Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Thomas had been struggling be to slip into littlespace for over a week now, despite the fact he could feel it under the surface. James had tried so many different methods to get him to slip- mostly just different ways of babying him into feeling little (“No, little boys shouldn’t be touching knives sweetie” “Jemmy, I love what you’re trying to do but it isn’t working, let me cut the damn cheese.”) But nothing was working.

 So of course Thomas thought nothing of the littleness surging under his skin as he and Hamilton had another screaming match outside of class. You would think the two were so passionate about law thy would get a long through their mutual love, but that is exactly the opposite of what the two did. Butting heads at every possible opportunity, debating on every possible topic (Threats of violence after class) it was enough for their class to start a betting pool on the outcomes of their arguments and who would swing first.

And of course Hamilton had became even more hostile after Thomas had discovered his secret. Thomas had honestly thought the man would of tried to be friendly-suck up so that her would not tell anyone. But no, Hamilton had made it quite clear he was not doing that.

Hamilton’s hand wrapped around his tie and pulled Thomas down, they stood outside in a desolate corner of the campus, Hamilton eye’s were murderous.

“Really Hamilton I must say you-“  

“-Shut the fuck up Jefferson. I know you know what I’m talking about when I say don’t fucking tell anyone. I know what you told Hercules and Lafayette, but now I’m telling you; don’t you even hint towards anything to anyone because if you do not only will I drag you down with me and ruin your political career and social standing. I have three partners who are ripped as fuck- like I don’t even know how they do it! And they will not hesitate in killing you slowly and painfully. So you keep your fucking fat mouth shut Jefferson, or I will literally cut it off with a Swiss army knife.”

Hamilton released his tie, allowing his to stand up at his full height. Thomas fixed his appearance before smirking.

“My god. You’re so fucking extra Hamilton.”

Yes Hamilton had made it crystal clear where he stood on the matter.

Every since that day, around a month ago he had been nothing more than brutal. Taking any opportunity to insult or belittle Thomas and his political stances and today was no different.

 “Honestly Jefferson I don’t understand how you can be so blind to the needs of the people on welfare!”

“I’m just saying if we cut it, by just a fraction, the economy gets a boost!”

“OH NOW YOU CARE ABOUT THE ECONOMY! BUT WHEN I PITCHED A FOOLPROOF FINANCIAL PLAN THAT WILL GIVE US-“
“-YOUR PLAN WAS UNFOUNDED AND LUDICROUS!”

“MY PLAN WOULD OF CHANGED THE LIVES OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE BELOW THE POVERTY LINE!”

“WELL MAYBE IF YOU PITCHED IT IN UNDER 50 PAGES WE COULD ACTUALLY GET THROUGH IT WITHOUT FALLING ASLEEP!”

“GO SUCK A DICK JEFFERSON!”

 “GO SUCK THREE!”

“I  ALREADY DO!”

“THAT'S THE FUCKING POINT YOU IDIOT!”

The two stormed off in opposite directions, much to the disappointment to their watching peers, (They were sure Hamilton would of thrown a punch that time).

Once he had left the sight of his classmates, Jefferson let out a shaky sigh. Why was he so emotional all of a sudden? He veered right and sat down on a patch of grass, under one other large trees that grew outside the campus.

He took a moment to breath, only then did he realise why tears were threatening to well at his eyes and a lump was forming in his throat. The littleness that had been brewing for over a week was now prickling at the surface, pushing through his skin.

He tried to swallow down the lump in his throat. This was not happening. Not here. He could not be little on campus. His apartment was a 20 minuet walk away, too far. Jemmy was at work and wouldn’t be able to pick up the phone. He didn’t have the numbers of any of the other caregivers he knew, just the littles.

He pulled out his phone from his pocket, noticing that his hands were shaking a little and his breathing was speeding up.

 Opening up the group chat he and the other in his group had he typed out a quick message.

‘any1 not busy?’ he waited, no response.

‘plz! Sos! Any1 not busy? Can help? Sososososososos’

No response.

He looked up and around; there were very few people around, none noticing him. He needed to find somewhere and hide. Needed to go find somewhere safe.

Where could he go? The park! … No, he’s not allowed to go to the park without his Daddy…. McDonalds!... No that was still a five-minute walk…

He could maybe call Lafayette, they don’t know he’s a little but they look after Hamilton- they could help him! No that's a bad idea, they will get angry with him, Hamilton said that they and Hercules and John would hurt him if he messed with Hamilton and Hamilton wouldn’t want Tommy being looked after by Lafayette… no Tommy couldn’t do that… 

The bathroom! He could lock himself in a stall and wait for Daddy to not be at work! It would be stinky and gross, but safe.

 Another quick glance around and he stood up, a little wobbly. He just had to pretend to be a grown up until he got to the bathroom. He picked up his satchel bag and clenched his jaw. He could do this.

He was almost there, he could see the door to the bathroom; just keep going.

“Hey Jefferson!” Oh god. “Hey Jefferson… Are you okay man?” Aaron Burr placed a hand on his shoulder, he didn’t realise how much he had been craving touch until Burr had done so. Keep pretending, can’t let him know.

“’M okay I guess… not feeling well.” God he sounded so small, Burr was gonna know something was up.

“Yeah now that you say it, you’re looking a little pale… I was gonna talk to you about class but- I’ll chuck you a text “ He laughed beginning to walk away, “Get better soon.” Tommy just nodded in response, awkwardly wrapping an arm around his chest and gripping onto his other arm.

If Burr noticed something weird he didn't say anything he just turned and walked the other direction.

 The tension Tommy didn't realise he was holding in his shoulder relaxed and he quickly made it to the bathroom. Promptly he locked himself in a stall and sat on the lip of the toilet.

Screwing his eyes shut and biting his lip he willed himself not to cry. He needed to be a big boy, and big boys don’t cry.

A sob escaped, and then another, and then another one. Tears began to well and drip down his face everything was so complicated! He just wanted his Daddy to be here and to be home and everything would be okay, but he was alone in a bathroom and nothing was okay.

He bought his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them, snot was beginning to run down and out his nose, and he just rubbed it onto his jeans. He could hear people walking and talking as they passed the bathroom door. His chest felt tight as he continued to sob uncontrollably into his knees.

He began to ask himself what Daddy would do if he was there? Daddy always made everything better, how would be make everything better now.

First he would get Tommy to stop crying.

(Breathe baby boy, deep breath- 1, 2, 3 and out- 1, 2, 3. Good boy. Big breathe in – 1, 2, 3 and out – 1, 2, 3…)

Tommy pretended to hear his Daddy’s voice telling him how to breath, he followed along, holding his arms around himself, emulating the strong hugs that Daddy gave.

What would Daddy do next? … he would make Tommy blow his nose because it was all gross.

He took a piece of toilet paper and blew, trying to get rid of the snot. He didn’t know what to do with the soiled paper though, so he dropped it on the ground.

Now that he was moderately calm, Tommy could figure out what to do. He was a big boy! He couldn’t leave the cubical, so he should just sit and wait for Daddy to not be at work and he could come get him.

He looked on his phone for the time, it was 5 and Daddy stopped working at 5.30…. that means he only has to count to 10 like 60 times or something like that! HE started counting quietly to himself, idly pulling at one of his curls with his thumb and forefinger as he did so.

Three times of counting to 10 and he was bored.

Remembering he had his laptop in his satchel bag her perked up, he could go on the internet and play games or watch something until Daddy could come get him.

He decided watching something would be good, he dug out his headphones and laptop. Before typing out ‘Backyardigans’ and clicking on the first link he saw.

~

And the end of the episode he smiled to himself, he felt a lot better now. Still lonely but now no longer terrified. His smile grew when he saw that Daddy should be finishing work anytime-

-The high pitch trill of his phone pierced the space, causing him to flinch before realising it was his phone and picking up. Heart leaping in joy when he saw Daddy’s photo on the screen.

“Hi” He whispered quietly into the phone.

 “Thomas, are you okay?”

“Need ‘to come get me.”
“Tommy?”

“Mhhmm…”

“Okay, where are you baby?”

“School…”

 “Oh my g- where in the school are you sweetie?”

 “Bathroom, close to  front door..” 

“Okay baby, I’ll be there in ten minutes! Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?”

“Yes please.”

“Okay baby.”

~

The bathroom door opened. 

“Tommy?”

 He got up and unlocked the stall door, racing towards his Daddy and wrapping his arms around him. The grown up immediately held him close, running one hand over his head, cooing soothingly.

“Such a brave boy,” he whispered warmly, planting his lips on Tommy’s forehead.

“Can we go home now.”

“Of course sweet boy.”

Chapter Text

Tommy had refused to let go of James the entire walk back to their apartment, clinging to his hand as if his life depended on, head down as he refused to look at anyone passing on the street.

 James wordlessly rubbed circles on the back of Tommy’s hand. The satchel bag was too low on him and was hitting against his knee as he walked, it was also surprisingly heavy, but he refused to let Tommy carry the bag.

They had reached their apartment without a fuss, James swinging open the door, Tommy sighing gratefully to be back in the safety of home.

“How about you go get changed and I’ll cook us some dinner okay?”

Tommy nodded, eyes still glued to the floor and walked towards their bedroom in search of comfy pyjamas. It was only then did James notice how sightly Tommy had been gripping his hand.

Tommy wasn’t sure how he was feeling, he was happy to be away from school and with his Daddy but for some reason inside he felt weird, like everything was going super slow or something. He dug out a pair of pyjamas covered in a dinosaur print. After pulling them on he exited the bedroom – but not before grabbing his favourite stuffie, a puppy named Spark.

He had been expecting to see his Daddy grilling some chicken, as that's what they had planned for dinner for that night earlier that week so it was safe to say he was elated when he saw a box of Easy-Mac and his Daddy with a wooden spoon, mixing the contents of a pot.

 “I thought we were gonna have chicken?” He sat on his knees on the couch adjacent to the kitchen space; chin placed on his folded arms on the back of the seat.

“We were, but I think that tonight is a good night for mac’n cheese, don’t you think so?”

Tommy hummed in response, a smile beginning to pull at his lips. Mac’n cheese was his favourite food; Daddy was trying to help him feel happy.

After a few minutes of silent waiting, James called Tommy over to eat.

“Daddy! I’m a big boy, you don’t gotta feed me!” He leaned back against his seat, nose screwing up as James stood in front of him bowl and spoon in hand, eyebrow raised.

“I know you are sweet boy, but Daddy wants to...” He paused thinking for a moment, “but if you really don’t want Daddy feeing you that's okay,” he placed the bowl and spoon in front of Tommy. “Here ‘ya go.”

Tommy paused for a moment, looking at the bowl and mac and then back at James, making no move to pick up the spoon. He didn’t say anything but instead crossed his arms pouting, before opening his mouth expectantly. James chuckled before picking up the bowl and spoon again, scooping some up and placing it in Tommy’s mouth, who ate silently. In all honestly, James’s knees were beginning to ach as he had to stand to keep his height advantage, but he would happily endure it for his baby. 

After dinner James lead Tommy to the living room and sat him down on one of the plush couches. He told Tommy that he was just going to go get changed out of his work clothes before heading into the bedroom.

Tommy held Spark in his lap, feeling the stuffy’s long fur as he told him about his day. He liked Spark, Spark didn’t judge him and never said anything mean. He listened to Tommy and gave him cuddled when his Daddy couldn’t. One time Spark got cake batter in his fur and Tommy refused to leave him alone when Daddy had put him in the washing machine, he sat on the floor waiting for Spark to be clean again.

“Yes he’s all good now… I know, thank you again…. I will don’t worry… see you next Sunday.” James hung up the phone as he walked back into the living area, startling Tommy only a little bit.

“That was Maria’s mommy, she’s the one who told me you were in trouble,” He sat down beside Tommy explaining the phone call. “Do you think you should let everyone in your groupchat know you’re all good now?” He asked holding Tommy’s phone in his left hand.

Nodding, Tommy took the phone and went over to the group chat, first he attempted to type out his message but quickly grew frustrated with being unable to spell the words right. So he clicked on the voice message option. 

“I’m home now guys… Thank you Maria for telling your mommy to call my Daddy… umm yeah…” He handed to phone back to James who smiled and rubbed his back.

 “Good boy.”

Tommy smiled at the praise. He noticed how tired he was; rubbing his eyes he curled up on the couch, his head resting in his Daddy’s lap. James automatically began running his hands through the boys hair.

“Tommy, why didn't you just call me today?

“You was work’n didn't wanna be annoying…”

“If I was in trouble, and you were at school. What would you do if I called you asking for help.” 

“I’d come help you!”

“Shshshsh inside voice baby boy... So would I be annoying?”

“NO! -” 

“-Tommy what did I just say? Inside voice please.” He took a second to regain his composure. “So if it wouldn’t be annoying for you, why wouldn’t it be annoying for me?”

“I-I… I'm s-sorry!” Tommy began to sob, all the pent up emotion remaining from the day pouring out and forming trails of salty rivers in his face. James rubbed his back, running his large hand over Tommy, keeping his grounded as he cried. 

“You don’t need to be sorry baby, you just need to know that Daddy loves you, so so much! And it makes me sad that you had such a scary day.”

Tommy continued to cry until there were no more tears to cry and his body felt heavy.

James scooped him up, grunting as he walked them over to the bedroom (he considered finding time to work out- might make carrying Tommy easier). He gently placed the boy on the bed, who surprisingly gave no protest to the early bedtime, and hopped in himself. Pulling the blankets over them both he wrapped his arms around Tommy who snuggled into him, his head resting on his Daddy’s chest; listening to his heartbeat.

“You’re a good boy Tommy, such a good brave boy…”

The two began to drift off, the events of the day had drained them and despite it only being 8.00pm the two felt as if it were 11. James knew he would have to have a good long discussion with his baby about what happened today, how did he even manage slipping at school? That never happened. But for now he just allowed the gentle pull of sleep tug him under.

“Love you Daddy…”

“I love you too Tommy…”

“I need’a peeeeeee!”

“Okay okay, m’ up. Lets go pee.”

“You don’t need’a pee! I need’a pee!”

“Then why did you tell me Tommy, if you don’t want me to come with you?”

“Thought you should know.”