Chapter Text
Nether.
A place that is said to be worse than hell itself. Tommy still remembers when he was in exile, the blonde went there with Dream. Standing on the bridge built to cross the lava river, the blonde liked to stare at the lava river with a dull and emotionless gaze. Always thinking what if his foot slipped or thinking about what it would be like to fall into a river of lava. The sight of molten rock flowing over his body and burning him alive. It was a very frightening thought as well as very exciting in his mind.
Now the blonde opened his eyes in a Nether, he did not know how he got to this place, but when he saw this Nether, Tommy felt that this was not the Nether he had frequented during his exile. Everything looks different but feels familiar in his memory. This was not Nether who was in S.M.P—but Nether who was in his hometown, a hometown that made him regret leaving the place he considered home. Regret leaving the place that gave him comfort to enter this damn S.M.P.
Why did he get here?
Is he dreaming right now?
Those dull blue eyes looked around him, but froze for a moment at the sight of the extremely familiar figure in front of them; His eyes widened when he saw the figure of a boy of about fifteen years of age, dark brown hair like Wilbur's, and shoulder-length like his father, Phil.
A figure he hadn't seen in a long time—
The figure he missed so much—
The figure he desperately wanted to apologize to—
“—?"
He couldn't make out his voice, it was as if there was water in his mouth—holding himself to make a sound, calling out the figure's name;
—The figure he called an older brother.
He tried to scream—trying to call out his name, telling the boy to turn to him, realizing that he was there. However, all of that was nil. The boy seemed oblivious to himself. His feet walked up the barrier of the lava bridge, staring at the lava below. Tommy stared at him in horror, not liking what the boy was about to do.
No, please stay away from there! He tried to scream, but he couldn't. Please, listen to me —!
All those screams ended in silent screams, he didn't like this. He wanted the boy to see him, to be aware of his existence. However, as hard as he tried to make the boy aware of his existence, his voice could not be heard by him. All of that frustrates him; makes him miserable.
Why,
Why did he have to dream about this?
Why after all this time, all this came back?
Does he regret everything that happened so much that he has to remember everything that happened in the past?
Perhaps-
Perhaps he began to realize a regret after fleeing his hometown, regretting that he had chosen this shitty S.M.P over his family. Allowing his second brother to go crazy and die as a madman, making his father kill his son with his own hands, betraying the trust of a pigman who he considers a friend; mentors; hell—even brother.
Tommy hates all this,
He hates to cry.
However, he couldn't help it. Remembering all the regrets he regretted, he couldn't help but miss his family, for the warmth of their embrace, for the warm smile he always received when he woke up in the morning, for the familiar greetings they used to call him.
He missed all that.
Oh, Ender.
Tears began to roll down his face, the feeling of fear of losing the figure in front of him was starting to Fright. He knew what the boy in front of him would do, and he didn't like it, he didn't want to see it. He was scared; so scared. It's ironic, even though he had said he wanted to jump in that fiery river, but now when he saw a familiar figure standing in front of him, Seeing what's in front of him makes him think again; maybe this was how everyone felt when he said that he wanted to try to jump into the river filled with lava.
Ah-
If that was the case, perhaps—
Perhaps, he could try to stay away from the lava a bit,
So, please! He closed his eyes tightly, pleading to the current void of the Nether, Please listen to me—
"Toms?"
Those dull blue eyes suddenly opened wide, gasping for breath. Sweat was now all over his body, his heart was beating fast, and his palms felt a little sticky from the excessive sweat of his hands.
"Hah, hah...!"
The room was quiet, only the faint sound of the birds singing outside was heard. The blonde fell silent, having difficulty focusing on his surroundings. He tried to calming his breaths in an attempt to slow his breathing. After a few minutes, he held his face with both hands. Enduring the pain that suddenly felt in his head at this time.
"Ugh, fuck!"
To be honest, the dream he had wasn't the first time he'd had it in the past few months—and probably won't be the last. However, his dreams always bring up Wilbur, and maybe if he is in a bit of bad luck enough he can dream of Wilbur and Dream at the same time. This was the first time he had dreamed of a different person, especially his eldest brother; twin brother of Wilbur.
Tommy closed his eyes tightly.
Does this dream mean something?
He took a deep breath, the blonde got up from his bed. Walk into the bathroom. Those dull blue eyes stared into the mirror in his bathroom, noticing that on his head was a red horn that protruded slightly behind his shoulder-length messy blonde hair. He sighed again, this often happened to him when he was feeling depressed or stressed.
How did he get that horn?
Well, all thanks to a green man in a trashy smile mask and his goddamn revival book that brought him back from the dead. He also didn't know how this horn got to be on his head, when he woke up again from the dead, the horn had appeared on his head every time he was in a stressful situation.
Tommy washed his face and when he was done he came out of the bathroom. Replaced his pajamas with his iconic red and white shirt. His hands brushed through his messy hair and tied it in a short ponytail.
Calming himself for a moment, Tommy was ready to start his day.
To be honest, Tommy didn't know what to do today. He stares lazily at the path he was walking now, he was bored; feeling not excited; and tired. He doesn't have the same energy he used to have—like Tommy in the Disk Wars; or even in the L'Manberg revolution...
That Tommy had disappeared—
Has died with the destruction of L'Manberg.
Now Tommy was just a burdensome, useless; and weak boy.
Tommy shook his head, trying to shake off the negative thoughts. From a distance, he could faintly see the prison building that looked large and majestic, the place where a monster was currently confined there. The monster he once considered a friend; the monster who had killed his second brother's ghost figure to resurrect the brother he didn't want to see—no longer wanted to be in his life… but it was all his fault too, he shouldn't have allowed Ghostbur to join in on his mission—no; he shouldn't have carried out any plans, he should have left the monster in prison forever, but he was too stupid to understand that; too naive to realize the folly and arrogance of his plan.
Now Ghostbur is dead; and Alivebur Wilbur came back to life.
Don't get him wrong, he still loves Wilbur; he had always hoped Wilbur would come back to life. But after he died and met Wilbur in the afterlife, he realized that the one talking to him in the void—who had been resurrected by that bastard wasn't the same Wilbur as the Wilbur he knew...
He wasn't the Wilbur who always hugged him as a child;
He's not the Wilbur who sings along every time they gather in front of the fireplace;
He wasn't Wilbur who promised to look after him;
He's not the charismatic and determined Wilbur to make freedom for everyone at S.M.P;
No, he wasn't the same Wilbur he used to be. He was Wilbur Soot who lived in Pogtopia; Wilbur Soot who blew up the country they worked so hard to build; Wilbur Soot who considers L'Manberg just a piece of junk that can be easily thrown away and forgotten.
Tommy!
Tommy, look! Look!
Yours and Tubbo's bench!
Tommy was a little surprised, he woke up from his daydream. Realizing that all around him were countless blurry white shadows hovering around him—ah, right. He forgot they existed. They are creatures who suddenly appear when he is in exile. They called themselves ghosts, but Ghostbur couldn't see them. Tommy felt they were more like the chats that Technoblade had; it's just that they rarely show themselves or talk to him. They are quieter; prefer to watch from afar. They only talked to him when the blonde was feeling sad and depressed; usually comfort him or just give advice.
Those dull blue eyes stared at the bench they called, and sure enough, there was a very familiar bench in front of him right now. The same bench he and his best friend sat on to listen to Mellohi and some of the discs he had.
He stepped closer to the bench, his hands slowly stroking the texture of the wooden bench. Those dull blue eyes softened, feeling a deep nostalgia in his heart.
He felt like it was just yesterday that Tommy and his best friend; Tubbo plays and does pranks like a child;
Stops Dream from taking all the disks Tommy has;
Adventure with Wilbur and his friends in a drug van;
Revolutionizing for S.M.P's freedom;
Redevelopment of New L'Manberg;
And... Exile.
Speaking of exile, he began to think; how's the pigman doing now?
It was a very stupid thought, he knew it. But he couldn't deny it, he couldn't deny that the piglin was someone who had done a lot for him. He was his mentor and savior, had it not been for the pigman, perhaps he would have stayed with the monster—perhaps he would have chosen to die in exile. It was true that they betrayed each other, they both took advantage of each other, but he knew; he knew very well that the pigman was very sincere in looking after him, he knew that he really wanted Tommy alive. He could feel the affection that the pigman gave was different from the one he felt in logstedshire, all warm when he was with his father and the pigman in his cabin. Even though it was covered in snow, the cabin was still warm; stay comfortable; and reminded him of his old home.
Unknowingly, Tommy had considered the pig-headed man as a big brother.
...Ah-
Tommy was now realized;
He realized how stupid he was back then;
How sad he couldn't choose both;
How guilty he must have been to call the pigman a monster;
Before he knew it, tears started streaming down his face. Instantly he could hear voices around him calling out to him in a sad tone; trying to cheer up the blonde. Tommy couldn't help but chuckle bitterly, laughing at himself who now regretted all his actions in the past. Now he understood, he was a stupid boy; he is a boy choosing to increase his ego only; who thinks only of his selfishness rather than those around him; he was just a lonely little boy—who was hated by everyone at S.M.P; forgotten and replaced by others.
Tubbo who he considered a best friend has now replaced him with Ranboo, they have even been platonic married—hell, they even have a son named Michael; and he is a zombie piglin;
Sam who he considered a father figure (after his father left him and lived with the pig-headed man) didn't want to see his face again after the stupidity he made;
The hotel he painstakingly built with Sam's robot—Sam Nook; has now been completely taken over by Jack Manifold;
And now the people at S.M.P want him dead.
Tommy was tired, he was not able to start his days here. He really hoped that all of this was just a bad dream and that one day his two brothers would wake him from his sleep, hug him and call out to him gently. He wished his father would come to him, embrace him with his wings; sing him a beautiful lullaby. But he knew all of that couldn't have happened because, in reality, it had all disappeared the moment he set foot in this S.M.P.
"...What should I do now?" muttered Tommy quietly.
How about you meet Technoblade?
Tommy jumped slightly when he heard the words of one of the chats, as soon as he heard another chat started to comment;
Are you stupid?! Tommy could have been killed by him!
Right, I agree! Do you know how much he hates Tommy?!
We don't know if we don't try, right?
Hmm, I agree that this is too extreme, but, these two can't go on like this...
I also agree, this does sound extreme and there's a 50/50 chance that Technoblade will not listen to you; but maybe—yes, MAYBE if you could explain it to Technoblade first, he'd listen to you? Don't get me wrong, Tommy. We really like your arrogance, because it's your arrogance that allows us all to stand up and believe in supporting you and L'Manberg to the end, but, Tommy sometimes you have to let go of your arrogance...
Tommy was silent, his dull blue eyes now looking at the snowy landscape seen from the wooden bench. He wasn't entirely sure what the chat was saying, but he couldn't deny that he wanted to try to forgive the man too; to apologize and start all over again.
And indeed, his arrogance always made it difficult for him to give in; to tell someone that he is sorry.
“Are you sure that he will accept my apology?” asked Tommy.
Tommy, it is better to forgive someone first than to be forgiven. If he can't forgive you then that's okay, just give him some time. The important thing is that you tried to forgive him. All you have to do is be honest with him, Tommy. Be honest about how you really feel.
That's right, Tommy!
Yeah, we all will always be beside you!
Yeah! You sure can, big man!
For the second time, his tears flowed. But he quickly wiped it away, he groaned, rubbing his hand over his face, replacing it with a determined look. What they said was true, and Tommy knew it. The blonde was never true to his feelings, always pretending all was well; always said that he could do everything himself; think of himself as a big man. But, to be honest he couldn't do it all by himself. He was always afraid to ask for help; too cowardly to say sorry. Tommy didn't like that, he changed all that—no, he had to change all that.
“I will apologize to Techno.” He smiled at them, “All of you; thanks."
He could hear them all cheering cheerfully at him, and Tommy wasted no time running back to his house. He took a light blue jacket to protect himself from the cold in the Tundra. Looking at his reflection in the mirror one last time, he took a deep breath; he didn't want to run away anymore; he wants to get it all done; if the pigman won't forgive him then that's fine—the most important thing is that he can apologize to him; prove to him that he is sorry for all his words and actions.
"You can do it, big man." He said to himself, "It's now or never..."
The blonde ran out of his house, immediately ran to the pig man's cabin, he was quite sure of his plan. Now all he needed to do was do it...
—right?
...Well, he didn't think that putting it into action was more difficult than he thought. He made it to the pig-headed man's cabin with no problems, only once he got there did he run into obstacles.
First; he's fuckin' shivering. The cold made him miserable, and the snow that fell and melted into his hair didn't do much for that fact. Yes, he's wearing a jacket. However, the blue jacket he was currently wearing couldn't help the coldness of the snow that had begun to cover some areas of his jacket and it had been so long since he had been in this snowy place, so Tommy didn't remember some of the coldness of the Tundra the last time he had come here; shut-up, chat.
And Second; The sword currently aimed at his neck didn't help him at all either.
"Tommy, I hope you can give me a good reason not to kill you this time." The pig-headed man growled, not liking his figure being on his property. Of course, he would do just that; Tommy had betrayed him, he had hurt the feelings and trust the piglin had placed in him. He had every right to be angry with him; right to hate him—because they both hated each other; hurt each other. But, this time he didn't come to hurt him once again; he had come here to stop the wound between them—at least to heal a little bit of the pain the two had caused each other.
So, steadily those dull blue eyes stared into the pig-headed man's red eyes; both hands he raised as a sign that he came in peace. He could see the pig-headed man was silent, he looked a little surprised when he saw what Tommy was doing now; it didn't seem like an expectation that he thought.
“I, I came to apologize to you, Techno.”
The pig man's gaze grew even more shocked when he heard the words that came out of the blonde's mouth as if he would not have thought that an apology would sound in the pig-headed man's ears; and it's true if he thinks so, Tommy is a stubborn child, apologizing is not the number one thing for this blonde-haired boy. So when he heard the blonde say those words, slowly the sword that had been aimed at his neck was now suddenly lowered.
Seeing that, the blonde continued to say, “…I know you won't forgive me, but, but I want to try. I, I don't care if you still going to hate me or not, but, Techno, I did something stupid—”
Tommy chuckled wryly, "...Man, I'm so fuckin' bad at this kind of shit. B-But, I, I always run away from my problems, and, and end up hurting someone else, I hurt your feelings—no, we hurt each other, Technoblade; and, and I—shit, I just want to stop all this, okay? So, um—we can, um, talk?”
Technoblade just stood there, not answering at all. All of this made him even more uncomfortable. However, Tommy kept trying to talk to him; "Look, Techno. I know you hate me and don't trust me, but I'm not lying. I promise that I will—”
"Tommy."
“…Y-Yes?”
“Go inside, you will get hypothermia.”
Techno stood beside the door which was now wide open, inviting the blonde to enter his cabin. Tommy looked surprised, those dull blue eyes stared in disbelief at what the pig-headed man said. He did not expect that the piglin still allowed him to enter his cabin. He felt himself smiling a little, his face radiating with hope; slowly he walked in.
"Thank you." He says it, sincerely.
Technoblade's cabin hadn't changed at all, still as warm and cozy as he remembered it, it still smelled of roasted marshmallows and old wood; reminded himself of exile; precisely when he lived with the pig-headed man and his father. A warm and yet very sad memory to remember.
“You really are a fool to wear such a thin Jacket to come here you know?” suddenly Technoblade's voice managed to wake him from his daydream. He turned towards the figure of the pig-headed man; who is now preparing two cups of hot tea.
Behavior that the pig-headed man didn't really have to do to him.
He was silent for a moment, those dull blue eyes looking around the room again before finally answering; "What can I say, I don't have a thicker coat than this one,"
"You don't have a thicker coat?"
He swore that he heard a worried tone in his question, maybe he was just hallucinating.
“…No, I don't have a thick coat.” Tommy replied with a wry smile, "The only thick coat I have is the one that, um, well, you made... And, umm, I don't have it anymore."
“…I, I see.”
The room became silent after that conversation, the sound of the fireplace shrouding the silence of the room. Technoblade put the cup of hot tea on the table by the fireplace but didn't say or ask anything to him. Let the silence of the room surround them. An action that managed to make him uncomfortable and bitter. He took a deep breath, looked back at the pig-headed man.
“Alright, Technoblade, I know you don't owe me anything, you hate me after what I did at the Green Festival. Before and after that day...
“But, Tech, I really don't know what to do—I, I'm really, really screwed to switch sides like that, I, I realize that what I did was so unfair for me to do to you. But when we were both surrounded, my mind went blank and the moment I realized I had done something bad to you. I, I have unknowingly hurt your feelings.”
Tommy was silent for a moment, took a deep breath before continuing, “I… I don't regret siding with Tubbo. After all, he was my best friend and I had hurt him a lot, it was something I swore I would never do, and I realized who I was. After being exiled together... with Dream, I—that fucker told me that nobody loved me, nobody cared about me. And I, I believe that. I believe everything he says.
“Until I feel powerless, I feel like ending it all; end my life. Just like Theseus; who died in exile. But, I didn't do it, I chose to live and hide in your basement,” he chuckled softly as he recalled their first conversation; remembering how annoyed Technoblade was having to chase him in the snow only to ask him why the blonde could be in his basement like a raccoon, “…And if I'm being honest, Techno; I know that you are only using me, just as I used you. But, the longer I stay with you, the more I understand you're starting to forget your plans, because even though you told me that I wasn't special, yet, you still tried to help me get up; prove that I am loved; that I'm never alone, Techno.
“...And because of that—from the bottom of my heart; I thank you, for everything you did for me.” He smiled gently, "And also I'm sorry because my stupidity and arrogance hurt you."
Technoblade was silent, seemingly processing the words he spoke. Seeing him silent, the blonde was silent too. He looked down, those dull blue eyes looking at the warm teacup in front of him; looked at the little smoke that was overflowing from the tea.
He didn't know what else to say,
He didn't know how else to explain all his regrets to him,
He can only wait,
No matter how long it took, he would still wait for the pig man's answer.
“I will admit, that's very mature of you, Theseus.”
Tommy was slightly surprised to hear the piglin's voice calling him Theseus, looking back at the pigman; he could see the pig-headed man in front of him was looking at him with a small smile on his face. Although his voice seemed calm, he could see the ruby-red eyes seemed to tremble. Ah, that expression—Tommy knew very well that expression; maybe because he had lived with him for a long time. The blue eyes followed the movement of the pigman in front of him, he could see the pig-headed man slowly holding his shoulder; a bitter smile appeared on his face—a smile he hadn't seen in a long time; which he had not felt in a long time.
Ah, how hard he had to hold back the feelings he was feeling right now.
Feelings of joy;
feelings of sadness;
And also; feelings of longing.
Techno let out a shaky breath before finally opening his mouth. "You're right, Tommy. We both hurt each other back then, we always blamed each other; when you betrayed me back then, I understood. I actually know that it's not entirely your fault, Tommy. I—you are a kid and I am an adult, I shouldn't have put you in that situation. I should have listened to you, Tommy. I'm selfish too; too stubborn to listen to your feeling. I hate L'Manberg, and I will always hate that government; however, I must understand why you chose that country; I should have realized why you chose to betray me for L'Manberg, that place is your home. The home you built with Wilbur.”
He paused for a moment, “…And just like you, I also don't regret destroying that government, whether you side with me or not; but I regret the time, I'm too angry, feel that you are only using all my kindness; even though I know it's not true. But the voices in my head managed to control all my emotions; I can't see anything but red. I blame everything that happened to you; I, I almost killed you.” The pig-headed man fell silent again, closing his eyes tightly. Tommy was silent, his eyes seemed to widen when he heard all the words that came out of the pig man's mouth. He could see that the blue eyes met again with red eyes that were starting to soften, “Seeing you come here, apologize to me; even though I'm more guilty than you is something mature, and I'm proud of you, Tommy.” He gave the blonde a small smile, a gentle smile filled with pride that he hadn't seen from the pigman in a long time, “I'm sorry to you too, Tommy. For all my mistakes and selfishness."
A new wave of tears started rolling down Tommy's face, and Techno, still smiling weakly, took off his red cape and carefully slung it over the blonde's shoulders. The boy sobbed and wiped his tears with his hand.
"You know, Techno. You always remind me of my brother."
"...Who? Wilbur?"
Tommy was silent for a moment, he slowly shook his head before finally looking back at the pig-headed man with a smile filled with nostalgia, “No, he is my first brother, Wilbur's twin; Wilbert Craft."