Chapter Text
In the time that he’s been dating Henry, Alex has been on the receiving end of no less than four shovel talks.
Or.
Okay.
That number may vary, depending on what exactly counts as a shovel talk.
For example, Liam telling him to “get your head out of your emotionally constipated ass, Alex, or I swear to God if you fuck this up with Henry I will make you regret it,” shouldn’t count towards his total. Because, like, he’s mostly sure that that was Liam letting go of some of his unresolved bitterness over what had happened between the two of them during high school? Which is honestly completely fair; Alex is more than willing to admit to his own failings (rare though they may be). The point, however, is that he’s reasonably sure that it hadn’t come from a place of pure concern for Henry’s emotional welfare, hence why it shouldn’t count in his personal and completely unbiased opinion.
Also there was that time that Shaan had told Alex of all the creative ways he knew how to hide a body such that it would never be found, but seeing as how he’s Henry’s equerry, Alex had put that particular conversation strictly under the “job requirements” category rather than the “shovel talk” category.
So yeah.
Alex has had anywhere between 4-6 shovel talks so far, and given that he hasn’t yet had cause to spend any significant amount of time alone with Catherine or Philip, he’s reasonably sure that that number is still set to go up by at least two in the future.
( He wonders if Arthur would have given him a shovel talk.
Probably, right?
He and Henry used to be pretty close.
Sometimes Alex wishes he’d gotten to meet him. Not just because he was a total babe, but also because he was a pretty great father, according to Henry.)
Now, he’s not sure how many shovel talks people typically get upon entering a new relationship, given that there isn’t exactly any empirical data on the subject, but it’s safe to say the number is probably less than 4, and definitely less than 6.
Which means that at this point, Alex considers himself something of an expert on them.
For the most part, they haven’t really bothered him. If anything, he finds them kind of entertaining.
In fact, if someone were to ask him to rank the shovel talks he’s received in order of how much they bother him, he’d have a rather tough time doing so.
Because that’s how little they bother him.
Although that isn’t to say that he couldn’t rank them - because Alex is nothing if not an overachiever, and also lists are kind of his specialty.
So you know what? Just because you said he couldn’t do it, he’ll make the damn list for you. Right here. Right now.
Alexander Gabriel Claremont-Diaz’s definitive ranking on every shovel talk he’s received thus far (excluding Liam and Shaan because, as established, they don’t count) and how much they don’t bother him:
1. Percy “Pez” Okonjo
So obviously, Pez’s shovel talk had been the one that had bothered Alex the least. Not to say that it was the least intimidating , by any means. No, if Alex were ranking these based on which ones still make him feel queasy whenever he thinks about them, Pez would definitely take the cake.
But in terms of how much they bother him?
Well.
Pez is Henry’s best friend.
His real best friend, a title he had earned fair and square instead of having it handed to him on a silver platter in order to avoid causing an international incident. This kind of shit comes with the territory, and Alex understands that.
Honestly, it had made something in his stomach go all warm and fuzzy, to know that even before he had come along, Henry had had someone so fiercely on his side.
It also helps that, immediately afterwards, Pez had thrown an arm around his shoulders and declared that the two of them were going out for drinks, no Henry or June or anyone else allowed.
Because yeah, Alex is completely head over heels for Henry and would spend every waking moment with him if he could, but on the other hand? He also kind of desperately wants Pez to like him, and there’s something reassuring in knowing that Pez wants to hang out with him one-on-one. It helps soothe the (totally non-existent) sting of their previous topic of discussion.
2. Beatrice “Bea” Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Honestly, Bea should probably be tied with Pez on this list, because her talk had bothered Alex about as much as Pez’s had (which is to say almost not at all).
Is it true that Alex had felt a split second of frustration that, even after their conversation that day in Kensington after the emails were leaked, Bea still felt the need to warn Alex to be careful with her brother’s heart or she would make him regret it?
Maybe.
But Alex is familiar enough with having a protective older sister to not take it personally. Honestly, he wouldn’t have been surprised to hear that June had had a similar talk with Henry. (She hadn’t. In case you were wondering.) So instead of pouting about it and making a general nuisance of himself like he normally would, Alex puts on his most charming smile and takes Bea’s hands into his own.
“His heart is safe with me,” he tells her in his most earnest voice. “I’ll keep it right next to my own, and make sure no one can trample it ever again.”
He knows it’s the right thing to say when all the tension drains out of Bea’s shoulders immediately, and she leans forward to pull him into a fierce hug that reminds him of his sister. He melts into it readily.
“I trust you,” she says where her face is pressed into his shoulder. Her voice wavers a little, and he knows how hard it must be for her to put her faith in someone else, after all these years of being her brother’s ever vigilant protector.
3. Catalina June “Bug” Claremont-Diaz
June is one of Alex’s favourite people in the entire world, no contest.
Some people may find that a little weird, maybe a little pathetic, but Alex doesn’t care.
His sister has always been on the front lines protecting him, whether it be letting him sleep in her bed when they were children and their parents were fighting so loud it felt like their voices shook the house, or when the rumours about Alex and Henry had first started going around and she hadn’t even missed a beat before offering herself up as a fake girlfriend for Henry.
Sometimes that means protecting him from himself, like when he’s pulled three all-nighters in a row and is running on fumes, so she bodily drags him away from his work and bullies him into eating a proper meal and getting at least eight uninterrupted hours of sleep.
She also knows more than a little about Alex’s self-sabotaging tendencies.
Which is probably why she finds herself on his and Henry’s bed in the brownstone one day, watching him tear through his closet trying to find the right outfit to wear for his dinner date. She’s got that dreamy look on her face that she gets whenever she watches those cheesy hallmark movies she’s so fond of around the holiday season.
“You better not fuck this up, Little Bit. I swear to God, I’ve never seen you as happy as you are with Henry and-”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it, I get it!” Alex says, cutting her off with a roll of his eyes. “Are you losing your touch, Bug? All the rest of our friends have already beat you to the punch on this particular conversation.”
June’s mouth immediately snaps shut at his words, and there’s a wounded look on her face that immediately has Alex feeling bad. Normally he wouldn’t be so short with her when he knows that she’s just trying to look out for him, but Nora had already given him her version of the talk earlier that day and his nerves are still on edge from it.
Honestly, June probably shouldn’t even be on the shovel talk list, because he’d stopped her before she really had a chance to get going, before she’d even reached the threat part of her speech. Alex still includes her though, because even in the sentence and a half that she’d managed to get out before he interrupted her, she’d managed to land a bigger blow than either Pez or Bea had.
He knows that she doesn’t mean anything negative by it but.
But.
She’s one of his people, at the end of the day.
Like, yeah, sure, they’re the Super Six now. They’re all each other’s friends, and there shouldn’t be sides in this. It’s not like Alex sees his boyfriend as an opponent or anything.
At the end of the day though, the simple truth of it is that Pez and Bea’s shovel talks hadn’t really hurt Alex much at all because they’re Henry’s people. Henry had brought them with him into the friend group, and their loyalties will always lie with him first over Alex. It’s a moot point, because Henry and Alex will always be on the same side anyways, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
On the other hand, Nora and June are supposed to be Alex’s people. They’re supposed to be loyal to Alex first, and now it feels like they’re both clamouring to show their support for Henry, and it feels like Alex has been left out to dry.
“Alex,” says June, drawing his attention back to her. “Have the others been giving you a hard time?”
She looks about ready to spit fire at even the thought, and it only serves to make Alex feel like more of an asshole.
Because this is his Junebug, his big sister, one of his favourite people in the world, and she would never purposely hurt Alex
So he smiles at her reassuringly, and steps over to drop a kiss on the top of her head.
“Of course not, Bug,” he reassures her. “I’m just a little stressed because of school, so I lost my temper at you. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”
June frowns up at him, seeing through his carefree façade immediately. Before she can call him out on it though, Alex hurries her out of the house with the excuse that Henry would be home soon from the shelter and they would need to leave for their dinner reservation.
So no, despite that first initial wave of hurt, June’s interrupted shovel talk doesn’t bother Alex.
She was just looking out for him.
4. Nora Holleran
Okay, this one hurt. A lot. And Alex doesn’t even want to pretend otherwise.
It had happened earlier that day, when Nora had met up with Alex on the NYU campus for lunch, and the lingering hurt from the conversation is probably why he had had such a disproportionate reaction to June’s big sisterly fussing later that evening.
“When was the last time you even took Henry on a date?” Nora had asked, one eyebrow raised as if she knew she wouldn’t like the answer.
When Alex takes too long to reply, she sighs.
“Alejandro…” she says, a warning note in her voice, and Alex immediately feels his hackles rise.
“I’ve been busy with school!” he says defensively. “Law school isn’t exactly a walk in the park, you know.”
“I know,” Nora tells him, placating. “But Alex…you can’t just let all your relationships fall to the wayside. Henry doesn’t deserve that.”
Alex puts down his spoon and leans back in his chair, his arms crossed defensively in front of him. “It isn’t going to be like this forever,” he says. “Henry understands that.”
“Just because he understands it doesn’t mean he’s happy with it,” Nora says. “He’s already been through so much, Alex. If you hurt him any more on top of everything he’s been through, I’ll never forgive you.”
Alex purses his lips, and swallows hard around the lump in his throat.
The thing is, he’s tired . He’s tired of having this same talk again and again and again.
Especially when Henry is the one that has a history of walking away from him. Henry is the one that had run away from Alex, first on New Year’s Eve, and then again at the lakehouse. He can’t exactly say that though, because he really truly has moved on from it, and he doesn’t want to hold it over Henry’s head like a trump card to win whatever argument he’s not in the mood to have. Henry doesn’t deserve that.
He looks back at Nora.
“Cut the bullshit,” he tells her, and her brows furrow in anger. “I know you’re just trying to look out for him, but I don’t need you insinuating that I’m being a shitty boyfriend or whatever. You don’t see me interfering with your relationship with June, do you? So stay the hell out of my relationship with Henry.”
Without giving her a chance to reply, Alex scrapes back his chair and stands up to leave, abandoning his half-finished lunch without a second thought.
He’s known that June and Nora have some kind of complicated thing for a while now. They’re not exactly dating, he’s pretty sure of that part, but they’re also not completely platonic either.
Honestly, it had been something of a relief when he had first figured it out.
Almost as long as he and June had known Nora, as long as the Whitehouse Trio™ had been a thing, Alex had felt like the two of them had had a special kind of bond that he could never hope to understand, let alone be a part of.
It had felt a little isolating sometimes, even though he knew without doubt how much the two of them loved him, even though he knew that they wanted him around.
But things should be better now, right?
Nora and June have each other, and now Alex has Henry.
But Nora and June and Bea and Pez have all taken it upon themselves to rally around Henry, to protect him from Alex, and suddenly Alex is the odd one out again.
Walking towards his next lecture, Alex pulls out his phone, and shoots off a text to Henry.
‘Dinner tonight?’