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Of course the first person Cas would see when she finally got back home was Toast. Who’d thrown her in a garbage truck that’d dumped her in a boat that’d taken her out to sea. Whatever. She could just get her back tomorrow. She was way too tired.
Yeah, she’d just leave Toast to her… matches… and groceries… that were on fire.
Whatever.
“Castaspella,” Toast began, “…are you aware that there is a bird on your head?
The bird on Cas’ head squawked.
“Yeah,” Cas deadpanned.
Toast slowly blinked.
Tim poured water over and doused her fire groceries. He took away the rest of her matches. Then went back to reading his book in his corner.
“Why is it there?”
“Because he’s my boyfriend. I mean, my bird friend!” Cas replied.
Her head bird squawked.
Toast was silent for a long moment. “Boyfriend?”
“No. Bird friend,” Cas said.
Toast put her hands on her hips. “That bird is not your boyfriend!” She pointed at the bird. It squawked at her. Then she pointed at herself. “I am your boyfriend!”
“What?!” Cas balked. “You’re not my boyfriend, Toast.”
Toast stared her dead in the eye. “Yes. I. Am.”
Cas stared right back. “No. You’re not.”
Had the flames from her fire groceries toasted her brain? …Get it? Toast? Toasted? …Whatever.
Toast stamped her foot on the ground. “Why is this bird your boyfriend then?!” she demanded, puffing her cheeks.
“He’s not my boyfriend! He just kissed me!” Cas exclaimed. And immediately regretted opening her mouth and letting her voice escape. That really shouldn’t be allowed to happen before you think.
Tim spared her a glance. Then took his book and left the room.
Her head bird squawked.
Toast’s face was suddenly unreadable. “…What?”
“Uggghh,” Cas groaned, smacking her forehead. “It was an accident. He kissed me and… he hasn’t left me alone since,” she explained.
Her head bird squawked.
…
Then suddenly, Toast grabbed her face and kissed her.
“AH!” Cas screamed and jumped back, face red. “TOAST!”
“There!” Toast said. She flapped her hands at the bird. “Now shoo! Shoo! Go away!”
The bird squawked, then flew off of Cas’ head and out the kitchen window.
Cas’ jaw dropped. “He actually flew away,” she mumbled.
“Yes, he did,” Toast said, hands on her hips again. A triumphant smirk was on her mouth. “I made him understand that he is not your boyfriend, I am your boyfriend.”
Cas groaned. “He’s not my boyfriend!” Wait. Was that what she’d meant to say? “I mean, you’re not my boyfriend!”
“Then why did you kiss me?” Toast asked.
Cas gawked. “YOU kissed ME!”
“Exactly,” Toast said, “Because I am your boyfriend.” She turned and left the room, sashaying her hips as she went.
“You’re not my boyfriend,” Cas grumbled. She plopped in a chair at the kitchen table. She felt her lips. Where Toast’s lips had been mere moments ago. “…You’d be my girlfriend…”