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Published:
2021-02-18
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2021-04-02
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Magic Doesn't Make Love Easier

Summary:

The kids try to figure out who Professor Gojo is married to. It doesn't go according to plan.

(The JJK crew attends Hogwarts and get in trouble. What's new?)

Chapter 1: The Beginning Begins

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

It begins in the library.

Itadori had agreed to join Junpei and Fushigoro’s weekly study sessions, not knowing that they’d actually be studying. He had thought that it was some sort of code word for sparring or quidditch; Which, in retrospect, was not exactly a Sherlockian deduction. (He was a Hufflepuff, not a Ravenclaw - logic wasn’t his strong suit).

Now, he’s stuck with an arithmancy book in his hands and he can already feel his single brain cell giving up. Really, why would anyone want to do more homework outside of class?

He knows, in theory, that he needs to study. His last report card was riddled with barely-passing “Acceptable”’s, the exception being the “Outstanding” he had received in Defense Against the Dark Arts. The only reason he was excelling in that class was because of Sakuna, who thought it’d be a fun idea to attack Itadori at random times to “test his reflexes”. It had been a very efficient training method. He was faster than the majority of his classmates and knew more charms and curses than any normal student should. Still, other professors had left a comments saying that his assignments “needed work”, which would be concerning if Sakuna actually bothered checking his report card. Also, being a curse-breaker didn’t require good grades in arithmancy of all things.

His gaze drifts to Fushigoro, sitting across from him, quiet save for the sounds of his quill scribbling on parchment. Across the top, Itadori reads the title of the essay - “Why Muggles Need Electricity” - written in the sloping cursive. The sun lazily sprawls across him, making his black hair seem almost golden, creating a soft glow around his outline. His eyelashes brush against his cheeks when he blinks.

If Itadori was a poet, he would say that Fushigoro was beautiful. He would say lifetimes spent studying his face would be lifetimes worth living. He would say that Fushigoro was beautiful, full of sharp angles and straight lines, the bend of his shoulders and the edge of his jaw and somehow soft at the same time, the slope of his nose and the gentle curve of his blue eyes.

Unfortunately, Itadori is not a poet, so he ends up with a single thought.

He’s pretty, Itadori realizes.

Nobara slams a book in front of his face and Itadori jumps in his seat, having missed her approach. Fushigoro raises an eyebrow. Junpei accidentally drops his wand in surprise.

Nobara pays them no mind as she quickly glances left, then right, checking her surroundings. She leans in, pulling them close, and hisses under her breath, “Gojo-sensei is married!”

At this, Itadori gapes. He has seen the hoards of girls that follow the young professor around, screaming when he so much as breathes. Surely, if the professor was married, the Gojo fan club would know before they did.

Fushigoro frowns, shaking his head. “I’ve known him for years. There’s no way he’s married.”

“I saw it!” Nobara insists, slamming her hand on the table. From across the room, a librarian glares and shushes them. Nobara meets her stare with all the wild savagery of a girl who knows a secret that must be shared. When the librarian eventually turns away, Nobara gives them a rather rude gesture before continuing. “I saw him leaving his office this morning. He was wearing a ring on his left hand.”

“Please,” Fushigoro says. “There are a million other reasons to be wearing a ring. Besides, who would want to marry him?”

A rude, but valid point. Gojo-sensei was worse than the ghosts that haunt Hogwarts, often playing obnoxious pranks on his fellow staff members and proclaiming that it was an act of karma to avoid responsibility. Nanamin, the transfiguration professor, had once turned Gojo into a frog for several days after discovering that Gojo had turned his blond hair into a bright shade of neon pink.

Itadori doesn’t want to think badly of his teacher but … he admits that it’s hard to imagine anyone who would want to keep the man company for extended periods of time.

“Junpei,” Nobara turns her attention to the other student. “He’s head of Slytherin. What do you think?”

Junpei fiddles with his green robes. “I don’t know,” he says hesitantly. “He doesn’t seem married?”

She slumps, disappointment clear on her face.

“Sorry...”

The more Itadori thinks about it, the more he realizes that he doesn’t know anything about their Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Gojo-sensei never answers questions about his personal life but no one really ever asks either. They’re too busy trying not to die in class. Itadori shudders as he remembers the time the professor threw a boggart at them without telling them the correct spell to ward it away. Quite a few students had been traumatized.

“Why don’t we try to find out then?” Itadori asks. He closes the book he had open, using this opportunity to avoid his problems. None of the numbers made sense anyways. “I got an invisibility cloak from my brother last year. We could follow him after school.”

“Brilliant idea Itadori!” Nobara swings an arm around his shoulders. “You’re the only one who gets me.”

Fushigoro shakes his head at them, still attempting to study. “We have OWLs coming up,” he says, as if they need reminding. “I’m not tutoring you if you fall behind in class.”

Fushigoro’s threat might have worked if he hadn’t used it a million times before. They all know he’ll fold if they ask him enough times.

“Ah, come on Fushigoro,” Nobara whines. “It’ll be fun! You can be a nerd and catch up on all this stuff later. Besides, we all agreed to go already.”

“We did?” Junpei asks. Nobara slowly turns to stare at him, a threat in her eyes, and he quickly amends his answer. “We did!”

Fushigoro sighs and closes his own book, recognizing that he will no longer be able to get any work done. “We can’t all fit under one invisibility cloak,” he points out.

“That’s okay,” Junpei says. “I actually have one too.”

Nobara’s grin widens. “Perfect,” she says, clapping her hands together. “Junpei and I will share one, and you and Itadori can share one!”

There’s a moment of silence in which Nobara and Fushigoro stare at each other, clearly having a silent conversation. Then, Fushigoro turns his head away, a light brush of pink on his cheeks. Nobara beams at the victory.

Itadori frowns, turning to Junpei and raising an eyebrow. What was that about?

Junpei shrugs. I don’t know. Ask them if you want?

He sighs. Never mind. Nobara wouldn’t tell me.

A nod of agreement. Probably not.

“So now that we’re all going,” she says, “We should probably decide where to meet. Preferably somewhere we won’t immediately get caught.”

He knows she’s talking about their first year, when they had all been immediately caught by Utahime-sensei for attempting to sneak out to Hogsmeade. Itadori had accidentally cast Periculum and sent a flurry of red sparks in the air, simultaneously burning them and alerting everyone of their location. In his defense, he was still learning how magic worked. Besides, their robes had only been singed. “It was one time,” he says defensively. “And I bought you a new tie to make up for it!”

“I wasn’t talking about that,” she says, amused. “I was talking about the time Junpei literally told a professor that we were going to sneak out.”

“I got nervous,” Junpei admits sheepishly. “Shoko-sensei is scary when she wants to be. I thought she was gonna curse me!”

“She wouldn’t curse you, Junpei.” She waves a hand. “Every professor loves you. You’re too cute. Like a kicked puppy, you know?”

Before Junpei can stammer out a response, Fushigoro looks behind them, glancing at the clock tower in the distance. “Don’t Slytherin and Hufflepuff have Care of Magical Creatures at three today? You two should get going.”

“Oh shit!” Itadori jumps up and shoves his things into his bag in one large sweeping motion. The supplies congregate in his bag, making loud clicking noises as the ink pots bump against each other. A few papers flutter to the floor, resulting in a larger mess.

Junpei packs at a much more stable pace and eyes Itadori with concern, “What’s the rush?”

“I can’t be late again.”

Itadori has already lost hundreds of points from Hufflepuff’s hourglass for being late - Was it really his fault that Gojo-sensei kept teleporting him to places without warning? - and the only reason the other Hufflepuffs hadn’t shunned him was because he had won them multiple Quidditch tournaments. He’d been trying to garner a better reputation this year, but apparently it isn’t working if he’s still rushing to get to class.

“Send me an owl when you decide our meet up spot! Bye!"

Junpei follows slowly after as Itadori takes off in a full sprint, sighing. "Honestly...he knows we still have an hour right?"

-

After they leave, Nobara turns to Fushigoro with a smirk.

“Don’t.”

“I didn’t say anything,” she sings in response. “But you’re really obvious.”

He grips the quill in his hand tightly, knowing that she’s trying to rile him up. He probably shouldn’t respond but - “I’m not.”

“You are,” she drawls, resting her head in her hands. “I know you only agreed to sneak out because of him.”

“You would’ve bothered me until I agreed anyways.”

“Maybe,” she concedes. “But you should be thanking me. I’m sure you’ve been dreaming about this.”

“What, exactly, have I been dreaming about? The detention we’re going to get? The house points we’re going to lose?”

“Denial doesn’t look good on you Fushigoro.” She leans back and twirls her wand in circles. “Don’t pretend like you haven’t dreamt of sneaking around with Itadori under an invisibility cloak.” She wiggles her eyebrows.

“For the love of Merlin, please shut up,” Fushigoro hisses, absolutely mortified at her lack of shame. He had told her his feelings about Itadori in confidence. He looks around, relieved to find that no one else was listening. “What if someone heard you?” He whispers, feeling as if his entire face was burning.

Nobara rolls her eyes. “It’s obvious to everyone but Itadori. You might as well confess already. It’s been - what, three years now?”

“He probably doesn’t feel the same way,” he mutters, mourning the loss of his dignity. Was he really that obvious? How many people knew? Wait a second - was that why he was paired with Itadori for every class assignment?

Nobara lets out a torturous sigh. “I take it back. Itadori isn’t the only dense one.”

“Like you’re one to talk,” he says, slightly vindictive. “Confessed to Maki yet?”

It has the effect he desired. Nobara flushes red, the color of a sunburn. With her orange tinted hair, it looked like she was on fire.

She matches her house colors, Fushigoro thinks. The thought makes him want to laugh, but it’s best not to provoke Nobara past her limits. They’d all been victims of her charm spells before.

“I’m working on it.”

“You’ve been working on it for months. I thought Gryffindors were suppose to be brave.”

“It’s harder than you think,” Nobara snaps. “Itadori likes you, you dork. Maki’s older than us and she’s just so,“ - she gestures - “cool. It’s intimidating.”

Fushigoro rolls his eyes, ignoring her other statement. “You’ll be fine.”

“Having a crush sucks,” she pouts. A pause. “Do you really think Gojo-sensei is married?”

Fushigoro thinks for a moment. Whenever his father worked abroad, he stayed with Gojo-san. He had never seen him wearing a ring or going on dates with anyone, although he would often beg Getou-San to come along while they went shopping for sweets or various other things. (Getou often declined and Gojo would sulk, whining to Fushigoro for the rest of the day.)

“I can’t imagine him dating anyone,” he says.

“His wife must have the patience of a saint,” she muses. “Or be exactly like him.”

Both of them stop - the image of two Gojo’s appearing in their heads.

“Please don’t joke about that,” Fushigoro says, after a long minute of silence.

Nobara nods her head solemnly, “Noted.”

Notes:

Shoutout to my friend who wanted me to make Junpei into Moaning Myrtle. (I almost did it.)

Thanks for reading!

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