Chapter Text
The lush beauty of the chartreuse fields and glossy leaves shimmering in the sunlight were completely wasted on Shadow. The dark hedgehog was absent, drowning in the murky confines of his own mind and oblivious to the festivities and joy surrounding him. The wind attempted to wrap itself around him, almost as if it were offering comfort, but that pleasantry was lost to Shadow as well. His quills barely even had the courtesy to sway with the friendly breeze, such was how detached he was from his environment. No, Shadow's mind was elsewhere entirely, somewhere where she still resided. Somewhere where he could still try again.
Maria's final words to him in White Space echoed in his mind perpetually:
"If Fate Draws Us Apart, I Will Always Be In Your Heart."
Instead of providing solace, these words ripped at Shadow's spirit, driving him into a frustrated and bitter mental fervour.
"Fate?! She said those words out of naivety, not understanding the cruel fate waiting in store for her. If fate decided that Maria deserved to die such a painful and unjust death, alone and cold on the metal floor of the ARK that imprisoned her, then I reject such a concept as fate!" Shadow growled deeply in his chest, turning further away from Sonic's birthday party on instinct. He felt like he may pounce on and attack the first person to disturb his thoughts. His eyes welded shut with such force that they burned as he pleaded for Maria to hear him, from somewhere deep in his heart.
"Maria, of course you are always alive inside of me… Not just in my heart, my soul, my mind; but my very essence! It's torturing me to live here without you… On this Earth you so loved and wished to explore… Within this natural beauty…" Shadow finally opened his eyes slightly and winced at the blaring sunshine barging through. Everything about the Earth that he should love, that Maria would have loved, felt invasive, alien, and… wrong.
"What good is any of this…" Reluctantly opening up to reality, Shadow turned to glimpse morosely at the party he was neglecting, "...If I can't share it with you?" His stomach turned in a vulnerable knot and he immediately regretted conducting such emotional musings in public, afraid that tears may fall if he continued any further.
At that moment, Sonic stepped into Shadow's line of vision and made direct eye contact. Sighing, Shadow relented to the fact that before he would be able to turn away, the hero would have already sped up to invade his personal space and chat his ear off. Of course, before the Ultimate Lifeform could even blink, the ball of blue energy was already beside him with a too-friendly hand casually resting on Shadow's shoulder.
"Howdy, Faker! Thanks for helping out with that time crunch mess earlier, and for coming to my party! I have to say, I didn't expect you to make it. Especially since there's no all-black dress code or coffee beans on the menu!" Sonic teased his comrade playfully with a sincere grin on his face. Bouncing from foot to foot, he eagerly awaited Shadow's return banter, but none arrived. With downcast eyes, Shadow only nodded apathetically as a distant response. The Blue Blur's face sank and his ears drooped. Despite the boys' differences and occasional conflict, Sonic was fond of Shadow and cared about him. He secretly enjoyed Shadow's usual grumpy demeanor, as it made him all the more easy to tease. After all, the somber hedgehog was usually the only one of Sonic's friends who could actually manage to keep up with him. But not today, it seemed. Shadow continued to avoid meeting Sonic's worried stare until the awkward silence between the boys became too much to take.
"...Happy birthday, Sonic." Shadow attempted lamely, meeting his rival's eyes momentarily before looking away again. Of all the people at the party, Sonic was the one who concerned him the most. The hyperactive hedgehog had a surprisingly introspective and observant side that annoyingly made him strangely perceptive when it came to the emotional condition of the people he cared about. That was the last thing that Shadow needed right now, especially when the plans formulating in his mind were objectively dubious and problematic. No, the last thing he wanted was Sonic inserting himself somewhere he didn't belong and didn't understand.
"What's wrong, Shads?" "Nothing." Shadow replied curtly, turning his face away.
"Come on, buddy. There is no way "nothing" is wrong. You're usually a loner, sure, but you've been standing frozen here for the past hour. Either you're having a competition with an actual tree to see who can act more like one, or something is wrong. What's on your mind?" Sonic cocked his head to the side, stepping in front of Shadow to meet his eyes once more. Although his body language was playful, it was clear Sonic was genuinely concerned. Shadow felt a twinge of guilt for bothering him on his special day and decided to ease the hero's mind. He considered Sonic as somewhat of a younger brother and didn't want to ruin his celebration with his brooding.
"It's nothing, Blue. Really. Don't mind me and go enjoy your party. Look, Amy's waiting for you with a gift." Shadow nodded in the direction of the enthusiastic pink hedgehog who was holding a large wrapped present with a shiny bow and waving in the boys' direction. The Fastest Thing Alive flushed pink and his blue quills shot up in embarrassment, a rare sight that made Shadow smirk.
"Sonic~ and Shadow! Come over here! It's time to open birthday gifts!" Amy called, jumping and waving cutely. Sonic beamed back and gave her a thumbs up, "Be right with you, Ames!" Before running off, Sonic speedily turned to Shadow and added "I don't know what you experienced in White Space, but if it was anything crazy like what I did, it couldn't have been easy. I'm here if you need to talk, okay?" Shadow nodded assuredly, "I'm just tired. Go. I'll continue resting here until the party's over." He turned away from Sonic and found a spot to sit, a bit further out of eyeshot than before. The weary hedgehog sighed, tired of pretending and telling white lies to his comrades. It made him feel heavy and guilty. But he couldn't tell his friends what he was truly thinking at this moment; what he was actually considering doing…
"Maria…"
Shadow closed his eyes and allowed himself to indulge in the sweet solace of his memories once more. "At least until the party ends…"
The scene was set: he was on the ARK and Maria had decided it was imperative that the researchers, the Professor, and Shadow experienced a true holiday celebration for once. "It doesn't matter that the ARK doesn't experience regular winter seasons like on Earth!" Maria had justified to her chuckling grandfather and a confused Shadow, "We still just must have Christmas! It's such an important tradition on Earth, one that brings everyone together; full of joy, happiness, and love!" Maria twirled around, holding open a holiday picture book filled with images of colorful lights and merry people on the pages.
"Love…" Shadow watched in awe, admiring the vividness of the book's illustrations and how they complimented the bright, excited blush on Maria's cheeks.
"Alright, alright Maria, settle down… You know you shouldn't let yourself get too worked up…" the genius Professor cleared his throat as a means to gather the children's attentions; "Now, I can't make any promises, but I'll review the ARK's extracurricular budget tonight and see if we can muster up some bonus funds to procure a few holiday items. I'm sure the staff will be delighted by your suggestion, my dear." Gerald beamed at his granddaughter, absolute adoration spilling from his being. The man loved Maria almost as much as he loved science, which was an infinite measurement. If he had loved the girl any less, Shadow may have loathed and distrusted him, but since he understood how important Maria was to the Professor, he respected and, for the most part, obeyed him.
Gerald had, after all, created the Project- and anyone who loved Maria sincerely, and whom she loved in return, couldn't be bad. They just couldn't. Not when Maria was so good.
Shadow stared at the blonde girl adoringly, ears twitching at the sound of her elated tone of voice. Maria made gleeful eye contact with the young hedgehog and dashed over, hugging him tightly. "Grandpa, look. Shadow already looks so happy about his first Christmas! We can have a tree, carols, mashed potatoes, tinsel, and everything! Aren't you excited, Shadow?!" Shadow had no idea what half the things Maria just listed off were, but he nodded in agreement anyway. "I'm excited, Maria." The two smiled warmly at each other. Noticing that his plan to get the pair to become friends had gone off without a hitch, Gerald Robotnik's chest puffed in pride. "Oh-ho, I'm such a genius!" He congratulated himself and left for his office to get back to work.
Still contentedly remaining in Maria's embrace, Shadow glanced up at her face and asked innocently, "Maria, why do you like this 'Christmas' event so much? Is it very fun?" Maria rested her chin upon her best friend's head, rubbing her nose against his soft quills. Silent for a few seconds, the fragile girl took her time responding thoughtfully; "Before I found out I was sick, when I was still living on Earth with my family, I was too small to really remember much of anything. The only memories that really stick out in my mind from that time are of the Christmas season. It's a time where everyone you care about spends time together, doing all sorts of fun things. I just want us to experience that together, too, before I'm gone…" her words petered off, a melancholy tone entering her voice.
Shadow didn't approve of such talk. It terrified him and made his quills stand on end. He turned sharply in Maria's arms, standing up and placing his gloved hands firmly on her shoulders so that he could speak directly to her at face level.
"Don't ever say words like that, Maria. The Professor and I are going to cure you, no matter what. I will not allow anything to happen to you. That's my vow to you, forever, because…" Shadow's throat became dry and he stopped mid-sentence. Maria's earlier word floated in the air around them, tickling Shadow's ears. Love, love, love. Because you love her. You live for her, you'll die before you ever let her go.
But he couldn't manage to get the correct sounds free.
Maria patiently and calmly smiled at Shadow's sudden outburst and gently placed a reassuring hand over his. Without responding, she closed her eyes and rested her forehead onto Shadow's in an unspoken 'thank you'.