Chapter Text
Callie could just tell. Of course she could. Callie was her best friend after all. She had seen Addison’s distressed look when she visited the practice one evening. She had seen her lost in thought when she dumped the takeout bag on her desk. Had watched her jump back into reality, nearly knocking her stone cold coffee off the edge of her desk in the process. Callie had never seen her look so… anti-Addison before. And then she had pulled Addison to the blue couch in the corner of her office where blankets were curled around the cushions and everything looked so prim and proper. Chinese takeout completely forgotten.
“Okay, what has your head in a barrel?” Callie asked, grabbing one of said blankets to curl it around herself. “And don’t say you’re fine, or something, because you’re not. You have this lost look in your eyes and - although I still think this is fucking weird - you didn’t come find me the second you smelled Chinese food in the building. Seriously, you’re like a bloodhound for takeout, or something. What’s up with that? It’s creepy as hell.”
“My nose just has good taste,” Addison supplied, tucking her legs underneath her as she reached for one of the coffee’s Callie brought with her offering of food. “It likes the sweet smell of kung pao chicken and dumplings. You, however, have terrible taste. I mean, you don’t even like real chinese food, now that is creepy as hell.”
“You’re deflecting.”
Addison huffed, crossing an arm over her chest and shrinking into the armrest. “Okay. Fine. I’m okay - and, no, shut up. I’m not just saying that - but I think… I think I like someone again, and I… I don’t want to. It’s too soon, and Henry, god Callie - Henry. ” Addison took a sip of coffee, wincing at the sugar-filled liquid. “I picked up yours. Here. Give me mine.”
They traded cups, and Callie sighed into the liquid at the same time Addison hummed in content. “Henry will be fine, Addie,” she said, nudging her friend with her foot. Addison squeaked when ice cold skin met her thigh. “Don’t be such a baby. Jake had cold feet, too. You should be used to that. And, for the record! You have cold feet, too. Anyway. Where was I? Oh yeah - Henry. He’ll be okay. God Addison, don’t tell me you’re panicking again. I thought you were over it with Jake. Do I have to threaten to steal this person from you, too? If that’ll get you to make a move? I’ll even take Henry!”
Addison sighed, deflating against the couch. “It’s not - ugh, it’s not about him, not… not completely, anyway. Henry’s so young. He barely even remembers Jake and if I’m being honest? I don’t like the idea that Henry will never… he’ll never know Jake.”
“He wasn’t going to know him anyways, Addie. Henry was too young to remember him, and you can’t keep punishing yourself and depriving yourself of love and affection because you don’t want your kid to forget Jake. He’s still around, y’know. You just gotta believe, or something,” Callie got up then, retrieving the bag of takeout and closing the door before returning to the couch. She handed Addison a container of her favorite; kung pao chicken, and a pair of chopsticks. “Come on, Addie. Don’t punish yourself. What happened wasn’t your fault, you know that, right? You gotta throw yourself back out there someday, or you might turn into one of those weird, old, crazy cat ladies who knits pink and blue scarves for her friends.”
Addison kicked Callie then, almost making her drop the container she had in her hands. “Okay. First of all, Calliope, I will never turn into a crazy old lady with fourteen cats who all have their own Christmas stockings that I knit because one) I don’t even know how to knit and two) Henry will save me from myself if that ever happens. And… I do, Callie. I do know. But sometimes I just… sometimes I feel that Jake had a chance, but I pulled the plug too soon. Who knows? Maybe he could’ve survived. Miracles happen, don’t you know. And don’t laugh, or call me insane, or something. I know, I do. But what if?”
Callie stuffed a piece of chicken in her mouth, humming in delight. “Look, Addie, I love you. You know I do. But this whole… mopey thing about Jake? You gotta stop. ‘Kay?” Callie reached beside her to grab her phone, looking at some of the notifications with great interest. “Mm, I’ve gotta run. Some moron decided it would be a grand idea to get in a wreck at… what time is it? Oh, nine. That’s not too bad. Bring this home, or leave it in that weird mini fridge you hide behind your desk. Just save me my chicken.”
“I take great offense to the idea that I would eat fake Chinese food,” Addison bit back, shoving a piece of her own chicken into her mouth. “And hey, that mini fridge stores a lot of alcohol and things that should not be at a working office with patients. Hey - no, get your mind out of the gutter,” Addison scoffed at Callie when her eyebrows shot up and she opened her mouth, “it’s nothing bad like that. Jesus, think so little of me that I would keep a vibrator or something at work? And why the hell would I keep it in a mini fridge? Don’t answer that, it was rhetorical. Can you take Henry for the night? Please? He’s in the daycare at St. Ambrose with Sofia today.”
“Yeah, ‘course I can. Anything for you. Weirdo.”
____
“Hey. Where’s Henry?”
Addison looked up. It was nearing midnight by now and she had pretty much just gotten home. She wanted to go straight to bed, but decided to watch the ocean over a glass of wine. Meredith was making her way over, a bottle of beer in her hand. “With Callie. I just got home. What about you? Don’t you have to work in the morning? Intern year ‘n all.”
Meredith laughed as she took the lounge chair next to Addison, swinging her legs up and over the edge. “Nope. It’s my day off tomorrow. Surgical rotations are switching. Most interns are off tomorrow - today. I’ve got neuro next week.” Meredith took a sip of her beer. “So. You didn’t immediately go to bed. That’s new.”
“Should I be concerned that you know my schedule?” Addison asked, raising a brow in confusion. “That’s creepy, you know. Stalkerish. Do I need to install cameras? Hire police to camp outside my home because you stalk me? That’s low, Doctor Grey; even for you.” She turned back to the ocean. The butterflies were back, and it was dizzying. She felt as if she kept looking at her neighbor, all cute and hot - hot? - in her lounge chair, she might as well just lean in and kiss her or something.
“Not at all. Sometimes when I’m just getting home, you’re going to bed. I can see the light turn off, I’m not stalking you. Promise,” Meredith stated, cringing after. “Okay, that sounded creepy. That sounds like something a stalker would say. Stop laughing at me. Don’t make me come over there and tickle you or something. I am not above that. I will do it!”
“Yeah, I’m sure you will,” she snorted, placing the glass beside her because fuck. The thought of - yeah, okay, we’re not going there. “No, wait - stop, don’t move. I’ll stop laughing. Just - don’t tickle me. I don’t wanna be tickled. I will kick you.” Meredith stopped moving, lips drawn in a gasp. She let out a you wouldn’t dare and Addison started laughing again. “ I am not above kicking you if you tickle me. And I’ve been told my feet are, not only cold and icy, but pack a powerful kick. I will kick you in the ribs.”
Meredith smirked over her beer bottle, taking a swing. “Okay, your majesty, ” she mocked, saluting her. “Whatever you say. I don’t know why anyone would call your feet cold in front of your face, but maybe that’s just ‘cause I haven’t been around as long.”
“Did you just call me old ?” Addison gasped, crossing her arms over her chest and fucking pouting at Meredith. “I’ll have you know I’m not even in my thirties yet! You’re just ridiculously immature.”
The blonde huffed. “I did not call you old, Addie, stop assuming I did. That’s rude, you know. Worse than tickling.” Meredith continued on, rambling about something Alex did the other night - but Addison was stuck. Meredith called her Addie. Since when had Meredith gotten close enough to her to start using her nickname? Addison wasn’t the kind of person to let someone use a nickname for her unless they were close; but for some reason, the way Addie slipped off of Meredith’s tongue like it had always belonged there was comforting, in a way. Addison decided, then and there, that she would always want to hear that name come from Meredith.
Fucking sue her for loving it, will you?
____________________
It was no secret that Addison loved babies. Addison was a woman who saved countless babies daily - was a woman who saved countless babies daily - so it was no shock that she found herself in the St. Ambrose NICU, a small baby tucked safely in her arms. Addison had taken the baby last night as part of safe surrender, and had since been taking care of it - her - until the social worker was able to pick her up. It was a Saturday, though, so it worked almost perfectly with her schedule. Henry was currently admiring preemies in their incubators, small hands placed delicately on the plastic that separated each infant from the world. Addison was in the corner of the NICU, making sure to watch Henry; of course, but still completely enamored by the infant in her arms.
“Mama?” Henry called, turning around to look at her from one of the tanks. Inside, a premise was attached with a magnitude of wires. She recognized the baby. His name was William. She had delivered him earlier in the week, and he was currently as stable as a preemie can be considered. Addison hummed, offering her pinkie to the baby in her arms. “Was I in one of these? I remember you said something like… incu- incubat?”
“Incubator, Henry,” Addison supplied, smiling down at the baby when she gripped onto her pinkie with surprising force. “Yeah. You were in one, once. Just for a day or two. You were born a little prematurely. Although it was just a few days too early, you needed some extra time to develop. Like the babies in here. You were just further along than them.” Henry eyed her curiously, flitting his gaze between herself and the infant currently cradled in her arms. Addison smiled up at him, gesturing for him to come closer. “See this baby? She was surrendered to the hospital last night. Her mommy and daddy couldn’t take care of her, so they gave her to the hospital. She doesn’t have a name yet. What’d you wanna call her?”
Henry blinked at her, thinking. “Dunno. Why couldn’t her mommy and daddy take care of her? Was she a bad girl?” Addison snorted, running her thumb under her son's eye.
“No. She wasn’t. I don’t know for sure why they couldn’t take care of her, but they did the right thing, in the end. They asked for help. Asking for help is big, because people might judge. Never feel afraid to ask for help, okay?” Addison opened her free arm to Henry, kissing his hair when he climbed into her lap, head resting against her chest. His arms reached out to the baby, and Addison shifted her closer. “The social worker is coming to collect her soon. What should we call her?”
Henry thought for a minute, staring down at the infant with a slight frown and a cute crease on his forehead. He hummed - the same way Addison tended to do in lieu of an answer - and huffed. “Jasmine,” he finally said, turning to look up at Addison. “Like the princess.”
“It’s perfect.”
__
“My dads back,” Meredith said in a hurry, opening the door to the NICU. “He has a wife. And two daughters. Susan - his wife - she keeps trying to… I don’t know, be friends? Be my mother? But I-”
“Meredith,” Addison greeted quietly, shushing the woman with a soft hiss. She saw when Meredith realized Henry was asleep on her chest, and a baby was asleep in her other arm, nestled safely in the crook of her elbow. Meredith started to quietly laugh and Addison pouted. “Come here and take the baby, I can’t feel my elbow right now and I’m pretty sure she needs a diaper change. I’m also pretty sure Henry’s drooling on me and I’d like to wipe it off. Please, take the baby, and continue your rant quietly? Sorry, didn’t mean to sound mean - but don’t wake the damn baby.”
Meredith looked at her, blinking dumbly for a few seconds until Addison kicked her shoe at her. Meredith caught it and laughed, returning the stray shoe and taking the baby from her arms. “Anyway - my dad is remarried. Which, normally, probably doesn’t like. Seem like it’s detrimental or like, horrible but he’s remarried? And I mean, her daughters are wonderful. My sisters are amazing. And kind. And remember a father who was always there! They remember someone who took them to ballet, showed up at recitals and came to the principal's office when they needed you. He was the parent to them that he never was to me, and now you probably think I’m crazy because I’m ranting to you about my life and you’re just casually dabbing your son's drool off your shoulder like it’s normal and I have a baby in my arms. I’m crazy. I think I need a psych eval. Probably. Oh god. They’re gonna call me crazy and put me in the looney bin. Addison! I Can’t go to the looney bin!”
“Meredith, breathe,” Addison said, placing Henry in the chair she was just in. Carefully, she moved around the room until she reached the charts on the back wall, picking a file to read through. Addison looked through the file, jotting down the newborn in Meredith’s arms to be named Jasmine. “That is a lot, yes, but you’re not crazy.” She put the file back, moving herself back to Meredith. “The idea that yeah, your dad has another family, though? That’s the crazy part. But the rest? Look, my own parents were never… there. They decided to leave the parenting up to the nannies. Leave the hard part to people who get paid in the end, probably - no, definitely - not enough to be doing the job they did. You said your sisters were amazing? Tell me about them. Tell me about, what’s her name? Susan? What’s she like? Is she kind, is she pushy, overprotective? Is she bitchy, manipulative?”
“She’s perfect. Susan is… she’s trying. I think she wants to include me in things, you know? Not like a crazy mother include but… she said she wants to try and be… not exactly family, but not friends, either. Thatcher - my dad - told me that ever since Susan learned that I existed, she’s been trying to get him to get ahold of me. He also said that he wasn’t sure he could face me after all these years, especially because of them. But Susan is… she’s anti-Ellis, which I’m sure is exactly what he wanted. She’s sweet and kind and wants me around but I’ve only ever known overbearing and not overprotective and… I’m not sure I want to let her in. Because letting her in means letting her see every bad, shitty, dark and twisty thing about me. That’s terrifying. She’s a good person, she’ll run away as soon as the darkness in me like… escapes or something. I don’t think I can deal with another person running out on me again,” Meredith blurted, looking away from Addison, eyes drawn to the infant when she started babbling. “I wish I was you, kid. So innocent. You won’t even remember this.”
“No, she won’t,” Addison replied, as if speaking for Jasmine. She took a slow step toward the blonde intern. “But. Meredith. If Susan is so good, why are you scared that your darkness will scare her away? It’s clear she’s trying. Bizzy would just talk about flowers with the Captain over wine or something and avoid the topic like it was a zombie apocalypse. If she’s trying, don’t you think you should let her? Not that you have to show her everything, or let her in. But let her try. She might surprise you, you know? Jesus, when did I become so optimistic? She carefully extracted Jasmine from Meredith’s arms per her request, laying the infant back in her bassinet in the center of the room. “I have to go to a medical conference next month. I’m bringing Henry. Callie and Mark are gonna be there too, they have a few panels. Why don’t you join us? Callie and I normally share a two bedroom suite, but she can bunk with me if you wanna come. That way you have some time to decide what you want to do about Susan, and you have an out later if you need it. I know we aren’t super close, but I… kinda want you there. We’ll be in Seattle for five days, and then New York for four. It’ll be your first medical conference.”
Meredith grinned. “Yeah. Okay. Yeah - thank you. You’re good at this whole comforting thing, you know.”
“So I’ve been told. Give Susan a chance, ‘kay? If you ever feel like you need a place to hide, come by my place. I’ll offer you a place to sleep and breakfast in the morning. Anytime, anyday. Okay?”
“Okay.”
____________________
Seattle, unlike LA, was stupidly rainy. Addison knew that, though, but she was still somehow annoyed when they landed and it was piss pouring. They’d decided to take the Forbes Montgomery’s private jet, though, so she supposes it could have been worse. ( “You have a freakin’ plane?” Meredith had gasped when she saw the jet down the runway, the same jet they were being escorted to. It had ‘Forbes Montgomery’ written in bold gray letters across the sides. Addison had shrugged as she followed Mark, Callie and Sofia, already stepping into the jet. “Yeah. I don’t use it often, but it’s part of my trust fund I guess. It’s always been mine, I just have to pay for its use.”)
“I hate the rain,” Addison groaned, flagging down a taxi. They’d spend the next five days in the Archfield, a five-star hotel that Addison booked anytime she was in Seattle. “More than I hate being in Connecticut. Oh, grand, my brothers are probably gonna be at the New York conference. How dandy. Henry, make sure your mother doesn’t go insane, okay?” He bobbed his head at her, gripping her hand tighter as she lifted herself into the taxi and pulled him in after her. Meredith followed; Callie and Mark would take the next one. “So. Callie and I usually split a two room suite so I can stay with Henry in our own room, but I think she and Mark might be booking a two bedroom for them and Sofia, that way Callie and I don’t have to fight over blankets and pillows - she’ll tell you that I hog the bed, but she does, she just doesn’t want to admit it - and she and Sofia can get an actual good sleep without Henry and I. Which means you only have to deal with my grumpy ass in the morning, and Henry’s stupidly excited bounces in the morning. And not Callie Torres’ inability to be a nice human being.”
Meredith laughed, “I’m sure you’re lovely in the morning.” Addison paused, casting a brief look in Meredith’s direction - but when the - now - tense blonde didn’t make a move to elaborate, Addison stayed quiet. Instead, she made sure Henry was buckled safely (even though they were already almost there) and tried to busy herself. Lovely?
“We’re here,” the driver said, rattling Addison away from her thoughts. She watched Meredith dig through her purse, but when she went to hand the driver some cash, she swatted her hand away and stuffed cash in the driver's hand from her own pocket, grinning wickedly at Meredith’s feeble glare. Addison unbuckled Henry, lifting him out of the cab’s car seat, and pushed the door open. Meredith followed. “I was gonna pay!” She exclaimed with faux offense, frowning. “I wanted to. You’re so rude.”
“I just saved you some money. Come on, we have to go check in. The rooms are already ready.”
____________________
Three days into their conference, Richard was on her ass about being back in Seattle and not telling him. He offered her a TTTS case in Seattle Grace Hospital, and she accepted. Of course she did; it was Richard. He had walked her down the aisle at her wedding, he had taken her through her internship and residency at Columbia, and he had recommended her to the best neonatologist in America for a fellowship (which she was granted, and had completed it with flying colors) - so of course she said she would help. She offered Meredith a chance to tag along, which she had accepted, and they now found themselves walking through the halls of Seattle Grace. Henry was on her hip, because Richard wanted to meet him. The last time Richard saw her was when she was eight months along in her pregnancy with Henry; just two years after she and Jake had gotten married.
Meredith stuck beside her as they turned the last corner and began crossing the catwalk. Addison could see Richard in his office (seriously, why did there appear to be no curtains?) typing away over something. He didn’t seem to see them, though, so Addison knocked when they arrived at his office and pushed the door open. Richard looked up, barely giving her a second before he was on his feet, striding towards her and pulling her in for a tight hug - mindful of the toddler babbling away in her arms. “Hi, Richard,” Addison said softly, breaking the hug. “This is Meredith,” she added carefully, pointing to the intern hovering awkwardly behind her. “She works at the hospital in LA. Her friend is my future friend. And this,” Addison began calmly, “is Henry. He’s more Jake than he is me.” Richard reached out to shake his hand (as best as one could shake a toddlers hand, anyway). “Careful, he’s delicate,” she added as an afterthought, looking down at Henry when he tightened his hands in her shirt. “Henry, remember when I told you about Uncle Richard? In Seattle? This is Uncle Richard. He knew you when you were in my belly.”
With reluctance, Henry reached out to take hold of Richard’s hand with both of his own, cradling it softly. “Hi,” he added, quietly, smiling.
Richard looked like he wanted to cry, but kept it in (story of her fucking life right now) and greeted Henry back with a smile of his own. “It felt like so long ago since I’ve seen you and Jake,” he finally said after a moment of silence, and Addison realized, then, that she had neglected to tell Richard of her husband's passing just one year ago. She felt the walls around her begin moving, rumbling the floor with each movement; coming in to crush her. She inhaled when she felt a hand on her shoulder, looking up to find Meredith’s eyes in an oncoming storm.
“Jake… he died,” Addison finally said, her voice was too quiet and she felt the need to run. “Car accident. Last year.” The short sentences gave way to concerned looks from Meredith. Addison realized that in all the time they’d known each other, Meredith had never seen Addison falter. She supposed that was the Forbes Montgomery in her; cry in the comfort of your home - even better, your own bedroom . Be so cold and icy that nobody assumed anything was wrong. Bizzy would be proud of her; and that thought made her sick. Bizzy? Proud ? “I should go, Richard,” she added, a few minutes later. Henry seemed to sense her distress, placing his little and sticky hands on her cheeks. He breathed in her face, letting out a quiet I love you mommy before letting go.
“Addie,” it was Meredith, following her out of the room. She thought she’d closed the door. Hadn’t she closed the door? Why did Meredith think it was her place to follow her? Fuck. “Addison stop.”
But she didn’t. With Henry tight in her arms, Addison clicked down the hallway faster than any human should be capable of in heels, but she supposes she’s just had a lot of practice ( “A lady wears heels, Addison,” her mother said coolly, not looking up to look at her daughter. Addison was ten, and heels hurt her feet, so she tried leaving the house for school wearing flats instead of the usual, but of course Bizzy just so happened to be near the door. Or maybe Archer had told her about it, because he was fucking Archer. Adddison grabbed her bag, “heels hurt my feet, Bizzy.” ) what, with her family and social status. They were WASPs, which came with a lot of standards - heels being one of them.
Addison managed to flag a cab down (by sheer luck, one that had a carseat for Henry) and slid inside, buckling him while she told the driver to take her to the Archfield. She’d completely forgotten that Richard didn’t know Jake had died.
(There was a period in time, for months, where Addison had shut down almost completely. The only reason she hadn’t gone completely dark was because of the toddler she still had. He was the spitting image of Jake, though, and it got hard - she’d never, never, tell anyone that, though - but she’d pushed through. But there were a lot of people she stopped speaking to altogether, two of them being Richard and Adele. She regrets it now, though. Because just when she felt like she was moving on, the past had to come back to bite her in the ass.)
____________________
Meredith didn’t know what happened. Everything was fine - the conference panels were going wonderfully, and Addison looked happy (okay, fine, she always looked at least mostly happy, even back home in LA, but Meredith had just assumed that Addison was an overall happy person), but something in her shifted as soon as Richard asked about Jake. Meredith’s been around long enough to know the basics. Jake is Henry’s dad, and Addison’s husband. He had died, though, but Addison never said when. Meredith never realized it was so fresh. She had assumed (please, tell her to stop assuming) that he died at least two years ago, when Henry was an infant, but the wounds were still fresh. They had barely scabbed over for Addison, and apparently, she wasn’t ready to pick them yet.
Meredith called Mark. First, she called Mark, because he was Mark and Mark knew Addison - probably better than Callie did. He had answered with a groan and this better be damn important, Grey. I was playing with my daughter. It would have made her laugh, had the situation not been so heavy and dire. So, with a steadying exhale, she spoke, quickly. “Richard - your old mentor? - asked about Jake today when we went to see him about the TTTS case he offered to Addison. She stopped talking… Well, she stopped being Addison, and then she left the hospital faster than I could keep up - how the hell does she move that fast in heels and a toddler on her hip? I need her powers - and by the time I was outside, she was closing the door to a cab and leaving. You know her, right? Where did she go? She has Henry with her. What happened?”
Mark stopped, it seemed, to take in everything he was hearing. Meredith heard him whisper something to Sofia, blocking out the microphone, and then he sighed. “Addison is… Addison. Jesus, you’d never know something was wrong until she hit the edge and had nowhere else to turn. Know what I mean?” Meredith made a noise that somehow seemed to say yes I know what you mean and talk faster. “She’s… Okay, she’s probably at the hotel. Can I check? I’m across the hall from you guys. I’d send Callie, but she’s in a panel right now. She’ll probably be making Henry a snack or something. She does that, sometimes, if she ever needs to stop something from surfacing. It used to be making massive gourmet meals but then she realized that she was wasting more food - oh, rambling. Right. Want me to check and see?”
Meredith couldn’t help herself from snorting into the phone, flagging down her own cab and climbing inside. “No, I’ll be at the Archfield soon. Thank you. Thank you, Mark, really. I know you don’t like me very much but, thank you.”
“Anything for Red. Don’t hurt her, okay?” Mark added, waiting until Meredith said her piece before hanging up. Meredith wondered if it was obvious how much she cared - liked? Loved? - about Addison, or if Mark was just really good at knowing if someone liked Addison, or if Addison liked someone. Maybe it was a superpower, being able to decipher the complex neonatal surgeon.
Addison Montgomery was a puzzle, and Meredith wanted to solve her.
____________________
She was in the hotel. Henry was sitting on the couch with a sandwich and a yogurt cup, legs dangling off the edge as he watched cartoons. Addison wasn’t with him, and it was then that she heard the shower stop from the main bathroom. The door was cracked, and Meredith decided to sit with Henry and wait. He was laughing at something around his sandwich, and she looked up at him to see his eyes set on herself. Meredith suddenly felt awkward. “You ‘like my mom’.” It was a statement, not a question, and it caught her off guard. Meredith looked at him, eyes furrowing in utter confusion - panic, too, that she was so fucking obvious that a toddler could tell. Henry swallowed. “You like mama. Uncle Mark said that only people who care, still come to help,” he added, taking another miniature bite of his sandwich. “But she likes to run. That’s what Uncle Mark says.”
Meredith exhaled shakily. “Henry…” she wanted to deny it; say he was wrong and that he didn’t know what he was talking about, but something about his wife, scared eyes told her not to lie. Goddamn Addison for teaching her kid to be a fucking brilliant genius. “I… I do. I like her a lot. In more than a friend's way. You won’t know, because you just have friends but - but yes, I do. And your Uncle Mark is a smart one, you know? You should listen to him. Unless he tries offering you advice about girls, because then he’s not smart. I’m rambling, aren’t I?” Henry nodded, giggling around another mouthful.
“‘Tis okay, mommy does it sometimes.”
The bathroom door opened, and Addison appeared; dressed in casual clothing (her current choice of wardrobe can probably be described as sad, or depressing, because she was wearing sweatpants and her Yale hoodie. Meredith had never once seen Addison look so comfortable, and she wasn’t sure Addison wanted her to see this side of her, either), with her phone hooked around her pinkie. She cleared her throat rather awkwardly, “uh, hey. Sorry about… leaving like that. That was unprofessional. I already apologized to Richard. Sorry if I ruined your afternoon.”
“You didn’t,” Meredith was quick, jumping in. Henry gave her an oddly encouraging smile. “Not at all. I think Richard was just… surprised, is all. Mark’s worried about you. I called him - I… I didn’t know where you’d go, so I asked him. He offered to come here himself, but he has Sofia. I think he said Callie was in a panel…" When Addison just hummed in reply, Meredith glanced down at Henry again. He seemed blissfully unaware of what was going on, suddenly, and Meredith wanted to squeeze him until he told her more about Addison. “I’m rambling. Anyway, wanna talk about it?”
“Not really,” Addison replied, much too quickly and Meredith didn’t believe her, but what could she do about it? Addison was Addison, and Meredith knew - now - that if she didn’t want to talk, she wouldn’t. After a couple of minutes, Addison made her way to the couch with two cups of hot cocoa (or juju, as Addison called it) and passed Meredith one, handing Henry a smaller cup with colder juju in it. “He went braindead,” Addison began slowly, and so quietly that Meredith wasn’t actually sure if she heard her until she looked up to see Henry looking at her too. “For months, it was Henry and I going to visit him in the hospital. Listening to the vents breathe for him, listening to the machines keep his heart beating. I knew it was futile to try anything else - I’d already gotten a specialist in for a second opinion… and a third opinion - but I couldn’t let him go. I needed him… Henry needed him. But then Henry told me he would be okay, and I authorized them to pull the plug. I meant to tell Richard and Adele, but I got lost in grief and Henry. I shut down, pretty much, and only started… living again, I guess is the right phrase, when you come around. I didn’t want to feel alive again, but then… I did, I guess. Now we’re here.” Out of anything Meredith expected to hear, that was most certainly not it. Meredith was the reason Addison started living again - truly, living - and she didn’t know how to feel about it.
“I’m so sorry, Addie,” Meredith began, shifting herself so she could look at Addison. At one point during her vent, Addison had lifted Henry into her lap, and let him curl up with his head in the crook of her neck. He looked peaceful, and she looked calmer. Meredith supposes it helps to have a kid who just… understood, even if he didn’t actually understand. Meredith moved closer until she was sharing Henry’s embrace. Her arms curled around them both, and she rested her head on Addison’s bicep. “He’s still here. He’ll always be here, even if you can’t see him or feel him or hear him. It’ll be okay.”
Meredith felt something in Addison shatter then, and one of her arms unwrapped from Henry to curl around Meredith, too. “It has to be,” she whispered, dropping her head to lay over Meredith’s. “It has to be okay.”
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They didn’t speak of that night again, and for that, Addison was thankful. Truthfully, she had blacked out after a while of endless crying and had somehow ended up in her bed, with Henry curled up in front of her and a body - Meredith - curled around her like a protective blanket. She’d been too shocked to try and move, so she didn’t. Instead, she’d let herself fall asleep and powered through the last of her panels in Seattle, visited Richard and told him the story (Henry stayed with Meredith and Sofia while Mark and Callie were in a panel) and then packed up and went to New York to finish their trip. Addison invited Meredith to speak in a few panels (which she excelled in) before packing up and flying back to LA. Upon her arrival, she was expecting something calm and sated. What she had found was, actually, quite the opposite.
There was a vehicle in her driveway when the taxi dropped her, Meredith and Henry off. Unfortunately for Addison, she knew the license plate off by heart. She had given Meredith Henry’s duffel bag and told Henry to go stay with Meredith and the interns for the night, because she didn’t want Henry to witness anything that he might never recover from. She’d pushed the door open and moved into her house, straightening her posture as soon as she saw the Captain sitting on the couch, sipping away a vodka tonic (lime, no ice) with the TV playing quietly.
“Captain. Why are you here?