Chapter Text
Chapter 6. Making the magic of Christmas flourish
Two days later, Mihawk knocked on the door of a familiar apartment.
He waited a full five minutes before the owner opened the door for him. He had long, disheveled blue hair, only wore boxers, and yawned for a long time even though it was already midday. He couldn't help but roll his eyes at this immature behavior. No 29 year old adult should sleep until noon on a Monday except for rare exceptions, a party was not one of them.
Buggy visibly tensed upon discovering who was at his front door. He shouldn't have expected Mihawk to ever knock on his door willingly - that is, without Shanks around. Unless it was his appearance that terrified the youngest. It had to be said that Mihawk looked quite shaken despite the three-piece suit he was wearing. His lip was split, his nose was red, and a bruise was taking time to fade from his cheek.
His injuries had been an ordeal to explain to Ace and Sabo - Luffy easily believed that his father had walked through a door - but they ended up believing him when he lied about having participated in a - more or less legal - fight organized by Rayleigh. Mihawk would rather the boys think he was 'cool' for defying the law than know the truth. Only a restricted circle knew that Mihawk had ingested GHB and had almost been raped by two idiots. Most were his family, the last one was a nuisance.
"Close the door," he ordered, pushing Buggy out of the way and back into the apartment. Every time he entered this apartment, Mihawk felt like multiple paint bombs had exploded and, once again, the analogy struck him. Shanks would proudly say that his brother was an artist whenever Mihawk criticized the place, but his husband was no longer there to give him a subtle nudge for him to stop frowning in disgust. Except
Mihawk couldn't stop his fingers from trembling to collect detergent and clean the dirty room.
Buggy coughed as he noticed the golden eyes judging his newest painting, "what can I do for you, dear brother-in-law?"
"I wanted to know how much it would take for you to leave me alone?"
"Wh-what?" Buggy stammered, his cheeks as red as his nose as the accusation seemed to wake him up completely.
"You know what I mean," Mihawk replied, throwing the photo he had received this morning at his office onto the coffee table. The photograph was of poor quality since it had been taken at night, but Mihawk was clearly pinned against a wall, with a man threatening to kiss him.
At least Buggy tried to look innocent as his eyes widened in surprise bu seeing the photo. Except that Mihawk didn't give him time to find an answer. He wasn't here to know why, he just wanted to get rid of this problem.
"I-I…what…"
"Now, I don't want to hear your excuses," Mihawk cut in coldly, turning his dull gaze on Buggy who froze in fear, "and I think I know why you would hire two gorillas to attack me. You wanted your share of Shanks' insurance, but I refused it to you for which you took revenge. So, how much?"
Buggy looked back at the photo as if he finally understood what was happening, and he stuttered, "h-how much, what?"
"How much are your debts?" Mihawk replied, rolling his eyes in annoyance. He was not even surprised by the exorbitant sum -250,000 berries- and wrote double the amount on the check. He handed it to Buggy, but didn't let it go because he had a message to send, "you better use that money wisely."
"Yes, Hawkeyes."
"Since you're an idiot, I'm going to explain to you what you're going to do: repay your debts, pay the circus administrators, and get very, very far away. I don't want to see you anymore, nor hear from you until the holidays. You'll come and eat at our house at Christmas and New Year and I'd be a great host because you're Shanks' brother and the boys like you."
Buggy nodded and he pulled on the check to collect it, but Mihawk wasn't finished:
"Try to bully me for money again and I swear to God I'll hit you so hard you'll beg me to stop."
Mihawk smiled as Buggy swallowed and finally, he let go of the check which the younger cradled against his chest. He shook his head as he found his brother-in-law's behavior pathetic. Really, when he had chosen to marry Shanks, Mihawk had forgotten that Buggy was part of the starter pack since he had always considered Rouge his mother, Roger was his weird uncle, and Ace was now literally his son.
"Take care of yourself," he said mockingly before leaving Buggy to gush alone over the little half a million berries he had just obtained.
Days passed without Mihawk receiving any more photographs, a sign that his message had gotten through. He allowed himself to breathe - really breathe - when Buggy posted photos of himself far from East Blue on Instagram. His brother-in-law may have been an idiot, but he had a strong sense of survival and had made the right decision by following the lawyer's advice.
With the problem resolved, Mihawk returned to his daily life without worrying about being followed. He resumed his role as a lonely father raising three over-energetic boys. However, his daily life was made easier when he began to unload the multiple burdens he had been carrying since Shanks' disappearance.
So, the following Sunday during the meal organized at Lucky's - the barbecues had been replaced by seasonal family dishes - Mihawk spoke of his secret project of transforming part of the cellar into a studio for Ace's birthday. Predictably, Shanks' best friends burst out laughing and, like Rayleigh before them, more or less gently reminded him that he was bad at tinkering.
"Forget I asked," he said nonchalantly, playing with the wine glass in his hand to hide that their refusal had upset him, "I can always pay a contractor."
Mihawk was taken aback when all three stopped laughing to look at him with a seriousness that was rare among them.
"Don't insult us, Hawkeyes," Yasopp replied angrily.
"We would shame our Captain if we abandoned you now," Lucky continued to support his friend even though his mouth was still full of meat.
Beck chuckled softly at his two companions being so defensive and he pulled his feet off the table to get Hawkeyes' attention and said accusingly, "You knew damn well what you were getting yourself into by marrying Shanks."
Mihawk raised an eyebrow at that, "meaning?"
"He's our favorite idiot, our brother, and you married him so you're stuck with us. We're here for whatever you need."
Mihawk sipped his drink to hide his smile. His last altercation with Buggy had made him forget that Shanks' best friends were also part of the starter pack. He knew, however, that these four were inseparable for reasons he was completely unaware of. Lucky, Beck and Yasopp had many flaws that Mihawk barely tolerated - smoking for example - but he respected and admired their loyalty. Loyalty that he, without knowing how or why, also benefited from. Mihawk knew that the "you married Shanks" was just an excuse, Buggy was their Captain's brother yet they weren't so inclined to lend him money, but it was an intention that he appreciated.
"So," Beck began, crossing his arms over his chest, "what should we do?"
Mihawk finished his drink before following Rayleigh's advice and letting himself be helped.
He explained the situation in detail: the boys who were driving him crazy fighting day and night to sleep alone, his idea for a birthday present for Ace, and the many complications he had encountered so far. Maybe turning the basement into a bedroom wasn't as simple as he'd thought. Except the trio were renovation professionals and, before he knew it, his glass was refilled and Beck had already drawn Ace's new room on a white sheet.
Beck, Yasopp, and Lucky were more than excited about the project, delighted to be able to offer a beautiful gift to their nephew. So much so, that Yasopp had already sent a message to Limejuice to create a mural with flames. They went even further by imagining the rooms of the other two boys since Sabo was going to move into Ace's current room and Luffy was going to keep his.
They had barely finished imagining Luffy's when the youngest ran into the kitchen, "daaaaad!," he shouted laughing as Yasopp's son chased him. Except his shoes were muddy and he slipped on the ground, barely catching himself with one hand on Mihawk's thigh, "Dad!"
"Yes?" he asked, looking away from the trails of mud that Luffy had left behind to look into his son's excited eyes; he should not forget to clean up before leaving.
"We built a castle with Uncle Lucky’s cardboard boxes, do you want to see?"
Mihawk wanted to refuse for the sake of his newly patent leather shoes, but he knew that usually, Luffy would have asked Shanks to follow him and he already knew what his husband's response would have been. So, Mihawk decided that his son was worth the sacrifice and he let the energetic boy guide him towards the garden.
"You know they're going to attack us, right?" asked Yasopp behind him; Usopp had convinced him to come too, except that the two boys hadn't waited for them to return to their castle.
"Obviously, but I plan to use you as a shield to save myself."
Yasopp laughed, "you really are a cruel man, Hawkeyes."
Hawkeyes' smile was genuine as he opened the door leading to the garden, the castle and the 'surprise' attack that awaited them.
***
In the snap of a finger, autumn had given way to winter. Mihawk still had a hard time believing it, but all he had to do was look at the leafless trees, the colorful parkas hanging on the coat rack, and the thermostat indicating temperatures near 0° Celsius, to realize that he was waiting for Shanks to return since seven months now. He felt like the days were passing agonizingly slowly, each hour an ordeal to endure without the redhead's texts - like he couldn't wait until he got home to talk to Mihawk - but he hadn't noticed the months passing with no way back.
His daily life had improved significantly now that Mihawk allowed his family to help him. He no longer had to bend over backward to satisfy his sons' needs since Makino picked up the boys from school in his place and kept them at the bar with her for an hour. It was a win-win situation for everyone since Mihawk could use the alone time to clean the house, the boys enjoyed helping Makino and spending time with Shakky - the bar owner -, and Makino hoped Beck would wake up one day.
"Perhaps he will decide to have his own children after seeing me with the trio," she had shared with a knowing wink the only day Mihawk had thanked her. Makino was a lovely and helpful woman, and he only hoped the best for her.
Above all, the surprise was finished when the calendar indicated Christmas Day. Mihawk had to change plans since Shanks' comrades were more effective than expected. Beck, Yasopp, and Lucky had easily recovered from the disaster he had started in the cellar and in two months, had been able to renovate the other two rooms so that they reflected the worlds of Luffy and Sabo. So, Ace's birthday surprise became the three boys' Christmas presents. Either way, there was no way the boys wouldn't know what was going on since they had been camped out in the living room for the past three weeks - much to Mihawk's delight, of course.
So, on Christmas Day, Mihawk barely managed to force Ace, Sabo and Luffy to wait for their guests to arrive before discovering their new rooms. They had been harassing him daily for the past three weeks and Mihawk had now officially gone mad. The day before, he had given in so that they opened their other Christmas presents in order to gain an hour of peace while they raved about their respective skateboards, encyclopedias, and board games.
He even had to sleep with them in the living room to make sure no one would sneak upstairs. Hiis back would thank him later for sleeping on a mattress on the floor, but his head didn't care because it was so filled with an unforgettable memory - only marred by Shanks' absence.
So, once Rayleigh and Shakky, Buggy - who had arrived five minutes before noon so as not to arouse Mihawk's anger -, Beck and Makino, Yasopp, Bankina and Usopp, and Lucky had all arrived and the last gifts had been distributed and opened, Mihawk decided to stop the torture. He and his sidekicks took the boys to the doors of their new rooms: Luffy on one side - plus Usopp - and Sabo and Ace on the other.
The two elders were already sulking even though they hadn't yet opened their doors, "why does Luffy have the room alone?"
"We're older than him! We need more intimacy," Ace added, crossing his arms over his chest, "and I don't want to share my room."
"Me neither," Sabo confirmed, imitating his brother.
"It’s because I’m dad’s favorite!" said Luffy, whose smile could not express his pride more explicitly at having won their bet.
"You’re not!" contradicted Sabo and Ace at the same time before bickering together over who was Mihawk's favorite.
Knowing that their bickering could last until the end of the week, Mihawk clapped his hands to get their attention, "my favorite is Chopper so you better go into your rooms and be a little more grateful if you don’t want to sleep in his kennel outside."
The boys quickly excused themselves knowing it was best not to challenge Mihawk if they didn't actually want to sleep outside and opened the door to their rooms.
Luffy literally jumped for joy when he discovered his room painted a pretty forest green and his new bunk bed with a hiding place underneath rather than his old bed. It wasn't long before he was exploring every corner of his space with Usopp.
Sabo's joy was more muted but clearly visible on his face as he entered his room, which looked more like a library with the shelves Lucky made to hold all the books the boy had stored in boxes so far.
Only Ace was disappointed by the surprise, "there's only one bed," the pre-teen remarked, pointing to the double bed wedged between two shelves.
"Did we forget a room?" Mihawk asked, frowning at Beck.
The oldest shrugged his shoulders, "did you need a third?"
"Dad," Ace complained harshly, stomping his foot on the ground.
"Alright, follow me."
The father, son, and Beck left the first-floor corridor to return to the ground floor, but Mihawk did not stop and guided them to the front of the cellar door. This space was generally forbidden to the boys since they had nothing to do there, so Ace legitimately hesitated at the top of the landing.
"If it’s a joke, it’s not funny."
"Come on, where has your sense of adventure gone?" Mihawk asked with a smirk before motioning for Ace to go down first.
"I left it in Sabo's room," the twelve-year-old muttered before heading down the stairs.
Once at the bottom, they encountered a small corridor of barely a square meter which served as an airlock. The door on the right led to the storage room that Beck and the others had set up to store everything Mihawk wanted to keep in a much smaller space, while the one on the left was for Ace.
"I hope you're not afraid of spiders," Beck warned, sharing a knowing look with Mihawk who ended up opening the door and revealing their surprise to Ace.
For a second, the boy stood frozen at the entrance to his new room as he analyzed each item one by one. If Luffy's room was a mini-forest, Sabo's a library, then Ace's was on fire. Limejuice had done an amazing job of spray-painting flames on the back wall. In fact, Shanks' entire team had outdone themselves, even though they had blown the budget turning the air vent into a window to bring the room up to standard.
"That's what you wanted?" Mihawk asked as Ace remained strangely silent. However, he already knew the answer since he had each piece of decoration not the way he wanted, but the way a pre-teen with a pyromaniac tendency would like. For example, Mihawk hated the industrial cabinet that looked like a school locker and the old leather armchair but he bought them anyway. Because once again, his son's smile was well worth a little decorative sacrifice.
"Hell, yeah," Ace replied with a rare, wide smile.
Ever since Shanks disappeared, Ace's smile, a real, genuine, happy smile, was a rare sight. Without realizing it, Ace had gradually closed in on himself. He still played with Luffy and Sabo and still bickered, but he isolated himself from his other classmates. Teaching him not to hit them at the slightest mention of Shanks had been an ordeal. Besides, Ace pretty much always had headphones in his ears lately and Mihawk didn't know if that was the behavior of a normal pre-teen or if he should be worried. Especially when Ace asked to stop aikido for skateboarding and Mihawk had accepted since his son had fulfilled the specifications they had established with Shanks: he knew how to defend himself and he was still practicing a sport.
So Mihawk cherished this moment, the one where Ace marveled at having a new room suited to his tastes and where he and Beck received a quick thank you hug.
"It's been a long time since he's been this carefree," Beck remarked as he too was mesmerized by the sight of Ace becoming a normal child - practically a teenager - again.
Mihawk nodded before asking, "Can you leave us? I'd like to talk to him."
"You got it, boss," replied the eldest, who far from being hurt by the request, closed the door to give the father and son some privacy.
Mihawk gave Ace plenty of time to explore his room as he settled into the double bed. In the meantime, he looked for a way to start the conversation without being weird or too direct, but couldn't find one. He didn't know how to ask Ace how he was coping with Shanks' disappearance because the teen didn't talk about it. Mihawk knew exactly what Luffy thought about it since the boy expressed his feelings loud and clear, it was harder to ask him to channel himself, and Sabo had bought books on 'how to deal with the loss of a close relative' with his pocket money.
But Ace? The kid had never exploded like his brothers, of whom he had become strangely protective. Sometimes, Mihawk felt like Ace was trying to fill Shanks' vacancy by going beyond his role as big brother and first born. He was grateful for the help the kid gave him every day, but he felt guilty for forcing Ace to grow up so quickly. He was only twelve, soon to be thirteen, and deserved to enjoy his youth.
Mihawk was surprised when Ace sat down in his leather chair and asked him in all seriousness: "We're going to have the conversation, aren't we?"
"The conversation?" Mihawk repeated without being sure he understood.
"Yes, the one where you tell me that it's not the storks that bring the babies to the parents like Dad said."
Hearing this, Mihawk almost choked as he swallowed, "what? No. What did dad say to you?"
"That the storks were bringing babies from a magic factory, but it wasn't very clear so we inquired with Sabo… Well, we know now."
"I knew it was a bad idea to let Shanks explain it to you," Mihawk muttered, placing his hand on his forehead, "he was terrible at science."
"Seriously?" Ace asked curiously.
"Yes, he preferred drawing in his notebooks rather than following his classes, so he retained half and invented the other. For example, he was certain that a tree would grow in his stomach after eating the seed of an Apple."
"How old was he?"
Mihawk hesitated as he searched in his memory, "something like fourteen years old. He was convinced he would become the world's first tree man."
"Luffy could have done the same," Ace remarked with a laugh, although there was a hint of nostalgia in his voice, "they looked a lot alike."
"Looked?" Mihawk repeated, surprised to hear Ace use the past tense to talk about Shanks. It was the first time he heard resignation in the voice of one of his sons.
Ace shrugged, but didn't answer, preferring to play with his thumbs.
"Don't hold back, Ace. I won't argue with you."
"I...I don't want to hurt you," Ace replied softly, so much so that Mihawk almost didn't hear him.
He didn't know what his son was trying to protect him from, but it couldn't be good. He was the father, he was supposed to protect them, not the other way around.
Mihawk put aside his apprehension to focus solely on his first son, "Not knowing what you think will hurt me more. Talk to me, Ace. It's not good to bottle everything up like you do."
"That's what you do," Ace accused angrily. "You keep everything to yourself by excluding us. Sabo and I are grown up, we see and hear things, more than you think. We're a family, you're supposed to be able to count on us too."
"I've never hidden anything from you," Mihawk replied, raising an eyebrow. He had always been as honest as possible with the boys since the beginning of this horrible nightmare. He even told them that the police had found their father's arm by showing the ring.
"That’s wrong, you only tell us what you want."
"Some parts are better kept secret, Ace."
"No," the boy said firmly, standing up to be in front of his father, "you're just deluding us by saying that Dad will come back! He won't. The police found his arm because it is all that's left of him! Except instead of recognizing it you told Luffy and Sabo that he was going to come back! It's not true, he's dead. I know it, Sabo knows it, Beck knows it, everyone knows it, even Buggy, but you refuse to see it!"
"Ace…"
"Say it! Say you lied and that Dad is dead and he's not coming back!"
For the first time in front of his children, Mihawk hesitated. He opened his mouth ready to lie or say what Ace wanted to hear, but he couldn't. Because Ace was right in a way. Mihawk was a liar and he knew it. He was a logical and reasoned man so he knew that Shanks had a better chance of feeding the fish at the bottom of the ocean rather than being alive and searching for them. It had been seven months without any news except for the finding of an arm. So obviously, Mihawk knew, but saying it, even in his head, was impossible.
"Sabo did the probabilities," Ace continued in a shaky voice, "and he said that the percentage chance of Dad being alive is low, almost non-existent."
Faced with Mihawk's silence, the pre-teen added, "Dad's dead."
"No one knows that," Mihawk corrected coldly before placing his hand on Ace's trembling shoulder, "but you're right, it's more likely that Shanks is... dead than alive. But you can't say that in front of Luffy. He's too emotionally fragile to go through this pain. And Sabo, even if he believes he knows, he doesn't know the pain of losing someone close to him. Honestly, I don't know neither. Of all of us, you're the only one who knows the pain of losing parents and no one can begin to understand what you feel."
"I can't….I can't…," Ace stuttered as his brown eyes blurred with tears and his bottom lip trembled as if he was trying to physically stop himself from crying, "...I-I can't lose anyone else. First, Roger and Rouge, and you promised. You promised."
"I know, I'm sorry. This should never have happened."
"It-it was an accident," Ace sniffed away the tears, but they wouldn't go away, and no matter how much he downplayed his pain, it was clearly visible on his face.
Mihawk shook his head before telling one of the truths he had hidden until now, "someone sabotaged the engine of the Red Force, that's why Shanks is no longer with us."
"Did someone kill Dad?" murmured the boy whose eyes were bulging with surprise, the tears finally flowed.
"Yes, but Smoker doesn't know anything else."
Ace shook his head as if refusing to believe that his kind and caring father could have been murdered and a sob left his throat, then another. Mihawk raised his arms in a silent offer of comfort and, against all odds, Ace accepted the hug and clung to him desperately.
"Excuse me, son. I was so focused on my own pain that I didn't see yours."
"Shuddup, dad, you're the best," Ace mumbled through sobs and tears.
Mihawk smiled before playing with Ace's black hair to comfort him and like a kitten, the boy leaned into his touch.
They only separated when they heard a loud 'boom' coming from above followed by a 'daaaaaad' shouted by Luffy. Mihawk stood up resignedly knowing that something was either broken or burned, or both. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ace cleaning the traces of his tears with his t-shirt, "if you tell anyone…"
"I didn't see anything at all," Mihawk replied before leaving the silent room for the chaos of the ground floor.
Admittedly, it had been a strange Christmas as the chair to Mihawk's right had remained empty throughout the meal. The weight of Shanks' absence had weighed on them all at one point or another during the evening. You could see it in the way eyes converged on the empty chair and smiles disappeared for a split second. Shanks should have been there laughing with them, opening bottle after bottle, before slipping off into the living room to play with the boys, which inevitably resulted in Mihawk yelling at the redhead for forgetting to open the bottles.
Thus, Mihawk had done the best he could in the worst possible scenario by being the best host for their families whom he had insisted on inviting like all the previous years to find a semblance of normality. They had eaten and drank, there had been bursts of laughter and arguments -from both children and adults-, and somewhere between ordering Ray and Beck to fight outside and forbidding the children to feed Chopper under the table, Mihawk managed to forget his husband's absence.
The loneliness hit him hard when all the guests had gone home and the boys were asleep in their new rooms. The house was quiet, too quiet, and there was no annoying redhead to summarize the whole day in minute detail instead of sleeping. Or to ask the 'grinch' for one last gift. No, Mihawk closed the door to his empty room and didn't argue with Chopper when he jumped into bed first.
He undressed before settling into bed and, knowing that the pain would keep him from sleeping, Mihawk opened the drawer of his bedside table to retrieve the sleeping pills that Dr. Trafalgar had prescribed. Mihawk downed two - one too many - before turning on his side to face the Golden Retriever who had stolen his husband's place and he fell asleep easily, hoping he could keep this secret from his prying boys.