Chapter Text
Songs: Things I would often feel embarrassed to share, because of my harsh and harder shell which covers my sensitive sides is often an act to protect myself from harm, and in the process of sharing, I feel myself becoming undone; Naked.
So, that’s why I often pretend to like harsher things (In fact I do like it) such as death metal and harder rock, your typical teenager: Only I’m in my second year at teaching and I am 24. Yeah, I never truly got over the phase where you stop listening to things that you think make you punk and hard, when you don't really enjoy them to the fullest extent.
But that's the comfort that I've afforded myself, but when I truly become naked, with no walls around is in my car at lunch, when the kids are eating and socializing, not paying attention to anything the staff might say. This is prime time for me to just unravel myself and listen to what I truly want to listen to.
I put my player on the AUX cable and play my hidden folder of mp3s, and as I lean back in my seat, I start to hear the music pour into the car, as I then turn the dial and turn the volume up high. My sandwich seemed more and more appetizing as I began to dig into my sandwich. A teacher’s salary didn’t allow for the most luxurious meals or time outside of work, but the work itself is what keeps me going, the chance to at least influence one kid is what keeps my heart kickin’ and wanting to keep going.
“Hello again, friend of a friend, I knew you when our common goal was waitin’ for the world to endddd~” I would sing as I then proceeded to lean my chair back further in my car as I then sigh. It was ever so quickly approaching the mid term of the semester (typically the time when a teacher starts to become stressed about how much information their class is retaining, so much of this is repeating and cementing the concepts into the brains of what could be considered doors) so to say it was starting to pile on would be an understatement but, that’s okay because I have trust in my students to perform well, some of them anyways.
I would toss my lanyard off my neck and place it into the cup holder, U.D.. Right, that is my faculty image, fucked it up this year and hate it. The camera man– or well to call her that would like calling the president of a fast food chain, the burger wrapper– The principle had pressed the button late so I had accidentally moved by then, thus creating the monstrosity of an image which was my Identification badge.
This outlier– or sort of outlier– was the reason I have thought about seeking employment in higher education so quickly.
My goal initially was to only do a few years here where I can to the apply for higher education institutions like colleges and universities, but because of the high quality engineering facilities that are allowed only to me at this place, I have made the conservative decision that I would like to stay here for at least a few more years than intended.
It had been a continuous struggle to meet standards in the my new workplace, but in my opinion it was worth it because the kids needed the best education they can possibly get, and it is my job as their new history teacher to make sure that they understand the fundamentals that our society was based upon, so they can navigate through their lives with at least a basis of what to expect and what is expected in life.
In many ways, I choose to believe that the other teachers in this institution share the same sort of naive dream of allowing the students to achieve to their highest degrees, and in that allow them to reach beyond what they could ever imagine them reaching, but of course that isn't my field of study, mine is telling them about what has been and what will be as in accordance with the government and other governments.
Yet they shouldn’t and damn near shalln’t stop me from attempting to influence them to be better writers as a whole. Because what is a history teacher except a glorified english teacher. And sure, while this school has some, It’s always good to reinforce those habits.
However, being the newest teacher in the faculty has its downsides, as not too many people have faith in your abilities as a teacher, or the senior teachers looking down upon you, or lack of funds or materials to run the class the way that you want to. These little things build up and suddenly the predicted midterm stress becomes two fold.
So, while I like the socialization I usually get with my students during lunch time, I figured some alone time outside in my car would be rewarding in the fact that I literally could no longer handle even the thought that I might talk to the students today, for they bring me so much stress. That being said, I have had conversations in depth with the vice principal about what I can do to make sure that the students get to the level they need to be at, to which she promptly tells me to figure it out myself and to stop being dependent on others to solve the issues within my classroom.
So with the given fact that I have no support from the admin in the sense of how to instruct my classes in an orderly fashion, I’ll just have to ask other teachers on how they do it for themselves and how they manage to get their students so interested in what they have to say, given that my students have rather lackluster respect for me– they see me as more of a friend than a teacher and that's sort of the current problem I am having with my students. I have already had discussions with one other educator– Veronica from the physical education department– and she said that I am, to quote directly; “Too soft on the kids, you need to toughen up and truly enforce yourself in the class. Show your superiority”, To which is not exactly my style at all. So perhaps she wasn’t the best person to approach in the search for a more balanced relationship with the kids, my search for guidance continues.
So as I traveled to my car to get away from the kids, I saw one black sedan who, for all intents and purposes was blasting some popular pop song from a few years back, I thought it was a few kids that managed to ditch school some how or way, and given I am a teacher, it was my job to instruct the kids. I approached the car, lunch bag in hand with a hefty sigh. A gentle knock was placed on the window of the car. The tune coming out of the car was quite clear, something like ‘Hey There Delilah’ by the Plain White T’s, yet when I looked inside the car, It looked more like an Emo kid, likely an underclassman due to her height, which is weird, given she's out of school and eating lunch in this car.
I took a few more bites out of my basic sandwich as I sighed. The stress was barely getting to me, what I disliked most was having to deal with the teenagers, because of building rebellion when I get them in my class. Sure, I like that some of them are using that fire to fuel themselves, but for some of them it is just annoying (much like when your little brother starts to annoy you once they grow out of infancy).
A gentle groan would take place in me as I then proceeded to bop out to the rest of the song that was “Black Sheep”, from that one hit movie that came out a few months ago. It wasn't a song I was heavily embarrassed about, but given it was a break-up song, I wasn’t the most thrilled about showing it to everyone and proclaiming it as something I had liked. But it did work like a gateway drug into the more relaxed, more Love song-y sorts of songs I have on my hidden playlist. And so I would press play on ‘Hey There Delilah’, a hit song from my second year of college.
I don’t really care about the band (I suppose that's the main difference between the playlists, that I can’t name a single band on this one, but on my main one, that's more things I have to pretend to care about to keep up the act) but it is a good song, so I just let it play as I hum along as I decompress.
A few more bites of sandwich await me before I have no more lunch left to eat, and then have to face the fact that I would have to return to the unfortunately well-funded building and have to teach more teens. But before I could even finish that thought, I heard a knock on my window. It was a tall, blonde, pasty skinned guy who was dressed quite fashionably, a patterned cotton vest, switching between the colors light purple and yellow, while his pants were gray and his shirt under his vest was a white long sleeve to complete the rather academic look.
Of course, as anyone would think at a moment like this, I was confused by the person knocking on my door like it was some sort of joke set up. I turned down the music immediately, slightly embarrassed, but regardless, I asked “.. What can I help you with?” In what could possibly be the most customer service-y sort of tone.
“Well. I am pretty sure that school is in session and you should probably be inside the building” The man said as I then gave him a sort of look. Not exactly a dejected look per se, it was more of an annoyed look than anything, because my lunch had been disturbed by the scenario. “Well, I am in fact allowed to be out here by myself. What about you? Shouldn’t you be in the building?” I say with a bit of a sassy undertone, like a tiny bite back, given that I am at work, I can’t exactly bite fully. I have to remind myself I am supposed to resign myself to professionalism, yet part of me feels internally disturbed because I felt overly embarrassed given this person (perhaps a student, oh dear god, PERHAPS A STUDENT?!) heard me jamming out to this sort of song.
“Well. I am pretty sure that school is in session and you should probably be inside the building” I said as the purple haired, shorter girl with a navy blue or dark purple– couldn’t tell due to the darkness of the car– Blouse on and a pair of dark gray slacks on, her skin slightly more tanned than mine, but even so it was just slight.
To me, she had looked like a student, someone who wasn’t supposed to be outside of school during school hours, which is why I had continued with my interrogation. “Well I am allowed to leave the school during lunch, because I work here!” I present my badge, displaying someone who could only be described as a goodie two shoes. It also displays the first name Nathaniel on the badge as it is his faculty lanyard, while my thumb covers my last name accidentally.
She then gave me a look. A judging look as she pulled out her own badge from the cupholder. “Me too. Now bite it, I’m trying to finish up my lunch.” Understandably, I was a bit taken aback by the reveal that she was also an employee at the school, one by the name of Una Doorothy. She kinda looks goofy in her photo but.. Perhaps this is the only chance I’ll have to make a friend here at the school! Let’s try our best to make this a friendship from a misunderstanding. With a deep breath, I wouldn’t go away.