Chapter Text
Jared woke to the sound of beeping monitors and his head feeling heavy, like it was stuffed full of wet cotton. There was something fitted over his nose and mouth, and when he opened his eyes, everything was white.
Except the face that suddenly came into view. It was blurry, but Jared could make out two very important details- first, the deep concern etched into every crease despite the hesitant smile; and second, it was completely unfamiliar and not the face Jared wanted to see.
“Hey, Jay,” the stranger whispered, leaning to the side to press something.
Jared felt the confusion on his own face. “Steph-” He tried to say, but it was muffled, the word barely making it past his lips. “Stephen.”
But the stranger seemed to understand, because he looked like someone had slapped him, smile dropping like a stone.
The door opened; more strangers, dressed in white, rushed in, surrounding Jared. He lost consciousness before he had a chance to panic.
The second time he woke, his head was clearer. It was easy to recognize he was in a hospital.
There was a woman with brightly colored hair- a doctor- smiling down at him. “Good morning,” she greeted him, holding a clipboard to her chest. “I’m Dr Rhodes. How are you feeling?”
“Like shit,” Jared answered flatly. “What happened to me?” Try as he might, he couldn’t recall why he might end up in hospital with a bandage wrapped around his head. So he moved on to a more important question. “Where’s Stephen?”
“You were in an accident,” she answered promptly.
“Why can’t I remember?”
“That’s common,” the doctor assured. “Most head trauma victims have a few missing minutes from their memories up to the incident.”
Even as he nodded along, something twinged in Jared’s mind- something that unsettled him.
“However, until we ascertain how much mental damage you’ve sustained, I’m afraid I can’t answer most of your questions,” she went on. “To avoid stress.”
“Where’s Stephen?” Jared asked again.
“Not injured,” she told him.
Jared relaxed a little.
“Now, I have some questions for you.” Dr Rhodes looked down at her clipboard. “Ready? What’s your full name?”
“Jared Pada- Jared Tristan Padalecki.”
“Family?”
“Parents are Gerald and Sherri. I have an older brother, Jeff, and a younger sister, Meghan.”
“Place of residence?”
“Los Angeles. Brought up in Texas, though.”
The doctor paused, a tiny frown marring her features before smoothing out. “Age?”
“31.”
This time, she sighed. “Mr Padalecki, what year is it?”
Jared hated the way his stomach sank. “2015,” he whispered, but he already knew he was wrong.
“Alright,” Dr Rhodes said softly. “I’m going to give you a sedative.”
He didn’t bother protesting. She pushed a needle into the crook of his elbow and his eyes started drooping. He turned his head to watch her leave anyway and just before the door closed behind her, he caught a single glimpse of a tall, unfamiliar man in a dark jacket standing to greet her.
When he woke up the next time, the doctor was present again. But so was Stephen.
Jared couldn’t stop the choked breath that escaped him. Free of monitors and IVs, he reached forward, snagging the lapel of an expensive, but rumpled, suit. “Stephen,” he whispered. “You’re alright, you're okay, you’re okay.” Rhodes had told him so, but somehow, Jared hadn’t quite believed it until now.
Stephen Amell was a handsome man, with a kind face and honest eyes, all accompanied with an air of confident assurance that Jared was weak to.
Right now, though, he seemed nervous, jittery, his smile uncertain. “I’m fine,” he said. “You’re the one in the hospital, babe." He stuttered over the endearment.
But Jared was too busy staring at him. Stephen was only about a year older than him. But right now, he looked…
Slowly, Jared turned to the doctor. “How much time am I missing?” He asked cautiously, nausea crawling up his throat.
“Before we get to that, there is someone else you need to meet,” Dr Rhodes said. Walking over to the door, she pulled it open.
The man who walked in was shorter than Jared, but with a quiet presence that seemed to fill the room. And he was gorgeous, Jared had to admit, with strong, chiseled features offset by a lush mouth that women would kill for.
Then he smiled at Jared- small, timid- and recognition hit.
“I know you!”
Someone drew a sharp breath. Jared didn’t check who, because the stranger’s whole face lit up for a second, so bright and hopeful, that Jared hated having to say his next words.
“You were here when I first woke up,” he finished.
The man drew into himself. “Yeah, I was,” he affirmed. “My name is Jensen. Jensen Ackles?”
The name inspired no familiarity. “Are you… Were you involved with my… The accident?” Jared asked carefully.
Jensen winced. “No. No, I’m just the first person they called, since… You have my name down as emergency contact.”
Jared blinked. “I… Why? Why not you?” He directed this to Stephen, before turning back. The fear returned, making his throat dry. “Who are you?” He asked.
Stephen tensed, ever so slightly.
Jensen took a deep breath. “I’m your best friend.”
He didn’t seem to be lying, but Jared couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something not quite right in that short explanation.
“How much time am I missing, Doc?” He repeated his question.
The lady sighed. “Six years.”
The world rolled into a spin, Jared’s vision blurring as he tried to breathe. Six years. Over a decade. Six years of his life just… Gone. Who was he now? Where was his family?
“Jared, please, calm down,-”
“Jay, hey, take a deep breath-”
“Jared, you need to-”
Jared tried to respond, tried to say something, but…
“He’s going to hyperventilate, get me a-”
“Jared, it’s okay, just-”
A pair of hands cupped his face. The shock of warm, smooth skin made Jared gasp. His eyes flew open to meet a beautiful pair of green ones and he drew in a slow breath.
“That’s it,” Jensen Ackles muttered, grabbing one of Jared’s hands and holding it to his sternum. “Breathe, Jay. You’re alright.”
Jared stilled, trying to match the exaggerated motion of the strong chest under his hand. Something settled in him, the dull thud of Jensen’s heart bleeding through his palm to the rest of him.
Jensen held on to him for a couple more seconds, gaze keen like he was searching for something. When he retreated, it was slow and with averted eyes.
Jared shook his head, trying to make sense of what had just happened. “Sorry,” he mumbled, clearing his throat. “So, uhm… Six years?”
“Yes.” The doctor nodded. “Your life has undergone changes since the time that you remember. But in cases like these, it’s best not to go looking for the missing memories. They’ll come back in time.”
“Why can’t I just know?” Jared asked. “I mean… Can’t you just tell me?”
The doctor pursed her lips unhappily. “You’re a rare case- it’s normal to miss a few minutes, sometimes a full day or two. But… Whole years…” She shook her head. “Some things might come as too much of a shock. Your mind is delicate right now, you wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
Jared wanted to protest; but he’d just had a near panic attack at hearing only the diagnosis, so maybe there was a point to what the medical professional was saying. “Can I have a few minutes alone, please?” He asked quietly.
Dr Rhodes gave him a comforting smile as she left the room. Jensen lingered for a moment, looking away from Jared- for the first time since he’d entered the room, Jared realized- and fixating on Stephen instead. Then he left too.
Jared turned to his partner. “Stephen,” he whispered. “Where have you been? Why weren’t you here?”
Stephen didn’t meet his gaze, studying the corner of the hospital bed covers instead. “I was in France for three weeks. I got the call about you and… Came as soon as I could.” He hesitated, then looked up with a half-smile. “Don’t worry about the emergency contact thing. I’m too far away most of the time to get to you when you need someone in an instant.”
“And Jensen has nothing better to do than run to my side”? Jared asked flatly.
Stephen shrugged a little. “He travels too. But much less often.”
Something about it nagged at Jared, but his head was starting to hurt, so he let it go. “Stephen…” This was a difficult question, he realized. Something in his chest tightened. “Are we… Still together?”
Stephen took a moment longer than necessary to answer. “Yeah, we are,” he finally said.
Jared shook his head. “I remember you leaving,” he whispered. The memories flashing through his head seemed a little hazy. But they were the last thing he remembered from before waking up in the hospital. “We were fighting. You were leaving again somewhere. I remember thinking you were gonna break up with me once you got back.”
Stephen looked hesitant. “Is that what you want?”
“No!” The answer left him without the need for thought, but once spoken, his mouth felt numb.
Stephen nodded tightly. “We took a break from each other,” he answered carefully. “Then got back together after… Eight months. You moved in two years ago. Finally.” He smiled near the end, seeming lighter now. “You’re a published author, you know.”
Jared felt his eyebrows rise high up on his forehead. “I… Am?” He recalled the hopeful book he’d been writing- a man setting out in search of his wife’s killer, with the help of a loner who knew more than he let on. “How did it do?”
“You’ve got three books out,” Stephen told him. “You’re good- people like your work a lot.”
Jared breathed out deeply. He had no idea what the other two books might be about. “Do you think the doc will let me read them?”
“I… Doubt that.”
They shared a soft laugh, then Jared realized Stephen had barely touched him all this time. His hands were on the bed, but an inch away from Jared’s, like he couldn’t figure out how to breach the gap. Bracing himself for a negative reaction, Jared crept his own hand forward, fingers slotting into place between Stephen’s.
Stephen started, staring down at their joint hands in a pained way.
“Steph?” Jared’s voice was too small.
“We’re not married, you know,” Stephen told him, still not looking at him.
It was what Jared wanted. What he had wanted, he realized now, while Stephen had explained it wasn’t a possibility because of his family’s societal expectations. Had that changed somewhere in the last six years? Had Stephen changed his mind, had Jared himself changed? He couldn’t bring himself to ask.
“But… We’re together?” He made himself say. That was what was important.
Stephen stared at him for a long time, then nodded. “Yeah.”
“And we’re happy?”
“We’re happy.”
They discharged him soon after that, saying that there wasn’t much more they could do for him except prescribe meds for pain. His memory? No one could tell him exactly when or even if it would all come back.
Jared tried to tell himself it didn’t matter, that he was happy and successful and he had Stephen- that should be enough.
But there were questions he couldn’t let go of.
Why did Stephen seem so cagey around him? Why did the house they supposedly lived in together not feel like a place that Jared had helped design or set up? And who the hell was Jensen Ackles?
Jensen had accompanied them from the hospital, had insisted when Jared tried to protest it wasn’t necessary. Stephen had been quick to agree, though he seemed to have trouble looking Jensen in the eye.
“Everything okay?” Jensen asked now, voice gravelly and deep, comforting with its slow Texan drawl that dripped with familiarity.
Jared looked around the house, every wall gleaming like proof of wealth. Stephen had gone up to take Jared’s bags up to the room. Jared had questioned why his stuff was in bags anyway. Stephen had faltered and Jensen had smoothly explained that Jared had been returning from the airport, having just come back from a visit to his family in Texas.
“You’re my best friend, you said?” Jared asked in a low voice, in case sounds carried in this house.
Jensen studiously inspected a little ceramic mermaid on the mantel. “Yeah. I am.” He sounded sincere and Jared decided to believe him- Stephen had confirmed it after all.
Well, it’s just…” Jared looked pointedly at the ceramic mermaid. “I’m apparently living in this place, but… Nothing here seems like something I would have liked.”
To his surprise, Jensen smirked. “No. You’d have picked one of those plastic puppies or a soft toy.”
“I-” Jared couldn’t even formulate an argument. “Alright, I guess we are best friends.”
Jensen’s smile dimmed. “Right. Anything else you need to hear to prove it?”
“No, that’s not- I just meant-”
“Don’t worry about it,” Jensen hurried to assure with a sigh. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I just mean-” He gave Jared another smile, this one smaller, concerned. “I should have expected you to have trouble believing me. As far as you remember, Chad is your best friend.”
“You know Chad?” Which was a stupid question, Jared realized.
“Yeah,” Jensen snorted. “We made the mistake of introducing him to one of my childhood friends, Chris.”
“Too alike?”
“Way too alike. And now we actively make sure to minimize their time together.”
Jared thought about the disastrous prospect of having two Chad’s in one room and nodded. “Good decision. Sounds like we make a good team.”
Jensen stared at him for a second too long. Stephen came back down the stairs.
“Jared, I’ve set your stuff up,” he said. “Uh, Jensen? Do you want to stay for dinner?”
“No, thanks,” Jensen answered, the same politeness in his tone as Stephen. “Should be getting back to the hotel, I’ve got work.”
“Hotel?” Jared asked with a frown.
“Yeah.” Jensen didn’t offer any more.
Jared let it go with a nod.
“Take care of him,” Jensen instructed Stephen, smiling like it was teasing, but Stephen nodded seriously. “Jay? Call Chad. And your parents. They’ve been waiting to hear from you.”
He was gone before Jared could reply. “He called my parents?” He asked Stephen. “Not you?”
Stephen shrugged. “I was… Preoccupied.” He gave a small smile. “You were in critical condition, couldn’t really think of much.”
Jared nodded in understanding, smiling softly. “You gonna be in trouble for cutting your trip short?” He asked.
“Don’t worry about it.” Stephen took his hand slowly, leading him to the table. “I don’t actually need to be there for most meetings these days. All the important ones were done with when I got the call about you.”
“Look at you, all big and in-charge, huh,” Jared teased, lifting his free hand to cup Stephen’s face.
Stephen stilled completely, almost tensing as Jared drew closer.
“What’s wrong?” He asked in a whisper.
Stephen swallowed, eyes darting away. “You’re… Still weak.”
“Not for this,” Jared said softly and tilted his head to kiss him, his hand shaking as he braced himself for being pushed away.
But Stephen just let out a trembling breath, kissing back just as gently. It only lasted a few seconds though, and then he was pulling away, “You should eat,” he said quietly.
“Yeah.” Jared sat down at the table, and wondered why everything about the last two minutes had felt wrong.
Jared lay in bed alone for a long time- Stephen was in his office, working. It wasn’t anything out of the usual; even six years ago, Jared would fall asleep alone more often than not.
But right now, the absence of a warm body was proving impossible to adjust to. As if he’d gotten accustomed to the exact opposite of what he remembered, as if he no longer knew how to sleep on his own.
Jared sighed, giving up. It wasn’t too late and his parents were likely to still be up. With only a little hesitation, he dialed his mother’s number.
“Jared?”
He smiled automatically. “Hey, momma.”
There was a short pause, and then a soft sob.
“No, mum, I’m okay!” Jared said hurriedly. “I’m back home. I’m fine.”
“Don’t tell me you’re fine!” She practically growled, voice thick with tears. “Your brother looked over the medical file Jensen sent him a copy of, so I know exactly how bad it was, how….” She trailed off, sniffling.
“It’s alright now,” Jared said soothingly. “I’m better now. Barely a scratch on me.”
“And your memories?” His mother questioned. “Jensen told me about that too.”
Jared sighed. “Yeah, that one is… I don’t know, mum. Doc says it’ll most likely come back in time on its own.” He left out the part where he also might never get his memories back. He frowned, as something else occurred to him. “So… You, uh… You know Jensen well?”
This time, there was a pause. “He’s your best friend, honey,” his mom said, but there was a note of caution in her tone.
“Right, that’s what I've been told,” he agreed. “Just wondering… You never knew Chad that well.”
She huffed. “Well, no offense, JT, but Chad makes me want to sit him down and teach him how to behave. Jensen is a perfect sweetheart, however.”
Jared laughed softly. “Yeah, that’s true enough, I guess.”
His mom laughed too, but then she seemed to hesitate. “You’re… You’re living with Stephen, right?”
He raised an eyebrow up at the dark ceiling. “Who else would I live with?” He joked, but at the same time, an odd sense of discomfort curled in his stomach.
“Oh, no, no, I just meant… I’m glad you’re not living on your own,” she hurried to correct.
“I’m not,” he assured. “Stephen will take care of me.”
“Right.” She sounded almost… Skeptical. “And, um, how’s Jensen doing?”
He frowned. “Fine? I guess? Why…?”
“Nothing,” she said quietly. “It’s just… He’s a lonely boy, JT. You’re… Important to him. I’ve never seen him so upset as he’s been these last few days with you in the hospital.”
“Oh,” Jared mumbled after a moment, unsure of what to say. “Alright, momma, I’ll…”
“Just don’t forget about him,” she implored. Then she gave a short, humorless laugh. “You know what I mean.”
He smiled, just as flat. “I do. I’ll check in on him, mum, won’t neglect him. Promise.”
“That’s my boy,” she said softly. “Here, talk to your father, alright?”
Stephen came back in just as he finished talking to his father. “Couldn’t sleep?” He asked.
Jared shook his head. “Will now that you’re here.” He put the phone away, deciding to call his siblings and Chad tomorrow.
Stephen lingered at the door, looking more torn than he'd ever seemed before. But Jared gave a soft smile, patting the bed clumsily, and Stephen nodded slowly, sliding in next to him.
Jared took a deep breath, keeping his hand on Stephen’s chest. The room felt warmer already, comfortably so.
He still took another two hours to fall asleep.