Chapter Text
Ennis was mortified. It had been a week since that first night with Jack and he couldn’t get the image of Earl out of his mind. He’d broken the one promise nine year old Ennis had made to himself, don’t be a queer. Queers are found in ditches. Queers get beat with tire irons. Queers end up dead.
Ennis picked at the grass beneath him. He thought of Jack’s hurt face when he’d left that next morning. Those deep blue eyes swimming with sadness. That complete look of fear and regret, but also longing. But Ennis had come back that night to do it all again. Shame twisted in Ennis’ gut, contorting his thoughts and feelings. He didn’t know what to feel, how to think. Jack had comforted him that night, his soft voice whispering, “it’s alright … ”
But things weren’t alright. Not for Ennis anyway. What was he supposed to do at the end of the summer? Go back and marry Alma? Look into her eyes and lie to her, knowing what had transpired the summer before?
Ennis shook his head and dug the heel of his boot into the dirt. Jack seemed awfully found of him, grinning from ear to ear when Ennis rode into camp, jabbering on about his mama’s cooking or his “foul bastard” daddy. Ennis found himself starting to enjoy the company, as much as his mind screamed at him to bolt down the mountain as fast as he could and never look back.
He could see the swirl of smoke from the camp below. Jack cooking something for dinner, probably singing to himself and waiting for Ennis to return.
Ennis pulled a pack of smokes from his jacket pocket and lit up, his anxious feeling dissipating somewhat at the taste of tobacco on his tongue. He took and few drags and then stomped it beneath his boot, deciding it was time to head back to camp. He mounted Cigar Butt and started a slow trot down the mountain to his herding partner.
****
Jack whistled a tune to himself, not any song in particular, just an arrangement of high pitched notes strung together. He had two cans of beans cooking over the fire, one for him and one for Ennis. Jack had been hesitant at first, to let his feelings for Ennis be known, but with them both being wasted he hadn’t seen the harm, he could just blame in on the alcohol in the morning anyway.
When Ennis had stormed off, or rather galloped off the next morning, Jack thought he was surely dead. Aguirre would show up with the tire irons and beat the fag out of him. He’d never been so afraid.
But that didn’t happen. Ennis came back that night. Jack remembered how scared he had looked. Strong, stoic, stone faced Ennis had been terrified.
His heart ached for Ennis. He had to know that it was okay. It’s nobodies business but ours. What was happening wasn’t something to be ashamed of. Jack wasn’t, anyway.
It was clear Ennis was. His lips were pulled into a straight line, eyes refusing to meet Jack’s. That’s what it had been like the past week. Ennis never look into Jack’s eyes, not even when they were just having a normal conversation. Especially not when they were fucking. Not that that was possible anyway, Ennis always took Jack from behind.
But after Ennis seemed softer, more open. He held Jack in his arms like he was something of value. Like he didn’t ever want to let go.
Jack often wondered what it would be like at the end of the summer, when they had to leave. He himself had a dream of the two of them running away together, Alma and her housewife dreams be damned. Jack had never felt something so strong for another person.
Speaking of Ennis, Jack heard the clopping of horse hooves against dirt and straightened where he was crouched near the fire. He tried to meet Ennis’ eyes, placing his hands on his hips.
“Hey bud. Was wondering when you’d come in.”
Ennis just simply nodded, then dismounted, a cigarette jutting out from his lips.
Jack cleared his throat, “well I’ve uh- got some beans here if ya want some…”
Ennis clearly wasn’t in a talking mood. He tied Cigar Butt up in silence and took a drag of his cigarette.
Jack nodded to himself and looked back to the cans of beans placed on a rock beside the pot. Maybe he was having regrets. Maybe he doesn’t want this anymore. Worry flooded into Jack’s mind.
Ennis came over and sat down on the log positioned in front of the fire. He tugged his gloves off and stuffed them into his pocket.
“Can ya pass the whiskey Jack?”
Jack nodded and handed Ennis the glass bottle. Nearly empty, Ennis would have to put some on their next grocery list.
Ennis popped open the bottle and poured some into his mug, swirling it around for a moment before taking a swig.
Jack sat down beside him and drank the whiskey straight from the bottle, releasing a breath after he did so.
“You alright cowboy? Yer awfully quiet… more than usual.” Jack offered a small smile, hoping to get one back.
Ennis opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again and just shrugged.
Jack nodded, “well okay then”
***
It was quiet, Besides the gentle winds rocking the trees and the rushing river behind them. They still sat side by side on the log by the fire.
Ennis hadn’t gone up to the sheep yet.
Jack hoped that maybe, just maybe, he’d stay with him in the tent. It was quite dark after all, there wasn’t much point in riding up to the pup tent.
They passed the whiskey bottle between them, not speaking, but this time it was comfortable silence. Until Ennis spoke up.
“Jack… you ought ta know… I feel damn near sick at the thought of leavin’ at the end o’ the summer.”
Well that was new.
Ennis expressing his feelings? Confiding in Jack? Jack almost spit out his whiskey.
Jack nodded, “me too friend. Really enjoying my time up here…”
Ennis chewed on a hang nail before speaking again, “and I- I don’t know what this is… but.” He shrugged.
Jack nodded again, looked Ennis in the eyes, and this time, Ennis looked back. Jack brought a hand to Ennis’ cheek and stroked it softly.
“It’s alright”
“It’s alright Ennis”
Ennis didn’t move away from the touch. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will his daddy’s lessons out of his mind.
Why can’t I let myself have this? Ennis wondered, still feeling Jack’s warm palm against his face. He forced a breath out of his nose and gently pulled Jack’s hand from his cheek, then cupping Jack’s face in his hands.
Jack could feel Ennis’ hands shaking, and he gave him a small, comforting smile.
Ennis leaned in and pressed his lips to Jack’s gently. So unlike their previous encounters, the ones where they felt rushed, the fumbling hands and clacking teeth.
Jack returned the kiss, his hands going to Ennis’ face, mirroring his position. He deepened it, their lips moving against each others smoothly.
They broke away for a moment and Jack mumbled, “tent” before they resumed and both got up to awkwardly stumble towards the tent. Ennis’ hands gripped Jack’s hips, walking him backwards.
Jack kisses Ennis’ neck and face, winding his hands through his hair to pull him closer.
The tent flap was already open, and Ennis gave Jack one last kiss before pushing him inside and clambering on top of him.