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The Night Watch

Summary:

The Night Watch radio show is two college kids who needed jobs, they use the pseudonyms Rain and Kitt, and the Bats listen to them when it's a slow night or they need to pass the time.

This can be read as a stand-alone, but it might be better if you at least read Hush Now; I'm Watching

Notes:

  • Inspired by [Restricted Work] by (Log in to access.)

This has been in the works for a while now and since my writer's block is fucking me over with literally all of my other fics, I took a crack shot at this one.

Id also like to note that yes, the inspired fic is what it is, in my defense i was on a white collar/dc spree and was running out of fics to read

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Episode ##: Friday, October 21, 20## [The Beginning, Pt. 1]

Chapter Text

Rain, brightly; “Gooood Night everyone! You’re tuning into The Night Watch, Gotham's favorite radio show after ten P.M. My name, as always, is the illustrious Rain.”

Kitt; “And I’m the ever so clever Kitt!”

Rain; “And welcome to the first segment of the night called; Where Should I Not Be Today.”

[A short, ten-second jingle that sounds vaguely like a Coldplay song plays]

Kitt: “This segment is dedicated to infrastructure problems, recent Rouge gas attacks, and possible high-crime areas.”

Rain; “Starting with infrastructure, we’ve got a nasty case of road rage that ended in the Grant Street stop-light getting shut down and a detour being implemented. Sorry to all those heading to Chinatown for the China White Triad's leaders birthday bash, but those roads are going to be even more packed than normal.”

K; “In the Diamond District, Riddler recently attacked the Ellsworth Building, shutting down Mahnke, Rogers, and Fox. Jeez, I’m glad I didn’t try to get at the Sears Spirit Halloween.”

R; “There’s a Spirit Halloween down there?”

K; “Yep, the one in Fashion was sold out of plague doctor masks.”

R; “Aw, damn, they are?”

K; “Last I checked.”

R; “Dang, bummer.”

K; “The Wayne Rich People Expo was rescheduled for those who keep up with that stuff–”

R; “You.”

K; “Me. Anyway, steer clear of New Gotham island for tonight if you don’t wanna be caught in chauffeur traffic.”

R, annoyed; “Ugh, island traffic’s the worst.”

K; “Isn’t it?”

R; “Last week's gang war in Little Italy has left most of the buildings in tatters, except for the row of buildings considered neutral ground.”

K, distraught; “Not Rigatonies.”

R, fervently; “Yep, it had a short life, but it was a goddamn delicious one.”

K; “Amen. Yesterday's ball game has left quite a number of brawled-up bars around, with the regulars; Ricolo’s, in the Bowery, Northern Man’s, in Gotham Heights, Otisburg’s Eye’s, in Otisburg, and Jackie’s in Chinatown. There are a few not normally trashed bars, the White Cod Inn in The Hill’s, known for its craft beers, the Gregorian in the Fashion District, known for its quiz nights, and a new one, only set up within the last year, the Home Ground on New Gotham Island. There are, of course, a bunch of others that have been roughed up, but those were the hotbeds of activity.”

R; “Drinking and sports, never a good combination. A bit of a celebration infrastructure-wise, Doctor Pamella Isley, formerly known as Poison Ivy, has finished the reconstruction of Robinson Park with the help of Wayne Enterprises Green Board after Penguin's recent attempt at burning it to the ground. It’s a veritable jungle of plants and definitely worth a weekend stroll if you don’t have anything going on. She also plans to get around to the rest of the parks in our beloved Hellscape, starting with Neo Eden in the Bowery.”

K, dreamily; “The flowers there are gorgeous. That’s all for infrastructure, on to rouge gas attacks!

R; “There’s only been one gas attack for the past three weeks, that we’ve been covering every week, at the Pinkey Plaza shopping mall on New Gotham Island. Authorities have finally confirmed it’ll be habitable next Wednesday!”

K; “Damn, one gas attack in a month! We’re getting spoiled.”

[smack]

R; “Don’t jinx it!”

K; “Ow! Okay okay! Moving on!”

R; “Crime hotspots! As we mentioned earlier, the gang war in Little Italy has been followed by heightened crime rates around the area that are most likely to last until next week, if the Components keep to their patterns.”

K; “Along with the sports brawls from last night's game, as we won the game- what a rarity- overall crime will be a bit lower for the next week too. Which is kind of depressing.”

R, heavily; “The world in which we live.”

K; “Indeed.”

R; “That’s all for Where Should I Not Be Today, next up, a sports recap!”

[A short, ten-second jingle that sounds vaguely like a One Direction song plays]

Kitt, mimicking a sports announcer; “Hello, and welcome to Nigh Watch Baseball, the finest baseball to ever ball– [announcer's voice ends abruptly] I don’t know anything about sports, so Rain! Take it away, babe!”

R; snort “Alright then, to start off at a high, the Gotham Giants won this week's game against the Thrifton's at 5 to 8. Sadly, this win came at a cost, an up-and-coming player, a Gotham native named Dakota Littlechild, who hit a home run on his first swing, was taken out halfway through by a concussion. His doctors say he’ll be alright, but they’re keeping him overnight for observation.”

K; “Damn, a newbie practically wins us the game only to get taken out.”

R; “Yeah.”

[silence]

K; “We should move on.”

R; *throat clearing* “Yeah. Next up, my favorite part and half the reason you listen to all this, Component Conversations!”

[A short, ten-second jingle that sounds vaguely like a Twenty-One Pilot's song plays]

Kitt, excitedly;  “Ohhh hohohohoo~”

R, resigned; “Oh no.”

K; “Oh yes. But before we get into the Component's online presence, let’s get into their movements.”

R; sigh “I’m dreading this now. Anyway, welcome to Component Conversations, where we talk about The Bat, its Components, children, and day-followers. First up is recent movement and sightings, followed by whatever rumor the street talk’s come up with for tonight, and finally, whatever the interwebs have captured.”

K; “First up, the Components have been more active around Little Italy. They were involved in breaking up the gang war within hours of its beginning and quickly took out the leaders of the three gangs involved. If their normal pattern of dealing with gang wars continues, they should be cracking down on the crime increase within the next few days.”

R; “There were quite a number of sightings last night, many of them seen breaking up back alley brawls that had spread from bars, restaurants, and sports parties. Light of the Bat-Signals even made a very brief appearance to shut down a street-wide fight in East End.”

K; “God, Light looks so cool.”

R; “Anyway, that’s all for sightings! Onto what we’ve had sent in from both you, our valuable listeners, and what we’ve heard on the streets.”

K; “Quite a few of you sent in reports of seeing Devotion and the Children on the roof of the WayneTech building before falling off the roof and flying away last night around four AM, distinctively after most of the brawls were chilled out. Someone even sent in a picture and whew, Devotion's claws are looking–”

R; “ Oh my god, TO CUT YOU OFF THERE, we also got some reports of Echo standing in the middle of Giordano Avenue in Crime Alley, which actually made news. Whenever someone would approach it one of the other components appeared–” wheeze “and–” wheeze

K; “What? What?”

R; “And knocked them out.” laughter

K; “Wait, like, just,” laugh “swoop in, hit ‘em real hard, and disappear?”

R; still laughing “Ye–” wheeze “Yeah,” deep breath “whooo.”

K; Snort

[both break down in laughter for a full ten seconds]

K; “Just give um the ole’ one-two, mister.”

R; “The ye old knuckle sandwich.”

[a moment more of laughter]

R; “Okay! Okay, that’s– huuhh– okay, moving on,” paper clacking on a table while being straightened “Around 3:30 AM it disappeared in a cloud of smoke, having stood stock still in the middle of Crime Alley for three and a half hours. Reportedly, even with the game, it was one of the quietest nights in the Alley of this year.”

K; “Huh, maybe they’re trying out a new technique.”

R; “Seems to be working anyway, now back to you, my dearest co-host, now I get to know what had you ‘hohoho’-ing like Santa was coming to town.”

K; “Hey! It’s October! No Christmas talk! Now, take a look at this,” phone sliding over a table

R; “...is that…”

K; “Mhmmm~”

R, a bit airily; “Ohhh, yeahhhh, okay.”

K; “My dear Night Watchers, what Rain is currently looking at is a very clear picture of our very own Passion, sometimes called Vengeance, in crystal clear picture without its Helm of Blood. And let. Me. Tell. You. While it does have the symbol of the Bat carved over its Component white eyes, it looks good.”

R; “That jawline, hot damn, I knew Vengeance inhabits a human body but to see it like this…

K; “I know.”

R; “I mean, it’s a little creepy, definitely feeling that uncanny valley effect, but lordy.”

K, sensually; “Honestly…”

R; “Yeah, yeah, the uncanny valley is a turn-on for you, monster freak.”

K; laughing “Don’t knock it till you try it.”

R; sigh “Moving right along, next up is Gotham celebrity news, and, let me say, we’ve got some hawt tea today.”

[A short, ten-second jingle that sounds vaguely like a Beyoncé song plays]

R; “Now, I make it no secret that I actively try to avoid both celeb news and outside Gotham news, but–”

K, amused; “Our main fam is always an exception?”

R, unashamed: “Our main fam is always an exception. Sadly, Wayne news comes up last in this segment, so I’ll bide my precious time.”

K; “As we mention earlier, the Wayne Expo was rescheduled last month to tonight through Sunday after a Rouge attack destroyed the building being used, so this segment will probably be a lot longer tomorrow night, but for now, a list of notable people coming into Gotham for this include, Abegail Doumanian, a leading technology expert from Argentina, bringing in life-changing medical tech, Arnold Wesker, a scientist from France, attempting to create a substance to boil impurities out of water with a drop, Lex Luthor, who gives a [redacted] about him, Ashely Callingbull-Burnham, the first Native American-Canadian to win Mrs. Universe, giving a seminar about her struggles as a beauty pageant contestant, an assortment of the regular Gotham rich-boys and -girls, and, of course, our very own Waynes.”

R; “Ugh, have you seen anything about Callingbull’s rise to fame?”

[sounds of Kitt picking up her phone and typing something into it]

K; “I don’t think so, I’m more of the rich people being weird, sphere of things.”

R; “I don’t follow pageants most of the time, but I got really into it around the time she won Mrs. Universe, and, holy hell, some of the things people said about her were awful. I’m glad she won.”

K; “From what little information I’ve just found, she seems awesome… "the phone clacks down onto the table "I’m having to remind myself to keep on track.”

R; “Right. What are you looking forward to most at seeing what comes out of this?”

K; “Seriously? Wesker’s water purification, god knows Gotham needs something like it. I had to change out my filter last month because all the Fear Toxin from Scarecrows attacks messed it up, that [redacted]'s expensive.”

R; “Preach, and not seriously?”

K; “Luthor vs. Wayne, I mean did you hear what Luthor did at that Queen Gala last quarter?”

R; “Hold up– that’s in the Wayne Report, we’re not there yet.”

K, sadly; “Right. Right.”

R; “What’s happening with the other big players around Gotham?”

K; “Well, as we’ve mentioned a lot this episode, Little Italy’s gang war had more repercussions than just damaged buildings and injuries. The GCPD released new info on the three gangs involved and it turns out two of them were offshoots of Falcone’s new operation and the other was part of the Red Dragons.”

R; “What are the Red Dragons doing in Old Gotham? Don’t they keep to Somerset?”

K; “You know the Red Dragon second in command right?”

R; “Yeah, Wang something.”

K; “Apparently, Falcone and he were working out a deal about Robinson Park when Falcone basically called the Red Dragon leader a coward for not showing their face. That pissed off Wang, who called off negotiations and then attacked Little Italy. The meeting was, like, three months ago apparently.”

R; whistles “Damn, RD really dragged this out huh?”

K, giddy; “Only to get their asses kicked by both Falcone and the Components while losing gained ground.”

R; “I mean, Falcone has lost most of his territory in Little Italy because of all this, with the Components cracking down 'cause of all this, there’s no way he can run drugs or get protection money.”

K; “Small mercies.”

R; “Mercy is many things, none of them are small.”

K; “Oh, right, you’re a Colony member, I keep forgetting that.”

R; shifting fabric “Yeah, I don’t make a big deal of it most of the time, I don’t really think the Bat’s a god per se, but it is supernatural and if I was a supernatural entity hell-bent on protecting this one little measly island, I’d like some thanks.”

K; “You know, we’ve been friends for three years and we’ve never talked about your theology.”

R; “We haven't?... we haven’t. Ohhh, that’d be a fun Free Time conversation.”

K; “I’ll make a note of it.”

R; “Anyway, any Gala news?”

K; “Ohhhh do I have some juice gossip, Catherine Callaway-Mathis of Mathis Inc. insulted James Heniry, the guy who owns Hourly Magazine and the Highway Hotels chain, on Twitter today and he immediately blacklisted her from both his mailing list and his hotels which means Mathis’ thirty-first birthday has to be held somewhere else in two days.”

R; “That’s gotta be a nightmare for the staff.”

K; “Oh yeah, she’s fired at least twenty people and is still firing more.”

R; “Damn those poor people.”

K; “Wanna know my favorite part about this?”

R; “There’s something good here?”

K; “Wellll I wouldn’t say… good, exactly. But these people aren’t out of a job? So, that’s good I guess?”

R, giddy; “Oh hell yeah, someone else hired them?”

K; “So, for context, Mr. Heniry is a ninth-generation immigrant from Mexico and Mathis’ Tweet said, and I quote, ‘Maybe I should change the orchestra I have scheduled to a Mariachi band, as a–’ she says a slur here that I’m not repeating, ‘himself, he’d appreciate the taste of home.’ And as we all know, our beloved Bruce Wayne is very anti-racist so, every single person Mathis fires is getting re-hired by Wayne Ent. without hesitation.”

R; “[redacted] yeah! We love him and [redacted] her.”

K; “And from what I can find, I also think he’s raising their wages.”

R; “King [redacted].”

K; “For real. That’s the only big thing that’s been happening, the Tweet was posted earlier in the week and the black listing happened on Tuesday, Wayne started rehiring everyone yesterday, and I, sadly, only learned about this today. So, over to you, rain cloud, for the Wayne Report.”

R, faux snootily; “Thank you, my dear Kitsune.”

K, mimicking Rain's voice; “Of course.”

[giggles]

R;  “Anyway, we get to start with one of my favorite sections of this segment that I don’t get to do very often called; Alfred Pennyworth Tweeted Today!”

K; loud shifting bang “Ow! Augh! [redacted] yeah!” voice quieting “Mother–”

R; laughing “Kitt just slammed her knee against the table. For those of you who don’t know who Alfred Pennyworth is, first of all, welcome, you must be new, second, Mister Pennyworth is the Wayne family’s butler. Now, you may be asking yourself, why the hell do I care about a butler? Well–”

K; “He’s badass! That’s why!”

[smack]

K; “Hey!”

R; “Shush, it’s my time to shine. He manages the mess that is the Wayne family almost completely by himself, he’s ex-military and there are multiple videos of him kicking ass in defense of the Waynes, and, while he’s a butler, every single one of Bruce’s children and Bruce himself has stated that he’s basically the grandfather of the family. Sadly, it’s rare I ever get to talk about him because he’s usually pretty on the down-low.”

K, excitedly; “Sooo? What he dooooo?!”

R; “As usual, there’s a bunch of [redacted] that people say about the Waynes online because people get cocky when they think no one’s watching. He apparently got fed up with one of Lex Luthor's more recent Tweets and re-tweeted it and” laugh “and truly, I’m not going to do it justice verbally.” more laughing

K; “Oh my goooood Rain, you’re killing me, please.”

R; deep, calming breath “Okay, okay, he– I’m serious though, you have to see it to really understand how amazing this is– he says; “@LexLuthor Fight me, cunt.” and on” wheeze “on the next line it says, ‘Best regards, Alfred Pennyworth.’”

[Rain continues laughing and the sounds of a rolling chair being moved can be heard as Kitt gets up to take a lap around the recording studio before sitting back down and getting very close to the microphone]

K; “When I tell you I love that man more every time I hear [redacted] about him.”

[Rain laughs harder and ends up choking on air and coughing]

R; throat clearing "Huuuh, sorry, hah, okay. Whew. I think it’s out of my system.”

K; “That’s some god-type [redacted] right there.”

R; “Always is, sadly, that’s all I have on him today. But we’ve still got some Gems to cover for the other Waynes, so stay tuned after our commercial break.”

K; “As always, thank you for the vigilant eyes and ears, The Night Watch will be back after this short break.”