his fingers through the tangles until it was completely smoothed out.

Once he was done, I reached for the sponge and dabbed it with his body wash. It gave him an added aroma along with his personal musk. I’ve always loved the way he smelled. Even after he’s come back from a run. Before, I’d thought he had somehow conquered body odor altogether. Then, after waking up beside him, I learned that was false. But I didn’t exactly smell like a basket of roses first thing in the morning either. But even then, it was minimal to his natural scent.

I began with his arms. Slowly moving up to his shoulder before turning him around to scrub circles along his back. He was perfectly still as I continued to run the sponge over the rest of his body. When I made it back around to his front, it was hard to miss the newly formed erection standing up to attention. 

A rush of heat flowed through my body, leaving a new flush in its wake. Keeping my gaze forward, I reached for the shower head and adjusted the setting to spray him down. Watching the water rinse the suds off the skin of his chest and arms with appreciation. When I looked up to meet his eyes the pupils had dilated until I was staring into twin pools of black.

I shivered. My loins came to life as he looked at me with such lascivious vigor. Aching with want.

He took the showerhead out of my hand and placed it back on the mount behind me. Without warning, with the even closer proximity, he lifted me off the floor to turn and press me against the wall. I let out a startled l yelp, encircling my legs around his waist and my hands around his neck to keep steady. Then his lips came down hard to devour mine.

His tongue delved passed the seam of my lips into my mouth. Swallowing my moan he kissed me with a ferocity that was thrilling and intense. I liked it. This was another side of him that rarely came out. I’ve seen it other times when we’ve made love. Sometimes he would lose himself in the moment. Let go and let his instincts take over.

Over the last few weeks, we’ve done some exploring in our sex life. New things I’ve never thought of trying before. Ben has helped me find newfound confidence in myself. He would never push me further than what I was comfortable with. Listening to the sounds I would make as we let ourselves fall in bliss with tangled limbs and swollen lips.

My thoughts drew a blank when he completely sheathed me one hard thrust. I broke our kiss as I gasped at the sudden intrusion. I had been more ready than I realized. I felt every inch of him. There was a relieved sigh from his own mouth as he began rolling his hips in a languid rhythm. I arched my back as his hardened flesh stroked inside my tight channel. I shuddered and set in motion to roll my pelvis and meet his movements.

My body hummed as each stroke of his flesh inside intensified. I felt it move against that place inside me where I could never reach myself. Our bodies fit well together. Like this was always meant to be. Him and me. 

His head came down so he could mouth at my breasts. Sliding his tongue all over my wet skin, never ceasing his movements, before finding my nipple and taking it into his lips. Sucking on the small bud as I let out a small cry. My milk supply dried up after a little over a week of weaning Alice. However, Ben seemed just as interested in giving them the same amount of attention as before. 

The blended sensations from my chest down to my core made the rest of my body begin to sing with fire. He released my nipple with a pop and started to move faster, each stroke of him slid against my sweet spot and I bucked to meet his motions. My vision went white as the orgasm ripped through me. I clenched onto him like a vice as he rode me through it gently. He wasn’t too far behind. Gave a few more harsh thrusts into me before letting out a loud groan followed by the warmth of his release. His breath was warm in my ear as he pushed into the hilt. 

When he broke out of his spent haze, he lowered my legs back down but kept his arms wrapped around me tight to keep me upright. My own had slipped up his nicely muscled back to wrap around his shoulders. We stayed there as the spray from the showerhead continued to rain on us. He kissed and rubbed his nose into my tangled tresses, now having returned to his usual tender demeanor. This is what usually happens when sex gets a little intense. He would let himself go at times and be a little rough, in a good way. After we’d finished, he’d start peppering me with kisses while murmuring words of love and encouragement in my ear. My own devoted words would spill forth while I touched whatever part of him I could. Keeping him close.

This time, there were no words. Somehow, we didn’t need any.

This must be what it feels like to truly love and be loved.

After our breathing returned to normal, one of his hands came up to smooth away the wet strands of hair sticking to my face before cradling my cheek in his palm and placing an affectionate kiss on my forehead. A gesture that always felt so personal I wanted to weep.

He switched off the water and left the glass enclosure first to retrieve some towels. Holding one open for me as I stepped out. Once I wrapped my around chest, he’d already gone to tie his around his waist. I let him take my handles and pull me into another chaste kiss before we parted to our designated vanities.

I always took more time than him to get ready for bed. For the first time ever, I was doing daily self-care. Except for the cocoa butter I used on my stretch marks, face creams and lotions didn’t seem that important to me. Now, as I rubbed on my nightly moisturizer, I don’t know how I lived without it. Let me say, my skin has never looked better.

When I started, Ben encouraged me to not do this for him or the relationship, but for myself. Prioritizing myself every once in a while wasn’t a crime as long as I didn’t let it get in the way of being a mother and a partner. There was no harm in adding some hand lotion to my day in between nappy changes.

I exited the bathroom, now in a robe, rubbing my hair with a smaller towel. Ben was sitting at the edge of the bed, wearing his own matching robe. He leaned back on his arms as he watched me set up the baby monitor on the tablet and my phone. 

Once I was finished, I joined him on the bed between his legs, let him enclose me in his strong arms, and rested his face on my chest. My fingers combed through his damp hair. Gently massaging his scalp with smooth strokes starting from his temple to his crown and down the nape.

We just stayed like that for a while. This was how he would seek comfort when he was feeling vulnerable. He was the one with ears to listen to everyone's problems, but when it came to himself, he preferred to be held. He’s said before that everything is different with me, in a good way. We’ve grown to know how to care for each other. How to be present.

“Thank you, Ben.” I said to him quietly, “I really had a wonderful time.” He moved to look straight up at me, his face twisting into a naughty smirk. “Not that, you big dummy!” I snapped. “Although, yes, that was pretty hot. Intense but good intense—Crap, what was I saying?” My damn train of thought left without me.

He rubbed his nose into the opening of the robe to nuzzle the flesh of my cleavage. “You were saying that we had hot intense sex.”

I shook my head with a roll of my eyes, unable to keep the smile from my lips. “Yes, you’re so very clever.” I bent downward and gave him a gentle peck on the tip of his nose. “That aside, tonight was amazing. I really enjoyed spending quality time with you and it was a good choice for a first date.”

“The first of many,” He swore and tightened his hold around me. In the next instant, I was tossed onto the mattress with a light bounce. I giggled at his playfulness as he too laughed and crawled after me to lean over and brush his lips against my cheek.

As they traveled to lay kisses along my neck, I felt a gentle tug on my stomach. I peeked down to see him tugging at my belt. “Wait, what are you...again!?” I sputtered as he pulled it loose and moved the flap over to expose my nude body.

“Oh, Sweetheart,” He chuckled against my skin and his voice turned into a low purr, his hand trailing up my hip. “I’m just getting started.”

Chapter Text

The warm summer passed before any of us had a chance to miss it. It was one of the best I’ve ever had. Not the best, that was when I had Alice, but a close second. Even with the warm weather and humidity, I loved every bit of it.

On the last day, we all went to Orchard Beach to say farewell. The first time I’d been to one since I was a girl. I couldn’t even remember the last time I wore a swimsuit so I was intimidated when I went shopping for one. Alice was easy, a tiny one-piece with multicolored ruffes. Not that Ben had any complaints about the cupshe bikini I chose when I took off my wrap. Nor did I mind watching him step out of the ocean, soaking wet with his black swim trunks. The way he’d looked at me as combed his fingers through his wet mane..it was a good thing I had Alice sitting in my lap or I would’ve jumped into his.

Speaking of my little one, showing her the water was amazing. At first, the approaching waves scared her, but after we dipped her feet in a few times she started to like it. I think she liked how the wet sand felt. But I think she liked the dry sand better. I played with her making castles while Ben played fetch with Bronx by the water. Then as the sun was setting, we walked along the shoreline together. It was a wonderful day. 

It was at the beach where Alice officially started walking. I had gone for a quick swim in the water while Ben watched her. When I was coming out, she got so excited that she actually came towards me on her chubby little legs all by herself, much to both our delight. Another milestone passed.

Bad news; since she’s learned how to walk, she’s discovered that she could also run and climb. Pretty all of the time we were trying to find more ways to keep her out of things. I swear, all day every day, we were stopping her from something.

“Alice, come here!”

“Where are you going, you little gremlin?”

“How did you get up there?”

“Get out of the cupboard, Alice.”

“That’s not a step ladder!”

It was like chasing after an arrow shot from a bow that was forever on the move. Where she got all of this energy, I had no idea. Certainly not from Armitage or myself. She even gave Ben a run for his money some days. Especially after his morning run and he’d be out of breath in minutes. The only one who could really keep up with her was Bronx. He could reach her in areas we couldn’t and when she went in or under the furniture, he’d get a hold of her nappy with his teeth and gently pull her out.

So long, clean socks, forever.

She was becoming less and less like a baby and was now evolving more towards being a small toddler. Her facial features were starting to become more transparent. Starting with her nose to the shapes of her hooded caramel-brown eyes and small mouth. The small head that was once covered in fuzz now had hair, the same color as mine, long enough to pull back into a small ponytail. Which was becoming necessarily often given how messy it got when she first woke up in the morning. With her new energy, it was getting harder and harder to get her to sit still and keep her hands at bay whenever I tried to fix her hair.

I’d just been sitting with her on the floor, twisting her tresses when Ben got home. As soon as she heard the door, off she went with me and Bronx trailing behind her as she screamed, “Dada! Dada!”

“Where are my girls?”

As I turned the corner I saw her raising her hands up towards him as his tall frame bent down to pick her up. “There’s my princess!” She screamed joyfully once she was in his strong arms. Laughing she attempted to leave slobbery kisses all over his face. His eyes warmed further when he saw me amble towards them. “And there’s my queen. Come here, gorgeous.”

I greeted him with a kiss of my own with just a little more spice. Enough to leave him wanting more as he tried to lean in again, but couldn’t with the wiggling babe. 

“Box!” She stated proudly and pointed at the dog, “Box!” He furrowed his brows and looked at me befuddled.

It wasn’t easy to hold back my grin as I too pointed at the canine. “She’s trying. She means Bronx.” The pitbull mix wagged his tail and barked. Having his name called so many times has got him excited. Either that or he was tired of us gabbing and he really needed to go.

Lately, if we’re home by the time Ben makes it back, Alice and I tag along with them for their walk. I take her in the stroller and we walk beside them, turning into a new thing for us. The four of us out for a stroll spending time together while getting a little exercise.

“So how’s your fencing class been going?” He asked after throwing away the dog bag as we resumed our walk. “Phas says you’re doing well.”

My lips tightened as I tried not to giggle. “Oh sure, for a beginner. I haven’t won a bout yet.”

“You will.” He assured me with his charming smile. “Practice makes perfect, Sweetheart. You’ll get there.”

I sighed loudly and a little dramatically. “I guess I will one day, somehow..someway…”

He cackled at my theatrics and rolled his eyes. “Chin up, it hasn’t been that long. Soon you’ll be kicking my ass into the Hudson River.”

“I can do that now.” I reminded him with a snort.

“That you can,” He muttered, rubbing the spot on his jaw where I’d hit him over a year ago.

Wow. How the time has gone. During that time I was still in the early stages of my pregnancy while nursing a broken heart. Then Ben came in like a knight in shining armor and rescued me like the amazing person he was. However, even though he was the one who gave me shelter and a job, it was Alice who saved me.

From the moment I held her in my arms I knew everything would be alright. Ben may have been the one to pick up my broken pieces, but Alice was the one who pulled me out of the darkness. I’ve never been happier since she’s been born. Then after, everything else fell into place.

A year ago I was dealing with Armitage in court proceedings for child support. That he has yet to pay. Ben and I were still just friends and roommates. Now, we were in a steady healthy-paced relationship and raising my little girl together. Our little girl.

We weren’t the only ones that were making good progress in our personal lives. Phasma finally popped the question.

Two Weeks Earlier

I’d arrived with Alice at the gym a little before three for my fencing class. I pushed her into the pram as I signed in and had a nice exchange with Kaydel at the front desk.

I peeked through the window to watch. Ben was standing with his hands behind his back and his feet shoulder-width apart as he addressed the kids who were sitting on the ground. His expression was stern but also attentive as he spoke to them all.

After his speech was over, he dismissed them and everyone got up and moved around to start gathering their things. Then he spotted me.

He was beaming and practically skipped as he came over to open the door. “Hey there!”

“Hey yourself.” I stood on my tiptoes to give him a kiss. “I’m a little early so I just thought I’d catch you before I went to my class instead of handing her to Kaydel.”

As I spoke, I noticed him admiring my uniform down to my Nike Air Zooms. More than once, he’s mentioned how liked the way I look with a fencing jacket and a foil. “I’m glad you did. I love it when you come to see me.” He then kneeled down to look at Alice and brushed some hair away from her forehead. “How long has she been out?”

“Only for half an hour.” I recounted, gazing down at her tuckered-out face. “She fell asleep in the car.”

He glanced at his watch and stood to grab the handles. “Okay, that’s perfect. I gotta do payroll anyway so she won’t be bothered by any noise. So, I’ll meet you in the break room in fifty?”

I kissed him again. “Sounds like a plan.”

There was just enough time to spare for me to do my warmups before class started. My fellow classmates were already there practicing their own forms when Phasma came in.

Despite us being friends, while class was commencing, we had an esteemed teacher-student relationship. Whenever we were in this room at this time and day, Phasma was my mentor and I was her pupil. I made sure to behave respectfully even though she would be on me about my footing every few minutes. Not that she was wrong.

When it was over I took off my mask with tired breath. I stayed behind with Phasma to help her put away the foils and we both headed for the breakroom where Tamara was waiting for us. The fun thing about dating the staff was with a chaperone, we were allowed access.

Ben joined us with Alice a little later, awake with a bottle in her mouth. The four of us talked for a small while in plain conversation until we were startled by the door suddenly slamming open so hard it banged into the wall.

Two women of different ages with pale complexions came bursting in. We all jumped in alarm and started shouting.

“What the—!”

“Hey!”

“Can we help—”

It was Ben’s voice that overshadowed everyone else’s. “This area is off-limits to visitors. Who the hell are you?” He demanded with a bark of authority.

The older woman, who was maybe in her late fifties, was dressed in a well-placed conservative fashion with khakis, a striped blouse, and clogs. Her hair was styled in a small side-bride that fell over her shoulder.

Now the younger woman standing next to her, probably related no doubt, had a different style of attire. She was wearing gladiator sandals, warm-colored wrap shorts, and an off-shoulder top. 

It was the older woman who I was more concerned about. She was the one who clearly had the authority. She flipped her long blonde hair and crossed her arms then stared at Phasma pointedly, completely ignoring Ben’s question. “Gwendolyn.”

Phasma shuddered when she said her name. But she still managed to reply with an answer that stunned us all. “Hi, Mum. Sis.”

Ben and I looked at each other with the same “Oh shit!” expression. How did we not notice at first glance? Hair and eyes aside, it was all over their faces. Like the mother had copy-and-pasted the upper half of her facial bone structure to both of them. 

The door was shoved open again and Kaydel came barging in, out of breath and flustered. When she spotted the two women, she gave an apologetic look to Ben. “I am so sorry! She kept demanding that I tell her where Phasma was but she wouldn’t let me get a word in.” She turned to glare at the older woman. “She said that she and her daughter were here to try the fencing class, so I handed them a brochure. But then she demanded to know if Phasma was here.”

“Where is security?” He demanded.

She shrugged as she started desperately going through the cupboards. Probably searching for a cup to drink some water. “Beats me. He’s still on his lunch and the guy who covers him didn't show up.”

“When is his lunch over?”

“Fifteen minutes ago and he has yet to answer my calls.” She muttered and shoved a mug under the running faucet.

“Are you serious?” He groaned, running both hands through his hair, and pulled on the strands behind his neck. “Why didn’t you call me when he never came back?”

She chugged some water before pointing at her mother and sister. “Because I was busy trying to communicate with these two, mainly her,” She emphasized while glaring at the mother. “That I couldn’t give out information about staff willy nilly except for their business cards. It would cost me my job. So she threw the brochure at me and ran straight to the elevators before I could stop them. The other one is still out of order so I used the stairs and chased them around until we got here.”

He exhaled through his nose and then pointed to the door. “Everyone out. Now! We’ll move this to my office.” He looked back at Kaydel. “You call the security guard, leave a voicemail if you have to, and tell him he has exactly five minutes to get back here or I’m reporting him. If he’s not here by then, call the security company next and tell them to send someone else ASAP. If they give you any problems, transfer them to my office phone.” With a salute, she rinsed the cup and left the room first. 

Ben brought all of us into his office one floor up. Seeing that this wasn’t going to cool down any time soon, I decided it was best to set up the spare tablet I had and put on Alice’s headphones.

“Gwendolyn,” The woman said again before anyone else could speak. “We’ve let you stay here without saying anything for far too long. We are not going to let you hurt our family with your choices anymore. It’s time for you to leave this place and come back home.”

“You’re here to what?” Phasma said back, looking at her with shock. “I’m sorry but that’s not happening. And you, Cassandra,” She said to her sister. “You’re a part of this too?”

Cassandra looked to the floor. “I’m sorry, Phas.”

“Let’s take it easy—” Tamara spoke up softly but was also cut off by the mother.

“This is a family matter, know your place.” She sneered.

Tamara placed her hands on her hips, “Uh, lady, that’s my girlfriend you’re talking about so it is my place.”

That didn’t please her one bit. She looked her over with new repulsion. “So you’re the little tart who turned my daughter into a queer.”

Before Tamara could utter a response, Phasma spoke in her stead. “You don’t speak to her like that. Ever! It’s not her fault. I was a ‘queer’ before I met her. All she did was make me realize it.”

“Exactly!” She boasted. “You wouldn’t be doing this sort of thing if you hadn’t met. 

“Mum, maybe we could hear her out?” Phasma’s sister offered, clearly not sure who to side with at the moment. I could see that she had love for her but it was the mother who she obeyed even though she was an adult.

Plainly, her mother wasn’t in the mood for negotiation. “Now don’t you start. I won’t have another one in this family.”

Cassandra crossed her arms, clearly offended. “Geez, calm down, Mum. I’m not saying I’m gay. I’m married, remember? I just meant that perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to hear her side.”

“I won’t hear another word of it!” She rebuffed her and returned her eyes to Phasma. “If this is the hill you want to die on then you will be cut off from your family permanently. That includes your cousins, aunts, uncles, everyone.”

“But didn’t you already do that when I came out to you a few months ago?” She reminded her, looking even more peeved. “I think you need to be reminded that I’m not a child and I haven’t been for a long time. If you want to cut me out then that must mean I don’t mean enough to you anyway. Tamara, however, clearly cares more for me than you ever have. And I love her.”

Her mother screeched with venom that she was almost spitting. “You’re not being serious!”

Phasma and her eyes blazed. “Everything about what I have with her is serious, Mum. Everything! In fact,” She snatched her jacket off and shoved her hand in one of the pockets. She wrestled out a small velvet box.

The room went still. Is that what I think it is? 

Tamara looked up at her, eyes growing moist. “Phas?”

Sure enough, she got down on her knee and flipped the lid open to reveal a halo ring that had a snowflake-shaped diamond hal on a white gold band

“Tamara Alexus Metellus,” She started, “Since our first game of War, I knew you were special. Before I met you, I didn’t know where I was going with my love life. In fact, I hadn’t really had one since I graduated college. Then after we got to know each other better, you helped me discover who I really was. I was finally comfortable in my own skin. My only regret is not coming out facing the music with my family sooner.” She gave her mother and sister a small glare before looking back to her flabbergasted girlfriend. “As much as I love them I can’t pretend to be somebody they want me to be. You are my future. Will you marry me?”

With a sniff, Tamara stomped her feet and smiled at her. “You bitch.”

The air sucked out of the room. That…was not what anyone was expecting. Even Ben looked tense. Thankfully Alice was still in her own little world with her eyes glued to her cartoons. 

Before Phasma was about to lower the ring, Tamara began sputtering, “Just wait! I can’t believe you!” She opened her bag and started digging around. “I’ve been carrying it around for weeks.” She pulled out a similarly sized box and ripped off the lid. Inside was another ring just as beautiful. Yellow gold band with Celtic knots and a cushion-shaped diamond in the center. 

She kneeled on the ground right in front of her. “Gwendolyn Phasma, from the moment I kicked your ass at War,” We all chuckled. “I knew there was a spunk in you that I’ve never seen in anyone else. I’m always on the lookout to grow my geek squad and you fit the bill perfectly. From the beginning, I felt that you were the one. This wasn’t easy for you, I know that. But I promise you that I won’t leave any room for regret. Will you marry me?”

Phasma’s head nodded quickly. “Yes! You?

It was instant. “Yes.”

Both of them kept shouting “Yes!” over and over. They kissed and the small room broke into happy applause. 

However, we weren't able to cheer for long.

“Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I can’t believe what I’m seeing! Gwendolyn, you can’t do this!” Phasma’s mother was beginning to turn red before she looked at Ben. “You! You’re in charge! Do something!

“Okay. Congratulations to the happy couple.” He gave her a bored look. “There I did something. Happy?” The phone on his desk rang and he answered. “Yes?” He waited for the response and then his look turned sour. “He is? Fantastic. Tell him he now has exactly sixty seconds to get up here and do his job. Thank you.” He hung up and looked at Phasma’s mother with an annoyed sigh. “Well, Ma’am, this all has been great but security is on its way up to escort you off the premises. Permanently."

She placed her hands on her hips and looked at him like a spoiled child. “You are a very rude young man." Then back to her youngest. “Cassandra,” She hissed. “Let’s go, we’re living.”

Her daughter shook her head and moved closer to Phasma and Tamara. “No. I’m sorry but I can’t be on the same page with you anymore.” She glanced up at her older sister briefly before sighing. “She’s just got engaged, Mum. I may not understand why she prefers women, but I understand that look in her eyes. I’ve had that same one with Maurice. She’s still the same person I’ve known all my life. Nothing is different.”

Their mother stomped her feet. “If you’re going to be like that then you can get a new hotel room and book your own flight home if that’s how you want it.”

She tugged on her ponytail. “Given that I was about to cut myself out of my only sister’s life because I’ve been letting you yammer on in my ear, yes, that’s how I want it.”

“Fine!”

“No problem, we’ll go pick up her stuff now,” Tamara said with an encouraging nod in Cassandra’s direction. “And don’t worry about a hotel, you can stay with us.”

Cassandra smiled back with appreciation. “I would like that, thank you.”

“I brought you here to help make Gwendolyn see sense.” Their mother started nagging again. “Instead, not twenty-four after landing, you get swept into their nonsense. Both of my daughters turning their backs on all the morals we raised them with.”

“Alright, that’s enough!” Someone shouted, bringing everyone to a pause. For some reason, they all turned their heads my way.

Oh, wait. It was me. Oops. Well, no turning back now. I puffed out my chest and decided to let this woman have it. “Both of your daughters are happy and in love.” I pointed out, making sure my tone was steady and confident, even though I was way out of my league. “Why do you have to make a big deal about one of them finding love with another woman? You make it sound like being with the antichrist. Would be okay with any other partner she picked as long as they were male? You would rather let her be miserable so you could feel more comfortable. You trying to conduct how she lives her life is the only way to satisfy you apparently. So who has the problem here, really?”

“People grow connections all the time.” She replied with a condescending tone. “There’s a man out there that she has to like somewhere in the world.”

Cassandra peaked at Tamara’s left hand with a sideways smirk. “None of them would make her as happy as the woman she just put a ring on.”

“Do you know what everyone at home will say?”

“Does it look like we care?”

“Suit yourselves then!” She relented, huffing.“I’m leaving. But I’m telling you both, this is the last time either of you ever hear from me or your father, so don’t come to us for anything!” 

Thankfully there was a knock on the door and Ben let them in. Kaydel entered with a man wearing a uniform. “Good of you to finally show up. Have a good lunch?” The security guard blushed and didn’t say anything. “We’ll be having a chat tomorrow. Get her out of my building.”

He just nodded and escorted the still-screeching woman out of the room.

Kaydel lingered in the doorway and stared at Ben with the most fed-up expression I’ve seen on her face. “I want a fucking raise.”

His answer was swift and sharp. “You got it. Even though you’ve passed the bar and given notice, the next six weeks, you get an extra five dollars an hour out of my own pocket.”

“I wouldn’t mind a two-week vacation to the Bahamas either.”

“Nice try.”

She held her hands in defeat and walked out. “Eh, I had to give it a shot.”

The other three were right behind her with one last congratulatory goodbye. Leaving the remainder of us alone in his office. “I am so hot for you right now.” He purred low in my ear, making me tremble.

With a shaky breath from my new kind of fire, I shot him a sideways grin. “Feel free to show me tonight.

He placed his hand on my waist and pulled me closer to his side as we walked. “Don’t worry I will.”

“But food first,” I said quickly. “How about we order Chinese food for dinner? I’m dying for some pot stickers.”

“How can I say no to that?”

***

The next day I actually did show some improvement during my class. I still didn’t win a bout but I did manage to exercise some impressive parrys. In the end, I was looking to compete or anything but just to have fun.

I took a quick shower before catching up with Phasma in the breakroom where Rose, Finn, and Poe were too.

“Hiya, Rey!” Rose chirped and skipped over to give us each a hug. “No Alice?”

“She’s with Han today.” I sat at the table next to Poe and unwrapped my sub. “Where’s little Freddie?”

“With his grandparents for some much-needed bonding time.” She said with a simple explanatory tone.

Finn turned to make a face at Poe. “Code for; we desperately need a date night so we’re taking advantage of my in-laws wanting to babysit.”

She just shrugged her shoulders. “Hey, they offered. Who are we to object?”

“Whatever you say, Dear.” He drolled and with a laugh.

 “Anyway, we’ve been talking about Halloween—”

“You’ve been talking,” Phasma spoke up without looking away from the machine. “We’ve been listening.”

Rose waved her off, “Yeah yeah, anyway, have you actually thought about your costume yet?”

Hmm, actually I hadn’t. I knew I was planning on going to the gym’s annual gig but what I was going to wear didn’t even cross my mind. “Not yet, why? Do you have something specific in mind?”

“Wait for it,” Poe warned.

“Couples costumes!” Rose shouted proudly.

“Huh?” I was so lost.

It was Finn who ended my misery, “She’s referring to the Halloween festival.”

Halloween? Was it that time already? A quick look at the calendar hanging on the wall decorated with pumpkins and witch cauldrons confirmed it. My head must've really been out of it.

“We should all dress up in pairs!” She started to gesture frantically with her hands as she kept on. “Since I was a teenager, I’ve always thought it would be fun to have a costume theme with my friends. Now that you and Ben are finally a couple, we can all do it! And, you guys,” She looked at the others accusingly. “Don’t act all hoity toity, you’ve been on board for as long as I have.”

I couldn't help but ask. “What stopped you before?”

“Ben was the last out of all of us to get a real girlfriend,” Finn explained before taking a bite from his salad. 

“C’mon, even I know he had girlfriends before he met me.”

Rose waved her arms, “Of course he did but none of them were you!”

“Obviously.” I deadpanned. “But what makes me so special?”

“She means that none of them were that serious.” Phasma chimed in before she slammed her hand on the side of the metal box. “Piece of junk. Either give me my crisps or return my dollar!”

Poe shook his head and took a bite from his cookie. “Ben’s called in to have it replaced, but the company hasn’t restocked in two weeks.”

“I told that man he needs to switch companies.” She muttered as her snack finally released. “But I have to admit, it does sound like fun. Tamara would be game for sure. And I know Kaydel is planning for her and Neil to come as ‘Marvel’ characters.”

Rose moved to stand next to Finn as he wrapped his around her shoulder.  She leaned into him with a giddy smile and said, “We’ve been talking about going as a pirate couple.”

“I’m sure Zorii can think of something for us and the kids so we’re all matching.” Poe offered with an intrigued smirk. “If we can get them on board anyway.”

“What’s this now?” Ben asked when he finally joined us, rolling his shoulder with a light grimace on his face. “What are we talking about?”

I slid my arms around his waist. “We’re considering dressing up in costumes for couples since apparently everyone’s been waiting for you to find a serious girlfriend.”

His face became contemplative for a short while before offering a smile. “I don’t think it’s a bad idea. Especially with you. Your costume last year was pretty cool. How do you think we could do it?”

Oh. I pressed my lips together as my insides buzzed with excitement. “Rose and Finn want to be pirates. Maybe we could do period costumes too?”

“Hey, I’m all for it.” He replied with approval. “What time period are you thinking of?”

“What do you think of the early Renaissance period?” I asked him. “Medieval clothes with tunics and dresses.”

He let the idea float around in his head. After a short while, he fought to keep his countenance neutral before eventually letting his naughty smirk come forth. “Would you like me to call you my lady?”

My cheeks felt warm and I looked away. “Maybe when we’re alone.”

“Oh my God, would you two stop being so sweet to each other?” Poe griped. “It’s making my teeth rot.”

Ben raised a brow at him, “And just who do you think you are to judge us?”

Finn too looked doubtful. “Yeah, when you and Zorii first got married, your head was so far in the clouds that you were flying.”

Poe’s look turned sheepish before he schooled his expression. “What’s your point?”

***

“There you go, darling,” I said as I adjusted the small bonnet on her head. A part of me wasn’t sure why I bothered when I knew for sure that she was likely going to take it off herself. But it looked so cute with the rest of her outfit. Ben and I officially decided to go dressed from the Renaissance era. I made mine and Alice’s costumes but Ben ordered his as he couldn’t sew and there wasn’t enough time for me to make them all.

For her, I made a simple emerald green linen overdress and a muslin chemise. I was almost worried that she would grow out of it before I got it on her, but it fit her just fine and the straps were easily adjustable.

Once the bonnet was secured, I reached up to adjust my wig. I went for the one that was closest to my natural color so I could try my hand and medieval braiding. It came out rather well. I was brushing out some of the uneven ends when Ben joined us in the living room.

He took hold of my hand to place a kiss on my fingers. “You are a beautiful sight to behold, my lady.” 

I was happy to hear that. This costume was made with more blood and tears than fabric and thread. I’d decided on a medieval version of an Alvina dress. The pattern was a nightmare. I couldn’t find the one I wanted so I had to purchase and download one from an online craft shop. But the worst part was printing it and putting the pieces together. But it came out very nice. A medium shade of teal crushed velvet decorated with golden lace trim around the round neckline, floor-length sleeves, the hem, and the belt.

“And you, my lord, are most handsome,” I murmured, memorizing how attractive he looked in this period attire. His hair had been combed back into a half ponytail. He was wearing a doublet crafted from fine cotton with some silver and black cotton brocade. The doublet’s collar, sleeves, and waistline are made from attractive black velvet. His black trousers were made of cotton and the bottom half was hidden in Prescott Jackboots. Then the finishing touch was a Renaissance cavalier shoulder cape, making him regal and sexy. He even grew out his mustache for the occasion.

Yes, I definitely liked what I saw. “Mayhaps a kind man such as you could escort me to the soiree this Hallow’s Eve?”

He smirked and tugged on my hand so I was flush against him. “You honor me. Perhaps I may convince you to allow me the permission to court you when the night is over.”

“I think I can be persuaded,” I said, playing along. “However, I must warn you, I have a daughter.”

“Then I will give you both a home with me. You will take care of her alone no longer.” He swore, never breaking character. “What a blessing this is. To already be gifted a little one that has your beauty, how fortunate I am. I’ve long been yearning for a family of my own.” His hands encircled my waist. “Mayhaps we could skip the event and stay home, for I find that I’d rather spend the evening in private company with you.”

I gently stroked his chin. “Nay, for we are expected to be there early. But after we return and put the little one down…” I let the sentence dangle for him. 

He cleared his throat and was about to give a retort when his cell phone rang. The noise was like a bucket of cold water. Probably a good thing too. Maybe the blood will go back into his brain.

Unsurprisingly, it was one of his instructors from the gym losing her mind on the phone. Ben and I promised that we would be at the gym two hours before the party started. We were already going to be ten minutes later than planned because there was construction blocking traffic on the way over.

When we made it to the gym, most of our friends were already there helping vendors who were still setting up their displays. The decorations had already been put up last night in advance so as not to scramble too much today. But being the owner, he still had to oversee everything else. Phasma and Tamara, who were dressed as Korra and Asami Sato from Legend of Korra, helped me with setting up the tables and eating stations. I had Alice strapped to my back in an onbuhimo baby carrier I had that was just the right color and style to go with our costumes and it kept my hands free.

Finn and Rose assisted in setting up the DJ and, true to what they said, came dressed as a pirate couple with poet shirts, hoop earrings, tricorn hats, and headscarves. Freddie was in his father's arms also dressed as a small pirate with a little stuffed parrot on his shoulder, he was too cute. 

The photographer came in with Kaydel and Neil as Black Widow and Captain America, hauling in his equipment so he could set up the equipment and backdrop. There was a brown wingback chair draped in fake cobwebs and surrounded with carved pumpkins and fake gravestones. As soon as it was finished, they leaped at the chance to get their photo taken first. Quickly followed by everyone else to get their shots before the guests arrived including Ben and me with Alice. I made sure we picked a nice photo package.

With steadied paces and teamwork, we finished the last of the organizing in time for the first guest to arrive. A dad dressed as a doctor with his Iron Man son. Not long after them we had a group of teenage girls, dressed as characters from Sailor Moon. More people just came in a smooth flow after that.

Poe and his family were the last to arrive. He was wearing the same pinstripe tuxedo he wore to Kaydel’s wedding. Zorii was borrowing the wig I wore last year to go with her look. She was wearing a black shiny velvet dress that fit her figure nicely and clung to her voluptuous curves, accentuating the v-neck that showed some cleavage but not too much. The skirt had thin tendrils going down to imitate the ones that were normally stitched to the seams like shown in films or television. Her makeup was done so well that Anjelica Huston might even be jealous. 

Yasmin and Raul trailed behind them and I could finally make out that they were all dressed up as Gomez, Morticia, Wednesday, and Pugsley from the ‘Addams Family’.

“Cara Mia, ” He purred with a thick Latin accent and placed his lips. Then he started a trailing of loud kisses up her arm until he reached all the way to her neck. “You are so lovely that the moon itself is envious of your beauty. Are you miserable, Darling?”

Zorii fanned her face with her fresh red manicure. “Positively dreadful, my love.”

Yasmin and Raul made disgusted faces and shouted, “Ew!”

“Forget Romeo and Juliet,” I remarked to Rose as we sat at one of the tables with our kids in our laps. “I’ve always thought that Gomez and Morticia Addams were the best couple.”

“I’ll drink that.” She said, clinking our plastic punch cups.

I joined the others in games and dancing for an hour before the costume contest started. Again, I loved watching all of the kids of different ages show off their costumes with so much enthusiasm. How could anyone choose a winner from these cuties? They were all champions in my eyes.

As his lady, everyone thought it would be cute if Ben allowed me to be the one who crowned each winner and gave them their prize. How could I turn that down, I was happy Each child looked up at me with innocent admiration as I placed their crowns upon their heads. I felt like the adored queen. Once the final prize had been awarded all the winners lined up for their photo with the judges and myself. They took a picture of them every year so I was happy to be a part of that.

Later, I was enjoying some of the cuisine from one of the food vendors when my attention was drawn to the photography station. Zorii and Poe were there posing with Yasmin and Raul in the classic pose of their classic characters. After the second snap, she winked at the cameraman and pulled out a small baby onesie with three legs from her sleeve.

I grasped Ben’s arm and he turned to me as I pointed at them. He gasped as everyone else who was watching caught on to what was happening.

Poe eventually noticed their growing audience and looked around in confusion. His eyes even landed on us but we too were smiling just as much as all the rest. The kids turned around to look at their mother and gasped. That finally brought his attention to the piece of clothing in her hands. Shock and disbelief stretched his features around his face. Then he grabbed her face and gave her a hard smack on the lips while bending her backward.

On cue, the whole room burst into cheers and congratulatory whistling. I tapped Ben’s arm and waited for him to bring his ear down so I could ask gently, “What did he say about us being so sweet that we made his teeth rot?”

He barked out a laugh that I could still hear over the higher volume. “Right? He’s going to be at her beck and call all day every day whether she wants him to or not. It happens every time.”                               

“I think that’s adorable.” I snickered and watched them break apart so they could hug their children who were equally thrilled at the news. Then I glanced at Alice. “All I did when I told Armitage was show him the paper from the doctor and the ultrasound. Now I’m seeing all of these creative schemes the women come up with when they announce they’re expecting and I feel like it was such an opportunity wasted.”

He was watching her play with the seams on his tunic as he spoke. “You may have another shot one day. Only time will tell. I wouldn’t mind another itty bitty, Alice.”

With a single finger under his chin, I angled his face towards me to kiss the corner of his mouth. “She was more of an itty bitty lemon back then. Or that’s what my pregnancy app told me at that stage.”

“Well when you’re ready for more itty bitty lemons, I want to be the first to know.” He offered teasingly.

I blushed. “I mean…we could still practice for the future.”

Then off to the car we went. As much as we wanted to, we knew we couldn't proceed once we got there. Alice and Bronx needed to be taken care of first. However, we were hopeful to kill two birds with one stone by getting Alice to fall asleep while we were on the walk. We received many compliments from trick-or-treaters and their parents as we strolled through the park. There were haystacks and pumpkin lanterns strewn about as to add to the spooky atmosphere.

When we got back to the apartment Ben started stripping first as I put Alice to bed. By the time I came back out, his shoulder cape had been removed and half of his buttons undone. His lips came down on my own, cutting off my air supply but I didn’t care. He walked us all the way into our bedroom and lightly kicked the door shut

When my lungs started burning I broke our kiss and deftly undid the rest of the buttons of his tunic until it opened to reveal his loose undershirt. He slid the heavy fabric off his arms and let it fall to the floor. Then, before I could blink, he effortlessly picked me up from the floor and placed me on the dresser. His lips returned to encase mine while his hands stroked up from my ankles to my hips and slid my skirt back until it bunched around my waist.

Suddenly, his added pocket started vibrating followed by a cry from Alice in her room.

We both groaned as the mood disappeared as quickly as it went. Things had been so hectic lately between making our costumes, planning the event, our jobs, and taking care of our one-year-old. The last time we were physically intimate was over a week ago.

“This had better be good, Finn.” He snarled into the phone. Then his jaw tensed and he muttered, “You have got to be kidding me. We emailed those documents weeks ago. Why are they calling now?” There was an answer and he rolled his eyes. “Unbelievable. Alright, grab a pad and pen.” He gave me an apologetic look before untangling himself from my legs and leaving the bedroom.

Alice needed changing so I stripped off my costume and switched to my night robe. Thankfully she didn’t fuss too much and she was so tired from tonight that she fell asleep as soon as I put her back down.

Ben was still talking on his cell when I returned to the restroom.

“Rose, I don’t think I can do it!” I whispered insistently into the phone.

“Aw, how come? ” My friend whined. “You were excited when we left the store.”

I rolled my eyes, “No, you were excited. I’m not the one who bought a whole new wardrobe of lingerie!”

“Actually,” My friend’s tone turned mischievous, “You should be expecting some packages arriving tomorrow afternoon.”

I blinked at myself, looking away from the mirror. “Come again?”

“I may or may not have put in an order on your behalf while you were in the dressing room.”  She admitted with much smugness.

My face turned sour, “You guilty shit.”

“Merry Christmas! ”

“You’re a little too early.” I pointed out.

“Fine, Happy Halloween! ”

I glared at my reflection, “I look ridiculous!” I was wearing a three-piece lace lingerie set with a bra, and a high-waist garter belt with satin thigh-high stockings. All in black. It looked so good on the mannequin that I found myself walking into the store to get it. Earlier, I thought it’d be a good idea to wear this under my costume and surprise him when we got home. Unsurprisingly, I’ve already started second-guessing myself.

“No, you look hot!” She insisted a little too excitedly. “Do I have to come over and make you come out of the bathroom? ”

“I can’t help it, I'm new at this!” I huffed, fingering the ties of the bodice. “I’ve never attempted seduction before. I’m used to just fumbling in the dark and taking my clothes off if we‘re in the mood. Ben is so much different than Armitage!”

“Thank every God under the sun! ” Rose muttered and I couldn’t help but nod in agreement.

“Anyway,” I kept going, “He and I just went at it like a mindless rut. With Ben, there’s just so much passion. When we’re together, we don’t just have sex we…” Damn. I didn’t think it’d be so hard to describe the old bump and grind.

“Make love? ” Rose offered, her voice low. She took my dreamy sigh as confirmation, “Yeah, I know what you mean. Don’t get me wrong, sex isn’t bad without emotion. Others prefer it and it can be good without it. But when you’re ‘making love’ with your partner it’s so much more intimate. It runs beneath the skin, you know what I mean?”

“Yeah,” I murmured softly, my thoughts drifting to my first time with Ben. Rose was right. He made love to me that first night. Just as he had every time after that. Thinking about how we were intimately wasn’t so easy to put into words. I didn’t even believe in the word afterglow until our first time. I used to believe it was a myth that only existed in movies and books. Never thought I’d be so happy to be proven wrong.

Rose's voice came through again, interrupting my thoughts. “Finn can be very passionate too. Sometimes it’s just smooth sailing and while others...whoo! ”

I made a noise in the back of my throat when my thoughts drifted back to two days ago when Ben and I were coming back from shopping. When we entered the threshold, he’d shoved me against the door and kissed me within an inch of my life. I’d ended up dropping the groceries and spilling them onto the floor. We didn’t even make it to the bedroom that time. In fact, we didn’t get further than the door. Good thing Alice had been in daycare.

“I don’t think you need any more prompting.” She spoke knowingly, bringing me back to the present. “You got this, Rey. Have fun! I’m going to have some of my own with my pirate!” 

She hung up and I was left alone with just me in my underwear. Then I got an idea and slipped my robe back on.

I tied the belt around my waist and put on my game face. With new determination, I straightened my back and padded towards the kitchen. Stealing a quick peek into Alice’s room on the way to make sure she was still asleep. Then I slipped into the dining area. He was on the phone stilling wearing the lose  

Only when I was sure he was facing my direction did I slip off the robe. His voice halted as I strutted across the doorway with tablecloth in hand. I waved it out before draping it over the flat service. I bent over as I straightened wrinkles that weren’t there, just to give a little show. 

I didn't need to wait long. There was a thump followed by a pained, “Ow!” 

Hiding my smirk, I sauntered past the opening again, not looking at his slumped form on the ground. He grumbled and I heard him get back on his feet. At one point, I realized he was standing on the other side of the counter. Still, I pretended I didn’t notice and let him stare at my backside while I skimmed the fridge for a snack. Then I remembered the bowl of fruit behind and came up with a better idea.

I turned around, still not meeting his gaze I reached for an apple. Purposefully leaning more forward than necessary so he could get a good look at my cleavage. He did not disappoint. Those dark eyes of his zeroed in below my neck.

Someone must have asked him a question on the other line because, without moving his eyes, he said, “Hmm?” then coughed to clear his and went back to his call. “Right, sorry, Finn, I got distracted for a minute. What was that about next quarter?” He tried to sound like blood wasn’t draining from his brain and headed in a different direction.

The call went on for another minute or so while I kept snacking on my apple. When I was done, I barely had time to toss it in the bin before he came back and pulled me against him. “Are you trying to kill me?” He growled, and his hands began to explore the designs of my bra. “Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me, woman? Have you been wearing this the entire time?”

“What? This?” I batted my eyes and absently fingered a strap. “Since before we left. It’s new. Do you like it?”

His eyes roamed over me with lustful appreciation. “Very much. What’s the occasion?”

 “Well,” I sighed gently as he began to lay wet kisses along my chest. “I thought I’d try my hand at seduction. Rose and I had gone on that shopping spree and then she brought me to a lingerie boutique. I’ve never bought anything like this before but it gives me a little rush.”

His chest rumbled with a low growl and he leaned down to mouth the exposed skin of my breasts and collarbone. I moaned as his warm breath fanned over me as he spoke, “Consider it a mission success.” He pecked kisses up my neck until his lips reached my earlobe to bite gently and ground his pelvis against mine, tearing a whimper out of me. “Because you’re not leaving that bedroom until sunrise.”

“Unless Alice wakes up.” I corrected him.

He gave an agreeable nod. “Of course. But she’s been sleeping straight through the nights a lot. Maybe we’ll get to sleep in.”

“Surely you jest, my lord,” I said playfully as a flush began at my bosom and made its way up to my face. “As if she would permit such a thing. You know she demands our presence before dawn every morning.”

His hair tickled my cheek as he leaned close to whisper in my ear. “Never fear, my lady. We still have at least three straight hours to ourselves.” He lowered his voice even further. “That’s more than enough time for me to ravish you until you can’t walk.”

I had to clamp my squeal behind a giggle 

Okay, I owed Rose a huge thanks.

Happy New Year!

Chapter Text

By November, Phasma and Tamara had already begun planning for their big day.

They had decided on a winter wedding this upcoming February on their four-year anniversary. At first, most of us were a little concerned that that wasn’t enough time to plan, but then Tamara explained that her mother was a well-respected wedding planner in Philadelphia and would have no problems putting it together in said time. They sent the invitations out in November. They’d they were going to have it at the Merion Tribute House.

Phasma approached Rose, Kaydel, and myself and asked us to be bridesmaids for the wedding, and, of course, we all accepted. 

However, wedding invitations weren’t the only excitement Ben and I had that month. Alice came down with a terrible cold and a nasty cough. She wasn’t the only one, most of her daycare mates got it too. She got so sick we were up with her for two days with no sleep trying to keep her passageways open and her temperature down, we had to take her to the hospital. I nearly lost my mind when I saw the contraption they put her in to x-ray her lungs. She wailed and screamed at the uncomfortable position as she was placed in a tube! The pediatrician kept assuring us that her crying was a good thing because it was expanding her lungs. The look on Ben’s face was near feral and I think he may have even been tempted to strike the man if he wasn’t holding onto me. We knew he meant well but it didn’t do a thing to settle our worries. It was only for a few minutes but seeing my baby like that made it feel like hours.

We couldn’t get to her fast enough after they gave us the all-clear. Luckily it wasn’t as serious as we’d initially feared, but he gave us a suggestion for some over-the-counter medicine to help with her cough. Which we eagerly accepted. Thankfully her fever broke after a few days but it still sent a chill down my back whenever I thought about it.

That kept us so busy that we barely noticed people hanging up their wreaths and carrying pine trees tied to their cars until we were already in December. Christmas time. Yay.

Sure, I was looking forward to spending the holidays with Alice and Ben’s family but with holiday cheer also came holiday stress which resulted in lots of nasty customers. Many of them were headed out of town so they needed their big fancy cars to look as new and shiny as possible. Not that none of us can’t do it, but they expected us to take a maximum of ten minutes for each bit we were fixing.

It was the week before Christmas and the rate of demanding customers was at its peak. Right now, I was dealing with a couple that looked to be in their mid-forties and needed an engine replacement. There were broken bolts and grease build up so it wasn’t going to be a quick job.

“How long is this going to take?” The wife asked me impatiently, “We have to pick up the kids and be on the road as soon as possible to make it to my in-laws' holiday dinner on Friday. My Toyota Prius won’t make the trip so we really need this car ready.”

I skimmed over the computer screen and typed in some numbers. “We can have it all taken care of and ready for you by Wednesday morning.”

Her made-up eyes bugged out impossibly wide. “We—Wednesday? We need it back today if we’re going to make it to that dinner. It’s all the way in Wyoming and if we don’t leave first thing in the morning, we’ll definitely be late.”

“I’m sorry, Miss,” I told her softly. “Changing that kind of engine will take at least fifteen hours and we’re closing soon.”

“You mean you’re not open twenty-four hours?” I shook my head and she began to sputter with obvious surprise. “I can’t believe this! You don’t have special hours for Christmas week? Stay open longer to get more business?”

First of all, Christmas week wasn’t for five more days. Second of all, no, we didn’t extend our hours to bring in more people. In fact, the garage was going to be closed from the day before Christmas Eve until the second of January just like last year. The hours were posted on our website and at the front door. “Our hours remain the same as always except that we’ll be closed for much of that week. We can start as soon as possible, but it still won’t be any sooner.”

“What if we paid extra?” Her husband offered, speaking for the first time as he pulled out his wallet. “Would that get it done faster?”

I waved my hand at him. “Sadly no. Time and precision are important because we want it done correctly and safely. Especially if you’re traveling out of state, you don’t want to take any shortcuts.”

Her nose flared and she gave me a foul expression. “What if I decided to go somewhere else?”

“That’s your right,” I assured her honestly. “The best I can do is Wednesday morning and no earlier than that.” I didn’t care how much jewelry she had or how fluffy her coat was, she could either accept what we had to offer or not. 

“Fine.” They both conceded and signed the paperwork. Grumbling the entire time.

Thankfully that was the end of it and they stomped their way out.

I sighed tiredly and gave a final once-over of the vehicle as Rose strode over with a sing-song tone. “Tis the season to be nasty!”

“You said it.” I agreed, followed by a yawn. “How’re you holding up?”

She stretched her arms over her head and winced. “My back is killing me. I’m really looking forward to our little break. Since we spent Thanksgiving with Finn’s folks in Los Angeles, we’re going to my parent’s house for Christmas.”

I popped my knuckles and laughed, “So am I. We’ll be spending it at Han’s place again this year. I officially get to be a part of all their cheesy traditions and I’m really excited.”

“Look at you, settling down with a family all of your own.” She cooed giddily. “I can’t tell you how happy I am for you and Alice.”

“I’m happier for her than I am for me really.” I breathed. “Thanks to Han, she has a grandparent to spoil her. Ben’s uncle already likes her so there is a grand uncle for her too. A mother’s dream is that their child's opportunities are greater than their own, right? She already has more people on her side than I ever did growing up. It’s everything I could want for her and more. And I have you all to thank. Especially you, Rose. I can’t tell you what our friendship means to me. You helped me feel more comfortable about myself.”

Her lips quivered slightly and she patted my arm softly. “I’m supposed to be merry, I don’t want to start tearing up now. You’re my best friend, I love you like a sister. Do you know how often I run into other girls who like to talk about cars? Not their colors or how shiny they look, but the oily and greasy parts. The nitty gritty. Do you know how many times I’ve had to pretend I gave a shit about celebrity couples or the latest fashion cell phone?” We both laughed heartily. “The point is, you’re unique. I’ve also seen how you’ve grown as a person and mother. You remind me of the blue lotus. You can find them in the dirtiest bodies of water, and they’ll still bloom beautifully. Their strength comes from their roots. A mother’s strength comes from what’s inside her.  You went through a lot of crap but you always stayed strong for Alice. That makes me respect the hell out of you too.”  

My vision had been completely overcome by tears and I choked down a sob back. But I still gave her a wink. “I had good help.”

***

Snow began to fall just a few days later, right before we left for Coldsprings, making the drive seem like a trip through an ongoing snow globe. 

“So Han’s already left?” I asked, pulling out Alice’s car seat, holding a half-empty bottle of formula in her hands.

Ben was at the back of the Tahoe, grabbing our things. Reaching for the presents next, he said, “Yeah, Uncle Luke lost his seat because the flight was overbooked and, of course, no one wanted to give up their seats. So he had to catch a later one with a different airline. If Dad didn’t leave early then he would’ve been stranded at JFK for three hours.”

“Geez,” I said with a shudder. “I’ve been there when I was being sent to another family. I was stuck in Chicago for six hours with a social worker when I was ten and let me tell you, it felt like sixty. ”

He grunted and swung a bag over his shoulder. Bronx was already waiting for us on the porch. “What was supposed to be a one-hour layover from Salt Lake City to Dallas turned into four hours when another passenger turned out to be extremely inebriated and started running up and down the aisles when they tried to take off. Obviously, it was delayed until they could remove him.” We got on the porch and fished out the spare key from his pocket to let us in. “Dad said they might get something to eat on the way.”

The dog already started making work of the snow booties Ben forced on him before we’d left the flat. He gave my face a few licks as thanks when I helped him release his paws.

“Christ, it's freezing in here!” He exclaimed, teeth chattering. “Dad can use the fireplace later, I’m putting the heater on now.”

I let Ben play with the thermostat while I took the dozing baby to the nursery upstairs. Han had left it undisturbed since last year except for some pictures of her placed around the room. This wasn’t the only place that had some. Since her birthday, I’ve noticed more popping up around the house with the rest of the family photos. This made me even more stoked to see his reaction when he saw his present the day after tomorrow.

Ben joined me after bringing our bags up as I burped Alice and put her down in the crib. “Do you think I should stay in here or…?” I let him fill in the blanks.

 He rolled his eyes, “Please, you heard how I came into the world, he won’t be upset that we share a bed. It would be bizarre to him if we didn’t. Besides,” He pecked each of my eyes. “You’ve spoiled me. I can’t sleep without you in my arms.”

“You are so damn cheesy and I love it.” I whispered, “Let’s get our stuff in the room and we can take a short nap.” I flicked on the music box before switching off the lights and following Ben to his room. 

“So this was your childhood bedroom?” I surmised as I looked around at the Teenage Mutant Turtles and The Thing posters.

A pink hue colored his face and he coughed lightly into his hand. “Yeah, since I was at Uncle Luke’s for the last couple years of high school so I never redecorated after the ninth grade” He shrugged, “They kept it the same after I went to college so that I always had my own space when I would visit.”

“How many girlfriends have been in here?” I asked him with a teasing arch of a brow, interlocking my fingers around his neck.

He clicked his tongue and placed his big hands on my waist. “Just you. I’ve never brought any girls to my parent’s house. When I was in college, we usually went to a nearby hotel. You’re the first one I’ve ever introduced to my family.”

“So,” I tugged on his scarf and loosened it from his neck. “You’ve never snuck a girl in to make out with on your bed? Not even when you were a teenager?”

“We’d usually meet up at the park or something. Are you saying you have?” 

I grimaced, “I’m not going to lie, Armitage snuck me into his house a few times. Sometimes just to make out and sometimes…more. Typical dumb teenager looking for love in the wrong place. Doing other stupid things.” Looking back, I remembered it was Armitage who first suggested it. Said that other kids in our class had sex so it was normal, he wasn’t wrong. He didn’t force himself on me or anything, I consented to everything because I thought that was what I wanted too. It wasn’t bad and I wanted a connection with someone. At the time, I liked him. 

My thoughts came to a stop when I felt soft lips behind my ear. “What are you doing?”

He turned me around and brought his lips down in a bruising kiss. Momentarily making me forget my question before he broke away. “I’m going to make love to you on this bed. You’ll be my first girlfriend to do so. Who better than the woman I love unconditionally?”

“You're so good with your words.” I mused as he lay us both down on the duvet. A giggle escaped me as he made quick work of his sweatshirt and threw it somewhere behind him. Refusing to break eye contact. My heart missed a beat as he crawled on top of me to cage me in his arms. Then dropped his head to slant his lips across mine. I moaned into his mouth as our tongues met and slid along one another. Ignoring the burn in my lungs until I became dizzy. When he broke the kiss, I panted, “What about Han and your uncle?”

His hand had already slipped under the hem of my shirt. I shivered both from his cold skin and the tingle it left. “They won’t be here for an hour and Alice is still napping. If you can keep quiet, she’ll stay that way.” I placed careful pecks along his jaw and down to the bottom of his throat, making him growl with approval when I sucked gently.

This went on for a while, exploring each other’s exposed skin with our lips and hands. His touch sent my brain straight up into space. I let out a small noise when his hand encased my entire breast, squeezing gently. He was just about to slide under my bra when we were startled by a loud banging on the door. Han’s voice on the other side made us both stiffen, abashed. “Listen, you two, I know you’re both adults and I know you have a sex life, but can you at least wait until we’re all asleep? The walls in this house are kinda thin.”

“Shit.” Ben groaned loudly and pulled away from my neck.

Glaring up at his chastened face, I mimicked his earlier statement, “‘They won’t be here for an hour’ he said.”

“Don’t look at me, I never dreamed the traffic would be that light this time of the year!” He sputtered as put his shirt back on, looking chastened.

“Still out here, guys,” Han informed us on the other side. 

His voice was followed by another. “Ah, leave them alone. We weren’t that different at their age. But I don't entirely disagree.”

So Luke heard us too? Oh, goody.

Ben turned and glowered at the door. “Alright, we get the message! We’ll be out!” His ears had turned a light shade of pink that I knew my face shared. “That was mortifying.”

“You think? ” I seethed. How could I let this happen? The first time I stay over as Ben’s girlfriend and we get caught in the middle of a heavy makeout seconds that was minutes away from progressing into more. “They probably think we’re a couple of rabbits!”

With a loud huff, he bent down to grab his sweater from the floor. His voice muffled as he slipped it back on. “It is humiliating but at least we know that he’s cool with it.”

I gaped at him. “And that’s a good thing?”

He stood up and stretched his arms. “Well, it means, as long as we’re quiet, we can finish where we left off later.”

“You’re not seriously thinking we're going to—no!” I admonished, reaching for my boots. “We just got busted, no way!”

His eyes widened and soon his expression melted into a deep pout. “Why not?”

“There is no way we are having sex while they’re under the same roof permission or not!” I proclaimed. “And that, Sir, is final!”

***

“It’s good to see you again, Rey.” Luke greeted me kindly after I’d come down a little while later with Alice. His blue eyes took in my face and the corner of his mouth twitched. “There’s a new glow about you. I assume you and my naughty nephew are doing well?”

I fought to suppress my blushing smile only to fail and nod. “Yes, we’re very happy. I’m very happy.”

He nodded too, satisfied with my answer. “Good. That’s really good. I knew you two were meant for each other. I’m delighted that he has you. And how’s our little angel? I heard she wasn’t feeling so good last month.”

“Yeah, she had a nasty cold. But she’s all better now, I appreciate you asking.” Then I asked her nicely. “Can we say hi, Alice?” 

She showed him her toothy smile and gave him a babbled, “Hi!”

Her adorable response made him absolutely melt. “Oh my God, she’s even cuter when she talks.”

“You should see her when she runs,” I muttered.

“Has she told Santa what she wants yet?” He enquired.

With a snort, I mused, “Yes, apparently she wants bananas.” He frowned and I quickly added, “They’re her favorite snack.”

Now that I’d said it aloud, Alice perked up. “Nana?”

“Not now, my love. You’ll have some for breakfast.” I said gently to her and she scrunched her face in a mad pout. 

“She’d eat it whole if you let her.” Ben quipped and came up beside me. “I once caught her chewing on the peel when I had my back turned. She’s got some wicked sharp teeth.”

My nipples certainly agreed with that. I still shudder sometimes when I think about how sharp her first tooth was. 

“So,” Luke wiggled his eyebrows with a mischievous grin. “Does this mean I can set up some mistletoe this time?”

“Uncle Luke, I swear to God!”

***

We spent most of the visit playing games like Cards Against Humanity, Monopoly, and yes, chess. Luke, Alice, and I stayed at the house while Ben and Han went to the local soup kitchen to volunteer to prepare Christmas dinner for the homeless. Ben even went the extra mile and bought toys for the kids. When he’d told me about it, I remembered the two days I was homeless and living out of trash bags. I was lucky that I had my car. Most people weren’t so lucky and I knew from personal experience that luggage was almost impossible to come by. I was so moved by Ben’s charity that I went and bought suitcases to give to them. 

Christmas day was even more festive in the Solo-Skywalker household than last year. The gift exchange was a little more fun because we took turns taking names out of a bowl to either open a present or pick someone else to open theirs. It may seem a little pointless since there were only five of us, one that didn’t talk much, but we had a good time. To everyone’s surprise, I had got matching ugly sweaters for every single one of us. They weren’t too terribly designed, holiday-colored snowflakes going horizontally across the front and back.  Personalized to say ‘Mommy’, ‘Daddy’, ‘Baby’, ‘Grandpa’, and ‘Uncle’. We all wore them and posed in front of the tree for a family portrait, Han grinning from ear to ear. “I knew I’d get you into these!” We agreed that we’d only use them for a few minutes tops for pictures and not wear them all day so as not to ruin them. He was so proud. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he liked that more than the portable tool kit I got him.

The rest of the day was built around Christmas favorite movies and making a gingerbread house together with the pieces Alice didn’t munch on. I attempted some in the shape of hearts but they came out so uneven and without much shape. Also a little overdone despite all of Ben’s efforts to tell me otherwise. I knew burnt when I tasted it.

When New Year’s Eve arrived, we rode out to the town square for a small parade. Han had the connections to get us in a good spot in the front row. Ben held Alice on his shoulders so she could see above the other patrons. With his height, she definitely had an advantage. Not that she would remember it, but that didn’t matter to him. He had the time of his life with her joyous squeals with each passing float.

After the parade, we returned to Han’s house and used his indoor grill for some barbeque dinner with shish kebab, ribs, burgers, grilled chicken, and some side dishes. The food was not wasted and the leftovers shall be our breakfast and lunch tomorrow.

“Oh, hey, what’s that I see?” Luke jested after we’d finished the dishes and moved into the sitting room. The countdown was going to start in a couple of hours so we all thought we’d watch the Time Square ball drop live on television. He was pointing at the threshold leading to the foyer. There, hung a familiar-looking plant.

Mistletoe.

Ben turned to glare at his uncle over Alice’s head from our place on the couch while the tot played with her new stuffed animal. “Very funny, Uncle Luke.”

“It is! You said not to do it on Christmas so I didn’t.” Luke declared with no attempt to hide his mirth as he took out a camera. “Now, you two lovebirds, go beneath it and give us a good smooch for the album.”

With a beam on my face, I gave Alice to Han before and Ben allowed me to take his hand despite the grumbling, as I led him right under the plant. “Did you know that mistletoe is actually a botanical parasite, Uncle?” 

“Enough with your scientific facts and kiss your girlfriend already, Nephew. I want to get a picture!”

To ease Ben’s flusteredness, I took the initiative and pulled him in for our lips to meet. He relaxed immediately and fell into the kiss with a pleased hum, despite the click and flash of a camera. When we pulled away, I noticed the sound of kilohertz-ish motions and looked toward Luke, surprised at his chosen device.

Ben beat me to it, “You still have that old thing?”

“What? It still works.” Luke asked as he waved the film before handing it to me. “Isn’t that cute?”

Actually, the older camera’s capture made the picture more aesthetic. Ben and I looked completely at ease with each other and it almost appeared candid.

A chin rested itself on my shoulder and hands wrapped around me from behind. I lifted it for Ben to get a better look at it. There was a quiet snort in my ear followed by a grumble, “I guess it is kinda cute.”

I kissed his cheek, “I love it.”

“You’re lucky, old man.” He said to him snarkily. “Since we like it, you get to live.”

“Oh put a sock in it. I’m offended you thought otherwise.” He put the picture down and glanced over back into the living room. “Looks like there’s someone who won’t be greeting the New Year.” He commented, pointing towards the reclining chair. Alice was resting comfortably on Han’s chest, eyes closed, the stuffed giraffe he’d gifted for her safely tucked in her arms. “Out like a light in Grandpa’s arms.”

Han let out an amused gruff and patted her back softly, careful not to disturb her. “With your jokes, who can blame her? Besides, Ben, isn’t it time you and Rey go to the thing?”

“Oh!” Luke gasped, checking his watch. “Right, the thing. I’m way behind.”

“And I’m lost.” I retorted just as Ben, already with his gloves on, came up behind me to slip on my coat. “What’s going on? What ‘thing’?”

“That would be telling.” He teased and pulled me to the door. “C’mon bundle up, you’re gonna love it!”

I put on my beret beanie with a shrug and decided to humor him. It also gave me an excuse to break in the new Stuart Weitzman Kolbie chain block booties he got me this year. Which were just to die for, I loved them so much!

“We’re here!” He proudly announced after a fifteen-minute drive through town. It was a little crowded because a lot of the people were gathering for the fireworks that would go off at midnight.

‘Here’ appeared to be an outdoor stadium from what I could see based on where we’d parked. I looked over at the locked gate. “Whatever it is, it looks like a private event. Are you sure it’s not closed?”

He grinned and squeezed my hand. “Not to us. I called in a few favors. Our entrance is this way,” He pulled on my hand and led us to a ‘Staff Only’ door and unlocked it with ease. The inside looked like a maintenance area. Probably the control room. “They’re letting us have the whole ice rink to ourselves.”

“Did you say ice rink?” I asked as we walked down a hallway until we were in front of an elaborately decorated ice arena with strings of globe lights lit up and meeting at the top of a giant Christmas tree placed at the center. All of a sudden I was eight years old again. “No way!”

“Surprise” He confirmed with a squeeze of his hand. “You ever go skating before?”

I shook my head, my face spitting wide with glee. “No, but I’ve always wanted to.”

“Yeah? I’ve been planning this for weeks.” He confessed proudly before reaching into the bag and pulling out two pairs of skates; one black and one white. “This is why I was checking your boot size.”

My eyes bugged out of their sockets and I looked down at the boots I was wearing. “I thought it was for these! Which was still a ridiculous purchase by the way.”

“Was not, there was a holiday special.” He protested, tugging me over to the benches. “Didn’t even make a dent. It was worth it for the look on your face alone. Besides, are we forgetting the suede jacket you got me? That thing cost double those booties, easy.”

“Jokes on you, I found it at Marshall's on sale.” I taunted with a flick of my tongue and ran my hand down the sleeve of said jacket as he handed me the skates. “Last one in your size.”

He laughed at my teasing as he started undoing his boots to put on his own skates. “And they say there’s no value in being a little frugal."

“I’m going to fall!” I exclaimed later after we’d gotten on the skates and moved onto the slippery surface. With a cackle, I fought to keep my balance. They weren’t hard to walk on the padded surface surrounding the arena, but to nobody’s surprise, I didn’t make it three feet before I slipped and fell on my bum once I was on the ice. It was painful but I laughed at my own inexperience because I was enjoying it.

His gray gloved hands came up to grasp my white ones. The motivating smile never left his face as he led me around on the ice. “Don’t be afraid. I got you.” 

I let out a shaky breath as my legs continued to shake. “Promise you won’t let me fall?”

“I promise.”

My thighs clenched while I tried to not veer off to the side. Letting him slowly pull me at a comfortable speed. After what felt like twenty minutes of me either wiggling or stumbling, I finally found a smooth rhythm. Soon enough, he let go of my handsome keeping hold of one to skate beside me at a gentle pace.

Now that I had a better feel of the ice beneath my skates, I felt like I could never fall. It was like I’d been doing this my whole life. We glided on our skates together with ease, enjoying our private moment, and then we were interrupted by a loud bang.

Ben turned us around just in time to see the sky light up with fireworks. New Years.

Ben turned us around just in time to see the sky light up with fireworks. New Years. He turned to me and leaned in so his lips were only a breath away, “Happy New Year, Rey.”

“Happy New Year, Ben.” And we greeted the new year with a kiss.

While sure, we missed the ball drop with everyone back at the house, this view was so much better. With the man I loved by my side, it was better. The only thing that would make it perfect was Alice.

I was still giggling like a fool by the time we left. Between the focus on trying to skate while spending time with Ben, I had so much fun! Part of me felt like a like again. The feeling of euphoria was so wonderful that I never wanted this moment to end. 

Instead of going back to his car like I’d thought, we ended up heading in another direction towards the lake. Taking the long way around as Ben called. Not that I was complaining, the festive decorations lighting up the night were like something out of a storybook. During the walk, however, I noticed that he had gone completely silent. His mind had suddenly gone elsewhere.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” I asked him worriedly after a few minutes of too much quiet. 

“Rey,” He began softly, almost worriedly. “Are you happy being with me?”

The question felt so outlandish that I nearly gave myself whiplash when I turned to gape at him. “Of course, I’m happy with you! Ben,” I stopped and held his head to make him look at me. “I love you. Our family, Alice, means everything to me. I gave up on love for myself, but you wouldn’t let me. I’ve never been more grateful to be wrong.” The relief on his face was plenty evident. But still, what brought that on? “That came a little out of nowhere, don’t you think?”

“Well, do you remember the morning after…that first night?”

Even with the cold weather, I felt my cheeks warm. “Of course I do. It was perfect.”

His eyes softened and he continued our stroll. “It was, but you were worried you’d only dreamt what happened.”

“Well,” I began in an easy tone, “I had been hopelessly pining for you for over a year. You could have chosen anyone in the world, but you chose me. It seemed too good to be true.” I squeezed his hand a little more tightly. “But the moment I realized I was really in your arms, I finally understood what love from a partner was supposed to feel like.”

There was a kiss pressed into my beret. “I am sorry you had to wait so long.”  Then he winked. “I’m just glad I’m the one who gets to love you all day every day for the rest of our lives.”

“That makes two of us,” I said, feeling inspired. “I’m really lucky.”

“You wish. I’m the lucky one.” He jibed before pausing. “Ah, we’re here.”

I stopped to see what he was looking at. There was a trail of lights leading up a trail to a bridge and I gasped. “I’ve never seen anything like this.” I revered, looking at the gazebo. “It’s so pretty!”

Off to the end of the bank, beneath the neverending blanket of white, was a small wooden octagonal structure. The path to the platform had been swept clear of all snow. Leaving it safe for us to walk on. We walked along the wooden flooring until we made it to the brightly lit center.

He let go of my hand so I could get a better look at the scenery surrounding us. The stretch of land shows the rural neighborhood and the forest beyond that. I wish I’d brought my camera.

“You’re running out of surprises.” I shivered as a gust of wind swept through my hair. I turned around to ask him if we should head back only for the words to catch in my throat when I saw him down on one knee. “Ben?”

“I have one more.” My heart stopped as he exhaled lightly and took hold of my left hand. “Rey, there aren’t enough words to describe how much I love you and Alice. Since you’ve come back into my life, I can’t remember a time when I was happier. All the time we’ve spent together has made it impossible for me to see my future without you in it.” My breath caught as he reached into his jacket and pulled out a small box. He took off the lid to reveal a small ring with gems that twinkled in the lights. 

Completely floored, I had no possible response yet while my heart started beating again. 

“I’m already set to spend the rest of my life with you. But after everything we’ve been through together, you deserve a proper proposal.” The band was rose gold with a marquise diamond in the center and two smaller round diamonds on each side. My vision blurred as I looked from the ring up to his eyes and down again. “Rey, will you marry me?”

I couldn’t hold it back any longer. The waterworks began streaming down my cheeks as I attempted to nod gracefully. “Yes.” Only to fail and look like a blubbering mess. He understood regardless as always and removed my left glove before taking the ring out of the box to slide it onto my finger. He got up from his kneeling position and pulled me into a passionate kiss. My arms snaked around his neck as he lifted me off the ground and twirled me around. Both of us were deafened by our own laughter as we let the elation overflow our hearts.

“I love you, Ben Solo,” I murmured after he put me back down.

He was leaning in to kiss me and paused, then smiled. “I love you too, Rey Niima soon-to-be Mrs. Solo.” The giggle tore itself out of me before it could be stopped and I gave every mole on his face a sweet peck. “There’s one more thing I want to ask you.”

“Yes?” My face hurt from the smile that was plastered on my face.

His brown eyes filled with yearning. “We have to be married for six months first, and while I know there are still other legalities I’ll have to go through, I want your permission for me to officially make Alice my daughter and start the adoption process. In my heart, she’s already mine, so I want her to be legally mine too. No matter if or when we have more children, I’ll always see her as my oldest because that’s who she is to me. I will shoulder every responsibility the same I would if she were mine biologically.”

I took hold of his face and rubbed my nose along his larger one. “Nothing would make me happier. You’re the only father she knows. The best, I couldn’t ask for anyone better.”

His response was a relieved sigh and “Thank you, Sweetheart. Thank you. I promise I’ll make you happy.”

“No, we’ll make each other happy.” I corrected him lightly.

He pressed our foreheads together, his response almost unheard. “You already do.”

This was a dream come true. I was engaged. Me! To this amazing man who would take on the world for me and my daughter. Someone who’s looked out for me from the beginning. The one who broke down my walls and opened my heart. He was my fiance.

I gazed at the ring in wonder. Having it on my finger seemed so surreal. Like I would blink and it would disappear. “It’s beautiful.”

“It was my mother’s.” He confessed softly. “She left it to me so I could give it to the person I wanted to be with one day.” He lay a kiss on my knuckles, his lips brushed the diamond. “There’s no one else who I’d rather have it than you.”

The revelation that he gifted me something so precious to him only strengthened my love for him more. “This is far better than I could ever have imagined on my own.” In a way, it felt like this meant his mother approved of me even though we never met. She’d believed in Ben enough to trust his judgment.

There was another strong hit of cold wind and we both huddled closer together. With a shiver, “I guess that means we need to head home.” He suggested with a shiver.

“How do you think they’ll take the news?” I wondered aloud after we got back in the car. “Or should we wait a while before we say anything?”

“Don’t be mad, but Dad and Uncle Luke were in on this so they already know, but I don’t see any reason why we shouldn’t tell anyone else. Unless you would rather we kept it to ourselves for a while?” He offered, putting the car in reverse.

I licked my lips, moistening them. “I don’t think I'll ever take it off. I want to wear this ring for the world to see. So everyone will know that you chose me over everyone else. But I’ll wear it on a necklace when I’m working.”

He chuckled softly and pulled me in for one more kiss before we got in the car.

The entire ride back to his father's my eyes remained fixated on the ring. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. I was engaged to Ben. Me! His hand reached over the console to take mine. His thumb stroked near the diamond. “There is no one else for me. Only you, Rey.”

I squeezed his fingers lightly, “And you’re the only one for me.”

Before we left, I took a picture of my hand with the ring and another with Ben and me kissing. I felt like posting it online because I was too excited to keep it to myself. When we got home, Han was still holding a sleeping Alice in the living room. Waiting expectantly with huge grins as we came in covered in snow. Both gave us a congratulatory hug and pats on the back. Han teared up when he saw the ring he’d once given his late wife. After a shared look with his brother-in-law, they both agreed that Ben had made the correct choice.

We all retired for the evening after that. Promising to talk more about the future of our family in the morning. Hoping to sleep in.

How wrong I was. We were both woken up at dawn by our phones. Chirping to life with multiple notifications and text messages. We tried to ignore them by placing pillows over our heads but it proved futile.

“Is the world ending, or what?” I muttered after my phone dinged two more times back to back before it started ringing. Figuring it might be important, I gave in and finally rolled over to answer it. Not even bothering to check who was calling. “Hello?”

The voice on the other end was so loud I almost dropped it. Even Ben was jostled awake by my alarm. “YOU’RE ENGAGED AND YOU DIDN’T CALL ME?”

Oof, it was Rose. Happy New Year.

Chapter Text

Four Months Later

Hopeless.

That’s the best way for me to describe what I was feeling at this moment. I’d left the flat this morning with determination, only for it to obliterate after only a few hours.

Indeed, I was shopping for my wedding dress. Two shops I had in mind suddenly were filled with appointments and couldn’t accept any walk-ins. I’d only been in one shop so far and nothing they had in my budget was what I was looking for.

Thankfully, I wasn’t alone. My friends, the amazing people they are, and Alice have all come along to help me on my fruitless mission.

We walked into a couple of more but no luck. I never imagined finding a dress in New York City would be this hard. After two hours of going from shop to shop, I finally decided that we stop real quick for something to eat because before someone got cranky and it wasn’t going to be the toddler. I couldn’t have too much because I still planned on squeezing into more later.

Alice was safely buckled into a high chair gnawing on a French fry, completely unaware of what we were all talking about. “Don’t beat yourself up over it, Rey,” Phasma encouraged as I sipped through my straw, “If more brides were able to find the dress on the first try, there would be no boutiques.”

“It’s true!” Kaydel piped in. “It took me forever to find the right dress. My mom and I must’ve shopped at least three stores before I finally found it.”

Phasma’s whole body shivered. “My sis shopped at twelve stores. Twelve! So many dresses and all of that fabric, lace, and ruffles. Oh, dear God, the fucking ruffles! And losing your mind over the slight difference between eggshell and summer pearl-colored buttons will never make sense to me.”

“It wasn’t like finding your dress was a picnic. Cassandra called me while you were in the dressing room for half an hour because you couldn’t decide between the last two.” Tamara quipped, taking a bite from her salad. 

“You have no room to talk.” Phasma shot back with a knowing smirk at her wife who kept chewing despite her blush. “Your mum and aunts said you tried on twenty dresses before you picked it.”

“Both of you were stunning,” I said, remembering their wedding day. The whole event was magical. Tamara’s mother, queen of her craft, managed to put together the winter wedding straight from a storybook. Phasma’s dress had been a lace cold-shoulder fit and flare gown plunging neckline and drooping bishop sleeves that made her look like a Grecian queen. Her golden blonde hair styled with a curly lob kept in place with a pearl floral clip. 

Tamara wore a long-sleeved off-shoulder dress with silver embroidered leaves that covered the entire gown. Some trailed along the neckline, blending into her skin as if the dress were part of her. She did her hair up in a sparkly side-swept braided ponytail decorated with tiny rhinestone snowflakes. She’d reminded me of Elsa from Frozen.

We, the bridesmaids, all wore a-line maroon dresses with sheer necklines and silver faux fur shawls for each of us to keep warm from the chill in the air. Our hair was placed in floral buns with carnations and gardenias. The bridal parties were brought to the Pomme Radnor in horse-drawn carriages. It turned out that Tamara’s grandparents bred Shires for a living and they were every sense of the word beautiful. So majestic even as their heavy hooves pounded in the snow. I think we spent at least half an hour of the photographer’s time taking photos with them before we finally left. Good thing they’d hired two because Tamara and her party were just as guilty. Could you blame them? Or us?

The ceremony was even more beautiful. Fairy lights were wrapped around every tree on the property. Pretty much the only added thing they needed because there was enough ambiance from the weather. They exchanged their vows and rings beneath the white arch. Snowflakes began to fall right after they said ‘I do’. Adding more magic to the moment and after-photos.

With their table placed in front of the fireplace. Phas and Tamara couldn’t keep their eyes off of each other the entire time. From the cake feeding to their first dance as wife and wife, they saw nothing but each other.

“Just think, that’s going to be us soon.” Ben had teased in my ear as we swayed to a slow song with Alice snoozing in my arms.

And here we were. It seemed the time had finally come for me to have my moment. He and I talked about it and decided to set the date for our wedding in April next year. During springtime, the flowers were blooming and allergies were rampant. We already had a venue picked out that we were going to look at together in a few days.

Zorii couldn’t make it because she’d just welcomed her and Poe’s newest son to the family the week prior. Little Hector. Ben told me that he called that morning saying he couldn’t come in because her water broke the night before. Being the kind man he was, Ben had flowers and a baby care package sent to the hospital with a card signed by everyone at the gym including Poe’s students to wish them well. He also subbed for his class so that he would be able to help her at home for the next few weeks.

“I’m so glad that I wore my mom’s Áo dài.” Rose’s voice broke through my thoughts. “Aside from some minor adjustments, that’s the only headache I had to deal with really. At least with the dress. But look on the bright side, you picked out your shoes!”

That was true. My mouth quirked and my eyes shifted to the paper bag. “You’ve got a point there.” I’d seen them in one of the boutiques. No gown interested me but the pair of lace sparkling glitter closed-toe with low heels and buckle shoes were to die for. Though I’ve never considered myself as a woman who would prioritize footwear when I picked out an outfit. But there was something about the ones inside the small box I was carrying around. Like a siren singing to a sailor.

“Shall we pack up and go back on the hunt?” Kaydel offered and stretched her arms.

My mouth opened to respond when someone else said. “Well well well, do my eyes deceive me, or is that Rey Niima?” I hoped it wasn’t who I thought it was.

I turned in my chair and bristled. Of course, it was. “Julie,” I greeted with all of the kindness I could muster. I had to give her credit for her fashion sense. Wearing her shadow-frey Dolce & Gabbana suit complete with a white stand ruffled collar and black Saint Laurent suede pumps, she looked like a supermodel.

She sauntered over to our table, swinging her shopping bags with each step. “What a coincidence bumping into you of all people.” She said a little too sweetly. No doubt she thought that I couldn’t afford anything in the district. “How have you been?”

The temptation to snap at her was too great. Oh, I’ve been doing great for a mooching single mother. I thought to myself with a hint of bitterness. However, I had no intention of getting into a verbal altercation in public because she hurt my feelings. My life at this point was perfect and there was no need to rub it in her face. Yet Instead, I said, “I’ve been excellent, thank you, and you?”

“Very well, in fact. Nice of you to ask.” Alice babbled and she turned to look her perfectly shaped nose at her. Her smile tightened a little. “And who is this?”

“My daughter Alice,” I said with pride even as she spat out her fry. Yep, that’s my little girl. “Say hi, Alice.”

“Hiyeee!” She shouted, her tiny face beaming. I loved it when she smiled, all of my troubles would evaporate when I looked at her. Even covered in ketchup and mustard, she was beautiful.

Julie couldn’t prevent herself from hiding her disgust at the mess even as I wiped her down. When she noticed Kaydel, she did a double take. “And Kaydel Connix, you’re here too?”

“Hi, Julie, yes I am. Also, it’s Crane now, thank you.” She replied coolly. “It’s awfully early in the year to see you back in the city. Aren’t you usually in Spain?”

“My parents are on business so I tagged along. I was just doing a little spring shopping. So, what brings you all here? I recognize most of you from the wedding.” She asked casually, showing off her Burberry bags. Normally, one would believe that that was a harmless question. However, coming from her, it could be translated to; ‘I know you can’t afford anything in these shops so why are you here?’

My junior high insecurities tried to rear their ugly heads but I shoved them back. There was no need to get testy...yet. “Well, speaking of weddings, my friends and I happen to be shopping for a bridal gown,” I said slowly and lifted my left hand to show her my ring. “I’m getting married.”

“Well, I’ll be.” I didn’t miss the look of glee in her eyes. Her perfectly threaded brow went up, intrigued. “Oh, well that’s so good to hear.” I just nodded, hoping she would leave it at that. “I’m so happy for you.”

My lips twitched. Sure, she was. “Thank you.” Then again, maybe she was being genuine. Sure she was still a spoiled snob, but maybe there was a nicer side to her that I had yet to see.

No such luck. “So, I guess that means you’ve made up with your baby daddy?”

I bet that’s what you were expecting. “No, actually, I haven’t seen him in a while. I’m engaged to someone else.” There was no need to rub her nose in it.

“Really?” She asked with genuine amazement though not in a good way “That’s a shocker. Anyone I know?”

Alright, maybe just a little. “You met him at Kaydel’s wedding too. It's Ben Solo.”

I didn’t miss the way her left eye twitched. “ You’re engaged to Ben Solo?” It was satisfying to watch the color drain from her face as she processed the information in disbelief. “I didn’t know you two were so close. I thought you were just friends living together.”

“We were,” I confirmed for her. “But after spending all that time together, we got close and decided to give it a shot. As it turns out, we’re more suited for each other than we thought. We’re getting married in September.” He’s mine, so back off!

“Well, isn’t that sweet?” Funny, coming from her, it sounded sour. She glanced at the diamond on my finger and pursed her lips. Then scrunched her nose like she’d smelt something foul. “I’d expect someone like him to get a bigger rock.”

“No, she didn’t,” Tamara muttered with slight outrage.

Julie looked back at her startled and started quickly backtracking. “I mean, usually the larger the stone means the more he loves you. So I’m just saying you deserve a big diamond.”

So she was implying that this normal-sized diamond signified that Ben didn’t feel that much love for me. How wrong she was. 

I didn’t see the harm in correcting her with some class. So I put on my brightest smile and looked down at the ring with a dreamy expression. “Oh, I’m not worried about that. The value isn’t in the diamond but in its legacy. This is a family ring. That’s more valuable than how much it cost. To me it’s priceless.”

That seemed to knock her offer her rocker. She literally swayed on her feet once she realized her mistake.

“Wow,” She said gapingly. “How wrong of me. I had no idea you two were that serious. He never seemed like the marrying type.” Her fake lashes flittered back to Alice. “And he likes your kid?”

I didn’t miss a beat. “He treats her like his own. Has since the days he was born.”

She pursed her lips, “I see.” Then she plastered on another smile. “Well, how about I tag along while you shop? It’ll be fun! Just like old times back in middle school. We can catch up some more too.”

Say no! Say no! My inner voice shrieked while I gathered up our trash. “Sure, why not? I don’t see the harm in you tagging along.” That was a bold-faced lie.

She clapped her hands giddily and squealed, “O-M-G this is going to be amazing!” She then walked towards the bridal boutique and stepped inside, leaving us all there staring after her. When she opened the door, she looked back at me, “I promise, with my sense of style, I’m going to find the perfect dress for you. I think we both know I’ve always had better taste in fashion. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure we'll find something that’ll make you look nice and slim for your big day.” Then she entered the shop, leaving us all standing there 

“What’d that bitch just say?” Rose croaked, being the first to find her voice.

“I think she just called me fat.” I deadpanned, looking down at my body. It was no secret I’d put on a bit of weight while I was pregnant and, while I’ve lost some of it, I still was two dress sizes larger than I was before. I thought I was done feeling uncomfortable about it, but it only takes one negative comment to make me question everything.

It was Phasma who spoke next in a not-so-friendly voice, “I’m going to have a quick chat with her. Be right back.”

“Babe…” Tamara started.

Rose held her arms out and stood in front of her. “No, Phasma, I know how you ‘chat’ and it usually ends with fists flying and broken furniture. You can’t attack someone in a public place.” Then she narrowed her eyes and cracked her knuckles. “Because I call dibs!”

Before she could pounce, I grabbed her by wrapping my arms around her waist and hoisting her up, her short legs still kicking. “Nobody is going to attack anyone! Got it?” She was still kicking as I gave warning glances at all parties. “I am not interested in bailing my friends out of jail today. Now, we are all going to play nice and get through this. I won’t let her ruin this day, it’s too important.”

    I placed Rose back on her feet and looked at her pointedly. “If she goes too far, I can handle her. Without my fists.”

She blew her hair back into place as her expression turned doubtful. “That’ll be a first.” My look hardened and she relented, “Fine! But if she talks any more shit, I will say something.

“Ditto for me,” Kaydel promised.

“Stop it!” I snapped, getting tense, and strapped Alice back into her halster before giving her to Tamara. “No attacking physically or verbally. Maybe she’ll get bored and leave on her own. She never could stand to be in the same room with me for too long anyway. I can tough it out for an hour.”

“Fine.” They all muttered begrudgingly. 

We followed Julie inside and were immediately greeted by the staff. A Haitian woman named Dahlia offered to be my consultant and help me pick my dress, which I gladly accepted. I’d already lost some of the momentum from earlier and with the pressure of Julie breathing down my neck, I could use all the help I could get.

“Who’s the bride?”

I raised my hand with a smile, “Me!”

“So what kind of dress are we looking for today?” Dahlia asked. “Do you have any preferences or…?” She let the sentence dangle for me to fill in the gaps.

“I like lace.” I played with Alice’s fingers while I mentally went through the list in my head. “Something sweet and simple. Maybe a little bit of bling. Nothing too fancy or extravagant.” Right after I said that, someone cleared their throat loudly and I looked to see that it was none other than Julie with her hand raised. “Yes, Julie?”

Her smile was crafty as she offered her hand to Dahlia, “Hi, I’m her oldest friend. Also a fashion expert and I’m confident that I know exactly what she should wear on her big day. We need to see a lot of bling. It has to be something flattering for her figure.” She said the next sentence in a whisper like they were taboo. “As you can see, she had a baby.”

“She’s a year and a half old.” I deadpanned, kissing her dark hair.

“It has to be glamorous,” Julie continued on as if I hadn’t spoken. Something else I was familiar with. “She’s marrying a very important man so we have to make her look like a celebrity on the red carpet. It needs to make a statement. Over the top like Hayley Paige.”

    That was basically the opposite of what I wanted. Nothing against the designer, she had amazing talent, but her dresses were way too expensive for me. But, instead of making a scene, I relented and looked at Dahlia, “I’ll keep an open mind.”

“And where are you getting married?” She asked politely.   

“We’re thinking about the Liberty Warehouse—”

Julie gasped, “As in, here in New York City? Rey, you should have reached out to me sooner, you poor thing! If I'd known, I could have helped you book the venue at the Tribeca Rooftop or the Plaza Hotel. Or, better yet, I could have called my cousin in Venice or my aunt in Cannes. I’m sure I could still make a last-minute reservation for you. For a small fee, of course. They don’t rent out their spaces for free.”

Ah yes, I’d forgotten that her family members were socialites who mingled a lot with all the city's top CEOs and bigwigs. Some of them owned hotel branches too. She could probably get a ballroom in a five-star hotel on standby with one phone call to her parents.

But that wasn’t what we wanted. “That’s alright, Julie, Ben and I are very happy with our choice.” My fiance and I agreed that we weren’t interested in a flashy venue. We wanted something warm and intimate. That was nice of her to offer but it was nothing he and I were going for.

“Alrighty then,” Dahlia spoke up to bring our attention back to the task at hand.  “Okay, so what is our budget?”

I was about to tell her when Julie cut me off…again. “There’s no budget. Trust me, she’s fine.”

I blinked, stunned as I looked around at all of the dresses that were on display. Some that I knew for sure cost more than what I was comfortable with. “I am?”

“The money situation will figure itself out.” She assured me quickly. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s start looking!”

When she headed towards the first rack of dresses, Kaydel held up five fingers at Dahlia, “$500 is the max for the dress and another $200 for accessories. Any chance you guys have something in that price range?”

“Believe me, I have nothing against markdowns.” I insisted. “If I find a dress I like that’s marked half off, I’m taking it. I’m willing to humor Julie and wear a pick or two of hers but, at the end of the day, I’m not going over my limit. And I would like a dress that would go well with these shoes.” I looked to Rose, who had already opened the box, and pulled out one of the shoes to show her.

She nodded with understanding. “Absolutely. And don’t worry, we have plenty within that budget.”

“That’s all I need to know,” I said with a relieved breath. “Alright then. I leave myself within your capable hands.”

Before she could direct me anywhere, Julie came over and tugged on my arm. “Oh my God, Rey, you have to see these! Why don’t we take a gander over here?” She chirped and brought me over to one of the racks. “These ones have been featured in wedding magazines. Vintage! And these all come in ivory, so no worry there.”

“Ivory?” I interrupted, unsure. I didn’t have anything against it, in fact, it was lovely. But it wasn’t the first color I’d envisioned I’d be wearing on my wedding day.

She glanced at me briefly and skimmed through some of the hangers. “It’s perfect for you. It’s lovely and sophisticated and it still gives that bridal look. And with your little one, I think it’s safe to say white would be inappropriate.”

Well, that was uncalled for. I noticed the other ladies were too shocked at the comment.  I coughed a little to hold back my annoyance from her boldness. “Um, I don’t think anyone is going to care that much about what color I wear. Just because I had a child with a man before I met my fiance, it doesn’t mean I have any less morals.”

“Maybe not,” She started with a shrug, still looking at more dresses, “But it shows that you have class and acknowledge that you’re not ashamed for not being a virgin.”

Ouch! Even the Dahlia blushed at that one.

“Suppose I should just go in red then.” I offered snarkily. “That should be loud enough.”

She glanced at me, unamused. “Now there’s no need to get defensive, Rey. Remember I’m here to help you.”

“You certainly have a funny way of showing it,” Rose muttered with obvious dislike.

I ignored everyone else while I browsed at the dresses that were more in my price range. There were a couple I liked. The others showed me some of their picks for approval before handing them to Dahlia. After several minutes of browsing, one in particular hidden on a small rack caught my eye. It was lace over satin with an illusion neckline and I noticed it was a shorter length than most of the other dresses. It would go down to the middle of my calves. There was a traditional feel that came with it.

“What are you thinking?” Dahlia asked, coming up to stand beside me, her arms already full of more dresses. “Do you like this one?”

I suppressed a smile from tugging at my lips. “I think it’s lovely. But is it bridal enough?”

She shrugged, unbothered. “Does it matter? The real question is, is it bridal enough for you?”

“Hmm, I don’t know. I’m looking for something classic with just a little bit of a wow factor.” I pursed my lips and considered her words. Then I whispered shyly, “I would have to see how it looks.”

“Well, it’s your size and well within your budget so I’ll take it back for you.” She took it off the rack with one arm and added it to the pile she was carrying in the other as if it weighed nothing. “I’ll take these back real quick.” 

“Oh, Rey!” Julie sang to bring my attention to another set of dresses. Three large garment bags were held in her small arms. “These are perfect!”

“Erm,” I bit my lips as I glanced at the price tags, “It’s a bit out of my price range, Julie. I don’t even want to pay half that.”

She turned to me looking aghast, “Rey, honey, you’re marrying one of the most well-known men in the community. You can’t get your wedding dress from the bargain rack! It’ll look cheap and tacky.”

It wasn’t like I hadn’t seen Say Yes to the Dress. I knew how high they usually go for. I had nothing against other people buying expensive dresses, that’s their choice and their money. Ben did offer to help chip in but I turned him down. We’d agreed to split costs into parts of our wedding that involved joint decision-making such as venue, cake, entertainment, caterer, and theme. Ben was covering the DJ, photographer, and his tuxedo while I was taking care of the flowers, decorations, and my dress separately. Both of us agreed that the wedding could still be amazing without needing to break the bank. 

“There’s no harm in trying them on.” She insisted as if she didn’t hear anything.

Thankfully, Dahlia came to my rescue. “Okay, well we’ve already got several ready for you in the changing room. Why don’t we go start trying them on now?”

My earlier excitement had returned and I eagerly followed her to the back. She left me to undress and slip a robe on. I couldn’t settle down and began to pace while looking from one dress to the other. I was practically dancing on my toes when Dahlia came in.

The first one was her pick. A beaded lace fit and flare with a plunging V-neckline. Sheer side cutouts on each side of the bodice were highlighted with floral lace detailing and a bare back with a string of buttons down the middle.

“Okay,” I gave myself a once-over in the mirror and nodded with appreciation. It looked nice on me. It was simple, it went well with my figure and the back gave it that bit of wow I was looking for. “I like it.”

“You do?” She asked, hopeful.

I nodded enthusiastically, “Yeah, it’s simple, it has that classic feel to it, and the back definitely gives it that wow factor. But...”

“You’re not in love with it.” She finished for me.

I bit my lip, embarrassed. “Am I that obvious?”

She laughed thoughtfully, “I’ve been doing this for ten years. I can tell when a bride has that moment when she falls in love with her dream dress.”

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s beautiful. I like it better than some of the dresses I’ve tried on.” I twirled the skirt a little and poked my foot out. “And the shoes go great with it. There’s just something missing. But I feel like we’re headed in the right direction.”

“Would you like to show this one to your entourage?” She asked.

“I think I will,” I said with a confident nod. Then I picked up the skirt and made my way out to the waiting area where everyone was sitting.

When they saw me come out, they all smiled and marveled as I walked out onto the pedestal. I couldn’t help but blush and giggle at how they were fawning over how pretty I looked. I felt pretty.

“Rey, you look so cute!” Rose said, being the first to speak. “And I love the back!”

“It looks like the flowers are a part of your skin,” Kaydel said breathlessly. “It’s stunning on you.”

I saw Pasma nod her head in agreement. “Definitely and it matches your shoes!”

I laughed and poked them out again. “Doesn’t it? I feel like they match a little too well though.”

“Oh dear, Rey,” Julie’s nose flared slightly. She stood up from her seat and walked around me with a dubious expression on her face. “Honey, I’m sorry but this dress does not flatter you at all. I mean look,” Her hand came forward and waved it around my stomach, “I’m detecting a little slip of mommy's belly here and I think you should do some more squats before you let something hug your butt like that.”

My eyes then shot down to where she had pointed at my middle and I bit my lip, suddenly feeling self-conscious. There was still some semblance of a tummy there but not to the extent that she described and what was wrong with my bum?

Tamara couldn’t help her sass. “I’m not sure what you’re looking at, but I see a nice ass that most women would kill for.”

“You should see it when she’s fencing,” Phasma added and I winked at her.

However, this wasn’t it. I looked at myself in the mirror and shook my head. 

The second dress was a beaded lace with a sweetheart neckline, one sleeve, and a ruffled skirt in light beige. The beading on the skirt was what made it look bad. “I’m going to look like a walking doily.” This was definitely pulled by Julie. It was flattering, I had to admit. But I had a better understanding of Phasma’s disdain for ruffles. 

All but Julie gave thumbs down, including mine.

Rose picked a white satin ball gown with spaghetti straps and beaded embroidery on the trim and the bodice. This was way more skirt than what I’d had in mind. It did fit well and looked good with my figure. But the cathedral train that trailed behind me was a little too long.

After that, Tamara had picked a crepe empire-waist with a sweetheart neckline and a princess skirt with a lace floral overlay. Much more to my taste but not quite it. I got nice feedback on it though.

The next was a form-fitting, off-white, mermaid cut with tier ruching down the skirt. Bright sparkly embroidery went along the sweetheart neckline and down my side to my right knee.

Another no. I also stopped counting how many dresses I was trying after the fourth one.

The most outrageous of them, I thought anyway, had to be the lace A-line gown with one shoulder and feathered skirt. Now, feathered skirts did look nice, but not on me. I couldn’t help but literally bawk when I walked out to show everyone. Julie, for some reason, couldn’t figure out why everyone started laughing. Even Dahlia had her mouth hidden behind her hand. But she wasn’t able to stop her shoulders from shaking. I couldn’t help it, the dress made me feel like a chicken.

Back in the dressing room, with dress number I don’t care , Dahlia unzipped another bag and I stared at the latest dress in horror. “That says poof all over it!”

It was a pearl-colored organza princess styled with a sweetheart neckline and a tiered ruffled skirt. Bright sparkly embroidery went along the neckline and all around the bodice. More adore each ruffle on the large skirt. Once I was zipped in, I looked at my reflection and shook my head. “This is a bit…” I couldn’t even finish the sentence. The dress was gorgeous, but it was too much. “Yeah, no, this is way too lavish for my taste.” I breathed, feeling intimidated. “Wow. I can literally see my face in the rhinestones.”

“Your old friend was most insistent on this one.” She explained calmly,  gauging my reaction. “She was convinced you would love it.”

I felt along the skirt and grumbled, “I’d love to put it back where she found it.”

She scratched the back of her head and quirked her lips. “We can go out there, get it over with, and then she’ll be happy. You’ve tried several of hers, at least two of your friend’s picks, it’s your turn now.”

“Right.” I straightened my back and walked out with her holding onto the train. X- Julie’s face went from expectant to approving as I walked to the pedestal and stood straight for everyone to see the glittery mess. “You look spectacular!” She cooed, clapping her hands excitedly. “It’s perfect! This is it! This is the dress!”

“You think so, hmm?” I jibed.

Rose made a sour face, or she was mimicking mine. “You don’t look very comfortable in it.

It was hard not to wince. “It’s not at all what I looking to get.”

“That’s because it’s better!” She said with insistent enthusiasm. “Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.” Her excitement almost made me feel bad that I was about to disappoint her. “The bling makes it glamorous, the ruffled skirt gives it sophistication. This is what I’ve always thought is the best look. I think it is absolutely perfect.” 

Sheesh, I didn’t even remember whose wedding I was dressing up for at this point.    

Tamara jutted out her jaw as she looked over the design. “I don’t think it goes with your theme that well. It’s a nice dress and you wear it well, but I think it’s a little too loud.”

“I think it looks good,” Julie repeated. “I really do. This is the one, for sure.”

“Well let’s see if the bride thinks so.” She shot back before looking at me sympathetically. “Rey, is this the dress?”

I didn’t miss a beat. “Not a chance.”

“Rey, you can’t let this dress get away.” Julie sounded imploring now. “It’s too beautiful to pass up.”

“I’m sorry, Julie, but it’s just not for me.” I waved at myself. “Yes, I want to look glamorous at my wedding but not to this extent. It’s overly extravagant. How much is it, anyway?”

Dahlia’s expression turned sheepish, “It’s a little over $12,000.”

I stopped breathing for a moment. “Are you joking?” She shook her head as a negative and I reached for the price tag under my armpit. Sure enough, there I saw the ridiculously high price in black and white. “That’s outrageous!”

My friends had all turned paler than the dresses. Kaydel seemed almost constipated. “My car cost less than that.”

“Zorii didn’t even pay half of that for her Pnina Tornai dress,” Phasma said with disgust. “And her dresses can be very expensive.”

Julie looked around at everyone, oblivious to our shock. “Actually, for that designer, that’s a good price.”

I glared at her, unamused, “What did they make his dress from? Unicorn hair? I better be able to fly in this thing if I’m paying that much money to only wear it one day. I said my budget was $500, not $50,000! What on earth were you thinking, Julie?”

“What?” She asked, seeming mildly offended. “This is too important to worry about cost. You can’t put a price on happiness or perfection. I’m sure Ben will understand. He can take care of the difference.”

My body tensed and I tried to keep my growing temper in check. “We’re not talking about just a couple hundred dollars, this is thousands more.”

Her smirk was devious and taunting, “Honey, you’re making a big deal out of nothing. You should know better than anybody that he’s good for it.”

“Excuse me?” I asked, startled. Had I heard her correctly? Was she suggesting I take advantage of my fiance’s wealth and spend his hard-earned money on my dress?

“Rey,” She stood up from the chair and placed her hand on my shoulder in a lousily comforting manner. “There are so many women that would kill to be in your shoes. Even with your...history, you’ve managed to snag one of the wealthiest eligible bachelors in the city. Enjoy it while you have it. This is an opportunity that can’t go to waste.”

Alright, that’s it. The gloves were coming off! “‘Opportunity’?” I parroted back, pulling away from her. “You think my engagement to Ben is an opportunity? He’s the man that I’m in love with. The man who loves me and my daughter! He’s not just my fiance, he’s my best friend. So don’t you dare insinuate that I’m marrying him for his money and reputation. And let me make something else perfectly clear,” I walked up to her so we were toe-to-toe. “You don’t know anything about my history. Only the stereotypical bits you thought came with every foster kid. You who would stomp her feet at the age of twelve to get her parents to buy something she wanted. I had to work for everything I needed. I’m still doing it.”

“My God, Rey, you’re taking this way too personally.” She admonished, waving her perfectly manicured nails. “I’m not saying that you two aren’t in love, just stating facts. It was nothing personal.”

“Well, you made it personal. You’ve picked out most of the dresses I’ve tried on today, making it about you. This was supposed to be a fun outing with my friends and daughter. I agreed for you to come along to be polite, even though you’ve done nothing to deserve it, and you basically took over the entire appointment. While you may think you were only giving me your opinion, you’ve completely outstepped personal bounds. Also, assuming that my fiancé would pay an outrageous price on a dress just because I ask him to is downright insulting not only to me but also to him when you assume he would throw away his money like that.”

She blushed and her eyes moved around to avoid looking into mine. “Look I didn’t think it was a big deal, I’m sorry.”

“That’s fine, Julie, but I think you should leave.”

Her face twisted at being dismissed but Rose picked up her bags before she could comment and left anyway. We all let out a sigh of relief and Dahlia kindly escorted me back into the changing room.

“I don’t think there are any dresses for me.” I disclosed sadly. “I feel like I’ve lost my grip on what I want vs what I should want. It’s so confusing.”

“Are you sure? Why not try on one more?” She suggested, holding up the hanger for me to see. I gaped at what she was showing me. It was the tea-length dress! The one I’d found earlier. She must’ve grabbed it for me after Julia pulled my attention away.

“It’s not exactly traditional,” She began before setting it on the rack and unzipping the bag. “But, given that it stuck out to you earlier, that may mean something.”

I couldn’t help but agree as she fluffed out the short skirt. I gingerly touched the material of the embroidered overlay that draped over the taffeta fabric. It was so pretty.

“Try it on.” She encouraged, “You may be surprised.”

I bit my lip and nodded. I stepped out of the sparkly disaster and let her get me into the one I’d liked from the beginning. Once I was zipped in, I dared a glance at my reflection and my breath caught. 

For a second, I was shocked. The dress was nothing like I had envisioned growing up. As a little girl, one would expect sparkles and a huge ball gown. Once upon a time, I wanted that too. However, after trying on so many luxurious garments, the simplicity of this one floored me. The short skirt actually complimented the shape of my legs with the shoes being visible. 

“I have one more thing you might like!” Dahlia practically skipped over with something long in her hand. “You said you didn’t mind a little bit of sparkle so,” She wrapped it around my waist and tied it in the back. “Sometimes a bridal belt completes the look.” 

“Wow,” I breathed. She was right, it was perfect. I waved my skirt around experimentally. “I’m getting married.” 

“You are,” She opened the door. “Why don’t we show your friends?”

I walked out one final time for everyone to see. One by one, my friends’ mouths fell open. I walked onto the stage in my final dress and did a quick twirl, earning hoots and applause.

Glancing over at my equally pleased entourage, I asked, “What do you all think? Alice?”

She went, “Yah!” And Tamara waved her little arms as if she were cheering.

“Rey,” Rose wiped the corner of her eye with her knuckle while smiling. “Honey, this dress was made for you. You look stunning.”

Kaydel crossed her arms and shook her head in amazement. “Ben will lose his mind for sure. He is going to bawl the moment he sees you walking down the aisle.”

 “If he doesn’t, she better turn around and do it again until he does it right!” Phasma retorted and began taking pictures of me with her phone. “What do you say, munchkin?”

“Pitty Mama! Pitty!” She chirped and smacked her hands together.

My giggle matched hers as I gave another little twirl and kicked my feet. “This is it! I found my dress!” My laughter couldn’t be contained as I danced around with glee. I looked at Dahlia, still smiling. “Thank you, you’ve sold me. I love it and the belt too, I’ll take them both!”

She shook her head with a pleased smile. “Please, it was my pleasure. Shall we wrap these up?” 

“Yes please!”

***

Rose dropped Alice and me off at the apartment where Ben was chatting with the doorman by the main entrance.

 “Hey you,” He kissed me chastely on the lips and picked up Alice’s carrier while Rose unloaded all of the bags.

“Okay, lovebirds, I gotta go,” Rose called from the driver’s seat. “Finn’s had his hands full with Freddie all day and I promised I would make his favorite tonight. Dealing with her highness wasted valuable time and fun.”

Ben looked at me for understanding. “Do you remember Julie?” He nodded slowly. “Well, we had a little run-in with her.”

“She was an outright female dog.” Rose corrected, keeping her speech family-friendly.

His brow furrowed with worry, “She didn’t bother you did she?”

I could understand why he was unsettled. Last time, she made me doubt myself so much I almost moved out. 

I rubbed his arm. “She just happened to be there and invited herself to join us. Don’t worry, I didn’t let her get to me this time. She took over the appointment for a little while but we eventually kicked her out.”

“She was awesome. Put her in her place it with class and sass, just like we taught her. And, Ben,” She gestured at me with her head before getting back in the car. “Just wait till you see her on the big day.”

His brown eyes noticed the muslin garment bag as she drove away. Along with the other bulky items I was carrying. “You got your dress?”

“I got the dress.” We went inside and caught the elevator. Back in the penthouse, where Bronx waited patiently, I lay all of the items down on the bed.

Ben came in after putting Alice safely in her playpen. “Can I see?” His eyes were bright, and excited as I hung it up in the closet.

When he got close, my fingers interlocked behind his neck and I rubbed my nose with his flirtatiously. “No,”

His lips dropped into a playful pout. “You little tease. How come?”

“Don’t you want to be surprised at the wedding?”

“Oh alright.”  He hummed with reluctant agreement and kissed me again. “Dinner’s almost ready. I’m making crabcakes and fish sticks for the Princess.”

“And for dessert?”

He worked his jaw while his eyes looked down at me with a different kind of hunger. “I was hoping you could help me with that after we put Alice down.”

That sent a flash of heat straight up my neck and all I could utter was a very willing but also flustered, “Okay.”

Chapter Text

The microwave beeped and I pulled out my burrito by the corner of the wrapper. Hissing and flinching from the steam coming from the poke holes as I slid it onto the paper plate. Forgetting my lunch on the counter this morning had me stopping at the closest convenience store for something nutritious. At least by some people's standards. I wasn’t against cheap burritos.

As I carefully peeled the plastic off and let my thoughts drift to the wedding. Last night, before I went to bed, I snuck into the closet to take a peek at my dress while Ben was brushing his teeth. Each time I looked at it, I would get this giddy feeling at the realization that was really happening. He almost caught me once and I had to distract him with what I thought was a poor strip tease but it seemed to get his attention long enough to forget about it.

There have been a few days where he’s hinted at how much he couldn’t wait to see how beautiful I looked in it, knowing full well I intended to keep far away from his eyes until the day. Of course, he was more looking forward to taking it off on our honeymoon.

I could remember the first day back at work after the holidays and telling everyone.

***

I walked in time for Rose to slam her locker shut and glare at me, shouting with a deeper voice than I’d ever heard from her mouth. “You!”

Oh, boy, here we go. “Don’t hurt me!” I begged and ran back out with her hot on my heels.

“Where do you think you’re going?” She demanded.

“I don’t know.” I decided and kept on with my speedwalk. “Somewhere you can’t reach me with those short legs!”

Nothing would deter her, served me right for thinking differently. “Don’t let my height fool you! You could climb to the top of Mount Everest, I’m still getting to you one way or another. How do you think I get things from the top shelf?”

“Finn?”

She rolled her eyes. “Ha ha, yes I use him now if he’s nearby but I can’t wait for him all the time so some days I have to climb to get what I need.” Then her earlier determination came back. “Which is exactly what I’m going to do to you. I am willing to go full-on spider-monkey mode to get a good look at that ring.”

“That depends,” I responded wryly, keeping my left hand safe in my pocket. “Do I get to keep my hand after?”

“It will be determined after I see the rock. Now gimme!” I finally relented and showed it to her. Her brown eyes examined it closely, lighting up with approval. “Wow, Rey,” She whistled. “It’s even more beautiful up close than the photos!”

The giddiness returned, “But,” I pulled a small cord out of my pocket and removed the ring. “I’m going to wear it on this at work so I don’t ruin it.”

She gave an approving nod. “I do the same. It’s the one thing I own aside from my mom’s wedding dress that hasn’t been stained with mud or motor oil.”

“Hi, Rey!” We looked and saw Snap and the others waving with equally excited expressions. “Congrats, you’re getting hitched! Freedom of single life is now over!”

“Don’t you bozos start! I’ve been waiting for these two to get married since I started working here and you’re not ruining it!” Rose grabbed a monkey wrench off the table and they took off. “Hey! Come back here, cowards!”

***

I chuckled softly at the memory as I nibbled on my soggy burrito. Rose was working today, Freddie had caught a cold so she called in to stay home and take care of him. Scrolled through YouTube until my phone rang. Surprised to see that it was the daycare, I answered. “Hello?”

“Yes, hello, Ms. Niima. I’m very sorry to bother you at work, but there’s a situation.”

Forgetting my lunch, I was instantly on high alert. “Is Alice alright?”

“Yes, yes, she’s fine,” She quickly reassured me. “She’s coloring right now.”

That made me sigh with relief with a silent ‘thank you’ to the universe. But my relief quickly dissipated when what she said next made my mind go blank. I had to shake my head a little to come back to Earth. “Wait wait, can you repeat that?”

“Were your parents due to pick her up today?” Huh? This had to be a mistake. I heard the shuffling of some papers. “We keep a copy of all the people on the list who are allowed to check out the kids, but yours doesn’t list them anywhere and I don’t recall you mentioning it when you dropped her off this morning. Due to protocol, we can’t let them check her out and we’ve explained that but they’re starting to become irate. Was there a mistake?”

Finally, her words clicked. “My parents?” This had to be a prank. It had to be. My parents had to have flown back after our disaster of a family reunion. When they wanted me to drop everything and bring Alice to return to the UK with them. Before I fell asleep that night, I’d blocked their email and everything.

Her tone dropped and sounded more grave. “So you didn’t give them permission to come get her today?”

My reply was sharp and quick. “Absolutely not! I didn’t even know they were in the country!”

There was a beat of silence and then she responded steadily. “Do you want us to call law enforcement?”

I ran my fingers through my hair, scratching my nails into my scalp with contemplation. Did I really want to get the police involved? There was no doubt my past would be dug up in this as would theirs. “Not yet, wait for me to get there. I’m leaving now.” My voice quaked with emotion. “Keep them away from Alice.”

“You have my word.” It would have to do. What choice did I have but to trust her?

I failed several times to get my thumb to press the ‘end’ button before she hung up. Then my hands became so sweaty I couldn’t keep my grip on it. Fumbling with it until I finally dropped it. It should’ve been safe with the shockproof case but I handled it so badly that the screen smacked the corner of the table on the way down.

Bracing myself, I picked it up and slowly turned it. Yep, cracked the screen. But it was seeing the cracks over the screensaver image of Alice in a little flower dress smiling at the lens that made my heart pound. They were all over her face. My little girl. It only made it more real.

My mind became cloudy and my steps unsteady as got up from the table and left the break room. “Han.” It was almost mute, my throat and mouth had lost all moisture. My lungs felt like they stopped working. I had to try again, this time a little louder as I tried to walk in a straight line to his office, “Han!”

He appeared through the doorway and peered at me with a worried expression. “What’s wrong?” I gave him a quick blubbered version of what Cindy just told me and he listened intently until the part where I mentioned my parents and then he went rigid and pointed at his Mustang. “Get in. I’m driving.”

Furiously shaking my head I was already leaving for my Jeep. “No, I can go myself.”

“Not when you’re hysterical!” He tried to reason and blocked my path with his body. “Look at you, you’re shaking all over!” He motioned to my whole body with his hand. “No way in Hell can you drive like that. What if you get into a wreck and don’t make it? What would that do to Alice? Or Ben?”

“I—” As much as I wanted to keep arguing with him, I knew he was right. If not an accident, then definitely pulled over by the police for speeding, because I’d planned to. No doubt I’d be in cuffs and in jail before I got there. Also, what if I hurt someone else? I couldn’t have that on my conscience. “Alright, yes you’re right. You’re right.”

He gently patted my shoulder and started leading me toward his car, “C’mon, grab your stuff and wait in the car. Get Alice’s car seat from your Jeep too. I’ll talk with Snap real quick and leave him in charge.”

While he spoke to Snap I was in the locker room fiddling with the combination like I was looking at hieroglyphics instead of numbers. I’ve only memorized the numbers since before this place opened. My head was too scrambled to concentrate. I was half tempted to use a crowbar and pry it open but it thankfully unlocked.

I sprinted back to my car ripped open the backseat and froze. The empty car seat looked more desolate. For a dreadful moment, I imagined it would forever remain so. Pinching myself, I shook the thoughts away and unbuckled it from the seat with quick precision. 

Carrying the bulky thing in my arms, I threw it in the back of Han’s Mustang and jumped in the passenger side. Slammed the door closed a little more harsher than I meant to. Once we were on the road, I called Ben and he picked up immediately.

“Ben! Ben, they came back! They want Alice!”

“Whoa, slow down, Rey, I can’t understand you. Who’s back?” 

After Han shifted gears, he placed his hand on my arm. “Take a breath, kid.”

It took a minute but I was finally able to speak properly but still couldn’t stop my voice from shaking. 

By the time I was finished, he too became frantic. “I’ll be there as soon as I can, you just get our girl.”

“I will,” I vowed, to him and to myself and hung up. 

Han managed to drive the car at a steady speed within the limit while also perfectly timing each traffic light. Which felt like a hundred. I almost wanted to jump out and run the rest of the way.

When the building came within view, I almost ripped the door off while we were still moving. He was barely able to shift it into park when got out and dashed for the front entrance when someone else shouting my name made me freeze in my tracks.

“Hey, Rey!”

I turned around, shocked at who it was. “Phasma, what are you doing here?”

“Ben called me.” She explained as she jogged towards us from her car. “Said it was an emergency and to meet you at the daycare before he got here. What’s going on? Is Alice okay?”

We all walked side-by-side towards the main entrance. “The teacher called and said that her grandparents were here to pick her up.”

She looked confused at first, understandable given that Han was right beside me and he was the only person considered a grandparent, then I watched it click and she almost lost her footing. “You’re not saying—” Her eyes went wide. “It’s them?”

“For their sake, I hope not,” I vowed and threw the door open. My cool was diminishing more and more by the minute. In just a few hundred feet, my parents were trying to take my baby. This was war.

The receptionist was on the phone talking worriedly on the phone, but when she saw me she hung up the call and jumped up from her desk. “Ms. Niima!”

I went straight to the point. “Where are they?”

“They're down the hall, this way,” She came around the wooden table and led us. “Cindy is dealing with them; she’s been keeping them out of the classroom.”

“What exactly did these people say when they showed up?” Han carefully asked her.

“They came in and said they were here to get Alice. That you’d asked them to and you would meet them later. Ms. Niima always informed us if someone from the list would be arriving or leaving with her, so when you didn’t say anything and they arrived, we knew something was off. That’s why we had Cindy call you.”

“Thank you for doing that.” My blood was boiling to the point where I felt I was on fire but I kept a level head so as not to unintentionally lash out. “I won’t go into details but our history is less than great. We don’t have a relationship.”

Then we came around a corner and that’s when I heard them.

“This has to be the most ridiculous childcare center in the state!” A man loudly proclaimed. “What is taking so long?”

Cindy was standing in front of the door, hands on her hips, having a stare down with the two figures of my past. There they stood, not much had changed in their appearance since the last time I saw them. Dressed in casual daywear fit for the spring weather. Maybe a little cleaner with my father’s trimmed beard and my mother’s hair in an updo with simple makeup. They looked normal and friendly.

Unfortunately, I knew too well that they were everything but.

Right now, it was Imogen who Cindy was arguing with. “Ma’am, we told you it’s nap time. We don’t want to wake the other kids.”

My mother waved her finger a little too close to her face. “Then just be really quiet in getting her, I don’t see how that’s so hard!”

“You and your husband need to settle down or I’ll have to escort you both off the premises,” Cindy stated firmly. 

“Who’s in charge here?” Liam demanded as if he held some position of authority.

“I’m in charge.” She parroted it back, I could see she was beyond annoyed. At that point, she spotted me and continued talking. “As such, I enforce that we can’t just let you walk out of here with her if you’re not on the list.”

Imogen stomped her knockoff heels. “We have rights! If you don’t give us our grandchild we’ll call the police!” It was while she waved her arms that I noticed the small backpack she was carrying in one hand with characters from Paw Patrol on it, obviously meant for a child.

The red flags were already waving after the phone call but once I saw that, all of my internal alarms went off.

Any sense of calmness I had left was gone. My voice was low and menacing. “You.” They went still as statues as if they’d disappear from sight. “Did you really think I wouldn’t be called?” They still appeared mute now. “You have two minutes to explain yourselves, then you leave. The clock is ticking.”

They slowly turned to finally face me, their once angry faces now appeared filled with uncertainty. “Rey, we were going to surprise you—” Imogen tried to start but Cindy cut her off.

“That was not what you said before.” She alleged accusingly at her. “You said she asked you to come get her.”

Caught in their own lie, my mother quickly tried to backtrack, “Yes, right, I meant that it was supposed to be a surprise but—”

“Even if this were true, pulling my daughter out of daycare without my knowing is not the kind of surprise you want to spring on me.” It was hard not to scream at her but I had to fight and not lose my cool in a building filled with small children that were only a few feet away. “You have one minute left.”

“I’d take that seriously and start talking,” Han warned them grimly, stepping beside me.

Imogen looked down her nose at him incredulously. “And who are you?”

The corner of his lip mouth lifted but he didn’t smile. “Your future in-law.”

“We came back a couple of weeks ago.” Liam quickly explained before she could fling back something else. “I was offered a small job that paid well.”

It didn’t sound like a lie. “What kind of job?” Then I saw the sheepish look on his face. Not a lie but it was obvious whatever it was, it wasn’t legal. “Never mind, I don’t think I want to know. Next question; how did you know I was engaged? All of my social media is private.”

“We could still see your profile picture on Facebook,” Imogen admitted, pulling out her phone and showing me the picture I already knew she was talking about. It showed Ben, Alice, and myself in one of the engagement photos we took from our shoot a couple of months back.

No doubt they recognized Ben from the pictures I’ve shown them before when he and I were only ‘friends’. Looking back, I remembered that they suspected there was something more going on. Knowing that, between the three of us looking happy and the shiny ring on my finger, that was all they needed to put two and two together.

“See, Rey? You lie too.” She suddenly said nonchalantly like she’d gotten somewhere. Apparently “I thought it was interesting because I remember you adamantly denying there was anything going on between you. But I see that nice diamond ring you’re wearing and that says differently.”

“I didn’t lie. Back then we weren’t.” I asserted. “Things change over time.”

“So you are sleeping with him then?”

My eyes rolled. “Yes, we are and it’s great!” I shouted with malicious glee making them blush profusely. “Shall I tell you what positions are our favorites next? Or maybe we’ll take pictures next time and send them to you. Will that make you feel better?”

I heard Phasma snicker behind me and Cindy was pressing her lips tight together but still gave me a wink. Han’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink and looked around everywhere but at us, uncomfortable. Oops. Right, awkward to be talking about sex when the father of your partner is in the same room.

“Now that we’ve cleared the part of my personal life up, here’s my next question. How did you know I brought Alice here?”

Beads of sweat came down Liam’s forehead and he wiped them with his arm. “We followed you from the gym your fiancé owns to that fancy tall building you’ve been staying in. One day your mother waited till you left in your jeep, and followed you here and to your workplace.”

Knots and turns moved my stomach around as I absorbed this new information. “You’ve been stalking us and then you tried to steal her?!”

“You don’t have to make it sound so bad. It was you who wouldn’t let us see her.” She said as if she’d earned the defense. “We just want to spend time with our granddaughter. When we were here last time, you didn’t even bring her to meet us.”

“For good reason! That’s my decision to make, I’m her mother.” I just wanted them far far away from me and my baby. The longer I spent around them, the more agitated I was getting. “Time’s up. Leave and never come back. I don’t want you near me, my daughter, my fiance, or anyone else in my life. I want you gone.”

Liam stepped a little too close for comfort, “I don’t know where this self-righteous attitude came from, Rey, but as your father, I’m telling you now that you need to show your mother and me proper respect. I’ll forgive you for being angry at us but at the very least you owe us that.”

Heat. That’s what I felt, heat. Starting from the back of my neck and then throughout the rest of my body. Forgive me? They forgive me? Comfort be damned, I broke the remaining distance between us. His greater height failed to intimidate me. “You should pray if I ever forgive you. I can only give you the same respect you’ve given me my whole life…none. I don’t owe you anything.”

A scream sounded at the same time my head suddenly swung to the side after the words left my mouth. There was a good two seconds before I registered what had just happened. The slap came so suddenly. I wasn’t even one hundred percent sure I’d felt it but the new burning sting on my cheek and the slight taste of blood in my mouth was a clear indication it did in fact happen. 

In the corner of my eye, with my vision now red, I could see Han was about to step in and retaliate but my knee-jerk reaction, however, reacted much more quickly. My curled fist, which I’d been keeping at my side, struck home on my father’s face, hitting him in the eye.

After that first swing, Han grabbed my arm and roughly yanked me back to stop me from planting another one as my father staggered on his feet. “Deep breaths,” he urged into my ear until the red haze slowly faded and I could see again. He helped me get it under control even as my heart continued to race.

With his hand still keeping me grounded I face my parents once more. “Let me make something perfectly clear,” I could barely recognize my own voice as my body filled with adrenaline. It was darker, more grave than I’ve ever sounded. My eyes also landed on my mother as well while I spoke. “You two may have fumbled in the dark and given me life and nursed me, but that’s all. After five years, you were done with me. No love or comfort, not even a bloody phone call. You chose to leave me! You’re not going to play your selfish games with my daughter.”

Liam hissed in pain as he pressed the heel of his palm against his eye while glaring daggers at me with the other. “Spread your legs for a rich man and now you think you’re better than us, you little tramp!”

“That’s it!” Phasma snapped and moved with lightning speed before I could react this time. She reached for his arm and twisted it behind his back. “You don’t want to play nice, then you deal with me.” 

He winced and groaned as she forced him back to walk forward. “Did you not see what she did? She punched me!”

“You slapped her and then fell on your face, that’s what I saw.” Cindy decided nonchalantly with a shrug and looked at the receptionist, “This is done now. Adora, call the cops.”

The older lady ran back to her desk and when my mother moved to reach for me next, Han blocked her path and gave her a harsh stare that made her shrink back slightly. He pointed in the direction Phasma and Liam were headed. “March. I don’t want to put my hands on a woman, especially since we’re technically going to be in-laws at some point, and the only reason I didn’t knock your husband on his ass was because your kid did it for me. Overdue if you ask me. You both had it coming for years.” Her mouth opened to retort but shut when he proceeded to lean more towards her. “If we weren’t in daycare and somewhere more remote, I would’ve let her go to town on his ass and not cough up a word. Bet on it.”

For the first time in my life, I saw a glimmer of fear in her eyes. He meant every word and she could tell. Then when they darted to me they looked even more startled.

That’s right. I thought to her with bitterness. I don’t care who you are; if you touch me or my child it’s fair game.

After he took her away and I was left alone with Cindy I steadily turned to her and choked, “I would like to take my daughter, please.”

***

I never would get tired of seeing how Alice would light up whenever she saw me come to pick her up. Today was no different. Thankfully unaware of what happened right outside the room she was in, the moment she saw me walk in she dropped what she was doing and totted her little chubby legs over to me.

“Momma gots owie?” She’d asked when we were outside. Her tiny hand touched my cheek with a worried expression.

The concern in her brown eyes for someone so small and innocent was something I couldn’t put into words. My little one with the heart of a thousand hearts. 

“Momma’s ok, my love,” I murmured assuringly to her with a smile.

She made a face that didn’t appear convinced and she lay a little peck on my cheek. “Kiss betta!”

A fresh wave of emotion almost made my knees wobble. My sweet thoughtful little girl. “Thank you, Alice,” I gave her a kiss back on her head, sniffing the remnants of the baby shampoo from the night before. As she played with my necklace I thanked the universe for this little moment in spite of the circumstances that surrounded it.

The police had arrived some minutes before, mostly uneventful so far. No one was in cuffs yet, much to my dismay. They were in the middle of questioning my parents, handcuffed when Ben rolled up. 

“Rey! Alice!” I turned to the sound of his voice. He slammed his car door shut on his Tahoe and ran at us at full speed. He wrapped us both into his strong arms and he felt around to make sure we were both in one piece. “Are you alright? Did they hurt her?”

Alice was a little grumpy because it was supposed to be her nap time. She’d slowly been trying to doze off in my arms until she saw Ben, then she was wide awake. “Dada!” Blabbing joyfully as he covered her face in worried kisses. 

“Hi, Princess,” He breathed, a little placated. “You gave Dada a scare.”

“She’s fine, “ I assured him while patting her soft back. “The teachers kept them away from her.”

I shouldn’t have let the gap go one too long because Alice needed to make sure he knew. “Dada, Momma gots owie!”

Thanks, Alice. Tattletale! It wasn’t like I was going to hide it from him but that didn’t mean I was jumping to show it either. His eyes zeroed in on the mark on my cheek and he cupped my chin before I could turn my head. “What is this?”

“It’s fine, it doesn’t hurt,” I said, trying to sound unbothered.

Ignoring me, he pressed on, “They hit you? Who was it?”

There weren’t any words in the English dictionary that would tame this level of anger in his eyes. It was new even for me.

I didn’t tell him but I couldn’t stop from taking a quick glance at my father. 

It was all Ben needed. A shadow cast over his gaze as the muscles in his jaw ticked. The calmness he had two minutes ago was suddenly a thing of the past. He let go of us and started toward his target.

Phasma came to hold onto his arm, shaking her head, “They’ve got him, Ben, you don’t have to do anything.”

Shaking her off, he removed his jacket and threw it on the ground with no intention of stopping walking. “You think you can just show up, kidnap my child, and put your hands on my fiancée?” He moved to grab a hold of my father’s jacket but the officer jumped in his way. “Let me through!”

My father growled while another cop held him back. “Rey and Alice belong with us, you can’t keep us away from our family.”

“Wrong, they’re my family!” Ben corrected him matter-of-factly. You don’t know the meaning of the word. No real parent would do what you and your wife did to your child.”

“Don’t talk to me about taking care of my family. Alice isn’t even your daughter; you’ve only been taking care of her for a couple of years.” He scoffed quietly. “She’ll never be yours.”

“She is mine!” Ben’s voice cracked at his declaration. The emotion was so raw that it was evident in his eyes. “I held her first. I’m the one who would get up in the middle of the night and help Rey with her. I’m the one who would watch her on my days off while she was at work. I’m the one who has been with her every single day since she came into this world. That is a parent. It hasn’t been long and I intend to stick around permanently for both of them. Alice is my little girl. Mine and Rey’s. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her safety. Even if that meant keeping you two far away from her.”

Alice started sobbing and reached out for him. “Dada!”

Only then did he go still. The sound of Alice's desperate cry for him. He backed away from the officer to look back at the wriggling toddler in my arms. The dangerous glint in his eye softened as he gazed at us both.

“Kid, don’t do anything stupid,” Han warned sternly then spotted the ride car driving up and gave a sigh of relief. “Finally, the cavalry arrives.”

A man who looked to be in his seventies stepped out of the vehicle. Dressed in a tan business suit with shiny silver cufflinks and a brown leather briefcase. He had black hair with streaks of gray slicked back and clean-cut mustache that curved upward when he smiled. Had a nice set of pearly whites too. “So this is what you’ve got me bringing out my lawyer gear for, Han.” The stranger said and he looked at Ben. “Looks like I got here just in time.”

Ben’s eyes bugged slightly but of surprise. “Lando, what are you doing here? I thought you were in Rome.”

“Yeah, I’m back for a while.” The newcomer replied and had a brotherly hug with Han.

So this was the famous Lando Calrissian, Ben’s godfather. They told me about him over the holidays and even showed me some photos back from their “heydays” as they’d called it. and I remembered briefly there was a point he had stepped away while we were waiting for the cops. At the time, I thought he was using the restroom but it seemed that he actually made a phone call for some legal help.

“Actually I called him for Rey.” He explained when they let go of each other. “Your girl already got him back.”

I looked down, feeling both justified and ashamed. “It’s true.”

There was a moment of pause and then Ben looked at my father again. When he finally noticed the black eye, he snorted. “Rey did that to you, huh?” He sounded proud. “Hits like a truck, doesn't she? Yeah, I’ve been there. She’s clearly made her point so there’s nothing else for me to do.”

He stepped away with hands up, assuring the deputies his intentions were true. Then he was back with us. “So you planted a good one on him.” 

“Call it a knee-jerk reaction.” I lamented, showing him my bruised knuckle. “I’m not proud of it. What if Alice had seen me lash out?”

“But she didn’t.” He reminded me softly and laid a single kiss on the darkened skin. “Besides, if you hadn’t then Dad would’ve. Or Phasma. 

Han brought Lando over to introduce us. “So this is her, huh?” I heard him ask Han quietly before shaking my hand. “Nice to finally meet the lady of my godson’s dreams. Lando Calrissian is the best defense attorney in the country. I used to go head to head with his mother.” 

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” I commented with a wry look. “Han’s told me you’re good at what you do. Also, you’re a terrible flirt.”

He barked out a laugh that was all too telling. “Did, dear. I’m retired. But I’m always willing to lend a hand to a friend. And the ladies love me, what can I say?” He then gave Ben a small pat on the arm. “I’m here to make sure she doesn’t get into any trouble for that hit. They’ll understand it was self-defense, I give you my word.”

“What if he presses charges against me?”

“Won’t matter because we’ll be filing an order of protection first.”

Right on cue, two officers came to speak with us.  “We’re going to have to fill out a report back at the station.” The deputy said, “We’ll need a written statement from all the witnesses in fact.”

“I’ll bring mine and Ms. Lindell’s statements by later this evening after I close the daycare. In the meantime, she can give you the CCTV footage from the hallway.” Cindy proposed and glanced down at her watch. “I’m sorry but I have to relieve one of my teachers.”

The well-trimmed officer nodded, “Thank you, Miss, That would be much appreciated.”

She bobbed her nicely styled hair one last time before going back inside.

I turned to Ben, “Would you please get Alice's car seat? It’s in Han’s car.”

He nodded with an, “I’ll be right back.” And followed his dad.

“Shall I meet you guys there?” Phasma offered. “I already messaged Tamara that I was going to be late.”

“That sounds good. Thank you for coming, Phas,”

She smiled and smoothed over Alice’s brown curls. “Anything for this one, and you.” With one last hug, she left too. Lando got in with Han and Ben was soon finished installing the seat in the car before he came back for us.

I thankfully didn’t have to see a lot of the inside of a police station growing up but that didn’t make the experience any less daunting. The whole situation was tense. True to his word, however, Lando was able to get me off with a warning for hitting my father as it was in self-defense and I had no violent history.

Most of my attention was trained on my parents the entire time. Even when I was filling out my statement, I’d carefully peek at them to make sure they hadn’t moved. Later on, they were separated and taken away, their hands still cuffed behind them.

It still didn’t feel real even when they were officially out of sight. That was the last time I would ever lay eyes on the very people who gave me life. The detective explained that they’d likely face kidnapping charges and spend a few years behind bars before being deported back to the UK and then blacklisted again. This time permanently.

It was twilight by the time we left the station. We drove home in silence aside from the low tune of the radio. We barely paid any attention to the station. The slings sounded like they could’ve been from the forties. Somehow they fit with the mood. The outside scenery moved past the windows in a dark blur. Ben kept hold of my left hand the entire time, his thumb would brush against the ring and would squeeze my fingers every so often. His whisky-colored eyes would look up at his rearview mirror to check on Alice while she played with the velcro of her shoes. Between holding my hand and checking on her so often, it seemed like he was trying to reassure himself we were in fact in the car with him.

I’d only thought about how this had affected me, I couldn’t imagine what was going on in his head. Seeing him go from worried to furious was not new to me but today was so different. 

Han drove back with Lando to the garage to pick up my jeep, promising to bring it to the building so I wouldn’t have to make the trip later.

There was no real relief until we were back in the apartment, our home. The place that started out as temporary became my safe haven. Pieces of me were now present on the walls and the furniture. This was where I was safe. I greeted Bronx with extra enthusiasm as even he was a sight for sore eyes. My face got covered in slobber from his big tongue while he jumped all over me.

I got to feeding Alice her dinner while Ben took Bronx out for a long walk. Said he wanted to clear his head. I understood perfectly.

Alice ate her macaroni and peas without fuss, mostly, she was still trying to figure out her spoon. Her fingers were still her favorite tool of choice at the moment. However, she had gotten much better at keeping the food on the tray instead of on the floor. 

My only problem was that I was slowly feeling the little resolve I had left fall apart. On the inside, I wanted to scream. Throw things and pull at my hair until I become bald. Everything from this day was wearing down on me and I had to push it all back so she wouldn't see me break. I couldn’t break in front of her. Not ever.

It was almost a relief when she fell asleep during bath time.

At some point, I wandered back into the foyer to look for my phone. I dug around my bag until I found it and was met with the cracked screen from earlier.

Maybe the adrenaline had worn off or it was from the knowledge that my daughter was nearly kidnapped only hours ago. Though the attempt had been thwarted, it was still an attempt. 

Suddenly I was remembering the burrito I had eaten earlier in a less good light. The unmistakable yet horrible feeling of it coming back upstream made me run to the small toilet room and lock the door.

***

“Rey?” I heard a soft rap. “Sweetheart, please open the door.”

I don’t know how long I’d been in here. Maybe a half hour? It was hard to keep track of time in between intervals of puking my guts out. It felt never-ending even after I thought my stomach was empty. My head was pounding, my throat scratchy, my skin sweaty and clammy all over and I felt dizzy. I was holding my hair in one hand and a damp rag in the other.

Ben had been trying to cajole me into letting him inside. Something I wasn’t too keen on, given my current state. used to. I also hated making him worry. I managed to reach for the lock behind me just in time for my stomach to cramp again. It was so intense and suffocating I had to brace the bowl with both hands as I dry heaved.

I felt his large hands peel back the sweaty strands of hair and stroke me along my spine. It stayed like that for another minute, tremors had taken over my whole body. After I few more minutes, my hand fumbled searching for the handle for what was hopefully the last time. I wiped my mouth with the rag and let him help me stand so I could use the sink.

“Here,” he murmured after I rinsed my mouth. He was holding a bottle of orange Gatorade with a small smile. “To help you rehydrate.”

Thanking him, I took it and the tangy taste was secondary as my body craved the nutrients with each gulp. I drank it until it was completely empty, that was when my head was clear enough for me to notice the moisture gathering in his eyes. 

“Ben?”

The next thing I knew, I was nearly smothered in embrace. His arms caging me to him, his hand carding the back of my head. I was even more surprised when I felt him shake and started crying.

“I wasn’t there.” He wept, tightening his hold around me. “You got hurt and I wasn’t there to stop it.”

It hit me then. How terrified he too must’ve been after I called him. I could only imagine what he went through while I had been dealing with my own worry. But he hadn’t been worried about just Alice's safety, he also feared for mine. He knew my history better than anyone thus he already bore resentment towards my parents for what I went through. Even though he’d never met them before today.

Then he arrived and found us safe but that I’d been hurt. Not terribly, but it was enough to almost send him over the edge.

“The entire time I had that same feeling of helplessness I had when I found you beneath that deck.” I felt him sob with the confession. “Only it was so much worse because it wasn’t just you this time. I promised I’d protect you and I’ve already let you down. What kind of husband or father would I be if I let it happen?”

My already sore eyes grew damp once more and I found myself leaning further into him. “You didn’t let anything happen.” One hand holding onto his shirt curled into a fist while I reached up with the other to comb through the hair at the nape of his neck. “You came for us when we needed you, that’s what matters.”

“For you and Alice, always.”

We remained locked together for a few minutes until we pulled away, wiping each other’s tears, and headed to our room. We changed clothes in silence and I was already under the covers when he went to brush his teeth.

Exhausted, I was already drifting off and barely felt him get in with me until his large hand came and pulled me so I was flush against him. Spooning me from behind like he was protecting me from the outside world.

“Just…let me hold you. Please,” He whispered into my ear, his tone almost begging. “I need you close right now.”

It wasn’t that we didn’t normally snuggle, we did, but I knew what he meant. I wiggled in his hold so I could roll over and face him. With our noses touching, I tentatively traced the marks on his face. I let out two words, “I’m here.”

He leaned close to lay a small peck on my lips and one on my forehead. Once again his arms came around me like a boa constrictor. “I’m here too. I love you.”

Finally, feeling reassured, I was able to smile as I tucked myself under his chin. “I know. I love you too.” 

One Month Later

Han gave me the following week off to let me spend time with Alice. Ben followed suit and we packed up some bags, Alice’s toys, and Bronx’s leash and rented a small cabin for a few days in the mountains. It was perfect. To have the headspace away from the city was so therapeutic. Just the four of us, no work or responsibilities, only fun and quality time.

I was almost sad to go back home but it was the break we needed. After the ordeal with my parents, it was everything. Life had to continue but at least there was something for me to look forward to I could focus on.

The wedding.

Standing in the far corner of my closet, I bit my bottom lip as I slowly pulled down the zipper of the garment bag. Giddiness made my face split into a wide grin as I caught the first glance at the white material and marveled at my dress for the millionth time.

Next fall, I was getting married. With each passing day, it got more and more real. Ben had a new habit that consisted of taking my hand to kiss the ring followed by a deep loving look in his eyes.

“Sweetheart, you in there?” ZIP! I yanked the zipper back up and shoved it to the far end of the rack and covered it with some coats.

“Yep!” I turned around with a beaming smile and walked out with a skip in my step. “What’s up?”

Ben was holding the laundry basket in one arm while flinging off the pillowcases with the other, “I’m doing the darks, did you have anything you wanted to throw in?” He paused and took one look at me that told me in an instant I was caught. “You were looking at your dress again weren’t you?”

I rocked on the balls of my feet, smiling so hard my face hurt. “Maybe.”

He groaned and threw down to the basket to chase after me, “You’re such a tease! Lemme see!”

“I don’t think so.” I let out a yelp when he suddenly grabbed me by the waist and plopped me on top of the dryer. His lips were on mine before I could do anything and he used my surprised gasp to immediately slide his tongue inside. Giving in, I swung up my arms to wrap around his neck to bring him even closer. He hummed with approval when my legs came around his hips, refusing to let any space come between us. I only gave enough for him to remove his shirt so I could get a glimpse of his glorious bare chest.

Then the phone rang.

“Ignore it,” He muttered without moving his mouth away.

“It could be Phas,” I tried to argue. “I need to get it.”

He growled, “No,” And started kissing me again, effectively shutting me up. The phone eventually stopped ringing and I almost lost myself in the kiss again. His hands had slipped under my shirt and were working on my bra clasp when it rang again.

With an apologetic smile, I hopped off the appliance and answered. Sure enough, it was her. “Hey, Phas, you’re on speaker.”

“Hi, Rey, please tell me you’re both dressed.”

I snuck another quick peek at Ben’s naked chest and bit my lip. “Mostly.”

“No thanks to you, Phasma!” He shouted, muffled as he threw his shirt back on, knowing she would still hear him. “That’s twice now. Interrupt us again and you’re fired.”

“Ha! Good luck finding a better fencer than me!”

He looked at me and I said, “Don’t even think about it.”

“You missed the turn!” She suddenly exclaimed, almost making me drop the phone.

“I did not, I’m taking a different route.” I heard Tamara say defensively on the line. 

“For what?” Phasma complained. “What’s wrong with the one we normally take?”

“This one’s quicker.”

“You’re sure about that?” I heard her snort. “You need to take the pass to—”

“Quit backseat driving!”

“I’m not, this is front-seat driving. Big difference.”

There was a beat of silence and, for a second, I was almost worried. “Hello?”

Still no response. Then my phone exploded with two sets of voices arguing over each other from the driving to the music. The bickering continued until I heard Tamara ask, “And just what is wrong with Taylor Swift?”

“Just give me the aux cord!”

“No! My car, my tunes!”

“How many times do we have to hear her sing about her exes?”

“Keep your paws off my CD!”

We both rolled our eyes. How did they go from arguing their choice of route to the music? “Right, yep, we’ll see you in a bit. Love you, bye!” I hung up and gave him a wary look. “I guess the honeymoon’s over.”

He shrugged one shoulder, unbothered. “It’s fine. Just think,” His tone lowered an octave. “That’ll be us next year. Bickering over stupid stuff.”

“We do that now.” I pointed out, remembering an incident a week ago. “You still forget to put the toilet seat cover down. I can still feel the cold water on my arse.” In the middle of the night last week, I’d blindly searched for the toilet and ended up sliding right into the bowl. My surprised yell woke him up and he came barging in, afraid I’d really hurt myself. Only to bust out in tear-jerking laughter once he found me.

“You mean just like you leaving your hair in the shower drain?” He hit back without missing a beat. My lips pressed together tightly. “Sweetheart, I could make a wig.”

I felt my face grow warm and threw his shirt back at him. “Yes, yes, I’m just as bad, I know. I’m sorry. Can’t we just kiss and make it better?”

“How could I refuse? Come here,” Wrapping one arm around my neck, he pulled me in for another dizzying kiss. “You’re an angel.” He leaned down again and stopped midway when we heard a loud ding-dong!

We turned our heads to the foyer. “That can’t be them.” He moved down again but I pressed a finger to his lips, stopping him.

“If I let you keep kissing me then who knows how long whoever it is will be standing out there?”

“Is that such a bad thing?” He mumbled against my finger with a sad frown. “If it’s important, they can come back later.”

“No, because we’re not rude.” I chastised him. Oh, God, those puppy dog eyes! He was so cute when he pouted like that. I moved my finger and held his face so I could kiss him on the nose. When he tried to pull me against him I quickly ducked out of his hold and followed the sound of the doorbell. I swore that I heard him say “cockblockers” followed by a frustrated groan.

When I saw who it was on the other side, I threw the door open. “Mr. Valentine!”

The blind gentleman grinned as did the lovely woman on his arm.  “Good day to you, Ms. Niima. How is everyone?”

“We’re all doing very well, thank you.” I then smiled at the woman on his arm I’d recognized from his photos. “And you must be the Missus. He’s told me so much about you.” I offered my hand and she readily took it. “Nice to finally meet you.”

“The pleasure’s all mine, my husband has told me a lot about you and Mr. Solo.” She said kindly. Her voice was sweet and plaintive as she handed me an envelope. “The mailman made a little mishap and left this in our mailbox. When I told my husband the name and unit number, he got very excited and decided to use it as an excuse to introduce us.”

“Can you blame me for wanting to know how the wedding planning was going?” He defended with a grumble. Behind his sunglasses, I saw his brows furrow. “Besides, I’m the one who gave her the nudge to tell him how she felt. They owe me.”

“Thanks again, Mr. Valentine!” Ben's rehearsed tone called from the living area. “How’ve you been enjoying your tea subscription?” 

The older man barked out a good hearty laugh and patted his wife’s hand. “I assure you it was a good investment, Mr. Solo.”

“Do you have a date planned?” His wife asked me.

I nodded. “Next September. Alice is going to be the flower girl.”

“You must send us an invitation.” He urged softly and Diamond tapped her hoof.

“Without question. Diamond’s also invited.” I told them in a mock-serious tone.

“I do love weddings.” Mrs. Valentine proclaimed and she looked into her husband’s sunglasses. “I’m sure it won’t be a problem for me to get someone to watch Mother.”

“How is she?”

“That’s sweet of you to ask. She has her good days and bad days.” She said, sounding a little more tired. “But for the most part, she’s well. I fly back in a few days.”

“Well, I wish her the best and I hope you both can make it.”

They both congratulated us again before saying their goodbyes and walking back to the elevator. The miniature pony trotted with them on her tiny hooves.

“What is it?” Ben asked after I closed the door.

“Not sure,” I mused while examining it in my hand.

PATERNITY COURT

Curious, I sliced the top with the letter opener and unfolded the contents. I skimmed along the sentences and what I read sent my stomach to the ground. Just when I’d thought I had gone over the toughest hurdle in my life…another one slaps me in the face.

“Rey?” I hadn’t noticed him until he placed his hand on my shoulder. “Sweetheart, you’re turning pale, talk to me.”

“Ben,” My hands were already shaking as I kept looking over the same sentence. “This is a summons to a court show.” His eyes bugged. “Armitage wants me to prove Alice’s paternity on live television!”

Chapter Text

When the letter from Paternity Court arrived in the mail, I didn’t know whether to scream, cry, or hit something. So I ended up grabbing the closest thing next to me, which was a giant duck squishmallow that seemed to suffice for all three. That poor duck probably needed therapy after the torment I put it through. It took a few minutes but when I was done decompressing, Ben took the letter and stuffed it in a drawer. Assured me that we would look it over and discuss it more with Lando tomorrow. My mind was whirling but I still wanted to go over the flower arrangements. I didn't want Armitage ruining it for me. With my mind made up, he called Phasma and gave her a brief explanation and she responded that they would pick up some food on the way over and would be a couple of hours longer. 

What I didn’t realize at the time was they got everyone last minute to pick a food item, no matter how random, and completely sloth out while discussing wedding planning.

“When are you going to be done with that?”

Rose rolled her eyes without stopping from squeezing more batter out of the piping bag in perfect circles. “Macarons need precision and patience so they all look identical and have enough room to spread without touching each other.

Kaydel’s lips trilled. “And just what makes you the macaron expert?” She challenged

“I’m half French. My dad’s from Enflor,” Rose deadpanned. “Trust me, they learn to make these while they’re in diapers. Besides, you’re making a pizza, what do you need a piping bag for?”

That only made her cross her arms over her floral apron that read ‘Lucy’s cooking!’. “Oh, pick! Pick! Pick! It’s not the bag, it’s the rectangle pan I want. I like my pizzas humongous.” They continued to banter playfully among the others. There was a mixture of different aromas floating around and they were all finding their way in and out of my nose. Our kitchen and dining area had been ransacked by my friends.

As they went on, I put another sticky tab on another bouquet I fancied in the magazine I was reading before moving on to the next page. While I was grateful for the distraction, my mind kept racing back to what happened earlier.

Was I really considering bringing my daughter across the country to prove something I already knew? Publicly, no less. To make it worse, earlier I thought I’d torture myself some more by going online and watching existing episodes after she was put down for a nap. Three videos later I already regretted it. Some of the people who went on displayed such immature behavior that I wondered if I was watching a high school drama. While some of the parents were teenagers, most of them were grown adults. On paper only it seemed though.

Each episode was a little less than half an hour long. It would range from men listening to their overbearing mothers to women swearing from start to finish that there was only one lover at the time of conception when there were two others. The relationships were all over the place. Extramarital affairs. High school sweethearts. Open relationships that got “complicated”. Side chicks and side dudes. They were all a mess.

Then there was one hit a little close to home where a man and his new wife were trying to make his ex look bad by accusing her of sleeping around with no proof and that their three-year-old son wasn’t his. He was the definition of a creep. A wannabe bad-boy influencer or whatever. 

When they were going together, he was nineteen and she was seventeen. Met at a movie premiere at their town’s cinema and he quickly seduced her with the older guy's appeal with promises of being taken care of and provided for. Said he’d give her the world if she asked and all of that rot. When she fell pregnant three months into the relationship, living in an extremely religious house, the kind that didn’t believe in sex before marriage or discussing birth control but wouldn’t consider that their teenager may be seduced by a charming predator, they disowned her on the spot. To that day, she still hadn’t spoken or seen her parents since. They had yet to meet their grandson as well.

After they kicked her out, she moved in with her boyfriend, who had no job and lived with his parents, mooching off of their social security and retirement fund. He was afraid of getting in trouble for impregnating a minor and going to jail so he used that as an excuse to convince her to drop out of school, which she ended up doing. His parents were more demanding that she work instead of him because they too blamed her for being the “irresponsible one”. Ignoring the fact that their adult son knocked up a teenager. So she was the one who had to pay for their share of bills and food while he played video games all day long. 

She did end up getting a part-time job as a barista in a small cafe, it wasn’t much but it was something. However, that didn’t stop the stares and ridicule around where she was living. She must’ve slept around a lot to be pregnant so young. Wonder if it was planned or not. Maybe she just wants to be a lazy housewife so her man does all the work.

She dealt with all of that throughout the whole pregnancy. To make matters worse, the relationship plummeted fairly early on when her boyfriend realized his version of domesticity wasn’t a thing. Sex became non-existent because she would come home exhausted from being on her feet for several hours, dealing with rude customer orders, and—oh yeah, being pregnant with his child. This led to a lot of strain and it wasn’t long before it was all on the rocks. When she was halfway through her second trimester, she came home from work early and found him in bed with another woman, his now wife. Someone he’d been seeing for a few weeks. He normally brought her over when she was at work and then she’d leave after a few hours. His parents knew about it the whole time too. No one told her. Then to add insult to injury, he kicked her out.

By then she was already eighteen and thankfully she’d made friends with a few of her coworkers and one of the females, who had been trying to convince her to leave him already and came as a witness to testify. She offered her a room that her previous roommate had vacated recently for her a few hundred dollars less than what she advertised it online for so she could use the rest for the baby. Despite being an atheist herself, her friend also found another church far away from her family’s and was more open and empathetic, happy to have her join the flock and then the baby after it was born. 

She and her coworker carpooled as often as possible but they didn’t always have the same shift, so she would often take the bus to work or to the doctor. With help, she was able to apply for food stamps and other assistance programs. Having those also earned her some judgemental looks from strangers whenever she went grocery shopping. The church she joined even donated some clothes formula, a small buggy, and some canned goods.

After she gave birth, she had to go back to work after only three weeks of maternity leave because it was unpaid. About a month after that, she took on a second part-time job working a graveyard shift as a server at a twenty-four-hour diner. Her sleep pattern wasn’t good, varying from three to six hours a day when she wasn’t working or taking care of her son. 

All in all, despite all that, they both seemed well. She was still not in touch with her family but had found a new sort of peace in her life. She had her coworker and her fellow churchgoers. Yet, like me, she received no word or support from her ex. He cut himself out of the picture entirely so he could enjoy his new hot wifey.

What made them come on the show was after her son got sick. She tried to get a hold of her ex to see if his family had any illnesses that may be genetic but he ignored all of her calls and messages.  Then when she saw him at a grocery store, they got into an altercation. They bumped into each other and that was all it took. She’d broken down, seeing him after so long, and let him have it. Right in the household goods aisle. She called him a ‘deadbeat loser’ and selfish for knocking her up and then leaving her to fend for herself and the baby. Remembering how much he loved being on camera apparently, she called the show.

When the results came back that the little boy was his, he did a complete one-eighty and demanded he get full custody. All of a sudden, he thought he was the better parent. After all of that crap about how he couldn’t be the father, abandoning them, he suddenly wanted to rip him away from her.

I started shaking and the tablet all of a sudden was yanked out of my hands. “Hey!” I turned and glared at Ben. “I was watching that,”

He ignored me and shut it off, “I know,” He closed the flap and put it away. With a pensive expression, he crossed his arms and sat in front of me on the coffee table. “Sweetheart, you’re going to make yourself sick if you keep this up,”

“Well, this is what awaits me if I choose to go,” I rubbed my arms to try and rid myself of the uncomfortable goosebumps. This wasn’t fair! “I know I’ve talked about maybe seeing California, but I was hoping for a vacation or something. Not to go over dirty laundry with my ex in front of millions of strangers.” I’d been doing just fine keeping Armitage far away in the back of my mind. Over the last year or so, I’ve completely grown away from that part of my life. Him ripping out my heart and stomping on it was in the past and I’d moved on while accepting I was never going to get anything from him.

In truth, I still hadn’t. The coward contacted a show, not me. It made me mad all over again. Of course, what came after the anger was fear.

“What if that’s what he decides to do though? He’s acted callous up to now but what if as soon as there's no doubt, he decides that he wants to take her away?” It was too late, I could feel my heart thump in my chest and my breathing accelerated. After what just happened with my parents, I couldn’t stop thinking about the worst-case case scenario. “If he takes her, Ben, I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“Over my dead body,” He growled, his words filled with menace. “No one is taking her anywhere. Even if we have to run to the courthouse and get married in the morning.”

“You can’t promise that,” I argued, turning away.

“Rey,” Sitting on the couch next to me, he grabbed my face gently and turned me to lock our eyes, “When I say I’m willing to do anything to protect you and Alice, I don’t say it lightly. Even if it means I have to get us out of the country under new names and leave everything behind, my job, and sell the condo, I will do it. No one is going to hurt our family, Rey.” His words held more than a promise. It was like they were being stitched into the air with each syllable. The gold in his eyes shined with a vow he offered from deep within his soul. “Know this, even if the law won’t protect us, I will.”

I took his head in my own hands and wiped away the tear that escaped the corner of his eye. A huge breath I didn’t know I’d been keeping in left me in a wave of reassurance that reverberated deep down within me. I believed him. I believed every word. Ben never lied to me.

Then the doorbell rang. Amidst all the drama, I forgot Phasma and Tamara were coming. We wiped away the rest of each other's tears with gentle laughter before he went to answer the door.

When I looked up, expecting just Phasma and Tamara, I was blindsided when Rose and Kadel came in carrying a cooler. “Hey, Rey!” They both greeted cheerily and kept on going, “We’ll just put this in the dining area. Don’t worry, it has everything!”

“Wait, but what—?” I got up from the couch to follow them but then stopped short when Phasma and Tamara finally came in with three bags in each arm. 

Zorii appeared with the new baby in her arms and everything else was forgotten as I was instantly turned into mush. I didn’t know what it was, but after having Alice, I just found all babies to be the cutest things to ever cross my path. Not that I didn’t think they were cute before, but I felt the same way towards puppies or kittens. Bunny rabbits even. Now, all it took was one look at those chubby little baby cheeks and my brain became goo every time.

I wasn’t even ready to consider trying for another with Ben. We had our hands full with Alice as it was and as much as we both talked about it, we agreed it wasn’t the right time. Things were perfect as they were.

Aside from the obvious elephant in the room.

Apparently, after they spoke, Phasma called Rose, and she, in turn, called everyone. Had an emergency Zoom session and everyone set out to their closest grocery store and grabbed whatever they could get their hands on. Ben left with the guys and their kids to the movies, taking Alice with them for some daddy-bonding time so I would be free to spend time with my friends and the men could have quality time with the kids. Except for Hector as he was still too young to be far from his mother.

Now we were all making a feast. A potluck of sorts. Fine with me, I'm game to have my face stuffed while talking wedding stuff and trashing my ex.

Everyone had assigned themselves to a particular food item. Kaydel was switching between kneading some dough and stirring a pot homemade of tomato sauce; Rose put the flat pan in the oven and moved to stir some sweet filling in a bowl; Phasma was in the middle of shaping ground meat in her hands into patties; Zorii, with little Hector wrapped against her back, was mashing some potatoes for a shepherds pie; Tamara was seasoning chicken wings in a bowl with one hand while sauteing a bowl of collard greens and onions in a pan right next to Kaydel’s. 

Meanwhile, I was given the sole mission of going through the dozens of wedding magazines and showing them the ideas I wanted to splice together for the big day.

Once everything was prepared, we ended up with two large rectangular pizzas, hot dogs, three salads; two veggies and one fruit, macarons, shepherd’s pie, burgers, collard greens, maple-glazed chicken wings, cottage fries, some chips, and Zorii also brought an ice cream cake.

We all sat scattered around with plates of food and magazines with Revenge of the Bridesmaids playing on the television in the background.

“I thought it would be much more fun if we made the centerpieces and decorations ourselves.” I opened one of the magazines and showed them all of the DIY ideas, “What do you think?”

“I think they’re lovely,” Zorii complimented while feeding Hector. She kissed the top of his head.

Kaydel made an ‘aww’ sound despite her mouth full of food. When she could speak, she cooed, “That’s perfect for a wedding, Rey!”

With a bite of chicken, I nodded in agreement, “I thought so too. Think I should mark it?”

There was a loud and collected, “Yes!” from all of them and I laughed as I tore out the page and added it to The Book. It's the scrapbook I’ve put together as my wedding planner book. It already had a photo of me in my dress and shoes.

“Can I just say that I love the eucalyptus green you’ve picked for the color theme?” Rose sighed dreamily while waving the little color sample in her hand like it was a diamond. “I can’t wait for my dress to ship in!”

Rose was going to be my matron of honor. Since we got engaged, Ben and I had long agreed that we wanted a fairly small intimate ceremony with just our closest friends and the people we cared about most. Luke, Lando, Mr. and Mrs. Valentine, the people we worked with at the gym and the auto shop. Less than forty. Hence our choice of venue and only have one member each for our party. Finn was going to be his best man since he’s been around since Ben first opened his gym. Rose was going to be my matron-of-honor and Finn being much the same with Ben will be his best man. 

“What’s next? What’s next?” Tamara giggled excitedly like a little girl. “Have you thought about a cake?”

“Mmm, cake,” Phasma moaned as she chewed on her slice of ice cream cake and then turned to her wife. “Remember ours?”

Tamara’s lustful gaze matched hers, her voice dropped to a seductive purr, “Three-tiered red velvet with cream cheese, you bet I do!”

Those two were so in love, you could see hearts flying around them.

Kaydel made another wistful sound. “I miss Neil,”

“Anyway,” Zorii cut as she placed Hector over her shoulder to help him burp. “Back to Rey’s cake, any ideas? Wedding toppers?”

“Well,” I reached for a different magazine filled with sticky tabs. “I’m a little torn between lemon, spice cake, or floral pistachio. Ben said they all looked delicious but he has a sweet tooth like me, we can’t pick one. We brought it down to these three but he begged me to make the last call because he was having a hard time.”

She held out one hand, “May I see?” I handed them to her and she placed them on her lap. Her green eyes glossed over the pages as she worked her jaw in thought.

I bit my lip with indecisiveness. “Any thoughts?”

Raising her brows with a purse of her lips, she murmured, “You know, I think the floral pistachio matches the color theme best.”

That made me perk up as she handed it back to me, “Yeah?”

She nodded before reaching for a macaron and popped it into her mouth. “I think so,”

Looking at the green color of the cake itself, she had a good point. And the more I looked at it, the more I liked it. “You know, you’re right. It does! And I like the look of flowers on it.”

Tamara bounced in her seat, her voice coming out in a quiet squeak, “Do we have a winner?”

I beamed proudly and ripped out the picture then waved it like a flag. “Yes, we do!” We all let out a cheer and held out our non-alcoholic beverages in another toast. I took a sip and quickly added it to the book with a sticky note. I started to write, “I’ll want the flowers to be similar to the bouquet. Not exactly but similar like the table centerpieces.”

“Yes!” Phasma exhaled and did a little giddy dance then quickly composed herself. “So any ideas? Have you thought of the style you want?”

“Actually yes,” I immediately flipped it open to another page and pointed at a cutout, “Crescent with foliage and some blooms. I’ve picked out a few,” I pulled out the examples I’ve already gone over. “I don’t want anything over the top or too bright. I want something that looks like it was picked out of a field.”

“I’ve always pegged you for someone who likes wildflowers,” Phasma quipped after taking a munch on her burger.

I rolled my eyes, “You’ve pegged me correctly. I was thinking of three blooms and some foliage. So far, I’ve picked gunni eucalyptus so that’s one part I got done.” I got a few nods of approval before moving on.

Kaydel opened one of the floral magazines that had fewer labels. She paused at the blue one and mentioned, “I see you have baby’s breath tagged in this one.” 

“The name made me think of Alice because they represent purity, innocence, as well as everlasting love.” Now that she’d brought it up, the more I thought about it, the more appealing they sounded.

She smirked proudly, “I see them wheels turning in your noggin, I know what that means!”

“I picked my first bloom!” I cheered with a happy clap of my hands.

“Two more to go!” Someone 

“Ooooh, there’s peonies in this one!” Tamara discovered, waving the one she’d been browsing. “The different colors have different meanings: white for apologies; red for luck, joy, happiness and beauty: yellow for happiness, optimism, and excitement: pink is for romantic and non-romantic love, friendship and also happiness.”

Those indeed were the reasons why I tagged that flower. Also because they would be in season. “Can the pink come in lighter shades?”

She nodded and pulled out her phone, “They’re called Solange. It’s normally a blushing pink that can fade into a creamy white. Here,” She turned it in her hand to show me the screen. “Like these.”

I looked at the double-blossom flowers. They were beautiful. The ones in full bloom almost looked like roses. A neat trick of the eye. I think they’d look nice with the eucalyptus and baby’s breath. Smirking, I told them, “Okay, I’ve found my second!”

“Yes!” She pumped her fist in the air. “Add it to the Book!”

“The Book!” Everyone echoed and I eagerly obliged.

The third and final bloom took a lot longer than the other two did. Gardenias, orchids, carnations, dahlias, asters mums; I was ready to start pulling my hair out.

I was close to doing just that when Rose commented, “The globe thistle is really pretty,” She took a forkful of the pie before she continued, “Echinops symbolize independence and nobility.”

I smiled and gazed at the picture she was talking about. “A representation of overcoming adversity and difficult situations.” Then a sigh followed and my mood became solemn. “Kinda like the one I’m in now.”

A hand rested on my shoulder. I looked up and saw her gazing at me with understanding. “You know we're here for you. If you don't want to address the elephant in the room, we won't make you. But we are here if you do. Maybe the extra perspectives will help?”

It was bound to come up sooner or later. It was the real reason why they all dropped everything and came in the first place. Over the last few years, these were the people I’ve always been able to confide in. They’ve been with me through so much. Rose was the first to get help and get more comfortable around other people. She and Zorii were the ones who taught the first basics of baby care when Alice was born. Phasma and Tamara have always been supportive of me and stepped in as second parents.

These were the people I could always trust. So it was time for me to act like it.

With a look of defeat, I rubbed the back of my neck and grumbled, “I’m going to need a really large slice of cake."

One giant slice of cake, three macarons, and a bowl of chicken later, I was finally ready to talk.

“Honestly, Rey, the more you tell me about him, the more I wonder how you had a kid with this moron,” Rose told me honestly with a bemused expression. 

I’d brought the letter from the show and let them pass it around so they could all read it. Each of them wore the same blank expression as they looked it over. When it finally came back to me, they were all ready to gather the pitchforks and torches and go on a hunt.

Thinking back to the earlier days in high school when we met, I explained, “He wasn’t like that when we first started going together. I’d even say he was a good boyfriend at the end of the day. We were together for three years, he even seemed excited when we found out I was pregnant. Then, one day, he decided he wasn’t. It was like a switch flipped inside him somewhere.”

“Maybe the switch was already flipped and he was putting on a facade?” Phasma offered with a side eye and a shrug while Tamara muttered a sour agreement and stabbed her fork into a chicken wing. “I mean, sure his dumping you only weeks after finding out you were pregnant was sudden, but what if he was already thinking about it before then?”

I blinked. “I don’t follow.”

“Your landlord turned up pissed because the rent was behind by a few months, right?” I nodded and she continued, “Your ex might have already wanted to end things for a while but was too much of a coward to say it to your face. Instead, he let the eviction do it for him.”

It did make some sense, but the rest still had me puzzled. “Then why get excited about the pregnancy and act like we were going to be a family?”

Tamara shrugged, “Play it by ear until he could leave? Maybe he genuinely made himself believe that Alice isn’t his and felt justified.” 

“I can see that. I wouldn’t undo any of it though.” I took out my phone to look at a picture I’d taken of Alice and Ben this morning at breakfast. Turns out she liked linguica sausage. The jubilation in both of their eyes in precious moments like this was something I would never give up. “Everything I have now is thanks to him breaking up with me. I’m happy.”

“Of course, you are,” Rose hastily agreed and placed her hand on mine. Her expression was nothing but understanding. “That’s what you focus on. He can paint whatever picture he wants, the facts are the facts. You showed me the texts at the hospital, you can show them there too. He’s the one who went chicken when DNA tests were brought up, not you. If he wants to let the world know he was an idiot then let him.”

Easier said than done. I took a thoughtful sip from my ginger ale to tame the anxiety that started to worm its way into me. I just couldn’t get over the thought of millions of people nosing into my business.

“If it was just about the two of us, it would be different, but,” I looked over at the small toys neatly put away in the corner and my heart sank. “This would affect Alice too. She’s just a baby, Rose, I don’t want this coming back to haunt her when she grows up. The internet is forever and once she has a smartphone…” I shuddered involuntarily.

“Look, just because he wants to make it a big deal, doesn’t mean you have to.” Kaydel pointed out quickly before my thoughts fell into the dark abyss. “Once the truth is out there, it’s done. No one says you have to publicize it on your social media pages after it’s done. You put it behind you and move on like you’ve been doing for the last three years.”

“Getting answers for your daughter won’t make you a bad person, Rey,” Zorii added softly. “Your role as her mom is to do what’s best for her and it might not always be what you think it will be. Even if it means confronting your ex in front of millions of people.”

Their words resonated with me and played in my head throughout the rest of the night. None of them pressured me for a decision right then, only encouraging me that they were on my side no matter what. That and they were confident I would know what was best in the end.

“I don’t think we’ll need to cook for weeks,” Ben joked after putting away the last of the leftovers in the fridge. “Though, it is nice to have someone else’s cooking every once in a while.”

“I know what you mean,” I agreed as I wiped the table down. Everyone had left about twenty minutes ago. He and the other came back an hour before that and assisted in the clean-up with the rest of us before they all went home. “Thanks to the girls, I was also able to make some final decisions for the wedding. Like the cake. Thanks to Zorii we don’t have to be in turmoil over that anymore. We’re having pistachio with cream cheese frosting.”

“Oh hell yeah!” He licked his lips and eagerly rubbed his hands together, “I can taste it already! How many tiers?”

With a dismissive wave, I told him, “Just two. I figured that would be more than enough. And instead of Mr. and Mrs. Topper, I thought flowers looked nicer.” I pulled out The Book and showed him the example when he came over.

“Good call,” He agreed and went to take it but I quickly pulled it away and snapped it shut. His lips turned downward into a frown. “Aw, can’t I see the rest?”

“I’ll have another book with finished clippings to look at but not this one,” I said with finality. “My dress is in here,”

“That’s why I wanted to look,” He whined without any remorse.

Cheeky bastard. With a snort, I turned around to finish wiping the table and changed the subject, “Did you all have fun at the movies?”

“A blast,” He breathed in confirmation as he came up behind me and placed his hands on my waist. “Afterwards, we decided on getting everyone kid meals instead of the ice cream parlor.” When I opened my mouth he quickly added, “Alice got apples and a couple of fries, I swear on my life.” I giggled because that was literally what I was going to ask next. Couldn’t help myself. We kept her on a healthy diet but that didn’t stop me from fussing here and there. I’ll progressively get less strict as she gets older so as not to make a monster in the future.

He slid his arms around my middle and I paused wiping. I leaned my head back against his chest, smiling when he started slowly swaying us from side to side. The silence stretched on for several minutes while we rocked on our feet.

Being held by him like this, I could forget about almost all of my troubles. Here in our little world, where we were safe and happy. Alice was snug in her bed, Bronx had joined her a little while ago and plopped himself on the floor right next to her. Keeping watch on her as always.

If only things could stay just like this. Safe in our little bubble of  

But nothing was ever that easy, was it? Never in my life, that was for sure. 

I felt my heart jump a little when the peace was interrupted by what had to come next. Time to face the music. “Ben?” We stopped moving and I had his full attention. “I’ve been giving it thought since this morning, about the court show,” He tensed but didn’t let go, silently urging me to go on. I did my best to focus on him holding me so I wouldn’t shake with emotion. “As much as I don’t want to go, I’ve decided that if this is the only way I can prove to him that Alice is, then I should do it. It’s a show. As much as I hate the idea of it forever being online, in a year, who’s going to care? There will be at least twenty more cases by then. If people still want to judge me for it then that is their problem. None that matters.”

“I will take the criticism if it gets the answers she needs. The closure she’s always deserved. And if Armitage turns around and decides that he wants to be a part of it, then we can negotiate something. As much as I’m dreading it, it’ll be worth it in the end.”

With a long sigh, he brushed his lips against the back of my neck. He was silent for a little while, deep in thought as he absently nosed my hair. Then, in a breathy murmur, he whispered, “You’re a lioness, indestructible due to the love to protect your cub.” I turned around to face him and he brushed his forehead against mine. “Time and again you’ve shown strength you were convinced you didn’t have. It’s one of the things I love about you.”

His lips met mine in a chaste kiss before promising, “I’ll be right there with you, and so will my dad. First thing in the morning, we’ll call him and Lando and go over a plan. Then we can contact the show. You’re not alone in this, Rey,”

He would never know how much more relieved I felt when he said that. I smiled, my heart raced but this time with plentiful warmth. I wasn’t alone in this fight. “I love you,”. I held his face in my palms and pulled him down for another soft kiss. 

His hands rested on the small of my back and pulled me flatter against him. Molding t

We broke apart with a smacking sound. Panting, I pondered, “You know what I was thinking we could do instead of flying. It might take longer but,” He tilted his head, waiting patiently. I bit my lip, feeling a little shy. “How do you feel about trains?”

Present

It’s almost over. It’s almost over. It’s almost over. I kept repeating in my head over and over in a loop. It was the only way for me to keep still.

Judge Lake called for a recess and were all given fifteen minutes before we had to get back to set. When we did, it was time for the DNA results one and for all. I was more than tired of being around cameras and having a room of random people staring holes into my back. I knew it was all in my head but I also knew that I wasn’t the first person to stand there and feel that way.

The break was a relief but it did little to tamp down my anxiety. Ben, Han, Alice, and I were in a small sitting room somewhere in the studio different from the one before. The crew made sure that both parties were separated for the duration until it was time to go back.

Alice toddled around the room holding her stuffed giraffe in the air like it was flying and would jump it off one surface to the next. She was enjoying herself and it made me happy to watch despite everything else.

The man who gave her life was only a few feet away somewhere else in this building and he still hasn’t seen her.

My fiance's hand encased mine and felt at ease once more. His thumb stroked over the engagement ring, like a reminder he was here. Not just for me, but for her too. Just like he always had been. That’s what mattered and what I needed to focus on.

“How ya doing, kid?” Han asked me, taking me out of my head. The silence was probably killing him. Not that I blamed him.

I lifted my lips into a half smile, “I’m alright, a little tense.”

“Fair,” He gave an understanding smirk and crossed one leg over the other. “But you told the truth like you were supposed to.”

“Then’s the next part of how we go forward from that by trying to get along with people impossible to get along with. Gah!” I gently pulled my hand away and rubbed my temples at the sudden pounding in my head. With all the tension, I was stressing myself into a frenzy. I turned to Ben, “I’m sorry, I think I need to splash some water on my face. I’ll be right back.”

He smiled and I pecked him on the cheek and one for Alice as well before seeking a passing crew member for the washroom. When I got out, someone exited the men’s at the same moment.

Two green eyes zeroed in on me and I found myself in a locked stare with my ex-partner. 

Neither of us spoke a word. We just stood there. Glaring sharp daggers at each other I’d swear the air could be cut open. There were so many things I wanted to say to him. Things I held back during the hearing. What was said barely scratched the surface and he had the nerve to look at me like I was the one in the wrong.

You’re taking the high road, Rey. He’s not going to get your goat unless you let him.

“Nothing to say?” He had the nerve to ask.

Get bent! That was what I wanted to say. More like shout it at him but I didn’t. I was not going to let him set me off. He didn’t have that power anymore.

Squaring my shoulders, I turned on my heel and marched towards the exit.

It was stupid of me to think he wouldn’t drop it. “Does it make you feel good?”

I paused right in front of the door, my hand frozen on the knob. One twist and I would be outside but I was too vexed to not look over my shoulder and let out a strangled, “Excuse me?”

Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he gestured with his head back towards where the set was. “Making me look like trash out there. Do you feel good doing it?”

Was this dolt serious? I blinked, amazed at the audacity. “I’m making you look like trash? I didn’t ask for this, you called the show not me!”

“Don’t give me that, you’re loving it,” He accused me. “Playing the victim card has always been your game. About your parents, foster care, then acting innocent about our breakup like you had no fault.”

That’s because I didn’t! But I held that back even though it was right on the tip of my tongue. We weren’t here about the breakup, we were here to get closure for Alice. All of this was for her.

Keeping my tone low, I recalled, “I gave you chance after chance after chance to get this taken care of. It would’ve already been over and done with two years ago but you were too damn proud to show your face.”

“I told you I didn’t have the money,” He argued with the same excuse he did back then. “You had court papers sent to my ma’s house, do you know how humiliating that was? My fiance was devastated, she felt unsafe.”

My mouth fell open. “She felt unsafe? She?” My voice shook with spleen. “You left me pregnant and broke on your doorstep. I had to live in my car in vacant parking lots because I had nowhere else to go. Do you think I felt safe? ” I snapped back with more bite than I had before. After what he’d put me through, I didn’t care that I hurt his fiancé’s feelings. She had no reason to be upset.

I slowly stalked toward him, letting the anger be heard in my words. “I was terrified. I could barely sleep, too afraid that the second I closed my eyes someone would try to break in and rob, kill, or rape me. Or both!”

He was so flabbergasted at my outburst, he stepped back. Not used to me letting him have it. My spine grew back. After all the time I’ve spent with Ben and learning what a healthy relationship was, I now realize that the one I had with Armitage wasn’t. We had to be at our worst for me to realize that all he did was walk all over me.

It would never happen again.

Before he could let out any more snark, the door flew open and Ben came charging in. Straight away, I felt a wave of solace. My anger was replaced with calmness.

Only using his eyes, he skimmed over me to make sure I wasn’t in any harm. Reassured I was alright, he turned his gaze towards Armitage. The normal honey color in his eyes darkened to amber as they gauged the weasel of a man before him.

He smiled and it wasn’t friendly. “Hello, we haven’t officially met. Though I have to say your actions have done a fine introduction all on their own.”

Not liking that he just got called out by a total stranger, Armitage chuffed in annoyance, “I was—”

“Leaving, you were leaving.” Ben finished for him. More like ordered him. The look on his face meant business. The kind that told you to think carefully about what you did next. The ‘Fuck around and find out’ face.

I had to admit, he looked hot.

Armitage fought with himself for a while until he decided it was best he keep his gaping maw shut for the time being.

Ben never took his eyes off of him as he scurried off with his tail between his legs. As soon as we were alone he rushed over to me. He placed his large hands on my arms, he looked at me with concern, “Are you alright?”

“Nothing I can’t handle,” I smiled, “I’m not easy to break.”

He gave me his signature smirk and kissed my temple, “Damn right, you’re not. Now let’s go do what we came here for. Then we can see the sights and get the hell out of here.”

“That sounds great,” I agreed and let him take my hand and lead me back into the hall.

We had just enough time to give Alice one more hug and kiss before the producers called us back to the set.

Just as we passed Armitage again, Ben muttered quietly so only he would hear, “If I didn’t have a family to go home to, I’d knock your ass sideways before you knew what hit you. Thanks by the way, I love being a dad and a partner.”

I squeezed his hand and interlaced our fingers while an invigorating feeling of pride boomed in my chest. Then I felt Ben’s lip quickly kiss the top of my head briefly before we were back in the main corridor.

Like before, they went in first and we followed. Han followed and went to his seat beside our podium, We waited until we heard the staff shout that we were rolling again.

“All rise!” Bailiff Jerome called out and we all stood at attention. 

Like this morning, Judge Lauren Lake reinterred the courtroom. She took her seat at the bench, and said, “Please be seated,” She put her papers down and faced us, “Welcome back, everyone. We are resuming the case of Hux vs. Niima to determine the paternity of Alice Niima. Before I read these results, is there anything either of you want to say? Mr. Hux?” He shook his head and she turned to us. “Ms. Niima?” I did the same.

Satisfied, she pulled out the large gray envelope. “These results are prepared by DNA Diagnostics and they read as follows; In the case regarding Hux. vs Niima, when it comes to twenty-two-month-old Alice Niima, it has been determined by this court, Mr. Hux,” Her eyes looked up from the results and straight at him. The words I had been waiting to hear, validated everything I had been saying up to this exact moment, “You are the father.”

The crowd behind us broke out in applause and cheerfully hollers, scaring me a little. Ben’s hand searched for mine as I let out a long relieved breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I leaned into him just as he kept whispering, “It’s over now, Baby, it’s over.”

He was right. It was. There in the judge’s hand proved everything I’d said was valid. My daughter was in fact Armitage’s. After everything he tried to do to convince himself he wasn’t, it was thrown back in his face.

The audience finally settled down after a little while and Judge Lake was able to speak again. “Now that we know you are her father, Mr. Hux,” Judge Lake started once more as she interlaced her fingers and rested them in front of her. “What we need to do is come up with a way to move forward from all of this. There has been a lot of anger and resentment between you all.” She glanced at each of us. “It’s time to let all of that go and focus on this baby girl here.”

“Ms. Niima,” Her dark eyes met mine with a compassionate look, “Based on the evidence provided and the testimony I’ve heard today from those you’ve brought to speak in your favor, you have done a phenomenal job in raising her. Same for you, Mr. Solo,” She offered Ben with admiration. “You’ve treated this little girl like she’s yours. Being a parent is a big responsibility and I admire you for taking on the task so readily and willingly.”

“I would do it again, Your Honor,” He said without missing a beat.

“So that leaves you, Mr. Hux.” She inquired softly to Armitage next. With a look of patient understanding, she asked him, “You’ve gotten the answers you were searching for. Now that you know for a fact Alice is yours, how are you feeling? You have a daughter who’s almost two, you’ve missed so much.”

While she carried on, I couldn’t help noticing how his eyes remained glued down at the wooden podium. His fiance appeared livid as her lips were turned downward in a deep frown and her brows were furrowed. Arms crossed as she merely stared straight ahead instead of at him.

His mouth moved a little but nothing made it out. All of that confidence he was flaunting earlier wasn’t anywhere to be found on him now. Instead, he looked like he was ready to have the floor swallow him whole.

Say something! LOOK at her, you prick! My mind screamed with scorn. The monitor still showed her live feed from the green room. After spending the majority of his time degrading my character and having me talk about everything I’ve been through, he’s suddenly fresh out of words.

“Mr. Hux?” She called him again when he didn’t say anything and rephrased the question. “Would you like to begin a relationship with your daughter? This is a chance for a clean slate. You can all start over from this and be there for Alice.” I heard an annoyed sigh and she sharpened her tone. “Ms. Netal, I don’t appreciate the attitude. This is your future stepchild. He has the right to be there. If you’re getting married, you’ll have to accept her too.”

The thought of letting Alice stay with these two for any period of time didn’t sound appealing to me at all but I had to be open-minded. 

He barely reacted. Armitage could do nothing but wish he were invisible. When that didn’t happen, he finally lifted his head, and looking like a kicked dog, he demanded, “I want a polygraph test.”

A couple of people in the audience gasped in disbelief while others muttered angrily, equally unimpressed. Aghast myself, my mouth fell open and both Ben and I swung our heads to gape at him. I couldn’t hold it back at his intrepidity, “Are you freaking kidding me?”

He glowered back, “I know you still cheated on me!”

I wanted to hit home with some more venom but a repeated pounding of the Judge’s gavel had me keep my mouth shut and eyes forward as well as everyone else. The Judge commanded softly, “Let’s get some order.” With her gavel in hand, she released a tired sigh and paused briefly before she looked at Armitage’s party again. “Mr. Hux, it’s done. It doesn’t matter whether or not if Ms. Niima cheated, you aren’t together anymore. Alice is yours. It’s right here,” She held up the results. “You’re this child’s biological father. So far, that’s all you’ve been. So I’m going to ask you again, do you want to be more with her now that you know she is yours?”

He brought his hands up to rub his face, something he always did when he felt cornered. Always so used to being coddled by everyone else around him, he’s lost all the control he had left. Beat, he threw down his hands and said loudly, “I just want to leave!”

While the Judge continued to implore him, for him to see sense that he would only regret it later if he didn’t fight for her, he rebuffed it all. I felt touched that she was trying so hard but I knew that that battle was already lost.

I looked at the man who sired my child. Up to this point, I had tried everything to get through to him for the sake of the child we brought into the world. Even with the proof sitting right in front of him after all of his supposed doubt. 

This experience opened my eyes. I had to be dragged across the country to prove her paternity and all he could do was stand there like a child not getting his way. He just didn’t care enough. It was high time that I stopped caring for him.

I broke my gaze away to look up at the judge. “Your Honor, I’m done fighting. If nothing is what he wants, then that’s what he’ll get. After we get married, Ben can adopt her and he’ll be free from any obligation from then on. We go our separate ways; they live their life and we live ours.”

“Well, then I guess that settles it.” She sounded disappointed. “I’m never happy when someone is unable to let go of their own pride. I don’t know what is going to happen when you go back to your home state, But if all you have to offer is a negative attitude, then that baby is better off without you. The court is adjourned!” She hit the gavel firmly and the audience stood up to applause.

Jerome made his way to the plaintiff’s podium and led Armitage and his fiance out the gate, “Parties are excused, you may step out.”

With a huff and a stomp on her high heel, his fiance stormed out and he followed after her. That was that.

“Ms. Niima and Mr. Solo,” The judge called on us one more time as she stepped down. “I would like to see you in my chambers. Please come with me,” 

Jerome walked up and guided us as well as Han to follow the judge to another room. An office of sorts with tall bookshelves filled to the brim, and a large wooden desk with an assortment of picture frames and writing materials.

She crossed her ankles and leaned against her chest with her hands folded together in front of her. “I know today was a lot, Ms. Niima, so I’ve asked for no cameras.”

It was a nice comfort with the weight of so many eyeballs finally off my back. I gave her a grateful nod, “Thank you, Your Honor,”

She gestured for us to sit. “It was a tough day today,”

There was barely enough time for me to contain the hysterical giggle that wanted to escape at that. No truer words were ever spoken! I tried to nod like a normal person and managed to let out a wheeze, “Yeah, it was.” I sniffled and she held out a box of tissues for me. 

The door we came in opened and Jerome came back in with Alice in his arms, fiddling with his badge. Judging by the way he was laughing, she had him under her spell. When she saw us, she immediately let go and held out her arms. “Mamma!”

My troubles vanished in an instant at the sight of her. I beckoned her with my own arms and smiled through my tears, my world was whole again. “Hello, my love.” She wrapped her tiny arms around my neck. She frowned deeply, her bottom lip jutting out which made her look much older. Something caught her and she suddenly bent backwards to the side. Worried she’d flip over, I tightly held onto her legs not for her to come back up with nose tissues crinkled in her small hand. Then, to my astonishment, she reached up to pat the dampness on my eyes.

I observed in wonderment as her tiny eyebrows furrowed in concentration while she wiped away my tears. Like it was her mission to attend to her crying mother. My little baby girl was comforting me. It only made more moisture gather in my eyes seeing how such blind devotion came from this little innocent life. So young and new to the world and yet already she was so bright. She was also very alert and observant. Even at such a young age, one look at her and you could see how she read any room she was in.

There was a sniffle next to me, She made a frustrated noise. “Dadda no!”

“Sorry, pumpkin,” He apologized, clearing his throat. Then reached his arms out so she could crawl into his lap next. Han leaned over his shoulder and stroked her head while she tried to wipe his tears.

Judge Lake beamed as she watched her. “I see the love this little girl has for both of you.” She uncrossed her ankles and slowly walked around her desk. “Ms. Niima my heart goes out to you for everything you’ve had to go through. I know being a mother isn’t easy; sometimes it even feels almost impossible. Up to this point, you excelled at it. Don’t doubt yourself anymore. As for what happened today, you showed courage by coming here today.” 

She rested her hand on the top of her chair and faced us. Her eyes moved to Ben, “Mr. Solo, you and your father are commendable people for all of you have done for this young woman and her daughter. While I’m upset with Mr. Hux’s decision, I’m at ease knowing she already has a daddy who loves her.”

Ben swallowed back another sniffle and looked down at Alice with the same fond expression he’d had for her since she was born. The bond they’d alone created. Gently smoothing his hand down her small cheek, he murmured, “With all my heart.”

With a final and pleased nod, she announced, “With that being said, I wish you all the best. Take care of this precious baby.”

“We will,” All three of us promised.

After we were outside, Ben squeezed my hand and asked, “We have the rest of the day before we all head home tomorrow, is there anything you want to see first?” I felt myself light up at the first thought and he smiled knowingly with a chuckle. “I knew it, what is it?”

“The Hollywood Walk of Fame!” It was a bit more sketchy than I expected, actually not that dissimilar to New York. A lot of street performers doing acts and impersonations for tips. Some dressed as Marvel superheroes or celebrity lookalikes such as Spider-Man and Marylin Monroe. I caught Ben glancing at her longer than I thought he even realized it when I cleared my throat.

 He swung his head at me, his blushing face riddled with embarrassment and guilt. I couldn’t help but burst out laughing when he started sputtering out apologies. Meh. She had nice tits and knew how to show them off, I can’t be that mad at him. Or her. If it pays her rent, who am I to judge? She had more balls than I did, that’s for damn sure. 

I caught her eye and wrapped my hand around his arm and wiggled my fingers so she could see the ring. She laughed with a perfect open-mouthed radiant Monroe smile and then winked at me with a flirty wave before sauntering away. Even Han watched.

We took photos with multiple wax duplicates of famous celebrities at Madame Tussaud’s wax museum. Using the props, we’d immerse ourselves in the scenes. The sculptures were so incredibly lifelike that the pictures looked almost real when they were done.

Like others before me, I had a Walk of Fame checklist. Those from more classical eras like Alfred Hitchcock, Judy Garland, Audrey Hepburn Steven Spielberg

We ate at a cute Italian restaurant called Miceli’s. Our server fawned over how cute Alice looked in her pink overalls. The pizzas were to die for. When I took a bite of my buffalo chicken slice, I started doing a little jig in my seat.

The next morning, before we left, we went took a quick trip to the La Brea Tar Pits. Checked out the old bones collected over the last hundred years from bubbling black death ponds. Found the mammoth statues beyond a wire fence where the pitch springs were. An artistic adaptation of a mammoth family of three where one adult and the infant are on the shore and the other adult appears to be trapped in the tar. It was a sad scene but the realistic depiction was fascinating all the same.

We walked hand-in-hand into the train station. While we were anxious to be home, the scenic route was so beautiful coming to California we couldn’t pass the opportunity to do it again, but the time in a sleeper where we could see the other side.

Wrapped with a towel secured around his waist, Ben came out of the tiny space that was our washroom slash shower area muttering, “Don’t know if I’ll ever get used to these.” He gave me a tired smile. “How’s Alice?

 “Finally out cold,” I whispered, patting her tummy. “How was your shower?”

“Cramped,” He complained while drying his mane in a towel. “It’s impossible for me to move around without knocking something over.”

I suppressed a giggle. He wasn’t wrong, the ceiling was tall enough for just about anybody but as for width, there was only so much. The whole time I could hear him banging around and the occasional toppled of a bottle of soap.

“Your pajamas are in your duffel,” I reminded him and pulled it out when he started poking around through the other bags.

He muttered a quick thanks and a kiss before slipping back in to change. I carefully slipped Alice out of her shoes and overalls, did a quick check to make sure she was dry and then slipped her into her new mammoth onesie I bought at the gift shop from the Tar Pits. I grinned at the tusks attached to the hood. It was too freaking cute!

I’d already crawled in next to her when the door creaked open again and Ben tiptoed out and got under the covers. As if she could sense him in her sleep, she reached for him and wrapped her small arms around his neck. He kissed her sleeping brow and gently tugged my arm to pull me closer so he could have his arm around me too.

Safe in the circle of his arm wrapped around us, we watched her in silence. The rise and fall of her tiny chest, her mouth. A wave of calm washed over me. We’re ok.

Ben gently caressed my forearm, “You ready to go home? I’m sure Bronx misses his pup.”

He’s been staying with Phas and Tamara for the duration of our stay. They sent a picture of him every day along with updates on how he was doing. He assured us he was being well-behaved but missed his family. I missed that little pupper too.

I relaxed against Ben and exhaled softly. Home. I had a home. A family, friends. Every hardship, every tear, every disappointment, it all brought me the things I hold dear. It made it all worth it…and it was waiting.

Finally, I nodded and looked up at him happily, feeling better than I had in months. “Yeah, let’s go home.”

Chapter Text

The Following Autumn

There was a serene aura wrapped around me as I slowly came awake half an hour before my alarm was set to go off. I could hear the warblers chirping outside and the waves from the river. I blinked my eyes open and sniffed the fresh air from the breeze coming in through the window I’d left open in my room. The brisk smell of leaves and trees wafted in, filling me with a sense of calm. Fall had officially arrived, and with it, the big day. The day I get to marry Ben.

Stretching and yawning in the bed of the bridal suite I was staying at in the Liberty Warehouse, the same place where everyone would be arriving to witness our nuptials. Yesterday I checked in here for my bachelorette party with all of the girls coming over in their jammies to watch horror films and sing karaoke. We stayed up past midnight then all but Rose left. I peeked at the couch and noted her absence then deduced that she must’ve gone out for some breakfast. Ben and his groomsmen weren’t due to arrive for a few more hours and the guests would be even later.

I combed my fingers through my messy waves and glanced down at the other side of the bed where a still-sleeping Alice lay curled on her side, snuggling her giraffe. She went down fairly early the previous evening from all the excitement. I had to spend the better part convincing her not to look for her dress in the closet so it wouldn't get dirty. She’d fallen in love with it the moment she tried it on. It was a boho sage lace dress in the same eucalyptus green as the theme with rustic mint crochet. She said she felt like a faerie when she wore it and it made her want to learn to fly. Still working on that part.

Careful not to wake her, I pulled the blanket back over her and slipped out to go into the ensuite. Rose would be here soon so I had enough time to take a shower and wash my hair. This was the only peace I was allowed all day before the chaos was supposed to begin. These last few weeks had been stressful enough. After over a year of organizing and planning, everything had been set up down to the last minute. I needed some time to myself to gather my bearings so I didn’t trip down the aisle.

With the warm water cascading down my body, I groaned in rapture while I scrubbed with clove-scented soap. A scent I recently discovered as one of my new favorites. I’d been given a little spa package as a bridal gift that had an array of bath bombs and essential oils. Given that there were so many to choose from, I thought it was only fitting that I used most of them today.

I’d finished drying myself off and put my hair up with a clasp when I heard a ding-dong at my door. I glanced down at my watch. Fifteen minutes early. I knew it. Wrapping myself with a fluffy towel. I came out as the bed shifted and Alice’s upper body sat up in the bed, only her curly hair and arms visible for now. Probably woken up by the doorbell.

“Morning, my silly goose,” I greeted her as the blanket fell down to show her sleepy face and messy hair.

With a tired groan, she rubbed her bleary eyes with the backs of her hands, still not quite awake yet. “Morn’n, Mommy,”

I checked the peephole to be sure it was who I thought before opening it. Rose was waiting on the side, grinning from ear to ear dressed in her bridesmaid robe with her hair up in curlers and her arms filled with various items. “Hey! You ready to do this?”

I grinned back and moved to the side for her to step in, “I’m so ready!”

She squealed and gave me a one-armed hug before entering and placing the carton tray of drinks and snacks on the table. I closed the door just in time for her to hand me a cup of fruit. “I admire your self-restraint for eating as little as possible last night, but you can’t let a fear of last-minute bloating make you faint at the altar. Not on my watch. No sir!”

My stomach begged me not to argue, rumbling at the look of nicely cut fruit. After eating like a rabbit for the last few days, it was begging for more sustenance. Unable to ignore it any longer, I thankfully accepted it before she moved on.

“Hey there, Alice!” She greeted her gently.

Alice yawned loudly and waved a quiet, “Hi,”

Rose gave her a kiss on the head and handed her a Danish, “This should help bring you back to the waking world.” I don’t think Alice knew what that meant, but her eyes lit up at the sight of the pastry. “Eat up! I also got you some cocoa. Careful, it’s hot.”

“Hot,” She repeated obediently and gently blew into the small hole in the lid before taking a careful sip.

Rose clapped her hands together as I began to stuff my face with melon slices and grapes. “Come on, guys, let’s eat our breakfast then we’ll get you into the lingerie so you can wear your bridal robe! Now march!”

I went through the fruit pretty quickly and brushed my teeth before I pulled out the two-piece lace garment and the garter. She was helping attach the clasps of the floral lace corset together when the door knocked again. I slipped on the satin robe just in time for Phasma and Tamara to come walking in, each with one hand carrying a caffeinated beverage and the other with toolboxes of sorts. Both of them whistled at the sight of my exposed undergarment before I started blushing and tied the knot shut.

A few minutes later, Kaydel and Zorii arrived with a home nail kit and a small tub. They came in bickering like twelve-year-olds.

“You said you wanted coffee,” Kaydel yipped as they came in. “They were the closest I could find!”

Zorii dramatically rolled her eyes while following close behind, “Yes, coffee. Not whatever this is.” She took a sniff from her cup and shuddered. “I swear they made this with dishwater, it’s god awful!”

“Mine tastes fine,” Kaydel responded with a loud slurp. She smacked her lips happily. “That’s a good cup of Joe.”

Zorii huffed in disgust and glared down at her own beverage. “You need professional help.”

Kaydel was ready with the next retort. “And you need to start ordering something other than dark roast.”

“If this was really dark roast, then I shouldn’t taste water!”

“Maybe it’s too weak?” She offered.

“Weak?” Zorii parroted back. “You dare claim that my taste in the roast is weak?”

“That one must be if you’re still bitching about it.”

“Hey guys?” Rose called to get their attention and pointed at me. “Bride’s over here. ”

They stopped their yammering to give me a hug and put their things down. Phasma took Alice to the bathroom to wash up while the others and I watched with awe as Tamara unfolded what looked like a spa chair in the middle of the room. “Do you always carry that around?”

“Everywhere,” Phasma confirmed in the middle of helping Alice wash her face.

Her wife sucked her teeth at her before patting the empty space. “Take a seat, we’ve got a lot of work to do,” The others joined in with the same demand and pushed me towards it.

I did as the drill sergeants told me and looked up as she bent the chair back so I was at a small recline. She took the clip out of my hair and placed it somewhere next to her. It was still pretty damp from the shower. There was the sound of a bottle being squeezed and hands rubbing before I felt her long fingers card through the wet strands. Smoothing some sort of lotion through every strand while also massaging my scalp. It felt so nice I had to stop myself from moaning.

While she kept busy with my hair, I saw Kaydel appear in my vision before covering my eyes with slices of cucumber. Next, I felt something soft and squishy being placed beneath my eyelids. Probably under eye patches. Then a thicker substance was applied to the rest of my face. Based on the texture, I guessed it was a mud mask of sorts. 

Someone picked my feet up only to place them in warm water. I jolted a little when the ground beneath them started vibrating but then let the bubbles work their magic. I was going to be on my feet in heels all day so it was probably a good idea. Maybe I could ask whoever brought it where they got it from. My feet were singing.

They soaked for a few minutes and then were lifted out of the water onto someone's lap to be rubbed down with a towel. I felt the mask beginning to harden when Kaydel chimed, “I’m going to get started on your nails while you're still getting prettified, okay?”

“I leave myself in your capable hands,” I told her with full confidence, then to everyone, “I love you all so much. I would smile but I can’t move my face.” They all laughed without pausing their work.

An hour later, my nails were done, a French manicure with a pretty white vine motif on my ring and pointed fingers. When the mask was rinsed off, my face was smoother than it had been when I was a baby. My hair felt silky and soft as Tamara gently dried the wet strands.

I was given a little break and decided to put on some more deodorant only to gap in horror at the jungle I’d somehow missed during my shower. My startled scream had everyone jump and all six heads turned to me as I flailed my arms helplessly. “I’m a hairy beast!”

They obviously didn’t know what I was talking about until I held both arms up for them to see for themselves.

“Did you pack a razor?” One of them asked.

I was already digging through my toiletry bag but no luck. Even held it upside down so it would spill everything inside and I still came up short. Ruined. Everything was ruined! I was going to walk down the aisle with literal forests growing out of my pits! Looking up at my friends hopelessly, my lower lip trembled, “It’s all over. What am I going to do?”

“Oh, honey,” Laughing, Rose patted my shoulder, “It’s okay, one of us can run to the nearby drugstore.”

“No need! I actually have something that’s quicker,” Zorii announced and went to her Louis Vitoin purse. “Lift your arm up, Rey.”

“Which one?” I asked even though I was already raising my left.

“Doesn’t matter,” My eyes widened into saucers when she opened a small box and pulled out a small strip before placing it on my underarm. She smoothed it down until it was stuck firmly. Despite the chill, I felt my temperature spike with fear.

She was going to wax me. I was already breaking out in nervous bumps as I stared at the piece of parchment on my skin with trepidation. Looking up again at the others, I asked, “Are you sure none of you packed a razor?”

They all shook their heads and Zorii’s fingers grabbed the loose corner, “Ready on three.”

My whole body tensed and I instinctively tried to pull away. “Wait—WAIT!”

“Three!” She quickly said before the rip and my mouth fell open with a silent scream. None of them bothered holding back their laughter while I kicked and punched at the air. Even Alice was giggling excitedly at my agony. Little sadist.

It felt like Zorii ripped off the top layer of skin, leaving a burst of fire in its wake. “OW!” I complained as she applied pressure to the pained area. Scowling at her, I snapped, “What happened to one and two?”

“Who said anything about one and two? I said ready on three,” She clarified while fanning the affected area. “See? Nice and smooth,”

I looked and saw that my armpit was indeed clean and bare now, but it was also angry red. “I don’t think I’ll be able to put my arm down now. Am I going to carry my bouquet in the air?”

She scoffed and pulled out a bottle before squirting its contents onto her fingers. “Oh, don’t be a baby, I have ointment. The burn will be gone before you know it. Now, give me the other arm.” I grumbled but didn’t argue and dutifully lifted my right arm this time and braced for the inevitable. 

Two flaming pits later and I was free of that problem. Then I spent ten minutes in the bathroom under a bright light to pluck any remaining stray hairs under my chin. When I reemerged, Alice was getting her dress put on. Everyone clapped and awed at her as she twirled in her sage tulle gown with embroidered flowers.

She was smiling from ear to ear watching her reflection in the full-length mirror. Doing little curtsies and blowing kisses as if she were royalty. My little princess. Phasma was barely able to pull her away long enough to get her hair up into a bun. Then she placed the flower crown on top of her head and Alice was even more thrilled. 

My attention from her was broken when there was another knock at the door. It was the photographer. The girls let him in and he immediately went to work putting his Canon together.  

Tamara then sat in front of me and started on my makeup. My eyelids were given a flawless brown smokey cut crease look. With a nude matte base that was close to my skin tone, she drew a dark line at the creases that transitioned into an iridescent metallic rose brown liner and then blended with rose gold as the final shade. Then she used some black gel eyeliner and brushed a trail across the lash line and to the corner, fashioning a wing. After she did the same with the other side she finished it by using a small brush to dab some black shadow for a smokey eye effect. Then some mascara for the finishing touch. She dabbled some blush onto my cheekbones and stroked a subtle sheer gloss for my lips to give them some shine. Once it was all done, she spritzed my face with setting spray.

She moved back to my hair. Undoing the curlers so my hair, now dry, fell down in graceful waves so she could style it into a blunt bob with a hidden bohemian braid going across the back of my head. 

When she handed me the mirror to see the finished look, I was floored. As always, she delivered way more than I’d ever expected. I got up from the chair to see Kaydel zip Rose into her dress. It was an A-line chiffon floor-length gown with a side slit and a high neck illusion neckline that tied into a bow in the back in eucalyptus green. Her makeup was also finished and she was finishing her side fishtail braid over her right shoulder. 

“Okay, this is the big moment,” She exclaimed giddily and ran to the closet and soon came back out with the large canvas bag and a shoe box. “Time for the dress!”

Practically dancing on my toes, I slid my robe off and draped it over the bed as she held it open for me to step into. My arms went in through the small holes and she took care of refastening the buttons up my back and floofed my skirt a few times before stepping away to help me with my shoes.

Once everything was on, I finally took a moment to look in the mirror. My brown hair framed my face evenly, and the strokes of makeup seemed to enhance my facial features a little more, particularly around my eyes and cheekbones. The tea-length skirt falling just below my knees swished with each movement I made. The cut made the muscles in my calves accentuate nicely as crossed and uncrossed my ankles. The whole ensemble really made me feel like a bride. This must be the feeling every talks about that they dreamt of from childhood. 

“Here’s something old,” Kaydel appeared behind me in the mirror and pulled out a necklace from a small velvet bag. It was rose gold with vine leaves and pearls. She reached in front of me to drape it across my neck before clasping it in the back. “It was my grandmother’s niece’s.”

Phasma came around with a small velvet box in her hands. “Something new,” She opened it, and inside were a pair of crystal leaf chandelier earrings that were a little less than three inches long. Carefully, she slid the hooks through each ear and let them hang on the side of my face.                                                                                                               

After she put them in, I wiggled my head back and forth, testing their weight. I glanced in the mirror and liked how they seemed to sparkle with every move I made. My lips couldn’t contain my mirth, “I love them.”

Zorii appeared and pulled out a rhinestone crystal sash then wrapped it around my waist. “Something borrowed,” She murmured after tying it. “I wore it on my wedding day,”

“And something blue,” Rose twirled a strand of hair in her fingers and pulled it to the side of the braid with a hairpin.

“A blue lotus,” I murmured and traced the design with my fingertips. “It’s so pretty, it actually matches the gold thistle.” Then a thought occurred to me and I turned to Rose. “Speaking of, where are the bouquets?”

She made a scoffing noise before moving to her suitcase. “What do you take me for? An amateur?” Swinging the flap open, she revealed the intricate boxes we’d picked out from weeks prior. “See?” She handed one to me and a smaller one to Alice.

I took the box and smiled at the lovely floral crescent design. A wide expanse of baby's breath, Solange peonies, and blue Echinops wrapped together with cream and two shades of green chiffon silk ribbon tied in the middle into a bow. Rose’s was a smaller version without the globe thistle. Alice was given peony petals to put in her braided flower basket.

The photographer took a few shots of us facing each other with our arrangements before all of the girls gave me their best wishes one last time and promised to see me on the roof. Rose and Alice stayed with me and we made our way downstairs to get some pictures taken at the waterside promenade in front of a big brick building.

The Liberty Warehouse was fifteen thousand square feet and had several rooms dedicated to private events and social gatherings. Ben and I liked it because it had a rustic and sentimental feel to it. The beautiful view of the New York Harbor and the Statue of Liberty was also a benefit to its location. It was probably going to be even more breathtaking on the roof.

We took several more photos by the water when I heard someone say in a stunned voice, “My God,” I turned and saw Han walking towards us, dressed in a navy tuxedo. He gave me a bear hug before pulling away and letting his hazel eyes look me up from my hairpin down to my shoes. “You’re a knockout, kid. Ben will lose his mind when he sees you.”

I looked down, blushing. “Thank you, Han,” 

“Just think in a few minutes, we’ll officially be family.” He smiled and offered his arm, “But you already are. Let’s get this show on the road and get it on paper,” With my bouquet in my other hand, I wrap my right around his elbow and let him lead me back into the warehouse.

I started to hear some music in the background as we got closer to the top. There, the wedding coordinator waved Alice and Rose over for their turn, and then it was only Han and I left waiting.

“How are you feeling?” He asked me with knowing anticipation.

I tried to speak over the pounding nervousness in my chest. “Like my head is about to float away. Does that sound normal?”

He chuckled with ease and gave me a sideways smirk. “It’ll pass. I felt the same way when I married Leia. Could’ve sworn I was soaked under my suit with sweat. But as soon as I saw her, I couldn’t think of anything else. She said she was afraid of tripping in her shoes the whole way but you’d never know by looking at her. I thought she was an angel. Ben will think the same. All you have to do is look beautiful while walking forward. Trust me, you got this.”

Do I? A part of me believed him and the chicken part of me was debating on walking out barefoot. We waited until there was a beat of quiet before a violin started playing “You Are The Reason” and my heart leaped. 

“You ready?” My soon-to-be father-in-law asked me with a calming pat on my hand. “He’s waiting for you,”

I took a deep breath and then another. Then, I tightened my hold on his arm. I nodded and said, “I’m ready.”

With an encouraging smile in my direction, we went up the last set of steps into the open air on the roof. The first thing I saw was the harbor and the nicely decorated railings with twinkling fairy lights. Then when we followed the flower petals around the corner and I saw the familiar faces of my friends and coworkers. While it was still less than fifty people, there were more on my side than I ever would have thought possible here to support me. I could see Alice in Phasma’s arms with Tamara standing next to them. Beside her were Kaydel and Neil, then Snap and his partner were behind them along with the Valentines. Poe and Zorii were on the opposite side of the aisle with their kids and Freddie. All of them were smiling as they watched us walk towards the altar.

Then someone caught my eye and I had to hold back a snort. Well, look what the cat dragged in. Standing in the back of the bride’s section, wearing a ruby-red cocktail dress and a disappointed expression, was Julie. It seemed she decided to accept my invitation after all.

However, I decided I wasn’t going to let her presence bother me. Not now. She decided to accept the invitation, fine. This wasn’t about showing her up. There was only one other person in my mind. 

I saw him then, standing underneath the clump blossom canopy arch. Ben had his head bowed slightly with his eyes closed and his face calm like he was meditating. He wore a black slim fit peak lapel tuxedo jacket by Vera Wang with a white pocket square packing, black tie, matching formal trousers, and Cole Haan cap toe oxfords on his feet. The cleanliness of his jawline showed that he’d also had a fresh shave. His black hair framed his face neatly with not one strand out of place with his bangs smoothed back to the side.

With a nervous work of his jaw, he lifted his impossibly long lashes and looked up in search of me. When he found me, he took a long sharp inhale and his bottom lip slightly trembled. Our eyes locked, and I could feel his joy radiating off of him so greatly that my nervousness from a second ago was forgotten. 

Seeing Ben stand there waiting for me gave me the confidence I needed to let my feet take me forward with no difficulty. My hands would occasionally squeeze Han’s arm and the bouquet as emotions made me feel shaky, but I wouldn’t falter. Now, all that I could think about was getting to the man I loved was right in front of me. My attention was so focused on him that I barely paid any mind to the view behind, Finn to his left, or the officiate.

Han placed my shaking hand into Ben’s with a small kiss on the cheek and gave him a fatherly hug before standing at his place in the front row next to a vacant chair that had a picture of his mother in it. The music stopped and all of the guests sat down as I handed my bouquet to Rose.

I looked up at my husband-to-be when his thumbs stroked the tops of my fingers and he whispered, “Hi,”

It had only been twenty-four hours but it felt like an age since I’d seen him last and I felt my face split into an excited grin, “Hi, yourself,”

Due to tradition, we hadn’t seen each other since yesterday morning. While I was here, he stayed at another hotel with Finn and Han. Hearing his voice again was like coming home. 

There was a chuckle and the male officiant joked, “I think we’re off to a good start,” We all joined in with a hearty laugh. He was the very same judge from years ago that ruled in my favor when I first tried to prove Alice’s paternity.

When the guests sat back down, he began, “Welcome, everyone. We’ve gathered on this fine autumn day to witness this sacred union of Ben and Rey. The circumstances of both their meetings didn’t start positively. Their journey began during their youth, a teen boy and a little girl striking an unusual friendship. Certain events forced them to part ways and didn’t see each other again for several years until both were well into adulthood and ready to find each other again. All that time had passed and their mutual care for one another was never forgotten. From that point on, their friendship only grew. Starting off as roommates and keeping their platonic for the first year, despite nudging from all ends I’m told.” That had us both snickering bashfully and I could hear a few exasperated ‘thank you’s from the audience. “In the end, they were able to finally come to grasp that their true feelings for one another shouldn’t be ignored. Their hardships and struggles only made them stronger together as partners. Then the child bore by one but loved by both also cemented them together more than any of them could have imagined.”

I snuck a glance behind me to smile at Alice who was sitting quietly in Phasma’s lap, rocking her sparkly Mary Janes while paying close attention to the two of us. Her brown eyes lit up and jovial. Yes, she played the biggest part of our story. None of this would be happening if it weren’t for her. Only being the size of a small fruit, she set everything in motion that led me back to Ben.

The judge proceeded and I brought my attention back to the present. “Does anyone have any reason that these two should not be married?” He inquired the audience. “Please speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Rose turned around and shouted, pointing at everyone, “Ya’ll better keep your peace real tight or I’m throwing hands and my bouquet!”

I could tell that was mostly aimed at Julie. My chest shook and I saw Ben try to press his lips tightly together with little success. There was some more amused laughter from everyone, especially Luke and Han. No objections though.

Satisfied, the Judge then said, “The bride and groom have written their own vows and will say them for us now,”

When Ben took out the small bit of paper from his jacket pocket. He took a deep breath to gather his bearings as he unfolded it in his hands. I wasn’t used to seeing him so flustered, it only made me love him more in this moment.

“Rey, there’s not a day that goes by where I don’t thank the universe for bringing you back into my life. I thought I was content until I met you. Coming back to the garage was the best decision I ever made. You and Alice have brought out a different side of myself that I didn’t know existed. I like doing things with you. Date nights, dress-up, tea parties, movie binges, walks in the park and along the beach, I love doing all of them with you. You make me laugh harder than any comedian and you make me cry more than any Penny Dreadful. We drive each other crazy too and that’s one of my favorite things. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love the two of you and I can’t see my future without either of you in it.”

My lower lip quivered, and he paused. I rotated my hand in a gesture for him to keep going. Thankfully Rose was there with tissues stuffed in flowers that she handed me so I could dab at the corner of my eyes and pray the setting spray would hold until the end.

“I vow to be faithful and loyal to you and only you. I vow to honor you. I vow to be your friend, your partner, your lover, your support system, your shoulder to cry on, your home, and the father of our children. From now until always.”

Hearing him say the words we had written together shook me deep within my bones. These were promises we decided to make to each other in writing. The officiant turned to me and I remembered where I was. I’d been so transfixed on Ben after bathing my ears from his vows that I barely turned to accept the folded paper from Rose containing my own.

He squeezed my fingers encouragingly, ready whenever I was.

Taking a few steady breaths, I looked at the words I’d written and read them aloud, “There are so many things I have to be thankful for, Ben. Meeting you is one, and loving you is another. You saved my life twice. When I thought there was no one left who cared about me, you proved me wrong ten-fold. Thanks to you, I found my voice and I was able to acknowledge my strengths along with my weaknesses. I learned to be able to connect with new people and make real friends.” I heard a sniffle behind me and knew it was Rose. “I’ve never felt like I belonged until you let me into your home. No one has stuck up or fought for me until you and it helped me realize that I am worth more than what others thought of me. From the beginning, you were there for me and for Alice after she was born. There is no one else on this earth I know worthy enough to take on the role of raising her with me as the bond we all share is unmatched. I love you. I vow to be faithful and loyal to you and only you. I vow to honor you. I vow to be your friend, your partner, your lover, your support system, your shoulder to cry on, and the mother of our children. From now until always.”

The time came for the rings and my heart fluttered like a butterfly’s wings as Ben lifted my left hand where his mother’s diamond sparkled in the light. He slid on the new matching rose-gold band all the way up until it interlocked with the diamond, making it look like two rings fused into one. I didn’t know it could look so beautiful.

With quaking hands, I took the ring and slid it on his finger. The identical wedding band shimmered the moment it slid home.

With the last part done, we stared at each other with growing anticipation when we finally heard, “I now pronounce you both married. You may kiss the bride. Please, don’t hold back.”

We barely let him finish before we leaned into our first kiss as husband and wife. Ben pulled me in by the waist and I gently held his face. I closed my eyes and shooting stars exploded across my eyelids the moment our lips touched. I felt him smile and I knew I was too. While we kissed, the world around us slowed to a stop. For a brief moment, I believed we were in our own world of warm solace.

We’re married! I thought with excited disbelief, still lost in the feeling of our lips moving in perfect sync. Then the sound of elated applause and whistles broke the spell. We separated only to rest our foreheads together and look into each other’s eyes.

I love you. His said.

Mine told him much the same. I love you too.

Ready to face our audience, we turned to our friends who were all up from their seats and cheering us on. Especially Alice. She was clapping her little hands together more enthusiastically than anyone else. Maybe except for Rose.

With my hand in my husband’s, we made our exit with our respective parties and the photographer following us. The guests were guided to the downstairs venue in the Harbor Room. Ben and I, Alice, Rose, Finn, Han, and Luke stayed on the roof for the better part of a half hour as the man worked tirelessly at moving us all around accordingly to go well with the natural light and the view. Countless photos were taken with just the two of us and with our parties on the roof and by the water.

After wrapping up, we followed the others to the reception. Rose and Finn went ahead of us and then the DJ introduced, “Let us welcome the new Mr. and Mrs. Solo!” We walked out laughing and smiling and he gave me a little twirl as we made our grand entrance. 

The Harbor room was on the ground level. 3,000 square feet with the original wooden beams and exposed brick. Dangling twinkle lights hung along the ceiling which gave the room a magical touch. Four wood-burning fireplaces, a patio facing the waterfront, and a full wall of windows faced the harbor where you could once again see the Statue of Liberty.

Once at our table at the far end of the room in front of one of the fireplaces, we ate and got our toasts and speeches from Rose, Finn, Han, Luke, Lando, Phasma, and Kaydel.

Afterward, we stepped onto the dancefloor for our first dance as husband and wife. We slow-waltzed to “All of Me” by John Legend. The whole time we stared lovingly into each other’s eyes as we swayed to the lyrics.

Later, Since both of us were missing a mother and a father for said dances, we opted for a compromise. I would dance with Han while Ben danced with Phasma. It was heartwarming for all of us.

I cast a wink in his direction before throwing the flowers backward over my head. I turned around to see them land in the hands of Snap’s surprised girlfriend. They both blushed when everyone cheered for them. They'd been together for six years already. Tick tok, my friend! TIck tock! With the short skirt, all Ben had to do was kneel at my feet for the garter toss. He searched for it with his long fingers before sliding it off and flung it at the bachelors with a wink of his own at me.

Then came time for the cake cutting. We didn’t go over the top and smash it in each other’s faces. I made it perfectly clear early on in our friendship that I didn’t think it was funny and never thought it would be. Luckily he and I were in the same boat when it came to that kind of humor. Besides, why waste such a beautiful tasty cake? Especially when Rose and I spent hours trying to make it look nice.

The rest of the evening was pretty smooth. I didn’t see Julie during the reception. In fact, I don’t think we spoke at all aside from her wheezing ‘congratulations’ to us in passing. It seemed once she realized that Ben and I were pretty much attached at the hip today, her chances were next to nonexistant. Especially one particular instance where we hid in an alcove for a few minutes alone. She’d caught us with our lips locked in a rather intense makeout session with him pressing me against the wall and his hand sliding up under my skirt before she scurried off to the bar. I barely saw her after that. I don’t know if she’ll even end up in any of the photos. I’d suspected she was either sulking somewhere with her plus one or they left early.

When the sunset, I decided to step out onto the veranda to enjoy the cool breeze. Alice was tuckered out and resting in my arms. No quiet asleep but definitely running on low battery. She’d had her fair share of excitement today. 

Wish that you could build a time machine

So you could see

The things no one can see

Feels like you’re standing on the edge

Looking the stars

And wishing you were them

“Just Hold On” by Steve Aoki and Louis Tomlinson started playing inside and he turned to us with a smile. I already could tell what he was about to suggest. “Why don’t we go back inside for one more dance, hmm? The three of us?”

I smiled back and walked with him. “Definitely. Maybe if we dance all night, it won’t end.”

“Worth a shot,” He playfully agreed and guided us back to the floor where the guests were. "I could stay like this forever."

As we danced to the beat, we kept no distance. Laughing and living it up under the twinkling lights surrounded by the people closest to us. All of it was possible because we held onto each other.

The sun goes down and it comes back up

The world it turns no matter what

Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh, if it all goes wrong

Darling, just hold on

Three months later

The wedded bliss hung in the air for weeks. Once the initial excitement wore off, everything was back to normal. With the wedding still fresh in our minds, we went on with domestic life. Working and taking care of Alice in between date nights, hanging out with our friends, playdates, and grandpa nights, we had our hands full.

Months passed by and then came the day when the notice arrived in the mail with a court date. The time had finally come. Ben had put in the application the very next workday. During the wait, he had been fingerprinted and interviewed. Normally, they also conduct an inspection of the home the child would be staying in but Alice lived at Ben’s her whole life which was more than the required year. It was also the reason we only had to wait half of the normal time period.

I was relieved that there had been no protest or lack of response from the other party this time. It seemed that Armitage was doing his part for once. We'd even caught a glimpse of them going in before we did.

We didn't come alone; we had our family with us. In the corridor just outside the courtroom, aside from Ben, Alice, and myself, Han, Luke, Phasma, and Tamara came to show their support. Lando was here too for legal representation just in case.

The door opened and out came Lando. “Hey, kids,” He greeted and sped towards us in his crisp beige suit. “They’re already inside. Let’s get this done.”

“We’ll all be in the gallery, don't worry,” Luke told us while ushering the others inside.

“You okay?” Ben asked softly in my ear as Lando held the door open for us.

“Yeah,” I assured while my eyes kept looking around. “Just sick of courtrooms.” It wasn’t a set like Paternity Court with stage lights in the overhang and producers running around. There were cameras, sure, but they weren’t the ones that broadcast to millions of viewers. 

He snorted in agreement, “Yeah, well after this, there's nothing else. We'll be free."

That was what I really wanted. I straightened my shoulders and let Ben carry Alice in. The gallery was mostly empty. The room was indeed smaller than the set. More the normal size for a family court without a bunch of extras and giant cameras. Han and the others were already seated on the right sight of the gallery and, on the opposite side, the unapproving stare of Armitage's mother and father burned in the side of my skull as we walked past them. When we got to our table, I finally saw the man himself on the other side with his wife. They had tied the knot a couple of weeks after the show. The only reason I knew was because, while he had me blocked, she hadn't. She popped up in my recommendations and the profile picture showed the two of them kissing in front of a heart-shaped altar in front of a chapel. It didn't take a genius to understand why I opted to block her account before she could see mine instead of offering my congratulations when I really didn't care.

I wasn't given much chance to think more about it when the female bailiff told us all to rise. The judge came in and gave us permission to be seated. A man in his late forties with gray hair and a horseshoe mustache. He went through the motion of adoption in a fashion showing he had done this many times in his career. His tone was incurious, his expression bored as he read out the details of Alice's birth, the paternity results, and the transfer of parental rights. Then came the part about child support, which Armitage still hadn't paid any. But Ben had already thought of something for that.

“I am willing to pay what he owes in child support fees.” Ben offered when the judge let him speak. “To make it easier and less straining to sever the ries, I’ll write a check to cover the balance myself. For the last few years, I've been raising his daughter by her mother's side."

Rubbing his chin with interest, the judge said, "That's certainly generous of you, Mr. Solo. I'll make a note of that." He scribbled something down before peering over his glasses at Armitage. “Now comes the next part for you, Mr. Hux. This is your last chance to be in your firstborn child's life. Do you object to this adoption?”

He opened his mouth and I held my breath. This could be it. This could be the moment he decided to change his mind again and throw everything into disarray. All of our hard work, for nothing. I snapped my eyes shut to stop the thoughts in their tracks before they could make me start to panic.

“I don’t object,”

I nearly sagged with relief as my hands released their hold from the bottom of the chair.

The judge nodded at his answer. “Do you understand that by consenting, from this day forward you will have no legal obligations nor any rights to the child until she comes of age?” When gave a solemn nod, the judge gave a paper to the bailiff and she handed it to him. “Then you will need to sign this document. By doing so you will relinquish all parental rights in regards to Alice Niima. Her original birth certificate is sealed but she will receive a new amended birth certificate with the stepfather’s name.”

He stared down at the piece of paper for several contemplating seconds. Finally, he took the lid off the gel pen and wrote his name down. When it was done, he slid the paper back to the bailiff who then gave it back to the judge. It was all so quick I almost forgot to breathe. That’s that. One stroke of a pen and he’s her father no more. It seemed unreal.

The bailiff then turned around with a new paper and brought it to our table to place in front of Ben. From the bench, the judge told him, “This child will inherit from you, you will treat her no differently than if she were yours biologically. The moment you sign, by law, she will be your child.”

Unlike Armitage, Ben didn’t waste any time writing his flawless signature on the dotted line. He’d already had the pen ready in his hand before the paper was on the table. 

When his wife stood up to follow, I noticed the decently sized bump protruding from her midsection. 

How do you like them apples? I shouldn’t be surprised. They were married and had been together for a few years. From our one interaction, a bitter part of me was wondering if her child was Armitage's. Wouldn’t that be a doozy?

But, so what if it weren’t? It didn’t affect me one iota. Until Alice turns eighteen, with fifteen more years to go, our lives will not intercept or mingle with theirs. That was the purpose of this. Even though she could potentially be carrying her half-sibling, this is the path that’s best. However, there was another part of me that felt like I was denying her the chance to grow up with a relative she could be close with. Then, on the other hand, that could also open a floodgate of new problems. There was too much mistrust between the adults and it wouldn’t be fair to either of them. However, I was unable to stop feeling that I shouldn’t let it end with so many unhealthy feelings towards each other.

Before I could let myself regret anything, I turned my focus back to my family. Ben was holding Alice in one arm while shaking Lando’s hand with the other.

It didn’t matter. Not now. The decision had been made before we came here. We were all going our separate ways to live our own lives. Aside from DNA, they were nothing to each other. One day, less than two decades from now, she would take that step herself if she wanted to. As of now, whatever they did with their family was no concern of ours. There was no looking back anymore.

Keeping Alice in one arm, he led me out of the room with the other gently pressed against the small of my back.

There was still a nagging at the back of my mind even as we stood in the hallway. From the other side, I saw Armitage and his wife talking to each other. Actually, with the disgruntled expressions, it looked more like complaining. 

“Rey?” Ben asked, his eyes trained steadily ahead. No doubt he could tell by my body language something was up. “What the matter?”

The feeling was there. It was going to eat at me until I let it out. “There’s one last thing I have to do,” I insisted. When he looked unsure, I placed my hand on his cheek, “I need to do this, okay?”

He looked hesitant but eventually nodded, his eyes narrowed across the room. “I’ll wait here for you.”

The reassurance wasn’t necessary but I was still grateful. I nodded and headed in their direction.

His wife saw me first and stepped in front of him. Crossing her arms, she looked me up and down with disinterest. “What do you want?”

I kept a fair distance to respect everyone’s space. “There’s one more thing I want to say to Armitage that I didn’t back in California. It will only take a moment of your time and then I’ll be gone.”
Her nose flared angrily. “After all of the bull shit you put us through?”

That I put you through? She’s clearly chosen to forget that it was her husband that called the show, not me. Ignoring her, I looked to Armitage. “I’m not here to look for an argument, I just want two minutes to say my peace. That’s all, then we’ll never see each other again. After all of this back and forth, is that so much to ask?”

She turned to him, raising her threaded brow to gauge what he said. When he bobbed his head a single time, she rolled her eyes and went to the lady's room.

Now, left alone with nothing but bitterness in the air. This was what it had all come down to. Two former high school sweethearts now at the acidic end of a paternity debate. It was all sad to remember that four years had gone by disliking each other.

He stared at me with blight. “Is this the part where you tell me you hate me?”

More animosity, but it was different. This time, I could actually sense the feeling of true defeat coming from him. A definite first.

With a sigh, I tiredly shook my head at him, “I could never hate you, Armitage.” That got him to swerve around and gawk at me. When he blinked in confusion, I added, “I never did. Sure, I was angry with you. Furious even. You betrayed me in the worst way possible.” He was rebuttal but I kept one anyway. “All of that aside, you still gave me something that means more to me than our bad relationship. Without you, I wouldn’t have Alice and she’s the best thing that ever happened to me. She’s my whole world and I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now if weren’t for her. With all of that being said, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you, for giving her to me. Because there is nothing on this earth I would trade for her and I wouldn’t have that if weren’t for you. To me, it means our time wasn’t a waste.”

He blinked serval times, stunned. For once he looked to be at a loss for words. Like somehow, finally, I’d managed to break through that last brick wall of obstinacy. The green in his eyes dimmed slightly as I guessed he thought back to when we were going out. The good, the bad, and the messy. It looked like he was actually feeling some regret. Whether it was towards me or Alice, I didn’t have it in me to care anymore. As of ten minutes ago, the ties between us had been severed. Until she turned eighteen, and only if she decided to reach out.

With my knuckle, I wiped away what was the last tear for the man who sired my daughter. “Goodbye, Armitage. I hope you’ve found your happiness. I know I’ve found mine.” Turning on my high heel, I left him behind. I passed his glowering wife while ignoring her muttered ‘bitch’ remark and left them behind in my past to go to my future with my family.

They were all laughing merrily. Han, Luke, and Lando are exchanging congratulatory hugs and Ben was positively beaming as he lifted Alice up and tossed her in the air while she waved her arms and legs like she was trying to fly. He looked like he was on top of the moon, gazing at her with his moistened eyes while she kept shouting, “Higher, Daddy! Higher!”

“You got it, Princess,” He assured her with a laugh and gave her another toss before catching her again. I saw the wetness further gather in his eyes as he spoke. “I’ll send you to the stars if you want.”

The endearing promise in his words made me feel even more definitive about everything that had come to pass. Life didn't have a set plan for me, I had to make it mine. I had to make decisions that would affect me and my child who was now officially ours by law. Not with her biological father, the one who gave her life. Instead, it was someone who decided to take on the role out of love. I had a partner who respected and cared about me, friends who supported me and taught me how to open up to others, a career, and a family. This was mine.

When Alice spotted me she squealed excitedly in her father’s arms and fussed until he let her go. “Mommy!” Grinning, I squatted down and opened my arms. She ran at full speed, the bottoms of her shoes echoed through the big hall with each step until she went straight into me with so much force that I almost toppled over. 

Even with the wind knocked out of me, I readily wrapped my arms tightly around her feeling lighter than I had in a long time.

“I love you, Mommy!” She proclaimed happily with her arms snugly around my neck.

I picked her up and swung her around, keeping my face buried in her brown curls. “I love you, my treasure!” Her giggles reverberated off my chest and I felt relief once more. Now, it truly was over. My daughter was healthy. I was married to my life partner. Armitage signed away his rights, and Ben took them on as his own.

This was as it should be and we had the rest of our lives to look forward to. 

Epilogue

“And this is your key!” The friendly female desk clerk said as she handed it to Ben. “Enjoy!”

“Kiitos! ” I thanked her in Finnish as we left the main building in search of our rental.

A few months had passed since our last stand in court and we were finally back to focusing on enjoying our new marriage. Such as finally going on our honeymoon. We’d landed in Finland roughly forty minutes ago.

At first, I was a little hesitant about going somewhere so far away from Alice. A literal ocean away for half of a month. I’d never been apart from her before now. However, she and Bronx were safe at Han’s house for our two-week stay. He promised us to give her a grand old time while we were away and when he couldn’t watch her, she’d be at daycare with her Auntie Phas and Auntie Tam. Her official godparents as of the same day Ben adopted her. It was on paper and everything, nothing to dispute.

With that all in mind, I also thought the distance would do us some good. It was something I would need to get used in the long run. She was more than likely going to go on sleepovers when she got older. As soon as elementary even and that was only a couple of years away. She might go on summer vacation with her high school friends. Then when college came around, she may even decide to go overseas.

I also needed to remind myself that it wasn’t unhealthy to go on a short vacation and it didn’t make me a bad mother as long as I checked in on her. I would need to take the timezone into consideration, but it would be doable. Once we were on the plane, I actually began to feel excited. Just Ben and me away from work and chores. The purpose was to relax and have fun. And of course sex. Ben made sure that was on the daily itinerary, not that I protested. 

We were picked up at the Ivalo Airport and driven through the ancient pine tree-covered land then dropped off at the Northern Lights Villiage in Saariselkä. The moment I set foot out of the car, I could see the pictures from the website didn’t do a justice. 

The little village was blanketed with snow. There were two main buildings and forty Aurora cabins. The older desk clerk was the first to greet us with her silver hair in a traditional braid. Telling us she was excited whenever newlyweds chose to spend their honeymoon here.

We trudged through the snow until we made it to our cabin. I let out a startled laugh when I suddenly found myself swept off my feet after wiping them on the welcome mat. Lighthearted giggles shook me and my hands instinctively locked behind Ben’s neck as he unlocked the door. I nudged it open with my foot and failed to contain my gasp. It was stunning. The walls were lined with reclaimed wood paneling with little artwork. Another door inside led to the small bathroom in the middle of the room. At the far end of the room was a double bed with freshly pressed white sheets and a faux fur throw draped over the bottom half. Above it, the ceiling curved outward and around where the double bed was in the center. 

He put my feet back on the ground to get the fireplace going while the first thing I did was seek out the laser-heated sky windows above the bed. The sun had set before our plane landed and I wanted to get a glimpse of the view. When they opened, the first things I saw were more trees of impressive height surrounding the cabin. My eyes shot straight up when I noticed a glimmer higher in the sky. “Oh my God, Ben, look!”

The night sky showed glimmers of luminescent lights. Hues of green and purple danced along the blanket of dark blue. “I don’t think I’ve seen a more beautiful view.”

“Nothing better than what’s right in front of me,” Ben replied and I looked to see him not even glancing at the lights but instead had his eyes focused solely on me. “If I may,” He offered. I nodded with a smile as he removed his gloves then took my hand and led me to one of the club chairs. His long fingers took gentle care as they undid the zipper of each boot and took them off. He rubbed the soreness out of each foot with the pads of his thumbs and I let myself go limp in the chair and got lost in the feeling. It went on for a while until I felt him pause and stroke one hand up the seam of my leggings on the back of my calf. He stopped at my knee and moved to kneel between my legs. Caressing my hips, he bunched my sweater dress in his hands and tugged in silent command. I dutifully lifted my arms and let him pull it up and slide it off my head.

With a breathy moan, he pulled me closer and devoured my lips in a hungry kiss. Snaking his arms around me, he lifted me out of the chair. Our mouths remained occupied with one another as he walked us to the bed and lowered me onto the mattress. He deeper into me before breaking away with a pant. He bent back down to give love bites on my neck as he continued to kiss his way across the exposed part of my chest. Then he went further down and sucked on my right nipple through the lace. I gasped and arched my back, further pressing my breast against his mouth as he cradled the mound in his large hand. His other hand reached further to slide off my leggings but had some trouble at my shins until I helped kick them off.

Feeling playful I leaned up, helped him remove his own bulky sweater, and peppered kisses under his jaw while my hand explored the muscled plains of his chest. Trailing down until it found his belt and untucked it from the loops. His fingers curled around the back of my neck, encouraging me to go further before pulling my lips back to his.

The sky remained aglow during our lovemaking. Bright colors shined through the glass roof and bounced off the walls of our room and our skin as we moved in and out of the covers. Alternating from one place on the bed to the next until we reached our highest peak. We let ourselves bathe in their light even in the afterglow. His eyelids fell shut not long after and I wasn’t far behind. With the soothing sounds of his heartbeat and the crackling fire, feeling safe in each other’s arms, we let ourselves fade into a place where only happy dreams awaited us. 

The End

The link for Alice's flower girl dress!

https://www.etsy.com/listing/907080873/boho-sage-lace-flower-girl-dress