Chapter Text
Joshua knew he should be paying closer attention to the book spread out on the table in front of him. Yet, he was feeling good today, good enough to run right out into the sunlight that was shining in through the library window. He could almost smell the garden's flowers, feel the sun's warmth on his face, the grass between his fingers, the…
“Eyes on your work, my lord.” His tutor for that day tapped gently on the book full of dark text and not a single picture in sight. “I know a boy your age would rather be outside, but your studies will aid you when...”
His tutor kept talking as Joshua looked back to the book but was already tuning out the same words he had heard countless times before. It wasn't that he didn't know all that, but he also didn't know how learning the past lineages of Rosaria was supposed to help him lead anyone.
“I understand,” Joshua sighed instead. Putting up a fight never helped him; it only made them fetch his mother, who immediately put him back in his bed, and that was the last place he wanted to be when he didn't feel sick.
He got about one line into the page before he heard a muffled giggle from in front of him. Joshua didn't risk looking away from the book, at least not until his tutor got distracted with his quill and parchment again, but he did manage to glance up just enough to avoid getting caught.
It was Jill, not that Joshua needed to see her to know that; he'd know her laugh anywhere. She was sitting at a table that was supposedly far enough away to not distract him, but his tutor was new and didn't know that letting Jill and Clive sit together would usually end up like this. Joshua wasn’t going to say anything; if he couldn't have any fun, he would at least let his brother and Jill not be bored to absolute death.
Jill had her hand over her mouth, trying to stifle her laughter in the otherwise quiet library. Clive was sitting next to her, the chair pulled close enough so that their shoulders were almost touching. They were both looking down at their books in front of them, though. If it was anything like the book Joshua was reading, he couldn't even imagine what she found so funny. His unasked question was answered a moment later when Clive reached over to take a piece of parchment from Jill's open book.
He was already twirling a quill between his fingers before he started writing or drawing something on the parchment. Jill leaned over to watch him before she was trying not to laugh again, pushing at his shoulder in an effort to get him to stop, but Clive just grinned and kept going.
Joshua smiled as he looked down at his book. He knew there was plenty about this world he didn't know, that he had to learn before he could ever lead his people, but what he absolutely did know was his best friends.
Joshua had never known a day without his brother. He knew Clive's favorite foods and his favorite places to hide, when he was angry or when he was sad. Joshua knew the difference between when Clive smiled because it was the polite thing to do so Mother wouldn't reprimand him later and when he smiled because he was genuinely happy.
Jill came to live with them when Joshua was five, so he felt like he had never lived a day without Jill sometimes too. He knew her favorite flowers, her favorite dessert from the market, when she was homesick, and when she was scared. Joshua knew when she used her “lady voice,” as he usually called it, when she was uncomfortable, and when she was laughing, telling Clive to get off the kitchen counter to reach the cabinets that held the sweet candies used in baking before they were caught.
Clive's voice was a low mumble from across the room, and while it made Joshua glance up again, he couldn't hear what was being said. He only saw Jill and Clive leaning into each other, their shoulders touching as he said something to her. Jill looked like she was trying to pretend to be reading, but her eyes kept drifting to meet his, her teeth biting down on her lips like she was trying to hide the smile on her face. He, on the other hand, had completely given up even pretending to study as he spoke to Jill, watching her like he had forgotten there was anyone else in the room.
It always made Joshua happy to see his brother not feeling so weighed down by the burdens that shouldn’t have ever been placed on Clive's shoulders in the first place, but something about it also made Joshua's forehead furrow.
That had been happening a lot more lately. When he would go find them to say goodnight, they'd be sitting on the balcony that overlooked the gardens, with Torgal sleeping between them. While they weren't even sitting close enough to be touching, the way they would look at each other as they talked it would almost made Joshua feel like he was interrupting something. He'd feel embarrassed, like he needed to apologize and leave. When they'd notice he was there, it was like what he experienced faded into nothing because it was the same as it always was when he was with Clive and Jill, like being wrapped in a warm and comforting hug.
Still, Joshua had been trying to place what the feeling was since he first noticed it.
A snort of laughter echoed against the walls, causing him to look up quickly. Jill had both hands over her mouth now, and even Clive had to cover his mouth to mask his own laughter. Joshua found it impossible not to grin too. Jill would probably be embarrassed by what the maids would have tutted as very unladylike, but Joshua just knew it as Jill when Clive really made her laugh.
“My lord, my lady,” the tutor cleared his throat, making both Jill and Clive sit up straight, the inches suddenly growing between them again. “Is something the matter?”
“Not at all,” Jill said with a slight nod of her head.
“Allergies,” Clive supplied, though Jill didn't seem to think he was helping because Joshua saw the way Clive jerked slightly, the result of Jill probably nudging him from under the table. “It is a little dusty in here don't you think, Joshua?” Clive winked at him, and once again, that feeling of exclusion vanished.
“Oh yes, it is rather dusty, I think,” Joshua agreed quickly.
“Try to keep it down to a minimum regardless,” the tutor said.
That seemed to be that. Jill and Clive looking back to their books, and Joshua going back to the sentence he swore he read ten times by now. But, when he looked back up, they leaned back into each other, hands barely brushing on the table.
Joshua felt that same clench in his heart like he was missing something. He knew he wasn't being left out, but it still sort of felt the same way. Almost as if there was a path that he couldn't follow.
He tried to think back all the times he had been with Jill or Clive in the past few months. Did it start then? Or before then and he just never noticed? Sure, they did things on their own sometimes but Clive also spent time with just him, and Jill would do the same. They even convinced some of the maids to let Joshua come with them to the market the other week.
The maids had been hesitant at first, probably fearing his mother's wrath, but Clive assured them Joshua was in no better care than with him and Jill (and Torgal, who had been lapping kisses onto Joshua's face at the time). The maids relented, and Joshua happily took the hands of Clive and Jill to go have an actual adventure.
“That Clive Rosfield is growing up to be quite the charmer, ain't he?” Joshua heard one the maids chuckle as they were walking away.
“Maybe so,” the other maid said. “Won't really matter; you see how he looks at little miss Warrick. He clearly only has eyes for her, not that it might do much in...”
Joshua couldn't hear the rest of the sentence, though he looked up to Jill and Clive to see if they heard what was being said about them. Judging by their talking and laughter, it didn't seem so. Joshua almost asked, but the gossip was quickly put out of his mind when Torgal took off running.
Now though, Joshua remembered the moment as he watched Clive getting Jill's attention again by sliding a piece of parchment onto her book again.
Saying someone “only had eyes” for another was strange to Joshua at the time. Of course, Clive did; he was talking to Jill. Who else would he be looking at? However, watching Clive now, as he watched Jill read the note, Joshua thought he might have finally understood.
It was just that sometimes, Clive looked at Jill like she was the only person in the room. He didn't look at anyone else like that, not even Joshua. That didn't make him feel bad, though, not when he thought back on other gossip he overheard from the maids when they thought he was sleeping or not paying attention; talks about romance and attraction, talks about being in love.
“Oh,” Joshua said, realization dawning on him suddenly. Though that was apparently too loud because now Clive and Jill were looking at him, and probably his tutor too.
“Learn something interesting, my lord?” he asked.
“Actually, yes,” Joshua nodded, hoping he wasn't asked for a follow-up because he wasn't referring to anything he read in the book.
“Then would you mind sharing with us what you've been studying today, Joshua?”
He and everyone else in the library quickly stood up to their feet at the sound of his father's voice.
“Your Grace,” the tutor said, bowing low. “To what do we owe this visit?”
Joshua smiled as he watched his father walk over to their tables. He was also so busy it was nice to get to see him any time of the day.
“I just heard everyone was hard at their studies.” He sent a wink Clive's way as if he already knew that he hadn't touched his book at all, which made Joshua giggle. “And thought I would come by to see what the topic of the day was.”
Joshua felt his father's hands on his shoulders, signaling that he'd be the one to speak up. He panicked for a second, not remembering a single word of the book he was trying to read, but at least he remembered what it was about.
“Family lineage, Father, and how important it is.” Why, Joshua didn't know, but thankfully, that wasn't the question and he wasn't about to let it be either. “I know our family lineage,” he said, looking up to his father, who was smiling in that way that always made Joshua feel safe.
“Well, by all means then,” his father said, gesturing for Joshua to continue.
“You, Father, of course, and Mother,” he started. “Uncle Byron, who is your brother.”
“Yes, that's correct.”
“Then, Clive, my brother,” Joshua said as he watched Clive bow in an overly grandiose manner, making Jill giggle. “And Jill, my sister.”
The room almost seemed to go silent as her giggle quickly turned into a surprised gasp. Even Clive looked surprised for a minute before his face melted into something like pride or appreciation. Whatever it was, it made Joshua's chest swell up.
“Blood doesn't always make up a lineage, at least, I don't think it should. Jill cares for me like a big sister would, so she's my sister.” That wasn't something he learned in the book, and it wasn't something he learned from his mother, but he was pretty sure it was something he learned from his father, even if he didn't even realize it until now.
His father squeezed Joshua's shoulders before crouching down to be at eye level with him. “That's very wise of you to say, Joshua. I'm sure it means a lot to Jill for you to say that.”
“It does,” Jill said in a quiet tone, but one that he knew was because she was touched. It was the same tone she had when he and Clive surprised her with treats and gifts for her birthday last month.
Speaking of, Clive was looking at her again. This sort of soft look in his eyes, like he was keeping watch over something precious. It only solidified what Joshua had begun to suspect just moments ago.
“Well, Jill is to me,” Joshua felt like he needed to clarify, lest anyone get the wrong opinion. “But probably not to Clive.”
He seemed to jump at the sound of his name, eyes quickly meeting Joshua's. Clive didn't seem confused or upset, just surprised.
“What do you mean by that, Joshua?” his father asked.
When he looked at his father, he also didn't seem confused. In fact, he looked more amused, if anything. “Because Clive doesn't look at anyone like he looks at Jill.”
Clive made some sort of choking noise, probably because he wasn't expecting Joshua to say that. He didn't know why. As far as he could tell, Clive wasn't exactly hiding that, though now both him and Jill were looking at anywhere but each other.
Joshua was about to ask if he said something wrong, but his father merely laughed, reaching a hand up to squeeze Joshua's shoulder.
“I think that's enough studies and teasing your brother for one day. Why don't you rest in the gardens before lunch is served?”
Joshua's face lit up at the prospect of going outside. He immediately looked to Clive and Jill, but they were still acting...off.
“I'll escort you, Joshua,” Jill said, walking around from behind the table before holding her hand out to him.
He took it eagerly before waving goodbye to his father while Jill gave a curtsey. Joshua assumed Clive would just follow them, but even as they walked out into the hallway, Clive wasn't behind them. Joshua could hear his brother grumbling something and his father laughing in response, but they were quickly out of earshot.
Joshua was now really wondering if he said something wrong. A knot clenched in the pit of his stomach as he looked up to Jill and saw she was just staring straight ahead, her hand tight around his. He opened his mouth to apologize to her, but she spoke first.
“Did you mean what you said?” she asked, though she was still staring down the hallway. “About...about Clive.”
Joshua was confused again because how could she not know? Though, he supposed maybe it wasn't as easy to see if that's how Clive always acted around her. “Yes,” Joshua nodded. “I meant it.”
Jill didn't look at him, but this time, she smiled, and her eyes softened in a way that was really familiar.
Oh, Joshua thought to himself this time. He had been so focused on Clive that Joshua hadn't even noticed till now. He looked towards the hallway again as they made their way to the gardens, a wide grin pulling at his lips.
Jill looked at Clive in the exact same way he looked at her.