1 - 20 of 136 Works in Lambert Swears (The Witcher)
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"I Haven't Been Fed Today!" and Other Lies Cats Tell by LoserCatWritesFics
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game)
10 Sep 2025
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A training session at Kaer Morhen goes wrong when Vesemir decides to test a theory of his.
Aiden, usually calm, kind, and collected, is ready to slaughter the entire keep for it.
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Note: You'll probably have to read the fic in this series "That Unwanted Animal" to understand this one.
Series
- Part 6 of Colony of Two
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Bombs by LoserCatWritesFics
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game)
08 Sep 2025
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Aiden convinces Lambert to keep an eye on Thorne for the afternoon. It does not go how he planned.
Announcement: Spanish Translation Coming Soon! I will admit it will be very *broken* Spanish, but I'm using it as practice since my senior trip is going to Ecuador and I'm in a Spanish Class.
Series
- Part 5 of Colony of Two
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That Unwanted Animal by LoserCatWritesFics
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game)
07 Sep 2025
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A well-meaning comment leaves Thorne running out of the keep with Aiden hot on his trail. Lambert has to follow them to make sure they're not getting into any trouble.
Series
- Part 4 of Colony of Two
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The Audacity by Flakeblood
Fandoms: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
09 Aug 2025
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Lambert rants to Aiden about some personal problems.
Series
- Part 8 of Writer's Month Prompts 2025
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Ancient magic and relentless discipline. Each brutal sessions in the extractor leave every Witcher drained to the last drop, again and again. They begged for mercy. They asked for more. They’ll do it all over if Vesemir commands it.
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Cuck's Bloom by TheSleepyOne
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
17 Jul 2025
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When Eskel sees the first petal, it's so small he thinks nothing of it. While witchers don’t contract common diseases, it doesn’t prevent them from coughing up a bit of blood every now and again. When more and more continue to fall from his lips, he can’t deny the evidence in his hands. Small, delicate, red-pink petals that could blow away in the breeze with a single breath. So little that when he goes to collect them onto his handkerchief, he has to time his movements with his slowing heartbeat so as to not damage them further. Eskel knows his love will never be requited but he can have this part of Lambert.
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Lambert has scored a well paid contract to kill a Succubus and comes away from the encounter with more than he bargained for. Now cursed, he must find the lips of his greatest enemy or remain forever hobbled.
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it's not stupid if i have a plan by Cancer
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
04 Jun 2025
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"Lambert says it as an insult. You’re too fucking pretty. What business do you have being this fucking pretty while being a Witcher, with the scars that look almost placed strategically across his skin to make him look a roughish kind of handsome rather than the type of fucked up that Lambert’s scars get even when he treats them properly.
He says it as an insult, like the bastard he is, but it must be true what they say about Cats, about them being crazy fuckers, because Aiden just laughs with his head tilted back and his pointy canines showing.
Then he looks at Lambert with a glint in his eye and says, 'You’re one to talk,' and just continues cleaning himself on the stream."
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Lambert is an omega who hasn't told anyone his status because the school of the wolf found a way to breed omega witchers to create babies with higher chances to survive to the mutagenes. by the time Lambert presents and figures out how to keep everyone from knowing, the keep has fallen, so it never comes up anyway.
then he meets Aiden, and he decides that stupid decisions are only stupid if you make them unconsciously and without a plan. -
Something left behind (upon the road of life) by StarsofAtlas
Fandoms: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
11 Apr 2025
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Jaskier's time in the world of witchers has come to an end.
And as he journeys through the continent, the things he sees are monstrous. Gone is the time of adventure and tales of mighty deeds.
Now there's death lingering everywhere, and songs don't seem to be enough.
Jaskier delves deep into the ancestral world of the elves, where ancient tales may be the answer to many prayers. There, the bard finds a storyteller and restless spirits. As willing or not as they are to help, they may lead him to find the answers to end the ancient evils they face.
Meanwhile, in a tangled web of events, the witchers of the School of the Wolf stumble upon a crossroads. There a princess and a sorceress await, where they see the world around them crumble. The search for Jaskier begins amidst a war no one is sure how it will turn out. But, the answers they seek may lie in the past and the future they're too afraid to acknowledge.
But one thing is clear: their bard stands in the middle of it all.
And perhaps the only thing that will decide their odds is their willingness to open their hearts and see beyond the path.
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One Witcher's shit shoveler is another Witcher's treasure by Scarlet_Angel_13
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
11 Apr 2025
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Being yelled at for someone else's problems suck. Jaskier had a good thing going for him and he blames Borch three jackdaws for his troubles. He should be traveling around seeing the best and worse of the continent with his very best friend in the whole wide world. Instead he get's ditched, rescues a few Witcher's and has to play match maker. Jaskier did not sign up to play Therapist for every Witcher on the thrice damned Continent. He should have just stayed in Oxenfurt. At least they appreciate his genius.
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Bitter Beans, Sweet Buns by SheegothBait
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
24 Mar 2025
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Geralt has found a very early and cozy retirement in Toussaint, and has offered his place as a resting spot for his brothers, who are still wandering the Path. When Eskel requests to meet Geralt in the city, though, he discovers that his found family is not as far away as he thought, and that they may have just found their forever home in a brand new enterprise and something Geralt has only ever heard of before.
Inspired by Burnt Bean Water by inexplicifics and by Legends and Lattes (my current book of choice)
(Rated M for heavy swearing and some blood and angst later. Tags may change to reflect updated characters/pairings. :3 )
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Every Rose Has Its Thorns by LlamaLlamaNewt
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
15 Mar 2025
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A very young, and very human Lambert comes to Kaer Morhen. It changes everything,
Series
- Part 4 of Inspired by Inex
- Part 1 of Briar Patch
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Whenever Vesimir takes a contract on a monster, he gets paid about half the amount his boys get paid when they take a similar job. This is not because he is older, less skilled, or because he can’t haggle.
The other half of his pay comes to him through gifts from the townsfolk, like a new shirt from the seamstress, some dried meat from the butcher, and a night at the inn. What Vesimir is doing now can’t exactly be called “walking the Path.”
He moves between the few small towns that lie in the mountains of Kaedwen. Everyone who lives there knows him by name and face; he has been called their “resident witcher” more times than he can count.Or:
Vesemir's life as a semi-retired witcher. This old man needs nice things, he's been through a lot. -
Fuck the World by Kjam
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
05 Feb 2025
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Lambert lies in a pool of his own blood after an attack from the villagers, cursing the world. Fuck the mages and their mutagens. Fuck the villagers. Fuck all this.
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After the mountain, Geralt seeks out Jaskier to ask for his help with Ciri.
Finding him in prison wasn't part of the plan. Neither was him refusing.Or, if Jaskier wasn't quite so forgiving.
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No one simply went to sleep and woke up somewhere else, somewhen else, but the house was different than he had remembered—will remember? Will have remembered?
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When Lambert accidentally time travels back to the night a witcher claimed him with the Law of Surprise, he has some things he wants to change.
Series
- Part 16 of Mek's Witcher Flashes
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JOD DAY 24 by WolfaMoon
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV)
14 Aug 2024
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Warlord Geralt: Lambert discovers a naked man locked in a tower.
“Let’s get you cleaned up.” | Blankets | Stitches | Bandages |Series
- Part 24 of June of Doom 2024
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The stranger jammed his thumbs into his belt, laying his fingers flat against his cloak and spread his legs in a loose stance. Whether that was supposed to make him look more of a threat or less, Lambert wasn’t sure. He didn’t run into witchers on accident very often, and unfamiliar ones were even rarer, but it didn’t change which way he would dive or which sign he’d cast first if this went bad.
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Lambert doesn’t know why Letho of Gulet is watching him. Turns out, he doesn’t know a lot of things.
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Not All Hands by DahliaVanDare
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
02 Jul 2024
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The rain has Jaskier and Lambert in very close quarters for the night. It is entirely understandable that the bard might find the situation arousing, but Lambert really needs him to take care of it or the smell will keep him awake.
Series
- Part 4 of Not All Witchers
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Too Sweet For Me by freudensteins_monster
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
22 Jun 2024
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Lambert was sitting at the bar minding his business when an all too familiar scent hit his nose and Lambert froze. He’d recognise that perfume anywhere - it was one of his, afterall.
His products were pretty popular amongst the alternative crowd so it was kind of strange to realise Milena was wearing one of his perfumes.
That particular scent was Lambert’s take on a classic rose fragrance. It smelled of dark roses, mossy earth, with an odd, cold metallic note that the blurb on his website likened to Sleeping Beauty pricking her finger.
As far as openings go, he was never going to get a better one. So he steeled himself, took a sip of his drink, and steeled himself some more.
“I like your perfume,” he managed to say without tripping over his tongue.
“Oh, thank you,” Milena blushed. “It’s called Prick Your Finger,” she stammered slightly.
Lambert grinned wolfishly, knowing full well that the label on the bottle only said PRICK but that Milena was too damn sweet to say it.