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Summary
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Arthur is worried about Merlin because he's acting strange. He's... jumpy. Like he has something to hide. He's especially lost and disoriented around other people - around Morgana, Arthur's noticed. Is the man who harbors most of his affections in love with his sister? The man is so on edge that he manages to fall off a horse when Morgana squeezes his arm in a comforting manner.
Oh how wrong he is.
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OR
A hunting trip cut short.
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"He can’t believe Merlin had a thing for his sister! He wasn’t jealous or anything, why would he be? Merlin is his own man.
It’s not like he was interested in Merlin; Merlin is a man. Even though he had just come to terms that he was in love with him, Arthur’s mind flickered to denial to shelter himself from the wounds he’d receive from processing Merlin didn’t love him back.
So, he didn’t love Merlin. And he obviously wasn’t interested in his sister. He cut this abnormal feeling to the fact that he was annoyed Merlin liked his sister and he’s over protective over Merl- Morgana. He’s over protective over Morgana."
Series
- Part 2 of Mentally-Ill Merlin (Merthur)
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Wiping One's Memories, In Attempt of Saving One's Heart. Dig This Hole With Me, My Undead Darling. by fallen_stxr
Fandoms: Merlin (TV)
08 Apr 2025
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Summary
Merlin has to prepare to go to the borders to help a small town on the border of Camelot. He feels... different. Everything feels surreal - fake. He's losing his grasp on what's real and what he's imagining. He feels empty, lost and disoriented.
Everyone's worried. He covers it with lies of course.
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OR
He’s beside Arthur. He’s next to Arthur - where he belongs, yet all he wants is for the ground to swallow him whole.
He’s walking and walking and walking.
The world is deaf when he speaks and begs and cries, the world doesn’t stop when he takes a break; When he is deaf the world send riddles and people to frustrate him, the world continues wherever or whoever he is or choses to be - whether the chores are never done, whether he feels defeated, whether he gets to have fun - Life is never completed.
When the balance of earth is repaired at one end of the coin - Magic, it collapses on the other - Courage.
The tear ducts keep breaking loose, the secrecy won’t end, there are cracks in the foundation of his life, and the repairs of one’s chainmail - one can't keep everything in mind.
(Remix of a poem: The washing never gets done - Jaan Kaplinski).
Series
- Part 3 of Mentally-Ill Merlin (Merthur)
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Tags
Summary
Merlin refuses to use his magic because magic is evil. Is he evil?
An anti-magic Merlin gets kidnapped. Will a handsome prince come and save him? Or will he resort to his monstrous ways?
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OR
"“What do you want from me?” He whispered out. It was more than enough for them to hear with the eerie silence of the night. They all came out from their places and Merlin heard a loud bellowing chuckle."
"Merlin concluded that this experience made him feel a little more human, especially since he almost escaped with no magic. He felt like his throat was a little more open, even with all the blood. He could probably use this as an excuse not to talk, post-traumatic stress disorder or something. He should. Make his life easier."
Series
- Part 4 of Mentally-Ill Merlin (Merthur)
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Tags
Summary
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"He left everything. He left his room, the Physician’s Chambers, the hallways, the castle, the upper town, the lower town. He left Gaius and Arthur and Lancelot and Gwen and Morgana. He left his mother. He had left Ealdor a long time ago. Now, sitting in the middle of nowhere in the forest, he was leaving his life. He left everything."
"Don’t smell it. That’s what Gaius always says. Don’t smell it."
"I’m sorry Arthur. I’m sorry now - not just because of being a sorcerer, but because I wasn’t good enough to be your manservant. To be your anything."
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OR
Merlin gets ready to go.
Series
- Part 8 of Mentally-Ill Merlin (Merthur)
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Tags
Summary
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Merlin wakes up in the forest and attempting suicide. How ironic he didn't die. He'll find a way to put an end to his misery, especially after he had replaced everyone that would usually do his duties. He'll find a way. No matter what.
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OR
"He didn’t want to look Arthur in the eyes, knowing he hadn’t planned to see him ever again. He didn’t want to look at Gaius or Gwen or Gwaine. He didn’t want to look at Mordred or Morgana. He didn’t want to look at Lancelot or Leon or Percival or Elyan or anybody.
He didn’t want to look at himself. Know himself. Know he was still here. Know he had failed as miserably as he failed living. Know he would never bring himself to change.""He loved Arthur more than life itself. He’s sure. Merlin had never told anybody like Arthur about his secret.
Morgana was like Arthur. Except Morgana had magic. And Lancelot was like Arthur. But Lancelot wasn’t a noble. And Arthur? Arthur was everything.
As long as Arthur would never be able to see inside his bones and know - know the man he trusted so much was a rotten liar. Of course, he couldn’t know. It was him - and him alone - that he would never show his magic to."Series
- Part 9 of Mentally-Ill Merlin (Merthur)