Chapter Text
It was that love-sick idiot that lived inside Rayne’s body that took control over his spiralling emotions for the moment. The day’s horrific news and everyone’s varied reactions to it were pushed to the side because this one question, tainted with his seemingly unending infatuation, materialised inside Rayne’s head; the one that had him wonder…
…if Orter would show emotions for him as well?
Unlike with his overactive and uncontrollable empathy problem (it was controllable when Orter…), Rayne was better at managing his love-tainted daydreaming. The question about Orter feeling anger if Rayne died, and feeling anything at all for Rayne, wouldn’t leave him alone for weeks, Rayne knew, but for their current secret meeting he would be able to put it in a box and concentrate on what was happening in front of him. They were still talking about a serious matter, one that threatened his life and consequently Finn’s future.
“So what do you recommend we do?” Margarette asked but before she did, she threw a glance towards Rayne, one eyebrow raised. Rayne believed himself to be a stoic person, even in stressful situations. But that reaction had him wonder how much he had slipped when Orter showed that little bit of anger for the duration of a single word. At least no one would be able to tell what exactly had him look… fearful? angry? desperate? for a minute because Rayne’s complicated inner workings would make any person willing to listen to him cry. Margarette, Wahlberg and Orter would most likely think that Rayne had only been distraught at the prospect of dying. Nothing more complex than that.
“One: Be wary of being attacked when you’re in a desolate place. Two: Keep an eye on unknown mages with high magical powers. Three: Keep an ear out for when students from Walkis are around.” Orter’s recommendations were concise and to the point, ensuring that both Domina’s possible involvement was covered without making him the sole suspect. The Forest Cane’s murderer could still be someone else.
But Rayne saw something behind those recommendations. Something that had to do with the hour and the way they’ve been called here.
“The reason why this meeting is so secret: you don’t want to clue the murderer in that we’ve been warned. You’re taking the risk that we might be attacked.”
“You’re correct.” Anyone else could’ve taken Orter’s way of handling this part of his investigation as an affront, a careless move that would keep two divine visionary candidates in unnecessary danger. But Margarette was too arrogant and sure of her abilities for that, the same as Rayne, while Rayne also understood where Orter was coming from. “I would rather have my attention on possible targets that I know of and who I know can handle themselves, instead of not knowing any possible targets at all.”
From everything he knew of Orter and how that man’s (mostly) emotionless mind worked, Rayne had deduced that exact thought process. It was just the most logical thing to do but it wasn’t what most people would be doing. It wasn’t a guarantee for anything either, but it was the best they could do with the little information they had at their disposal. Wahlberg was the only one who wasn’t fully on board with doing things the way Orter proposed, and he let that be known.
“That’s a callous move on your part, Divine Visionary Orter Mádl. If these two young mages are attacked, and God forbid, lose their lives, then wouldn’t you have to take responsibility for that?”
“I don’t see why, Headmaster Baigan.” Both Wahlberg and Margarette raised an eyebrow at Orter’s easy dismissal of that blame. Rayne was surprised at first as well, but after thinking about it for a second, he understood the angle of the argument Orter was using even before he explained himself. “Ames and Macaron have been warned. Any other person who might get attacked won’t have that warning. The rest is up to them. I see myself shifting the possible targets on their backs onto someone else as the actual irresponsible move.”
And the thing was, that shifting of targets would’ve been what most others in Orter’s position would’ve done because they would’ve seen Margarette and Rayne as people worthy of more protection than any unknown person and they would’ve seen the assignment of blame as the opposite.
“…very well. I see your point.”
They didn’t discuss much else in that meeting. Rayne and Margarette stood at attention while Orter explained minor details of what would be done on his and the Bureau’s end, and Wahlberg sat in his chair and gave occasional input.
And that was the fifth and indefinitely more serious and memorable time of Rayne meeting Orter.
It was strange how he couldn’t find his equilibrium with the man. When he first talked with him, Orter had infuriated Rayne by threatening to end his future as a divine visionary but because of his unique nature, Rayne had calmed down to maturely accept everything Orter threw at him. Then the Desert Cane was unexpectedly kind to him, did research for things no one asked him to do and seemed to have the spontaneous desire to help Rayne out more, even if it was with uncooked advice.
Then there was the moment when Orter had seen the injuries Domina had inflicted on him… the nice and warm touch through the handkerchief and the expectation that Rayne would give it back to him when he was a divine visionary, too.
That was the only other time Rayne had seen emotions play on Orter’s body and face; something to do with Domina and him inflicting injury on others... was there a broader reason for why Orter reacted like that? Or was it something personal?
Either way, it was the middle of the night, and Wahlberg was wishing them a good night and general safety. Orter did as well, which would’ve ended their secret meeting with Rayne and Margarette leaving the room first. But Rayne had half a mind to engineer some alone time with Orter. Make Margarette leave first, ask Orter a question, try to get out with him at the same time, hope that they would walk in the same direction…
Rayne was battling his inner desire to be closer to Orter on one side, and his fear of doing something dumb and embarrassing in front of multiple highly regarded people on the other. But before he could come to a decision, Orter pulled out a small magical artefact that Rayne recognised as a transportation device.
Of course, he thought, Orter didn’t fly to the school. The Desert Cane transported himself from the Bureau of Magic directly into this room and he would use the same magic to get back without anyone knowing about it. Rayne’s half-baked ideas about getting to talk with him in the hallway disappeared in smoke… but what did Rayne even think he could’ve achieved with that talk anyway? It wasn’t like he would’ve confessed his feelings to Orter. Rayne wasn’t ready yet to risk getting the rejection that would come his way. He was a coward in that regard.
He was also an idiot to still want to be close to Orter anyway. The pressure in his chest was coming back even while he turned around to leave on his own… but then…
“I have the official investigative report of Domina Blowlive’s attack on you. The judge tasked with reviewing the report hadn’t come around to do it until a few hours ago. Her judgment was anything but satisfactory, however.”
It was like the universe, which was mostly busy shitting on Rayne, had heard his cowardly cry. Orter called him towards the desk he was standing beside, while Wahlberg stood up with a big yawn to leave. Margarette said nothing more than a “I wonder what kind of incident could’ve motivated that judge to finish her job”, before opening the door and respectfully waiting for their headmaster to go out first before also leaving the room.
Meanwhile, Rayne went over to Orter and took the tightly pressed envelope that had the magic seal of the judge and the Bureau of Magic on it. He could barely concentrate on that report, however, when the door behind him fell shut, telling him he was alone with Orter now…
“Could a different and earlier outcome of this investigation have prevented the Forest Cane’s death?” Rayne had survived too much shit in his life, though, to just get tongue-tied because of nervousness. Some part of him was always aware, always on the lookout, always wanting to protect Finn, so talking competently even while he was in a less-than-ideal headspace had also always been a must for him.
(…sometimes, Rayne was this close to uncovering where his empathy problem came from. Being, at all times, hyper-aware of the emotions, the facial expressions, and every other kind of bodily movements of the people he encountered was his survival mechanism. One he was still functioning under. If only there were therapists around so that Rayne could finally reach that conclusion and work on its solution, instead of constantly falling short of it at the last moment.)
“If it was really Domina, no,” Orter replied as a matter of fact. “From everything I’ve seen and uncovered about that boy, he seems to have an irrational side to him. He might’ve found a way to attack someone even under surveillance, even at great risk to his standing. That’s beside the fact that powerful people run cover for his actions.”
Those were important things to know… if Rayne was able to care about them but he couldn’t because suddenly he realised something: Orter was telling him that in private, when it would’ve fit better into the conversation when everyone was still there. Did that… mean something? Or was Rayne interpreting too much into it? But regardless, and with his heart beating a bit too powerfully, Rayne seized the moment and opened up new topics of discussion with the man he couldn’t get enough of.
“It’s bad luck to say this openly, but not only have I achieved my third line years ago, I’ve also recently expanded my fighting arsenal after encountering someone with the Evil Eye. I’m confident that I’ll hold my own against the mage who attacked the Forest Cane.”
Rayne was bragging. He could say otherwise but 99% of the people he could’ve said that to would take it as bragging about his strengths. Except for Orter. Rayne was sure the Desert Cane would understand that he was only laying out the relevant facts that were vital to their problem. Facts one needed to consider for future decisions regarding himself and other enemies he might encounter.
But Rayne was also, definitely, without a doubt, bragging to the guy he was in love with. ‘Look! Look, how strong I am!’ was what he was doing there but with way more grace.
“I’ve read the report you wrote to Headmaster Baigan about your fight against Abyss Razor that happened at Abel Walker’s behest. Not many would’ve managed to hold their own against an opponent like that until they regained their magical powers. Your use of your summon as a shield against the Evil Eye was something I hadn’t heard of either. Was that a coincidence, or did you intentionally put your transformed wand between you and Abyss Razor?”
Outwardly, Rayne had himself under absolute and graceful control.
But on the inside, he was absolutely and gracelessly melting at the praise he received. When was the last time someone had talked so positively about his achievements? Was it years ago? Never? …all right, Wahlberg did praise him and everything he had accomplished in his life when Rayne started middle school, but that was different because he hadn’t liked the headmaster back then.
But with Orter…
“I didn’t go into detail about it in my report, but because the Evil Eye’s ability had hit me a few times, I had a good understanding of what exactly it did to disrupt my magic. When I summoned Ares’s partisan through my wand, I realised that it developed a similar magical core as the one every mage has inside their bodies. In the end, I didn’t know but I was reasonably sure that my summon would shield my magic from the Evil Eye even if it went back to its original form.”
Orter adjusted his glasses and said, “Well done,” making Rayne feel weak around his knees. If it ever came out how ridiculously love-struck he was, he might just throw himself out of a window out of embarrassment. For now, he had himself under control and continued their conversation with other topics, like how he had kept his part of the arrangement with Orter when it came to fighting less with the student body and/or the teachers.
At his remark that he partly achieved that because the people became more and more afraid of him, Orter told him that fear was a proven method of keeping order. When Rayne thanked him again for his help in regards to getting out of his classes, Orter said that it was his duty to provide that opportunity.
It wasn’t just Rayne who kept the conversation going, though. Orter, too, brought up new topics they discussed, like how Rayne’s birthday had come and gone with him being 17 for a while now. Rayne said that he doesn’t like birthday parties and that he was content with only his brother knowing and giving him a small cake. Orter agreed that big gatherings were pointless for most occasions and that most people didn’t know how to give useful or thoughtful presents to anyone, either.
And so on, they talked.
Before Rayne could blink, half an hour had gone past with them just standing in a random room beside a desk Orter sometimes leaned on. The… spell they were under (if Rayne was allowed to describe it like that) was only broken when Orter looked at his pocket watch at some point and remarked on how late, even borderline early, it was. He apologised to Rayne for keeping him up so long. Rayne immediately answered that it was no problem because school today started only in the third period for him.
Before anything could get awkward between them, before Rayne’s brain could activate the sceptical or distrustful parts of himself, they said their goodbyes with Rayne leaving through the door. Right after, because he wasn’t in a hurry to get back to his room, he felt Orter using the magical artefact to transport himself back to the Bureau of Magic and…
…that was it. The thing Rayne had hoped to get. The easy conversation, the relaxing atmosphere, the emotions that only belonged to him and not anyone else. Orter had not expressed any of his own emotions through his face, tone or body language, giving Rayne room to breathe and experience something that was a given to anyone else but severely exhausting for him on a normal day: a long and sometimes serious, sometimes not so serious but definitely fulfilling, talk.
Just a talk where he didn’t get a headache, or wanted to gnash his teeth half the time, or got cramps in his hands because he had to keep them from balling into fists constantly. Even if he liked the person he talked to, talking itself became torture for Rayne if it took too long because every laugh, every sad thought spoken out loud, every angry remark, just everything the person he talked to emoted, piled up more and more every minute and pressed down on his psyche.
Not here, not with Orter.
Rayne was reminded of an earlier thought, the one where he was sure that even if he wasn’t gay, he would’ve still loved Orter as a friend because of how good he felt around him. The most remarkable thing, however, was how it wasn’t Orter’s emotionlessness alone that made that possible. He could’ve been as emotionless as a rock but his character could’ve made it impossible to be friends. Instead, they just had a half-hour-long conversation about topics they were both interested in talking about and were interested in hearing the other’s opinion on.
One other thing that Rayne was now sure about, as well, was how Orter did show appreciation and interest in things and people, even though he was near perfectly emotionless about them. He wouldn’t have called Rayne to him otherwise, and he wouldn’t have talked with him for so long at three in the morning, either. Maybe the way Rayne described Orter in his head wasn’t completely accurate after all. Maybe Orter did have emotions, but he just wasn’t someone who expressed them in the typical way most people did. He didn’t emote anything (except that rare anger), but he was still feeling.
Maybe. Rayne wasn’t quite sure on that one yet. Orter might really lack emotional depth, like some of the… less fortunate figures Rayne had met on the streets during his childhood. People who had given up on life or decency; people who were depressed from hardship and neglect. Orter was too ambitious, though, to fall into that category of human.
Rayne slipped back into his room, past Max and all his bunnies who were soundly asleep in their little beds (except those two bunnies who were busy fucking in the corner of their three-story luxury bunny house (Rayne’s and Max’s room had become increasingly cramped as of late.)). With all that had happened during that secret emergency meeting because of the Forest Cane’s murder, Rayne couldn’t fall back asleep, though.
Scratch that; when it came to the murder, he barely cared one bit except for anything that could possibly lead back to Finn. The real reason why he couldn’t sleep was, of course, none other than Orter. Orter and the longest conversation they had until then. Hell, that was one of the longest conversations Rayne had in his entire life, when you excluded the ones he had been forced to participate in and the ones he had with Finn. Not even with Max had he managed one continuous conversation that lasted longer than 15 minutes without breaks.
So Rayne was back into being a love-struck idiot daydreaming about love. (Not that anyone seeing him lying on his back in his bed and looking at the dark ceiling would’ve been able to tell. That was, after all, the way he normally fell asleep or thought about his school work and magical abilities.)
There was no escaping his pounding heart and hot pressure in his chest; Rayne thought back to being alone with Orter just now, or he thought back to their first, their second and third meeting, all of them playing in a loop in his mind. He even went through the boring fourth meeting, the good parts of it, a few times, until the sun started to rise and the new school day started properly. Luckily, not for him for a while longer.
Max woke up and, after separating another pair of bunnies fucking in a corner, he reminded Rayne that everyone was obligated to go to breakfast in the Great Hall today. So they went, despite Rayne’s dislike of big gatherings like that. Today, though, he was as calm and unbothered as a peach by the extra anxious noises everyone was making because his conversation with Orter was still fresh on his unslept mind. Even Max commented on how well he was taking the atmosphere. Rayne simply said that he would kill the Forest Cane’s murderer if he dared step in front of him.
Everyone who heard him believed him.
Up until Rayne went back to his room, the last six something hours of his life had been one of the most stress-free, enjoyable and heart-warming he had ever experienced. He barely got two of those attributes on his best days. But everything came to an end at some point, and for Rayne, it did the moment he sat down at his desk to work on a textbook.
Max was off to his classes. Rayne was alone, devoid of any humans in his immediate vicinity.
It wasn’t like he crashed into a depressive spiral all of a sudden. Rayne was fine. Fine in the way he was most of the time when he had a normal day. He still had his numerous bunnies with him as well. Just that wonderful veil, shimmering green and gold, that had been wrapped around him until then, was lifted. Rayne went from being in love in a fantasy to being in love in reality; the reality where he was still fine, though. He wasn’t depressed.
That meant the sceptical and distrustful parts of his mind lit up, but Rayne was still able to properly sort them. The likelihood of Orter being a closeted gay man was low, but not zero. He did, after all, for whatever reason, keep Rayne back for a private conversation. That didn’t mean much on its own but it did mean something. But what?
When Rayne tried to find an answer to that question, his mind spiralled in all directions. The positives, the negatives; the hopeful, the pessimistic; the realistic. He couldn’t reach any kind of conclusion, however. Rayne realised that talking with someone about this might bring clarity to him. Not because the other person could’ve good insights; just the act of putting everything that was going on inside his head into words would help Rayne, too.
And later that day, he got the chance to do just that when Max came back.
But Rayne… still couldn’t bring himself to open up to his one best friend…