TypingEyesClosed
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Summary
Turns out, it’s not heart disease that gets you. Not a car crash, the second coming, or even a plain old slip in the shower that removes you from this mortal coil.
It’s motherfucking aliens.
Your Uncle Randy would be so proud.
Or: two losers cheat, stab, and flirt their way to a win.
Series
- Part 1 of these two shitheads
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 157,727
- Chapters:
- 72/72
- Comments:
- 2,593
- Kudos:
- 3,970
- Bookmarks:
- 660
- Hits:
- 109,786
Bookmarked by TypingEyesClosed
13 Nov 2025
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Summary
When Quirrell abruptly quits his post as professor of Muggle Studies, teaching apprentice Hermione Granger volunteers to replace him. Unhappy with some of Dumbledore’s recent appointments, the board of governors volunteers Lucius Malfoy to assess Hermione’s teaching for a term in order to determine if she’s the right fit for the job. Neither of them is happy about it.
Or: a very petty pair make the students of Hogwarts look like mature adults. No Voldemort AU.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 293,060
- Chapters:
- 37/37
- Comments:
- 2,043
- Kudos:
- 3,250
- Bookmarks:
- 973
- Hits:
- 147,131
Bookmarked by TypingEyesClosed
09 Nov 2025
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Yesterday is Tomorrow (everything is connected) by IAM_Kneazle (twicethet), twicethet
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
30 Jan 2025
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Summary
James Potter went five years at Hogwarts without realizing Lily had a little sister. Hermione would have preferred it if he never realized she existed. Now she's stuck, in Potter's circle of awareness, and maintaining the timeline. Not like he makes it easy, or something.
Jan 2025: Oh look. An update. I'm posting again!
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 260,440
- Chapters:
- 28/30
- Collections:
- 68
- Comments:
- 4,437
- Kudos:
- 13,988
- Bookmarks:
- 5,557
- Hits:
- 546,661
Bookmarked by TypingEyesClosed
05 Nov 2025
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Summary
“So you’re telling me that you got lost in this huge forest and somehow you managed to find me?” You nodded in response. “HA HA, well, it seems you got some inner compass for greatness!”
SEASON 1 FINISHED AT CHAPTER 19.
WORKING ON SEASON 2.(In which you shake Bill's statue's hand after making a rather difficult deal. Now, he's bound to you until he can fulfill his part. Good thing you're also broken and you believe in second chances!)
(Fic doesn't use Y/N)
Spoilers for Book of Bill - This is not a Website dot comBe mindful of the tags!
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 72,032
- Chapters:
- 19/?
- Comments:
- 430
- Kudos:
- 1,170
- Bookmarks:
- 115
- Hits:
- 22,832
Bookmarked by TypingEyesClosed
05 Nov 2025
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Summary
Local fan wakes up as Bella Swan and fails spectacularly at remaining overlooked.
Meanwhile, Edward Cullen struggles to unravel the pile of secrets enshrouding the new girl.
And after all this, Leah Clearwater’s theory is thoroughly confirmed—they’re both idiots.
- Words:
- 258,949
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 584
Bookmarked by TypingEyesClosed
29 Oct 2025