Chapter Text
Ressler took a sip of his morning coffee, having already had breakfast, to relax on the couch while Agnes woke and got ready. Outside it was grey and abysmal, but his eyes were fixed on the recently created gallery wall.
In addition to the original photo and Agnes’ artwork, there was now also a picture Liz had taken of him, Aram, the Coopers and Agnes at her ballet performance, a photo of him and Agnes with his mom and brother from when they’d gone to visit them, and, at Agnes’ insistence, a very old photo of him and Robbie posing with their mom and dad.
To say he’d been shocked when she’d shown him that photo had been an understatement, but he’d suspected his mom had had a hand in giving it to Agnes.
Thinking that it was only fair that Agnes had a photo with her parents as well, Ressler made a mental note to try and find one with her, Liz and Tom.
There was still space on the wall for a lot more photos, but the both of them agreed to make it a never-ending project, adding photos as they saw fit.
Taking his last sip, he headed back to the kitchen, hearing Agnes’ door open and then the bathroom door close.
He put one of the two sandwiches he’d made before his breakfast into his briefcase, knowing that Agnes packed her own fruit and snacks as she packed her lunch.
Her class had a field trip to the zoo today as part of the biology section of their science topic, and while that sounded fun in theory, Ressler looked outside and winced.
Not ideal weather for a field trip.
He checked the weather on his phone, seeing that it was meant to be grey and cloudy all day and only in the evening would it rain heavily. She’d be back by then of course, but the weather could be unpredictable.
“Morning, Ress,” Agnes greeted as she walked into the kitchen.
“Morning,” he said while putting his phone in his pocket, and as she prepared her cereal, he asked, “excited for the zoo trip in this weather?”
She made a face, and after taking a bite, replied, “yeah, I did see that. It’ll still be fun though,” she added with a shrug. “All my friends are coming with.”
Back to her as he washed his coffee cup, Ressler grinned.
In her group were Fatima, Roslyn and Stacey, and everytime Agnes talked about them, her eyes lit up. Clearly she’d hit the jackpot when it came to the friends category, something he was eternally grateful for. He’d met them all multiple times at this point, from pickups to sports practices and outings during the weekends, and they were all polite and intelligent girls.
That wasn’t to say, though, that they didn’t get up to mischief.
Aside from stories Agnes had told him where he’d had to force himself not to smile, he’d also had a few words from their teacher about noise level and class disruptions. While he’d had a talk or two with her about that, he couldn’t quite bring himself to care as much as he should given she was doing well at school, and most importantly that, after all she’d been through, she was genuinely happy.
Regardless, as her adult, he knew he had to say something, so turning back around, said, “you’ll be out and about in public. Make sure you all listen to the teachers and do as they say.”
Agnes had been about to take a bite, but paused to make a face.
“Yeah, I know, Ress.”
He smothered a grin and replied, “good,” picking his tie off the back of the chair. “Just checking.”
Agnes rolled her eyes and said, “you should be more worried about this weather.”
That was actually a good point, and he asked, “have you packed for it?”
“Yup,” she replied, taking another bite. “I’ve packed my umbrella.”
Ressler frowned, and finished with his tie, walked out of the room to one of their small storage closets. He knew there was a raincoat of Agnes’ somewhere in there, and while she would probably outgrow it soon, it would do for now.
He walked back into the kitchen, coat in hand, where Agnes was now washing her bowl.
“Pack this,” he said, laying it over the back of the chair with her backpack on it.
She put the bowl in the drying rack before turning around, eyeing what he was talking about.
Eyes moving to him, she asked, “you did hear me say I’ve got my umbrella, right?”
“I did,” he replied. “But if it gets windy, the umbrella won’t be much help and I don’t want you to be getting sick. Pack it,” he said, pointing to it before going to the fruit bowl to get an apple for himself.
She rolled her eyes but went to pack it nonetheless, then took an apple and some crackers along with her sandwich and put them in her bag as well.
“That’s all you’re taking?” he asked.
She looked at him confused.
“That’s how much I usually pack?”
It was his turn to roll his eyes.
“I know, but you’re going to be out and walking about all day. You should pack some extra snacks, otherwise even the lions will be scared of you with how cranky you get.”
Pleased with himself, Ressler chuckled loudly, even as Agnes scowled at him. Aram had recently taught him the word hangry and he’d learnt the hard way that it most definitely applied to Agnes.
“Maybe I should feed you to the lions,” she mumbled, causing Ressler to laugh harder, but she still packed a few more snacks into her bag.
Residual smile still on his face, he asked, “your phone is fully charged, right?” thinking of if the weather got worse or god forbid anything happened on the trip.
“Yup,” she answered, zipping up her bag.
Putting the apple in his own, he thought about what else she might need. She had an umbrella, a raincoat, extra snacks and a charged phone.
Given that she wasn’t wearing it right now, he asked, “do you have your school jumper?”
“On the couch,” she replied. “I’ll grab it when we leave.”
He nodded, then said, “you should probably pack some gloves,” and in response to her raised eyebrow, added, “doesn’t look like it’s going to get any warmer.”
“I think I’ll be fine.”
“You’re okay with cold hands?”
“I have pockets.”
Knowing that this was not an argument he was going to win, he let it be, and looking at his watch, said, “okay, time to start heading out.”
“Good,” Agnes mumbled. “I was scared what else you were gonna get me to pack.”
Ressler couldn’t help his smile as she took her backpack out to the living room. Regardless of her comment, she hadn’t sounded annoyed, just mildly sarcastic, but given her age that was a given. She might think he was overdoing it, but he of all people knew the importance of being prepared in the field.
Taking his briefcase out as well, he was about to put his shoes on, then turned to Agnes who was doing the same, and in all seriousness, said, “take an extra pair of socks.”
She loudly groaned and he had to laugh, but cutting in before she could argue, said, “I know, I know, but consider, if it rains, you don’t want to be walking around the rest of the day in wet socks.”
Shoes on, she stood back up, and shaking her head, said, “okay, I see your point, but if I take spare socks for that reason, wouldn’t it be useless unless I also took a spare pair of shoes?”
Huh.
That was a good point, one he’d overlooked.
He considered if it’d be too much for her to also fit a pair of flats in her backpack, when she exclaimed, “I’m not taking extra shoes!”
So much for that, then.
Laughing loudly, she added, “seriously, I think we need to leave right now otherwise you’re going to get me to somehow pack this entire house in my bag!”
He huffed. The shoes, maybe, were overkill, but still he said, “just making sure you’re ready for whatever happens out there.”
“It’s just a zoo trip,” Agnes laughed while putting on her backpack. “It’s not that intense.”
“I know, but still, I don’t want you getting sick, so at the very least I think you should still pack the socks -”
Agnes’ loud laughter cut him off, fondness in her eyes even though he was clearly the object of her humour.
“It’s just a zoo trip! I’ll be okay and I promise you there’s no need for me to pack my entire wardrobe or all the contents of this house!” He opened his mouth, but she cut him off with, “it’s chill, just relax, no need to worry so much. I’ll be okay, dad,” she reassured.
They both froze, the teasing smile wiped from Agnes’ face.
Dad.
She’d just called him dad.
He knew it was a mistake, of course, but still, it echoed through his mind.
Dad.
But then, her words from the big fight some time ago joined the echo in his mind.
“My dad is dead, don't pretend to be him.”
“Why are you acting like my parent?”
They stayed frozen, staring at each other, trapped in a sudden minefield.
Ressler had absolutely no idea what to do.
He knew that, given their situation, he was inevitably seen like a father figure to her, but, regardless of that, he was definitely not her father. Her words that day had made that clear, and he honestly couldn’t even bring himself to feel annoyed or disappointed about them given that it was simply the truth.
The ticking of the clock was the only sound in the room, but it made him aware that they were on a schedule.
Unsure what to say about the D-word situation, he cleared his throat and instead said, “okay, you don’t have to take the socks,” and turning to pick the keys from the entry table, added, “c’mon let’s go. If you’re late they might leave without you.”
He knew he should acknowledge the overbearing elephant in the room but he didn’t know how. Cowardly, he hoped if he brushed it off, she would too.
There was no response from Agnes, and he turned back to see her standing in the same position, backpack hanging over one shoulder.
Yeah, he didn’t think the brushing off technique would work.
He tried to read what was going through her mind, but her poker face was getting close to being as good as her mother’s.
Still, he could see a flicker of uncertainty cross her face as she slowly started saying, “Ress, I…”
He waited.
The ticking of the clock came back into their awareness as she tried yet failed to find the words that she wanted to say.
“It’s okay,” Ressler gently reassured.
Agnes made a face, almost as if she were in physical pain, and Ressler’s chest tightened.
This topic was a minefield between them. A minefield buried under murky water, and yet, even though he knew that, and even though he knew that she’d said it by accident, it meant something that she’d mistakenly called him dad, something that, though he wasn’t ready to dwell on it, made his chest warm.
But, he definitely wasn’t ready for that and would probably never be, and he certainly wasn’t deserving of it.
“It’s okay,” he reassured the frozen-in-panic Agnes again, but seeing that she wasn’t convinced, added, “it's like when you accidentally call your teacher mom.”
That finally snapped her out of her panic, and she looked at him weirdly.
“I've never done that.”
Ressler knew that they both needed a bit of levity right now, so sighing, said, “just a me problem then, huh?”
Her eyes widened slightly.
“You've called your teacher mom before?”
He huffed, still slightly embarrassed by the story, but seeing humour growing on Agnes’ face, explained, “yeah, I did once.” She grinned. “The teacher laughed, said it was fine, and continued with whatever she was doing,” he continued. “But in my parent teacher conference soon after, joked that both my mom’s were there.”
Agnes’ mouth dropped open, and mirth dancing in her eyes, she asked, “did she actually?”
“Yup. My mom found it hilarious.”
“As she should!” Agnes laughed, and Ressler just shook his head.
They both stood smiling for a few moments, Agnes presumably at imagining the story and him at seeing her smile, but as it faded, he saw slight apprehension fade back into her face again.
He had a feeling that she felt that she needed to say something about her slip up, but truly she didn’t.
“Look,” he said, seeing the hesitation on her face. “I’m Ress, your adult, and you’re my Keen girl,” he reassured. “Maybe normal families would find that weird, but we’ve been through so much that they never have and never will, so we can just ignore them. Whatever works for us, works for us, okay?”
She nodded, seeming more sure of herself, and with a small smile, he added, “no stress, okay? What we have right now works and is good. No need for anything else.”
She studied him for a few seconds before wrapping him in a tight hug. He couldn’t help his smile and wrapped his arms around her the best he could given that her backpack was still hanging over one shoulder.
“Thanks, Ress,” she mumbled against him.
“Of course,” he smiled, rubbing her back.
They stayed like that for a few seconds before she pulled away, and glancing at his watch, Ressler said, “okay, it really is time to go now.”
Agnes checked her own as well before nodding, slinging her backpack on properly, and while putting his shoes on, she said, “yup, gotta go. Only because I don’t want to be late for the trip,” she added as he looked at her and the growing cheeky smile on her face. “And not because, if we stay any longer, I’m going to have to do the math of how to fit this whole house into my bag.”
Ressler couldn't help his laugh as he grabbed his briefcase and Agnes grabbed her jumper, both at her sarcasm and relief that she was now comfortable enough to joke about it.
“Well,” he said, ushering her out of the door. “Don’t come running to me if you get sick because of this trip,” he joked while locking up behind them.
“Please,” she said as they walked towards the car. “If anything, I can see you running to the doctor if I get so much as a sniffle.”
He grinned as they got in.
“I can neither confirm nor deny that acquisition.”
Agnes rolled her eyes, but there was an obvious fondness in them, and chest warm, Ressler drove off with a smile still on his face.