Chapter Text
Ryujin wakes up alone.
She’s surprised that Yeji’s not on the mattress beside her.
She’s disappointed that the older girl would leave without her.
But then she remembers that Yeji wasn’t even in bed with her the night before.
Ryujin thinks they had gone to bed together, but that’s only a half-truth. After her conversation with Lia, she had made the executive decision to video call Yeji. For her effort, she was rewarded with a private, one-on-one mukbang with the leader of ITZY.
It was nice to see Yeji, but it was even nicer to see her eat. In-between bites, Yeji filled her in on the stuff she was doing and Ryujin was at least relieved to hear that the producers had kept their word about the workload. It meant that Yeji was able to stay in the breakroom while shooting, which was good because neither of them had the heart to end the call after she had finished eating. Even when Ryujin was starting to feel tired – a side effect of the soju she had drunk earlier – she didn’t dare let Yeji hang up.
There was a smile on her face when she crawled into bed and fell asleep with the sound of Yeji doing aegyo on her phone. And there’s a smile now as she raises her arms above her head to wring the sleep out of her body. She groans, she stretches, and that movement is enough to cause the phone beside her head to slip off the pillow and onto the bed below it.
As she lowers her arm from the stretch, she reaches for her phone and is greeted with a message.
🐺: getting breakfast
It’s the second-best thing she could’ve seen this morning, the first being Yeji in person, but Ryujin will take what she can get. It’s a fair trade-off she supposes – the sacrifice of sleeping in to actually be aware enough of her bodily needs for food and to go and procure that food. She moves her thumbs into position to type out a response – just to let Yeji know that she’s awake – when she finds herself face-to-face with a new message.
🍯: awake yet
The smile on her face curves up at the ends as she sees Lia’s text. She figures that Yeji will either let her know when she gets back or Ryujin will hear her entering, so she decides to switch her focus.
🐱: no
🍯: how are you feeling
🐱: wow
🐱: are you checking up on me
🍯: 🤐
🍯: all i know is that you said you were gonna call her and then I didn’t hear a single thing since
🍯: so either you guys made up
🍯: or yeji’s six feet under right now
Ryujin chuckles and it’s hoarse and it’s rough because it’s the first noise she’s made today, but she likes how it clears the rasp from her throat. It’s an ugly laugh that only Lia can pull out of her.
🐱: our leader is still alive just so you know
🐱: she’s actually getting me breakfast right now 😉
🍯: goals
🍯: im so jealous
Ryujin’s about to respond when she hears a noise coming from outside her room. She looks up, waits for it to come again, but then nothing. She figures it’s one of the other girls and by the time she looks back to her phone, Lia’s already sent another text.
🍯: no more work right??
🐱: for now
🍯: cool beans
🍯: any plans today
🐱: i do not want to think about plans or scheduling ever again
Ryujin is about to go into a tirade about how the work-calendar has been nothing but the bane of her existence when she hears that noise again – it’s louder and she can tell it’s coming from the kitchen. She waits again, and this time, it’s followed by the yelp of a human voice.
She decides to check it out.
🐱: talk to you later
🐱: murderer in the house
🐱: 💀✌
Letting the phone land back down on the pillow, Ryujin eases herself out of bed. As she steps out into the hallway, the first thing she can’t help but notice is the peculiar smell hanging in the air. She can’t put her finger on it – it’s familiar, but at the same time, it also puts her on edge. It makes her wish – on the off-chance she had manifested this event – that she could take back the joke text she had sent Lia.
Maybe then her footsteps wouldn’t be as soft or as quiet. Maybe she wouldn’t be tip-toeing down a hallway she’s stomped through hundreds of times before. But then she sees it. And it’s not a murderer. It’s not a demon or some kind of beast, but it’s something even scarier than all of those things combined.
Yeji is in the kitchen.
Slack-jawed and anxious, Ryujin finds that her feet can only move her forward towards the potential danger. She’s done away with any attempts as stealth, though the sound of her footfalls are nothing compared to the cacophony and chaos happening on the stove-top.
Yeji’s not facing her when she approaches, hands and eyes tentatively on the volatile operation happening in front of her.
“What’s going on?”
Yeji jumps when she hears Ryujin before whipping around to face her. It sends a stray bit of sauce onto her face and though she doesn’t know what the mystery liquid is exactly, she does know that it’s very cold and it’s making her skin tingle.
“You’re awake!” Yeji says as she approaches her, rocking a look that Ryujin can’t help but notice. Yeji’s hair is tied up in a messy bun, she’s wearing her glasses, and she has an apron on. If it weren’t for the possible biohazard on Ryujin’s face, she’d be gawking at the sheer domesticity of it.
“Yeah, I am.” Ryujin reaches forward, pulling out the kitchen towel tucked into the side of the apron’s drawstring. “I thought you were getting breakfast,” she says as she wipes the mess off her face.
Yeji nods, not even noticing how Ryujin slips the towel back into her apron. “I was. I am,” she coughs. “I am getting breakfast…ready…for us.”
Ryujin looks at her, then looks behind to the situation in the kitchen, then back to her. Oh…”
“Yep.” Yeji smiles. “I was thinking, after…everything, that it’d be nice if I was the one taking care of you for a change.”
“Yeji…”
“This is not an apology, by the way – I know you said no apologies,” Yeji adds. “Think of it more as a…thank you.” Her face lightens up at the self-revealed revelation.
Ryujin doesn’t know what to say or what to think. She doesn’t know whether to thank her for the kind gesture or to downplay the tumultuous circumstances leading up to it. They’ve never been averse to doing things like this for each other, but this feels like more than a simple “I was thinking of you” spur-of-the-moment deal.
“It’s amazing,” Ryujin finally says. “You’re amazing.”
It’s an understatement to Yeji and to everything she’s ever done – this included – but she hopes that Yeji can parse her true feelings from the way that the words tremble as they come out of her mouth or the way her eyes brighten when they look at her.
Yeji’s laugh is soft and maybe she was also expecting Ryujin to not be so good at reacting to this. It wouldn’t be the first time after all. “Thanks.”
“Still,” Ryujin starts, “I just can’t believe it…” She glances behind her again, periodically checking in on the state of the kitchen. “I mean, cooking? You know, if you asked the producers, they probably would’ve shelled out for breakfast if–ow!”
“Rude!” Yeji says as she withdraws her hand from swatting Ryujin’s arm. “You know I’m a lot better than I was before.”
Ryujin nods. It’s true, and that’s the thing that scares her. Yeji is better than she was before – that is due to the fact that none of them were woken up by the smoke detector today. But still, as far as Yeji has come and might possibly go in the future, that doesn’t necessarily mean her food is any more edible or even recognizable.
“Don’t give me that look.” Yeji narrows her eyes on Ryujin as she sees and senses the girl’s clear apprehension. “I even watched a video before I started.”
“Just one?”
“Yeah, I was in a rush” Yeji replies, nonplussed. “That’s why I watched it at double speed.”
“And it was on how to make food?”
“Okay, enough of this.” Yeji rolls her eyes as she reaches for Ryujin’s shoulders and turns her around. “Go wash up and by the time you return, a delicious breakfast will be waiting for you.”
Ryujin has nowhere to go but forward as Yeji pats her rear and pushes her down the hall. The moment she feels Yeji step away from her, she takes the chance to look back. The image before her is snug and sweet– her partner adorned in a cute apron and bright while lovingly, if not competently, making breakfast on the stove behind her.
But Ryujin senses danger. She doesn’t see it, but she feels it in the air and in her bones. An image flashes through her mind – that picture of the little girl smiling while a house burns down behind her.
A shiver runs down her spine and she hurries down the hall.
Ryujin is about to turn into the bathroom when she hears phone go off. Swinging right instead of left, she goes back into her bedroom and reaches for her phone on the bed. She forgets the last message she had sent to Lia until she sees the missed call and several texts waiting for her.
🍯: hey
🍯: did you actually die
🍯: 😬
🍯: if youre the murderer and youre reading this then dont kill me
🍯: i promise i wont snitch
She’s reading over the words carefully before she decides to answer, but before that, she glances over her shoulder – just in case Yeji’s behind her.
🐱: i didn’t die
🐱: but i might now
🐱: yeji didn’t get breakfast
🐱: shes MAKING it
🍯: 💀
🍯: i call dibs on your stuff if you do
Ryujin contemplates asking Lia for help, but she can’t even begin to think about how that would pan out. Instead, she throws her phone back onto the bed before resuming her mission to the bathroom.
She washes her face. She brushes her teeth. She steadies herself for an uncertain future.
When she enters the hallway, Ryujin is relieved to see that the rest of the dorm is still standing. However, that feeling of elation is shot through like a balloon by a BB when she comes out of the hallway to see Yeji setting up the dining room table.
“Just in time.” The smile she has on looks like the same one she had on earlier and Ryujin is afraid of being the reason that smile ceases.
“Just in time,” Ryujin repeats as she maneuvers to the table. She stands when she gets there, knowing that if she were to sit down, she’d have nowhere to go after. Instead, her eyes scan over the food in an attempt to assess any possible threats properly.
There’s a large plate of scrambled eggs, and on closer inspection, Ryujin can see hints of green onion and carrots peeking through the yellow. She thinks Yeji was trying to make an egg roll, but was only able to handle the first half of that assignment.
Besides that is a shockingly wet bowl of rice. She doesn’t know what Yeji was going for there – it’s not soup, nor is it porridge, but a mysterious third thing.
“What do you think?”
“It…looks like breakfast,” Ryujin answers. She had weighed the words carefully in her mind before letting them out. It’s technically not a lie. In the same way a dog can look like a wolf and a wolf can look like a horse, the food in front of her does constitute some parts of breakfasts she’s had before. “What’s this?” She asks as she points at a bowl to the side.
“Oh, that’s our leftovers from last night.”
Ryujin nods as the finger she was pointing with falls. She doesn’t remember ordering anything that could or should have ended up like what she's seeing in front of her.
Yeji is ready to clarify what it is, though Ryujin’ not sure whether it’s because she thinks Ryujin needs it spelled out for her or if she’s just a proud chef explaining her dish like on those cooking shows they watch.
“I didn’t know what to do with all the banchan we didn’t finish, so I thought it’d be fun to mix them all together.”
Kimchi, potato salad, anchovies, etc. Again, technically all things one might see at breakfast.
“Well? Dig in.”
Ryujin looks at Yeji and she realizes that it’s the final mistake on top of many. She’s used to looking at her whenever hope is grim and the light is dark, but Yeji is not there to throw her a life preserver this time. Now, she’s being handed an anchor as Ryujin realizes she is locking herself into eating this the moment their eyes meet each other.
The genuine pride on Yeji’s face. The happiness exuding off of her. The promise of that scrunch besides her eyes if all things go just right. There’s not a single person in the world that could say no to this.
So she doesn’t.
Ryujin takes a bite.
She swallows.
And she regrets it.
“Do you like it?”
She doesn’t.
Ryujin takes a moment to figure out her response before she takes another moment to attempt her second swallow at the food in her mouth before she’s able to fully drag it down to her gullet.
“I like…you.” It’s a compromise of a sentence that ends up with neither of them happy.
The smile on Yeji’s face that she was trying to save dies on impact.
“It’s not that bad,” Yeji says under her breath as she reaches for a piece of the egg herself.
Ryujin thinks about the best thing to do in this situation. Does she try to save Yeji from herself and stop her from eating her own food? Or does she let the events in front of her play out and hope there’s room for two in the ambulance?
Out of all the things Ryujin is well-versed in, Yeji’s face is near the top. That’s why she finds herself taken back when Yeji’s face contorts in a way she’s never seen before. There’s something in the way her eyes shift, the way her mouth twitches. She’s following the chew in Yeji’s cheek, how it goes up and down before eventually slowing to a stand-still. Then, the swallow and the way it catches in her throat before she has to take another gulp to send it down.
Yeji takes a deep breath as the food settles in her stomach. Delicately, she places the chopsticks down on her plate and excuses herself from the table. She walks over to the kitchen and stamps her foot on the pedal that opens the trash can.
“I’m never cooking again.”
It’s a sight and sound that almost breaks Ryujin’s heart.
She stands up and rushes over to her. Grabbing the apron and setting it aside, she puts her hands on Yeji’s arms and tries to get a good look at her.
“Don’t…say that,” she says. She reaches up, brushing a finger against Yeji’s cheek to lift her face. Her eyes are looking off to the side, trying not to look at Ryujin. “It’s no big deal, okay? So, we’ll have order in, it won’t be the first–”
“That’s not the problem.” Yeji makes eye contact with her and she almost freezes at the intensity of her stare. “Every time I forget to take care of myself or I stay up too late, you’re always there and you manage to…” She looks down. “I can’t even make you breakfast.”
Yeji’s not perfect, but it’s so easy to forget sometimes. That’s where all the hard work comes in – she dances until there’s not a single misstep, she sings until there’s not a single errant note – she’s not perfect, but Ryujin hasn’t seen anyone come closer.
She’s never felt more loved by anyone than her – more seen or noticed – and even then, Ryujin’s aware of the work she’s put in to do that for her. Learning how to talk to each other, about how to deal with each other, and Ryujin can only imagine the frustration and disappointment that comes with not being able to succeed at this trivial thing that everyone around her can do.
“Yeji,” she says it quiet, as if to make Yeji look at her and pay attention. It works, and when their eyes meet, Ryujin reaches down to take Yeji’s hands in hers. “It’s totally okay that you suck at cooking.”
Ryujin can feel Yeji’s hands tense in hers and before she has the chance to pull those hands back and possibly threaten her, Ryujin continues.
“You don’t need to be able to do everything all the time, every time. So, you can’t cook, why does that matter? You do tons of stuff for me that I don’t think I’d be able to do in your position.”
“Like what?”
“Like deal with me in general?” Ryujin chuckles and it’s enough to get a small smile out of Yeji. “I basically made you clock-in every time we ate and there was that day I sat on you and wouldn’t let you work.”
“You are pretty unbearable sometimes,” Yeji notes, her eyes playful and her smile growing.
“I am, and that’s just me. I have no idea how you deal with me, and Yuna, and Chaeryeong, and all the people at JYP everyday. If they called me in last night, they would’ve had to call the police once I got there, that’s for sure.”
That gets a laugh out of Yeji and it’s enough to make Ryujin want to get more.
“Oh, and don’t forget this. I don’t think I’m too shabby at it, but Yeddeong – that thing you did in the shower the other day? I’m so lucky I was already sitting, because–”
“Don’t be gross!” Yeji’s swatting her with her hand again, but the hit is gentle and her laugh is warm and all it does is coax a laugh out of Ryujin in return.
“You didn’t think it was gross when you were doing it.” She cocks an eyebrow at Yeji, who cocks one in return. She knows she’s one more sentence away from another smack, so she decides to wrap things up.
“Listen, I don’t know what I’m saying anymore, but sometimes you work too hard and I get to take care of you when that happens. And sometimes I’m…persistent and you get to handle me whenever that happens. It’s just…kind of how we work, you know?”
Ryujin hopes that the message comes through. It’s hard to say how much Yeji does for her without listing literally everything that happens every day seeing as how intertwined both of their lives are. It’s hard to recount how many times Ryujin gets out of bed a bit faster because Yeji is already up or how she keeps her mouth shut whenever they’re dealing with a finicky producer because she knows Yeji’ll be disappointed with her.
But she sees the look on Yeji’s face, the understanding that comes from being so close for so long and it lets the breath that Ryujin was holding in finally escape.
“Okay.” Yeji leans in and kisses her. It’s a chaste kiss, but it’s perfect for a morning breakfast. “I love you.”
“Thanks.”
Yeji purses her lips a bit as she takes Ryujin’s hands in hers and squeezes them – just tight enough to send a message. “Say it back.”
Holding back a grin, Ryujin leans in and offers her an equivalent kiss. “I love you too.”
Yeji eases up the hold on Ryujin’s hands and Ryujin takes that opportunity to slip away from her.
“Great. With all that settled, how about both take a crack at breakfast now?”
“What do you mean?”
“It means it’s my turn to look cute in an apron.” Ryujin winks and heads towards the kitchen. She reaches for the apron and throws it over herself before round two of making breakfast starts.
Ryujin wouldn’t call herself a good cook, but she needs to be one for Yeji right now, so that’s what she does. Starting with the eggs and some of the wet rice, she decides to pull from their stock of seaweed to make kimbap – frying it as well to help with the overall texture and wetness of it. On the other end of the spectrum, the remaining rice is made even wetter with Ryujin adding more broth until it becomes a nice porridge.
The bowl of sides mashed together is what confuses her the most. But the kimbap she made reminds her of the lunch they all had the other day and the army stew that she had fed Yeji. Finding a few packets of noodles and seasoning, she pairs that with some gochujang and the bowl of banchan in an attempt to overpower the conflicting flavors and unify everything under one hopefully edible dish.
Yeji’s with her every step of the way and Ryujin does her best to make it feel like they’re both doing this and she’s not just fixing Yeji’s mistakes. She asks for her opinions, she divvies up duties between them, but mostly, she does what she usually does whenever she’s with her – enjoys the time spent together.
They’re done before they know it and Yeji’s back to setting the table for their second attempt at making breakfast when Chaeryeong emerges from her room.
“What smells so good?” Chaeryeong’s voice is low as she walks out of the hallway, a hand rubbing at half-closed eye.
“Breakfast a la Hwang,” Ryujin replies as she starts getting more plates and glassware.
The answer pries both of Chaeryeong’s eyes wide open as she approaches the food.
“You made this, unnie?” Yuna comes up behind Chaeryeong, hiding behind Chaeryeong as she eyes the food from a respectable distance.
Yeji is about to answer when Ryujin steps up beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her in. “That’s right, she did.”
The two other girls look down at astonishment as they take a seat at the table.
“Wow…” is all Yuna is able to say.
As they look at what is maybe the first miracle ever made real, Yeji shoots a look at Ryuji and mouths “Why?” to her.
Ryujin smiles and leans her mouth into Yeji’s ear.
“I actually haven’t tasted any of it yet, so if they think you made it, they’ll have lower expectations.”
Ryujin pulls back, a grin wide on her face. She can feel Yeji’s arm snake around her waist, the both of them closer than ever now, as she leans in.
“You’re a real ass, you know.” Yeji whispers to her.
“I know.” Ryujin whispers back.
There’s no more words from them after that, silent looks and soft gazes as they bask in each other’s presence. Instead of the twitter of birds and sparkle of wind chimes, it’s the clink of plates and glasses on the table and Ryujin is fine with either. It’s nice and it’s cozy, that is, until they get interrupted by a loud, defiant cough.
Moment broken, the two of them look towards the table and see Chaeryeong looking back with a look of pure mortification on her face.
“Really?” she says. “Right in front of my jigae?”