Chapter Text
Chapter 2: A Much-Needed Talk
Erik made it about halfway down the corridor before he suddenly stopped, turned around, and began heading back towards the balcony.
In his concern over the obviously sleep-deprived and over-burdened Luminary, he had almost forgotten that the entire reason he had been looking for Eleven in the first place was because he had wanted to ask him a question.
After waking up from a less than pleasant dream (not surprising given the day they’d had), he had been lying in bed, thinking back over what had happened the previous night.
For some reason, he just couldn’t get Mordegon’s final words out of his head.
“But do not think that you are the only one who has defied the flow of time.”
It had been bothering him, not only because of what happened not long after with the Lantern, but because it had seemed like those words had been specifically directed towards Eleven.
So instead of lying in his bed wide awake and doing nothing, he had gotten up and made his way to the Luminary’s room to see if his friend was still awake. Obviously he wouldn’t have woken him if he had actually been asleep (satisfying his curiosity was not more important than El getting the rest he desperately needed), but what had greeted him upon pushing open the door was an empty room and no sign of where his partner might have gone.
More than a little concerned, he had decided to track him down, and although some of the night guards had given him strange or suspicious looks, none of them had tried to stop him from wandering the castle. Carnelian had made it clear that all of them were welcome and had forgiven all past transgressions, claiming it was the least he could do considering the circumstances.
Which meant that Erik was allowed—by decree of the king himself—to roam the halls in the middle of the night in order to track down his wayward friend, and no one could tell him otherwise.
Finding Eleven hadn’t been too hard.
However, the moment he had gotten a good look at him, every question had fled his mind and satisfying his curiosity had quickly become the least of his concerns.
Out of all of them, their Luminary had been taking this newest development the hardest, had been zoning out and getting lost in his head all day. Erik had quickly made it his mission to try and help, to pull him back just a bit, to remind him that he wasn’t alone in this. Getting him to smile and laugh had felt like an immense accomplishment, and seeing some of the shadows retreat from his face had put him a little more at ease, so when El had suggested that he go back and try to get some sleep, claiming that he wouldn’t stay up too much later, Erik had decided to listen.
At first, anyway. Remembering his question had changed things.
And besides, something about it all just...
Something just didn’t feel quite right.
Call it a gut feeling or instinct, but something told him that no matter how tired he was, no matter what Eleven might have to say about it later, he shouldn’t leave his friend alone right now.
Because even though he had been smiling, even though some of the darkness had receded from his expression, there had still been something there, a well of emotion trapped behind bright blue eyes that felt too deep and too unfathomable to ever touch. It hadn’t been there before, and needless to say it was more than a little worrying, so no matter the detriment to himself, no matter how exhausted he was going to be in the morning, Erik would go back out there and stay with Eleven until the Luminary decided to go back to sleep.
He would stand with him all night if he had to. That’s what friends were for, after all.
And so with a quiet sigh, the thief stepped out onto the balcony for the second time that night, rubbing at the back of his neck a bit sheepishly as he looked off to the side.
“Uh...hey, El? I just remembered there was something I wanted to ask—”
A bright light in his peripheral and the sound of wind quickly caught his attention, cutting him off as he raised his head.
Eleven was exactly where he had left him, but there was magic swirling around him now, lifting him off the ground in a whirl of blue light. He recognized the spell immediately.
Zoom.
El was casting Zoom.
He was leaving.
“Eleven!”
A panic that he couldn’t quite explain suddenly consumed him as he watched the magic engulf his friend, as the Luminary disappeared right before his eyes.
The winds died and the light faded and Eleven was gone.
He was gone, and Erik had no idea where he went, and even though he tried to tell himself that El would be back, that he wasn’t actually leaving any of them behind, a wave of loss still came crashing down on him, a flood of emotions that were both familiar and unfamiliar, that both felt like his and at the same time did not. He wasn’t sure what to make of it, but drowning wasn’t an option, and so he did his best to push it all aside, to put it away for later, and although it worked to an extent, the panic refused to leave him.
Fighting the urge to simply run through the castle corridors (despite being allowed to roam around, he didn’t really want to cause a scene), he instead walked briskly back to his guestroom, ignoring every questioning glance thrown his way by the guards. Once inside, he very quickly got dressed, because he was going to get enough weird looks from people the way it was—he really didn’t need to be wandering around barefoot in just his sleep shirt and pants.
He got the feeling he wasn’t going to be getting any more sleep tonight anyway.
As soon as he was done, he left his room and made his way to the front doors of the castle, and the moment he set foot outside, Erik started sprinting. He ran down the stairs and out the gate, once again ignoring the looks the guards gave him. He also ignored the stares of the few people still milling about in the middle of the night.
Seriously, what were they even doing out so late anyway? Shouldn’t they all be sleeping by now?
He conveniently ignored the fact that technically he was supposed to be sleeping too and therefore wasn’t really in a position to judge. Instead he continued running through the city, down the central street and past the fountain, only stopping once he reached the main gate. If memory served, that was where Heliodor’s Zoom point was.
This was where Eleven would show up once he returned from wherever he had gone.
Spotting a few crates stacked off to the side, he walked over and took a seat, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the area near the gate. A part of him tried to claim that this wasn’t necessary, that there was no reason for him to stay up and wait for the Luminary to return, that Eleven was capable of making his own decisions and technically didn’t have to tell any of them where he was going if he wanted to be alone.
He didn’t have to tell them.
...But he always did.
He always did, and yet this time he hadn’t, and no matter how hard he tried, Erik couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong with his friend.
So he would wait.
He would sit by the gate and wait for him to come back and then ask him where he had gone.
And if Eleven refused to answer, then...well...
He would simply have to cross that bridge when he got there.
Heaving a deep sigh, Erik made himself as comfortable as he could and settled in for what was likely going to be a long night. He did his best to ignore the panic still looming at the edge of his mind and the echo of loss sitting low in his chest, but he got the feeling that whether he liked it or not, neither would be leaving him any time soon. They still didn’t make sense, still didn’t entirely feel like his. He couldn’t explain why he felt so on edge, why the sight of El disappearing in a manner that Erik had seen numerous times before suddenly made his blood run cold.
A lot of things during the past week just felt like they didn’t quite make sense, and at the top of his list sat their suddenly quiet, overly sullen Luminary.
Hopefully he would return quickly, but until then, Erik would wait.
And wherever El had gone, he prayed that he would stay safe.
That was all he could do, really.
Yggdrasil was completely mesmerizing at night.
Wisps of light, like little golden birds, weaved between the branches and floated aimlessly through the leaves, casting an ethereal glow over the pools of water and the vibrant plants, making everything shine faintly in the dark. The air was crisp and clear and serene, the silence broken only by the sound of a few small waterfalls trickling over the rocks, falling down towards the world below. The atmosphere was peaceful in a way that was special, a tranquility unique only to the World Tree, that nowhere else on Erdrea could ever achieve.
It settled him in a way that nothing else could, and despite the very late hour, Eleven found himself feeling immensely grateful that he had decided to make this trip.
Very carefully, he picked his way along the path, being sure to tread lightly as he walked across the thick branches that would eventually lead him towards the Heart. The grass and moss that covered the ground were soft against his bare feet, but he knew there were likely small twigs and stones hidden amongst the greenery that would definitely hurt if he were to step on them accidently. In hindsight, he probably should’ve gotten dressed before heading out, or at the very least put on his boots, but in his haste he had forgotten that he’d been standing on the balcony in just his sleep clothes and nothing else (which explained a few of the odd looks he had gotten from the guards while wandering the castle, now that he thought about it).
It didn’t much matter, he supposed. It’s not like Yggdrasil would care what he was wearing, and he’d be returning to Heliodor before dawn, so no one would really see him walking through the city in the dead of night. Sure, walking barefoot across the cobbled streets would probably be uncomfortable, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. It was a small price to pay for the peace of mind he was hoping to find amidst Yggdrasil’s branches.
The light was getting brighter ahead of him. He followed it farther along the trail, passing under a canopy of leaves until finally he stepped forward into the hollow that housed the heart of the World Tree, the source of all life in their world.
It truly was a sight to behold; he immediately felt calmer just looking at it. There was warmth in that gentle light, a warmth that slowly began to spread through him with each and every step that he took, and so with a deep breath followed by an equally deep sigh, Eleven tried his best to gather his thoughts and finally put them into words.
“I don’t know if you can actually hear me,” he began as he moved a little closer. “I don’t really understand how this connection between us works, but I wanted to talk to you anyway.”
He came to a stop before the Heart, in the exact same place he had stood to retrieve the Sword of Light, and raised his left hand to rest it lightly against the vines. His mark didn’t glow, but neither was his touch rejected, and that was enough to encourage him to keep speaking. He needed to get a few things off his chest, things that he could never say to anyone else, because no one knew what really happened—no one knew that their Luminary had failed, that he had to shatter time in order to fix a mistake. He carried with him memories and experiences that no one else had, that no one else would ever have, and that was a good thing, of course it was, but...
But it was also painfully lonely.
However, in this lonely world, there was perhaps one other who carried the same memories he did, who existed outside the confines of time.
Yggdrasil.
Maybe it was a Luminary thing, but he got the feeling that Yggdrasil remembered.
Somehow, he just knew that She did.
And it made him feel just a little less alone.
“First, I wanted to apologize,” he began softly, “for what happened before. I’m sorry that I wasn’t good enough. I’m sorry I let you fall. So many people died because of me...”
He took a shuddering breath and lowered his head.
“Veronica died because of me.”
It hurt to say, and he had told himself that he was done wallowing over it, that if Serena was going to be strong then he would be strong too, but that didn’t happen this time around because Veronica was alive, and...
He took another deep breath and tried to stop himself from shaking. He didn’t come here to break down in front of the World Tree.
“I thought going back in time would fix everything. I thought stopping Mordegon would save you, would save the world, but...now there’s something else to deal with. I forgot about the Lantern. I don’t know what it is, but I know it’s not good. Mordegon was concerned about it enough to destroy it last time before anything could happen, and it makes me wonder if he was afraid of whatever was inside.”
It was a sobering thought, that. It also worried him a great deal. What was he supposed to do if this new threat was stronger than Mordegon? He’d had almost an entire year to travel, to grow strong enough to take down the Lord of Shadows. Would this new threat give them enough time? What if in a few days that dark star descended and started to tear the world apart? Would they be able to handle it?
Or would he lose everything this time?
“I’m sorry, Yggdrasil,” he said. “I don’t mean to complain, but I just...I’m just so tired, and I don’t have anyone else I can talk to. My friends, they don’t know what happened. They don’t know, and I want it to stay that way, but I carried everything back with me, and I don’t know how long I can pretend that everything is okay. Sooner or later, they’re going to figure it out. They’re going to notice that something’s wrong, and I can’t...”
He reached up towards his chest with his right hand, clutching the fabric of his shirt and pressing his fist against the scar hiding beneath it.
“What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to tell them? Will they...?”
He sucked in a sharp breath and leaned forward, pressing his forehead against the vines.
“...If they find out, will they blame me?”
Perhaps that, more so than anything else, was what he was truly afraid of. If they were to find out what had happened, how badly he had failed the first time around, would they leave? Would they lose faith in him as their Luminary?
No.
He knew they wouldn’t leave. He knew that they would still see this through with him to the bitter end just like they had before, but even though he knew that, even though he was sure they wouldn’t leave, it didn’t change the fact that knowing and believing were two different things.
There was always going to be a part of him, a tiny voice in the back of his head, that simply couldn’t let go.
The light shining from the Heart of Yggdrasil almost seemed to glow brighter for a moment, and he could feel something deep within him settle if only a little.
He took one more deep breath to try and ground himself, pushing his worries aside. That wasn’t why he came here, after all.
“Sorry,” he said. “I know I’m being ridiculous. I know I’m probably making a bigger deal out of some of this than I should, but...I just don’t want to mess up this time. I want to get it right. I want to protect everyone—my friends, the world, you. There was so much I couldn’t do last time, so many people I couldn’t save. I want to save them all this time. I promise I’ll be strong enough. I won’t make the same mistakes twice. Whatever’s waiting for me out there, I will face it, and I will win.”
(If he said it enough, perhaps one day he could believe it).
“You’ve already helped me so much on this journey. Even when Mordegon destroyed your heart, you still found the strength to guide me, to give me what I needed to make things right.”
He raised his head and looked up at the swirling mass of light in front of him.
“I would ask that you please watch over me just one more time. I’ll do my best to be the Luminary you need, the Luminary that everyone wants me to be. I won’t fail you.”
The vine beneath his hand pulsed softly, and a warmth washed over him, spreading from the tips of his fingers down into his chest, easing the tumultuous pit of emotions that had been swirling in his stomach ever since he shattered Time’s Sphere, ever since he left everything behind to try again.
Eleven closed his eyes and smiled.
“Thank you, Yggdrasil,” he said softly. “If it’s alright with you, I’d like to stay here a little longer.”
He knelt down carefully and then turned to sit, resting his back against the vines that protected the Heart. He wasn’t ready to go back just yet, wasn’t ready to face the world again.
Instead he made himself comfortable and continued speaking, and while Yggdrasil was silent, he knew She was listening.
He told Her about all of the things he wanted to fix, the people he wanted to help, and the goals he hoped to achieve. He told Her stories of his friends, his family, regaling Her with some of the crazier things they had seen and done, the lighter moments of his journey.
It helped, saying it all out loud, and he barely even noticed as his eyes began to droop and his words began to slow, his head lolling to the side and falling forward as his thoughts quietly scattered, fading away as he got lost in the stillness of the night.
In the end, Erdrea’s Luminary drifted off to sleep amongst Yggdrasil’s branches, with a gentle warmth at his back and the sound of leaves rustling quietly in the wind.
Eleven returned to Heliodor only an hour before dawn, the magic of Zoom setting him down just inside the main gate. His feet hit the cobbles, and he immediately looked out into the town to see that the streets were thankfully still deserted. He really hadn’t wanted to walk back to the castle with a bunch of people staring at him in his not entirely dressed state. After all, he had only just gotten his name cleared—he certainly didn’t need people thinking that there was something else wrong with him (even though there kind of was).
He looked ahead at the castle in the distance and at the sky above that was only just starting to lighten. It was way later than he had intended, but he could still make it back before any of his friends woke up. While Sylvando, Veronica, and Erik were all early risers, even they weren’t usually awake before dawn. He had plenty of time to sneak back to his room and pretend that he had been sleeping there for at least half the night. No one would even notice that he'd been gone.
He could definitely pull this off without—
A hand descended on his shoulder, startling him so badly that he nearly screamed as he was forcibly spun around, coming face to face with maybe not the last person but definitely not someone he had expected to see.
A pair of very angry blue eyes were staring back at him, their intensity matched only by the severity of their owner’s frown and the almost bruising grip he had on Eleven’s shoulders.
“Erik!? What—”
“Where were you?” his friend demanded, his voice pitched low given the early hour but his tone no less harsh.
Unfortunately for Erik’s obviously frayed nerves (and probably patience), Eleven was still having trouble wrapping his head around the fact that the thief had somehow known where he’d be, meaning that he had to have realized that the Luminary left.
“H-how did...? Why are you—”
“I saw you leave.”
“What? But you were going back to your—”
“I remembered that I had wanted to ask you something, but when I went back to the balcony, I saw you casting Zoom.”
Eleven swallowed a bit thickly. Erik kept cutting him off, his words clipped and to the point, which meant that his friend was legitimately angry with him right now. Panicking just a bit, he quickly wracked his brain for an explanation—or at the very least a way out of the trouble he had unintentionally found himself in.
“W-what did you want to ask me?” he tried, earning him a glare.
“That’s not important right now. Where were you?”
“Um...”
What was he supposed to do? It was painfully obvious that no matter how much Eleven might want him to, Erik was not going to let this go. Essentially, he had just two options before him: tell the truth or try to lie.
Historically, he wasn’t the best liar, mainly because he didn’t like lying. He especially hated lying to his friends. It was bad enough that he was already keeping a massive amount of secrets from them; he really didn’t want to keep adding to that list.
In this instance, could he tell the truth? Would it reveal anything or create suspicion? Could he tell Erik that he had gone to visit Yggdrasil and not have to fully explain to him why?
He took a good look at his partner. There were dark circles forming under his eyes, and his blue spikes were rather disheveled, as if he had spent a good deal of time running his hands through his hair in frustration.
He looked like someone who had spent all night sitting outside, anxiously awaiting the return of a friend, one who hadn’t bothered to tell anyone where they were going or that they were even leaving in the first place.
The anger being directed at him was wholly justified. Eleven would probably be mad too if their roles were reversed.
Erik rarely got mad at him—he could probably count the number of times it had happened on one hand—and whenever he did, his anger always came from a place of worry. Whether he had meant to or not, Eleven had caused his friend enough concern that he had sat outside by the gate for half the night, waiting for the Luminary to return. He had lost sleep because of him, and that was more than enough to leave him feeling guilty over his actions.
Erik deserved the truth.
With a deep albeit very shaky breath, he steeled himself for whatever might happen.
“I went to see Yggdrasil.”
The anger on Erik’s face almost immediately melted into confusion.
“Yggdrasil? But you... Wait, you mean...?”
Eleven only nodded and then watched as a series of emotions passed over his friend’s face, from confusion to incredulity to exasperation and finally to a somewhat annoyed form of acceptance, followed by a deep, very put-upon sounding sigh. Slowly he released Eleven’s shoulders and took a step back, running a hand through his already rather messed up hair.
“When you said you were going to talk to Yggdrasil later,” he muttered, “I didn’t think you actually meant...”
With a frustrated huff, he crossed his arms and directed his not-quite-a-glare-anymore towards the street.
“You should’ve said something if you were going to be leaving.”
“I...” Okay, fair enough, but at the same time, “I was planning on coming back before anyone noticed.”
His partner gave him a rather unimpressed look.
“You were gone for hours, El. What were you even doing?”
“I told you, I went to talk to Yggdrasil. There were some things that I...” He bit his lip and carefully sifted through his words, pulling out only the pieces that were safe. “There were some things that I wanted to say to Her, about what happened. I just...needed to talk to Her, that’s all.”
Erik’s expression softened, something close to understanding crossing his face. He took a deep breath, and as he released it slowly, it was as if all of his remaining irritation over the situation was released along with it.
“It’s almost dawn, you know,” he said, sounding about as tired as he looked.
“I know,” Eleven replied a bit ruefully. “I really did mean to come back sooner, but I just... Well, I kind of...fell asleep.”
He was half expecting exasperation or incredulity again, but what he got instead was genuine surprise and perhaps just a touch of satisfaction.
“You fell asleep?”
“...It’s very peaceful there.”
That earned him an amused, lopsided grin and another sigh that, if he didn’t know any better, he would say sounded just a little bit fond. He returned Erik’s smile with a small one of his own, but it quickly disappeared as the thief failed to hold back a yawn and reached up to rub at his eyes.
That feeling of guilt was starting to creep back in.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I didn’t mean to be gone so long. You were only out here because of me, and...”
Erik quickly waved off his words, and Eleven fell silent.
“Yeah, well,” the thief began, “I was the one who chose to wait out here, so don’t worry about it, alright? Let’s just get back to the castle. Might be able to catch a few more hours before everybody else wakes up.”
He motioned for Eleven to follow him as he began slowly walking down the empty street. He didn’t pick up his pace until the Luminary fell into step beside him.
Together, they made their way through the city of Heliodor, and despite traveling in silence, a strange kind of peace fell over Eleven. It was different from the serenity that surrounded Yggdrasil, and yet it settled his heart in much the same way.
Despite everything that had happened, everything that had changed, this was one thing that hadn’t, and it was funny in a way how something so simple could have such a calming effect on him.
Something as simple as walking side by side with one of the most important people in his life.
Just for a moment, he allowed himself to sink into the familiarity of it and push everything else away.
From the very beginning, Erik had always been by his side—guiding him, protecting him, doing everything he could to aid him in his quest. He had carved out a place for himself right next to Eleven. Whether it was in battle, at camp, or trekking across Erdrea, all the Luminary had to do was look over to know that he wasn’t alone.
He wanted it to stay that way. He didn’t want to lose this.
He would rather drown in all of his secrets than give this up.
He couldn’t lose his friends, couldn’t lose his family, couldn’t lose Erik.
It would break him.
It would absolutely break him.
He could never tell them what happened. He couldn’t let them find out.
No matter what, he had to keep it a secret.
He had to.
He—
A hand on his shoulder, solid and grounding.
“I thought I told you to stop frowning like that—your face might get stuck that way. Seriously, whatever it is, I’m sure it can’t be that bad, so don’t worry so much, El. We’ll figure this out, okay? I promise.”
His heart twisted painfully in his chest.
“...Thanks, Erik.”
He couldn’t lose this.
And he would do everything in his power to make sure he never did.