Chapter Text
“Holding back your feelings, will deprive you of feeling something real...”
Don’t show too much interest or pleasure or fear. Always holding back emotions, never showing what you truly feel, letting go, always controlled, never wavering. It’s a perfect way to protect and damage yourself all at once. Pressure building, no release. It is an effective method to get people triggered, to get people to slip up and fall, to take advantage of them. But at what cost? It has been his way for a long time now, although it wasn’t always like this nor was it consistently as bad. It’s just how some people are, right?
“Excuse me? Uhm… May I pass?” A female voice cut through his thoughts, looking down on a black haired woman, her face blushing and a nervous smile. The tight grip on her bag is either from stress or fear. With a step back, he lets her pass. His gaze goes over most people’s heads at the train station, and he sees the approaching train in the corner of his eye. He stands out and people stare at him. After all, he is very tall, slender and blond haired, yet thick thighs, large hands with long fingers and muscled arms. Or maybe it's the condescending and annoyed look on his face, that scares people.
“Tch.” With a hand running through his fair hair, Tsukishima Kei clicks his tongue. He dislikes taking public transport and people, but seeing as his car is in the garage for some minor repairs and adjustments, he has no choice. The museum called him to fill in for a few days seeing as he had no training for volleyball at the moment, and he had said yes. Of course, now regretting it. He loves the museum, but hates this. Just a few more days, just a few more days. Luckily, he had bought a new apartment about a month ago, which was in the opposite direction of his last home and closer to the city center. Else, this would have been even more of a hell.
“What did you hear? She said that? No way! Hahaha” Gossip, complaints, laughter and mundane stories assault him as he steps into the train cart. Even when people were whispering, his ears got triggered by the sounds. It distracted and annoyed him. He positioned himself near the door, leaning against a pole as he rummaged in his backpack, pulling out a grayish black Somy headset. With a sigh of relief, he turned on some music and the world around him fell away. The golden brown eyes followed the landscape rapidly moving outside the train, and he almost missed his stop as he was zoned out. The October air was cool today, and it was a welcome surprise when he stepped outside. A large building loomed in the distance, and he started walking towards it at a brisk pace, away from the people. Just a few more days.
“Otsukaresama desu!” His coworker Iza Takahiro called as they closed the doors after the last visitors had left, it had been an exhausting few days with a lot of groups, talking and answering questions. They had a special exhibit which meant extended opening hours for a few weeks and thus extra help was needed. He had to admit, he really liked working here, but not on days like this. It was extremely draining.
“Yo, Kei-kun! Can you also cover tomorrow? I have a half day off, so you can leave earlier if you want to.” Takahiro begged as he bowed his head and put his hands together in a pleading manner. Tsukishima sighed and pushed his glasses a little higher up his nose.
“I guess, it can’t be helped. Alright, Takahiro-san.” He finally agreed, and his coworker jumped up in gratitude. Takahiro reminded him of his old teammate Shoyo Hinata in some ways, just as energetic but less annoying and stupid.
“Thank you, thank you!” Takahiro cheered and Tsukishima rolled his eyes. “As a thank you, I will set you up with my younger sister. Okay? She is about your age, right?” He winked, and Tsukishima stopped dead in his tracks. His face soured, and he looked up at the ceiling to think of an excuse, which may have looked like he was angry. “Oh no, don’t tell me you finally found a nice girl? I was too late!?” Takahiro fell to his knees, grabbing his head and mock crying. Tsukishima took advantage of the situation and quickly walked past him and towards the changing rooms so he could leave. Takahiro ran after him, babbling about some nonsense. The way back home was terrible, trains packed with drunk salarymen, people gawking at Tsukishima and even some loudmouth youths. Luckily, no one dares talk to him, so he could just ignore it all and continue on home. After stopping at the konbini, Tsukishima made it home and plopped down on his couch. Finally, some peace and quiet.
“Ahh, sorry, please excuse me.” A high-pitched voice called out as he felt someone trying to push past him. Tsukishima sighed and stepped aside, letting the woman pass. She was clutching a child and avoiding eye contact as she thanked him while hurrying along. Again, it was a terrible day for public transport. It was one of the hottest October days in years, and the trains were packed. Tsukishima easily made his way inside the train as people cowered away from him, if looks could kill, he would be a mass murderer. At least it was a normal day at the museum, and it went by rather quickly. On his break, Tsukishima checked his phone to find a blessing waiting for him. His car was done! An hour before closing, Tsukishima bowed to his coworkers and left for the garage. The bus ride was bumpy and long, but the idea of getting his car back was enough to fuel him. Almost giddy, he walked towards the shop door, ducking slightly while stepping inside. A baldheaded man stepped forward and bowed.
“Welcome, the gray Nissam Skyline Nismo is done. The back windows are now tinted as per request. New nav is installed and also two new front tires. Our sincerest apologies for the long wait, and thank you so much for choosing our garage!” The man gestures towards the car lot and Tsukishima follows, after ‘inspecting’ his car, he pays and gratefully hops in. After a horrible few weeks of intense training, discussions with coaches, passive-aggressive arguments with teammates and opponents, sleepless nights and lack of good food, he finally felt like he could relax. He sat in his car for over five minutes before starting it up and driving away. A slowed reverb remix of one of his favorite songs blasting from the Boze speakers, the cold aircon tussling his sweaty hair and the new tires gripping the hot asphalt as he glides around town. Tsukishima took the long way home, fully enjoying his me-time with his best friend on four wheels.
“Oh, come on… the pedal is on the right.” Tsukishima grumbles as some senile old man pulls away at the lights with the speed of a dead snail. Apart from throwing around snarky comments and mischievous grins, he mostly holds his composure, never letting people believe they got the better of him. Even alone in his car, he held back, but here he could at least sometimes let go a little. With a grunt and a sharp yank of his steering wheel, Tsukishima throws his car on the other lane, the lane for opposite traffic, as he overtakes the slower car.
“Lame.” He smirks as an upcoming car signals its lights in annoyance, but Tsukishima is back on his own lane without posing much danger to others. As if on beat with the music, he pushes the accelerator a little more than needed and speeds away from the other cars, leaving their lights in his rearview mirror. Feeling his car shoot forwards, being pushed into his seat, and seeing the odometer rapidly go up, is divine. Tsukishima turns up the music and watches the road through half lidded eyes as he fully embraces the ecstasy. However, it doesn’t last as long as he would have liked. The sound gets blurred by his music, but the flashing lights are clear as days. A police car follows him and signals to pull over.
“Fuck me.” Tsukishima rubs his temple as he finds a safe spot, waiting anxiously for the officer to come to his open window. He just wants to go home, read a good book, take a long shower and order some food. It already felt like bad luck was following him around and now, he gets pulled over?! He should not have taken the long way home. It’s his own fault. Rooting around in his bag to find his driver license, he feels the imposing presence of the police officer.
“Good evening sir. That was quite some reckless driving back there, do you know what the spee… Ohh, is that you? Tsukishima!” The police officer says and Tsukishima’s head shoots up, slowly he turns towards the window and the familiar voice. This cannot be happening.
“Ehh… D-Daichi-san.” Tsukishima looks up at his former Volleyball captain, Sawamura Daichi. A light blue uniform dress shirt with a dark blue vest over it and matching dark blue pants and police cap. The authoritarian yet affectionate eyes are focused on him, as if peering into his very soul. He is speechless and embarrassed.
“Ne, Tsukishima, you are too smart to be driving this rash. I thought better of you.” The middle blocker swallows, unable to speak. “Are you okay? Did something happen?” Daichi leans on the side of his car, coming down a bit to keep their conversation private. There is a familiar concern in his eyes, just like they used to have in high school. He didn’t change much at all. Tsukishima finally recovers and shrugs.
“No, I’m fine. Long day, stupid decision, it was my fault. I’m sorry, Daichi-san.” Tsukishima says as he looks away from the piercing eyes, he plays with the driver's license in his hand and he hears Daichi sigh.
“I can understand that, but overtaking someone on the main road with upcoming traffic. That’s not a good way to deal with a rough day. You know what! A drink might help. That’s less dangerous.” Daichi smirks and Tsukishima looks back up with his eyebrow raised in question. “We haven’t talked in a while, and my shift is almost over. How about I let you off with a warning instead of a ticket, but you have to get a drink with me?” Daichi smiles in a way that makes Tsukishima feel like he is sixteen again, getting called out by his captain. He would rather pay the ticket and just go, but he has a feeling that won’t work.
“Okay.” Tsukishima sighs and Daichi slaps the side of his car, clearly happy at his victory.
“Meet me at Fuchi Izakaya at nine, and please, no more speeding on your way home.” Dachi holds the front of his cap as he nods, a sneaky grin on his face, and walks back towards his car. Tsukishima rolls his eyes and waits for the police car to drive away, then slowly follows. When Daichi goes right, Tsukishima opts for going straight, getting rid of his old captain. The drive home is speedy and annoying, instead of spending it in introvert Valhalla, he now has to go out again and drink. Whoever said life was fun, lied.
“Tsukishima!” Daichi calls out when he walks in, Tsukishima had been there first and chosen a closed off spot in the corner. Daichi was still in uniform, minus the vest, cap and weapons, while Tsukishima had changed into something more stylish. “Sorry, I was planning to go back home, but my shift ran late with some delayed paperwork. Oh, wow… you look good!” Daichi apologized as he held a hand on the back of his head, the younger volley baller was standing up in a sign of respect towards his senior, which showed off the chosen outfit. Daichi eyed him up and down, and it made Tsukishima’s stomach flutter slightly. He was wearing black slim-fit trousers with a dark gray shawl collar jumper over it. Perfect for cooler evenings without a coat. The weather had changed to a stormy wind instead of the hot humid hell it had been earlier in the day. Daichi sat down and quickly grabbed the tablet to order a drink.
“I already ordered, hope you don’t mind.” Tsukishima said while holding up a mojito glass. Daichi smiled broadly and continued picking out things to order.
“It’s my treat, get whatever you like.” The former captain said with a wide grin as he pushed the tablet towards Tsukishima. He almost choked on his drink at the large amount already ordered but nodded a thanks. The evening went pretty well, it was mostly Daichi talking and asking questions. Tsukishima also got the lowdown on other former members of multiple high school teams, which was actually kind of nice. Daichi drank a lot more than Tsukishima and seemed to be truly enjoying himself. The middle blocker had nothing planned the next day, so he could just relax and take his time this evening. It was already past midnight when they came to a natural stopping point.
“You didn’t break any rules getting here, right?” Daichi joked as they walked towards the checkout. Tsukishima shrugged with a grin.
“Even if I did, you got nothing on me.” He said with a gangsta-like voice, and Daichi laughed heartily. “But to set your mind at ease, I walked here.” The captain slapped him on the shoulder. Tsukishima coughed a little as the slap hurt. Daichi is a police officer and must remain in good condition because his was still really strong, almost slapping Tsukishima off his feet.
“I left my car at the station, and I was planning to take the train home, guess I’m also walking.” Daichi rolled his eyes in mock defeat, and Tsukishima chuckled. Before he could think it through, his mouth was already moving, sharing an idea he wasn’t fully behind.
“You can stay over at my place, I live nearby.” He said and Daichi looked at him with his mouth slightly open. It was very much unlike him to propose something like this, and he regretted it immediately.
“That… might have been a slip of the tongue. Feel free to take it back because else I will take you up on that offer.” Daichi had some color on his cheeks and as a way of dealing with the panic he felt, Tsukishima just started walking. After a few steps, Daichi sprinted after him and silently walked beside him. Was he really doing this? About ten minutes later, they stood in front of Tsukishima’s apartment building, a light gray brick building of fifteen stories high. The younger man sighs before opening the gate and letting his captain in. He opened the communal door with a key fob, not bothering to check his mailbox. After two more doors, they stepped into the elevator, and he activated it with his key.
“Wow. This all looks so… fancy.” Daichi said in awe as he looked around, suddenly his former teammate seemed very nervous and out of place. Tsukishima grinned to himself, he kind of liked this look on his senior. “You didn’t press any button? How does it know where to go?” Daichi asked as he glanced at the taller man next to him. Tsukishima looked down his nose, eyebrows drawn together as he clicked his tongue. How can someone be so strong and wise, yet be so innocent and cute. And why was he reacting to it?!
“Because there is no one else on my floor.” He answered as the doors opened to the penthouse. Daichi turned around and his eyes grew even bigger. Tsukishima walked in first, slipping out of his black leather Oxford and putting them into the shoe cabinet, continuing on his socks. He didn’t like slippers, or socks for that matter, but he kept the latter on in case his former captain would take offense. Daichi almost stumbled as he tried to take off his work shoes. The alcohol was clearly having some effect. Tsukishima’s mouth was dry as he watched Daichi walk into his home…
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Thank you so much for reading, I really hope you enjoyed it :D
My goal is to update another chapter next week (or maybe sooner)!
Please feel free to give kudos or comment if you have questions/tips.