Chapter Text
Oddly enough … finding out about her husband’s infidelities on the six o’clock evening news was not the most humiliated Alicia Florrick has ever felt.
BREAKING NEWS:
Trouble out of Cook County’s States Attorney’s Office.
Peter Florrick is being accused of trading sex for favors.
The State’s Attorney is alleged to have slept with multiple women in exchange for-
“Mom?!”
“Grace, turn it off!”
Alicia folds herself into the bathtub, hugging her knees to her chest. She stares fixedly at the Rainbow Fish sticker, her son Zach had stuck to the wall when he was four years-old. It’s faded with time… cracked in some spots and no longer as glossy as it once was. She tries not to read too deeply into the symbolism that sticker suddenly holds for her.
Alicia recalls the night the news broke about Peter. The faces of her children open in shock and horror as they watched television, homework completely forgotten on the coffee table in the living room.
Nothing about that day had felt particularly extraordinary… she woke up, got Zach and Grace off to school, and then went about her day as normal. There was nothing that could have prepared her for the absolute shit storm that would cloud her seemingly perfect life in Suburbia.
Nevertheless, the sex scandal blew her life right open. Causing a sort of… forced introspection , as she’s taken to calling it in her mind.
In the fifteen years since she’s been married… was there something she missed? Behaviors she overlooked for the sake of avoiding an argument? Were there patterns she willfully ignored?
Two weeks ago, Alicia thought they were happy. Celebrating Just Because Day , a holiday Peter made up where he enlisted the help of their children to plan a sweet surprise for her while she was out at the market.
She had always been prone to overthinking, and now everything is in question.
What was once a fond memory, is tainted because she can’t help but wonder if he was just trying to throw her off his scent.
Peter was the States Attorney, and before that he had been a respectable lawyer. It wasn’t unusual for him to spend long nights at the office or go on business trips that took him out of town. She’d gone on a few of those trips.
But… should she have been more skeptical?
Alicia never second-guessed those long hours or trips… she didn’t think she had to. She trusted Peter. She never gave any credence to her friends' suppositions about what their husbands might get up to when they’re not around.
Through the years, there have been several stories of notable politicians cheating on their spouses: President Bill Clintion and Hilary Clinton, Representative Anthony Weiner and Huma Abedin. Former Senator Jack Edwards was caught cheating on his wife while she was dying of Cancer for fucks sake .
Alicia remembers watching as some of these wives stood by their husbands, holding their heads high in spite of the shame she knew they felt. Shame that their family is now under a microscope. Shame that their husbands didn’t respect them enough not to fuck other women.
She recalls being perplexed by the show of strength because it didn’t seem authentic to her. She judged them for choosing to stay. Alicia was more interested in what went on in their heads as their husbands apologized to the public in front of the media, denying some actions while accepting the blame for others, when they were likely responsible for everything.
Not once did Alicia think she'd be in their shoes.
Not once did she think that would be her reality too.
And yet, here she was… quite literally soaking in her sorrows.
Alicia reaches for the glass of wine on the floor next to her, bringing it to her lips before sinking deeper into the tub’s warm water.
She wipes at a stray hot tear that escapes from her eye, blowing out a heavy breath.
Despite being embarrassed so publicly, however, Alicia’s greatest humiliation came later that week. Standing next to Peter during his press conference, surrounded by dozens of members of the press and their blazing hot lightbulbs, trained on them as he gave his carefully scripted apology.
“Good morning. An hour ago, I resigned as States Attorney of Cook County. I did this with a heavy heart and a deep commitment to fight these scurrilous charges. I want to be clear that I have never abused my office. I have never traded lighter sentences for either financial or sexual favors.”
She stood there stoically, dutifully. Her jaw flexing ever so often as Peter read the words written for him. His PR agent, Dana, had instructed her not to show any outward emotion that the press might latch onto. Alicia didn’t think it mattered in the grand scheme of things, the press was going to talk about her no matter what she did or didn’t do.
“At the same time, I need to atone for my personal failings with my wife, Alicia, and our two children. The money used in these transactions was mine, and mine alone–”
Her ears burned as she tuned out Peter’s voice, choosing instead to focus on a piece of lint on his suit jacket. Because after all, she was a good wife… it was part of her job description. Making sure her husband looked pristine anytime he left the house, and that she and their children represented him well within their community.
“But I do admit to a failure of judgement in my private dealings with these women. ”
At that moment, Alicia realized it was all illusory.
There was no manual on how to react to a public sex scandal… and maybe she should have been more sympathetic to the women who suffered before her. She certainly did not feel as strong on the inside as she outwardly portrayed, but what else was a politician's wife supposed to do if not stand behind her man … and sure, her fate was tied to his the moment she said “ I do ,” but she hadn’t signed onto this .
“Oh, Alicia,” Jackie Florrick scolded.
Her mother-in-law had rushed over not long after the news broke, barely beating the paparazzi to their front door.
“You need to grow a tougher spine, sweetheart. I’m sure it’s not as bad as they’re making it out to be. You know how the media loves to sensationalize.”
“There’s a sex tape Jackie,” Alicia says robotically, swallowing down the urge to gag. Images of Peter and a woman named Amber Madison flashing in her mind.
The older woman tsked with a disapproving shake of her head. “Do you think I believed John was always faithful?” She turned to her with a raised brow. “Of course I didn’t,” Jackie huffed. “I’m not naive, darling. It comes with the territory. But I’ll tell you what, he always came home. This will die down.”
By the time Peter turned himself in, Alicia felt nothing. Waiting in the kitchen as her children hugged their father goodbye before he was escorted to the Cook County Jail by his lawyer Daniel Golden. The former States Attorney was charged with corruption.
“You’ll be back soon, right Dad?”
“I don’t know how soon Zach, but I’ll fight these charges. It’s a ploy to bring me down.”
Alicia could only roll her eyes as she heard the exchange… Peter was nothing if not audacious.
God. What a load of bullshit.
She leans over the edge of the tub to set the empty wine glass on the floor, and then relaxes against the porcelain, turning her head up towards the ceiling.
It wasn’t until she was holding her crying children later that night that she felt angry. Righteously so. Angry that her husband hadn’t considered their kids at all while engaging in his affairs. Did he think they would never find out? Did he think she would what, forgive him and move past it? Did Peter have such little regard for them?
She remembers how her own mother’s infidelity broke up her family as a kid, and she sees that same heartbreak her and her brother, Owen, experienced as a result of it reflected on her children’s faces.
Alicia didn’t believe in Hell, but if such a thing did exist, she hoped it would drag Peter down first. The slap in the hallway after the press conference offered only a temporary catharsis.
Her stomach plunged lower and lower as she watched the light dim from both Zach and Grace. Their once bubbly personalities are now replaced by a sullenness that’s taken over the whole house.
Zach has retreated into his world of video games, and she hasn’t had the heart to cut into his screen time.
Neither child has really acknowledged their father’s absence, however, and Alicia’s not sure if they’re doing it for her benefit or if they’re actually holding on to hope that he’s innocent of all charges.
Grace hasn’t spoken to her at all, the girl rendered practically mute.
Alicia is worried about what will become of her children if this situation with Peter were to ever end. She feels helpless over not knowing how to get through to them, and guilty for failing to protect them from the scrutiny they’re suddenly facing.
And then there’s Jackie… operating as though it were business as usual. As if her son wasn’t single handedly responsible for obliterating his family. The older woman has all but moved herself in, swooping in and taking on the role of second parent in her son’s absence.
Not wanting to pick a fight with her mother-in-law, Alicia just let her. It was just another thing to add to her growing guilt list.
A part of her was grateful for the extra help, Alicia couldn’t keep the other woman away from her grandkids.Though, she was still wary of her and the unlimited access she’s gained to Zach and Grace.
Alicia wasn’t blind to Jackie’s overbearing ways, her constant hovering and needling comments. Peter wasn’t the best mediator when it came to his mother, but he was something nonetheless. A useful buffer to fan the flames if they got too hot.
God.
She sinks further into the tub, this time with the water coming up to her chin. Feeling the pressure of the last few weeks fully upon her.
They’ll run out of money soon… all of Peter’s assets were frozen or tied up in his legal fees. Alicia refused to take a loan from Jackie.
She’s going to have to uproot their entire lives.
Alicia takes a deep breath before plunging completely under water.
–
The first time she saw him was at a pool party at Georgetown Law School.
Alicia wasn’t enthusiastic about going, it wasn’t mandatory so she hadn’t planned to go. She had been up early that morning for orientation, making the rounds at various events she’d scheduled for the day. And since the party wasn’t mandatory, she decided to opt out, preferring to get back to her apartment and enjoy a quiet night in.
The girls she had met during breakfast earlier, however, had another idea.
“What do you mean, you want to go home?” Amanda, a tall pretty blonde, gapes at her in disbelief, “Alicia, get real. This party kicks off the semester. This is where you mingle.”
“I’m all mingled out,” Alicia shrugs, wanting to stand her ground even though she knows she’ll ultimately cave in.
“Please,” Gloria scoffs, rolling her deep brown eyes as she gathers her thick curly hair into a bun. “If you sit this out, you’re gonna wish you hadn’t. Come Monday, we’re going to be so busy we might not have time for much else.”
Nothing Alicia said would have deterred her new friends anyway.
So, here she was.
Sitting in a deck chair by the side of the pool as Motownphilly by Boyz II Men boomed over the speakers. A beer in her hand, that Gloria had procured from somewhere before disappearing into the throng of people.
It was hard to distinguish who was who. Alicia recognized some faces from her morning events but was otherwise at a loss. Their entire class had been separated into several groups in different time slots, this mixer was what brought them all together.
She covers her beer as a body hits the water, splashing her and drawing her attention to the diving board as a small group of young men and women compete in what looked like a cannonball contest.
Alicia didn’t mean to get caught staring… but there was something about the second boy in line that captivated her.
He was tall, solidly built, and handsome. He had short brown hair and there was a shine that danced in his rich brown eyes as he laughed with his cohorts on the board.
As the first boy takes his turn and the others wait for his score, the young man with the bright brown eyes meets her gaze, like he knows he’s being watched and knew exactly where to look.
It’s a moment before Alicia even reacts, arrested by his stare. She casts her eyes down, pretending to look elsewhere else but she knows it’s too late. Her cheeks redden as she turns her head towards the crowd on the other side of the pool, away from the diving board, but she can still see him smirk out of the corner of her eye.
She’s charmed… and she can’t recall ever feeling charmed before.
Alicia chances a glance in his direction again, as it’s his turn to dive.
The boy holds his arms out, indicating he wanted a running start and she waits. Curious as to how this will pan out.
He takes a few steps back before taking off. He manages a front flip in the air but his entry into the water is far from graceful, as falls out of the turn and flops belly first into the pool.
Alicia grimaces at the cracking sound of the water and several people groan before breaking out into laughter. She only grows truly concerned, however, when it takes him a little longer to resurface than what would be considered normal.
“Have we met before?”
His smooth voice, albeit a little winded, startles her, and she’s surprised to find him treading water in front of her.
Alicia licks her lips, “Uh,” she mumbles before chuckling at his boldness. “No, we haven’t. I’m Alicia.”
“Nice to meet you Alicia, I’m Will,” he holds his wet hand out to her and she takes it. She ignores the current that passes through her body as their palms touch.
Will just gives her a broad smile and she wonders briefly if he’s as affected as she is.
“What section were you in?”
“One,” Alicia responds as she brings her beer to her lips, suddenly thirsty. “You?”
Will whistles, “That’s early. I was in section three, I didn’t have to come in until noon. I value my beauty sleep, you know,” he jokes.
Alicia rolls her eyes but her lips pull upward mirthfully as she takes another sip of her drink.
“Are you okay?” She asks. “You hit the water pretty hard.”
Will laughs with every muscle in his face and Alicia knows it’s way too soon to be obsessed with the vibrato of this stranger’s laughter.
“Yeah, yeah,” he waves away her concern. “The only thing bruised is my ego.”
“I bet,” she snickers.
Someone on a microphone begins to call out his scores and they pause to listen.
6.5, 5, 5.5.
“Hey, that’s not bad! All things considered,” Alicia giggles and though she tried to be encouraging, she couldn’t keep the amusement from dancing in her green eyes.
At the boy’s hard stare, she sobers, but it’s hard. “Hoping for better?”
Will pushes off the wall for a bit before floating back in, “Are you kidding? Of course I am. Always.”
“Are you getting some kind of prize?”
“Bragging rights,” Will’s eyebrows twitch humorously.
He begins to drift but swims back, “No,” he huffs seriously, “I gotta redeem myself. I have to impress you, Alicia.”
Alicia’s cheeks are warm, and she can’t quite wipe the grin from her face, “I’m a harsh critic,” she says.
“All the more reason,” Will responds with a wink as he swims away.
–
Alicia rises from the water with a gasping breath, immediately rubbing at her eyes to get the sting out.
Will Gardner.
That’s who sneaked into her subconscious?
She hadn’t thought about Will in over a decade… memories of that time locked up tight in the back of her mind.
Why him? Why now?
Alicia needed an anchor.
Maybe that’s why her mind offered up the image of Will Gardner like a prayer. Will had added color into her life she didn’t even know was missing.
Only to herself, would she ever admit that she had been attracted to his self-assurance, the boldness he had introduced himself with.
Alicia had always been good in school, graduating as valedictorian in high school and then graduating at the top of their class in Georgetown. But her insecurities often got in her way. Making her second guess strategy, and even going so far as to make her doubt if she was going into the right profession.
But Will didn’t struggle with that… and if he ever did, he hid it well.
He remained confident they’d prevail even as they sometimes fumbled their way through mock court, taking their blunders in stride. Always the consummate optimist, Will constantly strived for better. In turn, it made her believe that she could take just as many risks, and not yield when challenged.
A simple concept, sure, but he didn’t overthink things the way she did.
Alicia never felt as natural in a courtroom as he did either. Nothing during that time was ever truly easy for her except for being Will’s friend, and she didn’t try to be anything else for fear of losing a friendship that ended up dissolving anyway. In the beginning it hurt too much to think about, it’s why she stored his memory away in the first place.
But the sudden thought of Will did something else for her now… it gave her new resolve.
–
“Zach,” Alicia whispers as she runs a gentle hand through his hair.
The boy was deep in sleep, and she rakes her hand through his dark locks as she calls his name a few times before he finally starts to rouse.
“Mom?” he questions hoarsely, slowly blinking his green eyes open.
“Hi, honey,” Alicia smiles warmly.
Zach turns his head slightly to look out the window above his head, it’s still pitch black outside. “Is everything okay?”
Alicia is quick to reassure him, “Yes, yes,” she says. “Everything is fine.”
The teen squints in confusion as he turns over onto his side, “Then, why?” He starts to sit up and Alicia moves back to give him space.
“What time is it?”
“It’s five o’clock.”
“In the morning?” Zach squeaks with a raised brow, and Alicia laughs lightly.
“Yes,” the mother answers simply. “C’mon, get dressed,” She pats his leg, getting up from the bed. “We’re gonna go for a ride.”
“Now?” he asks, and though he is still confused he kicks his covers off to stand. “Wait, where are we going?”
“The quicker you get dressed, the sooner you’ll find out. I’m gonna go wake your sister.”
Alicia heads over to her daughter’s room.
Her concern for her children has only grown. Their bubbles burst in the blink of an eye, and she was uncertain how to go about repairing it, if such a thing could even be done.
The fallout from Peter’s scandal has reached them in school, and Alicia can’t do much about it while they’re away from her. The students are taunting them, their teachers are walking on eggshells around them, and they’ve all been ostracized from their neighborhood as well.
Both Zach and Grace idolized their father, and the man had let them down.
Grace rolls over, hugging her cherished stuffed rabbit. The bunny had previously sat in her reading nook with the rest of her stuffed animals… a few months ago, her daughter had claimed she no longer needed it to sleep but it’s made come back.
Alicia missed her little girl’s fiery spirit, she just wanted her to talk to her again.
She takes a seat beside Grace’s body, gently combing her fingers through her light brown hair the same way she did with Zach.
It doesn’t take her daughter long to wake.
“Hi, baby,” Alicia’s smile is just as soft.
“We’re going out,” she answers Grace’s silent question. “Zach’s getting dressed.”
Alicia leans forward to kiss her daughter’s forehead, “Trust me, okay?” she says. “Get dressed.”
In the kitchen, Alicia turns the light on above the stove top, going through the motions of preparing coffee, as she waits for the kids to get ready. She’s not looking forward to the hard conversation that awaits them. But they have to know about the changes that are coming their way, she didn’t want to blindside her children. They’ve had enough of that already to last them a lifetime.
“Grandma’s gonna freak when she wakes up and we’re not here,” Zach says as he walks into the room followed close behind by his sister.
Alicia hums as she brings her coffee to her lips, “She’ll be fine,” she shrugs. Not really caring about what her mother-in-law might think, after all, these were still her kids.
“Ready?” She asks them and they both nod.
Alicia grabs her keys and purse from the kitchen table, “Let’s go.”
At the door, as they’re putting on their coats, she hands the travel mug of coffee to her son.
Zach looks down at the cup before looking up at his mother with a knit brow.
“You wanted to try it,” Alicia says.
“Yeah,” her son eyes her dubiously. “But… seriously?”
Alicia’s lips curl into a smirk, “Do you want me to change my mind?”
Zach’s eyes widen, “No,” he drawls, taking a gulp of the drink and savoring it on his tongue before nodding in approval. “It’s bitter,” he observes.
“It’s got the right amount of sugar,” the mother says. “You don’t need any more than that.”
He tries to hand the cup over to Grace but she wrinkles her nose with a shake of her head, pushing his hand away.
“Are you gonna tell us where we’re going?” The teen asks once they’re outside.
“Not yet,” Alicia says. “Last one in the car is a rotten egg!”
Zach snorts, “Mom, we’re not five anymore.
Nevertheless, the young boy skips down the porch steps, rushing towards the passenger side door, yelling shotgun as he reaches for the handle.
Grace and Alicia watch him from the porch. Grace rolling her eyes up at her mother as she watches Zach go, causing her mother to laugh in earnest.
Alicia wraps an arm around her daughter, hugging her to her side as they climb down the steps and head for the car.
The drive to Montrose Beach wasn’t a long one, but it was made quicker by the lack of traffic due to the early hour. One look in the rear view mirror told Alicia her daughter had fallen back asleep, so she assumed by the way Zach’s body was turned away from her and into the door, that he had fallen asleep too.
She’s mentally working through what she wants to tell them, hoping the right words find her. She wanted to take them somewhere familiar, away from the house and Jackie’s satellite ears. She didn’t need or want her input for this.
Alicia wanted to be as honest as possible about their situation without overwhelming them, and she’s already accepted that her children might be mad at her for some of it.
“Are you okay, Mom?
Her son’s voice makes her to jump a little. Not expecting him to be awake.
She shifts her gaze from the road to meet his, and softens. “Yes, honey,” she tries to smile but it doesn’t reach her eyes and she knows he doesn’t believe her.
His eyes narrow, confirming about as much.
The longer they go without talking about it , the more she fears the rift with her children will deepen and that’s the last thing she wants. Their lives have fallen apart so quickly, but they’re still young enough where they can correct course. She needs to support them more, she can’t be another person to fail them.
“It’s okay if you’re not,” Zach says lowly, honestly.
Oh .
Alicia lets out a ragged exhale, her eyes instantly welling up with tears that make it hard to see the road. She grips the wheel a little tighter as she waits for the strain in her chest to pass. After a few moments, she reaches for her son’s hand over the center console, bringing it into her lap. She squeezes his fingers before pressing her lips to the back of his hand.
“Uh,” she stutters. “I will be, alright?” the boy only squeezes her hand back in response.
–
Alicia watches as her children walk ahead of her along the concrete path, looking for the perfect place to sit and watch the sunrise in a few minutes.
There’s a small group of early birds already there. Out and about on the pathway as well but they pay them no mind.
She can’t hear what her kids are talking about, though from whatever it is, Zach is the only one carrying the conversation. She’s sure Grace will eventually talk to them again, but she missed the sound of her daughter’s voice now . The little girl is so vibrant and lively and funny. She wanted to see her laugh again. And yet, though she’s not speaking, Grace had not lost an ounce of her sass. Never one to keep her true feelings from her face, Alicia hadn’t missed the glares she’d sent her grandmother’s way whenever the older woman said something the young girl did not like. Which was often.
It was another thing she would have to try to talk to her daughter about.
Alicia catches up to them just as the sun begins to break, and sits in the little spot they’ve left for her between them.
No one speaks as the sun rises higher up in the sky, Zach taking sips of his bitter coffee, which she had intentionally kept bitter. Alicia would only indulge his curiosity so much, but he definitely didn’t need more sugar.
She sighs deeply, scrambling to get her thoughts together. Alicia didn’t feel prepared enough yet, but that seemed to be the running theme of her life lately.
“Guys,” she starts. “We need to talk about some things.”
“Duh,” Zach says beside her and she snaps her head to look at him, only for him to shrug sheepishly in return. “We figured we’d have to talk about it eventually.”
Alicia’s eyes bounce between the two kids before she deflates a little. They seemed… more ready to talk about it than she was, and that genuinely floored her. She thought this would be a lot harder.
When did that happen?
Maybe they were a lot stronger than she had given them credit for.
“I’m sorry, I–”
Zach rears back, affronted. “Why?” He asks. “It’s not your fault Dad’s an ass-”
He stops at the hard stare she gives him, thinning his lips for a moment and shrinking.
Amending, and with less harshness in his voice, he says, “It’s not your fault.”
Alicia smooths out her features, “I know,” she exhales. “I know it’s not my fault Zach,” she pauses. “I’m just– I’m sorry he did this to you… us.” She fights off the urge to cry and this time she’s successful.
“Are you going to get divorced?” Zach asks.
That… Alicia didn’t have an answer to. There’s so much she has to figure out for the three of them first, she hasn't factored a potential divorce into that equation. Her feelings on the matter were complicated .
Not that long ago, she would have told anyone who asked, that they were in love. She thought they were happy. She trusted Peter for so long, enough not to hurt her or their children. But that trust has been severely eroded and she’s uncertain that it can be fixed.
They were still having sex at the same time as he was fucking his hookers. The thought of him being with other women while also being with her made her sick. The nerve of Peter to tell her he loves her one moment and then in the next, he’s taking calls from his mistress after having just finished making love to her… so far, no amount of scrubbing has made Alicia feel clean.
She thinks she’ll never get over the panic of having to wait for STD results.
Alicia doesn’t tell her kids all of that though, instead she redirects, “How would you two feel about it if we did?” She bumps her daughter’s shoulder with hers, “And you can chime in too,” she tells her. “There are no wrong answers.”
At this point, Alicia would rather hear Grace say anything than having her brother speak for her.
Any decision she made moving forward would have to be what was best for them.
Zach purses his lips as he thinks, and Grace just stares off at the beach in front of them.
“I think you should leave him,” the young girl suddenly speaks.
Both Alicia and Zach quickly turn their heads to look at her, shock mirrored on their faces.
“He is an ass,” Grace’s face flushes red with anger and she wipes at an errant tear that escapes her eye. She doesn’t look at her mother or brother as she continues. “If he cared about us, he wouldn’t have done this. He hurt us. He hurt you.”
The pain Alicia felt in her chest earlier is back and stronger than it was before. Her heart felt as though it was cracking.
“He–he does care about you,” she finds herself saying. The words ring hollow to her ears, reflexive. In spite of how devastated she feels over Peter’s betrayal of their family, however, she can’t bring herself to tell them otherwise. He was still their father.
Alicia swallows thickly, throwing an arm around Grace to hug her to her side. She’s delighted her daughter finally spoke, but she’s also aggrieved by the pain in the young girl’s voice.
Zach clears his throat, and she brings her attention to him but doesn’t loosen her grip on Grace.
“Uh, can I say it now?”
Alicia clicks her tongue, relenting. “Fine, yes,” she tells him. “Go ahead.”
“Dad’s an asshole,” he frowns. “If he loved us, he wouldn’t have done that.”
“Hey,” Alicia reaches for his chin, “Dad does love you.”
The hurt on Zach’s face is plain as day, but she still feels like she’s gotta remind him.
Zach huffs out a breath, “I know you have to say that Mom. But he’s sure got a crummy way of showing it.”
Alicia agrees with him there.
“This whole thing just blows,” he adds. “And the kids at school act like it’s our fault Dad did those things.”
She takes that as her opening to bring up the next thing on her mind, deciding to move the subject away from Peter for now.
“About that,” Alicia says. “That’s another thing I wanted to discuss.”
The kids look at her expectantly, and she already knows she’ll be met with pushback soon, so she starts with the easiest bullet point in her mind first.
“We’re going to have to make some changes.”
“Changes?” Grace asks, warily. “What kind of changes?”
“First of all, I’m going back to work.”
At the stunned faces she gets in response, Alicia chokes out a laugh. “Well, don’t look so surprised,” she shoves at her kids playfully and they giggle. “I did have a whole life before either of you were born.”
“You’re going to be a lawyer again right?,” her daughter says excitedly. “That’s so cool.”
Alicia nods, “Yes. I’m going to try, anyway,” her shoulders rise nervously as she exhales. “It’s probably changed a lot since I’ve been there.”
The world had kept turning as Alicia opted out. And while she recognized what a privilege it was to be able to stay home to raise her kids, she also realized her contacts outside of her husband were limited, if not, non-existent. She hadn’t kept in touch with anyone from her old life.
Now, she’ll be entering into a workforce full of twenty-something recent Law School graduates all vying for the same under-paid entry level position.
Her license was current… that wasn’t an issue. Alicia had made sure to take the necessary course work every year to keep it active even though she hadn’t been practicing, on the off chance that that might be the year she finally went back to work.
Peter was a rising star in the Democratic Party, so her career took a backseat to his. She hadn’t intended to stay away from law forever, but the higher her husband climbed up the political ladder, the further away she got from her own aspirations. Eventually, she just stopped bringing it up altogether.
Alicia had been out of the game for so long… she was barely in it when she left. She hasn’t stepped foot in a courtroom in twelve years, she didn’t know if she was truly brave enough.
But she no longer had a choice. She couldn’t keep hiding.
“Are you scared?”
Alicia stares out at the water for a moment before meeting Grace’s empathetic gaze. “Yes, honey,” she answers honestly. “A little.”
She pulls the little girl into her side again, pressing her lips to the side of her head.
“I think you’ll make a kickass lawyer, Mom.”
Alicia snorts, “I think you’ve hit your quota for today, bud.”
“Fair enough,” Zach nods once, acquiescing.
“There’s more,” Her eyes flutter closed for a moment as she braces herself for the next part of the conversation.
“We’re downsizing,” She starts slowly. “I can’t afford our mortgage on my own, so we’re gonna have to sell the house.”
Alicia chances a glance at her kids, and was met with glum looks in return.
Making the decision to sell the house had not been painless, but it was officially out of her price range. There were so many memories wrapped up in those walls. It was the home she brought her children to from the hospital, where her babies took their first steps. She was going to miss all its random quirks no one else in her family cared for, like the rickety staircase, and Grace’s broken doorknob that was never fixed.
Grace’s eyes widen in realization, her voice hitches, “Wait, if we have to move then–”
Alicia sighs heavily. “You’ll finish out what’s left of this year but–”
“We’re switching schools,” Zach cuts her off with a groan, getting up to pace in front of them. Some of the early morning runners on the trail move out of his way.
“I knew you weren’t going to like it.”
The teenager stops in front of her, a somber expression on his face. “It sucks.”
“We shouldn’t have to move.” Grace grumbles, kicking her shoe against the pavement.
Alicia tilts her head back, tired. “I know, I’m sorry but we–”
“Have to make changes,” the kids finish for her, and she resists the urge to laugh in spite of how morose she feels.
Zach moves back to sit next to her again, and Alicia rubs his back comfortingly. “I know you guys like your school, separately of what is going on right now. I know it’s not fair. But we’ll make it work. You’ll make new friends.”
Grace draws back to give her mother a doubtful look. It’d been hard for the little girl to make friends at her Middle School when she first started, often coming home and refusing to talk about her day. But eventually, she had found her niche and her group of girlfriends.
Alicia feels the hole in her heart getting bigger at the thought that she’s taking it all away from them. Pushing past the lump in her throat she repeats more firmly, “You’ll make news friends.”
They each fall into a lull after that, getting lost in their own thoughts for a few minutes as the sun brightens up and the pathway gets more congested.
“What about Grandma? She’s kind of unbearable, Mom.” Grace breaks the silence.
Zach nods in agreement, lifting his eyes to his mother. “She won’t go quietly.”
Alicia chuckles, “I’ll figure out what to do about Jackie. Don’t worry,” she says, kissing both of her children’s heads.
–
Alicia Florrick didn’t think she could feel any worse after being publicly humiliated on national television.
Surely, she couldn’t get any lower than that.
But no.
No… she could, in fact, feel worse.
Sitting in Mr. Acocella’s office, learning that she had been intentionally misled. The job she thought she had gotten was not real, at least not for her . Instead, they were offering her an unpaid internship. Her name, potentially too distracting.
Frankly, she felt more like a sideshow than anything else in that moment.
Wells & Brolin had been the only firm to give her the time of day after weeks of fruitless searches; they were the only ones to call her back for a real interview. Alicia hadn’t expected much, the First Year Associate position was perfect for someone like her. She was willing to do the grunt work to get herself back up.
Alicia felt the desperation clawing her throat, she couldn’t afford to be so picky but she also knew she had more experience than an intern.
Her home sold quicker than she expected and for less money than what they’d paid for it. The new owners had let them live there while she looked for another place to live but Alicia didn’t want to take advantage of their good will for to long, so she packed up what she and the kids could take with them as quickly as possible and put the rest in storage.
Staying with Jackie, however temporary, had not been ideal, but she had no place else to go. Her kids had not been happy about that . And now that Grace had found her voice again, she was using it to push back against her grandmother. She needed to get them all out of there soon .
Wells & Brolin was like a lifeline.
Getting an offer meant she could afford an apartment for her and her children. Having that offer rescinded in the same week was like having the rug pulled out from under her all over again.
–
“Mr. Acocella, I made plans on that understanding. I made–financial overlays.”
“I’m sorry. I–I told the partners. They were worried about your last name. They don’t want you here as an Associate.”
“I need a paycheck.”
“I’m sorry.”
–
Alicia wasn’t superstitious, but in retrospect, she ponders if she shouldn’t have celebrated so early. Perhaps she had unknowingly jinxed herself.
But she was happy. It’d been weeks of nothing… calls that went unanswered, applications that went nowhere. With Wells & Brolin Alicia had finally found that stability she had been so desperate for.
She found an apartment she loved, one she knew she could turn into a home. It was spacious enough for three of them, right near the Loop without feeling like the city’s nightlife was on top of them, and it was in a good school district.
It had all been too good to be true.
And now she was stuck. Unable to get out of her lease without a hefty penalty. The call with her realtor, Marina, proved ineffective.
Alicia leans heavily against the washer and dryer unit sitting in the middle of what was supposed to be her new kitchen. She rubs a tired hand over her forehead, the pressure in her chest spreading through her shoulders, making her ears ring.
She’s back at square one.
Alicia closes her eyes to stop the room from spinning, taking deep breaths as she counts to ten. She tries focusing on remaining upright.
A few more inhales… and suddenly she’s no longer in her apartment.
She’s back in an elevator at Wells & Brolin, going home after being offered a job.
–
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
Seeing Will Gardner again for the first time in a decade had been… unexpected. In the years since Alicia’s been back in Chicago since graduating Law School, the chances of them running into each other were slim to none. Neither ran in the same circles, she was hardly in the city and, as far as she knew, he would have no reason to come to Highland Park.
Alicia had been so excited about getting her new job, the interception of the elevator door closing caught her off guard.
“Alicia Florrick,” Will said as he climbed in the lift with her. He sounded just as surprised as she felt. “I haven’t seen you since Georgetown.”
“Another life ago,” she says, stunned.
Here he was… in the flesh and right in front of her.
Alicia takes half a step back, imperceptible to him. It felt like deja vu, almost. Not that she would ever tell him or even admit to it to anyone else out loud, but just a few weeks ago she had seen him in her dreams, and now she was close enough to touch him.
Unbelievable.
And God, did he look good.
She didn’t though… touch him. She kept her hands firmly on her purse strap. Hands getting clammier the longer he stood there talking to her.
“You work here?” She asks in wonder.
She’d only met Mr. Acocella so far, what were the odds that Will would work in this office too.
“In this building? No. On Madison. What about you?”
“I just got a job,” Alicia responds eagerly. She would have told a stranger if they asked.
“You did? Really? Where?”
“Wells and Brolin.”
“That’s a good firm. Congratulations.”
It was small talk, and yet Will had sounded so genuine in their interaction.
Alicia didn’t know the man Will had become since the last time she spoke to him. But she does recall how easy it was to talk to him, be around him… and that hadn’t changed.
Their conversation lasted less than five minutes, and already she felt lighter.
The bell dinged too soon.
“You going to the garage?”
“Yes. You?”
“Deposition.” Will responds. “It was nice seeing you,” he says as he moves to get off on his floor.
He puts his hand in front of the door, however, before he can fully leave. “Hey, uh,” he stammers. She can see him working through his thoughts rapidly, as if deciding on what he wants to add. “Sorry about all the crap with your husband.”
She was taken aback by his candor. Staggered that he hadn’t mentioned it sooner or asked her for more.
That hadn’t been her experience lately.
“Thanks,” Alicia says. Can he hear the relief in her tone? “It’ll die down.”
“It will,” he says seriously before disappearing.
For a second, she believes it.
Just as the doors were closing, a hand rushes out to forcefully stop them and again, she’s surprised to see Will standing there.
“Call me sometime,” he says. “Stern, Lockheart and Gardner.”
“Hey,” she says cheerily, proud. “You got top billing!”
Will’s eyes sparkle as he smirks, “I’m an impressive person.”
Alicia’s lips curve up into a smile, “I never doubted it for a minute.”
–
Alicia straightens out her back, eyes moving around the empty room.
Will Gardner, once again the topic of her subconscious.
She’s not surprised Will is running the show now. He had always been impressive, and she was very proud of her old friend for making it to the top. She always believed he could.
Alicia Googled him when she got back to Jackie’s later that day. Finding his office number and writing it down. It was somewhere at the bottom of her purse.
He had told her to call him, but she wasn’t sure what she intended to do with his number.
Would he even remember? Lawyers were busy people.
What was she going to do, ask him out for coffee? Play catch up? Beg for a job?
Call me sometime.
Did he mean it?
At the very least, maybe he can put in a good word for her… their history had to be worth something . Maybe he can put her in contact with someone who’s hiring.
Alicia walks to her purse on the counter, and digs through it until she finds the piece of paper with his number on it.
She hesitates before reaching for her phone.
Call me sometime.
The words echo like a mantra in her head.
She couldn’t beg for a job, could she? She had just told him she’d been hired somewhere.
Maybe if she explained her situation, he’d be empathetic.
Her vision blurs slightly as she dials the number, and she takes a few more deep breaths to gain composure. Clearing her throat so she can be able to speak properly.
Will was feeling like her only hope at this point.
Waiting to be transferred to his line was a torturous few seconds.
“Hello, Will? It’s Alicia,” she smiles shakily even though he can’t see her. “You said I should call sometime? This is me calling.”