Work Text:
Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I liked to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Morioh
lol I’m not parodying the rest
Mkay so like Josuke was in Morioh and it was all fine and dandy but then. . . DUN DUN DUN. . . a strange toddler that hair color seems to change every time that character is adapted to either an anime, a game, or a manga.
“Woah! That baby looks totally radical!” Josuke said delinquently.
“I’m 15.” replied the newborn with hair color seems to change every time that character is adapted to either an anime, a game, or a manga.
“Holy canoli! That fetus just talked!”
“Josuke, you know me. I literally go to the same high school you do.” replied Koichi whose hair color seems to change every time he is adapted to either an anime, a game, or a manga.
“OH HEY OKUYASU! COME CHECK OUT THIS TALKING EMBRYO!!”
Okuyasu, seeing Josuke, sauntered over to see what was so totally tubular that Josuke needed his attention.
“WOAHHHHHHHHH I DIDN’T KNOW THAT MICROSCOPIC ORGANISMS COULD HAVE SUCH A DUDETASTIC HAIR STYLE!!!!!!!1!” said Okuyasu in a very quiet voice.
“Honestly, why do I even hang out with you guys anymore? Literally all you ever do is make fun of how short I am(lol I’m even shorter than Koichi r i p), and I’m not really one to appreciate that. In fact, I have thought on numerous occasions on how much more pleasant my life would’ve been had I not bumped into your uncle, or nephew, or whoever the fuck. I would not have been kidnapped by an obsessed stalker who would then watch me piss myself. I would not have had to been kidnapped, yet again, by a hermit manga artist, who now not only possibly knows all of my personal information, but also considers me his best friend. I would not have been forced to go into face-to-face combat against a prolific serial killer, who would then proceed to punch me right through my stomach, which may or may not have been a reference to how Kakyoin died in part 3 in his final battle against DIO. You two have ruined my entire life. You fucking think I can just get over all the shit you guys put me through? I have literally almost died fifteen times, and actually died twice! It all boils down to this: As far as our friendship goes, it mainly consists of you two dicking around, and me ending up having to take on the consequences. I’m sorry, but I just can’t fucking take it anymore! Go fuck yourself, and don’t ever talk to me again.” Koichi walked away from his two former “friends”, who were both stunned at his speech.
Josuke scratched the back of his neck.“Maybe we should’ve told him it was just a social experiment.”