Chapter Text
It’s 8:30 on a Sunday night when everything falls apart.
It starts off completely ordinarily.
Alec brings home takeout from their favorite Chinese place on his way home from Izzy’s and Magnus pops open a bottle of wine.
They plop onto the couch and Alec cuddles into his side and they watch crap television like they do every Sunday night. Magnus is grinning and running his hands through Alec’s soft hair and Alec is drawing lazy circles on Magnus’ thigh next to where Chairman Meow is curled up and everything is perfect.
That is, until Alec looks up at Magnus through his thick eyelashes and says four words that make Magnus’ heart drop.
“I found an apartment.”
Magnus tries in vain to keep the disappointment off of his face and pulls away from Alec slightly so they can both face each other properly.
“What?” He asks because he can’t trust himself to ask anything else.
When Alec had lost his job almost a year ago and couldn’t pay his landlord rent Magnus had told him he could stay in his spare bedroom until he got back on his feet. They had been friends back then, but not best friends. Not like they were now. Magnus ended up loving living with Alec and they’d perfected a perfect routine in the almost year that Alec had been living with him. Alec had found a job and started paying half the rent 2 months into the arrangement. Magnus had thought he’d stopped looking for his own place. Hell everyone had started calling Magnus’ loft Alec and Magnus’ loft. Magnus had thought it was permanent.
Apparently he was wrong.
“It’s been almost a year Magnus, I don’t- I just don’t want to burden you forever. You were so nice to let me stay and I-“
Magnus cuts him off because he’s starting to ramble and Magnus knows he only does that when he’s nervous. Magnus doesn’t want Alec to ever be nervous around him.
So he sits up and plasters a wide smile on his face to assure Alec.
“You weren’t burdening me, Alexander.”
When Alec only looks back at him with wide eyes Magnus keeps going.
“It’s fantastic you found a place,” He continues with an enthusiasm that he absolutely doesn’t feel.
At that, Alec brightens a bit and Magnus swallows against the disappointment in his gut. Alec obviously won’t miss him as much as he’ll miss Alec.
He listens with his heart in his throat as Alec talks about signing the lease in the coming week and if Magnus wants to come see the place before he decides and he tries very hard to act like he’s excited but it’s hard when he feels everything crumbling around him.
When Alec leaves for bed with a kiss to the side of Magnus’ head he still has a lump in his throat.
***
“Alec’s moving out.”
Magnus is lying haphazardly on Ragnor’s sofa because that’s what he always does when he needs to recount his woes.
Ragnor doesn’t pity him. He usually tells Magnus he needs to get his shit together and that’s what Magnus needs right now.
He feels stupid for not wanting Alec to go and he needs someone to tell him to stop being pathetic and go accompany Alec to look at the apartment like he said he would.
To his surprise Ragnor doesn’t do that.
“What?” Ragnor sets his book down and turns to Magnus with his eyes narrowed, “What happened?”
“Why are you assuming something happened?” Magnus asks as he straightens up on the couch.
“Because you two love living together. Only a fight could lead to something like this.”
Magnus feels himself heaving out a dramatic sigh before he even thinks about it.
“ Obviously Alec doesn’t love it,” he mutters under his breath and flops back onto the couch. He’s pathetic.
Ragnor raises his eyebrows in that annoying knowing way that he always does and Magnus braces himself for the insult that he knows is coming his way.
“Magnus, you’re pining.”
Magnus glares at Ragnor. He is not pining. He doesn’t like Alec like that. He’s just going to miss living with his best friend. It has nothing to do with feelings.
“ Am not,” Magnus grits out defensively, and cringes as he says the words. They don’t sound convincing at all.
Ragnor gets up with a roll of his eyes and starts to make his way to the kitchen.
He sends a pitying look over his shoulder at Magnus that causes Magnus to glare harder at his retreating back.
“Whatever you say, Magnus.”
***
After leaving Ragnor’s, Magnus meets Alec in front of their building so that they can go look at Alec’s new apartment together.
Alec is waiting for him, hands in his pockets and hair tousled by the wind. Magnus almost goes to run a hand through his hair to fix it but he stops halfway there for some reason.
Alec watches him with questioning eyes but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he holds out his arm for Magnus to take with a soft smile. His eyes are kind and beautiful and so fucking familiar. Magnus’ heart flips over painfully in his chest as he takes Alec’s arm and sends him a forced smile in return.
They fall into a familiar silence as they walk down the street to Alec’s new apartment complex. Magnus can’t help the bitter tinge the words have in his head. New apartment. Without Magnus. It’s just not fair .
Magnus notices the way Alec’s eyes keep flicking to him worriedly every few seconds and tries to relax. He curses the fact that Alec has the ability to read him like an open book.
When they’re standing in front of the building, Magnus lets go of Alec’s arm. Alec turns to him and Magnus has to hold his breath at the amount of concern he sees swimming in Alec’s eyes.
“Are you okay?” Alec asks, soft and sweet and so irrevocably Alec that Magnus can’t form any words past the lump in his throat.
“Yeah,” he gets out eventually, barely a whisper, “Yeah, fine.”
Alec doesn’t look like he believes him, so Magnus pastes on a smile and pushes the door to the building open before Alec can question him.
When they get into the apartment Alec excitedly shows Magnus the window seat in the bedroom and the space in the living room for bookshelves.
His eyes are sparkling as he talks excitedly about inviting everyone over for a movie night once he’s settled in, and Magnus tries his hardest to be happy for him. He really does, Magnus always wants Alec to be happy and this apartment obviously makes him happy. But the pit of sadness in his stomach can’t seem to go away.
***
A few days later Magnus gets home to find boxes piled out in the hall.
He walks down to hall towards Alec’s room and before he can peek inside, Izzy sticks her head around the frame.
“Magnus,” she smiles, dark eyes warm and comforting.
“Hey Isabelle,” Magnus says past the lump in his throat.
He lets his eyes roam over the boxes laid out in the hall and then to the bare walls in Alec’s room.
So this is really happening then.
Alec hasn’t noticed him yet, too caught up in trying to pile his books neatly into a box, but Izzy seems to notice where his eyes are wandering.
When Magnus looks back at her, he thinks he might see something in her eyes.
Sadness? Regret?
She walks out into the hall, stepping nimbly around boxes and places her hand on Magnus’ arm comfortingly.
Magnus sighs into her touch. Izzy has always been a calming presence and she’s his second favorite Lightwood after Alec, so he sends her as much of a smile as he can muster in thanks.
Izzy smiles back and then leans their sides together as they turn to watch Alec mutter to himself as he packs.
Magnus watches with fond eyes at the way Alec’s long fingers run through his hair every few seconds and how he keeps putting things into a box only to take them out again and stare at them as if they’ve offended him in some way. It’s familiar and it makes something ache in Magnus chest.
After a moment, Izzy speaks again.
“For the record, I don’t agree with this,” she says softly.
Magnus turns away from Alec in confusion.
“What?”
“I don’t agree with Alec’s idea to move out. He’s convinced himself it’s a good idea, but it’s not. He’s just trying to-“ she cuts herself off and sighs.
“Trying to do what?” Magnus asks, staring down at Izzy and trying to make sense of the information she’s just given him.
Izzy pauses, looking back at Alec as if she’s contemplating whether she should say what she wants to say.
When she looks back at Magnus her eyes are sad and she bites her lip slightly.
“I just- what I’m trying to say is you’re good for him. Living here, with you, was good for him.”
The sentiment makes Magnus’ chest full with warmth and he feels happy in a way that he hasn’t really felt since Alec had announced he was moving out. Because at least someone else shares his opinion that Alec shouldn’t leave. It makes him feel like less of a terrible person.
Alec notices them then and grins wide, gesturing for them to come help him. Izzy smiles and walks into the room with Magnus in tow, but something about the way that Izzy’s smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes tells Magnus that what she’d told him wasn’t the whole story.
Packing with Alec is emotionally exhausting. Everything that Magnus sets into a box somehow has a memory associated with it and it’s like being stabbed in the chest over and over again.
The books he places into boxes reminding Magnus of nights curled on the couch, pretending to watch TV but actually sneaking glances at Alec so that he can watch the way his emotions flick across his face as he reads.
The Polaroid photo of the two of them that he takes off the wall from when they’d gone on a day trip to the beach. Both shirtless, Magnus with his head on Alec’s stomach and wearing Alec’s sunglasses that he’d stolen only moments before Cat had taken the photo.
Alec’s stupid green sweater that is too soft for its own good that Magnus likes to steal on lazy Sunday mornings.
As Magnus places the sweater into a box he’s hit with the fact that he’s not going to be able to steal it anymore. That he won’t be able to steal any of Alec’s clothes anymore. The thought hurts more than it should, and Magnus has to take a deep breath to stop the tears that are threatening to fill his eyes.
He forces a laugh as Alec tells Izzy about the time he and Magnus threw a party but ended up hiding in his room and drunkenly playing the monopoly game that he’s putting into a box and pretends that he isn’t two seconds away from crying.
He doesn’t notice the way Izzy looks frustratedly between the two of them or the way that Alec’s smile doesn’t make it to his eyes.
***
A few hours later, after they’ve cleared the rest of Alec’s things from his room, Magnus stares distractedly at the faded blue walls of the empty bedroom.
Alec is downstairs with Isabelle, piling things into his car, and the thought clenches his heart in his chest.
He doesn’t want him to go. Why can’t he just say that out loud?
He sighs again and thumps his head back against the wall in anger. He’s pathetic, it’s not like Alec is leaving the country. He’ll be right across the street if Magnus needs him. It shouldn’t be the end of the world.
He’s still staring at the wall when he feels someone come sit down next to him.
“Hey you, what’re you still doing in here?” Alec asks, bumping their shoulders together softly.
“Thinking,” Magnus replies. He’s still staring at the wall. He doesn’t know if he can look at Alec without Alec realizing something is wrong. He’s always been scary good at reading Magnus.
“We had some good times in here didn't we?” Alec says softly. His voice sounds sad and far away.
Magnus sighs and leans his head on Alec’s shoulder so that he doesn’t have to look at him.
“I’m going to miss you” he says softly in answer.
Stay.
“I’m going to miss you too.”
***
The first breakfast after Alec has moved out is more painful than it has any right to be.
The two of them only ever had breakfast together on the weekends. Alec always left for work before Magnus, they usually didn’t cross paths until the evening or if they decided to meet up during their lunch breaks. So he didn’t anticipate missing the way the kitchen always smelled like coffee in the mornings or Alec’s stupid notes on the whiteboard attached to the fridge.
The empty board stares back at him as if mocking his pain.
He sighs as he turns on the coffee machine and puts two slices of bread in the toaster.
He’s pathetic. He can’t even have breakfast without missing Alec.
When did he become so dependent on one person that his heart aches when they’re gone?
Chairman Meow hops onto the table once Magnus sits down to eat his toast and Magnus doesn’t even try and berate him for getting on the table when he’s not allowed. He needs the comfort right now anyway.
Chairman plops down on the table and Magnus reaches out a hand to pet a finger down his head. He quickly moves his hand away when Chairman tries to bite at it and rolls his eyes.
“Am I pathetic Chairman?” he asks softly.
Chairman just stares unhelpfully back at him. Magnus groans. He’s descended into asking his cat for advice. Definitely pathetic.
He toys with the idea of texting Alec, even pulls out his phone and opens up to their text conversation.
He smiles down at the most recent text Alec had sent. A photo of Isabelle with a hand behind her head in an exaggerated model pose accompanied by the caption She thinks she’s your favorite Lightwood. Should I let her believe such lies?
Magnus’ reply is the last thing in the thread.
Let her live in ignorance
That had been the Sunday Everything had gone to shit, before all of this moving out business. They hadn’t texted since then. Hadn’t even really talked much besides when they’d gone to see the apartment and when Magnus helped Alec pack.
Magnus sighs again and snaps a photo of Chairman who has now stretched out across the table and sends it.
I think Chairman is sad you left
It’s the closest he can get to telling Alec that he’s sad he’s gone.
***
Alec invites Magnus over to his apartment that Sunday to watch crap TV so at least that’s something he won’t have to learn to live without.
He can’t help but hate the way Alec’s books are already scattered across a coffee table that isn’t theirs and the way that the unfamiliar kitchen smells like Alec’s cooking.
It feels wrong and it’s stupid but Magnus can’t help but be angry at the whole situation.
Alec hands Magnus a plate of freshly cooked spaghetti before they settle down on to an unfamiliar couch and Alec turns on the TV.
“I set up cable yesterday especially for this,” Alec says, as he grabs his plate and moves to curl their legs together.
It’s so familiar that Magnus moves his legs to let Alec’s curl around them without even thinking about it.
As soon as they’re settled together, legs twined and shoulders touching Magnus feels himself relax. He forgets about the stupid unfamiliar couch and the books littered around an apartment that he and Alec don’t share. He just basks in the feeling of Alec beside him. His steady breath and the calming smell of his cologne.
Alec looks down at him through his eyelashes and sends him a smile so soft and bright that Magnus’ heart stutters in his chest.
Alec’s eyes are shining in the slowly fading daylight, the gold specks sparkling and his lips are quirked up slightly at the corners in a smile that Magnus knows Alec only ever smiles around people he loves.
Magnus startles as he finds himself thinking about how those lips would feel against his.
He jerks backwards slightly, trying to put some space between their bodies so that he doesn’t do something stupid like lean forwards and actually kiss Alec.
Alec’s eyes are worried now when they look at him.
“Magnus, are you okay?” he asks softly.
Magnus stares straight ahead, refusing to look Alec in the eyes.
Shit .
Ragnor was right. He’s pining.