Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She couldn’t help the smile that stretched across her face as those familiar brown eyes became her first sight of the day. 

“Good morning, love.” He spoke, his voice that was still raspy with sleep sending a pleasurable chill of excitement down her spine. 

“Morning.” She answered, the giddy feeling he brought to her refusing to dissipate. She wondered if it ever would around him.

She hummed in contentment as his hand carded through her hair, letting her eyes fall closed. 

“That feels nice.” She whispered, feeling the pull of sleep grasping her once again. 

Iella’s eyes opened and the image she’d thought was in front of her disappeared. She gasped lightly, bolting upwards from the bunk she’d been sleeping in. She looked down and startled slightly at the sight of the Mandalorian asleep on the floor at her bedside.

Her brows furrowed at the sight of him. His helmet was still off from the night before and she couldn’t help the stirring of feelings within her as she looked at his face, the same face that had invaded her dreams.

The same face that felt so familiar. 

She let out a shaking breath, running a trembling hand through her tangled hair. Din . That was what he said his name was. While looking down at him she resisted the urge to brush the hair from in front of his eyes.

Her spine stiffened at the thought. Those petty, frivolous thoughts weren’t allowed. They would only slow her down and create a weakness she didn’t need. She repressed a shiver at the thought of having something to care about, something to make her weak. She almost wanted it. 

The conversation last night had gone better than she expected. He’d kept her promise and he didn’t put a hand on her. That alone left her feeling more comforted with him than she had with Voros or anyone else on that base. 

No matter how much more she wanted to know about this apparent life she had and the apparent husband she had, she knew she couldn’t stay. 

She had a job to do and if she spent any more time away from Voros she knew she’d be in trouble. She was probably already in for a world of hurt given that her partners had been killed and she hadn’t returned. 

Voros would blame her. 

Her chest felt tight at the thought of what would happen to her when she made it back. She swallowed the lump in her throat and shook her head. 

Better to get it over with , she thought to herself. It would only get worse for her the longer she was away.

The thought made her feel sick, but she didn’t know what else to do, where else to go. She didn’t know if her ‘husband’ would still want her given that she didn’t remember him. She figured he wouldn’t want to deal with her anymore.

She slowly crept out of bed, making sure not to step on the man that lay on guard in front of her. Slowly, she pulled her boots back on, the same boots that Din had so carefully removed when she was too tired to even remain standing.

Her chest tightened again and she placed a hand over her heart, her face creasing with worry. Heart attack probably , she thought. With how overwhelmed she felt she knew it was a possibility, but a voice in the back of her head told her she was wrong.

She breathed deeply, moving past the thought before it could lay more doubt within her.

You don’t belong here , she told herself. 

Din wouldn’t let her go easily, she knew that, and she knew she needed to leave before he could stop her. 

She grabbed her jacket that lay over the foot of the bunk and shrugged it on, patting the side pocket to make sure her knife was still there. She didn’t know if her supposed husband was too trusting or just plain dumb to let her keep it.

She paused before she left the room, turning to look back at him, still fast asleep. She remembered his words from the night before, you have a name, we became friends...then lovers, I would never do anything to hurt you , they rang through her head, almost tortuously.

Her stomach filled with butterflies, something that felt so unfamiliar to her, but in a way was also so comforting and assuring to her. 

He was there for her. He wouldn’t hurt her like Voros did, he wouldn’t treat her like a mindless weapon. 

Din.

She ran his name over in her mind again, feeling so conflicted over the emotions that swirled inside her at the thought of him. 

Lovers. That was what they were.

Or so he says. 

If he was right and Voros had been manipulating her for so long, how was she to know that Din wasn’t doing the exact same thing?

He’s not. He would never, not to you.

She squeezed her eyes shut at that damn voice in her head. The one that so desperately wanted her to stay with Din. That voice called him her saviour and she was scared she was starting to believe it.

Trust him. Stay with him. Let him heal you.

Iella let out a shaking breath and hurried out of the room, her eyes frantically searching around the ship. Without giving much thought to her surroundings, she moved to the left, entering the fresher and slamming the light on.

She didn’t have time to think about why she’d known where it was and why she knew exactly where the light had been. She was panicking too much to really dwell on it or it would have made her panic all the more.

She turned the tap on, letting the cool water run over her hands. She sighed in relief as she splashed the water over her face, taking in a deep breath to try and relax herself as she let the confusion over her situation ruminate with her.

Looking up, the reflection that stared back at her left her even more confused. Was she the person Din said she was? Could she really just forget all those years? Was she capable of loving someone?

Just days ago she would’ve answered no to each and every one of those questions. But now, she wasn’t so sure. Not after how sincere Din had been with her. 

He had her doubting everything she believed in.

Her eyes cast over her reflection before they stopped abruptly at her neck. She felt the lump in her throat grow until it felt as though it would choke her as she twisted her head and stared at the device on her neck. The one that had left her screaming in agony and unconscious for an entire day.

Voros had done that to her. He had caused her that pain. 

Iella let out a shaking breath. She needed to make a decision and fast, before Voros killed her out of pure anger.

Without giving her decision much thought, she reached into her jacket, pulling out her knife. Her breathing stuttered as she raised the deadly blade to her neck, her chest heaving nervously. 

Carefully, she dug the knife into her neck, at the edge of the device that was embedded in her skin. She winced, her face scrunching in pain as the blade dug around the small incision she’d made, trying her best to dislodge the thing that had hurt her.

“What are you doing?!” A panicked voice yelled, making her jump in surprise. She hissed as the blade nicked her skin, but before she could place a hand over the small wound, Din was already there, one hand covering her neck and the other reaching to take the knife from her.

“Oh god, oh shit!” Din cursed frantically, quickly reaching for a towel to press against her neck to soak up the blood that ran down to her chest.

Iella watched him closely, noticing the shine in his eyes, the unshed tears. His hands trembled against the towel and the fear and despair on his face was unmistakable. 

That only made her feel even more confused by what she was supposed to feel for him. 

No one had ever looked so worried for her before and it made something inside her fill with warmth, something she didn’t even know existed within her and it completely confused her. 

“Fuck, what the hell were you doing?” He asked, his voice shaking. 

“I just-”

“You can’t do this to yourself! You can’t just kill yourse- fuck! El, you can’t do this.” He rambled panickedly, cutting off her explanation. 

“I wasn’t tryi-”

“I can’t lose you, not again. What you’re going through, we’ll work this out. I swear I’ll do everything I can to fix this. You just have to give me a chance.” He said, sounding like he was pleading with her and it made her stomach fill with butterflies once again.

“Din,” She started and she watched as his eyes widened and he stared into her eyes, finally tearing his attention away from the wound on her neck.

His stomach flipped at the sound of her saying his name. It filled him with hope that left him deliriously happy.

“I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I didn’t want to hurt myself, I just… I …” She stammered, trying to find the words to explain her actions even though she didn’t really understand it herself.

“What?” He urged softly, his hands moving to hold hers. Her breathing hitched and she stared down at the affectionate gesture with wide eyes.

His warm hands against hers felt so good. She found herself dreading the moment he would let go.

“I wanted that thing out. I don’t want Voros to find me. I don’t want him to hurt me again.” She explained quietly. 

Just two minutes ago, she wasn’t expecting to make the decision she did. She didn’t expect to make the decision to not return to the man she called Master. The only thing she could think of was the pain she’d endured at his hand and she knew she couldn’t go back.

Din had been so sweet to her, so gentle and it was the first time she’d ever felt that. Or not, she guessed. But it was the first she could remember and it meant so much to her. Too much for her to just walk away.

She knew the second she left him she’d regret it. 

“You…” Din paused, his eyes searching hers intently, his mind racing estatically. “You wanna stay… here… with me?” 

Iella shifted on her feet anxiously, feeling nervous under his gaze. Those eyes held so much love and she still had a hard time believing it was truly directed at her. She was sure he had to be thinking of another woman when he talked about the love they shared.

“Yes - I mean, I don’t… maybe.” She answered quietly, feeling unusually bashful at her admittance. She’d never felt so vulnerable before. “I can’t go back there. He’ll kill me or torture me or whatever it is that he does to me.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Din asked, almost hesitantly like he didn’t actually want to know the answer.

Iella bit her lip nervously, contemplating how truthful she should be. It would usually be a quick decision to lie but with the way he looked at her, she found herself wanting to spill everything.

“You said I’ve been gone about a year, right?” 

Din nodded slowly, looking at her curiously. 

“I don’t remember it. I only remember the last week. The rest is… murky.” She explained lowly. 

Din’s face sobered and a quick flash of anger crossed his features. He sighed loudly and reached out, moving to reflexively comfort her and as his hand brushed against her cheek, she flinched away from him, her eyes casting down to the floor, away from his.

Din felt his heart ache but immediately took a step back from her, whispering an apology. He realized that even though he felt like he was reuniting with his wife, Iella wasn’t in the same state of mind. 

To her, she wasn’t reuniting with her husband, she was with a stranger. A stranger that loved her and was desperate to hold her and love her again. 

He couldn’t even imagine how confusing this was for her and he realized he shouldn’t be pushing her. He needed to wait patiently for her to come back to herself. The best course of action is to wait for her to make the first move so he didn’t completely scare her off.

No matter how much he missed her, he needed to wait.

He breathed deeply, moving the knife back up to her neck. He noticed her flinch again and it broke his heart even more.

“It’s ok. I told you last night, I’m not gonna hurt you, I never would.” He said softly, his hands softly moving to tilt her chin upwards in a gesture so soft she’d never remembered experiencing. “I’ll help you get this thing out.” 

Iella nodded, exhaling loudly and straightening her shoulders, preparing herself for the incoming pain. She didn’t know why, but as soon as he began to dig the knife into his skin, she tried her hardest to hide her pain. She didn’t want Din to see her in this state and she didn’t know why she was trying to spare his feelings, but she could only do so much. The pain was becoming unbearable.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Din whispered as he heard her wince as he dug the knife in as carefully as he could.

He winced himself, he could only imagine how painful this was for her and he was happy when the small device finally fell into the sink in front of them and she was finally free of the torment it would cause her.

“There we go.” Din said, resisting the urge to smile in relief. 

Iella nodded and he could immediately tell that something was off with her.

“What is it?” He asked softly. 

“This doesn’t feel right. I shouldn’t be doing this.” She said, her voice beginning to sound frantic and she moved to leave the room but he quickly stopped her, his hands holding onto her shoulders, thankful that his touch hadn’t made her flinch like before.

“El, you can’t go back with him. You belong here.”

Iella shook her head, her eyes cast downwards, refusing to look at him. 

“He’ll kill me. He’ll kill you for helping me.”

“I can keep you safe. I swear it. That bastard won’t ever get his hands on you again.” Din told her, his eyes holding a fire of fierce protectiveness she didn’t think she’d ever seen before. His words were enough to make her heart race, but it was as he held the towel against her neck to stop the bleeding that she felt her heart ache for him, something she was new to experiencing. 

“Why are you doing this?” She asked quietly, feeling her eyes beginning to sting with tears. 

“Why am I doing what?” 

“Why are you helping me? Why are you so willing to put up with this?” 

Din sighed heavily, his heart breaking even more at the hurt he saw on her face. It killed him to think of what she had gone through with that son of a bitch Voros. 

“Because I love you. And even though you don’t remember me it doesn’t mean you deserve to go back to him. You belong here, with me, and I’m willing to wait as long as you need and even if you never remember me and what we had, I’ll still do everything in my power to protect you and keep you safe from him.”

Iella felt overwhelmed by his words, feeling her emotions run tenfold. She’d never have anyone treat her the way he treated her. She couldn’t believe what he was willing to do for her. 

“I don’t deserve this.” She whispered.

“You do. I know you, the real you, and whatever you’ve done in this last year doesn’t change that. You deserve to be saved, you deserve to have your life back.” Din told her honestly.

Iella looked down again, noticing her hand was still locked with his. The gesture seemed so innocent but so intimate. It confused her even more.

“Let’s just… take it one day at a time. I don’t wanna go back, but I can’t put you in danger. You seem like a good man, an honest man, and I can’t be the reason you get hurt. I can’t let you put yourself on the line for me.”

“That’s my choice to make, and I’ll make it. You’re worth it.” Din shrugged, as if it were the simplest decision in the world.

Iella blinked, looking up at him in surprise. The way he treated her, the way he talked to her was unlike anything she’d ever seen. 

Sure, she’d seen husbands with their wives, their affectionate gestures that she’d always rolled her eyes at, but this devotion, this unflinching and unconditional love and need to protect was something she’d never experienced and she found it wasn’t horrible like she had previously assumed it would be. 

“He’ll come after me, after you .” She explained.

“Let him come. I’d love to get my hands on that bastard and make him regret ever touching you.” 

The way his voice lowered and sounded so dangerous had a chill running down her spine.

Before Iella could respond to his heart melting admission, a muffled coo startled the both of them, making them jump. Din’s hand abruptly fell from hers and he raced back to his room, placing his helmet back on. 

She was right, she hated the feel of his absence, of her hand without his.

She also found she didn’t like to see him with his helmet on. She much preferred his face, those brown eyes that were so soft and full of love. 

She hated that she couldn’t see them anymore.

Iella slowly crept out of the fresher, watching as Din opened the hatch of the cradle, and she startled at the sight of the little green creature that poked its head out.

She’d almost forgotten about the child, her mission.

A wave of guilt hit her when she noticed how adorable the little thing was and she realized she would’ve really hurt the innocent child if not for Din interfering. 

The knowledge was just another reason for her to not trust Voros. She couldn’t remember if kids had ever been involved in her job previously. All she knew was that the man she worked for wanted her to hurt the little one in front of her and it made her feel sick.

That was enough for her to feel safe in the knowledge that she wasn’t going back to him.

“You didn’t take him to the client?” She asked Din as he took the child out of it’s cradle. She tried to ignore how it’s big eyes landed on hers. She didn’t want to totally melt in front of him so it was better to just look away.

Din sighed, feeling regret wash over him even though he’d made up for his lapse in judgement.

“I did, but I… I couldn’t go through with it. I took the child back.”

“Why?” 

Iella’s question caught him off guard and he looked over at her curiously. 

“I couldn’t. Leaving the child there… with those men… it wasn’t right.” He explained slowly, contemplating telling her her role in his decision, but ultimately decided against it. She was already overwhelmed with everything he’d told her the night before and he didn’t want to make it worse.

Iella just nodded in response, sensing that Din didn’t want to talk about it.

“I don’t get it.” Din started, looking down at the child as he squirmed in his arms, trying to reach out to Iella. “He has some sort of obsession with you. He was trying to get to you yesterday.” 

Iella looked at the child curiously, feeling herself stifling a smile as she watched the adorable little thing look up at her, its ears perking up and his little arms reaching out for her, as if wanting her to pick him up.

“I think he likes you.” Din said, the amusement heard in his voice despite not being able to see the expression on his face.

Din looked at her carefully and Iella could tell that his gaze was on her.

“What?”

“I just… I know how dangerous this is, having both you and the child with me. I know there’s going to be a target on my back, but I don’t care.”

Iella felt herself blush and she looked down, trying to avoid Din’s gaze even though she couldn’t even see it for herself.

“I’m gonna try to search for a safe place for us. Do you mind staying here with the child?” He asked, his voice laced with uncertainty. 

Iella just nodded in response. She didn’t know if she felt completely comfortable with looking after the child, but there was some sort of instinct within her that was willing to try. Maybe it was the old me, she thought to herself, though the thought was still unsettling to her.

The fact that she had this life she never even remembered left her feeling completely overwhelmed. 

Din was hesitant to leave her, especially after missing her for over a year and even more especially after seeing the nervous look on her face, but he knew she needed space and it was the least he could do to give it to her.

Iella stared down at the little green child that stood on the table, it’s wide eyes looking up at her curiously. She reached out hesitantly, feeling a shaking breath leave her as she took the child into her arms. 

This feeling was something completely foreign but she found it wasn’t totally uncomfortable. She liked the way he nuzzled into her the crook of her neck. She liked the way her heart absolutely melted at the sound of his content coo as she held him closely.

She liked that he was totally oblivious to how destructive she could be, how dangerous she was. She liked that he didn’t know. 

She looked down at the child in her arms at the same moment he looked up at her. But as soon as he placed his tiny little hand against her cheek, her eyes widened and she felt a wave of emotion wash over her.

An intense feeling came over her, like energy flowing through her at his touch.

She immediately felt calmed, like she had no care in the world, like she was exactly where she was meant to be. It felt like she was trapped in a deep sleep, totally unaware of her surroundings, completely free of any thought, any worries or troubles. 

She wanted this feeling to last forever.

“You two ok?” A voice called out, startling her out of her state of relaxation. 

Iella jumped and pulled the child away from her, his hand falling from her cheek and the intense relaxation she felt dissipated almost instantaneously. 

“Yeah, we’re fine.” She answered, trying to hide just how much that interaction had shaken her, how much it affected her.

“Just wanted to tell you, I’ve set the course for Sorgan. It’s a remote planet. Small, isolated. I doubt anyone would find us there.” Din explained and Iella nodded in response, feeling hope rise within her.

She felt giddy that Din was keeping to his word, that he was actually willing to try to keep her safe.

“We’ll be there by tomorrow. You might want to get some rest.” 

Iella nodded and placed the child down in the cradle as she stood. She moved to make her way to the bunk but stopped in her tracks. She found herself wishing Din to follow. She wanted him by her bedside like he’d been the night before. 

She wanted him to protect her. She liked waking up to find him there, it made her feel so safe and wanted. 

“You ok?”

She startled slightly at his question and realized she hadn’t taken another step. 

“Yeah, I’m good.” She smiled softly, a barely perceptible smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Thank you for today, I really appreciate it.”

Din smiled, his chest tightening at her praise, no matter how small it was. 

“Of course.”

Iella moved to make her way to the bunk but his voice stopped her.

“I hope you know… Whatever I need to do for you, to help you, it’s never going to be trouble. I’ll never regret it. You’re worth everything to me and I’m willing to do anything to keep you safe.”

Din’s words left her speechless and she was left to gape at him wordlessly. The sound of his voice, the dedication she heard, she found she was left unable but to smile at him. She nodded slightly, unable to form any words back.

Her heart was racing as she made her way to the bunk and once she sat down, she placed a hand over her chest, unable to describe exactly what she felt.

The way her heart ached and her stomach fluttered was something so unfamiliar but something so pleasurable to her. 

She found she never wanted to stop feeling that, especially if Din was the cause.