Chapter Text
Zuko feels a nervous burn coarse through his arm as he reaches for the door handle to the Student Resource Center. He’d sent an email days ago to request support for his classes. He had relinquished a massively intimate part of himself. Doing that had taken a sort of courage Zuko doesn’t think he has, but he needed to do it.
Asking for help was never something that came easily to him, years spent being berated for his weaknesses and failures took their toll. The idea to reach out to the school had been Uncle’s idea. Zuko still has a hard time wrapping his head around the simple fact that Uncle only sees the best in him and wants him to succeed. Zuko’s healing was far from done, but his relationship with Uncle had only improved over the years, as they both began to understand each other better as adults.
Zuko grips his paperwork in his hands anxiously as he enters the building. He was asked to bring certain documents to his appointment with information on his disability so he could receive the proper support. A person was sitting at a desk fairly close to the front door, with a sign over their head that reads ‘Student Disability Resources’.
“How can I help you?” the person asks nicely.
“I’m- uh here for an appointment with Mrs. Glass,” Zuko says, trying to balance the quiver in his voice. He was thankful she spoke clearly.
“Alright, what’s your name, and what time is your appointment?”
“Zuko Sozin, and 10:30.”
“Okay, Zuko. Mrs. Glass will be coming to greet you soon.”
Zuko tries his best to suppress the shutter that moves through him from a stranger using his name so easily.
“Thank you,” he says before finding a chair nearby.
Zuko doesn’t wait long before a door cracks open and a woman slowly approaches him. He hastily stands up.
‘You must be Zuko, follow me.’ she signs. Zuko is pleasantly surprised she knows sign language.
Once she settles into her office, she gestures at Zuko who was still standing in the doorway to sit down. He closes the door behind him slowly and slides into a seat.
The appointment goes well. Mrs. Glass told Zuko it was almost like a formality, and they would set him up with someone who fits his schedule once they looked over his paperwork. Zuko feels the anxiety leave him as soon as he steps out of the center. He's proud of himself for tackling that.
He has some time to kill before his next class, so Zuko makes his way to the library to grab a much-needed cup of coffee and a quiet nook to study. It isn’t a far walk, his college campus isn’t big, which was one of the main draws for him when he decided to pick this particular school. It’s made up of mostly flat concrete and a beautiful forest wrapping the east side behind the dining hall. He’s never gone to explore the forest, but he knew it was a popular spot for kids to hang out. There’s a possibility he’s never gone because he knew that.
Zuko spends most of his free time between classes in the library studying. School is tough for Zuko, it feels as though he has to work twice as hard to get half as far, and he isn’t quite sure if those insecurities were that of his own accord or a remnant of being constantly compared to his far more competent sister. She had always taken to everything much easier than he ever did.
Zuko can’t help the relief that fills him at the sight of a fairly empty library, and no line at the small coffee shop in the far corner. He nervously thumbs the cash in his pocket as he walks up to the stand, but nobody comes to greet him immediately. He can hear some loud voices carry from the back, and he begins to nervously scan the menu even though he already knows what he wants. After a while, the raised voices stop, and a boy opens the door leading to what Zuko assumes is a storage room. The boy has long brown hair tied up in a topknot, save for his shaved sides. He was wearing a sun visor to block the escaping hair. His eyes shift to Zuko as he pulls off his apron. Zuko notes a scattering of tattoos on his arms.
“Hey,” he starts, a smile stretching across his face that doesn’t quite reach his deep blue eyes. “I… help you... but someone will… soon,” he finishes. The boy turns to pick a bag off a hook hanging near the door to the backroom and makes his way to the split in the counter to leave.
Zuko realizes he’d been staring. The guy is cute. He only now realizes he hadn’t understood much of what he’d said.
“I- uh, right. Thank you,” Zuko hopes he hadn’t said it too loud. The boy shoots him one last smile and leaves Zuko to himself, eyes following the boy walk away. He wonders what the yelling was about, and why that boy had looked so defeated as he left.
Zuko doesn't turn around for a moment, lost in his thoughts. When he does, his eyes meet Jet's annoyed expression.
"I would have tried to get your attention but," he points at his ear in a jerky fashion. His words were spoken too slowly, and his lips moved in an exaggerated, almost mocking manner. His short hair is spiked up, probably with gel, and he's wearing the same visor and apron as the boy who had left.
Zuko takes a deep breath and lets its calming energy spread through his body, just like Uncle had taught him. "Hi Jet," he says quietly enough he can barely hear himself. "A medium matcha latte please."
"Three seventy-five," Jet says simply.
Zuko hands him a five and tells him to keep it, wanting to keep their interaction to a minimum. He generally didn't get food or drinks on campus, and he preferred tea to coffee, but Zuko was feeling particularly burnt out. Zuko stands nearby to wait for his drink, and he hears Jet start to say something as the automatic coffee grinder turns on. When he hands Zuko his drink, he has a smirk on his face, and Zuko is partially thankful he hadn't heard what Jet said to him. Zuko grabs his drinks and says a quick thank you before walking off to find a corner of the library to study in.
Once Zuko settles at a table, he pulls out all of his notes and runs a hand through his hair, frustrated. He always prided himself on his ability to take neat and detailed notes. Being in college had proven to be a bit more difficult than high school, considering the fast-paced nature of classes and his inability to consistently get a seat at the front. There was more subject to be learned in each class, and professors sped through points before Zuko could process and write down information.
Suddenly it's 5:30 pm, and Zuko finds himself already walking to class. He isn’t sure what to call it when he loses himself in his head and comes back to find himself functioning as if he were on autopilot. It's one of those things he's never voiced to anyone, not even his therapist, even though he knows he should. After discovering, constant pain isn't a normal thing, he's able to function much better knowing he has chronic pain. It's the same deal, he doesn't know what's normal and what's not. He's always been out of tune with his needs, and he's never sure what's worth speaking up about.
Zuko spends yet another class straining to hear, struggling to keep up, and leaving the lecture hall feeling defeated with incomplete notes. He toys with the idea of going back to the library, but he decides to go home, feeling particularly done with the day. He walks to the bus stop and sits down, having memorized the schedule and expecting the bus to come in about thirty minutes. He pulls out a book he'd snagged at the library weeks back, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Zuko spends a lot of time thinking about forgiveness, and what it means. Zuko likes Ruiz's take on forgiveness more than most, the focus being on detaching yourself from pain done to you.
The bus rolls up, and Zuko pulls his bus pass out of his pocket, quickly sliding it in the machine and picking the closest empty spot. He puts his book away and resigns himself to looking out the window. He's missed his stop in the past, and he's had to learn to pay attention to the landscape outside. Uncle's shop isn't far from school, and Zuko is soon pulling the cord hanging across the window to request a stop.
"Thank you," Zuko says to the driver as he steps off the bus.
He finds Uncle at the counter, chatting with a young woman when he walks into the shop. Uncle signs a quick hello to Zuko. Uncle insisted on them both learning sign language after the hearing started to degrade in his non-damaged ear. The doctors had told him sometimes hearing goes out in the other ear after one is damaged. Zuko was embarrassed at first and had told Uncle he could understand fine as long as he spoke slowly, but now he was secretly thankful Uncle convinced him to learn.
'I'm going upstairs,' Zuko signs back. 'Unless you need help,' he adds on.
'Kind offer, but I will be closing soon,' Uncle signs and smiles at the woman he was previously speaking to, then turns around to make her drink.
Zuko is silently glad Uncle let him retreat to the upstairs. He is always willing to help out in the shop, but all he really wants to do is tuck into bed for the rest of the evening.
Zuko wakes up at 10 am, not realizing he'd fallen asleep in the first place. He made sure to take only classes that start in the afternoon because he has trouble sleeping most nights.
Zuko stays in bed longer than he knows he should, but his pain is often worse in the mornings. He hoists himself out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom down the short hall. It takes him ten minutes to convince himself to get in the shower, and another ten to get out of the spray once he's done washing up. Towel wrapped around his waist, he brushes his teeth quicker than he should and streaks back to his room. After haphazardly toweling his short hair dry, Zuko approaches his closet. He wants nothing more than to put on a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt but he resolves to look a little more presentable. He pulls on a black turtleneck and layers it with a deep maroon round neck t-shirt, tucked into a pair of frayed, baggy black jeans he'd cut off just above his ankles so his typical choice of an ankle-high platform boot would fit the pants. He slips on a few rings to finish the look, already familiarly fiddling with them. Zuko generally tries not to look at himself in the mirror, so it's not too different from any other day when he doesn't bother to look.
Uncle is sitting in the seat facing the entrance to the kitchen when Zuko finally makes his way to get breakfast There's a pot of tea sitting on the small dining room table.
'Good morning, nephew,' Uncle signs pleasantly.
'Good morning, Uncle. I had my appointment yesterday at the Student Resource Center’' Zuko signs to him.
'That is good, nephew, I am glad you got your foot in the door,' Uncle seems genuinely pleased with this victory.
Zuko grabs an orange off the counter, a teacup out of the cabinet, and sits down across from Uncle. He pours himself some tea and peels his orange while he waits for it to cool. They sit in a comfortable silence as Uncle reads a newspaper and Zuko eats his orange. He knocks back his still-warm tea, takes his cup to the sink, and throws away his orange peels. Zuko goes back to his room to grab his bag and stops right before reaching the door. He glares at his cane leaning in the corner by the door, and the cane seems to glare right back. He knows Iroh put it there. He feels his pain isn't so bad he’d need it.
"Bye, Uncle!" Zuko yells before leaving the apartment.
The bus ride to school was uneventful, and he made his way to class with time to spare. Zuko drifts from class to class, eventually landing himself at the library where he does homework until his next class.
By the end of the day, part of Zuko was wishing he'd grabbed his cane. He has more classes on Wednesdays than on other days. It's a lot of walking, and he curses his uncle for knowing better than he does.