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“Why do you like the Avengers so much?”
Billy opened his eyes and looked at him. Ever since the mess of the Superhero Registration Act, Tommy’d been stopping in more and more often. Though Billy’s mother had offered to take him in, he’d refused, and she’d responded by saying, “The door is always open, whenever you need.” Billy had joked that she may not want to include the kitchen in that, but she’d swatted him across the back of the head and told him to be nicer to his brother. She may have been thrown by the twin thing initially, but before anyone could try to sway her either way about it, she’d made up her mind. Stranger cases of separated twins had happened, she’d informed them – though Billy didn’t want to know how - and being her eldest son’s twin in any form made Tommy family. Which Billy found amusing, mostly because of the way it seemed to throw Tommy. Billy’s mom was a force of nature, Tommy stood no chance.
In the beginning, Tommy hadn’t taken them too seriously. But as time went on and one war passed into another, he started showing up. One minute everything was normal, and the next there was another body in the house. Billy adapted to it a lot faster than he’d thought he would. It didn’t take long for him to stop being surprised, to stop being expectant, to simply accepting living with Tommy on his own terms. He didn’t know where he spent most of the rest of his time, but when he was in the Kaplan home, it just felt so right to Billy. As if Tommy had always belonged, and had just been away for a while.
Because Teddy had the guest room – on the other side of the house, thanks Mom – and because Tommy was his brother, Billy’s room became a shared living space. Initially, it had been far from ideal. Tommy had insisted the couch was fine and Billy had agreed. Then his Mom had wanted to put another bed in his room, ‘Just in case’, and he’d balked. Tommy stayed away for three whole days and the Kaplans had gotten a cot instead. A nice, collapsible fold away that spent all its time in Billy’s closet. One day Billy woke to the warmth of another body and had a minor heart attack. If Teddy’d snuck into his room and they were caught Billy was a dead man. He’d turned slowly, heart thumping away in his chest hard enough to bruise his ribcage. Thankfully, it wasn’t Teddy – though there had been some serious disappointment he wasn’t going to dwell on. He’d stared at Tommy long enough to wake him, the speedster groaning slightly and shoving his face into the pillow.
“The couch has someone on it, the cot’s not in the closet, and I’d rather freeze to death than have Teddy mistake me for you.”
“My cousins are staying over,” Billy replied, smirking slightly as he settled back down.
Tommy made a noncommittal sound and shifted. “Yeah, so, you have the only space.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Looks like.” Rolling over, he curled up, back brushing Tommy’s. “Night, Tommy.”
“Night.”
They’d never discussed it, but it had become an accepted unspoken arrangement. Billy’s mom was happy Tommy was finally staying in his room – though she didn’t know about the arrangement, and the twins figured it was better that way. Tommy became a more permanent fixture in their home; always around for breakfast, and sometimes even dinner. And Billy found sharing a room with a brother the same age was more or less like having a college roommate. Though sometimes he felt like a babysitter too.
Tommy wasn’t a slob per se. He just had a different understanding of neat. Tommy lived in piles. Piles of things here and there that had some alien sense of order to them that Billy could never understand but Tommy found functionality in. Then again, being a speedster, it wasn’t as if he couldn’t just look through everything if he had to. So Billy rearranged the piles until they got small enough to live with, and Tommy dealt with Billy’s tendency to put things away.
The first time they mixed up their clothing, Tommy burned a hole through Billy’s jeans at the knees and Teddy wanted to know where Billy got the shirt he looked so hot in. It had been a little embarrassing all around. Being the same size and fit, it had been practically inevitable, so afterward Billy Tommy proofed every last scrap of clothing in his room, Tommy started leaving more clothes in the hamper, and they both stopped paying attention to what was whose - with the exception of Billy’s ‘geek’ tees. Tommy claimed he’d never be caught dead in one and Billy couldn’t help but grin when his twin started wearing his portal tee with regularity unknowingly.
When his mom brought up the subject of Tommy doing chores both Billy and Teddy were wary. Surprisingly, Tommy didn’t protest, though he did pick his own chores. Billy’s parents were content with his level of perceived responsibility and Billy’s little brothers were happy they didn’t have to wash and put away dishes or dust anymore. Sometimes Tommy even took out the trash and separated the recyclables. Of course, it never took him more than two minutes to do all his chores – and sometimes everyone else’s. Billy was convinced his mother had a new favorite son.
It wasn’t long before Billy’s parents noticed that for all Tommy talked, he never once talked about himself, his family, his home or his past. Being the professionals they were, Billy felt like setting Tommy up with a ‘That’s too personal’ alarm. Something small and identifiable, like flashing neon lights and blaring bells. He and Teddy had both learned that when it came to Tommy, you lived in the moment or you brought up your own history. Anything that touched too deeply would have the speedster shutting down so quickly, you’d have no idea what you’d even said. Knowing that his twin’s past wasn’t exactly pleasant – being an incarcerated experiment couldn’t have possibly been rainbows and puppies – Billy did his level best to dodge the bullets as he saw them coming. He could never be sure if Tommy knew or not, but he seemed grateful regardless.
Billy would have bet anything that Tommy would never even have considered opening himself up, he was that confident in his twin’s ability to shut out anything and everything he deemed unnecessary. It was a bet he would have lost.
It wasn’t anything Billy could have seen coming, he understood that now. In fact, he wasn’t even certain when or how, or even why it started. But one night, after they’d been in bed trying to sleep for a good forty-five minutes – some missions were harder to wind down from than others – Tommy asked, “Do you think it would have been like this?”
It was a testament to their growing understanding of one another that Billy didn’t have to guess what he meant, he knew. “I don’t know,” he replied. “Maybe.”
“Do you think she would have…had any others?” Neither of them were quite sure whether the correct term was ‘had’ or ‘made’. But neither wanted to think they hadn’t actually been born, even if it was another lifetime, so though they sometimes hesitated, in the end it never really was ‘made’.
Billy thought about it. “I don’t know,” he replied honestly after a while. “She had us because she wanted kids. She could probably have had more if she really wanted to.”
It was a scary thought when you were aware you hadn’t come into existence the same way as nearly every other life form on the planet.
“You never would have survived New Jersey.”
“We’d have probably spent more time at the mansion.”
They were both quiet for a few minutes, considering.
“Cassie would have totally had a crush on me.”
“Because you’re obviously the better looking twin.”
“I’m straight.”
“Sorry to break it to you, little brother, but she’d have had a crush on me.”
“First of all, I’m the oldest. And secondly, you could give two shits about her bits.”
“That doesn’t mean she wouldn’t have been attracted to me. Lots of straight girls fall for gay men.”
“That makes absolutely no sense.”
“We’re unattainable.”
“Ah.”
“And what makes you think you’re the oldest? You haven’t got a responsible bone in your body.”
“Ask anyone,” Tommy replied smugly. “Wanda had twin boys named?”
“Thomas and William,” Billy answered automatically.
Tommy grinned wide. “Thomas and William. My name first means I was born first. So there.”
Billy honestly couldn’t construct a counter argument for that one, so instead he rolled over and smiled mischievously. “If that’s the case, I hope you like getting in trouble.”
“What?”
“Didn’t you know?” Billy chirped with a small amount of glee. “It’s always the eldest’s fault.”
“What is?”
“Everything. Good night.”
Tommy had eyed him warily for the rest of the week. The team noticed.
“What’s going on with you two?” asked Kate. “Why is Tommy looking at you like he expects you to teleport him off world at any moment?”
“He probably expects to be grounded soon,” he replied with a grin.
“Over what?” queried Cassie.
“Everything,” Tommy answered.
At the team’s confused faces, Billy and Teddy just laughed. Tommy looked put out, but didn’t comment.
It continued much the same way until it became routine. Or as routine as a superhero’s life could get. They’d eat dinner; Billy’d do what was left of his homework while Tommy did his best to implode the Wii with his wild swinging of the remote. They’d take turns in the bathroom, with Teddy hanging out with whoever wasn’t in it. And then they’d all go to bed. Teddy down the hall and Billy and Tommy together. Billy was sure Tommy would have made a comment or two just to be annoying if he weren’t the one quite literally sleeping with Teddy’s boyfriend -which was just fine with Billy. They’d get comfortable, laying in the darkness and trying to relax into unconsciousness as best they could. And then one of them would say something and they’d spend the next few hours talking. It was…remarkably nice. It was so completely natural. Sometimes it made Billy pang for the ‘What if’s and the ‘Maybe’s, but they still had each other, and come each new morning, they were closer than the previous day.
“Why do you like the Avengers so much?”
“I don’t know,” he replied. “I guess when I was little, they were just, so cool. Always saving he world; always strong, undefeatable.” He shrugged. “I didn’t know what it meant, to be a hero. I just…I saw what they stood for and I idolized that.”
“And now?”
“I don’t know. I think now…Now I see them as people, as individuals. I don’t like everything I see, but that doesn’t mean I should stop looking.”
Tommy remained silent for a moment, thinking it over. There was a bit of fuzz in his hair and Billy reached out to grab it. Tommy’s hand caught his before he could draw it away and held it to his cheek. “Was the Scarlet Witch really your favorite Avenger?”
“She still is,” he replied, flexing his fingers. Tommy’s skin felt so warm, his pulse fluttering in his neck. Billy couldn’t be certain if Tommy’s heart ever slowed down, or if it was his mind that was always in the future. If adrenaline pumped through his veins every second because he’d considered every last possible scenario or if the memories haunted him. Tommy had nightmares sometimes. Could there be something nearly as fast as he was that he couldn’t shake?
“You say that because you don’t know her yet.”
“Maybe, but I know enough.” He shifted closer. Tommy didn’t move; even when Billy’s knee slipped between his own. “Did you ever have one? A favorite Avenger?”
“I liked Quicksilver,” Tommy admitted.
“Really?” Billy asked, quietly so as not to disturb the moment. Every little thing that built the bond between them that daily sent him reminders he would never be the same without him.
“Yeah,” Tommy said, sliding his shin between Billy’s until he wrapped his lower leg about his brother’s, knee to knee and ankle to ankle. “I always thought he was cool. But, I wasn’t a nerd about it.”
Billy smiled, reaching out to curl his fingers in Tommy’s sleep tank, just over his heart. “That’s because you didn’t see them in action enough.”
Tommy hummed something that may have been agreement or may simply have been contentment.
Billy dropped his brow to Tommy’s and felt his twin go slack.
“Billy?” he asked, voice laced in an emotion Billy couldn’t quite grasp.
“Yeah?” he whispered.
“I believe it, you know. After everything, I…Maybe you’re right.”
“I hope I am.”
“I think…” As he paused, he curled slightly, which brought both their knees up.
“What’s wrong?” Billy asked, trying to free his hand to stroke through silver hair. But Tommy wouldn’t let it go, holding it tightly.
“I think I…I think I missed you.”
Billy exhaled shakily. “Really?”
Tommy nodded. “Sometimes…sometimes when I…was back there…”
“In juvie?”
He nodded again, eyes closing tightly.
Billy shifted closer so he could slide his arm under Tommy and lay his hand to his shoulder blade.
“I would have these…these dreams.”
Billy held his breath, unaware of doing so.
“Sometimes they were terrible. Like I was being ripped away from something, someone…my Mother. And then, I was ripped in half and every time I woke up, I could always feel it. The…ache. The pit deep inside me where I was just missing. I thought it was just a side effect of the experiments, but…” he bit his lip. “Did you…? I mean…did you ever…?”
“Yeah.”
Tommy looked up at him so quickly the movement hurt Billy’s neck a bit as his own head rocked with it. Eyes as blue as his own stared widely at him, something very fragile in them. This was that moment, he realized. This was the moment where he would either be accepted or shunned forever.
“When I was little,” he explained, curling closer. Tommy’s limbs seemed to wind about him of their own accord and his followed suit, until they were one mass of limbs. “I used to have an imaginary friend. Mom said it was a perfectly natural part of being a child but I always thought mine kind of freaked her out a bit.”
“Why?”
“Because he was me. Or not me. Apparently he looked like me when she asked, but he wasn’t me he was the other me. I used to spend all my time talking to him and playing with him. Even when I wasn’t an only child anymore, even when I was too old for one technically. Mom called it ‘Vanishing Twin Syndrome’, my mind and body reacting to the loss of a sibling so integral to my being, that it could affect me psychologically, emotionally, physically…even if it was only something that happened for a short time in the womb.”
“You’re lucky they didn’t get you exorcized.”
He laughed softly. “Yeah but, she wasn’t exactly wrong. Was she?”
“I guess not.”
“And I’d have these dreams too. Weird ones with people who weren’t my family in places I knew but couldn’t have any real knowledge of. Mom figured that one was a basic past-life regression.”
“But it was her, wasn’t it? The Scarlet Witch?”
He nodded. “Which I didn’t learn until later, but…yeah. It was her.”
“Is that why she’s your favorite?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. I just always felt connected to her somehow. I guess it makes a lot more sense now.”
“So what now?”
“I don’t know. I don’t…I don’t think we need her to tell us what we already know. Do you?”
Tommy shook his head. “I still want to know why though.”
“Yeah…so do I.”
“…Do you think she’ll want us?”
“I don’t know whether I want her to or not. I do love my family, it’s just…”
“You’re not complete. And you feel it.”
Billy blinked at him. “…Tommy…you too?”
He nodded, holding his brother’s gaze.
“So do we…I mean…”
Tommy smirked. “Now, we go to sleep, little brother.” He tugged Billy close and sighed, a sound that seemed all together relieved and comforted. “Or Teddy’s going to want to know why you have rings under your eyes tomorrow morning.”
Billy snorted at being addressed yet again as the younger sibling, though he was vastly getting used to it by and large. “I’ll just tell him you kept me up all night talking. Which is true, by the way.”
“It’s only been an hour.”
“And when we do find the Scarlet Witch, we’re going to settle this once and for all.”
“Bet you a hundred bucks I’m older than you. By at least two minutes. You’ve always been the slowpoke, William.”
Billy poked him in the side and Tommy laughed. It felt good to hear him laugh after everything. “I’ll take that bet. And I’m not slow. You’re hyperactive.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Tommy remarked dismissively, pulling Billy close like a favorite stuffed animal.
Billy didn’t object, hugging close just as tightly.
“Hey, Tommy?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you, bro.”
He could feel Tommy smile against his hair. His arms tightened about him in what was unmistakably a hug. “Yeah…I love you too.”
Billy smiled and cuddled closer, relaxing into sleep.
“And if you tell anyone I said that, I’m going to have to kill you.”
Yawning, he dropped his brow to his brother’s chest and replied, “You’ll have to catch me first. Bet I can teleport faster than you can run.”
“You are on.”
“And if I do lose…” He yawned again. “Teddy’s going to be put out. He might even hit you.”
“Please, I’ll just dress up as you and use your image as a shield.”
“Might wanna be careful with using my image there, Thomas. It might backfire.”
He could feel it sink in as Tommy squirmed against him.
Billy laughed. “Fair warning is all.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
“Anytime, bro.”